Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Permission To Sleep & The Worst Places For A Proposal - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Spit Hit for Dec 19th, 2024: On this episode, we talk about creative excuses, self-control deficiencies, and “pre-eating”. We also share some news stories that seem too wild to be true. We end the episode on one knee as we draft the worst places for a proposal. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. I do I do I do do do got caught on repeat wiki wiki said I do do joke Jason oh nothing like starting to show off with a good do-do joke yeah we started how we finished welcome into the spitballers episode 236. Al Borland in the building. The judge is here and we're getting things going. Andy, Mike and Jason with you. Would you rather is this real life? And we are drafting the worst places for a proposal. There's a lot of black, a lot of bad places out there people. This is true.

It is very much an exercise of choosing the worst of the worst. There are lots of different opportunities, but I want to find the right- To disappoint people. To disappoint people. Yeah. I mean, I guess it depends on what you think makes a proposal bad. Is it awkward? Is it a gross place?

We could disagree, I don't know. We'll find out soon enough. At SpitballersPod on Twitter, we're on Instagram as well, and the website is spitballerspod.com. Let's get it going. Would you rather? Dan from Patreon, would you rather it be socially acceptable to wear whatever you like at any and all times, or have, I don't want to, be an acceptable excuse to skip any one of Imprimont

with no strings attached? Okay. So sometimes when we try to get out of things, maybe we make, uh, we make more creative excuses than the truth, which the truth sometimes is I don't want to. Yeah. In fact, uh, the truth is almost always that I'm a little ashamed. I'm a little ashamed about my response to one of my children the other day. Ooh, let's hear it. Cause I didn't have the tact to be creative in my reply. Yeah. And my daughter, my daughter really loves, you know people like a good back rub, she likes a good

like foot rub like her feet rubbed. Sure. Who doesn't love a good foot rub? Well just like but like softly on the feet. The soft tickle. Yeah the, the soft tickle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, however We call those fairy tickles in my house. Okay. Yeah continue. She really really likes those fairies tickles like with their wings I know they're very tiny. I know like a little they don't have a lot of Galkan they don't have the muscle right to make it like a massage Yeah, they're in their world. They are massage. They're doing as hard as they can Very soft. So she massage. They're doing as hard as they can. My very soft So she loves that however as you might be aware your feet are used for walking

And so that's just what they'll do the feet are quite dirty and So I most of the time oblige and if I don't sometimes I'll just say something like oh, I'm tired So and he and like two days ago She's like well you rub my feet and she was watching. We were sitting down to watch a TV show and I just said no. And she goes, why not? And I just said, I don't want to. Yeah. Because I don't think I've ever said exactly like that. I normally just sugar coated a little bit to be nice. And I just, I just laid it out there. I just said, I don't want

it. I see nothing wrong with that that's welcome to real life yeah that's what I'll tell my kids and there was no reply she had no answer for it well yeah because at that point I got right out of it why don't you want to and then you're like well I don't love you and then you know right right no that was option two but right but um but what I'm saying is it's like it was a little bit. It was a little freeing to just be to just be honest and say, I don't want to if the I don't want to excuse to skip an event was totally acceptable. And I think there are certain situations where it would be like I know if I'm the receiver of that, if I've got an event and someone says, no, I really don't wanna do that, I would be like, that's totally fine. But you don't know that. You don't know for sure if they will have their feelings hurt if you just say, I don't want to.

But if you knew for sure that this was totally okay, they don't mind at all, man, that would be nice to just say, I don't want to go to that birthday party what's what's worse someone is giving you the excuse of I don't want to or someone saying I'm too tired because they really are one in the same very very very often the reason if you say why don't you want to do that well I just don't want to. Okay, well, why not?

And if you really get down to it, because I'm old and I'm tired, what is worse? You get the advantage, the older you get, you do unlock some. It's the second layer of the truth. You unlock some secret excuses. Like, you know, when you're young and you say, oh no, I'm too tired to go out at eight o'clock,

that doesn't make sense. But if you are older, like you know when you're young and you say oh, no, I'm too tired to go out at 8 o'clock That doesn't make sense, right? But if you were older like you have kids you've got a job You could be tired. So now I could just I can go a third layer and I could just say I'm overweight Really tired That's the real down to the truth I'm too heavy Why well, why are you too tired? Look at me. I carry along. Yeah around some extra weight So actually if I go a fourth layer deep here you say you want to come to my party? I go I eat too much

So no like because now I'm overweight and now I'm tired and I don't want to go good night You're like and I don't go to sleep on time. So really, okay, let's go five layers. Why don't you want to do this? Because I have no self-control. Right. Yeah. A little too honest. Yeah. Which is why I'm able to say this right now, because I have no self-control. That person has now vanished and I'm just talking into a mirror. I'm looking at myself going, I can't do this because I have no self-control. The problem with the I don't want to excuse it doesn't work often in a in a family

or a marriage because it is a selfish reply. Yes. Yeah. And so if my wife says which she often does can you hang out and help me clean up the dishes after we eat? If I just turned and said, I don't want to, and went and played on my phone, it would not work because she needs help. Absolutely. Now, if we were a team with the I don't want to response

for another person inviting us to something stupid. Now Jason would get one weekend back every single month because his birthday schedule is overwhelming. It's every Saturday. Yeah, so. There's 52 weeks in a year? Yeah. Well that is the minimum amount of birthday parties

that I am supposed to attend. You're only getting 12 of those 52 back with that one. So is it better? That's all right. Is it better to be socially acceptable to wear whatever you want? Because let's take the inhibitions away. Let's say you legitimately.

