Spitballers Comedy Podcast - No Rules Duels & The Greatest Leftovers - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

Spit Hit for May 29th, 2025:On today’s show, Andy spills the beans on Owl’s recent run-in with the law. We also dive deep into the rules and etiquette of a good old fashioned duel. Then, LIAR, LIAR is back! Does Owl take his second ever loss? Lastly, we draft the best leftover foods! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Oh yeah, a little change up. I'm not sure if you didn't burp at the end though. That was a tuba. I mean I like anything with that kind of variation in it. That was nice. Trying to get multiple instruments in.

I'll tell you what, you would think after 247 episodes before this that you've seen it all. But you really surprised me there, Mike. Good. That was, I mean, the only thing that could ever beat that scat is what we're getting next week. Oh, baby. Oh man, what's next week, Andy? I think I don't have it.

Mike doesn't have it. Well, I go usually after Mike, and it's not me. No, it's that cool cat. Oh, who's all that? You excited for your return I'm not excited for the anticipation is this the trilogy Yeah, third time. Yeah, who are the third movie? Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's yeah, I don't know matrix back to the future Yeah, that's right. You I feel like the third is almost always better than this. Yeah, man Which? Thinking of the trilogies out there like which one has where back to the future three. I agree, but I think they're all they're

They're generally pretty great return of the Jedi was great Die hard three is much better than number two. Indiana Jones is the best one. Is there a trilogy? I guess Owls will be the best based on that analysis. Oh, that's great. Spitwats, get excited because what you're going to receive next week is going to be just the most glorious scat of all time. What's your Twitter handle? Oh, at producer Borland. Yeah. Everyone go to jump on Twitter at producer Borland.

Give him some encouragement. Let him know how excited you are for him to bring the best scat ever. Thank you. Great idea. Thank you. At producer Borland. Quick follow up, Jason. We had the conversation on the last episode about the flat LaCroix oh We sure we did test that we did we did test the test Jason

And I we went through the rigmarole the research and all of that I tested it every single day Okay, and day one it like after 24 hours. I came and I drank and... Still be bubbly, right? It's still bubbly. It's not as bubbly, still bubbles. So 48 hours later, still bubbles. Still bubbles, an open can in the fridge. Which matches with the hotter makes the bubbles go away faster. Yes, so obviously being cold and crisp in the fridge kept the bubbles there. Day three three they were

basically all gone. Like you could kind of have a hint of bubbles and day four it was all all gone. Day two, day three, day four, all delicious. They were absolutely fine. You just need... Day five was great. I mean all you need it to be is cold. It's been definitively answered. A hot bubbly soda that's supposed to be bubbly is much worse than a flat but chilled and icy cold not watered down drink. And now we know. Science. Is that the first science experiment that this show has ever done?

I doubt it. It won't be the last though that we can be sure of. All right. You can follow us on Twitter at spitballers pod after you follow at producer Borland and let's get it going. Would you rather know off from Patreon, would you rather, you and a random stranger, okay, I was starting with the would you rather because I thought that the question would go into that, like the answer, but I apologize. I'm gonna start all over.

Noah from Patreon, you and a random stranger have been placed in a Mexican standoff to the death. So strangers. Yeah, yeah. It would have to be more than one. Because the whole point of that standoff, right, is that there's...

There's guns pointed everywhere. Yeah. Would you rather have both parties be armed with a sword or both parties be armed with a revolver? Again, this is saying two. I thought there had to be at least three. Yeah, for a Mexican standoff. Otherwise, it's just a regular standoff.

It's just a standoff, yeah, it's just a regular. It's just a stand up. It's just a duel. It says a violent confrontation between two or more parties Well now read that again where no strategy exists that allows any party to achieve victory, okay? I don't think I know what a mix and you stand up is at all hold on I'll read that one more time and take the words to and or out. I want to hear it Let me hear what it sounds like a violent confrontation between more parties more parties. More parties. Perfect. That's exactly what I thought.

So now that just sounds like your family, they're having parties. The Moors. Yeah, the Moors are having a family. At the more parties, you just get crazy. Now, the question is, do you want my family with revolversvers or swords would you rather have both parties be armed with a sword or both parties be armed with a revolver? What if they have a word standoff the stand the stand? I'm just standing there pointing your swords at each other is that a standoff yes, so nobody's doing anything Yeah, it's the hook is they're standing. It's a standoff

They're gonna stand in a certain way. It's a standoff. They're just trying to stand in a certain way. It starts with a standoff and then you guys are having a fight to the death. The only difference whether you'd be better off in a gunfight or a sword fight. Yes. That could have been the, would you rather from the top talk to the listeners, man, would you, would you rather be in a gunfight or a sword fight? That's a great question. Uh, but it was multiple people. I think here's my, I don't want the gun one here's my advice people if You're in this type of a standoff which we've all seen the movies where you know, it's a cool shot They they 360 it you got three or more people Everyone always cuz the action movie everyone is dual wielding and they have it's a John Woo movie

Yeah, they have or yeah, and, and they have guns pointed at each other. First, that's what you want to be. That's all you want to be. If you're in this type of a standoff, just first. That's what I want to be. Just pull that trigger. I don't have time. This is not a negotiation period.

Because in this race, if you're're anything but first you are last. I am going to ask an important question. Okay. Okay. Jason, you are a known cheater. Yep. Well, there's no rules here. Hold on. I look at it as known winner. Go on. That's right. So would you be, dare I say a known winner in one of those? Alexander Hamilton, oh, it's in style duel with the rules nine Yeah, come on do you think that anybody I'd get to eight Turn around eight. I win would lose your honor. Would you take any steps save my life? Would I take yeah, I would take what you just did it the stomp So a little bit quiet

Big steps that go about six inches forward just like like a little marching man And and then I would turn around on five or so I you know I'd give it at least half time and then once I turn around a little worried about how big his steps are I'm gonna start going towards him. I'm gonna run towards him I'm gonna put that right up to the back of his head, and I'm gonna win that duel. Whoa! That's, no, but I think if you did that, then you just go, I win. Just let them know. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna- Oh, you just go pew pew?

