Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Hoverbowls & Things That Are Hot - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

Spit Hit for Dec 26th, 2024: Ever wonder what Mike’s profession would be in a Martian society? Tune in today to find out. We also discuss nautical cars, tattoos, and Mike Tyson. Plus, 'Jason Explains' is back! We wrap it up with a draft of things that are hot. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Rakuten.ca What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. See, I closed. Yes. I closed my eyes and I thought I was listening to a like a ninja fight but that I liked it a lot it sent me to I can't I can't remember... There's memes out there, because there's someone just out of context... And they always make fun jokes.

You're like, when I grab the Hot Pockets, or refresh out the microwave, or Mom over did the Bagel Bites... It fits in with today's show. I will tell you this, it brought me a lot of joy. I really enjoyed doing it. It was good. Welcome in one and all. We have a show today, Spitballers Podcast, episode 246. I think that means that we are one, two, three episodes

from Al Borland needing to do the scat. From the very clean, very even mathematical every 80 what episode? 81? 80, I don't remember. I can tell you just that. 83. 83?

That seems like it would work out. Yeah, that makes sense, 9249, yeah. Yeah, it is 83. Oh yeah. Math. We have Would You Rather, 9249, yeah. Yeah, it is 83. Oh yeah. We have Would You Rather, Jason Explains, that's a great question, and a draft of things that are hot. Cool, thus the scat.

On today's show, at SpitballersPod on Twitter, the community at spitballerspod.com, you can check it out. Let's get it going. Would you rather? Bristol from Twitter says, would you rather have your car turn into a boat whenever you want,

or have your electric scooter turn into a hoverboard? Come on. Mike wants a hoverboard, man Like, Oh look, go to the Andy cam real quick. Go to the end. Oh, what's that? Right. Right over Andrew's shoulder. It is a hoverboard from back to the future to whenever you invoke the phrase hoverboard, it's so cool. It's very difficult to hear anything else that you have said. A car turning into a boat is pretty cool. Well, now, now, now here's the thing. What if this electric scooter turns into a hoverboard and what they meant is the current modern day hoverboard,

which are just those things you stand on. This is a genie situation. Yeah, you asked for a hoverboard. He gave you a hoverboard, but not the one your heart wanted. OK, so let's pause this discussion. Yes, that company should not be allowed to do that. What is happening? How did we, as a society, allow this to happen? They might as well have called it an airplane,

because it doesn't do what it says it's going to do. No, not only does it not do that, but how is that not a copywritten thing? That would be like someone coming out with these great light bulbs, right? They're unbelievable and they call it a lightsaber. You know what I mean? You can't do that. This is claimed. The words are claimed. Honestly, if we wanted to start an LED light company, that's the name. I mean, it worked for hoverboards. mean it's there should be copyrights with which other companies have claimed a name and you can't do it and then there should be also something about lying you can't bold face lie in your company or just like copy respect there's copyrights this part copy. This podcast is now known as

the evening news To call hoverboard in airplane it would actually be much closer cuz true There are times where an airplane just drives along the moment when it's just above the ground No, there's a moment when it drives on the ice Yeah, you just taxi to the runway like cuz our hoverboard could do that. How can they call it hoverboard? I don't know if we own wheels we allowed it to happen because we could have stood up and revolted It's we could and now it's just a name. Is it is it a company or is it just the name? I think it's the name of the thing. I think a lot of different companies and sell hoverboard Oh, come on hoverboard. And if you're not familiar with what we're talking about,

maybe you don't have children that have hover boards, these are two-wheeled. You stand on like a little platform, and you move your feet forward and backwards, and you fall, you fall, you break your cossacks a lot on that thing. There's a great Mike Tyson video of him On a hoverboard Mike Tyson. Oh, you're not seeing that hold on is good. It is

brutal break a bone I mean it was he ate it harder than I've ever seen anyone eat it on a hoverboard It's an excellent video. I highly recommend The the other the news is reporting Mike Tyson knocked out by hoverboard He can take a heavy weight, but he can't take a hoverboard. So a hoverboard in fact, Oh Stronger than like Evander Holyfield. Yes, he didn't knock him out. No. Yeah, so I think you are correct Tyson did try to to eat Bite the wheel up. Here's what's crazy too, Jeremy's over there, Al Borland,

taking a look at internet searches for the word hoverboard and guess what? Instead of our young people of today when they search for a hoverboard, seeing what's over my left shoulder, the hoverboard from back to the future, which is the hoverboard, yes, they get this product. That's not okay. Also the news clip I watched, it was from a CBS News and they looped. That's the name of our podcast. They looped the following like five times. Yeah, they did it right. It's on the evening news. It was like e-bombs world. Mike Tyson falling over, over and over and over over let me ask a question for the other side that's me seeing the video I told you no it's real good boy should

embrace that fall yeah who falls like that you know when you when you fall with my first instinct pin my arms to my side. It's a little bit. Why would you say. Here's a question I have because Al have you owned a boat before. I have never owned a boat. But you've driven a boat. Yes. To me because I have never driven a boat it seems very intimidating to me. Like I could drive the car and then it would turn into a boat and then I would be

completely out of my element on knowing what to do on the water. Is it the same as a car? No, no. See? Yeah, it could be a little intimidating. But I would say in this scenario, you could drive it like your car and you would control it. Knowing me and how I have hit a few things with my vehicle. If I bought a real boat today. One of those being my car. Yes! That is true. It's very true. So continue with this totally hypothetical story. It's all good. My car was only two days old when you did that. Yeah, yeah. I can't believe I did

that. I can't believe I did that. And I can't believe he didn't kill me like Mike Tyson would. I did that and I can't believe he didn't kill me like Mike Tyson would But if I bought a boat today, what are the odds that I can operate this thing and Get out of there scot-free like into the water and out of the water Because I've always been afraid of getting it in and getting it out. That's the that's the worst part I think you would do it all do alright, and if it's a if it's a car wait Are we still talking about a car boat? Yeah. Yes. I mean's a car boat then you just drive it in. Well I'm more saying like a boat in general has intimidated me like I've thought hey would I ever be a boat guy but then I'm like a lot of work. Because launching a boat from whatever the trailer or the contraption that holds it. So it's better to keep it in a marina?