I'm in my underwear then. Okay. Like that's like, okay, step one. Step one, I'm in my underwear. If I'm at home alone, I'm in my underwear. Really? Oh, 100%. Really?

The kids are gone, Tiff's gone. It's impossible for me. I walk inside clothes and I will disrobe. I? Oh, 100%. Really? The kids are gone. Tiff's gone. It's impossible. I walk inside clothes and I will disrobe. I will take, it's not like I wake up in my underwear and I decide I'm just going to chill and hang out. That's just how comfortable you are. I will come home, I will take my shirt off. I'll kick those shorts off. Winter. Yeah. I mean, inside the house is temperature controlled, Mike. I live in a... There's no... I have AC and heat. There's no way for me not to picture that situation as whitey tighties.

No! Oh come on man. No, that's what it is. That's not what it is. That's what it is. I have literally... I don't think I've owned a pair of whitey tighties since maybe when I was three. If that was the only underwear you could wear, would you have the same policy with your clothing? No, because if that was the only underwear I could wear then I would no longer wear underwear I would be free ballin and I'd be in real comfortable shorts Okay, just like some basketball shorts Yeah, if it was socially acceptable for you and no shame to come to work in your boxer shorts

Which I'm assuming you wear. No, you wear the boxer briefs. Yeah. So if it was socially acceptable, that is what you would do. You would be in them right now. No way. No way. Because socially acceptable and being self confident enough for something like that. Those are very, very different. No, not at all. Everyone else can see me as fine. And they- So do you go out- Well, what about like a bathing suit? You go out in like a bed sheet then?

What? He's fine in clothes. Yeah, I would just wear my clothes. If you could wear a muumuu, Jason. Why not? Even we're socially acceptable for you to- Are we joking like that isn't more comfortable? That would not be. I do not think that a bed sheet would be more no I'm like you know like a bigger

shirt and loose my Mike you are the king of the sweatpants yes that's a hundred percent a choice based on how they feel yes because they move with but they're not big like parachute pants they're very there's they're a slim fit sweat I'm gonna tell you this might surprise you, but I'm pretty comfortable right now. I mean, I know I'm wearing clothes, but I'm actually a collar shirt and says they're comfortable. Oh, this is, this material. You kidding me? This is soft. But there are like, you go to the, go to the pool or the beach. You're in a swimsuit,

socially acceptable for you to wear a suit. And I wear a suit and I am self-conscious. Okay, alright. Okay, so there you go. And you wear a whitey-tighty swimsuit. Of course, yes. I would never wear whitey-tighty underwear, but my swimsuits are in fact all whitey-tighty. Why haven't we come out with that?

With what? The Speedo? The whitey-tighty Speedo. Like with all of the lines and everything. They just draw them on it's a funny speedo man what would you do if you it's so funny the social norms of underwear versus even speedo v speedo one of them looks like a pair of disgusting no no look closely the front is not as close. There's no seams on the front. Oh, you're wearing a speedo. That's you got me I am getting uh, I am absolutely getting out of an event every single month to answer this question I will skip one and I will be so happy to do so. Yeah, I gotta go with that one, too. Yes

Yeah, look there's not many places where you're like you can the worst is dressing up, but that's far in view between and you can just suck it up for every once in a while. Ben from the website, you have to live in Alaska for three months every year. Beautiful. Would you rather have three months of 24 hour sunlight in the summer or 24 hour darkness in the winter? This is not a hard choice for me. No.

Not hard at all. Would you like to have a sleep mask on when you sleep, unfortunately, or hate your life and be depressed around the clock? You are just on vampire watch. I just can't see the benefits of the 24 hour darkness. No, no, no, let me make the case for you. It'll be really easy to sleep at night without a sleep mask.

That's the entirety. I mean they make blackout curtains. I don't even need a sleep mask. But you don't you don't need the blackout curtains either. So now you're saving money on curtains. I mean there's a- Those are pricey. Honestly blackout curtains are more than you think. Won't I need to buy light bulbs? Yeah, but you'll buy light bulbs either. That's an interesting cost. We gotta wait the cost analysis. No one's gonna live. I'm gonna need some UV lights. What are the plants do up there during all this guy? Really? I mean, you're it's I mean, like the trees, the evergreen. They just do winter. They do winter. Let me let me hibernate.

Let me change this question up a little bit. Three months every year in Alaska, but you are in the 24 hour, never gets dark, always light in the summer. Or two weeks a year in Alaska. So what you're getting back is your time. Or two weeks in darkness or three months in sunlight. Yes. Yeah, three months in sunlight. Alaska's cool. Yes. Yeah, three months in sunlight. Alaska's cool.

