Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Prison Volunteers & Vacation Peeves - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

Spit Hit for Feb 20th, 2025:We kick things off with Owl’s much anticipated scat. Does he hit it out of the park or fall on his face? You be the judge! We also discuss prisons, an idea for a new “sue you” app, and earthquake isle. We shut it down with a draft of vacation peeves. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I'm lying and I'm flying while you're crying and you're dying. Come on. What? No. Why are we dying? I'm lying and I'm flying while you're crying and you're dying come on Why are we dying oh It came and it went it's over too quick. I wanted I wanted a lot more bars Oh, he flew right through that scat was that a scat does a was a rap. It was a slide right through. I mean we we've kind of blended those things together. Yeah. Welcome in. It's a scrap.

I feel like owl went on the Internet and said give me a rhyming dictionary please. And then just put a word in. He's like, that's all I just remember what I'm doing. I remember the flying and the dying. Yeah. So what, what were those words? I'm lying and I'm flying while you're crying and you're lying. Okay. Okay. It's a liar. And I were dying because we'd stink at it. Yeah. Okay. What does it feel like knowing that at this exact moment, this is the furthest you are from your next scat, Al? You have 81 episodes to go. It is very freeing.

83 episodes to go. How sweaty are your armpits? Ah, I mean, our AC's not working real well, so it's compounded, but they're sweaty. That question is applicable at all times, regardless of scats. Welcome in, would you rather, is this? You made it, congratulations.

Yeah, is this real life and a draft today? Looking at pet peeves on a vacation, which there are some. I think as we're all fathers. And so we know the difference between a true vacation and then like a, technically you call it a vacation because you get it off of work but right maybe there's a little more work and so are we a lot just throwing this out there kids are allowed as an answer yeah that's what I was just going to add it

to my list yeah family I want to go on a solo vacay so we'll draft those vacation pet peeves and I guess Jason will have the first pick then, right? Because you are the one that had... Yeah. Thank you for taking my scat out. You're welcome, buddy. And let's kick it off.

Would you rather... Our first would you rather question today comes from Shanae on Patreon. Would you rather go on a reality show like Survivor and win but be hated by the viewers or get booted off but beloved by the viewers? And this is a great, great question because I have, I'm a big Survivor fan. Right. So when you bring up, and there's other shows, right,

like Big Brother and the dating shows and all that stuff. Sure, any, yeah, I think this applies to any and all versions of that show. I think the right answer is the second one. I think it's better to have lost but be beloved and the reason I believe that is because I have seen... But like particularly Survivor. I think this answer actually changes depending on the show. I think that's fair. I think I am thinking of it strictly through a Survivor lens. I think it's

better to have be beloved and lose for two reasons. One, you'll get invited back. If you're loved by the fans You'll get to go play again And if you play you're gonna get some amount of money No one knows what that is, but you get some amount of money for playing but if you win What what's more likely to come back if you if you win or if you're also potentially come back if you win? Now whatever hated however, yeah, and if you're hated yes, if I said there's two parts, okay the second part And if you're headed, yes. If, and I said there's two parts.

The second part in today's day and age is personal brand. If people love you, you will have opportunities forever. Social media, personal brand, going on other shows, selling merchandise, having people like you. I think you'll make more money. I think that you get all of that by being the heel as well. I think in today's day and age, you can take a persona that is hated and negative and you're the bad guy and you can make a brand out of that.

You can have appearances and keep your name hot. But if you're truly hated, won't people not like following you? No, they'll hate follow you. They will? Yeah. I mean, you can have the anti-hero, well, yeah I mean you can you can have the anti here well and anti heroes not hated But yeah, you can be someone who is despised and still get a big social media following there have been very famous villains But I don't know if they're truly hated like if you're actually hated and despised

What was I feel like there's probably on those dating shows? There's been guys that are like who was the I don't remember her name I want to say like Something Lisa it was like early early early early What show are we talking? The survivors no the the celebrity apprentice or whatever. Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, she was like super hated Right, but super popular. Yeah kept coming back and You know everybody knew her name then. I don't remember it now obviously, but I think she's a good example of like you can be the disliked

one and have a total brand. But. And obviously if you win you get a million dollars. That's the big difference. We're burying the lead. Yeah, that's probably fair. Would you rather win all of the money or not? I do think I'm a Rosa Yes, it's an interesting name I Think whatever path gets you to being To having a life outside of one series of a reality show is whatever that is and if you can do that with winning That'd be the better way to go. So the way I read this question is if I win, I, again, sorry, what was the cash prize? It's a million dollars.

So I win a million dollars. Yeah. But on the negative side, I am vilified and hated by Jason, dozens of people? At least a dozen. I would say. Maybe a hundred? Honestly, I think a hundred or hundreds. Not like a thousand.

Right, of course. There's gotta be at least hundreds of people that still watch Survivor. Is gotta be pushing the hundreds, right? Yeah, cause it's on CBS, right? It's real interesting how they can, they can keep giving a million dollars away. Hey.

A lot of places have gone down and they're prizing. It's still a million bucks. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what's going, I don't know what money laundering. Who's paying for that, Jeff Probst? Out of his own pocket? Maybe, maybe Probst is laundering his money

through Survivor. He's just, if we look at his taxes, how much are you losing a year, Jeff Probst? At least a million dollars. It would be pretty funny. I wonder what new viewership on Survivor has gotta be about zero for the last 15 years. They haven't gotten a new fan of that show since 1998.

It's the World of Warcraft of television shows where if you played in the beginning, you're still watching maybe, but no new players. Blake from the website, would you rather have to walk a half mile to get to your car every time you want to use it? That's crazy. Or have to manually change all four tires on the side of a highway once a week without notice. Oh my goodness. This is a great one too. Number one.

