Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Happy Hugs & Things That Start with ‘P’ - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 9, 2025

Mike is out today but that doesn’t keep this episode from being both hilarious and informative. We discuss some would you rather questions before educating people on the difference between things like cleaning up and straightening up. Then Owl joins us for a draft of the best things that start with ‘P’! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. then. A doodly ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. Oh man bringing bringing the sweet stuff. Wow. It's been a while since I could be you know even halfway proud of a scat. I feel like if I feel like if you were musically inclined, which you're not. Right, thanks. If you were. Play guitar, but whatever. If you were someone more bluesy, more jazzy,

who just like, they're, you know, they can scat. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, like Mike. Like they can scat. I think that they would say, that was average. That's not bad, okay, good, good. So that's pretty darn good. If a musically inclined person says that I'm average, that's good. I know not bad. Okay, good, good. And so that's pretty darn good. No, that's if a musically inclined person says

that I'm average, that's good. I know your daughter is here. Yeah, she is. Sitting in. Was she part of the inspiration to do not your worst job? Yeah, I don't want her to be embarrassed of me completely. I will do my best to embarrass him for you, okay? I will try to make to embarrass him for you. Okay, I will I will try to

Make yeah make you proud of me And if you if you're watching the spitballers podcast on YouTube, you'll notice a large cardboard bear. Yeah as Mike is not here today. Mike is not here, but the show must go on So we've got a two-man spit but it's kind of a three-man spit right we got Al Borland over there and he is going to draft with us today. He is he's going to we he's gonna take Mike's place in the draft so we will still have a normal full-scale draft and we are drafting things that start with the letter P. Yes. So start formulating those in your head

right now. Yep, yep, no, that's good. We'll kick it off right now. ["Would You Rather?" by The Bachelorette plays.] Would you rather? This one already cuts too deep. Heather from Patreon, which would you rather be? The know-it-all, the constant interrupter, or the one-upper? Oh man, that one is out. The one-upper?

The one-upper is the worst. The one-upper, the person that just can't ever not be best in every conversation. That is rough. It's just like, oh oh you don't even want to talk to that person Yeah, that that one is rough. I mean I feel like I Feel like it's a version of the know-it-all In some ways because the know-it-all is always gonna bring up their stuff right But this one goes that's like a slice of the one-upper a slice of the one-upper is a know-it-all But the one-upper is, it's not just knowledge. It's what I have, it's what my house looks like, it's what I can do.

You know how many pushups I can do? Do you know how many pushups I can do? Do you? No. How many can you do? 25. I can do 30. Yeah.

So it's like no matter what, I can do better than you no matter what. That's rough. That's rough. That's rough. I mean, I've been around a couple of people that everyone else knows them as the know-it-all. Right, yeah. And that is where we all make eye contact

every time it happens. Like that situation. Yeah, yeah. And... I think we might know some of those people. Yeah, I mean that's. That's a lot. Okay, I now know more than one of those people.

But those can kind of, you can kind of do like a happy eye roll to that kind of person because it's like, it doesn't make them unlikable completely. It just makes it kind of like. It depends on how they approach their know-it-all. It's a great assault situation. Some people who are know-it-alls genuinely just believe they know everything. So it's just.

And it's an innocent know-it-all. I mean, obviously there's the egotistical know-it-all that you just don't, it's just as bad as the one upper. But the interrupter, I don't mind, is that, I don't know, man. The Interrupter's, it's something I, as a host, am super conscientious about and guilty of. Like, it's hard because when I host the footballer show

and it's like, I feel this sense of moving the show along, but then I sometimes break in when I wish I wouldn't have. And it's like, so I live in this 10 year period of time where that is genuinely like, I think I had a note card sitting next to my desk, like a little sticky note for like a six month period that just said shut up. Because sometimes I over talk.

Yeah, I mean, we've all read the comments. And what's funny is I've seen the comments of, Andy, you interrupt Jason all the time. And I don't ever feel that, like ever. I've never looked back and felt like. That means a lot to me. Yeah, I've never been like, I mean. I feel so guilty all the time.

No, those aren't my burner phones. My therapist will be so happy. What have you found out? What have you found out? It's me. I'm the one leaving the comments, because I'm trying. You know I avoid altercation and confrontation. So I'm just going with burner phones, being like, Andy,

stop interrupting Jason. Are you also all the comments that are like, Jason, great job on the weight loss. You look amazing. Yo, Jason, you look good, man. Looking good. Andy, shut up. That would be so funny, though.

No, I have no burner accounts yet. I'm looking into it. I think it's a pretty good idea. But no, I've literally never felt like, I mean, maybe one moment here or there, but that's just life. I don't ever feel like you have an interrupting problem. You're the host, especially on the footballers.

Here, we all interrupt each other whenever we have anything to say or think, and it doesn't matter. It is one of the things that people are... I was in the middle of talking. Oh, I knew that was coming. It is one of the things people have said about this show and footballers is that when they compare it to other shows or one of the reasons they like it, they often say, how do you guys know? Or even on phone calls. We've had calls with

advertisers and stuff. We kind of know where each other are going to speak and we don't generally talk over each other too much. No. When we've done literally multiple thousands of shows together, I hope we've gotten to the point where we can know when we're gonna talk and know where we're gonna go. So the constant interrupter. I think that's at the bottom. Meaning that's the one you would rather be?

