Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Remote Senses & Worst Songs To Play at a Funeral - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

Spit Hit for April 9th, 2026:  It’s another hilarious episode of the Spitballers! On this episode we have to decide on which remote senses make the most sense, play some Ballerdash and end things with a Worst Songs to Play at a Funeral Draft Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Do Dad be bad, be go. Yes. Yes. Yes. Zero. You're giving yourself a zero? Well, I don't have two of these or it would have been a ten. This is just a just. the second digit of a 10, Mike. We don't restart shows ever. We never have. We never will.

But if we did, we would have. I gave you the blueprint, Jay. When you screw up, you just go, nope. That's right. I forgot about the nope. I felt real good on the beginning. Did you go into a blud-l-l-l-l-blub.

I mean, like, that was bad. Look, I'm very tired. That's in the bottom five. Yeah. All time. But thankfully, I have. I have very tepid and afraid. The nice, the nice thing, though, is I have good company with myself in the bottom. Yeah, the donkeys down there.

This has been a good run for us. Welcome into the spitballers. Episode 316. Is that right? 316. That is 316. 316. Would you rather?

And we're playing a game today. We're playing Ballardash back on the episode and drafting the worst songs to play at a funeral. Oh, that's going to be real fun. Okay. There's some good, there's some good song titles there. The titles alone. Yeah, I tried to imagine myself sitting in the solemn assembly and hearing these songs come on. Yeah, I wasn't sure which direction you guys would go.

Okay. Well, look. The impact of that song, song title, because sometimes just the song title is like, oh, that's really funny. But then if you play the song, it might not be that funny. No, I get, I get you. I think I'm more on the song title. But we'll see. There's one that I think is the best.

A lot of people. It's like the 101, but I'm not going to take it with the first pick. They name their songs after some of the words that they say a lot in the song. And that's kind of the direction. Sometimes. Yeah, not always. Not always. But that's what we're doing today.

You can follow us on X at Spitballers Pod. Follow Jason at Jason FFL. Mike is at FFitman. I'm at Andy Holloway over on X. We always appreciate it if you take a moment. And if you're on Apple Podcasts, click that follow button. leave us a review. If you're on Spotify, click that follow button

and tell your friends and family about the show if you'd like them to enjoy their life. And if you're indifferent to it, also let them know. The only situation you don't let them know is if you actively despise them. In that situation, you probably don't want to tell them about it. Yeah, it will. It could make them happy.

It could make them happy. Very happy. So we appreciate everybody that supports us in those ways, and we'll kick it off. Would you rather? It looks like our first question is from Chuck over on Patreon. Chuck? Yep, Chuck.

What's up, Chuck? Thank you. Which of these body parts, would you rather have the ability to launch and control remotely like a drone? Your eyes, your mouth, your nose, or your ears. And I like this question. I am, I'm already, my brain is already, you're noodling? Yeah, I'm just thinking about like, obviously the eyes you could fire them off, like a surveillance drone. I barely got that word.

Surveillance. Surveillance. Surveillance. Say that word. Surveillance. Are you going on? You're still saying it wrong. I'm adding the like spelling of it.

Just say it. Just say it. Huh? Surveillance. Yeah. All right. Yeah, you were going like surveillance. Yeah, because that's how you spell it, right?

Oh, maybe. I don't remember. We don't know. That's all you, man. Your mouth. The mouth is funny if I could go like sneak eating food off of people. Oh, you know what I mean? You're going.

I thought you had to be like, hey, pst. Over here. Telling secrets. No, I went like straight to I'm at a food court and I'm like, I'm like grabbing a quick sip of someone's. I don't know. That is the spirit of the question because these are all your senses. Which of your senses would you want to remotely control? Okay.

I feel like you'd have to bite it and bring it back. Wait, are you telling me that my thought process was wrong, Al? No, you say it was right. I think that was correct. Okay. That's how I interpreted it. The nose, I don't need to remote smell much. So that one's out for me.

No. You can get your nose out of here, though. Ears would be. Oh, that's fair. You're like, I'm going to, I'm going into a gas station bathroom. Oh, and you can leave my nose in the car? I'm going to leave my nose in the car, exactly. I'll tell you what, man.

We were driving to school the other day, and my kids all wanted a remote nose. They needed it, but something happened to me. Oh, it was you. It was me. Oh, yeah. It was one of those, it was one of those farts that was the smallest little, you can't leak out a less fart. But was it just, I mean, it was hot. Yeah.

It was hot. The windows fogged. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face. They were all angry, huh? Oh, it was. Sounds pretty bad. It was incredible. Man.

And so, yeah. I guess the nose has some practicality. The ears obviously, I mean, that one is, that one's sneaky. See those ears into any room? I don't think you want that. We've had kind of questions about mind reading before on this show. And the more that I've thought deeply, philosophically about this, I think people need their secrets from you.

