Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Pee Plosions & Things That Are Pink - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

Spit Hit for March 5th, 2026:  Oh boy do we have an episode for you! On this show we dive into the world of pee plosions, see the return of the poop knife, play Man of the People and wrap things up with a Things That Are Pink Draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. They had most of the Jason emergency element. Yes, it did. He rolled some of it in the middle. which was new, but that really saved it. But if you, if you know Jason is just off the cuff, you're going to get a little

whispery. Mm-hmm. You're going to get a poop in there. Was there a poop in there? Uh-huh. Oh, I didn't mean to. So, you know, sometimes accidental poops, they happen. But that was not intentional.

Yeah. I mean, that was, uh, that was good. We're doing a pink draft. So I just tried to have the P-plosion to, that was the only thing I was going on. Oh, that was the. That was it. It was the time. Yeah.

The what was it again? The P. Plosion. Closion is a very funny word. Yeah, the Pplosion. That's after a long car ride. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?

Oh, I do know what you mean. Like, let's say you're going from Philadelphia to New York on a drive. Oh, we do have a story about that. Oh, I had a P. Plosion for sure. You were, you're not a complainer. And we were doing a live show for the fantasy footballers. We were just driving between cities. And I don't remember how much you drank, but...

I had to pee for 45 miles, Andy. You had to be so bad that you kept bringing it up quicker and quicker. The gap between, you know, you bring it up and it's like, okay, can we stop someplace? Yes, sir, we can. And, Mike, you've got the trap mind here. If my memory was I needed to use a restroom pretty badly. I had mentioned that.

And then it was like, we're between cities. So it's like, you know, you drive for a long time between them. There's no rest. And then, yeah, and then there was like one exit. And the driver forgot and missed it. And it was like, that I don't remember. That was my memory. It's like, here's the rest stop.

And the driver's like, oh, my bad. And it's like 45 miles. I'm going to fill your Uber with piss. It's just going to be here. Everyone's going to drown on the way to New York. get me out of here. And that's a people. Yeah, that's, yeah.

No. Do do, do, do. Would you rather on today's show, we also have Man of the People? Man of the people on today's episode. And as Jason said, we are drafting things that are pink, the color pink. At Spitballers Pod over on X. And you can obviously follow the show. Click that follow button on Spotify.

Apple Podcasts. The Ducers are here, and might I say you look just like you always do? You know what I mean? No better, no worse. You look like you have faces for radio, and I love it. That's changed the camera right back to us. Now we're looking good. And what else do we got going on?

You want to kick it off? Yes. Would you rather? Dan, from the website. would you rather successfully defend your wife from a bear with a sword or successfully defend your family in a home invasion with a baseball bat? This kid, there's no way we have different answers on this. There's no way.

I know mine. Mine has a little bit more reasoning to it. I have a couple. Other than the just awesome story. One of these is. You find a bear with a sword. It was successful. It was successful.

You're telling me, okay. But both were successful. But if you're saying, hey, 10 intruders break into your house, 10 of them, you get a baseball bat. How many are you coming out on top with? I don't know. I'd like to say five. All of them based on this store. No, no, no.

I'm saying in life. Okay. In reality, an intruder breaks into your house, you have a baseball bat. You think in reality you take five of them out with the baseball bat? I think I got a 50% chance of winning. winning against an intruder. That's what I'm saying. Against 10?

No, not against 10 intruders. I'm saying mathematically. Like if it happened 10 times, I think I win five of them. Also, I'm like, what do you have in your house that 10, this is not a one intruder? Yes. Oh, I thought you said 10 intruders. Did I say it? That's where I was.

That's where I was. I thought the same thing. I apologize. That's not an intrusion. That's a heist, Jason. What I was saying, what I was saying is that I think I've got a 50% chance of beating an intruder. Okay, 1 v1. I think I've got a 0% chance of beating a bear.

Right. I mean, you do have a sword and bears don't wield guns. And so my original thought was... They don't need them. No, they don't. But like, but like you... A baseball bat is not going to work well against a firearm. So at a home invasion, there's a chance they come in with a firearm.

In a face off, sure. That's all I'm saying. And so, like, I know right out of the gate, the bear's just going to use what nature gave it. which is normally enough. Which is 10 swords on his on his bear paws. I mean, if I killed him, I don't know the way I go around defending myself with the sword.

Would I wait to swing it? Would I hold it out like a lance hoping it would jump into it? Yeah, it's going to end up that. And the bear so heavy it's going to knock it out of my hand. It's the big finish where the animal pounces. On top of you? And the movie is cut. You're like, he's dead.

He's alive. And then the hero. how you roll them over. And somehow you push the 2,000 plus pound bear off of you. How humiliating would it be to have stabbed the bear and die under supplication? You're died from, or just. Just from exposure. You can't move the bear.

Oh, my God. Or you have to slowly cut it up. But that might be your story. But that wouldn't be my story. Here would be my story. Okay. I jump right in front of the bear. Oh, no.