Well, yeah, I think so. I'm gonna take the know-it-all. Okay, you wanna be the know-it-all? Yeah, if I have to be one of these people, I don't mind being interrupted. It just has never really irked me or bothered me, but I do mind the interrupter in groups. I feel bad for other people. Yeah. When there's four or five of us and one person is just steamrolling everything, I'm really

annoyed not ever when they steamroll me, but when they steamroll others, I'm just like, let some people breathe. I don't wanna be that person. So. Some people can't, they don't have enough gusto to break through that person. Right, exactly.

Some people have social skills to like, I'm gonna come right back and I'm gonna take over the conversation. Some people, it's like, don't make their two shots, they'll get interrupted, they're done for the night. It's really funny and sad and whatever, but there are people that can't have silence. They can't, they feel like if they're in a group

and there is a moment of silence, everyone is let down and they have to say something, they have to speak. But then there are the people in that same group that they can't speak until there is a real moment of silence and now they recognize I'm allowed to talk. And so you put those two people together and I just feel bad.

I do not wanna be the, so I'll be the know it all and I will just make fun of myself for how brilliant I am. All right, we'll move forward here. Tommy from Patreon writes in a would you rather question. Would you rather have calories not count in the car or on the couch? Oh man, well, I mean. I mean, I feel like everyone in the world

would choose the couch. So that was what I immediately thought. I immediately was like, well, that's just the dumbest question and then I thought. Yeah, tell me. The drive-through, are you kidding me? Oh, they don then I thought. Yeah, tell me. The drive-through! Are you kidding me? Oh, they don't even count.

They don't count! Do you, oh my gosh, I'm broke, I'm broke! Okay, because I will never, ever drive home or to work. I'm going to Filiberto's on the way to work, I'm getting a carne asada burrito with a horchata, I'm finishing that in the car. I mean, all your meals. On the way home, I'm gonna, on the way,

I mean, this is amazing. Yeah, I was like, wait, I don't really eat in the car. On the way home. I mean, this is amazing. Yeah, I was like, wait, I don't really eat in the car. I don't, I eat on the couch. Al, would you still be full from the meals you eat in the car? Yeah. Okay, so you'd still be full, but then if the calories don't count,

you do need some calories to live. Well, right. So you'd have to eat at home a little bit. Oh my gosh, this is, this is, It's even getting better. This, right. So you'd have to eat at home a little bit. Oh my gosh, this is, this is, this is even getting better. This is gorgeous. I mean, when, when you read it, I had the exact same thought of you. Like, oh, the couches. I think I'm still taking the couch. No, because to me, the calories that I care the most about would be the like the two hours of desserts. You are such an ice cream couch man. Yes, I would like.

You wanna plow through pints. I don't, think about it this way. Okay. We have the would you rather, would you rather have the calories not counting the car on the couch? How much would you pay for either of these? Like in monetary value.

Oh man. To be able to unlock this, like it's a video game and you get to unlock a skill. If I could unlock the ice cream on the couch, that feels like one of the things I'd ask a genie for if I found a magic lamp. It feels like you would be cheating the, I mean if I could have a pint of Haagen-Dazs

on the couch every night and not end up. So Al, we need one more point of clarification here. That's what I'm here for. If we eat them and they don't have calories, are they negatively affecting? Like obviously if I eat fast food every day, deep fried, seed oils, all that stuff, we're going to assume they have no negative health effects. Oh baby! I think that's fair.

How much would I spend? I would spend $2 million. I would work my tuchus off. Yeah, you grind it to find what... For as long as it took to get... I don't have a goal of earning $2 million right now. I'd like that. That would be great to have $2 million. I don't have that as a goal.

This is the thing standing between you and earning $2 million is... That's exactly right, Andy. The thing standing between me and earning $ million is that's exactly right any the thing standing between me and earning two Million is something worth two million dollars. It would be so Amazing to feel that do any oh my gosh. I would rob a bank if I had to rob a bank I would rob. Why are you doing this sir? Why'd you do this? Did you not know did you hear about this perk for two million dollars you can have all you can drive through without Did you hear about this perk? For two million dollars you can have all you can drive through without, and the problem

then is I'm broke because I spent two million dollars on it. Oh yeah, you don't have the money for the drive through. But the nice thing is the worst things to eat are usually like that dollar menu. Right. They're just garbage. Yeah, that's not going to set you back too much. No. Oh man, I'm definitely taking the car.

Yeah, you're taking the car. You, in your earlier days, I will have a 13th. Pre-health kick, you were a car guy. I loved it, man. I was a shameful, you know. Double dinner? A dinner on the way home,

have to get out, throw that bag away, you know, on the drive up. Oh good, the cans are on the street, let me just stop right here, throw that Jack in the Box bag in the garbage and then pull in and hope she doesn't smell my breath. Is that curly fries? Yes it is.

