Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Secret Rooms & Underrated Foods - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

Spit Hit for May 15th, 2025:Today we discuss residential fire poles, becoming a house pet, and giving motivational speeches to your bowel movements. We also muse on food pairings that rhyme, becoming tour guides, and personal company sponsorships. We shut it down with a draft of underrated foods. Don’t miss it! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Be ba boop ba boop ba ba de ba da boo Just a nice slice of vanilla right there. I'm just feeling the music Mike, just feeling the music. Sometimes for you listeners out there, you spitballers fans, sometimes Jason attempts to Conjure up a Great scat

By moving his body as much as possible right before the scat. He's trying to jostle it free yeah, I'm just shaking it out of my body and he was that was a Top ten amount of movement before a scat that I've seen. Yeah, probably a top 10 scat. I mean, if we're honest, that was... Well, Mike said a scoop of vanilla. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty underrated, right?

It can be, but this was... I mean, this is like a vanilla that's been in the deep freezer for... Oh, no, it's got freezer burnt? An excessive amount of time. The lid never made it back on properly. I don't really understand freezer burnt. Does anybody want to explain that to me? It's so cold that it's sessile matter time that the lid never made back on properly I don't really understand freezer burn Does anybody want to explain that to you? It's so cold that it's burnt. No, I get what you're saying I don't understand because why does it hit a point where it's just like I've had enough cold. I'm ruined

Yeah, and what is it like? Is it sucking the extra moisture out and then I assume it has something to do with that like the time like why would it happen? Eventually, but it doesn't happen. You can't get freezer burn in the first you know month no in the freezer no I Mean we really need to solve this problem And it's not I mean it's not really burning either. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's more like freezing I'm now I'm diving in this Would you rather that's a great question and we are drafting underrated foods on today's episode of the show Al Borland is here in the building. He didn't even have to scat when it was Jason's turn. How you doing now?

I'm doing great. Yeah, mainly because I didn't have to scat nice. Do you from a guy like I'm doing great. Yeah. Mainly because I didn't have to scat. Nice. You've only got like 70 something to go though. That's right. The countdown begins. I feel the pressure.

According to delish.com, freezer burn is what happens when the surface of your food loses its moisture. Okay. So it needs moisture. So yeah, because that's like the invisible the barrier is protecting you done You done the like it's freezer burn, but I'm eating it anyway. Oh, yeah. Well, it's just extra little ice cubes Exactly. It's not good though. I mean, it's so bad I don't think I've ever had Eggos that weren't that didn't just

That weren't freezer burn. Yeah, like every time I get Eggos out of the freezer I just got I got to knock them together and just get all the ice off when they say Lego my egg Oh, you're actually you're talking to the freezer. Yeah, that's right. I'm talking give it to me to the ice all over my egg Oh, so I'm like let let go Yeah, yeah fair enough. All right, let's kick it off Would you rather? Dan from Patreon says, would you rather live in a house that was converted from a bank so it comes with your own private vault?

Okay, that's pretty sweet. Or a house that was converted from a fire house so it comes with a fire pole from the master bedroom to the kitchen? That's pretty cool too! Oh, that soup's cool. It's kind of an ironic question because I was searching the Internet for Murphy beds, OK? You know what a Murphy bed is? Oh, yeah. So there are the hidden beds that are up in like they can look like a bookshelf

or just a cabinet and they just drop out of the wall. But somehow people that make Murphy beds also specialize in making secret passageway doors. Nice. So bookshelf doors that are just it looks like an it's a secret door. And I was like I really wish I had a secret room in my house. Yeah me too. Just to go I don't I don't know hide in there or like it's just cool to have. I mean if robbers were there I mean let's get that's more like you need a panic room for that yeah but if you're in there and you're quiet they're not fine yeah I feel like this is better

than a panic room a panic room it never makes sense to me because I feel like they're just they're just wait up wait outside just wait out the door here you know I'm in here just yeah but the whole point of the panic room is like it's your number one, the walls are protecting you. You have like air, a way to keep the air clean. True. And then you're, you have a way to contact someone to come and help you. So I mean, they can wait you out, but hopefully the authorities are going to show up. It doesn't need to be that sophisticated because the panic room is only great if they're coming to murder

you. Cause they're coming for you. If they're coming for you if they're coming to steal your stuff and I'm just hiding out in this little side room but I don't care if someone breaks into your house yeah how do you clarify if this intruder is coming for you or your stuff it's very simple do you just do you write them a quick note like the with the check boxes? If they try to break into your secret room, they're trying to murder you. Oh. If they just try to take your stuff, they're not going to be like, I've got to get in there. So you're not asking, you're just getting in the secret room and then you're hoping you hear them start taking stuff. Correct. But if not, you hear them go, where is he?

You go, I wish I had a panic room. Please don't find this. This room without a lock will do no good. Yeah, yeah. But I mean anyways, it just made me wanna have a secret room, which look, a bank vault. A bank vault's not exactly a secret room. Can you lock yourself in a bank vault by accident? Yeah. I seem to think so.

No? No, I would imagine that from the inside. Can we figure that out? From the inside of a bank vault, I'm sure the door will just open. A bank vault would make me feel a lot of. I'm on it. Yeah, gotta find out. It would make me feel a lot of pressure

to convert all of my possessions into gold. Yeah. To keep inside the vault. You need to have that sweet fiat. Yeah. I think I wouldn't be able to go hang out in there, though. Right? I mean, it's just a big safe.

It depends on what you do with the room. I mean, you can make it your sweet hidden theater. I would be more tempted to become a murderer if I had a bank vault. Because you have a place to hide the bodies. Oh yeah I don't think bodies are gonna do well in the vault. It'd be a cold vault. It does it does seem like all modern vaults allow you to escape from the inside. That's great news. If it opens from the inside it will alert authorities oh so someone like if

they hit in a money bag and he got and you threw him in the vault and they came out of the money bag they Trojan horse their way yeah ah this that's probably a smart thing to do yeah I mean I the fire pole is the fire poles good but I will outgrow the ability to do that without hurting myself. My issue with the fire pole is that it insinuates I have a two-story house. Yeah, you have to. And I would prefer to have a one-story house. I would imagine if I have a bank vault, I've got a nice big one-story house. Maybe, you might have a basement.