I don't think you want to know everybody's thoughts. I really, I think it will backfire. Is that because basically everybody's probably said something negative? Yeah. about even their friends. We're all jerks. And so if you knew everything, you'd hate yourself.

You'd hate, you would hate everybody. Yeah, yeah. I don't think you want, let, you know, ignorance is bliss. But there's still,

there's other things like, you can get passwords. Yeah, but you could do that with eyeballs too. The problem is the eyeballs, you'd have to like learn how to lip read or something, right? Because your ears isn't coming with you. Like,

you can't send me eyeballs into a movie theater to like sneakily watch a movie for free because you don't got the ears. Oh, interesting. So it's really just... What are you going to do with this new magical power? I'm going to save like 11 bucks. It's just going to sneak these bad boys in the back of the theater.

No one's the wiser. Or into a basketball game. Sit front row? My eyes just bleak. I mean, my... There's just these two eyeballs hovering. Cordside, baby. Yeah, you get the nose bleed. You know what I mean? You go all the way to the top of that thing.

Oh, yeah. I'm flying around like the NFL Skycam. Oh, yeah. If you sat at the top. What are you going to do? You can't stop my eyeballs from flying. That's dangerous. You know, they're chucking up three-pointers. Do they fly?

Do they fly separate or together? You want them together. Otherwise, you're going to throw up. Yeah, you're going to have real bad depth. You're going to be up in the stands just. Blah! The eyes are the first thing that makes sense to me because it is what we're used to with like a drone. But when I think about the actual application of drone usage, like,

usage like just getting surveillance. I don't like I don't really need surveillance a lot. I'm not like scouting out woods and like. No but if you flew your mouth around you could spit on people. Yeah? Which I know you like to do. I think you could make some if you flew your mouth around you could have a lot more fun. You could go you know what I mean? I mean you could just go up

behind people. You could scare the tarnation out of people. Sure. Yeah. You could just make people question their sanity or their life. Just whisper things in a room. No one's there. Plus, you get to taste, you know, go ahead and. Strangers food? Well, I'll just go to Coldstone. I'm going to taste all the flavors and just fly, boom, boom, boom.

I think I lean, I think I lean mouth. What is Mike giggling about? Don't worry about me. Oh, no. I'm going eyeballs. I think it's the most practical. I guess I'll go eyeballs. Matthew from the website,

would you rather always be given a warm welcome or never be given or never be given, or never be given the cold shoulder? This seems like would you like a good thing or not a bad thing? Does this even make sense? Would you rather that you're given a warm welcome? Okay, so that's really nice. Or never be given a cold shoulder.

Right, right. So that's a good thing. That, wait. So, there's two good things. Okay, I'm with you. Yeah, so never being given a cold shoulder means no one's ever rude to you, No one's ever smug.

No one ever ignores you when you come in. How do you, that's the cold shoulder? How do you react to a cold shoulder? I feel bad in my heart. I go big goals, huh? Yeah, that is, that is. We've been cold shouldered at events in the past.

Oh, yeah. If you've ever gone to any type of giant gathering, of course you've gotten in cold shoulders. I don't think I know how to cold shoulder people properly. No, you don't. I don't like being around. My shoulders are warm. Mike does.

Mine are just dead. Yeah. Mike is the ultimate cold shoulder. It's amazing. What's funny is we're kind of like a, we're a gradient, the three of us. Yeah. You know, and so like we go to conferences. We're going to a conference again next week.

You know, for our. I can't wait to smoke bomb you guys there. Fantasy sports. Well, here's the wonderful part about it is Andy cannot cold shoulder to the point where he's basically, you know, he's not physically hugging them, but. I'm in a conversation with him all. He is emotionally making sure whoever comes up to him is getting wrapped in a nice, warm blanket and being taken care of. Now, sometimes that stinks because it's like, oh, don't say, don't say hi to that.

Don't, oh, now we're here. But Mike taught me something, which is you can sneak out of there. Yes, you can. You can absolutely. I mean, Andy is bait. Andy is bait. And then it's just like, oh, I got to go to the bathroom. And then you will see me in two hours.

If you're in a bad conversation, you should. should invite me over. You should be like, come on over here. Oh, that's a good idea. Because by the time you get me over there, I will be saying something and you could disappear. I am using that this next week. I promise. Oh, man. Dude. I mean, oh, Andy, Andy, come here. You got to check this out. Yeah. And then Mike has done that before. Mike has brought us in and then you look around and you're like, where did he go? Yeah. I mean, there's different levels. You can, you can hit the people like, oh, I'll be right back. Or you just wait until there's a little bit of a louder moment. and you slink Homer Simpson into the bushes and you never return.

