Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Public Fart Policy & The Best Game Show Hosts - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 23, 2025

Spit Hit for Oct 23rd, 2025:Welcome in! On this episode we discuss Jason’s sock & shoe issues, peeing in a public restroom stall, and some physical fitness challenges for cash. We also do a draft of our favorite game show hosts. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Welcome to the show, Booty, booby-booty-ding, bap-a-ding-dang. I really lost it. I lost it right, right away. You thought you had an idea.

I had the beginning. You thought you had an idea. And then I think what happened. Welcome to the show. And then you went booty, booty, booty. Pause. Booty, booty just threw you off. You're like, that's too much booty.

There's too much booty. I can't think of anything else. Oh, boy. Welcome to the show, everybody. Booty, booty. Rocking everywhere. Well, this is the. Bitballers podcast. Annie Mike and Jason

with you. Booty, booty. Yeah, Brooks. Might be time to go back to Bidigi. Yeah, it's been a minute. What did you close? Do you didn't close with Bidigi? I think it was a bing bong. A Bidding dang? We'll have to check the tape on that one.

I think it was a Bidding dang. Okay. I like it. Would you rather? That's a great question. And we are drafting the best game show hosts of all time on today's episode of the show. Thank you for supporting the podcast, leaving us reviews over on Apple podcasts following the show, Spotify, on Apple or wherever you're listening. Thank you so much. You're wonderful, wonderful people. Most of you. Most, mostly. Let's

get it going. Yeah, you know, some of you. Yeah. Would you rather? Would you rather question from Robin on Patreon. says, would you rather be able to snap your fingers and change outfits into whatever outfit you want with unlimited usage? That sounds pretty cool. Or snap your fingers and change and remove tattoos into whatever you want once a week. Oh, that's, this is super easy for me. Because if I snap my fingers change outfits, this black shirt might have a collar on.

This black shirt might not have a collar on. This black shirt might have a slight color. You might have two colors. I mean, my wardrobe is pretty much the same thing every day. So, and I don't want it to change. It's like, oh, no, with this superpower, you could just snap your fingers into anything. I don't look good in anything else. It's black and black only.

But you could, like, go into suits, bathing suits. How do you know what you look good in? well i have seen myself there's this device called a mirror but you're probably i mean you're probably wrong though you you probably look good in other stuff you just don't believe you do beauty is in the eye of the beholder yes and i think and i'm the holder and i think i like black black i like the slimming qualities um i like the uh slimming I like the breast reduction effects of a black t-shirt. You know, things like that.

You know, just normal things. You see, for me, I would so quickly and easily take the wardrobe change one. Because, you know, the convenience of being able to snap your fingers. It's pretty gossom. Gossom. I heard Gossom, too, man. I just let him off the hook. And I don't even know what other word I was going to say.

Jossum. I think you were talking about Ryan Gossel. it just made me think of the old street sharks yeah jaw some dude um but no i mean i also think about this like uh in relation to being able to put warm weather clothing on i just hate having to put on all the stuff if you go out in the snow or you're out where it's cold to snap your fingers right it's just all on jason uh this is it's going to include your shoes your shoes and your socks Oh, all right. No bending over.

Yeah. No holding my breath. I thought you meant for different types. Hold on. Hold on. Wait. Wait, you don't have. You're telling me you don't have to hold your breath when you put your socks on, Mike.

You hold your breath and you put your shoes on? Oh, my God. Just my socks, really. It's not so much of a holding of the breath as it is. Welcome to the party. Not being able to breathe. Right. Right.

Yeah. It's a forced hold of the breath. Okay. Wait, what the heck is going on? Wait, wait, you can't put your legs up? Yeah, that is correct. Well, not if they want to live. Right, well, I mean, I can't.

Hold on, hold on, to pivot. Now pull your, reach your hand for your foot. Oh, my God. All right. I'm sorry. I feel like I think I was making this up? I don't know. My shame?

It just seems so easy to me. Oh, doesn't. Mike? I had to stop and ask. Okay. I wasn't sure if there was a bit happening. When he said it includes your shoes, I just thought he meant that as a fashion thing. Like, you get sweet kicks every time you snap your fingers.

When we go and we're playing pickleball, haven't you seen his industrial-sized old man, a shoehorn? Oh, dude. This thing, it's like a three-foot shoehorn. I got it at home. I got it at this pickleball palace. I don't put my shoes on without that shoehorn. In fact, you are blessing me right now because I am, after we record this show, I am leaving. on an airplane for a little vacay.

And I did not currently pack my three-foot shoehorn. Do you have a suitcase that can fit? Does that thing come back in the metal detector? Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It is full metal. This is no cheap plastic IKEA one. Wait, so it does. Sir what?

What could you need this three-foot shoehorn? You're just 5'10. You don't need a three-foot shoehorn. No, I can't bring this carry-on. This is a straight-up weapon. This has to be in checked luggage. Also, it could only fit in the large. just of bags.

