Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Air Mattress Casualty & The Best Cookies - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 15, 2022

Spit Hit for December 15th, 2022: On today’s episode, we talk about the best Disney sidekicks, a house with a view, and sleeping on our neighbor’s lawn. We also give you updated standings on all of our previous draft polls. We close it down with a draft of our favorite cookies! Subscribe and tell your friends about another hilarious episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Hey, Spitwads. Well, you know what time it is. It's time for another spectacular Spitballers hit episode. Spit hit! These guys are ready for it. And on this episode, we draft our favorite cookies. You know I love a sweet treat in my tummy tum tum. Num num. Enjoy this episode. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason.

Oh, take a looky. Have a cookie, Cookie Monster. Yeah, well. I like the attempt. I liked where you were going. Yeah, I didn't. I mean, I don't know if it was the take a look, and then I started going, it's in a book.

It's reading rainbow. Yeah, and a little bit growly. Well, thanks for listening to what I said, because I said take a look and then I started going it's in a book. It's reading rainbow. Yeah, and a little bit growly. Well, thanks for listening to what I said because I said take a looky. That would rhyme better. Inside of a bookie? That's just stupid. Take a looky at a bookie?

Ridiculous. What do you take me for? An amateur? I don't know. I mean, maybe it's a compliment that you had the kind of tone and cadence of that song. You know who else has a raspy voice? Cookie Monster. Yeah, you're getting real meta on us? Or just really literal. Singing, it was the Cookie Monster.

How dare you rain on my parade? I just think anybody who knows their scat was good wouldn't defend it the way that you're defending it. All right. All right. Welcome to the Spitballers podcast. Episode 126, Would You Rather? That's a great question.

A draft today that may or may not have to do with cookies. We shall see what happens. You can find us on Twitter at SpitballersPod. It better. SpitballersPod.com is the website. That's where you can learn how to become an official Spitwad supporter of the show. And if you're feeling generous,

you can head over to Apple Podcasts. Make sure you click the subscribe button and review the show. And we've received lots of wonderful reviews lately and we really appreciate them. Oh, so much. That's where we get all of our energy for scats, comes directly from the reviews. Yeah, so clearly the reviews were not great recently.

You guys want to kick it off? Go. Would you rather? All right, Ellie from the website sends this question in to us. Would you rather? All right, Ellie from the website sends this question in to us. Would you rather always have to use public bathrooms for everything that you use your bathroom for, showering, the toilet, getting ready, brushing teeth, all in public bathrooms. Okay. Or always have to sleep slash nap on your neighbor's lawn.

Wow. These are not good options. That is rough. Let's just tease them out. Let's think about this. Let's start, though, with the second one, which is sleeping, napping. All has to be done on your neighbor's lawn i mean this is do i get like a sleeping bag yeah no i mean i think you get a sleeping bag that's fine i don't think

that takes the awkwardness of it away right i think the real my first worry is just like what is the sprinkler timer situation here okay could be an issue my alarm clock now? There's 6 a.m. You know, sprinklers go off and every single morning. How do you snooze someone's sprinklers? Yeah. That's always, I've always wondered that. You roll on it. And then when you're overseeding during the winter, they have to water it a lot. Oh, and there's poop everywhere.

Oh, because of the fertilizer. Yeah. And because you're also just, you're using that as your bathroom too. I mean, you are out front this is their front lawn i presume hey bob so you're just like it's time for bed yeah i mean there's dangers here too yeah right i mean everybody you know creatures across the country you've got different wildlife habits we're out in arizona we're in the desert there are scorpions and snakes and coyotes.

I don't have a spear with me when I sleep. What am I to do? You could. I would have to. You would need it. He would also be fully burritoed into that sleeping bag. You would avoid wildlife by zipping it all the way to the tippy top. It's a 100%

zip situation. Do they make sleeping bags that zip completely? They will now. I think you'd die. Wouldn't you? Is that because of the airflow? I don't know if that's a wives' tale, or if it's not even a wives' tale,

just something my mind made up, but I always thought, and I've said this to my children. That you need air to breathe? No, that if you slept under your covers, that you could suffocate. Unlikely. I would put that at very low odds. Really?

I thought this was like a sure thing. Certainly would not suffocate from the sheet. Well, no, but like if I've got a comforter. Right, made out of steel. No, just a normal, nice, down comforter. And I throw that out and I go and I sleep completely under it. That could be a problem. For eight hours.

I don't think so. Now you could get, that could become an issue. I feel like I'm breathing the same air. Yeah, you start to get into the paper bag situation. You can't breathe into a paper bag forever. But there's air, but air is coming in. Is it though? Where?

Where's it coming in? Do you have, you have watertight and airtight seal on your comforter? I don't know if enough air is coming in with as much breathing. Oh, there's enough. There's enough. The other one is, is terrible because my first reaction was the public bathroom one was, well, I'll just take the responsibility to keep this thing in tip-top shape. It's just going to be perfect. But then I'm really realizing to do that, I'm cleaning tons of other people's

pee and poop. Yeah, you're doing that. You're doing it for free. I'm doing it for my own benefit to have a nice place to have a bathroom. You have to wear the sandals, the flippy flops in the shower. Did you guys ever have a scenario? The public shower stuff? Yeah. I've never public showered. I think I've showered in a gym or two in my lifetime, but I didn't stay in dorms.

I didn't do the college experience. Jason, did you have any of that? You were a big college man. I went to college. I actually stayed in a- BMOC. When I went off to college, I went to BMOC. Big man on campus.

Yeah. You know it. I stayed in an apartment i moved from you know mommy's house to an apartment complex right next to the campus so it was like that was my dorm except it wasn't a dorm um but what was tell me what you were saying because i wasn't listening i i was totally reading up on whether or not sleeping under the covers can can do you have a report for us well i don't have the full report right because i was the big man on campus had to chime in here yeah

but what i did see is that it said you know it seems harmless enough right wrong exclamation oh no now i don't know why it's wrong yet you have to read during the rest of our show that's right so i'm checking out You two have a good show. And at the end, I'll let you know if we're going to be an expert. I was asking, did you ever have a scenario where you had frequently in your shower, you had to wear the sandals or flip flops because it was a public shower? Oh, yeah. No, I have not experienced that. In fact, I would say that.

Is that because you don't want the warts? Oh, I mean, I think it's just, I think people do it for general hygiene. I know, but there is a specific, now I got to look something up. Andy, you're a solo show. Go. There will be a time in which this public shower nuisance will look like caveman days for humanity. This does not need to happen anywhere for any reason. Well, no, at the gyms.