Have every time you want to use it, have either of you ever had to do a side of the freeway, highway, tire change? Yes, I have. I didn't do the change. I didn't have to do it. And every time you drive by the people who are doing it, like my heart just freaks out for these people. Because of the threat of people hitting them?

Yeah, and even if everything is completely Safe and kosher if you're over far enough you still have like multi ton Weapons flying by you at going 80 plus miles an hour. So you're hearing Like the whole time there's no way I'm doing a tire to a big rig sound to Look I was so lucky on my one Highway flat tire. Yeah way I'm getting a tire change. Do a big rig sound too. Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr trucks that circle the freeway to help people pulled up right beside me and changed my tire for me and I was gone because they do really they have the police trucks their whole job is to circle the freeway all day long and just

help motorists Wow that's I mean I feel like if I were pulled over with a flat tire and then a cop showed up behind me like now what do you want from me put your hands in the air sir you're not allowed to park? What do you want from me? Put your hands in the air. Sir, you're not allowed to park here. I don't want to be parked here. Is the half mile walk a death sentence in Arizona? In Arizona, I mean, a half mile. If I were to walk a half mile to anything,

a half mile is like, what, like a 10 to 15 minute walk? It's like a 10, 10 minute walk, I think. Like 2 quarter miles added up. Yeah, we're working on gonna the timing though. How fast are you walking half a mile 15 minutes? 10 10 to 15. Yeah. Yeah, I was nodding 10 to 12 pace every time well Jason go crawl the second half I'm gonna he's gonna need more like 20 though I better be walking straight to like my car better be parked at a shower need more like 20. I better be walking straight to like my car better be parked at a shower. Just like that's I mean it has to because if I left my car would he like and went into

a place and does it get transported half a mile away instantly. Yeah if I if I mean every time I want to use your car I go in the building when I come out it has been relocated a half mile away. And how long? Oh, that would stink. So how long does it take you to change four tires? Oh, that's a long time. Oh, so long. Me. Oh, yeah.

A long time. Even an expert with a gun is probably taking them a little while. Really? I feel like an expert with a pneumatic gun. They're just like... No, but it's not just the actual bolts and the nuts and everything.

You have to lift the car. Where do these tires come from? You have to lug them around all day? You get a magic one out of the trunk each time. Oh, each time you close the trunk, open it, and there's the next one. In this question, yes. Yeah, that would have to be the case.

I think I have to take the half mile. I can't take the random chance I have two hours on the side of the road. Yeah. Well, not only that You know being on the side of the road. It is very dangerous. Just like Mike was saying. Yeah, not just dangerous feeling It's actually a super dangerous position to be in I you know I know people that have been hit on the while they're on the side of the road And so if you're doing this every single week your odds of a of a real problem seem too too high you gotta

walk to your car here. Would you become like incredible at it though like you'd be the fastest at changing tires and you probably I would probably get a road kit with flares and like I would definitely move past the having to YouTube how to change a tire every time I have to change my tire I would I'd be able to skip that part if you don't have signal on the side of the road You're doomed if it's the first time I'm gonna I'm just gonna panic and forget how to do it Even though there's really nothing to it. Yeah, you just you're like bolt bolt. Am I doing this, right? You got yourself a jack in your I think so. We'll find out

We'll find out the jack button and out. Where's the jack button? And I'll tell you sometime in the next week as my car explodes. Ever since I mentioned the getting pulled over I've been very paranoid ever since I said it's been so long. I've been looking over my shoulder. Fun fact Al's mom didn't know how fast he was going. Oh yeah. So that was fun. I think she was proud. She was proud he was not over 100.

Did we ever say then? We never said it on camera. I don't think we said the number because she had to ask, but you were in double digits. That's right. Which is impressive. Yeah. Now is that just what you were caught at?

Like you slowed down to double digits or I Let's keep this going moving on moving on okay, so are you good final votes here? Are you going the the mile? I'm gonna walk a half a mile and I'm good for all of our health. No won't you think I'm leaving the house? I mean, I never leave. Yeah, I am ordering everything in fellas. I'm working remote I will be at my house until winter Jason has no car. It's equivalent of you having no vehicle Yes, no, would you would you rather have to I mean, let's change the question Okay would you rather have to change all four tires

on the side of the road once a week at random or not have a car? I would rather not have a car. I'd rather not have a car. I'm gonna have to hitch rides, I can Uber. That's fine. I would absolutely pick no car. So I'll just wait till winter and then I'll walk to my car.

All right, Cassie from Twitter, would you rather never have another vacation again or have to spend two weeks in prison every time you return from a vacation? You mean just going back to work? Am I right? Oh man. Am I right America? Am I right America? All the people in prison right now are like, no, I thought I'd have a job.

Thank you. This is, I just don't know how good of a vacation I can plan to make that worth it. Are there prisoners, other prisoners in prison? There are. Okay. Never have another vacation again. Your honor. Say low the low security like white collar. Oh like one of them like Martha Stewart prisons. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. I've actually want to go to those. You're not going to get hurt.

We'll say that. Yeah it's just bored for two weeks. You want to know the answer to the vacation without the family. It's a white collar prison baby. Wait, I get two vacations. Yes, yes, you get to rest after your vacation Mike. Pull up a book and you can't go anywhere. You just have to lay there and read. Food will be provided.

