Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Ice Walkers & Electives if Students Got to Choose Them - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 19, 2026

Spit Hit for March 19th, 2026:  Return of the Local Angry Wizard, Bee venom therapy and more on another great round of Would you Rather? Then we head to the situation room before wrapping things up with a High School Electives if the Students Got to Choose Them draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Blotta chatty, blah, ticach to blow. Okay. Different. I mean. New? Exciting?

It's not. It was, you know, ratatat tat. Yeah, it was very staccato, machine gunny. Yeah. I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to do it after the Andy killed the scat. Right, I was retiring it last week. Yeah, I thought we put it down. With the heel?

Is that what it was? Yeah, that was the one. Welcome into the spitballers episode 315. I mean, that's a lot of episodes. It's about 314 too many. It is not enough to listen to a new episode every day of the year. that'll be a big day. But soon, soon.

Wait, are we, when is the next Alskat? We've got to, we got to be approaching. It's got to be close. I thought we retired this cat. No. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't think it's close. Well, it's 80.

It's whenever we say it is, it is close. Yeah. It's in like maybe like the next seven episodes. Oh, I am so glad I brought this up. It just felt right. I think so. Every 80 or so episodes, it feels like it's time. I'll find out and let you notice it.

That is going to be like, it's in about seven months. It's too close for me. Well, we got that to look forward to. And then I agree. 365. Episode 365. That's going to be a big episode. A year of show.

Can't wait to see what the producers do for that one. Oh, man. Yeah. Would you rather, we're entering the Situation Room today. I'm learning that right now. And we are drafting high school electives if the kids were in charge. So what would they choose? What classes would they take?

create really. Yeah. Because it's not just like I would choose Homeck. They already do that. Right. They do choose their own electives. That's fair. This is creating their own class. Some classes, some electives that they might want to take, that they might want to get going. So we'll draft that at the end of the show. You can follow us

on X at Spitballers Pod. Always a good moment in time to leave a review. Subscribe. Click that follow button on Apple Podcasts. I just found out breaking news. We are on episode 315 right now. Episode 332 is the next Al-Squette. That is months.

It's a bit, but it's good to get it on the schedule. You know what I mean? That is true. And yeah, there you go. So yeah, leave us those reviews. Tell your family and friends about the show. If you enjoy it, that helps us out. And we're going to get it going.

Would you rather? Well, Michael from Patreon has one of our ever-important questions. Would you rather ice skate wearing bowling shoes? Okay. Or go bowling wearing ice skates. So let's break it down. I mean, what's your first impulse there? The first impulse is definitely going ice skating with bowling shoes.

See, I'm complete opposite. What? Hmm. Yeah, I would... What an idiot. I mean, I think your odds of falling are higher on the ice. I think my odds of falling on the ice. I mean, you fall on the ice, whether I'm in ice skating shoes or bowling shoes are...

pretty identical. I can, I could bowl in ice skates, uh, poorly, but not fall. I agree that I probably would not fall, but I think the distance from the ball to the floor is going to throw you off big time. Oh, because you're up a couple of inches. Oh, yeah, you're, you're, you're up four inches higher. I didn't think about them. Launching that ball.

When's the last time you ice skated? I thought about this the other day because we have this place, the ice den. It's over. Is that the, uh, it used to be polar ice? Yeah, I don't even know if they called. the ice didn't anymore. But it's, it's a big ice skating rink. When it came out, everybody was ice skating all the time. The training. Yeah, over and over by where we live. And I drove by it and I was like, man, what is the last time I've been in there? It's been like 15,

maybe with a kids event or something, but I have watched my children ice skate in recent memory. Howard. I'm not ever doing it again. Howard. Why would I do it? Why would I do it? Why would I? Because it's fun. Were you a roller blade guy? No, obviously. Okay. I think if you, if you can roller blade, you can ice skate. If you, it helps. You could ice skate. I don't know. It's been a long time. You were just talking about how we, you talked about how he ran in flag football.

Yeah, but you don't have to kick your legs up when you're skating. I wonder, I have wondered a little bit if I would be better than, I mean, the last time I skated was 20 years ago. But was it traumatic and that's why you haven't done it since then? I mean, it's just like I felt then like an old man. trying to walk or a baby deer. Okay. You know, just like I... Were you on the walls a lot?

Oh, yeah, but that's fine. It's not fine. It's not fine. Especially now. It's fine for the kids to do. If you're a child out there and you're ice skating for the first time, don't be embarrassed. Get out on that wall. If you're 40 years old and you're hugging the wall walking, I would watch and I would laugh at that man.

I'd be in the stands, of course. And I would be laughing at that man going, why is he out there? Yeah, because that just can't ice skate. Living his life. He's like, I'm going to learn out of ice skating. You're like, I'm going to learn how to sit. You ever been ice skating? Go ice skating.

And you're on the wall, but you try to sell it like you meant to be there. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I know what you mean. It's like, oh, I got to, I'm going to check my laces. I'm going to check my phone. Getting a breather because I've been skating so hard. Yeah, like I'm, I'm talking to somebody. It's, I think it's, I mean, I only go like once or maybe twice a year.

Are you good? No. He's the, no, no. He has the biggest ice skater in the, in the, in the, But, like, I can go around the circle without falling. Yeah. And you don't ever have to touch the wall. You can just skate.

Yeah, I could avoid the wall. If you forget every time. Someone gave you a hockey stick, though. You couldn't do nothing? I bet I could. If you gave me a hockey stick and pads. Yeah, let's start. Let's get this going.

