Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Ghost Poops & Best Tom Hanks Characters - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

Spit Hit for April 30th, 2026:  It’s another hilarious episode as we learn about the mysterious ghost poops, play a round of What’s the Difference before wrapping things up with a Best Tom Hanks Characters draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. A boom, blam, bing, bing, dong, don, don't jicc p p p p p'u. Shoulda let me mime it, Andy. You should have me mime it. I was more concerned about the level of gyration on your side of the desk.

I thought if I move my body Something better would The soul would follow Because you need soul to scat There was no soul No that's what I'm saying There was no heart It was a heartless soulless

Amalgamation of sounds I mean no rhythm Too much swivel Most mailed in scat All time Not enough swivel I think I need more I don't know

If you equate movement to soul. I'd get rid of the movement. All right. You never know. Welcome into the spitballers. Andy Mike and Jason back with you. Would you rather?

What's the difference? And we are drafting the best Tom Hanks characters on today's episode of the show. So there's a lot of them. You have that to look forward to at the end of the episode when we jump into our draft. You can follow the show on X at Spitballers Pod. You can subscribe and review the show over on Apple Podcast or Spotify, if you'd be so kind. And the number one thing you can do is tell your family and friends if you'd like them to enjoy their Mondays and Thursdays. And whatever day we decide to post.

And every other day. There's hundreds of episodes. 307 episodes and counting. So let's continue episode 307. Would you rather? So the would you rather question number one is which time travel power would you rather have? 30 seconds into the past and you can use it every 10 minutes

So a 10 minute cool down 10 minute cool down very handy One day in the past With a 15 day cool down Okay So twice a month you can go back one day It's pretty neat Or 10 years into the past

With a 30 year cool day Oh man This is actually a pretty interesting Do you stay there then? Yeah you live from that there. So you go back 10 years. Hold on a minute. So you can't, it's not like an infinite time hack. Right. So when I'm 30, I can go back to 20. Then when I'm 50, I can go back to 40. When I'm 70, I can go back to 60. Yeah. When I'm 90, if I'm lucky enough, I can go back to 80.

That one's lame. Yeah. And the, the problem here is you don't go back in age. You know what I mean? like I'm 40. I don't go back and become 30. I go back 10 years, but I would still be 40, right, or wrong? If that's right, then that's dumb. My point is back to the future. He goes back to the past.

He's not a baby. He's himself. I'm going back to the... Right, but in that scenario, you'd run into your former self, too. Yeah, you got a paradox problem. You got to kill your former self. You also have a problem of what... Wait, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Okay.

Just to be clear, just to be clear, Jason's going to, as a 40-year-old man, he's going to go back in time to be 30. Uh-huh. He's going to kill the 30-year-old version of himself and have a horrible surprise for his wife being 10 years older. Oh, shoot. When he walks in and that's like I'm saying, like the benefits. She's going to see through this. Like if you go back, the thing about the time machine is you get to go back and visit and then you can return to where you're supposed to be.

Okay. If all you're doing is just resetting, but you're still old, like that is not. All right. That's not helpful. So there's two advantage. here. One, you get to, you get to become younger. Yeah. And two, you don't have to kill yourself. And your former self.

It's not yourself. It's another version of you. That's yourself. Is another version of you, someone else? It's an alternate self. This, no, I, different memories, different experiences. No, you have the same memories and same experience. No, you have 10 years. No. Well, you have extra.

Yeah. Listen. You have 100% of what he has. The 10 years into the past, if you go back and you save the time. If you lived in 90, it seems like you'll save about 40 years of your life. That's pretty big. That's quite a bit. And at this point in our technological advancements, 40 extra years might be 100 extra years. You know what I'm saying?

Because by the time I've gained an extra 40 years, I mean, the medical advances are going to be astronomical. Not to mention the amount of wealth I have accumulated by cost. constantly going back 10 years in time. And I'm not even talking like bet. I'm just talking to investing. I'm not like betting on a sports game. I'm just going like, oh, this company is going to do pretty good. What medical advancements?

Medical. I'm saying if you gain 40 years by the time you're 90. But progression of technology doesn't change. The time has not advanced 40. You're just, you're getting an extra, you're getting a bonus 40 years of life. Honestly, you'll just be mad because you've been 10 years in the past technologically. From where they've advanced. This is a tough one for Jay to get through. You need to spend a lot more time of thinking about time travel and how it actually works.

That's what we're doing right now. We're investigating the importances of relativity. Now, yes, as the importance is. All right. So, so that one is, that's a big jump. But I want for one time, 307 episodes in one time, I want you to take away the financial gain from the equation. I agree. Just tell me why you do it otherwise.

First of all, the plural noun is importantances. That's a full word. So eat it. Okay. I just Googled that. But yes, all right. Let's take the financial gain out. Which, I mean, okay.

Okay. We'll take the financial gain out. But you're telling me that if I go back at time, I'm like, does that mean I'm not allowed to use a stock market or I have to like blindly? You can't. That's just, that is. that is built in. I don't have the knowledge of...

We understand, but here's the thing. If you go back in 10 years, or you go back 10 years, and you use all of your knowledge, you have now butterfly affected yourself into a... Like, you're on a different timeline now. I'm on a much better path, Mike. This show doesn't exist? Much better path. I mean, we're talking significant improvement.

All because that scat you just didn't exist either. Right. Much better path. All right. Teased the other ones out for a second, too. Financial gain off. The other ones, obviously, the fact that you can go back every 10 minute to go back, what is it, one minute? 30 seconds.

Oh, 30 seconds. Geez, that's not a lot. I feel like that's like an accident. That's like, oops, that wasn't a fart. Wait a minute. How fast can you eat an entire cake? Well, you can still enjoy. No, because you go back 30 seconds of the past and you didn't have to, the calories are gone.

Oh, you don't. I'm sitting here thinking I get to eat it again. You can eat it 30 seconds. I was like, I mean, both are true. You can eat it again in 10 minutes. Yeah. Yeah, you can eat it again. You got to have a 30 second clock because you're only going back 30 seconds.

