Spitballers Comedy Podcast - “I’m Not Bruce Wayne!” & The Worst Times For Your Phone To Die - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

It’s another laughter filled, wild episode. Hilarious Would You Rathers, followed by a long awaited round of Liar, Liar and capped by a The Worst Times For Your Phone To Die Draft. This is one episode you don’t want to miss! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Bwop, bwop, baby-de-bop-bop-doo. All right. Bop, bop, baby-de-bop-bop-de-doo. All right. I'm here for it. I'm here for any scat that's not me.

Great job, Mike. Next episode. And you skipped your last one. I skipped my last one. So you really got to bring it. Don't let us down with any shenanigans next week. Oh, I would never. Next week.

No shenanigans. I would never pull out a shenanigan. How I would never. Next week. No shenanigans. I would never pull out a shenanigan. I will say though. How many of your last like four have you actually done? Were non shenanigans? Let's see. You muted yourself. One was. Well I muted you. One was I didn't do it. That was the best one. One was Papa Josh and and then, so two? Two of the last four? Only two? I think so.

Feels like you haven't done a great one in a while though. Oh, it's been years. We have a fun show today. We have a liar liar back on the show today. It's about time. He's been laboring over those lies. Normally they come very easy to him as a dishonest person at his core.

Lies are super simple. But it's the truth. It's finding the shocking truths that are getting tougher. We do have an update as well. We have Would You Rather on the show. We're drafting the worst times for your phone to die, which these are always funny to think about

because we didn't used to have them. We didn't used to have phones at all, which meant that all these moments you didn't have a phone already. Yeah. And you weren't people survived. You weren't panic attacking. We are so much, I guess some people died weaker. Yes, because of that. Yeah. Oh, yes, we are. We are. We are soft. The, uh, the walking on the freeway to the different because they'll set up like a phone station. That's what they used to like if your car broke down in an interstate? Yeah, every like 20 miles or something. And you knew you

could walk to find a phone station. Maybe you'd make it. You know, it would be really interesting if the, let's say our grandparents' generation, right? Our grandparents' generation, if we could snap our fingers and all of those people were here at, let's say, 30 years old, and all of a sudden there's a whole nother generation right on top of us of those, our grandparents generation, who are just living next to us. How much better would they be? Oh, they would be a lot better. They'd be harder workers.

You know what is weird though is they all looked older. Did you know that? They looked older when they were 30. Yes, you gotta look at this stuff. There's wild stuff. If you go back and look at TV actors. Older. TV actors in the 80s.

We're just aging better now? I think so. Because it's like. It's related to maturity. They were more mature and looked. The things they've been through by the time they're 30, weather a man. If you go look at the Alabama football team,

the collegiate football team, it looks like just a ton of 40-year-old men. Wow. They all look like they're 40. It's a weird thing. We just got peptides and lotions and all sorts of things now, keep it as young. It's a funny thing. By the way, I can juggle Josh Cant.

Oh, yes. Update on the last episode. We did test the 10-second juggle three balls, and Andy, not only did you do it easily, but you did it again and again. No problem. First try. First try. First try, second try, whatever. Like he can juggle. Like you can juggle. I'm a juggler. Papa Josh! His first try, he got close. Nine seconds. He couldn't get there though. And we said we're only one try. We said only one try. On the show, he said you

only get first try. He's like, ah, that was my first try. I was like, yeah, that was the test. If you can juggle. But it's OK. Second try. Spin wads, we are gracious people. We did give him another try. And he still couldn't get to 10 seconds. Nine seconds again. So Josh, answer this question. Josh, can you juggle?

Yes. Oh, I think the people would disagree. OK, we're going to stay with this. OK. If you had to juggle for 30 seconds to save your family's life, you'd take that? No. Okay, all right.

Then you can't juggle. But I can juggle for short periods of time. Nine seconds and under, you're a juggler. I can juggle for about two seconds. I think that- I was gonna say, like if everybody lined up in the office and juggled, he would last longer than everybody else except for me. I wonder if the people at large would consider like if you say oh

Yeah, is that juggling is that can you juggle if you can only juggle for nine seconds? You can't ever juggle past nine seconds you you can do it a hundred times You can't juggle past nine seconds. Are you able to juggle? I think in a normal environment when somebody's like, can you juggle? Show me. I think you could play off the 9 seconds or less as yes you can juggle. Because you could, that's a good amount of time. Honestly, you do it for 2 seconds, show someone and they're like, oh yeah you can.

You do it for 5 and then you throw them the balls back? Yeah, but that's just a trick. Like you're just faking it. Juggling is a trick. Hey, yeah, but like, hey ask me if I speak Spanish. Mike, do you speak Spanish? See. Whoauggling is a trick. Hey, but like, hey ask me if I speak Spanish. Mike, do you speak Spanish? Si. Whoa, he sure does.

I'm done though. Math checks out. I don't speak Spanish now. You can't speak nine seconds of Spanish though. Donde esta la biblioteca? Oh. That was a couple seconds. Me hablas español?

Yeah, see? Oh, okay. Yeah, but you know what? Me hablas español. The spoilers. I cannot speak Spanish. Oh, don't let him in on the trip. I can pretend. Like Josh, he can pretend he can juggle, but he can't juggle. If you learn nine seconds of every talent, you're the best in the world. That's all I'm saying. Alright, let's kick it off with some Would You Rather. Let's kick it off with some would you rather. Would you rather.