Yeah. Yeah, but you still, I mean, you're away from, let's assume your family is moving with you, but you're away from extended family and- Well, I mean, you're making it more like it's a sentence. Like I've been sentenced to this. Yeah. And in that case, I guess if I'm trying to get back,

I'm gonna take the two weeks. I'm gonna get a nice long nap, or I don't know, up from down for three weeks. Aaron Rodgers style. I don't know up from down for three weeks Aaron Rodgers style. I don't know is it really like that in Alaska certain Because yeah, it is as soon as you go far enough north we have some family The Because it's beautiful You can't see it. It's dark. Yeah, I don't know how you, you're like,

I'm gonna stay here for this part, but I mean, once you live somewhere, it's like, why do we live in Arizona? That's a good point, Mike. It's pretty miserable for like seven to eight months of the year. Living's just tough anywhere. Yeah.

You just gotta deal with, I mean, gotta deal with something somewhere. But I did take a summer trip with the fam one time to Iceland and we were there at a point where it was, the sun doesn't go down and it's very strange to be walking around, we're in Reykjavik, the main city, it is midnight. We're walking around the city and you're exhausted inside but your body is so freaked out because the sun is up and you're like, we're not supposed to be sleeping now. It's a level of, it's a tiredness that you've never experienced because it's not like the

midday, oh groggy I need a nap. It's I think I'm supposed to go to sleep, but I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be awake. Yeah. The world's not giving you permission around you to go to sleep. Right. And you're like, there's still some people out. Is it good? Like, is it cool or is it weird? It's super weird, but I mean, there's aspects of it that are cool and you just, they have, everyone seems to have blackout shades and you wear an eye mask and it's, you get through it. I'm visiting. I'm visiting Alaska here in the not too distant Okay, sure for the first time in my life, so I'm I'm excited to see the Sun. No, I'm sorry the darkness

Different cruise than you're expecting Okay, you gotta take the light. Violet, who I almost thought their name was Violent, which is not as good of a name. Violet from Patreon. You're turning violent. Redemption for the chips dip slam dunk last week. You're now eating a plate of cheese and crackers. That was a good question. Would you rather run out of cheese first or run out of crackers? Oh, there we go. What? This is a legit question. Yeah, it is. And I'd rather run out of crackers. I'd rather run out of crackers. Eating cheese is awesome. Yeah, it's great. Now eating crackers without cheese is fine, but eating cheese

is awesome. It is absolutely, if you had to tell me I'm going to a party and they set out two platters and one platter is Crackers only and one platter is cheese only I'm going to the cheese. Yeah the cheese squares So you might go there first? Okay, you might you might say oh middle and last Hmm now when you eat the quantities that I do if I was to sit there and have a Plate that is just one of these things, like I will snack on crackers. Like wheat thins. You know what I mean? That's more of a flavored cracker. When I make, well Ritz is a flavored cracker. Those are buttered. What do you mean? It is. Definitely. Ritz has a flavor.

Okay, I don't think of wheat. I think of wheat thins as more of a variant on a traditional crack I run a saltine. I could eat more wheat thins all cheese. It's so if we're talking saltine or cheese Yeah, then then I want the cheese. Okay, but if we're talking wheat thins or ritz I mean you start versus cheese. I could keep eating these crackers and have a blast But yeah, you're gonna put some Cheez-Its in there. It's a whole new ball game. Cheez-Its is a cracker. Oh man. The cheese is baked in.

Home, that's the answer to that. I mean, Cheez-Its, you can eat. Cheez-Its, loophole. You talk about what I would do in Alaska for two weeks in the dark, I would eat Cheez-Its for two straight weeks. Guys, I can eat Cheez-Its forever. They don't stop.

The Costco-sized Cheez-Its are a problem and should be outlawed because again, no self control. Yeah, look in the mirror. You gotta look in the mirror and say, stop buying these products because one of the things I have realized is the older that I've that I've got, you know, you go through the store and you know, there's all these cool snacks and whatever. But one thing that I think is hard to remember in the moment,

but you have to, is that when you purchase whatever you're purchasing that is a sweet, a snack, a junk food, a bag of chips, right? You have to remember that when you buy that, you're going to eat it. The whole point is to eat the entirety of what you're purchasing. And so it's like, oh, like I'm gonna get all these snacks cool You want to know what you're good to? You're gonna ingest them all well, but I do believe like if when I'm buying a cheese, it's from Costco I'm saying this is for my family of five. Yeah, that's how it starts That's the excuse and then the TV goes on that's how they get it in the house

Exactly, they're sneaking it in the door saying family Family size and then you're just sighs you ever had you ever shared a family-sized Reese's with the family no all the family side what these okay? Candies these shareables like the peanut butter M&M's me off a piece of that no I won't get out of my life. The family size of the shareable, I don't remember what they call it, the peanut butter M&M's.

That's called, that's my serving. American size. Yeah, that's, if I'm sitting down for a movie, I need that bag because your tiny little individual serving or just the regular size bag, it's just, I'm gonna be ripping so many open, it's so much trash. The real trick, and I hate it, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to do this, I'm not strategic with this,

but the real trick is if you buy the individual portion bags that you would send with your kids to lunch or whatever, like whether it's the Pringles little canisters, or the individual cheese it bags. Yeah. If you buy those instead, you will be better at this because you will get one and you will be dissatisfied, but then you will have to make the mental decision to go get a second bag. I've already made the decision before I leave the pantry though.

