Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Episode 300 & A Mystery Draft! - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

Spit Hit for Nov 24th, 2025:It’s Episode 300 and we’ve got a very special show for you. Join us for some hilarious laughs as we celebrate past episode trends, play some fun new games and end things with a Mystery Draft! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons Give Life Advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's The Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. One, two, three, four, five, it's show, 300. Sky but a duke down. This joke will never stop. That was Satchmo.

Then you completed. Yes, me, Satsmo. Okay, we did it. Three in a row? Three in a row. All Satchmo. Welcome into the Spitballers. It's episode 300.

Wee. That wasn't quite the fanfare I expected. I gave you something. Okay. Oh, the people love it. They love it. Now, I do have a question for Al Boreland, who is the unsung hero of the show, hiding over in the shadows.

which is simply this. After 300 episodes of exposure to our knowledge, wisdom, kind of paths of reason and logic. Yeah, all of the kind of intelligence and... Yeah, I get where you're going. You know where I'm going. I mean, do you feel as though, is it like you read a million books?

Is it like you have a million degrees now? Like, how do you... I'm the smartest man alive. Because of exposure. Because of you guys. It makes complete sense. Let's get that crowd of going again. You guys.

Thank you so much. Thank you for the opportunity. We got you. And all of you listening at home. So you're, if there's one thing that I know for a fact, it is that at the end of this episode, if you make it to the end of this episode,

you will be smarter, wiser, better looking, all of those things. Is there anymore? No, that's it. We really build ourselves on a three, you know, it's a three-legged stool. I thought you had more gas in that, in that car right there.

Running out of steam. And two of them are the same thing. Yeah, no, smarts and wisdom. Is that goofy? Oh, yuck. Oh, man. I feel like I could figure that out. Would you rather a special game time has been prepared by Al Borland?

We don't know what's going on. A special mystery draft on today's show. that we don't know what's going We also don't know what's going We for the first time in our lives don't know what's going on I don't even have a list No

No Okay well mystery draft it is Let's kick off show 300 with some Would You Rather? Would you rather Tyler from Patreon writes in Would you rather be visibly pouring sweat

at all times? but smell fine, or look perfectly normal but stinky within a two feet radius. Oh, man, I don't, I don't care how normal you look, how beautiful you are. If you pass by someone, if you're stinky, if you walk by someone or someone walks by you and you get down whiff and you're like, ooh, yeah. I mean, it's just, it's beyond unacceptable. You start glancing around to make the eyeballs at whoever else is nearby to be like, are you, are you picking, are you picking this up? If you smelled like that, it's simple.

You travel in packs. You only travel with groups of more than two. Now, how is that group going to stand by you? They don't know it's you because you're always with a group of three or more. Okay, okay. So they don't know for sure that it's you. That would be the strategy. Now, this is profusely pouring sweat, which is a little bit, I mean, from a distance, you look disheveled.

I don't, you know, if somebody is covered in pouring sweat, I feel like there's somehow, you've done something wrong. Like you, you're up to no good. You just, self-control is an issue for you because whatever you did, you didn't. This is not normal. No, you know, you shouldn't be, like I tell this story. We went to a meet the teacher night at our school recently. And we met all the teachers. The parent, it's a parent's night.

And class one, very nice. Class two, very good. Class three. I'm sorry. Very nice gentleman. Very nice teacher. I've never seen more sweat coming off of a person. And this was a man who looked.

On his last leg or something or mid-heart attack. I don't know what it was, but it was profusely sweating and it made it impossible to pay attention to what he said. Now, there are physical ramifications to this, too. I mean, sitting down, you know, you got swamp butt now. You're going to stand up. Every piece of clothing you wear has to be black. Now, that's usually okay for me because it is. But I guess even my shorts or pants, like right now I've got khaki colored shorts on.

If I'm profusely sweating and I sit down to do my job for an hour or two and I get up to go get a drink or go to the bathroom, my, my booty's soaked. Now, what are the ways that you could try to convince people? Like, there's a reason you're so sweaty. Like, are you walking around? No, I'm running around. Everywhere I go. I get up and I sprint so fast. I was talking about, like, do you walk?

around like you always have like a chicken wing in your hand and you're just like it's spicy you this spice you're going spice I thought you were going calories like no I'm such a sweaty fat guy I've always got a drumstick in one hand it may have it's a chili pepper I don't know I'm trying to think of ways that like if someone if I see someone who's sweating and but I see that they got a drumstick in their hand or a bottle yeah bottle hot sauce yeah yeah see I would take the approach I was just on the episode of hot ones I would be wearing a weight vest and the little weight wrists on my arm. Because at this point now, I'm doing this for me. You know what I mean? This is a proactive, like, check me out. He is, dude, that guy's

always working out. He's always working up a sweat. Being sweaty is bad. Working up a sweat is good. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So I'm going to flip the script. Now, walking out of the bathroom. Not as good. Do you imagine walking out just wiping the brow? And then you're like, I'm always like this. Don't worry about it. That is, that is a problem. I guess if you're stinky, but it's only two feet, you can, I mean, you can joke that you travel in packs, but in truth, you travel next to no one.

