Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Scissor Shortages & The Worst Places To Be Known By Name - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

Spit Hit for May 25th, 2026:  Sometimes you DON’T want to go where everyone knows your name. We draft the worst places to be known by name on this hilarious episode. Man of the People makes its return and of course some unbelievable Would You Rather questions. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!  Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Jason, we talked about this. Yes, we did, Mike. We talked about it. We talked about it. And that's why it happened. That wasn't even a cough.

It was clearing my throat, as you need to do, sir. So, Jason's start to the show is sabotage the scat yet again, and then just a flying elbow off the top ropes on a guy who's sick. Yeah. If we're off to a good start, Mike, you're right. You are correct. Andy, how are you feeling today? I feel better than my voice sounds.

Oh, that's great news because it doesn't sound like you're feeling good. feel good, but my voice feels bad. Okay. But we are here with a new episode that you guys will talk so much during. We'll carry. We'll carry. We power through. You know, this is one of those situations where the people demand new episodes.

They're like, man, I need another one of these. And so we're here. We are here. Hey, this is what you asked for. Yeah. You ask for this. This is what you demanded. Remember that.

at yourself in the mirror and say, man, I push too hard. I feel fun. I'm not actually about to die, even though it sounds like maybe this is my last couple words on the earth. But we've got, would you rather, man of the people today. That's fun. And we are drafting the worst

places to be known by name. I'm very excited for this show and just totally unrelated. Andy are like are your affairs in order unrelated yeah yeah just you're like your last you know your will and testament like all that stuff

I just want to make sure that it's all up to date for for no reason it's funny because if the situation was reversed if it was Jason uh huh and because I'm the next scat I would think Jason might prefer death to doing the scat so he doesn't do it anymore

that's true I find ways out wins the last real Jason scat. I mean, we're talking months ago. I think it was the last time around. No, because we gave one up. Yeah, you didn't let you get off the hook.

Yeah. That was great. It's been months. I love it. It will continue to be months, Mike. Have the people lost respect for Jason, you think? I don't think you can lose what you never have. What is dead may never die.

All right. Here we go. Would you rather? All right. Darth Darfee From the website Okay Wants to give me a fun name to pronounce

Would you rather be able to use your middle finger And pointer fingers as scissors Like legit Yeah no they work Do with the amount of Amazon packages and stuff Okay Or use your pointer finger as a writing utensil Is it strange that

I mean look I've thought about you know You like write on a tablet So it's you I've had the thought process of Oh what if you could write with your finger. I have never, in all my years on this earth, thought about using, actually using them as scissors. You know, like, you'll pantomime, but I've never gone through the thought process of like, what if I could actually

cut things with my fingers? I assume you wouldn't be like a danger. That will be awesome. It has to be foolproof. It's like when you want to use them as scissors, you use them a scissors. It's kids scissors. Well, it's kids. The real question here is can I open a package security package? Like, I, get something that is one of those plastic hanging things from a retail store that you can't get into and even with the most powerful scissors in the world. Can I snip a zip tie?

Yeah, you should be able to. That's easy. Okay. If you could snip a zip tie, then you're good to go. The security package, I don't know. That's a like regular scissors struggle with those things. You get injured. Way back in the day, I used to be a manager at a Best Buy.

and we had over the course of a year probably four or five. He was the head of cassette sales. We had four or five real like medical problems. And 100% of them was workers at the customer service line cutting themselves not with scissors, but with the packages. Oh, because they're so sharp. Once you cut those packages and you try to pull them apart. You make one little mistake and it's like your hand is sliced indeed.

Here's something interesting I learned yesterday. I went to the doctor's office to take my son. Yeah, your son needed to go to the doctor. I mean, I did, but that's funny. They handed me, like I'm just not used to this. A lot of places have like electronic registration and stuff where you fell out the forms. They hand you the line before. Yeah.

They hand me just too many papers to fill out. And he's already been at this office. Old school paper. They didn't give you a tablet? No, no, no, no. This is a clipboard, four sheets, front and back. Front and back, four sheets. That's eight sheets.

Right. And they, he's been here before. But it's a new system. So they need all this information. Import it over. Don't make me do your work. So I'm just. Also, get a tablet.

I'm just telling you. Wait, the new system was paper? Yes. Yeah, yes. We upgraded the paper. Yeah, it used to be. It's a new system. We actually downgraded.

