Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: A Deal With A Local Wizard and A Draft Best Left in the Past - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: September 9, 2021

Spit Hit for September 9, 2021: Today, Andy begins by sharing a couple stories about Borland from our recent travels. Then, after being approached by our local wizard, we discuss how many years of our lives we would trade in for ‘straight cash homie’. After a few more good ‘Would You Rather’ & ‘Situation Room’ questions, things begin to run off the tracks in our first (and possibly last) Time Travel Draft! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spit wads, we are back with another spit hit, a classic. Things go off the rails today. Make sure you listen to the end. I know we all got busy lives, busy schedules. Maybe you're getting to work and you're like, I'm going to turn it. No, don't turn it off because this draft is, uh, it's quite the show. Uh, we're drafting from time travel and, uh, Oh man. Oh no.

Yeah. You remember this one? one it's uh things don't always go well so uh enjoy the show and uh make sure you tell your friends and family about uh about the spitballers comedy podcast spit wads we spend a lot of our life sleeping in fact about up to one-third of your life is spent sleeping. So why not be comfortable and happy with your mattress? And that is where Helix Sleep comes in. They've got this quiz. It takes just about two minutes to complete and it matches your body type and sleep preference to the perfect mattress for you. Why would you buy a mattress made for someone else? With Helix, you're getting a mattress that you know it'll be perfect for the way that you sleep. And this isn't just like,

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It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Andy, Mike, and Jason. I tried. I tried to go Louis Armstrong. And I learned a valuable lesson. What did I learn on today's episode? That you never go full Louis. There's only one Louis Armstrong.

No, but if you were one of those bridge trolls, I think it would work. Thank you, Andy. That's the voice of a bridge troll. Yeah, that's definitely scaring away three billy goats. Skibabadooby, give me a toll. It's exactly right. Welcome into the Spittballers podcast. This is episode number 55. Oh, those seemed a little spicy, a little loud.

If you don't know what that's from, that's from the Footballers Podcast. Yes. But this is episode 55. And why? Why not? Sammy Hagar, that's why. Situation Room, would you rather an incredible, intriguing mock draft today on the show? Very much so.

mock draft today on the show. Very much so. We are also going to we'll talk briefly about some, we've got the airplane woes that we've recently dealt with. Sometimes we want to share a little bit of our lives. Mike and I were stranded in out of state for a

couple of days over many Uber drivers, all sorts of different Uber drivers. I thought for a moment you were forgetting where we got stranded. It was very bizarre. I don't remember much from that trip. Other than knowing that airplanes, or should I say airlines,

have incredible control over your life. Yes, they do. Because if they don't want you to go anywhere, you don't get to go. They already got your money and a lot of it. Yeah. And to everybody out there who said, just don't fly that airline,

the thing is you don't book your airline 30 seconds before the day, right? That would be a lot better. You book it a long time in advance. Now, what they need to do is open this thing up and force all these airlines to be refundable at all times. It's not like they don't overbook your flight all the time anyway, right? Yeah, they do.

So just let people willy-nilly fly. Go between airlines. Let them compete on service. Jason's just nodding along. Real quick. I agree. He's like, whatever. I was home.

I'm going to say one quick question I'll even ask Al Borland this one because I want to know the answer if you could do just one small thing to improve air travel in America it would be what this is my own little throw it in there just one thing what's the worst part to you

that would be the thing you'd fix right that's how you invent something find a problem fix it mine would be two seats per every row. Not just first class. My issue, like, oh, look, the customer service, it's terrible. The money, it's terrible.

But I would rather just be able, like, I'm a wide man, right? And I'm a thick wide man. Like, I'm not. Very sturdy. I don't spill over. I just burst over the seat. You break the rest. Yes.

Because of muscles. Exactly, Andy. And the thing is, is I always feel so bad for whoever's next to me. You do. You're a very self-conscious flyer. Between your... Between that and my snoring? You can fall asleep impressively fast.

I'm so jealous of you. I can do impressively fast. I'm so jealous of you. I can do it right now. I'm so jealous. I have a hard time sleeping. Shout out. I mean, I had shared this tip. Shout out to snoring. No, no, no.

This is a hot tip. If you are a flyer and you're a larger fella, like our good friend Jason, and you're sitting on the aisle, those armrests generally do go up. Oh, and that is a glorious day you you don't realize it because they they lock but don't they contain you from being hit by like the cart and stuff like that well sure but trust me i would rather get hit by the cart once every 30 minutes then but if you just reach under the armrest and just and run your hand to the back eventually you'll you'll probably find some kind of latch or clasp and you can lift the armrest and run your hand to the back. Eventually, you'll probably find some kind of latch or clasp, and you can lift the armrest

up. Do you know? I did not know that. I snore on when I sleep. You snore on sleep. I snore on sleep. I snore on the plane. I can do it in a train. I can snore anywhere. The thing is,

I pretty much can't fly without sleeping. I can snore anywhere but the thing is is like I I pretty much can't fly without sleeping like which you suck for that by the way the plane

you're just jealous so jealous so the plane the movement the sound everything it just puts me to sleep it makes me sleep

it makes me glorious have anxiety attacks so we're in very different places so like this last I can't sleep during anxiety attacks very well. The last plane flight I was on, the woman next to me, I'm sitting in the seat, and the whole time I'm just like,

please have headphones. Please have headphones. Please. And then when she took out her little headphones, I was like, yes! I don't have to snore right next to you. You won't know it. See, it's funny because I'm very tall and I think I'd keep the Rose three.

If you could give me like double the leg room and let my seat go like flat. I want. Oh, I might be able to. Oh, man. Right. Yeah. Like the dream when you see those. Oh, the ridiculous overseas first class where it's a bed?

I also thought in my head on the way to the airport how neat it would have been if the Uber driver could just drive you right out on the tarmac and you could walk right onto the plane. That is very interesting. And dangerous. Sounds like you're skirting some rules there. Borland, Mike, do you have any thoughts? What would you fix about air travel? I mean, it's the leg room So we're all okay with bad customer service

If it's comfy Also, length of flight Is there any way that we can shorten it? Yeah, rocket engines Would you like a really short flight That is horribly violent If you knew you were going to be safe So your experience

To go to New York City, here it's a five-hour flight. It's like incredibly turbulent. Let's say it's 60 seconds, and it feels like you're basically blasting off into outer space, but you're there. It's over, you're done, and you know you'll be safe. 60 seconds, and I incur the G-forces of a... Yeah, there is no bottle service on this flight. Hey, rip that band-aid off.