So 30 seconds, eat as much as you can. Go back in time. No calories. I don't think 30 seconds is really going to fill the bill. My thought for the 30 seconds was. I mean, accident avoiding an accident of assuming you're not just instantaneously gone. Like, that's good. But my other thought was how many conversations, I'm not even asking, you're in them.

You're in conversations all the time. And there's that thing you're like, I want to say this right now. Oh, that's good, man. To this person's face. I want to say it. But you know for just humanity, kindness, the relationship, you're like, I can't say this because this will, this will fracture. The freedom. It just be like, no, I'm going to say this to you.

The freedom. That's going to get you in big trouble. I tell you what you're going to do. Nine minutes later, you're going to do it again. And you're going to go, no, crap. Oh, crap, I can't go back anymore. I got to wait. I didn't wait my full 10 minutes. If you're in a nasty job that you have to keep, you can quit.

Yeah. You can quit. Multiple times a day. Yeah, multiple times a day. Go let your boss know. I've always had a problem with this time travel. Yeah, I'm a pee on the floor right now. What are you going to do?

Boink. Just time it up right, man. Right, that's what I'm saying. It's a dangerous game you're playing. If you pee for 35 seconds and you go back to the beginning of your pee. Yeah. Well, then it's only a five second pee. That's still enough.

I promise. Legally speaking, it's enough. I've always had the hardest problem with these time travel questions when it comes to the 30 seconds in the past. I always want to say, oh, the accident that I can undo. Except for, like, I cannot think of any time. I can't think of any time in my life. And maybe I'm not thinking hard enough yet. where if I just had a button, right?

Like, I'm just, you know, I've got a little buzzer where I wish I could have hit that. A car crash. 30 seconds is plenty of time to fix a car crash. If you're surviving. Yeah, yeah. That's what I say, if you're not instantly gone, if you're just like, you're like, oh, it's spinning and falling off a cliff or something. Oh, then you hit it?

Yeah, 30 seconds is plenty of time to correct that. Yeah. Yeah, that will get you out of it. But what about the one day in the past? Every, twice a month, do you just relive an awesome day? you're like, man, that was awesome. My team won the game. I've always thought reliving one, if you have the memories, is not great.

It's boring. It's only great because it's the first time you experience it. Isn't that? That's a little bit. Like, for example, maybe it's a terrible example, first time you see the Grand Canyon. It's a beautiful day. You see everything. You can go back the next day.

I mean, a regular person could do that. They could go back the next day. They don't. Yeah. No, that's not where I would do it. So when you relive it, do you get to, is it fresh? You have chances to do full do-overs, a first date that goes wrong, a job interview that you didn't get. You can go, you can wait a couple weeks, practice, you know the questions, you can go back, redo it.

As opposed to you're on a game show. I'm not financial game. Just you want to be really good at the game. I say enough dumb stuff. I'm taking the 30 seconds. I think the 30 seconds is perfect for, because sometimes you say the thing to the person that you don't want to say. and sometimes it's helpful. But you just don't say it because you don't want to take the chance.

Right. I might, one of these days, I'm going to say that thing to Al Borland. I've been wanting to say. And it might go well. He might change that horrible part of his life. You're not. But until then. No way do you know fully how it went in 30 seconds.

Because you can only go back 30 seconds. So if you don't make that. You've got an indication. You've got an indication. You're sure. Some of the things I'm going to say, I'm going to know pretty quick. And you're going to think, oh, this went well. But then a minute.

you're going to be like, I shouldn't, I shouldn't have said that. It's all right. I'm definitely going 10 years. I mean, every time Al tries to explain rules on the game. I'm adding 40 years to my life. But it's, but it's not adding because it's redoing. Yeah, but I think redoing can be improved as well. Like, lessons learned, more knowledge, more wisdom.

I could use 10 extra years to fix my parenting mistakes. Yeah, I think I could become a better person, a better father. Sure. But in the, in those. Better investor. Well, I'm not allowed. I know. But also, I mean, you weigh the complete other side.

In those 10 years, there are tragedies that have happened. Yeah, but I'll be prepped. I don't think that that's how it works. Yeah, I'll be totally fun. I be like, I went through this. Your wife goes and sees that in the closet, you've already got flowers set aside and you've got some things. Yeah, but you know what? You know what?

Why is that suit pressed? No, no. Look, some of these things, though, going back that far in the past, we're talking early detection. We're talking changes to tragedies. You know what I mean? Some. Not all. Dietary. Yeah. Not all. Well, sure. I'm just, I'm talking like, you know, someone

gets cancer and it's like, you found it too late. What would you just have to curiosity. Hold on. If somebody was diagnosed with cancer that you know today, and you can go back to New Year, what are you doing to help? I'm making sure they just get a checked out early. Oh. You know what I mean? Like early detection. It's a pretty good answer. Yeah, it's not

like, stop eating Skittles. Okay, you gotta cut that out. You're going to get cancer. No, this is just, you know, science. You're not allowed to tell the people what's going to happen. You just have to hint and, like, try to help. Yeah, oh, I got this colon box for you. I got an extra one.

I ordered two. Why don't you just try it out? Do you remember that show, the TV show early edition? He got, he got, oh, the newspaper show. Tomorrow's newspaper today. And there was always a tragic, monstrous event that hit some big shooting. The world every single day.

All right. So I'm taking 10 years in the past. You guys are going to 30 seconds of the past and I am going to use it for investing. All right. What's the next question? This one comes in. I can also do investing in 30 seconds. That's true.

Live betting. Yeah. This one comes from a Patreon supporter. Would you rather drink a 32 ounce glass of milk through a sour punch straw? Okay. Doesn't seem that bad. Sounds pretty good. Or eat two Reese's cups filled with mayo.

instead of peanut butter. The first one sounds, the first one sounds great. How many, how many ounces are in a gallon? Sixty-four. Yeah, they were good. I think a gallon's like 120-something.