Yes! But people do it and they like slowly back their cars towards the water, knowing that their car, one wrong move and your car's going in the lake. That's what frightens me. No, I've seen people do it. Yes, I've seen people do it. They are impressive. They are extremely more masculine than I am usually. I'm keeping my boat in a marina for sure. I'm walking around. You're gonna pay that dock fee? Pay that dock fee.

You clean that, you take care of it, you gas it up. I'm just gonna walk over here, I'm gonna drive it around the water and I'm gonna bring it back and probably crash it into the marina. It's really easy to over correct in a boat. That's the biggest difference between the car and the boat. Do they have, does the harbor provide a boat valet?

Ooh, that'd be nice. Like you don't even wanna walk to the marina, you wanna be picked up shore side? No, no, I'm saying when I pull my boat up and I look at the intimidation factor of having to park it in the dock, can they just like bring a tugboat out and say, yes, yes, Mr. Wright, I will,

and then they park my boat for me and then they drop me off. So I don't have to worry about it. I think that's a good service. I'm sure it does not exist yet, but I'm hearing business opportunity when you talk. So my final answer is the hoverboard, but from back to the future. Right. So long as it's that hoverboard, of course. Not the fake hoverboard. The whole, I mean, I don't think we brought this up. I wasn't really listening to you guys well, but I don't, you're welcome, I don't think that there is almost any value in a car that turns into a boat. I don't want, I've never

thought, man I wish I could take my car out on the lake. What about when you're on a quick getaway? But where's the opera? Here's what will happen. I'll be driving, I'll be like, time to use my powers that I have with this car. And then I'm going to turn out onto the sand. I'm going to get stuck in the sand before I can get to the part where it converts into a boat. And then you're pushing it. I think you just drive it right in and it does all the work. It turns into a boat as you hit the water.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is I can't get across the beach probably. Maybe I can go off a pier. I'm taking this boat. Just fly off a pier. You guys enjoy your little skateboard? Yeah. You want... Did you hear the part about it's a hoverboard?

I did. And we're not getting tricked. This is a genuine... It hovers. Honestly, let's have an honest moment. The real hoverboard, it might wear off. Never. Never.

You don't go very fast. I would use it for other things. I would use it as a tray. As a boat. As a tray. Absolutely, I'd be in my bed, watching TV, and I would turn this thing on right on my lap. That's a good use case.

Or have some cereal. Oh, you wanna pull pull a little closer put further. That's fine You want that? I'm gonna just slide it right over to you. You don't have a board you want to hover bowl Sure, I'll take a hover bowl Sounds great for my life is setting your ball someplace been a real challenge for you Look if I could have a bowl that hovers without spilling, like it keeps its own, you know, centrifugal gravity in place. Have you ever seen quantum locking? God bless you.

And I'm not talking about like an Ant-Man hypothetical, like an actual quantum locking. Yes, yes I have. I don't know what that means. What does that mean? Yeah, I mean it's similar. So it's, I think it, I don't know the properties that make it happen. I don't know enough about science. But like they'll have, you know, something that's really cold over a piece of metal and

then however you place it, it just stays there. But hovering over the piece of metal and wherever you put it, it just locks it in place. It's not like the magnet where it floats and so it keeps spinning and spinning. It locks into place. It's amazing. You can actually... And they clearly don't put that technology into the cover boards that Tyson was on. Fast food needs to look into quantum locking. Fast food, yes. That is the pinnacle application. I don't want to put...

Imagine if you could burger down, but you don't have to put the burger down. It just floats right in front of your face. That's nice. Ribs? No hands. You want to know what happens rea- Chicken wings? No messy fingies anymore. That's what I'm talking about, the mess. You just want to be in space or something. No, but it's going to float everywhere. Yeah, I want it to stay in place. When you put the burger, the juicy burger back down- You are at the point of your life you don't want to use your arms anymore. I will use it to bring it to my face. I don't have to go eat it like it's, you know, hanging out there. I'll grab it, bring it to my face, put it back there. But then if it's juicy and it's dripping, my bun is not

getting in them drippings. There's nothing worse than a soggy burger. Agreed. How did this conversation get to a soggy hover burgerover boards, of course, it's the logical next step Quantum locking and burgers in front of your face All right here Adam from patreon wants to know would you rather always have to cook bacon every morning in the buff? Interesting oh, so there's a splatter situation. Uh-huh. So this is I assume it's risky business I understand it's not written in there, but I imagine they're saying that with no Pop guard. I don't know you oh you are yeah, the pops of the bacon Yeah, guys are going to be they are going to be challenged open season. I all am out

I've not I've never done all the mode. I have done shirtless though. So I've been hit right in the nip by some splattering of bacon grease not a good time or So that's an option. Okay, you have to cook bacon every morning So you this is kind of a torture routine for your day, but at the same time you get bacon. Yeah, that's true That'll be one of the points or you have to always remove your shoes and socks before Before entering any restroom. I have.

