Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Punching Hornets & Things That Start with 'S' - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

Spit Hit for June 5th, 2025:On this show we talk about grabbing someone by their armpit hair, living next to an active volcano, and being the only one in the world without a superpower. We close the episode with a draft of things that start with the letter ‘s’. Don’t miss it! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Who's that cool cat whose all that his name is Andy? What did you just do? Plagiarize, that's what he just did. That's literally illegal. Oh man, I thought it was funny, but I thought you were just gonna do the Owl's cat. To the fault.

I'd be like, we've gotten to the point where in 253 shows and we're doing callbacks To the great it's been a long day scats, but I'm all that you guys missed that I guess you're cool Yeah, no, it's a derivative you changed it up because originally the cool cat was an owl. It was like it was a cover It was a cover I even barely got it in there scat cover there's a scat cover welcome in to the spitballers episode 253 well I've got my scat for next time around. I was gonna say I'm sorry Al how are you doing today? I'm doing great thank you yeah Al's been pretty much just wandering around the studio doing nothing

for most of the day finally got an episode here at This afternoon, and he's got something to do. Oh, man. It's no secret how lazy I am that's true. Yeah. Yeah far and wide oh That's so not true. This is um This is episode 253 wow we have would you rather that's a great question, and we are drafting things that start with the letter S. I love it. We've done a lot of dumb stuff on this show. This might be the dumbest. Tell that to Sesame Street.

Just know I can get SpaghettiOs again. Yes. I've got it. I've got it. Two of the last three drafts, I'm coming for another one You can't follow the show on Instagram Instagram comm slash spitballers pod We appreciate everybody had joined the spit supporting the show. Let's get it going Would you rather Irina on Twitter says would you rather it's a simple one gentlemen, would you rather punch a hornet's nest?

Or a sleeping bear. Oh We need we need to tease this out a little bit and see what would happen to you. Okay, so if if I get in a fight with the like, let's just presume it goes poorly the bear wakes up or the hornets are real fast real real upset real stingy real stingy I feel like I could survive the hornets yes I could not survive the bear correct but that bear might be real sleepy yeah there's I did think of that. I did think of that. That if I punch a bear... No one knows how quick a bear can kind of come to. But it's like a bear weighs how much? A hundred million pounds. I mean, hold on, I wanted

to say that, but I don't think that's actually... No, that is accurate. I'm gonna go 800 pounds. I mean, that's a lot. What kind of bear? That's too much. This gotta be a grizzly. That's a grizzly, huh? I don't know, 700 pounds? What kind of bear?

Can I get a 600 pounds? What kind of bear are we punching, a grizzly? We're punching a brown bear. Yeah, okay. A brown bear? Brown bear, brown bear. I'm gonna go 500 pounds. What's a brown bear wear, Jason?

What is it, wear? Wear. Where's fur? Where's Where's the top hat? Fur? The top hat? And a Speedo. Another thing that starts with the letter S. How long? How can this be taking you this long to get a bear's weight? It's because the ranges are insane. It's the, so here's the first range from Google. Two people can't figure this out? No, here's the first range Google gives for a brown bear. Okay, I see it. It's either 180 pounds or 1,300 pounds.

Like, somewhere in that range. That's actually embarrassing that... Yeah, the National Park Service narrows it down a little. It's from 200 pounds to 1,000 pounds. Come on! We don't need to know what a baby bear weighs! Give me the average bear! Do we have to specify adult,? Average. An average can't be 180 to 300.

I've got a new source that's 200 to 1000. Oh, so the females are smaller. 200 to 450. The males are 300 to 850. All right. Still, 300. Let's call it. These details don't matter. for Mike's point it might so let's say 750 pounds okay so the point being I was bears weigh multiple hundreds of pounds they're all over the place if I punch a bear I don't know that the bear will have it may go huh if you punch it in the face if I punch it in the face, it's gonna know you know I'm not punching the face. No doesn't say I got a punch. Oh, it's a punch in the face. Oh, no what? Just punch it in the booty. Yeah, that's where I'm going and then I'm a scooty

I'm gonna get out you get now man. I think there is as we are in a cave to be clear. Okay? Yeah We're in the don't. Because we are in a cave, to be clear. Oh, OK. Yeah. We're in the bear's cave. Don't run the wrong way in the cave. Oh, yeah. Just for the record. Oh, I got to get out of here. Oh, no. I feel like I could punch a 1,300 pound bear,

and it would not feel it. That's why you got to punch it in the snout. But that's a pretty big risk. In the snout. OK, fine. If I have to punch it in the snout, no matter what bear it is, I'm going to punch the hornet's nest. I I have to punch it in the snout, no matter what bear it is, I'm going to punch the hornet's

nest. I'm going to give it everything I can like I'm playing the, you guys seen that punchy game in the arcade? Yeah. Yeah. So the bag lowers down. I'm going to try and knock this hornet's nest off. Yeah.