Lily from the website. Would you rather get caught giving yourself finger guns in the bathroom mirror. Got this. Right in the mirror. Jeremy. Hit it. Finger guns in the mirror or so somebody catches you. They walk into the bathroom. They see you giving yourself finger guns in the mirror, which is hilarious or accidentally barge into a serious meeting while loudly singing Kelly Clarkson, so you are the one barging in yeah, and he's like And then you like oh Someone's in here. You're not going anymore

You gotta be doing that in your falsetto though Very nice. Can you do nine seconds with that falsetto? I can do it forever. Just don't time me. I feel like the... I'm gonna choose... I wanna be caught doing the Kelly Clarkson. Because the natural thing I need to do after that happens is I leave.

Like I barged in and my job is to get out I think it's all the way since it's your turn to leave But one is a walk, but if I'm caught in the finger guns do what do I do to sprint out the door? No, you do what that was so easy really yeah, what do you do? Okay? Okay? I'm gonna pretend I go oh I walk in. Finger guns in the mirror. And I go, I go, oh, belaloo. Oh, you.

No, you wouldn't. Yes, I know. Finger gun right at the person? Yes, you would finger gun right at the person. Immediately you just throw those away. But what if that person throws their hands up, like they're scared? Then I keep going like there's a robbery. What if he then starts like.

Giving you his wallet. Then I pretend to call the police and say there was a murder. There was a murder. I murdered someone with finger guns. We're doing a bit now. And I'm not going to be the one who gives up on the bits. We're doing a bit now, and I'm not gonna be the one who gives up on the best. Is that like a shooter McGavin in the mirror?

Yeah. So here's the thing. Shooter. Look, that's, okay, maybe you can do that, maybe you can get out of it with that. It would work, and it would be great. I think it would work, but I don't think I would have the wherewithal to immediately do that.

My embarrassment in the moment would not allow me to realize, oh, I can take this further and get out of it and justify it. Instead, I would be flush with embarrassment. Like, incredible, because if I walked in on someone doing finger guns to themselves in a mirror, there's nothing they could do. If they turn and did what you just did to me and try to get their way out of it,

I have judged them eternally. They are locked in as the finger guns to themselves in the mirror guy. That's the question for me is how am I going to see these people again later? Like what's more embarrassing long term? Finger guns. It's a big office. All the people in the office, like there's a lot of people in that room. So you're now known, the finger guns, you're caught by one person.

But Kelly Clarkson breaking into the conference room. Everybody sings on their own. Yeah, but they don't interrupt important meetings. No, of course not, that's the embarrassing part. But the embarrassing part isn't the thing you're doing, it's just the timing. There's no situation where like finger guns into yourself in the mirror is cool. You try it out

Never given myself a finger gun in the mirror never looked at yourself like get get yourself all composed and then you know Let's go never now. Do you I feel like you almost have to spin after that after the finger I go like spin to walk out the room. It's a, I go, pa-pow. Oh, you do a, pa-pow. So you're not- You're just a bang-bang. You're not a crazy guy. You're not doing like four times. No, I'm not trying to move.

It's just a bang-bang. Oh, okay. So he bang-bangs. And you're gonna feel better about yourself. No, I feel creepy. You will. I feel creepy. I'm trying it on for size right now. You're not alone in- I see myself and I'm like-

You're not in the bathroom. You're more of a one point, like a, whoop-choo. I feel like you gotta- I look good. I feel like you gotta wink. I feel naturally like I have to wink. No, that's dirty. That's right, figure guns and winks, I forgot about that. Oh man, I can't do that.

All right, so you're singing. I'm gonna sing, and you know what? I'm gonna, that is so easy to walk off. You walk in, you're singing, since you're a big guy, you walk in and you go, oh, that's embarrassing. You could be known for that're you walk in you go? Oh, that's embarrassing You could be known for that, but it could be fun. Yeah Oh look at Kelly Clarkson over there, but what if you want to kill it like you're a part of the meeting

You didn't realize you're right. Oh, and then you have to keep coming. You thought I was I thought I was early I'm singing. Uh-huh be like oh, all right. Well, I guess the means started. Let's go I mean that's no problem because I didn't do something. I am embarrassed of I'm embarrassed that I was like, oh, all right, I guess the meeting's started, let's go. I mean, that's no problem. Because I didn't do something I am embarrassed of. I'm embarrassed that I was doing it then, but I'm not embarrassed to sing Kelly Clarkson. Are there any artists that you could be caught singing that you would be embarrassed of? Yes.

But, I don't know, there's probably plenty of artists over time that you don't want to sing anymore. So, but Kelly Clarkson, we're good. John, from the website, would you rather spend the next five years not knowing what you're doing tomorrow? That's wild. Or know today what you are doing every day for the next five years and not be able to change it. Oh, this is a brain buster.

All right, repeat that. Would you rather spend the next five years not knowing what you're going to do tomorrow? So you do not get to make plans, you don't know what's happening tomorrow or in the future? Kind of how I live. Yeah, you're very type B. Or have your, I'm sorry, or know today what you're doing for the next day, for the next five years. So you know everything that's going to happen for the next five years. And you can't change it. And you can't change it.

And you can't change it. There's no way you're choosing that one. Man, no, I don't think so. That feels. But if you have a trip, you know about it. You're like, ooh, in two years, I'm taking that big trip to Japan. I'm not sure that much changes in Jason's life

if A is. There's not that much of changes. Now obviously. It's not like you're gonna's not that much of changes. Now, obviously... It's not like you're going to pack sooner than you do now. Right. Like, you know... Yeah, but you got to plan. Well, I will say this. The hardship here... So, like our family, we're taking our first ever European trip in a little while here. We're coming up close to it. And under this first option, I wouldn't know until the day of that it's like, oh, oh guys, we gotta go, we gotta fly.

