Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Gift Guilt & Hobbies We'd Like to Try - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 26, 2025

Spit Hit for May 26th, 2025:On this episode we discover we don’t have all the answers, realize that gift guilt exists and tap into the potential of half cremations, before bringing it home with a Hobbies We Would Like to Try draft.Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. A doobie doobie dobbie tell me your hobby shadoink okay I'm in I'm in on it I think that's great shadoink? you just couldn't believe it shadoink is the loudest word anybody's ever said

I don't even know if capital letters does that word justice that's capital underline exclamation point bold trademarks it was that show me your hobbies I know do be told I said tell me don't tell no man should do I blacked out and then I said should doink welcome man to the Spitballers. Make an anoint though, I'd note, I like that word. That's a good one. I mean, worse words could have come out.

Your mouth. Yeah, not bad. Spitballers episode 272, welcome in, would you rather life advice and a draft. Today we are drafting hobbies you'd like to try. Hobbies you'd like to try. So that should be fun. I may or may not have started to build,

I started to build a list and I was trying to type it to myself in a little private channel where I keep my notes and I might have posted my entire list in a more of a community channel with you two gentlemen. Oh man, well, did you delete it? Well, you screenshot it. You're darn right I did. Not letting that go.

Not letting that go. Of all the things to copy, hobbies that I'd want to try. Well, I got to draft it before you, my friend. So we're doing that today. Yeah, in the Spitballers channels, where I put it. Yeah. That's fine. It's a good place.

And then I heard you start to read them. And then I go, oh. Oh, you've got a similar list I didn't know we were so similar Well, let's let's kick it off by the way you can follow the show on X at spitballers pod We appreciate your reviews of the show on Apple podcasts or on Spotify and we always always Want to encourage you share some joy with the friends and family in your life. Tell them about the Spitballers podcast.

Make their lives that much happier. Here we go. Would you rather? Would you rather question? Would you rather bite into a chicken strip and discover it's raw or eat a bowl of cereal and realize the milk is curled halfway through? These are both bad. Halfway through?

Yeah, at least in one it's like you start to bite, oh no, what is this? Well, not ingest it. Yeah, I was going to say that halfway through means that you swallowed like a start to bite you. Oh, no. What is this? Well, it's not ingested Yeah, I was gonna say the halfway through means that you swallowed like a bunch of bad milk. Yeah, I It's funny because our family my wife she just celebrated her birthday We went to the melting pot last night the melting pot of you don't know it is a fondue restaurant and They have come up with a way to charge you eight times the money to do your own work. Mm-hmm. But it is fun and it's delicious. A couple kids had never been there.

And you have your cheese fondue at the beginning and then you've got your main course. And they bring out raw steak, fish, shrimp, whatever you order, and raw chicken. Okay, now, you know, if you cook your steak raw, whatever, it's fine, right, because it's a slab of meat. Mostly, yeah. So the inside of the raw meat has not been exposed to bacteria. Whereas like a chicken,

you don't wanna eat undercooked chicken. So I'm thinking, why do they let people cook their own chicken, man? It seems- I was paranoid. I cooked my chicken and I'd be like oh this is a little too soft. Did I undercook my chicken? It seems a health hazard. It does. For a restaurant to allow that to happen. And yeah I'm the I have one way of cooking chicken and that is to annihilate it. Just blow it away. Yeah, I don't. Cook it till it's a brick of chicken.

I don't trust the thermometers. You do the cut test and look at the color of the meat. You're like, nope, nope, nope, nope. That is not charred enough. Yeah, so look, the potential bad that comes out of this. I'm eating the bowl of cereal with the really yes because of this one. I've enjoyed half a bowl of cereal clearly. I didn't notice until halfway through. Okay, which means I'm going to make the extrapolation that is not that bad. It doesn't taste you can mentally do that.

I think I could mint, because I'm not worried about getting like salmonella poisoning and being in the hospital. But it's just a bite. Let me tell you a little story. Oh, OK. Oh, you spit it out. My father once was, this was when I was a child,

eating some Frosted Mini Wheats. And he was enjoying this nice eating some Frosted Mini Wheats. And he was enjoying this nice bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats. Okay. Enjoying it. He ate over half of this bowl. In fact, I think he almost had finished the bowl when he noticed late into the cereal bowl. How is this possible?

That there were gosh little tiny? No bugs Okay, all right, what were you thinking chunks? Over chunks. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, that's that's surprising No, cuz you give me the yogurt chunks over the bus No, cuz I cuz I can eat but I'm gonna feel gross. I don't feel terrible But my anxiety if I ate a half a bowl of something that was I deemed to be spoiled I am the like

The expiration date on the milk. This is this is law Oh for sure you can you cannot compromise There is no court that can overpower. No, did it? No, smell? Smell test? No way. It doesn't, you can't trust the nose? I'll smell test, no, I'll smell, no wait, hold on.

Let me ask this question real quick. Clarity on the law. Okay. I just wanna understand what is on the books. Yep. The date on there, if you look at your watch, it's the same date. Yeah, that's bleach inside that.

Inside that gallon, it might as well be bleach. So it expires actually at midnight when that day begins? That's right. Exactly. Now, Mike, do you go through the full day? Eastern Standard Time. I would like to believe I could, but I'm guessing that if I went and grabbed the milk

and it was day of, I go, it's not worth the risk. It's not worth the risk. What if you don't have any more milk? You're eating something else. What if you've already poured your cereal in the bowl and you're waiting to pour the milk in? Then you pour the cereal with everything in the garbage. You have to dispose of the cereal

because you made a mistake. Yeah, I mean, mistakes are mistakes. And the thing for the smell test is, to me at least, all milk kind of smells like it's on the verge of going bad. No matter when I smell it, I know that rotten milk is horrific, but there's the point where it's turning. Have you ever?

People with sophisticated sense of smell, like my wife, she could tell you if it's rotten. I'm like, it's probably rotten. Here's the problem. It's brand new. No, it's probably rotten. It smells different if you already read the expiration date. Oh, for sure it does. Here's the problem. It's brand new. No, it's probably rotten. It smells different if you already read the expiration date. Oh, for sure it does.

That's a great point. You really want to smell it first. If I read the expiration date, and then I would never smell it after that, because I know it will make me gag. No matter what, I open that to the ammonia that is coming out. Ammonia? In my mind. Well, there's some kind of poison.

Yeah, I mean, no way. Milk just, it's not gonna hurt ya. If you eat raw milk. Raw, I mean. If you eat raw milk, if you're eating milk, it's hurting you. But the- Yeah, if you're eating it, I see what you're saying.

