Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Flying Nightmares & Best Music Genres - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 7, 2025

Spit Hit for August 7th, 2025:On this episode we dive into the world of difficult questions, discuss the joys of personal highways, take a terrible visit to the world of nightmare bugs and wrap things up with a Best Music Genres draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Welcome in, everybody. And they're gone. That might be the one. That sends them outward?

No. Like, you may have done it, Jay. You may have stopped. You may have brought an end to scatting. Yes. Yes. That's my new goal. I should just do so bad, so loud, so noxious.

Mission accomplished. That I should just like. Well, guys, let's put this bit to bat. We got him. The part you don't all see when you're listening to the podcast is that Jason, for whatever reason, has correlated the quantity of movement before the scat begins to the potential success of the scat. Jason looked like a man who was riding one of the bulls, you know, like in a bar, in a bar. I mean, he was moving up and down and all of them. around it reminded me of back when you remember we were kids and we had the little toy cars

but you had to pull it back and it would like yeah so so it would build up and then it would fire and then you'd pull it back but then you'd like over you'd overdo it but you'd run out of table and so you'd quickly like try to pick it up move forward yeah that's what remind that was you before and then all the words came out yeah I just want you to understand that they're the line between what you're moving movements were like before the show and a seizure are it's not like it's getting close yeah but it sounded more it brought out like i feel like it brought out the best than me welcome to the spitballers i suppose would you rather is this real life and we are drafting the best musical genres on the show

today the best musical genres i am excited about this draft i haven't quite decided if i'm going personal preference or poll winning. Oh, this poll can get out. I am 100% with you. This is about me. I am drafting what I like. I mean, people love country.

That ain't going to be on my list. I don't think that would make any of our lists. I don't know. For the polls, it might. Yeah. But it might make the list. I mean, you guys have to take four picks each. I mean, there's like, there's a lot of genre

is going out the door. We'll see. We'll find out later. But I'm mostly curious because you know, Mike is a music aficionado. I'm, I won't be surprised, I think, with two of his picks, but I'm looking forward to finding out what like your last two are because, you know, it'll be fun. So we've never done it. We've never drafted the best musical genres before. We did a musical instrument battle royale. I think. Yeah. Yeah. I think we did that. I think that sounds correct. I hope someone drafted a trombone because that feels like a pretty a plus weapon. The best part about this show is this is the

285th episode and I try to purge myself of the memory of recording each show right after. I don't want to know that this happened that I was a part of it, that I would ever remember what we drafted but that's 285 drafts

which means we've done everything. We've probably done it before. We probably did musical genres before. I don't know. This is our sixth time drafting musical genres. Actually, so you know we make this joke but so like today we've got um is this real life where we find just crazy insane stories that happened in real life and bring them to the world and the one story that i found was like there's i i know this i know we've done this before and i asked i asked

ow he's like no we've never done this one before i think we have but i'll let you know yeah you mike is the only one here with a memory we're goldfish andy no question All right, let's kick it off with some would you rather here in a second. A reminder, you can check us out on X at Spitballers Pod. You can tell your family and friends, and then that will make you our family and our friends. Yeah, join our family. Yeah, become a member of our family. That's a good pitch.

By telling your family about your new family. Hey, what are we? Olive Garden. Yeah, when you're here, your family. Would you rather? Austin from the website, if you had to be interrupted to take physical delivery, would you rather get one cent every second, 10 cents every 12 seconds, or $1 every 10 minutes?

What does this even mean? I'm going to need someone to explain this question to me. What does this even mean? Because I have no idea. All right. Who made this? Look, I am thrilled because I was- What does physical delivery even mean?

As you're reading it, I'm reading it going, really? hope these guys know what this means. I got a quarter of the way through the question and wish I hadn't had to chose this one. Let me read it and we'll see if we can make sense of it. If you had to be interrupted to take physical delivery. Like of a baby?

Just listen. If you had to be interrupted to take physical delivery, would you rather get one cent every second 10 cents every what is happening? dollar every 10 minutes. This question is nonsense.

This is a trap. Oh, man. It feels like a combination of a bad question and one of the paragraph math problems I would have gotten in seventh grade. This question is not from Austin from the website. This is from Chad GPD. Would you rather answer this question for a million dollars? Hold on.

Well, I'm going to, no, we're going to answer this question. We've got to work through this. Is this the question of where it's like, would you rather get a million dollars right now or one penny compounded every... Let's just start with... Is it just the math? What does take physical delivery even mean?

Look, if you take physical delivery... Take physical delivery. Because that's just how we... I'm here with your physical delivery. I know for sure. I'm metaphysical delivery. Whenever UPS shows up, I go... You know what?

I'm going to take physical delivery here. That's what I think. But no, you don't because you're like, you're like, hey, leave that at the door. I will never take physical delivery. Have you ever taken figurative delivery before? Oh, man. This is a heck of a time. Here's the thing, guys.

You're not just taking physical delivery, which obviously we all know what that means to take physical delivery. But you have to be interrupted to take physical delivery. So like you're in the middle of something. Does anybody in Duceyellie know what the heck we're talking about? Does this is this is not hard guy what explain a minute of course this must have been his question no this was not mine okay explain yourself basically it means would you rather somebody tap you on the shoulder and then hand you a penny every second okay so they're interrupting you to give you the actual like monetary value so would you rather that happen every second okay I get I get what the question is now this is the worst you could word it possible you okay Can I ask this question for us in different previous? Yes, and now I'm starting to understand. Okay, okay, okay.

