Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Gorilla Warfare & Company Mascots You Want To Party With - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 16, 2026

Spit Hit for April 16th, 2026:  On this raucous episode we dive into the humans vs gorilla fight thoughts, play a hilarious round of Guess Guess Goose and wrap things up with a draft of Company Mascots You Want to Party With. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Retella, te-to-tit-ta-bidli-bing-bang. That really felt like you were going to land on a bidingi. I'm proud of you. I'm not. I'm not.

That makes none of us. Wait. Me plus you. One of us. None of us. I was like, wow, that's a new way to insult someone. Like, oh, yeah, me and you, that makes no one. It's when you multiply by a zero, right?

That's a zero. That would, that's what the math tells me. Would you rather guess, guess, goose? And we are drafting a very interesting draft today. Company mascots. Party time. You would like to party with. Yeah.

So that'll be fun. We have liar, liar returning next week. That is what I have been told. Okay. Al Borland, that's a promise. Been a minute. I put it in there so I would be held accountable. See, that's, the problem is, is we know how serious he takes liar, liar. That means he's getting no work done. That's where I'm going.

Elsewhere for our company. It's 24-7. I know his son has got a play coming up this weekend. He will not be seeing that play. No chance he's there. If he's going to commit to liar, liar being back next week, we're not seeing him until that next show. Didn't Mike win liar, liar last time? Nobody knows. Yeah, I don't remember. Mike wins everything on this show these days. In recent history, yeah. He probably did.

All I know is Al is no longer undefeated after a giant run of terror, but he is still like 98%. Yeah, he usually wins. Well, let's kick it off of some would you rather? Would you rather? Okay, I forgot about this one. We said we wanted to talk about it because this is the biggest question on the internet. So everyone on the internet is right again. We're right on time.

Well, look, it has been. Yeah. And we have not weighed in. Right, which makes... You need the experts. When we weigh in, that's when it matters. Got it. Well, that's when you have a definitive answer.

I think there's been a lot of speculation on the internet. And now you come to find the truth. Okay. So you tried to make it into a would you rather is what you did. And you wrote it as, Would you rather be a gorilla facing 100 unarmed men or one of 100 unarmed men facing a gorilla? That's an interesting. It's an interesting way to word it.

It's an interesting way to... I did the best I could. That's not exactly... Who would win in a fight? Yeah, that's the question. A hundred unarmed men or a gorilla. That's the question. So I've seen tons of people weigh in on this.

None of them experts like us that know the world of guerrillas and men. I am curious if... What's the best way to start this? Because I'm wondering if we could just say, first we just say who you think would win the fight. Sure. And then we can get into war. Why? Because I don't know either of your answers. Is it 100 men? Is it the gorilla?

We should say it on three. We'll say 100 men or gorilla. Is it the winner? Yes. Yeah, who we think would win. It's 1, 2, 3, shoot. Okay. Okay.

One, two, three. 100 men. Gorilla. All right, so it's two on one. Mike's the gorilla. It's definitively the gorilla. No way. I don't think it's definitively.

It is definitively the 100 men. It is definitively the gorilla. You want to kick it off or you want me to... You can start. Okay. So here's the thing, like, what you need to know about a gorilla is an adult male gorilla. We're talking four to nine times stronger than an average human. Okay.

Estimated to let... This is... I'm on chat GBT right now. Estimated to lift 1,000 to 4,000 pounds. That is their... To lift. Okay. I heard live.

No, no, not lived. Lived 1800 years. No. So it's like, this is what... what they're, they're benching up to 4,000 pounds where a human, like, an elite human, when it comes to bench press strength, you're talking like, what, two to, two to three hundred pounds? That's top tier. I'm not saying that's the strongest. Elite is, yeah. Well, I mean, this is the strongest of the gorilla. At least give them like 400 pounds.

Okay, whatever. And, okay, uh, bite force. 1,300 PSI. That's a gorilla where a human's doing 162. We're not biting. We're not going to be biting. Well, I'm just saying like of things that are, the gorilla's going to be biting. Yeah, oh, yeah. And my follow-up question, I know this is, this is different than a hundred, because that's, that's where the question comes in. But I said, how can an unarmed human actually hurt a gorilla? And it said, in almost any direct physical confrontation, an unarmed human stands virtually no chance of hurting a healthy adult gorilla.

I agree. I agree. But against 100 men. So here's where. And trust. Neither of us are saying these men are living, many of them. But here's the thing is, okay, you have a hundred guys, right? Mm-hmm.

How many of them can actually be affecting the gorilla at one time? So here's the thing. Ten guys? Fifteen guys? The other ones are just... Yeah. Okay. I think I think three per appendage. How are you all fitting in there?

So you're going 12. I think 12. 12 to 16 men at a time. I'm talking about just pure surface area. How are you fitting all those people in there? Gorillas are big. I'm going to say 10. I'm going to say it's 10 on one at all times.

And the gorilla's clearly going to just knock three of them out of the way, going to bite him, tear his throat out like he's McGruber. He's going to be a monster. And he'll kill the first five so easy. Oh, yeah. He'll kill the next 10 pretty easy. Yeah. Okay.