Yeah, I mean, you just walk off sometimes. Where everyone's talking and you just turn away, you just turn back. Full back and just walk away. I need a button on my watch that I can push that will make my phone ring. And I can say it's like the kids. Oh my gosh. I almost had to text my son yesterday to come rescue me from the door. I had a solicitor.

From the door. Oh, I had. Oh, my goodness. This is hard sales solar is the name of that company I imagine. Yeah. Just, oh, they've been through the sales training sessions. We're not here soliciting. We're just asking some questions.

They know how to respond to everything you say. They'll leave everything with a question that you have to answer, overcoming objections. It was just like, I mean, you want to talk cold shoulder. I felt like the biggest jerk. I'm doing the like one. Did you do slow door close? Yeah, that's how you got to do it.

I did the half door open. I did the like leaning into the crack of the doorway. Okay, good for you. Step one. Yeah, but you, I mean, 25 minutes later, I'm like still, dude, this door is half crack. That's on you. No, it's on him. He was so good at just not letting me go.

How much information do you have now about the solar plan for? None. I got his, I was, I was very cold shoulder. But there was one point where I was like, I gave him lines. Like, no, I'm good. I'm not going to sit down and do a whole meeting. So if you want to give me your website or something, it's not. going to happen. I literally said it's not going to happen. Oh, I get that, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, he's not getting it. He says I get that, but you're not getting it. And I thought, I need to text Jason and be like, come. You got to say you're a renter. Come tell me. Oh, I know. Dude, I told you no. And guess what? I am now going to get solar from your competitor. Get off my property. That does feel like a Mike Fantasy football trade maneuver. You know what I mean? He's working. He's working.

with a trade and it's annoying and it's like no I'm not I'm holding to my guns here and it's like no I you can't come to it and he's like all right I'm trading him over I know I'm I want solar now yeah from someone else yes exactly it would also be great to just be like oh my gosh I'd love to hear this I'll be right back and then close the door and they can hear the click

click click of the lock I've never done that and that's you got that incredible how long would they stand there because you said you're going to come back they should see you leave the leaving the garage pulling out the and you got it

when you do that you have to peel out you have to pack out quicker when you get on the road that is the ultimate escape on the nest camp you'll never get to be alive you watch your nest camp

till they leave come back no that's you peel out but then you get on the nest cam camp you're like I'm going to be right I will be right back or just drive a few houses down apart.

Just a window down looking at the house. Oh, man. These are all good plans. But those solar guys, man, they, they sell like, get out of here, man. Oh, they're rough. We were talking about the warm welcome and the cold shoulder. Well, we weren't, but that was the question. Do I want a warm welcome every time? It feels good, man. A warm welcome. When someone, when you walk into a room or a place. You want that every day from Josh? Or just. like once in a while. No, a warm welcome is not a big bear hug from Josh. That's not what

it is to me. That's, that's an awful morning. No, a warm welcome is, to me, how I view it is when I walk in, what happened there, Andy? Wrong pipe. How old are you just has commentary. Oh, all right. A warm

welcome to me is like when you go into a place and it's more than one person. Like you can't get a warm welcome to me on a one-on-one. I mean, it just doesn't mean as much. It's when you're greeted fondly in front of a group. Yeah. Oh, there he is. My man, he's here. Oh, that sounds good. That sounds nice. Dude, it feels great. And I want to give that to other people. I need to do more warm welcomes. I think I'm going to go with the warm welcome final answer because the

cold shoulders, if you're giving me the cold shoulder, I don't need you in my life. 100%. Yeah, I think about the conferences where we've gotten cold shoulders in the past. I'm like, I know who's cold shoulder to me. Yeah. That's fantastic. Yeah. I love. I love. I love you. I love. I love the cold shoulder. Dude, thank you. I don't have to waste my time anymore. You saved me from having to do it. No, I'm not the jerk.

You're the jerk, but I didn't want to talk to you anyways. It's great. Okay, okay. Mike, are you going warm welcome? Yeah, it's nice. It feels good. All right. I'm going to commit.

I'm going to commit right here in front of you two gentlemen. This next week when we go to a conference, I'm giving two warm welcomes. Oh, to two people. To two people. That you don't. I'm making a commitment to. Three cold shoulders. Oh, nice. Andy, what can you commit to?

Probably 100 warm welcome with no cold shoulders. Yeah, that's true. I need to not go. All right. Let's go to Noah from the website. Would you rather have a magic fridge, freezer, pantry? Yes. That instantly has whatever groceries you want from whatever store,

and you get it all at 20% off grocery store prices. What is happening? It's just getting better and better and better. Or have food from any restaurant in the world instantly appear on a plate at your table, hot and fresh. But you have to pay full price for the food plus a 20% premium. When you say full price for the food, do you mean like the restaurant price? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

You don't just mean like the costs. No, this is already expensive and then a premium. Right. And if you're ordering something nice, you're going to a nice restaurant. You're getting a steak from maple and ash or, you know, that is expensive plus 20%. Yeah. I do this right now. I pay a 20% premium to get lukewarm food.

