Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Hiring A Larcenist & Worst Things to Step on Barefoot - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

On this hilarious episode we get into a weird discussion on body larceny, go on a road trip with a bunch of old people and wrap things up with a painful Worst Things to Step on Barefoot Draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. in. I get it. Do people still want us to do this? I hope not. I really think they don't. Like, we gotta, we gotta do some reconnaissance. We gotta fix this, too. It's not quite how I had it playing out in my head. New listeners, they start, you know, they have no idea what's going on. They've never listened to this show. They don't know that. Right. Never will again. That we take turns scatting through the intro because we're, because it's like a punishment. Right.

And instead they'd never heard me say this these words because they immediately have shut this off. Well, oh What did I click on that was? Sometimes we win desperate have an interpretation of the draft Which that's good and our draft is the worst things to step on while barefoot Right, so I get I getfoot. Right. So. I get it. I was letting you know a little bit of how I react when I do step on something barefoot.

Guess, guess, Goose, and would you rather on the show today? Maybe we do one more owl and then we shut it down. Oh, I do wish. That'd be great. That will never work. That will never work. The people will riot. I don't know. I think That would be great. That will never work. That will never work. The people will riot. I don't know. I think they'll be fine.

We'll be drafting top 10 people who rioted. Should we put up a poll and we go by whatever the answer is? Oh, gosh. One week at a time, though. Anything that we do that sucks for us to do will be voted for us to do. That's how it works. We should vote.

That's like saying maybe we should quit having Al do the scat every once in a while. I got a great idea. I have an incredible idea. You put our four names up there. Every week on Sunday or Monday we put it up and say who should do the next scat? Andy, Mike, Jason. I do not like that. Jeremy. Sunday or Monday we put it up and say who should do the next scat Andy Mike

Jason I do not hear oh yeah okay if he's involved yes you're like this do me the four would just put it up every week Josh Matt got a whole crew well if you're still listening thank you this is the spitballers episode 317 look it's a it's a tough it's a tough time coming up with 317. Brilliant scats. I mean, you need to set the bar low occasionally to go higher. Yes. And we're getting it down there. Uh at Spitballers Pot over on X. Make sure you tell your friends and family about this show. You might need to

tell them about the beginning of the show. And, uh, here we go. Would you rather Javier from Patreon, would you rather play ultimate frisbee disc golf, regular golf, or mini golf? Which of you are the best? Um, which are you the best at and which would you have the most fun doing? Which are you the best at and which would you have the most fun doing? I have played Enough ultimate Oh No ultimate for have you ever played ultimate frisbees when you're out on a soccer field, right? It's basically like it's closer to football. Yeah, but when you catch it You can only take like one step

And then disc golf obviously we know what that is. You got the... That's golf, except you're throwing it onto a basket. Yeah, with different types of discs. And then regular golf or mini golf. I, look, mini golf is gonna be out for me. It's not competitive enough interesting I you must all go schlubs no I look if you wanna go and we want to put some

money down on a game a mini golf I'm all in I would love it it be a blast you're saying you're too good no I'm not that it sounds like you're saying you're too no I heard every time I mini golf I win no I'm not great I just I don't even really try just no I don't I don't know if I win that's my point I don't know what the heck has the problem nobody keeps score I keep score every time there's kids involved yeah that's why I keep score if you want to go and lock in

mini golf and battle that'd be fun I don't know if I win or lose but it would be fun. I just want competition. Regular golf will be my vote because it is touching grass. It is going outside and enjoying the, you know, all of the beautiful landscaping, all 18 holes. It's an experience that you can be competitive and enjoy the outdoors. I think competition is extremely important. And so for that reason, golf is out for me. Yeah, you are not competition. I am not competent at golf. I can't do it, man. I don't like when I can't do something and I want to go out there again and try it out again so that I can be mad at myself again.

You have to take lessons. It's the only way to get better at golf. Really, I feel like I know a lot of people at golf and they didn't take lessons. They're lying to you. Andy, have you taken lessons? No. You're lying to me is what I've learned.

I've been, someone bought me lessons once. I just never used them. I'm so good at golf. It's just natural. Yeah, but I suck at golf, so that's out. I really like disc golf. Disc golf is very fun. Every disc golf

course is abysmal that I've ever been to. We live in a garbage state. They don't make a beautiful course for disc golf. Yes they do! they just hang baskets in between like a ravine and some dirt and old cactuses there are beautiful courses I have seen videos of people playing people who live by trees yeah this golf

is incredible it It's electric. It's very fun. Well. But I agree that the most courses here in Arizona, it's, hey, do you want to throw out of this garbage jump into that mound of sand? Watch out for rattlers. They're in this area. So I'm going to keep the disc golf.

I really enjoy it. I think I can compete a little bit better there. I think you think you're pretty good at disc golf. I think I am not terrible the disc golf. I really enjoy it. I think I can compete a little bit better there I think you think you're pretty good at disc golf. I think I am not terrible at disc golf. Can you rip straight? You're a good backyard disc golfer, right? Have you played a course? Yeah, I've played a handful of courses. I've never really

Gone out there and done it. It's a but yeah, it's very fun. You criticized. Well because it's hideous. I criticized it because the times that I have gone out, it is not like a picturesque golf course. Yeah, that is not a dead person. He just said he has never gone out and done it.

Not a course. I mean, I've played like a couple holes. I'm so confused right now because he's like, I've never gone. But when I've gone, I thought they looked terrible. I've never played a full course. Okay, you bailed that with? Yeah.

I don't understand how do you not played a full course. Okay. Yeah, I don't understand What you can find them you you can't find a hole on a golf course randomly? Somewhere, but you can go to a park and all of a sudden There's a couple baskets and you can go play and throw on those you're probably getting in the way of someone's back nine Can we play through here I'm taking mini golf golf, baby. You do love mini golf. We went to Vegas a week ago and you were talking and talking and talking about there's some new mini golf thing there and you wanted to go. We didn't go. No, we were unable to go. And look, mini golf to me, I have heard tale that there is a-

How good is it? No, of a, well, I've heard that that there is a- How good of a hint is? No, of a, well I've heard that now. Yeah. But like, I think it's like Tiger Woods and someone, they put together a mini golf here in Arizona. And it looks like real golf. No, absolutely not. If there's not a windmill, multiple windmills, or things of a clown, something of that sort,

get it out of my face. I don't want it. You don't want that? No, I want mini golf where I hit it up, and if I get into the middle ramp of the- Clown's mouth. Of the clown's mouth, it's a hole in one. Like that's the type of fun stuff.