I mean, that's where I, like when he was talking about the dorm rooms, no, I didn't experience that. They don't build wall technology? But at the gym, well, even, yes, there's walls that separate you, but there might be someone there that 15 people were there this morning before you woke up. And so you're showering after someone over and over and over. showering after someone over and over and over. And I will say this, whether it's disgusting or not, I never wore flip-flops or sandals into that shower. I just went a la mode, as I say.

Okay. All right. It's a fungus problem. It's just too nasty dealing with everybody's bodily fluids. I guess I'm going to sleep on the lawn as final answer. You're under the stars. Yeah. There could be some benefits to that.

Sure. Until the temperatures. And if it is a waterproof sleeping bag, then your sprinkler situation is fixed. So you're good to go. I take way too many naps to accept this lawn situation. I will definitely. What? How many naps do you get? Well, I try to get a nap.

I would say I get one and a half naps a week so weekend okay okay yeah mostly on the weekend i mean how about during this show because it seemed like you were on your way right there well this was important information look you're not going to die but you could get brain damage yeah it depends on how big the comforter is man it's not all situations. It does, but risk versus reward situation. How heavy is this? Is this a weighted blanket? I'm enjoying picturing Jason deciding, honey, I'm going to go take a nap, and he's grabbing

his blanket, and he's walking barefoot across the street to his neighbor's house to sleep on the lawn. That is a funny picture. Which one is your final answer, guys? I'll take the lawn. I will be in the bathroom. Okay. Radiant from IG says, would you

rather live in a house overlooking the ocean with a horribly outdated interior or a house overlooking a landfill with an extremely modern and gorgeous interior? This is actually a really good philosophical question.

Because these are extremes, and we'll answer it with the extreme in mind. But this is what people have to deal with when they move. You can get more house if you're out in the boonies. You can get less house if you're on the beach. I do not have any question which one that I want here, though. Really? Not even close. I'm pretty locked in as well. Jason, are you locked in? I am close. I'm pretty locked in as well.

Jason, are you locked in? I am not. I'm torn here. All right. Andy can go first then. What's funny is, well, I think Mike and I all have the same answer, but maybe not. I will absolutely take the house overlooking the ocean with a horribly outdated interior for multiple reasons.

One, I feel like outdated interiors, you could make the argument that it's like nostalgic. I don't know, man. This is like you got seafoam green everywhere. I get linoleum, right? Linoleum is a part of this equation. Oh, linoleum is in there. You have a mauve-colored toilet and mauve-colored vanity. You have the old stove that has the ring.

Oh, I know. But if there was a house like that for sale in perfect form today, you'd find a bunch of hipsters trying to buy that house. Carpeted bathroom. Look, I'm peeing out over the ledge. I'm not going in that bathroom. There's no way I can spin the landfill view in a positive way. I can spin the old timey house.

Plus, I'm going to be outside on the porch. Yes. And I know that's the argument. That is 100%. I'm not in my house anymore. No. I live on the beach, bro. I'll see you in the ocean.

I mean, technically, you're overlooking the ocean. So let's say this is a cliffside. You can't walk down to the beach. You just have a nice view of the beach. Wait, I can't get down there ever? Well, you could rappel down. But oh sweet that sounds awesome but it's more about the view than it is like getting to use the area yeah i mean here's the thing i don't i don't live on a beach currently unfortunately working on that um but at my current house which is also not at a landfill

that's great news um i stay inside so much more than I stay outside. I don't go outside that often. In fact, half of the year you can't go outside in Arizona. You will just crisp to a core. Now, right now it's kind of nice outside. I will give you that. But my point is, isn't the inside of the house more important if that's where you're spending, you know, while you're at you know what while you're at your

home while you're at your personal abode if you're spending 95 percent are you ever at your abode ala mode as often as i can be andy as often as possible so you're at your abode ala mode style and so you know you're gonna be inside you to stop putting that out there in the world. So, but my point is if you're at 95% of the time inside the house, when you're at your property, but let me ask you, why would that not be more important? Well, it might be more important, but you got to remember, this is an aesthetic, not functional question. This house is extremely modern and gorgeous inside versus outdated. You're functionally able to live in both places. This is what your eyes see.

Does it matter to you the function of your house or literally looking around and saying, boy, I'm in a beautiful room? Is that more important than looking out the window and saying, wow, that is a lot of trash? If it's 100% aesthetics, then yes. Then yes, I will take the outside. 100% aesthetics, then yes. Then yes, I will take the outside. The way that I look at this question, though, is outdated. My fridge, my appliances, my stove and my oven versus I've got a wolf range. I've got this fancy sub-zero fridge built into a wall in this nice house.

That's quality of life stuff. So I'm taking the inside. Now, unless it's purely aesthetics, same size fridges, same size, you know, same quality. Are you going to sit out on the porch sometimes and look at the landfill?

I mean, you were never going out in your backyard. Let me ask you this. You're going to be having major vitamin D deficiencies. Let me ask you this. When is the last time you two have sat on your porch right now? No landfill, no, uh, no landfill. When's the last time you've sat on your porch and drank coffee? Probably like last week. Exactly. Ask me, Jason, when's the last time you sat on your, your porch and drank coffee? Never, never in my life. When's the last time I've sat on my porch outside

and pretty much just chilled outside? Is this making you sad at all that he's missing this part of life? He should, I mean, to each their own. I got to move to a beach, man. I would love it at the beach. He knows that he has to put clothes on to go outside and sit on the porch. That could be part of the problem.

Yeah, that is part of it. Pants required. All right. One more would you rather question from Sybil over on Patreon. on the porch. That could be part of the problem. Yeah, that is part of it. Pants required. Alright. One more would you rather question from Sybil over on Patreon. Supporting the show. Thank you very much. Thank you for your support, Sybil. Which Disney sidekick would you rather have in real

life? Sybil, we already have a problem with this question. Continue. Abu from Aladdin, Donkey from Shrek, Olaf from Frozen. Jason, what's the problem with this question? The problem is Donkey from Shrek is not Disney. Come on, Sybil. That's DreamWorks, Sybil.

Get it together. So which animated sidekick? Thank you for your support. One, I did not pick that up. And two, I just assumed you guys were going to tell me one of these. It's not technically a sidekick. It's more of a main character. No, no, those are all sidekicks, but one of them is technically not Disney. Yes, it's a great question. Yes. Olaf would be the most annoying sidekick. He's more of a main character. No, no, those are all sidekicks, but one of them is technically not Disney. Yes, it's a

great question. Yes. Olaf would be the most annoying sidekick. More than Donkey? Yeah, Donkey would be the absolute worst. The worst. Eddie Murphy, very funny in those movies, but if that was your real friend... Couldn't I ride? No. Wouldn't there be a benefit? It's a

donkey. It's real small. He doesn't do anything. But here's the thing about Olaf. Olaf does have... I guess Olaf doesn't have the magical powers. Olaf is toasted in Arizona. You're not... No, he has his own flurry.