That's true. From, you know, from wherever. And it takes sometimes 45 minutes. And I think it's probably more than 20% now. I see 20% premium. And what I hear is that's a discount. I hear what a deal. I'm only getting charged of 20% premium for instant delivery.

How do you not take the like unlimited food in your fridge, freezer, or pantry though that is you never have to grocery shop again but you have to cook yeah that's the thing you have to cook every meal you have to make and fine you want to just a sandwich make it you know what I mean

but if I want a sandwich snap my fingers yeah it's there it's the one I'm thinking about it's my favorite sandwich from any restaurant I've ever been to but you would you would potentially bankrupt yourself in this situation with the 20% premium 20% not just because just because of the instantaneous you know the instant

gratification. I think I'm eating more meals now? Like I'm up to like eight meals a day because I can get it quick. I hundred. Well, yes, but I also believe, I just believe you would eat, you would choose that option more often, right? Neither of these excludes the fact that you could go buy groceries still if you had the second option.

Right. Or you could still pay for DoorDash if you had the first option. I'm saying that like if you knew that you could snap your fingers, you're going to spend more money in just total meals eat out. Yeah. 100% of your meals until you're broke are going to probably be snap, snapping your finger and have it right in front of you. Yeah, that is definitely true.

If I can snap magic food to me, why would I cook? And not many places cook good food, so you're probably getting fatter. At least cooking, I know, like if, you know. I don't have to cook ice cream. I'd like that in my freezer all the time. Yeah. But I'm worried about the ingredients. You know what I mean?

Like, I can get much better ingredients if I'm cooking it. When you get from a restaurant, you're getting a bunch of, you know, crap food. Yeah. Deep fried. That's what I'm saying. I think I'm going to take the, I'll take, I'll take the 20% off all the grocery prices and just have that stuff instantly at home. I'm going to take the 20% off the current fees of my delivery service, which is a 20% premium and I will snap instant food. Yeah, I'll take the, which are you doing?

I'm doing the premium. Is there ever a world, you know how like sometimes, in fact, I think some companies exist where like, instead of charging your battery on an electric car, and I promise this will tie in. The thought was they just swap the battery, right? You go to a station and they hot swap. They hot swap the batteries. That was how Tesla first was made.

And there are some, I think there are some companies that do that over in Asia. Is there a world where we'd ever like just do a quick hot swap of the fridge, like the full fridge, they just show up, they bring you in a full fridge, they pull out your old fridge. You got to have a big front door. Yeah, and your fridge has to be at the front door.

No, no, they can do it. These people do it. I mean, the hot swapping batteries, those are things where, you know, you drive up on something and it automatically can take it. It's on the outside of the car and then put the new one on. You don't, delivery service where someone's coming in your house, walking to your kitchen, grabbing the fridge, hauling it out. We would innovate a little bit.

Yeah, we'd put the fridge at the front door. I mean, if you could do it. Out front? It'd be built into like the exterior wall. when I had I had to get a new fridge the only way they could get it in was they had to completely

Disassemble it They had to take all the doors off And then this thing had to go in at the perfect Curvature You know what are we doing with this How do we get I mean how do we design No we need bigger doors is what we need Like mandatory

It does seem like that's the one thing that Like if you go look at old school houses Or old streets or old streets or old movie theater or theaters in New York, smaller seats. Everything was for the smaller people. We never fixed our doors.

We're all humongous. Yeah. I mean, the standard door, too small. Too small. Also, front doors with just one door. What is this house built in the 90s? Like, you've got to have the, you got to have the two doors. Yeah, front doors should all.

Always a double. I was imagining a very small way. And there's almost like an airlock. No, no, not. Not like a double door. You go through one, then another one? No, no, no. Why? When did this become a thing?

I'm saying that front doors to the house should always be able to open two doors wide, like French doors. Is that more of a security risk? I don't think so. It is more of a security risk. I think it's easier to, like, kick those. Yeah, I mean, they have ways to secure it, but you don't have, you know, you don't have a middle beam. Because your bolt is not, yeah, it's not going into a stud. Yeah, you can kick those down.

I've kicked down. I've stolen some stuff. I've kicked French doors down all the time, man. We were talking about the freezer thing of the grocery. I think we figured that out. All right. We'll take a break. We'll switch gears.

What time is it? Game time. All right. It is time for some baller dash. We were given five prompts in five different categories. We secretly gave our answers to Al, prior to the show. And now we are going to play some ballardash

where Al is going to read all of our fake answers and the real answer. We're going to try to identify what the real one is and try to trick one another into believing that our answer is the real answer. And if none of that made sense, you'll catch on quickly. That was a perfect synopsis.