Yeah. And I love mini golf. All right. It is so much fun. Tommy from Patreon, would you rather go on a 12 hour road trip in a van full of obnoxious teenagers? Been there. Or grumpy elders? Oh man. What time are we leaving? Which is most likely to like go to the bathroom inside of the van? The elders.

The old people. I mean that's not close. The elders have bowel problems. But who's most likely to fall asleep The elders where are they driving or my drive? No, we're driving So you're saying you're saying a long road trip. They're all gonna pass out. Yes old people. Yeah. Oh goodness. Yes Teenagers will not I do have recollections of being a high schooler in a giant van with a bunch of other high schoolers on winding roads and having multiple teenagers threatening that they're about to puke and everyone's hiding from one another trying not to get thrown up on. Speaking of bodily functions, what is worst?

A teenager's fart or an old person's fart? You're in the van. Okay, old. I think so, I think it is old. Yeah, because you feel like there's something that's been in the crypt. Broke it? For a long, long time.

You're smelling real aged farts. It does. It's been fermenting for 85 years. That's genuinely like- I mean, that's my fear of falling asleep. You ever been in an old person's house and smelled smells that have never been invented? Oh, it smells old. It's like new stuff.

I mean, it's like mostly bran, some prunes in there versus the teenager is going to be good old fashioned American fast food. Mountain Dew farts. Yeah, it's gonna be Code Red and Taco Bell. And their stomach can take that stuff. They're like, no problem. It can, but it also then, it sends it out. Oh yeah, and it still has to be evacuated.

I think I would rather the loud, I don't mind loud. I'm used to it, you know, I'm an ADHD from a household of ADHD with loud noises. Loud in a car is different. Oh, I get it. I've been, I know exactly what a road trip with a car full of teenagers is like.

How many were you talking about? Were you like a full chaperone? Like seven? What are you doing? What? What? I mean, look, this is the life I hate, Mike. I mean, you know.

Who volunteered you for this? Oh, who do you think? Not me. Not me. Hey, you want to do a family trip with just our family? No, says all of my family. Yeah, look, the elders, you could end up like, everybody out of the van.

And some of them. Oh, and just leave? No, some of them might not leave the van. The odds of me showing up with the same quantity of living people go up if I take the teenagers. Yeah, that's true. So that's what I'm going to go with. I don't want to have to dispose of a body.

I don't think you would. What, an old person on a road trip? Dude, tuck and roll, grandma. You're saying just push them out? Yeah. The higher the speed, the better. Is that legal? Speed bump. Is it? speed that better is that legal speed bump is it? Why I mean is illegal probably now that can't be legal

Wait, who you know who isn't who's enforcing it the airplanes that are enforcing my speed. What are those signs? Those are what is that? Oh, why does have to be fake signs? Of course? They're fake There's no airplanes the monitor your tax dollars hard at work We're just flying a plane burning gas Destroying gas this is costing us thousands per hour find a guy going 48 and a 40 that'll be $54 So I mean there's no one out once you're in the wild west you're in the wild wild west and if and if grandma has to Take a tumble out because she's no longer with us, then back from what you came. What is the rules around dead bodies? I see Al's now posting about this.

What is your obligation if you were with a stranger and they expire? Yeah, so in your car? No, it could be, I mean, I know, can you always call somebody to come get the body? OK, let's say you're in a van You're a passenger in a van. Okay, right and you go to this place and Everybody gets out and one person like a truck stop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're a gas station

Whatever everybody gets out goes inside and you're sitting on the way. You're the window seat. You got a cross Grammy granny and Excuse me. Oh, she's sleeping Evelyn Evelyn Evelyn wake up. Wake up, please. I've got to go Evelyn Evelyn She's dead, right? Yeah, but no one comes back to the van. They all got picked up. They got ubers there You're you're the last one. Just is it your obligation? Can you abandon a body? Can you just walk away in your car? You said I'm a passenger. I'm a passenger. I took this. I just know my car. No, that's not my car Do you have to know it's Nana's car now? Do you have to leave a note that's you know how like if you accidentally hit somebody in a park? Oh an insurance note like a note this is no I was not the one to

Do this to Evelyn she expired of natural causes, I needed to leave the body, she's too heavy, goodbye. Are you allowed to- From what I see, you can be charged with failure to report a death. Oh, so if I see a death, I must report a death. I didn't see her die, exactly. You saw a death. If you see a dead body, you're seeing that.

How do I know she wasn't dead before she got on there? If you don't take a pulse, you don't know. And if you push her out of the car, you can be charged with abuse of a corpse. Abuse? I think that's a good law. I think that's a good law. I can see some circumstance of where that's a good law.

Yes. Can you imagine? But when I'm driving around with a dead body, I'm trying to. Yeah, I got places to be. You don't anymore. If you're interviewing for a job, and that's the one thing on your record. Abuse of a dead body?

And I would tell you who we're not hiring. You have to explain the Avalon story to somebody? I don't care your story. I don't care. If abuse of a dead body is on, that's what you get flagged for and you're interviewing here, I don't want this story. I won't believe this story. Is that like like a bankruptcy does it drop off your record after seven years I know you're like okay we're down to two people person we got grand

larceny yeah or the person who abused a corpse bring on the Larson Larson as they call them they're all Larson so you need your kind of grand Larson as they call them. They're all Larsonists. So you need, you're kind of stuck. Are they a grand Larsonist? No. I'll look into it. No. I doubt it. No. No? Oh, if it is I'm gonna be so sad. I mean, if you commit arson you're an arsonist. Yes, but I don't know if that's how. You don't understand. The meaning of Larsonist is a person who commits larceny. Yes. Can you even define larceny? No, I was just thinking I have no idea what it is.

Larsony is like theft. It's a left-handed larcenist? It's theft at a high level. The unlawful taking of personal property with intent to deprive the rightful owner of it permanently. Isn't that just thievery? It is, but once you have thieved a certain amount of dollars, you're a larcenist. And then you can go up to Grant. Oh yeah. If it's piano. This is like I'm a diamond level player. So we figured out like if someone dies near you, you're kind of stuck with the body. Is that what we're figuring out? It does seem that way and I think you want to take care of it quick. I've not been around a dead human body that I haven't taken care of quick, but I imagine

it does bad things. But you've been around some of those? That sentence was wild, dude. Look, I have not been around a dead body ever that I didn't take care of really fast. Yeah, that's what you said. What happened? No, I mean, the way that I said that definitely felt like I have been around a lot of dead bodies

that I've taken care of quickly. Yes. That is not what I meant. I just meant in the entirety, I haven't been around a sitting, like a multi-day sitting dead body. Full stop. Okay, uh, did I- Because I take care of business.