I mean, if you had to punch it. Oh, you're trying to send it flying? Yeah, I'm trying to send it flying to give me extra room. No, so that's a- I can outrun hornets. That's a huge mistake. If you punch it too hard, your fist goes- Oh, I might trying to send a fine to give me extra room. No, so that's a I can outrun horn That's a huge mistake if you punch it too hard your You got it you got a hammer fist punch it you know what I mean you got a you got a Swing down. Yeah, my family had a

Hornet Adventure in the woods. Oh, that's good. You know what I mean? You gotta give it one of these. Oh, swing down? Yeah. My family had a hornet adventure in the woods. Oh, that's not good. You didn't know that? Uh, I think so. It was a long time ago. I vaguely remember it. They were out hiking with a church camp, and then out of the blue, thousands of hornets

started attacking everybody. What? That's not great. And they all went sprinting out of the forest. All the parents were grabbing the kids and putting them under their arms and running. Who punched the nest? I don went sprinting out of the forest all the all the parents grabbing the kids and putting under their arms And running who punched the nest. I don't pride one of the kids I

Don't know with the bear. I mean if you're but it's swatting me real quick. Yeah, if you're We got a punch it in the face. We cannot choose the bear well like that bear the only chance we have of choosing the bear Is that we could punch it and he's like, mmm. Yeah, okay Yeah, so sleepy the Hornets will not be indifferent to you punching them in any circumstance. The bear could be indifferent exactly So I'm punching the bear But if the bear is not in

You are I could die. I'm not dying from the hornets. You're not good. You're gone. Is any, have hornets ever killed people? Oh, sure. Yeah, if you're allergic to them, then that's a problem. Can you be allergic to hornets? Yeah. I feel like bees have got the.

They definitely have a better PR team. Yeah, they do, don't they? Yeah. They got the Africanized. Nobody ever came and said Africanized hornets. Well, they got the. Well, they have murder hornets. Oh, they do have murder hornets. I mean, they both have decent PR teams. They have the Japanese eyes. Nobody ever came and said African eyes hornets. Well they have murder hornets. They do have murder hornets.

I mean they both have decent PRT's. They have the Japanese murder hornets. Shoot, that's a really good point. Which those are, oh my gosh, those are the scariest thing on the planet. I think we have them out here. Well that's murder hornets? Oh no, I'm thinking of the... They said they were maybe in the Pacific Northwest.

No, I'm not thinking of murder hornets I'm thinking of those boss that they have a really painful sting. Well, we have the tarantula hawk. That's it Yeah, and those are also terrifying. Yeah, not good Alright, so you guys are going to I corner. It's the hornets. So yeah, I Googled what happens if you hit a hornets nest Even if you knock down the nest, you still have up to 400 angry hornets coming your way. How fast can a hornet fly?

That's next step. You've always been afraid of hornets. Yeah, I'm afraid of all bugs that fly that have weapons. What about bears that can't fly? He is also afraid of bear fights. Yes. I've always been terrified of a bear fight. I'm hitting the bear I don't

think it's getting up and chasing me because it's gonna think to itself did I just get punched in the face by a person what if you hit the bear and then you stand real still because he was sleeping it's like a bad news oh no the hornets the Asian giant hornet can fly up to 25 miles an hour, which is faster than I can run. So running does nothing. Well, but I think they'll give up. No, no, the murder hornets,

they'll give up when you're murdered. Yeah, I guess they got a job to do. What, they got bad cardio? No, not hornets, they can fly for days. They're on the peloton. You know, I'm I'm switching I'm going to I'm gonna punch Jay Grizz right in the mouth. Yeah, and I'm gonna live to tell about it I was not aware of this 25 miles an hour. That's really fast. Is that that's faster than um, Tyree kill I was gonna say Usain Bolt what's the average yeah average human

male away top speed he's probably right around 25 he's probably the Hornets keeping up with him so trying to find between one mile an hour and a hundred miles an hour yeah you'd be surprised the range is really really wide 25 is probably the max of human's ever run. It looks like Usain Bolt. Top speed at 27. 27.79. About 100 meters.

Yeah. How long can you sustain that speed? All right. So I'm going bear. Final answer. I'm going bear. Finally. Mike, get in with us.

This bear's not going to care. Let's beat this bear up. This bear ain't going to care, man. Are we all punching the same bear? We're punching the same bear? We're punching the same bear three times. That gives us better odds. I'm first.

You're first, great. Why, if you're having to punch him after he's angry. I'm last. Matt from Twitter, we do not- I'm gonna punch him after he's full. After. Ha ha ha. Would you rather impulsively say,

this is from Matt on Twitter, would you rather impulsively say, this is from Matt on Twitter, would you rather impulsively say I really wish you'd stop doing that at random points of conversation with people or never be able to remember your own name? How often impulsively is a lot. I use my name. I mean, obviously, if you're meeting someone new, you'd be like, hi, I'm Jason. But outside of that one setting, I don't know how often I really care about my name.

How about when you get pulled over? I just give them my ID. Yeah, I can remember who I am. If I go to the bank, I just, I am Mike. You say, here's who I am? I don't remember my name, but here's my ID. But I can prove that who I am. If I go to the bank, I just, I am Mike. You say, here's who I am? I don't remember my name, but here's my ID. But I can prove that it's me. I really wish you would stop doing that.

Oh, I see what you did there. That's the other side. I mean, random points, because people's response to that will be doing what? That was my, I'm telling you, I didn't know what you were doing. And when you, like I didn't know you were doing a bit. Uh huh.

And when you said, I really wish you'd stopped doing that, I held my breath for a second, I was like, oh no, what did I do? It felt pretty bad. Yeah, yeah, so that's what everyone would say. And then you go on in the conversation like nothing happened. Absolutely.