Would you rather be interrupted every second and given a penny? Every 10 seconds, every 12 seconds would be given a dime or every 10 minutes and given a dollar. Thank you. But you've got to take physical delivery of that coin. Because that's how it should be worded. Would you rather take physical delivery of a nickel? Why would anybody choose anything than the dollar every 10 minutes? Is it more money to take the others?

No, but if you're getting a penny every second, you're not being interrupted. Your job is now taking physical delivery of pennies. Yeah, so that one's out. You can't possibly, your whole life is just accepted. Two. Wait, so another thing that would have helped would be to know what the financial breakdown yearly would be in order to understand why I'd be interrupted in different ways. Do you have those numbers for us, Josh? Well, look, every 10 minutes.

No, he does not have those numbers. Every 10 minutes would be 600 seconds, right? 60 seconds at a minute. So that would be 600 pennies. So if you are interrupted every second for 10 minutes, you'll make less. No, you'll make $6. Instead of $1. Instead of $1.

I mean, is there a stop to this? I assume you stop when you have enough money. I would say you stop at bedtime. And do it again every day? Yeah, every day. I mean, no one's taking anything but the 10 minutes. If you have to interrupt me to give me a dollar in every 10 minutes, I could have a life.

Yeah, you could have a life. If it's every 12 seconds or every, I mean, every second is absurd. Does it still feel like a full-time job? Mike is still laughing. Hey, guys, if you had to be interrupted to take physical delivery. Like, Austin, I'm so sorry. sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry, Austin. This is a great question. And honestly, no, no, no. Austin is tuned out long ago. No, don't do that to Austin. It's not a great question. Okay. You're right. You're

right. We honor our audience. Yes. By telling the truth. By telling the truth. That's what this is like a lot of people. A lot of people say that this is like a truth serum of a podcast. A lot of people right. And so Austin, you're going to need to work on your grammar and how you explain things. But also, this This isn't Austin's fault. Let's not put, we get a lot of questions. I'm in complete agreement. We get a lot of questions. Austin did not write this into our show doc.

No. Austin didn't hack it and find a way to make sure his question got answered. The deucers on this one failed Austin. But to be fair, it was a lot of fun to work for. It really was. And we'll take whatever one you want. Yeah, a final answer, you decide. Joe from the website. Oh, please, Joe.

Yeah, come on, Joe. We're all rooting for this question to make sense. Would you rather have your own personal highway with no speed limits? Okay, I can visualize that. Yeah, man. No construction, no traffic, no accidents, or you never have to wait in line anywhere. So amusement parks, stores, concessions. Ooh. I mean, a personal highway is unbelievably.

Can everyone see it? You want them to see it. You want them to see it. I want everyone to see it. It just says Mike's freeway over and over and over and over and over. Wow. I mean, like, it needs to be visible. So they know where you're going at all times because you'll see your car with.

How fast would you go? I know my speed. Oh, 150. I mean, how many lanes is this thing? Is this just a three lane, but it's a one lane. You know what I mean? Yeah, but three lane width. But three wide?

Yeah. Oh. How fast can my car go? That's what I'm looking up right now. what's yeah what's my max speed now okay i'm going to make it a little more difficult though okay so you know almost like a uh like the off ramp when it's just a single lane so you know it's there's just the lane there's a little bit of a margin on the sides and but then there's walls yeah that's that's that's much scarier because i think it has to be that because i'm like

yeah well i'm just gonna go as fast as i can how fast are you going and eventually you're gonna blow a tire, right? That just happens. Sometimes you're on a freeway. When you could go that fast. When you're going that fast, you're going to blow a tire, and that's going to be really dangerous if you don't have the side. And I will absolutely still be going 163 miles an hour, which is what I have a research to determine is the top speed of my car at all times. I won't be able to because I'm going to play the game of, I'm not going to pop a tire today. But eventually, it's going happen. And I feel like if you're going 163 year old, there's turns involved. Like, there's going to be a point where you're just up against the wall. Your car is grinding as you turn.

Like, the only thing keeping you alive is that wall. Would it be worth putting like extreme bumpers on your vehicle? You know what I mean? Like, like, like, almost like a bumper car where you're fine riding the rail. You know what I mean? You're using the rail when you turn. Interesting. It's only yours. You know, know what I mean? Like no one else, no one else is in front of you or behind. You just go as fast as you can. Have you seen these videos? Because we have electric vehicles and they're very heavy. Have you seen the fact that all guardrails in America are not made for electric vehicles? Oh, we can take them down? They just explode. I mean, the cars go through them like butter,

like tanks. That's not great for the mountains. No. No, I want you to keep that in mind on the mountains, actually. Actually, this is a really important piece of information. When you are out of control, Jason, and you are heading towards a guardrail. I want you to know that you're going through it. I will just fly through it. Yeah, just give up. Just step on the gas. That is actually like legitimately something I need.

It's more like a finish line for you. And he crossed the finish line at 163 miles an hour. Into the air for a 50 foot drop. Because for those that don't know, like electric cars, they're heavy. The batteries are heavy. And they weigh a lot. And all of our guardrails in the country were built for our standard vehicle weights. So they don't work.

They're not built for real Americans. Real Americans. Yeah. So, and be sure to know, Jason, while you go through the finish line on the mountain, because of the amount of electricity and, you know, batteries, the fire is going to be intense at the bottom. Oh, yeah. Like any hope of surviving the fall will be mitigated by the batteries. Yeah.

So there still is the other side. No lines anywhere. So how many lines are you dealing with anymore? Like we don't wheel with. It's Disneyland, man. That's like, that's it, right? That's it. Okay, you're checking out at the grocery store.