He's a dead man. I can confirm. He has his own flurry now. And it can withstand Arizona? It is a magical flurry. All right. I mean, this is so easily a boo. A boo is awesome.

Low maintenance. Yeah. Steals apples for you. He can get not just apples. He can steal the lamp. Right. If there was one. Yeah.

Maybe there's something of value, and you need a boo to go. But you can't talk to. That's a nice Rolex. You can't talk to a boo. Yes, you can. Not in a way where you both talk to each other. Yes, you can. You're saying because Aladdin always understood what a boo meant? Yes. He still had a nice Rolex. You can't talk to a Boo. Yes, you can. Not in a way where you both talk to each other. Yes, you can. You're saying because Aladdin always understood what a Boo meant?

Yes. He still had a limited vocabulary. I'm not buying he's a highly sophisticated donkey, Mike. I will say this. You can communicate in basically yes and no answers. You can't have a conversation with a Boo. I could have a conversation with Olaf and it would be fascinating and fun to teach this

piece of frozen water how things work. I think that would be really fun and also He's such a dummy. Josh Gad's so fun. He's so funny. I mean if I get a Josh Gad as my sidekick I think I'd go Olaf. Here's what we can

all agree on. It can't be donkey no it cannot be donkey a beast of burden that's not practical i mean no this he's so obnoxious he would never let you like if i'm moving yeah that's what i'm thinking like it could be a real help brooks is moving here our producer oh uh olav's not helping with that move no but the thing is is i don't think donkey would either i think he would never let me write him he would never let me have him carry stuff he'd just yell at you he would just yell at me okay no donkey i'm with you abu is the easiest abu is the easiest except you tell him to get lost and he probably would except i know they don't have him in a diaper in the movie because he doesn't go to the bathroom that That's true. But monkeys, you know.

Monkey see, monkey poo. Monkey see, monkey poo. You're going to have to. You say it's the easiest. I look at the cleanup problem. And I'm guessing, Olaf, there's no digestive system. So you're in good shape. Yeah, you don't even have to feed him.

Yeah. And even if he did go to the bathroom, it's just water. We're fine there. That's true. So is really, is that the best part of a sidekick? Your bathroom habits? No, but it's the worst part of booze specifically. It's the clearest pee I've ever seen.

I'm going to go Olaf because I think the conversations, the fun, we would get in all sorts of crazy situations together. We'd have a lot of good times. Okay, let's move on that's a great question what was your final answer Mike you're a boo oh easily a boo yeah Sandra from Patreon if your last minor injury actually killed you instead what would you have died doing?

And yours is so great, Jay, because I know your most recent injury. I am currently injured. I know you might be watching on YouTube and say, what? You look great. I do. However, what you can't see is I threw my back out. So my back is. You must have been been lifting heavy things.

Well, not so much. I died folding up an air mattress. In my defense, it was all the way on the ground. And I had to bend over and fold it and get the air out. And I'm squeezing it out. And then I'd fold it again. And I'd sit on fold it and get the air out, and I'm squeezing it out, and then I fold it again, and I sit on it, get all the air out, and then I fold it, push it over. I'm laying, getting my belly on it,

getting all that air out, because it's got to fit in a little bag, and the next thing I know, I go to stand up, and it's, ah, oh, I can't stand up. I unfortunately have died from chewing bubble gum. I kid you not, I took a trip up north, and I always chew gum on the trip because it helps with the popping of your ears and elevation.

But I had to turn around and drive right back. So I chewed gum for, I don't know, three hours, which at age 36 is a high-risk proposition. I had a sore freaking locked jaw. Really? I got right locked jaw from this gum. You chewed your jaw sore? I chewed gum, and then I woke up the next day with a sore right jaw

and couldn't open my mouth. Now, at what point do you- So I just died from chewing gum. Look, I'm not recommending this. We don't litter. I wouldn't throw chewing gum. Look, I'm not recommending this. We don't litter. I wouldn't throw my gum out the window. But at some point in time, if I'm in a six-hour car ride back and forth. I did shift to a second piece.

I rotated. Now, did you rotate? I didn't know that it was going to hurt my mouth. Did you rotate or did you double up? No, I didn't double up. I rotated. I wanted fresh, full fresh flavor. Of course.

But let's be clear. I didn't chew my way like, ow I wanted fresh, full fresh flavor. Of course. But let's be clear. I didn't chew my way like, ow, this hurts, but I'm going to keep going. Ow, ow. It's totally worth it. This is my first gum injury in my life. I wake up and it's like lock and I think I have TMJ and I'm going, what happened? So this was literally like a workout for you. The next day. Did you get sweaty? No, but yeah, was literally like a workout for you. The next day.

Did you get sweaty? No, but yeah, it's like a workout. The next day I worked out my right jaw to the point of, it doesn't work anymore. So, so it was really just one side.

It was only one. I chew really a must right. Dominant chewer. Have you guys seen, it's one of those, uh, the Facebook ads that you get for, for items where you go,

what, what in the world is this all about? There's a, a workout block. It's one of those Facebook ads that you get for items where you go, what in the world is this all about? There's a workout block. Oh, I've seen it. That you chew on because it's supposed to help your jaw and tighten up the old double chin. The turkey thing. But it's basically like a dog chew toy for humans. You look like an idiot.

A complete idiot chewing this thing. I haven't seen it, but I need it. I mean, look, the more chins are not great. Like, I used to be, you go look at my wedding pictures. How many chins there? One? I think I had two, but I was so skinny. I was a real, I was a stick.

I was a giraffe, as my wife calls me. I had a long neck. But we've got, like, we don't have a defined front jaw, which is why the thank goodness beards are in. I've got to see this. Do we need to share the name of it so that people can look at it? I'm going to. I've seen the ads all over the place for this

because everybody wants a real tight jaw, apparently. I do. Hashtag not a sponsor. No, goodness, no. Yet. But if you were, Jason, if you were going going to exercise your jaw what would you name the item oh okay i don't even remember it let's see uh well you know dumbbells are probably the you know the most common exercise equipment i would call it a jaw bell that doesn't work jaws or size jawsise. That's the name of it?

Jawsercise? That's where you get exercise from running from a shark. Right now, for one low payment of $45 from Amazon, you can get this dog toy. So it's on Amazon. It's a dog toy that you as a human can use fitness for your face oh my god so if you type jaw in in amazon it will auto complete first option jaws are size no e they're very hip oh my gosh wow it looks like a dog toy yeah yeah because it is how do i choose you've noticed dogs don't have too many uh double double. Yeah, they don't have double chins. They got super buff jaws.

What's the last thing you did to hurt yourself, Mike? Even minor. It was this weekend. Okay. I was moving a file cabinet. All right. And so when you move a file cabinet, you got to take the drawers out because otherwise it's too heavy.

