Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Pizza Pains & Best Sequels - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

Another Spitballers episode is here to make your day a little better. Join us as we discuss the pain of pizza, answer the world's tough questions in Life Advice and wrap up a great episode with a Best Sequels draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Baida-da-ding, ding ding ding-ding ding-i! Woo-hoo! He wasn't scourg. Sometimes you've got to play the hits. It's been a long time. I feel like it was a faster pace than normal.

Well, I'm not doing your scat this time. So I can really bring it. I can bring it. It was you being you. Welcome into the spitballers episode 3.5.3. Would you rather life advice and a spectacular draft on today's episode of the show? Jason Moore is here. Mike Wright.

Wait, we're giving life advice. Present and accounted for it. Yeah. Yeah, we're giving life advice because we have a role to play in society. Everybody has their role to play. We know what ours is. It's to inform people. To lead society.

It's to lead them in ethical and moral issues. Okay. This show is, if there's one thing the show is, it's serious. Yes. The shows about the issues facing the modern. We're just making, we're making the medicine go down easy. Right. Because you think it's all jokes.

But it's tough love at sometimes. Inside and real stuff. This is behind the sugar. The spoonful of sugar is how we present it. Yeah. Behind that is something so serious and so deep. And so if I, may be so bold, so objectively true, whatever we're saying, that it will help people.

It will help you. And we're going to give life advice that will change at least one person's life forever for obviously. This podcast has been, it's been life changing, said somebody at one point. Yeah. So many people. So that's what we're here for. We've got a great draft. We're drafting sequels better than the original movie on today's show.

I've got the first pick. Jason's not a fan of the draft. What's that fart? The fart is about there's not... No, there are. I can't wait to hear your list. I can't wait to tell you my list. I spent years developing this list.

You are just... You're not being... I can't get past five. You're not being intellectually honest with yourself. Maybe I just don't remember. Yes. But I feel like there's not that many sequels that are better than the original. So I can't wait to see what you guys bring out.

We've done the show long enough and we're getting old enough to where there's a good chance we do shows that are. so similar to previous shows we've done just because we forget what happened. Have we done this one? Probably. This is probably a repeat. I don't know. Oh, I mean, we're at like a 35% chance this is a repeat. You've heard of this all before. Well, I mean, let's begin. Al-Borland is not here.

No. So he would be the only one to call us out on that. Correct. So, uh, Papa Josh, no disrespect to you. Have we done this before, Josh? But your memory is not what... In the 10 shows that you've done? I'm going to say no. Okay. There you go. We're good. We're in to clear. It's time to answer some questions. Would you Rather? Joseph from the website For the rest of your life, would you rather have to pay

$1 for every French fry that you eat the rest of your life? That's a problem. That's a lot of money. Or you pay $25 for every slice of pizza you eat. $25 a slice of pizza or a dollar of french fry. Now, real quick, that's a problem.

What is a slice of pizza? If I'm paying... No, not not... I'm not saying this. Mike's reaction to that was like you socked him in the stomach. I'm not saying what is a slice. You did say that. Hey, brother, what is this?

Whatever is a slice of what? What's a slice of pizza? No, I'm saying what is the cost of a slice of pizza? If I don't slice it, that's a slice, brother. Yeah, if I don't cut it that thing up. What is a slice of pizza? I'm not saying. That's a great start.

Now you are saying that. You said it. It's not like a. theological giant question. A large, in existential. Man in the pizza of life,

what's a slice in the pizza? A large is eight a large is eight slices. What is the cost $25 of pizza? $25.

If I go to Sabaro. If you were to a store, you're probably paying five bucks for a slice. You are not paying $5 a slice. Absolutely you are. No way.

Yes, you are. You're saying it's too much or too little. That's too little. Yeah, baby. Six seven bucks. Oh, okay. six seven bucks a slice. Oh, it's locked. Yes, good.

No, no. We have a spray bottle. If Jason, give him the sprayer. No. It's locked again. Hold on. Okay. There it is.

It's not my fault. You said 6.7. Because it's a sequential number. It happens all the time. We can't stop it. Here's what I'm thinking. I had pizza last night. How much pieces do you have?

Two slices. No, no. $50. I monitor. You have $50 of pizza. And I bought you pizza last night. You did. You did.

Here's my point about this. If I have to pay a dollar for every French fry, I'm going to be very conscious of how many French fries they eat. That's better for me. No. But I'm at the point of my life. I'm right at the edge. I love pizza.

I'm at the point where it's not worth it. It's not worth it. Are you hearing me? Really? Oh, my guy. You have gotten all the way there. I'm all the way to the point where a slice of pizza is now at the point where it's just not worth how I feel afterwards. No, you're.

You don't, you want to know, no. Do you want to know how I know for a fact he is lying? For him to say he's gotten to the point in his life where it is not worth eating the pizza, that means he doesn't eat the pizza. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You just said last night. Muscle memory. I still think pizza is an easy meal to order.

And then I get it and then I eat it. And I'm like, why did I do it? Then you're not at that point. It's a transition period, man. you're jay pop it josh you feel this if you're at the point in your life where i'm saying it's not worth it to eat it then you don't do it i'm learning jason you're getting close but you're not there jason that's the stupidest thing you've ever said i've said so i know and i don't say this with i i i've i've waited that's the stupidest thing you've ever said wow explain it then you know you get

because we eat we eat crap all the time that we're not supposed to eat yeah and i don't say i've gotten to the point in my life where i say no to end and no no no no No, no, no, no, he didn't say that. After last night, I've reached the point. No, he was saying. It's happening right now. He said he's reached the point where it's, it isn't worth it. You still do it.

Yeah, because you still do it, man. Because pizza. Yum, yum. Yum. All right. But yeah, you're like, you bought me pizza. Yeah. Last night.

Yeah, how'd you feel? Yeah, guess who had stomach problems this morning? It's 100% of 100%. My son last night and it's not just old people. He goes, Dad, I think I'm lactose intolerant. I go, yeah, probably. Probably. Nobody should eat this much cheese.

Like, legitimate. And this, so years, years and years ago, I, I went full keto, right? Mm-hmm. I remember. And I was on it for two years. I didn't realize you were that long. I was, I was on it with the gin and tonic mistake. Yeah, yeah, I made, there's mistakes you make along the way.

But legit, like Friday is piece of movie night, right? I was going to say legitimate, and then I cut it off. Yeah, yeah, no, that's cool. It's a new word. Friday is pizza movie night at my house. You do that every Friday. It was every week. And even during that, and so all I did was I would rip the cheese off of a slice.

Oh, that's a sound like that. I remember that one of my kids would eat the, the cheeseless bread. Yeah. But that's how he wanted it. It was, I could live. I could live. So it's the bread that was the problem. I don't know, but my stomach was okay during that time.

Sounds like it's the bread. And I. I really had reached a point where I'm like, even after I was no longer on the, the keto, I'm just like, dude, pizza destroys me. If I had to pay 25 for a slice, I'd never buy it. I'd never eat pizza again. See, that's what that's what happened. That's how they get. If that really is a choice I have to make. Yeah. That's a problem with pizza.