I know my responsibility. Uh, teenagers is the vote. Jason, teenagers. Mike? Uh, teenagers, yeah. I'll take the old people. Joe from the website, would you rather be a stunt plane pilot, a fighter jet pilot, or a commercial airline pilot. Come on. What? We're like all fighter jet pilots, right? Yeah, who's not taking a fighter jet? Oh really? I thought you guys first sure were going commercial airline pilot. What? You can't do a roller coaster, Mike. Oh, I know. I can't do any

of these things. You can do a commercial airline you flew I like the week. Hold on. I'm not a pilot. I need it. Ask you guys. How much does I genuinely wanna? How much does the commercial airline pilot actually do? How much are they doing well nowadays? More than they used to like doesn't it have hasn't it been in the back of your head that like Like if you had to chart out a trip, I've always thought they're doing a little more on takeoff and landing. Yeah for sure.

Yeah yeah. But like we've done these routes for decades and the commercial airline planes are gigantic. Like how much are you tweaking the ride? I don't want to diminish. Not a lot. Diminish one of the greatest jobs and most important jobs out there, but they do jack squat.

Okay, they. They don't choose like, they don't settle in on 27,000 feet instead of 22,000. They're not like making that call. They're told. They do have to adjust height. Yeah, yeah, They're not like making that call. They're told they do have to adjust height Yeah, yeah altitude based on a pilot's based on what they're told height You're gonna or they see a storm and they're like You think that's the pilots go yes, all right

I think that they can report that we need to move it up But then they'll do they get overruled or does the autopilot system be like man? Well, I know they have autopilot and they've had that we need to move it up. But then do they get overruled or does the autopilot system be like, nah? Well, I know they have autopilot, and they've had that for decades. So at that point. It's why it's called autopilot. Yeah, it's not called auto driving. It's autopilot in our car because it started with a pilot.

Yes, we all know what autopilot is. Nobody ever flies without two pilots. Right, because it's called redundancy. Yeah. You can't have one break down. But is it three if you count the autopilot? No. The autopilot can't land.

Any commercial airline pilot, and I'm sorry to all of you out there that are. Oh, they're loving this. Every commercial airline pilot could fly the entire flight without autopilot. Yes, 100%. But if you autopilot for so many years, you forget. No.

I don't think there's much to the flying once you're flying. I think it's just hold steady. It's like, it's literally, I mean it's like driving. You're driving a car and you're on a freeway and you're going. You're not doing much. Yeah, once you're on the interstate and you're just going straight. You just hold the wheel straight.

Yeah, and you completely zone out. But for the important stuff, you better be there. Yeah. I- Do they have sensors like a Tesla does with autopilot? It's just like beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Where they're like, stop looking at your phone. Like, are they browsing?

Oh, they're straight sleeping. Wait. Pilots have to sleep on a plane. What? Yeah. I think pilots are allowed to sleep. I think that's what your- International flight. No way.

Yeah. No way. No way. No way. Oh yeah. No. Look- If you got three of them, one could sleep.

Oh, I'm not saying they're both asleep at the same time. No, neither were we. But maybe. But maybe. Pilots sleep on flights. I don't know about that. Yeah. Pilots?

I don't. I think that's part of the gig. I just wonder, with the age of social media and apps and stuff, can you be doing some candy crush up there? I bet there's a good amount of that. Once you're up in the air, for sure. Or are you just talking? Can you have a meal?

Aviation authorities, like the FFA, have strict rules regarding pilot rest, ensuring that at least one pilot is awake at all times and monitoring the flight. You only need one awake? You only need one. That's why they got two for naps. So Fred's sleeping? He's getting paid to sleep. So Fred's asleep, but then the main pilot has a heart attack.

And Fred, how does he wake up? Probably when he hears, ah! Ah! Been around a lot of heart attacks? Well, I've been around a lot of heart attacks that I took care of quickly, Mike. I haven't been around a heart attack that I just. You should be able to live stream the cockpit

when you're in the back. Oh, 100%. No, the whole, there should be a monitor. On the monitors on the back of your screen, you should be able to click like pilot cam. The same way that you can click like the map and see where you are in your travel. You can click the cockpit and just make sure

that it's okay up there. And then there's a little buzz to wake them up. Now the question is, should the camera be behind the pilots so you can kind of see out the window, or should the camera be in front so you can see if they're sleeping or not? I want the sleepy one. I think we could do both. I think we could do both.

Got the tech. All right, weight limit. Fighter jet pilot would be my answer. I'm trusting that I have to acclimate to all of these through training. As am I. So in that case, I want to fly a fighter jet. I just don't believe in any way, shape or form that either one of you could. I mean,

I'm skilled. Have you seen my disc golf? Skill is, it's as good as my regular golf and mini golf. Skill is taught here. I'm not saying you guys can't fly a fighter jet. You're saying we can't handle the G-forces. I'm saying you can't handle the G-forces. You don't know us, man. Oh, I am. You have we can't handle the G-forces. I'm saying you can't handle the G-forces. You don't know us, man. Oh, I mean. You have a hard time sitting in the passenger car of a vehicle when you're not driving. Yeah, if we take too sharp a left, I'm out.

Yeah, it's just no way. I can't fly a fighter plane. If I was offered right now, all expenses paid, we're going to take you up in an F-16, and you just show what? You're in just show, don't even show up. We will pick you up, we do everything. The answer is 100% no, I will not do it. Or it will be something that, I mean,

you'll have the same memories whether you do it or not. He's just saying, uh, he passes out. You won't have remembered it, you'll be out so quick. I will remember the pants he wakes up in. I will remember all the stuff before it. Yeah, well that's why I'm surprised that you're picking something you can't do. I'm saying if I could do all three.

Being a fighter pilot is awesome. Yeah, I mean obviously fighter pilots are the worst. You already know how to do commercial. Now that, right, we all do. Thank goodness. Yeah, you're welcome. If I'm on a plane, you are safe. Both pilots go to sleep.

Hold on, hold on, detour. Why do we have pilots in the plane at all? To lift off and land? No, but why not have them in a call center, like a pilot call center where there's a drone? There are VR flying them. Dude, that would be scary. The remote operation.

If you have some latency. Yeah, latency is the issue. Like a wireless mouse is a problem. Pull up now and too late. But you have like... No, there's a little lag. I'm sorry. Someone restart the router. What's going on? This is... We'll get them next time. This will not be good.

No. Yeah. I thought maybe because then you'd have lots of pilots on call if you needed them. Anybody could take it over. No. I think considering the lag we have in all wireless technology. Restart the router! Quick, quick, quick, we're coming in! That's gonna be bad.

