Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Smartphone Struggles & Food To Eat Without Utensils - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Today we get into a deep philosophical smart phone debate. Which side are you on? We also talk about the smell of rotten milk and being forced to always be talking while walking. We then do some ‘What’s the Difference?’ before jumping into our draft of foods to eat without utensils. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Woohoo! That felt so good! I Got a hand it to you Mike yeah I knew when I unveiled that idea to the world that to do things that were great one your idea last week About just not doing it. Oh man, that freedom, it was powerful. But two, I didn't realize how nice that music was. We're covering up some beauty

that you made with garbage. And I'm telling you, I've never been happier. I was literally thinking, I was like, this week I'm going to fully redeem the scat because we've, other than Mike, you and I have been really scraping the bottom of the scat because we've other than Mike you and I have been really scraping the bottom of the scat barrel as we call it yeah well I think I just redeemed the heck out of it so you and you did just for those listening because that's the majority of you Jason was bebopping and scat dancing the whole time I was dead silent it was waiting for something the first time when it was my turn to do the intro scat where I was genuinely happy.

Yeah, you were at peace. I was just like, go watch the YouTube and you will see a happy person because I knew the whole time I ain't doing it. Yeah. It was so freeing. Mike, you got any thoughts after what you brought last week? I mean, I guess I closed this out on a high note.

Oh my god. There were a lot of people that said yours was the best yet last week. Yeah, it was the final. Yeah. That was me. I guess we'll find out next week if it was the final. Al could scout for us each week.

Oh man, that does sound. And then we'll just mouth it like we're doing it. Pretty good. It's Speedballers episode 319, welcome in. I'm sure we're going to hear some feedback on that. Would you rather? What's the difference? And today we're drafting foods to eat without utensils.

So we don't actually know if it's a free for all draft or if Jason's going to make us choose to build and construct a specific meal. I have the power. I'm gonna decide live during the draft. What we're doing? Okay, that'll be fun. It'll be a real medieval times situation. Well, yeah, because we got got to eat with your hands. We got nature's utensils. Yeah. Some things that they work well for. Other things not so much. Hands?

Hands. Yeah, I mean, other things you need. For eatin'? Yeah, for eatin'. Oh, okay, I was just like, you were talking about everything in the world. I was like, yeah, some things they work very well for. They're not helpful for flying.

We got like, we got frosties yesterday. And I was like, hey, can I have a spoon? And I was thinking, oh oh if fork would be pretty bad But no you know would be even a fork would be better. Yeah, you can manage. Yeah, so Draft french fries the right utensil there though. Oh, are you a french fry frosty? Heck? Yeah Frosty I'm not not so much. I mean it's fine, but some people get real like it's their identity like this is why I am I'm a french fry frosty guy unfortunately That's where we got like it was just it was a cool thing that we all knew about And it was from time to time I fry here I fry there. Yeah, that's fine

But no Jason's one of those guys. I am that is who I am All right off to to Would You Rather. Would You Rather? Timothy. Chellameh? It's kind of spelled that way, T-H-E-E, Timothy. Would you rather only be able to talk if you are walking or only be able to walk if you are talking?

Walk it like you talk it, huh? Um, wow, that is uh, talk if you're walking, or only be able to walk if you are talking. Does the rule apply to everyone? No. That was just me. That was just you. No. So... It was about to be. I was about to put us into a utopia What situation would you be in where you need to reply?

But you're not in a good position to walk anything in a vehicle Like if you try to get out of the vehicle and the cop pulls you over and they're like they're like what you know Give me your name Give me your name and insurance And then you're like. You just start sweating? Yeah, you, sir, answer me right now, and you're like, you gotta get up.

Could you, you should just open the door. Yeah, you'd have to open the door. Oh man, you don't wanna do that. You're getting tased. Oh, for sure. At best. Yes, you're hoping you get tased. Oh my God.

That is, that would be a real problem. That's a tough one. I mean, can you mouth, like... If you're on an airplane being asked what kind of drink you want? Oh, I don't get drinks anymore. No, you'd have to get up and like... I declare, just walk in place. It's at least doable.

The other way around... Yeah, you could point to something in the menu. Oh, you could point, or I'm saying like the server, they go back. That's when you get up real quick. I changed my mind. Right. I get this. If you flip it and let's say you do need to go to the bathroom on an airplane, from the moment you stand up, you got to start talking. You bet. I'm going to the bathroom right now. I'm going to go number one. Number two. Here I go to the bathroom. I hope I use this door over here. One, you have to sing just so you know no, I was like sing songy. No sing song You're just you're an

Man I guess both ways you're annoying. Yeah You're less annoying if you know think about our job here fellas. Oh, we don't do it gets in like we gotta get a whole new Line of work treadmill studio, bro. All Oh, we got to get some like... We got to get a whole new line of work. Treadmill studio, bro. Oh, all right, we can do that. Treadmill studio. I was gonna say, we sit and talk a lot. Is treadmill a good work around there, Al? Is that okay? Yeah, of course.

For sure. Because you're walking, right? Yeah, it's not you have to cover distance. That'd be very good for our health. It would. If we were spending, you know... Oh, that's the one to go with, there. Couple hours a day doing a light walk while we're talking. Oh, our shows would be 15 minutes long, you know, that's the one to go with a couple hours a day doing a light walk Well, our shows would be 15 minutes long, you know, Jason be like, let's wrap it up

We get 10 minutes Audio quality would be really bad Yeah, I mean I don't so anyway, what's the deal Yeah, so I guess I guess I'll go with the one that, I mean, testifying in court? That'd be trouble too. Yeah. Your Honor, do you mind if I pace around?