A restroom? Yeah. Shoes and socks, public restrooms. You imagine you went to one right now and somebody's going to walk in and you see them remove their shoes and socks and set them outside the door to go in barefoot? There are, I mean, it is unfathomably gross

to think about walking in to a public restroom barefoot. A gas station? I can't wrap my head around that. And I don't know, maybe ladies bathrooms are pristine and clean. I know they're much nicer than ours. They're better. But ours are dumpsters. It's just funny because your feet are like the worst, like kind of the dirtiest part

of your body you think of them as. And yet that is so disgusting. Like my feet are not going to spread whatever I step on to anything I'm eating or touching or hurting, right? It is funny. I think the point you're making is that you're still walking in that bathroom and touching every ounce of your shoes are. Like right now, we are already doing this. It's just not on our foot skin. It's on our shoe sole. And so if that's the case.

That's exactly right. Yeah. If that's the case, then the only problem is if we think that that bacteria or whatever is going to harm our foot, which it's not because there's no openings At the bottom of my foot no, so so you're spreading the same germs, but it's meant no No, these are way worse The germs in the in a public restroom are just no I know but your shoes are on you're spreading the shoes

Yeah, you're still walking in a public restroom when you got your shoes. How does it hurt? Yes my question How does it actually hurt you other than giving you the skeeves? I mean, you have to wash your feet. Imagine getting into your bed. But you don't wash your shoes when you do that. I don't get into my bed with my shoes on, you psychopath. That part is true. Right before bed I'd have to wash them.

Just put them under the covers. I'm also, I'm a shoe-waf household. Because of, said, I walked through a public bathroom with my shoes on and I don't want to track that all over my house. I thought you were going to say that's because you prefer to go into your restroom bare feet. But it's like, there's places you're going to go with those bare feet. Yeah, I mean that's- Oh man. You're there's places you're gonna go with those bare feet Yeah, I know man. Well and the truth is matter all up You're gonna come out of the bathroom and then put your socks back on oh put your shoes back

I just trapped you're creating an ecosystem for it to thrive you a bio fear Not have a cut on your foot if you have a cut on your phone. You're dead. It's at least you're gonna lose the foot Yeah, that's gangrene, man. There's going to be new creatures evolving inside of your socks when you mix the... So we're all taking the bacon one then, because you're going to eat bacon. Because at the end of both of these things, right? Maybe the process you didn't enjoy. At the end of these, you've got gangrene nasty feet or bacon. I will take bacon, please.

I actually, um, I like bacon. Oh. Yeah. I enjoy it. When I go to restaurants, if they have it, I often order it. What do you say? You're telling me that you enjoy bacon? The big reveal.

I think it's delicious. Put that in the title. Jason likes bacon. Does anybody exist that doesn't like bacon? Is that one of the most commonly liked foods in the world? My oldest son said he didn't like bacon. Did you just try to talk with your mic muted? Yes, and he just tried to talk with his microphone muted.

Oh, what a dummy. Hey guys. Hey, there it is. So what did you do? I assume he's not your son anymore. No, he likes bacon. He just says he doesn't. That's as far as you can go to not liking bacon. Wait, so he like claims to not like it? He's like, I don't really like bacon. I mean, I'll take it.

I'll take a piece. Can I have more? But he for years would like it? I don't really like bacon. I mean, I'll take it. I'll take a piece. Can I have more? But he, for years, would say like, I don't like bacon. He would still eat it, and then he would get more, and we finally convinced him, you're not allowed to say that anymore. Because you eat it every time? Because you really like bacon, a lot.

Stop living the lie. Okay, we're going, by the way, have you ever had you ever had the your man who likes to not have clothes on that is true the bacon Situation have you experienced what Mike experienced? I have had a body splash of bacon before and I think I Am a little tougher than Mike. It was it was it wasn't that bad Kind of liked it. Oh That's something else my man sound like it was an ad for a cologne like a body splash of bacon say I like I feel like the whatever splash that's still with me like my body still carries the mark oh yeah this is where the bacon grease got

me you could get scarred right yes bacon grease got me. That's forever. You could get scarred, right? Yes. Bacon grease could absolutely scar you. Yeah. Anybody ever gotten a tattoo that looks like you've been splattered with bacon grease? Probably not. All right, how about this question from Luke about tattoos? Would you rather let your co-host give you a tattoo of whatever they want on your face,

and it lasts a month? Oh, OK. On your neck, and it lasts a year? OK. On your forearm, and it lasts a month. Oh, okay. On your neck, and it lasts a year. Okay. On your forearm, and it lasts two years. On your ankle, and it lasts forever. This is easy. We have to take the last one out.

We have to, because that's an easy answer. What? That is not easy. You take a permanent ankle tattoo? You know how much an ankle tattoo would hurt. They're all gonna hurt. I mean, they're all, yeah, I mean like. You have tattoos.

There's no way you're telling me a forearm tattoo hurts the same as an ankle tattoo on the bone. The bone definitely hurts worse. I'm not thinking about the pain at all. He's thinking about having to have it forever. Being able to just hide it. Wow, I wear socks. What a challenge to my life. It's not embarrassing anymore. Yeah, you don't know what the tattoo is. Until I take my shoes off to go to the bathroom. If you take that one right I might be kind to your face yeah I ain't being kind if you can cover this up you will never

ever ever go to a pool with your children and be allowed there. Why does dad wear one sock to the pool? In the pool. He's the only person I know that swims with socks on. I forgot to take off my left sock yet again. Whoopsies. Because I will make sure that that too is so bad. Did you say that too? That tattoo.

