Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Jason’s Therapy Dog & Our Favorite Bald People - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

Spit Hit for Nov 20th, 2025:Today, Jason re-tells the experience of a unique therapy session he had a few years ago. We also see if Andy can finally hand off the goose hat in another round of Guess, Guess, Goose! We close things down with a draft of our favorite bald people. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Okay. You know what? Okay. All right. Whoa.

Brother. What? It's the rule of three. Oh, my goodness. I mean, the scat was awful. The scat was just pedestrian, vanilla. But then. But then.

But then, but was it? And then, Budu. Oh, mercy. You hit that third time. Went a little crony there at the end. Honestly, I don't even know if we need a show after that scat. Wrap it up.

Wrap it up. That's good. Bar-b-b-b-boo. Wow. I can do that all day. Welcome in. One and. all to the spitball. It feels like it's been

600 years since we did the show. Well, that's because it's been a while since we've recorded. Now, not for the listeners. They're getting it every week because you know, we're like clockworked here. I had to turn the fan on here in the studio because it's really hot outside. Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

So it's all better now. The fan is on. And the show has begun. We have, would you rather? Guess, guest, goose coming back to the show. It's about time. Which is the third time, right? Correct. And I've lost the first two.

Correct. That is correct. So I have to wear the goose hat. Also correct. This is a podcast that people will advertise on it. But there's a video on the YouTube. We are drafting our favorite bald people. Good thing it's not least favorite or Papa Josh would have been like early pick.

Yeah. There's two I want. There's two I need on my. You can't draft yourself, Jason. Oh, my. So there's one? He wanted to draft himself. No, I didn't want to draft.

I'm not bald. I'm balding. There's a difference. I'm an ing. What? Okay. I know this show, we got an agenda, but I feel like we have a little bit of room to spitball here.

What's the difference between balding and bald? Yeah, where do you get there? Because most bald people, 100%, they shape. Yeah. Because nobody actually loses every down to the final hair. Right. And it goes, bink. And then they're completely...

George Costanza is not bald. Yes, he is. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you guys... He's 100% bald. He's got the... He's got the Costanza haircut. Yeah, but that...

Which is the bald... No, I think it would... Like, got a bald top. If you lose the top... Yes. And you only have sides. That's bald. That's bald.

Okay, okay. Time out. He doesn't want to get the bald as soon as we think he will. No, no, no. I'm talking... We're talking about two different things here, okay? Are we? I would see him and say, yeah, he's bald.

That's fine. I'm fine with that but are we drafting people that are like that's partial like that's bald that's bald brother he's on my list he's on your list yeah he's on my list because it's who do you think of when you think of a bald guy and his whole MO is being bold oh I see I didn't include anyone that was like that I took him off my list because I'm like a pure bald person I I sympathizer yeah well I'm just like I want one of us yeah Costanza's yeah he's bald but Okay, but you know, when people talk about a Costanza hair haircut, like that stands opposed to being bald. Like, you're talking about his hair. I get what you're saying, but at the same time, no one, or not no one, but it's pretty uncommon for you're just the entirety of the head to be unable to grow hair. Most people that you say, that's a bald person, like, like Papa Josh can grow hair on his head, but he's a bald dude. But he's bald. Yeah, because he shaves it.

He is, he has gone full ball. If he had grown out his hair, you would go, that's a bald guy. Yeah, yeah, you would. Yeah, you would. And that means who's the kid from Andy Griffith, the director? Ron Howard? Ron Howard? Ball.

Let me look him up. Ron Howard is not bald. He's got the Costanza. He's as bald as they get. Oh, Ron Howard's bald. Yeah, thank you very much. That's a bald dude. If there's like a good portion of your head that you could, if you rub it and it goes,

then you're bald. That's the official fact. All right. On the matter. I was unaware of that. If it goes. Squeaky clean. Yeah, no, that's good.

All right. We're jumping in. Would you rather? Awesome. We need to go back. Oh, where? How did you get us to know who Ron Howard was? That's what I was going to say.

It's like this dude is one of the most accomplished directors. Of all time now. And he was not only an accomplished director. He had an entire acting career himself. Happy days. But you went all the way back to Opie. Wasn't he Opie? Maybe.

He's on Andy Griffith. That was his debut role. That's why it can. And he was famous for that. Andy Griffith. I mean, when was that? Just because you didn't know about it. He was Opie.

You went with the 1960 reference. I went with, what do you go with with McColley Colkin? because all he's done is home alone. Yeah, I mean, that's all he's known for. Or you could go to the good son. We're going home alone and we're going Opie. Yeah, I would say. You didn't need to bring that back up, by the way.