Please have a seat. Oh man. I'm gonna take the silent walking. Yeah, that's what I'm going with too. Bowen from the website, knowing what you know now, if you had the power to flip the switch, would you rather live in a world with smartphones or a world without smartphones?

Deep. Do the pros outweigh the cons or would you wipe them off the planet? Deep. I mean, I have a quick answer. I think your quick answer is you would wipe them off the planet? Deep. I mean, I have a quick answer. I think your quick answer is you would wipe them off the planet. Yeah.

As somebody who uses and loves his own smartphone, I would, I think I would wipe them off the planet. Wow, I think you're right to think that way. Like, obviously I use it all the time. Every human does. It's here, it's a tool. Well, I mean, you kind of have no choice now. This is why you said.

With the amount of things that your phone does. No, you're very dependent. Your phone does everything. You're very dependent on it. Even things like, I mean, most tickets. You want to go to a concert, you've got to bring your phone because it's on, you know, the tickets are on your phone. I'm flying this afternoon, I've got, you know.

Boarding pass on your phone. Boarding pass already loaded, I don't wanna go to a kiosk and print out paper like the 1900s. So yeah, there are some conveniences that I think we would have a hard time adjusting to not having. But it's also destroyed our entire society. And everybody knows it. Yeah everyone knows it

but we're addicted and when you're addicted and interdependent on it. I mean the only way to do this is to wipe them all at once. Yes. You can't have some people that have the advantage of having a phone. Gotta be a level playing field, gotta get rid of the the the greed on the other side but there are entire industries that would be gone. Yeah. Yeah, there's lots of people who have jobs just because of phones. Yeah, I mean like Uber, like us, right?

Sure, sure. Well, there's also a lot of people who don't have jobs now because of phones, that did have jobs. Well, they got to update with the times. I mean, it doesn't matter what it is, if it's what, we deposit our checks on our phones now, right, so we don't have to hire as many tellers at the bank. Yeah, but the ATM and that's convenient

ATM took care of that I mean, I think I were you were you a I wasn't in the bank guy You're so saying would you deposit a check into an ATM? I never had never never done it once never would you never have either? Nope, my wife is adamant of never, ever do that. So you're a big ATM depositor. Yeah. It's great, guys. I don't have to talk to anybody.

And in fact, I have had consequences of trying to cash a check. I went and was like, OK, I'm not going to do the ATM. I'll do the drive up. And then I got stuck. I don't do drive up either. Okay, well it's the same difference. If you had gone in.

I go inside and stare at him right in the eyes. But I was saying, the person was, oh, well hold on, we gotta go get somebody else to help out here. That would have happened inside, regardless. And then I was stuck in line at the drive through bank for over 30 minutes and I could have just plopped that thing in the ATM you do the waited a day you do the virtual one now either on your phone yeah okay yeah that's see

that feels safer to me because I still have the check so if something doesn't go right putting it in the ATM where I don't see a person but also that's what he gave my check away but that's what I do but they I'm saying that's terrible right and when you hit when you at least when you do that, and you hit I would like a receipt, they print the checks right there on the receipt. Well, you're keeping up with ATM technology, but back to the phone question. That's been around for a while, guys. Yeah, I think to make it deep for two seconds, I think we as a society believe fundamentally

somehow that convenience is the supreme, most valuable. And so we're always going to create iterations and technology to make convenience supreme. Not just convenience, but also entertainment, right? Like I don't go to the bathroom without a phone. I don't- Oh my goodness, no. I don't- I'll be done so fast. I don't know what, yeah, I mean-

I'll have to go out and be back with my family then. I would have to wipe so quick. So yeah, wipe the phones off the planet. Oh my gosh. Wipe them off the planet. I think that most people, I'm curious, we do the, what do we call the duck duck goose game? Guess guess goose.

Guess guess goose, okay. A way different name. I just couldn't remember, I knew it was something like that. duck goose game guess guess goose yes guess goose a way different name just good remember I knew something like that the guess guess goose you set a line of what you think people believe in a situation I wonder what we believe people would say if you if you pull in fact I'm gonna put this tweet out right now and ask it's gonna be generational if if you got a tech everyone in the world gets a text message and it says,

you can wipe all the phones off the planet and the only way this happens, you can vote yes or no, but the only way that it happens is everybody loses their phone. I wonder if it would be a majority. I wonder if it would be a majority. I think it'll be a majority. I believe that. And then they just disappeared.

I think that almost everybody can recognize that we, the world, ourselves, individuals, would all be happier without them. You know what's funny though is a dumb phone wasn't that way though. Like a dumb cell phone. Like a cell phone that just did phone calls. Yeah.

It didn't impact society the same way. Oh, of course not. Because you can't be preoccupied with it. You just get a phone call, you don't get a phone call. It doesn't matter. Yeah and you can't even text. I mean that would be probably the biggest... I think most people probably want to keep them huh? Yes. I think the majority of people... Because none of us have a problem. There's a difference. There's the... Can you get people to admit that there are huge problems in society now because of the phone? I bet you can get the overwhelming majority of adults to agree with that.

We'll say, yeah, they are. And they'll say, okay, can we get rid of them? And they'll go, no, we cannot because I got certain things that I can't live without personally. So I'm willing to keep the the giant societal problem. You have my phone. You're you're 100 percent right, because you see this in schools already. We all know that kids shouldn't have them in school. Everybody knows how bad that is. But parents still fight for their kid to keep their phone

because they want constant communication with their kid or to feel like their kid is safe. They can text you at any minute Yeah, even though back to beepers. Oh Man, I never got one. I was so jealous. What a loser. Yeah beeper It was we were we were living large a tiny little sliver of where society. Yeah portion of time yeah, where it was like you have a chain I Wanted I did one I had a bad a a tiny little pager chain that connected my belt loop.