If you know that you stink. Two feet is a, I mean, that's a good space like. That's a bubble. Right now, if I, right now, you guys could not smell me. I'm more than two feet away from you. But we can. I'm pretty close to two feet. No, I mean, this is a yard.

Yeah, Mike, you're not two feet. Your arm is not three feet. Yeah. My arm is about three feet. Yeah, it's about three feet. Is it? Ow, how long do you think my arm is? Mike, a foot is just about three feet.

A foot's 12 inches. Oh, I'm aware of that. I mean, the distance between me and Jason now is. Oh, wait. How much did you think if you know what a foot is? Did you think I had a two foot arm? It's so short. But, but how big is your, how big is your foot?

How about mine? About 12 inches. Right. And so, I mean, I get, the hand just. like maybe so it's like two and a half i don't think that's three feet long i think it's longer than three feet we need a tape measure in here we got i'm gonna i got you i'm on it we're gonna guess jason's arm length in inches you you know the thing of like your your forearm is the size of your foot where is it start it's start like where the arm put would be on the top okay

okay where the arm it would be but on the top okay all right okay so what is what is your we're all gonna guess let me see your arm let me see your arm this is check these out put the camera on where you can see the arms, cameraman. Oh, you still can't. They're too long. Look at this. For episode 300, this is the worst audio in the history of podcast. They can go to YouTube. And your wingspan is supposed to be about your height.

36 inches. But that includes your torso. Right. So how tall are you, Jason? 5-8. 5-11. Okay, we got incoming. All right. Oh, okay. I didn't know you're throwing it to Jason. We have to measure him. I think your arms are 34 inches. I think that's the length. I'm going, I got to guess 36.

Yeah. No, no, I'm going to measure it up. And I said it about two and a half was my guess. You said armpit. Yeah, armpit. Go armpit. Where are we at? Where are we at?

Where are we at? What it's the number? 30. 30. Oh, oh my gosh. What is two and a half? Two and a half feet? If you round that number, that's a yard.

That is a yard. If we're rounding, it's a yard. I don't know, man. You got some little stubby arms. No, they're not stubby. Look at this wing spin. It's a crows. out of. I'm an eagle.

Wait, Mike. Hold this. You think my arm is two feet long? Yeah, I do. Hold this on his other hand because I want to see if it's taller or shorter than him. Oh, we're doing my whole wingspan. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, get out of here. King of measurement over here, people. This entire room doubted me. Your wingspan is taller than you are. Oh, I got a six foot wingspan? You do. Oh, nice. Yeah, that'll happen. But welcome to the measurement podcast. But listen, if your forearm is your foot and your foot is. Like, you got big feet, so your feet, your foot is like a foot long. Your upper arm is not two feet long.

All I know is my wingspan is six feet. All I know is. So therefore, divided by my two arms and they're three feet each. So I'm going to go sweat. I don't want to know that I smell. There was a question. Also, my arms are the same length as yours. I'm going to go that my arms are still, I believe they're 30.

six inches. Oh, you can believe alternative facts. I'm going to be I'm going to take the stink. I'll ride solo. Yeah. Ah, man. I'm not going to, yeah.

There's too many other problems about the sweat, so I guess I'm stinky. All right, would you rather? Getting in a car when you're sweaty is the worst. Like, if you go to the gym and you're showering at home or later and you're drenched, just sitting down on that seat.

I feel like I'm rude. I feel like I need to bring a towel and sit on a towel. Where Andy went with the toilet, I thought he was going to talk about like the actual, like the sitting and dismounting. Yeah, that's dangerous. Yeah, that's sliding. Oh, you could slide all over.

I've been there. Do they make a grippy toilet that you could sit on in here like a sweaty? Yes, grandma's cushioned seat. No, like rubber. No, like a shower floor. Shower floor texture. It's a couple of jelly. on the side. But could you imagine

using those little paper covers that go on the toilet seat when you're soaked? Just it would evaporate. It either evaporates or it becomes a second skin. It's part of you. Yeah. Gross. Jasmine from Patreon would you rather underthink every decision

or overthink every decision? I'm not what are the consequences of these because I have a and this is my personality so of course I see many consequences to underthinking a decision. I see none to overthinking them. Overthinking every decision can cause anxiety. Yeah. It's all internal problems. It's about how do you want to live your

life in the sense that like if I have to overthink everything, oftentimes that's going to be crippling. Sometimes you don't even make a decision. Right. It's, it's, you know, paralysis by analysis. Sounds good. Because you don't want to make the mistake. Well, I just don't know anything better anyway so i mean might as well not make the so you're saying that's pinnacle living is overthinking it's all i know it's the good stuff the underthinking the underthinking is like i'm hooked on that thinking man sweet sweet anxiety the person on the anxiety side never wants to say what if i had done x and the underthinking is like regret a mistake maybe the underthinking also might be could be surprised don't care everything happens for a reason you know what i mean like if

If I underthink everything, then I'm not overthinking the consequence of my underthinking. You know what I'm saying? I'm living a happy, free. Now, Al points out, like, I think about this in big decisions, but what if you're sitting there just trying to decide between a brand of cookies at the grocery store? That is a big decision. That's, I, those I overthink. Okay. Those, I'm on check every package.