Yeah, I just go- Duel's over. Yeah, duel's over, right? I win. Right? Yeah. Right? Oh yeah. Do you yield, sir? Do you think, here's a real question, do you think that anybody who's in one of those Alexander Hamilton style duels, and what I'm talking about is your back-to-back And you take ten paces and you turn around and shoot

You know how sometimes you get sometimes you do paper rock scissors, and you don't know if it's on three or on shoot Yeah, do you think anybody got about five steps in oh no and then goes wait do I turn on one or do I turn on? Yeah, sure for sure you better go one if you're not sure you're going first And the problem is if you are sure if you're sure that it's well, that's on zero. Oh You're losing. I mean if you know for sure it's on zero and you're a man of honor There's a there's a good chance. You did not walk out from that duel. They don't just shoot you if you do it dishonorably No, like somebody else just walks up and goes I challenge you to a duel for that dishonorable duel only two people there with With the guns and that's yeah

And these these were the old school guns where it's got the one bullet and then it takes you 25 minutes to reload right? Did anyone ever do like just really really really big steps to like you're sure you're you're pretty much at You go first and then they cause I've got you run towards him because at least for like it sounds like you're gonna miss a lot of these shots just an inaccurate gun one bullet that was that you made out of your silverware and you let them go first and then you're just like okay now how are we gonna really sound in your shot on whether or not they can hit you yeah get let them go first and then you're just like okay now how are we going to really settle this. You're just taking your shot on whether or not they can hit you. Yeah get far enough away. I just. The range on these things the accuracy of those old guns is really poor.

You do realize the kind of arguments we have on this show seemingly were settled in to the death duels at this time. Yeah. It's ridiculous like why do you. is a hot dog a sandwich? I Challenge you to a duel you idiot. I mean why why did they at least make the rule turn and hit him below the belt? Well, that's that's dishonorable. Yeah, but but here's the thing back then If that bullet goes in your leg is you're still dying. You're still dying. It's just worse. You get hit in the toe, you die of gangrene. If you get hit in the leg, you're going to go to the doctor and go, hmm, this looks pretty bad. I know what I'm going to do. And then they just pull a saw out. They're like, this is probably going to hurt a little bit, but it will... Here, bite this silverware. Look, I'm going to lengthen your life by two, possibly three minutes. Yeah. I mean, I'm glad we live now.

We can debate things like the hot dog question without fear of death. How did anyone, and did anybody accept that? As this is what we do. Can I make a counter argument? Okay. I think it's pretty cool. I mean, because hear me out both parties agree right this is Sure, but this is saying okay. This is really serious to me I'm willing to I'm willing to bet it all

It's like that. I mean why did you do that on a fantasy football debate with me? Oh Like Debo I you or something we back. I feel like the answer just comes to the end of the season. We don't need to kill each other over that one. Um, that's fair because you only get one debate with that person. Right. That wasn't a lot of second debates with people. No future debates. Okay. Well one timer. What happens if both people miss? I think it is over. And I think you both and I'm not just like, oh, probably hug though. Oh, thank goodness Come here big guy. Give me a squeeze I mean, that's that's a very frequent thing. Like when you're in high school two guys have

Have beef and there's a build-up and then there's a fight And then at the end of that like well that was kind of dumb and then and now these two people are friends Is that what happens at the end of the duel? I think that's what happens. However, I am curious owl if you'll do a little research on this because there's a there's the alternative option, which is They've got to reload and do it over and over And over in the stress and pressure and frustration just each time. It's like oh my god Well, you just hit me just and at what point do they they laugh at it like oh yeah we did it again scallywag maybe they pull the swords out if they

both miss and then go running at each other so that brings us back to the original question we're in a mexican i do have a plan by the way what i would do is i'd be like i just want to go over the rules with my opponent one more time and i'd be like I want to miss to the left you missed to the right. Oh If you both agree to miss you both alive I think if both of you agreed to miss neither one of you would have agreed to go to the do cool. That's fair but back to this question, I Mean, I I don't know man when there's more than if there's three people with guns I mean, I don't know, man. When there's more than, if there's three people with guns,

I'm a one third chance of winning this thing. I don't like those odds. Do you think you are more than a one third chance if everyone has swords? My odds go way up. I'm a three out of four odds with three people with swords. I think my point might've been

I don't wanna do either one. So I- Yeah, I would not get into a standoff then Yeah, all three of you there can you slowly just yes, this is between the two of you Look like you have this taking care of part of the definition is that there is no plan So it's just you know, everything's pointed at everyone and there's no plan So I think as the plan develops, let's say there's four people here and they got guns pointed at everybody. I think the plan could develop that you're just like, I regret being here

and everyone slowly backs away. We do have an update. Uh, Al put it in here, said with guns, if both sides fire without a hit, they are questioned if both sides are satisfied. If not, the guns are reloaded. So they're both missing a... Sir, are you satisfied? Nay! I want to shoot again! No, I want to hear the person...

Are you just missed after this door? Are you satisfied? Yes. Justice was served. This was enough for me. I have defended the honor of George Washington. We both missed. But I didn't come out. Let the record show I did arrive here for my duel.

We have no cowards here. I am pre-satisfied with this duel. I'm actually really satisfied. Sir, are you also satisfied with this duel before we fire? Oh, duels are so funny. And they were real. Like, it feels like a fairy tale. It feels like something that's like just a tall tale. Yes. You know, lore. It's exaggerated over history. But it's... Alexanderander madison died in a viking you leave my precious alexander madison alone running back for the minnesota vikings

yes alexander hamilton killed in 1700s duel oh man actually arrived was that 1700s i mean that was the ham- Is that when Hamilton was? Yeah, 1774 is one of the songs. What was the life expect-

The signing of the Declaration of Independence. Life expectancy back then? The average newly minted American citizen could expect to live to the ripe old age of- I'm gonna go- I've got it. I'm guessing- Low 30s.