The director of Apollo 13. Would you rather, this from Kurt on Patreon, would you rather get a paper cup between the fingers? In the webbing? In the webbing. In the webbing, in our finger webbing. Or a blister on the foot. Like, where on the foot, though?

let's go Hal do you want to weigh in here I'm where this you can put the blister anywhere you want on the ball of the the what is what is that called under the big toe the heel no no no the part under your big toe the yeah what is the meat the ball of your foot okay there big dough no he's talking about the ball of your foot

this oh that's the ball yeah the right there oh that's a bad spot that's a terrible spot um I don't think I think I have to take the paper cut the paper cut having a paper cut is not as that as getting a paper cut I completely disagree what you have like long lingering side effects you have to be they'll last for a day or two they're but they're worse once you have it like getting it you doesn't hurt bandit on it you're done I mean not between your web not in the web okay you think you're going to reopen there is no I'll take like 10 blisters on my feet over slicing up my webbing oh man have you guys look I think I know why I think I know why Slicing up my webbing. I think I think neither one of you have had a webbing, a webbing slice in your, in your webs. It's, if I have, it's been a while.

I have, do we all have the same webbing? Yeah, people. Like, is everybody's webbing the same? Unless you're Kevin Costner, but. Water world. Let's get an opium water world. Yeah, I'm going to buy everybody. Thanks for joining us.

Let your grandfather's hang around. So, you've had. You've got a cut on the webbing. Yes, I have. And when you have a cut on the webbing, you can't use that hand. Why are you cutting your webbing, man? It's an accident. I'm not sitting there with scissies and just like snipping up my webs.

I think I can grip a basketball if I snip these webs. Look how wide my hand can go. He's doing the knife thing. He's doing the knife on the table. But that's not a paper cut. That's a knife cut. I'd rather have a knife cut than a knife. paper cut uh paper cuts are the worst oh my gosh you're probably a huge paper cut baby

i'm a huge paper cut baby yeah as paper guts are the word i'd go a cardboard cuts a little oh those are those are monsters put me in put me in the morgue yeah that's a good is that a torture me guantanamo oh yeah paper cuts cardboard cardboard cardboard cut cardboard you feel bring in the amazon box and honestly i feel like i get more cardboard cuts than paper cuts because absolutely Amazon I mean Cardboard cuts pre and post Amazon they weren't a thing And then Amazon's like check this out

Do you think we could invent like You know how they have Neosporin And everybody uses that for cuts Can we invent something made just for Cardboard cuts like the Amazon Cream? I think that's like you need the Isn't there like a spray

That becomes like a skin? I don't know There is like the I've Band-Aid used to have a thing where it was a liquid bandage. Yeah. I don't know what to think about that, by the way. I've never really been on the liquid bandage bandwagon. I've had to do it because it's perfect.

Does it help? Yeah, for a spot where it's like a normal band-aid is not going to stay there. Does it go away? It stays on for a couple days. Yeah. Skin liquid band-aid spray. That's like the glue that used to make, you know, I used to take Elmer's glue and people would put it on their hand and then peel the skin off. I feel like I would love this with one exception. aren't I putting some kind of I mean this is obviously some crazy sciencey chemical right

aren't I put you've never had a problem with that right into the blood yeah you've never had a problem with that whatsoever you but I see what your point is because you are putting it directly directly on this is a this is a portal into my body right it's an intercept let me spray this stuff inside me that's what we do I think you're okay okay so you're going With the blister on the toe? Yeah, yeah, man. He'll be in a wheelchair. You can't, I mean, with a blister, I'm assuming we're allowed to bandage it and pad it up.

Like, you can make it through. A blister means you're not playing no pickleball. No, that's true. You're probably not playing pickleball with a blister. Yeah. The older you get, the less things is impacting. Right, you're like, what else? I was like, what else is going to, I mean, he's fine.

You're like, at the movie theater, there's some stairs sometimes. yeah walking from my car to the house couch uh yeah no you're on blister yeah the blister's not that big a deal i'm taking the the paper cut yeah me too i hope you do so that you know how wrong you are how bad was this cut you seem to have some real trauma a web cut is unbelievable there's no it doesn't like the pain doesn't go away it you know the like if i get a paper cut on the top of my arm whatever i don't even know it's there unless i brush up against it and maybe that's true of the webbing but you don't realize how often you're using your webbing it's every time you move your your fingies at all are you trying to get into these packages too quick is that what's

happening what do you got in there dude i've got a new method and it's wait you really have a new method to open your boxes to get a paper cut no yeah check this out i made a machine um no to open amazon boxes okay this doesn't seem like you don't need to have a new method oh just try it at home and you're going to be like, all right. What kind of size box we talk to? Any size box. Any size box. Just a standard taped Amazon box.

You go up to that box and you hit it with a 12 to six elbow. With a macho man? With a macho. You elbow that table. You elbow your box. You elbow the box. What? And you're done.