I will make sure that that tattoo, he said what you heard. OK, so you shortened it. You're like trying to get cool. It's a two. I go down to the two parlors. I do like the twos Mike. Uh, but I'm, I'm going to, I'm going to make it, I'm going to make it something you, you absolutely could not live with. You're going to do the same thing for my face. No, because I don't think so. No, when it comes down to it and you're actually like on your, like you have a tattoo gun up to your friend's

face. I don't have Jase thinking of things he's gonna do things that he would do but when it came down to it he'd be like here's a nice little heart. Yeah. No you're right. I think Jase has got got what it takes man. Yeah I don't I don't I don't know. There's some bad things you could do to a face for sure yeah Most any things most tattoos on faces don't work I think I would you know with a Zorro mask like just You know just he would be wearing or a month of like a ninja mask that he can't take off everywhere he goes Mike which one would you choose?

So neck was how long? A year. And then? A year. I guess I'm only taking either the ankle that lasts forever to hide it, or I'm taking the face and getting it over with. I'm going face and I'm just getting it over with.

I'm going forearm. I'm going forearm two tears. Yeah, I think I can take it. Because I don't do the shame thing as much So don't do the long sleeve shirt thing, right? No, I'm saying I don't need to cover it. I'm not See about that Big game right now. I Guess I would need to know what you're gonna put but I I believe when push comes to shove you're gonna do something that you

Think is gonna embarrass me. Okay, let me change change it Let me change it. It's not me It's not Andy. Okay, it's owl. Oh I was one the house when the tattoo on your arm for two years. I Will you know what's going on your arm? I do know what's going on my arm for sure There's no doubt what he would draw on my arm it's not gonna be good no he's not a good artist he's terrible I'm still taking that's the biggest complaint look at this shabby art job you need to make this more realistic I'm gonna take it I I kind of want arm tattoos okay let's go okay I

will go We've had some conversations about let's go Mike I'm going with you in a time in your life It's not the end of your life. No, it's not the beginning of your life It's there's the tattoo portion of your life the middle life crisis. I haven't been inked in like Six years or something like that. For real? Yeah, it's been a long time. I know what my next one is. I just haven't found the right person to do it. I'll do it.

I got you. We're both willing. You just say the word, man. You ever had an A-B test on a tattoo? All right, one more real quick. I got to get this answer. Just make it fast. Ryan from the website, would you rather never eat burgers again or never eat pizza again burgers it it's an easy answer for me

and it's it's unfortunately it's pizza because you don't want to miss out on the burger I don't want to miss out on the burgers they are the greatest thing of all time also burgers don't make me feel who bad I mean you can get sleepy pizzas worse for you oh there there are prices for every slice price per slice the price for the price for slice I think I'd keep the pizza as I get older that price. It's just the interest rates are going up I just want to imagine every time you sit down for pizza over the next The equation the slice is getting smaller and then you got this tiny slice on the pit on the desk the problem I think the size of the slice doesn't matter. Oh no. It's just whatever pizza goes in.

It's just a little pizza bomb. No, it's not a little bomb. It's a big pizza bomb. Okay. Alright it's Jason Explains. Jason Explains in 60 seconds., Al, what do we have? We have we have my wheel button not working. OK. Oh, awesome. Jason explains. Crypto. Wait, wait. No, you haven't.

You thought it was that we got their cryptocurrency. Oh, it's I thought it didn't live on that Well, that's an easy one to explain Cryptocurrency is a fake asset that people think is going to be a store of value So they buy it and they want to make a lot of money But what it actually is a lot of people don't know about the blockchain the blockchain The blockchain is actually something that allows Rich people to take advantage of poor

people by manipulating the system and making you think that you're going to make a lot of money. So what you do is you invest, it goes up, you are so excited, then they manipulate the system to where they cash out all that money. You get afraid, you sell, it goes low, they buy. That's what's going to happen with cryptocurrency and it's going to be sold to you that you can use it for transactions. You can't. It's a store of value with nothing behind it. And yes I own a lot of it. That was my follow up question is sir how

much cryptocurrency. Yeah. Well look I'm the one taking advantage of you. Oh my goodness. OK. Is that a fair definition. I don't feel like I understand what the block chain really is. Oh well that made me. He just explained it very like I understand what the blockchain really is. Oh, well that made me... maybe that'll come up next time. He explained it very much. It's the way that the rich profit off of people who don't have money. That's a great question. All right, Todd from the website. You have the power to create a new animal by combining two existing ones. What animals

would you combine and what would be the features of the resulting creature? That man just off top of head combining two animals? Yeah. I mean I want to get a dolphin in there. That's step one. I want the back end of a dolphin. I want the back end. It better be a water animal. Yeah. Because otherwise... You're making a... No, no, no.

Don't they have a blow hole? Yes, but it's... So they got... You get the back end up to the blow hole so whatever you put on the front can breathe underwater. But there's no legs. That is correct. That's what he was saying.

Oh, I thought he was saying that if you put... The animal couldn't breathe. No, I'm saying if you put this animal on land, it can't move. That's what I'm saying. Oh yeah, this would be in the sea. Okay, so what's the front half of your animal? An elephant. An elephant with a little tail in the water.

An elephant? Oh, very nice. Thank you. Thank you. Very nice. An elephant. So this is basically just a whale with its small tail. Doesn't have the two elephant legs.