You leave with three bags. I'm leaving with multiple bags. Still makes you feel dumber. I will say this, there is more shame. And people can tell, there's more shame. People can see three rappers. Yeah, well see I do this solo time. So it's hidden. In underpants. It's hidden, right, exactly, not whitey tighties.

In the dark pantry. But I can guarantee, I remember, this was probably about two weeks ago where I did go grab a bag of chips and I did go grab three bags of chips. I left on one trip with three of the school size bags. I was like I'm going to be hungry after one of them little bags. Yeah. And in my warm up and in my defense those bags are not big enough for my appetite. Wait. So, wait. That's the whole point.

Yeah. Yeah. That's, uh. Appetite size. This is why. This is why I go back to, we need not buy it. Don't go hungry to the store. The problem is the purchasing.

Yes. Oh. You go hungry to the store, I want to try everything I see. Yeah, when you go to Costco, pro. I want to try everything I see. Yeah when you go to Costco pro tip Go to the little cafe first. I know it's at the exit sneak in the exit get yourself a hot dog or slice pizza Here's your solution for not eating so much A hot dog and a pizza Yes, that's my kind of diet

Man I am Pre-eat I am telling you this right now pregame Jason is pre-gaming for Costco yeah by throwing down a dog we've had a quite a bit of this was his real secret trick yeah it's it's not working yet but sneak in the exit eat a hot dog and a, and then you won't buy as much. Have you done the roll the hot dog in the pizza truck? I have not done that because it is too public. There's two things I can't do.

One is that in public and the other is last till I'm home with a Costco pizza and hot dog. I'm housing those things right in the moment. Oh man. It is, so to peel back the curtain here, we are recording right now at 9.53 in the morning. And when we finish this episode, I am eating something immediately.

I'm going right to that kitchen and I'm making a meal. I'm going to Costco. You're gonna get some phone calls from some interesting professionals after this episode of the show. Yeah, also, if you can help me please reach out. Assuming that the crackers are plain in any way I'm gonna go cheese. If you start to mix in variants of crackers I'm going crackers. I'm going to assume that I did not buy

the world's worst most plain boring crackers and I will take the crackers. But if you're having crackers in a cheese plate, they're gonna dry you out. But I'm saying like it's gonna be boring crackers for a cheese plate That's right. That's how I was viewing it is what you would the kinds of crackers you would put cheese on which They're still good Jason. I've never been to a place where I've had cheese served with wheat thins It's always cheese served with crackers. You guys are in on wheatat Thins? Oh, Wheat Thins are so good. They're just not crackers. That's all I'm saying.

They're cookies. They got a lot of sugar in them. This will be, I think, disliked here, especially based on our previous conversation. And don't hear what I'm not saying. Cheese-Its are amazing. Wheat Thins, greater sign. What?

Cheese-Its, absolutely. Without a doubt. Wheat Thins, greater sign, nothing. Not a big Wheat Thin, greater sign. What? Cheez-Its, absolutely. Without a doubt. Wheat thins, greater sign, nothing? Not a big wheat thin family. No. This is a man who has not had wheat thins recently. Yeah. That's what it is. I've had wheat thins.

Nah, I'm a wheat thin. To put them above cheez-its is kind of blasphemous. Everything I need to experience from wheat thins. Also, regular cheez-its, not the super toasted that my wife keeps buying. You know, I prefer, the super toasted is not as good toast I just had super toasted the other day I want a great toasted mixed in here and there I don't want them constantly there's like a brownie I want both the edge where you inside where you at with the white

cheddar I'll eat those for days I mean the white cheddar is go that probably is the best do they have like a party mix? Where is she? Do they have, does cheese have anything? Oh, so you go white cheddar, regular cheese it and toast. Yeah. Just put them all in one big bag. I'm in Jesus. What are you doing? Also solving your problem. Churro cheese. It's I don't know. I mean, I'm going to investigate churras. It's cheese. It flavors. Yeah, I'm sure that they're doing work. Jason's doing something over there. They do.

They have a duo's bag. They got spicy. Today's episode brought to you by Cheez-it. I guess Cheez-it's is doing good things. Yeah, but also wheat thins. No, no, no. Get out of here. Get the tomato and basil.

It's... Oh, you're not talking basic? Basic is great. No. But tomato and basil is an upgrade. It's better. I don't know where you're coming from here. Yeah. How are you guys at here on my Wheat Thins Day? We're both nodding back here with you. The Wheat Thins and specifically the tomato and basil Wheat Thins. Yeah, I see both. Tomato basil's great. Over Cheez-It? No, no, that's too far. Okay. Not against. Not again. All right. Real quick. Kayla from Twitter. One more here before we move on. Would you rather read a good book written by a human or an excellent book written by Chad GPT? I don't know that you can real quick this answer because this is very philosophical.

I can tell you my answer easily. What? look, uh, when I read a book, it depends on what kind of book I'm reading for me to answer this question. What? Okay, go on. Because part of art is the creativity behind it. It's a human. It's a person. Um, I will appreciate a piece of music that is not auto-generated more than an auto-generated piece of music, because part of it is saying, hey, a computer didn't paint that painting, a person did.

