Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Long Distance Pooping & Funny Things Old People Do - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: January 12, 2026

It’s time for more hilarity in 2026! Join us for a brand new episode where we get into the finer details of long distance pooping, play a great round of Decisions of Extreme Importance and wrap things up with a Funny Things Old People Do draft. This is one episode you don’t want to miss! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Bink, bong, banana, banana, cadena. It wasn't good, but it wasn't me. It was you. I meant to have more. I saw you on the video.

Bunks and. Yeah, Jason and I made a little deal. Jason's new favorite kind of deal to make. It was about my time to scat again. Nothing you liked less than scatting. Yeah, I can't stand it. And then a deal came across to me. I did not propose this trade offer.

We have another podcast and there were some obligations to be done. When's the last time you did a real scat? It would be five turns ago. Because you did my last three. Wait, you never had to do one in between. No, this was my next post. Yeah, I did. Well, so I timed up my offer at the right to 100%.

So, yes, I have to handle Jason's next four scats. Because he is now traversing the world making deals about the scats, not money bets. No. Scat bets. Welcome to the spitballers. Would you rather on today's show? And then I think we're doing decisions of extreme importance, not what's the difference, decisions of extreme importance. And we are drafting funny things that old people do, which there are many of them.

Yeah, I just, so I sat down. This was inspired, by the way. I started by something that my father did. Oh, Papa's kids? This is why I came up with this draft idea. What did he do? Do you want me to say what it was? I would not have asked.

I still might draft it. 98 to 99% of the time he does not hang up after a phone call. If we're talking on us. Like he just sits there? He just, it's like, he knows that the phone eventually stops working. say goodbye. Okay. And then I could listen to what happens at that house for the rest of the day. Is this a product of he just puts the phone down without pushing the off? I don't know what he'd. I got, I think he has 95% of his conversations on speaker phone right there. Right. Right. And then he is.

It's a funny thing all the people do. Yeah. Apparently, Matt, your dad also does that. Yeah, he does. He doesn't hang up? Nope. I'm responsible for 100% of hangups between me and my father. So why would you, ever hang up. You got to get the goods. You just put the AirPods in and go to work. You know, go to start washing dishes and listening to what your dad's doing. It's your own podcast. Yeah, if I'm having a conversation on something like a family event, like scheduling something

or there's a debate about something, I could just, when I say goodbye, I could listen to my mom and dad talk about it for a while. Well, so whenever you want to snoop, all you got to do is you give them a call, ask them a quick question. Just be like, hey, what time is that thing on Saturday? Oh, okay. Thanks. all right, goodbye.

Yeah. Oh, I would have a full... I'm going to hang up now. I could have a two-hour listening session if I wanted to. So that's what inspired the thought of funny things that old people do. I also did one thing that old people... Hold on. Hold on. Jeremy's chiming in. Just yesterday, this is from Jeremy Grantham.

Al-Borland, lead producer. Just yesterday, whose mother loves this show. Let's hear this. Mama Grantham, thank you so much for your support. Just yesterday, my dad left me. a three-minute voicemail after the intense is what I'm talking about. He was meeting with some guys from church. Oh, man.

I could give you the minutes of that meeting. I mean, that's a, I don't know what it is about this new thing. Turn it off. Hang up the phone. Well, because the old phones, you just put them down and that's how you turn them off. Or maybe we did this by hanging up every time to begin with, and they think the phone just auto hangs up.

I don't know. But the fact that everybody in this room, It's gone through that. Incredible. So, yes, and then there was something I did. Oh, that's how I thought of most of my list. Yeah, there was something I did that I'm like, oh, no. What's Andy do?

Okay. What are funny things Andy does? And I was like, yeah, that one checks out. Yeah, that checks out. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, so that's what we're drafting today. But first we'll kick it off with some would you rather. Would you rather?

Oh, that's so good. That's so funny. Lindsay from Patreon, would you rather have to take a strong diuretic every night before? bed. Ooh. Or have to wake up at 2.30 a.m. every morning and do 20 burpees. A burpee is like a, uh, from a standing position down to a push up and back up. And a jump.

Yeah. Burpees are no joke. Show us. I'm not going to do a burpees. Okay. All right. Where am I going to do a burpee? I don't know.

I thought I'd try that out. Um, a diuretic before bed every night is known as my regular life. and the diuretic is called Jopolde. I mean, guys, what do you think I was doing at Monday at 5 in the morning? That's insane. I have woken up to poop three times in the last week. In the last week. No?

What is with your schedule, man? I don't know. You messed something up a long time ago. I didn't have your total raisin brand with raisins at the right time in the morning. You had one at like one in the morning. I don't understand. and I mean this is a threat every night when you go to bed? Oh, 100, every night.

Every night. Every night of my life. And like, so, like, people like Jason. And my son who recently did an overnight and he came home and he was like, I got to wreck the bathroom. And I'm like, you're telling me, you can go. You had a choice. You're like, yes, exactly.

Yes, there was a choice. Yes. You actively got to make a decision. There's muscles down there, Mike. You're like, I got to go, but you know what? I can hold this off for 12 hours. And I'm like, what? You could, it once, when the, when the decision, my decision is find a bathroom or poop your pants.

That's like, that's, don't, that's my decision. I don't understand how there's a world out there. And people who could be like, you've never had. You know what? I'm going to put this off for. eight hours. So if you're out somewhere, you're finding a public restroom as fast as possible. If I go out, the first thing I do, oh, do you identify it? Is identify the bathrooms. Like, I'm not, you know, there's, there are the people that go in and they're like, you know, first thing I do,

I identify the exits and the threats. And I'm like, you know what I do? I know where the bathroom is. Exactly. I'm, okay, maybe not exactly. I know what direction the bathroom is going to be. always always this is like a marine that when they go into a restaurant they need to know the exits yeah the it's the exact same thing except it's the toilets and i have to know where they are because you have a disease you have yes yeah i do you have what's called irritable bowel disease maybe you maybe the fact that when if i laid my head on the pillow every night knowing that there's a decent chance that i don't just wake up in the morning to get up to have my coffee but I'm waking up to run.

