Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Allergy Tests & an NBA Mascot Battle - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 21, 2022

Spit Hit for April 21, 2022: You’ll hear a couple new voices on today’s show. With Owl Borland down with the sickness, Judge Giamatti is at the controls and comes in hot with a fresh scat. Then..., Yosemite Sam comes in to discuss the archaic method of allergy testing. The guys also discuss airplane etiquette, splitting up the check at a restaurant, and playing our podcast for the Queen. This is another hilarious episode that you do not want to miss!  Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Starting point is 00:00:00 It's bit wads. All of us have our phones just jam-packed to the brim with pictures. And they're just sitting there on the device. And how often do you really look at those pictures? You need a way to display them. And you can't put your phone in a picture frame. Exactly. And that's what the Skylight Frame is here.
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Starting point is 00:01:17 Spedwads, we got a fantastic spit hit for you today. I'm not surprised. I mean, look, they're all great. But look, Judge Giamatti is at the helm. He comes in with a fresh scat. We talk about Yosemite Sam talking about allergy testing
Starting point is 00:01:35 and if I'm not mistaken, the birth of poison. That's right. Which is a quote that is used probably at least once every three days in this office. It occurs in this episode. Stay tuned. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve?
Starting point is 00:02:05 It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Rigga-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug-gah! Ha ha ha ha! Rigga-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug-gah! Oh, I'm so happy right now! Rigga-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug-gah! You already started the cars! I thought he was trying to
Starting point is 00:02:25 talk about ricotta cheese, but he just couldn't remember what it was called. I thought he was family guy. Giggity's from Family Guy. For those who don't know what just happened. What happened? That is our other producer that is producer Judge Giamatti.
Starting point is 00:02:42 Al Borland is down with the flu. At, he's sick. At least he keeps saying that. We are insisting that he's just being real lazy. He is so lazy. So lazy. When I think of lazy people that I know, first one that comes to mind is Al Borland.
Starting point is 00:02:56 None lazy. Honestly, the only person that comes to mind. Right? I don't even know what it is apart from Al Borland. Get better, Al, if you're really sick. Yeah, wink. Judge Giamatti in charge today. Hello, spit wads.
Starting point is 00:03:10 There he is. That was my inspiration. It was Andy Bernard from The Office there. Oh! Very nice. He's got the irrigate going. All right. You know what?
Starting point is 00:03:20 You held it down. This is the second time I've got to skip a scat. I am. Out of the blue. I didn't even realize it moments before. Insanely jealous. Yeah. Jason actually wants to skip scats.
Starting point is 00:03:33 We've never had him skip a scat. I'm just the next one. When it's my turn, you're going to hear the whole intro. And then we're going to talk and you're going to be like, where is the scat? I can't do that. I can do whatever I want when it's my scat. Your timeline will let you know about it. The people will be furious.
Starting point is 00:03:50 Torches. So excited to be back with you. Spitballers Podcast at SpitballersPod on Twitter. SpitballersPod.com. Click that Become a Spitwad button. Get some bonus content. Some interesting opportunities, opportunities too we need draft ideas you can submit them over there they take precedence over everybody else's ideas
Starting point is 00:04:11 because you're an official spitwad member you get the episodes early it's a lot of fun the community's great we've got do we have life advice on the show today we do we are going to bring some serious heartfelt deep life advice well i take things very i know what we do have guys we have an update wait bobble thor is at it again oh did you tap the i did not touch him he's just going so there's a boble Thor you can see on YouTube. And he's been known to go for hours. It's unbelievable. Tips don't lie. No. What else is going on?
Starting point is 00:04:51 We got it. Jason, we need the running update. You said on the last episode, and I just listened to this because I just got back into town. Our family was on a little vacation, and I listened to last week's episode. And it was very funny. Jason, you talked about the fact that you are now moving towards thinking about running. It was like considering thinking about running. But then you guaranteed that you would run by the time the next Spitballers episode,
Starting point is 00:05:16 and then you spent most of the week asking us to not do any more episodes. Right. But then what happened? Then here we are. And the update is I ran. I put my sneakers on and I went out and found a path and started the, I mean, I ran. Now, we talked about jogging versus running last week. So what was this?
Starting point is 00:05:38 This was 0% running. Okay. This was jogs and walks. But I went two miles. i'm very interested in this you traveled two miles two point no ubering that's correct i traveled 2.02 miles in an uber but you saying like i found a path yes i'm like i want you to elaborate this because yeah let's hear more about whenever i've gone running i've gone outside of my house and gone, which direction do I go? This way or that way? I don't say, ooh, I found a path. So in my neighborhood, apparently, if you were to go right at the end of that street
Starting point is 00:06:13 is like an actual running path. An actual running path. And the path takes you like down under the freeway. It's unbelievable. It's right in my backyard. People do this? People do. Oh, there were so many people on that path exercising.
Starting point is 00:06:28 It was disgusting. Do you high five each other as you run by? No, but you do the nod. Did you start doing the jog? Yeah, I'm one of you. Did you start doing the jog that I do when I'm seen? So here's the funniest part. Go from the walk to the run?
Starting point is 00:06:40 I'm using an app, and the app is the the couch to 5k or something so it starts really easy it's 30 minutes and it's basically what it is is it's 60 seconds of running and then 90 seconds of a brisk walk so that's and then it tells you it it says okay now run and you run for 60 seconds and then it says okay now briskly walk or whatever. And so I am off in the distance. There's a bench. And a guy with a bicycle is sitting there. Oh, what a quitter. And I'm sitting there going, oh, no. What if I'm in the walk?
Starting point is 00:07:14 Oh. What if I'm running up to that area? And it's like, now walk. And I'm like, I don't want to walk in front of this guy. So you would be embarrassed to walk by the sitter? Well, yeah. That guy's sitting down. But he's a human, and he's going to still judge me.
Starting point is 00:07:31 Yeah. That's the whole point to this whole equation. There was also another worry later on down the road. I'm getting about to the halfway point where I need to turn around, and there is a, we'll'll say very elderly woman walking and i didn't want to pass her in a jog and then just start walking past you and well she was walking very fast she was a fast one shout out to my my lady shirley i'm guessing um that uh i didn't i didn't want she was a fast walker um but i didn't want to like jog past her and then be like, now walk and then just walk right in front of her.
Starting point is 00:08:09 So I turned around. It's like break checking someone. Yeah. But I did it. I sweat. Is this a 5K guarantee on the way? Is that what I, if you're got this app out there. I will do a 5K.
Starting point is 00:08:24 There's no... I did not say participate. All right. I will do one. I will put one on for people. I will say this. I had a time where he's going to... He would rather form an organization and sponsor and create an entire 5K race than run in one.
Starting point is 00:08:40 Well, if I promise I'm doing a 5K, there's better odds of that. There's an app. I've used it before where it's a running. there's better odds of that there's an app i've used it before where it's a running it's a similar thing it's a zero you can do a zero to 5k or whatever but it's a game it's a game that they set up where you are in a zombie apocalypse and you're out running and you're collect you collect supplies by the further that you run you collect more supplies and then they like randomly have it. You're under attack from a zombie, so you have to run. Oh, and it tells the speed you're going?