You don't think about what's inside? No, I don't get with the elbow. I'm not, I'm not like smashing it to the ground. I'm just hitting the top. elbow just a just hit the top and it will break it up and then you just grab it and open it is just try it okay I know you've got packages on your porch right now when you get home go elbow that the problem is I know how many packages you get which means you are dropping eight to the elbows a day more brother yeah yeah um care you fall you callous stuff I love

do you get mad when someone else opens one you're like no I I kind of am disappointed yeah Joe from Patreon would you rather have a dog that barks excessively or a dog that licks all people excessive. That's all so bad. That's real bad. Oh, man. There's actually very few, like, we have a draft we want to do someday where it's, like, things that you're most self-conscious about.

Okay. Which kind of leans into, like, what makes you feel awkward? And I hate when my own dog is bothering a person that's a guest to my house. Yeah, yeah. And my dog is a super nice dog, but the first five minutes of any new person, he tests the boundaries and most people will give him a hand or an arm and that's a problem but if you take that away he's chill but like i hate it i hate it when people are tormented by my animal soul the licking one where it licks all people excessively i would feel so

embarrassed and sad that that happened you also have a different perspective because if i go to someone's house and they have a lovely dog you don't mind getting and then that dog comes over and now we're We're best friends and that dog's going to lick my arm and I'm going to scratch the dog. Mike's open mouth with that thing. I'll give a big smooch. Look, it does not bother me at all. Because you are pro-licking. I'm just pro-dog.

I like dogs. That's a problem. If I knew that ahead of time, that'd be fine. Like, I'm not worried about you coming to my house. But, like, when, I don't know. Someone knew your meeting for the first time. Yeah, like someone's dropping off the Instacart and the door opens and the dog jumps out for a second. Oh, I can't stand that.

I can't stand when my dog's, like, want to run. out the front door that's like stop you grow up you live here this is your prison and but I so I've got a fun looking story as they say as they say clip that

so we've talked about we advertise like better help I've gone to therapy for decades I had a therapist who had a dog that she brought in a therapy dog yeah it was just it was just their dog the therapist's dog yeah I mean sure maybe I don't know if it had

degree but um did it have glasses i can't i cannot i can't tell you how much this dog licked i'm telling you whatever it is 50 minutes is how long is the session who was it licking me it was just i mean just non did you sweat a lot that day i don't know i don't know what it was they're like they're like oh you must have had a lotion on or something. Nope. I mean, everywhere could stop for 50 minutes. It's unbelievable. Just keeping a straight face.

Could you? I'm like, the session was shot. I'm like Mike in the sense that I don't really mind that. If a dog comes up, I'd much rather a dog come up and lick than bark. I thought you'd say than a person. Well, yeah, I'd rather a dog come up and lick than a person, too.

But, like, it just doesn't bother me. I mean, I don't want them licking in my face. But, like, if they come and lick my hand or something, like it really doesn't bother me did this dog move around this dog's teeth i told you whatever spot that i was going to have it lick i want to lick there until death to a part i can't i can't believe the strength of the jaw and the tongue the endurance i'm telling you guys it never stopped uh 15 minutes and put him on the ground just lick the leg just lick the leg one spot just like I'm a soul link.

It was unbelievable. I'm like in a professional environment. And the dog, they never, like the therapist never was like, let me take the dog? No, I don't think she had another option. I don't know. It was mind-blowing. So, Jason, tell me about your childhood trauma. I mean, it was just like, I couldn't believe it.

I had to go home and shower. It's like. Anyway. Oh, man. That's better than barking. I agree. I agree. I think that is better than barking.

Yeah, barking's terrible. It's the worst. Terrible. I was wanting to laugh in that moment. I wasn't angry. I wasn't upset. Yeah, barking would have ruined the session a little bit more. Yeah.

Instead, the session was improved. All right. So you're going with, we're all going with the lick over the bark, right? Yeah. Yeah. All right, Marvin from Patreon, would you rather always have a fly buzzing around your head? That's torture. Or always have an itch on your back just out of reach.

Have you been in this situation? Because I recently was. Which one? The second one, where I wasn't allowed to scratch an inch, which is a rare thing. Like, if you have an it, normally you can scratch it. There's no real situation. You can't. unless you're getting an MRI.

Ooh. Oh, no. And you're getting an MRI for 50 minutes. You can't move. You're not allowed to. And they even put you in a little, this MRI put me in a little contraption, like where it locks my head behind this cage type of thing.

Oh. And I had an itch. And it was like I had to be one of the first people ever that doesn't get to scratch the itch for like an hour. It was really bad. But it did go away. Okay, that's what I was going to go away. That's what I was going to, that's what I was going to ask.

I had, it doesn't stay that. I had a period of time that was probably two years. This is crazy. Where right in the center of my back, right in the center of my back, I had an itch that happened all the time. Many times a day. You only had that dog with you. Yeah, handle it. Yeah.