Weielding my broadsword, I first attack the left knee, and then I step back as the bear swings at me. He's angry. I've injured this bear. I've riled him up. I take out the other leg. He's on his knees, and he's crawling towards me. Quickly, he's still strong as a bear. And then one final blow, I behead him.

Yeah, you got to behead the bear. You got to behead the bear. For it to be a triumphant story. He's got no front two legs? Well, he has the top halves of them, but I've taken off. the bottom half. He's got the nubbies. He's got the nubs. He's crawling towards me until he's got no head. I'm just saying like, that's my success story. Oh, man. All this bear is doing. He's as strong as a bear. The bear is just trying to protect itself. The bear's trying to eat my wife. Wait, are you

trying to have sympathy over the bear eating your wife? I'm, I'm having sympathy in the part of like, just, just kill the bear. I did. Oh, don't, don't, don't make it feel pain. You're like, You're like, and then I cut his ACL and the bear couldn't move. So I walked behind him and I plucked him dry. He's a hairless bear. Like, you're just savagely beating his bear. Yeah. All you got to do is I, my family had an encounter with a bear.

I look to my left. There's a broad sword on the ground. I pick it up and I strike the bear down and I save my family. We all have a broad sword, right? Of course. Actually, the whole time I was picturing it, I figured it was like a katana. And that was why I thought it would be so hard to, like a bear, if it ran into a broadsword, that's the way you could kill it. If it ran straight at you and you just hold it straight out.

Right. Or if you'd beheaded. I don't think you could. I mean, swinging one of those things, I don't think I got the, I don't think I got a broad sword. No. What's a broad sword way? Oh, hundreds of pounds. 600, 800 pounds.

A broad sword weighs a couple of pounds. No. No. No, a broad sword, not just a ring. I've got a replica Braveheart. He's right. He's right.

Yeah. What do you think people are wielding like 20 pound weapons? They have always heard two to three pounds. I've always heard that broadswords were so heavy. Well, that's not very heavy. No,

it's heavier than you think when you're going into battle for the rest of your life or their life. Like think about swinging a bat. And like now it's three pounds. Here's, I feel like there is, I know defeating a bear. is a cool story.

Is it? Is it? Yes. It's a better story. Oh, yeah. There's something more like, I don't know, there's something about defending yourself from an invasion. Oh, yeah. In your home, that would be an amazing story too. Who says the bear isn't invading my home? Well, that's a good point. You know what I mean? I'm getting both

here. This thing can ride in through the back door. I see a couple two-handed swords that were almost seven pounds. Okay. So Jason's. I can lift seven pounds, though. Like a bear broke in. He's wearing a mask. The bear's wearing a mask? Yeah, because he doesn't want to get caught on camera. He's wearing a cat burglar outfit.

That's right. He's here for my treasure. Isn't the fear? Is the fear of a bear in the wild more than the sudden fear of the midnight intruder? That's a good question. What's the greater fear? I, man, that's an, I really want to instantly go bear just because it's a bear. Right.

That bear, yeah. But I do think. in reality, if I was in the woods with a bear, I would be very, very scared. But I don't assume that it wants to harm me. Like, in, genuinely. It's just, yeah, that's true. It's just in the force. And I would hope to get big, hey, bear, hey bear, hey bear.

And then hope it just walks off. Get you get. But if there's an intruder in your home, you know what that means to, this is a person that is meaning to harm you in one way or another. So I think the home intruder is instant. scarier than the bear. If you see a bear, you think there's a chance the bear just goes on its way. I mean, let's be honest, this is a distance question.

That's all it is. Do you think you could? If I walk around a tree and I'm face to face with the bear, that wins. Has anyone tried the hey bear with the robber? You, dude, you took the water. Hey, Robert. You heard the, took the words out of my mouth. That's literally.

Hey, intruder. Get. Get out of here. Get on out of here. I will say that I'm. I'll bet a bearhorn would work with an intruder. Or a bear spray. Well, certainly.

That'll work on the whole family. That living room is now done. We cannot use that for the next month. I will share. I have a non-lethal firearm. And it shoots a pepper spray bullet. And this is something that you can buy for self for home defense. And I have one that I can take into the woods,

which it works like pepper spray for a bear. But I have always thought if push comes to shove and I have to fire this thing. And I've got to fire it a few times maybe. There's just no way I'm not getting my face filled with pepper spray in a close encounter. Well, in a close encounter, a firearm. Like are you still using it? It's not what you want anyways. You're a broadsword.

But if you're no, yeah, of course you're still using it. Then we're both writhing on the ground. I think you'd rather be writhing next to a bear than writhing under a bear. Do you know what I mean? I meant the robber son. I'm talking about the robber. Hey, robber. If a robber burst into your room and they're 10 feet from you or 8 feet.

Just slowly backs out. Oh, you got me. You got me. Just turns and eventually runs. This is a great question. You do not want to run into a robber with his cubs because those robbers become very defensive. If that robber brings his little kids with them, you know you've got a real serious problem. I thought you said cups. I didn't know what. You said a robber with their cuffs.

