Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Emoji Warnings & The Best Canned Foods - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

Spit Hit for Dec 2nd, 2024: On this episode we learn about some cheap, “organic” plant food that could get you arrested. We also discuss messy vs smelly houses and farting on a pile of laundry. We close it down with a draft of our favorite canned foods. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Yeah, that's cool with me. All right, man. Hey, bladdup. Yeah, that's cool with me. All right, man. Hey, welcome to the show. It didn't start.

It grossed me out at first. It grossed you out? The first sound was like a blah, blah, blah. I don't know. Oh, like a little. Something a little like. Vomit? Yeah, you had like, you know, you were keeping some of that in your mouth.

I think, I thought it was a bladdow, so I don't know what your vomit sounds like but mine is not It's not a bladdao. No it was good. It was good cuz you had like a rhythm in the middle of it I liked it welcome into the spitballers Annie Mike and Jason back with you Al Borland judge Giamatti in the back Deucer's alley just, just hanging out, doing their thing. Yeah. All right, all right. All right.

They're here. We are drafting the best canned foods on today's show. So that should be interesting. We are doing- Delicious. I always prefer to eat my food straight out of the can. For whatever reason, and this may be not something I should say, but it feels like canned foods are dated.

Like, percentage of... Well, they all do get a date on them, yeah. Right, right, that's what I mean. No, percentage of that made Jason really upset That was to dad that to those that's grandfather, but now I Wish I had the rim. I know I was looking forward to but Can't doesn't canned foods feel like a 50s thing

Yes, I mean, I'm not saying we don't all eat canned foods feel like a 50s thing? Yes. I'm not saying we don't all eat canned foods. We're going to draft them today. But percentage of food eaten that came from a can in America must be lower than what it was. It feels like there was a time when it was necessary. A canned food heyday. How can we keep our food from spoiling? Yeah.

Put it in a can. And it lasts forever, right. That's what you're looking for. No there's that's what the date on the key for. You're looking for the canned goods in the zombie scenario. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Those always I mean those are the gold mine. It doesn't have to be zombie. I mean we can go back a couple of years for the pandemic. I went and filled my cards with canned food and I got all that was left because I wasn't the only one. Is that Rice-A-Roni or what was it? Rice-A-Roni?

That's a bag. Oh, no, sorry. That's a bag in a box. No, I was thinking Chef Boyardee or something. Oh man, I cleared the aisles were if you guys did not participate in the great canned food purchase rush of 2020, it was quite a time. Was Chef Boyardee a real person?

I would imagine so. I'm on it. Yeah, let's find it. Or was he just like a character, a mascot that was created? Or was there actually a Chef Boyardee? Do you have the stats here, Al? You have the canned consumption from 2011 to 2024. I'm excited.

I have a follow up question if chef boyardee is well here you go. Unlike the friendly but fictional food faces of Betty Crocker and Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben chef boyardee that jovial mustache Italian Italian chef is real okay that's a man so he's a real person yes now if you were eat eat it or Hector boyardee that's the full name wait was that a Harry Potter spell what did you just make a can of spaghetti? Yes, that's the incantation. Cast the spell one more time. It's Thor Hector Boyardee. Boom.

Is that mini ravioli or what? So, okay, so back to the question. If you have worked so hard for the title of chef, Are you happy that your legacy, which while financially, no I get, I'm sure the boyardees are, they're living a good life where they don't have to eat canned food, but are you happy that your legacy as someone who prepares food that you hope people enjoy is now is is canned Slop that people put into a microwave. Yeah, of course you are I mean genuinely you're happy you're not taking the financial part out of this. Of course, you're happy Everyone on planet Earth knows that's he's got to be the most famous chef of all time

That's almost I mean, it's kind of like a would you rather because Do you want to be? infinitely rich and famous for something people ridicule. Are you willing to be oh Man that famous for like what's up? What's a consumer product right now that people they use but they ridicule it Can you think of another product something that is snuggie? No, we paper? Maybe one ply? You're the one ply guy? I mean, something that everybody uses but looks at as cheap and bad. I mean, that's... I think you're right. We'd all do it. I know I would, there's no doubt. But I would continue to eat my product.

It toy, heck toy, BRD. By the way, the data that Al has pursued seems to show the amount of non-consumers of canned goods is increasing. Which is a weird way of saying the consumers are decreasing, but the non-consumers are on the way up. Look, the people not using my product are skyrocketing. That's exactly right. We are doing Man of the People on today's show. We have Would

You Rather on today's show and it's time to begin. Alright, Weston from Patreon. Thank you for supporting the show over at jointhespit.com where you could submit your own ideas. Weston says, would you rather have a cell phone that can predict the future but can only communicate it to you through existing emojis.

Oh man. Or have a cell phone that can charge any other device to 100% in five minutes, including your car, without draining its own battery. I have to say the time travel, or sorry, the predicting the future one with emojis, my brain instantly went to, I get a text about 30 minutes before I have to poop with the poop emoji. Like it just predicts my bowel movements by 30 minutes. Which that would be tremendous.

Does it catch you by surprise very often, Mike? Oh yes, yeah, I'll have times. You do seem like you get surprised more than anybody. You've brought this up. I'm like an avalanche in my intestines. It's like, Oh really? Yeah. I mean, you, it's, you know, for the right moment, you know, at some point it's going to happen, but when it does, it's just, it's a rapid movement and you need to find yourself a bathroom. So if I find a 30 minute heads up and I could plan my day around that

or my car trips, that would be a fantastic thing. Huh? I would prefer like outcomes to games, you know, a little jet emoji. With money? Yeah, exactly. You're doing this again? Well, it all comes down to money for Jason. It just predicts the teams that can emoji. Yeah, well, I mean, how do you emoji? The Jets and... You could do like a music note could be the jazz. That's the first one I thought of in the NBA too.