60 seconds? Oh, heck yeah. 60 seconds to New York City. Squeeze my face to the back of that headrest. Because you're not going to crash. On New York. I don't know if I could do it. You'll take the five hours.

I think I would take the five hours. Borland, any thoughts? I've given you such time. I would definitely take the 60 seconds on that. Yeah. That's crazy. You don't like long flights at all. No, I don't.

Also, Al Borland, thank you so much for the microphone that you have to push the button to talk. You then cleared your throat on the microphone. So you held the button. Well, he didn't know he was going to have to. I was going to edit that out, but thank you. Don't you dare edit it out now. I was going to edit that out, but thank you. Don't you dare edit it out now.

I would probably say unlimited high-speed Wi-Fi for free. Oh, that's a good one. That just seems like it should be the first company that does that. I feel like you earn. Oh, they must make so much money off of it right now, don't they? Yes. Yeah, I couldn't believe on that flight. They charge by the hour. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Insane. Now, let me hear. I'll give you a would you rather, too. I know we're staying here a little long. That's all right. Whatever. Here's your would you rather, because I know you don't like long flights.

So would you rather do one 10-hour flight, okay? It's a 10-hour straight, or 10 one-hour flights where you de-board, sit down, get back on the plane. It's not a long layover. Let's say it's eight. Okay, it's eight. You can save two hours, but you have to deal with the... Well, he doesn't save nothing. I just want to know if your anxiety benefits or whatever,

you're discontent with the long flight, would you rather take eight separate flights? Give me the connections. Really? That's crazy. That's what I mean. That's what I wanted to learn about you. I've learned that you're an insane person.

So what is it that- That's the worst part. The takeoff and the landing are the worst parts. That's why nonstop sell for more money, because most people aren't Borland. They want to go straight there, point A to point B. You want to get off. You want the duty-free shops in every city. No, no. I just don't like long flights.

I like to get out, stretch the legs. You know you can stand up and go to the bathroom. I get that, but the takeoff and the landing, they keep me occupied and interested enough. I get so bored sitting there. Interesting. I know for a fact, I'll say two things that happened on this trip, and I have to reveal about Borland.

Number one, he had to pee so bad when he got onto the flight and never got up because the woman next to him had a three-course meal and then fell asleep, and he was stuck for three and a half hours. Oh, I'm sorry, lady. You're waking up. I got to go. The second thing, because he's so polite and so kind. That's so funny.

The second thing he did, which was even more impressive, is we started, now we were stranded for two days in Chicago. Then we got a two-flight connection back to Phoenix. And right before the first flight, he goes, you know what, I might get hungry on this flight. I might get hungry. I need to go get something. He goes and buys, and I'm talking a very large dinner plate size.

Very fancy. Very fancy large dinner plate size. Very fancy. Very fancy large dinner plate size salad in a plastic container. It was like a feta and apple or something. Yeah, this was $39.95 no doubt. So he goes and buys this salad. Well, the first flight goes by. He doesn't eat his salad. Now, why didn't you eat the salad?

It was a fairly early flight, so I bought it more for lunchtime, but I just never got hungry on the first flight. Holds the salad. It's getting a little wilty now as he gets off of the first flight. Holds the salad through. The box is all beat up and damaged and bent. I made some joke about taking it off his hands or throwing it out for him.

He's like, no, no, I'm going to eat it on this flight. Gets on the second flight. Flies the whole second flight. Did you eat the salad? I did, but not until after we landed. Wait, wait, wait. Did you take it home?

He did. No, I did not take it home. I ate it while I was going to the baggage claim. Did you eat it on the train? Yeah. So you got a salad in one city. You ate a salad on a train. And then six hours later, ate the salad at the baggage claim.

All right. That was a surprising distraction. That's wild stuff. So that's what we were enjoying. I'm sure everybody has an airport story. Most of them. All of them probably suck. You can find us on Twitter, at SpitballersPod.

How did it taste? Was it pretty good? No. No, it tasted eight hours old. It's so great. But it was expensive, as you noted, so I couldn't let it go to waste. That's why you kept it through. SpitballersPod.com.

We're on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. You can watch the show, YouTube.com slash Spitballers. You got to be careful with that spelling. Yeah, be careful. Thank you so much for your reviews and support of this show. We've got a lot of good stuff coming for spitwads out there. Here is one of your kind reviews. Review-a-saurus rags.

This one comes in from ZKR. Movie Monday, five stars. Thank you, Mike. ZKR, smiley face. Thank you. The feeling I get from this show is probably equivalent to the way the employees of Dunder Mifflin felt when Michael Scott instated Movie Mondays. I can't wait to listen at work as I take my first sip of delicious coffee in the morning. What an outstanding combo.

Perfect rebranding for Monday. Here's to many more hilarious episodes. Here, here, ZKR smiley face emoticon. We did want to rebrand Monday, right? We wanted you to look forward to Monday. Mondays are the worst. Don't drive off the road and crash into pedestrians

because of how funny jason is that's a solid point we we found out two weeks ago that when i blew my knee out sitting someone listening to the show who found it too just a little too funny ran into a bicycle now we understand everybody is safe yes this is so it's okay it does seem as though he was proud of it because he told us about it he was not ashamed they're dating now oh that's what i hear congratulations yeah what do they call bringing people together um okay all right thank you for your review we appreciate it helps the show let's get into our first segment spit wads did you know that two out of three men will experience some form

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than any of its competitors treatment could take four to six months to see results so you want to act fast if you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss go to keeps.com slash ballers to receive the first month of treatment for free that's keeps.com slash ballers to receive the first month of treatment for free. That's keeps.com slash ballers to get your first month free. K-E-E-P-S dot com slash ballers. The Situation Room. Oh, starting with a situation room. All right. You are approached by your local wizard.

Not just a wizard. I like that this is not just you're approached by a wizard. This is your personal local wizard. Everyone's got one. Right. All right. All right. He says that he will give you $1 million for every year of your life you are willing to trade away.

Oh, this is great. How many years do you trade in? Oh, man. So, Borland, do you get to relive those years? No. How does it work? What does he mean? You die younger.

Oh, I'm sorry. So, this is all future. Yeah. So, you get $1 million per year, but then does he tell you how long you're going to live? No, no. This is a gamble you got to take. So you just say, I want one less than what I would get. Right.

