Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Never Neverland & Best Vending Machine Items - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

Monday brings the laughs with a brand new episode of The Spitballers. We kick things off debating which fantasy world is better, prove how much (or little) We Know History and wrap things up with a Best Vending Machine Items Draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Jason is not good at playing golf. That was pretty good. That was excellent. Really good word. And accurate. And very accurate.

Not my first attempt. No, let's peel back the curtain. Yeah, do it, do it. Let's peel back to the cream. Mike, do you like that, scat? I, for the situation that you were put. I was in a tough situation.

You were. You were thrust into a tough position because we started. Oh, man. You did a scat. It, like, it had some, some highs and some lows. No, I thought his scat was actually really good. It was like, he came out. I said it was really good.

We had two back-to-back great scouts. Right, right. But we, we, we Roger and Ebert did it. I was thumbs down. So I was making a comment on it. And then, and then producer Borland was like, guys. We're not recording right now.

I forgot to hit record. Guys, I didn't do work. My job. The work, yeah. I didn't perform. With the work part of my job, right. I did not do it. I think he said it's not every day I let you down in such a big way, but today is one of the days I did.

Right. So. No, he, I think he had, I delivered a great scat. I had all the energy up. Well, we will never know. He had hit record, I think, but just other parts of his job he forgot about. Yeah. Something.

I don't, Al, do you want to describe how you failed? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, you guys nailed it. Okay, all right. Anyway, so you did a great scat. And then, and then what was so funny about it. We thought we could just patch in. We got some of it recorded.

And they were like, hey, Mike, just keep going with that thought. And then it was like 10 minutes later. And Mike's like, I don't know what I said. What are we even talking about? I kind of. forced the issue or really highly encouraged the issue. Well, you didn't force the restart.

That was no, that was how. That was the lack of doing the job. I would have preferred the first one. But we didn't get the first one. You don't like the second one? No, for what it was, that was for a second attempt out of like where you don't do any of the original.

Yeah. Yeah, you guys. That was what you leaned into. You're like, oh man, if he just does the same thing again. To remember the lyrics. To remember the lyrics. That was Jason that that would be me I guess I went towards you on that and I was I was very bad at Part of the Bowl. Was it very bad at golf?

What was the lyrics? Jason is not good at the game of golf something like that. So update for the Yeah how's your golf game going? I genuinely no joke. I should have attacked Owl really. No this is great. But you really want to you tried to force me to do another one.

So golf has been something that we have all not my but everyone else in the entire studio has gotten involved in, and we've been golfing more and more. We're going a couple times a week. It's fun. It's supposed to be. We're trying to get better.

We've bought too much money of clubs, and, you know, we've invested. I know have a simulator in my house. Jeremy's building a simulator in his house. I have taken multiple lessons, paid lessons. Have you? Yes. That wasn't an insult. I was just curious.

I didn't know that. Well, it's an insult because what has happened. and this is what I hate the most about golf. I've never seen anything in my entire life. Literally never in my entire life. Has there ever been one other thing that the more you try, the worse you get. You did say that.

You did say that. When I came out after 10 or 15 years of not playing, I hadn't played him forever. And we golfed at this point now. It was a couple months ago the first time. I was like, okay, I'll try it again. I hated golf, but I'll try it. I was fine. I was fine. I wish I could play like that.

Like the first time that I swung a golf club in 15 years, if I could just play like that, I would be a golfer from here and out. Was that like a beginner's luck? Had to be. Had to be. Or it's just the absence of all the thoughts. When I go to swing a club now, my body doesn't know how to move. I look at that ball and I go, how do I swing? I mean, my whole body from the hips up go, I don't know how to move. It kind of feels like, here's, maybe you will relate to this analogy. When you go up to play golf and you haven't tried to be better,

you just go up and swing like you think you should swing. I'm just going to swing a club. At this point, you're sort of like a 16 string marionette. Yes. Where somebody's trying to control the marionette and you've got so many. My left hip needs to go right. You've got new joints. My right arm needs to go this way.

There's no way to play that way. No. No, and I don't, look, I don't know how to make it better. Because we're all equally bad at different times in golf unless you spend all of your time doing it. But that's just where I went with the scat. I just needed to attack somebody for having to do a second scat. Golf is such a funny sport. I don't know why you won't play with us.

Can we use this time, Al? Can we appeal to Mike? Yeah, no. I feel like we are all. out there on this ride. Please do. Please do. Mike is just choosing, is it the weather?

Yeah. Okay. Is it all the weather? Yes. So you'll play with us in November. There is some funky timing with the boy and schedule. And schedules and him trying to be a football star. You just don't love it enough to play in 110 degree heat.

Brother. I know. Yeah. Honestly, when I said out loud, it sounds pretty logical and rational and smart. And we sound pretty dumb and stupid. It's crazy. Because Jason's miserable, but then he's got the heat on top of it. What's crazy is I hate it. And I'm doing something I hate in 110. Yes. And we're all doing it.

That'd be like signing up to clean out my garage every day. As often as I can't. Can I get a tea time to clean out my garage? Like, get all me and it's all booked up. I want to go stand in my shed for two hours. You're like, oh, we are, we're almost full, sir. But you can pay this amount of money. And we will let you come and do it and pay. It's going to be $110 money.

It's going to be 110 also because it's now July in Arizona, which is supposed to be a dry heat. It won't. It will be the wettest heat. It will be the muggyest fart you've ever stood in. So, yeah, that's, I love, I love being out in nature and screwing around. I'm like, I am the opposite of where Jason has been of like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I can function in golf. I don't think that I am good by any stretch.

If you say, hey, Mike, are you good at golf? I will say, no, I'm actually bad. Mm-hmm. But being out in the, in the nature, in good-ish weather. And just hanging out with boys. See, that's the part that appeals to you. And therefore, that part's not there right now. Oh, man, it, dude, it's the best.

Yeah. But the people who are like, no, I'm going to be really good. I'm, I shaved five strokes. I don't care. I do not care. I, you know what? Mike is pretty smart. I was, I was say, did the beverage cart roll up?

Yeah. Did it roll up five times? And the answer, Mike, to that question is maybe if they haven't already left for the day because it's too hot. Because that's what happened to me last time. Oh, no. Oh, no. The baby card? On the second hole, they rolled up to me and go last call on hold two.

Hold two last call. At one in the afternoon, I go, I'm thinking to myself, I'm not. not prepared for being rescued on this course. I expected you to come back through. The bevy cart gave you a last call at Holt 2? They're like all of our ice is melted. It's over. Let's do some would you rather. Would you rather?

That's. It's true, Mike. It's true. They were out. Were you doing an 18? Yes. Oh, my. They were piecing out in Holt 2. So did you like open a bag and be like, please fill this? I did buy more than I should. of, yeah. That's amazing.

Would you rather find, I like this question a lot. Would you, for all the, for the occasional questions that I, I criticize. I love this question. Would you rather find a golden ticket to Wonka's factory? Oh. Would you rather step in, step through the wardrobe into Narnia? With some Turkish delights. Yes.

Oh, well, those are come from the queen, but whatever. Or follow Peter Pan to Neverland. Okay, so this is really what's the best. Wonka's Chocolate Factory, Narnia, or Neverland. Well, sort of, but I think that another way to look at it is like... There's no one trying to kill you at Wonka's factory. I know, but I don't feel like people die. Sir?

Sir? Oh, that's... Have you viewed Willie Wonka at the chocolate factory? I don't think they're dead. I know, they're not supposed to think that, but they're... Wait, hold on. Hold on. Are they? I think so.