I have found though that more recently I've been doing a lot more texting through emoji and you can actually, you can tell good stories. You're trying to be, trying to be cool? Yeah, going through a midlife emoji and you can actually you can tell good stories. You're trying to be trying to be cool? Yeah going through a midlife crisis and you're gonna be young. So you've decided you tell stories through emojis? I'm saying you can. You've gone that route instead of the GIFs. Oh no no no don't hear what I'm not saying.

The GIF game is strong. Okay. I'm just taking words away. Okay so it's only GIFs and emojis from Jason. Yeah, exactly, that's how you're gonna hear from me. The other one is you can charge any device 100% in five minutes. Now does your cell phone lose its own charge

when you do this? No, without draining its own battery, it says. Yeah, that's in this question. Yeah. I mean, the car thing is huge. In short order, every single car on the road Will be infinite. It would be infinite with this because all cars are gonna go to EV and You just drive around with your phone

Like plugged into the car do what you got to do. I mean only takes five minutes So if I have to stop on my way to California and charge for five minutes Let's pretend for a minute that every EV is 100% unlimited power. Okay. Okay. Does that change, would people go out and get it? 100%. More? Yeah, I mean, prices.

I guess because you don't have to pay for power in that situation. Yeah, like prices certainly a factor in electric cars, but the prices are coming down and I don't know, you know, 10 years or so. I mean, 99.9% of all driving is probably not impacted by current ranges on EVs. Agreed, but I think that the biggest struggle initially of electric cars was the idea of, well, what happens if I run out? And because that's, it's just such, it's a natural thing of like,

I'm driving this car around, you're like, oh, what if my fuel source runs out and I don't have a way to fill it up and I get stuck? Like that's a, I think that's a very rational fear to have. Yeah, but what, so gas cars do the same, what if I run out of gas? Yeah, but you, but on any, almost every corner, at least here where we live, you can't go a mile without finding a gas station. I drive an electric car and I definitely don't want to run out of power. Whereas if I ran out of gas, I feel like I can figure a solution out, but running out of power, I don't feel like I have to get towed, right?

You do. You have to get towed in that situation. I think mean, like, I think you were alluding to it. It doesn't really impact you. Like, I can't think of the last time. It's a peace of mind thing, but it doesn't really impact. I can't think of the last time I haven't charged just not while I sleep at home. It's just, you plug it in.

So maybe this cell phone charger. Overrated, it could be overrated. Yeah, I think it is. I think I'm saving a couple minutes on a trip to California drive to California per year once max so that means your cool cell phone trick saves you an hour yeah once a year yeah no give me the future give me the future emojis now is there like a it says bad ones would kinda suck to try to decipher

well in predicting the future I mean is there like a, it says- But bad ones would kinda suck to try to decipher. Well and in predicting the future, I mean is there like a range? Like is there like a 30 mile radius that I know? Because if it's just predicting the future, what if it's telling me something that's gonna happen down in Australia and I don't care? That still affects the market, Mike. They have the Australian flag in the emoji

so you would be able to know that it's coming from there. The flags are there. So then are you very trying to call the prime minister or whatever whoever's in there. They won't believe you. Not only would they not believe me but I would say oh that's fine. That's far away. Doesn't affect me. I'm not taking that long distance charge. Do you just get like a flag and an explosion and then you're like gotta go tell the prime minister like maybe something's happening. Look at this I got what it's from the future I guess we'll go with the future one and see how that goes yeah it's gonna be fun

I mean at the very least you have yourself a fun little puzzle that you will you will get the answer to it mm-hmm so you're not stuck forever just trying to figure it out but you'll know know. And you'll say, oh shoot, it was an avalanche. I guess what would be funny about that is, eventually you'd have a text history that would correlate with real things happening in the world, and then people would know that you're the future guy, and then you could publish the new text,

and everyone could try to figure it out every day, it'd be like on the news. You're like, lightning bolts. Of course. That's what that meant. Justin from- Chargers are gonna win. No. Justin from the website. Chargers got stuck by lightning.

Would you rather have the ability to instantly eradicate any weeds that you pee on, Ooh. Or the ability to instantly fold, fold any pile of laundry you fart on. This is a literal poop and pee, would you rather from Justin. It is one of the most,

Justin is five years old. Thank you for listening to the show, Justin. Welcome to the show. I mean, I only have so much pee, so I don't, you know. I mean, what? I would say I only have so many farts It's really true. I mean look I I think I speak on behalf of the farters of America I

Have an enormous amount of gas I can fart a ton you fold the whole family's laundry, but no no I think you know you Would you change your diet to fold laundry better like on laundry day? You're like a and w root beers all day long You know you hold that would you change your diet to fold laundry better like on laundry day? You're like A&W root beers all day long Can you just blast one into the dryer and then oh and then everything's good. Oh, I guess that's the place I mean, it's a pile right last Hope it's not top load It needs to be the side load. I'm sitting up on the

It needs to be the side load. I'm sitting up on the... You could have an accident. Just like I'm taking a dump on a dryer. You could have an accident there. Cause you know, they don't fold if you poop in the dryer. The other one, the weeds one, wait, I'm gonna tease this out a little bit. Okay.