You're in the vegetable aisle. Oh, there's nothing to think about, man. Just grab an organic ago. They all suck. so would you go underthink are we going to go with what we do i think wait are you accusing me that was a straight accusal that i just underthink everything i don't think you underthink everything um i've overthought how much you underthink i think you think i think the appropriate amount i there i think look what's the what's the phrase um uh like naivety and bliss uh blissful ignorance

Yes. Blissful ignorance is real. And if we want to get philosophical for our wise and wisening listeners, is blissful ignorance good? No. I think to some degree it is. That's the eye of the beholder. If you're in it, it's good.

That's good living. But then it's like what's good? You want to get real philosophical? What's good? Is it good to you? Is that what you mean? Is it good for you? Right. But the underthinker doesn't give a crap about what you're talking about right now.

They're just living a good life. They're just happy. They're just being. Good for you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

That's not good. Well, but I don't know that. No, you don't. If it's good for you, then you're living a happy life. You might be naive to how stupid you are. But it doesn't matter. You know anybody in your life that's blissfully ignorant? I know a lot of stupid people.

Right. Right. I mean, like, the people you. you think of that are blissfully ignorant, how do they contribute to your life? Oh, they're stupid, but they're living good lives. Yeah, this isn't about me. This is about them. This is, uh, is that the Truman show? I mean, he's blissfully ignorant, right? He's living a life until he becomes aware. Until he becomes aware. And that's like much worse. And he be, but is it worse? But everybody was just secretly like he didn't know. I think I'm going to underthink things,

man. I think it's going to be sweet. Care free, happy go lucky. And this is where we'd all like to tell you, Jason. We've actually been, your intelligence isn't what you think it is. Don't care. Okay. Yeah. See?

That sounds pretty good. What isn't? Yeah. Who am I? Drew from the website, starting tomorrow, only one of these forms of media will continue to have new content release. Movies, music, or books. Oh, man.

This is so easy. Why is this question Mike will choose music? No. Oh my gosh. You're choosing movies? You know it's not books. It's definitely it's not books.

Although the movie production, if books are not coming out is going to. These movies cannot have music in them. You can't cheat this one. No, that's fine. They can't have new music. All the existing catalogs stay. I mean, just no new content is good. Oh, okay.

That's what I say. Then this is really easy. Then this is really, that gets easier and you. because I can go read all. I didn't think about existing catalog. All the existing books. Look. I'm not out of books yet. Spoiler alert. I got a few more. I still need to get to. No fear of running out. Yeah. I'll never run out and I'm old and I'm crumogyny with music. New music is bad. Oh my gosh. You know what's great? The 90s. The Beatles.

My son. The music from the 90s is great. My son loves 90s and early odds and like old music. awesome music and he's just basically like they don't make anything good anymore i'm like yeah yeah good for him growing up so fast i didn't think about the catalog if i go to catalog i don't need nothing let's pretend that i haven't listened to new music at 20 years anyway that's what i'm talking about let's pretend that blockbuster was still around right okay because we've been there we've walked into the store and i've looked through those stores and i've checked all these movies and i've gone man i need a new movie to come out i have never walked in a barns of noble and went uh uh man man I just don't think

There ain't nothing for me until that new one comes out Maybe next week There'll be something that's appealing Like, why does it take so long to write a book? This is the easiest question of all time The only downside is it like

If you're in the middle of a series You know like Yeah, you don't fire It's never, but that's never coming out anyway So You're not waiting on no more Harry Potter's Yeah movies keep running Okay, that's a funny one

Should we move on now? Sure, let's move on Let's do it. First, we'll take a quick break. What time is it? All right, Al, we have a game time that you have prepared. We have no idea what's going on. Three mini games?

Yeah, we're going to do some mini games that are basically based upon the history of our show, a little reflection time here for episode 300. I try to wipe these shows right after I'm done. Shout out to Spinbaud, Joseph Pop. He reached out to me and he wanted to help me prepare some of this content. All right. And so he was a huge help in getting this together. Mr. Pop.

Thank you. The first mini game we're going to play is called This or That. You'll be guessing which topic has been discussed in more episodes of our show and you'll get one point for each correct answer. We're going to have three of these. Is this embarrassing? Nah. Okay. so you guys will write down your answer and then we'll you know you can reveal them at the same time so we just are guessing the topic that's been most talked about no no no I'm going to give you the top two topics and you're going to say which one you think we've talked about because I was about right down bathroom yeah I was going to be I go bathroom there might be a bathroom question that's why I asked if it's embarrassing all right go ahead the first one who has made more guest appearances via voice impressions on our show Batman or Mark Wahlberg

Is this spitballers only? This is spitballers only. Batman or Warburg? So this is say hi to your mother for me. Okay. I got mine. I wrote mine down. I got my guess.