Mm-hm. Oh, you wouldn't have your passport. Well, I mean, you get the passport weeks ahead, so I think that's fine, but are we packed? Because we usually pack the night before. You're saying now versus this situation? I'm saying in this situation, I would have had my passport taken care of because it's-

Why? Well, because just because I don't know what's going on tomorrow, I know I'm going to Europe at some point in time. No, you don't. You're saying that in this... You don't know that. I don't know anything I'm ever going to do for the rest of my life. Correct. Not just tomorrow, because the question says...

No, for the next five years. Yes, you don't know what you're doing tomorrow. Just tomorrow! That doesn't say I don't know what I'm doing next month. Well, that's included. I don't know. Let's go to the Judge Owl. When the next tomorrow comes, you don't know what I'm doing next month. Well, that's included. I don't know. Let's go to the Judge Owl. When the next tomorrow comes,

you don't know what's there. I am confused where Jason is confused. You either have no idea. I interpret it more like Andy did. You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what you're doing for five years, or you know exactly what's on the itinerary for five years. Yeah, that's the spirit of it,

because you can't, when you think to yourself, what am I doing tomorrow, your answer is I don't know yes yeah which means that that means you can't make plans correct you can't go on a vacation and here is the question yes so every vacation that I would ever take would be decided today for the next five years for the next five years or if I take a vacation yeah and you'll know the day of. The day of. Yeah, you won't really. We'll wake up that morning and be like.

That's fine, I'll throw a passport. Passport doesn't matter. In the other way, you might only have one vacation that's on the books, but you know it's planned. It's in 2.4 years and. I love that this, so this is revealing something about maybe us or at least just myself. When I'm thinking about future plans.

Oh, no, Jason's a planner now. Future plans, no. When I'm thinking about future plans. Jason's a planner now. Future plans, no. When I'm thinking about future plans, the only thing that matters to me in this context appears to be vacations. Yeah? That's the only thing to look forward to. We've got plenty of stuff.

When does school start? My kids are in theater. What weekend is that show? I don't care. Yeah, what really matters? Those show up the day of, oh, we gotta do this today, okay, whatever. But it's the vacations that you look forward to.

And it's funny, because I could be, my personality, I could be fine never going on a vacation again. Really? I would not care. I think it's the last thing I live for now. I would not, I would not care. Like if you told me I could settle into, I could settle into a daily routine for the next,

how old am I? I'm 41. Give me another 40 years of perfectly routine days. I'd be totally without a 100% fine. I don't care. That is. Don't care. That is a prison sentence. Yes. That's what I don't have to do if I don't go on vacation.

Live your life. If I don't go on vacation. Have fun. I don't have to plan. I don't have to pack, I don't have to pay. Well with this, with this method, you don't have to plan either, it's already planned. Yeah. So Andy, you're, so I would imagine

this by default personalities. I guess the first one would be my choice. Really? Because it would omit the thing I don't like, which is having to do the planning and the adjusting. Oh, I'd probably live in a complete fear state. Yeah, you're planning. Never mind.

Your anxiety would be off the charts. I would just be like, every day I'm like, oh crap, am I going to wake up and have to go to Paris? Boo. Yeah, I think personality-wise, I think I know where both me and you land. Yeah, I want to know Mike. I'll figure it out the day of and no planning.

You'll plan everything out. Mike, who are you? Honestly, you're giving me a great idea. I should plan the next five years right now. Yeah, every day. I can do that. I can do that. You can, you are so type A. I'm capable of it.

You are capable of doing it. I could do that. And you could do it where you could commit to it and never change a thing. After today's planning, you're like, that is what the plan is. Oh, and what a great thing it'd be if somebody's like, hey, can you come to my kid's birthday?

No. And they're like, oh, but next year. And I'm like, oh, no, actually, I can't next year either. I can't fit you in. I've got next year planned out. Oh, man, this just got even better. I mean, there's going to be stuff on there that you don't want to do, but the stuff that pops up,

that catches you off guard. Oh, that is the worst. Oh, man. So you're going to the planet? Yeah I'm gonna take the next five years because I have to know I have the vacation and I have to see the super circle vacation and yeah where there's new children. Oh yeah I need the vacations. I don't think I think I'm gonna pivot. I think we're all going to future planning. I

have to have the vacations. Yeah.'t think, I think I'm gonna pivot. I think we're all going to future planning. I have to have the vacations. Yeah. That's what I'm, I am. You can have day trips. My daily, you know how you've got your daily routine, right? Yeah. Today's daily routine is to get me to the next vacation. Right, no that is.

That is why I do today. You have been living vacation to vacation in the last few years. So, all right. See you in Paris. You need to do a year long cruise. Oh, you're telling me, brother. Yes, I do. Is that permission? A permanent vacation. Yeah, just keep paying the salary. We're doing a year

sabbatical. Yeah, 50%. No, no, no, no. All right. Lil Forney writes in from the website, would you rather trip and fall every time you enter a room full of people or have your voice crack every time you try to make a serious point or get in a heated argument? The voice cracking is the worst because it still happens to me. And it happens to a lot of people. It's just one of those things that does happen. But then when it does, you're like,

we're going to puberty. I feel like it could break. You're totally derailed. Yeah, you're 40, and you're still like, no, I'm not. That would be a way to break the tension, though. It talks about heated arguments. Can you stay in a heated argument if someone's voice is cracking?