That's my choice. Because you know what rules? Hashtag not a sponsor. Domino's. Domino's rules. It's good. Oh, it's the end of you. it's good pizza. And you can get like two for six bucks or something, or six a piece. It's great. It's good. There's, there's penalties. Yeah. You, like, you pay, you, you pay less up front. Are you telling me, you pay more in the back? Are you saying that when you eat a slice of pizza,

you're just doing great? Life's just great. 100% totally fine. I haven't had a slice of pizza in my life that I felt bad after. And don't hear what I'm not, you're lucky. There are foods now that just like, I can't. I can't eat chick filet. I can't do chick filet. Chick-fil-A is delicious. I can't do it. The mouth loves it. The tummy does not. It will destroy me. Which people think, to this day, people think chick-fil-a is healthy. Oh my gosh. My kids, they're like, this chicken. I'm like, they're grilled chicken. They're grilled chicken. Now, here's the ingredients list that should be on a grilled chicken. Clearly not a sponsor. Also, hashtag will never be a sponsor. Hold on. So, okay, in my estimate of a nation, uh-huh. A piece.

A piece of grilled chicken. Ingredients? Yes. Okay, let's go grilled chicken. We can start with that. Chicken. Let's go with... So, spices.

We'll go with some spices in oil to cook it. We'll go with an oil. That should be the end. Maybe some salt. Salt, for sure, should be on that. So, I mean, if you want to have multiple spices, let's say six. We should end it there. I'm talking about the nuggets, too.

Chicken, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Spices, oil. The end. Also, we are never getting a chick voice. No, no, no, no. Not on Sunday. Thank goodness. There, there, I mean, the.

Give me some of the highlights. All right. No, count the number of X's. Count the number of X. Oh, just how many X are. Yeah, how many times do you see the letter X? The letter X. And the chicken.

Seven. Seven. There are seven. The letter X is for, it means nothing. So one of those. Maltodextrin has an X, Xantham gum has an X, extract has an X. I mean, I guess another Maltodextrin, another Maltodextrin. Wait, why do you have to list it twice?

Because they're different types. There are different types of Maltodextrin. Oh my gosh, this can't be a word, guys. This can't be a word. Dymothalapapapacane. Let me spell this. Oh my gosh, guys. High way to spell.

And here's, it might be totally normal. We're just dumb and we don't know. All right. Write this down while I say this. And if you're playing along at home, okay, I'm going to write it down. Think through this. Here is the word I am spelling in their ingredients list. Give it to me.

D. I. M. E. T. H. Y. L. P. I'm running out of space. O. L. Y. S. Oh, I'm out of space. I. L. O. X. X A

N E What is that word? Guys, I read it. Dymethopolysyloxane. Don't worry. It's added to reduce foaming. This is grilled chicken nuggets, man.

Why is it foaming? It tastes exactly like it smells delicious. Dymethylolislysilicane. I'll tell you how you spell delicious. D-I-M-E-T-A-H-H-H. Y-L-P-O-L-Y-S-I-L-X-A. Prevents oil from foaming and frying.

Improves product safety and extends oil life. I don't know. And destroys your belly when you eat it. Aren't you supposed to change every 3,000 miles? You know what? You know what? We need to talk to the scientists. No.

No, we do. We need to talk to the farmers. No, no, we didn't. No, because this is the scientist. I am I am big science I love science I love all like

it's fascinating but when we do this Josh give me the camera when we give me when we have words that are this yeah that's a two line word stop the gatekeeping bull crap dude

stop it we don't have to do this you can put it into a terms that human beings regular human beings understand I this is the science degree. I understand. You're like, I paid so much that I get to speak a language that no one else speaks. Stop it. Listen, I'm on your side. Stop it. They're not the only place that has

dye methyl polycyloxane. I don't, what is it bad? But I can promise you that's why you feel bad. That's why that's what you're pooping out. That is one of the many reasons I feel bad. I don't. And then, I'm paying the 25 for the pizza. And that, but. But, I'm saying. There's a question here? Yeah. Then you get the other people and they're like, and they're listing all the words and you're like, you know what that is? That's an apple.

And you're like, dude, I just call it an apple, man. Well, no, no, I'm saying with this bull crap with how many letters are in this word? 75. That's a no word should be over 10 letters. No words. I love it. I love it. I mean, come on that.

Like, you should run for president on that. In my America, no word is over 10 letters. We can all read the words. We'll be fine. I love it. That is 20 characters. That's at least two words in your America. I'm on the team and they're making it hard for me.

I asked them to shorten that one to 10 letters is dimethylips. Dimethylips? I'm going pizza. I don't need pizza anymore. I hate to say it. I'm 41. I don't need pizza anymore. You think I'm giving up French fries?

No. I would do the opposite. I would take the $20 a slice. I mean, dude. Have you considered... I'm jealous of you. That French fries are probably the greatest food in the entire world. Jason, you said you don't feel bad after pizza.

I have never once felt bad after pizza. Is that an unlimited quantity situation? So far, so good. Okay. So, like, my favorite pizza, personally... Yeah, what is your favorite? And I'm not talking like, you know, the local awesome, unbelievable pizza. There's lots of those chains.

I'm talking of the big boys. My personal favorite pizza is the thin crust from dominoes. Because it rules. Thin crust helps out a lot. I can eat that whole. It helps out the... I'm going to eat the whole thing. I've never felt bad after that.

Because it rules. But also that thin crust is a real problem for this question. Because a usual pizza is eight slices. Yeah, the way they slice it. A slices is the $200 pie. No, I'm going to give you real slices on a thin crust. So you're telling me I can order this. this for 200 bucks because otherwise it's like

$800 because they all these pieces are so tiny. Also the spitballers has 11 letters I've just been informed. Spitballers. Ryan from the website. Would you rather every salad? Yeah, it's a throw away.

French fries are the greatest food in the entire world. Spoken like a true shoestring. Entire. Fry lover. Would you rather every salad you eat moving forward have two times? The worst French fries and no wonder you don't like french fries i don't want giant it's so stupid but yeah you you just called him overrated and then you're the guy on the shoe string side you're an idiot no thank you thank you andy i could have moved i could not move on yeah without that being out there

ryan wants to know would you rather every salad you eat moving forward the rest of your life every salad you eat moving forward the rest of your life have two times the normal amount of dressing yeah mixed in that doesn't seem like a problem or one quarter the normal amount of dressing Two times. Two times. Okay, you have to get to like 4X before I'm concerned about it. 4x is a problem. What is this stupid question?

What is this stupid question? Would you rather your french fries have too much salt? Or like no salt? Come on, man. Would you rather your salad be covered in delicious thousand island dressing? You want your caramel apple to have four times the caramel? Tell me. Or hardly any caramel?

Here's the easiest way to answer this and it is so clear. Too much chocolate or no chocolate? This is a genuine... like clear and obvious answer. Yeah. Mike, have you ever in your life? Okay. Ordered a salad and asked for half the dressing that it normally comes with.