To poop. Hold on. Mike, I want to have a real talk. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. I mean, we've done. We're helping people. 352 and I... There are dozens of us. I care about you very much. But let me ask you something. I'm going to ask it quietly. Nobody else has to listen. All right. Have you pooped in the bed? I have not. Mike. I have not. Mike. Michael. This is a safe place and no one will know. Have you pooped your bed? I have not. How close have you been to pooping your bed?

Very close. Very. Have you ever pooped from bed to toilet? No. Okay. So your, so your body holds on. On the,

the jump, the journey. There's 20 steps from my bed to my toilet. I thought you meant a long distance shot. Have you ever tried to like go for distance? I was like, I've played enough video games. You've got to go with a 45 degree angle.

That's what I was picturing and it wasn't a good picture. You got to time up the strength in the angle perfectly. So no. So you are really. Thankfully. I mean, I know my time's coming. There will. That's a scary place to be.

There will be a day when I show up at the office. You'd be like, why is he looked like a broken man? And I'll be like it happened. Are you going to be? It finally happened. Do you see Depends in your future? I mean, I feel like it's an urgency, but, but they're strong. You've made it to the toilet every time.

I have. It's not until well. after you have had more than one accident that you're going. Yeah. How many how many accidents do you need until you accept the fact that you should be wearing a diaper? How many? More than one. For sure.

One is like, two's not going to do it. One is like, this is not who I am. No, not at all. Two is like, dang. How did this happen? But I'm not worried about a third. I think it's after the third. After the third, you're like.

I don't think it's till after the fifth for me. Five, five poopie pants? You see a doctor first or you buy the pack? I will never go to a doctor for this. Oh my gosh. No, I wouldn't go to a doctor.

I wouldn't go to a doctor. What are you here for, sir? The doctor's going to be like, how much pizza do you eat? And I'm like, sir, that's a personal question. Have you had a hot dog today? Have you had a hot dog bowl? I'd rather not answer that question, Doc.

You think it's more than three poops? I'm with Jason. Definitely think. I'd start playing self-defense. But the thing is, if that is... I could hit at least 10. I might be north of 10. I might be because...

How many can I get away without my wife waking up? Without her waking? Wait, these are all in the bed? Where do you think they're going? I just threw the day. I thought this is just I poop my pants. What are we talking about here? How many times can he poop the bed at night?

Oh, if it's just in the bed, it's not north of 10. No, that's three. That's three. No, that's three. because I'm more worried if I've got to put these dipes on. If I got to dipe up for just normal life, if I'm coming to the studio, I don't know the sounds it makes when you walk. Gingos are very back.

When you get married and it's the in sickness and health vows. Yeah. She signed up. There can't be a more difficult to support your partner thing than her pooping the bed next to you. Or him pooping the bed next to her. That's got to be the most difficult I support you. moment of your life. Incontinance and in health. Right. Incontinence and in health. Because like if it happens a second time, I'm having real talk with her. I'm going, listen, until this

people get one freebie. I will be sleeping. Listen, I love you. One more and you're out. But I am not sleeping in here until we know you aren't going to poop the bed. Also, you're not kicking her out though. You're leaving. That's very big of you. But it might be perfect. Because I don't know. Do you get stains? Permanent stain? How do you get rid of that? I don't even want to think about that. No. You got to buy new sheets. Uh, why do you think? Contonance and in hell.

Why do you think your hotel sheets are white, my guy? Bleach. They've been pooped in. That is correct. Come on, man. Oh, they've been pooped in. Oh, 100%. They've been peed on. You're in a hotel and you think your sheets are not poopie?

Yeah. Poopo poopie. My shoots are always poopie. Yeah, they've been shooted on. I don't want. I want, they should be able to disclose. If they've had to bleach a hotel bedroom, there should be something that says,

you get a $10 discount, this bedroom has been pooped. They're just throwing bleach in every single load. They put a load in, they put some bleach in. Why do you think your towels are white? That does make them safe, though, right? Yeah, it should. They're good to go.

They've been pooped in. Listen, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you live this way. I'm sorry this is part of your life. Because I never go to bed with a fear that I'm going to wake up in my own duky. Well, see, here's the thing is I don't have that fear either. I don't seem like you should.

It seems like you should. No, man, I'm strong. I'm strong. Okay. It's just, maybe it's just your alarm clock. Guys, when it's time to go, it's time to go. Yeah, and I guess, I mean, how long's the run for you? I am curious.

You got a master suite. He's, he's going through it in his head. I'm on the far side. Four steps to the end of the bed. I mean, I think it's maybe, maybe 20 to 25. What's your clothing situation at night? it's usually just the underpants okay so if it's cold it don't matter

you're not putting on a robe to go out no no no I'm not going to want an outhouse he doesn't go outside to go to the potty no it's it's up to the year 2000 man we aren't out housing I mean he goes I mean it sounded like it like you put on a road it's cold it's cold inside I grab I grab the torts

you don't sleep with it cold in your room it's cold when I wake up and take the covers off I kind of sometimes want a robe Yeah, but you know what's not a problem with it's called running to the toilet. Also, you want to know what is a problem? Does she know when you make a run? Going to the toilet?

Waring a robe. Does she wake up? Not usually. Not usually. She doesn't hear the. I'm a beer. I have a lot of experience. Swift of feet.

Yes. I could be an excellent cat burglar with how many times I have had to run at night and not wake. You never have met. her out the bathroom at the same time? No. Have you ever had that in the middle of the night? No, I've never had that. Yeah, I've had that. A traffic jam. I'm on the way out. I'm on the way out. She's on the way in and neither knew that we got up. That's a scary moment. I haven't had that. I've had a scary moment.

I've had the seats taken moment where it's like she's needing to go to the back. Like no. You're going to close door policy in the, in the middle of the night? Well, no. I'm closing the door. If she's, if it's a middle of night and she walks around the corner and I'm sitting down on that doing something important. I'll be like, seats taken. No, that's fine. But, but yeah, I've had one arrive. Get your torch and your robe and go outside.

I've gotten up and I'm coming back and then she's on her way. That's the scariest thing that's ever happened. I can imagine. Because it's two people that just jump out of their poop. Poop. Yeah, I mean, one of them is clear. So what's the answer? Strong diuretic or the, uh, the two 30 burpees?

I'm doing two 30 burpees. That's good for you. Yeah, exactly. If I woke up at 2.30 every morning and did burpees, I'd be back asleep by three, no problem. The diuretic, you'll be fine. Either way, I'm breaking my sleep. And one of them clears you out. Oh, but you become dependent.