We're at 15. you've got 85 left. You're not getting through all of them before someone gets his eyes. You gouge out the gorilla's eyes. That is the only vulnerable point other than I'm assuming you can get a gorilla with a crotch shot. Of course, yes. But it's like

this is a male gorilla. You hit a grill in the crotch or you get him in the eyes and it's like I, with that level of strength a gorilla literally just doing a whirling dervish if that fist... The brain It's tiredness though. The gorilla tires out. There's no way. There's no way he kills a hundred

humans before he loses his eyes. There's just no way. Because we're smart enough to go crouching eyes, crotch and eyes. And then eventually... See, I don't go crotch and eyes. I hold... I'm wearing this thing out with some sacrificial first fighters. 100%. And then I am using

four to five guys to hold each arm and leg down. Not going to have them. No, it will. They'll get too tired. I do think that the tiring them out, matters a lot. Like, a gorilla might be much, much, much, much stronger, but it can't just go forever. No, it can't go forever, but it can go

longer than humans. They're burst. They're burst animals. They can, they'll burn, the first five to 15 guys are getting exploded. Yes. You have to have a group of 100 men that are willing. They have to be committed. This cannot be some pat, like, that's another part of it. That's another part is the 100 are watching, you're watching your soldiers get what I meant by the gorilla's spinning is like if a gorilla just

backhanded and hit you anywhere in your neck or your head you're done you're not in the fight anymore like you might be like maybe it doesn't kill you you could be used as a meat shield yeah and now the gorilla has a weapon because the gorilla could just start picking up bodies and swinging them around the gorilla already has weapons brother his arms

nothing hunts gorillas are they they have no natural predators? Yeah, I mean, humans don't really even do that. Yeah, we're the most dangerous. So, I mean, like, they don't, we don't know, they're not made to be hunted. They're not made to be defeated. Right? Yeah, they're apex.

This is one of the reasons I think we should put animals from different places in the world together. You want to see what happens. I want to see what happened. Not a shark. A shark and a gorilla go out of it. We're going to give the sharks some robotic legs. You fly over the ocean, you push out a hundred guerrillas, and you see what happens. Yeah.

I really genuinely cannot fathom. It kills 50 and it can keep going? I think so. I think that the... It can't go to 100. The time that it takes for a gorilla to take out multiple of these soldiers. And the thing is, is no impact to this gorilla. You get one human being on the back, okay?

Because it can't reach you very easily now, okay? Just one on the back. And people just suck. ball on the balls. Okay, we're talking, we're talking, boom, boom, left right. You think the gorilla's just going to stand there and not do anything. No, I don't think it's not going to do anything, but I'm saying, you're not getting a shot. You're going to get the eyes out and you're going to start choking the neck and you're just going to keep, you're going to kick in the balls, kicking the balls, choke the neck, choke the neck, choke the neck. The

eyes are gone. The eyes are gone. He's blind. I already took out the eyes. There's, I don't think a, I don't think a human could choke out a gorilla. I don't think it's possible. I don't A tired gorilla. Even a tired gorilla. A human could choke out a gorilla. Just think about how long human beings last in a fight. I just like how definitive you are. The answer from Chad GBT is in short, no.

It is not realistically possible for a human to choke out a gorilla. Not without weapons, tranquilizers, or a sci-fi twist. Now say there were a hundred humans could one of them eventually choke out a gorilla because of course it could. Hold on. Gorillas don't. There's a direct quote. gorillas don't really have quote necks in the human sense their trapped shoulders and jaw muscles are thick and muscular the human style rear naked choke relies on compressing the cartorid arteries on either side of the neck good luck finding them on a gorilla or applying pressure good it said good luck yes okay but I'm saying dense muscle and fur think about how strong that gorilla is and you jump on its back and how fast that gorilla is you're not it's going to bite your arm like You're not getting a choke hold on.

You're getting bit. It's tired. What are the Ducters way in here? You've heard this discussion going on. They're wild creatures. They're out. They're training every day. What team are you on?

I'm on, 100 humans. I'm on team mankind as well. Humans are getting. All right. So we have the defendant of the answer. We got one man. All right.

We answered it. Sorry, Mike. You were wrong. Yes, I am not. Uh, Jackie. Accept your defeat. No, no. The, I will accept the defeat of for this debate as I'm outnumbered.

But also. also Josh Papa Josh was the one that we had to spend an hour long time

at lunch convincing him he cannot fight a baboon he thought it was a chimp or a chimpanzee even worse

he was convinced in a 1v1 with a chimpanzee that he could win that seriously we don't need him on our side

that's a bad thing his opinion is null and void 10 men versus a chimpanzee I'll take the chimp I'll take the chimp I would too.

Oh, 10 against the chimp? 10 against the chin. No way, I'll take them in. I would take the chimpanzee is still brutally strong. This is about, this is a numbers game and a tired game. You have to wear the beast out via 50 dead bodies. But 100 is too many for a gorilla to go. Now there's, now the, now the gorilla's got a structure around it.

It doesn't. There's just bodies built up. Chimps are 90 to 130 pounds. Of pure. I know it's just muscle. They've literally have ripped arms off of humans before. They're stronger than men. Yes, it will rip your arm up and beat you to death.

Why, punch yourself? Why you punch yourself? Are you basically saying we have no, we have no chance if we choose to fight female guerrillas? Is that what you're saying? No way. No chance. Any female animal we're toast. Yes.

Because our only strategy is humans. Not any female animal. Like a bird. It's true. But we win because of tools. Yeah. And brain. bird, you wouldn't need to hit it in the nuts.

No, I wouldn't need to. No. A kick in the balls is a kick in the head. Wow. Wow. Grilles winning. All I know is I will be Patient 99. I was going to be at the bag of the line.

They're putting together a pet. They want to figure this out, let's say. This is a scenario. The Earth has decided we're going to put together the battle. And it's going to be held in the old Coliseum in Rome. They've cleared it out. They've got it all rebuilt. It's going to be like the Olympics, but for this event. They're getting the 100 guys together.

What's the dollar amount you need to be a part of the 100 men? Me or people? Because me is going to be about a gibbillion. Yeah. What if they're going to die? What if they said you could become the king of the earth? No. Because Jason likes power.

The gorilla is now the king of the earth. Everything that you could offer me. Would you like, when they start running. in for the fight, would you like run in place? And be like, let's go! No. I know exactly my strategy. Genuinely, if I had to do it, if I was in that arena, I would start

running with my compadres, and I would quietly fall over. And I would be laid down. Oh, you play dead? I would be dead. I would be dead until they clear out the bodies and it would be like, oh, I still live. I can't believe I'm the king of the earth. the most cowardly man.