So, like, I could, I knew that when I fall, I'm not going. Can you hockey stop? I used to be able to. I bet I could get that going. Jason's looking at me like, what is that? Oh, I get what it is. But I'm thinking. As opposed to the legs go.

wide and narrow stop or just running into the wall right there those are the other two options we actually did a cruise once jason and i and our wives and there was an ice skating rink on on the ship yeah that's that's normal jason jason booked us this yeah that comment right there was funny jason booked us this exclusive just the four of us reserved the ice skating rink wait and then he sat there the whole time and watched the three of us skater darn right i did and it was a great time for you and it was a great time for me. You rented the entire rink and didn't skate? I didn't need to participate. This was a wonderful. That's not normal. Your wife didn't want you to be out there? Doing what? I'm not skating with her. If I'm out there, I'm just on the wall. Well, this is the step.

Well, she skates around. I could actually watch her. That is step one of skating. How long was the rental? An hour? So 15, 20 minutes, you get yourself. Yeah, you get your skate legs while you have your sea legs apparently. What is an ice skating rink? Do you? going on a boat. It's not normal. Come on super normal. No, we got to shut this down. I'm just saying it's unnecessary. I think it's on most Royal Caribbean ships. What? Yeah. I mean, they do a show for like professional ice capades. Yeah, basically. There's amazing but then Mickey on ice. When they're not doing shows, you can reserve it and get lessons. I got it broken down here. There's 300 major cruise ships in operation globally. 20 have ice skating rinks. Oh, that's

You can't go globally. Royal Caribbean is the one that has all of them. Yeah. But it's 6 to 7% of all cruise ships. Yeah, but also you're talking 300 globally. When you say that's normal, we didn't know you were boxed into Royal Caribbean. Yeah. I mean, once you've got a cruise line, you start accumulating those casino points, you got to get them free rooms.

I just want you to get that. I want you to know, like, we found out you're a morning person a couple episodes ago. Yes. You are right there at soup's old manville. If you go to events that are fun and you sit and watch, that is real, real grandpa stuff. I don't know what's more grandpa sitting and watching or hugging a wall to just barely being able to walk in a circle. But you're saying to yourself, here's what old is, you're saying I can't learn how to do it.

I'm too old to do that. Yes, that's what you're saying. You're saying I'm too old to figure that out. But here's a thing. I'll just sit. No, because I couldn't figure it out when I'm too old. I was 15 when I was 20. I tried. I couldn't figure it out when I was young. So it's not I'm too old. It's I you made a decision back then. It's just it's out of my wheelhouse. I think you could

do it and I think you'd have a good time. I think I could skate better in bowling shoes. I mean, you had the whole rink. You could have brought like a sled out there started running on you. If you're the only one in the ring, you can get the little kid, uh, Walker thing. Do you also bowl, bowl with the bouncer things on the side? If I'm having fun The bumpers Yeah the bumpers I will say this Mike

This is not a joke Those little kid walker things I thought about it Yes you should have done it No they have like ice walkers Yeah yeah yeah They're not bowling shoes I bet But here's a problem

I couldn't do it They're too short Oh they didn't have No they don't have adult versions They don't have They don't have It's like down by my knees I was like oh I can't do that

They don't have adult versions I think I would have done it I think I would have done it And that would have been, you would have looked way cooler. No, but then I feel like I could learn to skate. You can't really learn to skate while you're facing the wall just like trying. It's just, it's not for me. You'd be able to learn enough to go in a circle.

I don't know. I could get you there. I'm going to go with the ice skating bowling. Final answer. Oh, there was a question. Yeah, there was originally. I get. I'm going to bowl with my ice skates on.

I understand the height thing is a good point, but I'm looking at quantity of falls. I think you're going to roll your ankle. I really do. It's possible. Throughout the course of the day, one of these times, it won't even be in the bowling act. You finish bowling, you get a gutter ball, you turn around, and whoop, you roll your There's normally a step you have to go up on maybe.

And now you're falling from very high up. How tall are your ice skates, man? Maybe that was the whole problem. Are you on still skates? They're one foot ice skates. They're 12 inches blades. Like the bowling, because bowling shoes are smooth on the bottom, right? Oh, yeah.

So how much help does an actual rubber sole give you on ice? Not much. I don't think it would be a massive difference. Not unless the, I think it's more texture. Bowling shoes are smooth. Yeah. That would be the problem. But it's not a big difference.

Put your weight forward. Yeah. So Mike, what's your answer? What's your final answer? I'm going to go, I guess, on the ice with the bowling shoes. That's where Jason's going to? I agree with you. You're going to roll an ankle.

Well, another Jason writing in on the website says, would you rather be Robin Hood or Zorro? I know nothing about Zorro other than he's got a sword and a mask. I am unfortunately in that camp. I was going to ask to be educated because Robin Hood was awesome and is awesome. He also is a fox. That's not the Robin Hood I think about. Sometimes he's a man.

I'm a Costner. You're a Coznor? Who's your Robin Hood? This is a great question for the Jay. Who's your Robin Hood? Um, because there's a new one, right? I'm a Prince of Thieves Robin Hood, a hundred, through and through. Who was the new one?

My, my, my Robin Hood is, is, is, is, okay. That's what I think of. That's what I think of. We got three different Robin Hood. My men, my robin hood is the fox. I don't think I've ever seen. Oh, it's so good. It is?

Yeah. Man, let me do, do. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man, that's really good. What about the Ducers? What, which Robin Hood do you think of first? Kevin Costner for me.