But thank you because I do think my bag will fit it and I will try to bring it. How far away are you from getting the sock thing? The what? I know what he's saying. I know what he's saying. The sock thing means there's a sock device. The thing that stretches itself open and you stick your foot in? It's for

old people. It's for people who are unable to use their body. And I will say this, Mike. I've looked. Now, the current, we got to, we know what to get Jason for his birthday, we got to put us. Yes and no. Yes and no. The current technological advancements in having your socks put on for you are inadequate and ugly.

And they just look. They're a bridge too far for me right now. Aren't there people that do no socks and slip-ons? Yeah. But then they have stinky feet and stinky shoes. Sometimes. I think if you wear shoes without socks, you have sticky fee. If you think you don't, then everyone around you thinks you do.

The sock aid, easy on and off stocking slider by Vive. Easy sock assist. It's for elderly assist, mobility support, and injury recovery. Yeah, like, I'm super injured. My pride. I've been recovering for years. See, I have. Or pregnant.

I already have a better device. Wait, you've been... You have a better sock device? Are you inventing something? No, well, no. I mean, I created... It's your children, isn't it? It is absolutely my children.

Oh, no. It's absolutely my children. You make your children put your socks on? I let. I let the... Oh, absolutely. Jersey knows. I'll just, I'll jump on the couch, throw socks in her face and she puts them on for me like I'm a little baby doll.

Yeah, but that's... Can you go ahead? Hit the panic alarm. Okay, but that is not a let? I know. Obviously, that is... Like, I'm a lit. baby doll this show has gone sideways oh man okay so you're doing which one i'm taking tattoos won't be so cool

rock dim sleeves yeah do you kick your feet around like a baby when they'll fight him yeah i mean i use a bottle and i get a little baba all right mike which one do you want do you Would you value, genuinely, since you're the tattooed man? Right. And I've often had those romanticized moments from like, oh, it'll be cool to have tattoos. Right. But it's never really, it's never really sunk in for me. Like, I don't have anything against them.

I would totally get, I feel like my personality doesn't match tattoos. And then I think if I got a tattoo, like I've never had something I want so badly that I want a tattoo. Yeah, that's fair. And I was like, if you could, would you like to rotate your tattoos? Yes. That would be cool? Yeah, that would be amazing.

Is that because you have some you wish you didn't have anymore? You have ones where you're like, yeah, I'm just kind of over this. Okay. But the process. Like your Creed tattoo? Yes, that one especially, the I heart, Scott Stapp. It did not age well. Although we're coming back.

You took me higher? Yes. Yeah, we're coming back because they're having a little moment here on social media. It seems like it, yeah. But it's just, I mean, they're expensive and they hurt so, so much. To get them on. Oh, yes. Yeah, I guess I haven't really.

Oh, man. Man, it hurts. Man. And there's, I know there's tough people out there. Is there a spot? It doesn't, oh, yeah. That doesn't hurt, though? There's, like, you're like, if you were to go get a tattoo pain free, it would go right.

There are spots that hurt less. There are no, it cannot be pain free because it is a needle. It is a, well, it is one to many needles going in and out of the top layer of your skin like thousands of times of second. I just saw an electron. microscope and it showed your skin so close when a needle's going in. Really? And it's just a gaping hole. Oh, awful. It's disgusting.

I thought this was going to be exciting and I thought I wanted to see it and I no longer want to. Have you guys, do you guys we're football fans here? You guys know about Dak Prescott's tattoo? His leg tattoo? I don't. He has this. Yeah, he got put under. Yeah, he has he got put under for like eight hours to get this crazy. He's got like a photographic leg. Is this what the super wealthy do?

Apparently, you have doctors put you under so you're like, it didn't hurt me. It honestly shocks me that the team would let him do it. To get put under it doesn't come without risks. Yeah, I guess that's fair. You know what I mean? That's like anesthesia is a risk. So it's like eight hour anesthesia is a big risk. Maybe not a big risk, but a risk.

I mean, I'm doubt. Jack Prescott, I don't think I'm telling them. Well, I think they noticed when. Well, yeah, but afterwards you just say, it's too late. All right, so I'm doing the outfits. You guys are tattoos? Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm going tattoos.

Both are great. Ben, from the website, would you rather have all of your food be packed with flavor, but always have the consistency of oatmeal, or all of your food be textured appropriately for the food, but be extremely bland and flavorless? Wow. So I'm eating mush, but it tastes like steak of potatoes or something? Whatever you want. Like it can have a rich flavor, you know, it's like basically you open your pantry

and you have a cajillion instant oatmeal of every flavor that you want. You can just pick out whichever one you want. But you're always eating oatmeal. Or you can have whatever texture you would like and it's bland and flavorless. And this is super easy answer. I mean, it should be the flavor. Of course it's a flavor. The funny thing is.

is that, like, I like oatmeal raisin cookies or oatmeal cookies. I'll put oats into smoothies and stuff like that. If you make me a peanut butter oatmeal smoothie, I'm cool with that cold. I legitimately don't eat oatmeal because of the texture. Yeah, there are. Like, I actually dislike the mushy, hot mush. Everybody does. Really? I thought people eat oatmeal.