Starting point is 00:09:10 Yeah. It uses the GPS to track all this stuff, and there's a fully narrated story. Why didn't you tell me this? Because I didn't believe you would actually go for a run, so I was saving it. Okay. Well, I need that info because- You'd run faster i would definitely 100 run faster if i was gonna have my brains eaten yeah yeah well that's all right
Starting point is 00:09:33 i'm in my 60 second walk period well that's what's funny is like i was very dedicated to those announcements of walk and run like i could have just kept jogging past the bicycle guy, but I'm like, it says walk. It says walk. I'm going to walk. Did you point to your headphones? No, but I did look at my watch so much. Every time I transitioned, I was looking at the watch,
Starting point is 00:09:58 and I'd touch it. I'd be like, yes, I don't need to touch this. I want everybody looking to know. You needed to put the fingers up for a pulse check. Yeah. Like, as you're passing the guy. And looking at the watch. Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Oh, because then you have exerted yourself beyond what your body is supposed to do. Throw some references out there like, oh, boy, that sunrise was so pretty this morning, wasn't it? That's how long I've been out here. All pro tips are welcome. I don't know if I'll run again. If you're going to be like 10 miles back there, be careful. Yeah, there's a rattler on the path 10 miles back. All right, we're moving on.
Starting point is 00:10:36 Would you rather? Daniel from the website submitted this question. He said, would you rather have dirty teeth with fresh breath or clean teeth with that mouth stank thank you for defining as that mouth stank yeah that's what he said so now question yeah now if i have dirty teeth is this so is this practical like oh no i'm gonna get uh cavities they could hurt or does this also have to mean I also have yellow, nasty-looking teeth? I'm going with yellow, nasty-looking teeth. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:11 But dental hygiene for both is still pristine. Oh, so I don't have cavities. No, it's not a factor. This is just look versus smell. Yes. Wow. And here's what I'm curious about. Look versus smell.
Starting point is 00:11:21 Yes. And here's what I'm curious about. Is it worse to see a person with yellow teeth, like really nasty yellow teeth, or worse to see a person that has a bunch of food stuck in their teeth? Because in one instance, you're looking at a person that can fix a problem. In the other, you're looking at a person that has clearly let their teeth get to some pirate state. I mean, you just answered the question. clearly let their teeth get to some pirate state. I mean, you just answered the question.
Starting point is 00:11:49 The worst thing is the nasty, rotted teeth. What kind of person are you? Do you tell someone they have food in their teeth? I'm that kind of person. Yeah, I tell them. Well, I guess not. A random stranger, maybe not. Okay, that's what I was going to what what any friend level what level of friendship
Starting point is 00:12:05 so acquaintance you know mike i you're putting me to the test here because i thought i would tell people in all instances but if it's a small enough piece i've definitely gone the route of they'll figure it out you're at church yeah someone walks up oh no you're right i'm not saying and you go and you don't remember their name, but then eventually oh yeah, this is Bob. Bob's got just a whole celery stalk between his two front teeth. I feel like this is the same. You're letting him live that way? This is the same
Starting point is 00:12:34 rule as the fly is down. Like if Bob's fly is down I'm not telling him there either. I feel like But are you telling your wife? Or like you're like. That Bob's fly is down.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Check it out. Maybe. Look at his teeth. They're disgusting. Hey, Bob. How's it going? Nice to see you. Well, it's all about how casually can you say something like that. And it feels like the fly one is much more difficult than the piece of parsley in the teeth or something.
Starting point is 00:13:07 What, you're afraid they're going to say, what, were you staring? I just feel like I would have to do a symbol of him zipping up the fly and be like. Oh, the old whistle? Yeah, just some sort of little. Hey, Bob. Bad breath would be so intimidating for any conversation.
Starting point is 00:13:26 If you know that it's unavoidable, you will have to awkwardly stand. You will have to move away from the close talker. You will have to talk in the opposite direction. You talk away from where they're looking, and you're kind of like blowing it out of your side of your mouth. But the tea, I mean, dirty tea that's that's a very self-conscious thing too both of these stink well one of them i think i would so reading this i i was sure that i was taking the uh the fresh breath with dirty teeth but if you're if you're telling me that it's just basically like it looks just like rotten teeth, I think that you would, I think I would be judged more based on, because like if I've got bad breath, everyone from time to time has bad breath.
Starting point is 00:14:17 You ate something bad or, you know, it's like, oh, this guy doesn't normally have bad breath, but he's. It's a bad day. He ate a poop sandwich for lunch. I don't know. I don't know what he did, but it's like, oh, this guy doesn't normally have bad breath, but he's a bad day. He ate a poop sandwich for lunch. I don't know. I don't know what he did, but it's going to go like cilantro. It smells like it. But I think if you see someone whose teeth are just wrecked, there's like, oh, this dude has more serious hygiene problems, so I'm going to go with the bad breath and the pearly whites.
Starting point is 00:14:49 Yeah, I lean that way too. I'm going to open up a can. I probably will regret opening up here. Okay, whoa. Can't wait. But do you ever run into that situation where somebody's got the very very very correctable overt physical situation and you just kind of wonder why they're like talking about my boy no dude diet
Starting point is 00:15:13 no i'm talking about like the canada-sized mole right the big hairy face mole. Yes. That you're like, you understand that, look, we have, it's 2020. We have the technology to very cleanly and quickly and affordably. We've had tweezers for a very long time as well. What? Well, you're not tweezing a mole off your face. No, but you said it was hairy. That's true. Good point, Mike.
Starting point is 00:15:39 A hairy mole. You could step one is pull the hair out of it. Yes. That's different than. Step two is remove the giant Canada-sized mole. But maybe it's something like that or really... But that's not as easy as you think. I mean, we all know what it's like to go with a dermatologist.
Starting point is 00:15:53 And if you're going to get a mole removed, okay, I have to, A, find a dermatologist, which is a ridiculous thing. Then I have to go schedule an appointment just so they can look at it and schedule another appointment to cut something off my face. You've had 48 years to do that. It's not as easy. Do you get to the point where you are moving on from caring?
Starting point is 00:16:15 Is that just what's happened? It depends on the status of your marriage. You know what I mean? But if you're married, then you've already. Exactly. The moles can stay. But if I'm single. Do moles keep getting bigger? If they do, that's when you're supposed to go to the dermatologist.
Starting point is 00:16:32 Please go get it removed if it is changing shapes or colors. PSA. Not a doctor. You learn a lot here on this show. Life advice. Yeah, I guess I'm always kind of... And it feels like a really judgy thing to say. To be like, why, to be thinking, why don't you get that removed?
Starting point is 00:16:49 Perhaps they love their mole. No, let's get out of here. Nobody's like, I love this thing. Do you think they named them? Didn't Marilyn Monroe, she has the big mole. There's like a beauty mark. Cindy Crawford had a mole. The difference between a beauty mark and a mole is-
Starting point is 00:17:06 Diameter. You're calling it a beauty mark. No. No, it's diameter. If you've got a tiny little thing, that could be a beauty mark. Give me the measurement. Was it two millimeters? And under is all right?