I'm not settled on this yet. Okay, you're still workshopping? It seems like in mythology, lions and eagles are combined in all sorts of forms. But I've never seen a lion and a dolphin combined. So you just want a flying dolphin? Lions don't fly and dolphins don't fly. I think you were jumping to like a griffin or something like that. I was thinking you were combining the eagle and the dolphin. I didn't listen. I'm just saying that ferocious

lion can move in the water. Okay. I mean, mean look cuz sharks aren't bad enough It's a fair point. Maybe this is the wrong answer. Why don't you have an alternative answer? I want bare arms, okay? I want the claws okay the Second Amendment on stick. Yes. I want the right to bear arms With those awesome claws, but I want to put it on something that we are currently not afraid of okay oh so like a hamster but I'm thinking something cute that we like you're not afraid of snakes that was what we what's something no one's afraid of snakes if this is familyud and it was top 100 animals that people are not afraid of, snakes!

Oh, that's a zero. Everyone, we conquered our fear. Dude, I watched a video of it was some, maybe a South American jungle, and they're using a live animal to bait one of those gigantic snakes. And this thing must have been 20 feet long. And it just goes firing into this barrel and gets trapped.

We're like, people live with this creature around? All right, so snakes not the answer. So you want bear arms on a koala bear. Oh. I want a sweet little koala bear that everyone wants to hold and hug. But would you want to hold and hug? Would you want this koala bear to like hold on to you if it had massive just no, but just two or four That's a good question to

So it's just top two. Well, I guess when you here's the top two. Here's the thing. Here's the thing bears to have no arms Bears have four legs. Wait a minute, what? Those aren't considered arms? Yes, when they stand on their two legs they become arms in that moment. When a bear goes vertical, absolutely they become arms. If you can stand on your hindquarters. Here's the thing, in this scenario, whatever you make,

you've got it, but somewhere in the world, the inverse exists. So there is a bear out there with koala arms. Oh man, I'm not afraid of that bear. Like a T-Rex? Yes. I got these little arms. Yes.

So are you trying to understand why the bears have arms? I am. They don't, they have legs. Here's the deal. The internet is pretty convinced with a handy style of if they're standing they have arms This is okay Al Borland wants to know this is a great handstand do my legs become arms Of course they do no they don't and your arms are legs they do not so you're not actually doing a handstand You're just standing a handstand is a it's a trick. It's not a normal posture. A bear will actually get up on its hind legs.

No, look the definition of legs is a limb an animal used especially for supporting the body and walking. So if you're walking on your arms, those are legs. That's just a fact. This is science. Those are limbs of the body supporting walking. Now I'm remembering being in the gym with Jason and we do those bear crawls Yeah, and our hands were on the ground to be like a bear So that makes us that makes them all legs. So yeah in that moment you had four legs Yes And that also means Jason this is you have no arms to take from the bear

Hmm. So now I've got a koala that I took the arms off of and that's it It's just got the bears arms with nothing does the koala have all those have arms because they're not actually bears. They're marsupials All right, do you have an answer Mike are we done? In my soup heels. Cute. Proud of yourself. Animal kingdom. Alright, do you have an answer, Mike, or are we done? I don't have anything better than that. Hannah from Twitter, if you were in charge of adding a new subject to the school curriculum that you believe is essential for kids to learn, what would it be? Oh, this is easy. Financial well-being.

So, that is a great answer. Mine is so similar, but this is the thing that I can't believe is not taught in school, which is the credit system. Like your credit, your credit number that you have. How that works. This thing that we've created. The thing that we have created out of nothing

that does not really exist that affects every aspect of your life like you want to get a car you want to get a house you want to Get a cell phone I mean anything you have to have a certain level of credit or you pay more and I remember coming out Like when I went to college, no one taught me Great job parents No one taught me. Great job parents. No one taught me about credit. I'm walking around the campus and someone's

I feel so dumb now to think that when I was given this credit card, I had no idea how it worked. I just I filled out a piece of paper and I was given $3,000 of free money. And I knew I had to pay it back and I would. Next year when I get my student loans, I would just pay it off. Yeah, that's how credit works. So you understood it. So I understood it perfectly.

Apparently when you don't pay your credit card for 12 months, that's bad for your credit score. Oh my goodness. That set you back a little. That set me back a little. You maxed out a credit card and had it open for 12 months? Yeah, because I was gonna pay,

I'm gonna pay it off. I wrote an IOU. It's just as good as money. So I did pay it off. You're making a strong case for this to be taught in school so your situation isn't repeated. Yes. But we definitely don't teach kids the ins and outs of the monetary system in general. Yeah. Taxes. Investing. I don't know how taxes work and I'm 40 years

old. Yeah, I mean that's a bigger conversation probably but is there another subject that comes to mind? I mean I'm just gonna I'm gonna call it fixing fixing fixing because dinner no this is you know like when something breaks in my house you know what I do I throw it in the garbage I get something else new and I bet you the process to fix said broken item it it would take me 10 minutes to do, because I don't know how to fix anything. And let me guess, Mike, I bet you're not passing down any of your fix

into your kids. No, no. Well, yes, I did. I taught them how to fix things. You put it in the garbage and you buy a new one. Yeah. Let me go fix that for you, son. You broke your toy? Amazon. Yeah, you call the magical Amazon man, and he delivers a new product in

two days. That's a good one. I don't think, I think that would be a great thing to have as a baseline because there's a certain point in your life and we're all getting up there. There's a certain point in which you can't just, like I can't start learning that stuff now I'm too far behind and you don't want to and it would be too embarrassing that's that's this you're not too far behind it's just it's the it's embarrassing it's like like there's probably a window when changing your oil with something you can be taught and then there's a window only mechanics know how to do that but then there's a window and you're like, I don't think I can ask anybody to teach me this.