We went back a couple years. What's crazy, though, is how impatient I got writing. Because I was filling out these forms. I just realized I don't write a lot because I'm looking at this question with the pointer finger and needing a pencil or a pin. I don't find that my problem with writing is convenience of finding a pin. So I don't think that's very practical. But I was so impatient. I felt so annoyed that I had.

had to write. Yeah, I mean, and that used to be normal. How often do you really use a pen? It's funny because the comparison between, if you look back like 10 years ago, certainly 20 years ago, how often you needed a writing utensil versus how often you needed scissors was 300 to 1. You needed a writing utensil all day, every day, nonstop. Yeah, people carried them around with them. Yeah, the pocket protectors. And but now it's like I use scissors. Back when he was the, best buy manager. I use scissors way more than I use physical writing utensils. And they, scissors for what it's worked. They do, they are manufactured to disintegrate. Like, you don't know where they are. Holy, holy, like you buy them. Oh yeah, like as in like Thanos snapped off of the earth. Yes. They get

snapped like something about them. Oh yeah. Like I buy a pack of five or six scissors every month to disappear in my home. I have the solution for you. And I have done this. Do you chain it? Do you chain it to the wall? That will never work. That will still disappear. It's like the gas station bathroom key. You attach a giant thing to it. It's still missing from the end, though.

I have done this twice in my life. This is a true story. I've done this twice in my life. The first time was a joke. The second time was just an answer. Long ago, several years ago, we had big, big time problems in our morning routine. Every single morning there would be a fight, a yelling match, getting ready for school because we couldn't find hair brushes.

We have hair brushes, but they're gone. They just disappear. We're like, no, I know we have. There was one. And there's hair that needs to be brushed. And so what I did, this time as a joke, was I went and I bought every single hairbrush that Amazon sells. And I had them show up in individual packages for about a week. and we never

I mean you could open any drawer in the house and there is a hair rush That's how many you have now? That's how well we're down We're needing to rebond They hadn't disappeared yet But I had the same experience More recently with scissors

It was like I hid scissors I personally put two pairs of scissors Yeah in the third drawer down The third drawer down where people don't use They don't look at that They disappeared I'm like how Yeah so I did it again I just bought

I bought 50 scissors, man. Oh, good. I bought the bulk package scissors. I bought different types, and I just flooded my house with scissors. I am not joking. This was yesterday. I could not find a pair of scissors. They disintegrate.

If I could use my hand to cut things. We're all on team scissors here. Oh, we're on team scissors. I do two points. I thought it was going to be, you know, well, I bet it goes up with your ratio of children, but then I thought about this office. And it's like, the scissors.

that I normally have by my workstation have frequently been just like where my scissors are gone. I don't know. Did I take them? Did someone else take them? But then Jason, I had the realization. If our hands become scissors,

yeah. You made your way there. How long until you just wake up and your hand is gone? It's going to happen. Because it's the rule of scissors. The universe says scissors must vanish at some point. So you'll wake up. without a hand. That's why big scissors can manufacture and sell so many scissors. Because

theoretically... Is there a man just sneaking? Has anybody... Anybody ever had a pair of scissors that's like, it went bad? They always... They don't go bad. I had to sharpen these because I used them so much. If they didn't disappear, they would... They would never have to sell more scissors. So there's something they're doing. Yeah, they... That is... Somebody comes into your house and I, like a Santa Cizzer Clause or something. It's the underpants gnomes. No, here for your scissors. No one listening is like, oh, I've had these scissors for... 20 years. It was a family heirloom.

Right. No, you don't. No, you didn't. All right, we're on team scissors. Yeah. And, I mean, that would just be awesome. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Maybe to cut that. Just to be realistic here.

Oh, does it make the sound too? Well, it's got a shit. I mean, they're scissors. But the thing is, is let's be realistic. If your fingers were scissors, you replace them and they were sharp, nice quality scissors. But you only.

had your actual finger strength to cut. Instead of hand strength. Oh yeah. Like, I can cut a piece of paper. I can cut a piece of paper, but I can't use these scissors for anything. I mean, it depends on how sharp they are.

Wouldn't you be able to like, couldn't you work out that motion? Yeah, you could work out that. It's stronger? Yeah, for sure. But you're going to start at your construction paper. Yeah, for sure. Is you're like, I'm working out. Noah from the website. would you rather increase the strength in one of your arms by 25%

or increase the strength in one of your legs by 50%? Now, just this morning, I showed just this morning, I showed Jason the video of a gentleman, dare I say a crazy gentleman on Instagram. Dare you say a monster? A monster. He is. Oh, is this one trap guy?