Oh, I was going 34. I'll go- I shouldn't have said number first. I'll go under. 35. Oh dang it! Because half, it was 70 but half of them died in duels. Right at birth. Oh yeah. Sorry. Okay shut up. I'm doing good. I'm taking the guns. Yeah I guess the guns. I don't think there's such a thing as a duel of swords. guns. Yeah, I guess the gun. I don't think there's such a thing as a dual swords. Um, a three person is there's always that would be silly. The problem is, is with the guns, y'all fire at once with the swords. It's not, you don't fire. So there's going to be a team up. Yeah. So two, one, as soon as you, as soon as you backswing your sword, you're going

to wonder, you're looking at the other guys trying to hit one that they're going after. All right, Nick from the website. Are you satisfied? I would be satisfied if we got that guy. All right, Nick from the website, would you rather have a button in your car to always turn traffic lights green? Oh yeah.

Or a button that makes your car invisible to radar? Al? Pfft. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Why would you throw it to Al? I just think one of these might, he might have a different answer. Oh goodness.

Based on recent history. Criminal. You criminal. You criminal speeder. You hear that mom? Oh yeah, mom's listening. Oh baby. Speeder you hear that mom Let the record show was not me, but Jeremy did your mom know that you got recently pulled over for a ticket she did Tell her this beat I

Don't remember I told her it was faster than it should have been. All right. And it was. But here's the thing. Even if you're invisible to radar, like if a cop is sitting there and sees you going by too fast, they're still going to pull you over, and they'll gauge the speed by the speed of their car.

I know that some people, black-shirted individuals in this in this studio, it's not me, would appreciate not being seen by police cars but I genuinely can tell you and I don't think I drive slow, I genuinely have never understood why anybody buys the radar detectors on their car. Because I just feel like Even percentage chance, you know what they do Yeah, they they beep when there's radar on you. Yeah, that's why back that's what people buy them Yeah, they they're not as common anymore because the technology kind of changed but a couple decades ago They were really accurate and the technology that all the police officers were using it was very easy to Be alerted

well in advance when a radar is being used. And so, you just slow down. Right. No, I mean, I get how they work. I just mean, I feel like I've driven fairly above speed limit and I just have not been in a... Oh, I'm really setting myself up here. Yeah, continue. But I don't think I've been pulled over in 25 years. Years. Oh, man. We'll have an update for you on next week's episode. Al, where were you exactly? I'm gonna take the lights one.

I mean, this is a practical everyday thing. The other one is a occasionally I avoid it. Think about it this way. If I get pulled over once every five years and pay $500 for being pulled over. Yeah. Okay, let's just put it that way. Would I pay $500 for being pulled over. Yeah. Okay. Let's just put it that way. Would I pay $500 for this button for the lights every five years? You'd pay $500 a month. I would pay, maybe not that, but I'd pay $500 a year.

Yeah. So alternatively, I think the spirit of the question is more that I would be invisible to cops, to police officers Okay, it's not just that they can't tag me and they see me drive by and they're like that guy's going pretty fast I should pull him over still would you endanger everyone if there were no no because I'm an absolutely excellent driver No one would be in danger, but I would be going 120 miles an hour Yeah, I mean, they don't hear what I'm not saying. I, my life is therefore in danger. Kids, please drive the speed limits. Here. I'll, I'll throw in some context to this. So I just, you want to put a PSA out there for the kids? All are you, this is from,

uh, yahoo.com 2018. So a few years old, but it's saying if you take into account the estimate that approximately 20% of all driving time is spent at a red light. Wow. According to the AAA, the average American spends 17,600 minutes driving each year, that's 3,520 minutes, or 58.6 hours spent waiting at red lights every year. I can shave more than that off, man.

You don't, if I got no fear, if I've got no fear of- What, you're just gonna run the red light? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying if I can't be caught by police officers, I can double the speed limit. Oh, he thinks he can save more time with the speed limit. My 30 minute trip is 10 minutes now, brother. Let's fly.

Your 30 minute trip is now a trip to infinity as you sit in a burning vehicle off the side of the road okay you know there's some risks involved 50 almost 59 hours that's a lot plus the pleasant drive oh yeah going places would be pleasant if I don't stop it's pleasant that would be so nice to like I didn't think about that. The mental, it's not freedom, but like enjoyment of never seeing a red light. Just every single intersection you come to, you're like, you're green.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, oh that's the way it works, the magic too. It's not a button, it's a finger. You just go, green. Watch this, honey. Blue. Your ability is to change light colors. I just had a ride with my wife maybe two weeks ago.

And we hit this stretch. And I was like, holy crap. That was the longest stretch of green lights I've ever had in my life. Oh, like you're on a hot streak. Yeah. And I verbalized it because it was so noticeable. That was the longest stretch of green lights I've ever had in my life. Oh, like you were on a hot street. Yeah. And I verbalized it because it was so noticeable.

Yeah, I think that that would be wonderful. That's my vote. There is a specific light in the valley here where when you miss it, it takes one to two years before it goes green again. Which light are you talking about? I'm sure. It's getting on to the 17 from the 303. So it's... Okay. And my goodness, the other day, I'm driving down and I see the light forever away from me and it's green. And I'm like, oh no. And you see the... Yep. Yep. The crosswalk is flashing. The flashing lights and I'm like,

I'm gonna hit it right when it turns red and as I got there It didn't ever go yellow and I just rolled right on and it was like my life is great today This is tech blessed. This has been a great day. So yeah, I'm taking the green light All right, Annie from Twitter. Would you rather have the ability to paint the most beautiful landscapes or write the most compelling stories? I Don't know if the reason I don't appreciate painting that much is because I suck but I think that's what it is. I Think sometimes the reason I appreciate painting is because I suck. Like I'm so blown away by. Like the end result, you're like, Oh, I just can't train.