It doesn't bother me. Well, I'm just saying, like, it's not, I don't eat oatmeal for the mush. Like, that's not like, man, I could go for some mush. right now. I think, oh, I want brown sugar. But, I mean, it's like, there is a different, like that mush versus, like,

mac and cheese is mushy, but it's delicious. You can, but you don't even think about it. You at least get to chew it a little bit, though. Oh, it's because it's pre-chewed. Pre-chewed mac and cheese is not as good. Pre-chewed mac and cheese is oatmeal.

Yeah. But bland food is in flavorless. I mean, that's the point. Think about, we already kind of have this, right? Like, you don't want mush, so you want, like, a real nice texture, maybe a little crispness, maybe a little crunch. Think about broccoli. Think about cauliflower.

The texture is great. If those were delicious. Oh, like they were, like, chips. Yeah, if they tasted like potato chips, broccoli would be the number one thing on the planet. It'd be like, oh, my gosh, this is so great. Oh, man, the farce we'd have. It doesn't taste good. Calfour people don't like it because it doesn't taste good.

So would you rather have cauliflower or oatmeal? I like oatmeal. I'll take oatmeal. oatmeal. Yeah. Yeah, I want it to taste good. All right. Peaceful Samurai from the website says, which are these difficult 30-second challenges? Would you rather attempt for $100,000? Would you rather do 30 pull-ups in under 30 seconds? Jay's, you're knocking that out? I can't do a pull-up. I've tried recently. And he's talking about his socks. Right. The children have to do the sock pull-ups, as we call them.

can't do that one either. I can do pull-ups, and I could do 30 of them, but I would need a lot more than 30 seconds. You could do 30 pull-ups? Oh, over a long period of time. I'm saying, I'm not... 12 years. No, I mean, like, 30 minutes, I can do 30 pull-ups. Easily.

I bet if you just want a minute, okay? But this is no chance. That's what I'm saying. Like, I could probably do two in 30 seconds. Yeah, if I had one year to do 30 pull-ups, I couldn't do it. Do 35 sit-ups in under 30 seconds. That's much more doable. I'm guessing that's just a speed thing. What is?

Because it's like, we, like, everybody could do 35 sit-ups. You can make yourself, you can get to 35 sit-ups, but it's- Less than one per, or one, more than one per second. Yeah. 50 push-ups in under 30 seconds. What are we talking about? That's not doable. No, that's too many.

What was, uh, can't do 30 and, what did we have? No, no, we just, Papa Josh just did a challenge in the office where he did 50. Was it three minutes? No, no, no, he did. It was a two-parter because it was a huge amount of push-ups in a certain amount of time, but then it was like 50 and 30 seconds. I don't, do you guys remember what that was, Al?

I'll look that up. Okay. You'll look it up. Do we have a record? In our Slack channel, I'm sure it's there. But I want to say it was 50 in a minute. Was it a minute? I don't think I can get there.

I don't think I can do that one. Run 200 meters in under 30 seconds. I have no frame of reference for that. If I run really fast for 30 seconds straight will I get there? That's the question. Because I can run for 30 seconds. Yeah, he did 50 and under 60 seconds. Okay, which he was able to do.

This is 30 seconds. Yeah, that's not possible. I think that one in the pull-ups are out. Yeah, those are impossible. The sit-ups, I think is. We could never, we could never know the distance one. Running 200 meters and under 30 seconds, that's impossible to gauge. So I think I have to take the sit-ups

200 meters is about 219 yards Thank you Mike Now I know That's the one I'm doing Let me so I mean So that's two football fields Wait what

Two football fields in 30 seconds Well I was trying to think of a 40 yard dash A 40 yard dash We ran it in like 6 6 to 7 40 yards is 120 meters They ain't no two football fields to do 200 meters Is it? I'm pretty sure

A standard track, I believe, is 400 meters, right? Oh, the whole track? So you've got to go a half. I'm looking at a calculator. A Google calculator right now. A meter equal 200 meter equals 218.7 yards. 30 seconds? Yeah, standard track is 400 meters.

Hold up. A meter is not a yard? No, have you never seen that? So like a yard stick, if you flip it around. Wait, they're basically the same. Three, three feet. I thought a meter and a yard is our synonyms. I thought those meant, wait, they're not?

I thought those meant three feet. Oh, because a meter is 3.28 feet. And a yard is three feet, right? Boom. I know what I learned today. Goodness, great. The yard is three feet. Oh, that better be.

Yeah. So 3.28. I thought they were the same two. Thank you. They're very close. Very close. So 200 meters is 656 feet. Which is 218.

So it's two football fields. I can't do two football fields in 30 seconds. I don't think. I think you could. Really? I don't think you make it. A 40-yard dash for us is about what, six seconds? Six to seven, yeah.

So I'm not saying we can keep that off. But that's at a sprint. Can you sprint? How many meters did you say it was? Oh, 200. 200 meters. Or how many yards? 218.

218 divided by 40. That's 5.45 times a six second. Nope, can't do it. Oh. There's not, even if I ran six seconds for the whole time, a six-second, 40-yard dash the entire time, fast as I could, 32 seconds. So that's out. I'm doing the sit-ups. We're at the sit-ups, boys.