And you don't know what you would do. So if you say, hey, I'll take one less than if you were going to die at 88. I'd die at 87, but I got a million bones. If I say, hey, I'm going to take that gamble. I'm going 10 years. I want $10 million. If I was going to live to 97, oh, no, gamble i'm going 10 years i want 10 million dollars you know if i was gonna live to 97 oh no i lived at 87 but i i got 10 million but if i were to live to let's say 36 46 then i'm dead i was gonna say there is a chance that you say what is your chance

you dropped it there is a chance because if you say, eh, one year, and you would have died in the next year. Now, then again, you would have died in the next year. So do, I mean. But you die, you die instantly. And then there's just. Yes, a million dollars on your body. Just you're covered in cash. So does your family inherit it?

Because it drops from the ground and you're actually killed by a million dollars. I want to believe that I would just say one year. But do I want to even give away one year? That's cowardly. One year of not knowing my great-grandkids. Oh, so you're saying maybe you take zero. I think about it. I'm taking a few years off.

That's for sure. I think about how many years I'm taking off because it's not zero. My children only got to know their great-grandparents for a handful of years. I didn't know my great-grandparents at all. I didn't know my grandparents. You want to know why you didn't know them, Mike? Because they were rich as heck. They traded 10 years.

They got visited by their local wizard. They lived a good life. Sans you. Yeah, that sounds pretty cool. I'm envious. So the local wizard comes by makes you quite the offer i think so i i've got to be realistic we've got to tailor this to myself i don't think i'm going to make it to an extreme old age okay okay i'm i'm giving myself so you're probably done not

trading anything oh i'm trading i'm trading look whenever i go those last few years are probably rough so i'm just taking those years off let's say it's uh i'm gonna say 66 okay that's what you think you'll leave to live to sure and uh if i gotta pay taxes on this no this is not tax a wizard does not make you pay taxes he gives you you the money. He's like, hold on. I got your IRS forms right here. He's a local wizard. It's just a municipality. I mean, he's part of your city.

Now, this isn't a federal wizard. Maybe you only have to pay state taxes. All right. Assuming I only have to pay state taxes, I need to make sure that I've got, like, I want two at the end. So I'm taking three. So three years off. Three years off. So 63 instead of 66 for my guess.

For your best guess. For my guess. I didn't even know if I could trust this local wizard. He hasn't worked himself up to this national wizard level. Mike, what are you doing? You see him on TV. It's like a local lawyer commercial. That's right.

He's got a sweet jingle. He put his phone number. Call Wizard. Call 1-800-602-WIZARD. I'm taking five. Really? Heck yeah. I'll take $5 million.

See, this is a problem because now Mike has more money than me. And I'm going to be jealous of all the things he's buying. I think I just died a little younger. I'm taking one. I'm taking one. I'm taking one. Man, you must hate your grandchildren. Yeah. I feel like with five, I have enough that I can do whatever I want to do.

Just for the rest of my life. Because it's also five years shorter. So I don't have that. You don't have an infinite time to spend this. It's also a shorter amount of time. But I have enough money that it's, you're talking, this is generational money.

Now, Borland, a million, you couldn't just, you could quit your, and never work again, but you wouldn't be. Oh,

I'd be through a million in like two months. Yeah. I want to hear. Exactly. I want to hear what the spit wads think about this one in the comments too. What you would do, what the exchange would be. It's a very interesting question.

Now, Borland, hopefully you've been clearing your throat over there for a while how many would you take i'm going seven oh seven now do you is that because you believe you were going to live to 110 oh and you're just dropping down to 103 i just got to beat mike oh how borland to be Mike. Oh, Borland is not afraid of the tables. He's not wrong. Not afraid of the tables. He needs that seven. All right. New situation. He's going to make it 14. I don't know. Double down. He's going to come back. He's going to take seven years and then he'll be back to the local wizard in a couple of months and be like, I need another seven years and then he'll be back to the local wizard in a couple months and be like i need another seven years like a payday loan yeah just keep taking off years look i'm gonna need another seven years sir you're really you're really cutting this one close um this next situation

i don't believe involves any local wizards you have been pulled into the universe of the last movie, show, or cartoon you watched, do you survive? Will you be able to get out? And will you ever want to leave? So now you've got to think of right here, right now, the last show, movie, or cartoon you watched. I know what I watched. I had to figure it out.

But we watched Transylvania 3 last night. The Transylvania series is so good it's delightful when that first movie came out I don't think I've seen him I did not I didn't like the look of the art I thought it was so ugly that I was like I don't want to see this but it was such a funny movie I love the whole series it's great I mean it's Sandler and Sandberg so what are you so what do you mean what monster would you be if you're in you're pulled into that I gotta be a monster in the movie you've got to be a monster in the movie. You've got to be a character in that movie.

Oh, a character or just I get to pick a monster? Pick a monster. I mean, I think being Frankenstein. Frankenstein's a monster. You are so Frankenstein. Yeah, I mean, that's not bad. You don't show a lot of emotion. You've got a giant head. Frankenstein's got a huge head. At least I would have a reason of emotion. You got giant head.

Frankenstein's got a huge head. At least I would have a reason for it. That's right. Yes, that's true. At least you were lab built. So mine is unfortunately like as it's – I might as well have watched the Andy Griffith show. It was designated survivor. So I'm just in America.

Wait, but were you in the first part of the show where everyone gets wiped out i sure hope no because i was watching the the last season so it's like this is like being in the west wing like yeah okay i great i work at the white house yeah but your your scenario has a lot more key for sutherland doesn't it it does which is great because he's he's like known as a wonderful person. Well, the nice thing is I get the character. Okay. And his character.

Oh, wait, you're Kiefer? Oh, can I be president? Do you turn into Kiefer? This is twice in a row that I've been able to be the president. Jason, you're the president, but you're also 5'2 now. I accept. Is that how tall Kiefer is? I don't know.

I accept. Now me and Al Borland are the same height. No wonder he's so angry. The last show I watched was a show called- He's 5'9". He's fine. It was the show Yellowstone with Kevin Costner, where they're way up in the Montana plains, and they have to be cowboys, and they rough it out there.

If I knew that was my life, I would change my deal with the local wizard and I would take about 50 million. That was a rough life. You don't want to live it? I'd die. I would just, a grizzly or the cold or hard work would kill me. One of those things.

I'm never leaving. If I'm in the world of Transylvania. You had the best draw here. I'm never leaving. I mean, I get to be a monster. We hang out and live at a hotel. None of them have jobs. Well, Dracula has a job.

He's the one who has to take care of the, while his friends are just freeloaders, staying whenever they want. Can you imagine living at a hotel for free? That'd be excellent. Because hotel living. It's a high class hotel. Hotel living is great. It's just expensive.

What should I do with this towel? I just dried my body. Should I hang this thing up? Nah. Throw it on the floor. It's in a ball. Hotel life and living is such a weird. It betrays everything you learned as a child or you try to respect at home.

