Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Necktie Napkins & A Beach Battle - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

Baby bibs, high heels, and seedy motels. The fellas try all kinds of things on for size in today’s ‘Would You Rather?’ segment. Then we play some Ballerdash and see if Andy can somehow be worse than he was last time we played. Lastly, we close it down with a new battle royale draft - on the beach! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I Wondered I'm so happy you didn't stop stand back Welcome in I got a thing. I'm doing I'm doing something Spitballers episode number 333. 333 times that darn intro has called us buffoons.

Have we really genuinely done 332 previous abominations? 333 episodes of this show, which we're approaching one for every day of the year. Do we quit then, is that it? I think we have to. It's definitely too much. Oh yeah. Too many. Would you rather we're playing baller dash

and we are drafting, this will be a fun one, we haven't had a battle royale in quite some time, a beach battle. So we'll be on the beach grabbing things on the beach. Killing each other. Yeah. On the beach. Oh, that's the goal. Right. Yeah. I like to think of every battle royale to be like, we are always enjoying like a normal day together. Like we're all just hanging out and a battle to the death breaks out. Like a whistle goes, like all of a sudden, we're just chilling, we're reading our book. Or you're licking me a little bit off

and then I'm like, I'm gonna kill you. Or you think we're gonna just start it, just like. I don't know, it's like we had a normal day. We're all like, hey, let's go to the beach, guys. Yeah. Just the three of us. Is it a good time? We set up the beach chairs and then all of a sudden, it's like,

wah, wah, wah. Yeah, it's like, all right, let's fight to the death. Okay. So we'll be drafting that today. Al Borland in the building after that double scat performance in episode 332. What a performance it was. Mike, you followed it up great.

Oh, thank you. I will wreck it next episode, don't worry. He's already dreading it. You're already dreading the next episode. I hate when Mike scats because it means I'm up next. Well, let's kick it off. Would you rather... Kelsey from the website, during your 10-day cross-country road trip, would you rather

do all the driving in a luxury SUV or a vehicle of your choice? Oh this is the Jason Moore special. Okay. While staying overnight in seedy motels. So you get the nice SUV, seedy motel. Ten days of driving. That's a long time. It's a lot of driving. Or do that ten day cross- country road trip in a Prius while staying overnight in five star hotels. See what I mean? It doesn't matter what I have to say on this. I cede the floor. This is the Jason Moore special for sure.

Dude, am I driving? Yeah. I mean, you would be driving some at least. Okay, I just. Are you saying you'd rather be a passenger in a Prius than the driver passenger in Prius than the driver of a Prius? Yes, correct.

Yeah, really? Does that actually make a difference? It does make a difference. I mean, I'll be honest. I've ridden in Priuses when we travel. Prii. Prii. A lot of cities, that's the primary taxi cab.

You go to LAX or something, and you go to get in a cab, and it's like nine out of ten cars are all Prius. Why is that? I don't know. I just thought I could trick you into saying something to their effect, like the positive gas mileage. Gas mileage is okay and they're trying to give those things away to people. So I imagine they go to taxi companies and be like, hey look, I'll give you like a 10 for one special. Do you guys have memories of when hybrids started to come out? Yeah. And it was like, holy crap, I can get 60 miles per gallon? You gotta be kidding me.

In fact, then gas was all the way up there at a dollar. That was pretty expensive. But what's the choice here, Jay? You got to answer this first because this is really... You're more of an SUV and the five star hotel guy. Yeah, I was gonna say, I'm gonna take... That's what I'm gonna take. I'm gonna take the SUV and five star hotels. Oh! Yeah, I'm just gonna go... Let's check in with Al on that one.

Al, is that allowed? Denied. Not allowed. Not allowed. Alright, well they tried and failed again to put me in a Prius. I will be sleeping in seedy hotels. Oh, we did try.

Okay, change of plans. You're driving the whole time in the Prius. Well, then I'm... Okay, oh, you picked the seat. Yeah, I was like, that makes it even easier. I will say it, if I was chauffeured in a Prius, I would be more tempted to take it. This one is just, it feels like just a question for Jason,

because I think the easy answer for us, we just drive the Prius and get the five-star hotels. Yeah, absolutely. Because you get better gas mileage anyway, we're paying less on gas. That's how we're in the five-star hotels. Yeah, that's how we can afford it. But you've got an image to uphold. I have standards to keep. That's it we're in the five-star hotels. Yeah, that's how we can afford it. But you've got an image to uphold.

I have standards to keep. That's it, yeah. I have my morality. Would you feel more comfortable? So you said, Schoford, would you rather be riding shotgun? No. Or you'd rather be in the back? No one's in shotgun.

Correct. Yeah. I'm Miss Daisy. OK? Just drive me around. in shotgun correct yeah I'm miss Daisy of all of us you are the miss Daisy Greg from patreon would you rather have to pull out a pacifier and put it in your mouth for one minute every time you get upset or angry that's funny that idea that you recognize you get angry and you got a pop one I could see a recommend that like are all right here's what we're gonna do this week.

Every time you get mad, I'm gonna give you this PASSIE, and every time you get mad, you're gonna reach in your Pog and you're gonna pop that in for one minute. Diagnosis is you're being a big fat baby. Yeah. Yes. So that's option one, or have to pull out and use an actual pink baby bib and toddler utensils any time you eat anything.

Well, first of all, Bibbing up would be, we need to bring that back. Bibs should be a normal thing. They really should. I mean, that's just, that's like, let's normalize bibs. However, Have you seen my shirts? Yes. Let's normalize bibs.

