Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Eye Opening, Artery Closing & The Best Foods To Put Butter On - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

Spit Hit for March 6th, 2025:On this episode, find out what has Andy interrupting everything with a loud outburst! We also talk about illegal ding dongs and an unexpected roommate. We close it down with a draft of the best foods to put butter on. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Blabberdy blap blap a butter butter butter Worst one ever Yeah, it was You gave up halfway and just stopped. No, I didn't it felt like you just oh no I stopped where I was supposed to stop a butter butter. That's what it felt like I gave you three was was supposed to stop about about that's what it felt like I gave you three that

was that's nice to have in there might because we can always look to that one in the future as a bar that you should leave over no I believe you'll look back and you'll you will realize what just happened and it was greatness lipid e blap blap about butter butter butter. Yeah It well, then you started laughing at the end because even you knew how Both of us I felt like it stopped early because you guys don't understand music and that's Artist um, no, I just laughed cuz I knew I had no idea what I was gonna do and I'm like I'm just gonna say the word butter a few times and we'll see where we get

Okay, I guess that leads into the fact we are drafting the best foods to put butter on otherwise It was even weirder of a scat if I didn't I would have said the other fin or the other word Yeah, maybe like elephant. Yeah. Well, we'll do an elephant draft soon. Would you rather in life advice on the show today? Thanks for joining us, episode 230. And excited to be with you. You can follow the show at SpitballersPod on Twitter, we're on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, MySpace, you know, the main ones.

And yeah, thanks for telling your friends about the podcast, your friends, your family. Hopefully you're enjoying it. It's time to get it going Would you rather All right. This would you rather question comes from Chloe on Twitter. Would you rather always have too much time on your hands or Never have enough man. That is a legit philosophical question let's talk about the I Guess the reaction you would have to both of those situations today if you have a day where you are

So busy that you don't get to everything you want to do or you have a day where you are just Putzing around because you right you got too much time on your hands, you're waiting for something to happen. Like, the life that I live, I think all three of us live, we have three children, we run business, we've got busy, busy lives. And so when this question is read, would you rather have too much time on your hands

or never enough time, I feel like I never have enough time and man would I love some more time on my hands. It would be wonderful. That sounds so awesome. But I think it's too much of a good thing. If you always have time on your hands, it means you're not doing anything. I hate being busy, but I actually think I love being busy. I think prisoners have too much time on their hands. Every day. Sure, okay. But we would have the ability with that time to do things.

They have, you know, if I've got time on my hands, I still get to choose to go live life with that time, right? No. So I have to do nothing? Well, I mean, to be in a position where you have too much time on your hands, yes, you have to do nothing for some period of time. I don't think it means, nothing is. If you're doing something constantly,

you do not have time on your hands. No, but I think what Jason's saying is hobbies. If you pick up hobbies, because hobbies are designed for when you have time to just kind of do something. I'm not saying you don't get to do anything. I'm saying that at the end of the day, you've got too much of it. You can't fill it.

Otherwise, the question doesn't work. If you're just filling the day with good hobbies, I choose that one. Right. Because if I've got too much time on my hands, I'm going to find a video game. I'm going to play it. It's not time on my hands. It's too much time. Right.

It's because it's like I never have time to play video games. But then if I'm playing video games all the time, that's it that wouldn't work I would because you get to the point where or you are doing it and you get to the point where you are now bored because You've been playing them too much and you're like I want to do something else I've got so much time on my hands, but you but you have the time to go do something else Yeah, that's true. No, but the biggest problem Al. Can you help Mike along here? I mean you following me, right. No, but. The biggest problem. Al, can you help Mike along here? I mean, you're following me, right? No. I, I, I.

I would say that with Mike on this one, I think. And the question is not, would you rather be bored or be too busy? The question, would you rather feel like you have too much time? I see what Andy's saying, but I don't think that is the heart of the question. You wanna know why?

It is absolutely the heart, because. Andy is right. We are wrong. No, I'm explaining to you why it's the heart of the question Okay, both of these things are supposed to be putting you in a position where there's an advantage and a disadvantage My contention would be if you just have as much time to do everything you want to do whenever you want to do it There is no disadvantage to that. That's just good. That's just a good life Unless so you're saying choose a difficult situation or a good life, I'm going to go good life.

No because when you have too much time and all you're doing are hobbies, you may not feel the fulfillment that like a lot of people get the fulfillment from work, from helping like when your family's around, and if it's just like, well I'm going to read, I'm going to play video games, you can get to a point where you feel like this is trivial, I'm going to read, I'm going to play video games, you can't get to a point where you feel like this is trivial, I'm not moving forward with my life. The COVID pandemic showed people what life was like with too much time on their hands. Because everybody thought that they would have, everyone thinks it's amazing, right, to be able to just do whatever you want to do, but then you got bored.

I mean, people got bored of watching TV, people got bored of sitting alone in their house to play video games. We couldn't do what we wanted to do though. Well, not necessarily. I'll give you an example. Prior to the COVID pandemic years, people would always say if I had, probably people I mean everyone but especially me, if I just had time to work out. Right. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, I just don't have time to work out and then I had nothing but time to work out and those good things I thought I would do, like those real healthy, productive, good things, if I only had more time, I had the time and the opportunity. Right. I did not do them. But I only had more time, I had the time and the opportunity. Right. I did not do them. But I think that that answers your question of what is stopping you from doing those things. The answer is not time. That's me. It's myself. My problem

now with my life of because I rarely have the extra time when you look forward to it, but then you're not, that muscle memory is not there. So when I have the time, then I go. You're saying you can't enjoy it? I don't know what to do right now, where my favorite habit is, growing up in my young 20s, was video games.