This is one trap guy. Okay. There's a gentleman on Instagram that has worked out one trap for 200 days. And he looks like he is Quasimodo. And it is... Your trap is like your neck muscle. Yes. So he has one huge trap muscle and one completely atrophied scronny trap.

And he looks like a creature from the Black Lagoon. And the saddest part is that... The one trap is amazing. The one trap looks so good. Like if you held up a sheet of paper in front of your face that covered him halfway, be like, That's a handsome dude. And then you take that sheet down and you go, ah! Yeah, yeah.

So the idea of having, like, one leg or one arm way, way stronger and the benefits of that? I mean, why do you need one leg stronger? There's no benefit to one leg. Well, you're getting one limb stronger. Yeah, but I mean. No matter what. 50% stronger leg, one of them only, unless I play soccer. I feel like basketball makes sense.

Like you jump off of. Yeah. You know, if I'm trying to dunk, right, I would always be jumping off my left leg. So if that's way stronger, I can do a jump better. If I was doing a high jump, great, that makes sense. Outside of those cases that I'm not going to be using, not going to be dunking anymore, there are a lot of things where having a stronger single arm. I mean, we already, right now, we have a dominant arm.

We've got a stronger arm. For sure. Give me that arm just stronger. How much of a disparity do you have, like if you do curls? Because I'll do curls, and my left arm is just not as strong as my right arm, but is it a big disparity for you? It's not a huge disparity for me. I mean, certainly my right is stronger than my left, but I'm also kind of ambidextrous. I'm left-handed.

I mean, I think I'm a little closer. The strength is quite close. Like, if you're doing actual workout at a high weight for that exercise, it's like I can get. I feel like two reps short. Yeah. Two reps short is about what it feels like. That's exactly where I was going to get there. It's like when you get to eight or whatever on your left arm, you're like, ooh, this was easier with the right arm.

And that's just from using your dominant arm in general? I think so. Okay. So we're all going arms, though? I'm pretty interested in the leg. Are you? Yeah. I mean.

What would be your favorite use case? Kicking people. Kicking people. Would you swim in a circle? Ooh, that's a good point. Oh, like if you're just trying to swim straight. If you're trying to swim straight along your legs. When you're running.

Are you running in a slightly tilted to the right? I don't think it's our strength that causes direction. I'm just guessing. I don't think so. Yeah, that would be more like a longer or shorter leg. Or a foot. If your foot was way longer. Your muscles are involved in all the running.

If one leg is that, that's 50% stronger than the other leg. But you control your muscle. If you want to run straight, you can't. But your natural gait of if you're not thinking about it, I bet you're veering over to the right. You could kick in doors better. Yes, that's what I'm saying. But like, let's say you. Which I do a lot.

Yes. Getting back to swimming. You know how many people I saved from that fire? Because I kicking down doors. If you were to have one flipper on, you know what I mean? Like you have a flipper on your right foot. How hard would that be to just swim straight? You'd have to really over-con.

compensate with your arms. I don't think you could swim straight. Impossible. I agree. If you only had one flip run, I don't think you could. No. All right. What a great conversation.

Spencer from Patreon. Would you rather hear everybody else at two times? Oh, so like two times speed? Is that what this is? And you speak at half speed. Or hear everyone else at half speed and you speak at two times speed. You'd sound a lot smarter than everyone. I just like to be able to speak at all.

Yeah, that is fair. It reminds me of the monsters who listen to podcasts at extra speed. There's a lot of people. Oh, it's very common. I get the efficiency. I want to get as much information in the limited amount of time. But so much of the conversation is lost by all the pacing of everything. Nuisance.

Exactly. The nuance is totally going. Why not just have AI read it all? Right? Like if you don't hear a conversational speech, that's why I can't. But people watch TV shows that way. What? TV?

I just found out that... That is a crime. One of the people that is a writer for our fantasy footballers will watch Survivor episodes at 1.25. Oh, okay. Survivor. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. Good Lord. Yeah, we've got to get this thing over as soon as possible.

Oh, is this an hour and a half episode? Come on. I'd watch that thing about 5X. That makes complete sense. Yeah, I would skip to the end, maybe just look online. Who was voted out? Right. Watched it.