Yeah, very stained. So here's a funny thing. I spent years alongside Andy making fun of Andy for having his shelf spot. Yeah, I have a drinking problem. I've got an eating problem. It falls upon thy shelf. Right where the belly starts protruding, there is often a stained little spot there for Andy. I honestly look down not knowing it's possible. Yeah, not knowing it's today because half the times it's there. Andy. I honestly looked down, not knowing. Yeah, not knowing is today, because half the times it's there.

Yeah. And so for years I enjoyed laughing at Andy's own joke. And then I lost enough weight where I stopped buying purely black shirts. Turns out I got a lot of shelf spots. You got a problem too. Oh yeah. You think black was hiding

how many times you were dripping on yourself. I promise all my black shirts have the spot, but you just can't see it. That is so funny. So when I go through my closet and they're like, I need to re-buy a bunch of my shirts. I got a light blue shirt. I got a cream shirt.

And it's like, they're all stained. Every single one of them have a stain mark on them. We need bibs. When did we move away from The proper move was you tuck the napkin into the shirt, right? Yes, like that basically a bit was that was that ever a thing or is that just something? I'm trying to think about what the lore of that is because I feel like that always came with somebody being extra hungry In the cartoons or the movies it was like oh, I'm star like you put the you put the napkin in and then you grab Your fork and knife and you hold them. That's what I think that was just preparing for me

I was it a was it just a bit that then turned into some weird Shared memory collection that we all have or did people actually used to do that I think people used to do that because if you watch old shows Which I don't really watch Andy will will refer to you on this one, but I feel like at dinnertime which I don't really watch. Andy, we'll refer to you on this one. But I feel like at dinnertime. I don't know. It's very common in old shows for people to tuck that napkin

in their neck sleeve. What do you call that? Their collar? Thank you. Their neck sleeve. I'll tell you this, I've had a handful of times, luckily not a lot. There are people that work in business,

and unbelievable, like if you're in a suit and tie all day, like a white undershirt or a... Like yeah, a white button up under the suit jacket. A white button up under your suit jacket, and you are eating lunch every day with that, can you imagine my world? I wouldn't have a sales deal go through, I'd be walking in there with a meatball on me.

You gotta bib up. So that's what, I feel like it's the right call. Here's the AI overlords are telling me. Okay. Cause I said when did people stop doing it and it said you know people we haven't stopped completely doing it. Oh I can tell you drive through Jason has not stopped doing that. If I'm in the car I'm pushing that in. Really? Do you do that? Yeah for sure. Now is this your own one or an after? That's gotta be way more embarrassing than just eating in the car. Well of course but I'm already full of shame. I'm in shame mode.

Why do you think he has a legal tint on his side windows? Oh, yeah, you're not CNN my car. No way. So it is so dangerous to drive. 1700, 1800s, tucking the napkin in. Where do you tuck the napkin when you have no shirt on? Pfft. Pfft.

Just, it was very common. I just lay that on the shelf. Early 1900s, still fairly common, especially in formal dining and among children. And then between the 40s and 60s, the decline began as etiquette shifted toward placing the napkin in the lap. Yeah, that is the place.

Partly due to changing fashion, apparently, because ties and open collars made it less practical so the so they the already kind of silly fashion thing of us wearing ties which is really strange when you actually think about what you're doing it's wearing a tie a piece of cloth to hang off your neck it's downward it's so weird that's silly it's It's silly, right? That's silly when you think about it. A tie is absurd. At least a jacket, a suit jacket. OK, it makes sense. It's a jacket.

I'm not saying you don't look sharp when you do it, but I'm trying to think. We're green. It's so weird. There's purpose to a suit jacket. What's the difference between that and hanging it around your, putting it around your head and hanging it? Yeah, right over your, like an angler fish.

Or down the back, like an angler fish. It's just a decoration that sideways. Yep, it's funny. We decided this and because of it, we have lost the ability to tuck napkins into our shirt. And you know what, as as you were reading that, I realized like when so I often wear polo shirts. That's really hard in the drive through to napkin up here. And so that was part of the so it's the tie or the open collar. I figured it out. A tie that opens into a napkin.

A tie that opens into a napkin. Yes, you've got the answer. Or just an oversized tie. Or just a huge wide tie. And you can flip it if you spill on it. Well then it'll stain the shirt. Well after it dries. So the crazy thing about that was,

did I hear you throw out a 1700s in the 1700s to 1800s? Tucking napkins into the collar was common especially among upper-class men So you were you were correct in the sense that that used to be the norm Yeah, I guess we got and we got rid of that because we're like let's wear ties What I'm just saying that I feel like I'm slowly being choked with all day like super nice the napkins like super nice then? Like if you were tucking them as a, like that's a real... Like they had off-hold edges. Yeah, these weren't paper. Yeah, it would've looked nice, right?

Because you were showing it off. Yeah, it was a collar in itself. It's still funny though, because it is... Like all of us everywhere would always like to believe we aren't gonna spill food from our mouths. Like spilling food from your mouth does... I shouldn't need a napkin. It seems like a baby would do that.

You need a napkin for your fingers. Right. If they're greasy, if you're eating something like that, you should not need a blanket. Right, to guard your belly. But you do. But you do. You've got to be a realist in this world.

But I will say this, getting back to the question. We've all had babies and baby bibs. Oh, there was. They couldn't possibly fit around our neck. Well, you're just saying there's one that does fit Okay, so this fits. Yeah, I'm not trying to put an infant size Nope, it actually fits the pacifier thing would I think be the one I'm gonna go with because I do believe it will train me To stop being angry or upset man. I feel like that would make me angry

Just like wait, you're permanent in your time Are you in a permanent loop? I'm in a permanent loop, cause then as soon as I stop, I just gotta keep. So like Maggie Simpson? No, I'm gonna go that, I do think that that one will help me out.