Oh yes it is. And tacos, deep fried. All right, yeah, I'm doing the ice cream couch. Before we move on, I gotta confess, because I know some of the loyal spit wads are gonna come after me here. But Tommy wrote this question in, I thought it was a great question,

and so I searched our historical would you rather questions and we'd never discussed this but we did on episode 226. I'm just realizing we drafted best places to have calories not count. And the couch was the 101, car made it all the way to 202. Oh man. Wow. Wow. I hope it was a draft of that. That's funny Yeah, you guys were discussing this I was like that sounds so familiar But I had searched and we hadn't done it, but we did it in the day I this is a good opportunity to tell the spit wads out there that have been listening for now 329 episodes plus

Like it's hard to find new questions Mm-hmm This is why we love those that go to jointhespit.com that are part of the community that submit questions or that submit them on Twitter, wherever. Like, Al keeps a document that somehow he can find over 329 shows what questions we have answered. There was a show about three weeks ago,

and he was in a time crunch. I'm like, don't you worry about it, Al. I'll take care of this show doc for you. And I filled out a show doc and I didn't check that thing. Yeah, you asked another question that we have already done and apparently I answered it different this time. Yeah, like it was the... You know, we all change, we grow, we evolve.

Yeah, it was probably about early mornings or hiking or something like that. Oh man, reading. Can't wait for the museums. We evolve. Yeah, it was probably about early mornings or hiking or something like that. Oh man. All of a sudden. Reading. Can't wait for the museums. Museums. All right, George from the website,

would you rather full sprint anywhere you travel on foot? And so if you get winded, you have to wait until you catch your breath enough to sprint more. So you have to sprint. Okay. Which is a funny thing to think about, like if you have to sprint. Or do the heel to toe walk. So that's the field sobriety test. So

are you, okay anywhere you travel on foot. That means you touch, you're not rolling from heel to toe. Oh gosh. You have to put the, you have to put the heel of your left foot touching the toe of your right foot. It's like you're walking on a line. Right, yeah. So that one's exceptionally slow. I mean, I'm trying to think through this. When is the last time, genuinely, genuine question, we're in our early 40s. Sprinted?

When is the last time you sprinted all out as fast as you could sprint, even a short distance? All out? Yeah, just I'm sprinting. Sprint even a short distance. All out? Yeah, just unsprinted. Probably when we did the combine. Yeah, I mean that was. For our show. There's a trend.

Seven, eight years ago. I saw Jason do it yesterday when Andy hit a really short pickleball shot when Jason was at the back of the court. Oh, does that count? Cause full sprints and pickleball, I think that happens. He did full sprint. Yeah, okay, all right.

There's a trend right now. I don't know if you knew this over on Instagram, where a husband and wife, they take turns filming each other doing a full sprint on the street, because it's basically like, neither of us have ever seen each other run at full speed, so it's a side view of the husband, and a side view of the wife at full speed,

and they're funny, man. Because people don't. You're right. You hit a wall once you're done with P.E., I guess, and you don't sprint. One of the health people that I watch and listen to a podcast, they talk about, like, don't stop sprinting. Yeah, that's valuable. Just because you're an adult doesn't mean, like go and sprint, go to a grassy field and just do some sprints.

And so, you know. I think people say that if you, rather than jog, if you just walk and occasionally do a sprint, it's way better than jogging. But on this question. But you have to sprint, you see. This question is you have to sprint everywhere you go. So, normal day-to-day life.

That's the thing. Normal day-to-day life is way better to sprint than heel-to-toe walk. Okay, I'm gonna go to my car to go to work. I'm gonna go, you know, it's not that big a deal. Okay, I run to my car. I'd rather do that than slowly walk. But it's the other areas.

You're going to Europe. Exactly. You're gonna visit Europe. Exactly. You're going to visit Europe for the first time with your family. Heel to toe all of Europe. Sprint all of Europe? Both are bad. We're walking all day. I will die. One of those I can handle. Okay, so which would you choose in Europe? You'd do the heel to toe? Yeah, I would do the heel to toe. You're going to need to book about another three months in Europe to see it all at that pace. We're going to the Louvre? Like, I can't just sprint the Louvre.

But you could sprint from spot to spot, can't you? And then observe it and enjoy it? Yeah, I guess. Which one looks dumber in public? Well, one makes you look like you are drunk. Like, if you're doing the heel to toe, it looks like... The other looks like you're a frantic weirdo. Yeah, yeah. If I saw someone sprinting around, I'd be honestly... You think they're doing something. I would much rather see a heel-to-toe

walker. Right? Even if I assume that they've been inebriated, I would much rather that. Because the other person is like, I'm crossing the street, I'm getting on the other side of the street to avoid him because he's psycho, he's on some hallucinogenic. That's a good question because both are real bad, it seems. But day to day I'd rather sprint. I can sprint from my house to the car, I can sprint from the car to the office. And there's advantages to this.

There's health perks. True, true. There's no health perks on the heel to toe. Nuh-uh. All right, we're sprinters. Okay, we got time for one more or we want to move on now? Let's do one more. All right, Noah from the website, would you rather have your hugs make people magically happier? Yes. Your handshakes make people magically more confident? Definitely not. Or your high fives magically give people a boost of energy and adrenaline. Now see, this one's tough because the second two

are very cool, but I think we're going to prioritize happiness. I don't know that happiness is more important. So imagine the high fives, right? A boost of adrenaline or energy. Now we play a lot of pickleball, right? You're on the court, you make a good shot. You would start in corporate, like we do the paddle tap.