No, you have to have them, I mean, for takeoff landing, just the parts that are the most dangerous. All right, I guess. Pilots, we love you. Yeah, yeah, please just keep. Pilots, we love you. Yeah. Yeah. Please just keep flying. Faster, if you could.

All right. We're going to take a break and we'll be right back. One thing that bugs me before we start this next segment, because I want to return to our topic of expertise. Okay. Flying. We used to fly faster. Bugs me before we start this next segment because I want to return to our topic of expertise. Okay flying We used to fly faster Did we yeah, we used to have supersonic flight. We used to have supersonic flight, which to me hearing about that seeing it with the Concorde and Remembering that we went to the moon and then we didn't go back

I feel like there's this technological age that we had and then we gave it back and then we didn't go back. I feel like there's this technological age that we had, and then we gave it back. But like we used to fly, and then they got canceled because of the sonic booms. Yes, the sound. You know there was a plane that just came out that has... I was gonna say.

They have the ability to navigate not having the boom go all the way to the ground, yes. Yeah. Is that what you were gonna say? Is that what it was? That's what it is. The sonic boom ends up bouncing off parts of the atmosphere because they've technologically figured this out

and we're trying to get back to supersonic flight. It just seems weird that we used to be able to do it and now we don't. So you guys, have you heard about the new theoretical technology of using space travel for international travel? I have, yes. Basically, you take a rocket to lower level orbit and you could basically go from here to Japan

in 30 minutes. Would you guys do that? I doubt. Not right now. I doubt I could handle it. I would do that. I mean if this is like, go to sleep and we'll wake you up in 30 minutes.

You're saying you couldn't handle getting up into space. Yeah, dude I can Dude, I can't... I can't do much! I can't do jumping jacks anymore! I can't do... I can't spin in circles! Is there a cartwheel? You're out.

Oh, it's impossible. Yeah. My brain goes to... You got sloshy blood. Yeah, I got ear problems. All right, we're moving. What time is it? Game time.

Well, we are playing guess game. We're going to play a game. We're going to play a game. We're going to play a game. We're going to play a game. We're going to play a game. We're going to play a game. We're going to play a game. We're going to play a game. We're moving. What time is it? Game time. Well, we are playing Guess Guess Goose, which, of course,

Jason can explain to you while he wears a goose hat. Yeah. Because when you lose Guess Guess Goose, you have to- You're the goose. You're the goose, and you have to explain the rules. Oh, really? OK. I was not prepared for that, but let me tell you what Guess Guess Goose is.

What's going to happen is... It's really holding on for dear life. Yes, it really is. That thing is one seam from explosion. Mike you will never get this on your skull. She has never had to. So there's going to be questions... Did I lose last time?

No, Andy did. Okay. There's going to be questions that we ask and the person who asks the question will set the percentage. They will decide what we're up to a real bad start. Really. Oh yeah. Yeah. Keep going please. Wait. Well why am I wrong. You're good. OK. I'm going to keep going. Yeah. But I feel like you guys are really telling me I'm wrong here. So you ask a question and then you set your line your guess as as to what percentage of people do this or don't do this What it's so funny. It's just being explained poorly And then the other two guys are gonna say if they think it's higher or lower than that percentage

than that percentage. How many times can you say percentage? Well I don't understand what's happening. You guys talk. You nailed it. You nailed it. Great job. Al, just in case they didn't get it. It's not that you're wrong, it's just unclear. Yeah, he would say they would set the percentage as if they were setting the correct answer. There is a correct answer. They're going to try and guess what it is. Three points if they guess exactly. Two points if you're within five percent in each direction. And then the other two guys will guess higher or lower. The goose is just too tight, man. If they get that correct, they get one point.

When you're explaining this game, you really just need an example. Like if you say, what percentage of people wash their hands after going to the bathroom? Okay. Well, let's just start. I'll start since I'm goose. Okay. What? Okay. All right what? Do it now usually we go any Mike Jason and that's how it's set up in the dock we can we can you figure it out Yeah, yeah, you know what percentage of people use cotton swabs to clean out their ears at least five times

Per week cotton swab is like a cute cute Yeah at least five times per week. A cotton swab is like a Q-tip. A Q-tip. A thing that we all definitely don't use to clean our ears. Right, the package says not to. I know I do this. I do this every day. You do that?

Yeah. Clean with a Q-tip? I don't. Oh, are you lying? Of course I'm lying. I don't. What do you clean your ears with? I just put my...

But this is not just... No, I put my pinky in Kleenex and just do the Kleenex. You can't get deep enough. But you're not supposed to use those things. I took the instruction manual. That's what they want you to think. All right. What percentage of people use them to clean?

Five times per week? Well... So that's a daily user. So Jason sets the line, right? I set the line. That is correct. And then Andy and Mike write down your higher or lower answers. Yes. All right. I think it it's gonna be 40% of people

do this five five times is a lot yeah I mean I think you know people read this and I don't know if I do it five times I would I answered yes cuz I do it on a regular basis I think doesn't seem like part of your morning routine or something do we just say higher or lower this is so tight on the think this is saying like part of your morning routine or something Do we just say higher or lower? This is so tight on the neck. This is really Balance it on there without the tie-on can't you yeah probably um you do it like a mustang so who goes first who goes next? I already wrote mine down. Okay. I did too. I'm gonna go higher. I am also gonna go higher Wow the Like at least 50-50. It's almost every time I shower.

Okay. With a Q-tip. Yeah. Oh yeah, cause it's wet in there. They say you're just jamming the wax back down into your ear. Not if you look at my Q-tip. Yeah.

That is a fact. That thing would say that I am pulling out lots of ear wax. Okay, all right. Maybe I'm gonna work. I'm a waxy man. So you're both going higher than my 40%. Owl? We are starting off with zero points. All right. I'm a waxie, man. So you're both going higher than my 40%. Owl?

We are starting off with zero points. Oh, no. The correct answer was 33. So Jason was only two points over his point threshold. Y'all nasty just running around with earwax pouring out? All right, so who here? We've got six guys in a box here. Deucers, Allie, how many of you on a regular basis

use Q-tips to clean your ear out? I do it on a regular basis, but not five times a week. I probably do it about once a week. My question was regular basis. It's a regular basis. Josh, it's an audio podcast. You're nodding your ear. Yeah, you're nodding means nothing.

I don't know what you're doing here. Once a week. Once a week? Yeah. What? Yeah, you've got to. It's week. Once a week? Yeah. What? Yeah, you got to. It's an audio podcast. I have an electric camera cleaner that I go in there with.