How often did the beeper get used? Oh my gosh. Were your parents hitting that up all the time to get you home or something? No, not my parents. But this is how we would. Your friends? Yeah.

All right, so I want your guys' prediction. Text your friend 8008, man. Because we were hilarious. Yeah. Oh, wait, man. Because we were hilarious. Yeah. OK, so I tweeted this out with the same verbiage, knowing what you know now.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, the same verbiage, which is now covered. If you had the power to flip the switch, would you rather live in a world with smartphones or without smartphones? I said keep them or get rid of them. I want your predictions on what the vote's going to come in at. OK, like, because you'll check it it cuz I'll check it you did this

On Twitter correct. Okay to My the word again. Give me the wording again So knowing what you know now if you had the power to flip the switch Would you rather live in a world with smartphones or without smartphones? Option one keep them option to get rid of them your audience on Twitter 64 to get rid of them. Your audience on Twitter, 64 to get rid of them. I'm going, I'm going 70 plus is a keep. Okay, so we got different sides.

That's gonna be interesting. Check in later, yeah, check in later. All right, Vanessa from Patreon, would you rather constantly have the taste of rotten milk in your mouth? Oh, what? Or the- We go from deep philosophy to rotten milk. That is the essence of this show. Or the smell of rotten milk

on your nose. Oh, man. I mean, that those are disgusting. The smell of rotten milk is worse. Now, maybe. I don't I don't think I know what the flavor rotten. You're really getting the game. The smell of rotten milk has stopped me from ever experiencing the flavor of rotten milk. I have, yeah, I've smelled rotten milk a lot more than I've tasted it. And I've tasted rotten milk?

On accident, yeah. Like you put it in cereal and you were chewing your milk? Sometimes it's, no, not to that degree, but sometimes the- It's jockey. Sometimes the date's just wrong. Maybe somebody had left it out on the counter or something or and you didn't know and then you Take one bite of cereal the other day where my wife had a smoothie that she had made the day before that was still sitting On the counter, and I thought it was the smoothie. I had made that morning

How was the taste of rotten milk, It's not good, bro. Oh, man. So did you, uh, no. Did you just spit it out or did you drink some of it? No, I did not swallow any of it. I spit it out. Okay. How much and were you alerted to this only by the flavor? As soon as it hit the tongue. Yeah. There was something off. How full is this smoothie? It was about 3 quarters of the way full. 3 quarter full smoothie, that was left out. Yeah, just got busy and left it on the counter. Yeah, that's a good tip.

So was it probably the same style cup? Was it the temperature that got you? No, no. No, it was the flavor. You're telling me it's double. Yeah, yeah. Something like acidic or I don't know how to describe it. Fresh ingredients in that house that have gone bad. Wow, and what was your retaliation?

TBD okay, I'll work it on a plan. I don't put it under a pillow I think that I'm not gonna get sick physically ill and throw up and have problems from smelling it I'm going to have those problems. I'm drinking it and eating It'll be equal. But taste and smell are connected. That's what I mean. They are. No matter what. This is a lose lose lose. If you have the smell of rotten milk in your nose and you plug your nose, that's no way around this. It's like a permanent... You're gonna smell it through your mouth. Oh man. I don't know what the taste of rotten milk is and obviously Jeremy never tasted rotten milk. I can't recall it.

Maybe I have in the past but I can't recall it. Interesting. I know exactly and I think everybody listening knows exactly the smell of milk that's gone bad. If something got left in a place, I can smell in the entire room. If there is the specific smell of milk or dairy that has gone bad is unacceptable. I can't take that. Is the reason you've never tasted that, do you treat your milk like you do your socks where you want a new pair every day? Do you just open it up, pour your bowl and throw the rest of it away?

Yeah, of course. And then open up a new pair every day, do you just open it up, pour your bowl, and throw the rest of it away? Yeah, of course. And then open up a new milk every time? I'm definitely, if the expiration date says it's today. Yeah, I'm curious, are you no dice? That's going down a drain. I will drink it on that day, but I'll do a big smell. I'll bet you'll drink it after. You're doing a smell test, huh?

It's like three days expired, you're gonna smell that thing? No, I won't go past the date. You won't, okay, good man, good man. My wife will. Oh, I know so many smell that thing. No, I won't go past the date. You won't. Okay, good man Good my wife will oh, I know so many people that are like it, you know They're like a form of bravery to them. The date is like look at me you know in some things we know that the the expiration date is really just a Best buy it's it's a not only that but it's a marketing tool It's it's a way to get you to throw it out

and buy more and all that. There's truth to all some products. I'll eat some chips. I'm gonna eat potato chips past the date. I don't care. That's not gonna hurt me. Are they stale? Are they not stale?

That's the only thing that matters for potato chips. But not milk. I feel like stale- Not meat. Stale chips aren't gonna make you sick. Right. They're just gonna be gross. But yeah, like deli meat, lunch meat, pastale chips aren't going to make you sick. Right. They're just going to be gross. But yeah, like deli meat, lunch meat, pass the date.

No way. Get that slimy mess out of here. All right. I'm going to check back in with Paul. We're over 4,000 votes here. And we have 59% percent. Oh, he's pumping his fist because he thinks he got it right.

And he did. Get rid of them. The majority of people it right and he did get rid of them the majority of people right now are Saying get rid of them. So that's almost exactly what I predicted. Yeah Almost well, I was trying to think like your audience was not if you polled People that were teenagers people that were 15 to 20 They don't get in that result. They don't understand the Life without it.

Correct. Yeah. What was like that for our generation? What was something that we fundamentally needed that our parents would have fundamentally gotten rid of? Would it have been TV or movies? TV.