I can tell you with intellectual honesty. I have never. Have you ever ordered a salad and asked for extra dressing? I can tell you with intellectual honesty. That is about 90% of the time you order it. It comes down to do they have that? option. Right. Yeah. Like if you're ordering online. The only time I don't ask for extra dressing on the side, because I'm watching my weight, is they don't offer it. Right. That's the only time I will

never get two. It is such a common thing to be like extra dressing on the side. If they, if they, because they're all cheap skiskees. If I said I wanted it on the side and they actually brought it with two times as much on it already, I'd be like, thank you. Like, what is going on with these restaurants? where the amount of dressing they give you for your salad. Drinkflation. That's where, but I'm saying like, it's an entire restaurant. This is where you're going to recover the goods. No, it's insane.

On salad dressing. Yeah, this is where you're going to make your profit margins? Your profit margin. You're gaining. You're already charging me for lettuce. You're gaining sense at a time. The best business in the world is pasta and lettuce. If you sell those two things.

Oh, the pasta people are just swimming. Scrooge McGregor. ducking and gold. Pasta? Oh my gosh. Sochi. It's ridiculous. Well, that answer was quick. Here you go.

Jason from Patreon, would you rather be... Today's episode brought to you by Olive Garden. Yeah. Olive Garden, when you're here, your family. Would you rather get $50 a week with no stipulations at all? That sounds pretty awesome. Or $25 per paper cut you receive

for the rest of your life. Oh, my God. Dude, I'm recovering. From a... I'm recovering. This is a cardboard. You can't see it on the camera. From a cardboard cut?

Wait, no, I think you can see it on the camera. Go to Mike's camera. You could see this. That looks like a splinter. That's a big one. It was, you know what this was? You got sliced and diced. You know what this was?

Was it cardboard? It was cardboard. Oh, I've had it. They're the worst. Cardboard cuts shouldn't be like paper cuts. They're just thick paper cuts. What if your job was to get paper cuts full time? Where would you get the paper cut on your body?

Okay, this is a good guy. Like you have to commit. How much money do you need to live? Let's say you need two. But top. If you need $200. Oh, no. The underneath.

Not the pop-eye area. That's sensitive. That's so sensitive. $200 a day is eight cuts a day. Would you do that? No. So here's the paper? Yeah, paper.

Just paper. Oh, man. What were the? Because cardboard, it ate cardboard cuts. You're going to bleed out. Cardboard. You're done. Cardboard cuts are hard to do.

You better go to the ER. Not, okay, apparently. What was the. Not when you're breaking down. soda boxes, guys. This was... No, I can see that. This was a plane, Jane,

because the recycle bins, like, you better break down your boxes. I'm like, okay. You follow the rules? I'm like, hey, environment, this is for you. Ah, my hand. I'm bleeding everywhere.

Your honor, I present the murder weapon, the Amazon box. Breaking news, the environment doesn't care if you break that box down or not. I don't know, man. You're just following the rule. Your garbage can does.

You gotta break it down so you can fit it. That's true. That's true. The way it does. No, real quick. Eight cuts a day I've got to really rotate. What's the healing time on a cut? A week?

No, two weeks. So you got to rotate two weeks worth of the spots in your body? Yes, it's unacceptable. You just want to paper cuts? My butt cheek. No way. Upper butt cheek. No way.

Upper butt cheek. I can't do it to myself. No way. Wait, wait, wait, read back the question because I just want to make sure that I was right on how I heard this. The two off of paper guts sounds like. $50 a week. For free. For free.

For free. Or 25. per paper cut you receive, accidental or intentional the rest of your life. So I have to get two paper cuts a week to break even on my either or? You've got to go paper cut here. You can't go paper cut here. What? Two paper cuts a week is too much for baby Jason?

One of these things, I get $50 for free. I'm with baby Jason. I do nothing. I have no pain. No way. I just get an extra 50 bucks a week. Papa Josh. Come on, man.

Oh, go talk to Papa Josh. He's getting paper cuts. The old head is going to be just scoured with paper cuts. I know this is going to surprise everybody, but I'm taking the guaranteed 50. No, you're not. I actually believe you. Josh is, because he's going to look like killmonger from Black Panther. This makes no.

He's just going to be cardboard cuts all over his body. I can't get rich anytime I want with some little. No, you can't. A little bit of pain. No. What's rich? How many paper cuts going to get on? Wait, wait, wait, wait, what's rich?

A thousand dollars? Is that rich? Well, how many cuts is a thousand bucks? Uh, thousand bucks a day. No. No. Okay. A thousand dollars will be 40 cuts.

Cut yourself 40 times. Is it better to get a new paper cut or a cut in the old cut? A new one. That's worse? Yeah. So just recut. I will have a part of my body that is going to scar up. I don't know that I've double paper cut.

I've done it before in the worst spot. I've done it. You do that with the biting your cheek? Did you get in the webbing? Yeah, in the webbing? In the webbing? Yeah, the webbing. What do you duck?

What do you call it? I knew what you were talking about. We all know what you're talking about. What do you call it? What's wrong with calling it? The webbing. It sounds like you're an animal. We are an animal.

Like a platypus. Dude, I wish I had webbing. That would rule. Except for the paper cuts. You guys are paper cut voices, respectfully. Yeah, no. I said respectfully. Guilty-ass charged.

A paper cut, it sucks, but I mean, come on. Oh, it's awful. Tell me that you haven't had a paper cut in six months without telling me you haven't had a paper cut six months. And is just a paper cut. just said he has not had a paper cut in six months. If you had a paper cut right the second, just one, just one, which would be $25. You would be like, you, there's no question which side you'd be like. You guys, you guys are both going to be poor and wusses.

Poor wusses. No. $50 a week? $200. I'm going to be rolling in it. Every month. I'll be bleeding everywhere, but I'll be rolling in it. You'll show up like the mummy.

Papa Josh, I'm disappointed in you. I've always considered you to be an exceptionally cheap person willing to take paying for money. I know some of the things you've said you do for money, and this disappoints me. Paper cuts suck. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Thank you, Josh.

A bunch of wusses. No, they're the worst. All right. We'll take a break. Coming back from the break. Oh. I really want to take a moment here and focus on helping the spitwads out there. Spitmallers to the rescue.

Oh, man. I saw a would you rather, and I was ready to tackle it. This is the part of the show where we give life advice. It's a real serious life advice to help you. And Elena writes in with a heavy heart, I'm sure. I haven't read her question yet, but it's probably a very heavy heart. I fart a lot. My girlfriend texts me voice memos instead of normal texts.

Okay, so you're getting the voice memo. You've got to play it. Yeah, that's not a problem. Like three-minute rants about grocery lists or weather. I feel like I'm in a podcast. Am I allowed to say just text me like a normal human? Well, hold on. Yes.

Yes. If you get a voice memo, do you, are you happy or sad? Sad. Isn't there a part of you that's like, man, this is like I got to hear something? Nope. I would consider myself neutral. Okay. I don't get a lot of them.