Right. I can't believe that when I look at people's art where without tracing, they just draw something that's photorealistic or, or just, it blows me away that human beings can do that because in my brain, I can't see I can't see like a Three-year-old version of that. I see nothing. I see my brain is I can't even I When I try to visualize a dog to draw a dog, that's a monster in my mind I mean, I don't know what his face does. Your inner drawing. Your brain drawing. My brain drawing is a nightmare, guys. It's a misshapen, malformed, I can't remember what

a horse's butt looks like when I'm drawing a horse. I'm like, wait, does it go up? Does it go down? What legs do they have? I blink. Yeah, that's, that your inner drawing is as bad as your outer drawing. It might be worse. I try to improve when I put pen to paper. Interesting. I mean, I, I feel like it's really tough because you, I feel like the stakes of a painting are so high.

Because if you do paint and you try to paint well, and let's say you spend 20 hours painting, and then you're like, I'm like, I'm gonna wrap this up. You could blow the whole thing. Oh. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's permanent. Do they make like erasable paint?

Cause I could use that. Erasable paint. Like control Z, can I edit undo my paint? I mean you could paint over it. I guess that's the option. Which one is more profitable? I would think the stories because you get IP. You're not just selling the story. They don't make movies about landscapes. They make them about compelling stories. Exactly. If I

wrote Harry Potter, it's another level than just even the Mona Lisa. They just don't illustrate it. There's other things to it. Like if you can write a compelling story, I imagine you you can write a compelling story, I imagine you can verbally tell a compelling story as well. And then you could go into motivational speaking. There's a ton of money in that. And that's just telling good stories. Just good, I knew a guy, picked himself up by his bootstrap.

I guess if you're the best painter, your ceiling's higher, probably. Once you're dead, fair enough. Fair enough. That's a good point. Fake your death. Oh. Oh.

OK, now we're onto something. Fake your death. And you know you're going to be able to do it because of how great a painter you are. Yes. You'll be able to. Wait, why will that? No, because they is painting a landscape mean

I'm good at faking my death? Because they're gonna say this person is a master and if you hear that they have passed on, you're like, they must have because they're so good at painting. Why do they... If you're a crappy painter they're not gonna believe... Oh, that guy faked his death. Yeah. Oh, he's just trying to juice up the prices. We know he's alive. I, I got to live forever look how bad that art is that makes sense. How many times could you get away with it? How many times could you fake your death? I'm guessing just being but like that's a bad wolf situation actually Like a public face of like a you're a painter But each time you show up like the next time you have this big beard, and next time you have a big ponytail,

we just could give it away with that. It is funny, I don't think there's, correct me if I'm wrong, has there ever been anyone in our lifetime who has successfully faked his own death and then been revealed? I know Tupac's alive and Elvis is alive and all that, whatever, but has there actually been someone

that has faked it and Been exposed there hasn't right not in the celebrity world right? That's what I mean because that's not really a thing people want to do when they're celebrity Pretty nice being alive That's cursed this fame and fortune That's a good point. It happens when you're on the run Let's go the prince and the Popper. Yeah.

And, spoiler, the Prince does not like his choice. I was just thinking, like, if Tupac showed up and it was like, oh my goodness, you did it. The next time he dies, nobody would ever believe it. You all, like, it's an illegal thing, right? Oh. Can you get arrested? I think so.

Can you get put to death for faking your own death? You have lied, and now you shall be true. I think it's illegal, because there's things that happen. Yeah, I mean. It's gotta be illegal if there's like, because there'll be financial fraud involved. That's what I mean. Owl, look it up. Can you just fake your own's what I mean. How can you just fake your own death?

Is it illegal to fake your own death? This is on you. I'll figure this out. I don't know what else is in here, but the second result is from get legal.com that says faking your own death. It can come back to haunt you. What? It can't. It can't. It can only haunt if it was real. I'm not reading this article though. It's called pseudocide. Oh.

Pseudocide? Yeah. That's a good name. And it's not explicitly illegal in many jurisdictions. However, when you fake your own death, it often means that you collect other crimes that are illegal like fraud, identity theft, because you got to be a new person somewhere.

Hmm, interesting. But if you just fake your death and you don't make a like death certificate. Then you need to make sure you travel to a destination where it is a fine jurisdiction. You don't want to commit suicide in the wrong jurisdiction. That is wild. Interesting. All right, let's move on to a different segment featuring the Speedy Al Borla. Liar, liar, pants on fire. I didn't know we were doing this today. Yeah, but maybe that means we'll win.

It's been so long. You lazy man. Let's go. We're playing liar liar again. Three rounds, three facts per round. Two true, one lie. Can we beat him for the second time in history? Oh, now I know. Wait, we didn't win last time? No, no, he's back on top. So what do you know, Jay?

I know that we beat you a couple times ago. Yep, round one. The words arctic and Antarctica mean bears and no bears because bears can be found in the arctic, but there are no bears in Antarctica. I hope this is true. I hope there's no way. I just really hope that Arctic and Antarctica means bears and no bears. That would be the worst at naming things. The second fact, the usage of the word spam for unexpected and undesired mail

Stems from army warehouse workers in World War two who were swamped by huge amounts of canned spam food deliveries that they had to process I'm in on that one. That's for more. We're certain Yeah the third one when Pirates of the Caribbean opened at Disneyland in 1967 all of the skeletons on the attraction were actual human bones. Wow, I hope that's true too, because that's awful. That one's tough, because there is at least. We didn't have a lot of plastic back.