I mean, we had three times we went back to respect at home i mean we spent we had three times we went back to the hotel that we thought we were going home and it's all been redone each time and then i'm just like do i just set my trash oh i'm just set it there and you can pick up the telephone and say bring me food oh and they're so nice i know they were so nice at this hotel i want towel animals every time i come back into the room fold the towels have you experienced that i have i've never been to a place i did the towel animal you're not living i've gotten a mint that's nothing talk to me when you get towel animals what animal was it though it's different one every time i got an elephant i got a monkey i got a swan it's unbelievable how were you tipping

do you have to tip for that because the tip life is well the tip comes after the trip and yes i did tip how how does someone like you're working the i mean that's that's a rough job right you're you're being the the house service i mean a day in and day out in the grind but somewhere along the line you picked up towel origami yes they they were so interesting they were trained in the in the or is there is there one is there a person who's hired that's their only job at the hotel it could it could be because here's the thing here's what was incredible you'd leave the room nobody sees me leave this room okay i leave the room i go i go you know a little i i feel like I get 50 yards away.

I forgot my wallet. I got to go back. There's a towel animal. Where did this person, when did this person. They're also ninjas. They are ninjas giving me towel art. All right. You guys ready to move on? Yeah.

Spirit Wads, there's never been a better time to become a programmer. Look, it's 2021. You should become a programmer. Programming runs everything. There are so many different ways that it benefits you. We live in a simulation. You might as well know how to control it. All right, all right.

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Our first would you rather question of the day. Let's go to Aaron from Instagram. Would you rather always have to listen to music at full volume or always have to listen to music on the lowest volume? Oh, man. Lowest volume is not silent. No, it's still audible. I know Mike likes low volume.

Don't you dare. The problem is not the low volume. It's the whisper sound. It's all the lip smacking and disgustingness. You weirdos. I feel like I don't have the best hearing right now. So I believe I would have to destroy it further to ensure that I can still hear it. You know what I mean?

And that's the problem is this is not going to be helpful. I hate being at the age where I don't know whether it's not loud enough or if I could somehow be getting like hearing problems because I constantly can't hear stuff on TV anymore. I always need to be turning problem, need to be turning it up. What, how is that here?

Couldn't it be too low? Because if you constantly can't hear the things on TV, you know that the TV, like the, the prices of the show are not making it so that everyone can't hear all the different shows and channels. What if I always just need to turn it a little louder? Oh, you're saying maybe the you problem is that you don't know the proper volume to put your TV at? I don't know what the default volume is.

You guys know, channel to channel, it changes so much. That's true. Did you guys ever have... Full volume, I wouldn't be able to hear. Everything would blow my ears out, and then in a couple days, I'd be hearing everything at low volume because I don't have any hearing. I had a very specific moment where this happened, so I want to see if this...

It could be just me where you have a life reflection moment where I was driving. A song from my youth came on, and I wanted to... you know, I'm like, I'm going for it. I'm going to have a good time on Drive. I'm going to turn the volume on this thing up. And I cranked the music, and I endured about 20 seconds. I was like, this is just too loud. So I had the moment where I realized.

You wanted to jam out. Where I'm now the old guy, and I want my music at a nice, respectable volume. Instead of being, when I was a teenager, man, that thing was, I was rocking. That music was maxed out. Did you ever experience this? Yeah. Or did it just happen? Yeah.

I mean, someday you're going to look in the mirror. You're going to be like, look at that dead hippie with them tattoos. Because hippies get tattoos. Well, yes, that's correct. Yeah, so I'm going to go full volume and also for my wife's sake because she can't hear anything. Oh, yes. We're usually cranking that TV up to the max capacity.

So does she have hearing deficit problems, you think? Hearing deficit problems, I believe she does. But it's okay because we now have to listen to everything on max volume would you rather asks zach from twitter would you rather have to eat the same meal each and every day or never be able to eat the same thing twice in an entire year i feel like we had a similar question to this at one point would you rather have to eat the same meal every day or never be able to eat the same thing twice a year man so i think i would run out of things that i like very quickly and what wait does is pepperoni pizza different than cheese pizza sure okay but that just means

you get so that means you can't eat that more than those items. What would that be? Four total times in a year. Right. Two cheese, two pepperonis. Okay. Two sausage, two ham. Oh.

You see what I mean? Oh, I see what you're doing. I'm eating pizza every day. Pizza's pizza. Pizza's pizza. That counts. Oh, no hacking. You got to take the full brunt of your choice.

Do I have to prepare this meal? Hold on. Hold on. Borland's going to get caught in a trap here. Okay. Because if pizza's pizza, then that means if I have to eat the same thing every day, I can have a cheese. I can have a pepperoni.

I can have a sausage. And I mean the same thing every day. It's just pizza. I can have breakfast pizza. No, that's fair. That's fair. Yeah. You can have pizza every day.

That will get old. That will get old. You want to know why? That's what I was have breakfast pizza. No, that's fair. That's fair. You can have pizza every day. That will get old. I will. You want to know why? That's what I was going to say. That will get old quickly when the reflux issues you begin to suffer from happen within day one. If I eat pizza as every meal in one day. Oh, it's not good.

The joke's on you. I already have reflux every day. No problem. Give me pizza day in day out i'm taking the same meal which will be a different meal thank you mr borland i guess i gotta eat something different every day but every day of the whole year i don't like that many things that's what that's what the problem is i don't like nearly that many things but maybe well if you're forced to actually eat something new i I will find some new things I like.

I will lose a lot of weight that way. I will, because I'll skip meals or not eat as much. Burger. If you don't like it, you don't eat it, though. Burger. Right. Pizza. Steak.

I'm out of food. You're like, what? What? Okay. Lasagna and spaghetti. Come on. Mexican food? Okay.

Burritos, tacos. All of them. Enchiladas burritos tacos all of them enchiladas you like all of them sure i'm just like i think there's like 20 foods that i know of like if we're if we're saying a pizza is all one thing i don't know that i can get past 25 on total you got to go to what's a half a year like half of 365? Exactly. So, you know, like around 175. This happens at the gym every time because at the gym, instead of our our trainer deciding to tell Jason to go pick up 240s, he'll say, Jason, pick up, pick, pick up two dumbbells that equal a third of your weight. But he doesn't do this like after. What is this?

The brain gym? He doesn't do this after stretching. He does this after I'm already depleted and can't think or move. And then he's like, do this math. And I'm like, and then I end up with 80 pound dumbbells. Working out a mental sweat? Yes. Yes. Man. Yeah. Working out a mental sweat. Yes. Yes.