Hmm. Can I get into the basement through a fire pole into the bank vault? Batman did yeah Man would get his clothes changed on the way down the pole. That's true And I never knew how that happened don't ask questions man. Just Just got a hole at the time. Did you ever watch the Adam West Batman? Oh, yeah Okay so the phone the phone would ring and he'd jump on that thing and he just

Someone dressed them on the way down and it worked was Alfred in there it worked both directions I don't know if you took his clothes I don't know if you ever caught one of those episodes of it every once in a while They would he would climb up the pole no they would like it would like rocket boosting back up But then he would be Adam West when he came out Wow or not he would be Adam West when he came out. Wow. Or not. I was Bruce Wayne. Check. Technically, he was. Yes, Adam West. Oh, so the fire pole. I don't know, man. People coming in my master bedroom just to use it. Or like guests and kids or climbing up into

it. That's true. Those robbers. You robbers. You've got a hole in the floor. I'm coming for you. You've got a hole in the floor of your master bedroom. Yeah. That seems like a problem. Yeah. Although, hmm, put the laundry basket down below. Yeah. Oh, laundry chute. Laundry chute in the kitchen. That's where you want all your dirty laundry. Let's go to the kitchen, doesn't it? Yeah. Well, it would probably go to the garage, right? Well, no, because this question is that you have a fire pole going to your kitchen. You think that I'm going to buy a firehouse and have a fire pole and I don't have a fire

truck? Get out of here. What, you're just going to become like a pretend fireman? No, but I will become a very shrewd businessman. You know what? They have those people. Have you seen the police impersonatorsators that like they'll wear a uniform and they'll go out On like a bike and you know pretend to be the police. I've never seen a pretend firefighter That's super illegal by the way if you showed up to a fire

You're telling me they don't want the extra help don't worry guys. I got this. I mean just run in there Is that considered a vigilante as well like I mean? I feel like if you if it's a burning building what are they gonna do go in after you well? They'll probably have to rescue you soon since you don't know what you're doing You'll be like oh, this is awful. Can someone give me a real fireman? You just have like two little water guns. Pew, pew, pew, pew. Oh, yeah, you pull them out. Boom.

At least super soakers, you know? Oh, my gosh. You ignoring the captain? The fire captain? Of course. That's not my captain. Yeah, you're not my boss. Oh, my god.

Not my captain. What if you're just driving around the truck just for that clout? And you can go through red lights. Ooh. What if you're just driving around the truck just for that clout? And you can go through red lights. If you could buy, if you could genuinely buy emergency vehicles for personal use, would you? Would you drive around in an ambulance where you can be like, beep?

There's no way it's not illegal to buy an old firefighter suit. It's not illegal to buy an old fire truck. Those two things you can do. You can't turn the sirens on. I don't know if you could have flashing lights. Maybe. Probably not. Probably not.

I'm sure they frown upon that. But I mean, the respect you'd get? Yeah, it'd be nice. The fire truck wouldn't work. But if you had an ambulance, imagine rolling up to a packed drive-through. You got to get out of the way of the emergency vehicle needs to get through. You know what I would do?

Just pull up and grab your burgers. There is no way if I'm in a drive-through, none. I'm sitting at the window and there's an ambulance with their lights on behind me. Of course I am once I get my burger, but I'm not leaving before that is like people are getting out of the way for sure I'll be the first firefighter that is putting cats into trees I'm going the opposite. I'm getting rid of our cat problem. They're all going up in the trees So you're just taking time the reverse on them. No, I'm taking them up on the ladder. Oh, that's kind. I would have just thrown... They would have caught it on...

No, I don't know about that. They're very... Yeah, I think they'll catch. Thomas from the website, would you rather be... Oh, what? Did we pick? After all that talk, I still want the fire pole. Alright. I guess we should answer the question.

It is practical and serves a cool feature. I have nothing to put in a bank vault. Yeah. Cats. I'm taking the fire pole. It's more fun. Yeah, I agree with it. Shall I move on? Now you may. Wait. It is illegal to impersonate a firefighter. Wow. What? Wow. But why? I don't know man. It makes no sense. If I am wearing the outfit but not saying anything am I impersonating? Yeah I wonder what... If I don't claim... If I say hi I'm Ted. 364 days a year yes. Okay. Which day can I not do it? Halloween. Oh, okay, alright. Come on, guys, keep up. Stupid guy.

Thomas from the website, would you rather be a house dog with all its luxuries or a wild wolf with all its freedom? I'm wolfing out, bro. Come on, man. Wolf. Yeah. Final answer. That one's easy.

I didn't hear the question. House dog with the luxuries or wild wolf with the freedom. Oh that is easy For sure feed me rub me I get to I mean feed me rub me could be the name of like your biography The Jason Moore story feed me rub me rub rub me I don't know that I need much more than that. And whatever more I do need, I can do it as a dog. So we're good fam. Yeah. Where I've, people have said that for years and you know, like, Oh, I'm just jealous of the dog. But imagine, so imagine you're one of the dogs that gets crated for sleeping. You get created

when your, your owners leave. I I mean that sounds like that would suck Oh, I'm not I'm not a crater dog. You don't get to know this question said all the like luxuries that come with it, right? Yeah, yeah, that's not a luxury His long wanted to poop anywhere he wanted. Yeah. Oh you cannot do that. Get your face shoved in it Oh, yeah, I mean out of curiosity. Would you be the dog that does the like one leg up? Are you sure are you the dog that does the the squat the squat? No, I was my dog Does still does the squat my little dog does both? She squats and lifts a leg up. Wait looks real weird lady dog. Yeah

She is she impersonating other dogs with the leg up. Is that you? Is she impersonating other dogs with the leg up? Is that you? Did you train her? No, I didn't train her. I wish I could have trained her because she still likes doing that inside. Oh boy. But I have two dogs. I got the lady dog and the boy dog.