Starting point is 00:17:17 Yes. If it's over two millimeters in diameter, then nobody's going to be like, look at my beauty mark. It's also a matter of what else is distracting from that beauty mark mole. Would this really aid your physical appearance to remove that wart? Please forgive my naivety here. But if I were to remove a large size mole on my face, I imagine that leaves a scar. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Does it? Yes yes they can't just uh freeze freeze them off i don't think so bing bang boom i think that's gonna leave a scar so it's like yeah a wart you can freeze off better a mole what's better a scar or a hairy mole like a natural mole or a scar i don't know but my point is the point is maybe someone would be like i don't want to go through the process that might just outlay right maybe the fear of pain of removing it only to still have a mark on your face you've had them all removed right oh mercy we can move on we can move on it's from a place that no one would have asked you to remove it well maybe one person down The thunder from down under.
Starting point is 00:18:25 All right. Is no longer there. Is no longer there. I'm proud to report. All right. I will move on. Hobocop from Patreon. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:37 A Spitwad supporter writes in this, would you rather question, would you rather every time you blink, lose your sight for three seconds, or every time you scratch and itch you become paralyzed for five seconds so obviously implications becoming paralyzed is much more severe than a blip of you know basically closing your eyes for three seconds but uh maybe definitely, I don't have to scratch an itch. Yeah, that's the point. I can be if I'm driving.
Starting point is 00:19:09 I feel like the blinking one is worse. If you're driving, you got to like put on those goggles to hold your eyelids open. You got to go clockwork orange. Hold them open. If society had this problem, you would have devices that would just moisturize your eyes for you. So you don't have to go blind all the time. Or what you would do is you'd get up. You'd like quickly get to that red light.
Starting point is 00:19:32 And then you'd be like, oh, thank goodness. I can blink. And then it's like a staring contest. Who's going to blink first? You or are you going to get to that light? Does the timer reset? Can you get a bunch of blinks in, or are you stacking up moments of blindness? I think it's stacking up upon itself.
Starting point is 00:19:48 Oh, so if I do like five blinks, I got 15 seconds to wait? That is correct. Okay, that makes sense. Well, then I'm definitely taking the paralyzation. Or at least resets the timer. Yeah, but if you scratch that itch twice, what if it's a real bad itch? You normally need a few scratches. You're going to be paralyzed for like 15 seconds.
Starting point is 00:20:01 I feel like this needs to be like, or paralyzed for five minutes minutes because when's the last time you've scratched an itch the genuine all the time no i'm not saying that like oh i can't be scratching right now in years once you say that and when's the last time i'm like oh that's itchy yeah but when's the last time you blinked because it was a couple seconds neverically, you might have to scratch your eye. Oh, then you have two problems. Then you're paralyzed and blind. It's a problem. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:32 It has to be the itch. Yeah. Because that's why he wants to make it more than five seconds. You got to build up your mental toughness. No, I think he's right. Have you ever tried to itch a spot with your brain? What? You've never tried to do that? What does that even mean?
Starting point is 00:20:44 That means you haven you have first of all you meant scratch right or do you mean itch i mean like you have you have something on your arm where it's itchy i am itching all over now right now like i'm covered in my skin i meant scratch but i'm saying where you have you're trying to conquer the yes you have like an uncontrollable itch on your leg and you're like i'm not gonna scratch this like i'm not going to do it. I'm going to take care of it with mental fortitude. I feel like I could go.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Let's say you make this five minutes. I feel like I could go the rest of my life never scratching. Well. I could make that decision. I don't have to scratch. Until the mosquitoes get you. Oh. The mosquito would be a big problem.
Starting point is 00:21:20 Now, not scratching a mosquito bite. There's no mental fortitude in the world. That's impossible. Yeah, that's... You ever did the allergy testing? Yes. Do you know what I'm talking about, Jason? No, of course. I know what you're talking about. Have you ever been tortured? But I'm... For science. You inferior
Starting point is 00:21:38 humans with your allergies. Well, having... Believe it or not, anybody can get the test. You don't even have to have allergies. Yeah, but why would you? Good point. I good point allergic to anything well you want to scratch my back and put a bunch of chemicals on but they basically just poke a bunch of holes in your back teeny little marks and then they put like a little you know a little bit of everything a plant or what i don't know how they bring ass cats they rub a cat on your back but then they can't you can't you're not allowed to scratch it and i just remember like as a kid getting that done and my mom would like you could use a magazine to like
Starting point is 00:22:10 waft air to try to make those itches go away but that would be help i feel like that would make it more anything anything but sitting in it makes it better like if you are itchy right now you are better off running around than you are standing there itchy. Sure. To distract you. I can't believe that's how we figure things out. Do we still do that? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:30 Oh, yeah. The scratch test is still a lot. And then they haven't improved upon that? Then they put the leeches on. You know, you bring up a good point. We've been to the moon. Yeah. You bring up a good point.
Starting point is 00:22:40 We're like, hey, child, here's what we're going to do. Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke,'re gonna do poke poke poke poke poke while i poke you 40 times and then i'm just gonna pour liquid that you're allergic it's like when i was first learning math and you know the trial and error process was just like i'll find the answer by getting it wrong a hundred times yeah until it works i don't understand how to do this equation but i'll just keep like uh no, it's not that. Right. It's not that.
Starting point is 00:23:06 There's got to be a better way. Take a vial of my blood. Go test it. Tell me what I'm allergic to, as opposed to, well, let's try this. Let's see if you're allergic to cactus. Give me a cactus. I mean, that's what it feels like. You can do this test at home.
Starting point is 00:23:24 That's actually exactly what the allergies sound like. That's the weird thing. You can do this test at home. That's actually exactly what the allergists sound like. That's the weird thing. You can do this test at home. All right, partner, we're going to get this figured out. You don't need a pulmonologist. They want to hunt rabbits. Is he allergic to cats? Yeah, I got a cat.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Come here, Jehoshaphat. And then you just rub the cat all over it and you say, give it 15 seconds. Now, tell me, when I poke you with this needle, does it hurt? You are not allergic to hypodermic needles. Hey, this one's sharp. Nelda, this one's sharp. Why are we all Yosemite sand? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Get Joseph out in here. Let's see how you react to poison. Oh, turns out you're allergic to poison. You should get that checked. You should get that checked. You should get that checked. You got another one allergic to poison. It'll be $50. You never believe this.
Starting point is 00:24:14 100% of people allergic to poison. So far, we keep testing. Everybody says, I don't have allergies. I say, take this poison. You're allergic to poison? You sure are. It is so, it is really sad to know that every 50 years that goes by, you're going to look
Starting point is 00:24:34 back to the science of 50 years before like we were dumb. Every now and then I think like, what are the things that are going on right now? Yes, there are dumb things we're doing right now. They're called allergy tests because they figured this out in 1870. They said, this is good enough. We will not improve. It worked for Pat. It worked for me.