Oh, my gosh. This is a cake-wop-in. I'm going, well, we need to find this out. Yeah, how many ounces are? 128, you're right. 128. Dude, this is just a quarter of a gallon of milk through a, I might do this tonight.

Yeah, this sounds like a good time. This sounds like tonight's activity. Trying to figure out what they're saying. It's a, it's a sour punch straw. So you're creating sour milk, which is disgusting. Oh, for a second, for a moment. Yeah. The beginning of a sour punch straw is sour, and that's part.

And then it's like super sweet and delicious. That's the allure. That's fine. I'm going to get a freezing, freezing cold glass of milk. Let me fix this. Let me fix this. The milk is five days expired. I don't know.

Regular straw, five days expired or the Reese's. Don't go expired. Just make it a. Sour milk? What's the human limit? Of, like, there's the gallon. You can't, a gallon, you can't. You'll barf.

Yeah, you'll barf. You'll barf. You'll die. You can't. From drinking one gallon? Yes, you can. You're like, if you don't barf, you die? You can still barf and then you can end up having.

You die from barking. You break stuff down there. So what's the, what can you? Down where? In your stomach and your intestines. Um, what, uh, yeah, people have, people have passed away. Like what's, then what's what you can actually drink where barfing is is probably, it's probably we're going to happen, but it might not.

But it's going to be real painful. So is that, is that 64? 64 would be a lot of milk, but it also sounds pretty decent. I think you're fine. Artificial intelligence says you can't die. No, there have been people that have died from it. Is that one of those old wives? While they were drinking milk? In 2012,

doctors described how a 54-year-old man found himself in the hospital unit. After chugging an excess of cow's milk over a couple of days? All right. I'm not a good example. No. Hmm. I can handle a gallon of milk in a couple days.

I can do that. Yeah. Over a couple days. Cereal. Probably a day. You know, AI's not always right. I could take down a gallon in a day. I read an article once.

Yeah. The studies show. No, I did. I did. I swear it. We've all read lots of things and told each other stories. All right. The milk one sounds like the easy truck.

Now, would you, is there, I mean, Mayo and side of a recent. She's disgusting. Mayo and chocolate. It's probably not that bad. It's possible. It's genuinely probably not that bad. Mayo is like a base for so many things that you eat and you love and is delicious. Like I know people, like my daughter just hates mayo.

Mayo is the worst thing in the world. Can't stand it. But it's plenty of sauces that are mayo based. You know, it's like you realize that's just mixing mayo and relish. That's all that's all the tartar sauce is. some ketchup in that mannays. Right. Oh, now you got Thousand Island.

It's like the, so I do think chocolate and mayo, there's a chance. It sounds disgusting, but there's a chance. You're like, you find something there. You know what I mean? You're like, if you found out that mayonnaise, Reese's cups are tasty. Yeah. You're in big trouble. Oh, because big Reese is coming after you.

Well, because you're going to be eating. Do you say they have, you're going to be eating chocolate mayonnaise? Do you see they have peanut butter and jelly, Reeseys coming out? grape and strawberry You have my attention There's a layer at the bottom of the Reese's You can look it up I am

This one's real You cannot eat a gallon of Reesees All right Without dying of happiness Peanut butter and jelly I can't spell strawberry He perished Wait there we go

I got it What was the struggle with the strawberry I forgot that W in there Strabbery It looked super wrong Strabbeary Strabbeary Okay, whether you could die or not, I want the milk in this one.

It's easy. That one is very easy. That's a small glass of milk. All right. Did you look up the Reese's? No, Jason was on it. I feel like you should have found it by now. If it were real, you would have found it by now.

No, it is real. I see it. It looks awesome. Yeah, grape and strawberry. Two options. Peanut butter and jelly. I haven't been eating a ton of sugar, but I'm getting this immediately.

Okay. Immediately. There you go. Nerd 750 from Patreon. Would you rather have your neck fixed in place without the ability to rotate side to side? Oh, can you not rotate? The OG Batman movies.

He couldn't move them. No. Every time we looked at something, it's a full shoulder turn. Or, sorry, rotate. You could not rotate it side to side with your eyes fixed in place.

Wait, sorry, sorry. I lost myself. This is getting so complicated. So wait, these aren't out to purchase yet or what? Jason's still searching for that and that's what distract. They're dropping in 2025. We don't need like how long it takes to put jelly in there. Squirt some jelly in there. Get in my mouth. You can do this yourself. Not not like they can. I want I want to cover. I can see him with a syringe. He's going to have a syringe. You just dip.

No, I want to inside the, the, because I like. In the cup? I like the cup being in the fridge. I like the cold cups. Oh, then they're too crispy. The reason I like to crispy. It up is because I thought Mike found out that I was lying, which is not a lot. I thought so, but no, it's looking good.

Let me start over. Nerd 750. Would you rather have your neck fixed in place without the ability to rotate side to size? Okay, the Batman. Or your eyes fixed in place without the ability to look side to side. So your eyes. can't move. Okay. So your eyes are stuck here and you can move your head. Okay.

I get it. Or your neck can't move and you can move your eyes. What a dumb question. Who wrote this in? What a stupid, stupid question. So essentially while I'm sitting here,

I can look towards you Andy or towards Mike, but I can't like without moving my head. Okay, I'm trying this on for size. I can't see much. Like if I try to see you, Andy or you, Mike, without moving my head, both suck. Like, I'm seeing nobody. Now, if I've got to turn my whole body to you, I granted I'm in a swivel chair.

It's pretty easy. In a swivel chair, I'm definitely taking the no moving the neck. I think that's probably better. I've ran the options. And you're right. This question's dumb. I, you know, I've had the occasional I wake up. Like when we go on the road, I'll sleep on the wrong pillow.

And I've had it where like basically. Sleep injury. Yeah, I basically can't move my neck. Like I did do a live show once or I was like. Yeah. I think that was doable. Anybody our age is. But not moving my eyes seems like a major problem.