Yeah, and that's, we're probably not getting that done. We're broke. Someone needs to hold my feet. Yo, for the sit-ups? Oh, for sure. Yeah. Okay. You can't do the sit-ups.

That's not cheating, right? That's not cheating. Not at all. Or if they can't, then I'll shut the door and I'll put my toes right under the door frame. It seems so much easier when people do that. Well, because it stops you from sliding all around. It feels like it's body momentum. Yeah.

Hold my feet. And I will still feel. We'll try. But that's the one, for sure. It's the only one that's plausible? Yeah. 50 push-ups in under 30 seconds is impossible. Andy just did the math on the 200 meters.

It's impossible. Doing a pull-up is impossible. So, yeah. Sit-ups. Okay, hold on. We do have, we have an update here. So Papa Josh did the 50 push-ups in 34 seconds. Ooh.

He did them fast. Yeah. Wow. I'm, if he did those in 34, like if I. You're going to take that shot? I. could maybe do it. I think he did it exceptionally fast.

I'm going to go with probably not, but. I haven't done that. I haven't tried to do sit-ups fast since about sixth grade. Since you were in the, you had to do the fitness. Yeah, remember those things? The presidential challenge or whatever. I weighed so little in sixth grade when we were doing that. I could have done pull-ups for my whole life.

I could have done it non-stop. Now. You could literally flap your feet and do a pull-up. Oh, yeah. I mean, it was like. But during those tests, could you touch your toes? Oh, no. That was the one that.

Oh, baby. I crushed those tests and I could not possibly get close to my toes. I cheated so bad. I mean, I crushed that test. Oh, yeah. Because you're like under the, the teacher looks away and it's like them knees are up. Boom. I was there.

That's what my. I wore those boots with the spike dips. that go up? I remember like I could vividly remember it on my elementary school playground when I went and I think I hit the you know

the pass mark but I thought I had ripped my hamstrings like how was this how was this good fitness test to get to this mark I'm going to injure myself there's a at one point in life it was like if you couldn't touch your toes

you weren't going to be a functioning adult someday that's how they treated it. All right. moving on. That's a great question. Out of curiosity, Al, which of those four would you select? I think I'm going to try to run. You're going to try to run?

I think so. After I just spelled out? I don't know. I didn't follow your math, but I will say I googled it, and it said the average time was 28 seconds, so I'm going to take that chance. For 200 meters? Yeah.

Probably in a track and field, like the average 200 meter dash. general population. But you, really? 40-yard desk. We were six seconds. Were we? Yeah. I was not six.

I was slower. Yeah, we were around six. We might have been a little slower than that. Hmm. All right. Well, I thought you might go push-ups, but, you know. I guess he's real fast. Mike from Patreon, when using a public restroom to pee and all the urinals are taken so you have

to use a stall, do you shut the door behind you? It's a great question. It is actually a really good. It is such a good. I think about this all the time. Yeah. There is a right answer and a wrong answer. And I'm so happy to talk about this.

Okay. Well, I will jump in first. There's a right and wrong. Oh, yeah. My mind is blown that. Anybody would leave it open? Yeah. Well, how is the, what are the benefits of leaving it open?

Casual. It's casual. That right there is why there's a right answer. Because obviously you shut the door. Oh, thank goodness. Obviously you shut the door. Thank goodness. Oh, and Andy and Owler on no.

Yeah, because we know. When we walk in there, one, you shut the door, they don't know what you're doing in there, they might think you're pooping, and they don't know. Does it matter? Well, you'd like to let them know it's going to be quick. Am I right now? Absolutely. Okay, okay.

You don't shut the door when you walk up to a urinal. Thank you. Because there's no door. But, I mean, I've got more protection without a back door. If there were a door at a urinal, I would close the door. You know what else I don't do? I don't walk right up next to someone using the urinal on accident because I didn't know they were in there. You're worried about someone coming in from behind.

I've been that person. I've gone and walked and you don't, I'm not, yes, you can look under a urinal and see if their legs are there, but I call me crazy. I don't do it. That's invasive. So I walk into a bathroom. It's a good point. And I've got to use, I need to go poop.

You want to let me know that you'll be done soon? Dude, just get done soon. I don't need to walk in and see you. That's the problem. You must, men, you must shut the door. I'm on Team Close the door. Thank you, Mike. I just, why don't you close the door?

I'm just, same reason. Just hit it out. Quick and easy. Just crazy. I'm basically at a urinal. Exactly. All right. Another question.

I do that. I don't close the door when I pee at the sink. But if it had a door, I'd close it. Okay. So, Al, you're at home. Yeah. Do you close the door? If I'm standing up and peeing?

Yeah. No. No. Wait, when you go into the bathroom at home in my master bedroom? Nah. No, I'm no. No, I'm not, no, just any bathroom. No, no, no one's hard.

Tom, I'm not closing that door. I'm not, no, I'm saying your family's home. That's fine. Yeah, that's all right. I'm not, you don't need to close the door. I'm not dropping a trow. If they walk by, they see my back of my clothes body. This is a public restroom.