After almost ever, we would high five. Yeah, get a little boost. I mean, now you're talking about winning tournaments that you don't belong in. Maybe if your serves were going sideways, I'd give you a handshake. Oh, for the confidence. For the confidence?

If I served bad and you wanted to shake my hand, I'd be like, you're a weirdo. Stop it. But hugs making people happier. Not everybody wants a hug, but you force them into a hug to make them happier? That seems illegal. Well, I mean, it's obviously you've

got to know these people. There are people who might not want a hug that I know need a hug, and it would be appropriate and okay in that situation to come up and give them a hug. I would say, so Papa Josh forces people to hug him, and eventually we just all accept it. Yeah, he is broken through.

He's a great example. Papa Josh hugs everyone at the office. Does it make us happier? Not every day, not every moment. Are we happier because of it? No. No. He does not have this power. No, he doesn't.

I like a good hug, and sometimes I love a good Papa Josh hug. He sometimes did a volunteer one to him. Preemptive strike. Absolutely. Yeah, just get it out of the way. But I think if you actually could make people happier with a hug, because think about when you hug someone. Right?

Sometimes it's just. Oh yeah, you need it. But a lot of times when you're actually doing this maneuver, when you're doing a hug someone, right? Sometimes it's just. Oh yeah, you need it. But a lot of times when you're actually doing this maneuver, when you're doing a hug maneuver, it is to console, it is to cheer up. Let me ask you something though. Okay. How does that work if, cause like if you went to a funeral.

Mm-hmm. And. It's a great question. The widow's there and she lost her husband, maybe it's an aunt and her uncle, whatever, you go over and give them a hug. Yep. Does that work? Absolutely it does.

It does. So it's comforting? Happier. Happier. Happier. That doesn't make them happy. It doesn't make them not. Make them less sad.

Okay. I'm not taking away their mourning. That's what I was worried about. But I'm making them happier. That's like the crim de la crim. That's the place I need to do it. Oh, so you'll go to funerals that you don't even know the people now.

If you had this power, you'd probably start. Nope. No? Because I don't want to hug people I don't know. Oh. You know what I mean? Unless I. Even if you had the power? If I had the power, maybe I would open a funeral home. Okay. You know, if I'm the worker. Right. If I'm in charge

and I'm meeting these people and I'm there to console, okay, if I'm just a random person showing up at funerals hugging people, I don't know, eventually I think flags are raised. But the handshake thing, that is a backfire. Because handshake is a power move. Oh right, because you're the strong handshake, so you're the confident one.

Exactly. So you'd be giving somebody more power. I don't wanna give them confidence. I wanna handshake and make them cower. I wanna handshake and feel more confident myself. I don't want them, I don't. It's a good point. Yeah, so that one's out, O-U-T.

Do you feel like the people, like do they instantly feel happier and know it's you, or do they just have like a sense like, man, that just, for some reason. I think they might have loved that hug, and they might appreciate that hug, but they're not crediting you with like, you gave me happiness.

It's more of an I don't know why, I just feel better today. Yeah, exactly, that's definitely the one I'm taking. Okay, and so then the, But I hope you take the adrenaline high five. For the sake of our sports? All right, I'll do it. All right. All right, we'll take a break,

we'll do some What's the Difference. And there's a button for that. between me and you, me and you. If you haven't listened to the show, one of our strengths is we know the difference between things. Yeah, super well. Jason knows metal and then we all collectively know the difference between things, so we try to help out. What is the difference between cleaning up,

straightening up, and tidying up. Yeah, I mean, they all sound the same. Obviously they're not. Or there wouldn't be different words. Yeah, there's a difference between them. There's a difference, and we're here to say what the difference is. Straightening up to me feels like the fastest.

Because you gotta straighten up real quick, the in-laws are coming over. You don't got time to clean, for sure. Well, cleaning is the biggest. Like, there's no doubt. You know. When I tell someone, if I'm talking to my child, I say, clean your room. And they're like, what? And then I'm like, what I really mean is just pick it up. I don't actually mean clean your room. Clean your room is get out the Windex, get out the Lysol or whatever you're using. We're dusting.

And you can't straighten up a spill No, so you clean up a spill correct straightening up in my opinion, and I'm gonna throw it out here You never remove something or throw it away Straightening up is just getting things in order. Oh, right. Boom, baby. You can't throw something away. You can't know you're just Organizing it. Okay, now cleaning up. It's like this looks better straightened up. Cleaning up requires a device or a product. Okay.

You cannot do it with just your two hands. You can't clean with just your two hands. That seems fair. You need a broom? You at least need a spray bottle or a rag. A spray bottle or a mop or a. Vacuum. Vacuum, yeah, absolutely.

Now tidying. Tidying. Tidying is the toughest one. Tidying feels like you are putting some things in the right spot, but you're not going as far as cleaning. I think it's right in the middle. Is there an area here where when you tidy up, you're kind of organizing something?