That's how I would approach Survivor. Well done. I... Sometimes I feel like I speak too fast to begin with. I don't think I want to be at 2X. But if you're half speed, you do seem unintelligent. I feel like Mike would really enjoy everyone else being at two times. speed because you get those conversations over it over with yeah yeah there that would be a perk

just like i don't have to listen to you for as long as i usually used to and if i speak if i speak at half speed compared to them they're not going to want to be in this conversation any more than i'm going to work out real well yeah i i didn't think about it this way jay but you nailed it perfect are you on what team are you on i i'm really not sure it's it's entertaining like i've listened to podcasts on both methods. Slower? Yeah, on slower because it's entertaining.

Oh, right, because it sounds like everyone sounds like they are inebriated. Yes, they are struggling. Yeah. Do it right now. Thoughts and so it kind of sounds

I like you. But you're weird. I don't know, man. I don't know if that would be entertaining long term or just purely annoying. I think I would, I think I would rather speak in half, half speed and listen to everyone else. See, I think I'm the opposite because I think I would get impatient with my own speech.

Oh, you would. But you could have to be frustrating. You could just not talk. That's true. Say half the words. You're right. All right. All right.

We'll take a break. We'll do some man of the people. Man of the people. Hey. Hey, how's it going? We're back. Still sounds the same. We're going to play some man of the people.

Let's do it. I want to break in real quick and ask because... I'm the current man of the people, by the way. Oh, congratulations. I just saw this. You're just learning. You know, we, on the spitballers, you know, these are our people. Spitwads out there.

We peel back the curtain. We have, you know, we don't put up any walls here. And so I just say, right before recording the show, we had a conversation of like, we're sitting down. And Andy was like, you know, we're like, we could still record this one tomorrow. we push it a day, but we were all here. The set was ready. We were ready to go. And so I just want to revisit that and see, Andy, now that we're halfway through the episode,

what do you think about your decision to say, let's just press forward? It's not been great. It's not been great. I'm tired. I realize it's a lot of work to speak with words. Right. But I have no guarantee that tomorrow's any better. So let's just, let's just walk this thing.

We'll revisit tomorrow and see you. So man of the people, this is a game we play. And Al Borland runs it. He's gone out. He's hit the streets. He's surveyed thousands of real people. And that's the game we're playing. I think it's a hundred.

Yeah, it's a hundred. And so we're all going to buzz in. But over many questions. Okay, yeah, that's a very. And we have, what, like three top answers, five, something like that? Yeah, so there's three points, six answers. on the board. Thank you. You get three points if you get the number one answer. Got it.

Two points if you get the second answer. One point for any other correct answer. We're doing seven rounds and the last round is worth double the points. You know Al? Yes, sir. Your voice has never sounded so good. It's a delight to have you leading this. I left so much room for you guys to jump in and explain that game and no one did anything. I started out. No one did

anything. I did exactly what I wanted to do. And I jumped in and explained the rules. Oh, you're great. All right. All right, Al. All right. Let's go. Round one.

Name something about Winnie the Pooh that is different from real bears. He wears clothes? Where's a shirt is the number two answer. Oh, number two. Oh, no, darn it. He speaks. Oh, that's clearly the number one answer. He can talk is the number one answer.

Yeah, I've figured it out. Oh, man. he walks on two legs always bipedal that is not on the board oh that is I am shocked the other answers where his color he has a

physical honey jar he is has human friends and he is kind and gentle who gave who answered that question gentle unlike real bears yeah he literally only walks on two legs but real beer can stand on Yeah, they can't.

No. But they don't only stay on two legs. They don't just walk around. You know, the best part about this game is you can take it up with the people. I didn't come up with these answers. I just love that someone answered, who's got his own honey jar? That's so weird. I've never seen a bear with a honey jar. Of all the weird things about poo is compared to a bear?

What's funny about Winnie the Pooh is he doesn't always have a honey jar. But he always is walking on two legs. People. Zero points. All right. We got Andy with three points, Mike with two points, Jason with a dud. We're going into round two. Besides jewelry, name something a person might wear around their neck.

Oh, besides jewelry. Well, you buzzed in. Where around a tie. Oh, no. A tie is the number two answer. Oh. What? You're up, Mike.

Okay. Whatever. A collar? A collar is not on the board. Okay. Oh man, this is tough. Five? Four.

A noose. Oh, my gosh. Nothing else was coming to my mind. Oh, my God. Is it on the board? Tell me you live in Arizona without telling me you live in Arizona. No, that was not on the board, but scarf. Scarf is the number one answer.