Well, I can't reach that spot. I couldn't even put peanut butter on that spot. You had an itch in a non? in a non-reachable spot like the dead center of my back where what would you do were you like a bear against the tree i had bit from time to time i was a bear against a doorway mostly it was my children and then eventually i i had to it was surgery it lasted so long i had to i had to purchase multiple backscratchers oh boy i had them around i was like i'm this one spot for one spot for years was it the things we don't know kind where it looks like a hand no those are cute though uh no

it was a telescoping rod because you know because he's got a way telescopeing why did you need the telescopeing you put it like in your pocket well that's what because it could it could go in smaller places like he's scratching his back everywhere also I like the the finger up scratching that Mike just did it's a fancy way yeah if it's telescoping it's very thin yeah well it's pretty big I got to look this up but um yeah and that that was that was how many years did you deal with the scratch? Probably two years. And then it just went away. When did you notice the scratch was gone? Just so you guys know, this was like a year ago. Like this was happening to me all the time. And then I would just happen. And you just didn't open up. Yeah. Did you ever tell

you embarrassed about it? Um, no, it's just, it was annoying, but that can't come close to the annoyance of a fly. Oh, it's in my all time worst things. And the embarrassment because yeah, here's the think because it insinuates that you are the object of smell that's right flies go to poop you know flies yeah yeah they're attracted to odors horse manure and so it's like look i understand that a fly is going to go to everyone that everyone listening and everyone in this room has how to fly bother them and it it's normal even still when i see a fly that won't stop bothering imagine too i'm thinking Do you share her in a day? Yeah, you stink.

Imagine two, if you had two flies, that would be like, yeah, you do smell. For sure. Two is a confirmation. Two is like, yeah, this guy's got it, what we want. He stinks. It's just, it's the hand movement. When you're trying to have a conversation with someone and then you have to hate you. Yeah, you can't ignore it.

You can't just sit there and do nothing, let a fly land on your face. Which could you ignore easier? The itch. The it's, yeah. How bad what? I mean, it wasn't. It was a light itch. It wasn't like I was like I would have seen you yeah you would have known I would have

said something like why you're recording the show really hardcore it was just like but it went away one day and did you how long till you noticed it was gone like did you pull the back trash out out of habit and then and all of a sudden went wait a minute you were no I think it was I think it was going it was going away like gradually whereas like I was I did notice I did know after a long time I noticed like, oh, I've, I've only been, like, itching my back, like once a day or once every other day or whatever, and then it went away. Oh, you're one of those guys that says itch in my back, huh? You're not the guy that says scratch in my back?

I get, hmm. You're scratching it. You don't itch and itch, but that's a common thing that people do. Yeah, no, I was itching it. You were itching it. Yeah. Okay. Which, the middle of my back right now, guys, it's out of control.

The psychosomatic. That's all you feel now. Yeah. All right. All right. And we're going to take a quick break and come back and see if I can hand off this stupid goose hat. because it's guess, guess, goose time again. All right, yeah, we pulled people, and we have a statement,

and each of you will take turns. We'll start with Andy. If Andy was to guess the percentage correctly of that poll, if he was exact, he would get three points. If he's within 5% in each direction, he would get two points. If he is not, then the other two will guess higher or lower, and if they are correct, they get one point. And I'm starting?

Yes, sir. What percentage of people are bigger fans of Star Trek than Star Wars? So bigger nerds? I have my quick thought, but that has been so wrong in this segment. My first thought was going to be like a third, like a third of people. Like 33% of people are bigger Star Trek fans than Star Wars. So where do I think it really is? I think it's going to be, I'm going to go 36% is my final answer.

I think that's a good answer. I think that's a great answer. Yeah, you thought that before and I really fell on my face. Because you, like, this room is, I think that we're in a Star Trek room, aren't we? I'm Star Trek over Star Wars. Ow, you're Star Trek? Yes, sir. I don't, and then I don't know where the young buck is.

He's probably neither. Star Wars. Okay, Star Wars. I'm like so neutral. control. It doesn't even matter to me. So 36. Man. Yeah. So you guys are right. So that means you're going. I got to go first, right? Uh, I think do we go in order? Usually write them down. Yeah, I've got one written down. And then, uh. So I'm going 36% final answer and you guys have to go higher or lower.

I will tell you that I was very close to your line of thinking, which made it difficult. Okay. That's all I can hope to do is fail and make it difficult. Yeah. All right. All right. I've written it down. Share with you. I'm going, I'm going lower. I am going going lower as well. And I put 29%. But I think Andy's within five. Well, I doubt it. But let's find out. He is exactly within five. The answer was 31%. Oh, my gosh. I almost ruined it by going up. And it gets two points. And you guys do not have an opportunity to score this round. Oh, no, we don't get a point. Oh, we do. That's right. I know. I like what you first said. That's on me. Wait, so they still get a point for being right. They each get a point for being

incorrect and Andy gets two points. Oh, it's a good start, guys. It's a good start. I was going to go 33%. And when you said I'm going to go a third, I was like, oh, I don't know where to go for me. Boy, I just barely made it, though, didn't I? No, you moved up and made it easier on me. All right, I am up. What percentage of people have chewed a piece of gum in the past month? Oh, wow, that's really interesting.