It seems like the leg lifting is like, they have to see it because my boy dog, he doesn't even squat. He just kind of, he goes somewhere and then he just stands there and then just oh does he get his get his leg oh probably yeah see that's the problem with the squat you get extra splash on the fur yeah even in grass grass is better yeah it's not gonna be you know if they were doing it on cement it's more like you got a really big problem. It's more like shooting the front legs. That happened. Shooting the front legs? Yeah. Wait. I'm talking about the P squad, not the Poo squad. Oh yeah, we're with you. They're different positions. I just

can't see it going to those front legs. Oh, it goes to the front legs, brother. Okay. What? That's a power washer there. Copper's got a stream All right good strong wolf wolf dog Jack from the website would you rather put your hands up and say we? Like you're on a roller coaster every time you use a public urinal So both hands have to be up I could do it that or of course you can do it But that's gonna that's a real dog squat problem or have to coax out your bowel movements with an out loud motivational speech every time you're in a public stall. How boring. Where did this question come from? Apparently Jack.

Okay. I come on little guy. I can come on out of there. I can get behind the motivational speech for two reasons. One, I don't poop in public too often. If I can avoid it, I do. The only time I really can't avoid it is when you're on a trip or something and so you got to do what you got to do. But you could do anything on the inside of a stall. You have privacy out. Someone else out there might hear you and you might... But you're fully anonymous.

But you're anonymous. You could do anything you want in there and just wait a while. Except for the big crack between the doors. The gap. Yeah. Well, you think the person's walking up and going like, they would... Hey, who's in there? I think if I heard someone getting a real rousing, inspirational speech, I may have to see what's going on in there? I think if I heard someone getting a real rousing, inspirational speech, I may have to see what's going on in there. I think it gets you out of that restroom quicker. But I use a urinal all the time.

I mean, every single time I go to a restaurant or. Have you thought about getting one put in at your house? Just so I can go, weeeeee. Why aren't house urinals more normal cuz they're gross are they yes I think they're awesome oh they're they're super convenient yeah they're great when you need to get in and out but they are there any like countries that like have a high urinal count in the homes in the homes I doubt it you know how like in Japan they had bidets

before they were cool? Yeah. Like everybody had a bidet. Yeah. There's gotta be some urinal country. I will say this. Uruguay? Oh, good urinal joke.

Oh yeah, we're above that! Here on the spitballers. Is that why I call it a duck? Mine was way better. Anyways, I was, a couple years ago, we were looking to move. And when I was looking at potential houses that came on the market, there was a house that had a urinal in the bathroom. I'd never seen that before. And I remember then thinking, I want to put a urinal in my bathroom, but I never did

It's just it sounds like the dream, but I'm telling you is gross they stink I Would keep mine pristine Just a little spritz cleaning every every single time. That'll be terrible You're right cuz you'd have to get those little urinal cakes that going in those things Yeah, they smell they smell like like flowery urine for public. Yeah public urination. Yeah Just put a trough in your house. I'm gonna go we Because I think I can get a laugh. I think I can get a laugh doing that. Oh my gosh, you can get gasps What's your arms up if I walked in and someone had their arms up being I

would yeah I would go and then I go right you better be wearing short shirts my man your belly better be out or you're walking away soaked I mean you and a really wide stance too you know know one of the pants coming down. I'd get a new selection of shorts. That would be built for that situation. All right, what are you guys going with, the bowel movement? I'm going bowels. Yeah. You can't go two hands up.

You just can't. You just can't. All right, Ty from the website, would you rather have a real life version of Rocket League or Mario Kart? Ooh. See the thing is, the answer is easily Mario Kart. By like a million percent.

Because we're constrained to our cars right now. So for those listening that don't know, Rocket League is, you probably know, but it's a video game where you're in a fast car and there's a huge soccer ball and it's literally soccer with cars. And it's on a small arena and you're flying around because you got boosts and you can jump and fly around. If that was real, there would be so much vomit everywhere.

The disorientation, the flipping, the turning around. Mario Kart, magical world magical world normal racing like we understand normal races power-ups that would be painful potentially yeah like getting hit by a red shell yeah yeah there are the big cool jumps and they give you the like a parachute or the lighter the newer ones yeah I mean how do you not want to be in the Mario world and I love Rocka League it's like my favorite game yeah I think you're right at first I was like well what about when you go off the sides, but you get rescued you get pulled back up by the

Yeah, the cloud was it you would know this name. Oh It's It's on my tongue. Yeah, I don't have it, but I imagine that the falling down. It's still gonna hurt I don't know they all seem fine. Yeah the falling down, it's still gonna hurt. I don't know, they all seem fine. Yeah, I've never heard them say ow. Does the Mario, Lakitu's cloud. Yeah, Lakitu's cloud. Yeah, okay, that sounds right.

Now, does he catch you? Who? The cloud man. Yeah. So he catches you before you hit the ground. Sometimes you go down into like a mist and then you get pulled up out of it. Yeah, I imagine you never hit the ground.

You could be tortured down there, I don't know. That's what I'm asking. What's happening down there? You're just falling until you're grabbed. Who's your go to character in that game? Oh, Yoshi. Yoshi's yours? Yeah. I've always been a Wario guy. Oh, you like the speed, huh? I guess. Toed for me. I get that. Nice tight handling. Not a lot of skidding around. But you're getting killed by the big boys. Oh, yeah Yeah, if they run into your boys are so slow Acceleration is slow, but they have top speed. Mm-hmm rocket League would just be a mess. I Mean, it would be like but people do fighter jets and stuff like that

Yeah, I don't know. Maybe that I don't know know how people do fighting jets. I've seen real life rocket league before. They've done it. Like almost like a demolition derby with a ball? Yeah, with a big ball in the middle. Where are demolition derbies? Yeah, those are awesome. Bring those back. Are they still going on? There have to be places where they're still going on. We just... Everyone from that whole... they all died out. Dude, it sounds like so much fun Just get in a beater and then try and crash into people the problem is awesome The problem is you're getting in non-stop car accidents. Yeah, it's alright bad for your health I mean, I obviously you're gonna be prepared for it. Yeah, these aren't like real high-speed crashes

Hmm. You're telling me if you could do a demolition derby, you wouldn't do it? I would do it. Yeah. I would, I would love to do it. 100% I would do that. Yeah. I wonder if that's kind of like concussions in the NFL. They stopped doing that because it was like overtly terrible for people.

Maybe. I mean, a lot of driving around backwards. Opt into as many painful things as they used to. People used to do all sorts of stuff. Like what? I don't know, like kill each other in gladiator arenas. Oh yeah, it's been some time since that was allowed. When do we get the right to hurt ourselves is all I'm asking.