Okay, good. That's the first. Scoring wise, you get two points if you guess the correct answer and one point if an opponent guesses your answer. Beautiful. I never win this, so let's go. The five categories are definition, notable person, acronym, movie plot, and weird laws. We are starting with the definition, and your word was sagbutt. Spell that, please. S-A-G-B-U-T, sagbutt, a floppy-foot.

Okay. How did you know what I wrote? Is a sagbutt, a medieval musical instrument resembling the trombone? A medieval instrument. A mythical creature that lurks in the corners of libraries whispering, spoilers for books you haven't read yet. That's a good mythical creature. A deep ocean creature known for its odd tale and lack of eyes.

Okay. Or an old-fashioned leather satchet used to hold coins. Oh, man. Okay, so the medieval instrument, the spoiler creature. The spoiler creature. The deep ocean creature. And then a coin purse. The spoiler creature is funny to me,

because it's mythical, but I can't imagine, I don't know, something about like a mythical creature being like also doing something like being a spoiler, which feels like such a... It sounds incredible.

Such like a modern day thing. He dies at the end. This can't be a mythical creature. Oh, man. That's a bit. Like, that needs to be like a full S&L sketch. It should. The mythical creature that spoils things.

That hides in the corner? How do we do this on who picks first? I think we take turns. Okay. So, uh, Andy, you're first. Oh, nice call. I'll go the, I'll go the boring leather satchel is the answer. I am going to go that too.

I'm going to coin purse. I'm going to go. Oh, crap. Trombone. Oh, no. Is Jason the coin purse? I'm the coin purse. That's a good answer.

Thank you. He also got the correcting. Oh, I'm on fire. So that's a hot start for Jason. points. What? Yeah. That is correct. Ford of nothing. That is impossible. That's wild. The game's done. I made up the mythical library creature though. It was great.

I really enjoyed it. It just didn't make sense to me. Yeah, it was a little out there, wasn't it? Oh, I loved it. I respect the answer. Next. All right, we're moving on to the notable person. His name is Bob Haefley. H-A-I-F-L-E-Y. Bob H-H-A-F-L-E-E-F-L-E-F-L-E-F-L-E. Was Bob H-Hafley a Hollywood stuntman who special and getting kicked by horses. Okay. Is Bob Haefley renowned for inventing the world's first inflatable dartboard?

Dartboard? Inflatable dartboard? Single use. That's funny. Was Bob Haifley a California man who used 65,000 toothpicks to build a life-sized figure of Jesus Christ? Toothpicks. Okay. Or was Bob Haifley famous for revolutionizing?

the kitchen world by creating Tupperware in 1946. Tupperware. It better not be that one. Man. That's so boring. I think Tupperware. I don't know. Did you hear that name? Bob Haefley. I thought that was a woman. The Tupperware creator? I thought so. Well, now. But now that sounds like that. Now it better be.

Yeah. I realized I realized I messed that up pretty bad. Oh, I can't Google it yet because it could be the answer. here but uh well they i'm looking it up now um holly what was the hollywood oh gosh a hollywood stupman who specializes and getting kicked better be the horse kicks dartboard toothpicks tuffer way i'm going to go toothpicks oh wait i'm not supposed no you're not picking first how dare you uh dart board uh yeah i'm going i'm going toothpicks i'm going toothpicks all right all three of you guys got the correct answer all right there it is Oh, we did good.

See your update on that Tupperware. Oh, my gosh. Who invented Tupperware? Please be a woman. Nope. Earl. Earl Tupper. Earl Tupper.

Wait, no. That makes complete sense. Tupperware's name after the person? Because his name is Tupper and it's Tupperware. Oh, yeah, that part makes sense. It's like silverware, plastic wear. Yeah, invented by Bob Silver. Tupperware.

Yeah. Tupperware was, is named after a man. I thought, I thought, I thought, I thought the person that invented Tupperware invented the Tupperware party That had to be a woman That was made back to day when women were putting the food away I know where you're going We should probably move on

Also no no no we can't move on yet No I need to figure out because why I believe that I want to know what the answer The answers on this round despite us getting them right They were awesome Who had the inflatable dark That was Andy's answer. Two for two on your creativity here.

On zero points. Yeah, but I'm giving you the funniest answer point. Oh, I thought the horse kick was good. Yeah, but this one's deep. Yeah. It's the single used dartboard. Like, that's so ridiculous. Earl Tupper invented the container seal.

For Tupper where I got to make sure I'm right. But his partner, Roger. You might want to bail out. Forge the plastic. Bail out. All right. Yeah, I think we'll bail out for now. All right, we're going to move on to the acronym.

The acronym is AIMR. A.I. A.I. A.I. A.I. A.A.M.R. Aerial Infrared Missile Missile Reconnaissance. Okay. American Institute for Mustass. Mustache Research. That's so stupid. American Institute of Medical Researchers. Medical.