They were thinking about it, they were painting it with their imagination and creativity, and therefore I appreciate it because it was created by a human hand. ChadGBD could paint a painting. I don't appreciate that as much. You grew up as a reader, right? You read a lot of books. I like to think I still like to read from time to time. I didn't retire.

My point in leading that way is like- I was a reader and then I grew up. Let me ask you this. Who are your favorite authors? Yeah, they're probably from my childhood. Exactly. So my question was going to be have you ever met one of the authors of books you like? Did you go to a book signing to Grisham or whoever you're? Yeah, I've met like one or two authors of small books that I like, but not most of them. Not most of the main authors that you like. Okay. So how do you, I mean, my point is,

if you have not met them, and you just know their name. Well, it's very. How do you know they're a person, or what they've been through? Because they, because I know that they're a person in it, and then I can attach experience to it. Like, if you tell me, Chad GPT writes an autobiographical book

about the life of, it assumes the position of I'm a World War II survivor well that would be autobiographical what do you mean yeah yeah I didn't experience it I just it could pretend to rise matter it could pretend to write one sure you're getting me on semantics of this yeah Chad GPT the pretend author my point there's no way I'm not taking the human if it's in that category. If it's fantasy, totally fine either way. Don't care. I think the issue though is we're,

because we're so, we're at the beginning of this. We don't know. We don't know, like in 10 years. No. Like the difference between a, it's something created by a human and something created by the AI. Are you going to start down the train of consciousness here?

No, no, no. But I'm saying right now, there are certain times where you can tell that AI created something. Like we've, you know, we've read things and we're like, mm, I think an AI made this, but pretty soon you're not gonna know. Let me, this is, that was my point.

Let me give you the scenario. You sit down to read as an adult, so. I know we're making some leaps here. You sit down and you read a 200 page book with the most compelling autobiographical story of a World War II survivor. You get done, you're like, this is unbelievable, it's inspiring, I've read those books before, right?

And then you look at the back and it says, this was written by beep boop 127. Does it change your experience? Yes. Okay. Because I know it's not real. That's my only point. But it's not real, but it was claiming to be real. Correct, and so you know it's not real at the end.

And so if it's a fantasy story that's all made up anyways, I think I'm more forgiving. I get what you're saying as in you don't want to just have the book be a liar and fake what it is. But any, I mean, any fictional book, and really not even just nonfiction, other than autobiographical, which obviously a chapy GPD could not do because they have not experienced it and they cannot write about themselves and autobiographical work would be very boring. I you know the question says would you rather read a good book by a human or excellent book by AI same topic you're saying yeah and so I'm like a sure I don't if you tell me that the name of this author is

Billy Braskey or Willie Shakespeare, like it makes no difference. The content of the book determines whether I like the book or not. Give me an excellent book over a good book. So that doesn't land with you any of the comparison to like music? So like if music is created right you said a good song's a good song. If it is a hundred percent computer generated, Mike said it, we're at the beginning of Chad GPT, we'll be able to generate voices that are better than

humans. Yeah. We'll be able to generate music better than written by humans. It can be completely made up. I mean, you've kind of already done that with music because we auto tune everything now. Like the singing you hear on a recording, on your Apple music, that's not a real person singing because it has been fixed. It has been corrected by a computer. Yeah, I mean, in the end, I think right now, Chad GBT and AI, they can't make music that's better than humans. It's just not capable yet. Well, they also can't really make books better than 100% they cannot. So they're

just not better. But the question presupposes that now they can do it better. And to me in the end, whatever is the, you know, if they can make better music that's catchier, that I like more, that I enjoy more, that hits me in the feels, just, I don't really care the author. Mike? Yeah, I, we're artists about to lose your jobs.

Yeah, I don't think so. The robots are coming, I do. Yeah, all right, think so. The robots are coming. I do. Yeah. Um, alright, we're moving on. Today's show is brought to you by our friends at Built Rewards. If you're a renter, I'd start taking advantage of Built if I were you. Here's the thing. We earn points on groceries, travel, and practically everything else we buy, but we should also be earning points on rent, one of our biggest monthly expenses.

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true story from everyday life that with one another something from the news or the world around us and it'll it'll blow your mind what's going on out there in the universe. I don't know if these stories will blow your mind. Mike blow our minds! It's just this is a it's a comical story. You know, the classic jail escape. So there was apparently two fellas, they were in a Virginia jail and it's like full of Shawshank here where they were able to create a hole in a wall using tools that they had crafted. They found a weakness in the design of the wall.

They made tools from a toothbrush, a metal object to access, using rebar and things like that. So I mean, they got it done. And this had to have taken quite a while. So these two fellers escape. Yeah, good work. And they leave the state, as I would expect you do and Then they risked it all and got caught at an IHOP

That was their freedom story Where do you want to go they missed they I don't know the Mickey Mouse pancakes it doesn't necessarily say how long they were out, but it they they escaped digging this hole and then The authorities know we had the I guess the pictures were up or whatever and they got they got caught at the International House of pancakes Look, I think if you break out of jail, it's a good place to hide out. I think you should just hold off. Maybe don't go to the IHOP. Maybe DoorDash. Or, yeah, if you really need an IHOP, just have a delivery drive. They probably don't know about DoorDash, Mike. They might have been in jail for a while.