Well, I mean, it's like there was an MTV show that people got a lot of money to go do. Okay, okay, we're moving on. That's a great question. We'll find out if that's a great question. Will from Patreon writes in and says, if you had to spend a day working as a guide for a big tourist attraction, where do you have the best odds of giving a quality tour

for your patrons? You know, we teamed up, Jay. Of course we're Disneyland. I mean, we know everything about- I can get you anywhere you need to be. Yeah. I've got the answers to all of your questions. I mean, I could-

Actual answers. Yes, and like the right ones, the correct ones. We've been there a million times. My son, I'll just have him be the tour guide. He knows way too much. No one should know that much about Disney and the parks and the rides and the attractions. Is he giving you all the fun facts? Oh, well, no, no, no. He's giving me all the non-fun facts, even. He's just giving me facts

on facts. Did you know the guy that designed that ride was born on the 4th of November? He knows the manufacturing companies of these coasters. It's ridiculous. This question is kind of tough, because the only way that you would, this is chosen by what you visit the most. And a lot of times you rotate vacation spots except for a place like Disneyland.

So I haven't gone anywhere enough to where I feel like I'd be able to fake it. That's what I was gonna say. Is there anywhere that you can just bull crap your way through? That's the only thing you lose with the Disneyland. You actually have answers. Is there a place you could go that would be

that you could bull crap your way through it? Like a museum, Jason, that I know you love? I could do that anywhere, anywhere. I could do like a cave. Like if it's dark. Well no, just like. Like no one can see, you're like over there. Have you ever done a tour of a cave?

No. No. So this is how it goes. A good time? Wait, you do cave tours? Yeah, dude, caves can be super awesome. But you go in the cave, and I mean everything, usually there's a lot of cool lighting and stuff that they put in there.

And then there are areas around the cave And I mean, everything, usually there's a lot of cool lighting and stuff that they put in there. And then there are areas around the cave, and they name them for kind of what they look like. Oh, so you could do that part. Oh, yeah. You just make up silly names. Horseshoe corner over there. That is exactly what they do.

The one I remember was, we called this the fish market, because there's a couple, there's like eight rocks all next to each other similar in size and they're up in the air like hanging up there like they're fish like okay so this is what this is what you do cave people so i think we could all do that job real easy okay also go visit a cave guys there's cool stuff and you know like there's spiders in caves uh and i only feel that way because there's definitely spiders in every cave. Maybe, but do you know this about caves? They're very cold. Ooh.

Really? Very, very cold. All right. Tell me more. That sounds very nice. All the time. We were... Never hot.

Just always cold. Al Borland and our families went to Las Vegas. And there was a place there that was like a little bar that was an ice room. The whole place was just made of ice. OK. The seats were ice. The walls were ice.

You're in a refrigerator. Your cups are ice. And you were sweaty? You're in a refrigerator. Your cups are ice. And you were sweaty. It was glorious. Oh, it was so great. They give you this giant parka and these gloves. You took those off. Oh, I never put them on. I was in there having a... Jason was shirtless for part of the time. No joke. Yeah, it is true. But it was I mean Al, how happy was I in that room?

I have never seen him so giddy. Genuine joy for being in that freezing box. There is something wrong with me. I recognize that. But I love it. And the irony is you live in the hottest state in the world. Yeah. You're born for Siberia. I've always thought that I would love to go to Siberia. Sounds like a beautiful

place. Not a popular destination. I think when you got there, you'd say you've made a mistake. Maybe maybe. All right, Diego from Twitter. If you could if you each could choose the most appropriate company sponsor for your life, company would it be and why and jay's is already laughing? Do you have an always laughing because we got a picture here. Oh Boy, oh boy. We didn't need that You're in a public place yes He's just wearing shorts. Just shorts and a public igloo.

So they don't have the no shirt, no shoes, no service rule apparently not. They did not. It's Vegas Mike. What's the sponsor of your life? Apparently this ice cave for hotel thing for Jason. Man. A company sponsor for your life, which company would it be and why? And apparently this ice cave for a hotel thing for Jason. Man. Company sponsor for your life,

which company would it be and why? It's tough, because I want it to encapsulate me. Right. Not just one thing I like. We could all pick a sponsor. I was like, man, Tesla, because I like this. Right. But I feel like it needs to encapsulate more than that.

Okay. Maybe it's the tagline that goes with the company. Well then I'm loving it. Like a good neighbor. Yeah baby. So McDonald's is your sponsor. Yeah, I mean you said it's gotta represent me and that the tagline works.

So I mean, McDonald's baby. Like a good neighbor. Oh that works for you. Are you good? Not for Mike. Oh no, no. Like a bad neighbor. Oh that works for you, not for Mike. Oh no, no. Like a bad neighbor, shut your mouth please. Yeah, oh we're just the greatest neighbor of all time. You never see me, you never hear from me.

Yeah. That's a good neighbor. To some people, yes. If they interviewed all your neighborhood right now, like let's say you killed somebody. Sure. And then they always walk around the neighborhood and they're always like, what do you think of that guy? There wouldn't be anybody now, like, let's say you killed somebody. Sure. And then they always walk around the neighborhood and they're always like, what do you think of that guy? There wouldn't be anybody to say like,

oh, he's just a normal guy. I saw him out there mowing his lawn. Like, would they just say they don't even know? Someone lives there? Yeah, they would say, who is that? I've never seen this man a day in my life. They would say he didn't live on this street. It was just a woman and her kids.

Yeah, you're in the wrong spot. Oh my goodness. And so sorry for this ice cave. You're wearing a parka. Your wife's wearing a parka. Al Jason's wife's wearing a parka. Jason has no top on. I don't understand this temperature situation. What was the temperature in there? Was it actually cold out? Oh, it's freezing. They're wearing big jackets. I mean the literally everything the walls and everything are made of ice. What was the temperature in there? Was it actually cold, Al? Oh, it was freezing, yeah. They're wearing big jackets! I mean, literally everything, the walls and everything are made of ice, so it has to be below freezing. Yeah, otherwise it'll melt.