Oh, look, the lane's open. I save three minutes. Who cares? You don't wait for movie tickets anymore? It's not just three minutes at the grocery store. So I've been there when they're packed and you're like it's gigantic, just full carts in front of it. Sure. But my point is this is not like a Disney.

You're not waiting 80 minutes in line. You know, we're really talking about here. And I can't imagine. Airport. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. No, like your own private security. When I came back from Columbia, I was in a three-hour-long line of COVID.

No, you're not. Yeah, but you could, you told me this. You could have done something to get around that line. To improve it. Yeah. But you can't, like, go opt and do a annual fee for your own highway right now. Man, they should do that. The personal freeway?

Yeah, I mean, they kind of do that in. Does your door dash line count? Are you jumping line? That's a good question. That was brought up by the Falcon over here in Producers Alley. I don't need that. I don't know I need a DoorDash if I have my own freeway. Oh, that's a good point.

Although. I mean, especially if I'm just riding the rail. I'm going to sleep, man. You're riding the rail? Like Jason was talking about. If you're going so fast, even when the turn, your car is pressed up against the side, I'll let it take me where I need to go. I, no.

Just imagine how often you would go to Disneyland if there were no lines. There's just none. I mean, imagine an empty park because essentially it is an empty park. You want a truro? Just walk up and get one. Right. You know what to be better is if the lines were there and they all had to move for you. Just like he wants his highway visible.

Yeah. I want everybody. And I want it to be like a king. Yeah, totally respectful. They all bow and step out of line. and you walk to the front, and no one's bitter. No, no, they're just thankful. That's part of the specialty.

And we're amending it to that. I saw him. Oh, right through here, sir. Oh, and thank you for using that verbiage, because this is not a come up to the front of the line and squeeze in. This is the line is two by two, and it parts like the sea. Yeah. And you walk right down through them.

Dude, I'm taking the line. Yes, that changes it to the line. Absolutely. And I'm going to Disneyland daily. Now I want lines. You know what I'm not doing? I'm not doing pre-check at the airport. No.

I'm going to regular security. Security lines at the sporting events. Did you talk about those? Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. All right. I'm taking the lines to you. Then I can keep my door dash people coming to my house.

Yeah. We'll wait in some traffic. Raj from Patreon says, Would you rather have all the butterflies in the world be given venomous stingers? Oh, man. Or have all spiders? and tarantula's, be given wings. Okay, I thought Austin had the worst question.

Oh, man. Raj, this is inappropriate. This is a family-friendly show. This is not a horror podcast. Giving Spider's Wings is the worst thing I've ever heard of. Have you ever seen, though, Jason's not going to have a good time for the next 10 minutes. My back is crawling right now. spiders.

I can see it. You've seen those Australian videos of the like, because there's those on the wind spiders. They cast their web out and they ride the web on the wind and then they all end up migrating through a town and the town is destroyed. Or so it seems

from here. So that is spiders with wings. The goosebumps on my body are about to explode. I don't, I can see them. I don't. It's not a joke. It is not a joke. It is not a joke yeah look at this

how can one how can a full grown man be so scared to even just talk about something don't know man something's wrong with me and I totally recognize it I just can't change so when I got married I had a 100% hate

0% love of spiders as you should and then my wife who is a very compassionate individual she respects all of nature in a really deep way. That's awesome.

And she recognizes that spiders in the house are not a, they don't really work. Are you dying? I feel them everywhere. But if she catches a non-venomous one in the house, she'll just move it outside. Okay. And if we see it outside and it's not a black widow or something

that threatens the children, we like to leave them alone and just let them do their business. They catch flies and bugs. And they just live in life. So I'm just saying, like, I think I've adjusted, I'm at like a 60, 40 now. If I could kill them with fire

with knowing that I would not burn something around it, I would do it. I mean, I love nature. I love nature. I want to protect everything in nature. You got to understand spiders aren't a part of nature. Spiders are part of

hell, okay? They are straight from the pits of shiol and they need to be destroyed with, I mean, I don't Let's move to the butterflies Let's move to the butterflies Let's save Jason

So what happens when like No, I'm when like flies are in your home A fly? Yeah I want them gone No, I'm saying with your wife She's fine with them gone too They're like dirty little pigeon insects

You know what I mean? Just seen how far away Yeah, no it doesn't go all the way Apparently There's always a line forever You know how it is the uglier they are the dirtier they are, the less they have our respects here.

But the butterfly one, look, butterflies are weird. I don't respect you, Chris Flack. So your life begins today. Well, it doesn't feel like they have life. She sees the utility in a spider. Right. Capturing the flies you speak of, which are nuisance creatures that spread disease.

This is my best job of explaining her interest. You're doing a good job. You're doing a good job. It's fine. The butterfly thing is weird because I don't like mods. And the reason I don't like mods is because they are like a grasshopper or something. I imagine they're completely blind. They're covered in dust.

They're erratic. And I don't like erratic. I can't stand it. However, a butterfly is equally erratic. And yet because it is beautiful, I'm like cool. It's erratic movement. It's crazy up and down and left and right is. beautiful. It's like it's singing with its movement. But they do the same thing with the moth

is an ugly butterfly. Yeah. I mean it's like it's dusty. We're going to be drafted musical genres, right? And like blues, blues can be terrible. Blues can be beautiful. It's just a matter of if you're ugly, not the person, but the music. You know, if if you're ugly, you don't have a respect. I feel like butterflies, even they are erratic, but they just, they're slightly less erratic. It's their movement is light. Where a moth is, they just, they just, seem like they are struggling.

Well, you don't see butterflies near the flame. You know, it's not like a butterfly to flame. Right. It's a moth to flame. Or a light. Like at night, if the lights attracted a bunch of beautiful butterflies, that might have changed things. They attract these moss that just start banging their heads into the lamp.

