Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Remote Senses & Worst Songs To Play at a Funeral - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 24, 2025

It’s another hilarious episode of the Spitballers! On this episode we have to decide on which remote senses make the most sense, play some Ballerdash and end things with a Worst Songs to Play at a Funeral Draft.  Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. I do dad be bad be Zero you're giving yourself a zero. Well, I don't have two of these or it would have been a ten This is just a second digit of a ten Mike. We don't restart shows ever. We never have. We never will. And, but if we did, we would have. I gave you the blueprint, Jay. When you screw up, you just go, nope.

That's right. I forgot about the nope. I felt real good on the beginning. Did you go into a, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? That was bad. I'm very tired. That's in the bottom five. Yeah.

All time. But thankfully, I have- Volume, very tepid and afraid. The nice thing, though, is I have good company with myself and the bottom. Hee-yah! Yeah, the donkey's down there. This has been a good run for us. Welcome into the Spitballers.

Episode 316, is that right? 316, correct? That is 316. 316. Would you rather, and we're playing a game today. We're playing Baller Dash back on the episode and drafting the worst songs to play at a funeral. Oh, that's going to be real fun.

OK. There's some good song titles there the titles alone Yeah, I tried to imagine myself sitting in the solemn assembly and hearing these songs come on Yeah, I wasn't sure which direction you guys would go Okay, well if you like the impact of that song song tie because sometimes just the song title is Like oh, that's really funny, but then that you play the song, it might not be that funny. No, I get you. I think I'm more on the song title.

But we'll see. There's one that I think is the best. A lot of people name- It's like the 101, but I'm not going to take it with the first pick. They name their songs after some of the words that they say a lot in the song. And that's kind of the- Sometimes. Yeah, not always.

Not always. But that's what we're doing today. You can follow us on X that's spitballers pod. Follow Jason at Jason FFL. Mike is at FF Hitman. I'm at Andy Holloway over on X. We always appreciate it. If you take a moment and if you're on Apple Podcasts, click that follow button. Leave us a review. If you're on Spotify, click that follow button and uh tell your friends and family about the show if you'd like them to enjoy their life.

And if you're indifferent to it, also let them know. The only situation you don't let them know is if you actively despise them. In that situation, you probably don't wanna tell them about it, because it will. It could make them happy. It could make them happy. Very happy.

So we appreciate everybody that supports us in those ways and we'll kick it off. Would you rather? It looks like our first question is from Chuck over on Patreon. Chuck. Yep, Chuck. What's up, Chuck? Thank you.

Which of these body parts would you rather have the ability to launch and control remotely like a drone? Your eyes, your mouth, your nose, or your ears? And I like this question. My brain is already. You're noodling? Yeah, I'm just thinking about like, obviously the eyes, you could fire them off,

like a surveillance drone, I barely got that word. Surveillance drone? Say that word. Surveillance? Surveillance. Are you going? You're still saying it wrong. You're editing, yeah.

I'm adding the like, spelling of it. Well, just say it, just say it. Surveillance. Huh? Surveillance. Yeah, all right. Yeah, you were going like surveillance. Yeah, because that's how you spell it, right. Yeah, you're going surveillance Yeah, because that's how you spell it right? Oh, maybe I don't remember We don't know that's you that's all you um your mouth It's with an s the mouth is funny if I could go like sneak eating food off of people's oh

You know I mean you're going I thought you had to be like Secrets no I went like straight, I'm at a food court, and I'm grabbing a quick sip of someone's. I don't think that is the spirit of the question, because these are all your senses. Which of your senses would you want to remotely control? OK, so you can go taste something. You'd have to bite it and bring it back.

Wait, are you telling me that my thought process was wrong, Al? No, you say I was right. I think that was correct. OK, and then the nose, I don't need the remote smell much. So that one's out for me. No. You can get your nose out of here, though. Ears would be out.

Oh, that's fair. I'm going into a gas station bathroom. Oh, and you could tell me. I'm going to leave my nose in the car? I'm going to leave my nose in the car, exactly. I'll tell you what, man. We were driving to school the other day, and my kids all wanted a remote nose

They they needed it, but something happened to me. Oh, it was you it was me Yeah, it was one of those it was one of those farts. That was the smallest little thing You can't leak out a less part But was it just I mean, I'm sorry. Was it hot? Yeah. It was hot. The windows fogged. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face. They were all angry, huh?

Oh, it was. Sounds pretty bad. It was incredible. Man, and so, yeah, I guess the nose has some practicality. The ears, obviously, I mean, that one is, that one's sneaky. See those ears into any room? Hear what people say? I don't think you want that. we've had kind of questions about mind reading before on this show and the more that I've thought

Deeply philosophically about this. I think people need their secrets From you. I don't think you want to know everybody's thoughts. I really I think it will backfire Is that because basically everybody's probably said something negative. Yeah. About even their friends. We're all jerks. And so if you knew everything. You'd hate yourself.