I got one recently. I was pretty like, cool. This is neat. I feel like every voice text I have ever received. not voice to text No no no no no it's it's it's a voicemail audio recording Is

It's warranted It's good when I hit when I hit play And I listen through the whole thing I'm like oh yeah I would you can't text this Because there's there's inflection There is Like it just things you cannot What's the word like

You convey you convey you can't convey it in a text you have to have a voice. So I've never had a problem with it. In a three-minute rant. It's better if you're driving. I feel like I'm in a podcast, and you're saying that's three minutes long, and we put out podcasts that are about 60 or so minutes on average.

That's what you call an involuntary podcast, though. You choose to listen to us because of our wisdom. This is an involuntary podcast. Mike, have I sent you a five-minute one, are you listening to the whole thing? Um, five minutes? Five minutes. No.

Are you going to pretend like you did? I'm going to get about a minute and a half in and I will feel like I can summarize the whole thing. Yeah, you're going to tell me you heard the whole thing. So a grocery list, that's no good. I need to have that in text format. Also, grocery lists. Okay, guys, when you go to, where are you guys at with grocery lists? I love a grocery list.

Really? Really. It's pretty important. I think a grocery list is the worst possible thing. Why? I know why. Because it constrains me. No, no. I know why he I want to hear your opinion before I even

say it. It's because you are not preparing a meal. Like you aren't going there to prepare a specific... I love a grocery list because I know today I'm making chicken piccada with

I'm making a meal and I go there with a list of ingredients I need for this meal and I'm excited for it. Time out. You're my guy. You're going to the grocery store, a full stop at the grocer for one singular meal. Every other day, at least. Hopefully, if I'm eating healthy. How many times a week do you go to the grocery store? Well, that would be three and a half.

I want to be honest with you, Jason. That sounds like nightmare. Oh, I love it. That's what I love it. Andy. Andy, dude, you're, you're two steps away. Can I? You are so close, my man.

I got to say, I got to come out here. I got to, I've got to say something that. Three and a half trips to the. I have to say something. Where? What's your, what's your store? What's your store? That's what I'm going to say, man.

Are you a, are you a fries guy? Oh my gosh. Are you a Sprout's? Dude, I am only one. I'm only one. Are you bashes. There's only one. There's only one.

There's only one place that's acceptable, and I am in love. If I could. Trader Joe's? If I could invest, I would. And they're not a sponsor. Be a sponsor. Because I'm telling you, there is no one in the world who loves your store more than me. It's going to be a rich man's store.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. So, okay. Take right down your, right down your guesses. It's not fries. Oh my gosh. I love this store. Because fries is for every man. I would go there every day.

I'm a fries man. It's not going to be fries. Andy, are you a fry? It's going to be Frickin AJ's. Andy's. Where are you? It's going to be

AJ's fine foods. Are you fries, bashes? Yeah, sprouts probably. You're a sprouts guy? I'm a fries guy. Dude, there's no chance. I got to know.

We've got to go around the room real quick. Hey, J's fine food. Hold on that. Josh. Where are you think? Grocery stores. Ages makes sense. I just don't know.

No, no, no. Where are you? On grocery store? Yeah. Bro, we haven't gone to the grocery store in like a year. What? It's called. You got a farm out back?

deliver it to your house now. Do you do what? We got it. We have a delivery service man. All right. Falcon, you're a delivery service. DoorDash man.

We rotate grocery stores quite a bit. So. What? The stuff's in different spots. You clipping coupons? No, it just depends what we need. Like produce, you know,

pasta. Oh, right. You're boring. Jason, go ahead and tell us about AJ's. I used to love AJ's, man. I used to love it. Because it's far for you.

This can't be it. No, it's super close. Super close. it's fake good I'm telling you AJ's is fake good I loved it until I started The one that I trust more than anything And I love it I would shop there every day

And what's funny is I hate it as a kid I go to Friday Dude that's where I go I love sprouts Sprouts I love it More than you could imagine He's a Sprout's man I'm a Sprouts man through and through

I can't even tell you where the closest sprouts was Oh I can tell you where all your closest sprouts are because I go between them all, man. Is it the bins? It's nothing to do with the bins. It's a matter of the actual. It's the product. They have trustworthy product.

It's so good. Sprouts. It's unbelievable. I like shopping at a spruits. I love sprouts. I love it. Like Tiff, my wife, I feel like I have to give you $50 just right now because you're like, it's sprouts. Like that's, do they have a cover charge?

They do they do. They charge per bag. If you bag your groceries, it's 10, It's a bag. We don't live in California. They do it. We don't get the California benefits. Their bags are awesome.

Their bags are like, you could step in it and do like a three-legged risk. You can get in their bags. You're buying bags. You're not bringing the recyclables? Nah. I'm not trying to save. For bags. I'm not trying to save the environment here.

I'm just trying to put good stuff in my body. Dude, when I go to California, I'm like, they're like, do, would you like a bag? And I hold my arms up. I'm like, hold on. Hold on. No, I would not. I can carry it all. No, I'm backing that up. I'm like, give me two extra bags. So when you watch Pluribus? I know, dude. When I was watching that, she had a sprouts all to herself? I was, I was like, jealous. I really love a sprout. And when I was a kid, I won't say who it was in my life because they might have my nose.

You want me to say? No. My family doesn't listen to my show. I hated sprouts. It was the like, it was going in there. It was the Hoyty Toiddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it really?

Boring. Oh, Sprout? Healthy. I still judge y'all for that. Like, I go to the cereal island. I'm like, there's no brains here. Where's my cereal? Is it the only place you can go to get like infinite bags of chocolate covered almonds or something?

That's true. I go to fries. Do you know how much pesticides are all over everything I eat? Yes, I do. Proudly. Proudly. You think I walk. Watch that crap? No, it gives me superpowers.

You're allowed to text. You're allowed to tell them to text you like a normal human. By the way, that's the answer to your question. Ollie from the Twitter. There was a question? Yeah. Yeah, that was good. Life advice.

There's a guy at my gym who seems to just live there and always gives unsolicited advice about my form. Okay. I've never asked. Yes. I've never asked not once. What's the best way to shut him down without making my arm day more awkward? I'm just trying to keep the dad bot in check, not computer. from Mr. Olympia.

So there's a dude that comes over and watches you lift incorrectly. Well, he's... Or slightly incorrectly. There's, I mean, there's a question number one. I mean, it... I would take one set of unsolicited advice from somebody. I know exactly what I do. I know exactly...

You guys don't have... Like you don't speak English? I would go to a different gym the next time. I would never be back at that gym ever again in my life. You're Mr. non-confrontation. Yeah, I couldn't handle it. You would switch. You'd subscribe to another gym.

I would, and I'd keep my subscription there because I would feel bad like that Jim didn't do anything wrong. That doesn't know you because you can't cancel gym membership. Oh, that's also true. You have to write a sign, notarized letter, mail it to, no. It feels like you got to come do it in person. On your credit check, it feels like Experian would have all your gym memberships that you, because they're permanent.

Yeah. They are permanent membership. I have 24 gym members. You have 24 from the different periods of your life, non-cancelable. Yeah. I don't know. Student loans. Honestly, government backed.