And now I'm so far removed from them, I think I still love them. And then I start playing them and I'm like, eh, I don't love this like I used to. Yeah, I don't know what to do. You can't give yourself over to them anymore because you have a mindset that's so filled with responsibility that there is a world

where you feel irresponsible. There, yes. Indulging in those, at least I struggle with that. It's like, okay, I've carved out time to go play video games. Then while I'm doing the video games, I feel like I must be doing something more, I need to do something more important. Yeah, you know, we just did a draft

on like the worst parts being an adult. One of those things, one of the worst parts is the responsibilities. of those things that one of the worst parts is the responsibilities But those responsibilities might not be the worst thing they might be the most fulfilling thing Oh Or it's like an addiction problem. You're addicted to your responsibilities I'm addicted to feeling why why when you were 17 playing video games. Did you not feel as though you should? Instead do something that was more responsible

Because I hadn't experienced responsibility and you didn't really need to and you weren't staring down the cold embrace of death yeah I mean that too which is what we're doing now yeah I mean I'm looking right at both barrels look I got my birthday coming up you're gonna join my club, Mike. I'm past the peak. I'm descending. I got it. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to not fall down the button. The other one is obviously that you have

never enough time. We just had a weekend with the Super Bowl where genuinely I feel like I time warped. Like we were so busy for Friday, Saturday, Sunday that when we got back to do a podcast on, on Tuesday, it was like, it felt like it had been eight weeks. We were just so busy that in some ways it was kind of cool. It was kind of cool to be,

have that much activity going on and be a part of things. But I feel like if that was my permanent state of affairs, I would, 10 years would delete in an instant. You'd be so busy, you would not savor anything. And I like to savor. Yeah, I originally, when you hear this question, I think I want more time on my hands. And then I quickly switched because I think having important things to do is important. This last weekend was incredible of all these events, all these, you know, no time, no free time on your hands. But then I am back to the OG because no time on your hands,

like not having very little time, but like never enough time you can't ever relax and have that day of rest, that day of rest is needed. So I think we've gotta have too much time on our hands rather than never enough time. Noah from the website, would you rather find a human stranger living in your attic or 1,000 roaches living in your attic? Which this question is wonderful. Oh man. So let's put you in that house where you were pulling down the attic, you know, and you poke the head up there. And you just go, oh hey. And there's a human. Hello there.

What's up? Now I'm, at first, like the reaction to it is very comedic, but I think I'm very much taking the human. Oh, what? Really? Yes, easily. Wow. I've got a good reason for it, too. Very easy to dispose of. Simple. And again, this is a- Dispose of?

To eradicate. To eradicate? To eradicate. To exterminate. Listen, if I ask 1,000 roaches to kindly step off my property via police, they will not oblige. If I ask a human to depart, they will be forced off the property.

It will be over. I do not have an infestation. I mean, I have a story to tell people, but they're gone. But how, okay. How long has that person been there? I will not be paying attention to such detail. You definitely will. You will remove the person and then multiple days later you'll be laying in

your bed going, wait a minute. How long does that person legitimately? And I'm not kidding. I just listened to a true crime podcast where a person found a crawl space in a home, live there and would get up at night. And steal the food. And walk around at night.

And the wife would tell the husband, she hears things. The husband was so furious with the wife for saying, everything's locked, everything's fine. Or sometimes the doors would get opened, and then they'd blame the wife for leaving them unlocked, or the husband. Anyways, they were living there a long time, but the calls coming from inside the house,

I just feel like from the moment of discovery, I, I, the problem being fixed is easier with the human. The problem. Okay. Okay. But now let's say that it's a tough situation. Getting rid of cockroaches I would imagine is hard. I pretty sure nuclear war won't do that. That being said, when I get the cockroaches out of my house through that difficult time, I don't worry at all, ever at night, that they might come back and murder me for kicking them out of their home.

Whereas a human is like, that's scary. This person was living there and now I evicted them. That's true. He or she. Well, he or she uh. We're equal. We're for for burglar for what do you what do you even call that? Let's be honest. It's not a burglar. It's a let's just be honest. There's only gotta be some weird man living in your house. Oh yes. Yeah. We know. They've never caught a. So, yeah. We we are the ones who do the terrible things but it's things. Yeah, what do you call that?

A person who is illegally living inside your house. Yeah, but while you're there. So it's not like even a squatter's rights and they're squatting on your property claiming it as their own. Trespasser. Yeah. But I'm saying... I agree. A roommate?

A roommate. Yes, thanks Al. Getting rid of the roaches is gonna be a whole ordeal. I mean that means I have to call an exterminator. I guess I have to call somebody either way. But the removal of the roaches will take a while, but then they'll be gone. But there's just, there's the mental aspect of,

there was a person. So that would haunt you a little bit. Oh yeah. Yeah, I a little bit. Oh yeah. Yeah, I think it would. Oh yeah. See, when they're gone, I just be like, they're gone. I'm not haunted. Okay.