I'm not pulling out toddler utensils every time I can. That's the issue, the bib is an upgrade, the toddler utensils are a real problem. I'm gonna have to have mommy cut my steak. You know, cause if I get a filet and I'm gonna have to have Mommy cut my steak. You know, cuz I if I get a fillet and I've got these little plastic fork and knife, you know tiny things, it's not gonna I'm gonna have to eat it with my hands. Oh, yeah Yeah, that's true. So I guess we're all taking the PASSI

Joseph from the website. Would you rather have all your shoes? sound the way high heels sound or sound the way high heels sound or all of them sound the way flip-flops sound. Like a click clack or a flip-flop. Yeah, nice onomatopoeia. I mean, thank you. If you heard, close your eyes for a moment, and you are... Not if you're driving. Not if you're driving, thank you. Unless you're on autopilot. If you. Take a nap. Don't even listen. If you hear those two sounds, the high heel sound. Yeah.

Or the flip-flop sound, what comes along with that sound? What is your assumption around those people? Well, the high heels is you're like, there's gonna be a nicely dressed lady. Nicely dressed. Or the flip-flops is a hippie. Right. Who probablyie. Right. Who probably stinks.

Right. They're about to roll through with their flippity-floppity. OK, so you. I don't have those same thoughts. The flip-flop thoughts are the same for me. And that's why. Guess who doesn't wear flip-flops on this show? And who does?

When I hear flip-flops, I think beach. I think pool. Successful man with beard. I think comfort. It's just stunning. Attractive. It smells so good. I think.. Successful man with beard. I think comfort. Just stunning. Attractive. Smells so good. I think.

Like lilac. Yeah. I think awesome. There's a lazy element to flip flops. Flip flops are inherently, the sound of flip flops says, I just, this is, I would have gone barefoot if I could have. This is as close as I get to barefoot. But heels also, like the sound of heels are very annoying.

It's more abrasive. Like when I'm at home, it's no different, it doesn't sound any different than boots. Boots and heels, they sound the same when they walk. Heels are a woman's necktie. Boots. Boots. Like a rubber. No, like real boots.

Yeah, but a real boot's gonna have a rubber sole. Sure, it's got a rubber sole. If I'm on tile, when I hear it walking. No boots. Yeah, but a real boot's gonna have a rubber sole. Sure, it's got a rubber sole. If I'm on tile, when I hear it walking. No way. Yeah, it's gonna sound the same. No way. Yes it is. A rubber boot?

It can't possibly sound the same with the science of the pressure of just how small the heel is. I feel like click clack, click clack. High heels are a very unique sound. Yeah. And I do feel like it is the woman's version of the necktie.

Every time I see a woman wearing high heels, I'm like, I feel bad because your feet are in agony and you've got to learn how to walk with that. And then going upstairs or moving around like. But at least that one serves some kind of like purpose. Like they get taller. The height of it. Yeah, exactly.

Like there's no redeemable quality to putting a tie on, other than you're choking. I just, I guess. The whole idea of being forced into something so that people think something is funny. We are dumb. And we do it, and it's our culture, and other cultures are very different.

They do different things that way. So, okay, let me just ask Doosers Alley, do you guys have the same kind of double vision of classy versus trashy here on the flip flops? Sort of the... On the heels versus flip flops? Yeah, I do. Yeah, same here.

What percentage of people in Walmart are in flip flops? I'm not trying. I don't care. I don't... Yeah. I've never been able to get on board with foot plops just in general. I don't, they're very comfortable. I don't think they're comfortable at all.

That little, what is it? The toe thong? Oh, they're very comfortable. I can tell you. I get it, there are some that are not comfortable. For, I don't know, what would we say, like seven years of doing this business together, I wore exclusively and only flip-flops.

You wore a flippity-floppity guy. I was a flippity-floppity guy. Very comfortable, very easy. But Jeremy, what was the words you used to describe it? I don't care, I'm not trying. That is correct. That is 100%. Now you're a tryer.

Yeah, I lost enough weight where I can breathe when I put on shoes So I'm like, oh I can put on shoes again So that's helpful My son does the Birkenstocks with socks Oh that's, my son does too and I don't understand Fashion is so stupid And he was so uncomfortable in the Birkenstocks for the first like 7-8 days Yeah you gotta break them in

And he stuck with them and broke them in. Down he goes and everything. Or your foot slides out slightly and your heel catches the edge of it and you go down like a sack of potatoes. Let me tell you this, Birkenstock's not gym shoes. He's in the gym and he's getting pulled around by the way. It's just sliding like Kristy Yamaguchi. Wait, he's working out in Birkenstock's? Brother, these children of ours.

Close toe shoes. These children of ours are going to gyms in Birkenstocks? These children of ours. Close toe shoes. These children of ours are going to gyms in Birkenstocks and jorts and even worse than that, the big old, what are the, your famous. They're not Jinkos anymore. No, they are Jinkos. Well, there's another brand. Jinko brand is still there.

They're making a comeback. There's a different brand. Yeah, there's a bunch of them. We got a young adult in here. What's the other brand? I have no idea. They're working out with these things with brand too. Yeah, there's a bunch of them. Young, we got a young adult in here. What's the other brand? I have no idea. They're working out with these things with no regard. No, fuck it. For anything.

They wouldn't do like sports in them though, right? I think you, I think they'll do anything they want. They make their own rules. I think they make their own rules. Okay. I guess based on polling the audience here, we all have to take the sound of the high heels. Yeah, cause we sound fancy.