Association for the Improvement of the Mississippi River. that's boring i can spell that so missile mustache medical you didn't do it right mississippi mine was mississippi oh um oh so i'm up now you're up now yeah i'm gonna go with the mississippi river project me too wow um yeah i guess i'm the wow where's going six and oh here in two rounds. And you guys all got the correct answer. Okay. I mean when I think we're Jason is maintaining his four

point lead. We have discovered each other's lie telling. We can see through all of each other's answers. We have Jason with eight and Andy and Mike both have four. Oh no. And we are going on to the movie title. The movie is called The Bridge Goes Wild. The Bridge.

And the Bridge goes wild. And you guys need to find the correct synopsis. Is it going wild? Brownie Wise. Is it a suspension? Hold on, hold on, Jeremy. Brownie Wise was the name of the woman that invented the Tupperware party and was part of

the head of that company. Okay, of the marketing. That's what I remember. Gotcha. All right. Moving on. Yeah. What a name, by the way.

Tupperware? No, Brownie Wise. Her name was Brownie. But she was very smart. Yeah. All right. All right. The bridge goes wild.

Is that a. self-aware futuristic bridge traps and crushes commuters sparking chaos. A traffic reporter and a reluctant engineer must outsmart it before disaster strikes. Say the beginning part of that again. That was the synopsis. I'm going with not that one. That wouldn't fit on a card. A self-aware futuristic bridge traps and crushes commuters sparking chaos.

Oh, self-aware is the word I was trying to remember. Self-aware. The next answer. Why, you wrote it. A suspension bridge gains sentience and starts flinging cars into the ocean, demanding toll payments. A woman finally gets her dream job illustrating, goodness, I can't talk, illustrating children's books. Okay. What?

I will read that again. A woman finally gets her dream job illustrating children's books. A bridge gone wild. Is her name Bridget? Oh. Lastly, a small town farmer's life is turned upside down. when a big city businessman moves into town. I'm not a fan of any of this.

No, I don't like all of them, including... So two include real bridges, and one includes a children's book, and one includes a farmer. Two of them are dangerous bridges that have gone wild. Andy, I think you're up. I don't think those are... I don't think those are them.

I'll go town farmer. I'm going to go... Illustrator. I'm going to go with the illustrator too. Had nothing to do with it. Bridgett writing children's books on a bridge. The correct answer is the children's book illustrator, which Mike and Jason got. Andy guessed Mike's answer.

Yeah, baby. So Mike walks away with three points there and Jason walks away with two. And you read my answer wrong, Jeremy. Thanks. What did I read wrong? Nah, it doesn't matter now. It's over. You guys had these long.

You're like, it was Terminator. The first two are ours, right, Jay? Well, yes. The first one was so obviously yours, because Mike and I both knew it was too long. You guys have no idea how much I shortened that for Andy. I was like, it's got to fit on a card. What do you mean a card? I don't know what the game comes from.

If you were playing a game like Baller Dash, it's got to fit. Snafoo. All right, so we got Jason with 10, Mike with 7. Hold on, I'm halfway done. Finish. It all started when the Brits. sir, calm down.

We know that that's not the answer. You can stop reading. It's been 12 minutes. I know. I know. That's why, but he's like, oh,

that was the word I was looking for. I'm like, dude, that was yours. We all know it was yours because Mike made fun of it and I made fun of it. It's obviously not the real answer.

So it's got to be yours. Can we just circle back to that one more time, please? I think there's something there. You both said it was wrong. I wanted to reread it in case you buy back in. They clearly missed out on part of this. Okay. All right.

All right. So we have Jason with 10. Mike with 7, Andy with 4, moving into the last round. 10 points in ballardash is a lot. Couldn't be over fast enough. Weird laws.

In Winnipeg, Manitoba, it is illegal to sell door to door on horseback. Oh, on horseback. It is illegal to sell door to door clams or oysters. It is illegal to sell door to door livestock.

That makes sense. Or it is illegal to sell door to door snow shovels due to price gouging. Oh, I like the, I like the due to. So on horseback. Clams or oysters. This is Manitoba? It is Manitoba. Livestock and snow shovels due to price.

I believe Mike is like I am first I'm going to go I'm going to go with clams because they have feelings to hmm hmm I was really I feel like snow shovels might be yours Mike I was wanting you to guess that so that I would know it wasn't yours I'm going to go clams because then I can't lose I'll go livestock that's a smart move Jason that is the correct answer hmm clams yeah clams and oysters was the correct answer. Which means. Which means Jason wins. But what was Mike's answer? Mike's was livestock with Andy guessed. So I could have been

overtaken there, right? Yes. I would have. Yes. Man, sometimes you played a win the game. You didn't answer with your heart. And I won. Disqualified. Yes, thank you. Five rounds. No one picked any of my answers once. I think five rounds. Not even one time. I think Jason got them all right. I did. I did not get. I guessed the right answer every time.