So you're telling me that the, you don't wanna live with the ramifications of thinking that what did they see, what did they do? Exactly. Okay, that's fair. I still. That's why it's a would you rather question. Yeah, like I moved into a house where, you know,

they had like a camera system set up and so I just inherited that. Not in the attic though, I bet. But I still have questions like, can they access these cameras? I don't know, because they're a human being. I want to be able to, as you said, to dispose of- You can outsmart a cockroach. Yeah, I want to be able to just murder whatever's in my

attic. You want to be permitted to do that. And I could do that with the cockroach. I cannot murder the human stranger as it was... Now Al's saying that he would, his wife would force a move. Yeah, either way. She would never be able to sleep in a house. Hold on, hold on. Let me give you more details and see if it stays the same and then we'll move on. You find somebody living up there, but it's like, it's a person who's like in need, right? They're not trying to violate anything.

They've got like a sleeping bag up there and some food and it's like a- It's a 12 year old boy. Okay, wow. Who's run away. Is it a girl? It's a 12 year old girl. She ran away after, you know, she was

left homeless. Her parents, it was a horrific thing. I was like, how deep are you going to go on this? She was born on... She's a Libra. She found her way to your attic, stayed there, and now she's found it. Is your wife wife gonna make you move? Yes. Because this human may have a story like that, but the next human, now that she knows it's a possibility for a human to live in our attic, she would be... Wait, but all the houses you'd move into would have attics. You just put really, really big mouse traps up there. Would she make you move into an attic-free home? I believe those are called bear traps. Just one that's never had an intruder traps. Just like a-

Just one that's never had an intruder before. Just a glass house? So you can see everything? It's next door. Yeah, this will help. Does it change if the person- You guys want to switch houses? No reason.

Does it change if they- My house is bigger. If they stayed there for one night, you knew it was one night? Would you be moving if it was one night? Probably, yeah. Wow. One night, if you- I'm getting a deal on that house. If you know for sure- Don't bother me at all. If you know for sure but I don't know. Can you really know?

If you can't know they can lie. It's not a cockroach. It's a human. They got one of those things on the wall where you scratch the days and there's only one scratch. All right moving on. Andy from Patreon. Oh, I like your name. Would you rather know every negative thing ever said about you but not who said it or know every one who has said negative things about you but not know what they are? Oh, this is brutal. Both are torture chambers. Yes. I mean, this is bad or bad. One is the internet though. The first one's the internet and we already lived this world sure there is there is something good to knowing all the bad thoughts people have had and I you know, we we put out a

survey for our company for feedback and You know when you're asking for that you're gonna get a lot of different negative feedback of oh I want you to change this or talk about this or stop talking about this. And so you get a lot of negativity, but it can be constructive. Some of it's just stupid, but it could be constructive. If you heard everything bad about you and, and you don't know who's saying it, but you get the thousands upon thousands of negative pieces of, of comments or thoughts thought about you. And all of a sudden you go, oh, there's a lot of these saying

that I'm very selfish. Like, all of a sudden, it's like, wow, they're, I don't know who, but a lot of different times people think, man, I am really selfish, or man, I'm really a jerk. It might surprise you. And it might be constructive and helpful. And you get to choose who you think is saying it. You know what I mean? Like the other one? It's not. I mean, let me put it this way. We have a large social media presence for our two shows. So you've had people openly criticize you for a variety of things on the internet for eight years. Mm-hmm.

How many of those have been genuinely, and I could be completely wrong, how many have been things that you have gone home at the end of the day and said, I need to change that about myself? If I'm thinking through everything I can remember, none. The example you were laying out was like, how do we improve a product that wasn't, you have a stupid face. Yeah, or like, yeah, I mean, you're like, hey, this part of your show could be different. I guess I'm just, because you don't know those people.

But that, see, that's the issue. I don't trust the feedback from people I don't know. But if it was feedback from people who know me, everyone in my life, you know, my wife, my children, you guys. But you don't know but if it was feedback from people who know me everyone in my life, you know, my wife But you don't know who's you guys well that that's what's gonna keep me sane Is that I don't know who said it but I I know that so if you knew it was trusted people You just didn't know their identities. So you're taking this as family friends. They're submitting a survey Mm-hmm, you get that would matter to me. It's not that not on the back would a hundred percent matter I would change things

Based on that, but if it was random people it wouldn't matter less No, I don't care about their opinions although if all random people had the same exact criticism Yeah, I would pay attention to it. Yeah, like stupid face like if a million people say stupid face Yeah, you gotta get surgery. I'd be like I gotta fix my face the face store Mike which one do you prefer? The second one is just, we've all said negative things about one another. Yeah, I mean, it's just everybody. Wait, so then this is actually really easy

and it's actually to select the second one and know everyone who's said negative things about you but not know what those things are because it's everyone. Yeah, except for Brooks. Oh, he's too kind. That's true. Brooks has never said a negative thing about anybody. Have you ever said a's true. Brooks We know that we're thinking about anybody Ever said a mean thing Brooks keep them all inside. Yeah, he keeps them all inside Bottle of just push away. There ain't no way do they go away

Do they eventually fade away like a like an aroma some of them after a while? Do you have a list still Oh, he's holding on to something. Do you have a list still? No, that's outside. He goes through it though every night. Just, and I hate you for this. I hate you for that. It'd be real great if we had our three producers give us Submit Anonymous.

So we know it's just one of the three producers, but it's like you don't know which one. And then we would assume... They're all owl. We know who they're coming from that's probably true the majority of them when you get the one where it's like doesn't put my apple knife back properly then I'll know it's Brooks all Shall we move on? Yes. Spitmollers to the rescue. Well this is our opportunity to give out some

some life advice, to shout some of our vast knowledge. Y'all welcome. We are potentially receiving honorary degrees at some point. Nothing quite like saying the word honorary wrong while you ask for a degree. We are potentially receiving honorary degrees at some point. Nothing quite like saying the word honorary wrong while you ask for a degree. Matthew from Patreon, my wife and I are discussing our future as parents.