Let's say you have, you're having a party. Okay, and it's all men there. Now that's closing. No, no, no. It's all men. Just like at a public restroom that would be all men that could come in. That's weird. Yes, it's weird.

You would never leave that bathroom door open. Never. Never. I might. But Jason, he wants everyone to know. It's going to be real quick. I might. You would not.

You would. No, you would not. If there were no mirrors. No. In the bathroom at home? Just with angles. And it's, it's, it's, I, all you got to do is, you open the door and you go, but you got to keep your back to the door, even if it's sideways. Oh, yeah, I would do that.

You're doing like a three-quarter angle turn? I've actually done that. I've done the angle turn. Instead of just shutting the door that is made for privacy. Yeah, that's, okay. I try to touch as little as possible in public rest. So I walk in, I pee, I walk out. That is the only advantage, the only advantage at all to not shutting the doors.

He doesn't even pull his pants down. He just walks in peace. He's out. He jumps. He jumps three times and they just fall down a little. Oh, well, here's another urinal follow-up question because that's what we need. Spencer from the website. Is it acceptable?

I'm laughing because I've heard so many people do. this. Oh man. The strangers and no. All right, here's the question. Is it acceptable to to fart? To fart while standing at a urinal. I sure hope so. Because I've ripped some biggins. With strangers?

Sometimes. So you think it's preposterous for me to stand there and pee in a urinal with the door open. Yes. But it's not preposterous for you to rip a fart standing next to a stranger. You can't. You can't rip one if there's a direct neighbor. If there's a direct neighbor urinal.

If someone is standing right next me, I'm not ripping butt. But I will definitely fart at the urinal. Of course it's, if no one's in the restroom, of course you can fart it. You can fart anywhere. Where else can I fart if not in the bathroom? Okay, but so what is the amount of people where all this now it's... If there's somebody in a stall with a closed door and I'm at a urinal, do you let it go? Yep, absolutely.

Because they don't know. They don't know who it is? They can't attach it. Yeah, but then when I hear it flush right after, I'm like, oh, three! No, I gambled and lost. They're going to see my face. Yeah, you don't want to attach a face to a fart. Yeah, I mean, it's really one of those.

You can't have people at the urinal with you. If they're leaving the urinal, they're going to wash your hands. I might let it go. Okay. So there's three urinals. You're on the edges. Okay. You really got a fart.

There's an empty one in the middle of you. Is it okay? Could you pull it off while you flush? You're flushing and coffee? It's really just a matter of, do I know this person? If I know this person... You don't. This is a stranger. Okay, then no, I won't.

Okay. Because there are, there are fellows out there that the minute they... I've been in the bathroom. The second a guy walks in, it's just... Rump, and you're like, ooh, come on, dude. Dudes be letting loose. I've been that man. Now, here's the question.

If you're in the stall If you're in the stall and you close the door behind you Would the fart policy change if the door is closed? Yeah, because it could be a poop fart Yeah, you can fart no problem If you can't fart in a closed door stall Then you're not a lot of fart. Now, if you fart in a closed door stall,

do you wait for everybody that was in there to leave before you leave? No, I'm proud of my farts. Clearly. Got any more brain busters for us? No, but this is, I mean, people don't talk about this but people do it we talk about the tough stuff on the show that's why I was trying to get very specific

with what are the rules I yeah because I usually I hold back owl having had this discussion and hearing the other side going back to the previous question

will you commit to not being a monster and shutting the door behind you when you pee in a stall there's no no you're disgusting you pig okay farter fart because you fart

Guilty as charge All right, Corey from Patreon If you add a piece of fish to a hamburger bun Is it a fish sandwich or a fish burger? Oh yeah, this is I know the answer to this I don't know if you guys want to weigh in I mean like a fish

If it's a fish filet That's just sitting there That is a fish sandwich Yeah 100% If it is some sort of amalgamation Like you took fish And you made it into a patty that's a fish sandwich

It could be a fish burger No it doesn't Yeah you can do that Salmon burger Yeah A salmon burger is a salmon It's not a salmon sandwich Do they

Salmon salmon sandwich? Do they grind up The fish? Yeah they do If it is ground fish Then it is a fish burger Okay so ground meat is what makes it Yes

A burger It's not ground It doesn't have to be ground beef It's got to be Turk you ever had a turkey burger? Boom That was a big moment I'm learning a lot today.

That's a big moment. He just, he just changed his life. He went totally silent. But you could hear the brain just piecing things together. Yeah. No. A turkey burger, huh? That's what that means.

That's right. The shape is incorrect, though, Andy. Thanks to stupid Wendy's. Oh. It's. Wendy's didn't break the shape of a burger. Yeah, they did. They're non-traditional.

But my point is a burger doesn't have to be a round patty. No, but a round patty can be a burger. Yeah, so it's got to be ground. If it's a filet, if it's a chicken breast, it's a chicken sandwich. Correct. Have you ever heard of ground up chicken and the patties? Yeah, you can get ground. I've done a grown chicken patty.