The anxiety that I will have for the rest of the day, after consuming half of a bowl of, then I find out it's, in my mind, poison. I'm just gonna, at every moment, go, oh, here we go, here we go. How bad is that with the chicken, though? But I can spit it out. Yeah, but you know there's like salmonella,

you know, stuff inside your mouth. I'll get the mouthwash. Residue? To just finish that little story about my dad. Oh, sorry. No, no, no, that's fine. It's a great sidetrack. But Andy was saying he has enjoyed this, you know, half a bowl of cereal and then he found out it was curdled. Well, my dad did throw up. Oh. He had enjoyed it but the knowledge of, I just had a bunch of bugs. Wait, so he was not, he didn't like

receive that information with, oh well. He received it with, uh oh. He received that with, oh my gosh, I have just eaten food that has been infested with bugs. And if there's, honestly though, okay now that you're thinking about it, if there's bugs in there, it's because this milk is already poisoned. This milk has gone bad. Yeah, whether it's in there's bugs in there, it's because this milk is already poisoned. Like this milk has gone bad. Yeah. Whether it's in the milk or in the cereal or...

But I'm saying like bugs, to me, bugs don't want fresh milk. They're not mammals, they're bugs. They want dirty, nasty, disgusting, rotten milk. The bugs were in the cereal. Ah, okay. Because we looked into the box of cereal... Okay, okay. Yeah, that makes more sense and found more it wasn't in the milk, but my point is Once you discover What you have eaten? Yes, you can still pay the penalty all of it mentally. It's not like well

It was good until then what's the final word here? By the way when you do the smell test I assume you also then subject someone else in your family. Yeah to confirm. Yes smell Oh my gosh all the time, especially always like you smell this now like I'm I am the worst with Having good intentions with it with a nice chicken dinner But then you leave you defrost you put it in the fridge and it's like you don't make it done next day You know and chicken once you put it in the fridge you it the timer is going and it's like you don't make it the next day. You know, and chicken once you put it in the fridge, the timer is going. And chicken, just like milk,

always smells like it's gone bad. Chicken always smells like it's gone bad. Yeah, it smells like a fart. I've never opened a fresh, brand new piece of chicken. That's why Mike makes it well done. Just breathe it, just you know. it. Is that some fresh raw chicken? Mike cooks as long as like a powder at the end. Yes. If you touch it it just poof. So when this question was asked I thought to myself well like I know that you can get you

know you always hear oh you can get salmonella from chicken. You gotta cook it well. But how likely are you to actually get sick or not get sick if you are touching raw chicken? Because we all touch raw chicken. We cook. The three of us have cooked. We've handled raw chicken before. We rinse our hands or wash our hands or whatever.

I soap wash my hands after every step with raw chicken. Yeah. The big salmonella has even gotten me good. I don't know that they've done enough, because I started researching this. It's not good, man. Yes, big salmonella. Well, big salmonella is doing a great job.

Let me tell you what they're doing out there. The CDC estimates that salmonella. That looking at chicken. Causes more foodborne illness than any other bacteria. Chicken is a major source of the illness, in fact, and this is from, this is from CDC.gov. According to my data. About one in every 25 packages of chicken

at the grocery store are contaminated with salmonella. All right, I'm out. And even slightly undercooked chicken will not kill it. So it's like you're- One in, this is at the grocery store? Yeah. Like- Cook your chicken, man.

Why are we eating chicken? Because it's good. It's not that good. Oh, it's good. It's not as good as steak. I like chicken a lot. Yeah, but think about what you gotta do then. One in 25 have it and then you got to under cook it Right or not wash your hands. Mm-hmm

So then those two have to come together like maybe let's just say one out of every 50 times you cook chicken you accidentally under cook it and then one in 25 packages has salmonella Do the math Jason right now? You have a 12% chance. Oh no. Well, I'm gonna put out a cookbook about how you prepare chicken safely. How to overcook your chicken by Mike Wright.

First you're gonna fry it for five minutes each side. Then put it in the oven at 475 degrees for 10 to 25 minutes. And once it's done, microwave it. Put it in the oven at 475 degrees for 10 to 25 minutes. And once it's done, microwave it. Put it in the air fryer. Yeah, put it in the air fryer and microwave it, final step. All right, I'm staying away from the chicken, final answer. I cannot have ingested it.

I'm going to. Or my day is ruined. I can't eat that milk. I can't eat that milk. I can't eat that milk. I'm going to hope that. Look, 1 in 25, just that alone. OK? But those are, when it comes to odds, that's not too bad.

24 out of 25, this does not have salmonella. How many times have you eaten chicken in your life? 25 times? No, a lot more than that. But this is just a one-off. I took a bite of raw chicken. So you're going. I think I'm taking the odds. You're doing the doing the whole cereal. No, I mean you're doing the chicken. Yeah. Yeah All right, would you rather have to push your to push start your car every time you go somewhere?

Like like the Flintstone. That's funny Or have to climb in through a second floor window every time you come home You're gonna have to climb in through a second floor window every time you come home. Okay. Do I get a, can I lock the ladder in or do I have to set the ladder up every time, Josh? Do I have to climb an actual lattice? The ladder is there, but you have to climb it every time.

Okay, all right. Do you imagine how bad bringing the groceries in would become? No, is it just your, it's every time you come home. So it's the first time in. So you can climb up into the window and then unlock your door. Right. And then just take the groceries in.

It's just when you get home, you got to go in through the second story window. If that's true, that's not that bad. It's not that bad? To climb a ladder to crawl in? It's a lot better than push start in my car, brother. If I have to go in a ladder once just when I come home, that's fun.

I'd like to go in my. I'm gonna do that right now. I mean, that's a good time. You can do this. You can open a window and just start doing that every time you get home. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it. Has anyone ever put an ornate front door? Lookin' like a front, and I'm not talkin' about a nice stair entrance, I'm saying there's just a door. But it's a fancy lookin' front door, and there's nothing underneath it. It's just worth it. You're sayin' on the second story,

no, you can't even stand in front of it. Right. You have to have a ladder to get in. No, no one has ever done that. To answer your question, no one has ever done that. I feel like there are some super large houses that have a faux door at the end of a hallway or something. So on the other side, there's technically-

Well, yeah, if you're in Toontown, that happens. Oh, that's true. It is from Toontown, yes. But I don't know, I'm in on this ladder thing. Think it could be fun? Yeah, I mean I figure I've got a chute on the other side of the house. How fast do you have a chute to get out?

Yeah. Okay. This is based on the popular board game. Yeah, chutes and ladders. Oh, okay. This is based on the popular board game. Yeah Okay, all right, I'm like cuz I haven't heard a Slide referred to as a shoot in quite a while. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, what is a shoot like a garbage? Shoot. Yeah or laundry how fast do you like what speed do you have to get a car up to? for it to push start oh

Boy, I don't think you're gonna be able to get it going fast. Especially Papa Josh should know this. Papa Josh has worked in the automobile industry. It's like five miles an hour. It's not much. You need space though, man. Yeah. Imagine being parked like parallel parked on the street

and then you're like, I gotta get out of here. Oh, parallel parked would be. You're gonna have to go right out into the road and people can move. Well, you just, if you were parallel parked, parallel parked would be. You're gonna have to go right out into the road and people can move. Well, you just, if you were parallel parked, what you would have to do, and you're by yourself, is you would have to turn the wheel, get out, go push it a few inches.