You'd hate, you would hate everybody. Yeah, yeah. I don't think you want, you know, ignorance is bliss. But there's still, there's other things like, you can get passwords. Yeah, but you could do that with eyeballs too. The problem is the eyeballs, you'd have to like learn how to lip read or something, right? Because your ears isn't

coming with you. Like you can't see the eyeballs into a movie theater to like sneakily watch a movie for free because you don't got the ears. Oh, interesting. So it's really just going to do with this new magical power. I'm going to save like 11 bucks. It's going to sneak these bad boys in the back of the theater. No one's the wise or into a basketball game. Sit front row. My eyes just bleep. My there's just these two eyeballs hover. Horseside baby. Yeah you get the nosebleed. You know what I mean. You go all the way to the top. Right. I'm flying around like the NFL sky cam. Oh yeah yeah, if you sat at the top.

Oh, no. What are you going to do? You can't stop my eyeballs from flying. That's dangerous. You know, they're chucking up three pointers all of a sudden. Do they fly? Bloop. Do they fly separate or together?

You want them together. Otherwise, you're going to throw up. Yeah, you're going to have some real bad depth perception, too. You're going to be up in the stands just, bleh. Blah. The eyes are the first thing that makes sense to me because it is what we're used to with a drone, but when I think about the actual application

of drone usage, like just getting surveillance, I don't really need surveillance a lot. I'm not like scouting out woods and like. No, but if you flew your mouth around, you could spit on people. Yeah? Which I know you like to do. woods and like nobody if you flew your mouth around you could spit on people Yeah, which I know you like I think you could make some I if you flew your mouth around you could have a lot more fun You could go you know what I mean? I mean you could just go up behind people you could scare the tarnation Yeah, you could just make people question their sanity or their life just whisper things in a room Oh. No one's there. Yeah, they think that.

Plus you get to taste, you know, go ahead and. Strangers food? Well, just go to Cold Stone. I'm gonna taste all the flavors and just fly boom, boom, boom. Hmm. I think I lean mouth. What is Mike giggling about over there? Don't worry about me.

Oh, no. I'm going eyeballs. I think it's the most practical. I guess I'll go eyeballs. Matthew from the website, would you rather always be given a warm welcome or never be given the cold shoulder? This seems like, would you like a good thing or not a bad thing? Does this even make sense?

So people are just slurred. Would you rather be given a warm welcome? Okay, so that's really nice. Or never be given a cold shoulder. Right, right. Well, so that's a good thing. That, wait. So, there's two good things.

Okay, I'm with you. Yeah, so never being given a cold shoulder means no one's ever rude to you, no one's ever smug, no one ever ignores you when you come in. How do you uh- That's the cold shoulder. How do you react to a cold shoulder?

I feel bad in my heart. I got big gulps, huh? Yeah, that is- We've been cold-shouldered at events in the past. Oh yeah, if you've ever gone to any type of giant gathering, of course you've gotten a cold shoulder. I don't think I know how to cold shoulder people properly. No you don't.

I don't like being around. My shoulders are warm. Mike does. Yo. Mine are just dead. Yeah. Mike is the ultimate cold shoulder. It's amazing.

What's funny is we're kind of like a, we're a gradient, the three of us. Yeah. You know? And so like we go to conferences, we're going to a conference again next week for our- Oh, I can't wait to smoke bomb you guys there. ... fantasy sports. Well, here's the wonderful part about it is Andy cannot hold shoulder to the point where he's basically, he's not physically hugging them, but he is-

I'm in a conversation with them all. ... emotionally making sure whoever comes up to him is getting wrapped in a nice warm blanket And and being taken care of now Sometimes that stinks because it's like oh don't say don't say hi to that don't don't oh now we're here But Mike taught me something which is you can sneak out of there. Yes, you can you can absolutely I mean Andy is bait Andy is bait and then it's just like oh I gotta go to the bathroom and then you will see me in two hours.

If you're in a bad conversation, you should invite me over. You should be like, come on over here. Oh that's a good idea. By the time you get me over there, I will be saying something and you could disappear. I am using that this next week, I promise. Oh man.

Dude, I mean. Oh Andy, Andy come here, you gotta check this out. Yeah and then. Mike has done that before. Mike has brought us in, and then you look around, and you're like, where did he go? Yeah, I mean, there's different levels. You can hit the people like, oh, I'll be right back.

Or you just wait until there's a little bit of a louder moment, and you slink Homer Simpson into the bushes, and you never return. Yeah, I mean, you just walk off sometimes. Yes. Where everyone's talking and you just turn you just turn back full back and just walk away. I need a button on my watch that I can push that will make my phone ring and now I can say it's like the kids. Oh my gosh I almost had to text my son yesterday to come rescue me from the door. I had a solicitor come in.

From the door? Oh, right door. I had, oh my goodness. This is Hard Sales Solar is the name of that company I imagined. Oh, yeah. Just, oh, they've been through the sales training sessions. We're not here soliciting.