Okay, alright. I don't want to go back. Oh, that's alright. I can't think of a good sponsor. Jason's got McDonald's on lock. Mm-hmm I'll just go Baskin Robbins. What am I talking about? Like Brooks would be probably Post-it notes Okay, okay

Or Little Caesars pizza pizza. Yeah, little Caesars just cuz that's their slogan or was Yeah, whiz would yours be Ikea? Definitely not Brooks maybe Home Depot or yeah, when's the last time you had little Caesar's was the last time anyone in this room? I'm actually within a year last week last week last week. Yep Yeah, you got yourself a hot and fresh pie. Yeah, well they got this you mix and slices combo That's like perfect for tell me more you. This sounds like a built in sponsorship. Yeah, yeah.

Four slices of za and cheese bread. The bigger thing is, so you're telling me that there's Little Caesars around us. Oh yeah. This is what I was gonna say. They're the most secretly successful business ever because. I can't tell you where a single one is.

Yeah, there's one. But there's one five minutes from you. There is. And right now? At all times. No matter where you go. We went there when it was like, oh, we should get some pizza to go to our friend's house And it was like I just walk in and grab some pizzas off of this shelf and you walk out. Yeah, and it's... But how did you find it? It's a good question.

I don't know where they are. I don't think anyone knows. They're everywhere, Mike. I'm so confused. I kind of know what Mike's talking about though, because I feel like... They don't advertise anymore, do they? Yeah, they have very funny commercials, actually. I'm just looking right now, because I didn't know where one is. There are three right next to us.

That's impossible. And they don't deliver, right? It's only, you've got to come get it't deliver, right? They only, it's only you gotta come get it? Yeah, I think they're pick up only. Brooks, you would know. This is your sponsor of your life. I pick it up. So I'm not sure if they do offer. I feel like there's a lot of pizza places now that are just not, they don't offer their own delivery anymore. They just, they contract out to DoorDash. Yeah, I can see that. It's hard to hire people. Yeah, well I like-

Then why? Why do it? When DoorDash does it? Yeah. Well, you lose money to DoorDash. No you don't. You double your prices. Oh.

Because that's what everyone, I mean that is, these restaurants that are like, yeah, we'll use your DoorDash. This $10 item is now $18. It's true. It's true. Do you want to know why, Jay?

Supply demand. Oh, I'm buying it. Yeah, that's why. I mean, I'm still buying the $18 item. That's... You're 100% right. I'm just upset about it. They should just save me money. Wow.

Okay. Mike, did you get a sponsor? I did not. Some sunglass company to hide your eyes from the public. Ooh, Mike. Did you get a sponsor? I did not Some sunglass company to hide your eyes from the public. Oh, okay, you know, okay Fender yeah for the cars. Yeah, I do like do like a handsome fancy beard oil Oh if they were back in business, maybe penny from patreon if you had to eat all of your meals in rhyme peas and cheese ham and jam What would be your go-to pairing? These well are great questions. These are very difficult questions

candy and brandy oh Very nice. I got mine out of the way boy. That's a party. That's a not a dinner, but I Mean I know your meals. I mean, okay all your meals. That's not a meal either but so burger Yeah, that's where you got to go like Patty now that didn't help can I go steak and bake Thank you, I'm gonna go burritos and Fritos fellas. Oh delicious. Okay all right. Al you got anything for the for contention here. I had jotted down turkey and jerky or wine and swine. Oh wine is good. That gives you a whole gamut. I can see Brooks over here like some good sweat and trying to rhyme pizza. He's like how can I rhyme pizza? There's nothing. What did you say?

Is that why they call him ducks? They said pizza. Pizza. Yeah, you need some feet. They sell cow's feet, right? You could have. Not cow's feet. You could have gone Jason and just said pizza and meat-sa. Oh, that would have been way better. Well, mistakes were made. All right, do we have time for one more or are we moving on? Let's do one more. All right, this question comes in from Madison on the website. If all your past and present pets

started group text conversations about you, what would they say? Great things. Oh, mine would say they didn't want me. They didn't want me they didn't want me either they could they could see it huh I mean like literally you know at some point in time we we gave them to someone else I feel like we didn't wait them out to die we got rid of that part of the whole pet experience I feel like the

older professional move animals would really be trying to encourage the younger animals to figure out potty training. They'd be like, dude, dude, you gotta stop. You gotta stop with this. They're saying this about, like, so your potty training, Jason, is... Wait, you've had a puppy for like two years. Oh, he's not a puppy anymore.

Yeah. And she's still... She's a monster. And she's still... That's what she is. Pooping on the pillows, I've heard. Oh, wherever she wants. Wherever. And here's what's...... That's what she is. Pooping on the pillows, I've heard. Oh, wherever she wants. Wherever, and here's what's, I've never caught her once.

Never. She knows. So she's a ninja. She knows... Oh, a ninja pooper. ...a hundred percent what she's doing and where she's supposed to go. And sometimes I'll come in, I'll walk inside my house, and there's Pepper, she's, ah, ah, ah, she's so excited to see me. And sometimes I walk

in my house and she sees me. She goes, she hides. She hides. She's like, Oh no, he came back. So pepper would be taxing your other pets and saying like, you can just, you can take a dump or everyone. It's great. They'd be fighting about whether or not you're allowed to dump in the house. Maybe she learned behaviors. Oh, yeah. You're kind of free with your body. It's my boys. My boy. They just go wherever they want. Oh man. Oh man. Uh, Mike, what would your pet say? Any of this? This is the best person of all time. What a human. What a human talks to me. Yeah, what are you social? Incredible human small talker

With the dogs. Oh, no big talk the dogs. You a big talk. Oh like philosophical stuff just yeah Yeah, we've we've been through the meaning of life. What if Mike was the most talkative person you've ever met? It's only to animals. No, no, this is the most talking you get from me is This this somehow my job is talking. get from me is this. Somehow my job is talking. Yeah, that's weird. It's super weird.

And then. You're all talked out. And by the time I get home, my family's like, wanted to talk to me. I'm out. I've already did that. I do that for a living. And now I rest.