So what I'm saying is that, okay, you give them stingers. What's the difference between moths and butter, like, are they? A lot. A lot. I mean, are they in different, like, species, like, are they related? I think there's a pretty big gap. The... Is this like llamas and alpacas?

I do believe that... I can't remember which one it is. One, when it lands, the wings go up. Yeah. Like, they stay up. Moths are flat. The other one, they stay down. That's exactly right.

The moths are always flat. So when a butterfly lands, the wings go up. Yes. Yes. That is exactly 100% correct. They are both part of the same flying insect group called Lepidoptera. Yep. Of course.

Yeah. I mean, I knew that. butterflies are considered to have evolved from moths so this is just like eventually they got pretty they had a glam up you know what I mean they had a glam summer glow up yeah glow up they had a glow up and it was like yeah no one wants the ugly version and the moths are like still

trying to go to the family reunion they're like you you're not invited you're not going to prom is the one that looks exactly like the bark of a tree so they land on the tree and you can't see them but anyways if you give butterfly stingers You got a real issue here. Yeah. But I don't get, I mean, butterflies never land on you. When's the last time you've seen a butterfly?

Like, in, like, genuinely. In the wild? In the wild, just what, when it's rare, we all point at it and go awesome. Right. I remember it's happened. I know it happened. What if it was deadly, though? What if it was like, it wasn't, there's no anti-venom?

Uh-huh. It's just like, if you do get stung by a butterfly, it is going to be dead. If that was the case. Are you taking the flying spiders? And then you triple the population of butterflies. still take them. Okay. Because flying spiders is instant death to me, just their existence. You wouldn't want to be outside. You would be... I wouldn't want to be anywhere. I would want to be six feet under. Would you go out with a suit of armor? Heck yeah, man. That's the, that's the ticket.

I would be, I would be armored up. There's holes in that armor. I'm just letting you know, man, but there's small spider size. All right. So my final verdict here is I, I don't want to deal with looking up around for spiders flying around. I'm going to take the butterflies. Yeah, killer butterflies. They're awesome. Yeah. Mike, we are going to take a break and come back with some Is This Real Life? All right. It is This Real Life?

All right. It is time for Is This Real Life where we each find a news story or something happening in current events. and share it with one another, essentially with the question, is this real? I am very proud of mine. I mean, okay, you want to go? I did want to go, but if you, I mean, if you seem eager as well. Mine's just bug related.

Okay, let's do the tie-in. So we'll press pause. I was just proud because I had found mine on my own and was shocked, but Mike, do the bug one. This one, it's, look, I think most people know it's about to happen. We in Arizona are shielded from it. I'm not thinking about all the time, but it does pop into my head from time to time. But it's about to start happening. And this report says, cicadas are so noisy in South Carolina County.

Residents are calling the police on cicadas? Because they don't know what's happening. That's how loud they are? Because they're calling the cops saying, like, I'm hearing nonstop sirens. Or they're waving down. police and being like like what what do you guys what's happening what is what are you up to and it hasn't even fully begun you guys are you guys aware is this a 17 year wake up of cicadas this is not just one this is a double I have been hearing about cicadas and their the eclipse

level uh randomness of their awakening so a long time my my understanding from experience is that every other year I am told that this is the first time in 800 years that 8 billion cicadas are going to come out and ruin life and then it never happens for me. Are you saying it's happening? I am saying so

teach us here. There are so cicadas are these weird bugs that are so loud and they have the male cicada makes a loud droning shrill noise by vibrating two membranes on its abdomen. And the way that they work, they're in broods

that come out. There's a 13 year cycle and a 17 year cycle. And you're saying that they finally lined up? And this is where, this is finally where mathematically, both of them are going to come out at the exact same time. Some Moses level stuff. Jason, you said billions.

Trillions. What? Trillions of red-eyed. I was being hyperbolic. Trillions of red-eyed periodical cicators are emerging. A trillion is too big a number for that to exist. Humans can't really understand. how much a trillion are we getting them out here we actually don't have a good understanding of what a billion is we think we do because we hear of billionaires but like when you actually see

how much a billion is relative to a million represented it's unbelievable and that is what a trillion is relative to a billion so there are there's parts so they're saying the two broods last emerged together in 1803 that's the last time that mathematically that this finally had the crossover so there are places around like the south and the Midwest. Is it okay to be excited about this? I'm like, this is pretty cool. And I think we're, Jay, where you're

a little confused, like just like I am, because we don't have like these crazy insane plague level broods that come out, but we have cicadas. Oh, we all, every year we have. Every summer, you'll just, one or two of them in a tree. And I know how loud just one of these things is. If you're talking

an actual plague of these is showing up, it will be deafening. Is there any chance that the ones that we have are the ones, they're like, they're trying to wake up the other ones? Maybe. Like, were the queens? Like the alarm clock and they're trying to get all the other trillions. They're getting out of bed. Come on sleepy head.

Do you have like a map of where this is? I am looking at a map. So I can avoid it. I'm thinking I want to go, man. This is like the eclipse. So they're calling the police? Yeah, because it's, imagine hearing something. Oh, I hope they open fire.

So loud. Oh, man. Just something that sounds like a siren off in the distance that doesn't ever stop. Yeah. So, well, I'm going to call the authorities. What is happening here? And they have to sleep, right? I don't know, man.

Not, I mean, the cicadas? Trillions, bro. Yeah, they don't keep the same sleep cycle. I feel like, wow. From this map, it looks like kind of the Midwest, you know, Chicago area. It's normally warmer areas. Yeah, and it's, they emerge. Once the soil, eight inches underground reaches 64 degrees.