But you lost. You just lost the argument. But sometimes it's better to just lose and have a heated argument if someone's voice is cracking? No, but you lost. Instantly lose it. You just lost the argument. Yeah, but sometimes it's better to just lose and have the heated argument over. Your honor! Your honor, I did not commit the crime. Never read that book, Jason. You never read that book?

Yeah, Things Losers Say. Oh. Goodness gracious. Walked right into that one. He did. Man. How to lose an argument. Oh, hey Jason, pull this lever, okay.

Pshhink. Axe came down and decapitated me. Yeah, the voice crack, you're not making, every time you make a serious point, oh that would be so frustrating. Yeah, it would. Because this basically means, this is another way of saying you will never make a serious point

the rest of your life. Because every time you try to make a serious point, you will derail it. Your voice will crack. by sounding unserious. I don't think it is a guaranteed derailment. If I am making a good point and then I have a voice crack in it, I can power through and then we just ignore it. You know what I'm saying?

Did you hear his voice crack? Yeah, I did. That was super embarrassing. I don't know. I think I powered through. I think I powered through pretty well. You made it to the other side. When is the last time either of you has fallen down?

Dude, it's getting it's getting more painful and more dangerous That's that's what I'm referring to one of these is shortening our actual lifespan I've realized that I'm not there yet where like a fall is gonna be the end of me. Obviously. I'm 40 But I'm I've realized in a couple stumbles because a a stumble's not a fault. A stumble is a prequel to what you know will happen someday when you're not as capable of catching yourself. And I've had a couple stumbles where I'm like, if I do that when I'm 60, I am gonna be 100%. I'm gonna be in trouble.

I'm going to break into a thousand pieces. We have a family cabin with a lot of steps. And I see that thing and I go, I don't know if you're part of my future. Because those steps, they may be the end. When I was 20, I could fall down a flight of steps and I'd be fine. At 40.

That was almost fun. At 40, if I slip off the bottom step, I am definitely leaving injured. At 60, I can definitely leaving injured at 60. I can just fall down without a step, and it might be the end. Let a casket catch you. At the bottom.

I just fall right into the casket. Right into a casket. No, you can't fall down that often. Every time you enter a room falling down, I mean. I know I weigh more than I used to weigh, but I don't feel like it's by the amount that's proportional to the amount of injury that happens now.

Are our bones just weaker? Like, we weigh more while our bones weigh less? I don't know, man. Bones are weaker, muscles are weaker. We fall more awkwardly because we don't have as much... I don't know, man, I feel like muscles are stronger. Like, I was a weak 20-year-old. They can be. I was talking about...

I'm not going to name any names. Right, yeah, just not me. Yeah, and I wasn't talking about myself. Right, yeah. But you know, other people. Yeah, I'm going to take the voice crack and power through. And I'll live a long life. Can't fall, man. If I fall, yeah. I can't fall once a month yeah seriously if

it was fall once a month a serious fall once a month or voice crack every time you talk not even serious not to me I can't make a serious point if I enter a room fall down and then start talking so uh yohan from patreon do we have time for one more hour should we move on we got time all right yohan from patreon Would you rather always talk like Christian Bale's Batman? For me or Michael Keaton's Batman or Heath Ledger's Joker? Oh Wow He's gonna give that one try so serious. Oh, it's not too bad. I do look

They're both ridiculous. They're both ridiculous, but one feels more authentic the Joker feels way more. I do a lot of smack and though Does that all the time? Yeah, yeah, cuz got all that freaking lipstick on he needs to get don't put so much lipstick on you got that The Kirsten Bale is just in the car max in your mouth. I know I got these scars the Carmex in your mouth. You want to know how I got these scars? Yeah, okay. Not bad. Christian Bale's Batman, look, I will forever, I know how loved and beloved the Dark Knight series is. And I respect that there are, is it the Dark Knight, the one with Joker? Dark Knight. Dark Knight Rises is the third one. Okay, the one with Joker, absolutely spectacular. It's one of the best movies ever made, yeah. But the first Batman, when he tries that voice on for size, I just can't take it.

I just can't, because it's just so... It's almost like the voice cracking conversation we just had. Like when I was a kid going through puberty, the one thing I didn't want anyone to know was I was going through puberty. So I tried to fake a deeper voice than I had. Not a joke, because all these other kids around me had deeper voices, and so I would talk like a deeper voice. I sounded ridiculous. And that's what Batman sounds like. He sounds like a guy doing a voice.

No, see this is... Why do that? No, let me explain it. Oh, I want to know. This is this thing. I wanna know. You wanna know why I talk like this. I'll tell you, because this was the first superhero movie,

the Nolan Dark Knight Rises trilogy. Dread to me. Was the first movie that tried to make superheroes real. Like there was a backstory. This was a realistic situation and a realistic, and here's why it is real. Because Chris Rabele realized after watching all the cartoony Batmans, you know,

the George Clooney Batman where George Clooney, he's just talking just like him. Like everybody will know it is you. You're just, you're just, you with a little bit of mask on. I use my disguise. You don't know who I am. I'm Batman. But at least when you do that you don't know, you don't know, you're not just giving yourself away. If you're putting on a mask to protect your identity. I don't even live in the city you know I am I'm not Christian I don't live here my

life is play I changed it I have it okay you tricked but that's why and it is silly and I remember the first time I was like whoa I just saw Bruce Wayne down the street, I promise. He's the coolest. I love that guy. He talks totally different than me. You're doing bad man, which is awesome. Oh man. It just, it gets me, it also gets me when he freaking pushes a button on his boot and

the bats come running. But the Batman voice is so ridiculous. I enjoyed that, so I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice.