Did I miss it? What happened? Oh, man. All right, listen, we'll move on. We'll move on. We've got everybody weighing in there. All right. Jackie from Patreon, would you rather have the ability to induce fear, sleep, pain, or confusion? Are we playing an RPG right now? We can induce fear,

sleep, pain, or confusion. On other people. On other people. What's the most? it's weird because it feels like sleep is out of the category like the the fear the pain the confusion they're all active they're all mental yeah sleep is physical right like like and mental but yeah well i mean you're you're you're not there you're body can't be a sleep or that you're just like yeah right you're when you go to go to sleep fearful or in pain or confused you're you're still aware if you can make anything go to sleep anybody go to sleep

that's got to be that's got to be the choice you would think that that that would think that would give you the greatest advantage. For sure. You do anything you want. You're basically immune to everybody. Yeah. At all times. You got a gun, you're asleep. As long as you can see them. Yeah. So that's the rule. You got to be able to see them. You can't put people to sleep right?

You have to hold concentration, man. We all know these things. So then how many can I put a sleep at a time? Oh, how powerful are you? I'm pretty powerful, man. I'm talking. Are you a local wizard? No, I'm a regional. I'm a regional. I'll give you Southwest. I'll give you five people. Five? That's not enough for.

bank, man. I'm just thinking, can I walk in a bank, put everyone nine-night, and then just I'll give you five, but so it's like, if everybody went to sleep in a bank for you, I don't think you walk out with any money. Okay. I walk out with their credit cards, though. You know what I mean? You're right. I'm going to get there. I'm going to be like, oh, how do I open this drawer? I need to wake one of these guys up. Tell me the code. I have so many identities to steal. Yeah. And in which case, if I'm just going to end up pickpocketing, I'm, I'm probably not going to the bank with all the cameras and stuff. What would you use inducing, why is fear better than sleep in any situation?

Like just more fun. Let's take sleep out of it and look at fear, pain, and confusion. Pain is just cruel. Yeah, I don't think I'd want to do that. You know, but in a fight? But like, I guess, like, Mike, if you saw like a really poorly coached basketball game and you were so upset, would you? Would you bring a little pain to that coach that made the bad call?

Well, that coach is dealing with the natural consequences of being unprepared. But yeah, I'd like to, you know, palpeteen just a little zap. A little zap. A little zap. Confusion could be fun in, I think, more situations, keeping with the sport, you know, theme. If you confuse the other team, just a little bit here and there is like, oh, I'm going to run a route. You are confused, and then I'm behind you. Well, I was confusing the defense. Yeah, but I'm saying like they, well, you confuse the offense and they can just run the wrong direction.

Sure. Score on themselves. Safety. Yeah, sleep seems like the runaway winner from a power perspective. Correct. I think it goes And pain is behind that, I think, just from a self-defense perspective. Yeah, but I was thinking, so I was like in a fight. In a fight, pain would be great. But I don't get in a lot of fights. I feel like the, Not anymore. Yeah. They're all afraid of you. I mean, depending on the level of pain,

like you can push through level, like you can push through high levels of pain, especially in a fight. Yeah, what kind of pain are you causing here? If you're telling me I'm putting someone in basically a panic attack, like that level of fear, then you aren't fighting. Right, you're afraid to fight.

You're crumpled in the corner because you're having a panic attack. You're afraid that this fight is going to kill you. Yes. And so you're not going to fight. You're not like, oh, my skin hurts. No, I think that's true. I think fear is more powerful than pain. Hmm.

But confusion is the most fun, so that's the one I'm going to take. It's going to make people do silly, stupid stuff. Yeah, that would be fun? Dylan from the website, would you rather suddenly have to pee every time you get into a car? Or suddenly have to poop every time you walk into a store. Oh, my gosh. Okay. We're back.

We're back. Pee every time you get in a car or poop every time you get into a store. Question. Do you actually have to or you just have the urge? I mean, you got it. I think you have to. Yeah, you're going to have to poop and pee. If you had to pee every time you got in the car, would you create a car bathroom situation?

Yeah, you would have there. You'd have to. You'd have the where you cut the hole in the floor and run a funnel. I've seen a guy do a video of it. Wait, straight out the car? Like, oh, you're leaking some washer fluid. Yep. Nope. You're like, I am.

Well, that's my washer fluid. I've been washed from the inside. Yeah, I don't know. I've seen an oil change. So they do that? Well, people don't do that, but this was just to like make a funny internet video. So you're not saving it. But you would have to do that because you can't. That's no problem.

Because based on this question, like, okay, I go out to go to work in the morning and I sit down. I'm like, oh, I got to pee. I got to run back in. I'm going to pee. I get back to the car. Oh, no. I got to pee. You just have a bottle. Into the car you have to pee in the car. And at the beginning of your trip. Really? That would be the more ideal thing.

How often do you guys go in stores? Weird question? It sounds weird than it actually is. I'm just saying what was the last store? Literally, your last store you were at. Target. Which was how long ago? Yesterday.

Okay. He's a shopper. Man who goes to Target yesterday is a shopper. It's just shopper. What's the last time you were at a store, Mike? Oh, gosh. Has it actually been a while? What is this?

What is this? A store? What's the last time you were at a store? It's been yesterday. Okay. Okay. Shopper. I've been three or four days for me.

It's been a couple days. We know you wouldn't go anywhere, DoorDash. Yeah. That is part of the problem. I'm like, you know, Instacarting DoorDash. Like, if I can avoid going to the store, I usually do now. Do you have to poop if you order DoorDash? No.

No. Per the rules of this question. Yeah. I mean, after, you have to watch. It's when you walk into a store. That means your public restroom me all the time. Yeah. So you probably also are planning that.

I'm bringing a roll with me. I got a roll with me at all times. But there's some store of comfy toilet paper. There's stores that don't have bathrooms, man. That's true. You'd have to go next door and be like, Like, I got to take a dump. Can I use a restaurant?

And I... Not a great conversation. I am always in shock when there's people are like, oh, man, I'm going to have to take a poop here. And you're like, well, when? You're like, oh, no, I'll hold it. Like, what? How was that? Oh, really?