Should have gone snow shovels. Should have gone with that bridge that was AI infested. Yeah, it's a heck of a... You want me to read that again? You like the card. Check out the movie. It's rolls off the tongue. It's a 10-hour movie. It's the elevator pitch.

Put that on the poster. A quick, quick description. People can read that. Quick, two or three minutes. I told you, I always lose this game. All right, take it a break. Get into the draft. Oh, I'm losing Ballard Dash.

I'm getting in trouble with Earl Tupper. And here we are. We're drafting the worst songs that you can play at someone's funeral. There is some decorum necessary in the somber funeral atmosphere. And so you might not want to have these in your playlist. And it could be for different reasons. Like Mike was saying at the beginning, maybe it's the title, just seems like something

inappropriate. Maybe it's the song itself. Maybe it's the meaning. I think there is one that I can't even imagine like I can't justify it. But I'm going to kick that down the road because I don't think you guys will draft it. I think it's we'll see. I'm going to play the game.

I'm going to take the one that feels the most home run across the board, the title, the song itself. It's another one bites the dust. Yeah, okay. By Queen. I don't think you want to be at a funeral.

Don't be like, boom, boom. Oh, another one bites the dust. It would be pretty funny. You'd like that? I think in the right context. I think a lot of these would be funny. I might want, well, there's awkward. There's offensive.

Right. There's just, yeah, that's a good one. It would have been, would have been my first pick. Not a good one to play. Likewise, I'm going to go Highway to Hell by ACD. Oh, that was my number two on my list. I think Highway to Hell would be a problem. Yeah.

Mine is along, I'm going along the lines with Andy there. Or, I mean, maybe your preferred burial style. It's an upbeat song from the disco era. It's go, Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno. And then now we all. get to dance and I don't know maybe your ashes maybe you're burning with the devil I don't know

one of those two and then for my second pick I'm going to go this one's the little the tone fits a funeral it's a little more somber a little more down I believe it was a one hit wonder Daniel Powder I guess is the name

is I have never heard of Daniel the song is you had a bad day oh yeah you had a bad day oh yeah yeah I know that. That's a pretty bad day. You had a final day. Yeah, exactly. No more bad days. That's the good news. Is it back to me? Yep. Unless they're burned, baby burn. You know what I'm saying?

I tried to think outside the box a little bit. And so, look, anything can come on to the sound system here at the funeral home. So I think a real awkward one would be the if you're happy and you know it clap your hands. Oh, yeah, for sure. Okay, who's singing with me? All right. And why did, I mean, if it's a big enough, If it's a big enough funeral, do you think you get one clap? Like somebody just like muscle memory, if you're happy and you know,

clap your hands. We got one. There it is. There it is. It was you, Jason. Yeah. You're the funeral clapper. Well, what's worse?

Someone clapping or no one clapping? And then the song is over and everyone's like, oh, this sucks. Just dies out. If you're happy and you know, clap your hands. If you're, if you're,

no. Oh, it's a funeral. Stop your feet. Probably shouldn't be doing this here. So, okay, that was, so that's more similar to what. The ex-wife is the one that clacks. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's similar to what I'm more outside the box, less billboard top 100, but something that like feels like not the place. And that is happy birthday. Oh. If someone. We're going to celebrate someone's birthday. We're going to celebrate someone's birthday. I feel like, I don't know, man.

Is that even like, like. Like, is it even legal to sing happy birthday to a dead person? Well, I don't think you'd be singing it to the dead person. But, like, let's say it just happens to be my birthday and I'm coming to the funeral and then everybody wants to sing me happy birthday. No, what if, to Andy's point, what if you are, your funeral is on your birthday? Do you sing happy birthday? I want to hear the most somber happy birthday. Anybody ever done a combo funeral birthday party?

Like someone was. Ever in the history? I'm sure that's happening. There's so many people. You bring a present and you attend a funeral? Do you bring a present? And there's like two... And there's like two different cupcakes. Well, but if it's a half birthday, half funeral.

There's like black cupcakes and white cupcakes. You just got me thinking about it. Like, of all the things that you're like, it's a party you show up and you're supposed to bring something. Why? But you don't bring anything to a funeral. Flowers. You can bring flowers.

Yeah, you can bring, uh... Yeah, I don't know what else you bring. Snacks. snacks? Yeah, man, well, sometimes you do a potluck afterwards. Right. That is what I was thinking at first. It was like you bring like, you know,

everyone brings something for the big potluck afterwards. But then it transitioned in my mind to just like, this is going to be a long funeral. I need some Doritos. If I. Got some little blood sugar. If I go down before you guys and you attend my funeral, will you make sure that we have people walk in the aisles off, like selling stuff?