They call them chicken patty. Chicken. Chicky paddy on chicken called chicken nuggets? Well, if you never had a chicken patty sandwich? Yeah. Or no. I used to have them in school. a patty sandwiches. I love them.

I don't know why it's a patty. Dude, if you just called like a ground beef, oh, it is a ground beef patty. Yeah. So patty's a word that's just not, we need to get that back out there. It's already been paddyed down. It's a patty. And then it becomes a burger. What turns it into a burger?

The patty. What makes it a wagon? The patty. Kim from Patreon. Is a personal, oh, yeah, we're back. Is a personal home toilet that is cleaned every six months, more or less gross than a public toilet. that is clean daily. Less, less, more.

Six months, huh? More. More. No, it's less gross. I think, I think it's... Wait, you think it's... I think the... One dumpsky, and this thing is...

This thing needs a cleaning. You're talking about a home toilet? Yeah. You clean after every dumpsy? No, I'm just saying, no, no. I definitely do not. But I'm saying, like, in terms of, is it gross? The problem...

I mean, just a day's use. But it's yours. I feel like I can trust. But it's my poop. I mean, truly, like, that's a clean public toilet. It's not a clean toilet. It's a public toilet. The problem is that I trust the people inside of my home to put the majority of their

ones and twos into the same location. And so the dirt. Just the majority. Every now. I'm just saying, like, whereas a public restroom, I feel like there is more of a, maybe a little bit. You know how renters don't treat their house the right way? Yeah, no, that's a perfect example. If you go into a public restroom, I mean, you're disgusting.

You miss? Are you cleaning? No. You miss at home? You cleaning? Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, you get some pee on the seat.

How bad did I miss? You get some pee on the seat. I'm talking about the floor. Oh, I'm not cleaning. I mean, come on, I got limits. When's the last one? I haven't been on the floor since sixth grade. No, no, no.

I'm not talking about like, I'm just saying like some splash or something. Look, things happen. How heavy is your stream to splash out of a toilet? I promise it has happened to you and you didn't realize it. Mike's trying to go through his underwear. It's going everywhere. A very strong stream. Yeah, I just think I'd rather be at my, I want it to be my family's deal.

DNA. Exactly right. I can totally agree that it feels, but that is just, that is an emotional response to something that should be a scientific thing. If I could catch the bathroom at a public restroom first thing in the morning, every day, then that's fine. Because it's been bleached. I mean, that stuff, the chemicals going into those.

When you walk into a public bathroom and your eyes are burning, you're like, oh, yeah. This, yeah. I like this. They care about health in here. It's nice, clean. My eyes are bleeding. Yeah, you're just getting poison. All right, should we draft?

Let's go. The Spitballers Draft. Well, I believe this was a Mike idea from a little while back. I don't remember. But the best game show host, we all have our favorite game shows over the years. I love game shows so much. Growing up, huge fan. Watched them all the time.

couldn't believe the amount of commercials. I mean, just unbelievable amounts of commercials. There's cash prizes. They've got to make that's money. I had the first pick. Yep. And this was really tough for me. Because there's a power two. I think there's a power too.

Yeah. And I... We were at lunch, Andy, just discussing the topic. I wasn't there, you're saying? Yeah, you had already headed out. And us and the rest of the guys were talking about, well, we're drafting. And I'm like, no, there's a power two. And then Schneider's like, yeah, there's definitely...

There's a power. There's a power two. Everybody, except for Jason, who doesn't have a top two pick, coincidentally, say, my 101 is not one of the power two. So I'm thrilled with the third pick. So get, let's get it going. So I went back and forth on which one to take with number one. There's a power two. No wrong answer. I went with true to, true to my heart, true to what I watch more of, true to what I look forward to more of. I went with Bob Barker. Oh, I thought for sure you were going with the other power couple. I thought about it. But Bob Barker, to me, I watched a lot more prices, right? Yes. I respect the run of all of these guys.

That microphone? But Bob Barker, yeah, I mean. I mean, we're going to talk about a lot of game show hosts. That guy's got like a signature accessory. It was awesome. Perfect voice, perfect show. Yes. Perfect childhood.

Every time I was sick, I was thrilled. Because I can watch Price is right. Yes. Bob Barker, he would have been the second overall pick if you did not take him. So I'll take the other power game show host. I will take Mr. Alex Trebek of Jeopardy. Alex Trebek, I mean, just stoic. See, I don't know.

Very funny. Yeah, I don't know how much of this stuff he knew, but because he was the host of Jeopardy, I just was a child. I'm like, this is the smartest man alive. and he could roast people like just with pure wit just absolutely dismantle these people and they may not even have known that they were getting destroyed did you see the one where the three jeopardy contestants it was a full category of football oh those are the best and it was you know 200 and 500 and a thousand all five yes dead silence they didn't know any of

the answers and he was just okay sports four It was very funny. He gave him the business. Look, those two are 1A, 1B. Yes, they are. I just run with my heart. Now, let's go. Who's the 101 here?

I'm going with my heart. I'm not going popularity contest. I'm at three. You guys have the power couple. I'm not winning the poll. I'm going with who I love. I have no idea what name is coming. None.