Oh, no. You're not a holder. Once it hits, once I feel it, the timer is on. I am usually a holder. I can't, yeah, which I can hold it for... I can't believe it. How long did you hold it? A day, maybe two.

Whoa! That's absurd. You two poop differently. Yes. Yes, we do. I mean, I'm not saying there aren't certain situations where it's like, I got a situation. But you're saying you could option out. Yeah, I can option out for a couple days.

That is. When I go on vacation. Does that mean you have a more, what? Like more space? When I go on vacation, I will often complete that vacation without pooping. Your intestines must be so. That's so strong. Al, that's bad, right?

It's not the best. Yeah, that's not good. That's bad for you? Yeah. Yeah. That needs to get out, bro. I mean, it usually does, but I'm just saying when I don't want to, I don't do it. Now, obviously, if I'm sick or Hedge Poli, it's not up to me.

So Mike would modify his car with maybe a second hole. No, the car is the P. Well, I'm just saying, but like in real life, it seems practical for you. If you feel the urge. Yeah. I don't know. The timer is going. Your car might have a discharge.

Yeah, I don't know. If I have to poop every time I go into store, I'm never going to stores. I can't read what you wrote, Papa Josh. I just can't. I don't think you have to go to stores anymore. His conjecture is that he doesn't think there's harm. That's the TLDR. Of course there is.

It's waste. It needs to get out of your body. You think your body's trying to tell you. It's not telling you, hold on. It's not a suggestion. It's like, I mean, you can definitely wait a little while. we're not made to have to like instantly go oh man um

hold on I'm on it this has been what are you researching now I'm researching like how safe it is I said if I really have to take a poop and I choose to hold onto it for two days will that hurt me holding on to a bowel movement for two days occasionally is unlikely to cause serious harm but it can lead to problems especially if it becomes a habit

can it become like somebody's addiction is to not poop I'm taking this thing to the limit. Like, is there a world record? Someone starts the stopwatch as soon as they finish. They wipe and then they're going to go, click. Let's go, baby. I guess the world record would have to be dependent on food intake.

You can't, I mean, because you could fast and then not have to. That's sure. You, there should be a world record, but you have to add like a burger twice a day. How long can you go? Jason, I think you can put your mind to this. Yeah, I can do it. Obviously, Papa Josh will beat you. Obviously, he's the best.

But there's quite. question has gotten a little bit wild i'm gonna pick the poop i can avoid stores yeah yeah when's the last public number two public meaning in a i don't mean in front of people no no no you mean that's not what i thought i that's not what i assumed but i'm saying like because to me when i and i i think i know the answer but when you say like public pooping i i include when i When I go to like a hotel or something, even though it's private, it's just not my home. No, no, no, no. Public restaurant. When is the last time I pooped in a public restaurant?

Years? Years. I can't remember one. I guess if a guy's willing to hold it for days. Yeah, no problem. You're not going to break in the middle of a Best Buy. No. Mike, on the other hand, I have pooped the best buy.

He will break. He will break that Best Buy. For sure. For sure. For sure. I've pooped at 10 different locations. All right. generally speaking.

Not bad? They got clean bathrooms. Not bad. Shout out, store 787. You bring the merchandise in there? No. There's very big signs that say don't do that. All right.

We'll take a break. I leave my merchandise in the best one. They should put signs in public restaurants that say, please don't poop here. Like, we have the facilities, but we'd prefer. Yes, exactly. If you can avoid pooping here, please do. It has your Chad GBT answer where it's like occasionally. okay. It's okay. It tells you

that you have permission to not poop beer. Don't do that. We're taking a break. We're coming back with some guest guest goose. What time is it? Game time. What's so funny? We are playing guess, guess goose. All right. Well, that's fun. I'm a goose. I didn't remember this. You're the current goose, which means you've got the goose

on your head. I believe I'm a back-to-back goose. Are you? Yeah. That is correct. It went Andy than me, then me, and hopefully not me for the third time. So Mike's never goose. I have. Oh, okay. You just mean recently. Yeah. All right. So because I'm the goose, I have to explain the rules, which we have to remember each time. Here's how this game works. Each one of us are going to bring up an amazing question, a question that, you know, is like, how do you face the shower when you wash your hair or something like that? And then the person who asks the question is going to give their prediction for what they think that number is with a percentage of people that do it a certain way. If you get the exact percentage, you get three points.

If you guess within 5% on either side, you get two points. The other two gentlemen will have the chance to choose whether they think it is higher or lower, and they will get a point if they are correct. You did it. That's really good. The truth, the answer is brought to us by the general public, right? Correct. And as we've seen in the past, sometimes we ask really stupid people.

Right. Al does. I don't ask them. Yeah, Al does all the work. I've learned a lot about humanity from this segment. Well, here we go. We'll see if Jason remains the goose or not. The first question, what percentage of people can juggle three balls with two hands for at least 10 seconds?

10 seconds. 10 seconds. I mean, I'm not taking a, now, what are you? I'm mentally juggling for 10 seconds. He's doing some mental reps. You don't know if you yourself can juggle? For 10 seconds. Oh, 10 seconds.

Okay. I think this number is, I got to make my guess here. You guys are going higher or lower. I think that answer is 23%. I don't think three ball juggling is very easy to do. It's not what it once was. I think I could end up low, but we'll see. I'm going 23%.

What are you going to do? So then I've got to go first. You guys have to decide at the same time if you're higher or lower. Yeah, we can decide at the same time. Give me that number again, Andy. I'm so tempted to change this number. I'm going to change the number. Oh, okay.

30%. 30%. go 30. Excellent. I'm going to go lower. Okay. I'm really sad he changed that number because I was already lower. I was too. Oh, you were too. Yeah. So he's got to be way old. So we think that people can't juggle. Maybe I'm even worse.