Well, I left the arm, I don't know what to call it. Extended. Oh, yeah. I forgot it was sticking out. I walked past that thing at regular force. I gashed. Yeah, you got a cut. I got a nice gash across my shin. You bled out in this story.

I either bled out or I got some kind of infection. Oh, man. I got gangrene yeah that this just i mean filing cabinets we need to get rid of this this doesn't need to be a part of life anymore yeah seriously why can't everything just be digital oh my goodness it can you could convert those to digital and get rid of your filing cabinet so i'm looking at um the jaws are size i can't move past this on amazon and there's i just want to see a picture of someone using it of course none of their promotional photographs have someone looking so stupid as to

have this thing in their mouth so i went to youtube yeah and i'm watching a human chew on a ball it's ridiculous you look like an idiot it's yeah you look can you imagine someone sees you and you're like i'm working out oh i'm taking that thing to the gym. Are you kidding me? I want credit. You're just occupying a bench. You're like, sir, how many reps you got left? You just look up. What would it take for you if you went there and they have a row of these, right?

They bring the equipment. You've got a row of jaws or size. What do you have to do to clean that to put one in your mouth? You've got to boil it. This is all funny, but we sit next to each other at work here, and we're going to look over tomorrow. Jay's going to be chewing on this dog toy. I mean, is it Amazon Prime?

Because I can get this thing in two hours. All right. Let's go here. Terry from the website. What song would you want played at your funeral? All right. Let's take it down a notch. Oh, man.

This does tie into the if the last minor injury accidentally killed you, what would you have died doing? Now you're dead and you need to pick your funeral song. This is really, really tough because it's not funny. I know mine. Like, I have one. So I feel like I can't even lie. Do you have it written down somewhere? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, my whole family knows exactly, 100%, what to play at my funeral. Just the music or the whole funeral? No, just the... You haven't planned at all that. Is this walk-in music or is this walk-out? This is slideshow music. Okay, slideshow.

You know how there's always the period where you're looking at the... And it's What a Wonderful World, Louis Armstrong. Oh, because his is all serious. Yeah, I know. All right. Thanks, Al Borland.

You're not as serious of a person. I'm surprised you didn't have like... Well, I'll be dead then. That's true. So in all fairness, I won't be cracking any jokes. Well, some people wanted to be like... They want something playful because they want it to be more of a... Like a celebration of life.

Not that that couldn't be a celebration. No, I want them mourning. But you want them crying. I want tears galore. I'm going with the Karate Kid song. You're the best around. Oh, gosh. You're the best around.

And that can be the song for the uh the line the uh the the final goodbye line is and that's just playing on loop i'll go uh no money no problems oh you died because of your money right yeah for sure and so this is like the hey you're trying to teach a lesson here at your funeral you're trying to tell the kids you don't want that money look at me okay no money no problems i'm and instead of the slideshow it'll be the music video for no money no problems for Girl, you're trying to tell the kids, you don't want that money. Look at me. Okay, mo' money, mo' problems. And instead of the slideshow, it'll be the music video for mo' money, mo' problems. For sure. This is a mad jam.

Absolutely. I have always thought. And we're all just dabbing your eyes. Andy loves this song. Here's the thing. Mo' money, mo' problems, Andy. That's me. That's me. Whenever I hear this song, I think of Andy.y i think of papa andy just fades to the

black and white picture and my family gets 2020 here's the thing i've always thought about this if you do write up your you've got your will and that handles your affairs but if you wrote up a one-sheeter right and it's it's your what you want at your funeral and you sign it right i feel like you could put some crazy stuff in there and really put your family in oh you got a pickle because they got to do the macarena right everybody stands up in the middle of the funeral and does the macarena if you don't do it you're not respecting my wishes and i'm dead that's right you gotta honor the dead you have to say at the bottom like if you don't do any of these, I will haunt you. Did you guys see, it was apparently an Irishman who it was, it went around, it went viral. But so he passed away.

And at his funeral, when they're like lowering the casket, they played, he had recorded audio of like him shouting, Hey, hey, let me out of here! What are you doing? No, that's awesome! I've seen that. That's pretty brilliant. It's a really, really good clip. But could you imagine being the family during that one last goof? Everyone starts laughing. It was a really incredible moment. I've got five.

You don't think anyone there was like, What happened? Open it up. He's still alive. I think he followed it up by talking for a little bit to the family. Probably. Here's some songs that you shouldn't have at a funeral. Number one, another one bites the dust by queen for sure.

Highway to hell by ACDC. Okay. Okay. What about stairway to heaven? Would that be acceptable? Sure. Okay. Staying alive by the Bee Gees?

Would that be acceptable? Probably not the best. Those are pretty funny. That's more money, more problems. I'm living on the edge. All right, Maya from Patreon. One last one here before we get into our delicious draft. What was something you thought would be easy until you tried it?

Ooh. Interesting. This takes some deep thought. So I'm searching the memories. Sometimes you just got to say what comes to your mind first. Of course. For shame or whatever. That's what this show is.

Jumping rope came to mind. Ooh. Jump rope is very difficult. That is what this show is. Jumping rope came to mind. Oh, jump rope is very difficult. That is directly proportional to your age. Every year you get older, you become four times worse at jumping rope. The people who can do the mini jump, I have no idea how they get that going, where they get the cadence going and they're just kind of lightly kicking one up. Every time I jump rope, I have to do the full jump.

Oh, the knees up? Knees up. Concent I jump rope, I have to do the full jump. Oh, the knees up? Knees up. Concentration is at maximum levels. So we're talking like six rotations of the jump rope, and I am gassed into this workout that's supposed to go 20 minutes. I'm like, oh, about 20 seconds in. I will say this.

Jason, go ahead. Andy thinks that this is like a chart where it's age on one line, and that's the only line. It is not. There is also a Y axis here, and it is weight. Okay, because when you jump rope, age matters, but weight matters. It is not fair.

We used to have a personal trainer, obviously used to, and we would go there together, and he'd say, okay, go out and 200. It was my least favorite thing he'd tell us to do. It was the warm-up. It was like, okay, 200 jump ropes. Oh, gosh. See you in an hour. I'm like, I'm lifting 60 pounds more than this guy on every single jump.

Do that 200 times. How's that fair? I should get like 150. He should get 200. Here's the thing. You were better at jumping rope than i was because you would finish before me that's true and if i didn't concentrate like fully on the on the speed i feel like i did this easily as a kid but no dice this was a and it's

very hard good at it at one point i think i've always been terrible yeah i'm like fifth grade i've always been i think in fifth grade we just assumed we were good at it. We were doing the crazy high jump, and we're like, this is easy. And then really, we just weren't good at it. What else is something you were arrogant about? You thought, oh, no big deal. Let me handle that. I can probably go through a couple, but the first thing that comes to mind for me is something

I've never been able to do, even when I was a young athletic kid, skateboard. I can't. It's not that I can't skateboard. It's that I can't get on a skateboard. Just getting on is flat out impossible. I understand. If that thing doesn't have the part that goes on a scooter at the top and a handlebar, I cannot get on it.