I agree with the premise of what Mike's talking about here of fixing things, but that seems more like, when things break, fixing those things, that leads me to think maybe there should be a high school, you know how there was like shop classes? There needs to be one that's just handyman. Yeah. Handyman, because I'm so jealous of people around this studio

That are like they know their handyman their handyman and they know how to do stuff I want it like they're looking at this drywall and they're like, oh yeah, all you do That is like you did some you you cast a magic spell and then drywall appeared I really wiring things and doing construction, that is literally impossible. I've never felt dumber than the two times I tried to build a birdhouse. Because a birdhouse in concept is a... I feel like I would be able to do it. It's a box.

Mm-hmm. That should... any grown person should be able to do this. Just give me some wood and some nails. And when a simple thing goes so wrong in your building you feel dumb. Did you have a plan or were you just constructing this ground up I'm going to build a bird house from my imagination. Here's plan number one Jason. I'm going to put one piece of wood perpendicular to the other piece of wood with nails okay so yep that's that's that's how I see it in my head and that's really where I went wrong there's there's other steps oh no no just completing that step was very difficult hmm overestimating the the

hammer and the nail work I would use wood glue well see that's I have learned that that helps a lot All right one more tape I got to know this answer Nina from the website before we draft if it was possible to colonize Mars in our lifetime Would you consider moving you and your family there with no imminent danger to Earth? Why or why not? So no, yeah No, no, no, really. Yeah, no Mike. You're a man of the stars Oh, I would I would love to visit Mars visit it would be I mean a voyage of a lifetime

No Chipotle on Mars, but I just told you how I can't fix stuff. You know useless. I am going to be on Mars I'm gonna be like a bard. There's going to be scientists and engineers everywhere and I'm like, how about I play you the tail? I'll play you some inspirational music on my guitar while you fix this. He's an oxygen tester. He tests the air. Sir, I'm running out of air. Could you fix that? I'll play you a tail. He would be a bard. That is needed on Mars. The Martian bard. Mike, that is needed. The three of us should go there and just, we will be Mars' source of entertainment. Because imagine- For a podcast on Mars.

Imagine if only scientists and- Oh, God. And agriculturists- Oh, marsupials. Are there any marsupials on Mars? So dull. And agriculturalist. Are there any marsupials on Mars? You know, if the entire planet is populated with all them smart people, then they're not having any fun. Not that we're not smart. No, we're super smart.

Here's the funny thing. When you said that about being a bard, I realized you're living in the only time in which you have usefulness. This moment in time, because if you went back in time You also would have to be a bard. Yes, right? Yeah. Oh very much. I mean there's the bards middle ages You're a bard. Yeah, I would just be playing sure you're a part. I'd be on a loot Right now you have the little bit of regular usefulness Yeah, my

Casting if there was a chart on like my usefulness through time, it just, it's very, very low and then eventually becomes just a static line. Yeah. That is kind of useful. Yeah. It's just got all jobs barred. I bring some joy. Okay.

All right. But you wouldn't consider it either, Jason? No, I wouldn't consider it either. We've got... What if you could be guaranteed no death? No, I wouldn't consider it either. We've got- What if you could be guaranteed no death? No, that's not about death. That's about fun. I doubt there's Netflix on Mars.

I doubt there's a McDonald's on the corner. Yeah, it comes down to this. Well, just to be clear, you are telling me that exploring the universe is less entertaining than Netflix and McDonald's. Yeah, yes I am. Welcome to the Spitballers podcast. Why go to Mars when Netflix probably has like 30 documentaries on Mars? Netflix and McDonald's. Yeah, yes I am. Welcome to the Spitballers podcast.

When Netflix probably has like 30 documentaries on Mars. I'm in that Val Kilmer movie, right? Red Planet. Oh, Red Planet? Is that the robot? The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting things that are hot. It's too hot. drafting things that are hot. It's too hot. We did a things that are cold draft in episode 222 based on all the scientific knowledge of my friend Mike. Hot is the opposite of cold, and we are doing a draft of things that are hot.

Jason, you have the number one pick. I have the number one pick. Now, do these things have to be real? Yep. Okay. Well, I mean, I don't know. Hot tub time machine sounds pretty dope, but that's not real. So. Yeah, I would say let's stay slightly inside the bounds of real things. You wanted to draft the hot tub time machine? Well it's something that's hot, and I would love a time machine. That'd be pretty cool.

But we'll move past that. I'm gonna take- To be fair, I have some stuff on my list that's not real. Okay, okay. I'll let you draft it. This is the spitball. We can do whatever we want. I'll make the rules here. I'm taking the sun because-

Yeah, that's a good answer. That is literally the barometer that people compare things to. It's hotter than the sun. It's as hot as the sun. It's- Not as hot as the sun. Right. And also, we live in Arizona. I can tell you, that sun, it's pretty hot.

Because we're, my understanding as a scientist is we're very far from it. And I, my skin burns to a crisp. Yeah, I mean, I think that there was a 101A and 101B. I'm taking fire. Yeah. Fire is my pick. I already taking fire. Yeah. Alright. Fire is my pivot.

I already did that. Yeah. I thought you'd do it the inverse and I was going to end up with sun. You got like a plasma. There's fire in it, Mike. You tell me the sun doesn't have any fire. I don't know, does it? Of course it does.