Starting point is 00:24:55 You allergic to a rattlesnake? Hold your arm out. Yeah, it looks like there's a reaction there. Does he pull a whip out? That was the snake. The snake was viciously attacking. Oh, my goodness. All right.
Starting point is 00:25:14 I don't think we need to answer anymore. Paralyzed. Not good. Yeah, I'll take that. Would you rather? I'll take the blinking. All right. we have three segments that means i'm moving on did you know that browsing online using incognito mode it
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Starting point is 00:26:21 streaming media. And they're offering an incredible 70% off the yearly plan right now with a 30-day money-back guarantee. So go to ipvanish.com slash ballers. Protect yourself. ipvanish.com. Use the promotional code ballers and claim 70% off. That's ipvanish dot com slash ballers. That's a great question.
Starting point is 00:26:57 Matt, from the website, you can no longer see one color for the rest of your life. What color do you choose? Oh, can no longer see. So you are eliminating one color from your vision forever. This reminds me of when you run out of one of the three vials of ink in your printer. It affects all the other things you print, right? Can we take one second to just shame printer manufacturers everywhere? Because when I'm out of color and you won't let me print in black and white, and I've got, there's plenty of black ink, but I'm out of cyan and they're like, and
Starting point is 00:27:30 I'm just printing black and white and I click the black and white button and it's like, no, not until you replace the blue. I'm like, no, I don't need it. Hey, here's an idea. We going to get rid of all them printing if you run out of blue. I mean, that's... There's a snake back for some reason.
Starting point is 00:27:50 That's a fair shame. That's very fair. That should be illegal. And they wipe the tears of shame from their face with their $100 bills. So if I have to eliminate... If I have to eliminate one color,
Starting point is 00:28:03 obviously you got to eliminate all the implications, right? You've got no blue you're not gonna get any purple stuff either i don't think you want to go that far not that far okay so you're just eliminating what's a color you don't like yellow yellow is kind of nasty well i feel like if i eliminated yellow i would always believe i'm healthier because my you know what i mean i want to know why well you gotta when you look at your urine. A pee problem? Well, I'm just saying, if it's really yellow, I think, oh, I need to drink more water.
Starting point is 00:28:30 I'm dehydrated. So you'd like to be deceived? I would like to believe in myself. Usually when your pee's that yellow, there's another spider sense tingling in your nostrils saying there's a problem here. That's true. Oh, where's, oh where's honeycoast failures it's not going away it's not going away tangles the nostrils tangles the tangles oh my goodness
Starting point is 00:28:59 if you can't okay well before i ask. You guys are allergic to grizzly bears. What color is the sun? Yellow. Okay, because that's what I think of, too. So if you say, I can't see yellow anymore, now what does the sun look like? Just so you know, I don't stare at the sun. Like, I don't ever look at it. The color of the sun doesn't affect me as much as how it lights things up.
Starting point is 00:29:22 Right. This is a weird question, because just eliminating one color... Yellow was my initial thought of, like, if I can't see yellow anymore, then that happens. Now, it does say you will no longer see one color. Does that mean those things become invisible? That's true. I am just curious
Starting point is 00:29:40 about that. That's basically what I was asking. And also, i wouldn't want to eliminate anything in the traffic light category right because that could be a problem there's it basically has to go grayscale i think that's what has to happen okay that's all i mean it can be brighter i think the world would i already don't see color, Mike. I think that the world would almost unanimously remove yellow. I think it's the most hated color.
Starting point is 00:30:13 I enjoy it. Is that because of the flavors? No, it's not. Everything that's yellow is a crappy flavor. That's not true. Banana is a great flavor. Banana ruts are great. No, it's because of pee. It's 100% because of pee.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Don't eat the yellow snow you know that's p this the yellow is bad because of p that's 100 okay the only two colors you're gonna eliminate are yellow and brown and you know why i mean let's be honest all right um yeah because grayscale poop that is color is this in the charlotte? The charlotte. I like how much you like yourself talking like that. I really enjoy it. I'm real. Well, listen.
Starting point is 00:30:54 I think the rest of the show is the wildest ride in the wilderness. Read this next great question. It comes in from Abigail, so it might as well be in that voice. From Abigail on the website. If you could arrange for any living person in the world to hear a full episode of Spitballers Podcast, who would it be and why? Why didn't you turn into Harry Caray at the end?
Starting point is 00:31:16 Yes. That doesn't make sense. One living person to hear a full episode of the show. Okay. That's an interesting question because there's a lot of different ways you could go. popped into your head first because i there were two things for whatever reason it was the queen and the pope wow i don't know why i would not want the pope to listen to an entire episode of the spin ballers but it's almost like i just want to see what
Starting point is 00:31:40 would happen does the is the pope allowed to laugh? Or does he just move his shoulders? His shoulders move up and down. Is the Pope allowed? I'm pretty sure the Pope's job is not to just be not enjoying things. I'm amused. Why is he moving his shoulders like that? Because he's holding the laugh back. You think he would laugh at us? His shoulders would move at least a little bit.
Starting point is 00:32:04 You ever drink? Hey, Pope. You ever drink? Of course he'd laugh at us? His shoulders would move at least a little bit. You ever drink? Hey, Pope. You ever drink? Of course he'd laugh at us. I don't know why the Queen and the Pope popped into my head first. It's like two names. Queen. I don't know why.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Because I'm thinking of our show as, believe it or not. No, this is going to be hard to hear for both of you. All right. As slightly, kind of, sort of careful careful elementary i accept yeah that's okay childish okay yeah so then i'm trying to think of the most opposite to that to see if i can make that person laugh okay i was gonna say it, so that you feel like if you make the queen break, if the queen approves this podcast, we're getting at least 50 more listeners.
Starting point is 00:32:49 If we could get the entire Queen's Guard. Or two less, because the royal family's getting smaller. If you got the Queen's Guard to have AirPods and they all had to listen to this episode and never once break. Are the Queen's Guards the ones who can't move? I think those are the ones that are not allowed to move or laugh or break or anything.
Starting point is 00:33:05 You can go right up and... Yeah, the Nutcrackers. Yeah, you can lick their face and they just... I don't think you can lick their face. I think they're... Watch! Watch me! I think if you physically touch them, they're allowed to fight back.
Starting point is 00:33:17 That's fair. That's fair. I haven't tried it yet. I don't recommend it, but... He would sit there and he'd be like, I'm going to lick your face. I'm going to lick your face right now. He'd just tongue up. Here comes... minute but um he would sit there and he'd be like i'm gonna lick your face i'm gonna lick your face right now the first two things that came to mind for howdy partner on uh who you want them nut crackers i want that guy to listen to the podcast he'd love it yosemite um so like i think to
Starting point is 00:33:42 myself i want like the dude perfect guys to listen. Just so we can become best friends. Yes. Those guys are awesome. Let's do a home and home. We'll go on your show. You come on our show. Same benefit.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Even Swapski. We have a 12 in our listenership, too. That's right. Like, dozen to 12 million. I think you should make an official offer. I think that's a's right like dozen to 12 million i think we you should make an official offer i think that that's a fair off to mr dude we give you permission to listen perfect oh to our show mr perfect's a wrestler okay i'm perfect uh only you know that mike or lauren michaels also comes to mind like oh okay yeah all right all right uh do you have anybody that Oh, okay. You out there? All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:34:27 Do you have anybody that pops into your head, Mike? Just like the weird thing that you had of trying to make the queen laugh. Yeah. I was like, I think we can make Elon Musk laugh. Oh, I don't want to watch him laugh. I feel like that would be like a disturbing. What would his laugh sound like? What does a robot look like? You haven't heard his laugh?