We don't know for sure. I think... They're just gone. You thinking Oopalupa can't hide a body? No, of course they can. Of course they can't. They're so resourceful. Or those monkeys can carry them off.

Yes. Like everything is crazy in the Wonka factory. Look, I believe. Did I just mix it up with. I believe. You did. I was trying to roll with you and I'm like, there was a monkey.

No, there was not. No, that's the flying monkeys from off. Are you trying to tell me that you don't think that Violet Beauregard was juiced back to being a human? When she turned into a blueberry, you think she wasn't able to be successfully juiced? All right.

I do not, actually. I do not. That was the first thing I went to is like, it doesn't seem like you can die in Everland. You fight. No, that's also false. No, that's also false. We're grownups now. You can't, you can't age.

Well, you fight hook inevitable. It's like forever. No, we wouldn't. We're pirate. I hate to break. Tell that to Rufio. Dude, do you guys, oh my God. That is the coolest.

That's apocryful. That's not part of the canon. The coolest. pirate in never or lost boy i should say met his demise and hook and you're telling me you can't die there that was in the movie hook i don't think you can't but listen hold on hold on no no no no no no no no no time out i know they have swords we're saying like they never strike them would the but by no it's it we not we you are making the claim that hook is not now considered canon for i would assume it's not in the story of peter pan i was following j m barb

wrote the canon. I was following along with what Andy said, but if I were to choose what is how's the end of Game of Thrones, is that canon? The story of, you're saying because it's bad? No, I'm saying because George R. R.R. didn't write it. How's the how is, is that canon? All right, hook's canon. Thank you. Yeah, because it should be because it's the best version of. Okay, thank you. We're back on. We're back on. All right. I'm not with you on that. But, well, okay, well, follow me on this, because this is the most important part of this question. Have you guys, I didn't realize this until this moment. Let's say the three of us went to Neverland.

Okay. How old are we? We're today. Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning, tonight. We're not. We're pirates. We're pirates.

I've never thought of that. We're grown up. We're not lost boys. No, no, no, no. We're the bad guys. Yeah. We show up and we're like, that would be the worst thing to accept this, this whole would you rather?

And then you show up and you've got a patch over your eyes. Yeah, and you're like, you've got to get those kids. Go kill those. little kids. You know, the way you say it is, that's pretty bad. I want to go, I want to go to Neverland, but I don't want to be the grown up. Is Tinkerbell grown up? Could I be Tinkerbell?

No, she's a fairy. But no, no, no, but age wise. I don't think they age the same. There's no old fairies. And Robin Williams was in a grandma fairy. If you're putting it into canon, Robin Williams was an adult. Yes. So there's no guarantee I'm a pirate.

But he was already Peter Pan. But yeah, he was, he was Peter Pan. He was going back. He was already a loss of boy. maybe I was too. Maybe. But hold on. We're missing a point here. So we're saying

in the story of Peter Pan, there's children. Yes. That play shenanigans, hijinks, chicanery. And then there's a pirate captain who's like, I'm going to kill that Peter Pan.

That's what the book is. The grown-up wants to murder, literally kill the I don't know that I've thought about it I haven't thought about it like like a real logical thought Why does he want to kill him? Because he wants power Like all bad guys

I thought it was not because the crocodile But Peter Pan is just well Peter Pan gave the hand to the The crocodile As a goof Why? Okay let me let me follow up Let me follow up further Could you imagine

Peter Pan's a young boy right? He's not He's not like a 16 year old He's a young I believe he's supposed to be an early team. Okay, so let's call 13. I've never read the canon. I'm so sure. But let's assume he's 12 or 13.

He's a tween or team. And we're Captain Hook. How in the world can he not be? How can he not absolutely murder Peter? That's such an easy answer. He can fly. He can fly. He can fly.

He can fly. He can fly. I'm just saying, I feel like Captain Hook should be able to get this job done. It also means that Captain Hook's a bad shot. because he's got a gun he didn't have a gun he's got a sword he's a pirate captain he's got a gun he's got a one shot

in there probably so he's got a cannonball a gun a sword and a hook he can kill Rufio with a gun all right he killed him with the thinnest sword you could find a fencing sword I don't think I want to go to I don't think I want to go to Neverland so then it's I want to go to Narnia that's because

it's eternally snowy right no no no just in the first book just in part of it oh just in the The, in the wardrobe. Yes. And not all of the land is eternally snowy. It's not. In the wardrobe.

Look, Aslan is the most noble character in any book series. So I think I don't want to live in a world where I am submitting to Aslan. How is he different than Gandal? He doesn't have magic. He's not a wizard. He doesn't wear a hat. He's not a human. Doesn't he?

But he just comes back because he sacrificed himself? He did sacrifice himself. And then he comes back. He does come back. Sounds like Gandal. That's one option you could go with. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of different. I give CS Lewis would go with a different option.

Yeah, there's a, there's a lot of. Give Gandalfa, Maine, and I think we're talking about the same dude right now. Which, again, I think if you ask Tolkien, he might give another example as well. But, yeah, I'm not, I'm not, this factory doesn't intrigue me that much. It's not an ice cream factory. You can eat an ice cream factory. You can eat everything. You don't think there is unlimited ice cream at the Willie Wonka-Chilelewell.

No, because they know that if they put any ice cream in there, it would overwhelm the allure of the candy because ice cream is better than candy. Okay, you bring up an interesting thing. Is there is ice cream in the chocolate factory? I don't think there is. I don't think there is. Those are two different categories. Yeah, because candy. There's the soda that makes you fly.

What's better? Candy or ice cream? I don't need to speak. Andy's on ice cream. I got to actually think about this. Let's get a random vote. random of the four of us. Think about your answer.

Think about it at home. Candy or ice cream? Candy. The whole corpus. The whole corpus of candy, the whole corpus of ice cream. So if you're talking, if you're talking,

no, I'm saying like, no, it's impressive. I don't know what it means, but go ahead. You're talking soft serve. It's a Latin word. No one knows what it means.

Grocery store you're talking mixing, mixing countertop, colds, you're talking all ice cream. I know you like the sauces of fixis. But, and then candy is all candy. Chocolate bars.

Honestly, now that we're talking this, I don't even understand why we're talking this. Because it's so easy. All right. First, let's go to the Duceers Alley. Mike and I already know this is done. Ice cream or candy. Let's go. Candy. Ice cream.

Okay, one to one. Okay. Candy. Ice cream. What? What? It's not even close. It's not even close. It's not even close.

Get out of here. Candy, it's not even close. I thought through it. I gave it real thought. Yeah. It's not even close. It's a dumb conversation. never loved you more. It's ice cream. What the hell are you talking about? It's so obviously ice cream.

It's not even close. It's not even remotely close. You got to throw a Twitter poll up, Jay. Oh, I'm on it. Oh my gosh. And don't bias the poll. I'm throwing my own up. Yes. I got, I got to hit you off with the past. No, just tell me how to word it. You guys figure it out. What's better. Narnie is my answer. Colan. Narnie is a magical question. Like the best candy versus the best ice cream. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What's better? What's better? Ice cream or candy.

That's the question. You tell me, well, you want me to put it first in the poll? You want me to put ice cream or candy? Sure, ice cream or candy. Okay. Just what's better? Ice cream or candy? Yes, because that's what we asked.

Okay, well, I already posted it. So, Mike, do it as well. What's redondency? Colon, ice cream candy. Why is it a colon? It's a pole. Ice cream candy? Because a colon.

colon indicates there's going to be multiple options. It just says what's better colon. Mine is what's better question mark and then two poll options. Forgive me. Colin versus ask a poll. What's better? A question mark or a colon. I'm on it.