I would have gone like 15. How many people here can actually juggle? I can juggle. I can juggle. I can jose for 10 seconds. Hold on. I want you to guess which of the deucers can juggle. That'd be Papa Jai. I would get the house that Josh can juggle. We are testing this. immediately after this show.

By the way, he raised his hand. And we'll put in the show doc. You can't. You can juggle, Josh. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Better than anybody else. That's two out of six people.

We're putting in the show doc next week whether he did it and give him his credit because he's very confident. I can't. Two out of six in the office. You get one try. Wait, who, oh, because Andy, you can juggle? Yeah, I can juggle. All right.

Nerd. So what is the answer? What's the answer? What's the answer? Had this been your turn, Jason. What did you say that you would have? 15%. The correct answer is 15%.

What? Man. Okay. So I was closer with my first guest. You give him the easy ones. 15% is not. You were closer, but you weren't in point range, so you didn't at least hurt yourself. Yeah, I, you know, I wonder if it's because I can juggle.

Maybe I think more of the people out there. All right. You guys never tried to juggle? Oh, I tried. You can't juggle? Nope. I can juggle. What about two balls with one hand?

Can you juggle two balls with one hand? Everybody can do that. Oh, with one hand? No. Probably not. I can juggle two balls with two hands very easily, though. next question Mike you're up

what percentage of people have used a significant others toothbrush this is a good this is a philosophy question this is a morality question it is not a you use it all the time it is have you done that before all right you're the one that sets the line

right I'm going to set the line I don't think it's a lot I have used a significant but people people get me on these things. I'm going to put, I'm going to go at, I'll go 25%. Okay. 25%. I think it's pretty low. Jason? Are you ready? Yeah. I already had my answer down regardless of what number you said, it's going to be higher than you think. I'm going 10%. Oh, you guys are idiots. I'm on the lower. You're on the higher. You're on the higher. It's way higher. Your guess was what? And I'm the goose. You're at 25%. Go ahead. The goose is correct. The answer was 38%. There you go. Okay. Okay, well, that's not way higher. Goose is doing well, but right now.

So far, so goose. That gives Jason two points. You've never been. Mike has one point. You've never been on a trip and you're like, I forgot the toothbrush. So. And just use your wife's toothbrush. I've done that for sure.

It's always the opposite direction for me. I would never forget a toothbrose. It's always, yeah. Okay. It doesn't make sense. It's always the opposite direction for me. The juggler over here. But the wife uses my toothbrush.

I don't like it. Yeah. But it happens. I know what happens. All right. Do you like rinse it a little extra? Yeah, just dipped that thing in some mouthwash. It's good to go.

I would feel good if it was dipped in mouthwash. I feel like it would be sanitized. I hope so. It's supposed to sanitize the mouth. Like, that's its job. I got some work. Not strong enough for a tooth bro. Do you have double points in the second round or no?

No, sir. Oh, well, that sucks. All right. Andy is currently a full goose. Hunting for double points. All right. I am up and my question is, what percentage of people would choose Morgan Freeman,

over James Earl Jones to narrate their lives. That's a crazy question. Okay. And since I have no idea, I'm going to set that line at 50%. Okay. Andy, you got your...

Yeah, I got my answer. And it is... You have to figure yours out, too. Mine's written down. Well, I thought it would just win around the days go same times. These two go same times. Oh, okay. I am higher.

I am higher. Of course. Both are sensational. It's just no... It's just no... It's the people who know. who they are. Morgan Freeman seems like a little...

Am I within 5%? A little better. You are not within 5%. The other guys are correct that it was higher. The correct answer is 68%. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. On the board.

That's a shame. I'm bummed that and get that question. Me and myself. I would choose James Earl Jones as well. I would go Morgan Freeman. No, right. Worse voice. Yeah.

He does have a worse voice. He has a great voice. He's just worse. Yeah. It's a little overplayed. Yeah. A little too much. James Earl Jones kept it rare.

Yeah, Mike's narration of his life is just going to be like, I've seen this a hundred times. Yeah, I've already heard of. Mine is going to be half the beginning. Yours is Darth Vader. He doesn't have the voice changer. This is pure James Earl. Yeah, it's still Darth Vader. What percentage of people have been buried up to the neck in sand?

Oh. Up to the neck? Of people have been buried up to the neck in sand. this is probably just laying down and you let the head out. I mean, this is... Because originally I'm thinking, like, you got to... You know what's funny is what is... If you said what percentage of people may have been to a beach, it's not 100%.

Right. No. I'm going to say... That's actually a good question. I feel like... Yeah, that's in the 90s. Yeah, I was going to say it would be the vast majority of people that have been buried up to the neck in sand. Weird question?

I feel like this is a kind of question people would want to... to answer yes for some stupid reason. Like it's cool. Like, that's a cool feature. So it's going to up my number to 21%. I'm going to say 21% of people. I wanted to go like 11, 13, I don't know. Okay. What number do you guys?

What are you guys going? I've got mine written down. I'm going higher. I'm going higher as well. Okay. All right. How many people are doing this? Andy is the first one to fall within the range. The correct answer is 23%. Oh! Which is higher. So you guys also both get a point.

Yes. So. Okay, so did I didn't catch anybody? We are sitting with Mike with four. Andy and Jason both have three. Oh, man, it's tight. It's to-y-man. Okay. All right.

Wait, wait, we're back, baby. Andy, oh, he got two. I got two. I'm glad I bumped it up. I knew people would think it's cool. I can't believe. You explained to the rules. I know, I know, but I just can't believe that if you guess the exact right percent,

it's only three. You get three when you get two. I'm changing the rules from now on. If you get the, since no one's, gotten the right percent. You're saying if it's dead on, it's a fight on. We have had it happen one time. All right. But today, I'm saying I can change the rules live because it hasn't happened.