Starting point is 00:34:42 No. Oh, it's got to be nerdy. It's a real be nerdy. It's a real nerdy laugh. I saw a GIF of him dancing the other day. It was real special. The laugh is better than the dance. Possible not to be.
Starting point is 00:34:57 Life advice? All right. It's been a while. Spitballers to the rescue. I almost in there i forgot that it that he says dustin from twitter when the waitress asks the question is this together or separate what is the standard protocol who speaks first is it who invited who or the oldest or the most people in the party or what what is the protocol okay i see what's going on here i feel like it's usually the one in charge and by that i mean you know what i'm talking about you're at dinner and there's there's the one that's in charge and maybe there's two ones in charge you
Starting point is 00:35:45 know like that's why i think what he's asking for because it's it's sometimes you have the two people because by in charge you mean just the one driving the conversation i think it's the tallest you're jockeying for a position of the this is this class warfare at the restaurant? I think it would be zombie apocalypse comes, who's our leader? Okay. Like the same exact these are mirror questions of who
Starting point is 00:36:16 decides who's going to split the check. But now I have a question for you. Okay. Let's see, you are following said leader. We'll just call him Rick Grimes for now because you brought up the zombie apocalypse. You're at dinner with Rick Grimes. He is this leader that you're talking about of the dinner.
Starting point is 00:36:34 The check comes out, and Rick Grimes says, oh, no, we're going to split. Now what's your opinion of Mr. Rick Grimes? Because it's no longer favorable. You trust your leader. Yeah, then we split. That's my point. Oh, no. If he doesn't pick it up.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Rick says split, we split. So Mike's version of a leader is somebody who pays the bill. You're darn right. So you need them to pay for you. Here's what I'm curious about, though. You want to lead? I really want to know the protocol here because i feel a when i go out with a group even if we are going to split the bill i feel the sense of obligation like i'd
Starting point is 00:37:11 like to make it as easy as possible on the waiter or waitress so like i prefer to just one person pays the bill everybody else can sort it out later interesting Interesting. Because when I go out with certain people, we just zell each other money or the cash app or whatever. And then, you know. I mean, the real solution to this problem is. Because people sit all over the place when you split up parties. Yes. I mean, that can be an issue. But I feel like usually this is just preparation.
Starting point is 00:37:43 This is you sit down when you order and you say that's true we're on two separate tickets let's put our order in first then it's easier a little more work staff still a little more work then then then having a what's what's easier one order or two orders one ticket or two tickets no not for you for them same amount of ease. For them. Jason's order is two orders. Right. He always gets two tickets. So I, yeah, I'm going to say that you should say up front, whether it's together or separate. And if you don't establish that, the person who would lead you in an apocalypse makes the decision.
Starting point is 00:38:27 And whatever they say goes period all right i'm going to i'm i'm going to just go with with that advice there i'm going to move on to another question you guys don't see it because it's very timely and i need to know the answer to this because i've been i've you guys might have seen the video and i was really surprised that it was dividing the internet. Oh, my goodness. And I'm curious what... If it is what you're talking about. It is. I don't have a clue. So there's a video out there right now of a gentleman who is sitting in the back...
Starting point is 00:38:55 How dare you call him a gentleman? I agree with you on that. Oh, I know the video. There is a man who is sitting at the back of a plane. His seat does not recline. The woman in front of him has chosen to recline her seat. He has chosen to repay her by punching the back of her seat over and over and over again. And over and over and over.
Starting point is 00:39:14 Now, clearly, we would all agree, based especially on Mike's reply there, that this man was in the wrong because he was acting like a child. He was abusing this woman's right to her seat in space, and it was ridiculous. And obviously, a lot of people have come out and said, like, look, if this is a 250-pound man in front of him, there's no way he's doing this because this guy is going to get up and punch him in the face. 100%. So he's abused. You know, I think we all agree that ever recline a seat ever in an airplane. And the majority opinion that I've read is that it is rude. It is considered rude.
Starting point is 00:39:56 And you should never, ever recline your seat ever. The vocal minority. And it was shocking to me because I didn't know this. The vocal minority on this topic was unbelievable when i saw it and i looked at her post and the first like 50 responses were just lambasting her for reclining into his space and i'm like re so i don't what i don't even i don't want to like try him and her i just want to ask the question of actual plane etiquette. Because a lot of people that fly a lot, they say it is rude to recline at all,
Starting point is 00:40:31 or they say it is rude to recline if your flight is under four hours. So basically, because you can't... And there are products out there that you can buy. Yes, I've seen those. That you can hook onto the tray that will stop the the seat from moving backwards so you're saying you can buy a product that stops the seat from doing what it was designed to do now that would be one person's opinion that it is designed to recline therefore it is your right to recline that's how i've always approached it if someone
Starting point is 00:41:02 in front of me is reclined i have never once thought they're evil because I'm like, I might think to myself, that sucks because I'm tall. But there are people out there that think, and I would say it's the majority, believe that it is rude to recline at all. It should not be an option on an airplane. Obviously, we know plane space is minute. You have no room. People need to move around. Deep vein thrombosis can get you. So what do you think? What is the
Starting point is 00:41:28 right life advice etiquette? Are you allowed to recline? 100% you are allowed to recline. And this is coming from... I'm not a... You're a tall man. I consider myself slightly above... What's the average height? Average height is actually short.
Starting point is 00:41:44 Is it 5'9 or 5'10? I think it's 5'9. So the average height? Average height is actually short. Is it 5'9 or 5'10? I think it's 5'9. So the average height of a man... Oh, this can't be right. 5'6". No. That's bad information. Even better for my argument. Sorry. 5'9".
Starting point is 00:42:00 In America. That sounds about right. I guess that would make me tall because I'm six feet tall. You are way taller than six feet. I'm almost six one, but I say six feet because I'm not one of the guys. I don't round up. I'm 5'11 and a half, and you're two inches taller than me. Okay.
Starting point is 00:42:18 You're 6'2". Back to the argument is I'm tall. Sitting in an airplane, it sucks. It's uncomfortable. If someone reclines in front of me, that is 100% what they are allowed to do. I don't get upset with them. I recline my seat. That's what I do.
Starting point is 00:42:36 But then the question becomes in the back row. Okay, guess what? You should have bought your ticket earlier. You should have got to the airport earlier. Don't get mad because you were the procrastinator. Now, maybe there's things out of your control that you had to get a last second flight. You had to do it. I just don't think I've ever heard you speak wiser or more truth into existence than this.