The Spitballers Draft. Well that beautiful scat at the top of the show, Jason, got you the first pick in today's draft. We are selecting underrated foods. Hmm, Kee Doki? There are foods out there. You gotta build your list real quick. Well I did just add one to it because I thought I knew what I was taking with my first pick. Okay. This wasn't on my list but after the opening

scat I realized that vanilla ice cream is super underrated. Nobody thinks like I want vanilla. You know what I mean? Andy does. If you go to Cold Stone you're... No I'm not getting no I will not order it. No nobody gets vanilla. But you know know what I have done genuinely I've ordered different flavors and when I am eating them I've thought I wish this was just of course you do because you have make a mistake because you know the good that you get Vanilla is great, but it's because I mean literally we use the word now to mean Boring. Yeah, it's so vanilla. It's plain. Yeah, it's not plain. But yes, I know what you're saying That's that's what we when we call something vanilla. We're saying it's plain But well, the reason I'm saying it's not plain is because I learned a lesson in my teenage years that blew my mind

I had had vanilla yogurt many many many times and then one day I had plain yogurt Ah, yes, and I was like It doesn't taste like vanilla no, it is not vanilla. Plain yogurt is disgusting. It tastes like vomit. It's awful. Plain is, I mean, I always thought vanilla was plain. Nope.

No, plain yogurt exists. Spoiled milk is what it tastes like. I hope there is no such is what it tastes like. I hope there is no such thing as plain ice cream. It's a good pick and I didn't think of drafting it. This is a weird draft because there's like a million choices. Oh yeah and it's all kind of in the eye of the ball holder here. So what I'm going to do is I think there are some things that get retired because you have

them as kids and then they're just not acceptable to be a normal part of your life. So this is like kids menu stuff? Well one thing jumped out to me that is I think it's underrated because it's not a regular adult meal and it's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Oh, okay. I think they're underrated. When's the last time you had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Last week. Yesterday for me.

Yeah, wow. I mean it's like. I for me. Oh, yeah, wow, wow. I mean, it's like. I'm at like a month ago. I mean, what's wrong with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Nothing. Nothing. What we will do as a society is we will go eat something equally not nutritious that is considered an adult food

instead of eating what is good for you, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or peanut butter and honey, or peanut butter and banana, just a peanut butter and something sandwich. Don't eat it as just plain peanut butter. That's too... It sounds too basic. You're like, I can't eat this, but...

Yeah, what's wrong with that? Fellas. Or maybe two of them. This is gonna be a wild statement, including the company I am sitting in front of. A month ago, is I had to take my boy to a flag football tournament, and one of the foods that they always recommend, like either the night before or day of,

is just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, because it'll fill you up. It's got protein. It's got some carbs, and it will just, it'll sit nice, like it won't bother your stomach. I had never ever had an Uncrustable. Never. Never. And we grabbed a box of grape jelly which you just let thawed in the car probably. I'm a strawberry jelly guy but yeah, so we bring them and I'm kind of handing them out to the kids and I'm getting very jelly guy, but yeah, so we bring them, and I'm kinda handing them out to the kids, and I'm getting a little hungry, I'm like,

okay, fine, I'll eat this. Holy crap, guys. Yeah. Delicious! Yeah! Super delicious! They're so good! I mean, did you end up having more than one?

Oh, you're darn right I did! I was hungry! They're fantastic, and they're just ready to go! I didn't have to do anything! You gotta let them thaw for a little bit. Ah, that's fine. Well, you know, I was going to say I've had them froze right out the freezer. They're delicious. Wait, no, he's not wrong. They're just hard. They're just you're biting jelly in your mouth with freezer burn or no, no, no, it wouldn't last long enough in any freezer to get freezer burn. I've never, cause

they can't be honest. You don't honest to goodness. I have seen the uncrustable box in my freezer empty more times than I've seen the uncrustable box in my freezer. Have they ever made a huge one? They need to make a freezer sized bag where it's just like. No, I didn't mean I meant like a double sized uncrustable like a an adult one. because they're so small. Yeah, uncrustable.

Like a like a peanut butter jelly, Uncrustable Calzone size. I think what they just need to do is they need to just package four of them in each bag. You just grab out a four pack. I don't know. I actually don't know if I've had an Uncrustable. Oh, man. I can tell you if you'd like it or not You would you all right all right. They are great. All right, so I'm looking into it more and more

I'm doing more investigation research to do great. I bet yeah, I got a I got a check on the strawberry It's important is that those are the only two they make though, right? Or do they get into like the apricot if they got it if they got an apricot Those are the only two they make though, right? Or do they get into like the Apricot? Cause if they got into- Oh dude, if they got an Apricot? They got an Apricot. I'm on it, I'm on it.

Mike, you have a couple. Underrated Apricot with your, instead of the strawberry jelly. No, you got two picks, Mikey. All right, this is one that definitely was not on your list as a child. And it definitely is growing in popularity, but I'm just when I think of foods that you're like, Oh no, that food is gross, but it's actually really good as long as it's properly

prepared is Brussels sprouts. Yep. It's on my list for sure. Because you just as a child, they got a peanut butter and honey. They've got butter and whoa. Mike's mind is about to what they've got great. They got chocolate hazelnut. Yep. They got chocolate hazelnut. That's just a dessert. You bet it is. It's a dessert Sammy. I got to stop. They got to start selling those in the movie theater instead of candy. Yes. Okay. Okay. So Brussels sprouts very, very actually very, very despite, you know like that and Hope we're not ruining a pig with like Lima beans like Lima beans of Brussels sprouts are like public enemy number one for children But we need to teach children that Brussels sprouts are actually good. Stop telling them that they're bad. I

Can't do it. Oh, I can't get in on the brussels. They're fine. They're so good if they're made right they can be Let me make sure I know what they are. Oh They're they're very delicious The whole thing. Yep. Yeah, just pop that in your mouth. It's well, I guess can you like using there's like a Stem that you cut off during the cooking right? Oh, right. Yeah, if you're if you're preparing it you what does Al think? I don't think you like so they They're terrible. Oh, okay. All right. Speaking of Al, what you just wrote in there, that's actually my second pick.

It is... Don't. Cabbage. Oh, okay. Okay. Cabbage. You like cabbage. I love cabbage.