Yeah, I got mine. All right. It looks like Mike said Batman. Jason said Walberg and Andy said Batman. Jason gets the points on this one. Mark Wahlberg seven times Batman six times. Oh my gosh. No, swear to me.

It's tied up now. All right, so Jason escaping with a point on that. Wow, we've only done six Batman? I honestly couldn't think of, I was like, I don't remember Batman. No, we've done eight. Well, I guess, I guess they get a point now, and my point is bad. Finally. But, hey, but wait, so how do your mother for me?

Oh, no. We're tied back up. There's two of us. We can do this all day. All right, through 299 episodes. So stupid. Which common phrase or jingle has been used more. and by jingle it's a do do do do do so is it the more you know or the phrase i love michael keaton

oh wow on the spitballers podcast through 299 episodes the jingle or what i love michael oh okay i got my all right going jingle i'm going jingle all three of you at jingle you are all getting a point all right this is a very anti-batman pod you know we're not doing the love Michael Keaton. We're not doing that. You got, what's this next one and how is it Batman related? It's not. Oh. All right. The next one. Which bathroom topic has been mentioned more. Liking the smell of your own farts or the over under tpee debate. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Which there is no debate. To be clear for the listeners. I came into this studio and somebody had done an under. and I wanted to find them and in them. Yeah, I mean, if we will find you.

Yeah. Because everyone's denying it. Only hang it over. Seriously, someone did that in this studio? We think it might have been a cleaning person. It either was the cleaning person or the Falcon and either way the Falcon is fired. Yes, that is the only one in Slack right now blaming somebody else. Oh, blame you claiming it.

Blame it you claim it. Let's speaking of that, I'm going sniffing farts. Snif and farts. All right, all three of you went farts. All three of you are correct. Yeah. 10 times smelling farts and six times discussing toilet paper. 10 times.

And hold on a second. All 10 are Jason, right? I don't have that stat. I know zero or mine. It's either eight Jason and two Mike. I'll give, I'll go 7.3. No, I'm going 6.4. I think 6.4, you taught me the popcorn trick when you're smelling, when you lay in.

You both agreed zero is me. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Why would you talk about it's disgusting? This is high society over here. I overthought it and decided out. Go ahead. All right.

This is going to be the last one in this mini game. Double points? Nope. How are we catch Jason? There's more games. Oh, the points continue? Yeah. Oh, okay.

Okay. Okay. Across all drafts, who has been selected the most amount of times? And this one, there's three choices. Oh, my gosh. Bruce Willis, the genie, or a blue whale. the most amount of times I got my answer

say him again Bruce Willis the genie or a blue whale so drafted the most all right I've got my I've got my answer in all 300 shows worth of draft that's right and this is 100%

by Mike Bruce Bruce yeah it's Bruce there's not as much disparity as I was hoping and you guys are correct. Yeah. Yeah. Mike always dressed, Bruce Wilson.

Six times. You know, a blue whale five times. Five blue whales. Oh. The genie three times. I thought the blue whale. I was like, man,

there's a lot of times when it's like a blue whale, just being the biggest animal is a good pick. You know, dropping something off a rooftop. I've got that here. A blue whale was drafted in the ocean animal battle, things to blow up with dynamite, animals to let loose in each other's backyards, worst animals for a veterinarian,

and things that are blue. Oh, that's good. So how many times has Bruce been drafted? Six. He was drafted in best action stars, memorable death scenes, favorite bald people, laser tag squad, characters to collect a debt for you, and best John's out for John McLean. What are we drafting today? Ways to draft Bruce Willis.

We are drafting actors and actresses for a mystery draft. You're going to want to bump up that Bruce Willis counts. All right. All right. We're moving on to the next mini game, but through that one, Jason has four. You guys each have three. It's not how you start.

I will say this. We're just rocking these right now. It's like we've been here at every single show. You have. Well, you two got off to a slow start with your first answer. But from then on out, we're 100%. If you get rid of that first, too. All right.

This one is called guess the ep. And so there will be one winner. You won't be able to tie on this. What we're doing is guessing the episode in which something took place. And the closest person to the episode number will get the point. Wait. So we're just throwing out a number? Well, I think about how long ago it was.

Okay. So the first one is guess what episode the first scat was on? Okay. We're writing them down, right? Write it down, and it's closest to it. There's no prices right stuff here going on. Oh, goodness gracious. Just wait down, Mike.

Okay, I got it. If we tie, you both get a point. I'm going 35. I went 10. I went 4. The correct answer is 20. And he gets a point there. That's right.

That's right. We did 25 scat in this episodes. I talked myself out of 12. Those were the good old days. That's, uh, yeah, I knew it took a little longer than we thought. A lot longer than I thought. I thought we might have done three. Okay.

All right. There's five of these. So we're on to number two. It's fun. Guess what episode that you guys finally beat me in liar, liar. Oh, man. That had to be deep. What episode?