We're just asking some questions. They know how to respond to everything you say. They'll leave everything with a question that you have to answer, overcoming objections. It was just like, I mean, you want to talk cold shoulder. I felt like the biggest jerk. I'm doing the like one- Did you do slow door close? No.

Yeah, that's how you got to do it, man. I did the half door open. I did the like leaning into the crack of the doorway. Okay, good for you. Step one. Yeah, but I mean 25 minutes later, I'm like still, dude, this door's half cracked. That's on you. No, it's on him.

He was so good at just not letting me go. How much information do you have now about the solar plan for it? None. I got his, I was very cold shoulder, but there was one point where I was like, I gave him lines. Like, no, I'm good.

I'm not gonna sit down and do a whole meeting. So if you wanna give me your website or something, it's not gonna happen. I literally said, it's not gonna happen. Oh, I get that, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it's like, he's not getting it. He says I get that, but you're not getting it. And I thought, I need to text Jason and be like, come.

You gotta say you're a renter. Come tell me, oh, I know that's. No, you need to tell him, be like, dude, I told you no. Guess what? I am now going to get solar from your competitor. Get off my property. Yeah, that does feel like a Mike fantasy football trade maneuver. You know what I mean? He's working with a trade and it's annoying and it's like, no, I'm not. I'm holding to my guns here. And it's like, no, you can't come to it. And it's like, no, I'm not, I'm holding to my guns here and it's like, no, you can't come to it and he's like, all right, I'm trading over it.

I know, I know. I want solar now from someone else. Yes, exactly. It would also be great to just be like, oh my gosh, I'd love to hear this, I'll be right back. And then close the door and they can hear the click, click, click of the lock. I've never done that and that sounds incredible.

How long would they stand there? Cause you said you're gonna come back. They should see you leave And you got it when you do that you have to peel out you have to pack up quick when you get on the road That is the ultimate escape on the road. That is the ultimate escape on the next you'll never get me alive. You watch your nest camp till they leave come back. No that's you peel out then but then you get on the nest cam you're like I'm going to be I will be right back or just drive a few houses down and park. Just a window down looking at the house. Oh man, these are all good plans, but those solar guys, man, they sell like... Get out of here, man.

Oh, they're rough. We were talking about the warm welcome and the cold shoulder. Well we weren't, but that was the question. Do I want a warm welcome every time? It feels good, man. A warm welcome. When someone, when you walk into a room or a place. You want that every day from Josh

or just like once in a while? No, a warm welcome is not a big bear hug from Josh. That's not what it is to me. That's an awful morning. No, a warm welcome is, to me, how I view it is when I walk in, what? You all right there? What happened there, Andy? Wrong pipe huh?

Borelin just has commentary. Oh alright. A warm welcome to me is like when you go into a place and it's more than one person like you can't get a warm welcome to me on a one-on-one I mean it just it doesn't mean as much it's when you're greeted fondly in front of a group. There he is. My man, he's here. Oh, you know. That sounds good. That sounds nice.

Dude, it feels great. And I want to give that to other people. I need to do more warm welcomes. I think I'm going to go with the warm welcome final answer because the cold shoulders, if you're giving me the cold shoulder, I don't need you in my life. 100%. Yeah, I think about the conferences where we've gotten cold shoulders in the past. I know who's cold shouldering life. 100%. Yeah, I think about the conferences where we've gotten cold shoulders in the past. I'm like, peace out.

I know who's cold shoulder in me. That's fantastic. Yeah. I love the cold shoulder. Dude, thank you. I don't have to waste my time anymore. You saved me from having to do it. No, I'm not the jerk, you're the jerk,

but I didn't wanna talk to you anyways, it was great. Okay, okay. Mike, are you going warm, Malcolm? Yeah, it's nice. It feels good. All right. I'm gonna commit, I'm gonna commit right here in front of you two gentlemen.

This next week when we go to a conference, I'm giving two warm welcomes. Oh, to two people. To two people. That you don't? I'm making a commitment too. Three cold shoulders. Oh nice, Andy, what can you commit to?

Probably 100 warm welcomes and no cold shoulders. Yeah, that's true. I need to not go. All right, let's go to Noah from the website. Would you rather have a magic fridge, freezer, pantry that instantly has whatever groceries you want from whatever store, and you get it all at 20% off grocery store prices?

What is happening? It's just getting better and better and better. Or have food from any restaurant in the world instantly appear on a plate at your table hot and fresh, but you have to pay full price for the food plus a 20% premium. When you say full price for the food, do you mean like the restaurant price?

Yeah, oh yeah. So it's already. You don't just mean like the cost. No, this is already expensive and then a premium. Right, but. And if you're ordering something nice, you're going to a nice restaurant, you're getting a steak from Maple and Asher. That is expensive plus 20%.