Yeah. Uh, the fox. The fox? Mine's Ben and tights. I don't know his name. So we just split down the middle. So, yeah, I think that's what changes it. Like, to me, it's like, who's your Batman, right?

Yeah. It's a little bit of that. But, I mean, I can get it. Is Zorro cool? Yes. Zorro is cool. Or does he just cut things in Z-Shakes. Zorro is Antonio Banderas.

Yes, he is a problem. That's the only Zorro I know. That's a problem for you. It's a problem because he's too sexy. No, not at all. Antonio Bandaris was. Was Catherine's out of Jones in there? movie? Yep. I'll choose Zorro.

Antonio Banderas went from being this heart throb, serious actor, action star type of actor to being in the world's worst children movies.

Puss and Boots. Not just Puss and Boots. Spy Kids. Spy kids is so bad. Pussing Boots is a good movie. It's fine. Spive kids are He's like, they're a little rough. You're watching through your fingers like, Oh, I'm so embarrassed right now. So now I go back to like the old Antonio Banderas, and I see. I'd rather shoot bow and arrow than I would use like a little fencing sword.

Yeah. Because like Zorro's sword is not, it's not Braveheart sword. This is not Leonardo's sword. This is a like a really thin. And Robin Hood gets all the credit. They know who Robin Hood is. I'm not like wearing this little mask like who's Zorro. Right.

I mean, Zorro is not a criminal. Robin Hood's a criminal. Josh, I need you to. I need you to look up something because I just searched Zorro and I'm getting a Keanu Reeves. Is this just an AI thing? Someone to look into this, Josh. The description of Robin Hood here is perfect. Because if Keanu's making a Zorro movie, that doesn't make any sense.

Master Archer and Forest Ninja. That's Robin Hood. Yeah, that sounds awesome. A forest ninja. That's my final answer. Yeah. I'd rather steal from the rich, give to the poor. Yeah.

I like it. It looks like they are remaking it in 2025 with Keanu Reeves. Oh, my gosh. Is that real? Yeah. It's real. Yeah. No.

Please tell me, Zorro, it instantly throws his sword away and just pulls out two guns. He just pulls out two pistols. The mask of Zorro, the legend returns. Wow. There's a trailer. I, look, I'm on record. Keanu, one of my favorites. You're not in on this.

Why is he Zorro? Well. They're like, it doesn't make sense on a lot of levels. Oh, man. I'm watching the trailer here. Wait, there's a trailer? There's a full trailer out. That's how I found it.

Yeah. It looks like a good period piece. Keanu looks pretty stupid in that Zoro mask, though. Oh my gosh. 2025. The mask of Zorro is the name of the movie. Yeah. The People's Avenger.

Just give me a minute and 36 seconds. I'll let you know. I don't know enough Zorro. Yeah, I don't know the lore of Zorro. The loro of Zorro. I don't know it. He defends the common people while humiliating corrupt officials. So he's very Robin Hood.

Very Robin Hood. Just not a criminal. And a mask. Gosh, there is an AI scene in the trailer of like young Zorro, young Keanu. It is the worst I've ever seen. Yeah, they should be better at that by now. So this is maybe real. Does the horse play a factor for you at all?

Yeah, no, Robin Hood got horses. Yeah, he lives in the trees, man. Yeah, he does. He's got the best buddy of all time, little John. Is he the best buddy? He's a great buddy. There are about 50 moments in the trailer where young Keanu comes. I think there's a big part of the movie and I'm out.

There's a lot of fake. He looks so fake. If it's real, I will see. Is that where we're going to get in 50 years? Are people going out right now and buying the rights to deceased actors so that they can play roles in new movies? No, not yet. I don't think it's happening yet, but it will. People today.

Like if you did it, you would want to do it now. While it's cheap. But you'd want to do the people that are alive, not the people that are dead. The people that are dead, people right now, sorry to say this, they don't care about them. People, no, some do. I mean, a new movie starring Marilyn Monroe or something, people wouldn't watch that? Correct. There would not be a huge blockbuster.

Disagree. An AI, Maryland and Roe right now, people wouldn't care. Eventually. I think that. Right. Eventually. Clark Gable or Jimmy Stewart, those guys coming back. You are making my point.

You are like literally. I was with you for a while. So what about, what about some of the elder, like Sean Connery, brand new Sean Connery movie? But he's, yeah. Yeah, which age is he? Yeah, I don't really care, man. I mean, they did this, right?

Didn't they do this in Mufasa? You won't care about Keanu either. Haven't they done this with James Earl Jones' voice? There was something about he. he let Star Wars have the right so that they can always use his voice, something like that. But I mean, which actors now are you, so like Brad Pitt dies, you want to see him in a movie?

Yeah. I think it's, I mean, why would that be different? I think it's the next generation of actors that will start being. Those are the ones after that. Yeah. Or is it, is it just all the people that we like who are alive, but like, like, the John Wick movies are incredible. Kiano is age.

out of them. You saw the progression once we were on Wick 4 John Wick's moving a little slower than he used to. But if you could give me another young Keanu. And that's what they try to do is. Which one you do? Then I would be... But let me tell you, they can't do it.

Just from the trailer I saw, we're not at the point yet. Yes. This is as close to somebody like drawing a picture of young Keanu and then taping it to the face of an actor. It was bad. It was so bad. It was bad.

I wonder if we won't want to see any AI actors at all. Because if you can't praise the performance of an actor being in the role, like maybe a Marvel movie or a character movie where it's more about the environment and the lore and the like, you know. I think that we'll use AI for moments within a movie. They will not use AI to completely ground up, replace an actor who is dad and bring them back. So, like, if it's an action movie, they'll use AI to fill in gaps on certain scenes. It's going to be hard for them not to do reshoots with AI or something. Oh, they'll do it when you need to do a lot fewer reshutes.