Oh, like at a stadium. Yeah, like hot dogs, popcorn. is that an official Is that an official request? It's an official request. I will get the... But they sell them somber style. Like they're not selling them like...

Hot dogs? I was going to get you the lemonade guy. Do you want a hot dog? Yeah, I'm selling them. Lemonade. Fresh hot dogs. Yeah. Just died.

All right. All right. So I'm... Three day old hot dog. I'm back up, right? Yeah. Well, so I'm going with kind of the opposite of my first one. You know, the first one, another one bites the duck.

feels inappropriate because someone just bit the dust. But I don't know if that's worse than if you were to sing the opposite at a funeral. And I'm going to, the BG's staying alive. Okay. Whoops! Should have taken that one out of the rotation, DJ. Staying alive at the funeral's bad kind of like. Whoops.

That would be especially rough. That would, if you were at a funeral. I don't. And I mean, like with my song, too, I mean, people crying when disco is playing. It's a bad look. That's tough. I'm going to go hit the road jack by Ray Charles. Okay.

And don't come back. You won't. Mike, you are back on the clock. All right. So my final picks. My final two picks, number one here, we're going to go with the biggest pop star in the world, T. Swift. we're going to go with we are never ever getting back together yeah i had that on my list too and what did you do with the cough button over there man did you miss it you were like he missed

it because i watched his hand he went to the cough button i thought he was like rotating it in like like uh hold it nope no it's been dismissed it's the single worst worst episode i've ever had uh i get one more pick Ooh. We're going to go with bodies by a drowning pool. Is that let the bodies hit the floor? That is, in fact, let the bodies hit the floor. I mean, then we can all get in a circle mosh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. What's up, Dennis? A funeral mosh. A caskets in the middle. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, now we're talking.

You mosh around the casket. Yeah, a circle pit around the, around the casket. You know that thing's ending up on the grays. Someone toss the casket like a crowd surfing. Like a crowd surf. Yeah. And everybody's, Let their bodies hit the floor.

One last crowd surf. I guarantee you that's happened. Somebody has done that. Well, I mean, it's Paul Bears, you basically do it. This is tough. My final pick. My final pick. Buy, bye, bye, by Insync.

Oh, it is on my list. I'm going to go bye, bye, bye, bye. It's tough. There's a, there's a handful of other ones here. We'll get to them in the. Yeah, there's honorable mentions. There's quite a bit. I'm not going to take this one.

I'm the last pick, right? Yeah, you're not going to take what one. I'm not going to take. Why you take the one you're going to take and then tell us the ones you're not going to take? All right. Okay, that's fair. We'll do it. That's the order we usually go with.

We'll do it your way. It's the show's way. Man, I'm so close between two. Who? I, are you going to throw out both names and the one that gets the better reaction? No, no. No, I'm going to go with the electric slide. I think that one it just feels like, because when it comes on, everyone knows like, oh, we're supposed to get up and do the electric slide.

Like that, the chicken dance. Yeah. Any one of those things. It's fine to stay. Yeah. It's like, that comes up. And then you know the muscle memory of someone's going to get up and be like, oh, wait, we're doing the electric slide here. That's pretty funny.

I didn't have a lot. That's funeral. The one I didn't take. So my free agent list here, I had ding dong the witch is dead. I did. I have that one too. Um, my humps by the black eyepiece. Oh my gosh.

I just thought, my lovely lady. I know the song. Check it out. That just feels totally inappropriate. Um, because it is. Celebration from Cool and the Gang. Yeah. Um, let's see.

What else? I just died in your arms tonight. Which is. That's an incredible song. Yeah. And then my final one was baby shark. Just to be annoying. Yeah.

Just to be annoying. Thank you for telling us the rest of the lyrics. Yeah. Uh, What's the next part? Do, do, do, do. We had, I had thank you next. I thought that was funny.

Yeah, by Ariana Grande. Let it go. Okay. And Pop Goes the Weasel. Oh, that's a good one. And maybe the Ghostbuster theme. I don't know. Okay.

How does that go? That's next level. It's kind of cool. I had running with the devil from Van Halen. Yeah. Final countdown. Nice. You from Europe.

You get zero. Somebody that I used to know by Goetia. I had that too. And then last one I had a forget you by Celo. Yep, yep, yep. What did we learn today? Earl Tupper. I know what it did.

Ruttered Tupperware while Brownie Wise pioneered the marketing strategy. Very nice. I learned what a sag butt is. Yeah, yeah. And like when I was trying to. What was the right answer for a sag butt? Some medieval-looking trombone? Yeah, that's correct.

Play the sag butt. When I was trying to make notes on it, and my spell check was like, that's not a word. It did not like sag butt. Neither do I. And I learned that I am committed to giving people warm welcomes. Such a friendly guy. Mike's got his cold shoulders on lock.

Yeah. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. We will do this again sometime. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.