Man. Yeah, I feel like our bodies are just wired. Even if you get the best thing, the most delicious thing, 100% of the time, you grow old. It grows old on you. You do grow old no matter what you eat. That is a fact, Andy. All right. Would you rather get one free item every year worth $100,000

or one free item every day, but it has to cost less than $150? So here's the brain gym again. No, no. I couldn't do that one that quick. So I checked the calculator. You're talking $54,750 is your total value. But you get something new every day. Yes.

But it costs less than $150. You never get like. There's not a lot of things that cost $100,000. Like I'm getting a fancy car. Sure. But do you get to pick? No. Or does this item just show up like.

You get a painting. Like for us, they're like, here's your jet ski. Well, you know you could sell it. Enjoy doing nothing with this. Well, a jet ski is not a hundred grand mike there probably could be here's there probably isn't could be i the most expensive jet ski is probably 15 grand or something like that borland look it up jetski.com um i'm gonna find it so i'm here's something that I've learned about myself. You know the five love languages? You're too familiar with this.

Yes, I'm very familiar. If you're out there, you don't know. There's this book, The Five Love Languages, great for relationships. It teaches you that different people, what speaks to them in a loving way are different. speaks to them in a loving way are are different you know some people it's words of affirmation or physical touch or gifts or acts of service things like that and for me there were two like i'm i'm all acts of service but gift giving and gift receiving is like i that doesn't exist in my in my mind in my heart i don't. It's so baffling to me. It's the gifts.

It's not the physical objects. I just thought you weren't a collector. No, I'm not a collector. I just don't care about things. So usually like Christmas or Father's Day or, you know, I just, I honestly, I hate opening things. You hate opening presents? Yeah, because I'm like. Because you're afraid of being like. Because I already know I don't care.

Like I already know I don't care about what you got me. That's so rude. I know it is, and I don't want to be rude. So I'm always like, I don't want to open this thing. I got to put on this face. I mean, thank goodness I'm just an amazing actor. That's so sad. But there's, like, anxiety that I have over opening gifts.

But I love me some really nice gifts. Like, Tiff, my my wife she's always like what do you want for you know your your birthday and i'm like i don't want like i don't want a mug i don't want to you know whatever i like i so you tell her that but then she i want a tesla gifts right you know what i mean like i want a tesla i want a happy birthday jason i want like some you know 200 inch drop down projector screen like Like those are things I'm like, this is cool. So I'm taking the $100,000 gift every year. You can keep your, your, whatever, your fancy pair of jeans.

Now, if somebody else's love language is gift giving, I mean, that's a problem. Then you have to. I stretch myself for them. Okay. That's why you got to read the book. That's how you can communicate absolutely it's yeah i think i'm taking the big thing at 100 grand i'm gonna take the the cool item even though it's it's totally a gamble it's a once a year gamble you could get something that is absolutely useless to you yeah you could sell it i mean it's pretty

valuable then you gotta sell it sure but i mean if i get a really nice hundred thousand is really into those subscriber yeah the loot boxes the monthly box so getting something and they're either like 95 of the time too they are just full of absolute crap yeah do you keep any of that stuff some of it sometimes you bring it here yes stop it sometimes i bring it here sometimes i give it to the kids and my my wife here. Sometimes I give it to the kids. And my wife hates, hates when I give it to the kids because we're trying to declutter the house. Meanwhile, I have this addiction problem where I love presents. And boxes. So the loot crate is a present to me every month. And a poison. And then, but then I'm Jason. I open up, I go,

nah, this is, hey kids. Do you ever see the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where he gets his parents the fruit of the month club and they get overwhelmed with the amount of fruit that is constantly coming and beg him, like, Raymond, please stop it. Stop all this fruit. Whatever you did, what did we do to deserve all this? It's pretty funny.

I also like Jason's, oh, you could just sell it. Do you realize that there is danger that comes in selling an item that costs $100,000? Like the Russian mob might? Yes. He might knock, knock, knock. Hello. Hello. It's me, Mr. B.

I understand you get $100,000 every week. Yeah. Every year, Mr. B. I'm not dead. Danger's my middle name. Bring it on. You will have a lot of crap if you get $150 worth of stuff every day. Yeah.

You will have so much crap. Your house will be overflown. Your wife's going to be so upset, Mike. Yes, she will. You can give it to your kids. All right. Let's move on. The Spitballers Draft.

All right, this draft suggestion came in from Matt on the website, spitballerspod.com. We appreciate each and every one of your draft suggestions, your ideas for segments, would you rather, great questions, all of that. This one comes from Matt. He says it is a time travel draft you are sent back in time 100 years which would be the year 1919 as of this recording and you are able to bring with you four items what do you bring are these items we have already are these any items that exist on the earth

Borland like how does this I think it's any item like if I wanted to but if I said 10 million dollars can I bring it back you have 10 million dollars well he just said any item I think it's within reason like do people do people have this you know what I mean like do normal people have this because like if I wanted to bring back a spear, obviously, to protect myself, great pick. I don't currently own a spear. So then it would be like, I should be allowed to bring a spear back with me, right? Okay, yeah. So within reason.

I think we can all agree that if this is an easy to procure item or someone we know has it, I think that should be allowed. Okay, so I'm trying to figure out what's going on in 1919. To prepare yourself? Yeah, so the First World War is just recently ended. Mussolini has established the fascist party. Great news. Shout out to fascist nation. I'm going to bring back democracy.

Well, we still had... Dude, what do you bring to 1919? Well, you certainly wouldn't bring a computer. You got no internet. You got nobody servicing anything. No software. There's no way that you'd be able to... That would do you no good, right? Did they have calculators back then?

Well, you could be the, like, you bring it back as the inventor. Dude, if you brought a calculator back, you'd be the smartest guy around. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Solar-powered calculator. You just go around and show, you'd say, hey, ask me a math question. So you just want to be popular in 1919? Did they have electricity back then uh yes no i know they did but like i i don't know i'm bringing a hundred dollars just a hundred bucks i'm just bringing a hundred dollars now what's a hundred dollars do they have one of those interest i'm sure they have an inflation inflation calculator. I'll figure that out. Cause look, I, I don't mean to brag. I could, I could find a way to get a hundred dollars

back. Oh, someone thinks highly of themselves, which is the equivalent to $1,450. Oh, you're rich. So Mike is bringing back one Mike. The number one pick in the draft was how much, Mike? $1,451. Woo! $51. So let's say you fill your bag and you put that $100 in there. Let's say when you go through the time machine, it shows up and it's $1,451. I'm pretty sure I can buy at least five homes with that much money in 1919.

