Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spicy Blood & Things That Make You Smile - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Spit Hit for Oct 24th, 2024: Who is this week’s Man of the People? Find out on this episode! We also talk about living in a haunted house, piercing your nose, and eating butter straight up. We close it down with a draft of things that make us smile! Don’t miss it! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Womp-bom-a-doo-bop-a-dink-a-dink-a-boo-bop. Womp-bam-boom. a bomb a do bap a dink a dink a boop bap a Wombam boom It was It was really the tone Like the note sequence there at the end That was good. I liked it the best I can get is to think of the first couple

Moments right and the rest has to happen naturally But I'm not too disappointed there, I've done a lot worse. Oh yeah, and you will. In the future, yeah. Welcome into the Spitballers podcast, Annie, Mac, and Jason back with you, Al Borland. What's up, Spitwads? Is here.

Is this the first or second show since his demise? This is the second. Okay. Did you You recovered from that disappointment? I know you heard from your own mother and I did. Yeah She hasn't talked to me since okay telling me she was Disappointed in me, but I'm gonna be back better than ever. Okay. Yeah some changes coming to the game It's gonna say I don't know Did we talk about this on the show? That as soon the moment that show was done, he's like, there's new rules happening. Oh yeah. He was so upset.

It was so great. He wins like what? 50 straight times or whatever. We finally beat him and liar liar. And he's like, I gotta change the rules now. Now speaking of rules, uh, today we have a draft of things that make us smile. assume the one-on-one for all of us is just beating owl at liar liar Yeah, that's probably just too good. I did be draft. I did smile a lot I mean it was it's become part of his identity the undefeated nature and we ruin when you do it from him Yeah, it's like a Horcrux or something. You know you we killed it Yeah, it did it didn't feel good to take a piece of his, of who he is, and smashed it on the ground.

Well, Jason said it. We're drafting things to make you smile today. We have Man of the People on the show, which is one of our newer segments, and Would You Rather, but first, a review. ["The Man of the People"] Review-asaurus rags. This one comes in from Eric Rupp from the United States Five Stars. Spitballers podcast fuels local man to accomplish a 13 mile run.

I have been faithfully listening to the Spitballers with my wife for over three years, but have never taken the time to show my appreciation in the form of a review. Shame on you. Yeah. Well, this past week... Oh, they did it now though, so... Oh, well then thank you for your great review. Shame off you. Shame off you. This past weekend, I ran my first ever half marathon and listened to the Spitballers for the entire two-hour ordeal. The laughing going on in my brain completely masked the excruciating and overwhelming pain in my legs. I can't explain it, but the race was over before I knew it.

Jason, Mike, and Andy, I just want you to know that the participation medal I received is not my medal, but our medal. I couldn't have done it without you. I feel like it should be, like he should have said your medal, like it should be our medal. Instead of, like. Cause we participated.

Yeah, but I'm saying he's still taking part of this medal for himself. So you're saying the three of us send us that medal. That is what I'm saying, Mike. Okay, have you guys ever done any distance racing? Andy, have you ever done any distance racing? Yes, I have. What's the longest one you've ever done?

No, I don't recall it at all. It was like grade school cross country. It's actually ironic because I was very much in cross country so I laughed and then I realized, what, wait, I did a lot of distance running. But as an adult you've never done like a 10K? No, no, not even one of those walking ones for charity. No, yeah, I don't do the laps. You know, they say you wouldn't be caught dead doing something.

I would be caught dead doing that. So I don't want to mess around. Not with these knees. All right. We are moving on. Would you rather. Would you rather live in a haunted house or in the middle of the wilderness? Okay.

I just shared recently that I had asked for some podcast recommendations on Twitter. Okay. For a long drive home that I was doing by myself to an empty house. So I like true crime podcasts. And so somebody recommended these spooky stories and by the time I got home I was quite afraid of both the wilderness and my house. Really? Yes. It gets it gets worse. I believe you heard noises and all right well yeah you gotta tell the whole story. Oh wait wait, yeah. I don't know anything about this. If there's NASCAM footage of what took place

in my house that night. You just swatting at bees that aren't there? Well, I got home and it was dark. And I had listened to two hours of stories that were. What kind? Are these supernatural? No, no, no. These are real things that have happened.

But they're like. Bad, bad things stories. Dark. OK. I'd qualify it as dark, mysterious, scary. That has happened in the forest. Well, one of them was somebody that was basically a hiker, and they had run across some people on the Pacific Coast Trail,

and then these people followed him on this trail in the remote wilderness, found his campsite multiple times in the middle of the night, stole his food, there were footprints around the camp, but he didn't wake up and then gets followed for miles and miles and miles and escapes and survived. But other stories, sounds like I don't need other stories. They didn't escape, Mike. They didn't escape. I read you.