You become dependent, Mike. Can't take the diuretic as dependency. Maybe that's what happened to you. Do you take a laxative before bed? Every night? Because that might be your problem. Yeah, I would stop doing that, man. Is that what it is?

Now that you bring it up. Duke's a lax? Now that you bring it up. Duke-A-lax. What is that called? works. Beatrice. Melatonin.

Exlax. Yeah. I mean, who's to say? They're in bottles right next to each other. Yeah, yeah. Beatrice. You're telling me you guys don't wake up and have the mic.

Mike. Mike. Like frequently? Let me just put this in all caps. Not normal. Not normal. Let me just throw this out there. Let me take a shot from deep.

Al Borland. How many poop runs do you make a night? Never. Ever? Never. Oh, but this one, if anybody's going to, I don't think I've ever woken up and needed to poop. Yeah.

But now I'm worried about asking the next guy. I know. My guy, my guy got bowel problems. He's got bad. Please. Once or twice a week. Oh, yes. Okay, but here's, but here's a thing.

Yes. Matt, do you have a bowel condition? Are you, do you have a bowel problem? I don't think so. Yeah, no, we got. You do. No, no. No, there's two of us.

We're totally fine. There's no problems. We're letting you guys know. you need a doctor. I tried to hit the breaking news button. Because you both you both have some problems. No, no, we're fine.

Beatrice from the website, would you rather revert to the body you had at 19 years old, but then age and progress normally from that point? Or lock in the body that you have right now for the rest of your life? Can I make an amendment? No.

Okay. What do you want to amend? Jason, this is from someone named Beatrice. So no. Yeah. That's a serious name. Yeah. I was just going to say like if I feel like this would be really different if it could be

lock it in from six months from now. Oh my God. You know what I mean? Okay. Like I'm older. But I just give me six months to get that body where we can lock it in. Now who wishes they could take a dump every night. Well, now I need both.

I'm going to do the dukelax and the burpees. I'm going to be doing burpees right in front of the toilet until it's time. The body I have six months from now is the funny is the answer. ever because it is always the case. Six months from now, the diet starts Monday. Look, you don't get them in this. The body out of 19 and you age

progressively from that point. So, look, we're all, let's just say we're all 40, even though you guys are much, much older. Things weren't good for me at 19. I was going to say, I want the body I have now. I do too. I'm much healthier now. I was, the 19, look, when you're

a teenager, you have metabolism. Kind of runs out there. and at 19, I think mine had run out. You ran out early. Your metabolism ran out by 19? Well, when you're eating like four JBCs in a sitting. Were you a chunkier? I was a very, very skinny youth.

Then I got my driver's license. And then you found drive-thrus. Yeah. Got it. Yeah, and no one could stop me. No one could stop me. You know what could stop me? I just didn't have cash.

But you know what showed up then? The coin jar. By the way, it is... You think I'd have rolled through Jack the box and buy 20 tacos with quarters? It is the same thing for teenagers now. They don't know what to do with the day, but they can drive. My son will have six to eight dinners a night. There will be...

I'm not joking. He'll hang out with friends at Raising Cains. And then they'll be like, what do we do now? Let's go to In and Out. Let's go to In and Out. They'll go from one... And they'll have dinner at home. And then he'll be like, yeah, we're going out for ice cream.

Then they'll meet at another in and out. I'm like, one. you're broke now yeah yeah yeah and two if you got a run in the middle of the night you know why I can't imagine I feel bad dad why do you think you feel bad my son got grounded this is very recently oh no what do you do well let me give you a hint by telling you what he got grounded from okay that's okay when I said what did he do no no yeah no no I'm telling he is currently what's he grounded from grounded from being allowed to spend a dollar on anything that goes in his mouth.

That is, he is not, he is grounded, he is not allowed. What about toothpaste? To, I buy that for him. So he's, he's good there. So he can't spend the money, which, which son? The old, the only one that could drive. Okay. But it was, it was, it came to my attention as I went to take back.

We had, uh, my wife was out, her card stopped working. Uh, I know this is going. And so we had to put a bunch of... Hold on, hold on, hold on. Her card, like your credit card, her bank card. It stopped working because she went to use it. She's checking out of a grocery store. And the grocery store said, we cannot accept this. Correct. They said, it's saying insufficient funds. And we're like, there should be sufficient funds or whatever. So I put money on, it was a large grocery bill. So I put money on my son's card and said, you know, use his, because I'm playing pickleball right now. I can't help. Right. And then, you know, and then you're... your fine will fix the card later. Well, her card ended up working,

but I still put that money on my son's card. Oh, so he had a surplus, right? He had a really large surplus. He had a grocery amount of surplus. So then, like, two weeks later, I go, I was like, oh, I got to take that money back off his card. Oh, dad. Demone, he's gone.

Oh, he had like 20 cents on his account. But here's the crazy part. That money was gone to 100. 100% things that wouldn't in his mouth. I mean, it's a vending machine. This is a Starbucks. It's a drive-thro. Oh, he just ain't like a kid.

He was living life. He was living the Mike Wright dream. What do you think this was free money? I don't know. He thought I was never going to remember or whatever. Oh, my gosh. He tried. You wouldn't have spent, I would have spent.

Oh, I would have done the same thing. I would have spent all that money. I would have, but I wish I had parents that have been like. That's a keep to change. The filthy animal. Keep the grocery bill. Yeah. No.

So that's, uh, that's, uh, I get it. As a teenager, that's the most fun thing to do is just go buy food and eat it. But the fact that as a teenager, your teenagers, Andy, in particular, because I know where you live. Yes. There is too many places. There is a raising canes, a Chipotle, and an in and out, in walking distance. Yeah. Like you could take away your child's ability to drive.

And he'd be fine. And they could walk to in and out? Yeah. Which is actually three ridiculously. Two affordable. compared to other places. In and out is the only place he can go and get a $7 combo. I don't know what an in-out's doing to keep their prices down.

Chipotle is $49.99 a month for a burrito. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyways, yeah. In and out. Listen, I'll take this body for the next 40 years, hopefully, versus the 19 for the next. Give me the camera. Give me the camera.