And then put in parentheses, not a bowel. All right. Final answer for me is Narnie. I love that world. Oh, I'm going to Neverland, brother.

You're going to Neverland. I love that too. I'm not going to the Wonka factory, man. No, that place sucks. That's a little scary because one. I think you can die. Two, I think he might kill you if you do the wrong thing.

Like, it just feels like you're, you're like at risk of death. Because you just disappear. I'm going to go to the, I'm going to go to the candy factory. For sure. On an airplane, would you rather be seated next to a screaming baby or a cereal farder? Oh. Let me back up the question. Think about this for a second.

One, Jason. No, this one's so easy. As a man who can fart on command. This is easy. But I will say, this is only easy because of the year that we are recording this. Okay. You could have asked me this question 10 years ago. I'll try to be, but 15 for sure.

Are you saying because you now have sympathy for the baby situation? That is actually also a good time. That was not factored into my because I have no sympathy. I have been bothered. Okay. I've been bothered by zero baby since I had a baby 18 years ago. zero. That means you haven't been next to a baby.

No, I have. I've been next to them and all I do. You've never been bothered by a baby since you have a baby? No, because I have un, you guys know me. I'm like an over-impath. You are. If I hear that baby, all I do is think about how bad those parents feel that that baby is crying. Now, I will say this.

If the parents do not behave in a fashion, that seems like they're embarrassed by the baby, I would like to throw them both off the plane. Baby is unfortunately getting thrown out with the bathwater on that one. Yeah. But if you have any sense that you don't want your baby crying, I no longer worry about the baby. It is. Like we were in Alaska on this trip. Sure.

And I think the baby was being in love with the grandparents in this, like, on this excursion. So the grandparents had to be on the bus with the baby. And this baby was rough. It's tough. But I was just like, you know what? I feel bad for you. The truth is I have over the way away. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Do we get it? Okay.

Jeremy said, quote, Jason, these polls aren't doing us any favors. Are you talking about the ice cream versus candy? Idiotic? Let's see what the results seem to be. Let me place my vote. Oh, what's better? Currently on Jason's website. 183 votes is what I'm seeing. What are you saying? Yeah, 184 because I just voted. 83.2% ice cream, 16% candy. That's even more than I thought. Wait, you're at 86? I'm at 81.1% ice cream.

I just voted for yours, 81 to 18, yeah. I don't understand how. I wish, look, I'm a lifelong fat man. Even when you're a fit, man, the fat boy's in there. Absolutely. He's never going to leave. I get it. And my belly says he's still here.

So my life has been, I love food, I love sweets, I love candy, and I've got, you know, no self-control. and you don't like ice cream as much as they're ice. You could be so fat. If ice cream... You could be unconscious. Brother, brother. We could set records. Let me tell you, this is a great point you're making.

80 to 90% of every fat molecule my body has been created by the eating of an ice cream product. Genuinely, that's not an exaggeration. 80 to 90%. And you're saying you don't even like ice cream enough for it to be. 5% of your fat molecule. Ice cream is absolutely delicious. I mean, I mean, ice cream, you take a bite, it's great.

I just don't like it that much. That is. It's so cold. Imagine if you did. I would ruin my life. We would not have a podcast anymore. You talk about that bowling ball character from Hook? That would be you.

So my number one response, which is actually very topical, because, look, I'm not really a candy, I'm not a sugar person I'm not saying I don't enjoy it but I'm saying I mean you guys have been

You don't have the it I can say no to dessert Yeah you're super easy You have the most control But it's not even because it's just like I'm like eh impartial I don't have to have it But so the other day

We had gotten some Uh uh uh uh uh drumsticks you know what I'm talking about the ice cream treat oh of course so it's the yeah they're not bad if you're not familiar it's six of them it's in a cone the little tiny guys yeah well these are not they're normal oh this is the full normal size where it's like yeah it's it's in a

cone tell me how you hold them not gonna do that on video but also i'll show you it's about yay big and it's it's got like the the top of the cone is chocolate it's a vanilla it's got usually it has like some sort of nuts on the top of it. And there's some sort of magic because I keep my freezer freezing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're not like, I'm not saying they're still a quick bite.

I know what you're talking about. I'm saying you put a tub of ice cream in my freezer, a single spoon is not getting anything done because this thing is rock solid. There's some sort of science magic in the drumstick that this thing remains a soft served bite immediately out the freezer and I'm like how is this possible?

It is not okay. There's something that's in there. It's not okay. There are elements from the periodic table being used that are not being displayed to us either. They don't tell us what's in it. There's some arginon in there or something. There's some helium put in that stuff.

I was so shocked. My wife pulled one out and I was like, oh, I want a bite of it. And I was like, what? How did I just... You want to know what? I took a bite of it. I bet you a million dollars on that box.

It says frozen dairy dessert. Ooh. I bet you it does not say ice cream. There's no way it says ice cream. It's like the pringal. Dessertes where it's like, this is a sort of a potato. Yes, this is a fake object that...

I have a feeling... The funny thing about those is I have a feeling if you left them out for six hours, they'd be the same cold. That's how I feel like they'd be. Okay, guys. All right, I found it. We got more information? Yeah, we got big breaking news here.

Breaking news. Do we need the button? Sure. You're getting into ice cream? I will take you. I will take you around town. All right. Sure, you call the spots.

Here's the deal. Sounds nervous. I'm a little nervous because it's a little off brand and totally on brand for you guys. You reminded me of it when you talked about the consistency of the ice cream. Okay. This weekend, I had my sister-in-law. stay over with her husband. They came, brought their dogs.

We had a nice time. And she was doing this weird freakout thing. This weird thing where it was like, you have to go to Safeway and get this ice cream I love. And it was like, okay, it's like, not that big a deal. No, you don't understand you have. Okay. So she said her husband.

Let me throw in just an aside. Complete agreement. Ice cream from a grocery store, it never hits. Mm-hmm. Like in ice cream shop. Never. Never. And I don't like ice cream anyway. So I couldn't give two farts.

I can't believe you're making your husband go to the grocery store to get this ice cream thing. I'm already like pulling up Instacart, but go on. They came back with this thing. I really will. It was a strawberry-shaped ice cream treat of strawberry ice cream. And so look. the strawberry shortcake bar? This is not a

sponsor. My wife loves the strawberry shortcake. No, no, no. Those are old school. I don't know if any of you have heard of this. Give me a name. Ice Nova. One word.

Ice Nova. Strawberry romance. Well, this sounds weird. Guys, I made her leave them when she left. She was not allowed to take them with her. Ice Nova. This is the best, craziest thing I've ever had. If you want to tell me, I'm an ice cream, freak.

This Ice Nova thing, it was so soft. There's no way it's not pure science. There is nothing natural that grows in this thing. I can't even find it. Oh, here it is. Oh, you feel. It's on. Ice Nova strawberry romance ice cream.