I believe you. I got home and I started hearing things and I definitely had the moment in the house. Look. Hello? Yeah. Who is it? I may have said the sentence and I'm not joking and I'm so embarrassed to say this, but I might have said the sentence. Oh my god. Oh yeah. He's really embarrassed. This is so good. Come on out and we can work this out. Oh no! No! Is this for real? I didn't even know that!

Oh my goodness! Come on out! That's the best thing that's ever happened on this show! Forget beaten! Alan, liar, liar! Come on out and we can work this out! Yes! I'm just picturing, instead of like a baseball bat. Andy grabbed his checkbook. He's just like, come on out. We can work this out. I could, uh, I have more things from this story. I can't even tell you. Oh man. But, but I say all that whole backstory, you know, this question haunted house, middle of the wilderness. Um, they're both terrible. I don't look, I'm not, I don't believe in haunting and ghosts and stuff like that, so I think the house,

I could intellectually, the danger, I would wash it away. Whereas in the wilderness, there really is danger that really could be there. I believe you just shared a story that says, no you couldn't. In the house. If doors are opening and closing in the other room.

It was the ice maker by the way. Oh man. Did you work something out? Yeah we worked it out. I mean. I unplugged that sucker. If it's a haunted house, I'm assuming that you know the lore of the house. They're not just like go there, it's haunted.

They're like no they're gonna spin a real story. You're saying like, go there, it's haunted. They're like, no, they're gonna spin a real story. You're a tale? Yeah. You're saying like someone died there. Yeah, they're gonna, yes. That's the room where she died. That's the terrible things that have happened in that house repeatedly, generations,

and then you have to stay there. I mean, but you have a roof, which is a really nice thing compared to being in the middle of the wilderness. What I am afraid of far more than ghosts or just awful evil things happening in my house is like spiders and stuff and like bugs. Oh the haunted house is full of spiders. More than the wilderness? The wilderness is full of spiders too. This is- They're both. They're in both places.

This is spider versus spider. Yeah, you gotta remove them from the equation. Are spiders more ferocious in the wilderness or in the house, like when they've got a home? Well, they're more ferocious in the wilderness than in the haunted house, because in the haunted house, Agreed. You got other stuff to,

like you got bigger fish to fry. Yeah, you're not worried about a black widow Yeah, I tell I mean he would be but yeah, well, yeah, but then when the poltergeist right up you got a bigger problem My goodness, which one would you go with I think I'm gonna I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to go with the haunted house because I can work it out with them Yeah, make him a deal. Maybe bring him back. I really did that I'm going home to the house as well I I I don't want either of these but I would rather have a house then I'm guessing if you're in the middle of the wilderness like you at least get a tent right sure I mean yes you get some shelter with a

teeny tiny open spider door at the bottom that I can spiders can get in any tent why can they get into anything regardless of whether or not it's physically possible I think they are the only true ghost okay now Jason I know you're an easy scare does it make a difference one way or the other if this haunted house is like a Halloween haunted house so it's not actually supernatural but there's people jumping out trying to scare you all day. What, all night? I don't think that would make a difference. Well, I get to sleep, right?

Yeah. Yeah, then no, I think this is fine. I would also assume that this haunted house, it's probably in the middle of a normal neighborhood. That's part of the story, right? Well, very big front yard though. Because the front yard of a haunted house is always gigantic.

Rot iron gates. Because you have to walk up to the door the wall to the door if it's not scary. That's not a haunted house Yes, fair Mike. What are you doing? I'm probably going with the wilderness. How come there's no haunted apartments You know, I mean like there's I don't think there's ever been well like a haunted condo Be a haunted bungalow,. Because we systematically remove the number 13 from buildings. I mean, the apartments, maybe they have the 13th, but it's just like bringing up the fact that we as art, where we are in our civilization, in a society, that when they build a high-rise hotel, they don't put a 13th floor in there. When we all know, we all know there's a 13th floor because that's how counting works. It's just you go from 12 to 14,

it's not numbered 13. You're saying this built-in superstition. Yeah, what are we doing? Probably the same thing we do with Santa Claus, Mike. But we just embrace some things and you know, you go beyond floor 13. I have no problem being on floor 13. Have you seen people, the zodiac signs and everything. My people are, they're still crazy, Mike. Right. But we, like most, most public of like when people are like, well, here's a zodiac thing, you're eh no thank you but for some reason it's just this is accepted wildly in culture that we need to not have a 13th floor you're saying you'd stay on for 13 yeah she'd walk under a ladder to get there I got a I got a something to tell you you ever been on the 14th floor you stayed on the 13th floor. Okay, so it's just, yeah, but the ghosts didn't know.