Oh, yeah, like a neckerchief. Neckerchief. Is Ascot on there? Ascot is not. So we had scarf at number one, tie at number two, ID badge at number three, a neck brace. A neck brace at number four. Your keys, number five, and glasses at number six.

One of our other producers just broke into the chat and said, did you just say noose? I mean, I don't think people wear that as a fashion. Immediately as soon as I read the question, you could see Jason laugh. and I knew what was going through his head at the time. But I didn't think he'd say it on the air. If I could have thought of anything else, I would have said something else.

Nuse was his default. Big, uh, big Phantomyro. All right. What am I at right now? Through two rounds, we got Andy with five, Mike with two, Jason double dud. I've not locked in right now, man. My brain can't handle this. Seventh round is worth double, so you can still lock in and win this thing.

How many rounds do we do? We do seven. Round three. name something about babies that might make someone think twice about becoming a parent. You buzzed before the question was over. You can always do that.

Oh, really? Yes. The crying. That is the number one answer. Yeah. Way to lock in. The loss of sleep. Sleepless nights is the number four answer. What? Changing diapers.

That is the number two answer. Wow. Changing a diaper is, dude, that's lickety split. That's so easy. Changing a diaper. is nothing. From the outside when you're about to have a baby? It's intimidating for people. I figured that

would be on the list, but I'm surprised number two, given that it wasn't the sleep, there wasn't money. I would have thought money what cost the crying. Oh, yes. The worst part of the baby. The cost was the number three answer, Jason. And then we had kids

grow up and leave. Oh, like the fear of loss. They don't want to have kids because they become adults. Four people. Yeah. Four people feel that way. I don't like watching movies because there's an ending. Yeah. Those credits make me feel bad.

All right. So we got Andy with seven, Mike with five. Jason on the board with one point. Moving into the fourth round. Name a household chore that you do your best thinking while doing. I'm going to go shower. Oh my God. That is not a chore.

It is also not on the board. But it's where everyone's best. I'm not thinking is done. Cleaning. Cleaning. What? Do any, you got to be more specific? Yeah, I bet.

Washing dishes. Washing dishes is the number one answer. Yeah, dang it. That's what I was going to say. Vacuuming. Vacuuming is the number four answer. Let's not abandon the fact that Jason has named a shower as a chore. Let us not.

We need to revisit the fact that he buzzed so quick because he wanted that chance at first place answer. Yeah, I did. And the thing that popped into his head was it wasn't noose this time. It was showering as a chore. I'm on fire. Yeah. Somebody is certainly not locked in, and it's not you, Mike. So the maximum amount of points someone can have right now, we're at 12?

Yeah, that would be 12. So Andy's doing extremely well. I just wanted a point. So 12 points. You could have it. Jason has a singular point. But I'm not a goose. That's true.

All right. All right. He did not say shower confidently. I will say that. Because it's not a chore. So that was where I saw it going wrong. Right, right. Yeah.

Andy got dishes, the number one answer. Number two was ironing. Number three, sweeping. Mike got vacuuming at four. And then dusting and laundry were five and six. There's a lot of ironing going on these days? I don't feel like people iron as much as they used to. No, when were these questions asked?

When you were a manager of Best Buy? That was a long time ago. Wait, can you still buy those? You buy an iron? Yeah, you can buy an iron. You're the goose. You're the goose. You're the goose right now.

and guess, guess, goose is all right? Excuse me, sir, we are playing man of the people right now. All right, we're through four rounds. We got Andy with 10, Mike with six. Let's just, next question. All right, round five. If I can find it.

Oh, here it is. Name something in the house that you may not use when people are trying to sleep. The vacuum again. Vacuum is the number one answer. Yeah. Eat it. Eat it.

I'm coming back. I'm going to go laundry machine. Laundry. Laundry machine. Dryer. It's not on the board. I just enjoyed the way you phrased it. It's funny because I...

The laundry machine. Ours is directly next to our master bedroom and we ban the kids from doing laundry past like 8 o'clock. That is so cool that you could even have a world where you could ban your kids from doing laundry. Can we make them do their laundry?

Well, sure. We try too. But we certainly don't ever have to ban them. We were never in a million years when we say. These kids are doing so much laundry. It's their favorite. Enough is enough. Yeah. One load today.

You hear me? One. Don't you dare finish all your laundry. That is pretty funny. So it's not on the board. What do you mean you need more detergent? Not on the board. And you guys have given Mike plenty of time.