Because I wanna know, I need to know something. How many times have you peed in your own backyard? Oh so If I'm in my backyard and other people aren't and I have to pee that's you don't go inside Oh, why would I do that? Why would I take something wonderful away from myself? Yeah nature. I thought you ran away from nature From these bushes who desperate. I mean do you intentionally try to water? Well, no sometimes Her to play an elbow plant it cannot be good it can't be bad for a plant

It's sterile in Arizona. They'll take what they can get. These plants need my pitch. They're thirsty Mike and I've got the solution. So I was trying to make sure I was the only one that's ever peter my heart. Al have you been in your yard. Oh yeah. Yes. And the big one here judge. You might have you be in your yard? Oh yeah. Yes. And the big one here, Judge Yamati, have you peed in your yard? Oh yeah. Oh yeah! Yes.

And from what I'm reading, urine is rich in nitrogen and phosphorus and has been used for generations to help plants grow. Yeah, and you don't know how well- Mike has been, he's been pointing out on his plants. I've been depriving my- You've been causing- My toilet?

You've been causing weeds because they grow up in the rocks where you've been peeing and they're like, this is delicious. I'm gonna grow so well. So strong. My roots are full of phosphorus and urine. The weeds. They say this is delicious. Yeah, all the weeds love it. So this would really be, you know, if we chose that route of eradicating weeds, this would be turning science on its head. It really would. So that means if you feed on weeds right now, you're feeding them. Yeah. Oh, you want to, since we're on the topic, you want to know something, Andy, this

will apply to you. We have cabins up north near each other gosh I I go I will leave that Leave the cabin of no to pee outside outside of the woods I have had I'll be in the bathroom, and I'll be like I gotta pee I swear to you. I I mean I will leave the house, walk up. It doesn't feel like you're doing a nature thing? It's wonderful. I'm becoming one with the world.

This is for my ancestors. There's no way. I mean, the drive, I've done the drive up north. It is the perfect distance to try to make it when you've got to pee. Yeah, man. Oh, a challenge. Shave it up.

I will like drink coffee in the morning and then drive up north and I don't wanna pull over someplace, but I push it to the limit. Yeah, you love those trees. And I have peed in those woods so hard. Oh, man. Oh, boy.

Us men are. Animals. Are downright animals for sure. I think I don't wanna lose my watering ability here. So I'm gonna go the farting in the laundry. Yeah, I mean. Although you do add a smell. It's a different fabric.

Oh. Refresh you. They're folded, but they do. Do they hold? The musky sentier gloves. I mean, that just means like, could you imagine just taking your shirt off the hanger, just farting on it and then putting it on? That's like, no, I don't wanna fart on my clean clothes.

That's true, does that change it? Do you wanna eradicate weeds? Cause then you'd have a reason to go outside every time. Yeah, no, I am gonna take the- Just doing some yard work, babe, hold on. Oh, man. I mean, there's a problem. Just doing some yard work, babe. Hold on. Oh, man. I mean, there's a problem with... Give me that bottle of water. I need... There's a few more weeds.

There's definitely a problem with the weeds in the front yard now. You know, that becomes more difficult to work through. Yeah. You get arrested for that. You know. So... But I'm still going to take that. I will eradicate weeds and feed the trees. I would also in that world not hire a weed company. No, that's fair. Cause that would be. You have a superpower.

I meant, I just meant, I wouldn't want the weed company coming to my house. Yeah. To get rid of the weeds. I was tracking. I think he's saying he doesn't want people peeing in his yard. That's correct. I don't want a bunch of I didn't think so. I didn't want weed

employees Taking off the pants in my yard. I thought this was just our ability. Yeah, I didn't realize Everyone's getting this ability. Well, I did I said in a world where that was in a world where everyone farts on their laundry I was with you. Thank you. Al. Nolan from Patreon. I was not. If people that you actually enjoy spending time with were to stop by unexpectedly for dinner, would you rather your house look immaculate but smell like dirty feet,

or for your house to look incredibly messy and neglected but smell of delicious home cooked meal? I. This one's pretty easy for me. It's the smelling good. Yes. Oh, interesting. Yeah, it's the smelling good. I don't care how it looks.

Everyone's, here's, funny enough, my wife and I were just talking about this because we're trying to, we had a room that eventually became a storage room and so now like this room has been off limits for a very long time, we're trying to fix it. a storage room. And so now like this room has been off limits for a very long time, we're trying to fix it. The garbage room. Yeah, so now as you pull things out,

you realize, oh, well now the room looks better, but now there's all this stuff that I have no idea where it can go, so there's just crap. You had a junk room? Yeah, basically. Like a junk drawer? And yes, much like that. And now we're trying to figure it out, and it stresses you out.

What if people come over and there's just crap everywhere in your house? But then you go to other people's houses, and yes, there are people who can keep it tighter than others, but for the most part, people who have young kids, there's just crap everywhere in everybody's house and it's we need to move away from like looking at houses on Instagram like this people this is not what a house looks like there's there's toys everywhere there's there's papers everywhere there's it's just everyone's house is usually messed up the only time that I am all time the only time I'm really asked to clean imminently is when we have guests.