Yeah, I mean, yeah. Sounding classy versus sounding like you don't care. Hmm, I can't find the words to this. I still relate flip flops to pool side. I relate high heel sounds. There's some realtor walking up to me to sell me something. That's the problem. Yeah, the issue is how often are you gonna run into

a situation where it sounds like you hear the high heel sound and you're like, that's weird. It's more intimidating. If you're in flip flops, you never intimidate nobody. That's true, yeah, but what if? They think you're lower than anybody. What if I take the high heel sound and I wear flip-flops and they hear me coming, and then I round the corner and they go, what?

It'll be very, what an incredible bit you'd be able to pull off. You think you could walk in high heels? Yeah. You do? I do. Like the real ones, the ones that are, because the real ones are wild, man. I mean, I don't think I could like.

They're basically just standing on their toes. Play basketball on them, but I think I could wear high heels. Oh man, I feel like that's, that's gonna be hard. I don't know if they make them in my foot size. Goliath? Yeah.

Goliath? See him walking in with some high heels and a bib around his neck. Dude, you'd be six feet tall. Oh, that, I would, oh man. I gotta get me some high heels and a bib around his neck. Dude, you'd be six feet tall. Oh, that, oh man, I gotta get me some high heels. All right. Jeremy'd be like five three. Oh man, Al, any thoughts there? You're getting a three high heels.

I get paid to take this abuse. Keep it coming. He does get a check. All right, we're gonna take a break and we're gonna play a game. Alright, we're going to take a break and we're going to play a game. What time is it? Game time. Alright, if I, if my memory serves me, which look, it's not that great of a memory. We're playing Ballardash, and I believe

I may have had the worst showing in this game in the history of games. Oh, that is correct. I don't know if I, I think I scored maybe a point in the final. I think you did. You got on the board. In the final round, one point. But it was one of the worst, I think that was it.

You ended with two points. Oh, well. Final round is double points. It was 14 to 10 to two. 14 to 10 to two, wowsers. Yeah, so I. Impressive. Honestly, I'm throwing it all away. All my strategies thrown away.

You didn't watch the tape. All new stuff. I'm doing all new stuff this time. You guys are gonna guess all my stuff. Okay, let's doubt that. This is one of the many games that we struggle to always explain perfectly, but we have been given five different prompts

in five different categories. We gave our answers to Al. Al's the only one who has them. We have not seen one another's answers. We are working through a definition of a word, a notable person, an acronym, a movie plot, and a weird law. Al will read each of our answers back to us

along with the real answer, and we will try to guess. And based on whether we guess each other's answers or get the right answer, we'll get a certain amount of points. Okay, you're off to a good start. That was the best you've ever explained. I felt like it was not bad. Yeah, no, I, for the, this is the first time going into the game now I know what we're doing.

Okay, good, good. That was great. So let's go ahead It's two points if you get the correct answer one point if you're an opponent guesses your fake answer And Al is gonna kick it off right now. All right, we're gonna start with Definition and the word is garboil Garboil We're laughing at the word we are a statue at the top of a building with wings and fangs Garboil. G-A-R-B-O-I-L, garboil. I forgot. Garboil. That's a funny word. We're laughing at the word we all use. It's a statue at the top of a building

with wings and fangs. Oh, nice. Yeah, I did go there. I did go there. All right, so the... All right, is a garboil a state of commotion, confusion, or uproar? Commotion, all right.

Oh my gosh. Is a garboil... How do you spell confusion? Is it a disagreement between flocks of birds? Pfft. Yes. Disagreement. Is it the combination of cooking and eating

as fast as one can? Okay. Good. Cooking and eating. Fast. Or is it a tangled mess, I'm sorry, a tangled mass of seaweed found on rocky shores? Okay, so basically extreme confusion,

a bird quarrel, the cooking and eating fast, or a tangled mass of seaweed? You got it? That's it. Oh my gosh. So we take turns locking in first, I guess? Sure. Jason? Oh, I go first in first, I guess? Sure. Jason?

Oh, I go first? Why you seem so enthusiastic? I am so entertained by not knowing how to spell the word confusion. I'm gonna take that one. I literally started with C-U and I kept getting stung. I was like, that is not right. No, you should stop spelling immediately.

That is my answer as well. I'm gonna, that is not right. No, you should stop spelling immediately. That is my answer as well. I'm going to do the commotion one. I feel like Jason's protesting too much. Oh, man. You guys are both on that one? Well. I like the seaweed one the most, so I'm going to go with that one.

OK, what is the right answer, Al? The correct answer is the state of commotion, confusion, or uproar. Oh, nice. So we got... Someone got a lot of points. Jason and Andy both got two there, and then Jason gets a bonus because Mike guessed his answer. I liked it. Thank you.

I liked it. Nice. Also, I have as many points as the last entire game. That is correct. We got Jason with three, Andy with two. Yeah, I did, man. That's very easy to get two points. I remember I was really close to being shut out. Yeah with two. Yeah, I did, man. That's very easy to get two points. Remember I was really close to being shut out?

Yeah, yeah. All right, like Mike. All right, second one. You have to have the pressures on me. All right, we're gonna move on to the notable person, and that person is Frank Lathrop. Frank Abignale. Junior.