What percentage of the time, if you just keep doing that, I really wish you'd stop doing that. Do you get a oh, I'm sorry Oh, yeah, you do get they just they just apologize. They're sure you know any of what you did There's a chance they were like scratching their head or like I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I did that whatever they were doing They will stop doing but it's impulsive right? So you do it once Okay, they're a little worried. They say, I'm sorry about that. Whatever. Conversation goes on 30 seconds later. I really wish you'd stop doing that. They're going to be like, what is that? What am I doing? I mean, you got to ask the question on the second one, right? Someone asks you 30 seconds

later. I think it's the second. I think the second time I go, I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing. But then they just keep moving on to the conversation for sure. And I guess that would mean that there are also times when you say that where people are doing things. So it's like at the grocery store, someone's checking you out. Like, oh, you're looking so hot. Yeah. That's what I would tell them. I really wish you'd stop doing that. Stop looking at me like that. Stop checking me out. I know. I know. I know people like what they see, but can you stop doing that? Middle aged dad.

Okay, you know what I mean? Or like, you know, the police officers talking. The police officers like, hey, do you know why I pulled you over? I really wish you'd stop doing that. Or do they respect you? Because you've done a full power. No. You've turned the power. I don't think they want to release that power. I really wish you'd stop doing that Mike. Yeah I gotta go with the name thing. Yeah. Have you, like I've found and I assume this is cuz I'm getting older. Do you guys ever have just complete brain fog, just a brain fart, you forget the name of like people you've known for a long time. That's been happening to me. A a long time since the day I can remember Okay, like I sat with this person at lunch for three years

And it's been a year and I'm like, I don't remember that person. You don't even know who they are Yeah, no, usually I don't remember them at all. It's not just their name But there is nothing It is worse than that feeling. Because it says something about them. No, I'm talking like, but people you know really, really well. That you're just like.

Like right now. Yeah. Yeah, but what do you do? Are you just avoiding saying a name and trying to figure it out? Are you texting your wife going, who is this? I'm not necessarily talking, when you're like talking to them,

just when you're thinking about someone and you're like, oh you know my neighbor's kid. Oh crap, my neighbor's kid. What is this person's name? And then you just... Oh I go worse than that. It'll be like, actually do they have a kid? And if they do, is it a boy or a girl? Because I know they introduced me to the child eight times, but I haven't remembered. do is it a boy or a girl cuz I know they introduced me to the child eight times But I haven't remembered is such a helpful memory is yeah, that's not good That's why we need those glasses. We need like the With the black mirror glasses just some glasses that like remember for you and throw it up on the screen like a little life

Producer of your life. That's like So we need glasses with facial recognition. Yes. Gotcha, nothing could go wrong. That's already, I mean that's life already. I bought something the other day. It's a device that is specifically for putting a family calendar up on a screen and you're hanging on the wall, okay?

That's all it does. And I'm telling you, it doesn't do much. It shows that. It has a to-do list. We're like, hung it on the wall, walking around. There's a camera on it. There ain't nothing it does with the camera. Why is there a camera on it? There's a camera on the top. There's a button to cover the camera. It's got no purpose. Like there's no chat function? It's like they were going through the manufacturing process and the manufacturer was like do you want me to throw in a spy camera? And they're like yes

Yeah, I guess so all right go spy away. I mean there's a camera on there with no purpose Are you supposed to like walk up to it with the completed chore? It knows who's coming up to the like you walk walk up with a dirty rag, you're like, I cleaned the bathroom. Maybe. Maybe, maybe. That's weird. But privacy is an illusion.

We're not ever going to have it. Yeah, you don't have privacy. So just watch away. You're listening to a podcast right now, which means you have a device that has all of your privacy. It's just inevitable. I'm excited about this question. Steven from the website. Would you rather live next to an active volcano or a, wait, poorly secured prison?

So this poorly secured prison implies that prisoners are... How next to these am I? That's a great question, because the volcano, how active is this volcano? Well, active just means that it can erupt. It's not dormant. See, to me, it's not erupting 24 hours a day. To me, I grew up thinking that there were

two states of a volcano. State number one is fully exploding and raining lava down upon everybody. And I don't think the story of Pompeii helped that very much because Pompeii was like no one even knew this was happening and they were all like frozen, right? Not frozen, but I mean like they were all completely covered in ash and in the midst of doing stuff. And then the other state was that it was just the kind that you can go up to the edge of it

and look down into it and just toss things in if you want to. So Al is posting something. An active volcano is a volcano which is either erupting or is likely to erupt. So what do you? Well, so one that is not currently erupting but has the potential would be called dormant. What I'm saying is that there are eruptions. Is that the third option?

Yes, extinct. There are eruptions where it just means that the lava really slowly comes down the mountain. Yeah, that's most eruptions. And could I get out in time? Well, here- With a lava alert or like set up a perimeter. I'm looking- A lava perimeter. I'm looking and learning a little bit about living near an active volcano.

And what I'm learning here from Penn State University is that, uh, is there a lot of volcanoes that are thrilled to be included in this show? If you're welcome, shout out, um, living near an active volcano can be beneficial as well as dangerous. What's in state? Uh, the soil is fertile. Yeah. A lot of volcanic products can be used for everyday life. Uh, they go on some of the good things, but then this is my, this is my favorite quote, but if you live too close to a volcano and it erupts, it can be lethal you think oh what is that the pro con list that pinstates writing up on the board for the class good soil you could die I mean the other one is that the poorly secured prison would freak me out yeah

what is poorly secured me does that mean one prisoner a year escapes? Yeah, that sounds good. One a year is too much. That's not too much for me. One a year means one person a year. What if you're the only house near it? Well, see, that's the big difference. It's like the farmhouse.