Yeah. But TV. Nintendo. Well, OK, video games. Video games is the right answer. I feel like TV was actually embraced by our parents' generation. Because that's back when you'd have one TV

and they'd watch it, like the family would get around the TV. Yeah. But video games? Yeah, I think it would be video games. And they probably would have said no. How many votes did you say you got on there, Jay? Oh, that was views.

I see it now. A thousand votes. But still, I'll check back in. It's still way under 4,000. I'll check back in... It's still way under four thousand. I'll check back in at the end of the episode. Just misread it. All right. We'll take a break. We'll get into What's the Difference. What's the difference between me and you? All right, we are experts at telling you the difference between three things. So let's begin here.

What is the difference? Pay close attention here, gentlemen. What is the difference between usually, typically, and most of the time? Usually. Usually. Well, most of the time is most of the time. Typically, most of the time.

So if I said to you, Mike, I always drink, wait, let me try to put this in the... Always, always, always is every time. I mean, not really, not the way we actually use it. I usually drink coffee in the mornings. Okay. Or I drink coffee in the mornings most of the time. Which one is more?

Ooh, between usually and most of the time? I usually drink coffee in the mornings, or I drink coffee in the mornings most of the time. I think most of the time is more than usual. It sounds more definitive. Yes, most of the time is a guarantee of a majority. 80, 90? At the very least, it's a guarantee of a majority,

because that's what it means. I think usually. No, that's a good one. So it's usually. Usually can imply it, but it doesn't seem like a guarantee. If I say I usually eat cereal in the morning, maybe that could be 40% of the time. Let me do it this way.

365 days in a year. you drink coffee most of the time in the morning. How many days a year do you drink it? 300 plus. 300 plus, Jason? So 300 out of 365, you'd be able to somebody, you'd say that's most of the time. That's the number that comes to mind.

I usually drink coffee in the morning. How many days of that 365 are you drinking coffee? Oh, usually. It's gotta be more than half. 250? For usually. Yeah, 250's pretty good. 250.

I typically drink coffee. Typically is not used for. It's not in the same category? No, it typically is not like a me thing. Typically is a world at large thing. It's like, why you guys laughing? I don't know where you're going. Yeah, I don't, It's you know, it's it's like Yeah, I know cuz you can't just say I typically do this cuz then that's not the world large that is very

Me typically you can't say it. I'm saying typically you buy what comes through your Instagram feed I mean people could say like I do, you know good at something too, but they're just using the word improperly Superman does good So I think typically talks about more of like- Oh, I see what you're saying, like it's typical of a society. Exactly. So you're saying typically people drink coffee in the morning. I am my own society though. We know that, we know that Mike.

We've known that for years. So you may use typically that's- I'm saying typically society believes they are their own society typically implies That is also true. What is typical and typical is the most often done thing Yeah, so on society on a societal level but a typical something to be typical on a societal level has to be above 90% Is there anything with like that's very typical of more than one? Person like let me let me put it this way for society's sake

Typically people stop at stop signs Okay, right agreed what percentage of people have to stop at stop sign for that to be true 80 percent 90 percent. I think it's 90. I think it's 75. So you think 75 is typical. I'm saying that can be typical. That's very typical. So it's typical for people to have five fingers on their hand, not six.

So 25% of people can have six fingers on their hand and that is... That would be very atypical if they had six fingers. Is there anything too that typical can be used as an insult? Where the other words, you're like, hey, where was Jason? Oh, he was, he's in the bathroom. Typical!

I'm not like, usual! Like, oh, Jason's in the bathroom. Oh, most of the time! That's true. It's not carrying, it's not packing a punch. Typical is more of an insult. Jason's at the Nickelback concert. Typical.

Yeah, love me some Nickelback. Love me some Nickelback. Hmm. This is gross. The only thing I know from Nickelback. Did we figure out? No, we got most of the time he usually nailed. Typically we get this.

Typically we get about two-thirds correct. Okay. So I think we're right on pace. I'm going to be honest. I think you derailed the crap out of us with this whole society versus individual thing. But I understand where you're coming from. When something is typical, it is not just a percentage. It is comparative. Yeah, it's comparative. Exactly. It's comparative When something is typical it is not just a percentage. It is comparative.

Yeah it's comparative. Exactly it's comparative. That's what it is. No you're right. It's not necessarily societal but it's comparative. Yeah. Whereas you know the others can they don't have. It can only be typical based on a standard. Exactly. I think we nailed all three. Yeah. All right what is the difference between something being in the air and being in the sky? That is our what's the difference? Height. Height. Being in the air. Yeah the the sky that is our what's the difference height? Hi being in the air. Yeah, the sky's up there. This guy's way up there way. I can tell a little bit air Yeah, it is. It's also up there. Yeah, but the sky's not down here air up there. Yes, but the sky's not down here No, it's a day. There is up there and the air is down here, but the sky is only up there. Is it an amount of feet?

I think it's can you see the horizon. From where you're at? You have to be high enough to be able to see the entire horizon. But you could just be out and looking out into the ocean and I can see the horizon. Let me just. And I'm on the ground.

Okay. Let me lay this out. Not the perfect barometer. If you'm on the ground. Okay, let me let me lay this out Not the perfect barometer if you're on the ground right here You're also on the ground at the top of Mount Everest But from the ground the top of Mount Everest area is the sky yes But if you're on Mount Everest is it above you or is the sky below you? Well, the sky is still above you. There's still enough sky Well, there's the sky is obviously but you're standing but isn't the sky also below you? No

No, you're standing where it's never be below you But how many feet is that like 18,000 feet up in the air sky be below you? No, of course it can if you're in an airplane. Yeah, if you're an airplane like the sky is not Only above you if you're if you're in an airplane. Yeah, if you're in an airplane, Mike. The sky is not also below you. Is the sky still only above you? If you're in an airplane, you're in the sky. You are in the sky. Because there are no. You're not under the sky.