Wait, what's the last name? Lathrop, L-A-T-H-R-O-P. Does that really matter, Jesus? Why does this matter? I don't know the origin. And what are the odds of you spelling it right? It's a guy named Frank. Okay. That's a good point. It probably doesn't make a difference here. All right. Rosie Barnes. Was Frank Lathrop the youngest mayor in Ohio history, elected at age 17? Hmm. Okay. Hmm, okay, hmm, reasonable. Was Frank Lathrop a retired underwater cartographer

who tried to map Atlantis? Okay. Cartographer. Was he the inventor of the Toot Trapper, a seat cushion designed to contain bad smelling gas? I believe that somebody tried that. Or was Frank Lathrop the first politician contained bad smelling gas. I believe that somebody tried that. Or was Frank Lathrop the first politician to win four non-consecutive elections? Four non-consecutive?

That's a good answer. That takes time. There's two, so two of them are politicians. Political, but not just political, but dealing with like extreme, the youngest or the other one had to be super old, right? Yeah, the nonconsecutive? Unless there's like elections every month. So youngest mayor, cartographer, toot trapper, or the nonconsecutive politician?

So I guess then you start this one, Andy? Yeah, Andy will go first. Hmm. And I've been in, I've got the first one right, so I really, everything else is gravy. I'm gonna go with the youngest mayor. So am I, young mayor. Man, I really wanna go toot, I wanna go tootin' so bad.

Follow your heart. But I think it's the four consecutive. I'm gonna lock that in. All right, Mike is gonna get a point because Jason just guessed his answer. It's the toots! Jason gets two points because both Mike and Andy guessed his answer.

And yes, the correct answer was he's the inventor of the toot trapper. Oh, you did seem like Jason should lose points. I gotta follow my heart more. You should follow your heart. Dad gummit. The toot trapper? Yeah. Some gassy man. I am disappointed in myself.

Trying to solve a problem. All right, but Jason's got... So we got Jason with five, Andy with two, and Mike with one. Yeah, you got a big lead. Still three rounds to go. You could have more if you guessed the right one. Also, I will just be in googling a toot trapper from now on so you guys can play the game All right third round. All right. We're gonna move on to the acronym, which is aka which if this one is Also known as I didn't send that one. No, it can't be there's no Otherwise, it's just like on the nose. He would never do that. Okay., is AKA the Alabama Karate Association?

Possible, karate. Is AKA also known as, wait, what? No, no, Jason Moore. It is, it is also, that's not the real one though. It is Jason, isn't it? It's gotta be Jason. Is AKA Alliance for Knowledge Advancement? Okay, knowledge. It's not the real one though. It is Jason, isn't it? It's gotta be Jason. Is AKA Alliance for Knowledge Advancement. Okay, knowledge.

It's a knowledge. Or is it American Kite Flyers Association? Nope. All right, Mike, you're the first locker in this one. Alabama Karate, also known as. AKA. The Alliance of what? Knowledge?

Alliance for Knowledge Advancement. An American kite flyer? Correct. Okay. Association. I'm going with the kites. I'm gonna go with the knowledge. I'm gonna go with the karate.

So we all chose a different answer well I submitted the correct answer okay to be fair I told Jeremy when I sent it back I was like nailed that one LOL all right go ahead and give us the right answer correct answer was American kite flyers associate yeah so Mike gets two points there. He also gets another point, cause Mike's answer was the Alabama Karate Association. And then Andy gets one point, because Jason guessed his answer.

Which I believe breaks the streak of a million times in a row that no one's guessed my answers. So thank you Jason. You're welcome. We are so back. We are. And I am so back in third place. We got Jason at five, Mike at four, Andy at three.

Two rounds to go. The next one, I'm gonna give you a movie title, and we're gonna describe the plot of the movie. And that movie title is Hearts Divided. Is that movie. Twin brothers on opposite sides of the Civil War unknowingly lead armies into battle against one another That's a good answer

brothers Mike's camera is That's gotta be there go back go back to me go back Go to the solo, go to the solo, go to the solo. Oh boo. Oh man, just so you guys all know. I was the devil for five seconds. Just so you know, the Falcons, first time on cameras today. Yeah. Did you, how did you do that?

Blood. How did you mess it up, Falcon? I have no idea, but somehow I did. Okay, let's get back to the game. Start over again, hearts divided, the first one. There will be chaos. Twin brothers in a civil war. Oh, in a civil war.

That would be a very long answer. Do I need to read that again? No, please don't. All right. Is Hearts Divided a romantic comedy set during a divorce lawyer's retreat in Napa Valley? Divorce lawyer, okay. Is it Napoleon's brother's, I'm sorry,

Napoleon's brother travels to America to negotiate for France, but falls in love with an American woman. No way. Okay. Napoleon's brother? Or is it a group of kids sneak away from their summer camp only to become trapped on an

arachnid infested island? Hearts divided? What? That was the plot to the last one. Oh you know what? That's on me. I didn't get that one copied into the doc, right? Is that the right? That's the right answer from a from a different time. No that was that was from last time We did baller down. I was like I remember this that was that was like Spider Island or something Yeah, so what is the last is turning off? Okay, the last plot is a couple's love is

Put to the test when a wife discovers her husband is a bloodthirsty werewolf Okay Sure, okay. I'll take the spider one So we got the twin brothers the divorce divorce lawyers the Napoleon one in the camp the couples love werewolf thing. Yeah All right, and Jason you get to go first. I'm going to play the game of how did we screw up and take couples love. Okay. Andy. Um, I will go with Napoleon's brother. Dude, I'm going to pull his brother too. That's so stupid. Jason, if you got two points, I'm going Napoleon's brother too. That's so stupid. Jason, if you got two points, I'm gonna be so happy. It's not mine.

Oh baby, come on. The correct answer, Napoleon's brother. Yes. This is a real movie? It is. It's called Hearts Divided. Oh man. One of them wanted to conquer the world. And the other.