Yeah, but I do this right now. I pay a 20% premium to get lukewarm food. That's true. From, you know, from wherever. Anywhere. And this would be hot. And it takes sometimes 45 minutes and I Think it's probably more than I see 20% premium and what I hear is that's a discount. I Hear what a deal. I'm only getting charged a 20% premium for instant delivery. How do you not take the like unlimited?

food in your fridge freezer pantry though that is You never have to grocery shop again, but you have to cook. Yeah, that's the thing You have to cook every meal you have to make and find you want to just a sandwich make it You know what I mean? It does But if I want a sandwich snap my fingers, yeah, it's there It's the one I'm thinking about. It's my favorite sandwich from any restaurant I've ever been to. But you would potentially bankrupt yourself

in this situation. With the 20% premium? 20%? Or both. No, just because of the instantaneous, the instant gratification. Think I'm eating more meals now? I'm up to eight meals a day because I can get it quick?

100, well, yes, but I also believe, I just believe you would choose that option more often, right? Neither of these excludes the fact that you could go buy groceries still if you had the second option. Right. Or you could still pay for DoorDash if you had the first option.

I'm saying that, like, if you knew that you could snap your fingers, you're gonna spend more money in just total meals eating out. Yeah, yeah. 100% of your meals, until you're broke, are gonna probably be snapping your finger and have it right in front of you. Yeah, that is definitely true.

If I can snap magic food to me, why would I cook? I mean, at least- And not many places cook good food, so you're probably getting fatter. At least cooking, I know, like if, you know- I don't have to cook ice cream. I'd like that in my freezer all the time. Yeah, but I'm worried about the ingredients. You know what I mean?

Like I can get much better ingredients if I'm cooking it. When you get from a restaurant, you're getting a bunch of crap food, deep fry. That's what I'm saying. I think I'm gonna take the 20% off all the grocery prices and just have that stuff instantly at home. I'm going to take the 20% off the current of fees of my delivery service,

which is a 20% premium, and I will snap yes than food to. Yeah, I will take the premium. What time are you doing? The premium? I'm doing the premium. Is there ever a, you know how like sometimes, in fact, I think some companies exist where like,

instead of charging your battery on an electric car, and I promise this will tie in, the thought was they just swapped the battery, right? You go to a station and they hot swap the battery. That was how Tesla first was made. And there are some, I think there are some companies that do that over in Asia. Is there a world where we'd ever like,

just do a quick hot swap of the fridge like the full fridge they just show up they bring you in a full fridge they pull out your old fridge. You got to have a big front door. Yeah and your fridge has to be at the front door. They can do it. These people do it. I mean the hot swapping batteries those are things where you know you drive up on something and it automatically can take it's on the outside of the car and then put the new one on. You don't... Delivery service where someone's coming in your house, walking to your kitchen, grabbing the fridge, hauling it out, that is not...

We would innovate a little bit. Yeah, we'd put the fridge at the front door. I mean, if you could do it... Out front. It'd be built into the exterior wall. When I had to get a new fridge, the only way they could get it in was they had to completely dismantle it. They had to take all the doors off. And then this thing had to go in at the perfect curvature.

What are we doing with this? How do we get? I mean, how do we design? No, we need bigger doors is what we need. Like mandatory. It does seem like that's the one thing that, like if you go look at old school houses or old streets or old movie theater or theaters in New York, smaller seats, everything was for the smaller people. We never fixed our doors. We're all humongous. Yeah, yeah, what, I mean the standard door, too small. Too small.

Also, front doors with just one door. What is this house? Built in the 90s? You got to have the two doors? Yeah, the front door should all be the French door. I was imagining a very small one. And there's almost like an airlock. No, no, not like a double door.

You go through one, then another one. No, no, no Why would this become a thing? I'm saying that front doors to the house Should always be able to open two doors wide like French doors so that you can is that more of a security risk? I don't think so. It is it is more of a security risk. I think it's really I think it's easier to like kick those Yeah, I mean they have ways to secure it, but you don't have, you know, you don't have a middle beam. Because your bolt is not, yeah, it's not going into the stud.

Yeah, you can kick those down. I can kick them down. I've kicked down, I've stolen some stuff. I've kicked so many doors down. I've kicked French doors down all the time, man. We were talking about the freezer thing in the grocery. I think we figured that out. All right, we'll take a break We'll switch gears

What time is it game time? All right, it is time for some Baller Dash. We were given five prompts in five different categories. We secretly gave our answers to Al prior to the show. And now we are going to play some Baller Dash where Al is going to read all of our fake answers and the real answer. We're going to try to identify what the real one is and try to trick one another into believing that our answer is the real answer. And if none of that made sense, you'll catch on quickly. That was a perfect synopsis. Okay, good. That's the first time. Scoring wise, you get two points if you

guess the correct answer and one point if an opponent guesses your answer. Beautiful. I never win this, so let's go. The five categories are definition, notable person, acronym, movie plot, plot and weird laws we are starting with the definition and your word was sag butt spell that please s a g but a floppy flat booty okay how did you know what I wrote is a sag butt a medieval musical instrument resembling the trombone? A medieval instrument? A mythical creature that lurks in the corners of libraries

whispering spoilers for books you haven't read yet? Ah! Oh. That's a good mythical creature. A deep ocean creature known for its odd tail and lack of eyes. OK. Or an old fashioned leather sachet used to hold coins. Oh, man.