Yeah, a white collar prison. I am trying to commit tax fraud on every real vacation So that I can follow it up with a two-week vacation What's calling the IRS? I think hello Sarah's you did it you caught me Who is this? No, you know, you got me. Oh My hands are behind my lock me up Now what are just so so that, you know, just for educational purposes, what are the most white collar crimes? Like what are the

ones that are going to get put me in the fancy? Insider trading. Yeah. No, that's the Marston Stewart. Do you think there's anybody else there? Like the whole white collar prison is just SEC violations. There's nothing else. It's just they go around the room. Yeah, what are you in for? insider trading They just say the company name like IBM Who did you inside trade money laundering embezzlement? insider trading Tax evasion bribery if you want to get into some bribery. OK. Fraud is at the

top of the way. Give me the I'll take the insider trading. But man the idea of two vacations sounds pretty good. I will be definitely still going on vacations by the choice of this question. If I can know that there's a white collar prison I will take. I mean that's a month off because I'm doing a two week vacation. your vacations minimum have to be two weeks yeah are though do those prisons are there the times and they're like okay your time's up you're free and then people just like meh I'm good here do you realize how much trading I did I think what you do is right no for you get out the day before you get out right you try to bribe the guard

camera you caught me again I'm the worst criminal I love the part where you called the RS you caught me busted youS. You caught me! Busted! You had a wire on me, didn't you? Sir, we don't know who you are. Who is this? Sir, this is a Wendy's. Alright, Stuart from Patreon, would you rather live a life with no pain, but also no feeling of physical touch? Or live a life with heightened senses, but also heightened sensitivity to pain. It's like Crap, what was that the movie? Oh?

Sorry, I'll look it up. Yeah, just keep thinking about that. I will find it Heightened sensitivity any of us consider themselves High pain tolerance low pain tolerance. I at least when I was younger. I was very high pain tolerance, low pain tolerance? I, at least when I was younger, I was very high pain tolerance. I don't, I consider myself a baby. But I don't think it's actually pain tolerance. I think I'm okay with pain, it's like a mental, I'm a baby at the thought of things. So you're more thrown off by like the fear of the pain that might be coming

than the pain, than enduring the pain 100% So that is a baby actually yeah, no exactly. Yeah, that's a baby. I am a baby Equilibrium was the movie I was looking for the Christian Bale movie where they are in the future You guys haven't seen equilibrium. I've never heard of it. I think I've heard of it, but but that's Put that on the top of your movie list good really yeah This was I think this was like right around the exact same time as The Matrix. And the whole plot is it's the future and everyone takes a little vial of serum that... Takes their pain?

And removes all your emotions away. And then there's a rebellion of people who are like, I want to feel again. I mean... It's Christian Bale, man. It's really good. So you obviously have insight into this question. Yes. Having seen this movie. Uh-huh, yeah, probably the expert for this question.

Right. So, Mike, if we can go to you, how did having no pain and no emotion, how did that affect them? It looked like they didn't really feel much, is where I will start, and yeah, it kind of became the, just pointing out, you know, life is not life if you can't experience both sides of the spectrum.

Which is, it's a really crappy real, like that's one of those realizations. That's 100% true. You just, you get old and you're like, why is the bad stuff happening? Well, cause then there wouldn't be good stuff. If it's only good stuff, there's no good stuff. If every, and look, sorry, if everyone's special, no one's special. If it's only good stuff, there's no good stuff.

And look, sorry. If everyone's special, no one's special. Sorry, everybody. Sorry to drop that bomb. If you eat enough lobster, it tastes like soap. Like if you just keep eating it. It tastes like soap? Yeah, that's the saying.

That's a saying? Because if you eat the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over again, it's no longer. Like it's only good compared to something else. That totally makes sense. But I thought you were dropping another fact on me. I know that's not like a lobster. It turns into soap, cleans her mouth. No, I mean, it doesn't smell like soap. The pain. I feel like I experienced so much more pain when I was younger. Well, you get hurt more often. That's all I mean. Physical pain. I assume that's what we're talking about here, right?

Are you talking about physical pain? Yeah, you'll still have emotions and stuff. This is just your actual physical pain and sensitivity to touch. Now, there are people that don't feel pain at all. And it's a condition. And then they get really hurt because something happens to their body and those pain sense

So do we get at least like an email if we're bleeding or something or like? What a nail in your foot blood should give it away. Um, what about I mean that those people they sometimes it doesn't if you're burning your Hand. Yeah, it's gonna be burning themselves or I get that's part of what you gotta look Yeah, you gotta wear gloves on the dance a pro and a con cuz you burned yourself That's part of what you gotta live with. You gotta wear gloves all the time. That's a pro and a con, because you burned yourself either way. Do you wanna feel it more or just be like,

oh, that's not good for me, but thank goodness I couldn't feel it. I know, maybe this is weird, maybe this is 100% how you think, but I'm only really afraid of the last pain, the pain that like ends life, right? We're all gonna die. Mm-hmm. So someday, I'm not afraid of like pain in between.

Is that weird? I don't really understand what you mean because the pain in between is just called pain. I just mean like the pain that doesn't kill you. Because all that pain will either like make you stronger. It's right there, had to do it. every car around America was singing along with me they were But you know when when you have the opportunity you got to take

I think you have to have more pain and more pleasure. Yeah, I mean, you know It Mike's right. You You don't have good without bad. Uh, you don't know what is nice without knowing what is mean. And, and so I I'll take, I'll take heightened sense of awareness to my physical touch. Okay. I'm going to go that way too. We got time for another one now or should we move on? Let's move on.

Is this real life? Alright, I'll kick it off. This one's just, it's perfect because I don't know, maybe this guy, maybe it's a white-collar situation here. But California man gets prison for nearly nine million dollars of phony cow manure to green energy investment scheme So this okay this fine gentleman Ray Brewer 66 years old He was sentenced to six years and nine months in federal prison. Don't know what kind but he basically like scammed a lot of people he was he was BSing he was literally BSing in the fact that he was basically gonna build these anaerobic digesters as he called them at dairies to take manure turn it into methane sell the, and then promised all of his investors big, big profits.

It can't be something that he never thought could happen. You know what I mean? It's not like he was convincing. Yeah, I mean, because eventually you know you're gonna have to pay the piper. Like if I were to do that, if I were to say, you know what, I've got this great idea, I think I can convince farmers

that I can build this exact tool,, I've got this great idea. I think I can convince farmers that I can build this exact tool and I can sell it to them. But me, Jason, I know I can't build that. Knowing that I can't build it, I already know that there will come a day where- The reckoning? Yeah, the reckoning will come. But you feel like if you get the money and you get enough time, you may be able to get this thing made.