Wow. I guess that's true. All right. Now I'm done. Good luck. at least five homes with that much money in 1919. Wow. I guess that's true. All right. Now I'm done. Good luck. What are you bringing, Jason? Okay. I know mine.

What? I'm bringing me a horse. Yeah. Take that, everybody. Do you know how many horses I can buy with my $1,000? Oh, you can't buy my horse because I brought him back and he's not for sale. can't buy my horse because i brought him back and he's not for sale i'm bringing back the biggest strongest most loyal horse around i look now is that going to serve you well i mean cars are cars are around in 1919 wait when did the model t start cars i feel like cars are turn of the

century uh were they not existed but you got to have like 100 future dollars to buy one of those. So I'm going to stick with my horse. Look, I'm going based on red. The Model T was sold by the Ford Motor Company from 1908 to 1927. Yeah. So not only is it available. It's at the end of its run. It's peaking. So the Model T is around.

That's fine. But try to go off road like i can okay my horse can go anywhere i want it to go just to be clear if i was to hypothetically use my next pick next pick on 200 i'd be in way better shape than mike right you would be in better shape but i think money's been taken yeah so you say money i guess no he says a hundred dollars but nobody else can take money and you're taking a horse i'm taking a horse because I'm living this draft based on Red Dead Redemption 2. Now, I know that I'm about 20 years early in that world, but I'm thinking about that world, and I can't be in there without my horse.

That's true. Thank you. Well, I mean, look, there's a level of preparation that you feel like you need to bring to the table, right? When you go back in time. Why did we pick 1919? I feel like you need to bring to the table, right? When you go back in time. Why did we pick 1919? I feel like... I don't know anything about it.

It feels like it's not quite old enough to be the Wild West. Like if you were going back there... No, it's definitely not. ...in that time. All right, I'm going to bring... I'm bringing back a Tesla. That's my pick. Good luck charging that thing.

Yeah, it's not solar. Yes! So you have a car. He's my pick. Good luck charging that thing. It's not solar. Yes. So you have a car. He's going to have an awesome week. It's great. You get to go 300 miles. One time. Is there really nowhere I could possibly plug in?

Not to power that thing. Where are you going to charge this thing? I want it to be both cool and practical. Hold on. Was Tesla even alive in 1919 when did he live oh the Tesla you can show him

I'm not bringing it back for him he was alive but just saying the irony of you going back in time saying here's a car named after you good sir so maybe you could bring him the car and he could figure out how to power it oh gosh this is a real this is a real Marty McFly went back to the 1800s.

No way to get up to 18 miles an hour because there's no gas. Exactly. But you want to know what's not going to run out of juice? What? My horse. My horse will be galloping when your Tesla stops. I will use 300 miles of my range to run your horse over. I will 100% ruin this

for you. I gotta take a second. Yes. I think what I'll do is I'll revolutionize my own self-defense and potentially my countries and bring back a...

What weapons don't they have, Andy? Well, now I'm very worried that I will make another mistake level pick here. A lightsaber. You can't bring, you don't. Well, I guess you can bring a plastic toy back. Sure. I was going to bring back like a very modern assault rifle. I thought that that would do well for both power for myself.

I mean, it's World War I. They've got machine guns, right? Yeah. Great. Whose idea was this draft? Can we go back another 100 years and start the draft over? Can we start the draft over 100 years earlier? I love where this draft is at.

Because this 1919 is like apparently now you've got everything see if you didn't take that i know what my next pick is so you would have taken a weapon oh yeah but i would have taken a six shooter i'm going for the time well you still i will let you take a six shooter if you want but i'll stick with my assault rifle i'm thinking of survival in this time i'm thinking of prestige i'm thinking of what i need i. I'm thinking of prestige. I'm thinking of what I need. I figured a car, a fast car that would get me around. Apparently, I've really got to. Now, Mike, does it lose battery life? You have a Tesla.

It loses battery life just sitting there, though. It's not like I have 300 miles to just use up anytime I want. That would be okay. Yeah, your Model 3 will run out of battery eventually. Great. This is the dumbest. I'm going there. Because I thought when I first saw this, I thought Wild West. Then I'm realizing as I'm doing this, this is not Wild West.'m going there when I first saw this I thought Wild West

then I'm realizing as I'm doing this this is not Wild West how do you prepare for the depression by bringing a hundred dollars thank you the draft is done I win I'm on the clock

Andy's taking the assault rifle now this has shifted to how can we survive the great depression i am bringing can of beans i am bringing a stock almanac my friends oh the stock market is alive and well i don't need your hundred dollars did you say it's alive and well do you understand for another 10 years it is i was gonna say do you understand what so you're you're going to use it. I know that I'm going to sell right before the Great Depression, my friends. And I'm going to watch everybody else having a real bad day.

I'm going to cause the Great Depression with my sell of all my stocks. Maybe you did. Maybe I will. How are you affording all these stocks, Jason? Oh, just look, doubling my money. I'm not afraid of the tables. You don't have any money. I'll sell my money. I'm not afraid of the tables. You don't have any money.

I'll sell my horse. I'll sell my horse. I feel like I could give Jason like one calendar year to find a stock almanac anywhere. He would not be able to find it. Do we seriously have a record of that somewhere? I'm sure there is. Look, he could easily say he could just bring back the history of the stock market, and that's a really good pick. Yeah, there you go.

It's worth a lot more than $100. But I want to see evidence that there is an item that actually shows you what stocks were penny stocks and then rose in 1919. Look all i know i think it's a very strategic and smart pick with our powers combined your initial funding and my knowledge we're going to live it up and i'll buy more horses and nobody can stop me from being an equestrian i'm gonna have to waste a pick on a on an electrical outlet or something aren't i probably look you that infers that i have picked two things you thinking that you get to make another draft pick means that i have somehow picked something and i have two picks yes you

do and i have literally zero ideas of what to bring back well actually no no just i take that back top of the head you're going back tomorrow what do you bring you gotta decide you're going back tomorrow you don't have to be real practical you don't have to be real smart obviously i have to figure out how to oh oh i got a great idea okay i'm bringing back a top of the line absolute best moonshine recipe because the 1920s that's when bootlegging was at its finest and now i'm making money you should do that guy with a hundred dollars in that moonshine recipe i'm going to need to borrow your car so he's mike is worried we're working together to survive the 20. Mike is worried about me being safe selling $100,000 items, but he wants to live in the black market creating and selling moonshine.