That's true, but this story is so funny to me. I've imagined Andy Dufresne, he gets out, he's like, oh, what are you gonna do? Against the pancakes. I mean, one thing. In public. Yeah. There was a time as a child. Put a mustache on or something.

That I thought IHOP was like an elite fine restaurant. Oh, for sure. It's the International House of Pancakes. They, for a while, you know my love for a club sandwich, for a long time they had a cheeseburger club sandwich. So, replaced the turkey with a burger. It was fantastic. I've never seen it again. They stupidly removed it from their menu because it was amazing and I would request that my family go to IHOP because I wanted to eat this sandwich, but

it's gone and now I no longer go to IHOP. Yeah, yeah, I mean it's not the number one on my list of just broken out places. Jason, what do you got for us? They'll never find us here. Yeah. Jason, what do you got for us? They'll never find us here. Alright, this one cracks me up because we have experienced real issues in Arizona with heat, with workers that go up in attics, go across spaces, work on the roof, and unfortunately the heat gets to them and they can pass away. Oh, don't tell me that. Firefighters discover missing plumber asleep in crawlspace under California home. So in this story the man had been missing for hours and had not come back to the point where the people called the firefighters

out, I presume assuming they thought he might have died. And he was just asleep? And he was just asleep in the crawl space on the job just... How long is that nap? And are they charging by the hour? Because if this is an hourly labor cost. This poor guy was tired. They don't know what I'm doing down here. I'm going to take a nap. I mean, I was down there for hours working on this problem. It's probably just like something. He brought some

flex seal down there and just slapped it on us. Like sir, you look really refreshed in the face for working on a job for four hours. That's pretty funny. Yeah. I mean, could you imagine being the firefighters, right you You think you're like oh, no Coming into a medical and the smells probably not much different right? Yeah, there's a plumber in a crawl space It's not gonna. So it's not gonna be fresh not gonna be fresh you get down there, and then you see the body and Then no no and you know boy sir Steve's dead try to wake here We go again pull on that leg and then you go and you... Oh boy. Steve's dead. Here we go again. Pull on that leg and

then he goes, ah! Who woke me up from my slumber? Who disturbs my slumber? So yeah, that happened in California. Okay, alright. My story comes from Florida. I think it's a bit of ingenuity that I want to share with you because look, there's a Florida man and he was very fed up with the, uh, the government pretty much. I mean, there's a, there's a private road. It's got poor conditions and, um, look at the potholes. I mean, we don't deal with potholes like other places cause we don't get as much rain out here in Arizona, but we've seen them. They're out there and they're awful. And in some places they're really bad. They're out there and they're awful. And in some places, they're

really bad. They'll wreck your car. And they kept coming back and no one will fix the pothole. So he decided to do something ingenious. He's going to fix the pothole himself. No, he's going to plant a banana tree inside the pothole. And so he planted a banana tree to help people avoid where the pothole is. Smart. Wow. So now you don't drive into a tree. Instead, it's now attention grabbing and says, hey, I need to be prepared.

I'm a banana tree. Well, now you could drive into a tree. You couldn't before. I guess that's true. But hopefully you see it and move around the pothole now it's sending a nice message do we have an update how this yeah how are the bananas good the potassium levels of this local municipality have gone up tremendously cramps at an all-time low and at an all-time low no no update I don't know if this tree got pulled and they fixed things,

but I like this idea of getting. That's very funny. Getting the attention of the government there. So let's draft. What's up, Spitwads? We are driven by the search for better when it comes to hiring, something we're very familiar with,

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podcast indeed.com slash ballers terms and conditions apply. If you need to hire you need indeed. The Spitballers Draft. Alright, I'm excited about this one. We are drafting the worst places for a proposal. I had to tell my kids, I told them what we were going to do for the draft last night because we knew this one going in and I had to tell them they asked where I proposed which was actually at a park but it was only at a park because I chickened out at my first destination oh really yep had the ring in my pocket for a good old afternoon we had gone up

to Prescott out in the woods and I I was like, oh, I'm gonna propose out here. Instead, I just kinda acted awkward for about four hours, drove home with the ring in my pocket, picked a different day, and there you go. I don't know where, where did you guys propose? Real quick. So I proposed in my house, but with a surprise party. My wife was throwing me a surprise birthday party

that I found out about. You Uno-Carded. And so I- Reverse. Yeah, I threw down the Uno-Card. So while she came to pick me up from my work, my job that I did not work at that day, she dropped me off there in the morning. She came to pick me up later that afternoon while she left the house after decorating and getting everything ready for my party. All the other people that were not

even invited to my birthday party, which they found out about that, came in, redecorated everything for an engagement party. That's pretty clever. And then when we came back home, she was really upset when we opened the door because they didn't yell surprise like a birthday. She was like aren't they guys? Why aren't you and then she realized I was down on me and doing the well What'd she say? Yeah, what was the yeah? She said yes, okay? It was a good time. What about you Mike Maui Beach? Oh Maybe that's it you got the one-on-one. That's else's you can pick that right now. All right, Mike, you have the first. But we're doing worse places. Oh, I mean, so overdone.