That's why we do it. The ghosts thought it was 14. That's what it is. Where's the dang 13th floor? We keep going up and down. All right, would you rather have to shave your head or pierce your nose? Interesting.

Also, if you did a nose piercing, let's just get this out of the way. What would it be? What would we individually go with? What would your choice be? Because you've got the outer rims that you could go with a very simple, you could go bar or you could go a single jewel

or you could go the middle of the nose with more of the... The horseshoe. You look like a bull. Yeah, yeah. I feel like, is there one that's more intimidating? with more of the like the horses you look like a bull yeah yeah any of the I feel like is there one that's more intimidating because I don't know the bull is far more aggressive I think the bull is the one I would go with if you know I don't want like the diamond stud I like a diamond stud but I don't think I

could rock that I don't want like a big bar so I what about a spike instead of a diamond stud? Just one spike coming out of one side of your nose? I've never seen that. Well, you could definitely do that. You could do it. Could you do it in the middle and it be like a rhino horn? I don't know if you can pierce that like... Probably not. Well, you can, I mean, you could pierce anything really. That's what they say. Well, I mean, you've seen skin piercings, right? That is true. Where it's just just you just pinch a little bit of your skin You go right through and then you have it you put a piece of jewelry in you got you have your ears pierced Mike

I do Any anything else? Uh, yeah, I have I used to have the cartilage pierced. Did you you have the upper? No, what did you oh that hurt like the dickens, man? I've I've thought many many times about going to get my nose pierced. But what would you go with? Yeah, this is informative. I think I would just do the one nostril. Okay.

Like a ring on one nostril? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little loopsy. Yeah, you get to change it out, but I would probably rock the hoop for a while. Okay, he's going hoop. I'm going bull horseshoe. Yeah, nice. I'm thinking I'm going like the big bone oh very nice

it would hurt a lot yeah that's gonna take time honestly the get how I did the the ear cuz it's your cartilage oh that that is like that's what scares me away from the the nose piercing because it's cartilage again oh and it's it hurt if he think about it. It pops. You can hear the real. Yes. The tearing of the cartilage. You hear it go through and it hurts.

And then the healing process is like weeks. My wife has a ton of piercings in her ear. Like up top, down below, wherever. And then, but like one of them supposed, it like helps with her migraines. Did you know this? There's like a certain cartilage that you can pierce that can help with migraines? I mean with all reflexology and all that certain stuff.

The other one is to shave your head. Yeah that's the one I'm going with. I've done that too. I've done that. You've done the full shave? Oh yeah. Really? Yeah.

Like full bald. What's the shape situation up there? I mean it's a... Is it pretty good? It's large. It's big. It's large, but it is a as far as just a. Do you look like Humpty Dumpty? No. It's not egg.

As far as the aesthetic shape of the head, large, but it's a good shape. Like a Megamind? Yeah, Megamind situation. I have gone from like a full, full, full head of hair, and then like didn't even tell my wife I was doing it. I just sent her a picture of the the sink with all my hair in it and she's like What did you do? Like that sometimes I just shaved my head. I shaved my head a couple years ago for Halloween costume

I consider shaving my head all the time on a Whenever I see photographs of me. What about the mirror? No, the mirror I can hide it enough. It's like when I see it from an angle I'm not used to and I go, oh, I could use more hair. And then I think I should shave it. But every time, I've shaved it I think three times in my life.

And each time It's such a shock. Yes that it just looks horrifically terrible and You didn't give yourself enough time to normalize it at the end It started to become normal and I didn't mind as much but then you're like growing your hair back out and so Let me ask you a question because you you're a man who likes his beard. Yes, if you had a choice right now between Shaving the top of your head and keeping your beard forever. Yeah, that's this is the easiest question of all time Or you get a full head of hair But you can never grow but you can never grow a beard full I'm not no amateur here with the would you rather. That is quite

the hosting job you're doing. Full head of hair. Full head of anything you've ever wanted up there. Okay. Then I'm definitely keeping the beard. You look like me or Andy. You look like us. Yeah, then I'm keeping the beard. Oh, you're keeping the beard. Oh yeah. This does not come with weight loss? No. Yeah. So the beard is like necessary. The top of my head isn't fat. Do you think that there's a chance that you are overestimating the impact your beard is making to the perception of your weight? I can both in my own heart say no

and see Al Borland vigorously shaking his head no. We've seen me without a beard. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Whoops. Ha ha ha ha ha. You agree with this? He looks better with a beard. Whoops. You agree with this? He looks better with a beard. I'm not saying it better, but he needs the beard. Yeah. Okay. All right. Just like I need my beard. Uh huh. Yeah. That's like, I mean, it's like one alcoholic telling the other one, they need their drinks. The beard is, is really an ultimate crutch for the fellas.