The buy yourself thing. Backwards, go get in the car, turn the wheel the other way, go back the other side. It would take 30 minutes. Behind the car and push it four more inches You'd have to keep pushing your car back and forward Austin Powers style while stopping in the car to turn the wheel each time before you could finally push start it Yeah fast enough to get going, but you have to run into the car

No, no, no you go door out. Oh, that's right I was thinking maybe you could strategically just park on hills and get this thing really going. You could, yeah. Would you pull up when you park and leave your back tires up on a curb? Just for a little boost? I don't know, I'm just thinking like. I don't think the speed will be the real problem.

No? Space? Space is much more, like you would never parallel park ever. But now it's like, think about every single time you ever get in your car. How often, if ever, do you get in your car, start it up, and drive forward. Only on those great moments. Only if you back in. Those great moments. Or the pull throughs.

Yeah, the pull through. Like, oh, me and the car in the parking spot in front of me is gone. Check this out. I had an embarrassingly over-exuberant joy when I pulled into a spot the other day, and I was like, woo, a pull through. And I was like, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, because. Can't wait to get out of here. That's the issue I have with this push to start, is that you're always gonna have to start pushing it backwards. To get out. Yeah, to. I mean, you're gonna change your habits.

You're only looking for pull-throughs. You can back into the garage. I guess you're just backing in every parking spot. The answer is for me very clearly, I want the latter situation. I'm very intrigued by it. I think it could be backing in every party spot. The answer is for me very clearly, I want the ladder situation. I'm very intrigued by it. I think it could be fun. And it's, imagine being pursued by a robber

in this scenario. You're not getting into my house and then they have to climb the ladder after you? Yeah. You think I want, wait a minute, hold up. You're saying that this, if you're being pursued by a robber, by a villain here, that you wanna climb a ladder in front of them? It's the best place to be when being pursued.

I think it's the, if I was, let me put myself in the criminals. Yeah, come on up. Come on up, buddy. And you're trying to get away from me. I get my feet. I'm just pulling the ladder, bro. I'm just.

You make a good point. You're on a ladder. I'm talking about. Well, I'm just going, oh, okay. I was talking about both people on a ladder. That's the best scenario. The rules of the villain are they have to climb the ladder. Yes.

And guess what? I'm kicking them. I'm kicking them. They fall off the ladder. What's the word? Shadoink. Right onto the ground. Okay, if there is a rule that all people chasing you must continue up the ladder

They're trying to break into my house if they pull the ladder down they can't get my valuables They're pulling the ladder down, bro. They're just shaking it. They're just it would be so easy You're so safe from home invasion if that's your main door Okay, it's not it's it's a permanent ladder, and I'm pulling the ladder up out Okay, it's now it's it's a permanent ladder and I'm pulling the ladder up out. It's now it's a fire escape ladder permanent ladder Then I'm grabbing his foot. Oh, I'm good luck. I'm kicking. Yeah, and I'm wearing cleats all the time All I know is I would be more afraid to be the person higher on the lap

You would be more afraid, but the- You're not as vulnerable. Yeah, you got the leverage. You just start stamping down. Yeah, man. Okay. With my cleats. I mean, obviously in battle, you want to usually-

One good stomp on a hand, that person's going, ah, because that's also the rules of ladders. One hand is stepped on. That's right. You let go with both, and you fall backwards. I've seen them in movies. Yeah, Lion King, bro. I'm taking the push to start I'm taking the ladder all right we got time for one more of these or should we move it on good luck push starting your car in Arizona what's that I didn't think about summers we can do another one

Papa Josh with us today judge do you might hear as well when you die would you rather be turned into a diamond or have your ashes launched into space? Ooh. Talk me out of space here. Well, would you like to be a girl's best friend? Hm? Huh?

There's a whole song about it. Yeah, OK. You're worth more as a diamond. Yeah, but you're being tossed into a drawer, potentially. Maybe. You could be worn and remembered all the time. You could just be in... You guys are... This diamond thing is really attractive to you? It's interesting, but I'm more with you of, like, let's go.

How about a diamond launch into space Put my spat go into space take my ashes. Let me rejoin the stars I don't know that I would want like I I would love to go to space right yeah I don't know that I want my ass just like I won't I won't know or remember now It's like do you care where your ashes are um I want someone to be able to visit me I mean you're personally I don't want to be cremated. You're not a cremation. I'm not a cremator.

I'm not a cremation either. Yeah. I'm curious as to why we both chose you. OK, yeah. I want to hear about this. And Mike, do you have a request then? I'm drop me off on the corner, man. I do not care.

You can put me in the family oven. Taxidermy me, cremate me. Nobody's ever done 50-50, by the way. Ooh, a half burial? Well, that's just like a- Half body, half cremation. You just bust the top half. Yeah.

And you flame up the legs. Imagine doing the inverse. These are my sweet Donnie's legs. His top half was cremated. We shot it in his face. No, here's his top half. It's just in the scurn. It kind of feels like it would work the other way,

but the... It does. It's totally OK. I wanted to save... Because it's the face. It is. The face is who the person is. Could you just save the head and then cremate the rest

to have more ashes? I think you'd have a lot more ashes. And yeah, I mean, I would want the neck. Because otherwise, I'm imagining this mounted on the wall, of course. I don't think you want just the head. You've got to have the neck. This is good.

No, you want to hear why yeah why why not cremated why Andy you go first I mean my reasoning is that I like a place to go you can still have a memorial remember there's the people have memorial areas where they keep the urns well but not like out in in like a rainy cemetery no yeah they'll do those they'll keep the urns. Wow, but not like out in like a rainy cemetery. No, yeah, they'll do those. They'll put the urns out there? Yeah.

I mean, but why? Why not just bury the body? Because it's expensive. It's more expensive to, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Way more. Cascades, yeah.

That makes sense. The casket is. I thought through it. The casket racket is. You know how you can get half off, right? Ridiculous. That's true. You just, you're like, could we cut that casket racket is ridiculous. You know how you can get half off, right? That's true. You're like, could we cut that casket in half?

What are the most easily burnable parts of me? No, I didn't know that. I don't think that's common, at least, to have a headstone with an urn in front of it. I want the headstone. I want somebody to stroll through the cemetery and just be like, what a chap he was. Did you know you could just put a headstone. I want somebody to stroll through the cemetery and just be like, what a chap he was. Did you know you could just put a headstone anywhere

and not actually have to be there? There is something. You lose something. Yeah, you absolutely lose something. Mostly because the body's not beneath it. Yeah, you want to visit the bones. You know? That's what you want when you go.