Yeah, riptides. Mike, you have the first pick in this draft. Go for it. All right. I imagine in this scenario, you think there's no finer way for me to celebrate the life of my grandfather who has recently passed.

Yeah, it's the 101. I will give my eulogy and I will now propose at the funeral. Oh man, that's a true celebration of life. I had that as my 101. We must continue, we must move on. I went with grandmother's funeral though, so you know, grandpa. That is the worst place to propose. I mean, it's just You could pretend to justify cuz all your family's there. Let's spice this up. I

So that that is final wish. It's a great one. That's on my list is not my 101 though Okay, so I'm very happy that my 101 came back because I do think in that moment You can spend that you can really make that a good moment in a bad situation. There's a little spin to it. A little spin. Yeah grandpa. I want you I want to see how you spend this because I'm proposing on the toilet. Yes. I mean we'll make it real special. Just to be clear you're on the toilet. I'm on the toilet. And that's where I am making my proposal. Honey get in here.

Get in here. I got something to show you. You got to see this. Oh he's gonna be so surprised that you had turned. Well there's still going to be a turn but it's also a ring. So real special and the truth is we've got a trump card story of an engagement plan now. Wow, yeah, on a toilet, not the best. I get two picks in a row? That is correct. Well, I'm gonna go, my new 101, since Mike took it, the new 101 for me is a slaughterhouse.

Oh, that is a good one, not on my list. Yeah, a little, I know I probably could have saved that for my last pick. You could have. I feel like I want to give it the one on one power for my team. A slaughterhouse with hanging meat around and a meat processing type of plant. It can't smell good there. Getting down on one knee, you're coming up,

and there's some red on that knee. So I'm going to go with with slaughterhouse as my first. For my second pick, I am going to go with inside a crowded elevator. Oh, okay. Inside an elevator, there's now a time limit on being able to get this thing done. You're totally gonna miss your floor.

There's strangers everywhere. It's congested. I'm gonna able to get this thing done. You're totally gonna miss your floor. There's strangers everywhere. It's congested. I'm gonna go crowded. I like it. Elevate. I hadn't thought of that, but that would be pretty bad. Not a good time. It's not making a good memory.

No, not quite as good as your slaughterhouse. Yeah. With dead carcasses all around you. Yeah, romantic. Very romantic. She loves beef. All right, I am on the clock, is that right? Is it back to me?

Yes. Okay. I'm gonna go, look, this is a place that we all go, and when I say we all, I mean everybody listening, and us, we're all- It's very presumptuous. It's presumptuous and it's correct. Everyone has been there.

You don't enjoy going there and some of the people that go there have websites made about them. But you don't have to propose there because Walmart is not the place to propose. It's on my list and you know people do it. I'm pretty sad because it's on my list too and I thought that was going to be a layup for later. Yeah, peopleof Walmart comm that it's really just it's the story It's it's when they say when I introduced this segment. I said, where'd you guys get proposed?

Yeah, what did you propose if you have Walmart? Walmart there is no spin. No. Oh Man, yeah, I can't I'm trying to find the angle there isn't. Yep All right. So now I get to pick so we've got the funeral That's not gonna be a good time. No I will say Hmm. I'm gonna start it off with this was a late addition to To the list sort of similar to Andy's slaughterhouse, but I will say the dump. Yeah landfills on the list, sort of similar to Andy's slaughterhouse, but I will say the dump.

Yeah, landfill's on the list. Nice, yeah, okay. Yeah, it's gonna be unpleasant, it's gonna be loud, it's gonna be real smelly, and it's called the dump. Yeah, I mean, Mike. When you're trying to commit your life forever to someone at a place that is synonymous with not being together anymore. No you dump somebody. Oh

Yeah, you can't engage at a place where you like you can dump someone at the dump Jason's place had a dump too Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true. That's true. Very nice. So Mike you got a third pick here All right, I'm gonna go at a dump I Imagine this is done, but it sounds super tacky to me. And I will say divorce courts. Yeah. Out with the old, in with the new. I'm free, baby.

How about you? You want to get married? On the way out of divorce court? OK. All right. I like that. I didn't have it on my list, but I thought about having it on my list. It's a real nice marriage here of the pick and the place.

We built this relationship on a real, real strong bed of trust. Right, right, yeah. And you could spin it. I wanted to be with you from the moment I was single. As soon as you went dump, Mike, I realized what I was going to take because you went where all of our trash goes. Yes. And I've already started on the toilet. I'm going where all of our toilet goes. We're going to the sewers, baby. Let's go down below. I don't care how big a fan of the Ninja Turtles you are. You do not want a proposal in the sewers. They really glamorized the sewers. They did.

They really. They took the poop right out of it. It was just clean water down there. Oh, they had a great place. I wanted to live in the sewers. They had a great place. It looked clean. They're down there just scarfing down pizza like it's nothing.

And they're riding those like little powered surfboards down there on the sewer water. You want to know what I never ever saw down there poop No, which is really what makes a good sewer. Yeah. Okay. Is it back to me? It is Well, this is tough because I have so many picks I would like to make. I'm gonna keep it simple. We got the slaughterhouse, we got the crowded elevator. We're going with the pawn shop. Oh, very nice.