My screw up got Mike an additional point. Yeah it did. Yeah. Oh, I would never. Plus one. That was not a good answer, but I was like, Oh man, he just had last week's. I assume what he copied and failed to copy and paste was one of our answers. So I avoided that one. Yeah. So wait, how close are we here? Well, Mike got Mike with seven and you two both have five. Oh boy. We got anybody could win now. Anybody could win. Yeah. Anybody could lose. The last one

we got is a weird law. And that law is in Charleston, South Carolina all horses are required to wear reflective vests after sundown Wear diapers while on city streets. Oh, that could be type up To obey a speed limit of 10 miles per hour Okay, maybe. Or to undergo weekly hydration checks in summer months. Hydration checks. What, Massachusetts?

Charles did it in South Carolina. I was way off. Samsonite. Massachusetts? So reflective vest, diapers on the streets, speed limit or hydration checks. I feel like we should each have to honorably lock without sharing. Okay. I will lock on mine. I like that for the last round.

For the last round, you know. You can't just gamify it. All right. I have mine locked. I will be a man of honor. How often were the hydration checks? Summer. Weekly.

In summer months, but weekly, yes. And that was a good one. I think it was a good one. I think it was a good one. I think it was a good one. How often were the hydration checks? Summer. Weekly. In summer months, but weekly, yes. And that was Rhode Island, was it? What was Frank's last name? Abagnale. All right, I got mine locked in.

All right, I am locked. I have it written down in circled. I'm going to diap up, baby. Oh man, I'm diapers too. Oh, I'm going to die pop baby. Oh man. I'm I'm diapers too. Oh, I'm hydration checks All right, the correct answer was diapers. Yeah Oh, so we tied my we didn't know Andy one extra point When you came from behind at one, he sure did. That's we're gonna finish

Andy has eight Jason and Mike both have seven. Thank you for the hydration check, Mike. You're welcome. Wow, Andy. It seemed like the most humane of the answers. I will tell you when I was making that one up, I couldn't decide the amount of time between hydration checks. A week got me.

And I wasn't sure. A week, a month? What do I do here? A month? I never would have fallen for that. Oh, man. What a comeback, Andy. Wow, yeah, that was better than the two-point performance last time, I'll take it.

All right, we'll take a break, we'll get into that battle. The Spitballers Draft. All right, we, you know, just a casual, fun day on the beach, turn violent, battle royal, beach items only, grab what's near you, and let's go to war. What a draft to get the first pick, guys. I know, I was so jealous of you. My pick, there is no way that this is at the top of your guys' list. So, I will be taking...

I mean, look at my list here. I'm going with the good old fashioned umbrella. That was definitely the 101. That's the 101 for me too. 100%. Because a beach umbrella, unlike other umbrellas, all have to have a sharp point. You have to have a sharp point in the bottom.

Because you're going in the sink. Right. So it's a spear. This is not a plastic beach umbrella. This is usually a metal pole. They're normally really strong. They gotta get down in there. And you can use it as a shield? Yeah, I feel like it's a very beach umbrella. This is usually a metal pole. They're normally really strong. They gotta get down in there. And you can use it as a shield?

Yeah, but like, it's a very multipurpose. It's a little unwieldy as a spear, but it works. If there is any level of wind, I am toast. Oh, you go flying? Mary Poppins' thing? Those things inside out at the, a slight, someone sneezes and then in your umbrella is like... Okay, but the umbrella spear was going to be my 101, so I'm...

All right. It wouldn't have got through you, Jay. No, no it would not have. I'm going to start on defense here. I'm going to get myself a nice shield. I also think I can use it as a blunt object. I could swing this thing around. And they're bigger than you think, but they're made to handle, and it's a surfboard. Taking a surfboard like a baseball bat to your body. Those are heavy, man. Yeah, I've carried them.

I've carried them. I'm very strong. You don't think I catch waves, bro? It's interesting. Mike's got the Spearys coming at you. You got the surf I catch waves, bro? It's interesting. Mike's got the Spearys coming at you. You got the surfboard. I was going to go with the Shield as well. And it's still on the board because you took the surfboard.

I'm going to take the more. You're going to take the smaller cousin? I'm going to take the smaller cousin that's easier to carry. The boogie board? I'm taking a boogie board seal. Yeah, the boogie board was on mine. Do you know how many boogie boards I've snapped in the ocean?

There are boogie boards that do not have a strong plastic bottom. Probably more than zero. Wait, wait. Jay, do you know how many boogie boards you've snapped in the ocean? I don't think I have snapped any, but I know they're snappable. I know that I could break a boogie board on my knee. I could just snap that I Know how many I've done. It's none

But you can imagine if I did right imagine how it could be done I'm starting to wonder if he's actually carried a surfboard now me too You think I have a care. I've carried them. I got a picture. You think I haven't carried a surfboard? Give me that picture. When? Some CGI picture of him on a surfboard. I don't know that I've ever carried a surfboard. They're big.

They're very big. I've seen them. I want to be able to move around. All right, I'm going. Do you know how many I've snapped? It's just a question. It was just a question. The answer was probably no. You don't know how many I've snapped? It's just a question. It was just a question. The answer was probably no.

You don't know how many. You're counting on that answer. All right, I'm going to follow Boogie Board up with what I consider to be, I think it's going to be a weapon. It's going to run out eventually, but I'm going to spray sunblock. Oh, that was number two. That was definitely in the right.