Cicada Map 2024. See where to find Brood 13 and Brood 17. Wow. All right. It's coming. Well, that's, you know what? Don't call the police. So just deal with it.

Just wanted to bring it up. When did they go away? How long do they stay out? It says expected about like May through June. So they go under for 17 years and then they just hang out for a little bit ski? Yeah. Are they eternal? Like a family?

That's a great question. Do they, like, do they die? These are the same ones, right? Yeah, the ones die. These aren't the same ones from like the Cretaceous period? No, this is the mating cycle where, so all of the ones that are going to come and be loud, now there's going to be dead bodies everywhere. Yeah.

Oh, really? Yeah. They just come up and die? I do know cicadas leave their, they also shed because you see their little shells. Oh, man. Wow. I am not envious of the people that deal with that. Is this real life?

Apparently it is. All right. Here's my story. I'm going to read you the headline, and I'm going to read you the subline, and you're going to enjoy both. This happened pretty recently. This was a story from April 29th of 2024. So we're talking as of this recording two weeks ago. Police and public capture runaway zebras in Washington State, but one still missing.

Subline. The bizarre rescue effort involved a rodeo clown, who happened to be passing by one local. said. So there are pictures. Hold on Washington State, you said? Yes. So there's zebras on the run. This is a zoo situation.

I was like, zebras aren't in Washington. This is a zoo situation. And the best part is that four zebras got loose on the interstate. And as they were all trying to capture the zebras, I'm not joking. A rodeo clown was driving by on his way to a rodeo. So fully garbed.

Full rodeo clown. and gets out of his own vehicle to help chase down zebras on the interstate. If there is one type of person to get out of a car and chase down zebras on a freeway, that's what rodeo clowns do. They put themselves in harm's way to rassal animals. The quote from Whitney Bloomquist, the local who witnessed the event, said they had a rodeo clown who was on his way, I guess, to a rodeo. I'm guessing. And they were using him to help corral the zebras.

Oh my word. When the rodeo clown gets out of the car, I mean, you know, we all know what a rodeo clown looks like. But just, I mean, is he, what's the, what's the situation here? Yeah, is he being real serious? Imagine a real serious rodeo clown? Or does he get out? What seems to be the problems, officer? Wait, do rodeo clowns actually do the clown stuff?

I don't know. I don't think they do. No, they just, they get out of the way of the bull. They get in the way of the bowl, right? And they're the ones. And then out of it. Oh, yeah, they save the people. What's crazy is that if you, just for the record,

if you're ever in this situation with the police and a rodeo clown, it will only let you catch three of the four zebras because one is still on the loose. Oh, that's a good point. I haven't seen an update on the fourth zebra, but imagine seeing that go through the world. woods. You're never going to believe this, John. I saw a zebra. Yeah. No, you didn't. Charles. I would be like, you're never going to believe this, John. I saw a rodeo clown on the freeway today. I believe on the way to a rodeo. Now, let's get back to rodeo clowns for a second. Where did those come from?

Like, you got to imagine there was a first, right? Right. I don't think I... Was this a punishment? You've got to dress like a clown. Or was it just, was it thrown in front of a bull? Or some heroic bystander that happened to be in the, in the stands, just in clown guard. On the way to a birthday party, I hope. What's crazy is that, I got to save this man. The clown jumps down into the rodeo ring and because when somebody gets bucked off of a, of a bull, they're supposed to distract it. Yes.

But do you, do we believe that the, the bull itself finds the, painted human more enticing of a distraction than the unpainted human was this done for the audience that's what i mean i think it's done for the audience that's a very good question i don't feel like the bull's like i'm not you're not a distraction to me unless you have a white painted face and red nose in my mind the person that i would come up with that if you just described this if you said hey i need someone that is brave enough tough enough to jump out of out in front of a raging bull in the middle of his, you know, going nuts and hop in the way to distract them so we can get the other people out.

That, that is a man. And then you're like, but I got to put clown makeup on him. And I feel like they would be like that would be where they would draw the line. So there's a very thin slice of people that can be rodeo. What's great is that they didn't have the idea of, you know what, this human being that needs to jump in and distract a ferocious bull. We have two choices. A bunch of padding and armor to help them in case something hits.

Or we paint them up like a comedic character. And if they go out, they go out like that. Yeah. That's not nice. All right. So the clown make up and outfit play a historical role rooted in the tradition of circus clowns, bringing a sense of levity and fun. There you go.

To the dangerous and intense atmosphere. No, don't do armor. Don't do padding. I love like, okay. They should run out there in football uniforms. We're having a really bad PR problem right now. The bulls are just goring people left and right. We're losing audience members.

It's too intense. What do we need to do? And the kids are watching. We've got to lighten this up. And one person raised their hand. What have we brought clowns in? Yeah, that's good. All right, Jason, what are you got?

We should stop doing this. It's what if we bring clowns into it? That's very human beings. Here is my headline. wife crashes her own funeral, horrifying her husband who tried to have her killed. No, no. We did do that one. I know we've talked about it before.