It's unfat. And they have a peach and a strawberry and they just look like the fruit. Like it's a giant fist-sized strawberry that you eat that's just made of ice cream and white chocolate, I think. It's unbelievable. give it a go, Mr. 16% candy only. Nova? This was a detour from what would you like to be seated

next to on a screaming baby or a cereal farter? Is that what this was? Yes. Oh no, we return to the poll question. We better answer this because we've got to get on by the way. By the way, it's so easy because if you travel more than

nope. Retracting. If you travel once a year on an aeroplane if you buy yourself a good brand of air cancelling

noise cancelling headphones can't cancel the air candy a new candy for the airplane noise cancelling headphones it will change how you fly so we have to work the baby doesn't matter at all interesting that's a good point

you can't really undo the farter but you can't undo the baby Correct. The farter, I don't have smell cancelling. Smell cancelling nose phones. But if I don't have technology to assist me, I will... That's a good point. I will take the farter over the screaming babies. Yes. Because here's the thing. I agree with that too. I've been on a fair share of amount of flights. I mean, I've flown in the last 10 years probably... I don't want to brag, but I've been in an airport. I also had a fair share of farts. Yeah. So let's say I've flown 50 times in the last decade.

I how many farts Infinity There is very frequent That I smell someone's fart and I hate it It's frequent Yeah you're on a flight It's pretty bad man because you're stuck You know you're stuck with it

Hold on but it's frequent I would say are you at least 25 Jason hold on a second I got it yeah yeah yeah Are you smelling your own farts No oh I was going with How often are you flying with your spouse most of the time.

25% of the time. About to, yeah, so 20% 20% of the parts. 25% of my flights, I will smell someone's fart. And of course, I hate it. But you know what happens at the end of that? I don't really care.

It didn't ruin my flight. I just, it was okay. When a baby is on the flight near me crying ruins the every minute of every hour. It's just ruined and I get off and I feel bad. The trip is.

worse. The vacation is worth. The farder I can get over, it sucks, but I will take the farter over the baby. To be fair, this crying baby could also emit odors of their own. For sure. They could. But I wasn't like this noise canceling headphones that Mike brought up is actually, like, if you have flight anxiety, oh, dude, that's actually a massive improvement in your life. It's so good. Can we, can we, real quick, before we move on to the next, can we order some of these nice novice to the studio? If you want. To try them. Yeah. I'm not doing it because I don't do it. I don't that stuff around here, but we're on it. Someone, someone order them because I want you guys to experience this.

It's unbelievable. Get some peeps, get some strawberry. It's unbecoming with me. It's beneath me, but I get what you're saying. Somebody could do that. Yeah. I mean, maybe you guys won't like it as much as me because you guys love ice cream and I don't. So this is the me version.

I think that might happen. But if you said white chocolate, I'm kind of into that. Don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm just saying ice cream is way better than can. Way to be on the right side of the poll and history. No way. All right. We are going to take a break and come back with.

Let's see how much ice cream you get in the draft versus candy, Mike. When we're back? Okay. What are you doing? I was going to give you an update on my poll, but it's actually it's gone down. Oh, we won't do that then. What time is it? Game time.

When I say the poll has gone down, I mean it's gone down from 81%. Oh, we're back. Okay, what's the current numbers? Now we're at 81.6% ice cream. Oh, okay. We had, I just see 80. We had, I just see 80.20. We had plummeted to 80.6.

And then you guys know I like myself a good 25 pounds of Mike and Ikes, but I still pick an ice cream. You do love Mike and I. I do. You all love. This office. The office love for Mike and Ikes. Well, it only became their love because of me bringing 25 pounds of Mike and I team. I think most people didn't think they were that good.

And then they all were like, well, wait a second. I kind of love this. I have eaten for the record. 0.0.0 of any of those mic an age. Oh, you should have tried them. No. We know history is the game. Needed.

We know history. As a man who likes, well, never mind. I'm not getting into it. We're playing We Know History, which I believe Jason famously won last time. Yeah. I know history. Oh, we're playing this game? We are playing We Know History, which is a five-

In history. Five round game. In each round, there are four things that happened in history. It is our job and yours at home to put them in order of when they happened because we know history. Round one. Nike is founded. Wait, what? How do you have answers?

I don't have any answers in here. Round two. Costco opens its first warehouse. Costco starts. Apple is founded. Costco opens its first. No, I said Nike is founded. His is in a different order.

Oh, okay. Nike is founded. Costco opens his first warehouse. Southwest begins flying. Southwest Airlines. This is impossible. And the founding of Apple. Okay.

I have a question that unfortunately will benefit my opponents. Great. Ask it. Producer Borland. Yes, sir. Are we counting Costco as president? price club. That's what we have not. Oh, yay. That was my hope. We're not. So, when did Price Club? That's, you got to tell us that stuff out the jump. No, but that, no, we don't have to.

They're the same company. No, he said Costco first opens its warehouse. Price Club. Costco and Price Club were competitors that merged. Yes. We are talking. Okay. All right. Oh, okay. No, that's, that's important. Yeah. I did not know that part. I didn't. I thought it was a rebrand. All right. I would not have. I totally. I totally. I don't know that's important. I totally. I don't know. I don't. I remember Price Club, but I would never have remembered the name. I have my order. You're welcome. I have my order. So we are saying Costco opened up

businesses, Price Club was opening up businesses, and then Costco Yeah, so whenever Costco opens its first warehouse, exactly like it's worded. Well, I mean, that, you can be all high and mighty about it, but the fact of the matter is those warehouses were already opened and they became Costco's.

No. No, no, they did. No, no, but they did later. But the first Costco warehouse open. I see. Before the merger. I got you. Okay. And I have no idea. This is a terrible, terrible one. And I have no clue any of these. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. So this is not the merger date. So here we are, we are sorting. This would be pre-merger. Apple is founded. Nike is founded. Costco opens its first warehouse. And Southwest Airlines begins service. Southwest is the one that I really don't know where to put. There used to be a lot of old airlines, by the way. You remember this? Shout out to American Airlines. Oh, dude, Northwest? And American West? American West. All right.

I got my order. Yeah, I got my order. I think it was just America West. Oh, is it not American? American is a different airline, but it was America West. Oh, so there's. Okay. There is Air West.

There was an Air West. There is American Airlines, which sucks. They, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Jason. We're very pro brands here for money. Oh, yeah, if you want us. All right. I guess whoever reads them out. They have stranded me in several places.

They are the worst. They all are. All right. Except for Delta. Here's my order. Everybody's locked, though, right? We're not changing. I'm locked.

I'm locked. Well, I will get this thing started with the wrong order. Okay. My number one is going to be Apple. Number two is Nike. Number three is Costco and number four is Southwest. We are identical. We have a big problem.

Are you the same? No. No. Obviously, he has a very different. different. So I am the same. I am the same Apple, Nike, Costco, Southwest. The problem is you guys are smart guys.

I don't know. Okay. What's your order here? I'm going Costco. This could be a chance for a big lead for you. Southwest. Wow, this is very different. Oh, man.

This is like almost. Oh, somebody's getting points and someone's getting nothing. That's what I said. We have a big problem here. We actually have Andy and Mike. I'm sorry, Andy and Jason with zero points. What? And Mike with one point.

Oh. Yeah. No, not a huge discrepancy. No. History. Infinitely. Wait, what was the order then? The correct order at Nike first in 1964, Southwest in 1971,

Apple in 1976, and Costco in 19803. So what's funny is... So I wasn't born for any of them. That's cool. What's funny is the only thing I wrote down in the beginning, the only thing, my whole board, I wrote down Apple before Costco, that was the only one I was sure of. And then I was like, where do I fit in the other two?

At least I was right about that. All right. What's next? We know history. Question number two. All right, so just one to nothing? No big deal. One to nothing. Here's some real history here. Those are all fake history.

World War I begins. So World War I. World War I. Number two. I have questions. The Titanic. Because it matters, Jason. The Titanic sinks. That's the second item. Okay.