Right. If I'm- All the prisoners are going to your house. Well, then any a year is probably too much I would not want that but I'm willing to take the odds like, you know You your house could get robbed at any time without living next to a poorly secured Oh, they're doing more than Robin, but my point here is that there's always There's always a percentage chance that things could go right or wrong. And if it's one a year and I'm in a neighborhood,

I'm not just the only farm within 30 miles, I think I'm okay. You'll take the odds? I think I'm gonna take the odds. You might not be home when it happens. Yeah, I might not be home. My doors, I'm gonna lock my doors. You'll lock your doors.

Maybe you put up like some taller fences in the backyard. Oh, I was gonna ask you, like, Levi, like a... Milk and cookies? Like a milk and cookies type of situation, like with a note that says, please enjoy for the road, just don't come into my house. I would put a lot of welcoming things out in my neighbor's porch, and I would really say like enter here we will

we will you know keep you safe and hidden what if we love harbor pro harbouring what if you put prisons and you located them surrounding active volcanoes oh oh then we can have a house by both that's great news wait that's not the goal then you have to evacuate a prison do you I'm gonna vote for... But do you? Watch them melt! Watch them melt? I will live near the poorly secured prison.

Yeah. Well, I'll take the volcano. I'm imagining that a volcano's in a pretty place. It is true that you'd live in a pretty cool... Yeah, too. The fertile ground. What's that? Yeah, the fertile ground. And there's a chance I'll be memorialized in ash. Congratulations. Yeah. I'll probably be me just playing on my laptop. Um, alright. Yeah, you could.

Right? It's nothing cool. You trying to do a pose? You're just like on the toilet. Oh, no. You're Splash the Wave of Lava and now this is you forever. Eric from uh Man on toilet yeah, yeah, I'm going volcano then the history classes come and see you I'm trying to decide on this last question Susanna from patreon would you rather have armpit hair that goes down to your hips? Oh?

That's just that's just not a picture. No. Not a picture. Or eyelashes that curl to the top of your head. Well, one of these. Yeah. Chokes me up, these type of great questions. One of these is easy to hide.

Right? The armpit hair? The armpit hair, I'm not taking my shirt off and that's going to suck having long armpit hair. You're probably going to be even stinkier. Um, you're going to have to braid it up. Ooh, that could be nice. I mean, you're, you're, you have no choice. Really? You can't just let that be free. I don't think so. I think that that's going to be snagging and you're're gonna get armpit hairs ripping out. You gotta get a- Is that why we braid hair?

It's part of what- I thought it was just for looks. There's an actual functional- Yes. Really. Keeps your hair all together and can get it out of the way. Stronger together. No, we're not trying to make a rope ladder. We're just trying to keep it from falling out being in your way. Well, but you gave the example of being like pulled out. You can't,

you're not going to pull out a braid. Oh my gosh, that would be so painful. Underarm hair being pulled out. Ooh. To be grabbed by your underarm hair in a street fight. You know how guys rip their shirts off and then they go fight? Would you run from that guy? Yes. Yes. If he pulled his shirt off. go fight would you run from that guy yes yes if you want to know what else I wouldn't do I wouldn't grab his super long hair I even knowing it could hurt him I'm not going to put my hands around his armpit hair and be like I got you

bro but now if it's if it's braided and it's thick enough oh then I'll grab it no no and your own arm up no do you have like do you have like nunchucks? Like do you have a like a whip type of a weapon? Probably not. No, that's a stretch For this show. That's too bad. That's a huge stretch. I mean eyelashes that curl to the top of your head You look like an alien. Nobody could look at you I mean, I don't know. Would you wear a lowbrim hat and tuck them up in the hat? I mean, you'd be like a cowboy hat.

Your eyes can't ever close. That's a real solid point. You'll just be permanently crying. You won't have tears left to cry. I just be so dry. I didn't think about that. Your eyes get closed. There is no way to hide them because they're on your eyes.

Hiding your eyes is... means you can't see. What do you mean there's no way? You can wear a helmet all day long. Yeah, like a motorcycle helmet? Yeah. Feel free to take your helmet off, sir. I'm good. I'm real comfortable. Feel free to take your helmet off, sir. No, I'm good. I'm real comfortable.

I like to eat with my helmet on. Just tell people you've signed up. The ways of the Mandalorians. This is the way. Oh boy. Oh boy. I don't think I can do the armpit thing, man. I'm taking it because I believe I can weaponize it.

And I love the braiding idea. I'm gonna have to learn how to braid. It's real easy. You don't know how to braid? I mean I know the concept. I'm sure I could do it if... I just have never done it. Interesting. Never tried? Never say never. I don't remember most of my life. I don't know. Maybe I've tried it before. You were a braiding specialist for 18 years. It's simple, it's real easy. All right, not for me. That's a great question. That's a great question.

That's a great question. Bozzie Motto from Twitter says, local wizard finally returns and offers to give everyone in the world the superpower of your choosing. The twist is that you are the only person in the world without that power. What do you choose? Now my first thought is how do I use this to my advantage? Yeah, that's tough though. Is like benevolence, generosity, a superpower I can give everybody else?