Okay. Give me the camera. In-and-out, not a sponsor. Please be a sponsor of this show. Hey, hey, hey, hey, please. Hey, give me the camera. All right. Go to Jancy.

in and out you are not a sponsor Mike wants you to be a sponsor I would just say please be a sponsor yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean go to Andy Andy Andy wants the camera I don't know if you respect these other two but if you don't and you respect me

give me a call give me a phone call let me do great things together we could do incredible wonderful work majestic things together spitball is brought to you by cheeseburgers I mean, we'll honestly, we'll change the name of the podcast.

I'll eat a doll. Oh, we'll change the name of the show. This is an outers. I will eat a four by four every show, guys. Oh, yeah. For the show? Oh, dang it. It's just, ah, this, this contract makes me eat this double double every single day.

Unrelated, we now record every day. Also, Weight Watchers. Listen. You can close out our show. That'd be the best to open with. Fast food and clothes with all weight control. Brought to you by Ozimic. All right.

I'm taking my body now. I was not in as good of shape. I was much stronger now. I was sickly when I was younger. I got old man strength. Yeah. Yeah. I was scrawny.

Yeah. Oh, I was a little stick. Yeah. Man. I know. It's crazy. All right. Because like I have.

Because like I have. Because yeah, they are. My, my oldest son. Like, I mean, all his, his entire life is just trained for football. Train, train, train, train, train. So, I mean, he's 15 now. And he is, you remember in junior high when there's like one to two kids in your PE class? And you're like, that kid is muscles.

And you're just, you're so mad at them. Yeah. That's, that's who he is now. Oh, yeah. He is that he is like for a 15-year-old, he's freaking jacked. But I remind, and he, he pokes fun at Dad Bodden, but every day I'm like, Just wait. I'm stronger than you.

I'm still, I remain. I remain stronger than you. Real talk. If you are between the ages of 16 and 24 years old, you better get in shape right now. Yeah. If you do it right now, you have the most time and the best metabolism, and it'll be the easiest that you've ever, ever had. Just do it then and then live off the same.

dividends. Live off the dividends. Invest early. I mean, I've got a brother-in-law who played football almost went to the NFL. He was in insane shape. He still looks amazing. Right. He doesn't eat that great anymore. He drinks. He still looks cut. He's living his life.

He's living off the dividends. Yeah, invest early, everyone. Invest early. And if you are in that age range, if you're in that age range and you don't invest and work out early, this is okay. This is okay. This is the life of many.

You will be fat. Okay. Yes. You just need to know. It is. Look, I am fat. But you will be fat.

Fat is around the corner. And so you're not already there. Oh, it's never going to happen to me. Yeah, I will. Yeah, will. Yeah,

will. So work out young. Please. Don't make the mistakes. And here we're all choosing our bodies now. So I don't know what to do with that. That is ironic. I don't want to be super scruly and rather be a little fat.

Shoot. Man strength. Because we're old man strength. We got it now. All right. We're taking a break and we got some more segments coming your way. Decisions of Extreme Importance. All right, guys.

We have only done this segment once before, I believe, and I don't know if Al Bolan was here for it. We've done it twice. We've done it twice, guys. Just like I said. Decisions of Extreme Importance, I'm going to state something. Then we're at the same time going to say, whether we agree, disagree. Okay.

We've got to do it at the same time. Yeah, if we're not on the same page, we'll debate it. If we're on the same page, then we're obviously right. Listening to podcasts or e-books while driving is better than music. Okay. Okay. That is the statement. I'm not choosing podcasts or e-books.

I am choosing. Whether listening to a podcast. Or music. Yes, correct. While driving is better than music. Either a book or a podcast. Audio. So it's a yes or no here.

Or music. Wait, yes or no? Yeah, because... Which ones... The statement is listening to podcasts or e-books while driving is better than music. Okay. Okay. So agree or disagree?

Okay. All right. All right. I have my answer. So, wait. Are we saying agree or are we saying yes? I'm going yes. I was told yes or no.

Okay. We'll say yes or no. All right. Oh, I wrote my name. We're not doing that? Yes. No. I knew.

I figured you'd go music. I honestly thought I was going to stand alone and it was going to be... Because I know, Andy, when When I get into your car from time of time, you almost always have music going. Yeah, I do like a good vibey drive. Yeah. And Mike, I figured you're a music man. Yeah, but here's the thing.

I don't listen to music. I listen to the, and this is, I have, I have, you listen to a podcast or e-books? I have fallen into the trap. Sounds like that's better than music. No, no, no, no. It's the trap. No, it's the trap of, I, feel like because of

societal pressures and then which I internalize and then now I place upon myself is like you're what are you doing when you're driving? You want to be productive? Is that why you do it? Yes.

Because you want to feel like you didn't waste the time? And you know what? You don't need to be. You don't have to be. There's nothing wrong with listening to music in your car. You don't want to be smarter. You don't always have to be. being productive, improving at every single moment of your life.

That's the e-book part, though. It's not all, like podcasts can maybe improve yourself, but when you're just listening to an entertaining book, you're not battering yourself? What are you listening to fiction? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're listening to fiction? That's what I listen to the vast majority of time.

Imagine wasting your time. Listening to fictional books. What, you just said, I don't have to. I know I'm broken, Jason. I am a broken American. I just had this conversation with my wife about books because whenever somebody else makes a decision to better themselves, they immediately become judgmental of your decisions.

Yes. And I can't handle it. Like when she quit social media, I'm the devil. But when I'm, you know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. And so we were talking about reading books and how many books she read. They all heard the show when we talked about my sister read 100 books last year. And my wife probably read like,

Are they fiction or nonfiction? It's a mix. Because I'm going to judge. But here's that, that's the conversation we have. I was like, the reason I don't read a lot of fiction. Oh, you had fun. Is because it's too much fun. I fall into that trap.

Fun, you could have been bettering yourself. And her point was that you are bettering yourself even when you listen to something that is fictional. That's my agreement. Imagination, she said, is underrated. Yes. And having an imagination and being in that world. Yes. I'm just reading.

Now, some people don't even count that as reading. I do. Ebooks are reading. and the irony. You know how long society has been able to read? A couple hundred years? Sure. All the rest of history, we just...