Or historical event. Number three, prohibition. Prohibition. Prohibition begins in the United States. And number four, the first Nobel Prize is awarded, which that sucks. I have no idea. So, World War 1 begins.

Are we going Franz Ferdinand? What are we doing? What are we defining as the beginning of World War I? What a great question. Because we know history. So this is a really great question. I can tell you the day. minute and the hour. It's when it's when the actual copyright went through for the phrase World War I. Now what are you what is the what's what kicked off the date? What's the date?

What's the date? What's the date? What's the date? Originally began. Okay. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah. But it began when what happened the con when there was conflict. Are we saying when a country attacked or are we saying when the, you don't know the difference. You don't know the difference. You can ask the questions and still get the answers wrong. I did. I answered. All right. It says when Austria-Hungary declared war on Syria. Thank you. Okay. I got my list, but this is worth saying earlier today. This is unbelievable. Right before the show. This is

unbelievable. Andy, we're, I don't know. How do we even get onto the topic? I just had it in my head, man. That's it. You would watch something and I think it surprised you the Titanic date. And so out of the blue, we're just, the three of us are sitting there. in our office, we share an office together, the three of us right next to studio. And he's like, I'll give you $100 if you can tell me the year of the Titanic Saint. That's a big mistake by me. To which I immediately answered 1912.

And Mike then said 1912. We just knew the answer to that one. And I responded with, I was going to say 1912 and you know what? I'm going to stay with it. Right. And we're going to do for one. Big backfire. And then he's like, well, crap.

I got $50. Yeah, and then Andy sent each of us $50. He's a man of his word. Thank you. But then Al comes in and it's like, oh, like, were you guys looking this up? And we're like, like, why are you guys looking at the spitballers question? What are you talking about? And he's like, that's a question on today's episode is.

It's impossible. Seriously, though, totally. Okay. All right. Titanic sinks. I've got the World War I begins. Prohibition. Nobel Prize.

are awarded prohibition. I've got my order. Yeah, I've got mine as well. I feel fairly... God, when was the prohibition. Oh, you tell me when you're locked in. Yeah. Okay, hold on.

I'm not locked yet. I'm going to put years down. I'm going to guess the years. I love that I can tell you. I know the Titanic was 1912. Yes. I don't know if that helps me. Yeah, whether it is.

Well, but when's... All right. We got to get going. Let's go. All right. You guys, I'll finish my other team. No, you don't get to finish after we're next. Lock them.

Just give you. Just give me your answer. Jason, you can go first. I can't go until he's locked. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. There's only four things you can write down. Just write them down.

In any order. He's scratched now and watching them scratch out. Okay, no, no, we're good. I got it in. All right, you got it in. I'm going to go. The Nobel Prize. Okay.

The Titanic in 1912. Prohibition and World War I. So I have Nobel Prize in Titanic to match you to start, and then I went World War I, then Prohibition. Oh, crap. Okay. Okay. So I got Nobel number one. Okay. I went WW1 number two.

Okay. Okay. Well, that's wrong. That had to be after 1912 of the Titanic. Yeah, go on. Don't worry about it. Does it? Yeah, just keep going on.

Well, we'll find out. I think so. I'm going Titanic 3rd Prohibition number 4. Okay. All right, Mike. You got two points. All right. I'll take it.

I will take two points. Sorry, Josh, you have Mike down at three, but maybe I misheard something. Mike, tell me your order one more time. Nobel, WW. Okay. Titanic. Okay. Prohibition.

All right. You got two points. Josh is an idiot. They're arguing. Oh, you're tallying total scores. Sorry. Andy, with a clean sweep that round, four points. Thank you.

Oh, give me a break. No way prohibition was after. Thank you. World War I. No way prohibition was after World War I. Yes, because Prohibition was like 29, wasn't it? Prohibition was 1920. No.

No. No way. It was before that. One year later. Prohibition was like 1914. But except for really not. Whatever. So which two did I go? I knew it was. The United States officially began on January 17th, 1920. That means you got two points. Yeah,

I got two. I should have got four. That's ridiculous. If history was different? We. No. History. So what's the current total? Formal apology to Josh. The current total is Andy with four, Mike with three, and Jason with two. This is the biggest most points I've ever.

had. Round three. Let's go, guys. We're going to have to get going. Oh, man. Oh, I just saw number four. Round three. Cabbage Patch Kids become a national craze.

Okay. So that's cabbage patch. Okay. Lego plastic bricks are introduced. Okay. Hot wheels are launched. Okay. Ooh, that one's interesting.

Oh, this one's so easy. And Barbie debuts. I'm done. I'm done, too. I'm done, baby. Locked in. Locked in. Oh, this was quick.

This was quick. I feel good about this. Locked in. I'm going to get zero out of four. I feel great. All right. I'm good. Ten out of a million.

Mike can read first. You want me to go first? Yeah. Check this out. Legos. Same. Hot wheels. Nope.

Crap. Barbie. And then the other one. Cabbage. I'm completely different. I went Lego Barbie Hot Wheels cabbage. I went Barbie Cabbage Hot Wheels Legos. All right.

Goodness. That might be hard for the team. Is that too fast for y'all? I think we're good. Jason, clean, sweep. Oh! Legos are that? I got two.

Are that old? Mike got two, Andy got one. Shoot. Yeah, it was Jason's order. Lego, Barbie, Hot Wheels, Cabbage, Patch. So Barbie and Hot Wheels were flipped on. So the only one I got was the Hot Wheels. What were the years on Barbie and Hot Wheels?

So I'll go through all of them. Lego, 1949. Barbie, 1959. Hot Wheels, 1968. Cabbage Patch, 1983. 83? I got the Hot Wheels and the Barbies decades fine, but not in the right order. This next one is...

Yeah, this is the one I love. Spittwads, this is the best. What's the score? What's the score? Current score is Jason with six, Andy and Mike with five. All right. Good. He knows history.

This next... We... Yeah. No. History. This next question, Spidwads, you are going to love. I'm going to love, and we are... I have no idea.

Taco Bell opens. Burger King opens. Wendy's opens. In and out opens. Taco Bell Burger King, Wendy's, and in and out. Bro. I am firing from the hip. I'm already in.

All right. I am not in yet. I got mine. I'm already in. I think I'm going to get it wrong from the get. Hold on. Hold on. I'm not ready.

I feel terrible. Gosh, this, I'm going to screw it up with my first one. I already know it. I know it's going to screw my whole order up. The next three are in the right order. I'm good. I'm going to read them. Wendy's number one.

Burger King 2, Taco Bell 3, in and out 4. I'm similar, but I put Burger King ahead of Wendy's. Burger King, Wendy's, Taco Bell, in and out. So we have the same last two? I just don't know where Burger King goes. I put it first, but it could be. I have it to listen up for the correct order. Here we go.

Taco Bell. Burger King. Wendy's in and out. Wow. Four or four. Mike got one. That's what fingers for One finger

I held up one finger He was so convicted Andy Andy give me yours one more time Wendy's Burger King Taco Bell in and out Okay Andy got two With the last two

Or the first two It was in and out Burger King Taco Bell Wendy's So I got the middle two And Jason got one there Yeah In and out was first

That was the only one I was confident Dead last That's what I thought 1948. Well, we were not living in the right state. Who started in and out? Abraham Lincoln. Brother. Brother or brother or sister? Taco Bell Burger King took over the world. Is it 776 now? That is correct. Me and Jason are tied and Mike is won behind. It's a wide open game.