Ooh. Fancy boy. Wait, wait. Hold on. You got a scope for your ears? Yeah. Hold on. Does that work?

Fancy boy. Works very well. Tell me more about this. Yeah, maybe give me an Amazon link. I've got one once. Why are you gatekeeping? It's great. It's like a $10 tool.

Has a camera on it. Just go in there. It's disgusting. Hold it up and pull wait wait wait. It's you don't want this is this camera This is an electric tool that goes in your ear that has a camera and you're saying it only costs $10 It's it's not a trick It has like a scoop and then the cameras attached to it so you can see where you're scooping is the camera electric Yeah, okay, so what what I said was a $10 camera I so you can see where you're scooping. Is the camera electric? It's still electric. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so what I said was still good.

It's a $10 camera. I don't trust a $10 thing to do that. So no points. All right, no points. Wow. What percentage of people do not poop anywhere other than in their own homes whenever possible? Oh, man, I know some.

So non-public poopers, what percentage of people do not poop anywhere other than their own homes whenever possible? I think I'm going to go with with it's 100% of me I'm gonna go with 57% it's hard because when you say whenever possible whenever possible I would say a hundred percent of people would try to do the poop at home but you went 57% 57%. I went 57%. I don't know what the definition really is.

Percentage of people do not. So this is the people that do not. Oh. They don't poop anywhere other than their own home. What percentage of people do not poop anywhere other than their own home? So all I'm saying, 57% of people are making really strong efforts to make sure no matter what, it's at home.

OK. It's probably higher than that. But I'm going to go 57%. Do you have your answer? I wrote it down. Yeah. All right.'s probably higher than that. But I'm going to go 57%. Do you have your answer, Mike? I wrote it down, yeah. All right. I am going higher than that. I'm going to go over.

I'm going higher. All right, so we have a chance at no points again. We did get some points, but they didn't come from Mike or Jason. Andy got the correct answer is 54. So he was three points off, which gives him two points. OK, cool. All right. I'm winning, goose face. Wow. This is the worst version of this game ever. All right. Okay, cool. All right. I'm winning, goose face.

Wow, this is the worst version of this game ever. All right, Mike, it's your turn. Okay. What percentage of people rinse shampoo out of their hair while facing the shower spray? Oh, that's such a good question. Such a good question. After we answer it, I wanna pull the room.

Yeah, because apparently there are people who don't do this. OK, well, that's revealed. What? You psychopath. I'm with you. What? 100% of the time, I do that.

Wait, you face the shower? Yes. OK, oh my god. What percentage of people, let me read it again, percentage of people rinse shampoo out of their hair while facing the, OK, facing the shower spray, I am gonna go. Yeah, give me that number.

40%. So you're thinking some people, Jason, they do it backwards? I'm, Jason's apparently one of them. I do it correctly. These people, and the answer to this. What are you doing to, well, okay. He's short. Okay, hold on.

He's really short. Yeah, number one, this is a tall person thing. He's itty bitty. Number two, are you a bougie rainfall shower man? No, no, no, no, no, I'm a high pressure, take the skin off man. Rainfall is nothing. Okay, so it's from the, but it's, I'm saying where's-

From the wall. Okay, water is still coming from the wall. Yeah, from the wall, you're backwards? You go backwards. 100%. That's so weird. Okay. I'm washing my hair, not my face. He doesn't have hair to wash. Okay.

I'm washing the back of my head not the front now. You only have hair. Let me ask. Oh, he does only have it in the back Let me ask you this Let me ask you this when you're washing when you're washing your face Yeah, do you stand with your back to the wall? Well, or do you put your face towards the water? I mean it's so dumb because it's on the top of your head, equally on the top of your head. It's equally on the top. So the top is irrelevant, right?

You face the wall. You don't face the wall. It's irrelevant. It's on the top. But then your hair, I'm looking at you, Andy. Your hair is on the back of your head like crazy. I've got it all over. And you don't have any hair on the front of your,

I mean, you've got a beard. This guy, Jason, the question is, while washing your hair? To rinse it out. Yes. This isn't while wash, like, while I wash my face, I don't do it into the shower, because I This guy is attacking. While washing your face? To rinse it out. Yes. This isn't while I wash my face, I don't do it into the shower because I need to scrub the soap.

But then I turn around and I rinse it directly into the water. This is insane. What was your number? I went 40%. So you're saying, so even after all this arguing, you still think less than half of the people do it? I do. So then I do it the right way?

No. According to you? No. According to you, I do it the way the majority of the people do. I do. So then you, so then I do it the right way. No. According to you. No, no. According to you, I do it the way that the majority of people do it. Majority does not equal correct. I think it's effort. Not effort. Sometimes it does. Sometimes majority equals correct. Sure, sure. But majority does not automatically equal correct. I agree that, but in this one it does. Do you have yours written down, Jay? No, I haven't thought at all about it. So he went 40%. You're going 40%. The best will be when he goes higher than you and you inverse each other.

Which he's thinking about. I have my reasoning. I think, honestly, I think you gave a really good number. I think to stay on brand, I'm going to go, I'm you gave a really good number. I think to stay on brand I'm gonna go I'm gonna I'm gonna take less. I'm gonna say less than 40% of people Higher going higher. So I went 40 higher. You guys are like on my side here, but no I went higher That doesn't make me on my 40 because when in the past when this conversation is coming up I feel like when I have talked to the ladies, they go...

Yeah. Oh, so you went... They face away. So I'm factoring... You went like 80% of men and 100% of ladies. I got you. That's exactly what I did. I got you.

I went population and then took away some for the weirdos like Jason. All right, what's the answer? I think your thought process was correct, Mike. It's actually 19%. What? Yeah, eat it. I'm the only one with a point. What? I think 100% of ladies face away from the shower head.

19%? Yeah, because you guys are weird. The fact that you're giving me guff right now, just because you outnumber me 2 to 1 here. Yeah, majority is right. I'll bet you're not the majority in this room. I don't care. They don't mean anything.

That's true. I'm with Mike. Yeah! I'm not in here! They mean everything! You said they don't mean anything. What about true. I'm with Mike. Yeah. You said that I'll be anything. What about the other two? Josh doesn't count. He doesn't have air to rinse out. You're gone. You did have it. I faced the shower. Thank you. That's four out of four with Jason. Yeah. Okay. So how's that young people? Yeah. You guys are weird I I can't believe that the logic kind of washes itself the logic of

Like that you can't see that the majority of your hair is in the back not in versus the front So obviously the back should be towards water is like I can't even understand how you can't see the point of washing your hair Is to remove the soap you want it to fall away from you. Yeah, I don't want it falling all over my body. Right. And you don't want to lean... Where do you think it's falling? You don't want to lean... I lean forward. You lean forward, it goes straight down to the ground.