All right, we'll take a break. We'll jump into the Situation Room. The Situation Room. All right. We have some situations. We've got to take care of it if you guys don't mind. Olivia from Patreon writes in, you are offered $1 million. Okay.

To take a lie detector test. live TV. But you can't know any of the questions ahead of time. This is a real thing. They could ask absolutely anything and the audience will vote on it, on what to ask. Do you go on or pass on the million? I will take the million dollars. So there was a show. So you're saying there's no secret. You currently have that is worth a million dollars. Off the top of my head, no. This is a show. This was a real show. I don't know if it oh yeah 100% oh we are the worst it was probably to figure out if someone cheated on their spouse

Yeah I mean it was usually like spouses and family members They would they would have someone and their whole family would sit there and watch The lie detector test they took in the past and then it was it was so painful and destructive And and you know it's like oh it was I mean that for our society is decimated and the aliens are like what happened someone showed that video. Yeah, it was, it was a brutal show. Like, and what's crazy about this show is the people that were going on the show. They had taken the lie detector test in the past, right? And now the answers are being revealed. But they know what they were asked. They know. And they showed up knowing if they said that they cheated on their. To see if they beat the test. Yeah, I don't, yeah,

exactly. No one ever beat the test. They saw all that TV is like, we're gladiators again. We just want to see. Oh, very much. We just want to see emotional destruction. I think we want to see physical destruction. I think if it was gladiators and they were murdering each other, that show would be running right now. I think people were really uncomfortable with that show. There's no way it's still running. Because you guys haven't heard of it. No, but that doesn't mean people were, I mean, people weren't watching. I mean, how many episodes of Mori doing, you are not the father. Yeah. You are the father of one of the

two twins. That is those shows were emotionally devastated. That is true. You're just trying to see. At least those seem so since those are like WWE. Those were sensationalized entertainment at least. I hope. But destroying an actual life, let's not.

Parker from so you don't have any. No, I think I could go on the show. I think I could pass the test. Everyone thinks they can go on the show. Until you're on the show. Yeah. But either way, you leave with a million dollars. Yeah.

See, I have jokes right now just so you know. Okay. That I can't say. All right. Noted. I just want you to be a way. There's lots of good material I have here, but I can't ask these questions. What if it were a million dollars, so?

Then maybe. Parker from Patreon, you have once again angered. The local wizard. I didn't know we always angered him. Well, that guy's moody. He has cursed you with a recurring ailment. but he is allowing you the courtesy of choosing what the nagging curse will be. Would you choose, Jason?

Get stung by a bee once a day. Spraying your ankle every two weeks. Is that a high sprain? It's a bad spring. It's a limpy spring. But it's a low ankle. Get the flu once a month. No.

That one's out. That's pretty out. Break your wrist once a year. It's the first two. It's the B. It's definitely the first two. It's the B. Have you,

have either of the two ever you, like ever had a real sprained ankle? Yeah, it feels like you broke your ankle. I grew up playing basketball. I sprained my ankle all the time. It sucked. And it puts you out of commission for a little bit. When you're out for weeks. Have you seen, and I'm going to butcher it, maybe the producers can look this up for me and nail it.

But if you, I saw a video of a B. beekeeper intentionally stinging his wife once a week or once a every couple days with bee stings from bees because of some type of expropriet therapeutically? Well, as for exposure. Oh, sure enough. That was fast, Al. This is like an is this real life. People divided after man reveals why he purposely stings his wife with a bee. Now, the reason.

Does he say it gotcha every time? Let me see if I can find. Beasting. That'd be a good one. It's like a slug bug. Helping his wife from having beekeeper's wife syndrome, which is a syndrome that occurs when a partner, oftentimes a beekeeper's partner,

develops a severe allergy to bee stings after repeated micro exposure to venom, usually from regular contact with the beekeeper's clothing. So they can develop an allergy. And so they combat that by building a disease. natural resistance to the venom. Wait, how? I'm confused. How do they get?

So they can get exposure to, uh, no, I get the idea of, of giving me the stings, but what, why do you? You, you do that to build a natural resistance to the venom so that they don't get a severe allergy from just exposure to the clothing of the beekeeper. Oh, from the clothes. The clothing. How does that happen? It says after.

Wouldn't that be good for your allergies? They said, micro, local honey. Yeah, I don't know the difference between micro exposure to venom on clothing and being stung, which seems like micro exposure to venom on purpose all the time. Wait, so you're telling me that... Like macro. Bee stings have venom? I believe so.

So in my world, Venoms are from snakes. Venom kills. Not always. Not always, but it can kill. It can. And not like, okay, I've got you know, a hundred snakes attacking me and I'm dead, but like... I am seeing B venom is a shot that is given for bee sting allergy. So the fact that he

would be exposing her to be venom like a shot, sounds like something I'm going to try. These have venom. Sounds like something that that man will go to prison for eventually. He did advise that if you're going to do the same method, have an EpiPen nearby, stay close to a hospital, and never attempt without consulting a medical professional. Okay. Cool, man. I'm not going to do that to someone else, but if I have to pick one of these, getting stung by a bee once a day.

How is this a lifetime lifetime commitment here? Yeah. Because I don't, I've never been stung. So I don't know if I'm opting into death. You've never been stung either, right? I've never been stung. Spraying your ankle, that is crazy, by the way.