But you're unnaturally in the sky. Yeah, but you're not a mountain. But you're not under the sky. There's still sky above me. Sure, I said that, but there's also sky below you. Can you get to the, no, that's air. Can you peek? This airplane, it's an airplane, guys. Oh, it's air. Can you peek? This airplane, it's an airplane, guys.

Oh crap, it is an airplane. Shoot. Can you get to the- Case closed. Can you get to the like Truman Show top of the sky? Oh, like the dome? Yeah, can you like, are you ever not in the sky? Or is the sky infinite?

There's no sky in the Truman Show. No. Right, no, you can hit the top of the dome for sure. And then you're in space. Yes, it's when the air runs out. So if you see somebody up in space, so wait, a rocket goes from air to sky to space? Correct. Yes. But when it is in the sky, it still is air. Air is in the sky. At what? Eventually it's not. No, I know, but no, air is not in space. Right.

Right. But it also thins out. At what level do you start suffocating? How, how? Is that your air to sky ratio? I think that might be it. I think that might be it. Ah, probably 25,000 feet, that's my guess.

Go and Google that. How do you figure that out? 30,000? Like where, what's the height where people just- Where there's no more air? You can't survive up there anymore. Breathable max amount of altitude. looks about 26,000 feet okay yeah that's a good guess nailed that too so so that's the sky so if you can't

breathe you're in this that's what I'm saying okay you're saying that under 26,000 feet yeah not sky? Right. That's just air? Yeah, that's just air. It feels kind of right. I think that's kind of right. Hold on, hold on. Can clouds?

But I wouldn't think. Where are clouds? Clouds are in the sky. Clouds can be in the air. Birds fly in the sky. No birds fly in the sky. No. You know how I feel.

No. That's all I thought of too. It's not even the words. No, I know it's close enough, baby. No, birds catch air, man. Birds are in the sky. You're telling me that an eagle is not flying in the sky? So then the sky The sky is just where you can't naturally jump to

If you can't jump and touch it it's the sky there the sky's higher than that Like four feet you can't touch the rim. It's like the sky's at nine feet. Yeah, rim's in the sky. Oh, man. So when does a bird go from in the air to the sky? See, the thing. Because if you're saying if it's just flying, a bird can fly very low.

So we have been using sky wrong, is what I'm learning. We think sky is low. Sky is not low. Sky is 26,000 feet to space. Yeah, and we do say sky high. Sky high. Sky high. Hmm.

Now, is there a problem that ain't no skyscraper going to 26,000 feet? That's true. They are skyscrapers. But they only scrape the sky. They can't even get to it. Yeah. But they're not 26,000 feet. So if they're scraping it, how high up is it? It's a good point. All right so the what's the tallest building the

By the Khalifa, whatever that's two. That's 2,700 feet That's not very much. You got a 10x that bad boy. Yeah, I think maybe that's it. Maybe the sky starts at The highest building okay, so we've moved the sky with our we have been moving the sky starts at the highest building. Okay. So we've moved the sky with our industrial. I believe they are building a new one that will move the sky a little higher.

Where are we moving the sky? 3000? Who's building? Can we get the sky to 3000 feet? Yeah, I think we're gonna get it to 3000. I'm on it. Why are we doing this? Why don't we build the biggest skyscraper

on top of the biggest mountain? That's what I wanna know. Because it's still- Foundation, probably. Is they're gonna call it cheating? And the build will be very difficult. Yeah. It'll be cold. All right, last one, guys.

What is the difference between steps, instructions, and directions? Follow these steps. We're going to 3281. Yeah, nice. A thousand meters. Who's doing this? Saudi Arabia. Why are we doing this? Competition. That's what we do. Right. What is the difference between following steps, following instructions, and following directions? This is a tough one guys. Steps. Step Steps feels like they need to be limited to it. Like instructions and directions can be an unlimited amount. I feel like steps cannot be, you can't follow these 35 steps. There's steps in instructions though, right?

Yes. Of course. Yes. Interesting. Is there steps in directions? No. Only when you're walking. Well, directions... Thank you. That's not funny. Yes, that's not funny.

Yes, it was. Yeah, it was. Swish. That's not funny. It was good. I mean, ultimate dad joke, but... So dumb. Yeah. No, that was...

Look, the people... Which one seems most complicated to you? Instructions. Instructions are always going to be the most complicated. I the most complicated I never understand like directions can be given orally yeah like but it's like there's only giving somebody direction you cannot give instructions orally right right yeah but like directions is there's only so many things that direction can be directions don't have to be like where to go though it doesn't know a direction can you give direction their directors that give direction

They're not telling people where to walk on the street. They're direct. Tell them where to go. Yeah, they do tell them They're like move to this mark over there and what to do a Director of something tells people what to do not necessarily where to go I don't think a director, if you're talking about a movie director, I don't think that they think to themselves, I give directions. That's not.

But directions, I'm just saying the definition is 100% like not just where to go. All right, so we got a wide. I thought I had it. Steps are the smallest. Yes. You can have a three-step process. Correct.

That's actually used as a feature, right? A simple two-step process. Yeah. What is a limit? There's no instructions. If you put a number in front of the steps, those are not instructions. Yeah.

Oh, then I prefer those a lot. Yeah, it's great. It makes me feel, except. I mean, an instructions, they come in an instruction manual. Right, because there's a lot. And a manual's a book. Do directions come in a manual? come in an instruction manual. Right, because there's a lot. Because a manual's a book. Do directions come in a manual? There's no direction manual.