There is a persistent rumor that my daughter loves Fun Facts. So it is pointed out to me that in the ride there, the, I think it's the bedroom scene. It was like, that's a, no, that's actually a real skull. Yep, I've heard that before. I don't know if it's true. I definitely heard that. So they swapped all the other ones out and left the skull? My son, my son has shared that with me as well.

Oh yeah, absolutely. He's a crazy, he reads like Disney fact books like for pleasure and I so I've heard that but I'm not sure that that exposes this as a lie or Says that it's true. Like they they left they left one. I This is tough because to me it's between that and the Arctic one Here's some no bears. I mean, please don't say Arctic. Please say bears Are you going to the seventh continent? No bears. I mean, please don't say Arctic, please say bears. Are you going to the seventh continent? No bears?

Yes. Mike, do you have a lead? We gotta lock one of these in. I am gonna go, for me, I'm picking between the pirates and the spam. I just refuse, even if he says we're wrong about bears, no bears. I refuse to accept that as factual information. I'm gonna go with the

spam. I'm gonna lock in the spam. That one's wrong. Wait. That one's the lie? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna go... Oh, wait. Oh, I'm playing the game backwards. I wondered because of the words. You said you refused to believe the Bears and No Bears is true and then you did not pick it as the... Oh, yeah. Okay. So that's... I'm sorry. I got... Yeah, that's the lie. The Bears, No Bears. Okay. Get out of here. I'm gonna take the Pirates of the Caribbean in 1967. I I know things were crazy back then there are no bears in an Arctic

but It still seems like they're they can't be allowed to just have human Remaining it was the 60s man. If you had gone stuff was crazy If you had gone with the bear one as well I would have gone with the Pirates one to open up our leverage here because I think they're both ridiculous But I'm gonna side with Mike on this one's the spam I'm gonna side with Mike on this one and make the Arctic Antarctic one the lie Al round one They're cheering for me guys That's spam

It's the it's a spam. No. Oh, the bears. The bears is real. The skeletons. That is also real. They got them from like a local university. Oh man. These things were crazy in the 60s. The word Arctic comes from the Greek bear. The Greek word Arktos meaning bear. I see the Greek word Antarctica Arctic Coast which means opposite to the Arctic which is yeah no bear and bear is Arctic means they're dang it hold on hold on you're telling me so somebody was walking and they saw some bears and they said let's call this place bears where you're telling me people went up there where everything is just ice. And they're like, Oh, I see.

Uh, I see a bear. Let's name it after the bear. Not the ice. Yeah. And we are dumb. When did we name these things? Wow. This is horrible.

I don't even want to be. I mean, you keep trying to see, here's what's happened. I believe we lost in the first round last time too. You did. Because I think that's your new thing. Your new thing is you lost, so you wanna humble us by knocking us out with the first one. You tried to find two ridiculous things

and one reasonable sounding thing because you knew that you could make us look dumb. Believe it or not, I like the suspense. You guys just let me down. We suck. Yeah. I guess we're going on. I guess we're playing against each other.

Yeah, round two. In 2015, someone took. Well done. This use. OK, so this site's saying. Mike is still taking issue with one of these? Well, I mean, it's correct. But it's saying, by force of pure serendipity,

polar bears reside at the North Pole and not the South. I don't know, man. He's having a hard time taking this out. Yeah, I told you I wasn't going to accept it. Round two. In 2015, someone took such a foul poop on a British airway flight from Heathrow to Dubai that after only 30 minutes, the plane had to turn around and land.

Passengers were provided with hotel rooms for the night and a reschedule. from Heathrow to Dubai that after only 30 minutes the plane had to turn around and land. Yeah. Passengers were provided with hotel rooms for the night and a reschedule. That is 100% true. Fact number two, one in every 5,000 babies are born... Oh baby! I can't read this. Oh baby! I mean it's just a fact or a lie.

Hell, what does it say? How you're up. Uh, what in every 5,000 babies are born without a butthole, which has to be created manually by the hospital. The condition is called impor for it. Imperforate anus. And this, which tastes this is a serious, like that's a really bad problem. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I think you, you, uh, I mean,

why haven't I heard of this? I haven't seen any go fund me's for this. Um, but if it's real shout out to the true ones. That's real because I don't think I'll would want to make up something that, you know, this is a, you know this is an important and bad problem yes that he would be making up and he would be an absolute monster so I'm gonna say that's true too. Third one if you okay I see where the theme is here if your pee bubbles a lot in when it hits the toilet water it's an indication of a lower protein higher carbohydrate balance of the body. Sometimes doctors will actually shake urine samples

to see how foamy it gets, albeit it's not definitive, but it's an indication of dietary balance as they await the results. I believe that. I'm gonna say the butthole one is fake. I'm gonna do the pee bubbles. I don't think doctors are shaking your pee and saying I think you got high protein. I yeah I'm gonna go that the the P bubbles

is the lie. All right Al. All right Jason and Mike you guys both got it right. The P bubble is a lie. Yeah. All right. They normally sniff it, huh? Yes. All right round three the paranoid. Mm-hmm That's a lot of carbs. All right. These these all have titles Sir sir, do we need to do? sir This is this is a show of I'm moral fabric Jason just did a taste test. We heard it.

Continue on sir. You can't saw it. Round 3. Round 3. The Paranoid Potato Parties. In 1835, a small Irish village in a small Irish village, a rumor started that their potatoes were sentient beings. The townsfolk realizing that they were outnumbered by potatoes and fearing a potato rebellion

illegalized potato consumption and treated their spuds with extreme care throwing the birthday parties and Tucking them into bed each night, okay I'm locking in that that's the lie you're doing it ahead. I'm doing it ahead. I don't know what the next two are here, but that's the lie. You're doing it ahead. I'm doing it ahead. I don't know what the next two are here. But that's impossible. I don't care how long ago and how stupid that we just talked about duels man. Yeah I don't I don't think that's impossible. They tucked them into bed and gave them birthday parties. Here's the second one that Jason said is for sure true. The great emu war in32, Western Australia declared war on emus due to their population damaging crops.