Yeah. The intruder cubs. Yeah. The mama robber. You know what I mean? Yeah, she will protect the cubs. We're all going to take the bear. I want a story where I, I mean, look, it's a better story. You have less proof. It's a better story if I, if I saved my family from a bear with a gun. That's a better story. You're telling me I get a sword And I was successful and I get to tell human beings Truthfully I defended my family from a bear with a sword I am a hero

They're making a movie about you 100% If you defend yourself against a bear with a sword And then you have the park ranger they show up The first thing that park ranger is going to say is what Can I get your autograph? I assume He's going to say Why did you have a bar?

broadsword in the forest. Yeah, and you say I found it. You found it? In the forest of Scotland. It was in the stone. I just pulled it. Am I king? I believe I'm king here.

How dare you speak to your king like this? Bow to me. I'm king of the forest. How dare you talk to me, peasants. You be on your way. And yes, you may have my autograph. Sir, why did you cut all the legs off of the bear before you killed it? Yeah, well,

To be fair, if you rewind and listen to the story, the first strike was just to immobilize it. And then he took a swing at me. I stepped back. I had to, this was a back and forth affair. This was not me playing with my food. This was me surviving until I massacred it. So, come at you, bear. Kenny, from Patreon has a question.

Would you rather your dreams be exact relivings of your best memories? Ooh. Or prophetic but very cryptic glimpses into your future. Both fun. I mean, how cryptic. So the first thing I thought it was like Joseph type. Biblical Joseph type means. So you needed a multicolored coat.

I think that they're cryptic to the point of once it happens, you go, oh, now that makes sense. But you're not able to actually. But over time? Over time, would you be able to, well, would you be able to be like, after a while you go, oh, that's what it meant? that sort of meant. And now you're going, wait, what if it means this? And then you kind of get small glimpses. Maybe. I think you've got to have at least small guesses as to what it could

mean. Yeah, you have to, otherwise it's not advantageous. Like, if you know that you have a prophetic dream, then that's the only benefit of that, right? So let me ask you this. Here's an example. You have a dream. You're walking down the street. Boom. Piano falls on your head. You're dead. You wake up. In the dream. In the dream. In the dream. That's the dream. And you know you have prophetic glimpses. Okay. Are you more afraid of dying, like, you, you know, whatever you're doing, you think, oh, my, my, my, my, my impending doom is imminent.

Or are you terrified of pianos? Do you just walk into a room and see a piano go? It's doom. It's doom. But if I know. Unless I'm walking downtown. If I know they're cryptic, then I know that that it will not be specifically what happened. Oh, it can't be a piano now.

Well, or it's like, I'm going to, I'm about to attend a comment. concert and it's going to be terrible. Oh, you think of that cryptic? I think so. I think so. It can't be anything like, it can't be a, do you really want to relive your best memories? Yes. Exactly.

Yes. Do you want to know why? Because I don't remember them right now. And I mean that. I started to think about this and I was like, what would that be? Yeah. What would be like my best actual memories in the moment experiencing? And I'm like, oh, like, you know, you always talk about what were the greatest days.

Oh, the day my, my, you know, my children were born or whatever. But you don't remember that. not really man i don't remember anything of my life do you ever think to yourself like if i don't remember anything what the heck's the point sometimes but then i forget that thought immediately and never remember it again i get so embarrassed when i don't remember certain things that my wife brings up from like something we did like i remember vague parts of my children being born i don't remember perfectly but i remember parts of it because it was a big event right and so reliving those would be awesome.

But right now, like, like if sometimes my wife will tell me things that I've done or places I've been. Totally, man. Or people I've met. Yeah. And I will be like, you can go back. I will be like, did we do that? Or are you just tricking me?

I mean, this is, I get these things all the time. I remember, um, Kyle are, our, uh, yeah, I know where you're going. Yeah, he was talking about how, you know, a couple years ago we, he flew out. we took them to the Falcons game here in Arizona. Yeah, it was a big event, an NFL game and a big stadium. Big event. And I was like, that didn't happen. I never did that.

And for years you denied that you went to that trip. There's no way. Until he proved that it actually happened. I think there was photographic evidence. I was like, wow, okay. I mean, I literally have no, even after seeing it, I have no memory that happened. Does that happen because the older you get, the more things you need to try to remember? When you're little, you only got like 10 things to think about.

I worry that I don't care about anything. Yeah. That's my worry. That might be a bit of a thing to talk about with somebody. Yeah. Yeah. What happens? I got an appointment here soon.

Well, I mean, it doesn't just have to be specific things like that. Like, there's a meme that'll float around from time to time, specifically for old people like us. But it's like, how much would you pay for a two-hour recording of the funniest moments of you hanging out with your friends? And you could just watch. that one every one. You could just buy that? Yeah. Like, how much would you pay for that? And you're like, that, that is an amount of money that is very large. If you could actually get a hold of that. Now, is this first person? You're watching. That could backfire Mike. Let me just paint a story. Let me paint a story. Yeah. I've never heard that before. Is that really not the

phrase? No, it's paint a picture. Let me paint a picture. Let me paint a story on this book. Let me tell you a painting. All right. Let me write you a picture. Okay. you've got these these moments you and your friends can't even breathe because it's so funny it's those moments where you're just laughing uncontrollably tears rolling down your face yeah and you get this tape and you're so excited this tape this at least DVD and you put it in you download it this is this is a streamed you a story on a cassette so you're streaming this video and you turn it on and it's just not that funny see that's impossible it's just not that funny you go man that was stupid.