We have a three-year-old and a newborn. How old will our children have to be to feel comfortable leaving them home for an hour, an afternoon, and overnight? This is a great question. This is one that we have endeavored in recent years as our oldest is reaching an age where I can trust him to not burn the house down.

It also helps when they are of an age where they have a cellular phone. Yeah, you have to have a way to be contacted. Now it doesn't necessarily have to be a cell phone. You can drop in on any kind of device that's at your house. But Matthew, you're saying I have a three-year-old and then one-year-old. So you're wanting us to do the math based on this.

But based on my experience and Andy's experience and Mike's experience, you got one more coming. So that clock's going to be reset experience, you got one more coming. So that clock's gonna be reset. You'll have to reboot everything. So the challenge for us, like I have Papa Josh here in the office has your situation with just two kids. And they are both about that age gap.

And he's left them home for a long time. They're like 15 and 12 now or something, or 15 and 13. It's been 12 years that he's been leaving them home. But they were able to be, like they're just really mild-mannered and chill. And so it was early. Yeah, it's not age. It's about the youngest to me.

Yeah, that's where it starts, of course. If the youngest one cannot be contained by the eldest without the potential for violence, to put it, to overstate it. Yes. Then there's a problem. So it's like, you know, and there's a huge difference. Overnight, that's where we should make the decision on, you know, Jason, you go out to

meals with your wife all the time. All the time. I leave my kids home all the time. And your kids are 13 and 10 13 13 and 10 and We've been leaving them, you know, probably from for three years at least really Yeah, I mean for like a dinner since they were 10. Yeah, probably 10 10 and and 6 I we would go out to dinner and make sure they were set up leaving for overnight, that's too long.

I think if- You've gotta have one 18 year old. Ah, man, that's not, I think 20. I don't know, man. I feel like to leave them overnight to trust, that feels so hard. Now we've done the movie where you come back late, but it doesn't go overnight. Oh yeah, yeah.

We still usually don't leave for any kind of bedtimes. We've been out late enough where they've fallen asleep, but we don't go out and have them put themselves to sleep. I would say to leave for overnight, yeah, it would probably have to be one 18-year-old. You got to have someone that is an adult. When the police show up, someone that is able to take responsibility. Man. Have you done, have you ventured down this very much, Mike? We've recently started doing like an hour or so, maybe a lunch here or there, but it's not an age, it's the youngest, when can they function.

I mean look, iPads are pretty good. I mean if you put the kid on an iPad, they will lock in usually and then just be right there when you get home, But it's an interesting world because I think back to when I was a child and the restrictions of like just the way that I lived as a kid. I mean this is you know it's a little bit different of you being home alone but it's like I would go out on my bike and cross like jaywalk a main road for sure when I was like seven years old on a bike with no helmet and no pads.

And now I'm like, I'm like my nine year old stay home alone for an hour. I would never. The doors are all sealed. It's like, I don't know what happened. Yeah, we're getting weak. We're getting weak for sure. But speaking of the iPad thing, I think this is a real problem for my youngest, because you're right. It's all about the youngest, right? When can you leave the youngest? And my youngest asks me almost every single day. To leave? If yes. He's like, you and mommy should do a date night. Because he wants to see.

Because he does want to. He knows when we're gone he gets unlimited He's gonna bounce around from TV to VR to x-files whatever he wants and we can't do anything about it So he is always always like you can use a date night dad. He plays us off one another He'll go talk to mommy and be like, oh my god I mean pretty soon he's gonna be making us dinner reservations. Does that happen when he hits his limit on the iPad? Like that's the moment? Yeah, exactly.

When screen time kicks off he comes running. Ha ha! You really should go out to dinner tonight. I have this memory of being left home alone with my little brother and legitimately every time they'd leave, for some small period of time, we would move all the furniture in the living room, put pillows on our hands, and have boxing matches.

Yeah, there you go. That's what we did when they left, because it was like, okay, no one is here to tell us not to move anything. So they left you too young. Maybe so, maybe so, yeah. We survived. All right, Noah from Patreon,

I just got married and I'm having some trouble with my new in-laws. They're always dropping by unannounced. Ooh, and staying for long periods of time. Oh, mercy. I've tried talking to my wife about it, but she's too embarrassed to confront them. How can I help my wife get her parents to stop overstaying their welcome? Well, there's only you've got one thing you can do. It's very easy. It's a super easy. It's one thing move Yeah, you're moving out of state. I mean you're like

100% we were both lockstep there. Yeah, Zillow comm you gotta get to the distance where an you don't have to go out of state you can get to a an Uncomfortable distance. Although if you do that, then they're staying longer. Yeah. Yep. You've created a bigger problem You're gonna need it if it's not two hours if it's not a two-hour drive Although if you do that, then they're staying longer. Yep, you've created a bigger problem. You're going to need, if it's not two hours, if it's not a two hour drive, because two hours I think is where they're not going to come unannounced. They're not going to... They can't pop in.