With the last round. This is not good. Oh, boy. Final round everybody. People are sweating. Final round. The first human to enter space. Okay. Human entering space. Define space. Uh, outer space. Uh, number two, the first atomic bomb is detonated.

Oh. Okay. So testing. The test? We're not talking. That is right. The first. This is the test.

This is not the attack. Yeah, first one detonated. Number three, the first successful. A successful assent of Mount Everest. How would they know that? Because the person went there. No, but they could have happened in 1732 and it's not documented. That's dumb.

But that's anything could have happened if it wasn't documented. I promise you. No, you can't like someone didn't invent in and out in 17. I didn't document it. If anyone got to the top of Everest in the 1700s, they would have told everyone about it. Whatever. And the last one, the first human heart. transplant.

Okay. I take umbrage with. You can umbridge all the way to the top of the mountain. I don't give a crap. I'll change it to the first documented successful ascent of Mount Everest. All right. I've got my list. What?

I've got my list. See, when I read them, I just throw a decade down on a piece of paper and then get them wrong. Hold on. Read them again. The first human to enter space. The first atomic bomb ever detonated. The first successful ascent of Mount Everest. documented. Documented. And the first human heart transplant.

I only have a debate with two of them. One of them is going to be the Mount Everest because it's stupid. Only because I know history so good. Well, so good. So good. Okay, hold on. I've got my order. I'm going to stick with it. I'm going to stick with it. The first human heart transplant. Successful or? Or? I just was first human heart transplant. That's a good question. I don't know. I'm just saying they could have put a heart in a human and be like, we did it. The first attempted and completed. Yeah. Oh, completed is it.

I need successful. You can't say they transplanted a heart unless they transplanted her heart. Oh, I certainly can. It's of course successful. Is it? Yes. Otherwise, it would not,

it would not be the first document. You guys are very confident. I'll give you some context. You guys are very confident in the medical field. They survived the groundbreaking, a five-hour operation, but died 18 days later from pneumonia. That's successful.

18 what? Days. Yeah, that's not the heart. That was the good transplant. 18 days later. is not a successful transplant. They didn't ever heart.

No, it's not. They got the job done. No, it's not. If you survive it, it's successful. All right. I've got my stupid order. All right, go ahead, Jay. All right, my stupid order

is, I'm going to say the atomic bomb is first. Mount Everest, human in space, heart transplant. When I say that out loud, I realize a heart transplant should certainly come before a human in space, but I will lock my order.

We're going to have somebody that actually wins here. Mine's very different. number one for me is Everest number two is the A-bomb, number three is the heart transplant, and number four is the space. Crap. Me and Andy are identical. Oh, no. But we're one-off. But I can't win. I can't overtake you.

No. But that is exactly what I wrote. Especially with you guys both putting up zeros. Oh! And Jason putting up a full four. I hope. The people. We went to space before we transplanted a heart. Listen to this.

When we first did this segment, Jason was so terrified. of it. He he tied the first time we did it and he's won the next two. I know is Jason knows history. We've got to rename this segment. It really flies in the face of everything I know about you. Give us the order. The order was

the atomic bomb, 1945. Oh. Mount Everest, 1953. Oh. First human to enter space 1961 and heart transplant in 67. Wow. Okay. I know history. I would love to linger on the fact that Jason thinks that people are doing things and not documenting, like climbing mountains to the trippy top? You can't document things

in the 1500s if someone climbed the mountain in the 1500s. How do you know what happens in the 1500? I'm saying, what are they doing? They wrote it down. What are they putting in the newspaper? Hey, oh, there's no newspaper. There's no printing. It doesn't have to be in a newspaper. What happened in the 1700s? Yeah. Specifically 76. The founding of our great country. Oh. Okay. So we're going to be in at least some agreement. Did the newspaper print it? 1776 on, you could have documented something. What if somebody climbed Mount Everest in 1,000 AD? We would never know.

That's fine. But before 1776. They really tried to do it for a long time before they did it. I'm just saying. All right. Congratulations. You know history. I suck at this game.

We got to get to it. Me too, Mike. We got to get to a draft. I did beat you, though. The Spitballers draft. Let's play the games. good at. We are drafting the best vending machine items. The best vending machine items.

Now we're talking. And Hold on, hold on. We got to check in. You got to check in. On the pole? Yeah, you want to check on the ice cream candy pool? Which is ironic because like you can get candy from vending machines, but not ice cream. But go on, Mike. We are at 1,571 votes. That is a lot. Do you care to, I'm going to guess 80, 20? 8119 8119 would be the exact vote for ice cream

I'm happy to be in the correct minority I've never found Mike more attractive as a person than I do right this minute wait until you get these ice novice guys because I you know see the fact that they're called an ice novel romance candy wait till we get the thing to prove us that ice cream is better I'm saying I might join your side

oh okay I bet you this thing is you've already you know this thing is not like ice cream at all You know there's, this is candy. He said it had white chocolate in it. He's talking about a chocolate. It's so good, guys. It's so good. Did I hit the draft button already?

You did. All right, we were drafting the best vending machine items. There's something, there's something special about the vending machine lore of our lives. I mean, I, I remember there being surge machines at our grade school. They were letting kids get surge at school. That seems dangerous. Things have progressively gotten worse, my friend. With the energy drinks?

Because at my daughter's high school, they're like, hey, you want Red Bulls? You want monsters? They just let them get them? Your son's there. Man, that's trouble. He's he not telling you about how we know this. You guys go to the same. We go to a cardiologist regularly.

I don't know what to tell you this. Your son is crushing monsters. Oh, great. My first pick in this draft, there are some things. Here's what's funny. I think there are things that are like iconic vending machine snacks, but then there are some that are just like I only get them from a. vending machine. Like the only time I ever get exposed to them is a vending machine. So I'm going to get to

both of them. But my first pick, without question, is the most classic vending machine item in the history of vending machines is nothing more refreshing than a fresh Coca-Cola classic out of a vending machine. Yeah, that is going to be my number one pick. You can debate it, you can discuss it, you can deter from it, but it is a Coca-Cola. That is fine. Jason, it's whatever, it's fine. Jason had an issue with the idea that we include. Al, listen to this. He had an issue with us. Okay, go ahead.

Go ahead. So I'm in the office. It's just me and Jason. I didn't hear it all. And this is going to surprise you. We had the draft and I had some questions because I want to make sure that. Mike has questions. Look, I just want to make sure that we're all playing under the same rules.

Yeah, we're in the same fence. Because I'm starting to write down stuff that is not food. And Jason's like, and I'm like, hey, what are a vending machine? or where are we going near and he's like there's one clear answer i could not be more sure of there's only one to me a vending machine is a machine and we all we all know what it looks like it's like eight rows high and you know five or six things left and there's all these snacks and treats in there and it's edible only and i'm like well what about so and he's like what about edible and i'm like Well, you drink a soda, and he's like, no, it's so easy.

It's so clear. And then Andy walks in. I'm like, hey, Andy, vending machine. He's like, oh, you drink, so food. Whatever. Your reality is not everybody's reality candy boy. Come on, Candy boy. All right, Mike, your pick.

Oh, baby. A vending machine? Uh-huh. First thing I'm looking for. Doritos, orange. Orange. They don't get a flavor. They get a color.

Some people call it the nacho. cheese. Doritos orange. Go to. Doritos are on the list. If that's an vending machine, stand back, give me the number. That's all I need to know about. I respect it. Doritos. It's a great pick. Orange. Orange. Have you seen them naked Doritos now? Excuse me? NKD. Doritos?