That is pretty sure that was not safe. That is absolutely correct. If you went back in time tomorrow, man, I there are some bare necessities of life that i think we're forgetting about that's all i'm gonna say for sure well like food i don't know what the toilet paper situation was back then sherman ultra i don't think i think what what is the opposite of sherman ultra uh i think it was just like the equivalent of ply no it was leather. No, I can tell you right now. Leather high. Reusable leather? Leathers. Wait, no, not reusable.

It's just... You can't afford a strip of leather to wipe your butt every single time? What are you, a fancy man over there? I really don't understand how people lived back then. It's not necessarily 1919, but like two or three hundred years ago... You know what's so funny is... I just would have died. In 1919, they thought they were living... funny. I just would have died in 1919.

They thought they were. Oh, my gosh. I have my next pick in the most modern of the world. You know, the world had never been so industrial and modern as it was in 1919. And now we look back and think, right. How did they wipe their butts? They didn't care about wiping their butts. They cared about food on the table in 1919.

They cared about staying alive. Well, I finally feel like I know I can make up for my poor picks, but I've got to wait a little while, Mike. Well, there's 0% chance I'm going to take what you're talking about. How does one stop drought? Stop drought? Water? Get the rain to happen.

Is there any other way you can? Because now I'm trying to... I think that scientists have not yet figured out... You think it was way worse in 1919 than it was. No, that's when... Look, I'm looking things up, so it's reminding me that that was the Dust Bowl. I mean, that was a huge part of the Great Depression is because Central America, or the middle of the US, all the farming went kaput. Right, they couldn't grow anything, right?

Yeah. How do I... I'm trying to figure out how to be a man with an assault rifle that's the key to living so is there a was there something i could do to prepare these people and prepare their land like were they were they uh i don't think you're gonna be able to be able to bring back a physical object can i bring back a cloud no you can't rain cloud well you can do that if you can actually bring a cloud anywhere else ever put it can you bring a cloud anywhere right now let's say if you want to bring one up the street right i would like to see your cloud right now

there are science experiments you can do where you grow clouds you could do them back then that can't be a thing of course it's a thing you can grow clouds you're Yeah, we know how clouds are formed in the sky, so we can make them. You're trying to solve all the problems that you think exist in 1919. Yes. But if you had to go back tomorrow. The problem is you live there. If you knew you woke up, like you went to sleep tonight, and you woke up in a bed, and then it's 1919, and you looked around, what would you want with you?

What would you need with you? So you think it's Terminator style you show up nude. And you can't buy pants in 1919. Not with this $100. What is your team so far? $100 and moonshine recipe.

That's the worst thing I've ever heard. The best part of this You believe going back in time. The best part of this draft will be people who didn't listen to the episode. They just see the poll and are voting. What draft? We should almost post name this draft because it's not going to. You have $100 on a moonshine recipe.

I have a Model 3 and an Assault Rifle. Jason has a horse and a stock almanac because he's the most reasonable person here the best part is we didn't even bring up the fact that like you know how money is always changing and evolving and being more safe if someone brought future my hundred dollars is not going to do anything yes nobody's taking that money it's like if someone from the future brought his money is like that's no good here that That's not currency. Oh, my gosh. So you brought nothing in a moonshine recipe. You brought $100 in a moonshine recipe, and you woke up, and you've got to live in 1919.

I'm bringing farming equipment. Okay. That's my pick. I am bringing farming equipment. So you're planning for the long haul in this yeah i guess you got to grow your own food back then with a hundred dollars you can buy some seeds and you can take the moonshine recipe and drink yourself to death no no no no a true pro does not use the product haven't you seen the movies? Yeah, I've seen the movies. All right. Your team's crazy.

Jason, you have a horse and a stock almanac, so you've got your money taken care of, your transportation taken care of. Yeah. You've had some time to think. I've had a lot of time to think about nothing. And so that's what I've done. But here's what I think I'm going to bring back, because I live my life in flip flops. I have flip flops on right now.

They don't exist. It's not going to work in the Dust Bowl. And it's not going to work in the Dust Bowl. It's not going to work in the 1990s. It's not going to work hopping onto my horse. So I am taking me back some snakeskin boots. Oh, all right. He's just building his character from the game.

You're darn right i am and i'm gonna get some hair tonic so uh yeah i'm i'm taking back you're taking some skin boots because definitely your 1919 and 18 nine 1850s are confused right now that's fine i'm gonna be awesome in my snake skin boots on my horse with all my rich money from the stock market. I'll be whatever I want to be. All right. I'm going to I'm going to have to I'm going to have to fix my Model 3 situation. But my next pick, I'm taking back some antibiotics.

I'm taking back some medicine with me because I could show up with my cool assault rifle and my Tesla but catch a little cold and be done for. Because I've always said I wouldn't have made it in the Oregon Trail days anyway. And antibiotics, they didn't come around for a while. 1928, it appears. So, yeah. Alexander Fleming. Yeah. I've got eight years to survive until Fleming gets this thing off the ground.

I could help him along. Probably did. Wow. Probably did. Yeah. So, antibiotics makes tons of sense the ground. I could help him along. Probably did. Wow. Probably did. Yeah. So antibiotics makes tons of sense to me. Got to bring that back. Yeah, it's not bad.

And then I don't think I'm going to be really content with my living situation back then. We're talking about outhouses. We're talking about... Can I bring a modern home with me? How are you bringing a modern... How can you possibly bring a home? How much of a home can you lift up? It's like bringing a cloud.

And they bring me your home. I'm searching for cloud machines. That's really a not fruitful search, Mike. Why? Why are you searching for cloud machines? Mike believes there's a world of people carrying clouds around. I don't know where we're going. Apparently there's like...

All right, you got to bring four items with you. Well, then clearly I need to bring a complete solar power system. It's going to help me in the house with electricity. Nobody's ever... Not many houses are going to be fully wired up. I can live wherever I need to with my assault rifle. I am safe. The reason I took that is I just thought, look, it's a rougher time.

People are going to come after me when they see my spaceship. Andy, how much do you know about repairing solar panels? I have no plans of letting this thing get hurt. I will protect it with my life. Or with your assault rifle. The solar-powered system will have a plug. I will plug my car into it. I will bring my gun with me everywhere.

And I will have antibiotics for when things go south. Now, how is this solar panel system, what's it hooking into? It is a very simple system, Mike. They're very common. There's a couple of panels. Uh-huh. And then there's just kind of like an AC outlet situation going on. Ah, yes.

Of course. Yeah. That makes tons of sense. They have those. You can bring them camping. Borland, can you confirm this? They do. Thank you.