You do. I love steamed cabbage with my Hawaiian food. It's gross. I like... You put the red cabbage on a salad, that's how you take that thing to fancy That's a that's not just a regular salad anymore. That's a grown-up salad I want I want to hop in your sidecar buddy cuz I got sauerkraut as my second Which is fermented cabbage. I assume that's fine, right? Oh minute. Yeah, because I didn't know that

Yep, you didn't know it. So it's my pick. Hold on. That blows my mind. Sauerkraut's great. Have it on a sandwich. So I, so sauerkraut is... It's an extreme taste, but I think it's underrated. Finally cut raw cabbage that has been fermented by various lactic acid bacteria. You betcha. I had no idea. Huh, I didn't either.

I didn't even understand what the reference was. You're like, I'm coming with you, Mike. Oh yeah, sidecar. Am I allowed to draft a totally different thing? So, sauerkraut's disgusting, of course, and awful. It's pretty smelly. It stinks. It's vinegary.

Vinegary, it's putrid. I haven't tried it in a long time. I haven't tried it. You love cabbage, Mike, you might like sauerkraut. I haven't tried it since I was, honestly, I don't know if I tried it my entire life. Until about a month ago. Then I was like, I'm gonna put this on.

And it was great! Would you put it on a dog? No, it was a chicken breast. So it was a thing from our Tavales. So you're telling me that it's like a real heavy vinegar cabbage? It's outstanding. This sounds fantastic. It is pretty good.

How have I been avoiding this? They make like what? Oh man. Is it German or Irish restaurants that have a lot of sauerkraut based dishes? Well, it's definitely the Germans. The Germans. The Germans.

The Germans love sauerkraut, I believe. There you go. I'm just stereotyping the whole people. No, I think, no it is. I've been to a German. It's a German food. Yeah, I've been to a German restaurant. Of course, then they love it. Well, I'm just saying, it whole people. No, I think no it is. I've been to a German food. Yeah, I've been to a German restaurant. Of course, didn't they love it? I'm just saying it's like it's common

There and part of it's German meals. I feel like there's no German meal that doesn't have sauerkraut Is there like every like German item I see on if I get a German bratwurst that means it's got sauerkraut on it I mean, I don't know if they like you know what that word means in German means it's got sauerkraut on it. I mean I don't know if they like them. You know what that word means? In German? Sour cabbage. Wow. So that's German. I know how to say cabbage. Krout. There you go. That seems to make sense. Alright, so Jason, two picks. Alright, I am up. I know my first one here because it was gonna be my 101 originally before vanilla ice cream came to mind, but it's so good. And it's something that apparently you're just only allowed to have in college. It's Top Ramen. Oh dude, it's on my list.

Oh, Top Ramen is so good. And every time I have fancier ramen, like I order ramen, I just wish it was Top Ramen. I'm like, man, isn't as good as the 99th cent meal of top ramen top ramen is fantastic So I mean it's just So over-the-top salty. Yes, all it is. Yeah, you would die if you had too much it can't I mean I can't imagine how bad top ramen is so bad for you But it's so good. I'm surprised it is legal, but it is delicious. OK, and then for my next pick, I'm going to go with. I think this is kind of similar to like.

Vanilla ice cream, where it's like this is good, people like it, but it's it's just too basic, it gets no respect. It's not seen of as like a really good people like it but it's it's just too basic it gets no respect it's not seen of as like a really good food but it's so important it's white rice oh why you guys so good I can eat white rice for every meal you could put all sorts of sauces on you couldn't have white rice so many different ways with cabbage would you eat it plain yeah I've eaten it plain I feel like is I've eaten it for. I feel like I've eaten it for like almost like cereal like you put you know hot white steamed rice where you put

butter and milk and sugar. You know they're saying that that's never done that. You know it got a bad rap for about 15 years brown rice trying to take over for health and now they're saying white rice is healthier. Yeah which is great great news, because it's way better tasting than white rice. It's a lot of work. Brown rice is a lot of work. It is, too much chewing. You need some white rice in that sushi. That's a good pick.

It's just, it's very versatile, very important, very delicious, and gets no respect. It's always like, do you want to upgrade that? You want to get the fried rice? I mean, I do, it's better, but the point is. You're summarizing your whole argument, Jay. If we're bringing fried rice into the equation, then white rice can get out of here. That's true.

No, it's underrated. I love it. My next pick with peanut butter and jelly and sauerkraut is perfect for this draft because if it's offered to me amongst a bunch of choices on a menu, it should be what is automatically given. It's an English muffin. I'm going English muffins. Interesting. You're always offered like your all your other like toast side,

biscuits, toast, biscuits, all that stuff. If they say the word English muffin, I am taking one. It tastes better than all the other bread. Is that because of the nooks and crannies? You bet it is. Yeah, it holds on to more butter It holds on to more butter which Butters very good for you, so that's great

So let me ask you this because I know this is an option Oftentimes when they're like, you know white wheat sourdough English muffin. Yes pancakes Now you know now we're entering a different cat. I know but but that's... Fried rice argument. I know, I'm trying to trap up... Because I know you're ordering pancakes. You said it was automatic. If I want to appear healthier, I will take the English muffin. Okay, it's somewhat related to what Jason just asked. You go to McDonald's. Are you going with the McMuffin or the McGriddle?

Well... I'm going McMuffin. I'm always a McMuffin. Over the McGriddle? The McMuffin, I've had the McGriddle? Well. I'm going McMuffin. I'm always a McMuffin. Over the McGriddle? The McMuffin, I've had the McGriddle. It's so sweet. It's good, it's too sweet. It's fine as a change of pace,

but the McMuffin, I mean, English muffins are really, really good. I don't know why anybody on the planet would choose a slice of toast to an English muffin. I don't know the last time I've had a muffin. English muffin. Oh we make them all the time. You should get in on it. You make them? Yeah well I mean we don't make them from scratch but. When you say we make them all the time that in first. You toast them. Yeah we toast them. We butter them. He toasts them at the house. So you

heat them up all the time. I mean. If no if I say I make something I don't make it I mean do you ever say I made toast this morning? Yeah, you say I make toast and you see exact same process and no one has ever this is something that's true Toast a bad. No one has ever in their life Eating an English muffin on He oh, it's terrible. You just don't do it. You don't do it So it's not an English muffin like till you make till you make it But the thing about toast is you make toast because it was bread

Yeah, but people eat bread. Yeah, and that's why people don't eat. That's why it cooked. That's why I've made toast I'm just I'm saying your argument of you made English muffins. Sounds like a perfect spitballers argument. Mike, you are up on the clock with your last two picks. You have Brussels sprouts and cabbage, really giving vegetables a good name. I am. I'm gonna come in here again with the... I would never.