Yeah. Because if they're just fixed forward and I'm using a computer, I've got to move my neck every time I look up. I don't know. Maybe that's not a big deal. The big deal here is dry. because I know that like I'm teaching my oldest

to drive. Which only one of them though, right? Both of them actually. And you know, one of the things you always need to look over your shoulder to make sure you're looking at oncoming traffic or you know when you're blinkering when you're changing lanes. But I always tell them like your head's got to be on a swivel. You can't turn your shoulders or you will turn the car.

You know, you really can't. Your hands are on the steering wheel. So if you're if you've got to turn your shoulder, all the way. You can't you can't really do that. Cars now, though. It's cameras. I mean, I've got cameras for everything. That's true. That's good. You're right.

I don't look anymore at all. Well, look, I mean, I'll be honest. I still turn when I look. Like, when you back out, are you turn it every time? Yeah. Yes, every time. Even when you have the camera for the backup camera? I have the camera on the back. I've got a camera on the side. And I use my eyes and I look and I see. Because here's, I use my eyes too on the camera. When I say that I do every time, I do almost every time and then when I don't. And I back out looking at the camera. You freaked out. Someone is driving like I'm pulling straight back on a parking lot and then a car that was coming that I couldn't see on the camera. If I'm at home, I won't do that. Sure. If you're a home and you know nobody's there or whatever. I'm going to, there's a dumb question. Yeah, dumb question. I think is what we're deciding here. I'm going to take the car cameras. I'm going to take the car cameras too, Mike. Nice. All right.

we'll take a break and come back with what's the difference what's the difference between me and you well sometimes we we handle dumb questions we do stuff like that we keep you entertained you know where you're your little old dancing clamps sometimes you get into serious stuff and we want to distinguish between a B and C and again what's the difference is when we do that we scientifically

ascertain the difference between things so you can move forward in your life right with clarity and understanding which is why I want to know the difference between a poop, a dump, and a turd. That size. Look, look, sometimes. You came to the right. You came to the right.

A dump is the biggest, right? Oh, it's a big. You don't go and take a small dump. I feel like a poop. That makes no sense. I feel like a poop and a turd. A turd is a singular. Yeah, turd's a little tiny nugget.

No, no, it's just it's one no matter what. Yeah, but it's small. If you have a massive turd, that's a dump, I promise. You take that one where it's hanging outside of the water and you go, Oh, that's a dump. I object. I've never taken a single turd or released a single turd and called it a dump. Yeah, because you know what a turd is.

If you have a turd, you would never call that a dump. It's not big enough. Let me ask you a question. You know that little plastic pieces of poop that people will set around as a gag? Right. What is that? That's a poop. That's a poop?

That's a poop? Yeah. That's not a turd? Well, it can be. What if you left a turd on someone's car? Is it just be a little piece? Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Well, look, are you talking about, I think I'm, are you talking about the, are you talking about the, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the one that's, the, uh, the, uh, the one's, the, if you left the dump on someone's car. Oh, it's everywhere. Dude, it's a problem. Get out the fire hose. Does it have to have a consistency to be a dump? It can be any consistency. A dump can be anything.

You can spray that stuff. You can lay that stuff, whichever one you want. This is spray, you can lay. You can spray or lay. You can do both. You can lay and then spray on it. I mean, a dump is just. But you can't spray a turd.

You cannot spray a turd. You can't spray a poop. No, the only, no, I don't think you can spray a poop. What happens when, let me ask you this, because this is very important. you just got done with a huge dump. Yeah. You leave the room. You come back in, you realize you got a little more, and it's a squirt.

What is that? As a squirt, you just said. Oh, it's not a bit. There are many more, many more descriptive terms here for. We're just trying to do these three. I got you. For your squirts, your sharts, your, uh, double deckers, your pop tarts. Yeah.

There's so many great ways to defecate. But if we're talking about poop dump and turd. The deucer group is losing control right now. I mean, deucer's alley. Deucer's alley is aptly named right now. That's because poop is funny. It's funny. Yeah.

Because it comes out of you. It smells so bad. Yeah. Everyone poops. And that just means average. When you take, when you go to the bathroom and it's just what you're used to. That's a poop. This doesn't make sense.

But somehow I think of a turd as being out of water and a poop of being in water. No, no, turd. can be in, it can float. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? It could be a floater or a sinker. Yeah. Which are other two categories, right?

Like a floater? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that's a subcategory. I remember clearly. The ghost poop, that's one of my favorite and hardest to achieve. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me you have, you've experienced the ghost poop.

You haven't experienced the ghost poop? Is that a poop that you look down and there's nothing there? 100%. Yeah. 100%. You thought you poop? No, you did poop. You know for sure you did.

I promise you poop. But it's, but it's, but it's, But there's no evidence. It slipped down. I think it goes all the way. It's like I'm flushing myself here. I got you. Because you sent it into the water at the right trajectory.

The right trajectory. Speed. It dove and there was no splash in that water. It's like an Olympic diver. And it just goes zoop right down the tube. And then you wipe and you look because you're always going to look. You wipe and you look and you go, I did it. I had the ghost poop.

Well, that's, I mean, now you're getting into like ultimate no wipe. and things like that. Oh, dude, the no wipers are amazing. Ultimate no wipers, Mike. I'm glad you probably love that. You do white, but it's a surprise because there's nothing on it. There's nothing on. It's clean.

Oh, that's a, that's like a no wiper. That's like a one twice in your life. The ultimate is when someone was just like, you bet on the no wipe and you just like, you pull the. No. No, I'm not saying I do it. I'm just saying. That's too far, man, because I've, I've had.

That's disgusting. It's disgusting. I've had the 100. You always go, that one felt like a clean one. Yeah. But most of the time it's not. But every now and then, it's super now. You go, I was way wrong. I thought this was a clean one. This is instead the marker. How many clean ones in a row? Oh, the markers. The marker. The marker, as Chris Pratt named, when you just, you could use a whole roll. It's like 20 flushes later. I'm like, dude, this, I have to have it all.