I feel like this is a question that would be coming. from me because I wouldn't know. I would not know how to deal with. If someone was like telling me hey, you want to keep your elbow straight when you do this, I would be so humiliated, so upset but embarrassed. I would genuinely probably never come back to this gym. What would, what is the advice for this? This is what I'm saying. The question number one, it's very superficial. I admit it. Oh, are they stronger? My guy shows up. My dude is swole, my dude is jacked you're taking the advice I am 100%

taking that advice maybe it's just helpful guy shows up I know the trick looks like me and he's trying to tell me how to lift well let's pretend it's that guy what are you doing okay so it's me and every time you're giving yourself advice mirror version shows up he's moving out

he's a loose in the cage yes he's coming up and he's like no this is how you got to hit chest day I'll be like every time though I this is where every time is stuff because the first simple answer the first time I can handle I'll be like oh thanks thanks my guy thank you thank you and he shows up he's like no you're still doing it wrong every time they come up to you jason the key to this problem you invite them to a a with you oh okay just each time like hey by the way i have a meeting yeah tuesdays and thursdays at 4 p.m i would like for you to invite them every time thank you for this advice it's You thank him. Thank you.

That's great advice. Hey, I... But remember, we were talking about this last week. Yeah, I've got some advice for you, too. Yes. We have an AA meeting. Like, I'm looking at your nose and I know, like, you know, I know. Oh, it's a little red.

Well, he's looking at my... It's a little grumpy. It's a little grumpy. A little bumpy. So I know, like, you know, you're looking at my arms. You can tell I'm not doing this, right? I'm looking at your nose. I'm like, hey, you're not right.

So I got a place for you. Help each other out and you should go to AA. Everybody knows your name. You giant drunken nose, jerk. but what Yeah Is that what I would say? Something like that's what you do.

That's what you do. I feel like that's what you would say in your head. Make it your own. Right. Make it your own. Allison from Patreon, my boyfriend insists that he wants to watch new shows together and ask me to wait for him to watch the newest episode.

Okay. This is a great question already. This is a great question. Because I want to know, I need advice here. But without fail, he falls asleep in the first 10 minutes every single time. His expectation is that I turn the show off and consume the next 10 minutes with him tomorrow night.

until he nods off again. It's a terrible way to consume television shows. It leaves me going to bed frustrated every time. What do I do? You are asking this question to somebody who lives this life. Because you're the one who falls asleep. It's either one. It's been both directions.

We are an equal opportunity, disappointer of the other person in our marriage, all right? Sometimes it's one. I mean, literally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a period of life about five or six years ago we'd watch out in the living room, and I chose, I made a mistake. I thought I was the kind of guy

who could lay sideways and watch a show. With a pint of ice cream. Shut up. I thought I could lay horizontally after the pint of ice cream. You didn't learn that in high school doing the homework. When you're like, you go from sitting, you go to lay down. You're going to lay down with one hand out of year.

You're like, bad. Horizontal is the end. Yes, of course. I learned that. I learned that. I learned that. I learned that. It's the position for sleeping.

That's what it is. Yeah, it's almost like you're. It's really how you sleep. If you're practicing to sleep, you're going to fall asleep. Practice how you play, man. Yeah, exactly. So that was all me. I was like the,

I was the first one to do this. But then we started watching shows in our room. Our kids stay up later. We don't have privacy out in the living room because they're always awake now. They're older. Yeah. So we go to our bedroom. The problem is we don't have like an adjustable bed.

We just have a normal bed, which means you're in the sleep. You're in a place to sleep. You're in a bed. You're in a place you sleep with one pillow. Let me ask you. I tried to get one of those wedges to try. genuine question, pause.

When you're watching in your bed. Yeah. Are you under the covers? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're snuggled up. It's a problem.

Snuggled up tight. Yeah. Is the white noise machine on? Yeah. We always watch with it. I put my sleep mask on and then we turn the show on. I can't stay through it. So I will say this.

Like the way. I'm doing everything I can to stay awake. Let me, let me give you the audible sound of our bedroom. when we're watching a show at night. Here's how it goes. The shows, imagine the show audio's playing, okay? Right. And then I'll say, you still up?

And then there'll be some time that goes by, and she'll go, you awake? And then some time will go by and I'll go, yeah. Are you still there? Yep. So we will check with each other too frequently about, are you still awake? Yeah. You're really enjoying this show. Yeah.

And then one of us will not answer, and that will be the end. I think my advice is every show. you watch. There is no such thing as a 50-50 show. As in one person wants to watch what I mean by that is the interest level of the show is never 50-50. Never. There are the rare massive shows. Like when Game of Thrones was happening, peak.

Never is hyperbolic. Okay. So there is the fringe outliers is like the stranger things. Exactly. Game of Thrones. Okay. Those do exist. As a team, you're working.

waiting and you're looking forward to it. But yeah, you're right. Generally speaking. But for the most part, if you're asking me to watch something or I'm asking you to watch something. Shows are imbalanced. And the TV stays on until the person of power in the percentage of interest in the show is the one who's like, I can't watch anymore. If the person who's at sub 50% is falling asleep, it's fine. Yeah.

Doze off. You can catch up later when I tell you what happened. There's a recap before every show. show. Isn't it weird how we just want other people to have like it brings us more enjoyment to have other people of watch just with us. Yeah, yeah. We like things in a group. Going to a movie by yourself, you don't have anybody to talk about it with.

It's still rules. I'm not saying it. It doesn't. I'm just saying, we're an important show. Like you, ladies and gentlemen, if you want to go to a movie by yourself, go do it. It rules. Life advice question. It rules. Andy from Peoria. You got a friend. he's chosen to watch a show that's very popular as slow as possible okay everybody else in the entire office i put it at half speed everybody else in the entire office has already seen this show

you're saying is it everyone is it everyone it's a pinnacle super top tier show that everybody watches and wants to talk about yes oh my gosh one person one guy just is stuck yeah on like episode three but is like don't tell me what happens you can't talk about it around here what are What do you do in that situation? All I'm asking is, no, spoilers. But here's the thing. If you are in a room that is literally a building apart because our office is made up of two buildings.

If you're in an office two buildings away, and I can hear you cackling and screaming about the spoilers, then I'm going to ask you to keep it down. What's the true statute of limitations? If it's a top-tier show, it's a center of culture. See, but... What's the time from the finale to open combo? Here's the thing is...

How about you, Mike? They did it? No, this is 100. This is exactly about me. This is a Stranger Things problem. Yeah. We've been... I really still want to talk to you about it, Jason.

But we've been banned. And free speech. Free speech is you're protected from the government. I am not the government. Feels like it. The... The problem is how they release the crap, dude. Like, this goes back to the binge watch versus just,

and you know what? I promise you, if this, if, if the final season of Stranger Things was truly a one per week. We'd all be caught up. Then, no, no, no. I would not be caught up. Exactly. And I would go, you know what? That's on me.

But when they're like, here's six episodes. And then you're like, oh, well, hold up, hold up, hold up. And then they're like, here's the second half. All right, hypothetically, I'm just going to make you hypothetical. Because what you just said was like, if it was once a week, whatever, let's say they hypothetically released four episodes. And then more than four weeks later, they release only three episodes. Right. And then more than three weeks later, they release one episode.