What? I mean, okay. All right. Editing. Editing. Yeah. Okay. I've got my number.

Oh, is it too low? All right. I've got my number. All right. I'm going 255. Oh, man. I'm going 131. I went 250.

I changed mine from 250 to 25. What's the answer? The correct answer is 212. Oh, no. Mike takes that point. We should have tied. We should have both got a point, but I changed. last second. Oh, that means that we're actually all

tied right now. Yes, we are. In total points. All right. Yeah. Oh, it adds up. Okay. Go ahead. The next one is, what episode was the first Biddingi? Well, I know it's not in the first 24. Oh, man. The first Biddingy. Okay. I got my guess.

All right. I got my guess. I got mine. I'm going to go with 44. I went 33. I went 62. Mike, the correct answer was 80. Oh, Mike gets another point. How did you go Bedingi list for that long? That's what a lot of people want to know.

Look, when you come up with something that impactful, that society level of change, like Bidengi, it takes time. Yeah, I guess so. Mike was right. Okay. All right. Mike has a one point lead over the whole thing. many people may not know but prior to being known as

owl Borland I was named Al Borland after the home improvement character in what episode did Andy mistakenly call me owl which stuck Boy that is okay okay all right I've got a guess man I don't like this

this game no you haven't had any points yet I was crushing the last one all right I'm going 11 oh geez I went 100 I went 18. My memory sucks. I wouldn't be so sure.

You got the point. The correct answer was 62. Yeah. Oh, really? All right. What? Well, because he was Al for a long time. I thought it was pretty quick.

I wasn't on the show for quite a while. You guys did a lot of spitballers prior to me. Really? The good old days. I was just talking about those. So this was when you, I thought that was like a non-videoed episode. No, it was on video. We have audio.

All right. You can go watch it. I thought he'd been here the whole time. go watch it on episode 62 all right last one why did we add him then i can't figure it out man you guys got tired of working yeah oh okay that's okay all right i underthought it last guess the app what episode did the local wizard first appear oh well now i'm my whole orientation on this show has changed um all right i got my number all right i do too mike is figure hearing his out. All right, I'm going with 50. I'm going 88. I went 35. The correct answer

and don't bother hitting your button because it doesn't work on this show was 55. Woo! All right. Which puts us in a perfect tie going into the last game. That is correct. That is a sad. Everybody has five points. Had a lead. Blew it. I had a lead and I blew it. All right. Andy's going to win. And the last game is called the rank tank. The rank And this is an individual game. You'll each have one round. And because Mike, I feel like drew a short straw getting the 101 in a draft that he has no idea what it is. I'm going to give him, we're going to go in draft order here for the choice of between movies, restaurants, and spitballers.

Wait. You don't know anything more than that, but you've got to choose your top. Give me the three again? Movies, restaurants, and spitballers. Let's go movies. All righty. In this game, I'm going to give you three options, and you need to rank them in the order of how much they've come up on our show. Oh, okay, okay.

That's fun. The movies, that's what you chose, correct? Yes. Movies. Let's go Jurassic Park, Braveheart, back to the future. Okay. And you're going to rank those, one being the most discussed, down to three being the least discussed. And the only way he scores here is if he gets them right?

You get one point for every answer that is correct. So he could get three points here. I can cascade into doom. I'm going to go Braveheart one, Jurassic Park, Two, Back to the Future three. That's what I have as well. Braveheart was correct. The second was back to the future. So Braveheart 35 episodes that we've discussed Braveheart.

That's not enough. 34 episodes that we've discussed Back to the Future. Wow. And 29 episodes in which we've discussed Jurassic Park. I demand a recount. So Mike got one point there They could really examine our episodes Peep poop and back to the future

All right Jason You're going to have your choice of the leftovers Which is restaurants and spitballers I guess we'll go restaurants All right You know what to do rank these in the order that they have Been discussed on our show Jack in the Box Chipotle McDonald's

Oh man that is tough Yeah that's brutal That is tough What were the three again Jack in the box, Chipotle and McDonald's. Who doggie? I'm going to go, oh, man. I'm going to go Jack in the box first because of all the drafts and the Mike Thanksgiving stuff.

Oh, that's a good point. McDonald's second, Chipotle third. Oh, I don't know how to put Chipotle second. I went Chipotle one. All right, what's the answer? Jason's walking away from this one with zero points. Oh, yeah. I got at least last place.

We got McDonald's coming out first with 38 episodes. Chipotle with 27 and Jack in the box with only 50. So I can win this thing right here. I would have got one points. Yeah, if you get two points you win. Wow. If you get one point, you and Mike win. If you get no points, we can hold hands as losers.

All right, go ahead and give it to me. I get the spitballers, was it? That's correct. You're going to rank how many times these have been discussed on our show? Andy's love of ice cream. Oh, boy. Jason's Fear of Spiders. Oh, boy.