It's so great. You're like, I would like to remove half of my face so it doesn't matter what my jawline looks like, it doesn't matter what my chin looks like. Why don't you just wear a mask? Well, you know, not socially acceptable yet. Okay, all right. Have you had the nightmare

where you accidentally shaved your beard off? Ooh. No, I haven't accidentally shaved it off. Um, the closest thing that has happened with that was a haircut where, um, on the back of my head, it went up accidentally, like three inches of just bald spot. And so then you've got the hairline that stops like three inches. Really? Did you just stick with it? It's the worst looking stupid thing. I mean, you took the whole thing upine that stops like three inches too high. Really? Did you just stick with it?

It's the worst looking, stupidest thing. I mean you took the whole thing up, right? Oh, you have to. Yeah. All right, well let's ask one more. Do we have time for one more of these? We got time for one more. Would you rather eat five tablespoons of straight butter? Yes.

Or straight buffalo sauce? Well that one's over for me. It's butter. I love butter. Butter's basically like ice cream. You do love butter, and you genuinely could and might already eat it by itself. I don't know. When you put the amount of butter on something that you do. It'll be nauseating for five tablespoons.

A tablespoon's the big one, right? Yeah. We need to get out of this world of tablespoons and teaspoons. I mean, that is the world we live in. One's for the table, one's for your tea. Got it. No, no, no, we're not going back to that conversation,

but like, top of your head, I'm not gonna ask Andy. This is not the chef, you keep quiet over there. How many teaspoons in a tablespoon? I think two, maybe? I don't know. I have no idea. Exactly. Jason, do you actually know? I believe it is three or close to three. It is exactly three. Okay. Well that's good. I'm impressed with you. This is dumb. And how many, what's next? Tablespoon goes into what? Cup? There's no. You start talking like a

quarter of a cup. Is this a long-winded way to get us to metric? Is this the goal here? You see right through me. Yeah. The metric system is so superior. Not in my country. We've got things like yards and feet. I think this butter though has to be just cut off the stick, not like melted butter in a spoon.

It's fine. Okay. That's how it wants it. For me that's far more disgusting. Is that because it would just be, it'd be like the mouthful of mayonnaise type of thing? Yeah. Okay.

Now I'm going butter. I think it would be harder if it was cold. Like if you had to like chew it. Chew it. Chew it. You know if it was, the stick of butter still, but like what's left out. I think I would enjoy eating a stick of butter

on a popsicle stick. Like lick by lick. I genuinely think you would. If it was cold? Oh yeah. Yeah. Some of that Kerrygold. Okay, so alternatively.

I need a sponsor. Alternatively, just straight buffalo sauce. Oh gosh. I like the flavor, but I'm a pretty big baby with spice. Right. And other things, and so I would, I don't think I could handle that. I could handle butter.

My body knows what to do with it. I don't think my body would know what to do with five tablespoons of straight buffalo sauce. What's interesting is, over the course of wings. You probably do that. I'm sure I'm eating way more than five tablespoons of buffalo sauce, and it's delicious. Probably. And you can put them down but the thought of

five tablespoons worth of buffalo sauce just Going right into the stomach acid feels like a really really bad time I actually think that one's the easier one though to get down. Oh, yeah, this is a liquid. Yeah, it's just drink it It's just later The later would be worse. Well, it's not even that much later. No. It's gonna be uncomfortable. It's gonna run through you quick.

Yeah, through the entire ride. What does that do to your bloodstream? Like, you know how, whatever we eat or drink. I don't think a lot. It's like, I feel like I'd have spice blood. Oh, man. You're saying like if a vampire rolled through? Exactly. You think I got ice cream running through my

veins? Like, ah blah blah. Oh, buffalo spicy. You're delicious. I don't think it's gonna go straight into your blood stream. Maybe I'm wrong. You're probably not wrong. Alright, I'm gonna go butter. Final answer. I'm taking... I'll go buffalo. I'll go butter. Final answer. I'm taking the, I'll go buffalo. I'll go butter. All right. Sparks something uncommon this holiday season with incredible handpicked gifts from Uncommon Goods.