No. I think we got to go classic superpower here Yep, so like flying X-ray vision Wait, if you gave everybody x-ray vision and you're the only one without it that would suck now if you gave everybody Super-strength and you're the only one without it guess who's never helping someone move Okay, you know what I mean? Yeah Caring in the groceries you get like that you do it. You can't I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not carrying in the groceries. You get like that. You do it. You can't do flight because pilots would go away. Like

if everybody in the world could fly, air travel would be gone. I couldn't fly anywhere. You couldn't go backpack style? I could go back. I could become a backpack. Piggyback. Yeah. Piggyback flight. Yeah that's true. I could do that. Would there be people in that universe because you wouldn't need to fly people around? Like human taxis? Yeah, like would the bigger people kind of be like four-seaters and stuff? Four-seaters? You're the only person who needs a seat in the world! That's true. That's true. Everyone just flies next to each other. So these would be like human Pegasus flying flying horses

Yeah, I I think that one does not work now flight is a real would you be insulted if you had to give someone a ride? And they wanted to put a saddle on you if if I could fly if you could fly would you be offended if you were like Hey Like hop on and he's like I'd actually really like like a saddle like a horse saddle Or are we talking like human saddle? hop on and he's like I'd actually really like like a horse saddle or we talk like human saddle but it would be a lot like a horse is it the style of a horse saddle or is it more like the backpack where they put the like a horse saddle yeah I'm not you have to get on all fours noted I think I'm a hundred percent

fine with that so long as that what is it the bridle is not in my mouth oh yeah that'd be like if the if the saddle includes they're guiding me by moving my head That's where you draw the line. I draw the line there. But what if you could grow your hair out? You could do that your armpit hair. Can they still like a main can they use spurs and kick you in the butt? Yeah, that's fine. You'll have not the mouth thing. I'm starting to picture Jason with long horse hair the mouth thing. I'm starting to picture Jason with long horse hair. What? Okay. Weirdo. Big flowing. What do you mean weirdo? We're talking about you becoming a human horse. Is that what we're talking about? Yeah, now that he brought up a saddle, now you've just turned into a horse. Yeah, I'm just wondering if you could pull off the long back hair thing.

Have you thought about going mullet? Yeah, thank you, Jason. Thank you, Michael. Yeah, because I can still grow that hair pretty well. Yeah, that's going mullet? Yeah thank you, Jason. Yeah because I can still grow that hair. Yeah. Pretty well. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, for, you know. And you can braid it together with your armpit hair. If I had to, if I had to have a horse saddle I would have a mullet for sure. And I mean eventually skull it. Skull it? Yeah. When the top is just, when the part, the business is closed. There's nothing left on the top. Is this a real thing? Oh yeah.

It's called a skullet? Yeah, you've never heard that. No, I've never heard that. I get what it is, it's a mullet where your skull is showing because you can't grow it in the front. Oh my goodness. It is a real thing. A skullet is disgusting.

Oh my goodness. Oh man. That's the people who, they can't let go of the party. Oh, Benjamin Franklin kind of had a skull. Oh yeah, he did. Wow, he used the OG skullet. Wow. Trendsetter.

His hair was long on the sides too though. Yeah, yeah it wasn't just in the back. He really should have shaved his sides. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Old B. Franklin? All right, so. What other superpowers are there? Like if there was mind reading, would that just cause mass chaos in the entire world? Like you would

be ignored because everyone is reading everyone's mind. I don't know. I don't know. I I've wondered if that the ability you'd have to turn it off if you had the mind reading. If it's at will, it doesn't cause chaos, right? Right, what if we gave everyone just like Wolverine regeneration? So if people are just healthy. That's nice. Are you worried about jealousy?

Is that the number one situation here? Yes. You just don't want people to have something you don't have. Right, if everyone can fly and I'm the only one. You don't wanna bless everybody, except for you. Well, that's why I'm giving them health. Would super speed hurt you?

Yeah, super speed's way too good. Super speed is like the ultimate power. But if everybody had it, like your DoorDash is there, lickety split. Yeah, that benefits you. DoorDash doesn't exist because they don't need it. Because they'll just go get their own food lickety split. Oh no, DoorDash, see you're eliminating industries

with these. Yeah, no, I'm going night vision. I think that is okay That's the one where it's like hey That's creepy Everybody around you is just totally chilling at night and you can't see anything They're still gonna want to sleep at night, but if they happen to stroll through the night in the woods Yeah, that's fine. You can see better than I can. Okay, and you could just put on night vision goggles.

Right, exactly, I could gain the superpower. I like that. Canadian Bacon with a really important question on Twitter. What's the most annoying color? Oh. Have you ever thought about that? What's the most annoying color? No.

Top of mind, what was the first color you thought of? Tan. Salmon. Oh, tan's good good salmon's good. I was thinking yellow We're all in the same category. I was just going with one of where it's like it's the fart sniffy name salmon Yeah, literally smells and I'm saying you know like there. It's it's not just red yellow They're like it's like a little in between it's almost like the shirt. You're right now. No I know it's very close. What's the most annoying color? The color of my shirt right now. But it's like hmm I don't know. Chartreuse? Yeah thank you. It's just like these colors are their names are too specific. What is that shirt color then? If you would. It's a salmon shirt.

No it's not orange enough I don't think. This is more of a... Mauve? Could be a mauve. Oh mauve is a and Sher. No, it's not orange enough, I don't think. This is more of a... Mauve? Could be a... Oh, Mauve is a bad name. Yeah. Mauve? Is that a name of... Do people name people that?

That's Maude. Oh, Maude. But if Maude is a mom wearing Mauve, you got a problem. I feel like we all chose a kind of like a yellow leaning color. Yeah, we live we live in Arizona We've got why you chose tan everything's just and brown Beige is actually as soon as I said that that was

Bayes out beige is the worst. It's incredible that people who don't live here what they like about Here like turquoise like the turquoise jewelry. I love the color turquoise. No, I like the color, but the jewelry, we all are used to it, we're used to tan, we're used to beige, but other people think it's really cool, like the desert colors. People think beige is cool.