It's always preparing for guests. I feel like if you don't have kids, this question changes. I feel like if you have kids in the house at all, it's easy to say, oh, it's just one of those days with the kids. If you don't have kids and you're two grown adults and it's a real slobfest, it does say something kind of ridiculous about you. But in this question, if the house is clean, it smells like dirty feet. Would you rather try to explain why your house reeks of dirty feet? Especially not around dinner. That's the other part. It's like you're having them over for dinner and they have to smell feet and feet

smell bad. Yes, if they're bad. Yeah, bad feet smell bad. You got to say not all smell. No, but I mean, that clearly, this was dirty feet, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is dirty feet. But if you come over to an immaculate house, the counters are wiped shiny clean and everything looks perfect. And there's a smell. I feel like there's like this, you know, it's like, I'm not sure what that is. It's mystery smell. You know, your garbage is taken out, your fridge is clean, everything looks great. I feel

like you could just be like, oh, I don't know what it is. And smells go away. You know, once you're in it for a couple minutes, you're not going to keep smelling a bad scent. I don't know, man. No, I mean, that's just, that happens. You go to a farm. Yes. I think there's extremes. And you can puke how smelly it is at first,

then after you've been there awhile, you don't smell anymore. You're saying you go to a, when you smell that manure from a farm, you'll just get used to it. Yes, 100%. After a long while. I feel like I've been in a farm for multiple hours, and you're just like, this place smells.

Like a cow poop farm. Smells like a cow poop all over the place And like bad, so you're saying you'd go with the clean house I think I would choose the clean house and the bad smell I think it's easier to kind of justify it away because the place is clean. I'm sorry. I don't know what the smell is It's a good question. You're gonna be looking around to try and find the smell I want them to be excited to eat and there's no way that's happening with dirty feet smell. So I'm gonna formally go with the good home-cooked smell. Yeah. But I do think it's closer than I originally thought. Yeah. I'll take

the other side. So you're taking the clean house Mike you're going. I'm look if I'm gonna sit down and there's like a meal in front of me but it smells like cheesy Fritos which is what my son's feet smell like. Oh no. And you're like, no, this is, I'm not sitting down for a burger and it smells nasty. And are you, you're clean house Al? Yeah. So that's two, two. Uh, the judge needs to decide this one. Um, I think I'm the perfect example that you were talking about without kids, Andy. And that's why I'm on the clean house. So you'd be embarrassed if we came in and it was just a you want that'd be weird right over and me and I'd wonder if I honestly I'd be like are they okay? Yeah if it's

past a certain point some I don't need it immaculate it just needs to not look like a hoarders like right yes that incredibly messy and neglected you want to know what you can smell good you want to know you can do you can You can go over to this nice, immaculate home that, like, oh, this kind of smells funky in here, like feet. Are we ready to eat? Oh, yeah, we're going to the back patio. And we're going to have a delicious. You're just cheating the question.

Oh, I'd cheat every question, Mike. That's life. You got to find answers to problems. Cheat to win. All right, Sarah from the website, would you rather have to sleep in the bathtub or on the kitchen table? Is there water in the bathtub? No, it's drained. Okay, well then definitely the bathtub. Because of falling? No, no, because of shape. I think the bathtub's a, you can't extend your legs. I'm not sleeping great if I can't extend my legs,

which I also believe you can't do in a bathtub. Yeah, I'm trying to, You'll have to be curled a bit. You'll be very curled. Your back will be curled in. I mean, at least on the table. So the way that my bathtub is shaped, I believe that I would be back up against a sloped,

nice shape. Oh, you're sleeping with a slope? Yeah, I'm sleeping on a slope, and then my legs will just be knees bent a little. You might be able to get them straight if you're willing to sleep sitting up. I wouldn't straighten them. I would have knees bent.

That would drive me crazy after a while. Trying to think if I would fall on my table. The table has a falling risk. Oh yeah, for sure, but do you actually, do you fit on your table? Not well, no. My legs could hang off though. I mean, cause you got-

My legs hang off a bed. Yours is the, you're round table? I do have a round table. Oh, that's gonna be a problem for you. Yeah, I don't think you're fitting on that thing. I could get up there and sleep. Well, yes, you could get up, but I'm saying like a stretched out,

I think that something- I'm afraid 100% This is do I want my legs straight or not? I mean I would like them straight. That's it. That's my vote Yeah, I mean I guess I was thinking just how I mean hard positions nice for a while and flat it would be But the more I think about it, I mean, that's how porcelain is too. It's hard, but it's not flat Like I usually sleep inclined. So I'm used to being like. That would work for the tub.

What degree? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What degree? Probably. Not 45. No, no, like 15 degrees. 15 degrees? Yeah.

And is your wife at the same degree? Yeah, we have the same elevation. Who sleeps at the highest degrees here? Anybody sleep higher than 15? No, I'm at zero. I'm probably about eight degrees. Oh man, I can't stand the zero. Well, no, you're not at zero. Use a pillow. Well, yeah, my head is up. Oh, I'm at zero too then.

Yeah. Oh, really? I was just thinking about the pillow. Yeah, I'm not a fancy bougie boy over here with my bed lifting me up. I mean, what, you're telling me your bed doesn't vibrate? His bed might as well be. It's probably a bathtub and a kitchen table. It's all built into one. Does it have like the little quarter machine on it to know quarters fingers all free all free just got the electricity that the ones that used to shake the bed and it was supposed to be really got a motel or something I don't

know we did weird back in the canned food era of our country I'm a good old-fashioned flatbed kind of guy once I got used to elevation when I sleep on flatbeds It feels like I'm upside down I'm not even joking like both my wife and I was right if we're like traveling and we're in a hotel Just lay down. It's like it literally feels like you're upside down. It's wacky weird. All right Final answer then bathtub for Mike. Oh,, yeah yeah, bathtub. It is safer. I wish I had a longer table and this question would be like the Batman table? Sure, now that's a slumber party table. Yeah, everyone could join. So maybe I

should reconsider because I've got a nice like big dining room table, like a Thanksgiving type table, and the chairs that push in on the sides of it, there's no arms. So I've got, I don't even have a falling rest. You got a bed rail. Yeah, I got a bed rail. You should sleep on that table, bro. Yeah, I could get enough pillows up there.