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Let me start that over. That was a well-volumed, mixed drop. Great job, Al. Thanks. My ears are not weirded out by that because it was so normal. All right, we are doing man of the people. So we've got our buzzers out here. And remind us how to play, Al.

We're going to go seven rounds. We that's what we do every time. All right, never mind. We surveyed 100 people. Top six answers are on the board. And the first answer is worth three points. The second answer is worth two points. And if you get any other answer on the board, it's worth one point Okay, since buzzer did I win last time functioning? Yeah, I don't know. I believe you did win last time. Okay, hold on

We're getting there. Will you reset them? There you go. Okay, perfect. So you got to have your hand on the table Oh, okay. Yeah, and just a reminder game show rules last round is worth double Oh, okay. Yeah. And just a reminder, game show rules last round is worth double. So we got three points for the top, two points for number two answer, one point for just getting on the board. Yes, sir. All right. Let's hear it. All right. The first one, name a Christmas show or movie that is on TV every year. Oh, darn it. A Christmas story. That is the number two answer. All right. I accept that. Oh, man. what's number one?

Keep an eye on your buttons. Oh, I got it. Elf. That is not on the board. What? I assumed that would not be on the board. What? That's not a classic.

That is the stupidest thing. You interviewed 100 stupid people. I didn't realize that. Oh gosh, what do you going? Three, Home Alone. Two. That is the number five answer. Yeah, I couldn't think of the movie that's stupid. I'm guessing Grinch is number one?

Grinch is number three. No, what's the old movie? Rudolph. Oh, Rudolph is the movie? Yeah, I was between Rudolph and Christmas Story, so those are the top two. Oh, don't. What's the, is it It's a Wonderful Life? Yeah, yeah.

That is also on the board. That is the number one. Okay, it's not number one? Elf is not on the board? Yeah, you know who's also not on the board? Me. Yeah, that's right. All right, so we're starting off, Andy with two points, Mike with one, Jason with nothing.

I'm going to reset your buttons. Here we go. Name a job where it would be okay to yell at work. I am first. I will go construction. That is the number one answer. Yes! Keep an eye on those buttons. Name a job where it would be okay to yell at work. In the officer?

Police officer is the number four answer. Okay. Unfortunately, that was the only remaining one in my brain. Well, you get to go in three, two, one. Teacher. That is the number three answer. What? Yeah.

Got to keep them kids in line. All right, baby. We are saying not that they yell, but the question was that it's okay to yell? They got to get kids in line. All right baby. We are saying not that they yell but the question was that it's okay to yell. They gotta get kids in line. Yeah. Wow. Get over here Timmy. You can you can yell without it being a mean yell. Yeah. You can just raise your voice. Like when you were doing the elf yelling a minute ago. Also he read the question and both Jason and I slapped the button. I had nothing in my head. I was just. Oh were you? I just slapped the button out of reflex?

Okay, so you gotta be careful with that. Mm-hmm moving on to round number three Wait, I'm flashing. Oh, there we go. Name something a slob might never clean Their dishes That's got to be the number one answer. No, no, it answer. That is the number three answer. It's a terrible answer. I hated it immediately. Ha ha ha ha ha. Name something a slob might never clean. Oh.

I missed the button. You did. I'm gonna go with the bathroom. Yeah, that's gotta be number one. That is the number two answer. Oh baby! The number one answer is still on the board. Jason, you have three.

I will go with bedroom. That is the number one answer. Mmm. you have three. I will go with two. That is the number one answer. Boom! That was also what I was gonna guess first. Oh, impressive. All right. Again, I hit the button and I did not have four points. What's the score?

We're three rounds in? Brooks will give us an update here. Andy has five, Jason has six, Mike has three. Oh, what? What was that about being on the board, Mike? I'm on the board, I have three points. Oh, congratulations. He keeps getting He keeps getting the number one answer. That's the real problem

Alright round number four name something that's forbidden in most public swimming pools. Oh great Peeing that is the number one answer. Yeah, baby We're back. Alright, keep an eye on those buttons. Name something that's forbidden in most public swimming pools. Skinny dipping! That is the number four answer. Oh! Now, so I don't know... Well, I know what my answer is, but I just don't know if it's already ruled out.