There's no way. I don't want to shower right now. The worst is if you, if you have the, the marker, and you go through a bunch of wipes and then you go, I do have to go a little more. And you reset the, I feel like at that point, you have to be helping. It's a refill. How many clean, no wipers would you have to have in a row before you take the chance and just pull the pants up? At least three, but that's impossible. Okay.

Listen, I remember very clearly the floater was the most popular in the house when we were kids because it was like, that was the one you tried to flush it and it'd still be there at the end. Oh, yeah, yeah. They don't go down. That's just a bad toilet. Because that means not all the water's flushing. No. If all the water flushes completely, I promise, it goes.

Okay. I get what you're saying, but a lot of them. It's catching the new clean water. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a moment. There's a moment when the floater. It's the power.

It's not the amount of water. Did we settle this? I think we settled it. Next time we'll talk about a floater, a ghost, and a bridge. A bridge. Oh, no. We can't get into that. Yeah.

We've done the bridge is a whole other thing. The bridge is to be. It's an engineering marvel. What is the difference between a friend, a buddy, and a chum? I'm pretty sure chums are English. Am I wrong there? It's English or it's a good chum. It's the stuff you put in the water to get the shark.

Yeah. Right, right. But that's just... It's so close to a chump, which is a different thing. But so, can you combine those? Like, it's a friend, but if I needed to get a shark here, I can throw them in the water. The English one goes first. Yeah.

Like I can save yourself? Maybe. I mean, a friend. What, you like English people? I just, you know, I don't know if the sharks like that. I don't know if the sharks like them. Maybe they're not, you know, a friend, a buddy. Let's start.

Okay. A buddy is not as close as a friend, right? Correct. A buddy is somebody that you. They can become a friend. I saw my buddy at the ballgame. I feel like a buddy. I ran into my chum.

For some reason. What in the world? So I am confused. I would like a little clarity on buddy because I feel like there is a little bit of seepage here from Dadville where I feel like a buddy has to be younger, like younger than you. Yeah. You know, but I don't know if that's just my fathering instinct being like, you know, my kid is my bud. But like I think you can have a buddy. You can have an older buddy?

A bud. That feels weird. An older buddy? Yeah. Within a year. So, well, sure. I'm saying like, you know, we're, we're middle age. So let's give a five-year difference.

All friends are buddies, by the way. But not all buddies are friends. I think I can agree with that. And none of them are chums because I'm not from bloody old England. Right. I mean, I don't have a chum. I don't have a chum. I certainly don't.

I think about all my buddies, all my friends. You never had a chum? Not once in my life if I had a chum. Is this have to do with drinking tea? Can you not have a chum if you haven't had somebody over for tea? And that's why they have a bunch of chums over there? I don't even think tea is enough because you could have tea. If you're not adding crumpets.

Yeah, you've got to have the crumpets and tea because that's really the English. Crumpets. Boston. Yeah, not, man, I'm sorry. Not today. We were on a heater. Yeah, we were. It was really bad.

Close the show. Yeah. Are we ready for the draft or what? What makes somebody your buddy, though? How do you cross the line between acquaintance to buddy, but not to friend? How do you thread the needle there? Is it someone you seek twice? Is it a two-time?

A buddy is you are, you will seek out to do something with them. So pickleball buddies. Yes. I go to, I go down there. They're not my friends, but I see them down there at the pickleball court. So they're my buddies? Now, hold on. Is it a friend that you have just one particular interest?

Yeah, you're like, oh, here's my pickleball buddy. No, this is, like this is. I don't think so. No? No, because I can see myself going to a party and say, oh, that's one of my buddies from work. I think a buddy is someone you like. But all you do is work with them. True.

You like a buddy. You're never like, oh, this is my buddy, and I don't like them. You like a buddy. You just don't do enough with them. I think it's one thing. Yeah, whether it's, whether it's, I mean, you could say it's only one thing. It's like my pickleball buddy. But it could be like, it would be a friend, but I don't see him that much.

Like, we hang out, but, you know. My friend from work, my buddy from work. I'm closer to the friend. Yeah, you're closer to the friend. The friend from work means you're like you're at work, but you're also willing to go to lunch with them. All right. Now, listen, this one has nothing to do with the first question, but what's the difference between a nook, a cranny and a crevice? Oh, it does.

A nook, a cranny, and a crevice. Wow. Now, we know nooks and crannies are both part of an English muffin. Well, right, right, right. But which part is which? Well, that's really what we're answering. I feel like the nook would be the pivot, the divot. Oh, like if an, it's like a little meteor hit the, hit the English muffin and created that little circle hole, that's a nook?

Yeah, I think that's the nook. But then what's the cranny? On an English muffin. Is the cranny the part that sticks up? Yeah. Well, no. I always thought a cranny was like a thin crevice. What?

What's a crevice? Which is also crevice. Well, crevice is, it's got to be vertical. Really? A crevice is usually vertical. It cannot be a horizontal. If it's horizontal, is it a crevasse? Wait, what do you mean horizontal and vertical?

A crevice, you see. Like if you're going to, if there's two objects and you're going to squeeze between them. Oh. It's vertical. It's not a, you're not laying down and horizontally going through it. Has to be upright. Oh, and which one is that a crevice? Yeah, that's a crevice.

And a crevice is two separate things that are not connected. So you're sneaking through sideways like this. Yes. And if you lay down... And they're not connected. Crevice is not connected. These are two things close to each other creating a crevice.

A nook is part of one object. Here's a... I don't know if this helps. But I know that people sometimes in their house they make a reading nook. That does not help. That hurts. Because it's just like a little...

It's a little corner or something. Well, there's a breakfast nook. A breakfast nook. A reading nook. Okay, so it's... It's tucked away. It is like the little... The little hole or the little divv it.

Yes. In whatever. So that one can't. We just don't know what a cranny is. No. No. No. Uh, yeah.

What could it be? I, I'm confusing it with granny so much. Yeah. I can't escape. Is it, they're different words. Is it the difference between the vertical? Maybe. Is that the horizontal one?