I mean, I try on purpose to use that and not get it in my eyes and it still gets in my eyes. So if I'm trying to get it in your eyes, that seems like that'll be easy. It's definitely toxic warfare for sure. You're causing short-term blindness and long-term cancer for sure. However, Mike and I, we are not going to sunburn. I'm going to put my back out there when you spray him and be like, thank you. Oh yeah. Oh he's gonna dodge with strategic body placement? Yeah, take care of these shoulders, I don't want to toast them.

Exactly. Give my neck! Okay. Um, oh what is that? Someone left one of these out on. A beach machete. I will take a fishing pole. Okay. Okay, because it was on my list. I wasn't sure if we were going to allow it. That's right on the edge, but it is. That's why I didn't take it last time. It was ahead of surfboard, but I figured if it went later in the draft.

I thought you meant last time we drafted beach items or something. No, people do fish off the beach Yeah, you're at the beach that people are fishing and and and the only thing I know is you won't have a fish on it I will not based on what I've seen. I'm gonna have a man on it. Yeah, you're gonna hook me. I'm a hook you Yeah, hook me. I'm gonna swing the the hook. You're hooking yourself for sure. Yeah, I'm hooking myself Yeah, you're gonna cast and. For sure. For sure I'm hooking myself. Yeah, you're going to cast and your shirt's going to come right off the top.

Just, boo. But you won't get burned. That's right. Unless that shirt pops off. That's right. Thank you for your sunblock. Yeah. All right, you're going fishing pole, Mike.

You've got the beach spear umbrella. All right. You are running around with that thing, hoping it doesn't pop open. So yes. The first pick, we're going to take some projectiles. So I'm taking beers slash sodas. Okay. Okay. All right. You got these things. These things are very closed. None of this bull crap making me open my can before I go to the beach. Oh

these are you brought in the cooler. I'm just thinking of concert rules and where they make you open your can. Like no this thing is closed. It is a projectile. Don't be mistaken. When I throw this, it's not leaking. And then I'm going to take a metal detector. Interesting. I feel like those are going to be lightweight enough to be able to swing a few times, but also heavy enough to do some damage. And you could end up finding more weapons. The whole fight could get called off if this thing

starts beeping, because everyone's going to want to start digging up treasure. But you could end up finding just like a knife. A beach machete. You could just accidentally find one of them valuable beach machetes. I was buried here. I. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I like the idea that we're in the middle of the fight and Mike goes, hold on, hold on, I found a ring. There's gold in these hills. Is that gold and metal that comes up on those, Jason? Is that what you were saying, Mr. Metal?

Is that what you just tried to? It is. Is it really? Yes. Oh, I don't know if I believe it. Well, it is. Go ahead and- Really? Yeah.

You can metal detect gold? Trust the man who knows metal. Okay, I don't know if I believe it. Well, it is. Go ahead and, yeah. Really? Go ahead and. You can metal detect a gold? Yeah. Trust the man who knows metal. Okay. All right, I. You can metal detect a metal? It is a precious metal.

Yeah, that makes sense, but why, I mean, you don't see them in, like when they go gold mining, they don't got those things in there. Yeah, why are they using that over the water? That's all I'm saying. Can we not just juice these things up, make them stronger? Yeah.

Just blast the ground, let me know where the gold is. All righty. Probably other metals in the ground, huh? Yeah, I'm up right now. I've got two Do I have two things or three things you figure that out? Okay, you've drafted. Oh so far. Yeah Okay surfboard and a fishing pole. So I got a little offense a little defense I'm going to Lay claim I'm drafting it which means you guys can't use it against me. Oh, no. I'm drafting sand.

Oh, dude, I thought I was going to get on my last pick. Oh, I'm digging moats. I'm throwing it in your eyes. Oh, you get all sand? And I get the sand. The beach is mine. Pocket sand is devastating. I don't know if you get a, then I get waves.

What, are you going to draft it? You got to get me a water for everyone. I just feel like you get a bucket of sand, man. I have't know if you get, then I get waves. What, are you gonna draft it? You gotta get me in water for it. You gotta draft it if you wanna. I just feel like you get a bucket of sand, man. I had just. You get a bucket. I didn't draft a bucket. You get a bucket. I didn't draft a bucket, I drafted the sand. I had sand on my list, Jason.

I am totally for this. You can just take parts of beach? I took beach. I drafted beach. You took beach? Yes. You drafted beach? I drafted sand. Well then I've gotta get outside the. I'm on home court advantage now.

You gotta get some goggles. You guys are going in my arena. I've got to go outside the box here. I didn't want to have to take it, but I'm taking a bikini top slingshot. What? A bikini top slingshot? Yeah, man. So you're using a bikini top as a sling.

Yes, I am. But you've got no sand to put in there. I don't need sand. I get the rocks. You get the rocks too? Yeah, he's getting rocks. No, I'm drafting rocks and air. You know what gets to breathe.

No one can breathe. That's my air. I get all the air. That's my air. You spit that out. Blow that out right now. All right, I'm gonna go one more. Man, I don't really have,

I got the bikini top slingshot. Dang it, man, I was gonna get sand. That's a good pick. The sunblock spray, got the boogie board. Do I want defense or offense here? All right, I'm going snorkel flippers sneak attack. You're not seeing me come. I'm gonna go into the water, I disappear.

And then when you get on, you're not able to walk. This is awesome news. Your best bet for this. Don't sneak into the water though. No, I won't. I'm not playing it on it. You, the sharks can get you. Mike and I will be fighting.

Well Mike's not allowed on the sand. It's all yours. You're not allowed to walk on it. You're allowed on the sand. All right, all right. That's my horrible final pick. Jason has a surfboard, a fishing pole, and sand. All of it.