Are these like the baked? No, they're just, they took out the dyes and the artificial stuff. I'm not interested. It tastes great. taste gray. No, no. I don't know if you can order orange in that flavor. Yeah, probably not. Hey, we don't have time for this at all, so I'm going to talk about it.

I guess Eminem's tried to remove all the artificial colors. Have you seen this? No. So they successfully did it for everything but blue. Because blue is apparently impossible, basically, other than getting spirulina from the ocean that's expensive and all this stuff. You don't find blue natural coloring in the wild where you can color something blue. So they managed to do all the other M&M's colors,

but they can't do blue. Hmm. So just pick a new one. That's an option. And then put them on the television. You're like, oh, here comes. There's a new fuchsia. Here comes.

It's called faded blue. Yeah. Here comes gray. Yes. Yeah. The gray Eminem is my favorite. It's so easy to do gray. The delicious gray flavored Eminem.

It tastes like gray. All right. I'm up. I've got two. Yeah, you do. All right. The first thing that comes to mind. me and this is probably weird.

I don't even know if it's on your guys's list, but every time... That'll be good for us. Yeah, it will be. Did I go to a vending machine? The one thing that I just always end up, I... If I go to a vending machine, it's because I'm like... Real hungry. Yeah, exactly.

I'm hungry. You're at a hospital. You're at a school. So I'm looking for... You're at a rest stop. You're at a kids show. I'm looking for food, and that comes in the form of Pop-Tarts. Pop-Tarts?

I don't think there's anything wrong with that pick. Really? Yeah. Pop-Tarts are a vending-eyed. Hop-Tarts is your first pick? easily the most common item I have actually consumed from a vending machine is Pop-Tart. Where do you draft a toaster? You don't, unfortunately.

I'm okay taking it. I can't stand them without toasting. No, I can, I can cold, raw dog of Pop-Tart. No problem. No problem. That's honest, it was on my list, Jay. Okay. Because I've seen them in there so often.

I forgot we put the pics up right behind our faces now. I did too, and then I read Doritos Orange. You love it. Was that nacho cheese? Yeah, you look at the screen? That's my Doritos. That is your Doritos. Jason, I don't think that's a bad pick at all.

I've seen it a million times. It's also a way, like, I feel like college vending machines had those, so you grab them. Oh, it's like a breakfast. It's more grown-up. Yeah. All right, Jason. My next pick here, I would not have originally even had this on my list because it's not in my classic vending machine. But you guys are saying if it's out of a machine that vins it, if it's out of a machine that vins it, then it's fine.

And I've had this out of many vending machines, even though it's not the classic. This is what's going to happen. And it is ice cream. It's Dippin' Dots. Yeah, Dippin' Dots is on my machine. This isn't wrong with Diffin' Dots. It's fine, but Dippin' Dots are great. I mean, if I see a Dippin' Dots machine. Dippin' Dots is only Dippin' Dots though.

Correct. It's the weird vacuum. You're also not going to get your classic vending machine picture here on the vote. Correct. I would say that about. But Dippin Dopp's is literally the first thing I wrote down, even though there's no machine. I'm more scared of not getting my item than a Dippend Dippin Dots machine. I would have put the odds of you drafting Dippend dots at about. what, like 18.9%.

So what's crazy is... About 8, 19%? Is that about where you had a mic? I adore dipping dups. I love them. I love them. I like them more than ice cream. It's the ice cream in the future. Yeah. So they say...

Did you guys ever get the dried ice cream, the NASDA dry ice cream thing? Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. Oh, they're pretty good. All right, Mike, you're up. Is there sugar in there? Yeah. It's... What are you going to do, Holloway?

It's tough. Way ready to go. because I have two that I got to have. Well, you get one of them. Orioles. Really? Yeah. Okay.

Oreos. I don't think that was what he was going to say. That's fine. That's fine because I needed to secure the Oreos. The unfortunate part of the vending machine is Oreos are never double-stuffed. Yes. They aren't allowed to put them in there.

However, Desperate Times call for single. Oh, you're going to sacrifice. I'll just go single air orio when I have to and I'm you're not taken from me you could you could you could you could turn what like you come with like six yes they do it becomes three double stuffed if you work it the right way that's an interesting uh you should give it a go that's it's an interesting idea I will take it into advisement all right my picks are not going to be necessarily like poll winners but they are going to be authentic and my pick here I have to have it I've never bought these in any other contexts,

and yet when they're in a vending machine, I buy them and I enjoy them, and they're special to me. It is Gardettos. I am buying Gardettos. I get that that is a vending machine. Google's Guard. You'll recognize it.

They've got the awful brown flat pieces. The brown flat piece. And no one wants, and then all the rest are good. Yeah. That's how everyone. Gardtos. Put up with the flat piece,

enjoy the rest. Yep. I thought those were. genuinely hunt for those pieces. Oh, do you like those ones? Flat ones? Yes. Okay.

Those are so good. They do have a profound. No, those are free. It's the chalky white stick ones that are nasty. Yeah, no, but I'm saying you go to a vending machine and you hit the Gardettos button and it just gives it to you. No, they don't. Yes, they do. No, they don't.

Yes, they do. They actually, they spits out change. It's how they get rid of Gardettos. Here's 75 cents. And get something else. You're going to need it. They literally make a guard. The phone.

You want this Gardetto's slop? Wow. Just the garlic chips. Gross. Gardettos are great. This is. Gardettos are delicious. I gar deadowed in the toilet the other night.

Oh my gosh. It looked just like this. My next pick, maybe it'll satisfy a little bit better. It's a Snickers bar. Okay. Snickers. It does satisfy. It's a snickers.

By the way, Gardettos, I'm looking at the picture of them. Did you look at the picture I just said? Uh, yes I challenge you to differentiate that from feces That's disgusting Those are so good That's spicy The spice Jason, please

Come on I'm not with you here, man No I know First of all There's too much variation to let it Be synonymous visually with a poop Yeah

Yeah unless you like You guys aren't checking out your poops You're not healthy Mike You have I think this is is a breaking news moment where you need a doctor. Yeah, if you're pooping Gardettos, one, see a doctor,

two, bag it up, send it my way. All right, Mike, you are back on the clock. Contact Colagard. You can do this at home. That's correct. Al will take all the brown pieces, which in this context seems troublesome, and then I'll take the rest. Incredible.

I don't know if this is in the pantheon for other people, but it is, I don't know what it is. So Doritos Orange, Oreos, Cheez-Its, baby. Sure. Cheez-its. You know, I-

Where else do you eat cheeses? I buy them from the store and eat them. Yeah, we usually have the Costco-sized box. All the time. You guys buy Cheeses? Everyone buys cheese. They're always stocked. No, I don't. I buy them from the vending machine.

It's a sweet treat. It's funny because the reason I didn't put in it. Sweet treat? Well, it's not actually. sweet. It's just, it's not actually a treat. Yeah. It's a cracker. It's a salty cracker is what I mean. It's a it's a cheese. The reason I didn't put cheese that's on my list is because I don't buy them from vending machines because I have them in my house. Yeah, me too. Thank you. Well, we're the same out Gardettos and cheeses. Do you have any sweet treats in your house like Doritos? Do you have like sweet

I actually don't buy Doritos either? Yeah, I know, but I'm just saying you call the sweet treats. It's dumb. That's all I'm saying. It's not a sweet treat. All right. I got, I got two picks. You can't even defend Yeah, it's like, I can defend it because you ever heard the slang word sweet? Ah, okay. To not infer sugar? But it's not even a treat. Not in food. It's not a treat.