Now, Jason, you didn't answer. No, but so here's. You want to visit the bones. You know? That's what you want when you go. Now, Jason, you didn't answer. No, but so here's... You want to visit the bones. You sound psychotic. Really breaking this down. No, no, no, no. We all visit the bones of our ancestors. I think really breaking this down, you shouldn't be cremated because like I mean sometimes for whatever reason you know body needs to be exhumed or or maybe they you know who knows what they need in the future he doesn't want to lose his chance of being resurrected yeah already signed up for one of those cryo things you show me where? No, no, I have not yet. Not yet. Yeah, I just feel like

keeping whatever is left of me intact is more practical. You want to be exhumed? Potentially. I feel like if he wants a family member one day when they invent something to be able to go dig into the ground, pull his DNA out and resurrect him like a mammoth. That's I would have assumed to do that with ash someone who wants to be buried is like do not disturb My do not disturb my remains you think that the rest in peace situation. Yeah, if you if you're ashes

If you are now ash, yeah Do you have dea is that no No, your DNA is toast, man. Really? It probably gets burned up. It's toast. Interesting. That's Ash. Okay.

It's Ash, man. But they could do like take a couple strands of your hair and just put them in like a baggie. Oh, pre-burn. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, you're saying before. Before the burning, you just say.

And then they just tape it on the back of the urn. I assume I won't have hair by the time I die. So we've got to find something else. Maybe just keep a finger. Skin cells, that's fine. A finger. I mean, look, I need part of me that you visit. Haven't you ever seen Fifth Element?

They can bring them back from a small part of something. I have seen the. The Fifth Element. Very true story. So you don't care? Mm-mm. So is it like spouse's choice in your situation? Yeah.

Whatever you're feeling in the moment? Yeah, if I have to make the decision, I'll go cremated. For the sake of the show. OK. Because you don't care, will you go 50-50 for us? Sure. OK. Why would you choose that?

Cheaper. Interesting. You just care about cost of the next generation next I actually thought your reason was gonna be cost But I thought that's why you would go the other way What I thought you did drain the money? Money you spend it on me and you will respect my body and my wishes I want to be also I want to be buried with 50 pounds of gold All right, we got to make it happen quick break and we'll be right back

Spidmollers to the rescue. One of the things we enjoy doing on this show is answering life advice questions from people out there that maybe, you know, you need help from experts, life experts. Right. Difficult circumstances. Yeah. A hard time in your life, important moral, ethical dilemmas. Interpersonal conflicts, all the things we're experts on.

All right. Like getting buried. Like getting buried. Brett from the website, which I am recommending the 50-50 from this point on. Gentlemen. It's the best of both worlds. Oh, you get half a casket.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Oh man. Just cut and have, we can go. It's like a magician thing. We can go split skis, me and the wife, we just one little casket. So someone's got to pick legs. That means someone's got to pick legs. You're going to be wearing her legs.

The half in each half. No, I know, but you don't want, you don't want, like if you put the halves right next to each other and line them up, you don't want it to look like one torso going into another torso. You've got to have torso going into leg. Oh, one burial plot and it's two people. All right, sorry, life advice question from Brett.

On the website it says, gentlemen, I've been married for 10 years now. My wife is an attractive lady, but I've noticed over the last few years she's starting to wear more and more makeup in order to combat her aging. I appreciate that she's wanting to maintain her looks, but I'm not digging the new too much makeup look.

Ooh. How do I bring this up without getting myself into hot water? I've tried dropping the I think you're pretty without makeup line, but she's not biting. You have come to the right place, because if I know anything about Jason Moore, he knows the answer to this question.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I don't know this answer, but Jason probably does. Look, Brett, I hope that is not your name, okay? I hope that you are using an alias here, because otherwise, I mean, your wife knows who you are. You know, she sees what you're seeing. She knows that you don't like it, but she's making a choice.

She's thinking that this one is better than the alternative because careful what you wish for Brett Careful what you wish for you think oh, yeah, I like that. She's trying to keep up her peers. I don't like the makeup that much What if she goes no makeup? So you go the last line was I think you're pretty without makeup He doesn't know he does know I don't know man. I think maybe. Is she like the, what was it, the shows where it's like the wife has to wake up before the husband so they can get all the makeup on. Is that a thing? I think that was a thing like in the, in like the old, older times. Really? Oh for sure. Like never reveal your face? You will never see me without makeup. That's that's which

That's a real that was a real thing. Look the answer is clearly you're screwed. You have no opportunity to say anything here There's not I have no answer for you. Okay, I cannot fathom one sentence that would possibly Successfully work if I think you're pretty without makeup did not work. All right, how about this? How about this? A nice, you know, pretty hefty gift certificate to a nice like spa. Okay. And you're gonna leave it open, right? You know, go get a massage, you know? Uh-huh. But she could go get Botox. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's her choice. But like they, you know, find a nice place that does good facial work. But if you-

That's not, you gotta, how do you convince somebody to take off makeup? Yeah. But if she's doing this to combat her aging, wouldn't she automatically wear less makeup? Okay, Mike, you got one? My idea was, what if you start talking about yourself, say hey, the crow's feet, they're coming in,

this, I mean, I have a, because of my scowl, all my resting angry face, I have just. You got the lines? No, the line between my eyes is like, it's, the wrinkle is about as deep as it possibly gets. So you say, I'm self-conscious about these things for me, I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna get, and then you go in and you get yourself a little.

Oh, there you go. I thought you were gonna say, even with all these, I'm just gonna age gracefully. But it wasn't, it was, I'm gonna go get this fixed. Yeah, that's a smart idea, Mike. And then you'll get rid of your wrinkles too. She's not gonna stop wearing makeup. It's a win, well, no, if she's doing this to combat her aging,

then she will not feel like she has to cake it on when she's less wrinkled. This is brilliant, Mike. I have two other ideas. Brett, fix your face. Progressively reduce the size of all her makeup tools to be smaller and smaller every day. How do you do that?

Practically speaking, how do you take a makeup brush and then tomorrow have it be a slightly smaller makeup brush? You buy a series of smaller brushes and change them out slowly over time. And that way it's at least more burdensome. Maybe she gets tired of it. Are we talking like you would notice the difference from day one to day two, or it's so gradual that this whole plan

will take you years? I'm hoping that, yes, it will take years. And I'm hoping that she just gets tired of how long it's taking gradual that this whole plan will take you years. I'm hoping that, yes, it will take years, and I'm hoping that she just gets tired of how long it's taking with the smaller and smaller brushes. Or you get a hold of all her recent pictures, and you Photoshop them so they're so much worse than reality so that she connects the dots to looking bad in photos to too much makeup.

I think that won't work. I think that will cause more makeup. How about alternatively? Cover up what you think she looks like. Exactly. What if you start applying makeup, Brett? Your own? She might not like it and she asks you, I don't think I like you with blush and you say back at you babe. Huh? Do they make makeup that's like that you know they have the markers we're like if you draw on the certain kind of paper it doesn't show up at all mm-hmm we have invisible is there an

invisible makeup situation maybe she just wants to have it she just needs the process we are out of our we have no idea we have no our depth right this is our day what I'm sticking with mine then I'm sticking with you know what if she if she doesn't want I'm still gonna go yeah go take care of my wrinkles absolutely I'm with Mike on this go both talk to your face Brett if that is even your name Martin from patreon recently found out that a Christmas present we were given by my in-laws this year was actually given to them by my brother-in-law. I want to give it to my brother-in-law next Christmas.