What was that sound? I don't know. We're really contemplative on the gum. That's the most interesting thing I've ever heard. piece of gum. This might be the most important question ever asked. We were both really intrigued by that question. Within the last month. Wow, but it was genuine.

Boy, I, I'm really going to be waiting on Mike's answer here because chewed a piece of, okay. Oh, man. I feel like I can write my higher or lower right now before knowing Mike's line. Like, I'm pretty, uh, we'll get in on it. In the last.

I have. I think I'm going to be, hmm, I am going to go. How many grownups are chewing guns these days? I don't know. I need you to pick a terrible line. I think it's a day.

I'm going to go over 50. I'm going to go. 62%. Okay. 62%. Did I fulfill your prophecy, Jason? You did. I left what I wrote.

All right. I'm going lower. I'm going higher. Oh. I went 40%. He went 80%. And you said 60%. So we are on, this is why we said, whoa.

All right, Jason's going to come away with one point on this and nobody else will. The correct answer was 69. Nice. Mike's number was 62? Correct. Oh, you were so close. That's pretty lame. Yeah, I've been there.

All right. This thing fits great. So we got Andy with two, Jason with two, Mike with one. Wow. Okay. I got plenty of time to lose this one. I was on the right track. You were so close.

what percentage of people make their beds every day what does make a bed is just make a whole job yeah put the covers on yeah I mean you know what making a bed is did you make your bed today maybe that tells you which side I'm on

okay all right at first I was going to go exactly 50% I wanted to just be like I don't know half the people will say they do half people won't do you make your bed oh absolutely not no

Are guests coming into my room today? Yeah, then I'll make the bed But every day, no, we don't make the bed every day I just know there's so many psychopaths out there that do I've moved over to, I usually make the bed My wife will make the bed and make it so perfect And it will be like the cabin bed That no one has ever seen other than us too

I'm like, this is so inconvenient Every time I need to get in this bed There's 10 show pillows in this bed in the top of that. See, I don't do that. All and all we have is, look, pro tip, get rid of that stupid extra sheet. Just have your... Why do they even come in the... I don't know, man. Who uses that anymore? What extra sheet? The flat sheet. Flat sheets are so stupid.

I use the flat sheet all the time. Get out of here with that nonsense. You just need the fitted with a comforter. Yes. Fitted in a comfort. It's all you need. No, that's way too hot. The flat sheet insulates you from heat. No, no, no, no. The flat sheet makes you warm. No, no, no, no. You can sleep so hot. No, no, man. You can sleep with just the flat sheet. Yes. Well, you can, but I can sleep with just the duvet.

Yeah. Well, this disagreement notwithstanding, what's your number? So I believe it's going to be about 50-50. I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt to the messy people. I'm going to go 49% make their bed every day. Okay. All right. I've got my answer pretty secure then.

Mike's thinking. I'm writing it down. All right. I have written it down. Mike. I didn't put a percentage. Jason went with 49? Yep.

I went higher. I went lower. Okay. I think it's going to be more like 60, 70% Mike is going to escape with a point on this one. The correct answer is 20%. Yeah, good for you, people.

It's definitely like 60, 70%. Not even close. And it's funny because everyone in this room said they didn't do it. I should have gone with that. I said I do. Oh, that's true. But y'all slobs. How about you, Matt?

Nope. No. No. Well, hashtag not a sponsor, but Betty's makes my life super easy. Is that the zip up? I zip my bed up and it's made and it looks great. My children have those sheets. They're smart kids.

So wait, is that three? We've had those and we still don't make the bed. All you got to do is zip it up. It's just one duvet. I just, I put it up. We've all got to do one more now, right? Yeah, correct. And it's exactly tied?

2, 2.2. So I am ready to lose. Here we go. All right. What percentage of people get popcorn pretty much every time they go to the movie theater? The pretty much is a problem. That's doing a lot of heavy lifting in this sentence here. Yeah.

um that's very subjective what percentage of people get popcorn pretty much every time they go to the movie theater yeah what how come mine wasn't what percentage of people make their beds pretty much every day this is a tough one because of the pretty much yeah um because i i don't get popcorn every time i'm going 65 percent but the kids can pretty much talk me into popcorn i think i think 65 percent of people pretty much get it every time i have written down my answer i've got my as well. All right. I went higher. I went lower. Okay. This is a good game. What was your number, Andy? 65. The correct answer was 83%. Yeah. Oh, it's pretty much. I would have guessed 80. 80 would have been my number. Really? Yeah. So what does Jason get? He gets one point. All right. And pop-

I'm ready to lose again. Pretty much. We'll work on the wording of our polls. Yeah, please. We got Jason with three, Mike with two. Pretty much sometimes always maybe gets it. This is a game of scientific research. Can we treat it appropriately? Thank you. This is about certainty and right and wrong. Yeah. All right, Mike, your turn. What percentage of people prefer the Lord of the Rings novels to the Harry Potter novels? Whoa. Whoa. The novels part here. Oh, good point. Is making it harder. Those are some long books. Yeah. I would imagine the percentage of people alive today who have read the Harry Potter books compared to Lord of the Rings is a large percentage.