I think this guy thought that. I think this guy believed in himself and then along the way was like, I can't do this. His plan, the way he paid back some people was he took more money from others. So he'd get more investments and then pay back the beginning people. That's called a Ponzi scheme.

Yeah, a little bit. And then he legitimately fled at the end of it all. Yeah, you have no choice. First he sent updates to all these investors throughout the process, pictures of machines that he said was his machine being built. Were these just like stock photos? They probably had like the Getty images in the corner. Image search that picture.

But he literally like he left, he bought, he used all the money to buy himself land, a custom home. Okay. It said multiple Dodge Rams. I think this guy did not said multiple Dodge Rams. I think this guy did not. He did not believe he could do it because he wasn't even trying. And then he moved. He assumed a new identity and moved out of state. Okay. He never thought he could do this. Just a total BS. I gave this guy a lot of credit for nothing. I do like the

fact that this way, the scheme that was planned was a, uh, planned was a poop scheme. Yeah, that's fun. Not good, so. All right, well, speaking of animals, a little bit, because that's where the poop comes from. I will go next, and I'm going to read my headline that reads, the sea otter harassing surfers off the California coast eludes capture as her

fan club grows. I like where this is going already. It's awesome. I've heard a little bit about this one. This one, have you heard about this? No, I'm new to this. This is great because this is actually like, this is current, this is happening recently. Wait, it's live and ongoing? This is an ongoing issue to the best of my knowledge that I've seen. Yeah. I mean this this article is from five days ago. This is they are still trying to capture Otter 841. That's the name. They couldn't even name it. I feel like that's a little really that sucks. She's popular right. Yeah. Like I feel like we should name name. I 841. What's a good

otter name though? Well but what do otters do? Let's have a little bit of context here. I'll tell you what she does. She steals surfboards from surfers. She wrestles them away from them aggressively. How strong is this otter? She's real strong. There's video. And she will flip the surfboard over. She will bite the surfboard, tear chunks out of the surfboard. She's a very aggressive otter. And yet she has a fan club. She has a fan club because if you watch the video, it's pretty cool because you're seeing an otter on a surfboard and that's not like that otter. That's not that otter surfboard. She didn't buy that surfboard. She took, she said, I want that. That's my toy otter surfboard. She didn't buy that surfboard. She took she said I want that That's my toy and she's gonna take it. Maybe she tried to buy one. It was denied because she's an otter

Yeah, that's not fair to her The the but they they're trying to sell at large They're trying to capture her for weeks and they can't capture her because they can't net her or tranquilize her Because she could drown and so they have to basically her because she could drown. And so they have to basically get their hands on her. And so what they've been doing is of course, I mean, you know what the bait is. You put a surfboard out there. Yeah. They've been baiting her with surfboards and it's been working. She gets up on that surfboard and then they try to tow her in. Yeah. And then she gets, she this. She's like I know what you guys are

doing just jumps back in they can't catch her because she's that's her native land. She's much faster more nimble than us humans. So we can do all sorts of stuff but we can't catch an otter. We can't catch an otter. Not in the ocean. Oh slippery fingers. Yeah I could catch an otter in a room. I'm reading a female southern sea otter can grow up to 50 pounds. Even a northern sea can weigh up to 70 pounds. I had no idea an otter was that big. If I'm being honest, for a decent amount of this segment, I've been trying to remember what an otter is. You should Google it. Yeah? Yeah, I think you and they're and

not a walrus. OK. OK. These are slippery little. They are very very like have you seen like the super cute the otters are friendly where there's they're like they're floating on their back and they got the baby on their tummy. I got her. She needs it. Oh otters are otters are delightful. They're all the rage right now and I could tell you from from that video She's nearer to that 50 pound limit. Okay. Oh, she yeah, she's a big girl. She's been eating surfboard Surfboards a calorie count very dense. Yeah, that is dense But yeah, honestly, it frightens me that an otter can eat through a surfboard I was shocked when it when it said biting chunks out of the surfboard

I'm like can they attack us can I oh, yeah, could I bite a chunk out of a surfboard. I was shocked when it said biting chunks out of the surfboard. I'm like, can they attack us? Can I? Oh, yeah. Could I bite a chunk out of a surfboard? No, I don't think so. But your mouth was not designed for that. Neither was hers. I am seeing a picture of her bite a surfboard. Delightful. I hope they never catch this. I hope they never catch her. Many people hope they never catch her. But there are signs posted everywhere. Wait, signs that like stay out of the water? Signs that say, there's an otter in the water. That say, warning, aggressive otter in these waters. It should say, warning,

totally gnarly and bodacious surf and sea otter. Wow. Um, risk. What do you got for us? So I love this article. Otter841. When I heard about this, I'll call it a scheme, but this is a positive one. And it was incredible that this person has figured out this system. So here is the headline. Texas man wins $100,000 suing robocallers and shares how you can.

All right. So essentially what this this guy was I mean as Robo calls or just this it's the scum of the earth these it's the worst these phones these people want robots calling you trying to trick you trick you, they're the ones who are scamming people and clearly it works, unfortunately. So this guy said he was on a trip and at home was his wife and his new baby. And he was getting these scammy calls from fake hospitals and things that are freaking him out about his kid. and so I think that's when he just decided I have

to do something about this and he was saying he says so he starts by he puts his number on the the national do not call registry which I've done that it has not worthless it hasn't doing well that's what I thought it's worthless when it comes to stopping the calls. But now that you're on the list, now you just start going to this. Are you unlocking something? Yeah. So he keeps the conversations going, basically gets more information about it.