Yeah, hypothetical. So it's even slower than what you're asking for. Okay. that does sound like that's on me. Thank you because that's exactly what happened. We still can't talk about it. Yeah, we're all dying. And by the time we can't talk, I'll forget about it.

Oh, my God. Guys, I figured it out. I will go home. Oh, I'll just go home. That's the end of it. Oh, so that we can talk about it. So you're saying, I'm leaving work for today. So that the graciousness out of your heart.

But not to go home and finish the series. No, no, he's got more important things to do. Of course not. Some naps. What a good life advice question. We'll take a break. I'm just going to go home. I can go like.

Honestly, it sounds great. It sounds great to me. We figured it out. That's great. That's your life advice. See you guys later. And obviously we're talking about the movie six cents and we're still waiting for Mike to finish that movie so we can talk about it. I've heard something big happens at the end.

Something big does happen. But we'll give you some time. Let's draft. The Spitballers Draft. Today we are drafting the sequels, movie sequels. movie sequels that are better than the original movie. And I have got the first pick. There's five of them.

There are more than five of them. I'm still mad about the way that Netflix releases stuff. Shows? Look, because you want it in half episodes so you can keep up? No. Dude. Was there ever a problem with Game of Thrones? No.

Correct. Once a week. Hey, look, I'm with you on the once a week. Because they have set up. I don't want more than once a week. They have set it up in a manner of. of I got to get my crap together. I got to get on this.

You should not have to binge. If it is. Correct. You should not be forced to binge. Yes. If it is an other. It's a binge burden. Worldly show.

A true pinnacle nationwide experience. That's the only time I will agree with you guys. Once a week is better. Because you get your stuff together and you're going to watch it. Everyone's talking about it on Monday. Appointment television. I'm in television. If it's just an average show, it's not good enough.

Just put it, put it out there. Let me bench through and get to the next one. First pick in the sequels better than the original draft. Oh, yeah. There's a 101. It's so easy. I honestly think there's a bunch of them. I think there's multiple one-on-ones.

I think I know which one you want, and I'm going to let you have it. Okay, perfect. Is yours three words? Do you count the? Yes, I do. Then, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought.

I won't go with it. I'll let you pick it because, you know, I've kind of been, against your series, even though you're right on this one. Mine is going to be Empire Strikes Back. Yeah. That's the top. Hey, that's not my 101, but that's the top of your pick. I think it's the true 101.

Empire Strikes Back is a much better movie than the first Star Wars. Because, guys, we got to tell the truth right now. Okay. Star Wars, aka Star Wars episode four, AKA Star Wars episode four, a New Home. That's a goofy movie. That is a goofy movie. Okay.

That is a goofy movie. Okay. Go back and watch it, guys. It's not as goofy as Phantom Menace, but all right. No, no, no, no, no. But go back and I am a massive Star Wars guy. It's massive. The original ones are great.

Star Wars? I'm not like a, I'm not a nerd. Of course, none of us are nerds. Episode, episode, episode four, it's the first one. It's goofy. The acting is. The stags? It's a little weird.

The plot. The dialogue. It's a little. Everything's just a little bit. bit goofy when you go back and you watch it. Empire Strikes Back is I still love Star Wars. It's my 101. Yes. I know what

yours is. Can I guess it? I mean, if you guess and you're wrong, then you have given away an answer. I think it's going to be the Dark Knight. Oh, it is. Am I wrong? Oh! That's what I thought it was going to be when there was the three words, which is a great pick. So what do you got is your one of my one? No, a Dark Knight

is on my list. I think it's obviously like. So if it doesn't make it back, I I will be a little bummed. You know how much I hate the first Batman? Yeah. Batman begins. Yeah, Batman. Stop it.

No, it is. This is the super rare where there are, well, technically. Lots of sequels? Technically, there's five now. Okay. There's three. I got you.

The last crusade. It was, it's on the top of my list. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Indiana Jones in the last week. Okay. Hold on. Okay.

So I didn't, I didn't know. I did not know. that sequels to me is the second movie. No, Jason. A sequel is just any? Yeah, you can add to your list. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy.

Is that where you ran into a problem? That's clearly where I ran into a problem. I was literally siphoning those out. I thought a sequel was the second movie. No, no, you can expand. No. Look, the Last Crusade is on the top of my list. And it's honestly, when you watch that movie,

that movie is a fabulous, wonderful picture. And the other two are actually not that good. the they're not that good when you have you see last crusade and you want to say you are you are mostly right you were talking about goofy you are oh that first one is goofy it's it's it's 80s and you know what that it the truth is spilberg movies are goofy I and they're like I love them yeah there's some I love like goonies holy lord this this movie is fantastic you know what the movie's goofy yeah it's goofy yeah goofy. There's like, there are

quirks in Spielberg that have not aged well. So, I mean, I think that's the best way to put it. Because like, at the time, you know, I mean, in the 80s, I'm just a mere baby boy. But if like, for the adults who are, that's your

first taste of this version of cinema. I bet that was fantastic. But movies and film have progressed and Spielberg is like, there's, there, the, the Spielberg movies are dated, for sure. And perhaps it's...

I think it's part of the style. It could be just because, like, he defined an 80s movie looked like this. Yes. Everything moves forward. But so it's like... It's a trope of sorts. Right. I... Because it was so massive that it then becomes something different, but over time.

But Last Crusade is so much better than Ark and Temple. So much better. They're not even comparable. No, I agree. The third movie standalone is what defines the entire franchise. It's crazy

how much better the third and final official Indiana Jones movie is. I actually grew up liking Return of the Jedi more than Empire Strikes Back. Oh, I didn't know. I did too because it was more fun. Because it was Jedi stuff, dude. Star Wars was Jedi. I love it. Jason, you are up. I took Empire Strikes back.

Mike took Indiana Jones and the last crusade. We've given you four to eight minutes here to think about more. This is another answer. This has been amazing. We've redefined what a sequel means to you. There are so many answers to this now. My mind is blown. A sequel is just any, like a sequel.

I feel like a sequel is any movie after the first one. Any. Wow. Okay. I thought it had to be that the second was better than the first. Did you know that to have a third movie, you must have the first? Here's the definition of a sequel, by the way. Okay.

A published broadcast or recorded work. that continues the story or develops the theme of an earlier one. Wow. So you're good. Okay. We didn't say it must be sequential. Yes. Okay.

It's not the best second movie. It's draft part two that is way better than the first one. So go ahead. That's the issue is I could think of movies where the third is better than the first, but I can't think of them any where the second is better than the first. However, there are a few. We already threw out one. Well, I'm going to take that one.