Yeah. I can see where it's going. Oh, that's weird. I face the faucet, but I actually tilt my head back. All right. That's why you don't matter. You watch it weird. Just turn your back to them. But when I tilt my head back, then the water goes in my ears. Oh, you guys are weird. It's a matter. Just turn your back to them. But when I when I tilt my head back then the water goes on my ears It's a problem. Just face forward. My final two to one to zero right now. It is that's correct I got zero points and he has to Jason has won my All right, my final question what percentage of people have attempted a juice cleanse

What percentage of people have attempted a juice man? All right? What's your number Jay? I think I'm gonna go 35% of people okay, I got mine written down. I wrote mine down less lower. Oh, okay 35% good night hundred percent of women Juice cleanse when I'm dead All right, Andy and Mike are gonna walk away with a point here. I put 11 down. I'll juice cleanse when I'm dead. All right, Andy and Mike are going to walk away with a point here. I put 11 down.

What is it? The correct answer is 7. Yeah. Whoa. Mist, what are you doing over here? I don't know, man. I guess I thought people were a little healthier than. Have you done a juice cleanse, Jason?

I don't think so. Oh. Oh. I don't think so. Oh, boy. I mean, I've done like a water fast. Does that count? Nope. Nope. I don't think so. I mean, I've done like a water fast. Does that count? Nope.

Nope. That's a different thing. What is a juice, Clint? You only eat juice for like a week. Yeah, I think three days minimum. All right. What percentage of people are superstitious about blowing out all their birthday candles in one breath?

Who was pulled? Did we pull the elementary school? What percentage of people are superstitious about blowing out all their birthday candles in one breath? Superstitious is a weird word. Yeah this one's a tough one for me to guess. Like I'm not superstitious but that's always the goal. Well nowadays you can like I mean how often do you get anything that's not a candle now I'm gonna make this one tough on you guys 50% oh you this this guy got my answer I'm going lower I'm going higher so we're at one point a piece here come on human this is it was a good guess Andy you were close but not within 5% Mike gets a point the correct answer was 42 percent oh man we ride we ride all right so we're sitting with Andy at three Jason at one

all right for all the marbles and last question there you go right okay what percentage of people generally ignore restaurant straws Oh man. And drink straight from the glass. Oh man. Wow. I have thoughts on this, but I want to get the answers out of the way first. Oh my goodness.

How many people? So people that don't use straws. Yeah, they just ignore it and drink right out of a glass. I think us glass drinkers are this we are the superior So I've always felt a little bit shame if you get this correct and you've got a 10 percentage Gap then I can't not lose Wait, oh, I can't catch Andy and I couldn't catch you. So correct if I make a good enough guess here Yeah, so give it a go Mike, what do you think?

What percentage of people. I think we are superior, but I do think we are not as many as the straw drinkers. The people love their straws, they love their plastic straws. Ugh. I'm gonna go, okay, hold on, what percentage of people, so the people that don't use it,

people that don't use straws, I'm gonna go down. Where's that range? I'm gonna go 30%. I hate that. 30%. So I think some people don't use the straw. I think people think the glass is somehow dirty. Cause when you drink from the glass,

Oh it tastes so much better. You're getting some of the, It's like it's right from the source. I prefer the, You prefer it from the glass? Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh my gosh. Well, you better not have ice in there.

Oh no, the ice delivers. I can see Jason just showering backwards with his glass and his straw. There are techniques that... Yeah, you put your lip down, you go... Pfft, pfft, pfft. And you suck the water through, just let it go. Like a straw?

No, a straw is No, I a straw A straw is is natural and easy. I better because I can gulp through that without getting ice in the way And my lip isn't freezing. I'm not getting water on my beard. Be clear. You're saying no straw you suck Straw you gulp. That's what you just said. Yeah. Okay, Mike. your number was what? 30. 30%. Okay. I got to play the game and just take the odds that there's 70% on one side. I'm going to go higher. That makes sense.

I'm going to go less. The correct answer is 14%. So Andy's getting a point there. So if I went lower, I would have died. You would have. But you get to explain the rules again next time. Yay! I'm gonna do just as good a job.

Alright, we'll take a break and we'll draft. Congratulations, Jason. Thanks. The Spitballers Draft. Wait, what? Was it 14? 14%. Correct.

I just got a little bit of a headache. The Spitballers Draft. Wait, what? Was it 14? 14%. Correct. I genuinely think it's, I think people are afraid of it being like gross. But in this room, it's actually five out of six,

the opposite direction. I think it's mostly ice. Like my wife is a straw only because she can't handle the cold. Yeah, the ice sucks. The ice is terrible to. I think Jason can't handle the cold either. No, just take it and chew up the ice. Oh, I can't handle the cold. The ice sucks. The ice is terrible. I think Jason can't handle the cold either. No, just take it and chew up the ice.

Oh, I can't stand chewing ice. Really? Oh, it's it. First of all. Why are you the way that you are? Because you got weak teeth? No, I don't have weak teeth. It's other people that annoy the crap out of me chewing ice.

Oh, really? So five or six of this room will really get under your skin. You guys chew so much ice, especially dudes with alley Ali you guys are literally getting cup fulls of ice No, I'm getting on it man. Worse things to step on. Oh, there it is Got it back there right now. See it's it's an addiction. I think you're anemic You need to look this up anemia is a real like you wait anemic people need to chew ice Yeah, that's a 100% real thing, not a joke. I didn't think it was a joke.

Yeah, I didn't. I'm asking about ice. If you're anemic, you have like, I have no idea why. Why would that help you? That doesn't get iron into your blood. It makes no sense to me, but. Because anemia's iron, right?

That's like one of the symptoms of anemia. Yeah, anemia is iron, low iron in your blood. All right, things, the worst things to step on when barefoot is what we're drafting today. I have the first pick. This one's a little tough because I feel like there are some complicated great answers

that would maybe slip to later rounds or kind of the common ideas of things you wouldn't want to step on. I'm gonna go with lava. Oh, that was none on my list. That's a pretty good one. I'm gonna go with lava as my first pick. It's a good pick.

The floor is lava. To step on when you're barefoot, I'm going lava. Lava's a great word. Oh, lava's a great word. It's perfect. I love it. What? I gave a lot of. It's perfect. I love it. I Gave a lot of blood today guys

Yeah, I needed some now would be the time that maybe you could get me to chew some ice All right, Mike you have the next pick and our worst things to step on barefoot draft. So there are Surprisingly a lot of things that would be bad to step on with bare feet per the rules of the Spitbars podcast and the fact that Die Hard must be mentioned many, many times, it really is many times as I possibly can. Broken glass will be up on that list. It was glass or lava? Shoot the glass.