Starting point is 00:43:00 Because that's that person's fault. Yes. You got the crappiest seat well as far as i'm concerned if they're if the plane puts a button yes in your armrest to allow you to do something with your seat it is within your rights now if you want to be considered are you allowed to go to the bathroom on a plane it might smell bad they do they have bathrooms on the plane? Yes, I'm allowed to use it. If the button is there. No, no, two skis on the plane. This can be a very golden rule situation, right?
Starting point is 00:43:30 If you don't want people to recline on you, you can choose not to recline out of consideration. And that's very kind of you. I hope you sit in front of me. Exactly. Now, you could also be polite and ask somebody like, hey, would you mind moving it up? You could ask.
Starting point is 00:43:45 I mean, you can do that. There was somebody that I read that every time the person in front of them reclines their seat, they aim their air on the top of their head. And I would say, thank you. Thank you for making my flight even better. I guess some people don't like that. And so when the person finally says, don't do that, they're like, well, I will trade you, not aiming it at you for moving your seat back up. Honestly, people are not great. People are very strange.
Starting point is 00:44:11 The time where I will be considerate of thinking about the person behind me when it comes to reclining is if there's an actual food service. And I'm not talking about they've come through with the sodas and the peanuts. But if there's an actual meal, and I don't even know if we really do that anymore, but if there is a meal time that's happening for everybody, I will move my chair up. I feel like that should be an announcement on the plane. Like, please raise your chairs for meal service. Just to be fair, the logic you applied to being able to recline your seat applies equally for meal service. You have the ability and capability.
Starting point is 00:44:49 And I'm just saying that's when I will take it into account. But if the person in front of me keeps their chair reclined the entire time. Even during the meal service? Yeah. Then that's their right to do that. You don't punch their seat over and over again forever? How could you not do that? No, because I'm not five years old.
Starting point is 00:45:03 Yeah. Luckily, maybe where I was looking, I didn't find people defending his actions. I saw people saying, yeah, she's not being considerate, but not that she deserved to have her seat punch. Oh, I saw so many people say he was doing the right thing.
Starting point is 00:45:16 Sweeping the internet. I can't fathom that anyone is on that side. It's, it's unbelievable, but they're out there. All right. They're just not spit w but they're out there. All right. They're just not spit wads. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Moving on.
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Starting point is 00:46:32 That's Babbel.com slash Ballers for up to 60% off your subscription. Babbel, language for life. The Spitballers Draft. All right, we've done one of these style drafts before. It was a whole lot of fun. We did NFL Mascot Battle Royale. So we were drafting NFL teams by their mascot. We each get four picks.
Starting point is 00:47:04 We're thrown into a coliseum. Man, this coliseum's getting a lot of work. right but we should just buy it great staff yeah we shouldn't be renting i don't know why we're renting this thing that's embarrassing it's expensive though to buy a coliseum to be honest uh maybe we can get some of that dude perfect money we could get a coliseum that's all i'm saying uh but we're're doing NBA mascot battle royale. You can pick from every NBA team. Like the Jazz. You can go with the Jazz.
Starting point is 00:47:31 I did get a quartet my last time around with the Bills. Now, I've decided not to really think much about this draft, even though I have the first pick. Perfect. Because I would like to let it come to me. This battle royale situation, I'm fighting Mike. I'm fighting Jason. I need to be able to react to the picks that you make and counter them.
Starting point is 00:47:50 Good luck reacting to the pick I have not made. Now, there are several that I would think about for the first pick in the draft. There's only one I get to select, and I'm going to go with the Washington Wizards. Oh, okay. I'm going to take Magic because I know how important these Coliseums and Magic seem to be. I'm going to have a team of Wizards, because it's plural, right?
Starting point is 00:48:13 I get several Wizards. Yes. And they're going to be my, you know, front line in this battle. I assumed that that would be my pick, I thought that while that is a good pick, I didn't think that either of you would want that as tops. I have it very high on my list, but it wasn't, in fact, my number one pick. So I assumed it would be my third, but I do believe that it is the best pick because who's top of the food chain, Mike?
Starting point is 00:48:43 In what? In Earth. Earth. Humans. Correct. Why? Because they're not wizards. Weapons.
Starting point is 00:48:54 What's better, a gun or a wand? I mean, if it was real. Honestly? A wand. I think it's a wand. Sure. But my point is, if you've got a team of wizards. It's a wand. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:03 So I'm going with the wizards. Maybe. I understand. Look,'ve got a team of wizards. It's a wand. Yeah. So I'm going with the wizards. Maybe. I understand. Look, there are a lot of different teams. There are a lot of different ideas and concepts. I'm looking forward to the arguments behind your picks. But I think my argument is very simple. It is.
Starting point is 00:49:15 I have a team of wizards with magical powers. Go on. It is outstanding. I'm going to. Now, they used to be. Jason, you brought up the guns. I mean, they used to be the Washington Bullets. Yes.
Starting point is 00:49:24 And they upgraded. So they pivoted used to be the Washington Bullets. Yes, and they upgraded. So they pivoted to the Wizards. All right. Well, my first pick will be full of Clever Girls. I thought that would, yeah. Because I will take the Toronto Raptors. I like that pick. That was my number two.
Starting point is 00:49:37 That was definitely my number two. You have a bunch of Raptors in the Coliseum. It seems very... I've seen enough Jurassic Parks to know that the Toronto Raptors would be apex predators if they were around today, even above human beings. I agree. And that's why I try to control them and they lose every time. My wizards would likely not try to destroy them, but rather cast a spell and ride them. That would be their plan.
Starting point is 00:50:03 So you've got the Raptors as your first pick. I've got the Wizards. Jason, you're sitting there. You've got two picks that will both be not quite as good. That's 100% true. I mean, that's the clear 101 and 102. Those are the picks. You could go.
Starting point is 00:50:17 What is a Knickerbocker? I mean, you could go the New York Knicks. I always assumed Knickerbockers were underpants. Those would be knickers? I think that is correct. I have no idea. Close enough. Yeah. Those would be like your knickers. There are... Yeah, my knickerbockers. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:33 I'll take the Miami Heat. Listen, knickerbockers or knickers are a form of men's trousers. Yes! Wait a minute. Yes! Wait, the New York knickerbockers are underwear? The New York Knickerbockers are underwear? The New York Undies. Now, wait.
Starting point is 00:50:51 This website says that, and this website is the NBA.com. Wait, the NBA.com? No, no, no. NBA.com. Okay. The term Knickerbockers traces its origin to the Dutch settlers who came to the New World. Okay. Specifically, it refers to the style of pants they wore wow so it is 100 exactly what you think when you're in a battle royale you don't you don't want to have your your stuff hanging
Starting point is 00:51:15 out that's no you gotta cover up well so i'm tempted but i'm gonna probably i think i might get that you've got a twofer though so like you could you could take someone and then clothe them you could go knickerbockers and jazz all right yes look jazz sues i don't i don't know my second pick yet but i know my first one okay we've got jay grizz who gets a lot of love around these i thought this was gonna be my pick and i that was i was hoping that would be your pick so i could get the raptors but i'm gonna definitely going Memphis Grizzlies because some grizzly bears in there. Yep. I mean, if you've got to fight some Raptors and some Wizards. Yeah, why not have a grizzly?