Steve Harvey, baby. Oh, really? Oh, man. I can't tell you how much I love. his version of family feud. I could watch social media clips of him laughing at people's stupid answers over and over. He is the one host to me that makes the difference. Like Jeopardy is very, very, very, you know, Alex Trebek, the tie is button up.

So maybe you could say he makes it. But like, Bob Barker, great, respect it, love the show, great game show. I think the other guy's doing just fine. But there's been so many different family feud hosts. Yeah, there has. And Steve Harvey makes that show so much better. I love Steve Harvey. I don't mind it.

Yeah, it's a good pick. He's on my list too. All right. Now it's a tear drop. Now that the love of Steve Harvey is gone and the respect of Bob Barker and Alex Trebek are out of the way. There is a whole other tier. And I said that I'm going to stick to who I. I actually really like.

And so while I think there is someone, I know who Mike's going to get next because I know he loves this game show, he's probably the next most popular and well-known host, I'm going to skip over to that man. And I'm going to take Regis Philbin. Oh.

Because who wants to be a millionaire? Dude. That was, that peaked in our era. When that show was on, it was hot. It was like people would. Yes.

You know, go to school and be like, Did you see? It was a point in television. That was so popular for a small window of time. Yeah. I mean, it was very, you know, it's not a, it's not a Price is Right or a Jeopardy level or a Family Feud level show. No, it's a great pick.

I would have loved to have had Regis. But man, did I love him, you know? So I'll just say, final answer. He was a great host. Because Millionaire has had several other hosts as well, but. Nothing like Regis. Oh, Regis was. his voice of final answer yeah are you sure yeah he was also goopal okay all right so i have

no choice here but to take mr pat say jac of wheel of fortune uh fame and fortune i believe i think he's done i think that i think he's retiring this year yeah i think he just announced that he is ending his run pat say jack also another one of those hosts that when people are wrong he just walks over, puts the arm around him and just like, you know how dumb you are? Super consistent, too. I mean, long run. I don't know how long, you know.

It's got to be 30 plus years. Let's see. I don't even know what to. It's just been a machine. When did he start? Probably 30 years ago. He did the whole run, right? How long?

Is that his long running is Jeopardy? No. Looks like he started in 81. Wheel of Fortune was around before that. Yeah. Yeah, those two. When you see the promos for game shows, in prime time.

Won't save me. For a million, yeah. There was another host, but. All right. My number two pick is going to be, you know, there's 45 seasons. I'm taking him. I knew he'd fall to me. I knew no one else would take him.

I'm taking Jeff Probst. Host of Survivor, baby. Wow. That's a game show host. When you said that name, I went, who? That's okay. It's funny because you talk about having a moment. That first season of Survivor was every single.

household in America, except for Jason. Not my house. No, he was watching Steve Harvey. So I'm taking Jeff Probst, 45 seasons, still going. Great game show host. And then, I guess that's kind of cheating, huh? Do you want to disqualify it?

No, no, it's a game. I'm fine with that. I like thinking outside of the box. It's a different format, but it is definitely a game, and there is a prize at the end. All right. For number three, I'll take, my picks, though, right? That is correct. I will take the only old guy in my list, the only one from

the classic, like, didn't you take Bob Barker? I mean, well, but he went into my generation. Oh, you're saying like old and times. An older classic host who went on well beyond game show hosts to just be an icon, but isn't with us and it's been a long time, but I'm taking Dick Clark. Oh, he's on, he was, he was on my short list. Dick Clark was the best. He's, Clark was the best. Of all the older generation host, 10,000 dollar pyramid. Yeah, he was pyramid. Yeah, he was.

So here's what's crazy about that. Growing up, I loved the $10,000 pyramid or $100,000 pyramid, whatever it was. I loved that show. And I wanted to take that host, but I have no idea who that host was. Is Dick Clark? I just found that out. I'm learning so much today. You know, you have an information machine right in front of you.

He was the one that also did the countdown for the New Year. That's all I know him from. He did a bunch of stuff. Yeah. He did the countdown to New Year's way, way too long. Did he? Yeah. Was he getting off of the time?

But, uh, yeah, his count was like 8 p.m. Uh, so he needed to go to bed to dinner, 4 p.m. All right. So Bob Barker, Jeff, Probes, Dick Clark, uh, I'll have my survivor fans, uh, in my corner. Mike has Alex Trebek and Pat Seajack, Jason was Steve Harvey and Regis Philman. Mike, you're back on the clock. Excellent. So this, I didn't know if I didn't know exactly where this guy was going to go in the draft.

I thought maybe Jason was saying it was his 101, but Steve Harvey absolutely makes sense. But so I will take our generation's true game show host, Mr. Mark Summers. Double there was that show when you were a kid, assuming that you had Nickelodeon in the cable bundle. But, I knew I could risk. Mark Summers going through Andy because he was not a cable kid. But holy crap, Mark Summers, dude, the energy, the vibes. That guy had it all, man. That's good. That would have been my fourth pick here. So he would not have come back to you. Good, good job. Before him and who I thought you might have been picking, because when you said my generations, I thought, you know,

this guy took over for a classic show. He's been doing it in a long time now. I'm going to take Drew Carey. Because the price is right is a great show. Yes, it is. I would give Drew Carey credit for Whose Line. Well, that's my favorite part. You know, improv is near and dear to my heart. I loved that show. Whose Line? Yeah. Oh, loved it.