If your skateboard doesn't have a kickstand, you ain't getting on that thing. I mean, how do people do it? How do people put a foot and then when they get up, I don't know if they know this, it's on wheels and it's trying to get away from you. The craziest part about skateboarding. He took the wheels off. Like the first time we ever, or I ever skateboarded

because, look, Tony Hawk came out. We were all playing Tony Hawk. We're like, oh, man, this is super rad. I got to learn how to ride a skateboard. Ollie time. Yeah, and that's what I want to talk about is an Ollie. And the first time you try to do an Ollie, if no one has taught you anything, which an Ollie is just jumping with a skateboard.

All four wheels come off the ground. Yes, the board goes up. It looks like all people are doing is slamming four wheels come off the ground, hit back. Yes, the board goes up. It looks like all people are doing is slamming down the back of the skateboard, and then it just naturally rises up into the air because, I mean, of course, that's what it would be. Except when you start thinking about it, you go, well, that doesn't make any sense at all.

How does the skateboard get up? And then you realize people are slamming the skateboard down with one leg and their other leg the side of their shoe is dragging the skateboard up into the air and that's how you have to do an ollie and you're like this is this is impossible this is not easy no no it is not did you get to ollie what i could barely even ride the skateboard man i didn't know you seem like skateboarding is much harder than you think it is i always had a problem with it too my brother was great i try to do it and i'll be like man this is brutal i have more time logged on the ground yeah from falling off a skateboard than i do logged just moving naturally what do you have mike oh yeah i i can't think of anything off the top of my head. Most cooking.

Most following a recipe and doing that. Anything that takes that level of precision, I end up screwing something small up. I love them because they're good sponsors of the show. But my struggles with cooking are well documented on this show. Weekly. What's hard is when you get one of those meal kits right and it says uh cook time 30 to 40 minutes i go well here's three hours of my life because i need to multiply that thing by at least three and that will that's the mic cook time and it is just me freaking out. I am at full anxiety the whole time because I'm trying to do the steps in the order that they tell me.

They're like, okay, well, this cooks once you just wash the vegetables and then you cut them in a certain way. And everything is burning. My house is full of smoke. I have not made one of those meals without my house filling with smoke. I've learned a few things of why I suck at cooking. I don't know why. There are many reasons I don't know clearly or I'd correct them all and become good at. But one of them is my desire to be so procedural, like you're saying, that I want to tidy up.

I want to clean up after every step. That is a huge problem because i i know this from people that are good at cooking they leave things out they clean up later yes they don't do it all like okay i took care of this egg thing then i put the eggs away then i took their this and did that my wife leaves stuff all the way out and everything turns out perfect then she puts it away yeah yeah i uh as a as a chef as a chef i i share none of your idiocies for cooking. However, as a fat guy, something that looks easy, that is difficult, that you guys probably can't relate to here is putting on your socks. Oh, putting on your socks?

Oh, man. Putting on your socks is a nightmare of impossibility. I thought you insulted him. You complimented him. I guess so. Mostly because of breathing. Because you have to breathe to live. But if I try to put on socks, the breathing stops.

Because I have to hold my breath to get to that foot. You haven't figured out a way to get them on without the breathing stops? No, I have. It's the crease. Oh, a lay down. I lay on my bed with my feet sticking off the end and i say jersey she's wonderful you that's a real moment in your life when you have to get your 11 year old working on losing some weight over here your children will be in their mid-twenties and they will suddenly have a memory of, wait a minute,

my father used to have me put his socks on and then they will need multiple years of therapy. My children will be in their mid-twenties and they'll hear, Jersey! I didn't even put my socks on! Oh my goodness. And they'll come do it. Why did your voice get higher? I was further away.

I was around the hallway. Projecting as you get older, your voice get higher? I was further away. I was around the hallway. I thought you were projecting as you get older, your voice gets higher. Jersey! This is me in the future. Jersey! Help! I need some help with my socks, child. All right, it's time to draft. The Spitballers Draft.

Man. Man. Putting on your socks. All right. Apparently, we have... Real tip. The stairs. The stairs are the answer.

Oh, because... Because it's a little mini stair. Yeah, you got a bunch of little perfect range. All I could think of was, this is why you wear flip-flops every day. This is why I wear flip-flops every day. You are so smart. You live in the right state for your problem. Apparently, we have drafted 124 different times.

Wow. The current standings, not that we, you know, this is not the most important thing in the world. Drum roll, please. Jason and Mike both have 39 first place finishes. I have 35. Jason has 38 second places. Mike has 34.

I have 41. So I'm always Mr. Middle. Mr. Runner-up. And then the most third place finishes goes to Mike. I have 41. So I'm always Mr. Middle. Mr. Runner-up. And then the most third-place finishes goes to Mike. That's right. He's all or nothing. You're darn right. Mike is boom bust.

Boom bust. Jason, 36. I'm 37. But the real most important thing is total percentage points. It's really not. But go on. Because on total percentage points, it's like, well, how many total votes in the history of the show have you received?

So who's got... I was going to make you you say that who panders the most go on oh me for sure uh pander bear jason moore i have 4215 percentage points remember when we drafted the best video games of all time yeah all time yeah and jason Fortnite. In fairness, it didn't work. The people did not accept my pandering. Today we are drafting the best... How have we not done this? Cookies. It's so bizarre. The best cookies. I mean,

it's an important topic. We've done some dessert stuff before. We've done candies. We've done things like that. We haven't done best cookies, or if we have, we've forgotten about it. And here we are again. So Mike, unfortunately, has the first pick in this draft. I don't know if it's unfortunate for you.

I mean, you know my dessert takes. They're about as There's a clear one-on-one. They're about as basic as they come. There are two that I would like, and they're going to go one, too. So I'm sad, but go on. I have no idea what the number two pick is for Andy.

I will be taking chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. Unfortunately, that is the one who won by, I don't know, 10,000 miles. All right. Well, I wasn't sure. I know I love them. My slideshow at the funeral would be scenes of cookies being freshly cooked. No cookies, no problems.

Yeah. This is how he went. He went out the same way he lived in cookies. Yeah, no, I mean, look, chocolate chip cookies. This should have been my draft. Chocolate chip cookies are the most boring of all the cookies, and yet they are the best of all the cookies. So that's why it's not boring but basic. Well, yeah, that's what I mean.