There's a risk of, oh, they're not there. So you've got to have that planned out. Have any of you ever had to have this kind of conversation with somebody? Mm, not like this. No, but if I did, I mean, I'm grateful that like we, in our marriage, we both like our in-laws, we've got good parents, and there's never been a problem there, but I can super easily realize

a situation where the ding-dong what? Someone just showed up. I mean, that would anger me more than, I can't imagine anything that would upset me like that if I didn't like in-laws. And then they shh. If it was just a drop off of something. But if you're coming in and then it's like,

there's no end, that's awkward. We got plans, we got things to do. I had an expectation of what tonight was. You can't ding dong into my evening and say, I'm- You cannot. Don't ding dong into my evening. I'm your plans. You can't do that. That's illegal. And so I understand not wanting to confront your parents, which is why moving is the only option. But there is good news here. Sometimes people are afraid to go look at that next big job. To look at saying I want to take my career to the next level. It's going to take some kind of move. You have freedom now. You have a reason.

Go to those job board sites and you find yourself a big upgrade in life because you're going to need that excuse. These in-laws are very pushing. But see, here's a little bit of a trap door in your plan in laws there's a chance they're retired oh no they move you get the job you put the whole plan in it and they're like you know what I love it where you're moving yeah you guys are running you got it how do you how could you actually treat this problem? You order movie tickets for 20 minutes from the time you hear the doorbell every single

time. Yeah, that's a good one. Or dinner reservations. To me, my first thought was lights off, don't make a sound. I am making sure I park in the garage every time. Worst case scenario, if if they're gonna be opening the door coming in through a window I was taking a nap I was taking a nap I was that's why the lights were on. Let me let me flip it it's not you're not home you arrive home from work or wherever it was you were and now they're there. Oh when I see that car outside I'm driving right all past brother.

That's one of those. You've done that move before. I have done that move. When I- You live in a cul-de-sac so that one's got to be really entertaining. That one's just a full circle. You just keep on riding and you're right back out that neighborhood. I mean if you arrive home and that car that's unexpected and unwanted is in your driveway, you got two options. You roll, you just roll on by and keep moving, or you grin and bear it and you go inside and you go, man, I hope I'm at the end of this thing. And here's the truth, you aren't. You are not. You're resetting the timeline in those situations and it starts right now.

Have you been in that boat where people come over and visit and they invite themselves over for dinner? Have you ever had that? Because what do you do? You know it's like you're getting towards dinner time and the person like how do you usher somebody out when you want to eat? Or do you just keep waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and hope they leave before dinner? Yeah I mean usually I don't think those people like and like oh, can I eat at dinner? They just stay, and then it's dinner time, and it's like.

So they're a part of dinner at that point. Yeah, they're just a part of dinner at that point. So order more, cook more. I mean, at some point you have to just turn the dial from unhappy to happy and say, we're having a party here. So that is. Oh, it's a mental decision. There you go. That is the other side of this here. I that's, that is. Oh, it's a mental decision. There you go.

That is the other side of this here. I would love it if you got the party hats out at that moment every single time they're over. You just gotta find something with your in-laws that you absolutely love together. You gotta scratch a claw and find it. You find Sellers of Catan, man, it just turns out you all love that game.

So when they come over, it's Sellers Catan timeana it's poker time it's you become too overwhelming for them next level ask for money oh there you go that's it for money I've been thank you I'm glad you guys are here I've been meaning to talk to you about a business opportunity start selling start selling the oil that yeah Emma every MLM you have a MLM they will get out that's it or you're making money it's either one no with that that is the legit answer is you that we did it you either MLM or

you'd be like I hate to do this things have been a little bit tight yes and we've got you know this expense coming up. That's right. Let me talk to you about Avon. Yeah, no, we really need some help. We just need $500. Just 500.

No, you gotta make it in the math. Cash. You gotta make it. The AC is going out again. This is a couple K. Actually, I don't. And either way, you either get a couple thousand. Yeah, you get paid for your time.

That's why I put it at 500. Because if you keep doing this and you just think, oh good, the in-laws are here, we get another 500 bucks. Oh man. You're making something they'll actually do and either way, you're right, we solved it, it's money. That's great. That's great. That means that we don't have to go to a last resort, which was going to be, you know, some of the Home Alone style traps around the front door. So, all right, into the draft we go. The Spitballers Draft. All right, this draft is... Butter, butter, butter.

...bread and butter right here. Best foods to put butter on. I'll start with butter. Butter is one of the best food stacks. Butter on butter? Oh, yeah. Butter on. Mike, though, gets the first pick, Jason, so you can't go with butter. Butter on butter? Butter is one of the best full stacks on stacks. Butter on. Mike, though, gets the first pick, Jason. So you can't go with butter.

I'm sorry. OK, I told you what the 101 is, Mike. Butter on butter? Yeah. I'm not going to go there. I don't know if there's a clear 101 pick, but I'll just start it off. I'm going to go with popcorn.

OK. Popcorn. So you're 100% of the time you go to the theater, you're getting some butter on that thing. Well, yeah, I'll go cheese sometimes, but it's like butter, popcorn needs something on it. Yeah, I mean, usually it's powder. Yeah, I like the powders.

You like butter powder? I like the powder. But even with the powders, you're buttering, right? Butter. No. What? No, I never butter. The tone of your voice was so...

It was like I have committed a... A concerned friend that you're like, my friend is about to enter a world of trouble that they cannot return from. I... You put... But you put the butter on, right? I honestly think that Andy is either lying or is about to have a great experience in his life of realizing that those powders, which are great, can be improved with butter. Start with butter, the liquid butter, okay?

It doesn't matter which way you're going. You want kettle corn, you want sweet, that's great. Oh, you butter the kettle corn. Oh, absolutely. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're a man That's great. Oh, you butter the kettle corn. Yeah, oh absolutely. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're a man who's known for, boom! Yeah. Flavical. Flavical. Does that include butter too?