I mean, everybody's been stung. Everybody, every deuster's probably been stung by a bee. All three of them are not. You got to be able to avoid bees, man. We are good at that. Yeah. Are we, do you get up and run like a full sprint away from them? No, I think I'm actually pretty calm when a bee comes by.

I'm not afraid of him because I know he's not going to sting me. says he's been stung 50 plus times. Yeah, Papa Josh is old enough. What are you doing? What in the beehive are you doing? I'm sure he was a beekeeper once. Matt also said dozens of times. What are you two?

I've been stung once in my life. What are you doing to bees? You know what? I don't care if the deuce or cam wasn't supposed to go on. I'm putting it on. There you can see a picture here on Al Borland. Most people are listening. So wait.

How many times? 50? You said dozens. and why have you two been stung so much? Like what mistakes have you been? Do you swat at them? Dude, I used to play outside all the time. Yeah.

In trees? Like bee trees? I also went barefoot a lot too. So you stepped on. Yeah. What about you? Is that the same story? Your feet?

No. A lot of agriculture orchards and stuff like that. They got bees flying around. And they just, they just kill themselves on you. But the bees don't want to sting you. What are you doing to the bees? I wasn't doing anything.

No, that's not true. That's not true. Now, when you said dozens of times is this, 12 different times with one sting. Yeah. Oh, I also had a neighbor that was a beekeeper too. Okay. Okay.

Well, you should have led with that. Your exposure is pretty high. Al, how many times? Just one time. And how was it? It sucked. Oh, okay. Compare it to...

Now, what part of your body? Mine was at the hand. It was on the door frame and I was walking through the door. Most people, that's what it is. Just put my hand up and just touched the bee. Most, my wife has been stung a few times. One time she was like laying down with her knees up at a park. and a bee happened to get in the crook of her knee,

and she just closed her knee. My daughter a couple of times stepped on them around the pool. Yeah, that happens. You got to keep your shoes on you. My daughter was in a pool. She's very afraid of bees, and a bee was nearby, so she went under the water. And then the bee landed basically on the water where she was.

Smart bee. You got to move away. Smart bee. She came up, eventually from the water, and the bee stung her on the chin. Oh. Yeah. That's a up close and personal bee sting.

Now that bee did that on purpose. Oh, for sure. It's like, I'm getting that girl. I assume pop-in-this is how I die. All 50 of your stings must have been to the face, right? That's why you're so funny. I got this way naturally? Oh, okay.

I mean, look, I'm afraid of an allergy. I really don't like it. But the two weeks sprained ankle, you're permanently sprained. Yes, it's forever spring. That's a forever sprain. And the flua can't do that. No, that's a full week. How bad is the wrist?

Is this displaced, non-displaced fracture? I do the wrist? It's a left hand, right hand? You're going to have a cast. It's going to hurt really, really bad. And then you're going to be out of commission for what is like six weeks. Yeah, it's a beast thing. Daily beast.

Does it matter if it's a non-dominate hand wrist? It would matter to me. Yeah. Both are very necessary. If you told me break a wrist every five years and it's non-dominated hand, I'd do that. Man. I do a, I do a, you kind of get some attention when you got a broken arm or broken leg. I could go for the attention.

Yeah, have people sign it. And he's having people sign his cast. people sign it. I mean, I broke my leg once. I was in crutches. Everyone's asking, hey, look at that cool guy. Yeah. How old were you? I was in high school. Right. Old guy with broken hand, a little different. Like, what was that idiot doing? Hmm. Can I say I got into a fight? He was probably ice skating. Yeah. All right, Hannah has a question. You suddenly gain the ability to perfectly mimic any celebrity's voice. but only for one phone call.

Who do you impersonate and what is the call about? This is way too specific. I, I, I've got an answer. Okay. I would choose Elon Musk's voice. Okay. And I believe that he has cultivated at least a closed circle of, you know, whatever banks and people he know, these are people.

Oh, you're coming up to that money. These are people that know he means business when he asks for something. Got, okay. They know the voice, which is, it's an iconic, maybe that's not the right word, but distinctive. I'm just going to say, bring me, now how much money to my last one? I don't know. But just bring it to me. Enough that he doesn't notice.

But the problem is if they do, if they bring it by. I was going to say, if they bring it to him, Elon Musk will say, eventually, why are you bringing me this money? Because they're bringing it to him. Bring this to a bench at a park. Oh, you just say, send us. Wire it to me. Yeah, my crypto wallet. It's funny because usually...

Yeah, he's into crypto. That's a good plan. Yeah, crypto wallet. Usually here I want to go with like President of the United States, right? Because you have the power to do so much. You could call and, you know, if you got to make one call, you could really think about choosing your time wisely. Like, oh, you can't get that reservation at the fancy restaurant, you know?

I promise you, the President of the United States can. You can call up and be like... And that's what you're going with? Maybe. But my point here is... When I show up and ask for my name, I'm going to say, Jason because I won't have any secret service the reservation yeah I'm going to put it under Jason more

but the change the title of the White House into this guy's name the problem is that the current president of the United States is Donald Trump and everybody can do his voice yeah people think you're doing so nobody's gonna yeah nobody's going to really believe that that's Donald Trump what if you did like if you're the head of the SEC it's getting a little technical okay you can make one call and bring an investigation against any company, which means you could short that company's stock ahead of time, bring the investigation. You guys are going way deeper.

I was going to be, I was going to be some lady celebrity and call one of you guys up and be like, hey, I got a big crush on you. I guess that. That's actually super good. Record that. And then you guys just like, you won't believe who called me last night. And you can never confirm it to anybody. No, no, no.