No. So when a person is telling you how and what to do, it's a direction. If it's a book, it's an instruction. Yeah, if it's written down. Except some people are instructors. Yeah. And they instruct.

With books. They do have books in their class. I mean, instructors all have their books. Yeah, directors is heart. Yeah. Steps instruct. With books. They do have books in their class. I mean, instructors all have their books. Yeah, directors is heart. Yeah. Steps one page max. Mike's onto this. Directions are about the heart, about the mind.

Instructions are about the book and the process and the writing it down. It's cold. Instructions suck. You ever in life been looking for direction? Yeah. Yeah. Still am, man. Still am. Still am. All right, we'll take a break. We'll draft. The Spitballers Draft. Alrighty, Jason, you have to let us know. We are drafting foods to eat without utensils, the best foods to eat without utensils, but

we don't know if we're drafting a meal or a free-for-all here. We can pick anything we want. What are we doing? I think we're going to build a meal. So what is the items we need to have? So we're going to have an entree. Oh, crap. Entree.

We're going to have a dessert. Dessert. OK. And we're going to have two sides. Two sides, so smaller. Small, two non-entrees that aren't desserts. Perfect. No, we got it.

What's the difference between? So you get the first pick in this non-utensil. So wait, we said two sides? Correct. So we're all sitting down at a table, but there ain't no utensils here. No, no utensils. And you can't order any foods you'd need them for.

I think so. I've gone back and forth on. Pick one? Pick one on what the 101 is. As far as the entree, I've really been focused on the entree here. And there are at least three kind of 101s. I agree with that. I mean, there are three.

Also, you might not go entree here thinking you'll be fine. You know, that one. Because we can only all pick one entree. Exactly, that wasn't where I was going, but I think crap Thank thank you for that because I would be happy with all three of them. There is one though that out of respect should be the first one drafted so I'm gonna take it. I'm gonna take it because you should not use a knife and a fork and some people do for pizza Okay pizza should be utensil-less

and so even though these foods to eat without utensils pizza number one is Chicago deep dish pizza. No that's a pie. Okay. Okay. I mean if I mean Chicago deep dish doesn't mean that that category can't have some exceptions it just means of all the foods you eat without utensils, he's taking pizza. I'm taking pizza. Which is a great pick. Thank you.

I'm gonna go with the side first. Okay. French fries. Yep, okay. I'm taking French fries with my first pick. I wanna grab one. We have to draft two sides. If you put animal style on that,

you're gonna want that fork. See, I feel like it really takes away. From french fries. From french fries. Like I ordered some fries the other day, it was from a food truck. It was a Greek food truck, and it was called fries and sauce.

It was a bucket of fries, and then they put a bunch of sauce on it and give you a fork. It's just, every individual one I took out, delicious. Eating them with a fork, not as good. You know what? As stupid as that sounds. It is, I think it's stupid.

It's actually true. Yeah. I know exactly what you're saying. I don't know why it is. I don't know if it's just- The same fries. Yeah, same fries. You take them one at a time and they're enjoyable. But as soon as you put a fork, in fact-

One at a time? No, no, no, I was gonna correct myself. if you take yeah three or four at a time with your typical it's good but as soon as you bite the fry off a fork it doesn't taste as good I'm with you what a great pick thanks you really brought my side Mike you got two in a row all right so I mean the game says I probably got a I want to play get some sides here so you went with fries all right you got to eat with your hands okay so I'm gonna take I'm gonna go the wings as one of my sides okay yeah yeah rings could be a meal.

Not in this house. Wings are a side. Oh, you get the wings as a side? Wings are a side? That's a great pick. No, that's, you're not getting a lot of them as a side, but you're getting some. I'll take six.

You got four. Four? Who gives four wings? Well, if it's a side. But it's always six or 12. No one- For a meal. No, no one sells four wings. You're not getting any.

If you want six wings, you don't get celery. Oh no! I love the celery with wings. What kind of wings are you getting? What flavor? Dude, I mean, I'm usually a Buffalo man, but what is it? Lemon pepper?

Uh-huh, like the dry rub? You're really getting into that. No, how is, people have not explained properly how delicious lemon pepper wings are. Really? Oh my gosh. Where do you get them from? Brother, it doesn't matter. Oh.

It doesn't matter, just when you, if you see, if you go to a place that has wings. As a man who doesn't like lemon desserts, lemon pepper is a different game. Because lemon desserts are sweet. Lemon pepper, it's savory. Okay. It's, oh, lemon.

So you're going wings. They're fantastic. And the best part of that, the best part of that is that they are the dry rub, almost always, the lemon pepper. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, maybe I'm just old and I've aged out of wanting. It is, it is 100% because of that. Saucy fingers, but I love a dry rub.

And if this is for without utensils, all the better. All the better. Yeah, this doesn't say no napkins though. He can grab a napkin. All right, wings as a side for Mike. You ever seen someone fork a knife a wing? No, no. I have seen it, but it's not.

A wing? I've seen it. They don't wanna get their hands dirty. I mean, ribs, sure. They were kicked out of the restaurant. Okay, okay, okay. All right, then we're gonna go, trying to think of, okay, so if we're going with hands,

I'm gonna go with Choco chip cookies. Okay, okay, going cookies. Yeah, I'm gonna go with what I think is- Yeah, you don't eat that with any utensils. That's a great pick. No, we don't, going cookies. Yeah, I'm gonna go what I think you don't eat that with any utensils. That's a great pick No, we don't crumble. Oh Well, yeah crumble is really pushing the whole yeah like cookie to top to like a cake crumb crumble is always Always requires a utensil. Yes, you need a knife

There will be a day when we're like if we could wipe crumble off the entire world With should we do it and then a bunch of people go yes please help us. All right so you went chocolate chip cookies getting your dessert out of the way you got a side. We're up to sixty one and a half percent on get rid of them. Okay. Okay. Two thousand five hundred and nine exact votes. I have french fries as a side. Sample matters Jason. Yeah. Jason's already got his entree I don't need to go I don't need to go entree here. I'm going to go with my dessert because I wouldn't be caught

dead without it. Ice cream cone. Oh, OK. Ice cream cone. OK. No utensils. You thought I couldn't get ice cream? Yes, I can.