Is it possible that no one has ever finished the Lord of the Rings ones? It's possible. It is possible. I feel like the director of the movie. Maybe. Peter Jackson had to have read the original. What's your number, Mike? So I think it's, I'm going to go, oh, but they're book nerds.

Yeah, it's preferential. Yeah. If you have read both, man. Yeah. gonna go i was ready to just come out the gates with a real low number but if you've read both you probably prefer lord of the rings so it's anywhere between zero and a hundred for you it's pretty much you got to pick a number it's a this is a brutal one this is impossible did you write down a number yeah yeah too okay percentage of people prefer lord of the rings novels i will go

I will go. You want to just lose? Yeah. I'll give you this thing. Give me 65%. Whoa. Okay. Because I wrote a number, Jay? Yeah. I thought it was going to be super low, but then it's like if you've read them both. All right. I went lower. I went lower as well. I went 50. I went 25. 20s was the number I wanted to say until I talked myself out of it. And what did you go with? 65. That could be right. It could be 80. I don't know. What is it?

The correct answer is 35%. So, wait. Jason gets another point there. Oh, wait, did you both put on? Yeah, yeah. You're darn right, man. I'm trying to get rid of this goose hat. Give me my points. So you're up on me by a point. Oh, this is, this is important. If you score here, it's done. Jason with four, Andy with three, Mike with two.

Wait, does the tie go to the existing loser? No, there's a tiebreaker. Oh, okay. All right. Um, go ahead, Jay. All right. Final question. what percentage of people have worn fanny packs have worn have worn yeah okay how many how many people hold were alive in the 90s because if you were if you were a kid like a tween in the 90s it's you already got your number i'm going 75% have worn a fanny pack in this room who's worn a fanny pack of course all of us uh yeah i'm taking uh i got an answer go ahead mike you have yours written

down. I mean, I think I know where you're going. So I got, I got to play the game guys. Oh, no. We're going lower. I revealed. I'm going lower. Oh, are you? I think the number. I think Jason, I already lost. Jason's so old that he's discounting the amount of people younger than him in the world. I think it's lower. I think young people wear fanny packs all the time. The correct answer is 65%. So it is lower. And it didn't matter as soon as we were matched. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. But that means I get to give you this hat. That's right. I'll take it on the next show.

No, no, no, no. He doesn't you have to put it on right now? No. Oh, man. He gets to wear it next time. All right. Well, you can do it on the next one. Well, you can do it on the next one.

Okay. All right. I'm so thrilled. I'm so thrilled. We are drafting our favorite bald people, our favorite bald people. And, Mike, you have the number one pick in this hairless draft. I do have a 101. I think I know who it is.

This is not the draft that you are thrilled that you have the 101, but whatever. I get my guy, my action hero. Oh, yeah. Oh, go ahead. I think I now, I think you pivoted. There's another one. But my, the action hero. Mr. John McLean, I will be drafting Bruce Willis.

That was my, oh, I thought you went with another one. I know who you're talking about. Bruce Willis. Shout out Bruce Willis, the goat. Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right.

So far, so good for me getting both of my guys. But you only get one pick. I know, but so far so good on that, because you didn't take either one of them. I'm trying to play the game here. I'm going to go Michael Jordan Okay Greatest basketball player ever live Fully bald

Real bald Shaves it Balls none of this hair around the side You don't you don't like the like You know Leaving anything to doubt That's right That's right

I'm a little sad at it Jordan Jordan was on the list But it wasn't He's on mine somewhere Look at the pick I thought would go number one Is the Rock And that is who I am taking

With my number one pick I've soured You don't like the rock. I've soured on the rock playing out a little bit. It's, well, regardless, he's still bald. Yes. Well, right. We're not saying you can't pick him.

Yeah, no. He's a legal draft pick, but it's favorite bald people. Yeah. So he's not even on my list. You've soured. He's on my list. I thought that might have been your number one pick. Just watch more John Cena and you'll be like, oh, yeah, the rock's great.

Agreed. I could just watch neither. I'm, for my second pick, I'm going with Mr. Clean. Mr. Clean. I'm taking me. Mr. Clean. Wow. Not on my list.