Mike's resting angry face combined with Mike's fear of bees oh what a combo oh boy spiders ice cream and then Mike's resting anger angry face in bees feel like this one's easier than my restaurants that's why I gave you guys the choice all right uh one spiders two ice cream three mics that's that's how I went that's how I would have gone and you would have all been correct and he has three points and Andy is the winner of episode 300 mini-games. Wow, come from behind victory. I hadn't led until the last question. The way I look at it is I won the first mini-game.

Mike won the second mini-game. I mean, Andy won the third. The second one. I was trying to give you some credit. No, but I don't know. No. Very, very good. That was fun.

That was a blast from the past, too. I forgot that you didn't exist at one point in time. That's interesting. All right. we're going to take another quick break and come back with a mystery draft and more surprises. So here's what we know. We know that we are drafting actors or actresses. And that's it.

That's all we know. We're drafting them. And then Al has something. prepared for us. So I'm guessing this draft is going to go kind of quickly. Yeah, I mean, feel free to justify your draft picks in whatever way you want if you feel like it. But essentially

once you guys form your teams, I will reveal the draft topic and individual breakdown of how you must kind of configure your lineup. Okay. We'll see how this goes. Mike, you have the first pick in a draft that you know nothing about. Huh. Okay.

That's the way I'm thinking about. this so I have to pick pick an actor, actress I want some versatility I imagine it's not based off of their real, them as a real person. I'm going to draft based off of roles.

I will tell you this. At the end, when you're justifying your picks, you will be able to use whatever you want to justify it. You can use a characteristic of the actor themselves or a role that they've played. all right so we're going to go with a very versatile he's he's old now so hopefully he doesn't have to do anything at this current age i'm going to start this draft no i'm not going to do it not this pick harrison ford i will take harrison forerson ford goes one you are not joking when you said old yeah but hopefully i'm building some versatility okay man if one of them was like favorite old person if that's the category you're gonna crush or it's like find a sacred idol okay yeah no that's

fine all right so this is uh this is me now right yes sir okay i'm i'm doing the same well i'm doing what you said you were doing um which is finding versatility but when i when i think about this and i think about our drafts a lot of times there's battle royals yeah sometimes there's comedy things i thought through all those sometimes there's love so that i've got those like i'm thinking of actors actresses that can succeed in a battle that can be a love interest and they can like make children laugh so that's that's that's like my archetype I'm going after and that's Ryan Reynolds that's Ryan Reynolds okay he can be he's very hot right now he's he's both in popularity and an attractiveness yeah he can be funny he can cut people with katana's as

Deadpool yeah you know what he can't do be ugly that's true good luck I don't think Harrison Ford can either, though. Here's Ford. Oh, that's cool. Old as dirt, still attractive. All right. Interesting selection there. I will choose Keanu Reeves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With my first pick. He's on the list.

With my second pick, I will select another actor or actress. A second one, even. You may not have seen that coming. I'll take Samuel L. Jackson. Oh, yeah, very nice. Because if it's like commercial.

If you need anything at all. Credit cards. Anything that's been done, I'll take Samuel L.J. And no, can I change? You want Shaq? No. I want to change. I'm on Denzel.

Oh. I want Denzel. Okay. All right. Same Jackson. No, if I'm locked in, I'm locked in. Whatever, me. Normal rules are like if it hasn't gone to the next person.

is what are we playing chess i was still saying his name that is how i'm still jacson now you now you know is that an official rule in chess you have to hold on to the piece yeah so when you let go that's the move has happened i haven't let go of sam mill johnson so i'm going to dinsel all right i'm changing to dinsel all right um this might be recency bias uh in the fact that this guy was just in a movie with ryan reynolds but if you want to talk about versatility I considered him at the top. I mean, if there is a need to sing,

Hugh Jackman is awesome. He can be Wolverine. I don't know how, I don't think he's an exceptionally great comedic actor, but very good actor, also handsome, also can murder your face. Like he's just a venomous, awful, murderous monster.

Venomous? Venomous? Yeah. Wow. I mean, Venomis is an interesting word to describe someone. buddy you see other than if it's not a snake or like a scorpion nah i think that's a normal his abs it's on what's that about not fair do you think it was normal to describe people as venomous you 100% super duper normal yeah if he's like someone's toxic yeah it's a venomous person

interesting yeah i i didn't know if someone's got a poisonous personality yeah i would call him venomous okay uh all right so i've got and here's the thing i mean i know that my team works together ted pool and wolverine you do you just made made their mashup. So you think it might be recency biased, the most recent movie you've seen, correct. Both actors in that movie. Really hoping this is a battle roy.

Gotcha. Got it. Cool. Can't wait for Channing Tatum to pop up next over your team. Well, when I want good accents, absolutely. Oh, I want to take my name for myself. All right. I'm back up.

Yeah, two picks. By the way, Samuel L. Jackson is still out there. Oh, yeah. He's got credit cards to sell. All right. Two picks here. Hmm. So.