We absolutely did that one. That was my is this real life before. See, that's what I was saying. You were 100% right. However, I have some new information. Okay. I've done a deeper dive investigative study into this because I was like, you know, how does this happen? and the thing that was so fascinating to me

so what's crazy to me is that the husband hired Hitman to murder the wife when she was in another country she traveled to her home country and when she got there yeah I remember yeah go on go on so try to have her kill

the thing that I don't and correct me if I'm wrong if we will if you did know this but the thing that blew my mind about researching the, what I presumed was that this was a fake hitman that, you know,

turned the husband in and all that. These are real hitman. He found actual hitman. Yeah. They, they, they actually do this. No, but they, but like these guys, there were three guys, they kidnapped her and they were

right, but they, they questioned her because then they said, we don't kill women and children. And so they help the authorities pin it on the husband but it's like hey authorities yeah like like why did they do that hey authorities uh so these guys they say they don't kill women of children uh pretty sure they kill dudes like like maybe yeah but they they turned to me it's like we got to let you go the code of honor what upstanding hitman well that's what she said that's what alerted me to it is she credited three upstanding hitman oh my gosh yeah she was like the

These were really good. But hold on. But they did kidnap her. Oh, 100%. They kidnapped her. They held her for two days to extort more money out of the man. Oh, and then they went all the way through to basically convincing the man with the authorities that she had died. Yes.

In order to. So she was having the funeral at like the house that they have in Australia. And she was standing outside. And then when the man came out, it was like he thought he saw a ghost. uh but it's even it's even better the second time and then eventually uh he did plead guilty but so so these hit men doubled up like they got even more money than they were supposed to get for yeah as they should unless they should these are great men Mike but they still they like this woman in those two days was definitely still like I'm going to die oh terrified for her life and then how

does that work when you let someone go well I It's like the best heroin dealer being like, I don't do fent or no. And then the authorities are like, I respect that. Come help us catch some fin and all people and go back to your business. Yeah. It's weird, man. When the lady's leaving, she's just like, shame on you. No, she likes it.

Shame on you. She was very grateful to them. No, she got married to one of the three of them, actually. All right. We're moving on after this quick break. The Spitballers Draft Well, it is time for a, I guess they're all like this, but a very subjective, very polarizing, best musical genres draft.

Jason gets the first pick in this draft. And look, we treat the subjective like the objective truth. So whatever we say, it's, you know, it's dogmatic, it's the facts. My opinion is correct. That's one thing I've learned through my life. And so... I don't even call my opinions anymore. I call my facts.

That's a good bit. That's a good bit. Well, in my fact... Well, in my fact, I think that the best music is not country. Okay, so I'll play a little bit of the game here because, you know, there's different genres I want to get. I don't think this one comes back to me. I don't... Because you guys have four picks before I pick again.

So... And we are trying to be. a little bit more specific for the audience out there. Not real high-level genres as much as like some subcategories. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe not all of them. And so I'll start it off with a subcategory, a subcategory of rock, which is alternative. That would have been my first pick.

Alternative is my, maybe my favorite. Like, I've got two favorites. I like a lot of different genres of music, but there are two go-toes. and alternative you know i grew up in the 90s when it was like it's amazing how that's the nostalgic music for us now oh yeah like we grew up and people are like listening to nostalgic 70s and 60s and 50s music but now alternative rock is its own moment in time we were mike and i were talking i'm sure classic rock might come up in this conversation here but we're like what is that now because like yeah now it's like is classic rock the rock like is i think that i mean

when I pick it next, it will be defined. Okay, you can define it, but it's like, like, it depends on who you're asking. When I was growing up, I went to an Aerosmith concert. They were on top of the world. Aerosmith was not classic rock. They were rock. But now it's like, I don't know, is Aerosmith?

It feels like today. I think old Aerosmith is probably some classic rock. Yeah, crazy. All right, Andy, you're on the clock with classic rock. It's a great pick. Yeah, and I wondered if it would have been mics. Like, did you lose the top two of your list? No, but classic rock.

is definitely in my list. Yeah, I mean, it's just wonderful because the hit making of that era and the classic rock era, it's just iconic music. It's music you hear everywhere. It's timeless. And so alternative would have been my first pick for the same reasons. But I will go with classic rock because, you know, there's very few, like, stations that you could just turn on in terms of like, and you're always happy with everything that comes on. And to me, that's what classic rock would be.

So let's define some of these with some groups. Like, who are your favorite classic rock? I think. What do you call bands? Yeah. You would call them bands. I wonder how classic rock era-wise is defined by the general public. To me, classic rock is like 60s, 70s.

Yeah, I mean, it's every. So Led Zeppelin, the Who. Yeah. You know, songs like Don't Stop Believe in. Journey probably fits into that group. Maybe. Because that's 80s. Rock, you like.

a hurricane. See, to me, that's not classic rock. That's what I'm saying with classic rock. Classic rock has changed. No, because to me that's hair bands. Oh, right. Well, see, there you go. It's got a broader definition for people.

You know, if it's played on a classic rock station, which I think that song would be played on. It could be now. Yeah. So what were your like top songs if you were to describe it to somebody? Is it all Pink Floyd? Yes. Yeah.

Pink Floyd will be in there. know. You said the who, obviously. So it's like, like stones, which. Oh, yes. I mean, stones. They're still around, but they are classic rock music. Yeah. But it's like Kashmir. Just put on Kashmir. You're like, that's a classic rock song. Okay. You're up, Mike. You do get two picks, which I do. That's, you're probably pretty happy about. I am, but I don't know that the rest of my list people are going to be chewing off of.

Wait, does Jason end up with Nickelback by accident? Yeah, nickelback was alternative, right? I mean, look, not everything could be a hit. Yeah, I just making sure. I want to make sure we know who has nickel back. Nickelback is like massive hits, though. Yeah, I drafted Weezer. I drafted smashing pumpkins.

Nickelback. Nickelback. And nickelback. Yeah, I just making sure we know who has them. Yeah. Mike, go ahead. All right, we will kick it out. We will stay with rock.