It's in a cone. No, you tricked us, you devil. So I've got french fries and ice cream cone. A great start, I think. Jason, you got pizza. You've got two picks. You ever dip your fries in and ice cream cone. A great start, I think. Jason, you got pizza. You've got two picks. You ever dip your fries in the ice cream? Not in a cone.

No one does that. Yeah, that's absurd. How dare you? Although, if you want to make that cone out of french fries, I might eat it. I might eat it. Yes, I might. I will eat it.

A salty french fry cone? Give me that. Give A salty french fry cone? Give me that. Give me that. Give me that french fry cone. I'm gonna eat that cone. Alright. You're on to something. Alright, Jason.

Alright, so I've got two picks here. I've got two picks. I know one of them. I'm gonna take my dessert. Okay. Because it's pretty much my favorite. Yeah treat. Yeah, and You can't really fork and knife a churro. Yeah What your bread pudding now, I'm gonna need utensils for bread pudding strategically terrible decision does Mike have his dessert

We all got Yeah, what an idiot? Yeah, mr. Chur you do too. Oh, damn it. Yeah. You do too. What an idiot. Yeah, Mr. Churros got it. Well, you giving it respect with your number two bet. Yeah, I'm just trying to respect the game. I'm not playing games here. I mean, it's not helping you with your messy fingers, though.

No. Or my shirt. My shirt is usually covered in the cinnamon. I thought he uses the shirt to hold the actual churro. No. That'll keep my finger size clean. Jay, have you been eating churros? Everyone always knows.

Fingerprints on the shirt. All right, so you got. What are you talking about? My hands are clean. Look, whether you're strategically right or not, pizza and churro as a combo is pretty good. All right, so I'm going to take a side and it's, I mean, I'm thinking what can I eat without utensils that I really can't even attempt to eat with utensils.

It's just impossible. And that's going to be chips chips it will just call it dip chips and salsa okay or whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah well you can't go chips and salsa or it's one of the two oh really salsa is not a dip salsa salsa not a dip it's a salsa look Al is like going yeah I'm with Mike thank you salsa and chips and dip are different all different they're both great it's funny how many more options I get with dip but if I don't get salsa yeah I'm going chips and salsa chips and salsa okay for sure you're going chips and salsa over like a chips and you can

so yep 100% oh man the only problem is is that the chips and salsa are universalized as free and It denigrates them you think they're not as valuable as others, but the truth is They're more enjoyable. I go to a restaurant and I'm wanting something nice So I like don't get chips and salsa when I see it, but then I always wish I just had some chips of salsa Yeah, I feel like dips are just more like indulgent. Like if you eat, if you, if I really dip the way I want to dip, I'm eating too much dip. But salsa doesn't feel like, it feels like you're doing an okay thing. Oh, it's just the vegetables. Yeah. Yeah. See what I'm just backing your pick. Great pick, Jason. Thank you.

You've got to pick, or it's back to me. Yes. Because you just took two. All right, I got french fries and ice cream. I don't, I've got two entrees that I'm okay with. Yeah, I said there were three at the beginning. One I prefer more to eat, and one's maybe a better pick for this Foods Without Utensils.

But I will go with, I'm gonna go with, I've but I will go with I'm gonna go with I've already got fries so I'm gonna go with burger nice I was so hoping you would keep that from Mike because I know that would have been his oh that was immediately yeah the big three yeah that is I mean literally burger fries and ice cream I am pretty much American I'm as American as they come I'm gonna eat that all right Mike you got wings chocolate chip cookies and you get to make your You need an entree and a sign. All right for my side. I think we're going a little bit off I don't know if you guys will have this on the list tonight. You should

Because we talk about this all the time. We have a we have a rule when we travel if we sit down Yeah, if it's on the menu. If it's on the menu. It's on my list. You lost order, so I'm getting me some deviled eggs, baby. Yeah, baby. You got it on the list. 100% It was on your list.

Yes. Oh, dude, deviled eggs are so good. I think we have shared this rule together, where if it's on a menu at a restaurant, you get it. I'm with you. I completely agree, because they're rarely on a menu. It's rarely on a menu, and a place isn't going to put it on the menu unless they're like, this is a specialty, yeah.

There are only a few food categories though, where like, at a certain restaurant, if you order it, you're like, mm, I could get sick from that. Oh, you're getting the deviled egg farts, for sure. And deviled eggs is definitely one of them. And the burps. Yeah. I mean, deviled eggs, it's called devil for a reason,

because it visits you on both sides. Okay, all right. Just like the devil. One more pick, your entree. OK, for the entree. I don't know which power trio you guys have, but I will take a burrito. That's fine.

I was more on the taco. I was on the taco side. OK, but same concept. Well, the difference being that- I feel like tacos are the peak non-utensil food. Exactly. You literally can't eat it. If you're eating it with a fork, that's a taco bowl.

That's not a taco. You got to break it up. The only thing that makes it a taco is how you lift it up. You're on a heater over here with your voices, man. If it were not for caloric or punishment, I would get the burrito every time. So I sometimes I go to the tacos because I feel like it's less food.