Because I would go pooping. I didn't know if like... Just answer, bro! I can't see the board where it says like defecation Okay, I'll go pooping that is not on the board. Yeah, see that's so stupid The whole point is trying to figure out what's on the board you can't ask I thought I'd board but ahead of time was the answer to Mike's just peeing just urination just peeing So these stupid hundred people still think you could poop in a pool got it because

When he doesn't win, he's so upset. Pooping in the pool is the worst. I get that it would be a problem, but I don't think that pooping... It's not a common temptation. What were the other things? The other answers were diving. Cannonball diving. Oh, so you knew some other answers.

Yeah, I did. They just weren't as good as pooping. Eating tubes or rafts and wearing street clothes. Wait, in the pool? Like walking in with your regular clothes? You can take a dump in there, but you better take those clothes off. No. In a proper bathing suit.

No suits. No suits. All right, let's go. All right. The next round should be easy for you, so be quick on those buttons. Name a football bowl game. Rose Bowl. That's the number two answer.

Mike. Super Bowl. That is the number one answer. That feels like cheating. I was in the collegiate world. That's a collegiate bowl game. All right, Jason, what you got? Three, two, one you got? Three? Two.

Doritos. One. Bowl. I think we whiffed on that one. All right. So Jason got nothing. The other answers on the board were sugar bowl. Fiesta.

Cotton bowl, orange bowl, peach bowl. Okay. The Super Bowl, I still feel like it's cheating. It's a bowl, but it's super. I guess. I really whiffed on the Rose Bowl. I still feel like it's cheating, but it's a bowl, but it's super I guess I Really whiffed on the Rose Bowl there. Yeah. Well not as bad as Doritos not working. It's not Let's try it real quick. Hit your button Jay. It's definitely not if there's no color on it Yeah, this is why I'm third every time cuz my buttons not working

You should should have made sure that your stuff was working. Look, Andy made it work. We did. Maybe don't hit it so hard. All right, let's give this a go. Name a US state whose residents say y'all. Oh, did I go first? You do. Alabama. That's the number three answer. Oh, man.

Name a US state whose residents say y'all. Georgia. Oh good. That is the number two answer. I will go with Texas. That is the number one answer. Is it? Once again, first guess.

Huh, it's Texas, huh? I just feel like that's not true. You broke your button again. You gotta be a man. This is man of the people, not man of accuracy, not man of facts. Alright Jason. What was the, how many points did Mike get there? I got two. Oh man. And I got three for Super Bowl. Wait, you should have got two there. I should have got two there. I

got the number one answer. You should have gotten three. Oh, even better. You got three. You have to turn it on every time? Alright, yeah, apparently set it again every time I did I'll reset the buttons Mike has taken the lead. He is 11 points Andy and Jason of nine And this is the final round correct Hold on hold on turned off again. We need new batteries in there apparently, but where's our do we have producers here? I don't know that would be super through the magic of time warp now I see why I'm not getting buzzed in ever because my buzzer doesn't work I mean I'm still tired with all right without a buzzer well I'll take a look at that but we're

gonna finish up here I'll take a look at that Jason you will have the we're gonna finish up here. I'll take a look at that. Jason, you will have the first pick. We're good, it's working right now. Okay, great. If it's working, let's vote. Oh, it's not working. It is. I said now, you didn't go. Name someone the groom might not want at his bachelor party.

Jason. A brother-in-law. That is not on the board. Oh, man. Yeah, good thing you got that button working. Oh, oh, we were just both sitting there not pushing it. My kid is so gingerly. Lee. All right. Go ahead. His father. That's a good answer. That is the number five answer. Wow. I'm great though. And the question was name something that I'm sorry. Someone the

groom might not want at his bachelor party Oh, I've got the yeah his fiance. Yeah, there it is. That is the number one answer All righty, Andy won that's worth six points. Okay. Yep. That was the final round All right. Well, you were better when you were guessing from the third spot Jason CBD you were just letting us what I would have got Super Bowl CBD. You were just letting us win a little bit. I would have got Super Bowl. We ended with Andy at 15, Mike at 12, Jason at 9. Dang it. Asterix, Asterix, Jason at 9, Asterix. Certainly. Thank you. Alright, time to draft.

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I think. Things that make you go, mm? Sure, things that make you fart. I mean, I don't care. All right. First pick of the things that make you smile draft, which, look, I don't know if there's a 101 here. I've got mine. I think the 101s genuinely are different for every person. Mike has one, but I don't think there's a universal. So to me, what was my first instinct that I'm sticking with is laughter. Laughter makes you smile?