All right, I'm changing the table. Okay. Now Jacuzzi. Oh, let's die. Today's show is brought to you by your friends at PrizePix. PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action. With over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings, PrizePix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. All you gotta do, pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to

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code SPIPBALLERS for $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. Run your game. Man of the People. Well, it's time for another round. Another bunch of rounds. That's it. That's it, yeah. Well, I was going to say round, but then if there's a game. We've got more. for another rounds another bunch of rounds. As they say.

Well I was gonna say round but then Another game? We've got more, yeah another, what is this? That's a game. Another game of? Yeah. That's what you would say? You play a game.

You play a game of, I play a Well but not I play a game of Parcheesi. I said another cause I was saying we've done it before. Yeah another game of man of the people. Yeah. Oh, all right. Let's start that over. All right. It's time for another game. There we are. I don't like it. Of man of the people. That's what people say. And what do we do? Three. How many rounds do you got for us? So we do seven rounds. Oh gosh. That's a lot. All right, so you are going to give us a phrase.

Let me take over for you. Yeah, thank you. We've surveyed 100 people. If you get the number one answer, you get three points. Number two answer is worth two points. Any other answer on the board is worth one point. One point. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Andy, why don't you take this back over? We do seven rounds, last round is where it doubled the points. And what's the first thing you give us though? A topic, right? And then you survey people to answer that question. You give us a question. Yes sir. There it is.

He's already done that though. He doesn't ask the question and then go ask 100 people. So we'd be here forever. Alright we'll just go ahead and jump into this. It's family feud, alright? What? What are you talking about? No, no, no, no, no.

This is man of the people. Go ahead. I mean, no, you're talking about it. All right, name an occupation in which you might be in a new city every night. I'm first. I buzzed in first. Pilot. That is the number one answer.

Oh, that's a great... Yeah, that's what they do. A musician? That is the number three answer. Oh crap. Oh, Andy could hop him. Comedian. That is not on the board.

That's a pretty good answer though. Oh, good answer, good answer. Whoa. Mediocre answer. The number two answer was salesperson. And then truck driver and salesperson. Yeah It's door about door. Not what about comedian? When did we talk? Were these people surveyed in like? 1952 I think people still travel to can't can food era

Travel for say do they travel for sales? That's right. Yeah, they're more than a comedian No, all right, what was the rest of the list? It was pilot salesperson musician truck driver and flight attendant Wow pilot and we're doubling down doubled on that. Yeah. All right. All right round two name a job You might have if you worked at Disney World. Oh, hold on Jason's We're not reset over here. Our buttons weren't ready. Okay. Name a job you might have if you worked at Disney World. A character.

Mickey Mouse. That is the number one answer. Yeah baby! And to be clear the answer is character. Costume character. Got it. Yeah. Keep an eye on those buttons.

Oh, Jason was really fast. Yeah, a concession sales food person. Sales person. Food vendor is the number five answer. Oh, got in. Ride attendant. That is the number two answer. No, that's a good one.

Dang. Ride attendant. We're really close on that slap too. Yeah, I was closer. All right, the button should be reset. Round three, other than Christmas, name an occasion for which people decorate their houses Alright, we're gonna go Halloween. That's that is the number one answer. I think you each have a number one answer now

If I'm not mistaken. All right, watch your buttons I'm gonna go Thanksgiving That is the number three answer. Yes Mike the number two answer still on the board you have three. I know. That is the number three answer. Mike, the number two answer is still on the board. You have three. Oh, I know what it is. Two. New Year's? That is not on the board.

Oh yeah. July 4th is my guess for number two. That is on the board. Easter is the number two. I was between Easter and Thanksgiving. And I was curious whether, like I don't feel like you decorate for Thanksgiving you that you decorate for fall Yeah, and so I wanted to say fall. Yes, that's true. Yeah, we got Halloween Easter Thanksgiving birthday and 4th of July Wow Halloween really owns that yeah compared to Christmas

Yeah, it was 43 that was on the list. Yeah, that's like birthday Oh, yes, I guess I guess people do yeah for sure birth if you have a birthday party you decorate Yeah, if you have a birthday party, but if you were if you have a New Year's Eve party you also decorate Yeah, I would but you have a birthday party much more often than a New Year's Eve party hmm I've never technically once a year. Have you ever been no New Year's Eve party that was not decorated Outside of the house though, right? Was it outside or was it both? It just said people decorate their houses. Next question, next question. I need to talk to management on that one.

I don't like it. Comedian. All right, round four I believe. Name another word that means stop. Round four, I believe. Name another word that means stop. Halt. Ooh, number one answer. What? What? What? Halt? Yes. Halt was the number one answer? Of course it was.

Freeze. That is the number five answer. Oh, number five? Yeah, man. Freeze is so much better. No one yells halt. Yeah. Andy, two, three, and four still on the board.

Let me think for a moment. Three. Yeah, give them that countdown. Two. One. Hold up. Hold up. Hey.

Cease. I'm sorry, that's not on the board. Quit, no, and pause. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're back at the bottom. Yeah, if you're gonna stop something, you're gonna quit something. It's a different kind of view of the word. That's for Halt. Oh, right. I mean, it's an

amazing number one answer pick. Honestly, it like it was. I've never heard you say a wide margin to 43 and the next one was 23. The only pops. Yeah. So the only people that are saying Halt are to you have to say to an intruder that's the only that's the only time in my life that I think of the word halt or to like a night or something yeah it does feel like Lancelot halt that's right all right all right score update through four rounds we got Andy at five Mike at five Jason at eight mmm yeah that's good I like it all Alright name something in your house that has to be changed from time to time. Oh dang it. I got it. Oh the batteries. Oh it's on the board it's the number four answer. Oh no! Toilet paper. What? Yeah, go ahead. Take it.