Starting point is 00:51:53 I would like some grizzly bears, please. Okay. Now, here's where it gets. I'm taking the poison. I'll take the New York allergies. Oh, man, this gets really tough. It falls off a cliff from here. What?
Starting point is 00:52:11 To me, it does. I've got two more that I really want, so I hope you don't take them. So I'm going to. All right, let's hear it. All right. I'm going to go a different direction. I'm going to take. Before you get to it. Please, no, no, no. Let him say it. I know, but I just want to go a different direction. I'm going to take. Before you get to it.
Starting point is 00:52:27 No, no, no. Let him say it. I know, but I just want to say, like, I'm with you that there are some picks in here that my brain can justify this as it should have been the first pick taken overall. Right. Because if you really think about it. Yeah. You're OP.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Yeah. Let's hear you. So this is weird. And but i don't know i don't know how you're going to fight me i know how i'm going to fight you yes yes and i am taking the oklahoma city thunder oh no not at all oh crap oh that's not like that That is not lightning. That's down. Oh, no. What have I done? What have I done?
Starting point is 00:53:11 Boom, boom, boom. I'm going to scare you with those loud cracks. Yeah, you've got some. You startled me. If we have any babies or small animals. Why are they the thunder? Why are they the thunder? And why is Thor then the god of thunder? That's a great question.
Starting point is 00:53:26 That's so stupid. He controls the sound, but I see him with the lightning. So your brain associated Thor with thunder, so you thought you had lightning? Yes, I wanted to strike lightning down on you guys. You can't attack me. I can attack you. But thunder is just the sound. I am an idiot. You realized it quick though i but i realized that after an official declaration of my draft pick and i knew
Starting point is 00:53:52 you guys would not let me out of that that was the worst possible timing so you have the grizzlies and then you also have some some thunder really loud noises you better get headphones for your own team man all right mike you're off to a good start all right leave all of those type of things for me then i will i will do that all right i don't know how i'm going to use this next teammate of mine because but the definition oh that's a good start well i just want to make sure that i'm doing a counter argument before the argument webster's defines this is a good pick no it is a missile spacecraft aircraft or other vehicle these are all the things that it could be you're going with the rocket i will take the Houston rockets. That was basically like my thunder pick.
Starting point is 00:54:46 But a good one. Except like. Except I have missiles. Yeah, I was thinking lightning. But the thing is, is once your missiles go, they're gone. You know what I mean? Like that's why I wanted the thunder. I didn't.
Starting point is 00:54:57 I wanted lightning. I'm going to let me ask you this, Jason. If we're in a coliseum, how many missiles do you think I need? Well, you have some collateral damage issues that you could have your raptors as long as i have one other missile still alive technically i win so you're willing to take down some of everybody at the same time this team is willing to do what it has to do victory at all costs so your team is now the Raptors and the Rockets. Jason has the Thunder and the Grizzlies. I have the Wizards
Starting point is 00:55:28 and now I have two picks. Yes, that is correct. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. I could blaze some trails. That's an option. Spoiler. I could make it generally warm in the Coliseum.
Starting point is 00:55:44 Multiple ways. You could take the heat or the suns. Yeah, the suns is interesting because I feel like maybe, like, does that mean I get- You'd just melt the whole Coliseum. Yeah, that's trouble. That's trouble. I'm going to go with the Warriors. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:58 The Warriors, I need some front line. Like, the Wizards, let's be honest. They're not hand-to-hand. I need some meat shields for they need to take the damage from the raptors while my wizards are casting spells but now i'm actually gonna go oh man oh that's right you get two i almost threw up my pick you almost threw it out there you almost pulled the hall away yeah i am going to um make a mistake but i don't want you to have this pick oh so i will have i'm going to take it
Starting point is 00:56:36 and i'm going to give it to my warriors i'm taking the orlando magic i'm giving the magic to the warriors. Now my wizards and my warriors, they both got magic. I would have taken the magic. That would have been my next pick. I'm worried about somebody countering my wizard, so I need the magic. I thought you were going to give your warriors nets. I thought about it.
Starting point is 00:56:58 I really did. I thought nets would come back to me in the last round to be honest with you. I think it will. They will. I'm taking the magic because I don't want you guys to have anything to combat my wizards with. So I've got the wizards, the warriors, and the magic. We'll see how much the people respect the magic attack.
Starting point is 00:57:16 Usually they respect it a lot. Based on Elsa. The genie. Based on previous polls we've had. All right. Tulsa. The genie. Based on previous polls we've had.
Starting point is 00:57:23 All right. So I have two picks that I'm weighing, and in my head I'm fighting them against each other. I'm running multiple scenarios, and I think at the end I just got to get the girth. I got to get the weight, so I will take the bulls. That's a good pick. I wanted the magic or the bulls. Excellent. So Mike's team is just, I wanted the Magic or the Bulls. Excellent. So Mike's team is just, I can just picture it in my mind. It's front line.
Starting point is 00:57:50 Bulls are charging in. Raptors are leaping in. And Rockets are flying at me. Honestly, the Rockets are just the backup plan. I'm going to go three team. And then if my three teams don't get it done. You send one Rocket in. Well, you need a king then.
Starting point is 00:58:04 You need a king standing in the background, and he says, fire the rockets, and then the guy looks at him and goes, but our men are out there. I said, fire the rockets. That's not a bad thought. Now, that being said, if I was going to try to prevent a rocket attack from killing me you want to know what i would want uh missile defender some magic oh shields yes um but i don't have it i don't have the magic or the wizards you were in some trouble because you got two picks right yeah i got two bad picks coming um so i'm just gonna have fun here i know how badly mike hates this and as
Starting point is 00:58:49 the leader of his team i want to instill terror and horror into your life so i am taking the hornets yeah i will take the new orleans hornets they might not win the fight but they will cause mayhem everywhere that's a lot of you know who the hornets will be a problem for the warriors yes yes the war my bulls and raptors will be mostly okay yeah but the warriors are going down to the hornets they're just running they've they're gone now bulls raptors warriors they all got eyeballs. And those Hornets, they shoot their shot. That's fair. Yes, I wanted the Hornets with my last pick. Nice selection.
Starting point is 00:59:29 Now we have a problem. Now you could get some nuggets. Hey, look, money wins wars, right? Pistons. Take the gold nuggets. Is there anything you can combine with thunder that might make thunder valuable? Yes. Lightning.
Starting point is 00:59:46 Magic. Oh, dang it. But you took it. Yeah. All right. So at this point, I'm just seeing how big a gap I can lose by. You could throw some spurs out there on the field for people to step on. Well, I don't want the warriors to also have spurs.
Starting point is 01:00:04 So maybe this is like a keep-away game. Yeah, go for it. Man. Why are the Celtics called the Celtics? And why are they not the Celtics? Yeah, because isn't what they are the Celtics? Isn't that what the Celtics are? They definitely use a shamrock.