Other people's laughter makes me smile. So I think laughter makes me smile the most. I do have contagious laughter on my list, but I was with Mike in the beginning of just, laughter makes you smile. I was like, yeah, you do usually smile when you laugh. How do you laugh without smiling? Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

It's really hard. It makes you want to smile, like genuinely. Try it at home. Pause the show. Try to laugh without smiling. Hard to do. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

All right, it is pretty hard. All right, good pick. Didn't seem like it, but go on. Well, it was just a little confusing, but we got there. All right, my first pick, things that make me smile, a really big fart. Oh, I've got that on my list. An amazing fart. That's what you wrote down, an amazing fart? That's what I wrote down, an amazing fart.

Absolutely. What are the qualities that make a fart amazing? That guarantee? Timber? Timber? Yeah nice word. Just I mean overall amplitude. Alright. The releasing of when it's really one of those release valve farts. Yeah like it catches you off guard you didn't know it was gonna be that big. And farts can just make you laugh anyways. Yes. So you rip an amazing fart, do that without smiling, like not happening. Okay, all right, we've got a fart.

A really big fart. A really big amazing fart. It's not a little, this is not no two. I apologize. Thank you. Jason, you get two picks, things that make you smile. Two picks, well I'm gonna take the first one that came to my mind, which is watching my kids

be happy. Like, oh, sure, you're boring. But that's actually, I can't not smile when I see my kids, like, do something. You know, I took my daughter to- Through those bars, you're watching them in there. I took my daughter to a musical. And, you know, whenever you watch their eyes, like, just light up and see something, experience something, it makes me

smile and it makes the other dads go to sleep. Oh it's a good answer I have it on my list Jason but I wasn't the one who said it so I will go with next. Give your wife a present. Never no I will go another another really highfalutin', nice... Sentimental? Sentimental one. People falling.

I mean, it's hard not, even if you don't laugh, because you can control it, not smiling is hard. People falling is just good fun. Okay, I like it. I remember once my grandmother who oh no, God rest her soul after the fall. Yeah, it was She was the age of most great-grandmothers at this time so scary Wow, okay What it was one of those falls where it's like no you're laughing at your grandma 15 yards. Oh

fall somewhere. It's like 15 yards. Oh, we're like, they're stubble forwards, right? They think they're gonna catch themselves. Yeah, it's like, oh, they did, they, she, she, she missed a step and then, but that was the end of the steps and then it just, it just comes up behind her and then I just watched her run to fall over there. I mean, look, I'm smiling and she was okay Alright Mike you are back on the clock alright That's funny. I'll go I'll go a you know more special one, but it's a a compliment from a stranger Okay, man when you just get a big smile when that happens yeah, I mean not to their face But after turn around and smile, but afterwards it Do you smile when that happens? Yeah. I mean, not to their face. But after. You turn around and smile.

Yeah, but afterwards, when you are not expecting a compliment from someone, and especially at random, they're just like, oh, hey, oh, wow, your hair looks great. You're like, oh. You smiling on the inside, or you smiling on the outside? Well, thank you. Probably smiling on the outside, too. OK.

All right. That's good. It's a really nice thing. All right. Am I back on the outside? Well, thank you. I'm probably smiling on the outside too. Okay, all right, that's good. It's a really nice thing. All right, am I back on the clock too, Pix? You are for two of them. Oh, this is tough. I'm gonna go with ice cream. Ha ha, yes.

Ice cream is on my list. It genuinely makes me happy. Like, I like it more than you should. And then the second one, trying to play the game. What's coming back to me? I don't think you need to play the game. Winning! Oh, you did.

Oh, yeah. It was on my list. Was it just winning? Yeah. It's at the top of my, mine was winning a fantasy football game, but I mean, it can't go to anything. Winning is enough.

Winning is so much fun, it makes me smile. Like that last game we played, where I won. That probably should have been the one-on-one. Yeah, well I got it. Yeah, for competitive people like us, what is better than winning? Winning is so good. Yeah, it feels great.

About to have a bunch of it. We're gonna play some pickleball later, so that's gonna be a blast. Winning is my good It's okay with my next pick. It's very Close to winning as there is an aspect of winning, but it's a very specific kind. It is being proven, right? Oh Yeah, there you you said what what feels better than just winning When you are right.

It feels great. Unfortunately, that's a pick. Yeah, yeah, no, I get that. Especially the higher and hotter the debate is. Yes, when an argument has ensued and then some research must be done and you were right. Oh brother, that's the tops. I think you were right. Oh brother. That's that's the tops. I think you're right about that.

All right. Yeah, you get to. All right. For my first one. I'm going to go on between two here. I already know what my last one is, so whichever one I don't pick here is not getting picked. I'm gonna take the one that actually, it makes me involuntarily smile. It's surprising. This will not be for everybody.