That's not impossible. I got to be in that moment to have it be that funny. It's not as funny anymore. Now I lost all this money and my great memory of how funny I was, not that funny. Impossible. Okay. Are you afraid that maybe in that two hours, the things that you laughed at, maybe you wouldn't want to be laughing at anymore?

Oh, there's definitely going to be footage of that. No, wait. Now, wait, is this footage of the funniest moments you have experienced or your funniest moments, It's like you made people laugh. The one I'm referring to was just hanging out with your friends and something really, really funny happens is you want to relive that moment. But if you have exact reliving of your best memories. How many, if you had to break up your, I know you don't remember a lot, Jay.

Mike, you remember everything. If you had to break up the pie chart of your best 10 memories, what category do you think they would be in? Like, Mike, you brought up a two-hour video of being funny. Right. Is it 60% funny laughter? Is it general happiness? Is it the like birth of a child?

Like the emotional. Yeah, what's the emotional pie chart of your best memories? Ooh. We're getting deep. Yeah. Is that a really deep question? It is a deeper question. I'm seeing nods from Ducey's alley.

I mean, I'm going. Is it the best? At least half is funny. Maybe maybe the biggest. I feel like. You want to be. Because those are tough memories. you're like, oh man, I swear, I swear it was the size of a house.

And you go back, you're like, oh, that was a normal. That could be, that could be disappointing. No, that wouldn't disappoint. That one wouldn't disappoint. You're confident in your B and stuff. I'm confident in that. I'm confident in the few moments is like, honey, you got to, you got to see this. Those are worth capture.

Kids get in here. Dude, you won't believe what your dad just did. Oh, baby. Nah, not again. Also bring a gatorade. Check your phones. You're going to want to see this. Oh, no.

Why did I bring that part up? I was asking a really good question. I've had them lay up out of that water. I mean, far out of the water. Far, far, far. Don't say above the rim. Don't say it. It's like the Titanic.

Yes. Yes, it takes a while to sink this thing, man. Do you ever, have you ever had one where you literally say yourself, I won't even try flushing that. I'm going to wait no matter what. Like, because you know that you got to wait. Grossest thing ever.

I've had one. You know, I've got any asses? I've had one. It's just, it's, come on. It's the most impressive thing

I've ever done in my life. It's a memory that won't be lost and forgotten. You're talking about. He forgets it. Wait, you forget people. I don't remember what matters. Okay.

You're like, I don't know your name. Well, let me tell you about that. biggest poop I ever had. But imagine what you know as a bridge, okay? There's a lake, okay, and there's a bridge that goes across that lake. You built a bridge.

It built a bridge. And this thing couldn't flush because it couldn't turn diagonal to the hole. So it just spin. It looks like a mixer. There's no breaking this. There's no breaking this log across the ocean. This is a long across the ocean. Oh, yeah, it spans.

and then it just goes, okay, see you later, water. I'll wait until you're back. See again. You're clean. Yeah, no, I'm okay. So, to answer the question, I definitely want to relive. He buried it. I want to relive my best moments.

Oh, my God. And that would make, that would make the, that would make the, you can relive. You don't remember a football game with Kyle, but you're remembering your, your biggest. Dude, you'd remember this too. Oh, oh. I don't even remember what. the solution was. I did think like do I get a spatula and just pushing. Oh man. Don't don't walk us down that road. Al, um, should we, should we ask another question or move on? Let's move on.

Man of the people. All right. For those still listening, we, uh, we are going to jump into man of the people. And I always love to give Al the opportunity to explain this one. All right. We, we, We surveyed 100 people and we got their top answers on the board. If you get the number one answer, it's worth three points. Number two answer is worth two points. Any other answer on the board is worth one point. The seventh round is double points. You know what's great is I wish that he could tell us what kind of people that he surveyed.

Are they stupid people, smart people? You know what I mean? There are listeners. Oh, okay. So smart. You know our demo. Very intelligent. I have a headache, man.

Oh, my goodness. All right. So man of the people. Andy is the reigning man of the people. Oh my gosh. I won one? You did? Okay.

Oh my goodness. Time out. I'm too far into this story that I'm reading to not share it. Really? This is the one I post? It's the one you post. Is this a quick? Is this real life?

This is just, this is just, I mean, it's my real life or once, but this is okay. Here's a post from a problem. I'll just read a couple sentences here to know that I'm not alone. The title is the poop knife. He says, my family poop's big. Maybe it's genetic. Maybe it's our diet. But everyone births a giant laws of crap.

If anyone has ever laid a mega poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole on the bottom of the bowl. And the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. Oh my gosh, I think I found my ancestors. I know where I come from. This is your 23 and me. Oh, man.