Empire is well. Gosh, darn it. I said that there were five on my list. Dark night. Dark night rules, man. Dark night rules, man. The dark night is awesome. Absolutely my first pick. Incomparable to the first horrible movie. Stop it. First movie. That man begins. Christopher Nolan is awful. The first movie is not awful. It is not as good as the dark night. Correct. Katie Holmes. She's, she's in the movie. Yes, she is. You can't push a. button on your boots and get the back. You can't have one one moment in a movie that ruins an incredible. Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

You ever see the Indiana Jones movie where the aliens came at the end of the movie? Nope. That ruined the entire movie. I never see that movie. Very wise. Where Andy draws the line on Batman is maybe the world's greatest detective and the utility belt wearer has something that could attract an animal. Bro.

And he's like, yeah, but when it shoots the grass. apple hook straight in the air and defies the laws of physics and he puts it on the belt. That's fine. So are you taking dark night? But dark night's done. But the bats do the dark night, the bank scene. I don't know why that movie's great? I can watch them on a loop for infinity.

Acting. Yes, acting. That's what. Not Batman boots. Christian Bail. Not bad boots. Every part of that movie is incredible. It's a great movie.

You're putting Liam Mason in a body bag right now. He wasn't that good in that movie either. I've got a particular set of skills It was a good turn The second one Did you see it coming? Do I need to warm up In the freaking

What is he in a little Bat cave No he's like No Were you talking when he's in the prison? Yeah He's got to learn where to fight This is not about Dark Night

No That's a good pick All right Okay But the first The first one is very good Um We can all agree

The second movie I'm gonna go with a sequel That is the second as well Because that's how I came in With my list I want to be true to my OG list. Okay. Please don't take mine. I don't know that I will. I doubt it.

But this movie is so much better than the first. This movie is so much more famous than the first. And for our generation, for our generation, this was the first in my kid, mine, I believe it was R-rated. This is the first R-rated movie. You're going to take my pick. I think I ever saw. T2. T2.

Terminator 2. Terminator 2. Terminator 2. movie is Terminator. It is Terminator and it's why I'm sad I had the first thing. It's the only movie franchise that I think when you say the name of the franchise, Terminator, you think of only T2. I do that for Indiana Jones as well.

I do as well. But I'm 100% on your side. Terminator 2 is higher on my list because it was like maybe it, maybe it sneaks through. Right. T2 is unbelievable. It is. God, it is. It is a,

it is a film. It is a film. It's not a movie. No, it's a master of. I'm going to watch it. Did you know, tonight to celebrate your pick? That the helicopter,

do you remember the scene where they flew the helicopter? Oh, the music. In the canal underneath the bridge. That's not a helicopter. Are you talking about the semi-truck? No, no, no. No, no.

This is, this is in, this is. You're not talking about the opening sequence? No, I'm not. Okay. They fly a helicopter at one point. No, no scene. No, but they're not in the, they're not in the ravine. It flies under a bridge, under a little bridge.

Does it finder, finder a bridge? Yes, it does. Okay. No, CG, it was real. It was, they lost 11 pilots. They flew the helicopter under that. We got to go. We got to keep practical of.

Mike, Mike, you've got your second pick. All right. It's a great pick, Jay. Thanks. So most of my top picks have gone. And. so we're going to fire it off with this. This one's weird for me.

I do have to set it up a little bit. It's weird for me because I think the first one is honestly one of the best movies of all time. And somehow I don't hold up number two. Just the nostalgia, but it is better. Okay. It is, it is. It's Johnwick, too.

Oh, yeah. I wondered if you go Johnwick. It seems like your style. Because the problem, John Wick won is all the John Wicks. I have a weird relationship of like John Wick 1, I feel like is one in my top three favorite movies of all time. But John Wick 2 is where you, number one, I mean, they just, they really, really kept it going of all the action and everything. But then, but they brought in the crazy world, the lore, the assassins. You have the every like the hotel.

It's coins. It's all of, like, the, you told me your favorite movies were John Wick, I would believe you. I feel like you're the one that's defined. John Wick is in my, it's in my top three. But I think John Wick too is actually a better movie. So I don't know how that works out, but it just does. Because of the world building and the lower building of like, it went from a just an action movie. We're like, holy crap, that was what a ride.

Papa Dash. This is a world. This is unique. What's the newest John Wick like universe movie? Ballerina. You saw that with me? Oh yeah.

What did you do? On a De Armis? Yeah. It's good. I haven't seen it yet. Yeah, it was all right. All right. Mike has Indiana Jones

in the Last Crusade and John Wick too. I have the Empire Strikes back. I've got two lined up here. Look. Aliens. Yeah. Aliens is a much, much better movie than alien. It's much better.

They just added an S? Yeah. Doubled the production value. When you think of aliens, you think of aliens. Yeah. Yeah, it's a better movie. Jimmy C. It's got two movies in this movie.

He does. He does. James. I. Carter? I don't. The peach guy. I don't think that you're going to end up with Titanic 2 being drafted.

Back to the Future 2 is my third pick. Oh, see. I didn't have the stones. Back to the Future 2 is a better movie in the Back to Future 1. Is it? In the same way that Star Wars 1 and Star Wars 2. I have it on my list. It's more complex. There's more jumping of timelines.

It's got a hoverboard. There's more... Which rules. The hoverboard is introduced. It also has more... It has more future in it. You go to the future, but then you still go to the past in that movie. For sure, but the future is a bigger part of that movie and that's more fun. But that's the... That's the joke, man. We've got to get back to the future.

Yeah, but like Back to the Future 3. It's the best of the three by far. Back to the future, it's just more complex with the alternate 1985 timeline. It's difficult because of how good Back to the Future one was. It's a great movie. But this one's better. I think the problem is that the back to the future two chase scene,

which is identical to the number one, except they were like, what if it's the future and he's on a hoverboard? And you're like, that's so much better. That scene is better. Yep. But overall, I think... You also get to go back and he's like in the first movie.

And then you can start getting like weird paradox. Yes, he's in the first movie. Can we all agree that both are better than the third? Oh, yeah. Am it? Amet? We knew her. Amet?

Thank you, Mary Steenbergin, for ruining my life. All right. Mike, you're back on the clock. This poor woman, I mean... Like a good... Like a real actress. She is an acclaimed actor. actor out there, guys.

And then she's got to go off the ravine. She's about to go off the ravine. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Am it? Jules Fern. There's no way Jason's going to take it, but I have to take it here. I'm going to go with, so the first one

was Night of the Living Dead. Okay. Dawn of the Dead. Okay. guys. Much better. Dawn of the Dead. And you know what? You want to count both? Fine. Because the remake also rules. But Don of the Dead, and if you can't remember

which one that, Dawn of the Dead is what's the name of that actor? In the, which one. From Dawn of the Dead? The lead, the gal. Who am I speaking about? Sarah. Polie? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, she's fantastic. Yeah, that's the 0-4 version. But both versions of.

The imagining of... Because I love zombies. I love zombie movies and neither living dead. Like, that's the... If John Wick fought zombies, that would be your greatest movie of all time. That would be... Hollywood. Dear Hollywood.

Dear Hollywood. John Wick fights zombies. You got to do it quick. Yes. We do not have many years left of John Wick. No, he does. He's reaching. He is rapidly slowing down.