It's like vanilla. Vanilla ice cream isn't anybody's favorite. It's like Coca-Cola, I mean, of the sodas. It's like Kleenex. It's the brand name. Yeah, I guess you're fair. Coca-Cola is a good comp because people like Coca-Cola. People have Coca-Cola a lot,

but people don't go out of their way to just say, like, man, I love Coca-Cola Classic. Right. But most of the time, if they went to get a soda, they'd probably just grab a Coke. Yeah. Because when you say, what's my favorite cookie, I would never say chocolate chip. But if I'm at a place and they've got three or four options, I'm usually grabbing the chocolate chip because I know it's good. Do you have a favorite chocolate chip cookie? Yes.

Are there like Toll House or Keebler or like Mrs. Fields? Do you have a favorite chocolate chip cookie that's the best by far? Not brand, but I like the big, soft, big chunks of chocolate. Oh, so you like a chocolate chunk cookie. Yeah. Which is my pick. No. But I like the big, soft, big chunks of chocolate. Oh, so you like a chocolate chunk cookie. Yeah. Which is my pick. No. Yeah, it's tough.

Anything homemade is the real answer. There's a huge difference. Nothing store-bought to me. I think restaurant-made is the real answer because I've had a lot of homemade cookies that don't turn out as good as all those ones I get. I am not good at making cookies yeah they always end up hard even when they come out yes they do that is the problem you know i hear it's like oh it's baking powder but i've tried it every way doesn't sound like

a chef to me i'm not a baker oh um all right there's a distinction yeah okay for my i'm i'm happy to have the second pick because the cookie that I would probably answer as my favorite is what I'm about to take. I think it's the best cookie. It's just not as classic, which can make it even better because who wants to go with the boring classic? I'm going. I do.

Snickerdoodle. Oh, see, that's my second pick. Yeah, baby. Snickerdoodle. Was that your second pick, Andy? No. Oh, darn it. That's too bad. But Snickerdoodles. Was that your second pick, Andy? No. Oh, darn it. That's too bad.

But Snickerdoodles are, oh, brother, they're fantastic. They are delicious. They are not more delicious than either of my picks. What? That's impossible. There's only one other that competes. Look, they're good, but they're the, like, I don't know, they're like the vanilla Coke choice there, where you like it,

but if all you could eat was snickerdoodles, you get real tired of the cinnamon taste. I don't believe you. I disagree. Well, look, I am very happy to be where I'm at. I do love cookies. I love chocolate chip the most. That is the number one pick. It is the best pick.

It is equal to five picks with the number one Mike's gonna break the tie here at the end of the poll I'm glad we did the poll right now but I am I am very happy to be where I'm at with my two picks the first one I will take is an Oreo Oreo cookie yes it is a branded cookie yes it's that's fine but okay he took Oreo%. Oreo. That was what came out of his mouth. Oreo. It was Oreo. He got regular Oreo. No, I got the Oreo cookies.

You can't take another variation of it. I know, but we're just saying for the poll, it was saying... For the poll, you got an Oreo cookie. I get where you're going because you think I should have said Double Stuff. Because Double Stuff is the best Oreo, my man. That's fine. Guess what? The association that you have...

I could eat an... Literally, if you sat us down, I don't know when I would stop. I have no conception of when I would stop. Three cookies? Three sleeves. Oh, God. Three sleeves. Three sleeves.

Like three cookies like you're a psychopath. No, three sleeves is where I've got to tap out of measure. I mean, is that with milk? Oh, for sure. Okay. Three cookies is also, I think, a serving and a half. Oh, no question. And you will feel bad when you eat that many.

Also, our producer, Brooks, wants to put himself on blast by declaring that regular Oreos are better than double stuffed. That's so stupid. I would rather, if you told me I need to eat 20 Oreos, I'd rather have the regular. If you told me I need to eat 10 Oreos. I'd rather have the regular. If you told me I need to eat 10 Oreos, I'll take the double stuff. But anyways, neither here nor there. It's a little more filling.

They're a little more filling. Sure. My second pick then will be what I think is the better pick of the snickerdoodle, which is a variant, which is a more core variation. Get out of here. I know you're not going to like it. I know Mike likes them.

It's a sugar cookie. Sugar cookies are fine. They're good. I love sugar're not going to like it. I know Mike likes them. It's a sugar cookie. Sugar cookies are fine. Sugar cookies are dope. I love sugar cookies. Sugar cookies are good. Sugar cookies are like a poor man's snickerdoodle, though. Snickerdoodles are like a cinemified sugar cookie. I know. It's a lot better. Really? A snickerdoodle?

Oh, he ever had a churro that was just sugar? You can get bad snickerdoodles. I mean, that's blowing it out of the park there. Just put sugar on a churro that was just sugar? You can get bad snickerdoodles. Mike, that's blowing it out of the park there. Just put sugar on a churro and you're like, this needs something. It's pretty good. It's good. Don't get me wrong.

There's something missing. I just can't put my finger on it. Man, could you imagine if this had some cinnamon on it? Would you have to cook this? You ever had sugar toast crunch? No, because you need the cinnamon. It's cinnamon toast crunch? No. Because you need the cinnamon. It's cinnamon toast crunch for a reason. Okay.

You clearly have an affinity for cinnamon. I do. Cinnamon sugar. Yeah. I don't just take spoonfuls of cinnamon. Because I've done that before. When I was a younger man, I accidentally bought the cinnamon instead of the cinnamon sugar for my toast. Doesn't work out as well. No. Don't eat

cinnamon. And if you do, film it. It's like eating cranberries. Film it when you, if you ever take a teaspoon of cinnamon, make sure there is video and ambulance nearby. All right, you're back up, Jason. Okay, I am back. I was worried because there was only one cookie

that I thought competed with a snickerdoodle cookie that is in the, not the not the brands but just the type and i love these cookies they are so good and i think to be honest i think they're very underrated because they're not usually on people's top list yeah that means but a peanut butter cookie peanut butter cookies are the bomb peanut butter cookies are they are they are flat out elite and i can't even believe i said that they're the bomb what is this 1990 that's when they were good no no peanut butter cookies are great that was back when they didn't have a lot of things and they're like let's put peanut butter in i mean peanut butter cookies are like well i need one like give me one i'll pick up if you make them for like a like a

i can an event i'll i'll eat one of them i can but i can't forge on them i can pass you can full pass yeah if the only cookies available are peanut butter yo sugar cookie or peanut butter cookie oh sugar cookie oh my goodness a good peanut butter and and you got to keep in mind these peanut butter cookies they've got the peanut butter chips and a lot of times the chocolate chips in them. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I'm just saying that's how peanut butter cookies come. No, they do not. No, they do not.