A couple thousand. Not the mass populace. Oh, sure. Some people. What's the elitist over here? Well, he was part of the royal court. But the history of mankind, it was oral tradition. You literally listened to books.

Every story that was told was told to you by somebody else telling a story. I'll bet they said I can't read. Yeah. Yeah. So you're trying to make the argument that because you're, you listen, you say, yeah, I read that book. They wouldn't have said I read that book. They would have said, I can't read.

Did you read The Odyssey? Yeah, someone told it to me. Yeah, you're talking about it. The Odyssey guys. Oh, dude, I can't wait. Summer 2026. Hey, not a sponsor, but. Nolan?

Yeah, yeah, not. This is the most. When this is replayed as a spit hit, people would be like, that is so dated. That's fine. But listen. We are weird. weird dated men. I think that listening is my pinnacle experience while driving and consuming media.

My highest of highs have been listening to something like a book or a podcast. That's just, I mean, music is amazing. I love it. It's a different, if I'm in a different mood, that's all I want to do. I want to zone out a little bit. I don't want to pay attention to stuff. That's why, that's where fiction is better. But what did you do as a teenager? Music, only. Yeah, well, there weren't podcasts. But I'm saying, I did try to buy an e-book back then, and it came on 75 cassettes, and it was $75,000. I'm saying you were a part of life. You are a part of culture.

And we, every, every human being is guilty of it. You hit an age threshold. And you're like, that's it. No more new music. No more. Unless it's the bands that we got together after 10 years and we put an album. And I'm like, this is incredible. There's brand new music.

That is 100%. Imagine the world where there's new music. That is 100% true. But we're just, we are ruining everything because we're not staying up to date. And we're like, we can't. Like, I need to. We can't stay up to date. I need to.

I need to. We're not, we don't got time to stay up to date. It's awful. You're saying that you think we should. Nobody wants to. We're all Ron Swanson at 40. Yeah. I know.

Our music was better. Because of, yeah. Yes, 100%. The 90s. Our music was factually better. Yes. But I'm saying we all get caught up in this, oh, well, I can take this time to improve these times.

I can listen to the podcast or the e-book. Nonfiction, of course, because fiction is not allowed. You can't enjoy it. You must only learn. And it's wrong, man. It's wrong. That's like saying, you know, I got to write a book instead of paint a picture sometimes. Right?

Like, it's like, I got... Writing a book is... Are you writing a fiction book? Well, I'm just saying, like, you guys... got to be productive versus enjoying the moment. Music is also learning. You're enhancing your life. That's why podcasts and e-books are better

than music because music can do less of a range. No. It's not teaching you. False. When you listen to music can be, he's saying the audio can be entertaining e-books and podcasts can entertain. Yes. Or they can teach or they can bridge that? Or you can convey information from long ago. But I don't put on a podcast and you're like, holy, your entire mind just goes flooded. Right. That would be a, that would be an ebook that is a fix. Oh, dude, you can't say that.

I've done that. I've gone to the point where I'm like, dude, I am too close to home. I'm taking another lap. No, no, no, no. You didn't let me finish. I'm saying where you can remember an exact point of your life. You're like, summer, 1999. No, no, that's, I'm here. I'm here. that in a memory sense. Bill, Frank, we're all here together. We're in Santa Monica. We were doing this exact thing at this exact moment because that song, when

a, when a e-book comes on, that does not happen. An e-book doesn't come. You're not like in a restaurant, an e-book comes on. You're like, whoa, remember the day? Edward Asner. But that's my whole point is music is life. And we... Music's a different

consumption. It's a small... We'll just go with... And we lose it when we get old. To answer this one, we just have to go with the majority. So, Andy, you were right. Okay. The toilet lid should be closed after use. Now, to be clear, this is the lid, not the seat. Yes, this is the lid.

Should be closed after use. Three, two, one. No. Yes. No, Jason and I again, together. What? Yeah, it doesn't need to be closed. This is the most anti-mycancer I've ever heard.

For a man that runs to the bathroom, you want that thing open. Yeah, do you know what I do in the bathroom when I run there? Poop on the lid? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you guys understand what, okay, when you're, I mean, my lid auto opens, but. No, no, I'm not talking about my lid auto opens, too. I'm saying when you're done and you're flushing, what do you think is happening?

Pluming. What do you think is happening in that torrential storm? Plum particles, I mean, this is scientifically proven. Poop particles are absolutely flying up and out every. everywhere. The entire bathroom, 10 yards away. They're coming right back in. You're trying to de plume with the lid.

So you're telling me. That's what I'm telling you. But you finish your business. Right. And you wipe. Closed and flush. You closed and flush. Because that's the only way to protect it.

And I don't believe you for one second. Do I do it? No. Okay. Thank you, Jason. Should. Okay. The question is should.

Oh, the question was not, do you do this? I'm going to get persuaded by my judge. I am too. I am too. Should I eat salads. for lunch. Okay. Yes, I should. All right, but I did not. No, you should. I am I going to be. You should close a lid.

Yeah. Do I? Now let's try it again. Do we? No. Okay. All right. Ice cream is better. Sometimes. I'm trying to get better at it. Ice cream is better from a cone. Ice cream is better. Oh, from a cone. Ice cream is better from a cone. Three, two, one. Yeah. No. No. No. No. Oh, never. I never. I mean, you just came on. I literally. A cone is great. I literally never, ever get a cone. So when you're there, you're always like, cut, please.

You were just talking about the nostalgia of this memory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't get that from getting a cone and licking and licking and licking and licking. Nope, you had a sad childhood. Nope. No, no, I didn't. Cones are for kids. No, no.

Cones are for kids. Cones are for kids. Cones are for kids. Which is like the people who should not have cones. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you're not wrong now. You let your children have cones? Not usually.

But it's special when we do, and it's an upgrade. It's like... It's like tricks. It's an upgrade. And then you have that memory. Like when I eat ice cream out of it, I'm not the biggest ice cream guy. Bobby's grounded from cones? Yeah.

Unless we, unless I buy it. He's not allowed to purchase any more food. So he's not allowed to buy any more food with your money. Did I get him? He hasn't eaten in three weeks. I never, I was never into cones. Have you had a quality waffle cone? Yes.