He is noticeably slower in John Wick for. How old is he? he's I just search for John Wick instead of Keanu Reeves. How old is John Wick? Yeah. Keanu Reese is he's got to be 60 something. I'm going I'm going low 60s. 61.

Yeah. You know you're you know your Keanu. He's going to do the new, um, the surfing movie. He's going to do that. Wait, point break. I'm just kidding. But so, so the idea of zombies and everything that comes into that is just, it's a really fun thought experiment.

And then you're like, hey, Check this out. You're stuck in a mall. You live in a shopping mall while the apocalypse is going on outside the doors. What does that look like? It is incredible, fascinating. Both versions are amazing. And Dawn of the Dead is so much better than Night of the Living Dead. Which, Night of the Living Dead? Both versions ruled. All right, Jason, you were back up. Dark Knight Terminator 2, two powerhouse picks to start it off. How are you going to ruin your draft? I'm going to ruin it with two more powerhouses that are not, well, I mean, there are sequels, they're not the seconds.

They're the thirds. Oh. I added these while sitting here and thinking about movies I love. I think I'm out of thirds. No, no, I got one. I got two thirds here. The first, I mean, are you telling me Hulk Hogan is in a movie with Rocky Balboa? Rocky 3 was awesome.

Rocky 3? You didn't go two? We're going with Rocky 3. Rocky 3 was, I mean, I knew he could ruin his draft. Did you know that Rocky 2 was, you could have picked it because none of us had done that yet. Yes, I did. Rocky 3, I enjoyed more than any of them. Rocky 3?

That movie was awesome. You didn't see it too, did you? I saw them all. Which one is Drago? That's four. Yeah, I think, I think that's later. That would be my next pick. That would be my next pick.

Rocky 2 was like literally Worst of all of them Did you see what Papa Josh wrote in the show doc for that? No What are you saying? He said Rocky 3 Parentheses WTF question

Dude This Okay so of everybody that's surprised Josh you are the I am the most surprised Because I assume You watched all these a lot as a kid I assume that the three of us

We didn't really remember them well Because it came out so long ago That's fair That's fair. Rocky 3 was awesome. All right, your second pick. Now I'm worried, but look, the heart wants with the heart wants. The heart wants you got to do what you got to do. The heart wants with the heart wants.

Scorpion King 2. I mean, Scorpion King 1? The mummy two. Do you know there's a new mummy coming out? I have no doubt, man. Is that Tom Cruise now? No, it's. No, he's back.

Fraser? Fraser is back, baby. He's back. It's going to do great. I don't know how they're going to do it. It's going to take, all right. I'm not going to go there. Go on.

Look, he's an older gentleman. Yeah. This is a movie franchise. He's back. A movie franchise that has, I don't know, a dozen movies. And you can take any one of them. Oh, I think I know we're going on. What you can't take is the second.

Okay, John Wu ruined the second one. Oh, we're at Mission Impossible. We sure are. Can he ruin the third one? No, he was only number two. He was number two. The third? Which one had the...

Third is the one I'm taking. You think the card had all the doves? No, that was the second. I was thinking of the dove one. The slow motions. You're taking Mission Impossible three. I'm taking Mission Impossible Three with one of, if not the best villain performance of all time. Oh.

Philip Seymour Hoffman was unbelievable. When he's hanging him out of the airplane, he's like, he just was like, this is a bad man. He gave us the meme. Yes. When the Tom Cruise's... to Hoffman would be it with that meme is that is elite. So yeah, I loved that movie.

I think that's the best of the good pick. That one's tough because I think later ones are really good. They are, man. I'm an OG, man. The one. But you can't be the second. No, no, of course.

First one has Emilio Estabez for a second, right? Is he in there somewhere? Yeah. Oh, yes, yes. He's on the team. He's the elevator guy. Yeah, yeah. That's what I remember, dude.

Your memory, Mike. Also, if you have not seen the old... This is a shout out. This is just for my friends. The MTV Movie Awards, Ben Stiller, Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible 2 sketch. That's funny. It is a great sketch. It is a legendary sketch.

He says, Ben Stiller's the stuntman. It's wonderful. If you know it, you know it. It's wonderful. All right, Mike. You have Indiana Jones, John Wick, too. Donna the Dead and one more pick. Oh, my gosh.

All right. We're going to go. no i would so marvel movies get a lot of crap crap crap crap

there's one superhero in particular who i hated i never liked him i never i didn't like him in the comics i didn't want his action figures

and it's it took until his third movie until we really caught our stride with the god of thunder oh Oh, really? Thor Ragnarok is perfection. Is that the funny one? Yes.

Well, no, here's the thing. It's the one that is funny. It's not for, this is not God. I agree with that. What, God of Thunder. Love and Thunder. Love and Thunder. Love and Thunder, they lost control.

Okay. It's like this podcast when you're out, Andy. Okay. When the person in control is like, that's what you guys become love and thunder when the goofballs are in control love and thunder is what you get my goal is to get it to ragged rock levels but when you have someone who's like no i'm going to allow some funny but i'm going to rain it in ragnar rock is a perfect movie and and it was like it's a good movie like that is when i knew is like chris hamsworth is who i need to be i need to be i need to be chris

Me too. Yeah, there's a gap. There's a gap. I need a lamp, though, with a genie in it. I said crap because I thought you were taking this. It's Avengers Ingame. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine.

That's fine. You want to know why? Because I don't like superhero movies. And that movie's great. I actually... There's only a handful of superhero movies that I love. I think Infinity War... And that's the only sequel that I love.

I liked Infinity War the most, but both were absolutely amazing. I actually enjoyed Ingame. That's saying something. Infinity War's an end game. is really like one movie. They are. And the, the hard part,

not, the hard part's not over the right word. The, the unfair advantage. Endgame is a decade buildup. Yeah. Of us going to the movies

every summer, watching a, well, you guys did. Yeah. Oh, you're, you're darn right. Except for the Thor movies.

No, thank you. I was not, I was, I was not into him until Ragnarock. Oh, man, those first Thor, movies are just not good. No, the first Thor movie

is good. It's fine. The second one is not good. The second one is bad. The first Thor movie was very good. It's pretty good. Okay. Costum. Is that Natalie Portman? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But costume designers. Who was like Thor? You know

what we need to do? For Ham's, what if we bleached his eyebrows? Yeah, the What if we, what if we made him just almost opaque? He wasn't Hemsworth, then. he was just some unknown actor and he was Thor and Thor is blonde with blonde. I mean, they were just making him look like the lore.

Yeah, but then he showed up. Yeah, and after he showed up, they're like, here's what I learned today. And he's got like the buzz cut and he's just jacked and he's like the most handsome world and handsome guy in the entire world. We learned that once Hemsworth showed up and performed on Thor 1, they were like, we're not making a Thor movie. We're making a Hemsworth movie.

I learned that Jason has more of an affinity for Hulk Hogan than I originally believe. And sprouts. Mike, what did you learn? Anything? I learned that Jason has... And sprouts. Jason has a stomach that can eat pizza still. You lucky dog.

Yeah. I wish I was you. We'll get a slice right now. Thanks for joining us. We'll be back. Another episode next week. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com.

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