Yeah, I don't want to be. He said, we know he's real bald. Look, I didn't want to just take all the real people. Okay. I wanted to have some little wild cards in there. You got Cayu on your list? No, I don't. No, I don't.

Because that kid should have Harry. He's like nine years old. I'm going The Rock and Mr. Clean. All right. Well, I got my 101 and my 102. and I'm glad because I think you might have gone Michael Jordan if I went the opposite direction, but I'm taking Jean-Luc Picard, the United Federation of Planets, Patrick Stewart. Yeah.

That was the first name I thought of when we said, we're doing a ball drive. I was like, oh, I got to have it. You clearly mean Professor X, but that's okay. Sure, dude. Well, you're on the Star Wars side. He's on the Star Trek side. I mean Patrick Stewart. I adore Patrick Stewart.

I can watch him in any role. When did he go bald? Oh, man. 80 years ago? It was so long. Star Trek was not recent. I mean, they're still making them. This was a long time ago, and he was bald as Jean-Luc Picard.

I'm now going to Google. Patrick Stewart was 19 years old. 19 years old when he went bald? Yeah. The British actor opens up about going completely bald when he was just 19. Wow. So that would have been 1825. Started losing it at 17, completely bald by 19.

I tell you what, though, this guy with a haircut, this dude's a babe. That's a good look You found him with that? Oh yeah I put a post it I put one in there too Patrick Stewart with hair Look at this guy

That can't be him No that ain't him bro Oh that people are fooled I was fooled Well whoever this guy is He looks like Patrick Stewart And he's a good looking guy All right so you're going

Patrick Stewart Jean-Luc Picard Mike's just posting Hansel Min in our Slack channel Who kind of look like They have nothing to do with him and Mike you got Bruce Willis I do it would

great this is this draft is going incredible Jason because I got my top two guys fantastic and Andy got his top two guys so I got Bruce Willis look I mean this guy's been in a bejillion movies but he has in fact been in a diehard movie with Mr. Bruce Willis I will be taking Samuel L. Jackson

another one of my favorites dude Sam Jackson kind of souring on him no Oh, you are not. No one has ever. He's in too much. Yeah, I, I agree. It's like the Star Wars franchise. They made too many films. And the commercial, the commercials don't help.

Give me one. Capital one. Yeah. It is. Look, that's what he is now. But you're telling me, you wouldn't take that Capital One's money? Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm totally like, cap one.

Listen, I have. I have. I will shave my head and do your commercials. The save your car. Look, I will do your commercials. Please reach out. Um, but, you know, I'm just saying, and also the problem with Samuel L. Jackson here, obviously you could take him. So many great movies where he's bald. But I don't think of him as always bald. Like Pulp Fiction. He's, you know, he's like one of his most famous roles. He's got a full awesome head of hair. And it's like, so I just don't see him as like. Bald enough for you? Yeah. He's all the way bald. Oh, no, I, I know he goes all the way bald. He's about 200 years old though now. But, like, you never saw Bruce Willis with hair, right?

Did we? I mean, like a buzz cat, maybe? It's that same picture. No, he actually, that he posted in Patrick's doing. Oh, he's a handsome guy. I think he came moonlighting? I think he was on like a. Like in my generation of knowing Bruce.

In the very first diehard, he had hair in that. He still had, he had some. Some squids. It was on the way out. Some sprigs. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

So, uh, you went Samuel L. Jackson. All right. You got another pick. I do. I'm just going to peruse my list really quick. Okay, yeah, I'm going to lock in on this. I'm going to take a basketball player as well. But he is now known for the round mound to rebound?

He is known for talking about basketball far more. I will take the Chuckster. I will take Charles Barkley. No go ahead. Dang it. Yeah, that's right. That was 100% my next bet. I assumed you were just going to go basketball player, basketball player.

me yeah yeah i thought you were gonna finish it out i was gonna go patrick stewart and a ball team um a bald team see what i did there all right well that stinks that might that might uh really affect which direction you got to change strategies i do i think i'm gonna change strategies uh because if i can't get the three pack that i wanted of basketball players i know what the last one is too right of course because there's there's three like you know icon it iconic bald basketball players. Um, so if I'm going a different direction, then I'm going to go, you know, I just love this guy so much. I just enjoy him. I think he's funny and endearing.

I'm going to take Steve Harvey. Okay. I love Steve Harvey. He's, he's my favorite family feud host. He'd be good on a mustache draft as well. Yes, he would. We should put it on the list. But say, it to when you have the first pick. I don't think he'd be the one of one. Sam Elliott's. Yeah. Hello. Sam Elliott and now that you said Sam Elliott, I lost the name.

Yeah, Bert Reynolds is like the one of one. All right. So you went with Steve Harvey. I have the rock and Mr. Clean. So I'll make sure I compete on the basketball front. I'll take Shaq. Shaq is my third pick in this draft. It's also like I have a theme right now, like the rock.