I'm not saying they're bad. A waffle cone is actually quite delicious. I'm saying I prefer, just give me the bowl. What about a waffle? Like some places will put like a little triangle of waffle cone in with your, with your bowl. I like the waffle bowl. Waffle bowl is best. The thing about the cone is I am constantly on damage control.

What was the answers here? This is two people with no. I said it's better in a cone. And me and Mike said no. When you get it. The ice cream's not better. The ice cream tastes better. The experience.

All you're trying to do is make sure it doesn't dribble down on your hand. You could argue it tastes better without a upgrade. The experience is an upgrade. Okay. All right. Two to one. No way. A beach vacation is better than a mountain vacation.

A beach vacation is better than a mountain vacation. Think about it for a second. No, I don't have to think. Yeah, me either. Three, two, one. Yes. Yeah, it is. And I like a mountain vacation.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know what actually holds me back at the mountain vacation? It's the lack of a beach. Yeah. That's the worst. Why you like Tahoe so much? Yes.

Yes. You're not. No, 100%. To me, it is the best of both worlds. Yeah. Because it's like, I mean,

it is. It's a mountain beach. I'm in the mountains. It's the only mountain beach I know of. Yeah. No, it's great. That's big enough that'd be a real beach.

The beach is more fun. The beach is more fun. You don't have as much. Like a mountain is relaxing. Big water. Big water. Big water. Huge waves.

The bigger the water, the better. Sand on your feet. I mean, melanoma. Both places are elite for you can do nothing. Yeah, I mean. Which is great about both of them. Less bears on the beach. Let's talk about polar.

Right. Still fewer. I don't think there's a lot of beaches where polar bears are. Not ones you're hanging out on. Yeah. I mean, a beach has to have sand, right? Yeah. I think that's the definition.

lot of sandy beaches polar bears be like chilling out agreed okay you seem like you didn't a minute ago agreed you're right look you're they're just different vacations one is more one is more associated with like kind of a luxury relaxation and one is more associated with a little more rugged like getting out into nature yeah like roughing it a little bit more right like a mountain vacation could be camping right a beach vacation is laying on the beach drinking a margarita Yeah, I would agree. I would say one's better for your health. The mountain vacation is probably better for your health.

I don't know. The way I relax. Sun is nice. Yeah. I mean, we all agreed. That seasonal depression up in the mountains. This one's weird, man. Napkins are superior to paper towels.

Okay. This one's really weird. This is super easy. Can you wrap this up in some context down? I got an answer for this. Is this just to use at the table? This is just napkins are superior to paper towels. Sure. Okay, three, two, one.

No. No. What? A napkins better than a paper towel. No. What are you talking about? No. Superior to a paper towel that can do anything?

I mean, here's what's can. This is why I said I wanted to know what you mean, because if I'm sitting down to eat at the table and there's a napkin or a paper towel to slip under the side of my, you know, to use. Right, right. Which one might be softer to clean your fingies? A napkins much better. Correct. Yeah.

That's all I mean. So if this was a napkin is superior to. paper towels for the sole purpose of cleaning your fingers. But we didn't need it. I don't mean to clean up anything. Nobody cleans up things with napkins. It's idiotic. So how could you say it's superior to a paper towel? It's not the quicker picker upper. The napkin. That's stupid. I season my cast irons with a paper towel. I'm agreeing. Okay. But if I'm going to be at a kitchen table, eating a meal, I want to dab my face with a napkin. But at the same time, you could totally do it with a paper towel. And you usually do. I do it. Napkins are softer and they're four-ply.

Okay, minimum, generally. They're just folded, folded single-ply. Yeah, I can fold a paper towel. You don't fold no four-plice. You don't turn your paper towel into a four-ply napkin. No, I could. I two-plied, and then it's basically four. Yeah, because it's already.

What can a napkin do that a paper towel can't do? Be a perfectly pre-made square next to your table. Square? And a little softer. But I can, less abrasive on the face when you've got to get the barbecue sauce off. Yeah, but the abrasion, that's how I know. it's working. It's like exfoliating. When I rub my face with a soft napkin, you know what's all over my face?

Everything I ate. Yeah, man. All right. A paper towel. All right. I don't care that much. You don't know this. The fact that this is brought up really up. It's a separate paper product you can sell for a separate purpose. Why are we making napkins? What are we doing? I think it's just for Andy. You don't want a giant long paper towel next. Like when you put your silverware down at the kitchen table, you're setting the table.

The only napkins. You don't need a big long napkins. one a superior cleaning device? It's not superior. It is. It is. Superior. It's not superior for your mouth. It's not superior for a number of rules.

No, if you need to quicker pick her up or the spilled grape juice, then sure. The only, the only napkins that we purchase are decorative part. It's got like a Thanksgiving print on it. Yeah. And then they're so fancy with my napkin. Now, those actually are non-absorbitant and suck. Yeah. Exactly.

Those are for show. Give me a paper towel over here. Those are show napkins. Yeah. Paper towels are incredible. And I'm not surprised Captain Caviar has shown. napkins. I'm just going to say that. I mean.

All right, we're taking a break. We're drafting. The Spitballers draft. So let me get this right. I jumped in for Jason. So Jason has the number one pick. That is the number one pick. That is how it works for Jason. Funny things that old people do. This isn't a great draft to have the 101. I feel like there's.

You don't have the one? He just celebrated the 101 and then now you say that. Yeah. but since I have it I'm going to take the one that I think is it's so kind of universally associated with an old person very similar to the not hanging up that got us here

that the other day there's no way you have the same one and one as me the other day we'll see the other day we uh someone did this and it was in their pocket oh my gosh this is what I was going to go with too and it was just like it just you look like an old person because you left your flashlight off. The flashlight is always on.

Just like they can't hang up the phone. They can't turn the flashlight off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like if I see a flashlight on in someone's pocket, they're old. Of course.

Yeah. Of course they're old. And when it happens to me, I go, oh man, I feel old. Because. Because that's an old person thing. Because. Yes. Okay.

Okay. The phone flashlight is super embarrassing. I did it yesterday. Yeah. Because I'm old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was trying to like make some jokes. It was at the doctor's office.

They're taking my blood. And then I pull my phone out and the flashlights on. I've never done this. How embarrassing. I'm a young man. All right. So it's my pick. Yeah.