Yes. You know what I mean? Like maybe you're moving things around. You're not just- You're putting it in the right drawer. Yeah, but like even decorations. Like I wanna tidy up, I'm gonna put this over there. Does that feel right? It feels like straightening up.

Yeah, that is more, yeah, you're straightening up. Tidying up. Tidying up. That one's a tough one. I feel like that one is in the middle though. So it's like, it's a larger job of straightening up. Like if you were trying to- I'm gonna be honest,

tidying up is not a phrase that I think is used in America. It does feel like more like a European- I think tidying up is European, picking up. I think there's a fourth category here. Oh, like a picking up. Picking up is American. I do think you're right. Tidying up is European.

Yeah, if you are a maid in Europe. Oh, you're gonna tidy up so well. You tidy up all the time. Amelia Bedelia tidies up, for sure. Mary Poppins? Oh, tidies up. Tidies up. For sure.

Hmm. Yeah, unless she's got some product. And you know, if she's mopping and sweeping. Then she's cleaning up. Yeah, which is. Cool. All right, we figured that out. What is the difference between mankind.

Okay. Oh, this one's gonna be tough, civilization and humanity? Wow. Deep. Well obviously civilization is set apart here. Mankind and humanity share the fact that it's- Are you saying it's less broad? Mankind and humanity, well let's focus on mankind mankind is

the animal class of People it is just it's referring to human beings. Are you saying there is a civilization can contain It's more than that exactly right. It is what is it buildings? It is what mankind it has become a civilization and a civilization has rules has structure has Has buildings and animals and all of its part of a civilization I don't think that animals have to be okay, but they I mean they are part of our civilization civilization is

the civilized mankind. The organization of mankind on the earth. So that's why you have a prehistoric civilization or an advanced civilization? Exactly, you've got different civilizations. They all include people. They're all mankind. This mankind is doing this kind of civilization, that mankind is doing another. So if I told you you have a superpower, and you can stop an asteroid from destroying all mankind, or from destroying all of humanity,

do you feel like they're any different? They are. Which would you try to stop? I would stop it from destroying mankind. Mankind? Because that is just the living, breathing humans on the planet. So you're saying that's,

Humanity does not require a body. What? It doesn't. Wait, humanity doesn't require a body. The humanity can be a concept. Oh, the humanity. Yeah, the humanity is, huh, who we are. Not what we are, what we are is mankind.

Who we are is our humanity. Now let me submit to Al Borland, this is too advanced of a question for this show. We are as mankind. Who we are is our humanity. Now let me submit to Al Borland. This is too advanced of a question for this show. We are not really capable, but we're doing our best. I think we're nailing it. You guys are doing a great job. We're philosophers.

Now do you agree with all this, Al? I do, yeah. The civilization you guys nailed, and I do think humanity can be like, something can be not humane. We are not talking about the animal class anymore, we're talking about. I mean, I think I just nailed it straight across. Too simple of a question is what I meant.

Yeah, it's too easy. This show requires a little bit more difficult nature, so let's hit us with something harder. Do you think that there are some higher level universities that listen to it and... The spitballers? Yeah, and examine it for its philosophical benefit. I don't think any university below Ivy League

can understand this podcast. But the Ivy League's certainly. So those of you listening out there, just know you are very intellectually advanced. Gifted and probably beautiful. And this course is tuition free. Yeah, we don't even charge. We scat at the beginning.

Yeah. That's what we do. You can even skip the answer. Yeah, what is the difference between something being tangled, knotted, and twisted? Tangled, knotted, and twisted. Well, I'll tell you what. One of these makes me want to...

Oh, like sends you into a panic punch something is it tangled it's tangled tangled is the worst tangled feels like something you have to eventually cut to tangled tangled is a project okay tangled if you're gonna untangle something oh man that's sit down that's it down for a while there doesn't have to be a knot and a tangle. It could just be like it's going every which way. What is with that? Cords that are just.

Hair, hair is what you think of. I mean, yeah, I mean, I think of a lot of different things. I think of jewelry, like a necklace. If you get a little, once it's going every which way and it's, you know, there's probably four or five. So what happens when a hose is not, like a hose is all mixed up? What is that called? Is that, that's not tangled, right? I don't think it's, you know, there's probably four or five. So what happens when a hose is not, like a hose is all mixed up? What is that called?

Is that, that's not tangled, right? I don't think it's tangled, no. Is it knotted or is it twisted? Oh, twisted sounds like a whole. Oh, that's clearly twisted. Hoses are twisted. Hoses get twisted up, and that sucks. I hate having, I hate doing that.

Cause you know, when you have a twisted hose, you hope that somehow you pull both ends. Yeah. And it just comes out. And it should, but every now and then, it can become a knot. Hoses also get kinked. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, but that's not in this question. It's not in here, just kind of keep that to yourself. You're bringing in with a knot. Yeah, no, I get it. You're bringing in with words we're not discussing right now. I'll mute my mic, thank you. Yeah, what's the difference between one of us and Al?