Where I may or may not have purchased the ring moments ago. Oh yeah, that makes sense. In the pawn shop. Honey, I know you respect the fact that I get good discounts. I get good discounts, and they're always in nice parts of town, the pawn. And then I'm going to go with the DMV. It's on my list. It's on my list. I'm going to say DMV. Take a number and take my hand baby. Oh man that was that was going to be my pick. Well good you stole my Walmart I'm gonna take your DMV. What is the reaction in the DMV because you look usually when you're out in public you know you get a clap you

happen to catch something there's usually no a smattering of applause like hey love we none of the employees are happy with you. Let's get some groans. They probably get hurry up. Number 35. All right. All right. Well, that's what I wanted. I'm going to have to pivot here. Unexpectedly. Um, look, this is a place where I'm sure this happens. And sometimes it has to happen. But it's not where I want it to happen in my life because it means some things are not going well. So my list, I'm going to go prison. Yeah. There's really no winning in that situation. It's either me or them or both. I mean it's a bad time. I don't want my proposal in a

prison. That's fair. That's fair. Now is this between the glass? Like one in one out? Or is this just... Well yeah I mean... It could go any. Yeah, well Say we've got a room. Okay. All right Mike you got a final selection here for the worst places for a proposal draft So when you are doing the the the mayor's proposal is like in life We've we have discovered a lot of things Can be done, you know, like we need some things done in person, but a lot of things like these work-from-home things We've done we figured out we could do virtual So I my last place the worst place for you to do a marriage proposal would be the internet

I love that pic because that's a good answer get it together And we're talking zoom or text just yeah just on the internet of like we are not together But I'm gonna shoot you shoot you a quick text. What do you think? Yeah. Want to get married? I would hope that every emoji long distance relationships of which there are many and I guess they thrive and succeed and get married. But I hope that the proposal did not come over. Like at that point, this is kind of a moment. Maybe. Yeah. Get there. They have these planes now where you could travel if they're far away. They got motorized vehicles.

Well, that rounds out the draft. I had several others that I want to throw out there, because I want to get your reaction to them. And whether you think I made a mistake, maybe I should have gone some of these directions. I did go with one that I thought could get picked which was at a buffet I have golden corral on my list but another option here was during another wedding yes that is on my list and don't do it that's a jerk move that is straight up

it's me it steals the thunder look at me. I need your attention It's not your day while she's giving birth was on my list. Oh Okay, you should get married seems like a bad time A porta potty was on the list or bodies on my toilets are everywhere went toilet Also in the middle of a movie theater during a movie Which I think would be like. Would you be upset? You're tracking the plot? Yes.

I would be furious. I don't think I would be upset as. Oh, I'd be so mad. If it was real. You could barely hear. I'd be like, oh my gosh, how crazy. You guys can't believe. We went to see John Wick and someone got married.

I'd be so furious. And then you have to deal with, as the proposer, know that everyone around you is furious. And now you have to sit back down and watch the other half of the movie. You don't even get to talk about it. And then... Thanks for saying yes. The last one was just in the car on a freeway when she's driving. Oh. It just doesn't seem like the best spot. I had two that were on my list that were a little bit different. They were more experience based One was the getaway car. Okay, cuz you don't Just kind of romantic. I mean time rush, you know what I mean? Like let's yeah, let's get going

And you're doing you're doing something fun together And the other was on a plane going down You got no time left and it's Will uh, will you marry me? Yes. But you don't get to. Yeah. Only if there's a priest on that plane, right? Can you get it done? All right. Yeah. Where are you guys on the, the, the, the Jumbotron proposals? You better be sure. I don't mind the Jumbotron Jbo-jumbo-tron proposal if it's a like Formality situation where like you know that they're gonna see locked in you've been talking about it like in that case I think for super sports fans is actually a cool badge of honor. It's like

You know to sons fans and they're like I did it You know, we got married at the Suns or we got proposed at the Suns game You're 100% right, but you better know cuz you gotta know if you make 20,000 people witness your destruction of rejection. Not your destruction. You get the rejections. The other person. Yeah, oh yeah.

The other person is like, there's got to be some fake yeses that happen on the Jumbo Troll. And then on the ride home, someone's super jazzed. Because yeah, I got engaged. We need to talk. I feel like Jason's proposal was one that you had to go. Yeah, that's why I am. Mine was 100% formality. It was a lot. There was no way she could have said no to me. Because I had a bunch of people and it would be real embarrassing. If you switch your birthday party to a proposal party and you get a no, That's a problem. Everyone go home.

What did we learn today? I learned where you two got engaged. Yeah, that's true. Maui, very impressive. Mike, I learned that if you put a drawing of whitey tighty lines on Speedos, they become highly inappropriate. Yeah. I learned that Cheez-Its is, they're doing great work. Like the things we've thought of there. They're already doing it Smart people over there at cheese it company How much cheese in a cheese? It is the real question not enough? Hey, tell your friends about the podcast. Thank you for listening. We'll see you next time. Goodbye Thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballers pod.com