Oh yeah! That's the salt. No, I know, that's my point. I thought he just put the Flavical on. No, never. You butter and then you... It needs something to stick to. Yeah, exactly. Oh man. Just try it out. Just try it out for me. You'll come back and you'll be like, thank you Jason

I just don't lie. I don't know what happened. The the butter is not butter First of all when you go to those theaters, I get a margarine you're getting some kind of something that's called like butter spread Yeah, buttery sauce. It's yeah, like when you get the ranch sauce, it's not ranch dressing. It's just ranch sauce So I just butter I just moved to the ranch powder and I, look it's not, the sodium, the amount of sodium I'm getting is enough. Yeah, it is, but you need butter. All right, so you went with popcorn,

it was definitely on the list. There was a one on one, I thought popcorn was gonna be mine, cause I thought that was gonna get number two, I mean, this is literally the phrase, is bread and butter baby. Yeah. I mean, I don't want bread without butter. Who eats just bread with no butter on it?

That's fair. If it's just bread, yeah, of course. Yeah, you got to put something on it. So you just want bread. I mean, that's fair. It's very like plain Jane on the draft pick. Yeah, I mean, it's like the number one thing. When a restaurant says, would you like some bread?

You say yes. They don't bring you just bread because they're not idiots. They bring you bread and butter because butter goes on bread. It is interesting that just thinking about it, like when you order breakfast food at a restaurant and you get toast, it will come with butter on it. They'll put the butter on it beforehand. Never before at a restaurant have I received a bowl,

a bowl full of rolls that are pre buttered I would love that. I would love it restaurants Butter my bread. Let me ask and I know this is a butter draft, but we're talking bread. Do you want? You said Starting to say butter my bread, and it came out bruhp, and then I stopped. I was like, bruhp! And you let it go.

So I was going to move on, man. We started moving on, but I was like, wait. You just went bruhp! It was so extreme. We both needed time to process what happened. Yeah, I was going to say butter my bread. But you just went bruhp? But it came out brutter.

Brutter. All right, now. All right, where's the mic? We're talking butter. Do you prefer the butter with the bread or the olive oil? The oil. Oh, oil and vinegar? Love.

No, not oil. Oil and. Balsamic. Balsamic. Yeah, it's vinegar. Balsamic vinegar. I've never heard it. But when it comes, they're not like, do you want oil and vinegar? They said, do you want oil and vinegar? They said do you want oil and balsamic which is a

Balsamic vinegar I just I've never heard it phrase Mike on that one because it's a specific vinegar. Yeah, it's it's not just vinegar It's balsamic vinegar, which has a completely good. Could you imagine if they just brought normal straight vinegar? Yeah, but I mean that's the vinegar, it's balsamic. That's just the normal vinegar you eat. Like if they brought apple cider vinegar and oil, that'd be disgusting. It's probably delicious.

No, it's not disgusting, it's a dressing. Apple cider vinegar and oil, olive oil, shooken together, is put on dressing. To answer the question, I love me some oil and balsamic vinegar and bread, but nowhere near as much as butter. You go butter? Okay. Alright, well look, I'm in a position to draft two players for this draft.

And I'm going with a dynamic duo. I'm going with a combination that are, you know what I'm going with a I know one of yours. I'm going with a combination and they're both That's better that are you know what I'm doing. Yeah, we know I'm going pancakes and waffles yeah pancakes yeah waffles yeah now let me Color in your picks for you. Thank you when we go to a restaurant like the cracker barrel And we get mama's French Toast and they bring you so much butter. When they bring that out, they bring more butter than can be used.

And Andy says, can I get a couple more of these? Not a joke. And you get like three or four of the- Yeah, and you mash those into that syrup and mm-mm. You get three or four of the little black rame those into that syrup and... You get three or four of the little black ramekins, each one with its ice cream scoop sized thing of butter. He will use all of it. I mocked you for a while on this because this wasn't a one time occurrence. This wasn't every time that the mama's french toast were coming to occurrence. But then

one day you didn't eat all your mama's's french toast you slid that plate over to me What'd you think I mean it was it was unbelievable a real Eye-opening moment eye-opening artery closing. Yeah moment And it was absolutely fantastic That syrup has never been thicker or more delicious. I I think that the pancakes and waffles, I can't even imagine eating them without butter. I've eaten a roll without butter, it's okay. You can't do a waffle with just syrup? Syrup only? A naked waffle? No.

I could do it, but it's nowhere near as good. Clothed in butter. Alright, Jason, you're back. Alright, I'm back on. I'm gonna go with one of my favorite things And when I order this favorite thing, I almost always look at the menu and say Do you have some kind of butter or special butter to put on this? It's a steak Yeah, it was I mean it was gonna be my next pick I want first of all my steaks cooked in butter, but I want a butter on top Really? Oh, you're just like a liquid I want a butter on top. I'm telling you. Oh yeah. You're just talking about the liquid butter

kind of poured on top? Yes, in fact, the best way to do it if you're at home, you slice right through the stick of butter, you take that little slice of butter that's probably about almost a tablespoon. About 600 calories. Oh yeah, and you put it right on top of a piping hot steak. And you just let it melt on there?