Yeah, Southwestern decor exists. You see Al Nodden back there? He's right. They go and decorate their living rooms in other states going, howdy, partner. You think other people outside of the state think beige is cool or is just a good color that they like the color Yes, yes, which all of them Wait, oh those were all things. Yeah, i'm asking options. I'm asking. What do you think people by the way? I nailed it on mauve

That's a mauve. Yeah It's a marvelous shirt thank you I think that people out of state some of them find it very very nice I think this the changes are like oh that's interesting because they're used to being in like but I don't know vibrant exciting I don't know what a lot of colors I guess I don't know the generic color of other states. Did they get tired of green trees? No, because humans don't get tired of that because it's the color of life Why did I say yellow? I don't know. I'm yellow is like ewe. It's like pee. It's bright. It's loud

Maybe a little obnoxious. I refuse to believe that people like the color beige I'm posting a poll a person who gravitatesates towards beige, she said, values comfort and warmth. It's classic. Never goes out of style. It's soothing. Beige creates a sense of calmness and tranquility. Everything here is beige. The ground is beige. The land is beige. The sky feels beige. The walls are beige. It's all just tan brown and beige. I think you're beige. I think you're a beige personality. Is that a compliment or not from Andy? I'm not sure.

Where do I live? That's fair. Mike, you know, nice mauve shirt. Thank you. Cleo from Patron, if you could communicate fluently with any one species of living creatures, which would you choose? I feel like we've probably... with any one species of living creatures, which would you choose? I feel like we've probably.

The easy answer is dog. That would change a lot. Yeah. Would you like your dog less? Cause I think it's, you'd find out it's a stupid animal. That's what would happen. I don't think you would. Yeah.

You'd be like, I wanna talk to you, and then they'd be like, wouldn't lick I wouldn't lick something I'm gonna lick that I'm gonna lick that thing over there I've seen I mean like dogs that can actually get into that they're trained to be Work dogs and assistant dogs and things like that like you ever had one of those dogs. I have not exactly But not the dogs you talking to my dog can't stop pooping on pillows. Is that still not changed? No, that will never change.

We should do a weekly check. The weekly check is not. Is Pepper still pooping on pillows? The weekly check is not does Pepper poop on pillows. The weekly check is do you still have Pepper? That's not the job. Or do you have new pillows? Well, yeah.

What do you do with the pillows? We wash the pillowcases, of course. Oh, so they've got pillowcases. Yes, they have pillowcases and It only pillows or is she? No, she's opening up the show. Okay. What about your couch? Yeah, absolutely couches is on limits. How colors your couch? Well, is it It goes with everything, guys. Except for poop.

That's the one color that shows up. Alright, I'm 256 votes in and... Is it looking good for beige? Oh no. Oh no. This should be 90-10 that they do not like beige. But it's not? 44% of people like the color beige. Yeah, man wrong with you. Oh

That's that's actually wild. I didn't expect that in Beijing like Beijing khaki are the same color. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so maybe a bunch of doctors fans. Yeah, so you have big target Ransack in your pole Wow, that is a shocking number It's a real state for you people What if that was because when people keep moving here and you're like, it's too hot Why are people coming here like it's like one of the fastest growing states. Mm-hmm. What if it was just for page? Yeah, people are like, oh, I love the work to get beige everywhere tan Beige tan like we have so many different ones

that come to mind. Yep, light brown. I don't, I can't think of another, maybe birds. I could go with birds. It's going up, it's going up, it's at 45%. Oh no, shut it down. Beige is taking over. Shut it down.

Don't let them know. Oh, we're talking about animals? Well, the species, I was just saying birds. Maybe birds would be a cool thing to. Could birds go get you stuff if you could talk to them? I mean, some of them could. Like a hawk? Could it go pick you up like a?

I'm sure. People have hawks and things with pets and train them. I've had animal shows where a bird swoops just a foot a foot or two above your head if we just had trained birds We also wouldn't need door dash Because they could just bring in your food to pick up the bag and then they take off They would have you'd need a really big bird or multiple birds working together Like I guess I was thinking more hawks and stuff Cinderella Yeah, yeah. Yeah where you pick up the birds. Yeah, and they hold they hold her up. You don't remember that Mike

They hold up Cinderella. They don't hold her up. They hold the dress up or what? Yeah, like and they're struggling I mean, it's that's a lot of birds just to hold up fabric. Yeah, they're not holding her Oh wasn't her this isn't a bag of cheeseburgers like if I'm getting an order from five guys I need a pelican give you a bigger burgers like if I'm getting an order from five guys I need a pelican. Well they'd give you a bigger Five guys to be fair that's that's a heavy burger They give you the bird based on like right the birds are all waiting and your order determines which bird you get What what type of bird would you like for your delivery? I'll take the pelican. I mean I'm gonna eat a lot tonight Pelicans got that that's the one that's got the trap built in.

The trap? Well they like, they can put stuff in their mouth. Yeah, well there's their beak, yeah. And then they also like- The beak trap. Yeah, the beak trap. They also do this weird thing where they like, I think it's like their spine or their stomach

can come out of their mouth. Oh that's gross. Yeah, you didn't even tell us that. Yeah, I'm gonna pull a video for you guys eventually. Keep it to yourself Yeah, lie to me at first. I thought that it would be cool to talk to spiders so I could actually tell them I hate you get out. Oh, I hate you. You're not welcome Then I realized there are probably spiders around me more often than I realized

We heard them talk, but if I heard oh my gosh What if you weren't talking to him, but you also heard what they said that's what I'm saying just an absolute nightmare It doesn't even matter if they're saying hey Carl, what are you doing tonight? I just know they're there now, right? They're super friendly. What have you found out that all spiders were the most polite kind creatures in I think if I found that out Maybe my phobia would go away. Maybe I don't even know if that's true,? I think if I found that out maybe my phobia would go away. Maybe. I don't even know if that's true but I'm not willing to find out because they're monsters. Maybe they've all literally just been trying to sneak away from you and not hurt you. All right let's draft.