And we still don't know what the draft is. No, we have no idea. So maybe. Oh, man. I'm going to take, I'm going to take Zoe Saldana. Ooh, it's a good pick. Like, maybe this, maybe it's make as much keesh as you possibly can because she can't stop being in the highest grossing movies of all time.

And she can be an action hero. We're very, very versatile over here. A lot of aliens. Yes. Played a lot of aliens. Yes. So I'm back on the clock. And we are going to take an actor or actresses.

We're going to take Bruce Willis. Oh, there it is. Okay. We're going to take he's one of my favorites. Yeah. No, I get it. Just couldn't pass on the valley. No, I don't, I couldn't risk these snakes taking Bruce Willis.

You've had him in, I think, every draft. Yeah. My sweet, sweet Bruce. There are two, yeah, when we wrote down Bruce Willis, it wasn't how many times has he been drafted. It's how many times has Mike drafted him? I guarantee it's 100% of those. Maybe the bald, maybe the bald draft. He's pretty high up there.

I'm pretty sure I went Bruce and that one. I don't know. Okay, so there's definitely two versatile actors that meet my trifecta of actors in the movie Deadpool. Actors in the movie Deadpool. And I'm trying to think which one will you. If the mystery draft is actors that starred in the most recent movie Deadpool, Jason is going to slam. I'm going to crush.

He's going to crush it. Well, I'm taking someone who sadly was not in that movie. But I've drafted her several drafts, I believe, or at least a handful. Jennifer Lawrence can be funny, can be serious, and can be a warrior. And that is my trifecta. you're really getting ready for a battle I'm not sure what's going on at least one of these got to be

oh man if it's only one that's a fighter you said Jennifer Lawrence yeah that was the fourth time she's been drafted on the spit by you probably she was drafted in celebrity best friends action movie cast and Rushmore Mount Rushmore

of actresses mine yeah those are me and in the who's Jason's crushed draft um Keanu Reeves and Denzel already on my list and I'm to close it out with Samuel L. Jackson still out there. I'm going to go Kate Winslet, my favorite actress. Okay. Kate Winslet. And then I'm going to also because Mike out of Bruce

Wells, I'm adding Michael Keaton. Yeah. Michael Keaton is on this team. So we got Keanu, Denzel, Winslet, and Keaton. I love Michael Keaton. All right. Well, I got my guy. And honestly, I'm pretty sure both of these last two picks were on my best friend celebrity draft. Like the people I would want to hang out with, Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt. If you add Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman, I'm, I'm just having a good time. So Chris Pratt, come on down. You know who's not having a good time? Jim Carrey.

Because he didn't get a hang out with you because you decided to spurn him. I don't think he's as good a versatile actor. And if it was a battle, he's going to fold. What if you put on a mask? Well, sure. If he's got the mask, that's pretty powerful. Cuban Pete? be a good fighter

All right Final pick Of a draft we don't know what it is I don't know what it is I don't know what's going on There's one I hope you don't take Why Because he

He qualifies for my team perfectly Maybe even more than Hugh Jackman Except Hugh Jackman could sing I had to have him Oh man Do I need some Who do I got You have Harrison Ford

Zoe Saldana and Bruce Willis. Oh, man. We're going to put Farrell on this team. Oh, that's good. We're going to put William. That's good. I didn't have him on my last shame on me.

Honestly, when you said it, I thought you drafted Colin Farrell. No, no, Farrell from nerd. No, no, Will Ferrell. But you missed out on Chris Hemsworth. I was looking him right in the face, but it was, I mean, how many times do I need Chris Hemsworth on my team? As many as you can handle it. No, DiCaprio.

No, Hanks? Man, you guys went, Jason went recent. I could have gone 20 rounds deep, guys. What is the draft topic? I can name so many actors. Jason knows so many actors and actresses. All right, you guys, great draft. You just got done drafting actors and actresses to form your HOA and neighborhood watch. Oh, Harrison Ford's such a good thing.

And you guys are each going to go through. So there's four roles that you need to force your characters into. There's the HOA president who oversees everything and keeps things organized. Uh-huh. There's the neighborhood crime patrol officer to keep the neighborhood safe and crime free. These are in the dock for you as well. Okay. There's the compliance officer who drives around and is nosy and reports back with any compliance violations.

And there's the debt collection officer whose job it is to get the HOA paid no matter what it takes. Oh, this is great. Can I just name how my whole team is? Go for it. Are I ready? All right. So obviously who Jackman's going to be the president of this thing, right? I got to put the elder statesman of my team up top.

He's organized. He's responsible. Too nice. He's too nice. You know what, though? That's my HOA. My HOA is nice. The compliance officer is Jennifer Lawrence.

You want to know why? Because she's going to stop by and she's not going to say, you're going to bring in your garbage cans. She's going to make you laugh and say, hey, we understand. My HOA understands. She's going to come out here and be like, look, nobody wants to look at him. I get it. You know, she's going to tell a story.