So he can actually track down the company. Then he reaches back out to that company and says, do not call me anymore. And then if they call him again, now they have, this is an infraction and he documents all these things. So he takes these just scam artists, two small claims, and settlements range from 500 to thousands of dollars, depending on how many times they've called you. This is like his full-time job.

His full-time job is. He can't wait to get a scammer call. He's like, he's sitting around going, I need work. Go ahead, call me, just waiting for that spam call. So is this like, he accumulates this with lots and lots and lots of different lawsuits and just gets little payments from each one? Yes. And what are we entitled to here? The each claims, he said it's about 500 bucks to a couple thousand. Okay. All right. Can be up to a couple of thousands. See, we need an app on the phone where you can just instantly it's like, Sue this person on any call. Yeah. And then you click it and

then you soon. It's like, wait, we need more people that are able and willing to take this upon themselves. Cause I mean, if you've got enough people doing this, the calls will have to stop. That is the hardest part about all this, the calls will have to stop. That is the hardest part about all of the junk mail you get in the mail and then the spam calls is that, like for me, I have to care so much and put in so much time, effort, and money to stop you from messaging just me.

It's like everybody bets, the spammers bet on just no one caring. Like eventually you're just like, eh, whatever. And they win that bet so much that when people sue, it's still fine, they're still gonna keep calling. Yeah, but he has said, he's like the money is nice, but he is doing this hoping, and he has a, I mean of course he sells a way to do it,

a kit on how to perfectly take care of these illegal callers, but he's hoping it won't stop it. Very important question. Is he trying to sell these kits by phone? Anonymously? I hope not. With a number that looks shockingly like your own? Oh no, I hope not.

All right, well that was Is This Real Life? Three real life stories that we found very interesting. Let's move on. The Spitballers Draft. If I'm lying, then you're dying, and I'm flying, and you're crying. All right, we are drafting vacation pet peeves. We've all decided we'd love a little bit

of white collar prison vacation, but on a normal vacation there are always things that, well, they're not so fun. Most of them you just tolerate, right? They're just things you tolerate, but if you could take this list of 12 probably and fix them all, vacations would get much better. Yes, they would and and. Oh when I'm looking at when I'm looking at my list

because I've got the first pick here, I don't think there is a clear 101 like a universal 101 for that that stretches across everybody. I have a 101. I have the worst part of every vacation without a doubt and so I'll be drafting it. But I think that a lot of people don't even mind this part. For some people, it's easy. It's not a big deal. For us, it is the worst of the worst of the worst part. This is it. This is it. And it's packing. Oh, Andy had worst part. This is it. This is it.

And it's packing. Oh, Andy had it right. Andy had it, he wrote it down. It's not on my list, but that's a great one. I mean, packing for some people is like a 10 to 30 minute ordeal getting ready for a trip. Yeah, that's me. Oh, baby, two weeks, two weeks. The luggage is out at least

a week early. We're putting some stuff over here. We're packing way too much. We're overthinking everything. Oh my goodness, the laundry that has to get done. The whole packing is what you need a vacation from for us. I will say that in Jason's take taking many vacations over the last you know 10 years of doing this podcast I think almost every single time nearing his vacation he will say the phrase to me yeah we were up until like 2 a.m. last night packing. Yeah. Like he will tell me days before I was like oh did you get a good night's sleep? Yeah, not really. I mean we're up until. How have you not gotten better at this? I don't know, man. Every time. Every time.

Could he be doing something wrong? I think so. Let me... there is... I wager, yes, 100% they are doing something wrong. He's putting all the clothes on the outside of the container? There has not been a single vacation in the last eight years

where we have not said, I think this is the one. I think we're gonna. Oh, that you'll get it figured out? Yep. I think we're gonna be. I like that optimism. This is gonna be smooth.

Like no, we're gonna be prepared. This is the one. And even sometimes a week before, three or four days before, we think we are prepped and ready. If you wanna make some. I can tell you right now that if we leave in the morning, then we go to bed at four. If we leave in the morning, then we go to bed at four.

If we leave in the day, then we are screaming, tearing our hair out right up until about 30 minutes after we should have left. If you wanna make some quick money in Phoenix, Arizona, become a professional packer and Jason will hire you. I will. All right, I'm up. That is correct.

All right, I'm gonna go with one that a lot of people can relate to I think the implications of it are the most significant in terms of aggravation frustration being totally potentially displaced and Sadly, my own mother is dealing with it right this moment. Oh in time and that would be Mama skids that would be- Mama Skids? Mama Skids. That would be flight delays.

Yes, flight delay is my number one. Are brutal. It is a, you're trapped. At a best case scenario, you're trapped at the airport for a while. Worst case, you get canceled, you miss connecting flights, all of that stuff. You have no control. Like a lot of these things that we're gonna talk about today, you have canceled, you miss connecting flights, all of that stuff, you have no control.

Like a lot of these things that we're gonna talk about today, you have some level of control, the packing. It may suck, but you're responsible for this. I wish. And so, but the flight delay is like, I can't go and make the plane safer, the pilots take off or make them arrive on time. So flight delays, I think are the,

everybody knows the feeling when they get on the flight that they're supposed to be on, and they actually are them arrive on time. So flight delays, I think, are the, everybody knows the feeling when they get on the flight that they're supposed to be on, and they actually are taking off on time, and you're like, oh yeah. Yes. Whew, I did it. Breathe easy. Now all I have to do is not crash.

Yeah, the worst part of the delayed flight is it's stealing from your vacation. Yeah. Like this is precious time, I don't know if I've mentioned it or not but I had a trip years and years ago. I was going with my dad and my wife. We were going down to Australia and we went to the airport. Everyone's all ready to fly down which is a super long flight and our co-captain something happened and they broke their arm. Whoa. And they could clearly no longer fly the plane

and they couldn't get someone to do it. So they had to send everybody to a hotel, come back. I lost an entire day of a international trip. And how mad were you? It felt really bad. I mean, I feel bad for this guy who broke his arm, but you're like, we've planned this for a year. You know, it's really expensive.