It's not on the. Oh, it's not on the board. Fantastic. I'll take the number one answer. Light bulbs. I thought that would be the number one, too, but that is the number two answer. Oh, the number one answer. Or the light bulbs. Bedsheets was the number one answer. Then light bulb, then air filters. Batteries not thinking about this one, right?

I was thinking of a consumable but this was all changing things and refreshing them yeah well batteries I still feel I can't believe batteries made the list but I guess it smoke detector yeah batteries yeah I feel like that one was a big fail all right we had a battery incident earlier and that got stuck in my head when you buzzed it I wasn't so fast in my head. When you buzzed in, I was... You buzzed in so fast. I was so sad that you buzzed in because I knew that the number one answer was light bulb.

I buzzed in and then I tried to figure it out. You don't have time to figure it out and then buzz in. You just gotta hope that it shows up. That's what happened with all of them. I was not prepared. I was like, oh stop. Uh, halt. Alright. Name the important firsts

that people record about a baby. Words. First words. That is the number one answer. Yes! First step. That is the number two answer. I don't know another first. I don't either. First birthday.

Yeah, okay, that would have been my that's a good one And then it's not on the board all right That's the second time you've said I did a good answer. It's great on the board Teeth that is the number three answer yeah, and then smile and haircut right there first smile. Yeah, that's a big deal It's usually gas, but people love to record that baby smiling And I have no idea. Alright, so we are through six rounds. We got Jason at 13, Mike at 8, Andy at 5. Where we go?

Where we can steal it. Reminder that this round is worth double. Who cares? Other than clothes, name something a kid might outgrow Shoes or does that count as clothes that counts as clothes, but you're still the first to buzz in I'll let you go again three two one Hey, TV shows. I don't know man not on the board

Okay, the Other than clothes name something a kid might outgrow. Go ahead, Mike Busch first. Okay, I'm in. Your high chair? That's not on the board. I win! I'm gonna go friends. It's also not on the board. I win! I'm gonna call friends. It's also not on the board.

What a stupid- We can't come up with one answer. Alright, so I'll read the board. Toys was the number one answer. Bed was the number two answer. Hairstyle was the number three answer. Bike was the number four answer. And Habits was the number five answer. See,. So, TV shows would have made sense. I was thinking just physically outgrow. That's why I said shoes, Mike. Yes. I thought shoes was the number one answer.

Yeah, that was why. Now it's not on the board. When you took shoes, I was like, I don't know anything else. That was it. Oh, man. But I won. All right, Jason, you are this week's Man of the People. Double points.

None scored. The Spitballers Draft. All right, we talked about it at the top. Nothing more popular nowadays than canned goods. And we are drafting the best canned- Non-consumers at an all-time high. Yeah, that's right The best canned foods four rounds Mike has the first pick begin. All right So Well, this is not a draft where you want to have the first overall. Oh it is to me

Yeah, I know and I feel like you could there's probably a better, like, answer than what I'm trying to figure out, but the first thing that comes to my head when I'm thinking about canned goods, they're usually all good. I'm going to go with soup. Yeah, that was... I will take a can of soup. That was on my short list for sure. Yeah, I had specifically Progresso soup.

Jason always does specifics if you notice in these jokes. He always... Progresso over chunky? He always narrows. Really deep, because he wants to take four different soups. What Progresso soup are we talking about here? I'm a big fan of like the the the potato soups You know what I mean? Like the creamy have you gotten down with with like some chunky baked potato soup?

You know, I have Mike and you're still thinking about Progresso Progresso has that I know but the chunky it's got to be way better Oh, you know about the brain the brain of chunky. I just wrote a brand down Mike I'll eat them all, Mike. I'll eat them all. So soup makes sense. My 101 is clearly SpaghettiOs and meatballs. SpaghettiOs with meatballs has to have the meatballs.

I feel like SpaghettiOs, meh. SpaghettiOs with meatballs, oh yeah. And someday I hope they do what Captain Crunch did and go oops, I'll be, oh meatballs! Because I would buy that and I would eat the heck out of that can of little meatballs oops all meatballs Listen if you're out who is this isn't chef board you're right Franco Americans for Frank Omer I've got a great business idea for you. Oops all meatballs

I will personally ever a moment that you look back on as when things went wrong why did I get so fat remember you learn this has to be a thing right all meatballs is is probably not a thing no not yeah I'm gonna get spaghetti owes his Campbell's oh I love you Campbell's. What? Yeah, that makes sense. All right. So soup, no, and spaghetti owes and meatballs were the top two picks. I am surprised. I have two picks here. Number one, I'm going to go with the most commonly eaten canned food that I have had in my life, which is albacore tuna.

It's tuna. I do not fear the canned, I don't, it's not inferior to anything. Like a lot of canned goods is like, ah, I'd rather have a peach, but now I'm gonna have some canned peaches. You're wrong. I know you could get like.

The jarred. I don't know if you've seen this. Jarred. Jarred. Tuna? It ruined canned tuna for me, because I love. Don't tell me this hold on hold on It comes in a jar. It comes in a jar and it is soaked in olive oil So it's a no no no no no no no no just just try it. No, I'm telling you. I can't do the oil

I have to I have I'm always the water. Yeah water. I'm usually the water guy, too I mean the canned in water. That's what you want. You're saying I need to try this this jarred tuna is so Incredibly different you're like this. I can't eat this dry nasty tuna different enough where it's like another food type all Almost but it's just better My second pick is going to be one that I think I could get later however I'm just gonna take it because it's a canned food draft. I'm going to take canned pumpkin because it is the core component to pumpkin pie. You have to get it to go make pumpkin pie.