Yeah, you can bring like a solar-powered battery. Not a car. Look, I don't care if it takes the car six months to charge. I'm willing. I'm trying to solve a couple problems i'd have lights probably so i'm on the clock now right sure um did you get yeah yeah you got the tesla model 3 yeah assault rifle the antibiotics oh my gosh this is the wildest draft real quick we've ever done here's what's insane i I just realized you drafted the Tesla Model 3.

I just drafted a Tesla. Okay, because it says Tesla Model 3 in there. I didn't know. Did he actually specify that, Borland? I think he just said car. At one point he said, I have a Tesla Model 3. I was just visualizing the circumstances. If he said it, that's what you got. Because I just, I love this.

What, are you going to take the other version? You can have any of the Teslas. You don't need a Model X. You've got a horse. He's looking for a place to live. The Model X would be a great place to crash. But anyways, look, I can go a bunch of different directions here, right? Do I want to go health?

Do I want to go entertainment? You know, something back then. What can I bring to entertain me? But I look at what I've got right now. You could bring back the lyrics to all the Beatles songs. Isn't there a movie coming out about that? Yeah, that would be good. And likewise, I started racking my brain for like, okay, all right, what about an invention?

Yeah. What's something that revolutionized the world? A laundry machine. something that revolutionized the world a laundry machine that i could bring back and deconstruct and use that to bring that invention into the world earlier you know what i mean and so um i am going to bring back the patent okay because that'll that would be what okay shows me how to for velcro okay the patent for Velcro. Yes. I heard Borland audibly laugh in that situation.

For Velcro. This is the toughest. I'm going to revolutionize the world. I feel like if we had gone back in time 500 years, this would have been so easy. It would have been about survival. We went back 100 years and we are destroying this draft. We are not leaving this. Okay, so you have to. Wait, when was velcro

velcro i'm pretty sure it was invented by for for space exploration okay good that would not have been here okay so you have the patent yes how do you then have the ability oh that's easy mike i i have to make velcro i have so many connections from my rich stock market friends that i've made from my stock almanac that I'm now connected with business owners and the biggest brands of which I know who's going to make it. You know what I mean? Right.

When did Johnson & Johnson start? Because I don't know if they started yet, but if they did, I'm all in. But there's a series of events that needs to take place, advances in technology to get to the point where people can even make the Velcro. Are you trying to make money still? Didn't your stock, Almanac, get you enough money? You can literally bet on every right stock. The Velcro invention, you just want Velcro?

I just want Velcro. You can bring Velcro. I just want Velcro. I will allow you to audit your draft pick to just Velcro if you so choose. You can do the patent, but then you've got to manufacture. That's what I'm saying. I don't know if I trust you to manufacture. So if you want to take, Mike, do you approve an adjustment?

If he wants to just take Velcro, I'm okay with it. No, I approve nothing. You have the patent. You can approve it, and I still would take my patent. I took the best pick. Sir, what is that? It's a piece of paper. Also, I want to know

how do you are how do you alter the patent for velcro so that it shows that you are the owner like if you're stealing the patent it's already done it's got the name of who made velcro it's very easy mike i ripped that part out this is paper there are no other traces no copies i ripped that out so just before mike makes his final pick uh jason's team as it stands today it's good going back a hundred times this is and now i will give us the incredible credit of saying look we didn't prepare these answers you'll be surprised to know i know this we did not prepare these jason has a horse he has a stock almanac which i still am not sure if it exists but we'll go with you he has some snakeskin boots they're so highly available in 1919 for some of the money but just you want them from day one i wanted to

show up with some hot snakeskin boots and then you have the patent for velcro jealous i have a tesla i have an assault rifle i have antibiotics and i have a solar power system because of the unfortunate circumstances that you guys showed for me and although keep in mind that they have gas i mean was gas everywhere and plentiful then not plentiful no i the Model T is, so they're using gasoline of some sort. I like that he brought back the solar power system, but the only thing that's going to possibly use that is the Tesla. Like, he doesn't have cell phones. He doesn't have

anything he's plugging in. Oh, I can't plug anything in, huh? Right, like, you don't have a TV, so this is just for your car. Yeah, you have one outlet. Dang it. Oh my goodness. And Mike... That's nice transportation, though. Mike's is worse than either of ours though. He's got $100 from the future that's worth nothing. He's still a pick to make.

Moonshine recipe. I guess farming equipment is at least sensible. Yeah. And what's his last pick, Mike? Make it a home run. Well, I know he spent some time deciding on a home run. I'm taking back Sammy Sosa. I just love that guy.

Look, I need a best friend to help me farm. It's lonely out in those fields when you're by yourself. He's still searching for cloud machines because he wants a cloud. That is halfway correct. I'll be honest with you, Mike. If we could figure out cloud machines, I'm pretty sure that the climate of our world right now would be remedy. You're talking about inventing new things. I don't mean actual, like, I'm making a cloud that goes in the sky.

I'm just saying it's a tiny science experiment. It's tiny? But why would you want to bring back a tiny cloud? Is it for your farm? It's just for my own personal farm. Just move where it rains. Bring some water. It rains.

That's already, if you're bringing this cloud. I'm going to run out of water, Jason. You're going to run out of water. A well. Bring a well. Clouds evaporate. All right. You got one pick left.

Luckily, you have $100, some moonshine, and a farming equipment. You're built for the 1920s. They're coming in. The depression's on the way. We're bringing it on. Your $100 will run out. I don't think think you're gonna make it 10 years on it but you got one maybe not maybe maybe not all right i'm bringing um i'm trying to look at things like jason i'm trying to look at things that were invented later and see if there's anything i can do with it. How how well did silly putty sell.

Oh gangbusters. I mean it's still around like kids still love silly putty. Bring it back some jacks. I mean old newspapers are full of jacks. It's got to be a big thing in 1919 and what's better to go with a newspaper than some silly putty. All right. What about you do bring it back silly putty. All right. Not the patent for just some silly putty all right what about you bringing back silly putty all right not the patent for just some silly putty just to play with and show off well well check this out i am going look i will take silly putty because that's what i think of this draft and this draft idea i tried to like hey guys we should probably discuss this before the show no no we'll let it ride we'll just do it on the show.

So I will take Silly Putty. I think we've done a great job. Take a victory lap. Yes. So that is it for today's episode of the Spitballers Podcast. Thank you for joining the last episode ever of this podcast. Because it's not going to get worse. Thank you for joining us.

We'll see you next time maybe goodbye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballerspod.com Oh, no. Oh, no. What happened? Is this another ad? Is this another ad for jointhespit.com? I've got to get rid of these suckers. I've got to get ad-free on my spitwad love.

I'm going to join the spit right now. Jointhespit.com, and I'm getting these dumb ads out of here.