And you're like, you've just lost an entire day because of something you have nothing, no control over it. It is not really so it's not good packing flight delays. Mike, you have two picks. All right. This one is near and dear to my heart as of right now, because I just got back from a weekend trip with some of my buddies and it is Bad Uber Drivers. Oh no.

Oh my goodness. That's a new contender over the last 15 years but it is a strong one. We had one particular ride where it was. Fear free life. There were at least three moments of sheer terror sheer terror including one on a freeway where the driver didn't listen to the thing that said get into the right lane we stayed in the left lane and then as the exit was approaching you heard the uber driver

cursing start slowing down on the freeway Always a good idea multi-lane Shred change get close to it like we're up We're now going maybe 30 miles an hour on the freeway and we still miss it You still miss we still miss it So now we've had 10 minutes on because we have to go into the city loop and come back then on the way out at 10 minutes on because we have to go into the city, loop, and come back. Then on the way out, there's a whole bunch of stop signs in a row. One of those stop signs was just simply not...

It's just there for show? Was not viewed as necessary. Oh no. So there was like a little brake check in the middle of the intersection. We had to make up time, Mike. Well, no. I'm saying they kind of paused because they realized they had ran the stop sign. There was one other one I cannot remember, and it was just like, what is happening? I guess this is just a 10-mile drive up the road, and there's three times that we could

have gotten in a really bad wreck. My wife and I, when we were traveling, had a 45-minute Uber driver with BO that they'll write stories about. I mean this. Like Seinfeld-y. I mean it was like, and it was this choice of like, it was so humid and hot out that if you roll the window down you get humid and hot. Right.

But if you leave it up you get air conditioned BO. Wow. It was a tough call. What'd you choose? That's a good would you rather. We chose to Wow. It was a tough call. What did you choose? That's a good would you rather. We chose to be humid and hot. Oh yeah. It must have smelled really bad.

I've also been in Uber driver vehicles where they're like, it's like boiling hot and then you're like, can you turn the air on? Oh yeah. Was it with you Mike? Yes it was. Me and Mike was in this and I'm like. It was hot. I've heard this story and I remember the time it was extremely hot.

Can you turn the air on? And I believe he said, no, I'm saving money. Yeah. It's just not, not okay. And it was the insanity of, okay, so the gas money you just saved, you lost more than that in your tip because your tip is going to... Your tip is zero now. If you tell the passenger, I'm sorry, I cannot turn on my air conditioner. Bro, your tip is not gonna be good. Yeah. So, all right, bad Uber drivers, Mike. Your first pick. You've got another pick. So, I will go with one that, look, it's just, it's part of it.

It really is annoying, though, but I'll go with jet lag. If you have ever done a, well, I mean, an international. You're an international man over here. No, no, it's not just international, but I'll say if you've ever done a coast to coast in the United States of like you're going, you know, from the East Coast to the West Coast. So you gain all that time, except your body is like, it's 9 p.m. and the sun, but the sun is still shining bright.

You haven't had dinner yet, and yet you are exhausted and you're fighting this urge to go to sleep. It's just, it really, it's just an annoying part of travel that everyone experiences it All right, you have to fight through and just power on but it would be great if there was a way to never Never have jet lag and just get that it's like because you lose time you do you lose time with your vacation? It feels like it's multiple days to fix. You can also Alright, you went with jet lag

back to me My last pick was the flight delays and I'm gonna I'm gonna combo this this is not I don't think it's it's certainly not everybody but it might be most people to some small degree some people to an extreme degree and unfortunately if you have it if you deal with it you got to deal with it and that would be fear of flying yep Yep, trip anxiety is on my list. Yeah, some people, you're willing to fly, but you don't like to fly.

And so you've gotta jump through all the hoops just to make it slightly tolerable to take off and all the anxiety that can come with, golly, I just saw some bad turbulence on an Instagram reel the other day. Oh, yeah. And everyone in the plane thought they were dying for about 10 seconds.

Is it the Spirit Airline one? Yeah. Yep. I just saw it. Yeah, and it didn't look like a good time. No, it looked like a pretty good drop, and everyone, ah! Full screams, and then you can hear a couple people go, it's okay, it's okay.

We're okay, we're okay, it's okay. Oh man, I gotta go watch this video. So, but yeah, the trip the trip the flying fear of flying is it's not just fear of flying and for my my brothers and sisters out There with the anxiety of I just I get overall trip anxiety, and I don't even know what's happening I'll just have two days before the trip, and I'm just like inside just My my brains all all the other anticipation. I'm like what I don't brains all messed up. All the anticipation. And I'm like, what? I don't even know what's going on.

I'm not thinking about the trip, but my body is. And my body is telling me it's time to panic. It's so obnoxious. All right, well, Jason, back to you. Two picks for Mr. Moore. He's already, he just finished packing. You're probably happy. I am not yet done.

But I'm in process. Okay Okay, so I've got I've got two picks here and they're both kind of related I think this goes back to needing to go to prison for a vacation. Just escape You know some parts of vacation. So I'm going to start with this one. Kids complaining. Oh yes. Oh yes. It's dude when you're at Disneyland, you're there. They got a churro in their hand. You're at Disneyland. As we wait in line for a super fun ride and they're complaining. When's it gonna get and it's like you play a game on your phone. Yeah. And I get it. I do get it. I do understand it. I remember doing it. Absolutely. I mean it's human nature but it just is one of those things

that's like do you know what I spent on this trip? Yeah. Never enough. Never. Yeah, kids complaining is the worst. So that's a good pet peeve on a vacation that you spend a lot on. Sure. Oh, it's not fun enough for you! Try this. But let's say they're not there. Let's say they're at home. Oh. You know what else is a big pet peeve? What's that? Souvenir shopping. I hate it. I hate the obligation. I hate the finding it. I can never find something good enough. And I'm not like in a city.