Anyways, I'll stop it there. We all know where it goes after that. We know how they use the poop knife. Anyways, but for the record, Mike shared that. Okay. Man of the people. Thank you, Jason. You are a man of the poopal.

What do we got? Let's kick it off. All right. Let's jump in a round one. Name something. A parent criticizes their child for doing too fast. Chores. that is the number three answer

you stupid audience I'll say eating that is the number one answer that was number one I can't get my kids to eat fast enough I was gonna go brush your teeth oh that's a good one yeah that is the number four answer

what a loser so Mike and I both get one point that is correct and he gets three points eat can people complain that their kids eat too fast who are these people it's choking no it isn't It's like you sit down at the table and they take a couple of bites and they run out. They leave real fast.

That's not eating too fast. That's not eating. But, I mean, that's the spirit. I'm the, I'm the reigning champion. I just got three points. You guys can both. Yeah, but that answer is dumb. You guys can go both.

No, I didn't hold on. Form a poop night. We've got, what do we got? We have five fathers in this room. Have you ever looked at your kids and been like, you're just eating too fast? Yeah, they won't foot down to get back to what they're doing. I have 100% to answer for myself. I've 100% said the opposite.

A million times I've never said that. Mike? Yeah, I've never said you're eating too fast. Jeremy? I have, but it was not in the spirit that Andy was talking about. My kid tends to like put 10 bites of food in his mouth without chewing and smelling. Yeah, they wolf it down. They wolf it down.

Okay. Papa Josh. I try to speed them up. They take forever. Yeah. Whatever. All right. You get three points.

Andy gets three. You guys each get one. That's right. You missed homework growing up driving. Okay. Growing up. There's your deep answer. sophisticated.

I need a button reset. There we go. There you go. All right. On a round two. When drawing a person, which specific part is the hardest to make look realistic? The face? Need you to be more specific.

Oh. The nose? The nose is the number one answer. Let's go, baby. Let's go. I'm going to say the lips or the mouth. The mouth is the number five answer. I'm on the bore.

All right. I'm not going to be on. on the board with this answer, but it is 100% true for me, so this is my answer. It's a freaking shoulders, man. Every time I try to draw someone. Shoulders? I can't get the shoulders right. It's like a box.

I've never heard that before my life. This is a tiny curve. No, it doesn't work. I'm going to draw someone here for you and you tell me if my shoulders are good. I'm guessing shoulders are not on the board. I commend you for punting your score in honor of integrity, but it was not on the board. I don't know how to draw a person. It looks fine.

I mean, the problem is just, is the neck. Yeah, I mean, it's the neck is, your neck is, your head has to taper into a neck. That's just a head on shoulders. His neck on the board? He looks like stretch armstrong. Neck is not on the board. So we got nose, eyes, hands, hair, mouth, and feet. I thought about, I thought about the eyes.

Yeah. All right. So Mike and I are tied Jason. Let's go. He's still got one. Through two rounds. We got Andy with four, Mike with four, Jason with one. On two round.

Three, name a food that when you be, uh, you got that. Oh, that's worded improperly. Name a food that when you eat, you become very thirsty. Uh, did I win? Yes. Okay. Um, something salty. That's, you're going to have to be a little more specific than that.

Come on. Crap. Five, four, three, potato chips. Oh. And it gets the number one. Oh. Oh.

Oh, that's not fair. I was glad that I started my, countdown with five. Yeah, you should have been three. It should have. All right, Andy got the number one answer. Resetting. Oh, dang.

Pretzels. These pretzels are making me thirsty. Pretzels are not on the board. What? Ouch. I'm going with what I think is a better answer than chips is saltines. Like crackers. Crackers are the number five answer.

Five? I want to hear the other one. Pretzels aren't on the list. In order, they wear chips, popcorn, peanuts. Pizza, crackers. Interesting. Ice cream. What?

Ice cream makes me thirst. Only three people said it, but it's on the board. Oh, man, I pulled that out of my butt. Wow. Excellent. All right, strong star for Andy. He's at seven, Mike's at four. Jason is at two.

Don't hit that buzzer to you have an answer, Andy. Yeah, right. All right. Name a legendary creature that would be a huge hit if featured at a zoo. Bigfoot. That is the number one answer. You're darn right it is.

Come it. Dinosaur. Not on the board. What? Is this not? It's not. Lockness monster. Not fake.

That is the number six answer. I'm good at barely getting on the board here. Oh, legendary creature. Yeah. So like, as in didn't exist. Like a bombable snowman. Yeah. Or a dragon.

Ooh, a dragon. Dragon is on the board number four. I didn't process that way. I would have gone T-Rex. That would have been my answer. so thank you for it. So number one was... We got Bigfoot, King Kong, Godzilla, Dragon, Unicorn, Lock Nest Monster.

That's a good question. All right. Oh, we are so back. Name something that begins with the word dirty. Dirty laundry. That was what I was going to say. That is the number one answer. Oh, we're on fire, boys.

Woo! Damn, my hands are slow. All right. All right, Andy's got nothing. Three, mind. Dirty mind is the number six answer. I'm good. I'm barely getting on the board.