OK, so the medieval instrument, the spoiler creature. The spoiler creature. The deep ocean creature. Creepy ocean and then a coin purse. The spoiler creature is funny to me because it's mythical. But I can't imagine, I don't know, something about like a mythical creature being like also Doing something like being a spoiler which feels like such a It's hiding in the corner of a library

Such like a modern day thing He dies at the end This can't be a mythical creature Oh man That's a bit. That needs to be a full SNL sketch. It should. It should.

The mythical creature that spoils things. That hides in the corner? Yes. How do we do this on who picks first though? I think we take turns. Okay. So Andy, you're first. Oh, nice call.

I'll go the boring leather satchel is the answer I Am gonna go that to go on coin purse. I'm gonna go. Oh crap trombone. Oh, no is Jason the coin purse I'm the coin purse. That's a good answer. Thank you. He also got the correct answer Oh, I'm on fire. So that's a hot start for Jason four points. Yeah, that is correct nothing that is impossible That's why all the games done. I mean I made up that was fun. I made up the mythical library creature though It was great. I really enjoyed it. It just didn't make sense to me. Yeah, it's a little out there wasn't it? Oh, I loved it. I respect the answer next all right. We're moving on to the notable person all right His name is Bob Haefley

H-a-i-F-L-E-Y. Bob Haefley. Haefley. Was Bob Haefley a Hollywood stuntman who specializes in getting kicked by horses? Okay, all right. Is Bob Haefley renowned for inventing the world's first inflatable dartboard?

Dartboard? Inflatable dartboard? It's single use. That's funny. Was Bob Haefli a California man who used 65,000 toothpicks to build a life-size figure of Jesus Christ? Toothpicks, okay. Or was Bob Haefli famous for revolutionizing the kitchen world by creating Tupperware in 1946. Tupperware? It better not be that one. Man.

That's so boring. I think Tupperware. I don't know. Did you hear that name? Bob Haefly. I thought that was a woman. The Tupperware creator? I thought so.

Well, now. But now that sounds like it. Now it better be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I realized. I realized I messed that up pretty bad. But now that's now it better be I realized I messed that up pretty bad. Oh, I'm Google it yet because it could be the answer here, but

Now I'm holly what was the Hollywood The horse kicks dartboard toothpicks tupperware I'm gonna go toothpicks. Oh wait. I'm not supposed to know you're first. How dare you uh Dart board uh yeah, I'm going I'm going to fix. I'm going toothpicks toothpicks Alright all three of you guys got the correct answer alright Who invented Tu There it is. Well, we did get you up to that. Who invented Tupperware? Please be a woman. Nope. Earl, Earl Tupper. Earl Tupper. No, that makes complete sense. Tupperware's name. Why does it make complete sense? Cause his name is Tupper and it's Tupperware. It's like silverware,

plasticware invented by Bob Silver Tupperware. Oh yeah, that part makes sense. It's like silverware, plasticware, invented by Bob Silver. Tupperware. Yeah, Tupperware is named after a man. Tupper? I thought the person that invented Tupperware invented the Tupperware party. She had to be a woman. That was made back in the day when women were putting the food away.

I know where you're going. We should probably move on. Also, no, no, no. We can't move on yet. No, I need to figure out why I believe that. I want to know what the answer is. The answer is on this round, despite us getting them right. They were awesome.

Who had the inflatable dartboard? That was Andy's answer. Two for two on your creativity here. On zero points. Yeah, but I'm giving you the funniest answer point. Oh, I thought the horse kick was good. Yeah, but this one's deep. Yeah.

It's the single-use dart board. Like, that's so ridiculous. Earl Tupper invented the container seal. For Tupperware? I gotta make sure I'm right! But his partner Roger! You might want to bail out. Forge the plastic! Yeah, I think we'll bail out for now.

Alright, we're going to move on to the acronym. The acronym is AIMR. AIMR. AIMR. AIMR. Correct. Is AIMR Aerial Infrared Missile Reconnaissance, American Institute for Mustache Research. That's so stupid.

American Institute of Medical Researchers. Medical? Association for the Improvement of the Mississippi River. That's boring. I can spell that. So missile, mustache, medical. You didn't do it right. Mississippi.

Mine was Mississippi. That's stupid. Oh, so I'm up now. You're up now. Yeah. I'm going to go with the Mississippi River project. Me too. Wow. Yeah I guess I'm the Wow we're going six and oh here in two rounds and you guys all got the correct

answer. Okay I mean when I think where Jason is maintaining his four-point lead we have discovered each other's lie telling. We can see through all of each other's answers. We have Jason with eight and Andy and Mike both have four. Oh no. And we are going on to the movie title. The movie is called The Bridge Goes Wild. The Bridge.