I think sometimes my family thinks when I go to a city, I'm at the mall. I'm just like, I'm just having a good time. I'm just here to shop. No, I'm just like, I'm just having a good time. Just I'm just here to shop. No, I'm nowhere where I can get you something good. You want to know where I'm going to get your your gift from the airport? Yeah. You want to know what my options are? It's very limited. It's no globes, no globes, no globes. That snow globe was great. The snow globe is the biggest pro tip out there. If you have a kid who's like kind of into the collecting or

sentimental about anything that's the I do with the two of you have to get because the first thing that you're asked when you get home is what'd you get me yeah I go okay well I've gotten over that I don't like to hear that I just accept it but this no like if you have a kid who collects just anytime you go somewhere new you just get him a snow globe And is it's easy cuz all the airports got him I did the same thing with my daughter and so like she's easy and now one of these other fart faces It's like I don't know. I mean I just I just get candy cuz I Bring home candy. They're fine. Or two candy too. Like was this made here. Yeah, perfect

It can't be Starburst. It can't be a Kit Kat. But it's got to be like you know if I'm in San Francisco it's got to be Saltwater Taffy or something. That's a good one. I didn't have that on the list but it's a great one. The souvenir anxiety it's a real thing too because maybe you find two kids worth of good gifts. Oh yeah. And you can find the third one and then you're like oh they're gonna be downgrade the other two kids gifts. Oh and also yeah when you buy three small absolutely unimportant throw away garbage gifts for these humans when they receive them that will be 250 dollars because airport airport shopping is absurd. Like, how much is this little stuffed animal? $55. Yeah, fair.

And you look and they go, where else are you going to go? Yeah. That's what they just say. That's the name of the shop. Is it? Yeah. Where else are you going to go? You don't need to buy that.

Go ahead. We're all you have. Go home without it. I dare you. We're all you have up sale. You're like, you can go to that shop? We're all owned by the same people. Right. We have the same stuff and it costs the same. Oh, they're making so much money. Um, all right. I have flight delays and fear of flying. One

more pick here. I'm going to take this one. I think it could last till the fourth round, but um, it's, it's the most, as you get older traveling pet peeve you could ever have. Oh, I know. Different beds and pillows, my friends. Oh, okay. Nothing like a good chiropractic emergency for my vacation. The bed, let's just put it this way. More often than not, if you have a vacation in which you do get a good bed, it's an actual story.

You're like, you know what? Yeah. The bed was actually pretty good. That is super true. Like if you find yourself with a great pillow selection, I tell people about it. Yeah. Like, yeah, I was like, oh man, these pillows. It was great. Yeah. I slept. I actually slept because I've been on the other side of it where you go and you're like, oh,

you get the paper thin pillow. What are we doing with those? There's nothing in there. It's just a sheet or you get the pillows that are like really big and thick, and you put your head on it. Cumulonimbus. Yes, you put your head on it and it disappears. My head is flat on the bed. The edges are like folding up to suffocate you. Your head is flat on the bed because it goes straight

through the pillow. But the pillow looks big. What are they doing? Filling it with air with holes all around? So unfortunately, that's a true one. I wish you could bring your own bed. Yeah, and pillows. Yeah, alright. We are back to Mike, your final two picks. So this is a tough one to narrow it down, but I will go, again, recency bias, it is the airplane seat shakers.

So, they're. Oh man, that's a narrow one. Well, I mean, it's like, this can be everything of like, you have a kid who's behind you, they're always kicking your chair, and for whatever reason, their caretaker is not stopping them from kicking your chair. But like, when the people behind you have to get out of their row and some,

I don't know what's happening here. I don't know what obstacle course they are dealing with, but these people grab my chair cause I'm usually and then it's like a full 9.0 earthquake is happening as I'm just getting rattled around cause they can't figure out how to get out of an aisle. I never thought of the aisle being the earthquake zone. I have watched people use the chair in front of them. Oh, I do it. I'm guilty. Are you kidding me? I'm gonna fall if I don't. There are the chairs in front of you. There are now that I know there are

like there are places to push yourself up from your seat. No, I can get up from my seat. I have to walk across two people. But I'm just talking about, let's say you're sitting on the aisle and you're just going to stand up. Oh no, you better not use that chair. I watch people who grab two hands on the chair in front of them and they just lift it, they lift themselves up like it's an arm workout. And they're just, I can't imagine being that person in front. I was like, whoa, what happened? I can't, cause that's me in the chair getting shook.

I am a window guy, so I've never experienced this. So you get shook all around. All the time. All the time. I was going to ask you the question, and I'll go to both of you real quick. How many kicks in the back of your seat until you're actually upset?

Upset, three. Say something, 40. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, I get it. I get it. I'm not gonna know because I know it's a kid. What about the glance? What is your glance line? So I'll do a couple half glances. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Like do they? Sit up, turn my

head where they can go oh you know I just want them to notice. I want them to notice that I notice. Yes. And then hopefully they go, oh shoot, I think he was responding to my kick. I don't want to look back. I don't want to make eyes. But I want them to know, once you kicked my chair, the guy in front of me did a thing. You know? You changed what he was doing. All right, Mike, one more pick for you.

That's a funny one. All right. And then the final one. This was the second thing I thought of, so I'm gonna keep with it. I think it might be niche for me. This is like if you don't have an Uber driver, right? You rent a car. But you know that at the end of the process, you have to fill up the gas tank. But timing up when you actually fill the gas tank, so you're not gonna drop it off and and they're gonna they're gonna mark me down I don't know how full a gas thing has to be before I'm gonna get some kind of penalty

So it's the drive back you like is that the gas station no we're too far But then you start getting too close like I need a gas station desperately, so this is this is a ridiculous Amount of anxiety funny because I now know you've gone through this. Oh yes, many times. The last time I rented a car they had a big sign up for the first time I'd never seen it and it said if you pay for a full tank right now we'll charge you this much per gallon. That's awesome. What? And I paid it then. Yeah. So I could bring it back at any level. Freedom! Now there's a little anxiety there too because I was trying to bring it back as low as possible.