My wife says no. How do I let my in-laws know that we know without bringing it up directly? This reminds me of, I mean partially reminds me of a very funny video that I saw where an older grandmother at a Christmas event with her whole family, they had secretly taken items from her own house, wrapped them all up and given them sequentially to her as her presents from the family. Oh my gosh. Or actually no, they were giving them to each other. They were giving them to each other, and they would open them up, and then she'd end up going,

I have something just like that. And they did it four or five times, and then eventually she realized. She goes, wait, guys, did you wrap up things from the house? But the regifting, I mean, the regifting is, let's just call a spade a spade. When you can do it, and you just unlocked not having to buy a gift.

It's pretty great. It's fantastic because the truth is you don't re-gift stuff you love, right? Correct. Correct. You're also not trying to give a bad gift, so you think it's re-giftable and someone else it might apply to better. So it is a win-win. You get rid of nonsense you don't need in your life.

You don't have to buy a gift. And hopefully, if it's a re-gift done well, then it's still loved by the receiver. Now, let's call a spade a spade. That's 1% of the time. That's 1% of the time that re-gifting is loved by the... You're saying because if a crap gift is a crap gift, it's a crap gift. That's exactly what I'm saying. This was risky, by the way. The in-laws from the brother-in-law, this is an inner family regifting.

That was a risk they took. I'm trying to figure out what's most important here to Martin because he says, how do I let my in-laws know we know? So is that what it comes down to? Is that Martin simply wants them to know that we know you regifted? I that Martin simply wants them to know that we know you regifted? I think maybe, maybe he wants them to know so that when the gift is given at Christmas to the brother-in-law, they're both in on it. Because that would be funny.

So here's the thing. So you want to give it to your brother-in-law next Christmas, wife says no. I just recommend two gifts. Get a gift that you... A real gift. A real gift and then also wrap this one and give it to them and you know and then just give them that stare down when they open it. Yeah the jig is up. Stare in their eyes when they open it. We should... I'm bringing a public service here. Regifting needs, we need to remove all negative social stigma upon regifting. You're saying it's the consequence of buying a bad gift for somebody.

Well, and it just, it happens. Like, you're giving someone a gift, sometimes you hit the mark, sometimes you do not. And you know what? If you get someone something they don't want, it's okay. That should not then all of a sudden be the gift giver has, oh, I'm so insulted, you didn't like my gift. You were the one who screwed up and it's okay

because sometimes you miss and like, should be able to give it to someone else. Not every person can handle that, Mike. That's why I'm putting it out there, that people need to cut that crap out. That's very Mike of you. The people. I'm putting it out there that people need to cut that crap out. It's very Mike of you. The people. I'm sorry for being pragmatic.

There are a certain category of people. Yeah, gotta get over it. Who find a lot of necessary value in the... Getting the perfect gift? Just in the reaction. Yeah, the reaction to the gift Like they really need to know how much you love what I just got you

So important People you need to ham it up for Oh yeah, for sure It doesn't matter whether it's good or bad Mike doesn't like any of this No I don't These social situations Do you not have those people in your life? I'm aware of it.

I have experienced it. But what I don't like then is it is no longer. I am giving you a gift because I want you to have a gift. And now it's I'm doing something that you think is for you. But guess what? It's about me. Yes, it is. That is 100% what those people are doing. But OK, the reaction maybe, but if you give somebody something that you think that they're gonna really enjoy, and then later on you get to watch them enjoy it, it is very satisfying.

Sure. Because you're happy for them. That's not about you. No. Like my sister got me a hat for Christmas that she put effort into getting, and I didn't know this, but she had been watching our footballer show every day until I finally wore the hat and then she was really excited that I

wore the hat on the show right but that was that about her no but if if you had not liked the hat you never would have worn it correct but my point being is it that it should not matter if you give a gift to someone you're hoping they enjoy it it will bring you joy is the gift giver to see them like it. But there's a lot of guilt mixed up in gifts. Yeah. That's the right word. There can be guilt mixed up in gifts. It's a gift. This is why I hate gifts. I hate them. I hate receiving gifts. The worst thing you could ever get somebody is like a big painting. That's the worst gift you can give. Even if you think it's the best painting ever.

You gotta do the thing where you have that painting nearby and you swap it out when they come over. Oh, you were stuck. Because if somebody gives you something like that, you either have to hang it somewhere prominent or have a reason why you don't. Oh it somewhere prominent or have a reason why you don't. Oh man, coming up with a reason why you don't is not good here.

No, that's where you literally, it might be better to rent a house and just be like, yeah, I have it in the other house. Like just to protect yourself. I mean, if it's fine art, that one's easy. We got robbed. Oh, nice, nice one. They only took the painting.

They spilled orange juice on it. On the wall? It was a thief of such distinguished taste. He climbed the ladder, got the painting, climbed down the ladder, and took off. All right, I think we settled that one. We did. Brandy from Patreon, one last life advice question for us.

I bought a mini fridge off of amazon It had a tiny dent in the corner I mentioned it to amazon and they said because a fridge is listed as a food item. They cannot accept a return They said they're sending me another mini fridge at no cost And to dispose of the old one is it wrong to sell the dented one? When I was told to dispose of it is one. Is it wrong to sell the dented one when I was told to dispose of it? Is this stealing or unsavory? No, it's not unsavory at all.

No, you're not doing nothing wrong. They told you to keep it. Yeah, can you sell trash? Yeah, that's not wrong or unsavory. Yeah, no one's probably buying it, but they're gonna buy this fridge. No, it's a mini fridge so you could double deck this thing You know, I mean you could just go one on top of the other keep them both

Amazon's not in the business of like guaranteeing this hits the landfill in order to allow them to send you a second one That's not how it works So yeah, this is yours to do what you will Now personally, I'm viewing this like we do fantasy football. I'm trading the not dented one, or selling. Oh, you're gonna keep the dented one? Absolutely. What's wrong with the dent?

Yeah, what's wrong with the dent? But it's gonna lose me money on my resell. Now I gotta, I'm selling a brand new refrigerator or I'm selling a dented used one. You could probably, now here's where you would get a problem, maybe. Same exact scenario, you get the new fridge in, you're supposed to dispose of the old one, you decide to return the fridge.

You return the new fridge without a dent. You get a full refund, you still have the old dented fridge. And that is the answer. I think I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Because if you're saying you can sell the non dented fridge to the public, can you refund the non dented fridge and keep... I feel like if they were gonna if the if the company reaches out and says we're gonna send you a new fridge don't send it back like we can't accept it because of actual rules and laws about these things then then you just say,

just refund me the money. And then they'll be like, please send us the dented fridge back. But they can't, they can't take it back. It's the weird thing, you know, when you go to just a restaurant or especially fast food because you see it happen. Oh yeah, they just throw it.