It was stereo. Stereo is the number three answer. Okay, I'll take it. Number two is TV. And then we had blender, phone, and lights. Oh, blending. Rounding it out. Blender's a good answer.

I'm right behind you, Mike. He's going to win. Oh, come on. He's going to win with the double points. We got Andy with 10, Mike with 7, Jason with 4 coming back, and we've got two rounds left. Round 6. Name something biologically that happens to aging men. Yeah, you lose your hair.

That is the number two answer. Jason. I just kidding. That's the number two answer. I wonder what number one is? The number two answer is baldness and gray hair. Good job, Mike. I'll break in.

What do you got? I hope it's number one. They get the weak or tired. Their tires are weaker. I'm sorry, that's not on the board. Don't do it. Don't you do it. What was the question?

How is it worded? Name something biologically that happens to aging men. They shrink. Okay, well, good answer. Good answer. That's also not on the ball. Oh, come on. I can't wait to hear the answer.

We were going to go this way. Number one answer was wrinkles. Baldness, gray hair was two, gaining weight, three, nose and ear hair four, losing teeth and losing hearing five and six. Okay. Okay, all right. See, I don't feel like the qualifier. Hold on.

The qualifier of aging men only applied to the balding. Everything else was just aging. Right. Which just threw me off. Yeah, that's, I was, I was focused on the actual question. This is a problem. All right. What round are we?

Mike picked up some ground here. We now have Andy with 10, Mike with 9, Jason with 4 going into the final round that's worth double points. So a max of six points here. So I can still tie Andy here. As long as he doesn't get an answer, that is correct. Name a position played in the game of baseball. Oh, pitcher.

That is the number one answer. Oh, I'm tied with you, Andy. Oh, my goodness. If he can't think of another position, I'm good. I'll go first base. That is on the board at number four. It's fine. I'm trying to think, I would say shortstop.

Mm-hmm. That is number three. It was catcher number two. Catcher was number two. It was tough to prioritize them. So what does that leave us? You won. 12, 11, 10?

Correct. Yeah. Okay. I'm thrilled. I just wanted to make sure that I didn't lose. That got close quick. Yeah. But Andy retains his championship as a man of the people.

Hey, congratulations. And our show is still on the air. Thank goodness for that. We'll take a break. If sponsors still want to sponsor the show, this is where the ads will be. And then we'll come back to the draft. The Spitballers Draft. What are we drafting?

We are drafting worst places to be known by name. And I am first up. I realized that one second ago. All right. Worst places to be known by name. You show up, you walk in. Everyone's like, oh, hey, Jason. Jason's here again.

I'm going to say this was the first thing I put on my list. I don't know that there is a clear 101 here. But the emergency room is certainly a place where I do not want to be known by name. I don't want to. That just insinuates. I visit this place a lot. And I don't want to go to the emergency room. You don't want to be Tim the Toolman Taylor.

For multiple reasons. I don't want the cost of an emergency room. And I don't want the health problems of having to visit the emergency room. So I'm going to go with the ER. That makes sense. I will go with, I'm going to go with prison. Yeah. I don't want.

That one's very high on my list. I just don't want, I don't want to be like, oh, hey, it's you again. Hey, Andy. Welcome back. Welcome back, Andy. That's not something I want. Yeah, I felt like there were two answers that you guys were going to take, which jail was one of them. So I will take the other one.

You don't want to have this happen repeatedly where you show up to, your divorce court. And they're like, oh, welcome back, Mr. Wrights. We've already got your seat ready for you. Will you be having your usual representation? You're like, yeah. Oh, no, I'm here. Thank you.

Thank you. Good to see you again, Judge. Makes sense. So I thought those were the two answers where it's like, that's the easier ones. Now, I didn't have that on my list. Really? Yeah. Oh.

Did you have divorce court on your list? I did not. Oh, okay. Well, I got it on the list. And my second pick, I'm going to, to go with Arby's. Yep. Yep.

It's a wonderful, wonderful answer. Which, let me preface that was saying, I'll eat the heck out of some Arbyes. Oh, yeah. You just don't want to be known by name. Know me. Yeah. I will shamefully show up. Like, if you walk in and they'd say, oh, hey, Mike.

Yeah. You want your usual? Like, is that the end? Is that your life over? Yeah. I think, well, it's going to be real soon. Oh, right. Yeah.