And the bridge goes wild. And you guys need to find the correct synopsis. The bridge has gone wild. Brownie Wise. Is it a suspension? Hold on, hold on, Jeremy. Brownie Wise was the name of the woman that invented the Tupperware party and was

part of the head of that company. OK, of the marketing. That's what I remember. Gotcha. Moving on. Yeah. What a name, by the way. Tupperware?

No, Brownie Wise.ware. No Brownie wise Her name is Brownie, but she was very smart. Yeah. All right, go on All right The bridge goes wild is that a self-aware futuristic bridge traps and crushes commuters sparking chaos a traffic reporter and a reluctant Engineer must outsmart it before disaster strikes Say the beginning again the whole thing that was the synopsis. I the beginning part of that again. Wait, was that the whole thing? That was the synopsis. I'm going with not that one. Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and say, that wouldn't fit on a card.

A self-aware futuristic bridge traps and crushes commuters, sparking chaos. Oh, self-aware is the word I was trying to remember. Self-aware. The next answer. Why, you wrote it. A suspension bridge gains sentience and starts flinging cars into the ocean,

demanding toll payments. Toll, OK. A woman finally gets her dream job illustrating, goodness, I can't talk, illustrating children's books. OK. What? I will read that again. A woman finally gets her dream job illustrating children's

books. A bridge gone wild! What is her name? Bridget? Lastly a small-town farmers life is turned upside down when a big-city businessman moves into town I'm not a fan of any of this. No, I don't like all of them including... So two include real bridges and Like all of them including. So two include real bridges. And one includes a children's book and one includes a farmer.

Two of them are dangerous bridges that have gone wild. Andy, I think you're up. I don't think those are them. I'll go town farmer. I'm gonna go illustrator. I'm gonna go with the Illustrator too. Had nothing to do with it. Bridgette writing children's books on a bridge.

The correct answer is the children's books Illustrator, which Mike and Jason got. Andy guessed Mike's answer. Yeah, baby. So Mike walks away with three points there and Jason walks away with two. And you read my answer wrong, Jeremy. Thanks.

What did I read wrong? Nah, it doesn't matter now. It's over. You guys had these long. You're like, it was Terminator. The first two are ours, right, Jay? Yes, the first one was so obviously yours, because Mike and I both knew it was too long.

You guys have no idea how much I shortened that for Andy. I was like, dude, it's gotta fit on a card. What do you mean a card? Like, I don't know where the game comes from. If you were playing a game like Baller Dash, it's gotta fit. Snafu. All right, so we got Jason with 10, Mike with seven, eight. Hold on, I'm halfway done finished.

It's like, true. It all started when the bridge was. Sir, sir, calm down. Sir, we know that that's not the answer you can stop reading I know I know that's what he's like. Oh, that was the word. I was like for like dude. That was yours Because Mike made fun of it, and I made fun of it. It's obviously not the real answer so it's gotta be yours We just circle back to that one one more time, please. I think there's something there You both said it was wrong. So I'm gonna reread it in case you buy back They clearly missed out on part of this

Okay, all right, all right Mike with seven Andy with four Moving into the last round. Ten points and Bollardash is a lot. Which is weird laws. Weird laws. In Winnipeg, Manitoba, it is illegal to sell door-to-door on horseback. Oh, on horseback. It is illegal to sell door-to-door clams or oysters. Okay. It is illegal to sell door-to-door clams or oysters. It is illegal to sell door-to-door livestock.

What makes sense? Or it is illegal to sell door-to-door snow shovels due to price gouging. Ooh, I like the due to. So on horseback? Clams or oysters. Is this, this is Manitoba? It is Manitoba. Livestock and snow shovels due to price gouging. I believe not Mike.

I am first. I'm gonna go... I'm gonna go with clams. Cause they have feelings too. Hmm. Hmm. I was really, I feel like snow shovels might be yours, Mike. I was wanting you to guess that so that I would know it wasn't yours. I'm going to go clams. Because then I can't lose.

I'll go livestock. That was a smart move, Jason. That is the correct answer. Hmm. Clams? Yeah, clams and oysters was the correct answer. Hmm. Clams? Yeah, clams and oysters was the correct answer. Dang.

Which means... Which means Jason wins. But what was Mike's answer? Mike's was livestock, which Andy guessed. So I could have been overtaken there, right? You could have. Yes. I would have, yes.

Sometimes you played away the game. You played the game. You didn't answer with your heart. And I won. Disqualified. Yes, thank you. Five rounds. No one picked any of my answers Yes. Thank you five rounds No one picked any my answers once I think five right even one time got him all right I did I did not get I guess the right answer every time

Should have gone snow shovels should have gone with that bridge. That was AI invested and um Yeah, it's a heck of a I mean you want me to read that again You like the car check out the movies rolls off the tongue over a it's a heck of a, I mean, you, You want me to read that again? You like the card, check out the movie. It just rolls off the tongue. It's over, it's a 10 hour movie. It's the elevator pitch. Put that on the poster. Oh.