Like if it's on the ground, is it a cranny? I don't see many crannies. Just in the English muffins. I don't know another cranny out there. Can we get a... How many crannies are there in the world? Well, if you count the muffins, there's unlimited. Yeah, because they keep making more all the time.

I think we're stumped here. When I image search cranny, it literally... A small crack or crevice? Right, now go to images, and you won't find an image of whatever... I want to search for a cranny, to be honest with you. I promise you it's safe because all you're going to get is pictures of a building that says no nooks and cranny. I mean, there's no...

Oh, I found one. I found a cranny, and it's literally just a crack in the ground. I mean, it's... It's got to be small, though. It is so small. It's just... But it's a crack. It's a crack.

So you can't fit through it. No. You can go through. You can go right through a crevasse. Well, you might have to squeeze. Oh, for sure. Otherwise, it's a hallway. Yeah.

That's right. And that's not what we're talking about. No. But a cranny is a teeny little crack you walk on. A little crack. Wait, you know when you see the picture of the desert and it's so arid and there's all those cracks in the ground? Crannies. Crannies.

Yep. Okay. All right. We did it. One more, owl, are we moving on? Let's do one more. Okay. Great.

What is the difference between a path, a trail, and a walkway? Well, a trail is outdoor. And it's like rocks or dirt. A trail has been established before you get there. A trail has been trail blazed. Well, all three of those, though, have been. Well, but there's no, there's no... I feel like a path is more formal than a trail.

100%. Yeah. It may be paved. That's the point. That's the point, Andrew. A trail is in nature. And a walkway has nothing to do with nature at all. Nothing to do with nature.

In fact, oftentimes it's electrified. It's a moving automated walkway. This shouldn't belong in this question. Yeah, I'm with you. We're sitting here talking about nature and they're like, what about a walkway? Get out of here. Why can't we get those in other places? Why is the airport the only place that, why is there a stranglehold of monopoly on the moving walkway?

Why at stadiums? Are they not moving walkways? Did the airports invent them and they have a patent? They might have the patent. I'm on it. That was a joke. All right. A path, though.

Listen, I've been on trails. that have part of the trail paved. And it feels like you're cheating. That is cheating. But we could easily pave a whole trail. Yes. And it's so much easier to walk on. I think if it's paved, it's not a trail.

I really believe that. I think when you're on a trail and you get to a little paved portion, you have just exited the trail until that paved portion. And you're on a path now? You're on a path. A trail is like there's bushes on the left and on the road. Right, and whatever, but there's dirt from people before you, clearing the way. I also say this.

A trail cannot be infinitely wide. No, no, no, no way. There is a walkway can be pretty wide. You can have a walkway between a building, between two buildings, and it's super wide. Trails like two people wide. Two people wide. You've got to, you can't pass someone going the other direction without turning like you're entering some sort of. Or at least forcibly having to recognize.

them. You know what I mean? Like, you know I'm passing someone. It's not like, oh, I didn't even see that person on the trail. Then you're not on a trail. Figured it out. That was easy. Got it taken care of. Taking a break. No, airports do not have a patent on the moving walkways, by the way. Then why can't they be other places? Maybe we lost the blueprints. We don't know how to make them anymore. All right, taking a break, hitting the draft. By the way, before I hit this button, Al makes a good point. If Disneyland or theme parks had moving walkways that went between rides? I've thought this and my children have talked about this in the line.

Oh, just make the line that way. Make the line chairs. Just move them. Just slowly move them. I don't know. Just relax. Benches or whatever. What do they dump you out on the end?

You can stand up. It's all right. It would be like an escalator where once it gets to the end, that chair just goes back into the. But imagine. And so it's like at a grocery store when you put your food down on the, and the little food wall. And so it senses when there's another person up there. Exactly.

And just moves you forward. It's just moving you one person at all the time. That doesn't sound that bad. No, it's pretty great. Okay. The Spitballers Draft. Well, today we are drafting the best characters ever played by Tom Hanks, who has been in so many movies, shows, whatever.

Tom Hanks, best characters. Jason, you have the very first pick. And a lot to choose from. Yeah, there's a lot to choose from. I feel like there's a one-on-one, at least for our generation. I think there's two. I agree that there are two. I think there's three.

Well, that's good because you have the third pick. Yeah. But Forrest Gump is iconic. The entire movie is Tom Hanks. He is... Are you just listing things or is that your pick? No, that's my pick. Yeah, we're going to know that's your pick.

Forrest Gump is what I believe is the 101. You know, did he went? He had to have won the Oscar for that, right? I'm going to say he did. So, uh, Forrest Gump, a war. award-winning character, Academy Award. And so it was the... Possibly, yeah.

No, I declared it. But yeah, of course. Correct. Boom. Yeah. Best actor and best picture. Well, then I'm going to go with Woody. Yeah, those are the two.

I'm going to go with Woody from Toy Story, spanning more than just one measly movies. You certainly get more movies. So I'll go with Woody. I thought you'd take Woody and I'd end up with Forrest Gump, but those were the top two to me. man there's like what the toy story uh franchise has become is it's wild

are you happy that they made that mean is that a good thing or a bad no i think it's it's good i've i mean what they're working on five well there are there are those there are those that believe that they should have stopped after three i think yeah i think because of the finish the end of three was was perfection but Ford was still good. It wasn't amazing, but it was still, I enjoyed it. It took away from the dominance of the three, though. That's how, it does affect the legacy.

Yeah, but I'm not. It's like the whole Star Wars thing. Exactly. You can't keep coming out with them. You keep printing the same thing over and over and over and eventually it grows tiresome. You, you dig too far into the mountain. Yeah, but you let the ball rock out. But you can go back to Toy Story 3 and watch it, and you're like, oh, this is great.