What's the difference between a not and a kink? Okay, now we can talk to universities below Ivy League. I mean, come on, a kink? Everyone knows what that is. Yeah. Notted. Notted is another one here, and that is clearly, there's a knot. Yeah, I got a knot

That's are simple. You got a I mean, there's there's different kinds of knots, but there's only one kind I know and it's a classic I'll tell you man If I was in the Navy I would be out of the Navy immediately because you couldn't time or you couldn't untie them I couldn't time. I don't know how to do the knots I watched these people do these crazy super knots and when I watch real men Like tie something down not with like I've got the auto straps, you know, it's got a button on it And it's like tightens up. Oh, yeah

But I watch people tie stuff down with like rope No, it's a skill and and I am so much more confident that the knot that they're doing cuz I've never seen someone do a knot Like this. Yeah, I like I know yeah, because he did wizardry and put a single- A whoop-de-whoop. A whoop-de-whoop, loop-de-loo, and then I'm like, I promise that that could hold this car up from a skyscraper.

There's knots that get stronger the more you pull on the thing. Yeah. Now, were you a Boy Scout, Al? I bet you were. I was, yeah. You had to be. And are knots a part of it? Oh yeah, we did do your bow line not square knots

You know not do them all do you still know how? No, oh so like if we were out on a boat you wouldn't be of any I can definitely do a square knot Okay, and I think I could probably still do a bow. Okay. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is What is a knot like Like what is a classic? Like you do the first part of tying your shoes and you do that again? Yeah, what's that? Just the classic knot?

I think that's called an overhand knot, I think. I could be wrong. We can do overhand knots, you and I. I can do overhand knots all the time. I can pull the wrong shoe string through the loop, boom, overhand knot. Overhand knot. Tangled is a nightmare.

Yeah, tangled is a nightmare. Knotted is, you know you can get out of it. I also think that if there's several knots, it's not knotted, that's tangled. Really? Well, maybe different kinds. I'm just saying, to me, when something is knotted, I don't know that you ever need a...

I don't think that limits your knot count. Your knot count can be as much as you want for it to be knotted. Even if it's in different places? Cause like obviously there's a double knot, right? You knot the knot. I mean, I guess in theory, if it's more of a circular pattern,

like the knots are all over the place, that could be tangled. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, no, I'm down. Twisted, I mean, that's not hard to get out. Twisted is easy. It's easy. Twisted is just like, it's a coil. Yeah, that's cake. Yeah, no, I'm down. Twisted, I mean, that's not hard to get out. Twisted is easy. It's easy. Twisted is just like, it's a coil.

Yeah, that's cake. Yeah, no problem. Also the way I prefer my pasta. Twisted? Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah, baby. Both in the noodle form and on the fork. What is your favorite type of pasta?

My, what a great question. Yeah. Spiral. I want spiral form factor. Is it because it's kinda grabs all that sauce? Yeah baby. Yeah, no I don't blame you. I like a loose sauce. It's like a sauce auger.

Yeah, I like my sauce runnier than thicker and when you have it runnier than thicker, you put it on spaghetti, it doesn't hold. Yeah, you can't pick it up, no. But you put that thing in something with cracks and crevices and twists. Would you ever spork some pasta because of the sauce situation?

Yeah, of course I'd spork pasta. You'd spork some pasta? No, I prefer forking a pasta, but I would spork it. Okay, yeah, that's good. What is the difference between an antique, something that is vintage, and something that is classic? I feel like maybe our greatest challenge is right here.

Yeah, this is definitely the greatest challenge. Antique, vintage, and classic. Let me put it this way. Let's start here. Okay. I'm going to bring you something. Which do you feel like is the most valuable? Something that's antique, vintage, or classic?

I don't think vintage is in the mix there. No, I- Vintage can be like look, something can look vintage, right? Yes, yes. An antique is the most valuable. Is it? To some people, I mean not to me.

An antique car versus a classic car? I would take the classic car. I feel like classic is like an antique that you believe is valuable. I don't know that there is an antique car. I mean a rusty old car. Is that not an antique if it's sitting in a junkyard? I think an antique is some you got to be able to go antiquing. But if you I mean have you been to some of these stores? There's junk in there.

Oh, it's absolute junk and beloved. It's absolute beloved junk. Yes, my mother used to go antiquing and she had these these plates they had apples on. oh, that's what she was into she yeah, I don't know what they were called probably like Apple plates or something stupid and They were pretty ugly plates right they were older and apparently Some people including my mother just were like oh my gosh I get more apple plates And they were so expensive. Oh really?

Oh, because they were an antique. And it's like, this is garbage. This is an old plate that's ugly, but it's an antique. So something, an antique gets inherent value because of age. Because of age and scarcity. I think there has to be a little bit of scarcity to be an antique. Because people threw out all the other apple plates

because they didn't want them. Exactly. So the few that survived. Those become antiques. Now. I can't hear classic without classic car. I can't hear classic without classic Coke. Coca Cola classic. It's something.

That's what my mind goes to. Al, do you have any thoughts on this one? This one is nuanced. What do you think of with classic? I usually go to cars as well. Yeah, I mean a vintage car, a classic car. I guess antique, they never use that with cars. No, no.

Something, something vintage, I feel like clothing is vintage. You don't get antique clothing, you get vintage clothing. Right, right, that's 100%. Why they separate that, I don't know exactly. Vintage to me seems like there's, what is it called when something is in and out of style? Retro?