So what do we go? Four points. You get double. Okay, that's fine. All right. It's happening effective now? It's officially now and forever. So I'm omitted from that. You had a chance. You would have retroactively given me four? I would have retroactively given you four. We totally would have done it. Totally. You can trust

me, man. You're wearing a you're wearing a goose on your head. Of course I can trust you. So we're side, Andy, and Mike's in the lead by one. Mike is... Oh, this was a perfect question for me. What percentage of people prefer musical theater

over non-musical theater? Interesting. So the amount of people that prefer musicals... That just want to see a play? To non-musicals. Okay. That's... I'm fascinated of what the answer is going to be. I think it is

the majority. People would rather go to a musical. I want to sing some songs. I'm going to set the line at... How high do I go? I'm going to go 70%. Oh, man, that's a good number. That's a good...

I wrote down my number. I didn't write higher or lower. I did too. We'll lock in there. I'm in a 70. So my number... I was little torn between 70 and 75. I wrote 66%.

I wrote 62. So we both went lower. Are you going to lower? You guys are correct. The correct answer is 59%. Oh, really? I was pretty close. Oh, wow.

So a point to Andy and a point to Jason. We are tied? Oh, no. Oh, no. We currently have a three-way tie at four points. So I have to get within range here on this. Oh, if we tie, you stay the goose. Oh, no.

Oh, man. So I have to, I have to get. Andy. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. No. Yeah.

No. Oh my gosh. No, but you guys can't see each other's answer. You cannot see each other's answer. Okay. All right. All right. Oh, no.

Mike's just given the... I'm stretching. Full-on guest being on. I'm stretching. Oh, my gosh. I am stretching. For the listeners at home, Mike is pointing up. What?

That's... And Andy is pointing down. How bad for you? Yeah, boo. Yeah. Okay. Down with... All right.

Okay. Here's the final question. Now here's the thing. If I get this on the dot, I double your points. Yeah. I get a four burger and you can't cheat me out. Yeah. Do we have an extra question if there's a tie at the end?

Yes. Okay. Oh, all right. Okay. Well, then I feel much better. What? I feel real low about it. What percentage of people most often use toilet paper to blow their noses?

This was something. Something that I didn't know was a thing because our family always had Kleenex boxes. Yeah, this is. And then I'd go to other people's families to their houses. And I'd be like, where's your Kleenex? They're like, we don't have any. Yeah. Because they just use toilet paper.

We does happen. Oh, I mean, so when I, it happens all the time in my house, just because we're out. Yeah. And I think we have my preference, but just. I think we have Kleenex somewhere and we almost always just use toilet paper. Like go to the bathroom, blow your nose. That's just normal. Because you could do it, you could do it anywhere.

So what percentage of people most often use toilet paper to blow their noses? Now, first of all, where are you guys at? I'm most often used, like, I'm definitely a vast majority of the time. Okay, we're real serious. We're a Kleenex household. We're usually out. All right. Because I forget to order more.

Toilet paper to blow their noses. So. All right. I'm going to say a very important number to be right. Yes, yes. And it's going to start in the 16. Get goose off your head. Let's get this going. It's going to be 65%.

You're leaking. 65%. Okay, I will I will honor the game and I will write down my answer. I will too. And my answer is lower. I am lower. Okay. All right. I almost change the 68. The correct answer is 35%. What? Yes. Yes.

The goose is cooked. Yeah, three-time. I started out the lead. Three-time champion. Choke job. Oh, my gosh. Oh, man. This game sucks.

That goose is getting so comfy. Oh, thank goodness. Oh, what a comeback. Come back for the ages. All righty. Well, Jason, congrats. I can't wait to play that again. Yeah.

Let's draft. The Spitballers Draft. Well, This is an interesting draft. There are actually a ton of choices and options for it. But we are drafting company mascots you would like to party with. Okay. And so there are, like I said, there are lots and lots of options.

I am going to try to see if I'm cheating on the first one. Okay, right off the bat. Because I got the number one pick, although that could sneak through because it's a cheating. if it's not making it past chasing then. No look, I'm going to stay at number one. I'm going, Captain Morgan. He's the clear one-on-one. Captain Morgan is number one.

Literally a party pirate. Yeah, I mean, this guy knows how to set the... He is, and I thought of him right away. Yeah. Which is a fabulous answer. But then I stumbled upon another one. I'm like, ooh. That's a very, very close.

There is another one in that category. It is, look, it's the same. category. Yes. And look, he's the most interesting man in the world. He is the most interesting man in the world. You tell me you don't want to party with the most interesting man in the world? Of course I want to party with that guy. I want to hear those stories. Those two were. There's going to be the most interesting stories in the world. It's like we got them and you're the goose. Now the draft can begin. Fun. Dude, like that was such a late addition to my list. Oh, was it? Yeah. It's a great. It's a great. It's a great picture.

Jason, what do you got at the top of your list that you have now? All right. When I am throwing a party with mascots, we're going to cause... Which is the draft? Yeah. You know, we're going to have a ruckus. Oh, no. You're going to raise some cane?

I am starting right off with the Kool-Aid man. Oh, Kool-Aid man. What's the first name I wrote? He's bursting through the walls. He's having a party. Tell you what, that's... You always have beverages. That's on hand.

He shows up late, right? He's got to make an entrance. I mean, imagine you're the Kool-Aid man and you burst through the wall. You get one shot at this and no one's there. You're like, I'm the first one here. I'm an hour early? Oh, crap. Oh, man.

Can you put the wall back? Can you get the drywall guy here? Although it's always brick. Can he, is he restricted due to spillage? I don't think he can spill. No? He has too much confidence because if he could spill. You don't think he can spill?

But he sloshes. If he spilled, is he dead? One of these times. Like is that his blood? I think it probably is. If it's a reinforced wall, does he break the glass? Everything goes, his blood goes everywhere? No reinforced wall can stop the Kool-Aid man.

It cannot. And no load-bearing wall can either. And that's a real problem. Because if he burst accidentally through a load-bearing wall, party's over. How does he get into the restroom at the party? Does he walk through the door? Of course. Oh, he doesn't burst into the restroom?

No, every room does. He bursts into every room. Oh, he does? Yeah. He can't fit through a door. He's ripping your house apart. Great back. Just tearing.