A quick, quick description. People can read that. Quick, two or three minutes. I told you, I always lose this game. All right, take it a break, get into the draft. The spitballers draft. Oh, I'm losing baller dash. I'm getting in trouble with Earl Tupper. Um, and here we are.

We're drafting the worst songs. Did you can play at someone's funeral? Hmm. And here we are, we're drafting the worst songs that you can play at someone's funeral. There is some decorum necessary in the somber funeral atmosphere. And so you might not want to have these in your playlist. And it could be for different reasons. Like Mike was saying at the beginning, maybe it's the title just seems like something

Inappropriate maybe it's the song itself. Maybe it's the meaning I think there is one that I Can't I can't even imagine like I can't justify it But I'm gonna kick that down The road cuz I don't I don't think you guys will draft. I think it's we'll see I'm gonna play the game I'm gonna take the one that down the road, because I don't think you guys will draft it. I think it's, we'll see. I'm gonna play the game. I'm gonna take the one that feels the most home run across the board, the title, the song itself.

It's Another One Bites the Dust by Queen. I don't think you wanna be at a funeral and be like, boom, boom, boom, ooh, another one bites the dust. It would be pretty funny. Another one bites the dust. You'd like that? It'd be funny. I think in the right context,

I think a lot of these would be funny. I might want, well, there's awkward, there's offensive. Right. There's just, yeah, that's a good one. It would have been my first pick. Not a good one to play. Likewise, I'm gonna go Highway to Hell by ACVs. Oh, that was my number two on my list.

I think Highway to Hell would be a problem. Gotcha. Mine is along, I'm going along with the lines with Andy there. Or, I mean, maybe your preferred burial style. It's an upbeat song from the disco era. Burn, baby, burn. Disco Inferno. Now we all get to dance.

And I don't know, maybe your ashes, maybe you're burning with the devil. I don't know. Burn, baby, burn. One of those two. And then for my second pick, I'm going to go this one's a little, the tone fits a funeral, it's a little more somber, a little more down. Believe it was a one hit wonder,

Daniel Powder, I guess is the name, is. I have never heard of Daniel Powder. The song is You Had a Bad Day. Oh yeah, you had a bad day. Oh yeah. Yeah. I know that, that's a pretty bad day. You had a final day. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know that. That's a pretty bad day. You had a final day.

Exactly. No more bad days. That's the good news. Is it back to me? Yep. Unless they're burned, baby, burned. You know what I'm saying? I tried to think outside the box a little bit.

And so look, anything can come onto the sound system here at the funeral home. So I think a real awkward one would be the if you're happy and you know it clap your hands. Oh yeah for sure. Okay who's singing with me? All right. And what I mean if it's a big enough if it's a big enough funeral do you think you get one clap? Like somebody just like muscle memory if you're happy and you know clap your hands. Oh, we got one. There is there is you Jason. Yeah. You're the funeral clapper. Well what's worse someone clapping or no one clapping and then the song is over and everyone's like oh this sucks. Just dies

out. If you're happy and you know clap your hands. Yeah. If you're. Oh it's a funeral. Yeah. Your feet. Probably shouldn't be doing this here. So OK, so that's more similar to what? The ex-wife is the one that claps. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's similar to what I'm more outside the box, less Billboard top 100, but something that feels like not the place.

And that is happy birthday. Oh. If someone celebrates someone's birthday. Oh, if someone celebrates someone's birthday, we're gonna celebrate someone's birthday. I feel like, I don't know, man. Is that even like, is it even legal to sing happy birthday to a dead person? Well, I don't think you'd be singing it to the dead person, but like, let's say it just happens to be my birthday and I'm coming to the funeral and then everybody wants to sing me happy birthday. No, what if, to Andy's point, what if your funeral is on your birthday? Do you sing happy birthday?

Oh, I want to hear the most somber happy birthday. Anybody ever done a combo funeral birthday party? Like someone was- Ever in the history? I'm sure that's happened. You get so many people. Like you bring a present and you attend a funeral? Hmm.

Do you bring a present? And there's like two- And you bring a present to a present? And there's like two different cupcakes? Well, if it's a half birthday, half funeral. There's like black cupcakes and white cupcakes. You just got me thinking about, of all the things that you're like, it's a party, you show up and you're supposed to bring something. But you don't bring anything to a funeral.

Flowers. You can bring flowers. Yeah, you can bring, yeah, I don't know what else you bring. Snacks. Snacks? Yeah, well, sometimes you do a potluck afterwards. Right, that is what I was thinking at first,

was like, you bring like, you know, everyone brings something for the big potluck afterwards, but then it transitioned in my mind to just like this is gonna be a long funeral man I need some Doritos. If I cut some little blood sugar if I go down before you guys and you attend my funeral will you make sure that we have people walking the aisles off like selling stuff? Oh like at a stadium yeah like hot dogs popcorn is that an official request? It's an official request. I will get the... But they sell them somber style.