Yeah, I don't. Look, but I don't want to because the fourth ruined it. Difference of opinion, but, um, all right. The point is I have Woody. Yeah, it's a, it's a very good pick. Uh, I'm going with two here. So, uh, my first pick here is, hopefully you guys know the, the picture, because I'm just, I'm going to go with the name. You know the name.

Carl Han ready. Oh, you're right. I do. Dude, knock, knock. Who's there? That's catch me if you can, right? Yes, it is. Absolutely.

Call Hanratty was, there's no way that wouldn't have been my next pick. In fact, I will go so far as to say that would have been my second pick over Woody. I told you there was three. All right, you win this round. That one's much lower on my list. Oh, man. Catch me if you can is a perfect movie. And Tom Hanks is so good and so very funny in that movie.

Knock, knock. Yeah, see? Oh, it's so good. It's fun to say. And now I don't even know how to. to play the game for the draft here. So I'll just take the one I want to take. This is a, I feel like this movie has been sort of lost in the shuffle, just lost to time. But I watched it, you know, not like last month or any, but somewhat recently and was reminded

how good it is. And in this movie, his name is Michael Sullivan. It is, and he is the character from Road to Perdition. Okay, listen. I want to talk about that movie. Yes. I want to talk about that movies. Oh, man, they're impassionate. Dude, it's great. You've never seen it. Road to Perd.

Oh, my gosh. Jason, you are so lucky. Talk to me. It's Paul Newman. Yes. That's. I don't know who that is. Oh, yes, you do.

You don't know Paul Newman? I'm looking him up. So it's Paul Newman. And not just for the dressing. And Tom Hanks. Oh, yeah, the dressing guy. I remember when, I remember when that movie came out. And I thought people would forget it.

It's the mobster movie. I have no idea who Paul Newman is. I genuinely thought this movie would be forgotten in this draft. that that is an amazing pick and that movie is very very good very very good i am so envious jason that you can go home tonight and watch road to perdition for the first time no way do you know anything about it i don't know anything about it i will not i'm not going to tell you anything about it i can't imagine i'm going to do it mike i don't think i'm going to watch it i promise you will love oh hey you know what time out oh yeah we do hold up we have an update we have an update

where's our breaking news i don't give us the breaking news here It does, those buttons don't work here. Oh, those aren't set up here. Oh, that's, that's quite a shame. Do do do do. Do, do. Um, so, last time, we follow through. Last time on the spitballers podcast, we had, I had, um, a very deep desire to know my blood type. And, and it was impossible. Oh, oh, this breaking news. This just in the spitballers crew all tested their blood and all know our blood type. Now, not without some apprehension. Well, there was blood everywhere. That is not a joke. First of all, there was blood everywhere. You have to do a little finger prick, which is the whole reason I tried to find a way out of this.

And you really tried to find a way out of it after all of us were doing it. You felt the pre-pressure because all of our blood was spilling. It was a group effort. Jeremy's blood was everywhere. He couldn't stop bleeding. Jeremy just blood all over the table. This is a finger prick. I don't know what, how hard you have.

He's got more blood than average. No, this, because this was not just, I mean, I couldn't tell you at the time. Dude, I still have the mark. Like, I, oh, I still have my mark too. Those lancets are like little swords. They're so intense of, you know, I did a keto diet for like two years. So I'm testing my blood frequently. This thing was not just a tiny, tiny finger prick.

This thing, I thought it would hit me in. the finger nail. I thought it went through my finger. It makes my butt clench right now talking about it. Jason went to another room, turned the light out. Yeah. And did it there. I had to.

I kept trying. And then came back with blood all. Just bleeding. Just covered of blood. He's like a murder scene. I mean, and he's trying to collect it as it drips off. Anyways.

You know your blood type. I'm O positive. So there you go. And you two, congratulations on your great grades. We're A plus. You are A plus. That's right. We have, I think Mike and I were the only A positive's in the office. It was a wild time, but we got to figure it out.

And now, Jason, you need to figure out how to rent Road to Perdition. I am telling you, man. It's a good movie. I am telling you, you are going to like this movie. All right, you're going to have to remind me because I can't do it tonight. And I will not remember tomorrow. All right. I'll follow up Woody with what I would say is like on the Forrest Gump level of iconic performances by Tom Hanks, where he owns the screen the majority of the movie. And it's just too iconic of a time in history for him to be in that movie.

I'm taking Chuck Nolan and Castaway. I'm taking Chuck Nolan and Cal. The movie was Tom Hanks on the screen. It was, yes. I'm not saying the movie was the best movie that's ever been made, but it was a good movie. It should be seen one time. I don't care if you take Helen Hunt out of it.

But the movie was good. I got to do that to hell on the heart. I just don't like, I don't care for her. What is, you don't like mad about you? It's like, uh, pretty annoying. I like Helen Hunt. It's like Mary Steenbergin and the third back of the future. Oh my God.

Could have done without. How dare you compare it to that? That's a little too far. Not about you's all right, but. Matt about you was good. She was, she was, she's made for TV. What was, what? Not a movie star?

Yeah, that's all I'm saying. Okay. Uh, Jason, you are back up on the clock. Mike has Carl Hanrady from Catch Me of you can on. Sullivan for Road to Perdition. Hot start. I've got Woody and Chuck Nolan from Castaway. Jason has Forrest Gump from Forrest Gump.

I do. I'm going to go with someone that he played that is an iconic person. Someone near and dear to all of our hearts because he created a land of wonder and magic. Really? Yeah, I am taking his portrayal of Walt Disney. Oh. Tom Hanks and saving Mr. Banks. I had no idea where that was going. Saving Mr. Banks.

Walt Disney was neat to see him come to life. He's played a couple of real life people. Yeah. That he has just done so well at. And I really want to take the next one just to stick it to Mr. Holloway. Oh. But I'm not going to. Oh.

Oh. What is happening? Instead. So you did take. I took Walt Disney. Okay. Okay. And then I'm going to take Captain Miller from saving private Ryan.

Okay. Okay. Very classic movie. I'm getting a different styles here. We got real. We got war. We've got, um, you know. Saving.