Do you not make pumpkin pie? You can't make pumpkin pie for pumpkins? I think if you got a pumpkin, you... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if you can. I guess you could. I thought you only make pumpkin pie from Costco. You just... No. So you need the canned pumpkins unless... Is there anything else you do with a canned pumpkin? Pumpkin pie flavored things. That's it.

I mean, I might make like a pumpkin bread maybe? Yeah, pumpkin bread. Yeah, it goes in pumpkin bread. That's a thing? Yeah. Oh, it bread. Yeah, it goes in pumpkin bread. That's a thing? Yeah, oh it's good. It's pretty good. Yeah. Take pumpkin pie and put it into a bread. That's basically what it is, it's pumpkin pie bread.

Those are the two that I think like literally if you took them away I'd be like, ah the world's less good. Okay, okay, okay. Tuna was certainly one that I would consider taking up top. If it wasn't for the jar. No one would have taken spaghetti or meatballs. Oh, I mean, fools.

Fools, spaghetti-os and meatballs are the best. I'm going to go with the next most commonly eaten, well, there's two things that I've eaten a lot of out of a can. Not out of the can, but from a can. And it's just chili. Yeah. Nice. That's the one I couldn't decide whether to say

instead of pumpkin. It's a great pick. I love chili. Can chili's a good one. I love chili and there's really no other way to get it, right? I mean, you can home make chili. Yeah, you either home make it or you...

You don't buy chili in a store any other way. Pre-made, I mean, maybe a tin. I've just never seen it. Have you had jarred chili? Jarred chili? In olive oil it's it's great All right, so you're going with chili. It's a good pick. That is an interesting question. There's no like Chili is always in a can. Yeah, you don't get a bag of chili. You don't get a box of chili You just get that's like everything right?

That's like saying soup is that's the only place you can get soup. No, you can get a bag of soup. What do you mean a bag of soup? I buy plastic containers of soup all the time. Yeah, you could do that with chili, too. But I've never seen it. Oh, I've seen chili that you can get straight from one of those. You put the ladle in, and you get the chili out at the hot and ready station.

Fresh, ready chili. Yeah. All right, so am am up for two picks. All right, the first one that I'm going to take, I don't know if other people grew up with this, but I'm gonna take pineapple. I did have the pineapple chunks down. Oh, pineapple rings.

Oh, the rings are great. Because I think we've brought up the pineapple device. Now you can cut a pineapple and you put this corkscrew looking thing in and it actually makes cutting a pineapple accessible. Before that it was just impossible. If you want to eat pineapple you let someone else do the work and they put it inside of a can and it still tastes super delicious. I mean it's covered in just high fructose corn syrup of course.

Sounds good. But before that, how did anyone eat pineapple before that little device came out other than in a can and it's pineapple is super delicious and So my other pick then oh Man, well, I just need to confirm Something real quick does this come in a can. Yeah. No, no, I just I wanted to make sure I was I was Mignon, no, I thought Jason going to go with this on the first pick, but the SpaghettiOs and meatballs make sense.

I will take beef stew. Oh, that's my next pick! Yeah, I know it is. It's Dinty Moore beef stew. So that does... I thought soup counts. Oh, stew is very different. Oh, stew and stew are very different, my friend.

Super different. You buy them in the same section. Yeah, but sure. You can buy the SpaghettiOs there too. It's not called beef soup. Right. That's disgusting. Oh, that's so gross. spaghetti. I was there too. It's not called beef soup, right? That's oh, that's so gross beef beef beef. I want beef stew

No, they are very very different well because beef stew like if you get denti more beef stew that's in like a gravy Oh, you know what I mean? It's say they now do you make you prepare both the exact same way you prepare most everything? Yeah, I can the same way. Pour it into something and microwave it. And like chili is basically, what is chili, a stew or a soup? No, it's a chili. It's a chili. Yeah, that's right. Okay.

So Jason, you're back on the clock. Yeah, beef stew. Dang, man, that beef stew was all I had on my mind. Oh no. No, no, no, I've got a plenty big list. I just was not prepared to make a different pick. I'm gonna go with the other thing that I said.

I have two things that in my life I've probably eaten the most from a can. It's chili and the other is sweet corn. That's the vegetable I have. If you get green beans out of a can and you compare that to green, fresh green beans, it's... They're both terrible. I feel the same way with corn.

Oh, you don't do canned corn? I do not do canned corn. Oh, can't... Because it doesn't taste anything like corn on the cob. Oh, well, no. I'm not talking about compared to a cob, but if you're going kerneled corn... What other way would you be getting kernelled corn, if not in a can? Freeze bag?

Yeah. Frozen corn? Yeah. I'm not surprised it doesn't taste any better or worse than frozen corn. Also, thank you, Mike, for that answer. I was like, oh, shoot. We cut it off the cob at home.

Yeah. When I was growing up, I would never eat corn from a can, only corn on the cob. Because I felt like it was such a difference. If you get sweet never eat corn from a can, only corn on the cup. Because I felt like it was such a difference. If you get sweet, crispy corn from a can, put a little butter on that microwave, you're gonna have a good time. Pass.