The Spitballers D draft. All right. We are drafting things that start with the letter S a real special draft today. It's ridiculous. And I couldn't think of anything. I couldn't think of anything at all. I do have a one on one. I do too. Um, I don't, which is a problem cause I have the first pick.

So I'm going to start with I don't even know what I'm gonna start with This is great. You knew just so I absolutely knew what I'm gonna take sports I'm gonna take sports number one overall not on my list Yeah, what an absolute mistake would have to be every letter, or I mean every word in the dictionary. But no, it's but that, we do a show about football. That's a great pick.

It's not on my list. So you're happy with that pick? Oh, that's a great pick. That's a sensational pick. In fact. Sensational. That should be the one on one. Good job.

Thank you. That was a great pick. I think I know Mike's pick, but we'll see. Okay. My pick, which, I mean, it's just, look, it's the best day of the week. I will take Saturday. Very nice. You actually get to sleep in like, in 15 minutes. Yeah, maybe 30 minutes, maybe an hour, depends on how nice your kids are gonna be, or how loud your dog wants to be. But Saturday, especially when you're in the school season,

and for us, for our work schedule, time's up basically with the school schedule of getting really crazy. Saturday, just the value of that day. That's a great pick, It wasn't on my list and it's awesome. It comes elevated. Wasn't on my list either. Great pick. That's what's crazy about doing a draft like this. We probably have... There's no rules. I've got 20 things on my list and I don't know how much overlap there's even going to be. There's just so

many different options out there. Look, when I was thinking of the letter S, something came to mind. Okay. Because. I've got a guess. How many letters? Too many to count. Oh, all right, nevermind then.

This will not be on either of your lists, I'm sure. Supercalifragilistice? You had the first word right. Super. Superman! Oh, Superman's on my You had the first word right. Oh, super. Superman! Oh, Superman's on my list. He's got an S on his chest. Yeah.

So for drafts with the letter S, one, I love Superman. He's the best superhero. He is the worst superhero. And by that I don't mean, by that I mean he's the most dominant superhero. He is the alpha superhero. Which is what also makes him the best. Yeah, he's boring. He is the alpha superhero. Yeah, he's boring. He's super boring.

He's not the most fun superhero to watch. But if you got to be a superhero, like, tell me you're not going Superman. Of course you're going Superman. If a genie shows up and says, give me a wish, and your wish is not, I want Superman's powers, you're probably doing it wrong. You're probably doing it wrong. So that's a good pick, those are good first rounders.

And now. Four Saturday and Superman. I'm going with something that I thought was gonna be Mike's 101. Because I know you love this so much. It encompasses quite a bit of room. And that is space. Yeah. That was in the contention for one on one.

On my list. Yeah. Space is just so cool. I prefer outer space. Yeah, but that doesn't start with an S. So I had to make it space otherwise. But when we get to the drafts that start with the letter O, outer space will be on the list. OK. All right.

That means it's back to Mr. Mike Wright. So stupid. Oh, it's stupendous. OK, I will take a pick. I'm a little surprised this snuck by Jason Moore. Spaghetti-os, dang it. Oh, I knew I should have taken it. Well, you're on to it with going with the food object. OK.

Steak. Oh! Oh my gosh, it's not on my list. I could have got Superman later. That was my guess when I asked you about how many letters you had. It was steak. Oh, what a mistake.

Oh! Can't get away from it now dang it yeah it steak is delicious I don't know too many things is too little as I'm like 50 things on my list It's a good. It's a good pick Mike so you have a Take and Saturday, which you can combine you know you a bonus. You can have steaks on Saturday. And Superman and Space can be combined. Do you guys have a go-to steak sauce? I do. I do have a go-to steak sauce.

And I'm a fancy steak lover. So it is super faux pas. I love me some A1. Oh. Do you really? Just regular old classic A1 steak sauce. Do you ask for it? I do. I do ask for it. But they usually have their own thing. They have a house steak sauce, right? Sir Didn't I mean to say I must not have heard you I Go I'm a Bernays man. I like Bernays. Yeah, I like a red wine ports steak sauce I had recently also like the horseradish flavor. Yeah, I can go Oscar style, which is like It's basically Bernays, but then you also get crab lump crab meat on top. I thought Oscar was lobster It's crab? That would be called lobster style usually.

Some places. That's fair. What is this conversation? I can see how you'd be confused. That's lobster, but if you want crab, you have to get Oscar. What? Oscar's a crab.

Why wouldn't that just be crab? Yeah, that's a good point. All right, so I got two picks. Crabster. My pick number one is going to compete with Jason's pick. Oh. And I'm going with stars. I'm taking stars.

I've already got you. You've got the gap between them. Oh, I've got all of you. You've got just a piece of mine. So I'm taking stars. Second pick, going a little different here. I'm going with silence. Ooh, OK. Taking silence. Oh, okay.

Taking silence with my third pick. Boring. Oh man, some good silence every once in a while. Oh, you know, you've had kids as long as I have. That's about the biggest dream you have is some silence. Silence can be great. You know, I think, I really think negatively some silence. Silence can be great. You know, I think I really think negatively towards silence. Like I like boring. I don't want silence. I don't like silence and conversations,

gaps in speech, all that. Like silence is really negative to me until I have it until I have it. And then it's like, this is so nice. You just don't know how to get it. Yeah, I think that's the truth. And it's just, you gotta just stop talking. You have a wall up trying to protect yourself because you feel like you'll never have the silence. So silence is bad, but then when it gets through, the wall's down and you enjoy it.