So we got to leave. Leaving the phone flashlight on. Look, I'm going to go with one that I saw about three or four days ago. And I was like, man, this, nothing screams old, but also confidence. more than the loafers with no socks. The no socks loafers. It looks so uncomfortable. Should just hairless little ankles poking out there.

The no sock loafer look. I don't know when you get rid of your socks. Because I feel like that's also like the youngs are doing that. I mean the no sock loafer. Youngs are wearing like in all their slippers now. I'm going to post some pictures for you guys. This is bad news. The youngs are doing it.

Maybe it's coming back around. I've seen youngs wearing them. But the olds, they patented it. Yeah, I mean, they definitely started it. So that's where I'm going to go on my first pick. Mike, you got a couple picks. Yeah, okay. So I'm up.

So we got the phone flashlight is on. The loafers. I mean, you're going to say it, call their shoes loafers. Yeah, I mean, that's enough. You ever called your shoes loafers? I've never had. I had loafer, so no. Well, you're not old enough.

What is a loafer? Thank you. It's when you loaf around. You're old enough to loaf around. What kind of shoe is a loafer? You don't really know? I mean, I can see it. You can picture.

Where am I, okay, that's a loafer. You're so old, you just slip it on. Just slip. If I could not have to do anything to put on a shoe, I would, but this is the closest I'm going to get. They're doing nothing. So that's the loafer? I bet they sleep in them. All right.

I'm going. The one I thought Jason was going to take was. was the leave a voicemail that only says call me back hmm like that's it

you think I don't know that you called me so because you think I don't have phone ID or a call ID on my phone so that's where you need to it just says call me back wait they say that yeah

see I thought that they what old people do is they say their name and their phone number first but I'm saying it's essentially the entire The entirety of the message is, hey, call me back. It's not a, hey, you know, this is blah, blah, blah. I'm calling from your business.

No, it's literally just, it's grandpa, call me back. You're like, yeah, no, grandpa, I saw you called. Okay. I screened you. I didn't answer your call. I know you called. I know you want me to call you back. I don't need a voice.

Now I got to go and delete a voice mail. Your voicemail box is full. Yes, of course. Do I think it's implied? The callback is implied. Of course. If Grandpa is. Andy is.

questioning this like a real old person. He's like, I'm not sure you're right here, Mike. I don't feel like if I see a phone call that doesn't have a voicemail, they need me to call them back. And that's how they feel, too. Okay, I'm old. That's how y'all feel. All right, one more, Mike.

So you're telling me, you call your children they don't answer. Do you feel like you have to leave a voice message for them to call you back? Probably not. Probably not. Exactly. But if I call my dad, I leave a voicemail. Yeah, because he's old. I know he needs one.

Because he'd be like, oh, he didn't leave a voice message to say, call me back. That's not a bit important. Okay, point proven. Point proven. And then we're going to go with, uh, there's, we're going to go with a keep paper receipts. Oh, yeah. That's an old person's game. That is an old person's game.

Would you like a receipt? Man, no. No. No, why do I? No, I would not. You know how you have like those, uh, the, the, the spam. phone number blocking where you can say like I want to be on the do not call it. You should have a national do not receipt list.

Like, yes. You know what I did? Yes. I bought something at Target. A different target. I wanted to take it back. I just brought it in there and I go, I don't got no receipt.

Like what did I? And they go, okay, okay, no big deal. Yeah, they're like, how did you pay? What card did you pay with? They can look it up. They go, okay, here's 50 bucks back on your card, buy. Yeah, or I should, every time I should be like, no, I burned the receipt. I burned it.

Give me my money. Did you pay in cash? Of course not, because it's $2,026. What is it? All right, my next pitch. Do I want a receipt? Pay with cash should be one of our picks here. Well, no, it's going to be my pick. Paying by check.

Oh, okay. Paying by check, which I mean. People accept that? There is a... Very few, but man. There is a city just north of here that we frequent a lot. Prescott, Arizona. Wait, what?

Prescott is... I'm not a Prescott man. No, you're not. It's a old. person it's an old person place if you run a business up there you better they oh my gosh they all want checks for everything checks only checks only like i don't even take this because there's a three percent fee it's like i don't know there's a feet like we eat it eat the fee man i don't want to right i don't want to go buy checks and sometimes they're like you like you genuinely like we only take checks and

i go you you don't you can't take a card and he's like well we can take a card but you have to pay the 3% fee and you're not going to want to do that. And I'm like, this is $12. I'll pay the $12.4.4 to not bust out a checkbook. First of all, find my checkbook. Then write out a check. Like, yes, go ahead. Charge me 3%.

Have they seen catch me if you can? Check fraud is easy. Yeah. All right, Jay, you got two picks. What? All right, two picks. Checks. I know one of them first.

When is the last time you guys wrote a check? Well, last time I was impressed me. I do. I do write check. every once in a while. I'm learning everything on these lists is what I do. Yeah. You have what time are you eating dinner lately, Andy? I'm on the early.

Because I'm going to say eating dinner at 4 p.m. is one of them. The early dinner, I mean, Early bird special. The thing is, and I realize this now, that when you get a certain age, you go to bed so early. Yeah. So early.

Like 8 p.m. you've been asleep for an hour. And it's like, well, so yeah, dinner's at four. I never understood. Like, how could you eat dinner at four? Aren't you going to get hungry before you go to bed? They're up at 3.30 in the morning. That's the cat. That's the interesting part.

The whole timeline has just gotten off kilter. You could shift this. It's weird. You could, you're old. What are you doing? You could sleep until 9 a.m. And then. They don't, though.

I, but they could. And then they could stay up till 7. All right. So you're, you've drafted eating dinner at four. It's a great pick. This one I have to pick because I've got to put someone near and dear to me on blast here. Uh-oh. Who listens?

Yes. Unlike theirs. Like, yes. They listen. Yes. But this is the ultimate old person thing. It is. If I see this out in the world, I am, I don't think anything other than old person.

Okay. All right. whenever I see the bubble mirror on the side mirror of any car, I know who's driving it. It's an old person. 100% of the time. To enhance. Oh, it's good. It's a better field of vision.