Because I didn't want to pay. You will never get this to a gas station. I paid for a full tank. And I was like, you know. So you know how much it's going to cost. Yeah, because if you bring it back without prepay, they'll charge you like a huge fee. They're like $8 a gallon or whatever.

So they introduced a middle option, which is basically like, we'll charge you basically what the going rate is but you have to buy a full tank right now. And so I did it, which was great. I would do it every time. Yeah. I would do it. But then I did, I almost needed gas and I was like, no, no way. And if I do, I'm only putting a gallon in.

So. Put in exactly what I need. But it's the worst balancing act. And I know it probably doesn't matter. They just want it mostly full. But I still feel like if I drive the car in and the needle is on like the second notch, like, oh, I'm getting a huge bill.

That's hilarious that that was in your head. All right, my final pick. I have flight delays, fear of flying, and not being in your head. All right, my final pick, I have flight delays, fear of flying and not being in your own bed and pillows. I'm gonna go with a little bit of a different answer here. But I think it works. What is one of the pet peeves? Being disappointed.

Oh, what if what you thought you were going to do didn't live up to the money spent, the trip, the drive, the flight, whatever it is, being disappointed is a possibility. Sure. The brochure looked better. Yeah, that's right. Or your team lost.

You should have disappointment insurance that you could buy. Ooh. I just don't know how they'd vet that. They would go bankrupt immediately How is everyone disappointed with everything? So that's my final one Jason you have packing kids complaining souvenir shopping and one final I got a lot of ways I can go here But I'm gonna I'm gonna stick with packing not again kind of kind of unpacking

packing not again kind of unpacking that is another one but I want to stick with not just things I don't like on a vacation but pet peeves things that I think are insanely stupid just drive me crazy absolute nonsense it's the 50 pound suitcase shuffle. Yeah. Okay. The 50 pound suitcase shuffle that you have to do when you check your bags. Packing would be a lot easier. Every bag has 50 pounds. You go 51 pounds, that's like $100,000. But here's the thing. We're going to garnish your wages, sir, for this mistake.

I'm also checking in this bag over here too. That bag's at 35 pounds. Yes, yes. That bag's at 35 pounds. They're gonna make me. Take it physically out. Take it out of this suitcase. Both going in the same plane.

And move it to that suitcase, or they'll charge me crazy rates. They're gonna slow me down. They're gonna slow the line down behind me. And I get it, you gotta weigh the luggage. You should be combined weight for a family. Absolutely, It should be. How many bags are you checking? You have 250 pounds because that's all that matters. They've got to protect the workers though. You can't have a hundred pound bag that someone just is that what it's for? I

would think. Oh, okay. Okay. Cause you can't make them carrots. Then it's like, imagine being someone who's throwing the bags in all of a sudden you get to a hundred pound bag. You don't realize. No that's fine. That's fine. But what needs to happen. There's got to be some grace. There's no grace. You go there are fifty one pounds. They'll stare at you like you are a monster. And I get out of my airport serious. There is just so so much anxiety when I'm sitting there going up and I'm putting it, you know, I weigh them at home. I was going to say we do the way. Oh, I weigh it at home and it's, I mean, that has been a real lifesaver. Doesn't stop the anxiety because I'm pushing the limit. You are pushing. I'm at 49.9 brother. If they

give you grace, you got pushed out. I'm at 49.9. I go there. I'm like, please please That's a good one. That's a great one. Some other ones I almost mentioned this one was probably more true before our phones were in our pockets But you talk about anxiety on a trip being lost It's a new place and getting lost in a new place was on my on my list I had I had visions that we actually have to pay for baggage now. Yeah. Where kids these days, it wasn't always that way.

And then when some of them started sneaking it in, you're like, well, I'm not going to use that airline. And you thought it would go away, but it did not. And I'm surprised that this one didn't get drafted by you two is bad toilet paper. Oh, yeah. Well, that's because we bring I We do pack. Yeah, you have you have since fixed the issue we have so one of the ones on my list is Bad water pressure. Oh nice. Yeah, and I've thought about like should I bring a shower head? Just I know this one's not limiting me like yeah, I can't stand vacation shower pressure. The whole world, I mean, I get it, but I don't like it.

No, that makes sense. I get it. I just don't care. Yes. Yes. Yes, you see me. Weather roulette was on the list. Yeah.

Because the weather, you don't know. Yep. Bad weather, obligatory post-travel illness. Yeah, you get sick on the airplane. That's fears of forgetting something. Lost luggage. Yeah, just like it's usually medicine for us. Yeah, you get sick on the airplane. That's fears of forgetting something. Lost luggage. Yeah, just like it's usually medicine for us. Oh yeah. Did you bring it? Did you bring it? Yeah, I know I brought it. I know it's in there. Is it in there? I had to call the doctor to prescribe something for a different state before two times and

then go find the Walgreens in another place. All right That is it. Al did we forget anything any pet peeves that you have on the top of your mind? Crowds like oh, yeah Disney or the beach any crowded places. Yeah, that's again prison. That's I mean, it's where we want to be What did we learn today I learned that you the prison can be a vacation it's a short enough stint mine mine was easy I learned that otters are way bigger than I thought they were I was gonna say I learned that otters can bite through things I didn't think they could bite through but otter three four eight or 41 two four six keep on rocking keep on rocking otter eight four one that is it for today's show thank you for listening tell Tell your friends.

We'd appreciate it. I'll be back later. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballers pod.com.