Are you proud of that? You walk in like, hey, what's up? I mean, I had Arby's on my list. Oh, seriously? Yeah, he did. I was so positive that I would get Arby's with my last pick. The fact that we're competing to have Arby's as a top pick in the worst places to be known by name, it's not that I wouldn't eat some Arby's, it's that I can't be known as the guy who eats Arbys.

Yeah. And it's worse to McDonald's. It's worse than any place else. There's something like, there's something just like viscerally gluttonous about a pound of roast beef. love Arby's so much. It's like, it's like, beef and cheddar.

It's so good. Big Montana. There's nothing. Oh, man. I mean, it is poison, to be clear, but delicious poison.

Yeah. The curly fries. Oh my good. And they got turnovers there. I was just going to bring it up if you did it, Mike. Dude, the turnovers are the best.

You guys might be known by name. Are you going to be? The best dessert of any fast food place. Yes, we have had that discussion of like an apple or a cherry turnover is elite. Also, I'm thinking Arby's. I think what we're getting.

Just don't know our name. Just going with the disguise. Is it back to me? It sure is. Okay. I'm going to go with the principal's office. I'm going to go with the principal's office because, look, you grow up with this, you know, the longer you spent in your grade school years not going to a principal's office,

the more intimidating that thought became for me as a kid. Like the idea of being called into the principal's office. principal's office to be in trouble with this supposed like mythical figure of the principal. I don't want to be known on a first name basis by the principal. Yeah, no, that's. I want to blend in. For sure. I mean, if the principal knew your name.

What's the count for you two gentlemen? I want to know. How many visits to the principal visits? I had one. I had one. I'm a goose egg, baby. Oh, well done, Mike. I had one very memorable.

I did too. I did too. Yeah. And one was all it took. Yeah. All right. So I am back up. I'm going to go with a lost and found.

Dude, it's on my list. Yeah, I mean, it's just one of those things that's so embarrassing. Yes, exactly, exactly. Going there once to any lost and found, it's embarrassing. You'd say, I couldn't keep track of my stuff. I had to come back. And if you're embarrassed to go once, by the time they know your name, that is like, I mean, They should just be mailing it to you.

It's like, ah, that's probably Jasons. So I think that one, that one is high up just because of pure embarrassment. And the next one, I think I will make some people a little upset. Oh. There's some people very proud of having their name known,

but I just, it's just, it's not for you. He's going to say library. Yeah. No, I mean, sure, for sure. I'm going to say a bowling alley. I don't know, man. What? Yeah, I don't want.

What? Yeah, bowling alleys, they're dirty. Okay, yeah. They're nasty. Yeah, all of those things. And then you know what? They're awesome. A bowling alley is great.

But to be known by name. If he went to one, he'd have to do that shower chore afterwards. I'd have to wash my hands. I just think. You look down on bowlers is what you're saying. So. Because if you're a regular bowler, you'll be known by name there. Yes.

So regular bowlers you despise. Regular bowlers. Yeah. I can enjoy going to a bowling alley. But I don't want to be, like, if that's what I'm known for, going to ball. Going after bowlers. I know. That's what I said.

I'm going to make some people upset because I don't know, man. It just feels like. A bowling alley. That's your pinnacle. Like, that's your, if you're known by name at the bowling alley, it insinuates, your pinnacle is you're a bowler. Or your hobby is a bowler. Nah.

So you wouldn't join a. I think anyone who's whose name is known by the bowling alley I'm not talking about their buddies that you know, oh, we're there but it's like the bowling alley knows that person that is that person's claim to fame.

That is there like Arby's like Arby's? That's bad though. Correct. That's the problem. Because it's like you didn't say a guy that goes in place ping pong sometimes. No, no, no.

It's a baller position. Or the pickleball place. Are you a bad bowler, Jason? I'm an average bowler I'm not a great bowler He doesn't go enough And I don't want them to know who I am I understand

Like Yeah when you walk out of a bowling alley You're just like I got the funk on me I got to go change I got to go shower But I love a bowling alley I get that

Just that absolute garbage nasty food It's so greasy It's so good I enjoy They still smoke there right I think you It feels like they still smoke there

I bet if you find anywhere where they allow smoking inside. Bowling alley would be the first place I would love. If we wanted to go bowling tonight, I'm down. It's really about, I feel like once you cross that threshold to where they know you by name. I hope Brooks never hears this. I don't believe that the bowling alley knew him by name. Is it back to me?

It is. Yeah. Look, it's the liquor store. Yeah. Okay, yeah. It's the liquor store. That's shameful. It's just, I mean, you're not even, you're not even trying to mix up the places at that point.