You just leave it there. See, I think I may have experienced too little butter in my steak life. Oh you should rectify that. So did you involve a lot of butter when you cooked us those Wagyu? Yes a lot of butter. Because those were really good. Yeah thank you. Mike a couple picks for you. Yes yeah steak was gonna be the next pick so it's not anymore no no it is not not love on my lists but we'll start off here we'll just go with some noodles cuz some buttered noodles in your life okay is is I finally underrated again I was gonna say I found him in as elder statesman that I

never want buttered noodles and yet if I sat down to eat and someone put buttered noodles in front of me I'd go eh all right and then you start eating the buttered noodles you go oh yeah I remember I remember why I like this so much as a child because it's noodles covered butter. It's just a delicious thing. Yeah, it's a simple dish. Yes. Yeah, it's very, very simple, but it gets the job done.

It's delicious. And then I, how much corn do I want in my life? You got popcorn. I'm going to go. Regular corn? Is that what you're going with? No, I'm going to go biscuits. I will take the're going with? No, I'm gonna go biscuits I will take the biscuits because oh Jason fist Oh, he's got something coming back. I have no idea what it could possibly be

but a biscuit is That's impossible like a biscuit. You literally cannot eat. Oh, no, you would not be able to chew. You'll die It's a health hazard. I am I'm really sad because I know what Jason's taking and I mean it's just sitting there as the under drafted pick of the entire draft. I hope it is the case. I still think I will get a variant. I will say this, I have three of my top four picks. Okay. Coming to me already here. I'm taking corn on the cob. Yeah, let it go back. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. And if you don't know how to butter a corn on the cob, you take a stick of butter, you put the little things in the corn on the cob, you know, little holders,

and you just roll it on the butter. You just... That is correct. Roll it until that... Do we have that correct sound? Do we have that? Yeah, thank you. You roll it until you can't see the differentiation between each kernel of corn. That is correct. The butter fills the whole thing. You're trying to like, when you're like grouting tile. Yes, exactly.

Moosh it in there. Best you can. Grout those arteries. Absolutely. Well, that's not the pick I thought you were going with. So that will make life. I'm surprised. That will make life really easy for me.

That you're so excited for corn on the cob. Because corn on the cob is okay. Yeah. But corn on the cob rolled in butter is outstanding. It's one of those things, kind of like biscuits, where it's like the with and without. A steak without butter. Oh, it's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I, yeah, no, corn on the cob is great. I would never eat it without butter. I'm not a heathen I am going to have a very interesting draft today Because I went with the dynamic duo of pancakes and waffles and I'm about to come right back with another dynamic duo mashed potatoes and baked potatoes, baby Back I thought for sure you're going big potato. So I I'm gonna I'm living life here baked potato I in some ways I feel like the baked potato. It's more crucial Because a lot of times the mashed potatoes have it already in there obviously right sure

But it is an ingredient that goes into the mashed potatoes a baked potato. You can go sour cream only It's a lot like the biscuits thing to me You put your biscuits. No, I Feel like I need it to be able to chew that potato. I need some butter involved in the equation. I've never used the amount of sour cream that would be necessary to do what you're talking about, Mike, but maybe it would work. But yeah, I've got two beautiful pairs of butter buddies. Yeah. They are very, very nice. And they're both so similar to one another and yet completely independent picks.

Now are you on team mashed potato over baked potato? I am on team mashed potato over baked potato. Mike? Mashed potatoes are just so much easier, but I feel like if they're both. Easier to eat? Yes. Harder to make. so much easier, but I feel like, you know, like if, if, if they're both. Easier to eat? Yes.

Harder to make. Oh yeah, but no, I'm not making either of these things. I mean like making, well making a baked potato also takes what, five hours? Five hours? Yes, I believe five to twelve hours. That is correct. At 500 degrees in the oven, and then maybe it's about halfway done. If it's, if it's properly prepared with everything on it. That is a man who has tried to make baked potatoes before because the only people who will really get this joke

Anyone who's ever tried to make a baked potato you could put it in there forever At whatever what's the highest your oven goes do that go on a vacation come back Almost ready. It's almost ready, just a couple more days. I ate a lot of undercooked baked potatoes growing up. Of course, yeah, because no one has enough time for that. By the time you. Eventually you gotta eat your dinner. If you've decided you wanna bake potato,

you need to plan days in advance. All right, well, Jason and Mike, you have your final picks. I'm very content with my butter team. Jason has bread, steak, and corn on the cob. I'm a little upset here. Now were you going to a potato world? Oh, I very much wished for baked potato to come back. If I could have steak, baked potato, buttered bread,

and corn on the cob, I mean, I'm sitting pretty. The problem is we're running out of Potatoes? The things that I think I have to have butter on that I associate sitting pretty. The problem is we're running out of the things that I think I have to have butter on that I associate it with. There's a couple of things that it certainly improves. And I'm staring those things down. But I'm gonna go a different direction here.

Uh oh. You might think an anti-Jason direction, but the reality here. He's going to anti Jason direction, but the reality here, he's going to a vegetable. I'm going. Oh my gosh, I am I'm going vegetable alert. I'm going sauteed vegetables. Like when you can is when you could transform broccoli, cauliflower, carrots into a delicious side dish That means you used so much butter that you're out of butter now because it was all of it and

You really can if you haven't experienced Vegetable butter soup then you haven't really eaten your vegetables the right way. Okay. All right. No, I respect the pick Really nice fourth pick. Thank you All right, the I guess so with the the fourth pick here so weird because it I Think maybe it's an inferior product because of the of putting butter on it Compared to the pancakes and the waffles, but yet it's it is the best breakfast item Well, you took pancakes and waffles? You bet I did.