A peanut butter cookie is a peanut butter flavored cookie. Sure, that's fine. But people know. Now you're trying to upgrade your cookie because you know your OG stinks. My OG is great. And the peanut butter cookie lovers out there will get my back. You didn't order a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie like a peanut butter chip cookie. I've never ordered that in my life.

And I've gotten peanut butter chip cookies all the time. Andy, we're going to hear from like 20 or 22 people. Yeah, the peanut butter truthers? Yeah. I mean, look, peanut butter's... Nutter butters are good. Peanut butters are too dry. You talk about dry.

A peanut butter cookie is lip-smacking dry. Yeah, you better have some milk. Yeah. All right, Mike, you've got a double trouble time. All right, I had to check with Judge Giamatti because Al Borland is not here. I had to check just to get a ruling on something. Oh, sure. That was very transparent.

I need to pass on that, Brooks? Yeah, I think so. All right. Then if it comes up, we got to retroactively take it for me. So I will hold off on drafting that particular item. You don't even need any more picks. Just skip. Yeah, truly.

Just punch your picks. I wonder who would win. If we put up a poll of my four and your four and a chocolate chip cookie, I'll bet Mike wins. Probably. Although I think Mike wins. Probably. Although I think Oreo has some fans. Oreo's got power. If you went double stuff, but you didn't.

Oh, yeah, right. You went single stuff Oreo. Yeah, the one that they sell the most of. All right. I'm trying to play the draft game here of what will actually possibly make it back, even though it's a very long wait for me. So I am going to double up with my friends at the Girl Scouts. So I will be drafting.

I'm just going to throw about that. I will take Thin Mints. Okay. And I will take Tagalongs. Oh, dang it. Oh, dang it. Dang it, dang it, dang it, dang it, dang it. Did you play the games thinking you would get one of those?

I thought Tagalongs would come back to me for sure. Oh, no way, my friend. You know what it's reminding me of? That reminds me of Barcelona. Because you're building a freaking dream team over there. That's Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird just showed up. Because my man over here took a peanut butter cookie. I didn't look at my list.

I didn't look at my list because you can't be beat. The tagalongs have peanut butter. I know, but they've got chocolate. They're so much better. It's like you took my cookie and you wrapped it in chocolate. Oh, Isaiah Thomas over here. I met the requirements. Oh, man.

For whatever reason, they didn't pick me. All right, James, you're're up that's the peanut butter cookie we're playing for a second oh man oh i hate this game um uh can i just draft mike's team um all right tagalongs are so by the way just a just a a side note tagalongs are so... By the way, just a side note. Tagalongs are so far and away the best Girl Scout cookie. Yes, they are. Thin mints are fine, but you can get thin mints from anybody. Thin mints have gotten legitimately worse over time.

They did change the recipe. They were better back in the day. There's multiple recipes. There's two different cookie stations. Yeah. Well, now we need to experiment yeah but yeah i'm with you jay the tag along i i didn't put them out in the order i would eat them but speaking of eating a sleeve of cookies thin mints are the like you non-stop you go forever or cold

cold baby cold is the way to go i i would agree with that and if you eat i mean nobody eats one thin mint no be like that'd be like opening up up a bag of M&Ms and eating one. My grandmother used to keep all of her Oreo cookies in the fridge as well. So you'd have cold Oreos. Interesting. It was just like a thing. I will have to try that tonight. For science.

For science purposes. Oh, that weight loss not going well. All right. I'm going to play the game here no i i've got two that i like and i know that you guys will both crap on them that i am sure of so it's just which order do i want you to crap on my takes um i'm gonna go with what my actual favorite is. Okay, I'm going with me. It's a resignation speech. It is a resignation speech.

Look, I'm playing for third at this point, but I'm going with my heart, and I love, and granted there is one part of this that I absolutely hate, but this is just how they come, and it's worth it. It's worth it for me to struggle through the macadamia nuts to have my white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies i love i think that's actually a very big favorite i love white chocolate macadamia nut cookies they are so good and i if you could just leave the macadamia nuts out it's an upgrade i've always thought that about them and i don't eat them because of the macadamia nut i don't eat them because of the macadamia nuts. I don't eat them because of the white chocolate. Yeah, but you've got bad food tastes. Well, but what's funny is I don't like them because of the white chocolate. You don't like them because of the macadamia nuts.

But dark chocolate covered, this is not cookie related, but dark chocolate covered macadamia nuts. Oh. Real good? Oh man, they are fantastic. Now when you say dark chocolate, do you mean the disgusting kind or just normal like. Let's not get started here. Dark chocolate's delish. Yeah, but dark chocolate macadamia disgusting kind or just normal like let's not get started here dark chocolate's delish yeah but dark chocolate macadamia nuts try them i will oh

brother the weight is the problem all right i got two picks right yes you do and all i need to do is beat jason that is correct all right uh just to be clear it is a whoopie pie a cookie i think so i saw it. I knew. I had a feeling that this, that might come up. That's not what I asked Brooks about. But I think it is a cookie. Because when I go to a bakery, it's set out with the cookies.

And it's oatmeal cookies with, it's an oatmeal cookie. No, no, no. This is like a chocolate with the white frosting on the inside. Here's what I was going to say. Because I would have had oatmeal cream pies. Oh, that's what I was thinking. I would have had that on my list, because those are unbelievable. You would like to veto that.

It's more of a pastry. Now, there is a cookie version of your whoopie pie that you're just not thinking of. And I know for a fact you've had them recently. That's a strange thing to know. Well, just give it to them, then. A macaroon, bro. Yeah, no, macaroons are... That is. A macaroon, bro. Yeah, well, I know macaroons are... That is. A macaroon

is a whoopie pie. Yeah, that's the cookie version of a... It's just not made by fancy French people. Yeah, it's not blown up to the size of a... Yeah, I mean, what I'm thinking of is a little bit different. I'm thinking of the chocolate cake with the white... It's more of a cake. It's a pastry. I'm not going with it. Now, let me ask a different question. Okay.

Are ice cream sandwich cookies... Alright, here's the cookie I'll go with it. Now, let me ask a different question. Okay. Are ice cream sandwich cookies? Alright, here's the cookie I'll go with first. I know what your fourth pick is, Jason. You do? But I'm going with, I'm going to take out one stupid ingredient, because this is a really good cookie. Okay. And I feel like it's different enough from

Mike's. An oatmeal chocolate chip cookie is a dynamic, delicious, exceptional cookie without the dumb raisins. People don't make enough oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and oatmeal is a great ingredient in a cookie. Oatmeal cookies are fantastic, and I can struggle through the raisins enough to get the oatmeal. Oh, I thought you loved the raisins.