Oh wait, I drafted cabbage. I believe I drafted, I don't even remember why I drafted it, but I'm going to pay some more respect to good old spam because it is super underrated spam and people need to understand that spam is actually good. They just have a real haven't tried it. Yeah, because it comes, it comes in a can. It's called spam. It's called spam. The marketing people did a horrific job. It needs a full rebrand, but it's delicious It's spam and this last one I'm bringing this one up because like you you want your desserts, you know at the restaurant

It's always like an apple pie Ice cream a chocolate chip cookie this does not look cake Yeah, it like there's the the basic ones and this one ice cream, a chocolate chip cookie. This dessert. Chocolate cake. Yeah, there's the basic ones. And this one, I feel like I only know this because my mother-in-law will make it from time to time. I don't know if you guys have ever had it. Have you had monkey bread?

Yes, I have had monkey bread. Monkey bread. It's a cinnamon-y. It's unbelievable. It's pull apart bread, right? It's cinnamon-y,ony sugar sauce covered bread. You're saying it needs to be on more menus. We need to get monkey bread out there.

It's fantastic. If there's one thing this podcast could do, we can get monkey bread out there. It is super uncommon and yet it would be right up there if people really knew about it I think it would rival the the big desserts out there you know the big desserts have a stranglehold they do they don't let churros into their restaurants either sometimes mmm I don't know many churros yeah yeah but it's a

version of a churro I like it it's a good pick I think they have the the pizookie place out here and you can get a monkey bread Pazuki what you didn't know that BJ's what yeah BJ's got the monkey bread Mike they got good pizza enjoy that tonight so you end up with Brussels sprouts cabbage spam and monkey bread I have PB&J sauerkraut English muffin what and I'm gonna close it out with look I'm just going from the heart they say I ain't winning nothing but I love Craisins and I think they do I think crazy reasons I think Craisins are totally underrated why would anybody have a raisin when

they could have a craze and what is a craze a craze is a cranberry raisin they've they've they've enjoyed them it's a crazy raisin aren't you guys in on Craisins I don't see anybody nodding over there. I love craisins. It's a part of a good salad. I'll eat them by the handful. He'll eat them by the handful. But yeah, I mean a craisin is just a dehydrated cranberry, right?

It could be. That's what I think it is. Like it's a raisin. What is a craisin? Yes, that is a craisin. It's just, it's like turning a grape into a raisin. They add a lot of sugar. Well, of course cuz great cuz cranberries are bogs. They appear like raisins Yeah

Bears are Flavor is great that the pure cranberry from the bog is not good. It's saying if you eat a Cranberry the way that nature right intended you go. What is this? And thank goodness the scientists didn't just leave it there They said we could do more with this we can make juice and add sugar and we can make craisins and add sugar And they're great and then more and more sugar even the cranberry people know that they're They have to put the sugar on there. Oh, yeah, their business is a sham They're put the sugar on there. Oh yeah. Their business is a shim. They're in the sugar business. That's really the business they're in. Bog garbage is the

funniest thing I've ever heard. Alright Jason you have vanilla ice cream, top ramen and white rice. What's your final pick on your winning set? This is a food item that is shameful But it shouldn't be because it is also Wildly delicious has to be in my top 10 favorite meals and that is Spaghetti Oh's and meatballs, baby. Yeah Give me that can't Yeah, give me that canned food for the win. We're back. I just, I love it so much.

I used to like SpaghettiOs as a kid, and that's a food where I tried it again as an adult, and I was like, this is so gross. Did you have the meatballs? It's soggy, the noodles are so soggy in there. That is so good. No, I didn't have the meatballs, but I doubt that holds it all together.

It is the glue that makes it work. Okay some honorable mentions that apparently would have been better than Craisins. Spinach also something as a kid that we all hate. I just literally last night for the first time in my life understood spinach. I had a spinach salad and I was like... You haven't had a spinach salad? No I have I just never liked it but last night I was like it was so good. It haven't had a spinach though? No, I have. I just never liked it, but last night I was like, it was so good. It's better than iceberg and stuff. As is kale. No, kale's okay.

I'm behind it. But I bet spinach gets such a bad rap growing up. Like it's this, you know. Yeah. Well, it's because they... It's like okra. They tried too hard with the Popeye. Cashews?

The most underrated nut, in my opinion. Cashews are very good, but they can be overwhelming when you have more than a handful. No, they're the best nut. They're the best nut. Was that the end of your list? Yeah. I had anchovies, which I know I would see.

Eww, salty snotfish. They are actually, okay, casseroles. Love just about every kind of casserole. They are actually okay casseroles love Casseroles need to come back they used to be a big thing hand them to your neighbors and stuff now I know make casseroles. Oh, yeah Well, we're doing great work there because that means we don't talk to our neighbors. I got cottage cheese Which okay, she's actually pretty good underrated. Yeah, and my personal favorite one the problem is I love it so much I don't even know that it's underrated, but it's still not rated as highly as its dominant brother chocolate. I'm talking about

strawberry milk Strawberry milk is so good. It seems that's gross seems discussed as gross That's gross. Oh, no, I'm so mad at you, dude. It's such a fake thing. It tastes like a fake syrup, but from SpaghettiOs and meatballs over here, I'm not surprised. Dude, you want to know what goes great with SpaghettiOs and meatballs? Strawberry dip. Oh my gosh, that combo.

Yes. You know where I like to eat? The science lab. Yeah, yeah, chemical alley.. Mike you got any extra? Broccoli I think is a really good vegetable. Did someone say canned tuna? Well as I had it I know that we are all talking about. You talking about tean jar. I just yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Just saying, it's good. What did we learn today? Oh, brother.

I mean, I had no, is sauerkraut. Yeah, I had no idea this sauerkraut was from cabbage. I thought it was some other just weird vegetable. Now you know, you're welcome, and you love cabbage, so you're gonna love that. I do. I learned that Jason should most definitely live somewhere colder than here Talk to you next week. Goodbye spit was good

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