You kidding me? You'd come into the scarlet Johansson. Scarlett Johansson called me last night, guys. You won't believe it. She's a big fan of the show. And then Mike goes, and Mike goes, really? Did it sound like this? And he plays the clip and I would melt into.

If you really did fool somebody like that. Or you come in and you do nothing. And I know that it's just, it's in there. It's stewing. You're like, oh, man, do I tell everybody about this? Oh, yeah. Like, I'm pretty sure it was hurt. You could also use this in sports.

You know, if you've got a favorite. sports team and they're up against a, you know, a really important matchup and you impersonate the owner and call that head coach, say, hey, you're sitting this player today. You know, you mean, you're sitting LeBron or whoever, you know. Trade Luca Donchis. Right. Someone did this. Someone actually successfully did this and convince the Mavs to trade lucidantia's to the Lakers. Oh, man. All right. All right. Well, there you go. There's some opportunities. I'm not going to call you again. I don't want to deal with this again. You guys. Get the deal done.

Get him out the door. Don't ever ask me. I don't care who you trade him for. Don't shop it around. I don't care how old he is. Sean from the website, the three of you are selected to star in a reboot of a classic TV show of your choice. What show are you choosing and what role will each of you play? So can you recast, like, like, you know.

We're together, though. Right, we're together. So the first thing that came in my mind is like three's company. But it's like three's companies, two women and a guy. Can you replace like the rolls? No, you can't, but we, we can dress up. Okay. I thought you gotta go three stooges.

Not it. No, not three stoogs. That's too old. What other, what are there? What are there? Trifectas of like teams. Should you like full house?

You got, Joey. Oh, yeah. We've got, Joey, Jesse, Danny. We literally are that. I mean, we've been comped to that a lot. And I don't even think I need to explain who's who. Like, it is self-explanatory here.

There's no one that would get this wrong. This would. be like this would be if this was who wants to be a millionaire this would be the hundred dollar question and they'd be like oh yeah I don't need a phone of frame if you haven't seen full house you're not going to get it right if you've seen the show you already got it got it right yeah for sure wow I don't even feel like I have to yeah you don't um I'm I just trying to think like is there one where there's like a tandem and one could be a villain of a TV show in a TV show we're like because maybe one of us

wants to try that on I mean I could be Lex Luther right now You're good, Baldi. I was going to say earlier, it was really upsetting when you asked Josh about his bee stings to the face. You know, because he looks the way he does. Because he's puffy. And then you switch over to our camera and the middle guy on this side is also bald. And I... Oh, you realize there was more of a mirror going on.

Yeah. And I didn't like it, man. Imagine... Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. It's terrible. Nothing's changing. It's the same picture.

Imagine you. Give him some glasses. Woke up in the morning and you go to brush your teeth. You go to brush your teeth and you walk up to your bathroom mirror. And in the mirror you see Papa Josh. Yeah, that sounds. No. I don't know.

You're going to come into terms of this right now. Yeah, it's over. Jeremy gave us some good ideas. Now, Jason, you could shave your face. Oh, no, I couldn't. I will be growing my hair out immediately. Yeah. We could do friends.

That would work. Yeah, friends. Friends would work. Although I know who I am again. You do? Yeah. Are you, Ross? I'm stupid David Swimmer.

Yeah, you're for sure, Ross. Oh, yeah. You too, I will be in the recliners. J. You, Joey, or Chandler. I think I'm Chandler and you're Joey. I'll take it. And guess what?

We can do Parks and Rec 2. And I already know who they are. I'm stupid Adam Scott in that one. and you guys are Nick Offerman and Chris Pratt. Yeah, that's actually, that's what, Hey, guess what? Let's do Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I know who I'm out in that one.

I'm the stupid captain. Yeah, you are. You're the, you're the, you're the, you're the dad, straight, boring old man character. I mean, who am I in the office? If one of us is. Oh, that's a good one in the office? I don't know.

Steve Correll, Rayne Wilson, so you've got Jim and, um, Dwight. I feel like you're Jim. I'm Jim. Yeah, you're Jim. That's the one I need to be in. That's the one you want. Because he's like a woman. I think I would be Steve Corral maybe in the way.

I think he'd be Dwight. Oh, he'd be Dwight. Yeah, that one works. All right. Let's go that one. Please. I'll allow it for you, just for you. Although I would much prefer.

I like the one where I was Offerman. I do not want to be. I don't want to be Danny, Tanner. And I sure is that. Yeah, no. He was America's dad, though. I don't want to be David Schwimmer either. You don't want to do a role where like, you're America's dad.

I would have be all right with that. That's not bad. Could I take my glasses off and teach a lesson every show? Oh, absolutely. And you'd get the... Yeah. No, we're definitely going Parks and Rec. Final answer's Parks and Rec.

Mike's Ron Swanson. I'm Andy... Can I be Rob Lowe in that one? Yes, you could be either Rob Lowe or Benoit, either one of those. All right. Literally. Literally. The greatest in the world.

All right, what do we want to do, Al? You want to move on? Let's get to the draft. Who's Councilman Jam? That's Josh. Yeah, Josh. Just put a wig on. You got jammed.

The Spitballers draft. All right, we are drafting high school electives if the kids were in charge. Mike, you've got the first pick in this illustrious draft. I do. What elective are the kids choosing? So I will say I did use some help here from the robot overlords to get a better title of the class. So with the 101, I will be taking advanced attendance strategies. Oh.