I love an oatmeal raisin cookie. I love it. But of course it's better without the raisins enough to get the oatmeal? Oh, I thought you loved the raisins. I love an oatmeal raisin cookie. I love it. But of course it's better without the raisins. Which is like you want to take macadamia nuts out of that one. You take the raisins out of this one. Why are you putting garbage in our desserts? I don't know. I mean, I'm eating a dessert.

I don't want to bite into a nut. This has got to be a bunch of old grandmother's fault. I mean, oatmeal is for old people. Raisins also for old people. Raisins, also for old people. Right. Yeah. They used to have Werther's Originals in the cookies, but then they were breaking teeth. So I'm going oatmeal, chocolate chip.

Alright. It's my third pick. And then I did have, I mean, you brought up, are they macaron? Macaroon. Are you sure that's how it's pronounced? The little French... I believe it is a macaroon. It is a macaroon. Okay, it's spelled without... The end is O-N.

It's not O-O-N. Right. So I'm just making sure. I'm pretty confident. I've always called it a macaroon. All right, I'm going to go with M&M cookies. That's what I'm going to go with, M&M cookies. All right.

It's an admirable pick. Okay. You know, it's funny because I just... I feel like an M&M cookie Is a chocolate chip cookie But I guess there's a little I mean it is Except for there's no chocolate chips

They're M&Ms It's a candy shell And you get a crunch Yeah that's fair I mean if you want to veto it You can I've got other options No I think that's fine

I think that's fine That's a great cookie Also looking at this list Like you know I can bad mouth Some of these As worse than others But I mean this is a delicious

We're walking up to this table. This is a delicious show. And we're walking away heavier. Absolutely. That's what I usually do when I come to a table. All right. So now you said you knew what my last pick was. I thought you'd go oatmeal raisin.

Ah, no, no, no. It's good, but the raisins. They should be chocolate chips. They should be chocolate chips. Nice pivot. I'm going to go with another one that, look, there's an ingredient a lot of people hate. I don't mind it. I love these. Salmon.

Very close, Andy. Very close. It's not salmon. It's Samoas. Oh, yeah. You're going coconut. I'm going coconut. The Samoas Girl Scout cookies are phenomenal. He's like, give me Samoas. You're darn right I am.

They might as well just put poison on top of those things. So you hate coconut on top of cookies too? Oh, that is no dice, my man. No dice. What a bad take. What a bad take. So wait, are you like into mounds too? I know.

Yeah, mounds are great. So you kill people on the side? You're a psychopath? Is that what you do? I'll go Almond Joy. I'll put a, mounds are great. So you kill people on the side? You're a psychopath? Is that what you do? I'll go almond joy. I'll put a, you know, I mean. Does almond joy have coconut? Yeah, I mean it's just kind of.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Either way you feel like coconut. It's literally a mound. It's the coconut filling with chocolate and then it's like, do you want an almond on it? And that's the only difference. That's why they're both terrible. You couldn't figure out the common denominator between the two coconuts? I can't tell you the last time I ate a Mounds or an Almond Joy.

That would be too soon, Mike. Those things suck. I will say this. If you don't like coconut, a Mound and an Almond Joy are disgusting. Are disgusting. But Samoas, I know people who don't like coconuts who love Samoas because they're phenomenal. Look, the Girl Scouts don't make bad stuff.

So I'm going to... No. No, thank you. If you don't like it, try it, and you'll love it. That's your mic. It's not the coconut thing. The coconut flavor, like a pina colada has coconut flavor. It's delicious.

Chewing coconut sucks. Yeah. It's all texture. For us haters. I understand lots of people love it the people the people who like peanut butter cookies generally like those i here's what here's you'll have some loyalists here's the weirdest this is the weirdest end of a draft to me because i love my list like my list is awesome but i also hate my list because for votes i know it's not

good i know that but this is these are four bangers. Can't wait to get another second place for my rankings. That's true. So, Mike, you actually get to pick again. Oh, fantastic. Yeah. He's already got. He's looking at Patrick Ewing standing over there.

Scotty Pippen's available. John Stockton. All right. We are. My list Pippen's available. John Stockton. All right. My list has certainly dwindled, so I will simply close it out with my personal favorite. Please be Christian Laettner.

Please be Christian Laettner. I love that. I'll just go with the generic cookie, but specifically the Toll House Pepperidge Farms Gingerbread Man. Is it Toll House? No, Pepperidge Farms. Pepperidge Farms gingerbread men. Ginger snap type of?

No, but the gingerbread men. Okay. It's the gingerbread men. They got little, and they're coated with sugar. Okay. Those are like, oh man, those are fantastic. Okay. Fantastic.

It's weird. Those are things that I think I've, they can be spicy. You can get a spicy cookie. Sure, because the ginger can feel spicy. I don't like ginger. I don't like ginger cookies. So your pick sucks. How about that, Mike? How do you feel?

How do you feel, Christian Laettner? Like an all-star. You shouldn't be on this team. This team's too good for you, Gingerbreadman. I do think the ginger snap doesn't belong with the rest of yours, but you had to wait a while for that pick. There were others on my list, like basically shortbread or butter cookies, both of those.

The butter cookie tins, those are pretty good. They're fine. But they seem like they were better for my grandmother. Yes, they're 100% better for your grandmother. The only one on my list was spritz cookies, and I only like those because that's what my mom – What are spritz cookies? I don't those because that's like that's what my mom that was our Christmas spritz cookie i don't know what that is you can look them up they're they're christmas cookies uh okay but they like that just uh they're smaller uh i don't i don't know how to

those aren't the ones that you put like the hershey kiss in the middle of oh the spritz cookies yeah i know what you're talking about those are they use the press your mom makes them with the press yeah those are great and you put the, you usually decorate, because it's Christmas. It's not Christmas if I don't have these from my mom. Yes. 100%. Yes. Okay.

I see these now. The only other one on my list, and honestly, it's one of the best cookies out there, undrafted, were Double Stuff Oreos. Oh, okay. That is very true. I did get, look, if you want to talk about starting the draft antagonistically, you guys jumped on me pretty quick. Yeah. All right.

I will say this as well for the gluten free folks out there. Macaroons. Gluten free. Really? Macaroons are great. I'm not joking. No, they're like eggs and stuff.

My mom, my mom, my wife, my wife bought it like a billion macaroons. I know. My wife bought like a billion macaroons. You called your wife your mom. I know. Something about getting cookies from somebody. It's just...

All right. Let's click this button before I bury myself. What did we learn today? I learned that Andy is married to his mother. I learned that Jason is very serious and he's already planning on his funeral. Yeah. And I learned he can't stand on a skateboard. Not even stand.

No. Can't get there. Can't get on it. You ever tried surfing, bro? With the help of friends. At least you fall in the water. That's a lot better than the asphalt. Did you get up on that board, though?

No, I couldn't get up on that board. Thank you for listening. We will see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.