I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. I'm choosing the Batman voice. It also gets me when he freaking pushes a button on his boot and the bats come running. The Batman voice is so ridiculous. I enjoyed that so I'm choosing the Batman voice based on enjoying what just happened. You're not going to enjoy it when your entire life is eating lozenges.

Yeah, he's not good on my chest right now. Yeah, no, I'll talk like the Joker. Yeah, I mean you have to tell a lot of stories. Oh, and they have to be like winding stories. Yeah, I mean, you have to tell a lot of stories. Oh, and they have to be like winding stories. Yeah, yeah, they do. And people will not trust you, but they will respect you. You want to know how I got this job? You know who they're not trusting?

This guy. Ah, I'd like a cheeseburger, a Big Mac with extra french fries and tomatoes. No, it's not. I'm not Batman. Don't you dare put onions on that. All right, we'll take a break. We'll come back with some liar liar. Liar liar, pants on fire. All right, we are back with another spectacular edition of Liar, Liar.

Al Borland has put his mind to three rounds worth of truth and lies. Two of the facts that I'm going to read are going to be true. One of them is going to be a lie. We're already in trouble, guys. We are going to figure it out and we're going to win. I think Mike won last time. Am I wrong? Do we have a record?

That is correct. Yeah, the record is, I've won 22 times, you guys have won three times, but Mike did We're got the records. Okay Here we go round one you ready Jason I am ready fact number one Winston Churchill once commissioned a parrot to spy on German troops and Return with Intel but the mission was abandoned after the parrot only returned whistling military marches non-stop. Okay. And we did try some weird stuff in that in the

wars, so that could be true. Johnny Cash intercepted and decoded a Soviet communication and became the first person to inform American leaders of the death of Joseph Stalin. That can't be true. Johnny Cash? No, please, please be true. That's the kind of, that's the worrisome. Oh man. And the third one, Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel, but he declined,

saying he lacked, quote, the natural aptitude. Wow, these are fascinating. declined, saying he lacked, quote, the natural aptitude. Wow. These are fascinating. I believe Einstein was. Are you going to say Jewish? Because I hope so. No, no, no. I was going to say, like, I think

he was actually humble about his intellect. Yeah. And of, like, things that he didn't know. Was, I mean, Israel wasn't around then. Oh, man. Now you're talking world history. What was that? I don't know. I thought it was the 40-47 or something, the war and Israel reclaimed. So Einstein like a pretty good clue. I will say this. I promise you that if Israel didn't exist during Einstein's heyday, they did not offer him the presidency.

Right. So that's a pretty good clue. Now I would love to know how long Einstein lived because he might've. Was he offered the first presidency? Like he was gonna be George Washington? I mean I feel like he lived past the 40s. Yeah, I think so.

I'm thinking he was around in the 60s. Oh, well! Yeah, those were the good decades. Let me tell you, that was my favorite. So he could have been offered the presidency. The Johnny Cash one sounds ridiculous. I believe the Churchill one. I do too. I kinda do. The problem Cash one sounds ridiculous. I believe the Churchill one. I do too. I kinda do, even though it's so stupid. The problem here is now what do we move forward with? Well, I know mine. I cannot possibly believe that Johnny Cash

was the person to receive and decode the death of Stalin and is the first person to inform American leaders. That just, I feel like he's a little bit busy. It's a stupid lie. Well, that bit busy. It's a stupid lie. Well that's fair, that is a stupid lie. Like, how would you come up with that? Why would you decide that if it wasn't true? Yes, yes, I know.

It's what the song Ring of Fire is about. Burning ring of fire. Interesting. I was thinking great balls of fire, but that's not Johnny Cash. Oh no, that's not Johnny Cash. Great calls. I'm gonna lock balls of fire, but that's not Johnny Cash. Oh, no, that's not Johnny Cash. Great calls. I'm going to lock in Johnny Cash, because I just find it impossible.

I'm going to lock in Albert Einstein wasn't offered the presidency. I'm going with the Johnny Cash one. All right, at least maybe we'll make it through. I'm sorry, what did you each say? I'm sorry. So I'm going Johnny Cash, the other two are going Albert Einstein. No, no, no. I'm Johnny Cash. Oh, I'm sorry. Mike and Jason are Johnny Cash. I'm Albert Einstein the lie

No, no, no, no, no, no Churchills alive the Churchill is a lie There's no way Johnny Cash's I gotta look this is it is true Johnny Cash was in the Air Force assigned to Landsberg, West Germany on a three-year tour He was a wireless operator and he had no point Johnny Cash the Johnny Cash at no point Did I put two or two together that Johnny Cash? Wasn't like musician Johnny Cash hundred percent. I should have thought I was he had a previous No, it was the musician. No, I know he wasn wasn't actively a musician while he was. I see, yes.

Like I didn't put together he's serving, which makes perfect sense. It does, but the odds of that are still astronomically small. There's no way. There's only one person in the history. You're welcome to look it up. So Einstein was offered the presidency? Only one person in the history of the world. Einstein was offered the second presidency of Israel in 1952, I believe it was.

See, so they just barely... Wow, they offered the presidency to Einstein in 1952 and he declared- He knew better. He knew better. John Adams. You want to be George Washington, not John Adams. You know what I mean? Oh, he didn't want to be the Adams of Israel. You don't want to be the number two. I mean, I have an article that says, well, does it sound crazy? Well, it might just be true.