Cheeses aren't a strong. Treats are sweet. Yeah. All right. Uh, I got two picks here. Yeah. All right. You can't take cheeses because I don't take.

There's two I really want to get back to me. And I'm really afraid. There's no way. You're the kind of guy that's going to get the right stuff. I'm not getting either of yours because I'm going. He wants dingleberries. That's on the bag of the toilet. To go with his, uh, with his guardettos.

I have so upended. So the first one I'm going, this is another guilty pleasure of mine. I mean, this is something that I don't know how many things in the world are better than this. And I don't think that there is one. I don't think there is romantic strawberries. One ounce of food in this. Not one. Oh, of like actual.

Of actual food. Now we're talking. They print this. Science. You're going to say it. No way you're drafting this. I bet you I am. A honey bun.

Oh, it's. Dude, that's what you wanted. Dude, honeybund was literally. Honeybund is what I freaking wanted. Yeah, yeah. And that is not edible. Jason, we're in the room and I was like, oh, I know my 101. Yeah.

I didn't think anyone possibly draft a honey bun. Look, I build a list and then I bold the ones that I really want. It's bolded on my screen. Honey buns. And I thought it would get back to me. Number one, honey buns are only bought in a vending machine. Honey buns are used by bears to block their bowels so that they can hibernate during the winter. I was telling Jason in the room.

I was like, there was a period, one of the first periods where I really became a husky boy. Was honey bun based? Honey buns were a huge part of it. They gave you some hunky buns? Because at this place of work, I was always there. There was always honey buns. Honey buns, man. And they were always the best.

I am not 100% sure that is not like some paper mill byproduct that they turn into the shade. Honey buns. Crazy. Ow, you had honey buns the 101? It's such a good pit. At least when I was in high school, our vending machine, we all raided the honey buns. We were all trying to sneak the honey bun. You eat a honey bun.

Your tongue is the greatest thing. Your tongue just feels the film and filth of that honey bunnobie. There's a wax that you eat. I could transport to exactly where I was. I can feel it right now. I can feel in my mouth. I can tell you the buttons. Oh, man.

I can tell you. That's 87. A-11. Oh, man. Yeah, no, that's great. All right. My last pick. Oh, man, that's a big-time bummer.

It's a steal. I'm between two here. Between two buns. They both are savory and they both basically come in their own packaging of a container to make it work. But I'm going to go with one similar to a lot of times I started with the Pop-Tarts where when you need a vending machine, sometimes you need a meal. Sure. And this is one that I know. saves my kids' lives where they are.

But I'm going to go with a... This will be probably not even on your guys' list, but a cup of noodles. A cup of noodles and a vending... That's the only meal... It's the only meal you can get from a vending machine. Where or do you get the hot water? Yeah.

Anywhere. Anywhere that you can get hot water. No, no, you can try and answer. Okay, let me ask you this. Answer like a normal... As someone who had a... Can you make a cup of noodles without a microwave? No.

No. So what you do is you put water in. it and then you put it in the microwave. It's pretty easy. There's microwaves just hanging out by your vending machines? When there's a cup of noodles there, there's a microwave there. That's a promise. All right. All right.

Hmm. Mike? I feel like we just got lied to. I'm not sure. I mean, honestly, it does not matter what I say because honey buns was. I thought I could sneak it to number four. I was sneaking the last pick with the honey buns. I'm let down.

I got a couple containers in that category. We went a little too. We ran a little too hot. It doesn't matter. Who cares? Are you going to drive Doritos Blue? Cool Ranch? No, I'm, oh my God.

You don't like Cor Ranch? Cool Ranch. That's right. Guys. I like Cool Ranch is delicious. I, when I wake up. You don't have to pick a side. Both sides work.

No, no, no, no. No, because when I wake up in the morning, I can look myself in the eyes and I'm like, you're okay. You can't look yourself in the eyes. Not with blues. You just can't do it. Yes, I can. No, no one can look themselves in the mirror. No.

You look themselves in the mirror. you cool I look myself in the eye I put hold on a minute Al Borland cool ranch greater you're telling me that when you look in the mirror in your eyes you're not looking yourself in the eyes correct I'm looking at myself in the mirror no I'm with Mike on that one I'm looking at the man in the mirror like and what are you but what are you doing who's the man in the mirror Jay

whose eyes are you looking at I'm looking at my eyes through a mirror but I would say I'm looking at the mirror okay so what are we even talking we don't have time no no nope we're in the bathroom okay we're brushing R-T. I'm talking to my spouse, but I'm looking into the mirror. Who am I talking to? You're talking to your spouse. But I'm looking, no, but I'm talking to the mirror. Let's say you're in a bathroom stall and the person next to you is you're talking to them. Are you not talking to them? You're talking to a stall? No, come on. Don't be stupid here. But then how am I looking, how do you not look yourself in the, in the eyes?

I'm looking at a mirror. I see myself in the mirror. I'm looking at a mirror. I see myself. You're talking to yourself. Jason, when you look at a mirror, Jason, when you look at look in the mirror, you're looking yourself in the face. That's what a mirror does. You're looking at your reflection. Andy, you're on the clock. Um, I didn't even make a pick. No, Mike hasn't picked. I, I bypassed. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't make the pick because we got on this, because you were

trying to talk about blue Doritos. Take your trail mix and let's move on. Oh my God. That just seems like a bad. Trail mix. Exactly. Exactly. After the gardettos garbage? No, it's awful. You're going to talk about trail mix. No, but I assumed you would take it. It's the same exact bowl crap. Salt and vinegar chips.

Yeah, just as bad. Awful. Disgusting. Hostess Donets is my final pick. If nothing matters, honey buns are gone. If I want to have also non-edible food like a honey bun, I'm going to get a pack of six donuts. Oh, I love those in a fitting machine. Yes.

Oh, those are good. You can get them in chocolate or powder sugar. No, no, no. Or cinnamon crumbled. No, the crumbles. Yeah, yeah. That's the best. You know, original?

is that original it's crumbles no there's like there's weird donut what they call donets original and it's like that's the original yeah it is the crunch crunch crunch the crunch is the yeah i mean you get them all with that pick but um yeah i'm going hostess nothing matters anymore that the one that i didn't have honey buns i wanted honey buns grandma's cookies was up there the grandma's double cookies the soft cookies that are soft for eternity sure um slim jim skittles are you going to say those are better than uh than hard chips a hoi? No. No, I'd rather have hard chips a hoy.

Good point. Those are also inventing machines, but they weren't on your list. No, because they're gross. Jason, very peculiar. Yeah, I don't know. He says he likes a hard... Chips a hoi, but of course he doesn't. Yeah.

I like honey roasted peanuts. I love getting those. Oh, honey roasted peanuts are the best because you're like, I'm so healthy. Nutty bars? Al has nutty bars. Funnions, to me, that's a vending machine food only. And then I was, when I was deciding between the two cups and I went covered, Pringles, I like, I mean, Pringles are just great.

Yeah, Pringles are great. Nothing matters. Honey buns. What did we learn today? Honey buns are the best. I learned I can't let honey buns slip to the back of a draft. We let honey buns. All of us thought we, we all danced with the devil.

We did. And we thought we could get honeybuns. I do have to guardettos before. And we all, I, I should have been honest. Seems like Mike wouldn't have grabbed. I would have taken honey buns with my first pick if I thought there was... And I learned that I know history. Oh, my God.

You guys will never know. It's really troubling me. How good. Let's do a geography quiz next. I know. We know geography. We're doing highway to spell. No.

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com. Thank you.