It's like a bubble mirror? Oh, pay attention to it. The extra blind spot. The extra blind spot rounded mirror that sticks on your side mirror. Were those like a big TV ad in one point in time? They must have been. Because the only cars that have that are old people. here's the best part. Sorry, Pops. You can't put on blast. I figured. My, my dad's car,

when the, when the twins were, uh, learned double, double bubble. Oh, yeah, but both, both windows for sure. But when my twins were learning to drive. And so they, they didn't use the car much. They had, they had a car. My dad's car broke down. And so he was going to use my car for a little bit. And he's like, you should, you got to put this for their safety. I'm like, dude, no one uses the We're all fine. We can all see. But he put the bubble mirrors on for him. Oh, he did?

For them? Oh, my gosh. It's just like, okay, that's fine. You can do it. But I know for a fact. I drive around enough. When I see a bubble mirror, I can look into that car. You know what it is.

I know. There's no, that's not a young man's game. I mean, you have to be, can you see the entire world in those bubbles? You have to. You have to be able to see the future. I mean, look, I'm like a crystal ball. I'm going to pivot on this, this next pick. Okay.

because it's kind of a follow-up with that one. But funny things old people do, they drive gigantic boats. They drive gigantic boat cars. All their cars, I don't know what makes, I don't know what convinced people when they get old, that they got to go get a Buick with like three times the length and width. It's not convincing. I mean, remember when I was like, an Oldsmobile?

We get a certain age and we're like, no more new music. Yeah. No more. And they, I just want a boat of a car. Like no more new cars. This car better be able to carve through somebody. Yes. It's that big and heavy, and it's what I want is a big, long, heavy boat car.

They do drive gigantic cars and should not be driving. No. Oh, my gosh, they should not be driving. But they are kind of invulnerable in them. Yeah. They are. Everybody else isn't, but they're kind of okay. They're like, I'm good.

Don't worry, bud. It's okay. I got a bubble mirror. I can see everything. It's a bumper car. So, Mike, you got two picks. All right. So it's a two-part combo. So I'm going to take both my picks right now.

Number one, they won't buy stuff online. Okay. Right. They don't do that. But number two, they fall for internet scams. Oh, man. How does one not buy things online because you cannot trust Amazon. Privacy.

I'm not giving you my credit card number. and yet the Prince of Nigeria shows up. And they're going to make millions of dollars. No, I think this is real. How can both of those things exist in the exact same world, you old's? I think the mind starts going, Mike. And one of those things seems impractical by things online and non-person. I got to see it in person to believe it.

The other is too good. It's not to see it. It's literally I'm going to get scammed. If I put my information on the internet, I'm going to get scamped. And then they're like, oh, what's this link? That's pretty funny. My Facebook has been hacked? I better clear this up immediately.

I need to reset my password right now. I got it. The only way to do that is to give my password? I got it. Of course. On bozo7.net? I got a text saying that my U.S. package from the postal office has been lost. Click this link and pay to get it delivered.

Okay, that's a good one. I will go with a computer-related one as well for my final pick. it is called printing out emails. Oh, yeah. I have printing out directions. I've been given, and I've been had printed emails that are then given to me with a paperclip to read. Yeah.

No. Yes. Like, check this out. They love a printer. A printed email. They feel young because they're like, I can use a printer. A printed email is special. Don't forward it.

Print it and hand it to somebody to read. Yeah. Print it. Printing out. Check this story out. Printing out things is like printing out directions was on my list. Absolutely. They can't trust the technology or whatever.

I got to have it tactile. I need the technology to put it on a piece of paper. Right. Because then it's good. There you go. All right. Let's see here. So I got the final pick.

I'm between two here. I'm going to, you know, I'm going to surprise myself a little bit here. I'm going to go with this because I don't think anyone but old people do this. And it is something old people do. And this is funny things old people do. because I don't understand it. They collect stamps. Like, what?

They collect stamps and coins. I mean, you're talking to two card collectors here, dude. I understand it. I think we might be the ones that would collect some stamps someday. You guys with your collecting stuff. Different designs, man. This one had Elvis on it. Limited edition.

Oh, my gosh. It's all about that. Mike's sitting near going, Mike's like, I've got a stamp. Mike might have stamp. Mike, do you have a stamp collection? No. Okay. No, I would.

You will, though. But do you want to start with me, Mike? I have football cards. Yeah. Like a grown man. Yeah. But when you get old, it sounds like you're going to go into a stamp and coin collection. We might.

Yeah. I get it. 1942 Lincoln, Penny. Honorable mentions, a couple that I had written down. Oh, I have some. Yeah. Complaining about old prices. Oh, for sure.

You could stop after the word complaining. Complaining is a, and then writing down passwords in a notebook. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. Every time, and I'll put my own parents on blast. Every time they need me to debug something at their house, I'll be like, what's your login for this? It's always the same routine.

They walk to the back room, they bring out a big old pat of yellow paper, and they siphoned through it to find the password. I have Luz glasses on forehead. That's such a good one. I love that one. Turnedown radio to C. Oh, yeah. Which I couldn't use that one because. Guilty.

Yeah, I do. Do you guys know how much better you can see when you turn the volume down? It's so distracting. Like I become Hawkeye. Yeah. I can see infinity miles. Those are amazing. When the volume's up loud on my eye, I can't see in front of the dash.

That's so funny. I be in the way. Oh, man. That's a funny thing they do. Yeah. They're so good at being in the way. Yeah. I had dying.

Like, they just stay alive. And they're just in the way. Super funny. And old. I have still use AOL email addresses. We have user speaker phone in public. Oh, absolutely. I don't know why.

And I am guilty of that one. I do like a good schedule phone call. I don't know why they use speakerphone in public. I don't want to hold it up to my ear. My daughter just walks around her house at the house on speakerphone. It's a new, it's a new trend. Like coming to the kitchen, like on a conversation. They freeze an 80 degree weather.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're freezing. And then wearing diapers. That's pretty funny. Okay. What did we learn today? I learned that in the next 10 years, Mike's pooping his bed.

That's what I learned. There's, there's a clock. There's at least a chance. Yeah. There is a chance. I learned that there is no reason that napkins should ever be manufactured again when we have paper towels.

Oh, right. And I learned, I might have a bowel problem. You just might. You just might. But there was some. I mean, Matt, you learned that there are several people with baffle problems in the world. There could be multiple people with baffle problems.

We're good, man. Just make it to the toilet. Pooping yourself will be a funny, old people thing you do. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.