What's her opinion on chickens? She loves to. My whole team. loves chickens. Hugh Jackman at the top is like every H.O.A. should allow chickens. The, um, the debt collector is definitely Ryan Reynolds. Ryan, Ryan Reynolds will be collecting debt. And so my, uh, crime investigator, is that how they're worded? Uh, the crime patrol officer. Crime patrol officer then is Chris Pratt. Because he's what's left. Okay. Okay. Look. I like how this breaks down for the most part. Denzel's my

president i mean that is that is uh authority that hway will be inspired i mean authority leadership my crime patrol is very easy as well kianu's got that on lockdown probably doesn't even have to engage too many of the criminals one look they're leaving you get to debt collection and compliance are those the last two yes sir i mean i have to use the same argument that jason used with jennifer lawrence where i'll i'll make kate Winslet, the compliance officer, because I feel like she could try to get things accomplished without the mean letters. And then Michael Keaton, by default, becomes the debt collector who...

Does he get to wear the suit? Does he get to go collect the badmast? He really, he still puts it on, but no, he's in the Beetlejuice outfit. Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah, he collects the debts in the Beatles juice outfit. You're going to get your money? Yeah, you betcha.

All right. Hey, guess what, guys, Harrison Ford is the president. He is. He has aged right into that role. He is the president. Although he has been the president. I do feel like the oldest person on AHAWA is the one that walks around looking for problems. They're the crime investigator. He doesn't need to do walking anymore. He needs to do a lot of sitting these days. Okay. So, Harrison Ford's my president, the compliance officer is Will Ferrell.

Yeah, it's got to be. I was looking at your list. I was like, if you don't go Farrell. It's Will Farrell, drive around, you know, hey, let's turn that down just a little bit. I do think your HOA, your people will be happy here. I don't think they're going to bring in those cans. Well, they better bring in the cans because, oh, let's see, go to the debt. The debt collection, I mean, it's got to be Bruce. That one's got to be Bruce. He's been a police officer way too many times in his career.

and then Zoe will be my patrol officer and do not underestimate you or you're going to get your butt-whooped. Yeah, it makes sense. All right. I like these teams. Yeah, for not knowing what we were going to do, I think we formed strong opinions.

Great work. Can't wait to hear what the people have to say. HOAs are so dumb. H-O-A's so dumb. But they're also not, you know. So here's a thing. Like the people in them are dumb, but the actual HOA is so helpful.

The actual H-O-Gway is helpful on the basics, and that's all it should be for. I don't want weeds? I don't want weed. I don't want weed. I don't want pink houses. I don't want garbage cans on the streets for too long. And I don't want chickens. What?

Don't go that far. I just wanted to see how you do yet. Oh, man, my hens, they're growing. I mean, how many hens is too? I feel like if you have a chicken policy, you should cap the amount of chickens allowed. I would agree. You can't have like hundreds of things. What's the chicken cap?

Like 20? how many chickens is too many chickens jay you would know i think 20 is about like the where you're max and how many do you have i have 13 i start i started with 13 still have 13 very proud of that congratulations that's that number's going to go down but yeah that seems important yeah what's your what's your coyote repellent situation coyote repellent is going to be the snakes he released yes no um well i got two big dogs and they'll protect my chicks okay I know your dogs, man. Do your dogs sleep in the house?

They are not. Oh, yeah. They're comfy. They're not protecting those chicks. So who's protecting the chickens at night? The coop is what's protecting the chicken. The time when the coyotes will actually show up for the chickens. No, they're, I'm building a full coop. They're going to have like a chicken mansion. It's going to be very nice.

I know they're going to have a chicken mansion. It's a triple decker. There's three stories for these chickens. He might hire a full-time, like, I guess, chicken shepherd to look over the, to look over the flock. I mean, that would be the... They sleep out in the chicken mansion. Look, I like respectable chicken owners.

I just feel like some people might not be respectable. They're free range? Well, they're in the coop. They've got a long run. These things are crammed into the tightest cages I could find. He's raising them not for eggs just to eat each of them. Yeah, if you, you know those little like cat carriers? Each one has one of those.

That's their coop. But smaller. Yeah, but smaller. I took a poll back here in Ducer's Allie. All three of us voting for Andy on this one. Oh, okay. All right. Is it because out of curiosity, is it Dinsel's leadership or the fact that the crime is for Keanu?

He holding down the crime unit is pretty. Yeah. Those two were perfect fits. I feel like you should never have been allowed Denzel. You know, that was, that was, I mean, would you have voted for his team if it was Samuel L Jackson up at the top? It would be less, less attractive. Well, Keaton would have become the president then.

Oh, man. And then Samuel Jackson. would have become the debt collector. Yes. And that would have been fine. That would work. What did we learn today? I mean, I learned a lot.

I learned what the draft was. I learned how many times we're talking about potty and smelling farts. That we referred to our favorite ancient movies so many more times than I thought we did. I already knew that. I learned that Andy thinks I underthink. all things. Apparently. All right, that'll do it for today's

Spitballers, episode 300. Huge shout out to Al Borland back there and the deucers. Thanks for what, 300 episodes of content. Beautiful. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other

nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. Thank you. Thank you.