Well, I'm talking about my three different things. Oh, sorry. I was like, how did Forrest Gump save? So, all right. So many movies that he's been in. So many good potential picks here. I think the saving private Ryan pick would have been my next one. I'm going to go with Josh Baskin in big.

I'm going Tom Hanks in big. That was one of the movies that I watched so many times as a kid. Special place in my heart. Special movie. Really cool movie. I'm surprised you had the last name. When I was on IMDB, he's just listed as Josh. Yep.

Josh Bass. I had to Google. It was on my list. And sadly, as I deleted John, Baskin off my list. Good pick, by the way. I realized there was someone I wanted so much more than Captain Miller. Well, you can see if it gets bad. I've already got my last pick. Planned, fellas. There's no way you're picking them and there's no way I'm not. Okay. It's not me. It's up to you, Mike. Mike, you are very confused by this. You have two picks. You have two picks. All right. I don't remember

how they say his last name in this because it's been so long since I've seen it, but it's Jimmy Dugan. Yeah, that's the one I wanted. What? It's Dugan. How would you think that was not in play? It's a league of their own, by the way. No, no, no. That's not my last pick. I said that's the one I wanted for my previous pick.

Okay, okay. Because my last pick is, you guys won't take it. Is your last pick? Wacky? Maybe. Is it? Don't you dare. Is it its own thing?

Don't you dare. No! No! It's its own thing, man. Take it, man. I had already, which, producers, can we get back to work? I messaged Jeremy. Three minutes ago, and I said, am I allowed to take...

100%? David S. Pumpkins, baby. Yes, it's a great. It's one of the best big characters of all time. It's one of the best characters of all time. Any questions? It's an S&L character with Tom Hanks. When you clarified in our Slack channel that you wanted characters, not movie characters,

I 100% assumed that just meant you were taking Devin S. David S. Pumpkin. And I was. and I did. Oh, I thought for sure that would come to me. So now you get neither one. He took both of yours. Great picks, Mike.

I mean, fantastic work over there. Well, that means that I have Woody, Chuck Nolan from Castaway, Josh Baskin from Big, and I will close it out with Jim Lovell from Apollo 13. Ironically, just watched a full real documentary. Oh, on Apollo 13? I highly recommend it, Mike.

What service is that? I believe it's an Apple TV documentary. I'm on it. Actually, no, it's Netflix. It's a Netflix documentary. Okay. I actually know it too. Look, just search for it.

You'll find it. That story in real life. Apollo 13th survival? I don't know if that's it. That's 2024. That's it. Yeah, I'm in on this. You got to watch it.

It's so good. Dude, I'm watching that tonight. Yeah, that is the one. It's all real footage, like a bunch of unseen footage from the real events. but look Apollo 13 Outstanding movie Final Pizantastic

How long does footage Continue to say unseen footage? I don't know why Eventually like all everyone's seen that This unseen footage Yeah it's like when the Jordan documentary came out They're like we got tons of footage No one's ever seen like who

It's 25 years What do you mean you never seen it Because it's on like a home video Or a home camcourt But it's just all it is When they say it it gets me All right All right guys

this I'm out is an awesome pick not only is it such a great pick now it was such a great pick the last time I made it

and because I made it Robert Langdon from the Da Vinci Code welcome back to the squad we're going to be solving riddles and finding treasure that movie with that mullet and hair

both suck if I swear I promise you If he did not have that haircut, the movie would have done great in the box office. I watched the movie. It was awful. The first time in the history of movies where the makeup artist ruined a film. Ruined it. Do you think he looked in the mirror and was like, seriously?

That's it. This is the look? Nobody took Mr. Rogers? No, that was the one I wanted, but I've never seen it. So I don't know his, I'm sure he did great. Paul Edgecombe and Green Mile. The last one I would have taken, if I couldn't go, David Pumpkins was going to be Mr. White from that thing you do. Yeah, that was on the list.

There's a lot of great movies. It's funny that he was Michael Sullivan and Road to Perdition because he was also Culli. Captain Sully? Yeah. Pro tip. Don't watch that movie. The night before you have an airplane flight the next day. Watch it on the flight.

Or don't watch it on the plane either. I am going to What you do, hold on You watch that movie when you take a boat ride And then when you take a flight You watch Richard Phillips and Captain Phillips When he was the boat captain I'm the captain now

Where do you watch Apollo 13 then? Underground That makes sense The math is checking out here All right I genuinely believe that A role I'm about to say You guys probably didn't see the movie

they might not know the character therefore but I think it might be his best character he's ever done I hope it's just like he did Tom Hanks cameo no it was from the movie the Lady Killers Professor G.H. Doar if you haven't seen this I've not seen the movie I remember when it was coming out

I don't think it was very popular it wasn't it wasn't a huge hit oh I remember this you remember the poster but his character in there's like nothing he ever played before or after It's a dark comedy. Crime thriller? Yeah, and he is... Oh, it's a Cohen movie.

Yeah, the Coen Brothers. Yeah, it's a Coen Brothers. I'll watch this, you watch Road to Perdition. Okay, but just be amazed at his character, because he doesn't do anything like this. In all the movies we just picked, in the undrafted list, he doesn't play caricatures, funny, like, absurd characters. His caricaturedure. And he is. He is in this, and he does it phenomenally.

If he looks like that and doesn't talk like... Colonel Sanders. I'm going to be bought. Oh, you'll love how he talks. Okay, perfect. All right, that'll do it for today's draft. What did we learn today? Oh, man. By the way, I was trying to learn the exact number of movies that Tom Hanks has been in. And no matter how many times I searched, it just kept saying over 100. I can't get an exact number. His IMDB actor credits is at 101. Oh, well, that's over 100. I also learned that apparently the word importances is a real world. And I learned what a cranny is. That's what I learned.

All right. That'll do it. Hope you enjoyed the episode. Thank you for tuning in, supporting the show, leaving review, telling your friends, all the good stuff. We'll be back with another episode very shortly and a spit hit on Thursday. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com.