I don't think so. What? There's no... Well, fire is the burning of oxygen. Well, there's no oxygen in space. Yeah. Shoot. I mean, you still got the burning of oxygen. Well, there's no oxygen in space. Yeah The Sun bro immediately run into a problem the Sun is very hot. Yeah, you have a good pig We're not drafting things that have fire in them

So you did great. I'm gonna do a little research. Okay Mike you have two picks. We have the fire. We need two things that are hot. All right. So, I mean, we have, it's all similar stuff to start it out here, but I'm going to take lava. Lava was not on my list and that is a, just an oversight. That was a great pick. Okay. and I love it is also very Like awesome. Yeah, it's I mean it and awful it is Slow just like it's rocks that are so hot that they turn into a river I have been to a lava show. So I've been in a room with lava First hand experience. I will tell you

Very very hot. Mmm, very very hot. And it's amazing. Who hasn't played the game in there as a kid? Where the floor is lava? Where the floor is lava. And you're jumping all over pillows and stuff. It's not like the floor is fire. The floor is lava. If the floor, you would just stop, drop, and roll.

That's, we learned that. That's how you get through fire. That's how you get through fire. Lava's a great pick. Okay, so I have another pick. So I started off with lava. Now do we get too goofy? I'm gonna take a lightsaber everybody.

What? Yeah. Okay. Is that hot? I don't know. I think so. It can cut through metal. That really throws this draft on its head.

I told you I have things that are not real. I was going to draft things that are hot. So I'm going to go with coffee for my second pick. You think that's hotter than the lightsaber, bro? No, it's not things that are hotter than other things. It's things that are hot, the best things that are hot. OK, I have an update. And coffee is delicious and hot.

I have an update on the fire of the sun. Okay. Question, why does the sun not run out of oxygen as it burns? The sun does not run out of oxygen. Because it creates the sun. For the simple fact that it does not use oxygen. Oh, right. Okay. It's a chemical thing. It's not fire. Okay, you win. Yeah. In terms of great things that are hot, coffee is my pick. It is. Now, would you say that coffee reaches temperatures ranging 18,000 centigrade to 25,000 centigrade? Are you telling me what a lightsaber is? I am. That's pretty hot, Mike.

Yeah, and last time I had a sip of my morning coffee, it didn't remove my face. When I wake up in the morning. Dare you to touch your tongue with this lightsaber. When I wake up in the morning, only one of our two picks, Mike, is accessible to me and I will take the coffee. Well, I'm going to-

You should get a lightsaber. I'm going to draft something that I hope is in all of our homes. And it will absolutely scald your mouth. It's pizza bites. Okay, because nothing is hotter than pizza bites. And you can't wait. I know you can't wait. Oh, if you eat and you're full and later there are pizza bites left over, that's the only way you't wait. I know you can't wait. Oh, they're great if you eat and you're full and later

There are pizza bites left over. That's the only way you can wait and then you're like man These are delicious when they're just warm Did they discover some science with the creation of the pizza bites that creates? They shake its own Sun inside of the bite according to Star Wars lore pizza bites reach a temperature range of 30,000 degrees centigrade. Yes. Now for clarity, are you taking bagel bites or the pizza rolls? No, pizza bites.

Wait, pizza bites? Pizza bites are the little pouch ones. I think they're pizza rolls. Yeah, those are like the Tostino's pizza rolls. I think we'll give you the pizza rolls. They're not called pizza bites? Uh, no. I was with you.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I'm just doing this from memory here. Pizza. There's there's bagel bites and pizza rolls. Okay. Pizza rolls. You got to go with the rolls. Yeah, Totino's pizza rolls. Yeah. You need it to be contained inside of the little, the bagel, the heat. The heat gets to escape. When it's in the roll, it stays there forever. Yeah. I mean, call them pizza ovens because they're little ovens. Yeah. Pizza bombs. I mean, they just, they,

and have any of you ever been able to successfully wait long enough? No, you cannot. It's imp. You cut them in half. Of course you do. You try. And maybe by the touch them by the 10th one, it's not burning your mouth anymore, but you have no idea. No, exactly. You can't taste this anymore. So the classic combo of the sun and pizza Rolls for Jason so far another pick another pick I am up I'm going to go with one of the best hot things I'm gonna go with something very similar to coffee except way more delicious and it's got hot in the name hot chocolate chocolate okay okay I really expected a lot more I thought people really like hot chocolate it's good you guys don't like hot chocolate hot cocoa same thing

right yes yeah yeah the problem is a little better the problem was you went you set the table with a head to head hot coffee versus hot chocolate that one's wrong and no I mean hot chocolate what That one's wrong. And hot chocolate's what kids get when they're not allowed to have hot coffee. I didn't say it was better. I said it was more delicious. And there is no denying that hot chocolate is more delicious than coffee.

I'm on your side. Do you make it with milk? Yo, yes, yes, yes, yes. I mean, I've done the whole powder hot water garbage. I've had so much powder hot water that it distorts my... Those shouldn't be allowed to be sold because it really does make hot chocolate seem like something that is not good. But if you make homemade hot chocolate, my wife...

What do you mean, like melting down candy bars? Yeah, you can do that. Oh, I know, sure. No, you can, but who has the time? Well if you've got some of those pizza rolls you put the chocolate near the pizza rolls Yeah, no you can five seconds later make it on the stove starting with a base of milk and it's unbelievable my Third pick here. I'm gonna go with a hot shower

Gonna take a hot shower That's it's good that you labeled it a hot shower instead of just a regular shower. I am being very specific for the hot draft because you could have taken a cold shower in the other draft. You could also take cold coffee. Also, so far I'm sitting by my fire, sipping some coffee. In the shower? Your fire has been doused.