Oh. Like they're not selling them like... Hot dogs? I was gonna get you the lemonade guy. Do you want a hot dog? Do you want a hot dog? Yeah, I'm selling them. Lemonade!

Fresh hot dogs. Yeah. Just died. All right, so I'm... Three day old hot dogs. I'm back up, right? Yeah. Well, so I'm going with kind of the opposite of my first one

You know the first one another one bites the dust feels inappropriate because Someone just bit the dust, but I don't know if that's worse Then if you were to sing the opposite at a funeral I'm gonna the Bee Gees, staying alive. Oh, staying alive, okay. Whoops, should have taken that one out of the rotation, DJ.

Staying alive at the funeral's bad, kind of like, whoops. That would be especially rough. If you were at a funeral, ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive. And I mean, like with my song too, I mean, people crying when disco's playing, it's a bad look. That's tough. I'm gonna go hit the Road Jack by Ray Charles. Okay.

And don't come back. And don't come back no more. You won't. Mike, you are back on the clock. All right, so my final picks. My final two picks, number one here, we're gonna go with the biggest pop star in the world, T final two picks. Number one here, we're going to go with the biggest pop star in the world, T-Swift.

We're going to go with We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. Yeah, I had that on my list, too. What did you do with the cough button over there, man? Did you miss it? You were like, you missed it. Because I watched his hand. He went because I watch his hand I think I got fun that he was like rotating it in like like a No, no, it's been it's missed is the single worst episode I've ever had I get one more pick

We're gonna go with bodies by a drowning pool. Is that let the bodies hit the floor? That is a fix. Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. I mean, then we can all get in a circle mosh, circle pit. Oh my gosh.

What's up, Denny's? A funeral mosh? A circle pit. Caskets in the middle. Yes. Yeah. Now we're talking. You mosh around the cat

Around the around the cat you know that things ending up on someone toss the casket like crowd surfing like a crowd sir Yeah, and everybody's let the bodies hit the floor one last crowd sir Frank guarantee that's happened somebody has done that. Well, I mean, it's Paul bears. You basically do it. This is tough. My final pick, my final pick, um, bye bye bye bye by instinct. Oh, it is. I'm gonna go bye bye bye. Um, it's tough. There's a, there's a handful of other ones here. We'll get to them in the honorable mentions. There's quite a bit. I'm not going to take this one. I'm get to them in the honorable mentions. There's quite a bit. I'm not going to take this one.

I'm the last pick, right? Yeah, you're not going to take what one? I'm not going to take it. Why don't you take the one you're going to take, and then tell us the ones you're not going to take? All right. OK, that's fair. We'll do it in the order we usually go with.

We'll do it your way. It's the show's way. Man, I'm so close between two. Who? Are you going to throw out both names and the one that gets the better reaction? No, no. That's the one you're going to pick? No, I'm going to go with the electric slide.

I think that one just feels like, because when it comes on, everyone knows, oh, we're supposed to get up and do the electric slide. Like that, the chicken dance? Yeah, any one of those things. It's fun to stay at that it's like that comes up And then you know the muscle memory of someone's gonna be like oh wait we're doing the electric slide here That's pretty funny. I didn't have a dad's funeral

The one I didn't take so my free agent list here. I had ding dong the witches did I did have that one, too? My humps by the black eyed My lovely lady I did have that one too. My humps by the black eyed peas. Oh my gosh. I just thought My lovely lady. I know the song. Check it out. It just feels totally inappropriate Because it is celebration from cool in the gang. Yeah Let's see. What else I just died in your arms tonight That's an incredible song. Yeah, and then my final one was Baby Shark. Just to be annoying.

Yeah, just to be annoying. Thank you for telling us the rest of the lyrics. Yeah. What's the next part? Do, do, do, do, do. We had, I had Thank You Next. I thought that was by Ariana Grande. Let It Go.

And Pop Goes the Weasel. Oh, that's a good one. And maybe the Ghostbuster theme. I don't know. Okay. How does that go? That's next level. It's kind of cool. I had Running with the Devil from Van Halen.

Final countdown. Nice. From Europe. You hit zero. Somebody that I used to know by Godiac. I had that too. And then the last one I had, Forget You by CeeLo. So, I had that too.

And then last one I had, Forget You by CeeLo. Yep. Yep. Yep. What did we learn today? Earl Tupper. I know what he learned. Earl Tupper founded Tupperware while Brownie Wise pioneered

the marketing strategy. Very nice. I learned what a sag butt is. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, what was the right answer for a sag butt? Some medieval looking trombone? Yeah, that's correct. Play the sag butt! When I was trying to make notes on it, my spell check was like, that's not a word.

It did not like sag butt. No, neither mean there do I and I learned that I am committed to giving people warm welcomes such a friendly guy Mike's got his cold shoulders on lock. Yeah Well, thanks for listening everybody. We will do this again sometime Goodbye Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.