The Australian military was called in armed with machine guns, but the emus proved to be elusive and resilient. The emus ultimately won the war, leaving the military's efforts in vain and crops continued to be ravaged. What do you mean they won the war? Were they packing heat?

Be true if it I think it's true if the Australian army Outdueled by emus. Yeah, that's good. The third one is the tan the Tang and nai coup Go ahead Al give me that one Sorry, I was on a different tab. Tanganyiku. Laughing epidemic. In 1962, a laughter epidemic broke out

in a girls' school in Tanzania. It started with three students laughing uncontrollably and within weeks it spread to around 1,000 people across several villages. 14 schools were closed as the laughter persisted for months, even subsiding. Eventually. Eventually subsiding on its own.

That's a good time. That sounds like a gas leak. I mean, like there's. It kinda does. I know exactly what you're saying, yeah. Well, there's like a town, Al, you can look this up. Oh, like nitrous oxide was leaking all over the town? The people

would just pass out. And I think it had to do with some sort of natural gases leaking out. I already locked in the paranoid... I'm locking in the potatoes, man. Potato parties. I'm locking it in. It's just, I believe more in humanity, which often gets me in trouble. I'm going with the emus. The emus can't win a war. They're animals. But the Australians? Alright, go ahead. The emus did win the war. And Jason, next to me, won Liar Liar for the day.

Alright! Yeah, because that, I mean that potato one was the luck. It had to be. That was, there's just no way that, you want to know where you went wrong in your lie creation. I love that you made it outlandish, sometimes the more outlandish the more we think oh that you couldn't make that up. But the problem was that they feared they were outnumbered and they feared a rebellion. If they're afraid of these potatoes they're not tucking them into bed and throwing them birthday parties. You

weren't consistent with your lie but you won. Appreciate the feedback. Now he'll be consistent. The Spitballers Draft. Well, today we have the privilege of drafting the best leftover foods. The best leftover foods. Mike has the 101 and the suspense has built. I am happy because I feel like there is a clear 101. There is. And the rest of the draft will be more difficult as... I just, I don't like leftovers. I know that there's there's a culture out there that they love it.

It's not for me. OK, so what's the best one? Pizza. Oh, dang, damn it. Yeah. How much of that is because pizza nearly always has leftovers? I don't think... You know what I mean? There's a lot of those. You're saying it's common. I'm saying that pizza, you order pizza and you don't order it by the person, you order it by the pizza. So you almost always have a slice or two, so it's frequently eaten I'm going with we fell in love. It's just it's more. It's more versatile. There's a lot of hot

There's a lot of people that love cold pizza There's people that are fine just throwing it in a microwave for a minute heating it up or are you cold? No, I'm a microwave. I am an air fryer. Oh is that better? Oh, yeah They're like there's ways that you can do it on the stovetop but like that just there's too much work in that but an air fryer is like the the perfect balance of of effort and actual taste and crispiness I believe the perfect balance is straight from the fridge, but if you need cold pizza, okay I think I might enjoy cold pizza more than hot pizza. Sometimes just

We need to look this up because I feel like the people who say that we'll throw a poll up it Well, I don't know. I'm saying we need to investigate their lives because I think that the cold pizza people tend out to be psychopaths It's been to me. It's like at age 13. I liked cold pizza for like 10 minutes. I Just love how easy it is. It is very easy. It's not burning my mouth. It's not soggy and drooping down It's just grab it. It's not hot. No, but it's it's delicious Okay, so all the things you listed were just of ease they weren't they weren't they like oh no It's so overwhelming. It tastes so good. You're like, no, it's just easy.

You like grabbing cold pizza from the fridge. I do. And so I'm going to, I wasn't sure where I was going to go with my number two, but I'm going to go with something that I think will surprise you guys. I don't know if this is super common. I really, really don't. It is extremely common in my household. This is one of the things that we will literally order To have leftovers to have leftovers We'll order them to go and just throw them right in a fridge if we're if we're not having them today Because I know what yeah, so you will order something from a restaurant. Yes, and put it right in the fridge Yep, I've done it before.

Like I said, go back to my statement about pizza and cold pizza. But here's why. Because I love them cold. Just as much as hot, sometimes even more. And that is chicken wings. Oh, it's number two on my list. Alright, cold chicken wings are so good. Cold chicken wings are great.

See what I mean? Oh, I'm in. They're not better than fresh chicken wings are so good. Cold chicken wings are great. See what I mean? Oh, I'm in. They're not better than fresh chicken wings. But they are in ways. That's what I'm saying. It's like hot pizza and cold pizza. Each are better in their own ways.

They have advantages, pros and cons of both. It's not just all cons. In most foods when you reheat them, it's all cons versus fresh. But pizza and wings, there are some advantages to having them be leftovers and I love me some cold chicken wings I've never had cold chicken wings ever it took me some time to live it took me a few goes like cold chickens fine so why wouldn't a cold chicken wing be good it's very good so pizza and chicken wings which also might have gone as like

a combo. Just best foods. My number one leftover food is going to be, it's gonna be something that actually gets better with time. Yep. And there are certain things that do and I'm gonna go with chili. I'm gonna say chili because the longer it sits inside, the longer it sits inside the longer like for mints No, not for mints longer like years, but I get what you're saying. You're right. It's just becoming better It's something that by definition is marinating. Is it because it's pulling more flavors So I want something where the leftover it just keeps getting better the the leftover if this is like homemade Yeah, if this is homemade chili chili I just made it fresh today it's good you put

that in the fridge you heat it up the next day it is definitely better the flavors have grown. So do you ever take like a can of Hormel and just put it in a bowl and then into the fridge? No because I imagine the can of Hormel has been existing for quite a while. It's been in that can for a while. But maybe the cold was needed. My second one, I'll see if I can get away with this. You can veto it if you need to. Or make me change it. It's Thanksgiving food.