Mr. Clean, and Shaq. Like these are not, you don't get no last names. Right. So that means I'm going with Voldemort. Oh my gosh. That's good.

I'm going Voldemort with the final pick. I was, oh, baby. I was thinking, what is a one name bald person left? And I was sure you were going pit bull. I was like, really.

But no, I'm going to go with Voldemort. Okay, okay. All right. Well, ironically. I'm going to take, hmm, a one named person that is also left. Pit bull. Outside of pit bull.

Also a musician, but instead of annoying as one, an all-timer. See, low-three. That's three names. An all-timer? An all-timer. And he's, and they're ball. He's ball. And they're ball.

Tupac. Okay. Tupac, baby. Okay. I mean, it's Tupac's score, so it's like not really one. But you could just say Tupac. Okay. Two Puck.

There you go. Yes. There you go. I thought maybe you're going to Shnate O'Connor. But then it was the two names. Yeah. Go ahead, Mike. You have Bruce Will, Samuel L. Jackson and Charles Barkley.

And for my final pick, it was the third guy I thought of because definitely bald, despite what Jason was said. Oh, I know who it is. It's Larry David. Oh, that's a good one. Larry David, creator, co-creator. Larry David is bald. He's got a lot.

He's got a bald spot. There's a difference. There's not a spot, man. Larry David is literally why they made George Costanza, who is also bald. It's just a spot. I feel like that's a whole Seinfeld episode in itself. I'm not bald. It's just a spot.

It's just a spot. It's the entire top of your head. I mean, I get it. But you don't become bald. It's because you shave it. You become bald. You're bald being. I can agree that.

It's when you give up. When would you shave your head? Let me ask you that. When would your hair have to? Would you shave it when you were at Larry David's stage? Oh, yeah. Then you're bald. Yes.

Then I'm bald. Yes, you're correct. You completed the mission. Yes, because I completed and now I'm bald. I shaved my head. I was balding. And now I'm like, you know what? It's time to just be bald.

If you look in the mirror and you say, it's time, that's the moment you go, you, you are bald at that moment. When you say it's time before you shave. 15 minutes later, that's when you've completed. All right, you went Larry David. I could have gone George Costanza for the pick. It was on the list. Vin Diesel was on the list. Jeff Bezos was on the list.

Bezos was on mine, but it's like, it's not my favorite. I thought you were going to go Danny DeVito. I thought that's where you were heading with the hair that's not fully. And I thought you thought that I meant Jason Statham. I thought you might. On my list, I got Dave Batiste on my list. He is while the Rock is falling out of favor, Dave Batista has moved up.

He has moved up. He's getting better and better and so enjoyable. He really don't like him? He did a pretty bad job in that second wise, Dune movie. I thought he was terrible in the second. You see what I'm saying? I can see what you're saying, but as a snooty person,

I read the books and the character really fit that kind of outlandish. Bad acting. The character was a bad acting. Yes. All right. So Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Charles Barkley, Larry David for Mike, Jason has Jordan, Patrick Stewart, Steve Harvey, and Tupac, and I went with the Rock, Mr. Clean Shack in Voldemort.

I can't believe I got Barclay. Well, you know. What do you think the public, like if I was doing another guest, guest, goose, I'm going to have you pick a number. People that prefer Shaq to Barkley, Barclay to Shaq. People that prefer Barclay. Like, what do you think that number is? 35% of people prefer Charles Barkley.

Now, what have you made it only about the playing career? Then it's Shaq. 75% of Shaq. Okay, so that's what I think it is. I think people were more fans of Shaq. As a player, yeah. We were more fans of Barkley because we're in Arizona and he was. Like that you're giving Sam Jackson crap about commercials.

You see how many commercials Shaq is in? Barkley, too. He used to do the, uh, Shaq will do, I'm not a role model. At least Sam Jackson's like waiting for, major brands. You don't have to be a major brand. No, Shapp will do like the

Admiral Car Insurance or something like that. Anything. You got like a vapor rub off-brand. He does tell a story about why he does the, I think it's the general. Oh, yeah. Is it a good reason? Yeah, it really, it was. I make a lot of money. No, I think it was like

if I remember right, it was something about like when he was young and he like, it was hard for him to get insurance and he was able to get it, something like that. But there was a story. Well, they don't have a budget. So I do believe that story. What did we learn today? I know what Jason learned. Oh, what did I learn? What

bald is? No, no, I still, I learned that I refused to accept what bald is. I learned that the amount of people making their beds is very low. I learned, of course, that I've got a new way to open my Amazon packages. I'm going to try that out later. I got a pretty sharp elbow. Does that work? It's easy, man. It'll always break in, just

Pull the lid up. Enjoy it. Okay. I got some glasses in the Amazon box. Is that a problem? Yeah. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to,

check out Spitballerspod.com.