Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Antique People & The Worst Things To Find In A Pinata - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

Spit Hit for April 27th, 2023: On today’s show, we talk about burning Christmas cards, living without caffeine, and trading good food for extra years. Then we dive deep into the differences between several very similar words. We close things down with a draft of the worst things to find in a pinata. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Hey, Spitwads, we have a very special Spit Hits episode today. It's for you, and it's coming right now. We're living without caffeine, or at least we're talking about it on today's show, and we're trading good food for extra years, the classic dilemma. And then we deep dive into the differences between several very similar words. We close it all down with a special draft that I'm going to keep you in suspense about. Enjoy! It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. What?

There are no words there, Mike. It's just feeling. It was just, it was the, uh, it was so soft and so gentle. It was a little sultry. To a new time, to a new podcast. We're changing things up here at the Spitballers. Welcome, welcome in today. Are we a cool jazz radio station?

Yeah, cool jazz. For the next hour, no commercials. Welcome into the Spitballers episode 181. Would you rather? That's a great question and we are drafting the worst things to find in a pinata so i want you to prepare yourself for the draft because uh you just need to you need to step into that birthday uh party mindset you're everyone's taking a swing you've probably some kids around and um finally uh the big kid gets up with the bat and he takes a swing and it finally breaks open and and then this pops out so i think it's going to be a funny one uh you can find the show on twitter at spitballers pod spitballers pod.com if you want to help

support this show you can go over there find out how you can do that as an official Spitwad supporter of the show. Appreciate all of your reviews. We read them. Well, I can't read, but Al reads them. Oh, no. He reads them to me. Like bedtime stories. Because a lot of people don't know this.

Al talks us in usually around 945, but that's like our nightly routine. Read a verse, read a review, hugs, kisses, prayers. And Al usually does the, he does a great job reading those reviews. So keep them coming. Thank you. And we do have a triple bunk bed to be clear. Like this is one of the

few houses that has them, but we have a triple bunk. And I'm on top, so death could come to the other two guys. Mike's in the middle. Wait, why do I want to be on the bottom? You just put yourself in the death trap zone.

Yeah, but he's like in the middle of the sandwich. That makes him the sandwich. Sandwiches are named after the middle. We always talk about that when we're talking about this thing at the end and that thing at the end, we call it a sandwich. That's not a sandwich. A sandwich is what's in the middle.

It's a ham sandwich. It's a wheat sandwich. Yeah, the white bread sandwich. I'm going to stick with the bottom because I think I die instantly and Mike dies slowly. In the middle. In the middle. You're squashed. He suffocates.

And I'm just fine. I actually did. that happened to me as a kid i pushed up on the bottom of the bunk bed with my brother on top and the entire the entire bottom just fell straight down what and he rolled off did it come like the the the legs on the side actually came up and disconnected? Is that what happened? It was. Like the bottom that was holding it was almost like a piece of thin wood. And it was like you could lift a side, and it wasn't wide enough to stay in there.

Oh, okay. It just turned sideways, and he came rolling out, and I was stuck underneath. Like a tumble? Yeah. Yeah. It was scary. All right. Actually, we were mostly afraid our parents were going to get mad at us for goofing around with the bed.

Let's do some Would You Rather. Would You Rather. Andrea from Twitter writes in to the show and says, Would you rather live till 75 and be able to eat anything you want? That means fast food, diet all the time if you want to. Jason's eyes just open wide. And or, or, or. Stop the question.

Stop. Just stop. Stop. I never thought I'd hit 75. Or have a kajillion dollars. I'll take the other one. All right. What's the other option here, Andy?

Live to be 85, but you need to eat healthy, like like salads every day so you get 10 extra years of life you get the worst 10 extra years of life i mean look i hope that you know all the 75 year olds listening you look i'm not talking about you you've got a great life but i feel like most people would say that the 75 to 85 isn't their prime of their life this is the most enjoyable time does that mean that you are saying that you would be do the 75 heck yeah i would i mean it's really a philosophical question of like and and this is too broad for this question isn't really really this broad, but it's like, would you rather live an awesome 75 years or a bad 85 years? And that's all related to fast food.

There's good salads. There are good salads. There are very good salads. And those salads would not count, I think, to the spirit of what is being talked about here because there's a 1,200-calorie salad with some grilled chicken and some ranch. And heck, yeah.