You walk up to the counter and you say, I ordered this without mustard and I bring it, because mustard, if mustard's on a burger, it's there. You can't. I'm saying if you don't like mustard, you can't take it off because it will still taste like mustard. They say, oh, we'll fix that for you right away. Then they just throw it in the garbage.

You're like, well, hold on. Hold on. Someone will eat this burger. The garbage will eat it. And then someone is me yeah I got a friend I got mustard on this I'm gonna need it redone I'm a whole on to it I'm not saying I'm and I'm not condoning to work the system but I'm saying if they screw up like there's got to be a better way for us than just

throwing away like food that's ready for someone to eat. At least give it to one of the employees. You should have one person in the back that eats it all. That's what I'm saying. Ted. Yeah. Ted's in the back. You give him all the food that came out wrong. Teddy trashcan.

All right, quick break back with our draft. The Spitballers Draft. Alright, we are looking at hobbies. Hobbies you'd like to try at some point in your life where you're drafting hobbies you'd like to try. Yes. I... I'm excited about this. There are some things in my list that I've done before,

and I think I'm gonna take those off. Okay. Just under the premise that like, I really wanna pick stuff that I've never done before in my life that I'm interested in trying. Sure, you're allowed. You could have also just drafted things and said you've never done it.

And we would not know. See, that's unsavory. OK, that's like keeping the fridge. Some man of principle. Mike? All right, I'm the first pick? Yeah, what do you want to try? What's your hobby that you're interested in?

I have talked about this hobby many times on this show. I still have never tried it. I've never gotten the opportunity to try, but it's, because I have not made that opportunity happen. There's no one to blame but myself. Well, that's with all of these. I think I know what it is. What letter does it start with? It starts with a B.

Blacksmithing! Blacksmithing. Yeah. The creation and formation of things out of metal is so fascinating to me. It's really got you, huh? Because you know how you can get trapped in the swiping of certain videos, catch your eye.

If I ever get hit with the algo of people, outside is snow. There's snow everywhere. It's coming down. But you're in this warm house with a furnace and then you're able to do blacksmithing and they're beating the crap out of forming a sword on an anvil. Something about it is just like, there's something deep inside of me. Nordic background.

Yes, possibly. Or dwarven potentially. Could be that as well. But there's just something about making, fashioning something out of metal with your hands sounds so appealing and so awesome. The romanticize, like you finish the long day's work, you go into the bathroom, you look in the mirror, you're kind of just, you have a glisten, a black glisten.

Yeah, I've got that, what, ash, I guess. Yeah, sure, sure. Soot. Soot, yeah. I was going gonna say soot, but does that happen, Josh? It can't be soot. You can get soot from blacksmithing? Are you a blacksmither? It is definitely soot. Okay, so I'm just covered in soot.

Yeah. That's gonna be, that's a day's work. Yeah. Alright, when that's what hobbies are, it's a day's work. All right, I'm gonna go, so I'm... Wow, Jay, it's your first pick. The problem that I have with this draft in general is I want to draft something, or several things on my list. I want to do it, or several things on my list,

I want to do it knowing that I would then be good at this hobby, but that's not really what's happening here. We're just trying something. No, you're gonna find out whether you like it. Exactly, and I already know on some of these it's not gonna work out. So do you really wanna try them? Like if you had the chance to go try one today,

that's how you have to draft. So the number one thing that I would want, I am not going to draft because for the same reason I haven't done it in real life, because I don't think I'd be good at it. I would love to be good at it. I'll leave that in case one of you guys drafts it. Instead, something I think I would do fine at, I would enjoy, I would love.

And in fact, I got a taste of this recently a couple months ago, and man, did I fall in love with it. And it's fallen out of the sky. I would love to do skydiving. But like as a hobby, not like go skydiving once. Why did you say you got a taste of it? He did the indoor.

I did the iFly, the indoor skydiving. Oh, that is a taste, that is a taste. And it was so much fun to me. I loved it way more than I thought. I thought it would just be like, dad, neat. And I was like, this is awesome. And so if I did skydiving as a hobby, I don't want to go skydiving.

I don't even want to go try it once. I would want to get into it, where Sundays are, you know, I go skydiving. You do a bunch of jumps. Yeah, exactly. It's like that's just part of what I like doing in my life. Like Jason the Skydiver. Yeah.

That's what they call him. That's what they would call me. Covered in soot, after a hard day's work. All right, so skydiving. All right. All right, my Skydiving. All right. All right, my first pick here. Wait, wait, when you asked, now that I'm looking back at it,

you said I got a taste of this. Yeah, yeah. Did you think I fell down the stairs? Something like, I was on my roof, and I was like whoa, into the bush. I did have the mental picture of you jumping like 10 feet from something and being like, this is a good sign. It's hard to get a taste of skydiving.

That's why I laughed at it. But you really, going to an indoor one was a taste. Yeah. I just got a cape strapped. He jumped off his roof once. He's like, you know what? All right, my first pick is going to be something I've never done that people enjoy tremendously.

So he says he's never done. Right. People build a lot of their lives around this hobby, but I've never done it, and I'm gonna turn 40 this year. And that is skiing and snowboarding. Oh. I've never done it. I know people that like, they're obsessive about it.

Every winter, they go on ski trips. People seem to absolutely love it. So it seems like something I should have tried but now I feel like you know 20 was about the right age to ski. I feel like now my odds of hitting the tree much higher. It's not the tree you need to worry about. You need to worry about your bum bum. I've been snowboarding one time. Okay, all right. During the training, like the first time I went down any sort of hill, I ate it, I bruised the crap

out of my tailbone immediately at the beginning of this ski trip. And I'm telling you, this was a new pain. This was a pain where I'm like, we have more days. First I gotta finish this day, and then we have more days. I'm like, whew. It was like a burden. I don't really need to do it.

Now, let me ask you, Andy, you said skiing and snowboarding. Well, we can give you both. But if you had. That's 100% why I said it like that. Right, right, right. Yeah. But if you were to go up to Big Bowl right now or whatever, you would choose skiing.

I would choose skiing. Yeah, I would too because I believe it's easier. Yeah, it has to be. It is. You have two legs instead of one. Yeah, Mike. And you don't have to fall on your bum bum when you fall. Right.

Yeah, maybe. It's far less likely. Oh, maybe. It's far less likely. Oh man. You do the splits instead. And dude, the terror of the ski lift when you have no idea what you're doing is rough. It's rough. Get your kids skiing so they know how to do it.

But learning as an adult, I'd be surprised to learn what are the actual numbers of people who have never done anything like that and then they pick up skiing later in their life. My second pick is going to be, it's going to be fishing. Okay. Which I have fished before, barely, but I'm really thinking of the kind of picturesque of River Runs through it fly fishing. Okay.