I'm not having this party in my house. I thought it was a one time. He shows up. A, Cool-Aid man's here. And the trick is done. You're saying he goes through all the walls. Somebody says, somebody says, like. I think he goes through walls because he's too wide for doors.

Oh, he can turn sideways and make it through. Sideways, he's not like a Britta pitcher. It's a very round pitcher. We got to move the handle. He has a handle, right? The parties get going. Somebody's like. Somebody's like, hey, is the Kool-Aid man going to be here?

Yeah, you go. Oh, yeah. His name has cool in it. All right. I'm taking another cool cat. Okay. Chester Cheetah, baby. We're going to make a mess up in here.

My party is going to be orange and red everywhere. That is a combo. Yeah. We know what your party is. Yeah. With those two. When you see those two at the party. I am at a hotel.

You're throwing caution to the wind. Where you are not being invited back. No, they will not let me back. And I gave him a fake credit card. You know what I mean? Yeah. I didn't put my name on that. All right.

Mike, you have the most interesting man in the world. He's older. He is. He's older. He may go to bed early. He might. But he's interesting while he's there. I can't thank you enough for the setup there, Andy.

Okay. Because sometimes, look, when you go out, you're partying, you're having a good time. and your buddies are like, I'm gonna turn in. And you're like, no, I'm like, I want to party. I'm energized. Yeah.

No, no. I want to keep going. No. That's why you got the Energizer Bunny. Man, it was my next big for sure. You will, you'll have a party buddy forever.

That dude parties nonstop. Yeah. And going. And tunes. So you want to, he's just hitting that drummer. It's, oh,

that's true. Ooh, he's out there drumming. All night. I learned something while doing deep research for this draft. Looking up every mascot that I could think of and find. When I think of, you know, a battery mascot and the Energizer Bunny is obviously, he was one of the first mascots. The Energizer Bunny is not what he once was. As I researched this.

Oh, he's still going. As I researched this, this is, I don't know if I am like everyone in this room is going to be like, duh, or if everyone's going to be as shocked as I was. But when I looked at like the classic, the most famous all-time brand mascots, it was a bunny for Dura cell. Dura cell's bunny mascot was like the OG. Did you, your looks on your face is, hold on. You're telling me the competing battery brand. Came out with the same. They had a bunny? A bunny. Was he also pink? He was brown. He looked like a bear. What? I mean, it blew my- I think he was pink. What? I mean, What? It's a pink bunny from 1973, a pink Duracel bunny.

And Enterges are just like, that's a good idea. Check this out. That's our idea now. The bunny battles? And they were like, well, they're a little too similar. What should we do? A drum. Slap some sunglasses on him and call it a day.

And give him a drum. So, okay, so did anyone in here know of the Durracelle Bunny? No idea. Yeah. So I was reading, I'm like, what do you mean? By the way, that it's a, it is a lawsuit that is. still going on. Over the bunnies? Over the bunnies. Okay, it's time to let that go.

Yeah, there's a statue of a little. Wait a minute. Hold on. It was settled in 1992 in a landmark rabbit sharing deal. Oh, okay. They shared the... Between the two companies. Okay. It worked better for Energizer. Yeah. One of them got drafted to a cool party. Yeah. The Energizer Bunny is cool. The Durcell Bunny looks terrifying. That's like a five-night of Freddy's situation. All right. Look, I feel like I need to...

I need to add a little bit of... It was pink. I know. They just literally did the same exact thing. That's crazy. Give him a drum and some sunglasses. So you have the cooler man in Chester Tito. Your party is kind of crazy.

Yes, sir. It's kind of crazy. Mike's is very interesting and it keeps going forever. Yeah. I've got Captain Morgan. He's going to set the tone, but I feel like I need some craziness. I'm taking mayhem. No!

I wanted him so bad. He's taken mayhem from all states. He's not even on my list. Oh, I wanted him so bad. His name is Mayhem. You want a party with that? My party is like, your party mayhem.

If I had Jester Cheetah and Kool-A breaking down walls and mayhem there. Yeah, he's just, he's going to cause problems. He's going to go crazy. That's a good pick. And then this next pick, dang it. I'm on the fence here.

I'm going to go with the toucan from Cocoa Puss. You mean? Because what? Two can't see him? Two can't see him. Oh, no way, that's fruit loops. Cocoa Puffs is the crazy bird. Crazy bird.

Look, it's cuckoo for cocoa puff. He is. He is. He's wild. I don't remember what kind of bird he is, but he's wild and he's crazy. You can look it up. He's at the party. Sonny, the cuckoo bird. Sonny.

That's his name. Okay. All right. Yeah. It's okay. I got a botched which bird from which cereal. Your delivery kind of let it down. All right.

Big breath. Okay. All right. I had to get an approval here. So I already cleared this with the judge. Uh-oh. Look. Because there's crossover where you're like, this is just a dude.

Except he is the mascot. This is the pick I thought was cheating. Oh, was it? I guarantee you're going to say macho man. I'm going to take macho man. Oh, no. That's so good. I saved it for my last pick.

I want a snippet to a sleep gym brother. Oh, my gosh. You get. Yes. Elbow drops are coming off of the top. I made a horrible mistake. I saved it. That was the number one pick I was going to take.

That was good. He's not on my list. Yeah. Dig it. Wow. That was 100% my sneaky pick. Macho man. I think I would have gotten Sunny the cuckoo bird in the last round.

I can tell you he's not on my list. He is not on my list. Yes. But I only have 50 on mine. So that's probably why. I needed at least 70 to 70. I mean, I just cut it off pretty early, Mike. So, Sony would have made the list

just like if I had, you know, 100. Okay. Who got mayhem? Yeah. That was a good pick. That was a good pick. All right. So I know my first one here

because this dude cracks me up. And I have been to parties where people dress up as this character and they show up with bags and bags. and bags of burgers. And they are the king at this party. I'm taking the burger king, baby. Old sneaky king. Does he have a name?