Which one? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because I've got too many on my list. You don't get all of that. I'm going to take whatever you don't. Thanksgiving turkey. OK. Leftover turkey from Thanksgiving.

Oh, well. Thank goodness. It wouldn't have mattered what I said. You have said that anyway. Yeah, not true because they're very similar There's a bunch of them that are good that way. Yeah. No is the turkey of The the terrible Thanksgiving food turkey is the best you can grab it out of the fridge You don't have to do any work. You can throw it on a sandwich It's at best the fourth best and I've got three others on my list. Okay go. Am I up? Yeah. Oh I didn't really. That's how it works only for the last 247 shows. This is my first time here fellas. Man I feel I feel pushed into

grabbing it because of this I'm gonna duel him. My number one holiday food is the holiday ham. Holiday ham is way better than turkey. It's a leftover ham? Yeah, yeah. But specifically like, The honey, what is the honey place? Yeah, leftover ham, got it. Well leftover ham sounds like deli meat.

I'm talking about a holiday ham. You're like a thick cut. Yeah, this is a steak piece of ham. Just like you have on Thanksgiving. Everybody knows what I'm talking about. Is this steak piece of ham just like everybody knows what I'm talking about Is this ham everyone knows what I'm talking about. It's It's a holiday But anyone ever showed up to Thanksgiving like lifted off the the top and then it's just But just as big just just a whole bunch of deli ham but just as big just just a mountain of sliced

deli ham that'd actually be pretty funny could you just cover your your honey baked ham with a bunch of deli meat that would do it yeah um all right so you got the holiday ham all right no one knows what that is no one's ever heard of that uh mike you're up two picks so ham and turkey both on the list uh i'm gonna go with so the first one this is a I don't really like leftovers like I said but this one somehow I think it it does sometimes it is actually better on the second time around it's spaghetti mmm I like a reheated spaghetti there is something that happens in the food that transforms and somehow it it can't actually taste better

So can I tell you the truth about this? Yeah, I think it's an outstanding pick to be honest I think it's my number one. Oh, okay However, I got cold feet because I mentioned that pick to somebody here in Allers spitballers studios and they clowned and they kind of they were aghast They backed off of it. They thought it was a bad take. No. And I thought maybe, it put doubt in my mind

that I was the only one that thought this. And so for votes, I was afraid of it. But I think spaghetti, something happens to it where it becomes stickier or something. Yeah. And it heats and it's just congealed and it's so good. It's not just that. That is all true. And I agree with both of you. This is an excellent pick. It's my favorite. Mike, you've got pizza.

So you're already going to win the poll, but this is also a poll winner. But it's all sometimes, you know, the reason why no one's drafting fries today, French fries is because when you reheat them, it's awful. The air fryer works pretty good. Sure. you know what I'm saying like you know you put them in the microwave it sucks you eat them cold it sucks. I don't know. Cold fries? They're not that bad. Who's the psychopath? No Andy's right. Cold fries that I've discovered a taste for. They're the kind of thing, here's exactly how cold fries work.

You have one and you're like, ew, that's gross. Yeah, I need to make sure that was actually gross. Then you have a second one and then you're like, this is fine. No. And then the third one, you're like, I think I'm enjoying this. This is awful.

This is making my mouth. And then you don't have anymore. You're making my mouth hurt right now with dryness. You have to have a beverage at the ready. Yeah, you do. Because they are very dry, but... Just... You monsters.

Cold fries. You guys are monsters. It's not that bad. Man, what was I even... Oh, spaghetti reheats great. Oh, gross. I'm done with this show. Cold fries.

You monsters. And then I will follow up the spaghetti with macaroni and cheese because that also reheats pretty well. It's the same concept. Yep it is. All the pastas they do something happens from fridge to microwave where they just become better. A little bit of magic. Honestly I I would prefer it if people made spaghetti, didn't serve it, put it in the fridge and serve it the next night. I have thought that before. It would be better. How do you? You stole my number one and number two because I got real cold feet. Rob. How do you guys? Wait, it was Rob? Yeah. Oh, exposed. How do you guys store your spaghetti? Oh, it's got to be Tupperware. See, we do a Ziploc bag. Which it will stain. Oh, a bag is fine.

Yeah. It works really well. Does it have the same properties? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I usually store... I thought maybe leaching plastic was the key. I used to store our pizza in bags as well, but then I got this new little... What do you have? A pizza...

You have a special pizza thing? I got a special little... What? Is it a slice stacker? It's like a silicone thing, but it pops out and then it comes with little trays and holds like it's like a silicone thing but it pops out and little little trays oh come on hold like it's like six pieces of pizza it's made for yeah it's in a triangle shape yeah thanks for the link bro um can't find magic like that not tell me about it all right I'll try and find it I think I see it all

right it pops up yeah yeah it works great it. I think I see it. All right, it pops up. Yeah. Yeah, it works great It really cuz cuz I'm out the places that don't have the consistent slice size. It is it a challenge you got I was very concerned cuz The place we ordered from they do a pretty big slice, but I haven't had a problem What about when you get like square cut thin crust? Oh, that's not gonna work. Yeah, this is this is a triangle shape That's why I brought it up Mike. I'm seeing some problems I bet it would still work. You just wouldn't be able to get it You might have to stack a little put it in at a diamond. All right

I am up my true favorite Leftover food. I know I'm gonna get with my fourth pick So I'm holding out on that and I'm gonna go with yet another food that can be better on day two than day one and That's mashed potatoes. So I'm rounding out the you know, the Thanksgiving meal you wanted You probably wanted mashed potatoes and ham and turkey. Do you ever go? I don't know. No, okay. No whole potatoes. I'm that's one. I actually disagree with What do you mean you reheated mashed potatoes? I don't, because reheating mashed potatoes, there's never a consistent heating.