I'll say job. Dirty jobs is the number five answer. Oh, that's good. The only other one I could think of was bird. Oh, I was going to go dancing. That was the number two answer. Oh. You were going to get the number two answer, but you went with number six?

But to be fair, number two answers one point. No, two would have been two points. Oh, you should have gone the better answer. Yeah. So we had dirty laundry, dirty dancing, dirty mouth, dirty Harry, dirty jobs and dirty mind. Dirty Harry made the list. Okay. All right.

Let's get a score update. Here we got Andy with eight. Mike with 10. So he took the lead. Jason with four. Got two more rounds, but the last one is worth double. You're not out of this. Finish this sentence.

Hold your blank. I'm in first. It's horses, baby. That's the number two answer. What? No, it is not. not you hold your horses. It's the number two answer.

But you got two points for it. Good job. Ah, applause. No. That is not on the board. Yes. That's a great answer, Mike. Hold your tongue.

That is the number three answer. Yeah. Eat it. Hold on. What is the number one if it's not? Hold your horses. I think your answer was great, Mike. Hold your breath was the number one answer.

All right. That's fine. Hold your horses. Hold your tongue. Hold your hand. Hold your nose and hold your own. Okay. Wow.

Okay. Everyone's in it. I was positive. These people surveyed have never had applause. There's nobody out of this thing. We got Andy with nine, Mike with 10, Jason with six, going into the last round worth double the points. Name a reason a kid might get sent home from school.

Oh, no. Oh, man, first. A reason they might get sent home from school. Oh, this is for writing something. naughty on the board. I think that's the punishment. Well, no. Oh, they're sick.

It's not on the board. Too late. Sick. Come on. Well, you're not out yet. Mike got the number two answers, so he put up four points there. I'm room for you now because I feel like this is my win. Fighting.

Got in a fight is the number one answer. Yes. Andy retains his title of Man of the People. Wow. If you hadn't beat me, I was going to say sick. We had gotten a fight, being sick, talking back. I would watch this guy over here whose strategy is to repeat the question to himself while he thinks. Bringing a weapon, swearing, or smoking.

Oh, I did think about swearing. Yeah. Wow. What were you going to say? Badoom. He thought about swearing. I see. I see what you did.

I'm going to click this button now. The spitballers. draft. Oh, all right. Well, you know. Wow, that was from a win. I thought you had it locked on sick. When he didn't say sick, I'm like, the number one answer is they went home sick.

Yeah. All right. We are drafting. But hold your horses, Mike. Things that are the color pink, things that are the color pink. Now, Jason has the honor of being number one in this draft. So, uh, what is? is what is your number one pick?

To be fair, the draft that I prepared for is things that are pink, not things that are the color pink, but whatever. I'm going to draft Cotton Candy. What in the world does he mean? I don't know. No idea. What does he mean? I couldn't tell you.

Well, TB, we'll probably find out. Just stay tuned. I am drafting Cotton King. He drafts the singer pink later because he thinks it was the singer pink later because he thinks. It was the singer. If he thinks that's funny. That's what it was. I knew it.

It was the singer pink. Because, you know, it allows me to just draft pink, which for the polls has to work pretty well. Things are pink, pink. Very sneaky. Now you've ruined that. What about being a loser? How does that work for the polls? It's still on the board and you're up.

I'm up. Yep. I will go with, I will go with a flamingo. That's the number two pick. I will go with a flamingo. Amazingly, I didn't have cotton candy on the board. It's obviously a great pick. Oh, wow.

I just totally. totally spaced on. It's interesting, which flamingos is very high up there, but they are not naturally pink. Yeah, man, I know. They're like white and then they eat the, no, the zoo's paint them. Yes, they're born white and zoos paint them pink. It's usually a spray can. Sometimes they have to use a roller, though.

Yeah, okay, just like bluebirds. Mike, you are up with two picks. Man, we're flying through. All right. So you went cotton candy and flamingos. man, where, how do I want to move this along? I am going. Probably with a pink thing.

Yeah, that's a good piece of advice. I'm going to start it off with, we're going to go Miss Piggy. I get it. Yeah. We're going to go a Miss Piggy. Okay. Now, were you a, uh, the, a Muppets guy? A Muppets guy.

I was not as, couldn't get into it. As a young lad, I was not into the Muppets. As an older dad, the Muppets are. sensational. Really? Oh my goodness. The Muppets are so annoying. I can't watch them at all. I mean, name one that isn't annoying. Gonso? No, they're all annoying. Animal, annoying. Annoying. Missing. Missing. You guys are. It's not annoying. Cermot's annoying. O'T you. Oh, Tew. Oh, you're annoying. A little frog. Go away. The Muppets are very funny. There's very often, very subtle humor just for the grown-ups. Maybe that's what I missed. It's, oh, the chef's not annoying.

Dude, beaker? Or like, yeah. That was, that's one of those things they keep coming out with movies and shows for it. I'm like, who's watching this? I wonder. I am now. I am now. Okay. I love the Muppets. You've aged into the Muppets. Yes, I have. I really have. Amazing. And so we're starting out with Miss Piggie. And then we are going to go, we're going to go to the Pink Panther. Okay. I like that. Not on my list should have been. Did you guys watch? Very cool.