All right, I'm gonna go baked beans for my third pick here. And then... Baked beans are really good. They're so good. Yeah, there's just pure sugar. Yeah, there's not enough applications out there for me. I feel like baked beans is like there has to be some barbecue

something. We need we need to can't just have that as a meal or you can't or just a regular side. We need to we need to get baked beans. Some more action. Some more some more face time here for baked beans. And I guess guess I'm gonna go with the canned chicken breast that's a good to make a chicken salad sandwich instead of a tuna salad sandwich that's a good pick people are doing amazing things with with canned chicken these days on Instagram they are and I had a couple other picks but they were like now you got me thinking do they serve this in any other container anywhere else could I get it in a bag so I will go with chicken canned chicken I have so many left here so many I want this is my

final hit them all after the show and I will Andy so I've got spaghetti those meatballs chili sweet corn. Oh, brother. Oh, brother. All right. I'm going to take beans as well, but I'm going to refried. I'm going to refried beans. OK. I we have taco nights all the time at our house. Taco Tuesday, every Wednesday. Taco Wednesday, Taco Thursday. We have Taco Saturday at my house a lot. There you go and most of

the time we don't have refried beans and I'm the only one in my house that eats them and it's such a treat when it's like my wife comes home and she's like look I got I got refried beans as just for me no one else is gonna eat them thank goodness cuz I'm gonna take them all down. One last pick Mike Jason's team Spaghetti, Ozen meatballs, Chili, Sweet Corn and Refried Beans. Excellent. I have Tuna, Pumpkin, Big Beans and Chicken Breast and Mike?

I knew I could save it for my last pick. Soup, Pineapple, Beef Stew. I knew I could save it and that's because whoever came up with this look this incredible delicious Treat here they did an awful job at naming it. They've done. Oh, yeah, they've done a terrible job at marketing it Because when you say it out loud people go what? Spam I knew you're gonna say it's spam It took me forever of my adult life till I was like, I'm not... It's called spam.

That sounds so disgusting. It comes out of a can. It's a blob of meat. Yeah, it's a blob of meat. Weird Al's got a song about it. A canned meat product made mainly from ham. Yeah, mainly, mainly. The other part is salt.

And it is the saltiest. It is so, so. I've never had it and I'm afraid to try. Exactly, because the people in charge, big spam. That's the product that if you were Chef Boyardee, it's like if it was, you know. Dr. Spam? Yeah, if it was Mr. Spam, I don't know.

Who invented spam? Here's what's, I think it was invented by the government like to last a long time for like wartime or something. Hold on, it was the invention of J. Hormel. Hormel Chile? The Mr. Hormel? Son of George Hormel, who founded the Hormel Company. Jason has great respect. Of course I do. For Mr. Hormel.

I have his painting in my house. It's like splatter paint with chili. But here's the thing out there everyone don't be intimidated spam is really really good. It's really but what am I eating? It's mostly pork. That's the number one thing I don't understand. What's in a hot dog? Mostly something. It feels like it came from a hot dog tree. Yes, but there's one thing like like fry up some spam with some eggs or fry it up. Oh yeah. From the can. It was no no you got heated up. It was intended to. Yeah no you heat that. Oh gross. It was that spam intended to increase the sale of pork shoulder. Okay. That, that's what's in there.

I will say this. I don't know exactly how to say it, but I think it's Spam Musubi. It's a Japanese thing, so they take a piece of Spam, they fry it up, put it on a thing of rice, and then wrap some seaweed around it. They sold that on a trip.

Yeah, in Hawaii. That's like a delicacy there. Yeah, Hawaiians know what they're doing with spam. They're all about that life. I have ordered spam and eggs before, you know, and had them, and the truth is, it's delicious. But every single bite, I can't get past the fact that it's canned nasty spam meat.

You eat tuna out of a can. But that's the balonial thing. That's like, so can. It's a colonial thing that's like so spam. What's baloney? Oh I don't know. Isn't that like the same type of thing? Who made baloney? They just they they took an animal they threw it in a grinder they said baloney. Okay okay the main ingredient in baloney. Hooves and all. Is mostly ham. No the main ingredient in balologna is mostly ham. No, the main ingredient in bologna is ground meat. That's the answer. It's the leftovers.

Which could be- It's crazy because I've eaten bologna. Which could be any combination of pork, beef, chicken, or turkey. You don't know what it is? It's a mystery every time? It's literally just leftover meat ground up. Give me Spam. mystery? Yeah, every time. It's literally just leftover meat ground up. At first glance, both Spam and Bologna appear to be mashed up mystery meats that are unsettling in an

unnatural pink color. Yeah. I've thought of them very similarly. Yeah, yeah, that's a fair thing to say. Oh man. But I'm telling you, spam is where it's at. Spam has significantly fewer ingredients than Maloney. Wow. It has to be good. It's a health food. Six ingredients. It's organic.

Cooked pork, which is both shoulder and ham, salt, water, potato starch, sugar, and sodium nitrate. I gotta try it again. That's not even that bad. No. It sounds pretty good. I gotta, we gotta try this, Al. Let's get some spam in this office.

Get on it, fellas. I'll get it ordered. I'm ordering canned tuna right now. I thought you were a jar of tuna guy. That's what I mean, jar tuna. That is what I'm ordering right now. What did we learn today I learned that

plants crave pee Yeah, they want it. I learned that chef Barty was real And wealthy. Yeah, you just learned that he was wealthy if he's I didn't know he's real before What did I learn today I I learned that there is no answer to what children outgrow Outside of clothes we failed on their shoes All right. Thanks for joining us on this episode of the spitballers podcast. We'll be back with another one next week. Goodbye Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.