Starting point is 01:00:22 Aren't they named after the Celtics? I thought so. And it's spelled like the Celtics are is like definitely use a shamrock aren't they named after the Celtics I thought so and it's spelled like the Celtics it sounds like whoever owned the team at one time didn't know it was pronounced Celtics and he said oh we're the team Celtics and then everyone around is like oh okay just go with it man don't do anything all right um so in this case I am going to have to select A team And I'm between two And I'm going to do a quick look Of what one of them is
Starting point is 01:00:53 The name has a great basketball tradition From the old original Celtics In New York And Boston is full of Irishmen Yeah it's also known as Celtics Yeah that's what they say Alright I am going to take the Bobcats Irishman. Yeah, it's also known as Celtics. Yeah, that's what they say. All right. I am going to take the Bobcats because a nice warrior.
Starting point is 01:01:11 Oh, gosh. You sound so defeated. Well, I've lost. You just took a tiny kitty cat. Do you know how big a Bobcat is? Pretty small. I mean, they could do some work, but literally one-on-one, a person can defeat a Bobcat.
Starting point is 01:01:29 19 pounds. The Bobcats? Wait. I don't think they're still a team. Oh, they are not. Yes, that's right. So I'm back on the clock. Yeah, you're lucky.
Starting point is 01:01:39 That's right. You didn't draft the 19-pound cat. For the record, I am drafting based on a list Andy gave me. So thanks for that. Wow, good call, Brooks. The judge just getting it done over there. In that case, I'm going to go with hopefully a larger animal. I have no idea how big.
Starting point is 01:01:58 That's right. The hornets are the pelicans. New Orleans became the pelicans, and the hornets went back to Charlotte. Yes. There we go. You can draft a Pelican is what I'm saying. The Pelicans are mean, man. Yeah, they could store some fish.
Starting point is 01:02:10 I did not know that Bobcats were that small. They're smaller. I thought I was drafting like a jaguar. You weren't. I was not. So how big are Timberwolves, if I were to ask? They're a standard wolf. That's what I wanted to pick.
Starting point is 01:02:24 They're a good pick. Well, then I'll take the Timberwolves. They're a standard wolf. That's what I wanted to pick. They're a good pick. I was laughing at your selection of bobcats because I was then going to take Timberwolves. A far superior animal in a fight. I googled Timberwolves because I wanted to see them. But the only thing that came up was the NBA team. I went to images and it's just the NBA team. Kevin Garnett is humongous. So I will take Timberwolves.
Starting point is 01:02:45 Yeah, I think that's a great. Thank you. So your final team is the Grizzlies, some scary thunder, as Brooks wrote it in, Hornets, and Timberwolves. You actually don't have a bad draft. And the thunder itself, you know. I'm hoping that on the polls people are stupid as well as I am, and they go, ooh, how are you going to defeat Thunder?
Starting point is 01:03:08 Yeah, there you go. Because in fairness, actually, this is a great picture. No, think about this. This is Last Man Standing, right? Thunder can never die? How are you defeating Thunder? What are you going to do? Nothing.
Starting point is 01:03:22 I win. Eternity. The way I picture it is you have a finite amount of thunder cracks well no because so you're just not gonna use them yeah i'm just there forever so he drafted clouds that's right kill me can't do it maybe the sun will oh well draft it yeah mike draft it counter it all right i'm upset i was hoping i would get the timberwolves to complete my animals and rockets team yeah we're running out of the the decisive yes yes and i did i looked up uh in fact what is a clipper and those are like named
Starting point is 01:04:02 basically after boats ah so i thought it was not a dude running through with nail clippers how do boats work that was your hope i was really hoping if it was a dude with nail clippers i would have drafted it was all in uh yeah coliseum doesn't have water in case you guys are curious i've been there yes you have all right i'm gonna get i'm gonna get an aerial attack i'll take the hawks. Well, that sucks. Yeah, they were pretty much the last. Because the Hawks were kind of the last one I wanted, so I will, in fact, either have to draft.
Starting point is 01:04:31 It's between the Phoenix Suns so that I can assuage any of this thunder lasts forever thought, or the Miami Heat if I want to stay warm, or what was going to be my last pick. I'm just going with it. I'm taking the Brooklyn Nets. So you're taking the Nets for the Warriors. I am throwing.
Starting point is 01:04:52 Yeah, the Warriors now have Magic and Nets. Now, wait, are these Nets alive? They are Nets that you toss out onto creatures. It's got ropes. Look how many animals. But are they alive? No, they're not alive. No how many animals. Are they alive? No, they're not alive.
Starting point is 01:05:06 No. You ever seen an alive net? No, I have not, but I've also never seen a battle royale with magic. Look, it is not a matter of everything being alive. It's a matter of winning, and I think I can win by throwing a net over a grizzly. Probably not the hornets. Timberwolves, raptors, hawks. Throw it on thunder.
Starting point is 01:05:28 Good luck. This is going to all be done. I'm taking the net. I thought you would have taken the kings because you've got this human army. And I feel like if you got warriors and wizards and kings, now all of a sudden I see not five guys out there fighting, but I see an army. As far as I'm concerned, the only way I'm losing with wizards on this team is if some sort of animal gets through the warriors
Starting point is 01:05:54 and gets through the nets that I've thrown out there and is able to eat these wizards before they can cast a long incantation. I hope they have good spells of protection. Well, the first pick in the draft. They must. Honestly, when I was laughing talking about what pick should be number one, I legit think that the Suns should be the number one pick.
Starting point is 01:06:18 How do you not win a fight? You just got to wait a couple billion years. That Sun's going to burn out any minute. You don't even have to. You're the sun. When I pictured the suns. You can't be harmed. I figured, you know, you look at the basketball logo.
Starting point is 01:06:34 These are like, they're almost like meteors coming down onto the battlefield. Even better. Yeah. That's why I thought they'd be good, but I was afraid I'd get stuck in outer space waiting for a supernova. Yeah, I feel like in the polls it would not perform. But in my head, it's number one. All right. Mike, raptors, rockets, bulls and hawks, Jason, grizzlies, thunder, hornets, timberwolves. I have the wizards, warriors, magic, and nets.
Starting point is 01:06:55 What did we learn today? I feel like I know what Jason learned. I learned the allergy tests are thinking yesteryear. They do seem a little antiquated. I did learn that. I also learned that you had a confusion issue with Thunder and Lightning. I'm sure that happens a lot. I mean, I know the difference.
Starting point is 01:07:15 Thunder is imposing. You would have an intimidation factor without question. Like on the pre-battle warm-up show, you would hear a lot of boom. You'd be scared out there. But you also can't defeat me. It's the best pick. All right, Mike, did you learn anything special today? I learned that apparently a lot of people are not into reclining seats.
Starting point is 01:07:38 They think it's rude, despite the fact that there is a button for me to recline. And that Brooks can hold down a scat if he needs to. Oh, yes, he can. That's right. Giggity, giggity, giggity goo. Thank you for tuning in to the podcast. Check out spitballerspod.com to help support the show. We'll be back next week.
Starting point is 01:07:57 Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.

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