It was glass or lava shoot the glass I don't remember that and that's like have you ever seen diehard I have but it's been a long time Oh, you have he's yeah, that's the main scene in the that's pop up main scene. Yeah, it's a main scene. Yeah, okay All right. Well good to know I got a lot of I learned today Does he walk on broken glass and die hard I don't remember it's been like a decade since I've seen this I'm supposed News by the way dinosaurs in Jurassic Park The main point of die hard is Boat in Titanic oh my gosh pretty substantial part of the movie. It is like a, it is a pinnacle.

It is a pinnacle. For real? Yes. Okay, I guess I'm stupid. All right. No, it's just, it would be something to remember is all. All right, I got two options here and I'm gonna take the two real number one picks.

Okay. First is classic. It's the thing that people do Guinness Book of World Records. I didn't know how far we would make it. Yeah, it would, you know. I get not taking a number one, but it's a Lego. You don't want to step on a Lego. Those are diamonds.

Those are diamonds on the floor. Legos are, yeah, that's painful. They're very sharp and very strong. But if you told me. Sorry, I was just gonna say, that is the one pick that while the others may be technically worse for you, it's one that everybody's done. Oh yes. I have never to date.

Stepped in lava? Stepped in lava. Yeah. Pretty easy to avoid that. Have you been close? Not that close. No. Yeah, everyone's stepped on a Lego.

Thousands of miles. And what's crazy about stepping on a LEGO is I feel like- Don't move. There's lava within 1,000 miles. Yeah, that's right. Be careful. What's funny is we've all stepped on rocks. We've walked on gravel or just been walking

and stepped on a rock, and that hurt. That does hurt. The better I get, the more it hurts. You might say it's hard as a rock, the rock. Yeah. And yet we've all stepped on a Lego piece. And it's like it is 10 times harder. I'd rather step on 10 Legos in one Lego.

Oh sure, yeah. It's the same kind of balance. Weight distribution. All right, so I'll take a Lego first. But the thing that I would step on a Lego to avoid is a hot fresh dump. Ha ha. Pfft. Ha a hot fresh dump. Yeah. You don't want to step in a hot fresh dump. I enjoyed the goose sound after you said it. You know, I don't want-

A hot fresh dump. Yeah. Honk. Honk. Yeah. So, I mean- You need blood, man. You need blood. You've given way too much blood. Yeah, so Given way too much blood so Anyways, a leg on fresh dump in a turd a hot turd Mike. We're back to you lucky guy hot a turd Huh? Well a hot fresh dump a dump is softer than just a turd You know this is this is we were debating I had some of the the guys giving me ideas earlier when I was brainstorming and Someone said dog poop, and then they go wait wait human poop No, it's still right 100% worse. I

Did that? That was like no no no human pull down hold the phone yeah That was like no no no human pull down hold the phone. Yeah, I got one. That's way worse Yeah, when I when I said hot fresh dump that was 100% just a human dump because hot and fresh is the real problem I've stepped in dog poop. We've all yes stepped in dog poop before because but yeah, I've Stepped in it on accident barefoot. I have I've been in my yard and didn't see it and stepped on it awful I've never in my life stepped in human poop and I think if I did now there's there are there are some other things outside where it's it's it's a bigger it's a bigger problem yes there's a lot of there's a lot to unpack. Yes. Because of the implications. Yes very much. So yes a

hot fresh human dump. OK. So I got back up broken glass from that indie film Die Hard. Oh. It's stupid. It's we're on the defense after your old backwards shower bit that I'm with the 80% of my old people Well, yeah weird enough 80% of people who've seen diehard know that there's a very big scene of broken glass It's the most important part of diehard. It's pretty important It's not you asked me to describe one scene in die Hard, that'd be the one. Oh no, it's gotta be Hans. Give me the big others. Hans falling from the building. That's the scene. Of course that's the scene. Alright Mike, you're on the clock. It's the broken glass. It was on the ground. You're so stupid. I gotta watch it. Watch the movie again and you'll go, oh. Okay, I'm gonna go, maybe not,

it's certainly not as devastating as broken glass or lava. Yeah. Or Lego. Or Lego. I have never done this, but I'm gonna say a mousetrap. That would be bad. Oh! That would be bad. Jason just had a real reaction to it.

Dad, break your toes. I mean, that. Like, have you guys ever done any mousetrap? Yeah I know where it's the old fashion old fashion literal slice of little cube of cheese And you have to like crank it open and set it and it is made Terrifying because that rat it's made to cut that rat in half and it's terrifying because when you pull it open mouse I went with I didn't go rat trap. It'll work, it'll work on rats, man.

Cute little mouse. A mouse trap? I feel like a sewer rat would laugh at a mouse trap. No. Not if it took its head off. No. Well, it wouldn't be laughing then. These things are so tight, so. They would actually go running off with it on them. If it hit the tail, if it hit their head, then they're toast. Yeah, so I've never

done any mousetrapping. I've seen pranks of people doing it. It looks awful. You want it to be quick. You want it to be quick. You don't want the mouse to get in there at the wrong angle and then be like spinning in a circle, because that happens. Oh no. All right, so you went with mousetrap. I have lava and I've got two picks. I'm gonna go an Ant Hill, a Fire Ant Hill. Oh, Fire Ants is on my list. A Fire Ant Hill, and then, I'm gonna come in from left field on this, so I'm gonna go Landmine.

Oh, I left it! Oh, that's- I left it for last! That's so good! So if I didn't take it there, I was gonna lose it? Yes, you were going to- Oh, man! I was saving it for last,

cause I didn't think this guy over here at landmine oh I didn't doubt is let's watch let me tell you something let me tell you something if you think it sucks to step on a landmine with your shoes on let me tell you you go do that bad dog barefoot it's something really hurts not only do you know landmine did you know you're gonna explode now your foot hurts It's barefoot Yes, I had landmine on my watch. I almost didn't take it there cuz I was like as an easy fourth pick Oh, man. All right, Mike broken glass and mousetrap back to you. All right, uh

Well, then I'm not I can't play any more games and. And this is like the human hot dump. Like there's some physical pain here, but there are some, there's going to be some really... It's a mental war game. There's going to be some questions here. Hypodermic needle. Oh, that was my next pick! You're on 100%!