The art of cutting class. I do. I like that very much. I also like the title. That's... Yeah, I've got some good ones over here, but imagine a class. That's all about cutting class. How do you get extra credit in that class?

You don't show up. Oh, nice. I skip the whole semester. Straight A's. Very nice. Very nice. Jason, you are on the clock. A lot of different ways you can go here.

Um, this one that I want to take right now. I'm going to put that off. I'm going to put it off a little while. You're going to be dangerous. I'm going to live dangerously and kick it down the road. I'm going to go with becoming a YouTube star. Dang it.

That was the one I didn't take. Yeah, that's the. Mine was content creation and personal branding. Right. I have to online fame. Yeah. Very nice. You want to be a podcaster?

You want to be, you know, that's all that the kids want. And I like, I get it because we all want to be. us. Yes, I mean, we are very, very cool. But growing up, you, I mean, like, whatever is the huge entertainment business, you know, like sports, music, and movies, that's what it used to be. That's what we all grew up. Everyone wants to become that, yeah.

And now it's all YouTube and, like, what do you want to do? I want to be a content creator. Yeah. You're like, oh, that's gross. That's a good one. What are you laughing at that? Well, I just said I created some new titles for my list. Yeah, there you go.

So I will be going, my first pick, I've got back to back picks. I'm going to go with crypto and credit cards, how to be rich and bankrupt at the same time. All right. No joke. I got a message out of the blue the other day from my son. He was just like, you got to go invest in XRP now. Oh, no. And it was just like, yeah, you're going to get rich quick.

Oh, man. So credit, crypto and credit. credit cards. Hey, son, send me all your money. Yeah, yeah. I'll do it. All right. And then the second one, I'm just going to go with it, guys.

Advanced napping. Oh, that was probably my name. Sleeping your way to success, literally. Yeah, I have power napping as the class. Yes, yes, yes, for sure. I mean, if professional napping, yeah. I mean, every high schooler would take that and make that first period. You know what I mean?

because my kids are not away. Like when my daughter gets her schedule every year, she's like, what's first? Yeah. Hour one because what is either easier or I'm failing. You know what I mean? Because I'm not awake yet. If that's math hour one, it won't be a problem.

Math can't be first or last. No. We have, my son has math first and we went to the meet the teacher. Tough. Super cool teachers. She's like, I already know first period. They're going to be in big trouble. I try not to overwhelm them.

Yeah. That's a good teacher. Yeah, she got a no reality. So there you go. Advanced nappy. All right. I'm going to take. I'm going to take the one I wanted to take. And I'm going to kick that down the road further. Okay. Okay. I live dangerously. I'm going to just put that one off. I'm going to take life hacks for the lazy.

Okay. Okay. Just how do you find a way to just make everything more comfortable, easy, do less. Life Hacks for the lazy seems like what high schoolers would be very interested in. All right. I like it. So my first pick I'm going to go with

persuasive communication winning arguments at home. Oh! Yes. We all remember trying to win that argument with mom and dad and more often than not. What's the name of it again?

I liked it. Persuasive communication. Okay, that's good. That's good. And, oh, man, if you could win some arguments with your parents when you were young, that's like, this is the dream. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it's the drop the mic and walk out of the room.

And you're like, I got you. And then I'm going to go for my third one. I don't know if kids realize that they should go with this, but like it would be very helpful. I'll go with fashion and identity, crafting your personal style. Oh, okay. You can take that. When you're in high school, most of us, I'll just speak from the dumb dudes.

We don't know what we're doing. No. We, like, I dressed, I mean, people may not like how I dress now, but I mean, I was objectively a bad dresser until I met my wife. and then she helped me get better clothes. And I'm like, someone just to tell you what to do? I spent a really long time in my life looking real bad. Okay.

All right. And I wish there was something. That could help. You're teaching. Because you can't trust your parents. Correct. Even if they're right. You look stupid.

And it's like, no, you'll look good in this. Like, you don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're two closest friends could tell you to wear anything and you'll do it. Yeah.

So your first three picks Like, wait, how bad are you are those cheats? Yeah. Advanced attendance strategies, persuasive communication for those home arguments, and then you're taking fashion identity crafting your personal style. Correct. Jason, so far you have becoming a YouTube star and Life Hacks for the Lazy.

You've got another pick. I'm up right now. Yeah. Are you going to kick it down the road again? I think you're probably safe. Not yet. I'm not going to take it yet. I'm leaving it for last. I am instead going to take crunch wrap cap. The Economics of Taco Bell at 2 a.m. Okay.

Hey, kids, you got to learn that thing. Oh, yeah. You want to save money. You go look at that value menu. Figure out how to crunch wrap. The timing is funny. That's great. Crunch wrap capitalism.

The timing of it's funny because I drove by a Taco Bell pretty late last night. And I can honestly tell you, I have not. Did the bell ring? No, I have not been to a Taco Bell. Oh, man. or any of that caliber of fast food in forever. And it's entirely because of my age. Who's the, who's on caliber with Taco Bell for you?

Taco Bell's at the bottom of the run. McDonald's is there. McDonald's Taco Bell, Arby's for sure. Okay. Charles Jr. The ones that will have quick, dirty, and gross. Oh, I mean, quick, dirty, delicious. Yeah, I know.

But consequential. Consequential and also the cheapest. Whatever the cheapest things is. Whatever you can go there with $10 and leave with like two bags of food. But I drove by and I was like, man, people eat there all the time. And I forget I was a young person. My son eats almost pure garbage all the time. Yeah.