The Johnny Cash? Yeah. I'm looking at the same article, keep reading it. It states it is fact. It might be a fact. Okay, what? The odds of, I mean, again. So burning the Ring of Fire is about the fall of Joey Stalin over there, right? I don't know, man, but the odds are just astronomical. One person in the history of the world was the first person to inform the American leaders, and it just so happened to be the person who became Johnny Cash.

That's- Who was at the time Johnny Cash. That is unbelievable. Is that his birth name? That I don't know. What, Johnny Cash? Yeah. Is that a way that we can be right on this question?

Oh yeah, it wasn't Johnny Cash then. It's gotta be a stage name, right? My father's Jonathan Cash. Major Cash. He was in the army, he was Major Cash. John R. Cash. Oh my gosh, he was an actual Johnny Cash. That's fine. You win. Now we just compete against each other. Al's already 23 and 3.

Round 2. Why don't you guys read this one? Alright, round two. Lie number one, or truth number one, the inventor of the modern treadmill suffered a fatal heart attack while demonstrating it to investors. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's...

Number two, the inventor of the Frisbees' ashes were molded into a limited edition batch of flying disks after he died in 2010. Wait, the mold? 2010? I thought the frisbee was invented in like 1720. Yeah, well thankfully I didn't just blurt it out and I thought through it. I'm like, no, the frisbee was a pie tin. And then someone figured out we could turn this

to a sort of frisbee, but that's a back to the future joke. Mm, mm, okay. And then the final truth or lie, the inventor of the Segway died after accidentally riding his Segway off a cliff. So let me just tell you this, one inventor of a cool thing died using it. That is a fact, because it's either the treadmill

or the Segway. I think the Segway one's 100% true. Yeah, I didn't wanna say it, but it is 100% true. I think that one's 100% true. I think it's plausible that Mr. Frisbee was so proud of that invention that he might want that done. There are a lot of things wrong with that Mr. Frisbee was so proud of that invention that he might want that done. I think.

There are a lot of things wrong with that though. I don't know how you mold ashes into something. Well you just put some ashes inside of the plastic. That seems pretty easy. Oh, okay, so you're just, but that's not molding your ashes. I mean, they'll consider it that. You're probably right. They were molded into it.

But I'm just like, you can't just. I'm going Treadmill's the lie. I'm going Treadmill's the Lie. I'm going Treadmill's the Lie. I'm going to go Frisbee, because I still can't believe that the inventor of Frisbee died in 2010. OK. The Treadmill is the Lie. So Andy got that correct, Jason got that wrong.

0 for 2. Round 3. In 2005, a Canadian influencer claimed to do a 21-day ice fast surviving exclusively on artisanal ice cubes. Not just, I can't do regular ice cubes. Harvested from glaciers. He sold an ebook called Freeze Yourself Thin before eventually admitting he was secretly

supplementing with beef jerky. It's like the liver king. Secretly supplementing with beef jerky. It's like the liver king. Just secretly supplementing with anabolic steroids. I mean, look, they supplement it with different things. Fact number two, the background music used in the You Wouldn't Steal a Car Anti-Piracy Campaign turned out to be pirated. Oh, man, that's got to be true.

That has to be true. That sounds true. Oh, the government. A man once ate an entire airplane piece by piece after realizing he could digest metal. He received an award from the Guinness Book of World Records. The award was brass and he ate it. 100% true. Now, don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that I know that that is true. Sometimes we know. I've heard this, I'm aware.

No idea. That's true. People do weird, weird stuff. People have eaten things, yes. I can't imagine that that's it. I'm going with the ice is fake. I'm gonna try to go over three here, and I'm gonna go with the background music

and you wouldn't, I mean, they're literally making a don't piracy a don't piracy don't don't don't piracy because I guess don't piracy yeah an anti-piracy campaign that was pirated that just I I hope better oh there's that one has to be true it feels true yeah I'm gonna pick it what one did you go with Mike I'm going the lie is the the ice I I'm gonna pick it. What one did you go with, Mike? The lie is the ice. I'm gonna do the background music. Okay. All right, the lie was the ice.

Mike wins! So Mike gets second place here behind myself. He's been winning everything lately. All right. Look, this just happens. There's ineptitude everywhere. And they were like, just grab a song. We gotta get this piracy over with.

Grab a song, quick. They actually commissioned the guy to make the music for a specific film festival that they could use that one time. Oh, okay. And then they decided they were gonna keep using it without his permission. They thought they bought the whole thing. He bought a DVD and heard his music and sued them. Oh my gosh.

You wouldn't do this, would you? You should get a penalty by the judge, like an extra amount of money for irony. Like an irony punitive damages. All right, we will take one more break and come back and draft. The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting the worst times for your phone to die.

And Mike, you got the number one pick. You have been very staunch that you had a 101. I proclaimed there was a 101, and there might be some better answers that do eventually come out, but there was the one place I thought of, because I was in fact in that place when I was made aware of what the draft was going to be.

So I will say in the bathroom. Yeah, I have it written down as sitting down to poop. Yeah. Can you imagine? I guess. Can you imagine that world? I can totally imagine that. We lived in that world.

It was fine. It was fine. No, in that world, it was. I mean, I guess I had a magazine. Yes. There was always something where you're like, I guess I'm reading the directions on the scrub and bubbles again.

I remember people used to make jokes about how they'd grab a shampoo bottle. Exactly. To sit down and read. You don't want to just sit there and be in the moment with your poop. No, with your shame? Yeah, OK, so.