Thank you, Mike. All right, Mike, you have Saturday and steak. You gotta make a third pick. All right, so I have Saturday, I have Saturday and steak. You gotta make a third pick. All right. So I have Saturday, I have steaks, and the only thing that could make the steaks better on a Saturday is if they were on sale. Oh my gosh. You're taking sale.

Who doesn't love a sale, boys? Actually, that's a pretty cool pick. I like it. I like the variety we can get here. When you get me a discount on something that I was already going to buy, oh, man. I just won life that day. I love it.

I love it. Jason, you get to pick again. OK. I get two picks. I get to finish my draft up here. I was pretty sad to see Stakes go. It's my. I get to finish my draft up here. I was pretty sad to see Stakes go. I can imagine. I think that's my pinnacle, my favorite of the favorites.

But I have a close, close second place. Baguettios. That's a little bit further. That's in the top 100 for sure. But no, a very close second place. And it also happens to start with S. It's on my list. So I'm taking sushi. I love sushi.

That'll be a popular pick. I can eat that. Well, I was going to say more than steak, but I can eat both of them all the time. I don't really tire of either of those. What's your go-to roll? Well, usually it's like specialty house rolls from places around here. If it's just a generic roll that's everywhere then it's probably a spicy tuna roll. But yellowtail sashimi is my favorite. I can't decide if I like the spicy tuna or spicy salmon more. They're very different. They are. They are. The tuna's real mushy. But Andy what do you

prefer for sushi? Are you I only do the sushi guy? I only do the like like a crab of the fake crab meat California rolls and the Spicy crab roll. Yeah, it's the I got the spicy tuna. He's got the spicy Oscar roll and you've got the There you go. Um, so you've got, space and sushi and one more pick to make This is near and dear to me because it is Just a place I love and I think they're fancy. They're fun Sonic My life story.

No, but Owl and I are members at one of these places up here. It's one of my favorite places to go. I'm taking speakeasies. Oh. Yeah, they're so. Wait, you have a membership to a speakeasy? Yeah, it's like a real fancy one where it's like. You have to be a member to get in? You like You have to be a member to get in?

You don't have to be a member to get in, but you can't It's the only way to get things Oscar-ed They don't stop you from coming in if you're a member But also people who are members, they also get to go in What do you get? Non-members have like cover charges and there are member-only events and stuff But it's a really So there's a cover charge for For not a member. So you just you've just prepaid your cover charge way overpaid my cover charge

I mean, I would save so much money if I just Part is there are no memberships and he insisted upon a membership and they just made something up for him. They're like Yes, we do, sir. 500 a month. To be fair, the napkin was Sharpie. Yeah, please sign here. Member ID one. Oh, man.

To be fair, I got the membership at a charity auction that I had never heard of. Okay. So it was... Bet you've since renewed? I will be renewed, but it hasn't been a year yet. Okay. All right.

That's pretty good. All right. Speakeasy was not on my list. I figured that could be my fourth pick. Yeah. You've got one last pick for your steak on sale on a Saturday. Your day is pretty good. Oh, man.

What's your final pick? You gotta complete the story. Yeah, that's I've put myself into a corner here because my fourth pick was not going to be related to those things. Yeah, I can't worry about this story. I'm just gonna take it. So my fourth pick, this word is very powerful. It remains a go-to insult for children, and yet, it's like if you say this to someone's face, they're gonna feel real bad, and it's just stupid. Oh, just picking the word stupid. Just taking the word stupid. Because if you look someone in the face and you call them stupid.

That's very. It hurts. It's really hurty. It's really like hurty. Yeah. Yeah. It's very hurty. I don't know what's happening. He just got back from the speakeasy. Alright so you have Jason finished with Superman, space, sushi and speakeasies. Mike with Saturday steak sales and stupid. I have sports stars in silence and I'm gonna finish it out because you guys have two. You have sports stars?

Sports, stars, silence. And I need something that I can eat since you both took one of those. So I'm going with S'mores! I'm taking S'mores with the final pick. That's a good solid finisher. Of our. Smores. That start with S draft. I wouldn't. Which. Did we pick your favorites listeners? No you didn't. Oh. Oh. Oh. Alright. Oh. What you got? Spitballers comedy podcast. Oh. The Waverwire.

Wow. How did we miss out on the spit ballers? It's just not one of our favorites. I had Sunsets, Smiles, Santa, Sarcasm. Great. Yeah. Man, I can't believe none of those were on my list. I've got-

But I went with S'mores. I've got Sasquatch. Yeah, thought about it. Starbucks. Okay. Skittlesles Simpsons subtitles and And then my favorite that I didn't pick this would have this was close with speakeasies

streaming ah I can't leave live without streaming services just the couple highlights left of salt couple highlights left of salt and sonic boom so sonic is that why it came into your mind yeah wow sonic boom what did we learn today I bears weigh between 100 and 900 thousand pounds I said I wrote down like we have no idea how much bears we can't get close enough to weigh them. I think I also learned that Mike has a dislike of people who use the word salmon to describe a color. And Jason can't breed. No.

Yet. Working on growing out that armpit hair. You never tried with your daughter's hair? Never tried, no. Tonight. Okay. Without telling her. Thanks for listening, everybody.

Tell your friends and family about the show. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.