I will take punk rock. And my personal favorite being triple rock. Yeah. being no effects that i think that they are the best punk rock band of all time like blink one eighty two a blink blink blink one eight two is pop punk but it you're like it's so qualifies yeah yeah they are in there in their core they are a punk rancid yes who has the most properly named oh you hate them the voice dude what it's it rips what they're so good yeah ruby so ho yeah i'm paid to sing even though i sound like this

like I can't stand when people You're actually a little too whiny because his voice is a little bit lower Yeah there you go That's perfect Oh my gosh It's rancid It's so aptly named Oh no that that song is incredible

That band is very very good So I mean look punk rock I think I think we knew Mike was going to go there It's fast it's loud Sometimes there is no melody at all And it's just three chords That happens sometimes there's a lot of melody So I'm going to start with that

and then oh man it probably doesn't get picked by you guys but I'm going to give the genre the respect editors I will take jazz music fancy pants

how are you fart smelling and what my relationship with jazz is strange because like I can't tell you who plays what songs right I like you can start listing off

really famous I mean, I know Louis Armstrong. Yeah, like, I know the top of the top of jazz musicians, but I just don't, I'm not enveloped by the culture and buying all the records, but you can put a more, like in the more of the classic jazz is where like I'm the new smooth jazz. That's not really for me, but you can just put that station on. I can listen to it for infinity. I will say this.

Just vibe. Like Louis Armstrong is one of my absolute favorite artists like Miles Davis of all times. of all time, and I've listened to so many hours of Louis Armstrong, who is jazz. So I like the pick. I can't criticize it. I just don't know much outside of Louis. Okay, so your two picks, then punk rock, jazz. I had smooth jazz written down on my list.

You can still take smooth jazz. Yeah, I would consider it a subgenre. A different genre. I am going to go with, I could, I'm almost positive I could save this, but I'm not going to out of respect. for the genre. There you go. And the fact that I think all my favorite artists fit into this genre and then

kind of subgenres within it, which I'm going to take the higher level one because I don't think you guys are going to take any. Well, I'll tell you if you're alone. But I'm going to take folk music. Yeah, that's fine. That's like indie folk. Yeah, and like folk rock, like the luminaires. Noah Kahn is like folk pop.

I love folk. John Dimber is Polk, is folk music. and I love John Denver. John Denver. But like Bonavere and Mumford and Sons and all of the folk and folk derivative genres. That's fine. It's great music. So I'm going to go with, I'm going to go with that.

I'm going to go with folk music. Folk music sounds like not how folk music sounds, but when you talk about folk music. 100% seems like something. Did you ever get down with Peter Paul and Mary? I did. Like in the 90s when they were somehow big. Getting down with like Puff the Magic Dragon. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, Channel 8 would have specials with them. But it seems like something I would hate. It seems like something that would be too boring. Folk music is awesome. The secret thing is we're old, though. No, but I liked in college. Okay. But a lot of bands are more folk oriented than you would think.

I like more of like the indie folk. But, um, all right. I am up. I have two picks. I already know one. One has to be rap. Yeah, I knew that. Are you going to rap or hip hop?

Yeah, I was one. Those are very different to me, and I am going rap for sure. My next pick is hip-hop. Yeah, baby. I knew that those would be your picks, and I could have taken one simply to penalize you. I thought it would be your first pick. I think it is your first pick, but you just didn't want to lose alternative rock. 100%.

Which right after you gave like a big proclamation at the top. I mean, you were like, I am not going for the polls. I'm not going to any gamesmanship. I'm going my favorite stuff. And the first thing you did was take something. No, no, no. This is. Alternative rock and rap.

Those are my two. Like, they take up 90, well, they take up at least 66% of what I listened to. And I split between those two 50, 50. The only gamesmanship was for love. It was because I wanted both. And I knew one direction gets me both of those. That wasn't for polls. That was just for, that was for the heart.

Now, the people want to know, Jay. Yeah. Where do you weigh in on... Oh, Drake's getting crushed, man. Kendrick V. Drake's getting crushed. Okay. I think he's burying, man.

You just like... It's the stop and he's dead already. The meme. Following along, somehow, like, I'm not in that world. But a lot of the people I follow on Twitter apparently are. And so when it was happening, I'm just getting bombarded with all of these. and like really vague tweets too so I'm like

what is that I have I couldn't tell you one ounce of what's going on in that situation I know that there were two songs released back to back or something like that but it's it's a classic beef that is being

that is being handled by releasing of disc tracks of just you know tracks is this for publicity I wondered but no it's not because this is like it's too mean

it's like a decade long it's too mean Yeah, with some of the content that they're blaming or claiming. Accusing. All right. Is it my pick? It would be your pick. It is the, in my opinion, kind of parallel genre to all of the folk genre discussion.

But I'm going to go with singer. I'm going to go with singer-songwriter. Okay. Which walks more into like Johnny Cash. I mean, I know he's country, but Johnny Cash is still singer-songwriter. James Taylor. It's really. I've heard down music to me of usually just an artist with the one inch to write.

Guitar, maybe some instrumental back behind it, but it's singer-songwriter type of music is one of my favorites. I don't mind that at all. I enjoy it very much. All right, my first- Jack Johnson. Is he? I would, yeah, I'd call him singer-songwriter. Yep. I would.

I mean, he's more pop version of that. Yep. But. You like Jack Johnson, too. I love Jack Johnson. Just like, like, because when you're listening to the music, you're like, man, I'm at the I'm feeling good. Yeah, it does.

That's vibe music. Yeah, it is. It's 100% beach music. All right, my first pick, I am going to take, I don't even know if you guys have heard the genre called this, but it has gained popularity in the last decade or so. It is called synth wave music. And like I can work that out. This is exactly what I thought would happen on Mike's third and fourth picks.