You're doing the dirty deed. It's disgusting. No, that was my 101. It was funny, because beforehand, we're dirty deed. When we were coming up with our list, I was like, oh, there's a 101. And he's like, what? And Mike's like, yeah, there is.

And we were right there. Because you can imagine it. And yeah, I lived that life. I grew up in it. I can't imagine it now. Right, you're very used to the phone and the pooping. Yes, increasing productivity. Okay.

All right, so the worst time for your phone to die on the pot. Yeah. I know my next pick because this is an act of fear that I have had before and I genuinely don't know what I would do. And so I came close to this once, and it was like, what do I do if my phone dies?

Because I'm at like 2%. And it is right before Ubering from a sketchy downtown spot. I have just ordered an Uber. Just order. Just order an Uber. If you Ubered there, if you Ubered there, and you're not in a great place, and your phone dies, we're not in New York City, where it you Ubered there, if you Ubered there and you're not in a great place and your phone dies, we're not in New York City where it's like,

oh, just lift your hand up and grab a cab off the road. In Arizona, if we go anywhere, it's 30 miles away. You know what I mean? If we go downtown from where we live. I didn't have it, but that's a great one. Oh man, I was like 2% of battery away from that happening once and I was like, what do I do? I can't call anybody?

I can't walk home, realistically. There's no pay phones anymore. That gives me an idea for another one. By the way, this one is just an extension of Mike's, so it's not my pick, but I had written down on the toilet when you're out of TP, because the phone is important for calling somebody to come and roll in a roll. Yeah, at least you can scream in that situation. That's true.

Help, help, help! That's my normal call. That does sound like you. All right, so Mike went on the pot. You went right before you get your Uber. So yeah, that would be a problem. I'm going to go with my first pick here, intruder in the home.

Okay, all right. Someone breaks in middle of the night, you need to call 911, your phone is dead. Now you're in a horror movie, right? Because in a horror movie, nobody's phone's ever worked. In a horror movie, your phone isn't dead, you pick it up and they say, I'm inside the house. That's true.

That's equally scary. Yes, so I will say intruder in the home. Way scarier when they do that on your cell phone. Yeah. Yeah, and then the one that popped into my head the most, because we're so dependent on it now, it's funny because my son just learned to drive, and he goes, he drives know our church every Sunday night

for youth group and the other day he goes I'm gonna try to go without directions like this was just like a fun activity because he so used to have it yeah directions so I was gonna say when you're driving and need directions sure we need to you need to get someplace, because we're so dependent on it now. There's no maps anymore? No, and there's no pay phones to go pick up and call somebody, even in a pinch, and you want to get someplace.

So I'll say driving in need directions. All right, that's good. I just alluded to it. I'm taking my first overseas trip. Going to be going to Paris here in a little bit. And I think if you are using your phone to translate in a foreign country, that is a pretty bad place for my phone to die, because then, what do I,

I can't talk to you. Can you speak nine seconds of French? Wee wee. That's enough. Wee wee. Just so that we can, yeah, we can pretend. My name is Jason. I think that was French. That is, if you say it like that. I didn't know you couldn't understand what I was saying.

I heard Jason. Hey. Oh Batman's back. Can Batman speak in French? I'm speaking French. We we. I'm not from here. Because of my voice. All right. I'm on the clock. You're back on the clock. All right. I get two picks here. So it's not all the time in my life that I am going to the gym.

But when you are going to the gym and if you did not have your phone Goodness gracious, you know to me exactly you're going into the gym And you're just like you're just whatever whatever's on on the speaker. That's what you're listening raw dog in the gym exactly That's what the kids would call it. It's it's bad. I will say I like I prefer having air pods But there were a handful of times I would go to the gym and I would have forgotten my AirPods and I'm like, oh crap, not as good, but also they got music on. It's not the end of the world. Oh. That's wild. That's wild.

I bought some gym AirPods because I was going to... Did you leave them at the gym? And I kept forgetting to bring them, so I never got to use them. It's not that bad. It's not that and and here's here's what you can do You guys are crazy. I go to the people are gonna side with you go to the gym and just look at everybody At least half of them not in their pots Because they forgot them. Well sure, but I'm just saying that's my This is not Well, what are you this is not big?

This draft draft is not places you will die if your phone really Andy's in his house with a break in robber All right, only bad so I'm back up And then someone said my name I'm in the house too. I am gonna go with look because your phone is Your phone is your phone your communication. It's your maps. It's your say your phone is your phone, it's your communication, it's your maps, it's your You say your phone is your phone? Yeah, well all the things that it actually does. It's also our camera now. You go to the kids recital, you're trying to record this thing, I gotta have this documented

for when they grow up. Yeah, that's on my list. Filming your kids big moment. Yeah, I said once in a lifetime moment. And that's of course, I know when it does, you've been filming his game the whole time. And all of a sudden that deep pass comes, your kid's running down and the phone goes off, that's a touchdown.

Yep. That's a promised touchdown. Did you get that? Dad, did you get that? And you say, sure did. I'm gonna text it to you right now. It's like that time I recorded someone's wedding without a tape. I think I told that story on here once before, but that is...

You did, but I forgot it. And you faked it. I faked it. I didn't want to distract them from their wedding, like they're walking down the aisle, but they do not have evidence of that wedding. I don't remember the end, but I hope you just dropped your camera into the punch bowl or something. Oh no! What'd you do?