Because your body can do it. All right. That's good. That's a funny name too. I've got the crypto and credit card class. I got the advanced napping. All right. I'm going to go with a couple of exciting.

It's a little bit similar to yours. I think you're going to let me keep it, though. We're going to go with Twitch streaming for dummies, how to earn less than minimum wage online. Sure. No, I'll earn less. Less than minimum wage online. So, you know, we've got to be that Twitch streamer.

Everyone's got to be. I was. Everyone must want to watch me play this game. I had a couple months run there where me and my boy, we were streaming pretty regular. and you get your analytics and look I had a leg up because we have a social media following so I was able to get at least some people watching

but then you see they tell you what the real numbers are and it's like people who streamed Fortnite of all of all the people out there the average viewers for a channel of someone streaming Fortnite is about half a person oh man that is brutal there are

and there's humongous channels out there which goes the same for YouTube The same for TikTok. There's people streaming to nobody. That was when, oh, man, that would be tough. It's the hardest when you're the one person watching and you want to leave. I've been on my brother or other people have gone live on Instagram live and I'll be the first one to jump in. And I'm like, I can't leave there.

Someone else shows up. Yeah. Because then you're talking to no one and it breaks me, man. You got to boot up another computer with like a pseudo join in. You just set the phone down and just because you know they see you leave and they're I'm like, oh, there's no one. Okay. Is there a sadder thing on earth than live streaming to no one?

That's got to be. Oh, yes, is the answer. Yeah, but I know what you mean. That is, it's pretty brutal. That's pretty rough. Yeah. That's, Hey, chat.

That's like having the birthday. That's the birthday party no one comes to. And you're still have the clown there. Oh, man. That just, that hurts my soul. I know. I know. All right, my final pick.

You guys ready for this one? Yep. Few choices, few things that popped into my head. But I'm going to go with inheritance hacks waiting for rich relatives to kick the bucket. Oh, okay. No kid doesn't. I mean, it's the dream of every young kid. This sounds just like a health class, like a longevity course where it's like, just survive.

Just survive. Everyone wants, you know, they don't want relatives they know to kick the bucket. They want to find out that they had a relative that was super rich somewhere else. and you get a letter in the mail that goes, well, your third uncle has passed away and left you a castle. It's always a castle. You have an uncle with a castle? Everybody does. I don't.

I said that based in reality. Wait. You have an uncle with a castle? I know, not my uncle. I know somebody who was in my life for many years, lived here in Arizona when I was a teenager who, this is an adult, married adult. found out out of nowhere that his wife, his wife found out that she was the heir to a kingdom

in another country. That's usually a Disney movie. And literally, instantaneously overnight, was flown to that country. They were gone? What? Was given a castle.

What? And real, real life. Real life. Tons of properties, a castle and is caught from that moment. So for 20 years, regular pictures of them at events like you would imagine the king and queen. What?

And for the last 20 years. I got to get on like Ancestry.com and just find something out there. The leader and most influential people in the country, the king and like became that overnight. Because and they had been searching. The story. Isn't that what the princess diaries is? The story has been, they had been searching for them for years. And they finally found her.

I think he watched a movie. From that moment until now. Now, 25 years, they have been royalty. I infinitely rich. I genuinely believe that you believe what you're saying. I do. I really do. I genuinely believe you believe it.

That's not real. That only happens in movies. We'll chat after. I'll share. That's incredible. It was the most insane story. Also, I realize how bad my life is now. I know.

I thought we were doing all right. We were doing great. You live in a castle, Mike? No. You dining with kings and queens? I am not. Yet. Not yet.

I just went to his Facebook page two months ago. Another picture of them getting awards for being rich. What is the name of the movie? What is the king doing on Facebook? Yeah. Yeah, this is crazy. It's crazy. All right.

Am I back up? That's when he finds. This is a long con. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 25 years. All right, you're back on the clock. Your final pick.

My final pick. put it off long enough. This is mastering procrastination. The semester starts tomorrow. Yeah, baby. Oh, very nice. Put it off as long as possible. Yeah.

Unbelievably. Kick that can down the road because look, it works. Yeah, one of my, it works. One of my, as a younger person, a motto, I don't know what else to call it, but if like, you know, like, don't do, if you don't have to do it today, put it off. still tomorrow. And if you put it off long enough, eventually, you don't have to do it. Man, that's, that's bad advice, kids. It is really bad advice.

But it might work out for you. Yeah. All right. My final pick, uh, we all want the ability that when, uh, when someone, you know, is talking, they're chirping at you or just any circumstance, you want to be able to handle yourself. So I'm going with verbal combat. Nine.

The art of roasting and wit. Okay. Rebel combat's a really cool. People take that class for the title. Having comebacks in your pocket, your ammunition locked and ready to go where you're never like, you win. No, not today. You wish. Well, look, kids, we just invented 12 spectacular classes for the demise of America.

And this is why high schoolers shouldn't you? choose things. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just put it off. All right. You may not have to do it. Eventually you won't have to.

What did we learn today? I mean, look, I learned that the deucers have been stung by beasts thousands of times. Yeah, what is that all about? I learned that Andy believes a movie is real life. And I learned we may or may not be getting a Keanu Reeves-Zoro. I still don't know if it's real. Well, let's hope they improve the CGI in that movie. why I don't know if it's real. Maybe it's fake. See, you can't tell anymore.

Catch you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. With an Amex card, my benefits suit me, so I earn on both big and little things in life. And so can you. Are you a foodie who dines in or one who takes out? Maybe a traveler searching for new destinations and travel perks. Saving rewards for something big?

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