Had a great run. He was definitely a much better host. When he was the host of that, it was a much better show. And now, so I was going to go Drew Carrie and Mark Summers. No, you are not. Pivot. Now I'm looking at people and I'm starting to stare at the reality that I, you know, it's like, I want to go with my heart. I want to go with someone I really like, actually like, but I can't because there's no one left.

You don't like anybody? Well, no, I like it. I mean, you know what? I'll go Jane Lynch because I think she is hysterical. She's very funny. She has been a. Did she do who's not? No.

She didn't do who wants to be a millionaire. She might have. I feel like 100 people did that. She did her own. You are the weakest link. Did she do that? No, no, Jane Lynch is in comedy movies. So Hollywood Game Night is what she is.

Oh, yeah, weakest link. Oh, wait, no, Jane Lynch explains the rules of the weakest link. Okay, okay, that's what I thought. Oh, so she was the, she did the Americanized version? I think so. I did not realize that. That's a good pick. That's a great pick.

Yeah, and she's so funny. Just as a person. Yeah, that's good. All right. So I'm back up for my final pick. No, no, I, I, I, I haven't narrowed down. All right. I'm going to go with, I'm going to go with Jason.

I'll go with my heart pick because there's, there's another one who I think has some stature. But there's a counterpoint to Mr. Drew Carey. You could have taken him. I'm going to take Wayne Brady. Oh, okay. Yeah. Often on whose line is anyway, but then he took over on, let's make a deal, which is also that show is so ridiculous it is one of my favorite game shows but wayne brady he

always brings all the uh all of his incredible comedic talents and musical ability he is very talented yes he is incredible and it's he does really really well taking over for that game show that leaves uh so many choices for me so many that uh there's classic ones there are classic ones but i feel like they're insincere picks not from my to remind you before you make this pick okay that Richard Karn was a game show post. The owl boarland.

The owl boarland. He was so bad. He was awful. He had a really short run. But you can pick him and he is the owl borland. So, you know, maybe Peterman did family feud. I, oh, yeah. And Louis Anderson.

I actually really liked Louis Anderson. I'm going to close it out with, I'm going to close it out with Van White. Yeah. I'm going to take the other side of the. Katzajak long run for so many years. You've got the classics. Read your list, Mr. Bob Barker, Dick Clark.

Well, Probst is not. Jeff Probst. I don't know. I won't call that a classic. No, I agree. But three out of four. All right. Any other?

Yeah, another name I thought about going was Richard Dawson. He was a family feud host. He was the super smarming guy. Oh, yeah. Honestly. Yeah, he kissed up. Yeah. I didn't put him in there.

because of that. I left him off my list because I assumed there was something bad in the past. They're, oh, I mean, if the internet existed when Richard Dawson was doing his thing, I'm sure there are terrible things. But, I mean, he was huge. And he's also in the movie, The Running Man. He is the bad guy hosts. So, I mean, it's like, I mean, he hosted the Running Man. Oh, me. I had Howie Mandel on the list. Okay. For, um, uh, Mets make a deal. Or no. No, no. No, it was, uh, The dealer or no deal. The one with the suitcase. Deal or no deal.

I should have taken. He's probably done a few. I should have taken Stanley Tucci. What did Stanley Tucci do? The Hunger Games, baby. He was a great host. That would have got D-Qed. Really?

Oh, that's not a game show. He was the host of a game show. And on my list, I also have Monty Hall, the original host of Let's Make a Deal, and also has his own little math equation, the Monty Hall, whatever it's called. I don't know. I have Jeff Foxworthy. That was the last one on my list. With that fourth grader one? Yeah.

Are you smarter than a fifth grader or something? Oh, yeah. That was Foxworthy? Yeah. Yeah, I would have wondered, could we have picked like Simon Cowell? I thought when you said Howie Mendel, I thought you were going to America's got talent there. No, it's not a traditional game show. Oh, that's actually really interesting.

It is a survivor, yeah. Yeah. Simon Cowell definitely should have been picked. I wasn't thinking outside the box of candy. I wasn't either. Yeah. Okay. What did we learn today?

All right, I'll go first. For that one, like, who is the guy that used to host American Idol? Ryan Seacrest. Yeah, he's the host. Yeah. He's not a judge. Sechrest would have been sneaky. Okay.

So I learned that Dick Clark originally did $10,000 pyramid. I learned that a meter and a yard are different things. And I learned that ground meat is what makes it a burger. So, I mean. You got all the, what do we learn for everybody today? Maybe. I guess I learned Jason kicks his feet like a baby when he puts his socks on. I learned that Al Borland is disgusting.

Yeah. Is he? What a... Yes. Because he pees with the door open? Yes. I do that too. Well...

And he's also disgusting. And on with my life. Thank you for tuning in, everyone. Tell your friends. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. Thank you.