I know where you're going. I thought- Yeah, so I'll close the draft with French toast. Yeah, that's what I thought. I thought he got pancakes and French toast. Because French toast is, when you rank the three of them, all delicious. No shame in the game of the other two, but French toast is just- King.

Is just better. Here's what I'll say. I certainly wasn't going to live in the world of drafting all two, but French toast is just king. It's just better. Here's what I'll say. I certainly wasn't gonna live in the world of drafting all three of them. Although, I don't mind that world at all. You can get by with French toast without the butter. Interesting. Now I would never do it.

I'm not, again, I'm in it. And replace with just syrup? No, powdered sugar. Okay, just better. The powdered sugar can play a very key role in in kind of distracting your body from the lack of butter and you can you could top it with some fruit or something and it's like oh where's the butter I don't care. But then again you have a health hazard if you go powdered

sugar with no wetness to to keep it in there. You have to have the syrup. You're taking the breath and you're choking on the powdered sugar. You do have to have the syrup on. You have to have the syrup. I'm not talking just plain. Yeah otherwise you're gonna breathe. But you can still inhale it, yes. In all circumstances you can inhale powdered sugar. It is very easy to do. I don't know why, but we've got an official Brooks ruling, waffles greater sign, pancakes greater sign, french toast. Wow, that's a hot take Brooks. Which has the widest outcomes? You know like you can have like mashed potatoes for example. People can Wow, that's a hot take Brooks which yeah, which has the widest Outcomes, you know, like you can have like mashed potatoes For example people can make them good chunky all this stuff waffles have the widest outcome

You can be from a Belgian waffle to a Waffle House waffle to an Eggo waffle They're completely which is which is more likely to get like a bad draw Like I feel like French toast you can get it soggy Yeah, you can get it the wrong size or shape French toast is the most difficult to make all right popcorn gives it the best top at the top Mike has the best top Bird I ran out of words Mike had popcorn noodles Biscuits and french toast Jason has bread steak corn on the cob very nice meal

Combination with some sauteed vegetables on the side. There you go. I got pancakes and waffles and then I got mashed potatoes, baked potatoes. I had strongly considered, I didn't think french toast would make it back, but we, but Vegetable Boy over here, yeah, it made some dreams come true. I've got a lot of other options here. Well, my sleeper sneaky pick at the end was more just to help help educate people because I don't know if everyone does it. But it's a bread very but banana bread. Oh, you have to have butter. If you are not putting butter on your banana bread. You are Yeah, you're

missing you're living in an attic man. And you have to eat it. You have to eat it. Oh living in an attic, man. And you have to heat it. You have to heat it. You sure? Oh, sure. So fundamentally true. Excellent point. I feel like it's not always a shoe in

that you're gonna get butter with the banana bread. That would have been a pick that gets avoided because banana bread is not as common as these other things. But if you have banana bread, you better have butter on it. It amplifies everything. I had, I wasn't sure what bread would encompass.

I feel like it kind of ruined a bunch of potential picks. Good, it was a great pick. But obviously toast, English muffins. English muffins on my list. Crescent rolls. Yeah, those would count. And cornbread. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those would be all good. A little honey on there too. I certainly have the English muffins. I also have bagels, bagels with butter on them. English muffins. I also have bagels bagels. Yeah, American muffins And the one that I wanted to draft that I didn't because it certainly makes it way way better But it's also more rare is hamburger buns when you toast. Oh sure You know what? I mean, you put a little butter on there throw it on a griddle Take it off your hamburgers way better. Is it worth the time? Oh, yes.

Because you really gotta, you gotta go, I feel like that's been a challenge for me is I wanna eat the piping hot burger, but then I gotta go toast the buns. I never know if it's worth it. You gotta time it up. Every time I skip the toast of the bun or like if I'm making a tortilla-based meal

and I'm like, I don't wanna oil up the pan and then kind of, you know, grill it. It's still worth it. And you're like, nope. It's every time, every time then kind of, you know, grill it. It's still worth it. You're like, nope. It's every time. Every time you skip it, you feel bad about it. One thing I've learned from my recent escapades in baking things is how much butter is in baking things.

Oh, yeah. I don't think I realize how much butter just goes into making it. No wonder they taste so good. So the difference between what you do at home and the cooking in the restaurant is about five sticks of butter. Also, PSA, and this is a shout out to my stepmother. Don't ever buy unsalted butter, ever. For any reason, if the recipe calls for unsalted butter,

first of all, throw that recipe in the garbage i feel like i've just salted we just talked about this i feel like i've had stuff with salted butter i'm like it's this yeah you need to use unsalted and then some kosher salt this is the last show we ever you're just trying to this is the last show i feel like you just said just keep putting more salt in things 230 episodes we had we had a good run. Salted, this is from two gentlemen who have not actually put unsalted butter on anything in their actual lives. Yes. No. I'm not talking about this. Don't believe it. You can't put unsalted as a topping, but you can certainly use it to bake. If you put enough salt in, yeah, sure. Yes, that is correct.

All right, we are done. What did we learn today? I just learned I'm doing a show with two psychopaths who think unsalted butter is okay We didn't drop vegetables loser. Um, I am going to say that I learned that I can just randomly scream on the show and get away with it I learned that Andy has not fully thought of the repercussions of a human being watching everything they do in their home. What if it was a blind person? Well then they can't see you. Yeah, I'd feel a lot better. That's a lot better. But they will have heard. All right. See you next time everybody. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the

Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.