Because. Alright, so you're out there in. I'm out, I'm wading in with those rubber boots. I believe they're called waders. I'm wading in with my waders. I think it probably is. But it's like the river is right there and it's serene and it's quiet and like, again, this is something people do a lot of

and I've never tried it. And I think that's what we're drafting. Yeah, they are called waders. Really? A hobby I'd like to try. Like, can I take your order've never tried it. And I think that's what we're drafting. Yeah, they are called waiters. Really? A hobby I'd like to try. Like, can I take your order please? Got it. But with a D.

Yeah, that makes more sense. Fly fishing is... Have you been fly fishing? I have not. That seems like... That's like advanced fishing. Yeah, you have to know what you're doing. Yeah, but it does seem...

Just the idea of a peaceful day fishing. But you gotta stand the whole time. See, if I was... That's true. If I was fishing, if I wanted to go fishing, I think I would want to day fishing. But you gotta stand the whole time. See, if I was fishing, if I wanted to go fishing, I think I would want to be on a boat. Standard lazy boy fishing. Yeah, can I bring a lazy boy on a boat? You can. Fish from my lazy boy?

Yeah. All right. Hold the fishing rod and I just want a lazy boy on a boat. Would you rather lake fish or deep sea fish? I think I would rather lake fish. Oh, lake fish. I'm not man enough for deep. Deep sea fishing would be awesome and cool,

but I would die. I would probably end up dying. Sea sickness, bro. I'm not worried about that. I don't get sea sickness. I'm worried about the fish and the ocean and the boat. You know, those things. Okay.

All right, Jason, you get to pick another hobby. All right. You know what? I'm going to... I'll wait one more round for this one. You were just going to take it. Well, I know Mike can't take it, so I'm going to go with home brewing slash distilling. It's on my list. That's a great, great pick.

It's on my list. Yeah, it's like, you know, I love whiskies. I don't really know how they're made. You know what? I'm going to, I'm gonna make a contention here that you have a higher likelihood of dying with that hobby than you would open sea fishing. Yeah, you think so?

Yeah. Well, because one of them I will do and one of them I wouldn't. What are the dangers? Yeah, chemicals. Really? Yeah, I mean if you're into like a not like poison, like I'm afraid he won't ventilate properly. You have to ventilate? See he didn't know you have to ventilate. Jay we would have been called first batch. First batch two guys in the basement. Well can you do it outside? Can I brew in the backyard brews? Papa Josh, I'm not wrong about this, right?

I mean, that's like a big part of home brewing. Yeah, you gotta vent the stuff or it'll just explode. Or it'll explode? And with home brewing, you put it in a giant glass jar called a Carboy, and that would be bad. Yeah, I would only want a bus boy, so. All right. Whoo! That's a good one. Only I could hit yeah some crickets. All right. That's all I get yeah

All right Let's see I Can't believe it's on my list and I'm looking at it going yeah Yeah, you're taking it. Yeah bird watching You can sit too you don't have to stand that's that's what's great. I sit in the forest It's beautiful, and then I just look Oh, I'm not I'm not against this now. It is if you look up on the chart Mike It is the opposite of blacksmithing yes those are on the opposite ends of the spectrum, but I'm all about birdwatching

That's good. You do not have to be old. I'm telling you so I had a girlfriend in college who was a birdwatcher She had like this massive- Her name was Esther. She was 63 years old. And she gave a heck of a back rub. No, but she was a legitimate birdwatcher, had like this giant book of all the photographs. And she knew every name like real nerd stuff and I participated a few times and it's like it's awesome. It's so nice. You get a nice set of man. You get a nice set of binoculars and you start actually like it was just relaxing and fun. I thought about putting it on my list but I thought man it would not go over well. Yeah well I'm not putting it on my list, but I thought, man, it would not go over well. Yeah, well. I'm shocked you took birdwatching,

but I'm full endorsement. I like to just sit. Sitting is good. Yeah. Sitting out in a nature-esque peaceful area, that's great. And I like birds. I like to be surrounded by birds singing. OK.

So I may as well throw in some binocs and see what they're doing up there. Have you seen they have these $5,000, $6,000 binoculars where it'll identify with AI the species inside the binocular? Even better. All right. Blacksmithing and bird watching. That's Mike.

So I get another one here. You get another B, hobby. I'm out. Bowling. Oh, I do like bowling. It's fun. I, I am gonna go with I'll go astronomy

interesting Super I mean if you've listened the show, I'm very into space With like My daughter is also very into space. And so, you know when it's nice at night My daughter is also very into space, and so when it's nice at night, frequently we'll just go and kind of see what we can see up there, try and identify some constellations. I got all the nerd apps, and I am the guy who

I know one thing about space and where it's up. So I know two things. But almost always, the brightest star in the sky is Venus. So when you get to drop that bomb on people, they're like, they think they know what it is. You're like, no, that's Venus. Well, you sure? Then you pull out the app.

You're like, oh, yeah, yeah, it is. People are wowed. So that's just a little nugget keeping in your pocket. OK, all right. And also... I'm telling you this, if I pull that app out and it's like that's the North Star or whatever, I'm going to be so mad at you Michael. Here's your other thing, planets don't twinkle. Okay, planets don't twinkle.

Planets don't twinkle because they're too close so that the reason that they twinkle... There's no twinkle twinkle little planet? Correct. Sounds like a hobby he's already tried. Correct. But I don't have a telescope or anything like that. So I would be interested in spending all the monies and actually seeing things.

I could have regifted you a telescope when I was 15 years old. Well, I didn't know you. Esther had one. Yeah. My mom thought I wanted a telescope. I did not. That was awesome. Skydiving and homebrewing, Jason, that's what you telescope. And I did not. Well, it sounds awesome.

Skydiving and home brewing, Jason, that's what you got. So what's your third pick? Oh, well, this one was the one that I knew Mike couldn't draft because he already does this. He can't try this hobby. OK. Dungeons and Dragons, man. I mean, we have this.

My man. My man. It sounds awesome. We know people that do it. Yeah, because it is. It's right up all of our nerd alleys. Cool people, Alley. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is not for nerds.

Yeah. It's for cool people doing really cool things. And it sounds fun. It seems fun. Everybody that I know that has done it has enjoyed it. And I'm definitely cool enough to thrive at Dungeons and Dragons. That would be fun. I would add that to my list.

Do we gotta get a game? I haven't even, I've not looked at Josh, but I can feel him. I can feel his energy radiating right now. All right, is it up to me? It is. It is, back to you. My third pick is going to be the combination of running a vineyard winery

Cuz I at first I thought about going I'll just be transparent I thought I was gonna do like gardening and I was like But maybe like trees like an orchard which by the way, they're called orchard ists Which you don't ever heard that before orists? Yeah, that's like the name. That's the word we settled on? I literally said, what do you call a person who runs an orchard, and it's an orchardist? But then I realized it's more like the wine thing is perfect, because you're cultivating.

So that's the gardening part. And you're making all these grapes, and it's a new. Are you going to do the stamping? I might hire out for the stamping. I will do the tending to the vines. Okay. So this hobby- I might hire out for the tending to the vines.