I was positive I'd learn something. So synth wave is, when you hear it, you go, that's the 80s. Like, as the name applies, it's synthesizer. It's synthesizer driven, but it, everything you hear, Josh, great. Yeah, the Stranger Things intro. That would, most people know that, that would be in the genre of synth wave. It very often times is just instrumental. So do you consider that to be, is 80s music a genre?

No. No. So you're trying to sub-categorize what you meant by 80s. But synth wave feels 80, it makes you feel 80s. Yes, you're like, that's the soundtrack of an 80s movie, almost. But it's like this band, the Midnight has become, over the last few years, has become my favorite band. And they're a synth wave band? They are, yes.

And it's just, everything sounds retro but fresh at the exact same time. Fresh tro. That doesn't work. no no it does try it on though no it does not and for your final pick chip tune oh man i do love chip tunes oh my goodness gracious something about the sound that like only an nes can make oh brother gets you right in the field if you haven't listened to chip tunes and you're hearing this and you're like what is chip tunes go yeah go yeah if you grew up in the in the in the uh nintendo era go to you'll enjoy search chip tunes 23

thank me later this is what i do all my statting to and then i mean the final pick there's so many different sub genres of it so i'll just say metal yeah i think i'll just take metal give me the heavy stuff yeah give me the and then there's stuff with people arguing about well that's not actually heavy dude how did i not take that because if there's one thing i know my you know this metal that is true oh my gosh i mean like all the you know all the subgenres of metal everything about metal just give me a few of them well you got heavy metal yeah

light metal come on Andy sorry that's not even funny yeah that's not a real thing it's just serious yeah I mean you got death metal you got black metal you got you looked it up you got speed no doom metal like I look you've never heard of doom metal

are you kidding me doom metal who's your favorite doom metal my favorite doom metal artist is is Clearly, it's one of my doom metal artist's favorite is coming soon. The band's coming soon? Yes, the band coming soon. That's not a very metal name.

Yeah. Oh, man. But those are broken out too. You know, you got like Louisiana, doom metal and Washington, D.C. You know, it's a whole thing. It's too much to get into today. Yeah. I know everything about it.

So that's like East Coast, West Coast, but it's Louisiana and Washington, D.C. Yeah, it's a big beat. All right. You're up. Well, look, you took metal, I'll take pop. I'm going to close it out with pop music. I don't like all pop music at all. There are certain songs that, like, is Ed Shear and pop?

Yes. I like Ed Shear and I would say so. Yeah. Some Taylor Swift is great. It's all in the pop genre. Yeah, I'd rather take that than metal. It is short for popular. Yeah, I hate this pick because I really enjoy pop.

Like, honestly, everyone does. Yes. Everyone does. You do. If you're listening, you like pop. You like pop music. But you want to know why? Because it's catchy.

It sounds good. Yeah. And that might make you angry so you think I don't like it. Yeah. But you'll listen to the next one. You'll catch yourself whistling alone. My son just constantly, Taylor Swift's so popular, he's like, I just, I hate Taylor Swift's I hate her music.

And it's like, I know you don't. You know, like, but I get it. I get why we have to say these things that feel like, you know, it's so popular that we have to hate them. You know, there's something built into our human being a teenage boy. Oh, for sure. But it's like, you know, look, you're welcome to hate Taylor Swift and hate all of her music because it's terrible and sucks.

It's real good. And we all know it. Like, it's just a truth. Sorry. It's like, it's good music. She's actually span. You talk about genres. I mean, she started as a country artist.

Yeah. And a singer songwriter. And now. Well, I'm closing the draft. Not enough money in that. No, that's honest truth. you can lose that twang real quick closing the draft out i am country could not be happier with my list and more proud of us for not drafting country like that that's not even going to be

it would have been my next one i'm glad we're only doing but that's like 15 on the list so i mean that doesn't feel that bad um but i i moved when i said the amount of music i listened to was 90 percent basically made up from hip hop and rap and that's not true i moved it to 66 percent because really I spend my time mostly in thirds. Rap, alternative, and musical theater. I spend a lot of time listening to musical theater. Wouldn't have been on Mike's list. I'm a theater man.

Well, I knew. I knew. I was like, I'm getting this last. Do we put that down as show tunes? No. Musical theater is a genre. And that's what it is. I think is show tunes appropriate, though, to call it that?

Yeah, that's what they are. Yes, it is appropriate. appropriate to call it that, but show tunes can go beyond that. A song from a musical that has become popular in its own right. Yeah, but it can go beyond musical theater. Show tunes is technically wider than... No, it says a song from a musical. Yeah, but there are musicals that aren't theater.

There are film musicals and things like that. Show tunes can be from more. Okay, I mean... Musical theater is my show. It's terrible. It's incredible. It is amongst the worst. Is it Broadway?

Would that fit here? Sure. I guess I've never heard musical. theater described as a genre. Well, when I search musical genres in Google, it says musical theater. So I'm going to stick to it. Okay. We all know what you're talking about.

Yeah, because it's musical theater. What did we learn today? Well, as we close it out, and that was fun, I learned that Austin asks bad questions. Good questions worded. Well, no, it's also a bad question. I learned that I need to not rely upon guardrails. No. No, no, you can't.

Can't do it. Not like you used to. I mean, I knew, but it's just like Jason's, like inability to just talk about a certain subject without physically reacting. Oh. It's so, it's so wild to me. I thought you were going to talk about how much I knew about metal. Oh, no, it's flying spiders.

Doom metal. That's what he loves. Thanks for listening to this goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Goodbye. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballers' Pod. Check out spitballerspod.com.