Yeah, I told you I can't play the game anymore. You can't play the game. You would not have got that. If you're out in your yard, and and you step and you pull out a needle Oh No, I mean count you like well I'll be in the doctor for the next week doing every single test I could possibly go. We're gonna be so freaked out And it's gonna hurt. Oh, man, that stinks

I had two really good picks left have one and I have one really good pick Well, I'll take that because I know what it is and I realize This is not a mammal and the verbiage is not accurate scientifically, but you will know exactly what I mean and it's correct, okay a pregnant spider You know, I'm talking about? Because this has happened to me once. Why does it have to do with a mammal?

It's not a mammal, so it's not pregnant. It doesn't carry a... It's like an egg sac that it fertilizes and carries on its back. Oh, okay. I see what you mean. I didn't know what to call an egg sac fertilized back spider. Just spider with child. A pregnant spider.

Or children. Yeah, mama spider. Whatever you want wanna call it. But what I'm talking about. Or the wolf one where they're alive and they're just babies. I'm talking about the nightmare fuel. Wait, you've done this? I have done this.

Because you don't always know. You're alive today. But you don't step on it in a way where you're killing all the babies? No. You're freeing them. You can't imagine what happens to the ground. I remember this.

I mean, it's a genuine nightmare. How are you talking about this? Because there was a pool near it, and I jumped into the pool and swam away. Um. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. So you stepped on it. You jumped into a pool. And you fully closed. Yeah. You jumped into a pool.

You're darn right. The ground turned black with baby spiders man Then you leapt into a pool and swam away and by away you mean like away to the other end of the one then had to Climb out. Yes. There's a Grand Canyon from those babies Yeah, I mean what else you do no do? No, what is it? No, no, this was years ago, but yeah, that is. It's like there's a swarm of bees. There are no just search spiders that if I took two steps to the left, I would be away from.

You don't have any idea how fast they skirt. I mean, when this mama got squished, the ground exploded. I mean, they were so fast I couldn't believe it. So yeah, pure nightmare fuel on that one. I can only see you just the loudest, highest screech. Yeah. Can you jump into a pool? That's 100% what happened. I mean it was right next to the pool. I didn't have to take a

step. I just leapt. Oh, that is so funny. They don't swim then I Don't know if they're good swimmers as babies, but they can't keep up with me Alright so I am going I had I man hypodermic needle would have really brought me home, but since you took this I'm gonna go completely different Completely different direction. Okay. This is something that that you avoid stepping on it at all costs a crack close don't want to break banana peel yeah don't want to step on a banana peel you might fall into a pool that's right so yeah it's not as good as type duringermic needle, but it's on the list.

Lego hot fresh dump spider with babies and banana peel, Jason, you don't want to step on those. Is a banana peel worse barefoot? Yeah. Yeah. Gross. Why? They're more slippery.

And you can't. No, you're stepping on that. I assume you're stepping on the outside, because you're doing the hilarious thing of you slip and you fall. Yeah, but I'm saying the outside is the peel. That's the peel you hold. There's nothing going on there.

It's the gooey on the inside that gets you slipping. But you won't feel that on your foot. No, but you'll slip. Right, but the question was, is it worse with a shoe on? I don't know. It could be a bad pick. You could be right. Mike has broken glass, a mousetrap, a hypodermic needle,

and one pick left. Scorpion. OK. All right. OK. So you went with not a pregnant one, though.odermic needle, and one pick left. Scorpion. Okay. So you went with a, not a pregnant one though. No. Well, I don't know how the scorpions. They do carry them on their back sometimes. Do they?

Yeah. Nah, I'm just going to go with a good old fashioned scorpion. Okay. If you step on one, that thing's going to sting you, and you've got venom in your foot, and your foot's going to hurt for a week. Okay, I see it. I don't want to step on a scorpion. I have lava, a fire ant hill, a land mine, and so I've already got an animal taken care

of or an insect, so I don't need to go scorpion spider. I've got the ants. I'm looking at some of these other... It's a nail. It's a nail through the foot. It's the Home Alone nail through the foot. Should have gone rusty, but. I had rusty nails. Rusty nail, I mean. No, you dropped a nail.

No, you're a regular nail. Yeah, just super clean. Right out the box. Yeah, you're at Home Depot. Hypodermic nail. Yeah, exactly. Al's writing in clean, shiny nail. It's got a note that says this was just sanitized.

There you go. There's our draft. Here's my few other honorable mentions. Was the thumb tack, right? The thumb tack was pleasant. Yeah, sure. Hot pavement here in Arizona. Oh, goodness.

I had quicksand. Yeah? It seems stupid. You don't want to step in quicksand. Yeah? Seems stupid. You don't want to step in quicksand. And a small puppy. Aw. My son broke the leg of a small puppy when we got it. First day.

Owl's puppy. That's my dog. Barefoot or with a shoe? That is your dog now. Yeah, was it barefoot? He was barefoot, I think. The dog or the? The dog had shoes, of course.

The dog was in Doc Martens. Yeah, I had chewed gum. Oh yeah, gum. I had gum, but then it was like eh. A bee, similar to a scorpion. And then vomit. I didn't have vomit on the list, but after. Oh, public restroom I had on there too. Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah, that's a deep cut. I mean, if you mate, like what's the dollar amount? To go into a public... Like a truck stop restroom barefoot. Oh, oh my gosh. Not that much. Not that much. I can wash my feet. It's pretty gross, though. Yeah, but when are you gonna wash your feet if you're in a truck stop? Hold on. I'm gonna put them in the sink, brother. Let me do a test. And then walk out. Al Borland and Papa Josh, just between you two,

because you know, you like to get money for things. I want you to say at the same time how much the minimum amount it would take for you to go into a truck stop bathroom barefoot. My gosh, hold on. I'm gonna write down the answer. But I want you to say it at the same time to see if you're similar or ridiculous. right down the end. But I want you to say it at the same time to see if you're similar or ridiculous. Ready? Yeah. Three, two, one. One hundred dollars. Yep. Josh switched when he heard mine. I swear it was a hundred bucks. My guess was fifty bucks. I thought Josh would say five dollars. Yeah I thought fifty might be too much. Should we do it? What did we learn today? Finally real good one., did you have some other one?

Sorry. Fish hook. Ooh. And I had campfire on there, but it was campfire. Lava. Lava. Lava. No.

Lava beats the crap out of campfire, Mike. Just so you know, I'd step on a campfire to avoid the lava. Yeah. That's fair. Oh, what did I learn today? I learned that Jason has strong opinions around the direction you shower. I learned that pilots are totally allowed to nap while you fly. Yeah Probably not. I learned that I gave too much blood.

50 bucks, huh? That's the key. I'm using that bathroom first, I'm going all over the floor. I promise, you give him 10 bucks, he'll do it. Yeah. Thank you, goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.