Yeah, vintage is retro, but the fads. Vintage had to be a fad at one point. Oh. You know what I mean? Like if it was a fad, this was, you know. Like a vintage leather jacket Yeah, exactly. Like that was that was in and so now it's Vintage and retro are I'm so glad we don't have to compare those two words because those are basic synonyms to me

Well sees a vintage item can be old a retro item is new. That's actually very easy. Oh Yeah, but retro has to mean new that is made to look old. We're good at this. And classic just means that there's newer versions of this thing. Oh, that's actually true. That's all it is. If there's not a newer version. No, then it's just is.

Oh, you're right. But the classic one was the OG. So when you talk about a classic car, that's because they've changed it. I'm gonna give you a Nobel Prize. Oh, I got a Nobel Prize! I'm giving you a Nobel Prize. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Dude, I have always wanted one of those. I don't want to say this out loud, so I won't say it very loud. Without Mike, we are so smart. So much smarter. We are so smart. We never would have gotten to classic are so smart we would never would have gotten to classic no no he would have said something weird and waved his beard around all right we'll move on let's draft

The Spitballers Draft. Well, well, well, here we are. I'm in the worst spot. What is the order here? Oh, well, I imagine Al steps in directly for Mike's spot. That's what I figured. I'm in the worst spot. There's a clear two S-class. You think there's two?

There's two S-class keywords. Picks? Yes. You think there's two? There's two S-class Picks? Keywords. Yes. So we're drafting, if you didn't pick up on that, things that start with the letter P. So you got the whole gamut here. Anything in the world that starts with the letter P,

you can draft it. I've got the first pick. I mean, it's easy. There's one for me, it's pizza. Of course it's pizza. All right. Of course it's pizza. All right, just making sure. And go ahead, Al. Go ahead, just slam dunk the number two. What's the number two? The

number one is definitely pickleball. Oh. See, I thought that was on the list. I knew. It was not on my list. I mean, to us, fantastic. I will not be smirched at pick. That's a fantastic pick. That's what Mike would have done to something more nuanced to himself Yes, but I'm I guess I was looking generally like the the the the pizza the universe Or people eat pizza than play pickleball for sure. Absolutely. Everybody loves pizza. So pickleball Look, you know what else everybody loves what puppies? Puppies baby poppy. I mean I didn't even have it. Yeah, it's on my list pizza and puppies are are clearly like that those are The world would not at the world's best restaurant. Oh my gosh

I did you really didn't puppy eats and puppies and you go there and they serve pizza and they've got puppy And you know those play with these are gonna be so filled with grease just from people petting them after eating pizza Yeah, you got to be responsible, but they they're not gonna be mad. We'll wash them every night pepperoni pizza and puppies I mean come on. Oh we can alliterate this to the so that that's a great pick obviously puppies People will appreciate that it is one of the best things that starts with the letter P. Yeah, man, I've got a So you got a second pick here on the way back through. Oh, man. This is tough.

There's so many things I like that start with the letter P. I'm gonna go... This is always when it gets tough. Well, the thing is... You got your favorites and now you're like, what do I do? I'm really struggling with what is beloved versus what I love.

Yeah. Because I think there is a next most popular pick, but I'm not a huge fan of it. I think you go with your heart. That's what I think, that's what we've been doing this whole show and you got a Nobel Prize. So I would just go with your gut.

Really? All right. Or maybe not. This is down low. This is a curve ball. This is like- You called out pickle ball being too nuanced and now you're going deeper?

I'm going deeper. I'm going me. I'm going me, baby. I'm taking the penthouse. Yeah! I'm going to the top of the building. It was literally number nine on my list. But when you said be yourself, go for you, that thing stood out like that's what I want. I want

the penthouse. It is you. Oh baby. It is you. That works. Someone out there that owns a really nice hotel, just reach out and give me a week at your penthouse. You'll fly anywhere. Yeah, I'll fly anywhere, but please understand what I'm saying. Don't call it a penthouse if it's not a penthouse. Oh, that would be

disappointing. Yeah. Just because it's on the top floor doesn't make it a penthouse. See, that feels like a whole another question. Right. But someday we'll have you define a true penthouse. If you're out there, please offer me a week at the penthouse. I will accept. good use of the show. Thank you. Um, Al you're back up you have pickleball Yeah, I'm gonna take something that makes this world go round Almost everything we love doesn't exist without it. I'm taking power. Oh That seems like now are we talking electricity or are we talking just? All power.

He gets it all. Wow. Oh, you thought like the rulers of the world have a lot of power. Exactly. Yeah, which one did you mean? I was referring to electricity. Okay. All right. Well, ironically, I think the other one

makes the world go round more. Jason would have been referring to the other one. Yeah, I really was. Good pick. All right, pickleball and power. That is a good pick. That was not on my list. That pick, all right. Pickleball and power. That is a good pick. That was not on my list. That's a very good. You need power for it.

You've taken two solid picks that I didn't, I've got 14 things on my list. There's a, your list sucks. There's more than 14 things that start with the letter P. I was complimenting you. There's a lot, there's a lot. All right. You should take poop, owl.