I don't know. Doesn't it feel like Burger King's just trying so dang hard? Well, they've been pretty locked into the... But does anybody like that mascot? Oh, I love that mascot. The King? The King was awesome because he would just like sneak up on you and give you a burger. The Burger King does that?

the like they used to what's the McDonald's sneaky guy he steals the hamburger that's an hamburger oh he's an opposite he takes him from the king yeah I don't want him in my party it's totally a durericill energize the situation oh because the Burger King gives you yeah the Burger King's the King of Burgers

that's a good pick all right you got the Burger King all right with your Cheetos and Kool-Aid so we'll be dead soon yeah and man do I want to fight at the party do I bring in a competing burger place I've got two on there.

I'm going to take someone that I think would be really, really fun at the party. I think he's great. So, I'm going to take another serial icon Tony the Tiger. Oh, yeah. He's on my list. He's on my list. He's not great. He's great. He's not that crazy. He's not cuckoo. He's not. He kind of gets conflated in my mind with

Tigger. You know, like he's bouncing all around. If I tell you what, if any sort of sporting activity, breaks out at this party. Tony the Tiger is ready to go. He's going to crush. I knew if I took macho man before you, it would be just such a treat

and you still got him. Well done. He belongs with you, Mike. All right, your party. It's going well. It's going forever. Who's your last pick? Okay.

So Jane went Tony the Tiger, the most interesting man, a macho man. Got the Energizer Bunny. We're going to finish. I'm going to get to, I think the guy you were eluding. too, Jason.

He's regional because it's not across the entire United States. I was referring to two different options. One of which was that. I will take Jack from Jack in the Box. Jack Box is his name. Oh, his name is Jack. He's regional? Yeah, Jack in the Box isn't across the entire United States. I know that blows my mind

too. With the amount they spent on the... Because on the West Coast, it is heavy. It wore me out, man. We're going too long with Jack Box. Well, he seems like he's a funny guy. I bet he's got some good sarcastic widths. He'd be good at a party. Quips. Yeah. I don't know if he's eating anything.

I don't know that he can. I don't think he can. Well, I'm going to try to. Doesn't open. Of course, I don't know if burger king can eat either. He's just got a plastic face.

Can't do anything but smile and hand out burgers. It's a good pick. I've got a lot of other names on my list, but look, I'm, you guys know me. I'm the grandpa on the show. Uh-huh. I'm responsible.

I need to make sure that these guys all get home safe. Okay. So sometimes you've got to invite somebody that he's not going to be very fun at the party, but he's going to be the designated driver. He's going to take care. He's going to make sure nothing too bad happens. Is he a man? No.

Oh. Oh, I thought this was the Michelin Man. No, I thought you were. This is Smokey the Bear. Oh, that's right. So Smokey the Bear is going to make sure there's no fires. My plan. And he's going to bring people home safe.

Him and Mayhem is a great combination. You want parties with responsible people and crazy people. I was going, had this draft worked different and Mayhem got to me, I would have gone back to back. I would have added mayhem and then Smokey the Bear to make sure. Really? You had smoking on the list. Just only. only if I went full crazy.

Yeah, may him need smoky. He sure does. I thought maybe you were like parties end up at a disaster. I need someone to take care of this after the party's over, so I'm getting Mr. Clean up in here. Oh, that's not bad either. Or you could have just gone with another insurance, like flow. Oh, for actual insurance.

Yes, exactly. You know, one of the names I had on here, I threw it out. You know, if you need someone to bring the snacks, maybe little Debbie could come to the party. Okay. I had the crash test dummies. You remember those guys? Guys, are they, they're a mascot of a... Yeah, they were Nitsa.

Oh, is that what it was? Yeah. Okay, okay. I was, you know, Ronald McDonald. He's a clowns and clowns go to parties. Bad vibes from that. I agree, I didn't draft him. I thought about grimace.

Because every party needs are like, what is that? I thought about the scrubbing bubbles. But those could do probably party. The old spice guy, he was awesome. You see, the problem with the old spice guy, are you doing the... The former wide receiver, right? Yeah, he was like, look at me. Yeah, I'm on a horse.

Yeah, now I'm a horse. Yeah, you got a problem, though. Brony guy or green giant? Yeah, you got a problem because that dude, all the attention is going to that guy. Oh, for sure, for sure, for sure. Like, you are invisible at that party. Yeah, it's almost like I would have the most interesting man at my party.

No, everyone wants to hang out and talk to that guy. Okay. That guy's stealing all your ladies. And then the Quiznos, the crazy, the crazy monsters. The crazy monsters. Because they are good to us. All right. Someone paid so much money. It was a Super Bowl commercial. It was a Super Bowl. Crazy. Through the 90s. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Any other ones, Mike? Did you have?

Would you go Green Giant at your party? Or would you go brawny guy at your party? Bronny Guy. Oh, I take the Bronny guy. You don't want a giant there? He's vegetables and I got a roof. I already lost my walls. You don't like green people? We're going to have to party outside of the Jolly Green Giants there. You got nothing left. If your dude actually can't get to room to room, you're like, Kool-A man, stay in the living room. You don't get to pee.

He was my first pick. The last one I had, do you guys remember the seven-up cool spot? Nope. Nope. If you've, look it up. Nope.

Moving on. Look it up. You'll remember it. It was like just a red spot. Mike would know all the masks. It's a red spot and then they gave him sunglasses because it's the 90s. And they're like, look how cool this guy is.

That's like him mascot? Yeah. I still think it's crazy. I learned that Dura still out of Pink Bunny. Yeah, I learned that today too, but I also learned definitively based on majority vote that 100 people would beat a gorilla. I learned that Jason sucks at guess, guess, goose.

Oh, my gosh, she's such a goose. Oh, and I 100% remember the seven-up spot. See? Oh, that thing was super cool. Yeah, he'd be great at a party. He had a Nintendo game and everything. Can I swap the cuckoo bird out? Goodbye.

Bye.