This is a Jason Moore thing. Babies. Babies? Newborn babies. Dang it, it's on my, that's the one I couldn't decide whether to pick because I didn't want to take it. I don't see newborn babies super often.

It's from time to time when I come across one. I had three of my own back in the day and now that they've grown up I just don't see babies. When I do, I just forget how tiny and cute they are and when I them, I can't not smile around a baby. Like I can't not smile. If I am around a baby and I'm not smiling, I can't imagine how ugly that baby is. That baby, I hope it's not yours.

If I'm around your baby not smiling. That's how you know. You're gonna wanna trade it in. Trade it in for sure. All right, and my last one, look, this is not a sponsor. Even though it was a sponsor, but it was the first, well, technically the second thing that came to my mind on my list.

But when I think of things that genuinely just make me smile that I cannot do or see, or in this case, watch, without smiling, it's Ted Lasso. I could not, I know it's so weird. Ted Lasso? So weird. What a weird if. Of all the things that you could have selected in this in the whole world lasso?

I can't this guy did elf I can't watch Ted lasso and not smile I really it's just one of those things I would always talk to my wife about I would catch myself in the middle of the episode Just just big stupid grin on my face. Just smiling. Just enjoying life. Huh. Yeah. I'm not alone. There you go.

I mean I'm not alone at this table, but I'm in the world. It's a fun show. It feels like a sponsor read. It felt like a sponsor read doing it. And the fact that they have actually had us read it before. Just hypothetically, you could have said funny television. No, but that doesn't make me smile. Like, I mean, obviously-

Funny television doesn't make you smile? Obviously, when I laugh, I smile and that's fine. But genuinely, I can't think of another single thing where it's just... because it's not laugh out loud funny. I don't think that I watch that show and crack up the way that I did with Parks and Rec or The Office, but it's just so so feel good, happy, smiley. He's making money right now. He's making money.

I should. Reach out. Apple. Apple, reach out. So specific. Yeah. I love Ted Lasso, brought to you by Apple Television. Yeah.

Reach out personally and pay for that one. Okay. Mike? All right, so this is my last pick here. Yep. I'm gonna go with finding a lost item. Oh! You know when you're like it's when you have lost something and it's just in the back of your head and you're like I don't know where this stupid thing is. Starts consuming you. Perhaps you spend way too long looking for it, or maybe you find it just later, and you go, aha!

Ah, there it is! And you smile and you're very happy. It is weird how sometimes you can just lose things that you have no business losing. I don't know how we do this. Like, the other day, behind the couch, I reached back there and I found my complete series of Ted Lasso. Oh.

Must have made you smile, Mike. Oh my goodness. What has happened on today's episode? Things that make you smile, my final choice is going to be sports. Sports team success, like your home team winning. You have to qualify it with success because. Yeah, your home team winning. You know, it's just organic, an organic smile.

There is very little that happens completely outside of my personal life and my life bubble that can ruin a day like sports. You know what I mean? Like I can watch my sports team lose and I can be in a bad mood for a day. It just did not affect me. I did not participate in said event and I am actually upset and like I feel bad for my wife for my behavior. Right. So other considerations on the list by the way Al, you want to read our final picks here? Yeah Andy you have contagious laughter, ice cream, winning and sports. Oh winning. Mike has

a really big amazing fart. Thank you. A compliment from a stranger, being proven right and finding a lost item. And Jason has watching my kids enjoy something, watching people fall, babies, and Ted Lasso. Yeah, great picks. Ted Lasso. So weird, man. Practical jokes, I don't know, that one got left off because we didn't have enough picks. Meals in general.

I have fancy restaurants, fancy restaurants make me smile, and then crawling into bed after like a hard day. Oh, sometimes I just, I lay down on that bed and a smile comes over my face that I can't control. I had a, you know, showering after you're just, like you're filthy and then you're finally clean. That's a creepy smile, creepy smile.

A little bit. What did we learn today? Go ahead, Jason. I learned that people should send us medals for marathons that they run. I learned that Jason is working directly for Ted Lasso. I learned that Andy might believe in ghosts even though he thinks he doesn't. We can work this out. Just come out, nice and calm. I'll leave the house, take what you want, and then I'll come back in. Watch my... He doesn't. We can work this out. Just come out. Nice and calm.

I'll leave the house. Take what you want. And then I'll come back in, watch my television show. Goodbye, everybody. Stay safe, everyone. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to,

check out spitballerspod.com.