Well, look, we're sitting here on this show. I can't not take podcast. Oh! I'm taking podcast. Yeah, it's our job. Pizza and podcast is another great place that I like to visit. So I'll go podcast for my second pick.

And because it's YouTube and I want it, and I'm going to take it before you get it. I'm taking poker. Oh Okay, I'm taking poker with the third pick. We love some poker I felt like that was one of something you guys would take so it was definitely on my list Yeah, all right back to you all you have pickleball and power All right. I'm gonna take something that I Can't live without and that's my paycheck. Oh Not too shabby.

Pay day's a good day. Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, all right. He takes. You are three for three on great picks not on my list, and my list does not suck, Owl. My list is awesome. Well, you have puppies in a penthouse,

so it's going pretty good. Puppies in a penthouse. You know what that puts me in? Paradise, baby. Oh, that's a goodhouse. You know what there you know what that puts me in? Paradise Draft in paradise, it's broad it could be anything. I'm on the beach. I'm in the penthouse I'm just in paradise idea of somebody's version of paradise is a penthouse with puppies is pretty funny That's isn't And then I've got one more pick right yeah, you do you do. You get to round out your puppy penthouse paradise.

Puppy penthouse paradise, and we are all sports fans here. It is the greatest part of each season when we hit the playoffs. The playoffs. That's a cool pick. Yeah, give me the playoffs, baby. Pizza, puppies, playoffs, and paradise. Yeah, you'll even watch baseball if it's playoffs. Exactly. That's how good playoffs are.

Yeah. I will watch baseball. Right? Which is usually just the most pointless, boring, torturous thing in the world. But playoff baseball has meaning because the games actually matter. That opinion is pathetic. All right, Al, you are up. Your final pick, Pickle Wall Power Paycheck. All right, my last pick is going to be similar to

Jason's Penthouse pick. This is a me pick, and I'm taking the Platinum Cruise card. Oh my gosh! I'm getting priority boarding. I don't even know what that is. I'm getting my clothes laundered and pressed on board. Wait, they have this? Yeah. There's a special card? Oh, how does Jason? Jason must have this. You get it by how many days you've sailed, so you can't purchase your way into it. You're well on your way out. I am. Soon?

Soon you'll have it. Platinum cruise card. So it means you get priority boarding, you get your clothes laundered? You get your clothes laundered, you get some free drinks, and some gifts when you get on board. So how long have you wanted this thing? How long has he been alive? Yeah. And you're not, you haven't reached it? Oh, he's not even remotely close to it. That's not true. Oh what? My wife, we're going on a cruise, we leave in three days, and my wife will hit platinum on this cruise. I do not, because she's

cruised more than me. Wait a minute, so is this exclusive to one provider? Yes, this one is. So it makes you... They do, each line has a platinum card, but yes. Wait, she's gonna hit platinum? Wow. All right, can you throw some of your clothes in with hers?

Is that how that's gonna work? Yeah. Okay. Sir? I still get the priority boarding with this. She needs to wash her boxers. Yeah, yeah. Okay, that is very nuanced.

Again, not on my list. Alright, I've got pizza, podcasts, poker, and I don't know if you guys knew, there's actually a lot more words. Yeah, start with the letter P. So I'll go with parties! Nice. I'm gonna go with parties for my last pick. I don't think I like parties anymore. If they have pizza and poker, I'm in.

Yeah, it's a pizza poker party with pumpies. Pizza poker party. You don't like parties anymore. I think I do. Do you prefer peace? Yes, I prefer peace over people. Oh. Yeah.

You are a new person. I feel like there was a time in your life that you would have, like when you see a crowd of people, you would have gotten into a slingshot that would fire you into the crowd. I think that is just, I can do it. And now it's more performative. Correct.

It's exhausting. I'm fine in those situations. I feel like you're just becoming me Ten years ago, maybe maybe all right pizza podcast poker and parties my four picks al's got pickleball power Paychecks and a platinum cruise card Jason's got the puppies the penthouse the paradise and the playoffs in any and all sports Peace was on the list. Pandas was on my list. Pancakes was on my list.

Delicious. A Porsche. Oh nice. Pyrotechnics, those are cool. Those are fun. We got some. What you got, Al? I had Passport, just cause I love to travel.

Pterodactyls, cause those things are awesome. See that's a real. My phone. You draft Pterod that's a real... My phone. You draft pterodactyls. And your phone. And this is your last draft. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I also had Pixar, because those are go-to movies.

That was the first one that was also on my list. I had philosophy, which I felt like was a stretch already. I had pools, a power nap, Paris, and a Pinot Noir. All right, that's, there you go. Pina Colada's up there too. Yeah, that's not bad, that's not bad. What did we learn today? I mean, not that I didn't know it,

but I know it better now. This show's very sophisticated. It's very highbrow. It's very intellectual. I learned that you can receive incredibly prestigious Awards on the spitballers podcast. I did get you one What a Nobel Prize. I got the Nobel Prize. You got the Nobel Prize. This is a big that's like that's crazy Do you learn anything out or do you ever learn anything on the show? I learn so much, but I think I learned that you guys can really get down to business without Mike.

Yeah, yeah, this is, I mean, we miss him, but. 50%! You know? Maybe he'll be back next time. Grrr. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.