You know what I mean? You can go to a bunch of different places. You could go to, if you're, if it's like, hey, Dan, welcome back. Because it doesn't feel classy. Now, a tap room doesn't bother me at all. That's fine. That's like, yeah, you want your amber ale? Yeah, no problem.

But I'll go liquor store. I don't. All right. It is funny because, like, at a bar. There is classy. At a bar. Yeah. There's something nice about that.

Oh, a line room? Yeah, there's a speakeasy I love. I love that they know. Yeah, exactly. Cheers. Where everybody knows. But if you're going and buying. That literally says where everyone knows your name.

Yeah. But if you're going to the liquor store. Yeah. That's like, I'm drinking at home. Yeah. I'm not going to be socializing. I mean, that's the shameful part. Okay.

Mike, two picks. And I mean, we'll just keep going with devices. and I will say, uh, casino. I don't like, and I love me the tables. I just don't want everyone there to know who I hear. I want to, I want to be anonymous under the radar. There's like, have I seen this guy before? Ah, I don't know.

And I'm just like, yeah, let's keep it that way. I'm going to be honest. I'll be back tomorrow. I'm going to be honest, Mike. When the dealer knows who you are, no, it feels good. So your claim to fame is going to the tables. Oh, for sure. When you're, when you got.

but goes to the only place where smoking is more often. Yes, correct, correct. But there you can definitely find a place to smoke inside. I'm telling you, if you get the same dealers, you get going on, you know, it's, it, it accentuates the process. He's coming off of Vegas trip. He's feeling real good about the tables. Mike, you got another one.

Okay. I will, I will present it and I will just pass the baton. Chuckie cheese. Moving on to Andy. Gross. Okay. There's usually one right next to a bowling alley. I will close it out with the TSA screening line.

So if I'm at an airport and the TSA people know me by name, that's... You're just a traveler then. That's not good. No? I feel like if they know you by name... You're a businessman. You're here for your routine cavity, sir. But you get stopped.

they know you by name. Yeah, that's it. If you are a traveler and you're traveling every single day through the line and you just- I want no eye contact with them at all. Yeah. Much less them knowing my name. I don't have any conversation with any TSA person ever. Right.

Until it's, sir, you need to step over here. So they're going to get to know your name when, when you're, yeah, getting, you're bringing too many things through the- I feel like if though, if you're a frequent traveler and the TSA people know you, they're just going to be like, see to me, go through. The TSA people are always different people. They're different advertisers every time. So if they know me by name, that's because I'm on a list. You got a photo.

I'm on a list. There's a photo. Stop this guy. Check his orifices. All right. Jason, you are back up. All right. I think for my pick.

We're almost done. Almost, almost out of here. I'm going to go with between two. One is more embarrassing for me. One is just worse for everybody. I'm going to take the next door. app. Oh, that's such a good pick. I had H-O-A on my list. That's such a good pick. Don't be known as the next door person. No, you don't want, like, it's nice. Those kids were playing on their bikes again.

It's nice when your neighbor knows your name. It is not a good thing when everyone in the neighborhood knows your name. You know, it's like that's, that is, there's a reason. You know, it's like, oh, that's Jimmy. Yeah. We've got, we've got a guy on our block who I am friends with. I'm going to put that out there. But it's his block. Oh, and he's the big man on the block. He will protect his neighbors with force if necessary. And he's told me this, but he keeps it on lock. And I'm just so happy he's on my team is all I'm saying. So that's that is so absurd. Yeah, I'll tell you more about it. Yeah. All right. But there you go. Worst places do me know my name. Other places that came up, the HOA, I had that mic as well.

The pawn shop, I mean, you can't be, you can't be regularly in the pawn shop, hawking stuff. No. Eventually, you're going to run out of stuff. I wrote down the mall slash Santa's lap. Yeah? But Santa should know you by name. Not if you're an adult. Okay, that's fair.

Old country buffet was my backup to Arby's. I had Applebee's on my list. So Arby's took that one out. Bill Bond's office. Yeah, uh, fortune. Okay. Oh, okay. What did we learn today?

We learned that Jason has an unspeakable despising of regular bowlers. That is not a hobby he approves. And Jason also finds showering to be a chore. Yeah. And in addition to that, I found out that there is no such thing as a 10-year-old pair of scissors. No, there's not. They don't exist. They don't.

They're all buried somewhere. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.