Did you watch Pink Panther cartoons as a young lad? Yeah, I was super cool. Nope. You didn't. Boring. The Pink Panther was. Oh, you're just trying to sell my drafting. No, no, no.

You don't think the, I mean, you just like the Muppets. The Pink Panthers. The Pink Panthers very funny. That was the song, right? Yeah. Heck yeah. Yeah, the song is the best part of Pink Panther. Plus, doesn't he wear glasses?

The pink pink sunglasses? Probably a lot of the time. I think you're thinking of Chester Cheeto. I think I am. I think I was conflating those a little bit. Yeah, no sunglasses for the Pink Panther. You like Cheetos, though? Isn't he really cool?

There was like that hunter guy that was trying to get him all the time. Chester Cheeto, Pink Panther, they'd hang out. Oh, for sure. Yeah, for sure. You're back? Oh, I'm back up. Yeah, you are. Bubble gum.

Okay. I'm taking bubble gum. Okay. Yeah, it would have been my pick. You sound so crestfallen. Yeah, well, I had a kind of a thing going that I was, you know. Cotton candy, bubble gum. That's what you were wanting to.

Uh-huh. I was going to go for the sugar stack. I'm going to. You got two picks? Well, I, you'll still do it? I was going to go cotton candy, bubble gum and strawberry milk, which is so elite. Dude, here's how I know that you two haven't had strawberry milk recently. Because of our faces?

you're not agreeing with me. Because I'm a grown-up? Sure. Yeah. You're not agreeing with me. You're a grown-up. You haven't had strawberry milk in 15 years probably. Well, they don't really stock it anywhere. You've got to keep going. Because it's not very good. They stock it everywhere. Go to any grocery store. They will have in a glass bottle, the most delicious

strawberry milk you've ever had in your life. And once you taste that, I want a phone call. I want a phone call, apology. Because it will happen. If you buy it. If you try it, you will call. me and apologize. You will. There's no way.

Alternatively, if you try it, call me and say, no, it's not for me. I'll be honest with you, Jason. You've talked a lot about it, and I think that you're lamer than in the beginning when you started talking about it. Strawberry milk sucks. Dude, you sound so stupid and ignorant right now. Mike, you like strawberry milk? No.

Oh, my gosh. No. But I bet you Al does. It's so much better than chocolate milk. It's so much better. You know what, Jason? I will, I will go and try it, and I will give you a phone call. Thank you.

And I will accept your apology graciously like a winner. And I'm seeing a picture of a specific kind. Now, here's, can I tell you why I don't think I like it? And maybe you can correct it. When I have chocolate milk, do you know what the milk is flavored by? Chocolate? It's flavored by chocolate. Oh, I knew it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, ask the strawberry thing. When you have strawberry milk, what is it flavored by? Strawberry flavoring. It's strawberry flavoring. It flavor. It's not strawberries grind it up into a milk. It's fake.

Hold on. That's why I don't like it. Just real quick. Back to the chocolate milk. So you guys are telling me like you guys just drink chocolate milk that is not a protein shake. Just for a time. Well, not anymore. No, I'm a grown up.

Not anymore. But you do. Dude, strawberry milk is so good. You can't let that go. I've had a glass of chocolate milk here and there. I don't need. Get the, get the gallon. You ever make a peanut butter sandwich and dip it in chocolate milk?

No. Do it. No. I don't have chocolate milk. All right. We are moving on. Jason is linking me to DoorDash where I can buy chocolate milk. No, strawberry milk.

It's unbelievable. Blood or mine. Holy crap, that's expensive. It's the Dan Zine. How do you say this? How do you say their name? Dan Zizen? Sure.

It sounds like a local to feed it. It sounds like a chemical factor. Okay. Well, then if you're listening. and sometimes we get asked, what should I do, I'm traveling to Phoenix, what should I do when I'm in Phoenix?

You got to stop at a grocery store. You got to get this local dairy. How much of this? Strawberry milk you're putting down, buddy? Oh, man. Has this been a real cause of concern? I can't touch the stuff. I'm telling you,

if I get a sip, it's like a full-blown ad. That gallon is gone. It's hidden all over the house in different fridges. It's so good. You have no idea. They also have an orange cream one

that is extremely good. Okay, I can get in on that. Okay. All right. So I'm still up. You took my bubble gum. I've got strawberry milk. I've got cotton candy. I'm going to keep my sugar rage going because it is the best. I don't usually like things that are like a, you know, like a pink yoga mat, right? It's like yoga mat. It's coming all colors. But this one is important that it's pink. Sure. It's the pink starburst. It is by far the most important starburst. I mean, pink. Pink or red shirt. Pink or red. Pink and red. Yeah, yeah. I mean, pink and red.

Yeah, yeah. I'm taking the pink starbursts is a good pick. I respect that. I got the, I got to beat us up in me. Cat and candy, strawberry milk, pink starburst. I'm type two, baby. You know. This is a natural.