It doesn't heat consistently on the, so it's a bit of a microwave dance. Sure. If you could reheat them, whatever, that's fine, but I feel like what happens is I get a little bit cold, little bit hot, little bit clumpy, little bit not. Little bit this, little bit that. Don't want the mashed potatoes, my man.

You wanna know how to do it? You take the mashed potatoes, you put it in the center of the plate, okay? Okay. You make a little hole in the't want the mashed potatoes, my man. You wanna know how to do it? You take the mashed potatoes, you put it in the center of the plate, okay? Okay. You make a little hole in the center of the mashed potatoes. Okay. Done. Put the plate in the middle.

You're gonna get perfectly heated mashed potatoes. See, that sounds unlike your pizza take. That's a lot of work. That sounds like science. It's a little bit of work. Science, it's a little bit of work, and it's worth it, because mashed potatoes are worth it.

So if you take the middle out, Yeah, you just kind of fix it. It fixes it. Exactly. Middle of the plate though. What happens when you're making a Thanksgiving plate of reheating food? You put the other stuff around it. That's fair.

You think this is either you got too much mashed potatoes on your plate or you got too small a plate. Well I'm not gonna be left without any pasta so I'm going lasagna. Lasagna has the same principles. It reheats delightfully. It does. without any pasta so I'm going lasagna lasagna has the same principles every heats delightfully it does have a little bit of the mashed potato hot cold situation yeah it's okay yeah going lasagna can't really stir the lasagna no you can't stir the lasagna and what what I traditionally do is you take a plate

and you put it in the middle and you put it in the microwave and you cut a hole in the middle of your lasagna no I just it just I just suffer and then my last one my last one is pot roast it's in its own yes if you have juices as a fruit as a food okay more time with the juices is good for you yeah so pot roast finishing out my four chili Thanksgiving turkey lasagna pot roast. Be a beautiful. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I like all this food. I think it sounds delicious. I'm not crazy about the turkey because it gets dry. Everything else. I'm just starving now. Um, with my final pick, I'm going with what I said is my favorite thing to reheat.

It allows me to do great things with this item that you would not usually do. These food drafts with Jason are just so interesting. I feel like it's turning over a leaf into a new world. It is a Wagyu Tomahawk steak. What are you doing? Listen, you can't eat this steak. If you order a Tomahawk steak at a restaurant, you can't eat it. It's like 40 ounces. You're putting fancy restaurant steak in the microwave? Yes sir. Well, not always. I will reheat this on my stove as well. Which this doesn't say microwave but this is just leftovers. Yeah. Dumbest pick ever.

No. Let me tell you why it's not. No I do not believe it but it's so niche. Yes it is niche. It's my favorite. I knew it would be there. I didn't think you guys were going after the tomahawk. But here's why it is the perfect leftover food. One, it has to be leftovers. You, unless you're sharing it at a table with like everybody, if you order a tomahawk, you are, you know, his policy, never share my wack. You that's right. Um, you are saying I am going to have leftovers. So, so one, it is built to be a left. Do they have, I'm curious though,

when you do this, do they have microwaves on your yacht? No, I would only do it. Stoveop on the yacht. Okay, that makes sense. And your butler prepares it. Right, when I say I, I mean I would order it this way. But the other thing is like, I love steak and eggs for breakfast. But steak and eggs is always like flank steak, just you know, it's like, you know, you go to a restaurant and you get steak and eggs, it's whatever the cheapest Just you know, it's like, you know, you go to a restaurant and you get steak and eggs. It's whatever the cheapest. When you get a Tomahawk, you're thinking about breakfast. I'm thinking about breakfast.

I'm thinking I get a wagyu Tomahawk and eggs breakfast. Can I have a quick sidebar here? Because this is perfect. We were in the car yesterday and my son was asking a question like a spitballers type question. He said, if you were rich and had a mansion and you could install three restaurants in there, which three would you install?

This was to the whole car and the whole family. Well, we're all just like, to me the game is like, well, you're gonna pick common things that people know, because you win the game that way. And my wife named some stupid, small, vegetable, perfect restaurant that no one's ever heard of. And I go, you're the Jason of this. I said, you found the niche thing to answer the question. All we wanted to hear was Chick-fil-A, Jack of the box and Burger King. And you give me a niche veggie place. So it sounds like she upgraded your house. All right, Mike,

final pick. So Jason ended. Oh, soup. Yes. I'm just gonna make it real easy You took chili and I I feel like I don't have to claim a specific soup cuz there's no more picks left soup Soup it works. Yeah, soup There it is the draft Mike ended with pizza spaghetti mac and cheese and soup for his first place victory Jason with chicken wings holiday ham mashed potatoes and a wagyu Tomahawk steak. You want to pick like any of the specific, like farming farms that you go because I mean, I mean, it's usually Snake River Farms. Oh, OK, you did. All right.

What did we learn today? I'll hop right in because I learned that I'm sitting next to psychopaths who eat cold fries like monsters. Hey, just give it a rip, man. Give it a rip. I have! Everyone's eaten one before and they go, what am I doing? It's not the first bite either. I'm saying it's not like, you can't be in there for multiple days. How did you describe it, Brooks? Well, it's not like, you can't be in there for multiple days. How did you describe it, Brooks? Well, it's food.

Yeah, it's a very well-pitched food situation. I learned that Jason believes he will save, that he speeds to the extent that he will save more than 59 hours a year. Not that I do. He could. I would. I bet you would.

Bears. Bears and no bears. I take issue with that one. Alleg one. Allegedly. I don't know if we lost. I don't feel like we lost. I don't feel like I lost. Well I beat you two. Yeah that's true I do feel like I lost now. Thanks for listening tell your friends back with another episode To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.