The tape is clearly ruined. I thought you were going here, Mike. Your phone is everything. Your phone is your phone. Your phone is your camera. Your phone is also the only access for certain events now. Yeah. You can't get into a major sporting event or a major concert with paper. You can't print it out anymore. If that you can't even screenshot it. That line's not moving on your phone. You can't get in. So if your phone does anyone check that? Yeah, I don't think it works, man. Have you checked it? That's a good I wonder that sometimes like are they just telling us that it doesn't work and I try to remember if I've tried that or not I've tried this great. I've tried to screenshot. I don't think I'm trying that

I mean, I guess you could just try it Yeah, a screenshot and try and then if you if you actually have the ticket it don't swipe it away and pull up the ticket All right, so big event. Yeah, that's get in. You can't get into your big event. I mean you go all the way down there and now it's like, no I really have tickets. It makes sense, I have one that's in that vein and I have another one that's more serious because the draft is if you die.

Ways to die with your phone dead. So I'll go with that one first. Medical emergency. You got a medical emergency, you need to call somebody, you need your phone, you don't got your phone, your phone's dead. You're dead. All right. Yeah One is just as severe you're trying you're trying to do some two-factor authentication Oh, man, you need you need to log in Passwords trying to text you the code or you're trying to do the little two-factor like

Google app and your phone's not working if your phone's not with you, you're not getting in. It's two factor for every. It ain't one factor. It's two factor. And I can't even remember the one factor. No, no. You need the two factor. I need the app to tell me what the one factor is. If you forget your password, it's three factor. Good luck. So yeah, nowadays we're so dependent. Hmm. Man, this is tough. This is...

I got a lot of things left on this list. I like them all, but I'm gonna go with this one. It's a new thing that we can do recently over the last couple of years. But you can delete text now. You know, you text someone and you go, oh, I regret that. Oh, unsend it. Yeah, you can unsend the text. Let's say you can delete them.

They still have them. Well, sure, yeah. You can unsend the text where it del delete them. Well, they still have them. You can unsend the text where it deletes for you and someone else within a short period of time. So I'm gonna say right before deleting a regretted text, you send a text and you're like, oh, I should not have sent, boo.

Text sent. That is, no coming back from that one. No, no, it's gone. Yeah Mike you get to wrap us up. All right for my last one here So I got in the bathroom clearly the most important gym you need the tunes Recording for the video and I will go You're on a job interview on on the zoo Yeah, yeah any work, interview that makes sense.

You lose it, you're done. You're not getting it. And then if it's dead, then of course you can't get back in touch with anybody. No job for you. And they just think you bailed. Okay, no, that's good. So you went with, yeah, the gym, on the toilet,

filming the moment, in the middle of an interview, Jason. The Uber situation. Those have been... What's funny is if any of us... We've all had the low battery need in the Uber. Have any of us actually run up against the situation and actually run out of battery? No. Does Uber have a way of extending your battery just long enough to get the person there? I don't know, man.

It's not the trip... It's not just an Uber. It's the Uber home. You know what I mean like it This the way back because if it's like you're at home or your hotel and your uber dies What you know your your phone dies what uber dies you're in real big trouble They are I'll just get a different uber wait the driver In the foreign country you picked that one the translator when you need to get into a big ticketed event

And you don't have your phone, or right before unsending a regretted text message. Can you really unsend? Oh yeah. You can iPhone to iPhone. Yeah. We gotta test that. The blue bubbles. We gotta test that.

Okay. No green bubbles. And then I have the intruder in your home, driving, need directions, medical emergency, or two factor authentication. Did you guys have any other honorable mentions here I had? Lost in the Woods? OK, probably doesn't work in the woods anyways. Probably doesn't.

Awaiting an important phone call. Yeah, Disneyland. Oh, yeah, Disneyland. Disneyland is impossible if you don't have a home. It's the same thing as getting into an event. Everything is on your phone there. Ordering food, getting into rides, getting into the park. Oh, so it does work, but it does say,

like so Papa Josh just tried to do it. He sent me one, he said, I'm sending this. It disappeared and then it says, it does send a little like, Josh unsent this message. But you can't see the message. I can't see the message. But you can see that he unsent it. Yeah.

Okay, well that's fine. No, I was just telling you I loved you. And. I can't see the message. But you can see that he unsent it. Yeah. Okay, well that's fine. No, I was just telling you I loved you. And then I thought that was too much. I had a typo, so I wanted to redo it. Yeah, I thought it only deleted from my side. I didn't know that. Now I can send you some nasty stuff. Well, watch out.

I had stranded on the side of a road. That's almost happened to me once. It's time to pay at the grocery line. Oh yeah, I had that. You just got the digital wallet. Oh, that's embarrassing. Yeah, no other almost happened to me once. It's time to pay at the grocery line. Oh yeah, I had that. You just got the digital wallet. Oh, that's embarrassing. Yeah, no other way to pay. No other way to pay. And then needing to sell during a stock market crash.

Oh, that's a, dude, you should have picked that one. It's like, oh no, I gotta sell, I gotta get out, everything's crashed, ew. Look, we've all been there. That's such a good thing. It's a market staking and I gotta sell my stuff. You gotta call your guy. Yeah.

Not log into Robin Hood. Right. No, that one's really funny. You feel a little, no coming back from that. What did we learn today? I learned today that falling is our greatest enemy. As we age, we will die from falls. I learned that Josh thinks nine seconds of knowledge

of something is enough to be an expert. Johnny Cash, apparently in the military? Doing real good work? That's not a stage name. Wait, so if he lied, Stalin could still be alive? Is that what we're saying, it's all up to him? John R. Cash. Wow. Thanks for tuning in everybody. See you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.