It's type two. That's right. I wasn't born this way. I earned it. I made it. Oh, man. I earned this insulin bump. I did this.

I pulled it on my booth, pulled up my bootstraps. I've got an animal. I've got bubble gum, so I've got a food. I'm going to shift to a character because Mike has taken two characters. Oh, man, don't take my guys. I'm taking Kirby. That is unfortunate. I knew Mike was going to take.

There's no way Kirby was getting by Mike. Oh, man. Very cool character. Very pink. Very pink. I've read you more as a pink panther guy. Yeah, yeah. No, Kirby would definitely, it was going to be my next pick.

You have, oh man, what do we do with this plan now? Well, the plan is in shambles. Yeah, you were going all characters? I was going all characters. Can I interest you? There's one more character. Pink. Still on the board.

We're going to go at least three characters. But so, but I will, before I take the character, I will take a two-two. A tutu. A two-two. A two-two. I respect a t-toe is always pink. Yeah. A tutu is usually pink.

Yeah, that's right. I thought about like... A ballerina tutu is pink. Yeah. I don't know. A ballerina tutus are often white. If you picture a dress quickly, do you think pink? No.

What's the dress color you pick? Black. Red? Red, red. Say red. Yeah. Maybe I was thinking tutu. Yeah.

Because that's pink. Okay. To me, it is. And then... Awesome pick. Thank you. It's better than strawberry milk. done nothing is better than strawberry milk nasty nasty man yeah yeah gross yeah uh type two

type two nats uh and then we will it's my twos where my two's at from the front to back where my two's at yeah we've got strong resistance strong resistance to that insulin yeah we don't stand up um well it was going to be curvy in this guy but it's it's fight, I'll still take him. Bing bong. Oh, Bing bong was near making my list. Yes. Very pink, but I couldn't remember. I looked up pink characters and Bing Bong from the original Inside Out. Like, what a great character. But I honestly, I couldn't, I couldn't call the character to mind. I had to then Google Bing Bong. And then once I saw him, I was like, oh, yeah, very pink. But I didn't put him on my list because I didn't remember. Do we all remember what Bing bong looks like? No, if you had told me to draw Bing Bong,

I would have not known the color. I know. I know he's not the most popular, but he is impactful. Those that are on Team Bing Bong. They are now shedding many tears. Yeah, I mean, he was a good character. I just didn't remember his color. Bing Bong, ping pong.

I originally planned. I have a history. I have a history with ice cream. So I had originally thought I'd go strawberry ice cream. But I really don't like it that much. And I just railed on strawberry milk, which, look, those are very similar. So, Jason, if you wanted, it's all yours. instead I will go with much like your pink Starburst

I will go with a very clear sold I don't know why it's better but it is better but pink lemonade oh yeah I'm taking pink lemonade I don't know why pink why is pink lemonade better than regular lemonade sweeter is that what it is yeah lemonade's usually more tart I is that so it's a sweeter lemonade yeah which is surprising for Mike because Mike loves the tart I do

I do like pink lemonade I love pink lemonade yeah it's good it's still tart um yeah I mean from the lemons the pink lemons. On account of them lemons. Jason, you got that I got the sugar fix. You got that two stack. I got cotton candy.

I got strawberry milk. I got pink starbursts. So there's only one way I could possibly finish my draft. Peptobismo, baby. Oh, good finish. I'm going to live. I'm going to survive. It is the pink stuff.

I can take them in a tablet. I can drink it. And then I can eat more starbursts. You ever wash? down a tablet with the liquid form? Oh, that's like, swallow the tablet. Swallow the tablet, but use PEPTO as the drink to. I thought you were going to ask if you ever downed a Pepto with strawberry milk.

Or poured it right in. Oh, I confuse it tall. The two, this was a tall glass of Pepto. Pepto is the most perfect follow-up for your three picks. That is a great, dangerous, very dangerous draft. Got a powerhouse team. Okay. That does it for drafting things that are pink.

We preempted Jason's tricky musician reference. And other things on the list, grapefruit? Yeah, nasty. You don't like grapefruit? No. Cherry blossoms. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Pink Power Ranger.

Sure. If you need another character. Yeah, Papa Pig. Yeah, but I took Miss Piggy. Pink lipstick. Sure. Yeah. Pink sprinkled donut.

It's not even the most famous. A pink sprinkled donut makes. The Homer Donuts. You guys got any other? I've got salmon, which is kind of pink, but usually people call it salmon colors. Dragon fruit. Save it for things that are salmon draft. I've got a Cadillac.

Pink Cadillac? Yeah, I'm down with that. It's a whole song about the pink Cadillac. I'm okay with that one. Okay. That one that you didn't pick. Anything else? We good?

Nope, that was it. Deucers, you got anything for us? You got all the good ones. What did we learn today? I learned that I will be getting a phone call hopefully tonight from Andy. Yeah, I was going to say, I learned that there's a stronger demand for strawberry milk than I understood. You will understand it soon. I have just learned that Pink Cadillac was a Bruce Springsteen song.

There you go. Interesting. Don't care. Pretty famous. All right, that'll do it for today's spitballers. We'll catch you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.