Feel like it. Yeah. It's not. Well, the Chipotle three tacos is definitely not as much rice and beans and stuff as the burrito. So it's not as punishing. You went burrito though, right? Yes.

Okay, cause Al put down taco and I was like, what are we doing here? That's what. You went burrito though, right? Yes. OK. Because Al put down taco. And I was like, what are we doing here? That's what I call a burrito. All right, my final pick, I need another side? OK. I'm going to go with the other thing I feel like Mike almost always orders on a menu if it's sitting there.

I'm going to go with mozzarella sticks. Oh, yes, I love mozzarella sticks. That was my next pick, man. Oh man. Yeah, I will just tell you, I mean you can take it if you want, because you need another side, but popcorn was in consideration. That was, I was between mozzarella and popcorn.

But popcorn is, because I'm building a meal at a plate, and I'm looking at a plate, I'm not gonna order a little pile of popcorn. That was 100% why I wanted mozzarella sticks. But if we're just dropping foods without utensils, a meal at a plate and I'm looking at a plate, I'm not going to order a little pile of popcorn. That was 100% why I wanted mozzarella sticks. But if we're just dropping foods without utensils, popcorn, no, no one does. No, of course not. Foods without utensils.

We are in the exact same, because food to eat without utensils, popcorn would be as silly as anything imaginable to eat with, I mean, I guess you'd use a spoon. You need a big spoon. Yeah, so, but now I feel like I can't take popcorn. Thanks, Andy. Yeah, I totally down-talked it. You could, but you're not getting it. I've just never seen it served on a plate

next to some other things. Yeah, so I- It makes it a little harder. I guess I'll just go with a different, you've got your French fries and mozzarella sticks, I gotta get a fried thing. You can't go chips and dip. And go back and you can get them both here.

Ooh, that's tempting. That's tempting. Just want all the chips. This is like, I should have just ordered the trio, you know? Yeah. That was my bad. I'm going to go with. The trio always comes with at least one you don't want.

I'm going to go. And they never let you sub. With the popcorn of the table. Which is cheese curds. Okay. The popcorn of any sophisticated table. It's very fancy. Yeah, just like, you know...

Oh, what's it got to do with popcorn? It's just tiny morsels. That's what I'm saying. Just size. Like popcorn chicken or whatever. Cheese curds is... I'm just saying that's what makes it hard to eat with a... I was going to tell you...

We're not violating the mozzarella stick integrity here. Those are separate products. They are. They are complete... I mean, they're the exact same thing. But they are two different products. Well, they're different cheeses as well. Because a mozzarella sticks is always mozzarella.

Cheese curds are not mozzarella. I think sometimes they are. Really? I mean, whenever I used to get them from Chili's back in the day, that was... Cheddar is typical. Is it a white cheddar? Cheddar is typical.

It can be made from other cheeses if desired. Look, the people in Wisconsin right now, young cheddar cheese. Other cheeses like Colby, Monterey Jack, Brick, and Monster. They know my no They're not they're not the same mozzarella sticks are named after the cheese right so real you can't do Cheddar and call it a mozzarella stick Cheddar here. Here's a little cheddar. Here's you go fried cheese a cheese Doesn't have to be as hot as a mozzarella stick does to be good

Cheese can be eaten cold. Yes, when they're not breaded. Not breaded, yeah. So cheese cards are very, I don't know why they have it, they're not as nationwide as mozzarella sticks. I feel like cheese cards are very underappreciated. Yeah, I agree. Like they're not getting the,

big cheese card isn't getting the word out. Well that's what we're here for. They gotta get in the Applebee's or the Chili's. That's what broke mozzarella sticks wide open. Okay, all right. Yep. Yep. Jason with pizza as his entree. TGI's got cheese curds yet? Chips and salsa and cheese curds as his sides and churro as his dessert. I have burger as my entree with some French fries and mozzarella sticks and some, an ice cream cone for dessert.

And Mike, you've got an entree of a burrito with wings and deviled eggs. You didn't think about those mix. Oh brother. I've never seen somebody do like a nice. Because you will never see that person again. And then you're rounding it out with some chocolate chip

cookies. You take down that three pack? Bro. You're going to hope that cell phones have not disappeared from this planet because you're going to be on one for a while. You're calling out next two days. The idea of washing down burritos and wings

with some eggs is something special. There are lots of other good picks, obviously. I mean, hot dog didn't get drafted, I feel like that. Oh, yeah. It's up there. I feel like if it wasn't a meal draft, hot dog would have been picked. Oh, for sure. Same with popcorn.

Agreed. I thought somebody might take some fruit or like a banana as a side. I had fruit on there. Because it's, you know, they're like made to be without. I really wanted a corn on the cob, but in truth, even though it's not a fork, spoon, or knife.

Oh yeah, those are utensils if you put them in. Yeah, those little corn on the cob holders, those are clutch. I don't want to eat a corn on the cob without those. Yeah, you would have. You would have had to. You and your messy fingies. I thought.

It's more about the heat. Like it's, a good corn on the cob, if you're making it at home. Like I was saying, you were talking about the wings. It is the heat. It is the heat. It should be piping hot. It should be ready to burn your mouth.

Alright. Any other considerations? Then there's another heat problem. I had donuts. I think that was it for me. Okay. What did we learn today? I learned that the sky starts at 2717 feet but is about to move up.

I learned that at least among our generation, a majority of people would like to delete all phones off of the planet. 60.9% of them. Wow. We're not there yet? We're still moving up though. Yeah, yeah, still moving up. I didn't learn anything.

Pfft. Learned what a scat doesn't sound like. Yeah. Oh. Did you dog whistle it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just the frequency was so high. Your dog's going to love that scat.

Take care, everybody. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. Take care everybody. Goodbye.