I took a shower. It's all part of my nice morning. Okay. All right This fire keeps going out From my hot shower. You guys don't drink your coffee in the shower Okay, I'm gonna go with something because we need to bring this up I Don't know how or why it received this name, but if you live in Arizona, you know that cool deck is not in fact cool.

It is blister your feet levels of hot. And who got away with calling it cool deck? Probably, I know who it was. I actually, Big Pool? No, it's the hoverboard guy. He's just freaking lying all over the place. Because there's no such thing. If you called it cooler deck, okay, maybe you can make an argument that this is a little bit...

I like hot concrete, wasn't your pick? No, because it needs to be... I need to bring this hypocrisy into the light of day. That's what we do on the Spitballers podcast. All right, so I've got... Let's see, what have I got? Cool. need to bring this hypocrisy to light into the light of day. That's what we do on the spitballers podcast. All right, so I've got let's see what I got. I always thought it was pool deck. I never realized it was pool deck.

Yeah, pool deck. Yeah, pool deck is a much better word because it is not cool. It burns you. Lava lightsaber, cool deck. All right, so with my final pick. Light secret. So ridiculous. With my final pick, I'm going to take...

I was going to go with peppers. Just good old fashioned peppers. That's a good pick. Because we can range, we can have the benign... Bell peppers. It's not that spicy, a bell pepper all the way up to a ghost pepper where you wish that you could remove your tongue from your face. Yeah, and if the guy with the cool decking was in charge of the ghost pepper, it would have been like not spicy pepper or something.

All right, so you've got- Just a whole other name. Yeah, lava, lightsaber, cool decking, and peppers. I have fire shower, coffee. It's a refresher. I'm going to close it out with hotcakes. I'm taking hotcakes with my final pick. Wait a minute, aren't those pancakes? Yeah. I believe so, but. Are they things that are hot?

You bet they are. Here's the thing, pancakes don't sell like hotcakes. That's true, because when something sells well. Yeah, it smells like hotcakes. It smells like hotcakes. You don't say that something, if it's selling real well, you're like, oh man, it sells like pancakes. You have to give those away for free if it's sound real well, you're like, oh man, it sounds like pancakes Would you you have to give those away for free? That's a buy one you get an entire all you can eat pancakes That's a really good point Mike. I'm gonna start using that phrase though. Oh, that's so like pancakes No, it's so what are you talking about? How's your business going? Selling like pancakes. Is that good? No it's not. So like they're really cheap? That's my final pick. Okay so I am up for

my final pick. I too will take something with the word hot in it. I'm going to go with Hot Springs. Oh that's a good pick. Yeah that's a good one. A nice, natural, warmed water from the earth. And those things can get full dangerous. Oh yeah, people die in them. 18,000 to 25,000 degrees. It's not a lightsaber hot. If it's on Tatooine. All right, so.

If someone puts a lightsaber inside of it. Yes, yes. You want to boil water? Just put that lightsaber in. I still insist there's not enough accidents with those lightsabers based on those temperatures. Well, they're trained Jedi's. Here's the thing.

Maybe they're trained, but every one of those movies, those guys should be sweatier. Based on that heat, based on that heat, they are carrying around some serious heaters. Okay. And they should be dripping sweat in these movies.

I will not argue with this at all like the they might be melting like this turn it on and everyone just starts melting like in Indiana Jones yes exactly if it's that temperature you should be like let's fight and then in Empire, right? Then they're like, when they're on Hoth, it's the ice planet, and Luke's all cold, and he has a lightsaber. Yeah, that should have melted the planet. Why doesn't he just turn it on and hang out with it? This is why you might not have drafted that.

Because then the planet would be water and float away. Oh yeah, he'd drown. All right, Jason went with the sun, pizza rolls, hot chocolate, and hot springs. I went with fire coffee, shower, the hot kind, and hotcakes, and, Jason went with the sun, pizza rolls, hot chocolate and hot springs. I went with fire coffee shower, the hot kind and hotcakes. And then Mike went with lava lightsaber, cool decking and peppers. I did have a lot of alternative choices here. Surprise that hot tub in general, just the hot tub wasn't picked. Although hot springs is

the time machine was a was thrown out there. Fireplace was okay, something that you had fire and a forest is the time machine was a was thrown out there a fireplace was Okay, something that you have fire and a forest fire. I felt like I couldn't take it. You know I wrote down hot air balloon I wish you had tried to convince us that he could take fire and you would take forest fire Yeah, like I thought about it. You guys have any other Steering wheel. Oh good one You guys have any other steering wheel? Oh, good one. And then it was just, I put it down because it was a very Mike-ism to put down, but it

was just too out there. I was going to go with Zoolander. Okay, I've got- Because he's so hot right now. I've got- See? I told you. Oh no, we got it.

I've got fajitas. I don't think you- Now, in the movie, there's a scene where one of the other characters is looking at Zoolander and he whispers to a friend and he says, he's so hot right now. Now I get it. Ah. Excellent, excellent choice.

I had a sauna and I had TikTok trends. They're so hot right now. I had Zoolander. trends. Oh, they're so hot. I what did we learn today? I learned that the sun doesn't have fire. This is unbelievable news. That is a little weird, huh? Yeah, it's a giant ball of fire. I, I still believe it is. Uh, I, I honestly feel like we learned that it's pizza rolls instead of pizza bites. Let's see, I mean, unless I learned for sure that I just don't really want to live on Mars. It's disappointing. It is. I'm a little disappointed in myself. I would have thought you'd be first in line for that ticket. I'll buy you one. We'll get you out of here. I don't want to

go. Goodbye everybody. Thank you for listening. Tell your friends and family about the podcast. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.