Okay, so this hobby- But I'll do the observing, I'll do the tasting. Andy wants to live on a vineyard. So that's where he- It wouldn't be bad. This hobby is employment. Well, see Jason, I was making jokes. Business owners joke. I was making jokes.

I would actually like the combination of taking care of plants and then reaping the rewards. Similar to why you chose the distillery beer making thing. It's just that you go out and you maintain plants, which I think is rewarding if you do it well, and then you make some wine. I can see that. Okay, okay.

So I'm trying to, I got one more pick. You got some fish and some wine, you need a dessert in here. Yeah, I mean I've got a bunch of different, hmm. I'm gonna say, oh he's torn. I'm torn because I have stuff that I've actually done a little bit of and I don't want to pick it. Like kayaking would be one that I could think about.

I think that'd be fun or just like boating in general. But I've done a little bit of it. I even had hang gliding on here, which is kind of similar to like skydiving. Yeah, wait have you done hang gliding? No. Oh, he got a little taste of it though. Yeah, the other day he fell off my bike.

He was holding a piece of cardboard and he ran real fast but I think hmm Wow I think I'm gonna go with no no no I think I'm gonna go with whatever what's a person that has an aquarium aquarium is what would you call that? That's a hobby, right? Yeah. People keep an aquarium? Yeah. That's it. I'm going to do that.

So you're taking fishing twice. Aquarium dauntist. A different kind of fishing. One, I eat, I catch them, and I put them in the aquarium. Nice. Oh. That's next level. That's double dipping.

Yeah. Is that legal? So is it fish taking? They all die. Fish taking? Fish tankologist. Is that a bad choice? No. That's a done deal man. No, I think that's a great choice. Aquarium. I think if you knew what you were doing wouldn't that be fun to do? Yeah, if you had... Like a big one. Yes, yeah a gigantic aquarium. Like in my aquarium room.

I have had, like growing up we got a really nice fish tank. An aquarist? Josh, is that what we're seeing? An aquarist. Okay. Okay. Yeah, we'll stick with aquarium. But, and it was for me, and obviously I know I'm like the anti-museum guy,

it was so unfulfilling to me. Like just, like one- Like you talk to the fish, they don't talk back. Yeah, they don't do anything. What are you saying, going to a big aquarium? I'm just saying, no, like when you go to aquarium- You're gonna find a go to one though? Yeah, if you talk to the fish, they don't talk back. Yeah, they don't do anything. What are you saying, going to a big aquarium? I'm just saying, no, like when you go to an aquarium. Yeah, if you go to, if there's piranhas and sharks or just crazy big fish or whatever.

Oh, there'll be sharks in my tank. OK, well, I didn't know you were having a shark in your house. That's awesome. Little ones. OK. I'm going to go with that, because I don't know anything about that. Like baby shark? Mm-hmm.

You know, honestly. All right. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Jay, what's your last pick? All right. Don't do stand-up comedy. This is one that,

I don't know that I could, it's very similar, Andy, to your skiing, snowboarding, where if you started it in your 20s, you're good. I don't think I can really succeed, but I would definitely. It's reading. Exactly. I got hurt.

I would love to try it. I think it would be so much fun. And that would be surfing. Okay. That's such a better pick than Aquarium. That's such a better pick. That's a great pick. Thanks, thanks.

But surfing, I mean, if I grew up in California, I would have done surfing. Right. If you grew up in Arizona, you don't really have a lot of options for surfing. I think you could still pick it up. I just don't know if I can. Put it down. Get up on the board. I think you could. If I, I've got good strong legs. I got big, big, conches. You gotta get a good. Conches, hindquarters? You gotta get a good chest push though. Is that the trick? Yeah,

cause you're on the belly as you paddle and then you do basically like a really intense push though. Is that is that the yeah? Cuz you're on that you're on the belly Yeah, as you paddle and then you do a basically like a really how do you do on like standing up in general? Pretty poor. So that was my that's my word. What about standing up from your belly? Can you start? Sir, I'm standing First they figured that one out Yeah the first thing you should do if you really want to get into it, is on a daily basis, just get on your belly on the ground. And then just try to get up from there. I do not want to be surfing anymore.

And then put yourself on a board in the ocean. But that seems like it would be a ton of fun. Sure. You're on the ocean. You're in the ocean. That's fun. It's way more fun than an aquarium. All right, Mike, blacksmithing, birdwatching, astronomy, and?

And if you thought Jason wasn't nerdy enough with his D&D pick, LARPing. Oh my. LARPing, baby. Are you serious? For those who do not know, we're not looking at Andy's eyes. Live action role play. Super nerdy.

Oh my goodness. Yeah, but how much fun would it be? It would be so not fun. Oh, it would, I think it would be- You're saying just buying all the way in. Yeah, that's what you have to do. Like if you go out there being like this is stupid and everyone here is a nerd, it's going to be the worst experience of your life. And that's how I would go out. Okay, have you- Yeah? Yeah me too I couldn't do it. I don't think. I couldn't fake it long enough. If I saw them in a field I just couldn't do it man. I think that if you can allow yourself to buy in it would be just an incredible time. This isn't. Have you ever done any ren fair stuff? Not. I pretended to be from the the 1400 I have gone to the Renaissance Fair right and you're not you when you look at everyone who's costume up

because it's like 95% of people yes that proves my point like oh my goodness you would say much you go like medieval times you're not looking at them medieval times is great those are they're larping their actors paid to act they're doing a performance. They're performing Yeah, your Denzel Washington is not a larp when you when you're larping It's your make believing which is great for children. I highly encourage all the medieval times people are make believing They are, there's a script. I'm on Jason's side with this one. There's a script. They're putting on a show.

They're putting on a show. If the LARPers charge tickets to watch them LARP, they would be entertainers, not LARPers. They are doing it for their own personal entertainment. So that's the difference. That is the difference. It becomes not nerdy if people are paying to watch. Yes. Very much.

Weird. Super not nerdy in that situation. Yeah. But I mean, because there's an entire profession that we as a society put at the top of our prestige. And all they do is they pretend to do stuff. It's on the top. It's on the tip top of my prestige, absolutely.

At the very bottom, LARPing. All right, blacksmithing, bird watching, astronomy and LARPing, Jason with skydiving, home brewing, D&D and surfing. I went with skiing, fishing, growing a vineyard, okay. And aquarium. And aquarium. But it took you quite a while to select aquarium.

I don't, you know, I really couldn't find that last, I should have just gone with surfing. Yeah. What did we learn today? Look, I'll tell you right off the bat, I learned that an orchard maker is an orchardist. That's stupid. I learned that we should get into business half off sales

for going on the 50-50. You wanna split a casket? I you want to split a casket? I would love to split a casket. Thank you. Dibs on top. Oh crap. Yeah, your legs. I've learned that there is a very strong lacking

of front doors on the second story of houses. Yeah, well, it's a new business. I want Jason to try to catch me up a ladder, though. Come at me, bro. All right, I will just pull the button. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.