And I'm gonna take something that I am legitimately a master of. And I mean this as a weapon, I am, look, I might not have actually broken boogie boards. But I have. You were a surf, or no, yeah, it was boogie boards. But I have. You just lied.

Yeah, no, I didn't lie, I asked the question. Yeah, you did. Oh, man. No lies were told. Which, is that like an elite strategy that we have not, you're like, I'm not lying, I'm just asking a question. I'm just asking a question. Do you know how many forklifts I've operated?

Yeah. No, but I am- Let me operate that forklift. I promise you guys don't ever wanna see me with this weapon. Oh no, it's a Speedo. It's, it's a beach towel. Oh.

You're a whipper master? You got the snap? I snap. And it sounds like a whip crack. I mean, you're. Well, you've got to go down to the water where all the whippers is at. Oh, yeah, you've got to get wet.

Absolutely. I'll get that. OK. I'm popping out. Yeah, he is. And I'm going to blow some water in your face. Oh, man. I'll wrap that towel around your head. It's like a breach with my snorkel and my big feet. Yeah, he is. And I'm gonna blow some water in your face. Oh man, I'll wrap that towel around your head. I'm gonna breach with that snorkel on my big feet.

Oh yeah. Dude, back in high school in the basketball locker rooms, those towel fights were gnarly. Let me ask you a question. How many times have you whipped a towel? A thousand. Oh, okay. Just making sure. That one's real.

That one's real. All right. I'll leave a bruise. The towels a good pick it was about the death of Bruce Probably won't do much, but yeah Got you. I'll wrap it around your neck to people do that really hurts people do the towel whip for like play fun Yeah, so okay Mike you've got the umbrella the beer soda cans and the metal detector which detects The cans that you it would have in. It would, if I lost one. If you lost one. Yeah, I would be able to find it.

After you throw them, you're like, oh, I gotta go get those, let me grab my metal detector. Found it! See where they landed. And the beach umbrella spear, so you gotta finish it up with another amazing pick. I really thought that sand was gonna make its way back to me, so I'm gonna take.

Don't worry, it'll be all in your eyes. I thought that sand was gonna make its way back to me. So I'm going to take... Don't worry, it'll be all in your eyes. I'm going to take... Oh, what do we have here on the beach? Oh no. Oh, it's just some jellyfish that have... Oh, come on! They've floated up to the beach.

You can't take animals! No, wait a minute. They're dead though. Oh yeah, they're dead. Yeah, but here's the thing. You gotta touch them. But you can't use them without touching them. What do you think I'm gonna do with my metal detector?

I'm gonna pick it up and fling them. Okay, all right, whatever. I don't mind it. Jellyfish. Dead, no, you put dead jellyfish on there. I already did. It is written on my sheet as dead jellyfish. Okay, you're a man of honor.

That's right. Let me tell you how many my sheet as dead jellyfish. Okay, you're a man of honor. That's right. Let me tell you how many times I've touched jellyfish. Yeah, do you know how many times I've thrown a jellyfish, guys? That got through most of the picks that I had. Yeah. I had a folding chair because, I mean, you'd use that like you would in WWE.

Absolutely, yeah. Smack someone around with it. A life vest, I thought, would work because that could be like protection. Like armor a little bit. Yeah, a little bit of armor. Or you could just go float away. And I did have flip-flop slap.

Hmm, interesting. Maybe that's a good- You could do that with your flippers. Right. I had the Lifeguard Torpedo float that like- Oh, the different kind of, yeah, that's a good one. It seems lighter than my surfboard. Maybe I should have gone that way.

I had a tote bag, you know what I mean? Filled out with my sand, swing that around at you. Now it's a mace. And I had large conch cells. Oh yeah. What's that again? Conch shells. I just wanted to hear you say it again. Conch or is it conch? Conch, conch. I think it's conch. We'll never know. I don't think I want to say it though conch. I think it's conch. We'll never know. I think it's conch.

I don't think I wanna say it though. I don't think we have that knowledge. I had a coral on there. You gonna break some coral or just some washed up? Yeah, there's coral that washes. That'd be good for my bikini top slingshot. It would, it would be excellent for it. Jeremy's saying conch, it's a conch shell?

That's what I thought. That does sound better. And then I had scuba tank, but I think those are just way too heavy. Yeah. Any of you two scuba'd before? No. I've never scuba'd.

No, I'm terrified of the ears. I don't think I'd like it. I'd be too, it's not even the ears. It's just getting to a depth where I couldn't. Yeah, if something goes wrong. To the, I almost said ceiling, to the surface fast enough. Have either of you two in Dueser's Alley been scuba diving before? I have not been scuba diving I've been snuba diving

I've always wanted it that's what the like is that like the little canister it's not no it's not on your back yeah oh it's the long surface of the water with like a 20-foot hose that's okay hmm why does that feel safer feels like a poor man scuba diving. It is. What about you, cameraman? You got any blood red thoughts for us? No. Okay.

Scuba dive. Can we get this back on Mike's solo cam? Can you do that again? Do you want to get the red back on? You must know how you did it. Well, that's boring. Start button mashing. You just button mashed.

Oh, that's what you should do. Good first go around. Gonna put some cheat codes in. What did we learn today? I learned it was pronounced conch shells. I learned how many times Jason has snapped a boogie board. And I learned that I gotta open my mind. You can draft the whole dang beach if you're in the right draft, dude.

You gotta be open to your environment, man. Yes. That's what a pro fighter does. That is it for today's spitballers episode 333. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for following the show. We'll catch you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to. check out spitballerspod.com.