But I you know, the reality is I need to change my relationship with food. Oh, no. What do you say here? Well, first off now, I'm just delighted thinking of. Seventy five year olds listening to this this podcast like imagine our actual prime demo is people 75 and up that's right i mean that would be uh you know so that that idea is tickling me here but 75 i think that that gap is not wide enough to make this a real debate for me i'll take i'll go out at 75 that's's fine. Or if it's 100.

No, I think you have to move the number earlier. So it's like it's 65 or 85. Well, there's 75 and 100. That's 25 years just to eat fast food. Yeah, but that's... Here's a spoiler alert, guys. But when you're 98, the wind tips you over. You bump into the wall,

and your entire body is bruised. Here's the, that begs a whole other world of questions of just like, that's almost like forget the fast food. Do you want to live to 90 or 100? Because you're almost saying you'd rather be dead. Right, yeah. That is what I'm saying. Would you rather die at 75 or 150?

Oh, man. So here's the spoiler alert. Andrea from Twitter is me. Because I actually asked this question, and I was playing with the gap. I was driving. We were going up north to the cabin, and I was in the car with my dad and my son, and we brought this question up, and I was trying to figure out what the year gap was to make you choose health we were in the middle of eating wendy's by the way when this question came up very nice delicious yeah and it was it was delicious

i felt awful later and so i thought maybe 10 years was enough you know because you think about it jason let me just try to tug on the heartstrings. You've got children. We'll listen honestly. You've got children. They're going to have children. Then you get to spend 10 more years. Imagine at 75, one of your grandkids is five years old. So the difference of living to 85 is that grandkid is 15 years old.

You spend a life with the grandkid. You don't just get five years yeah but you know this is not a hypothetical this is just just the world we're living in i have children and i will live longer if i eat healthier like yeah that's like it's sad but it's true this is reality it's not a hypothetical it's like i'm gonna die younger and i eat poor yes i should i change sure but this isn't like well which one would you take it's which one are you taking and i eat poor yes i should i change sure but this isn't like well which one would you take it's which one are you taking and i have already been taking the eating i've made my choice i mean i hope i change real life this is just real life what are you doing i certainly

hope that you know by like 50 i start making the changes there's a lot of people you know you you go through one heart attack and then you get your act together so that's kind of the route I just want to I just want to get past that first survival is really important I'm really worried about the first after that I think I'll go full health maybe

probably not maybe a little while you're banking on the wake up call heart attack I'm banking on the wake up call heart attack I just'm banking on the wake-up call heart attack. I just got to really survive that one. Oh, my God. And then those grandchildren. Oh, my God.

And the worst thing is my grandfather had a wake-up call heart attack, and he quit smoking and quit all the bad food right when it happened. It happens. After the triple bypass. I have seen these great pillars of examples in my life. You know, cut it up to your 55 and then get healthy and live to. What about the people that don't make it past the first, though? Oh, man.

Okay. That's the gamble. Yeah. That one's bad. That one's, you know. Jason's final words. I really thought I'd make it past the one. Yeah.

That's the scary part. That's what really should be the wake-up call now. Someone help me. Mike and I should convince you. Do something to fabricate a heart attack for you. Make you think that you're having one. Smart. Probably need to bribe a doctor to come you make you think that you're having one smart probably need to bribe a doctor to come in and tell you tell you this is serious i don't think that's gonna

work because then jason will go oh this is nothing exactly oh no knows me i need the i need the scare i need i've heard it i've heard it feels like an elephant stepping on your chest i don't that's like what i've heard a heart attack feels like i need that experience i don't want that experience it's not gonna stop you yeah if it was like a real hurt like ah that really hurts and then i was fine i'd be like dude i can do 30 of these oh my god i'm also guessing an elephant stepping on your chest is that you don't make it through the one that's true there's never a wake-up call to the elephant step. To compare a heart attack to an elephant stepping on you,

that's disrespectful to the elephant. That's a little baby elephant will crush you. A baby elephant will absolutely crush you. Oh, my gosh. I did not expect this question to go that direction. So what were the answers then? Because I would imagine the closer you are to 75. Oh, the more you choose the salad?

Yeah. So like your dad and your answers may have been different. And then the youngest is like, I can't die. I'm the youngest one. Right. I started the question at one year. Oh, great. I just lived to 80 or 81.

But it was just, you can eat fast food all the time, or you can not eat it all the time. Now, can I eat it without the diarrhea? Unfortunately, that is not possible. This isn't magic, Mike. The diarrhea is supposed to be the wake-up call. That was the original plan. That's how they built it.

I had a wake-up call last night at 3 a. plan that's how they built a wake-up call last night at 3 a.m oh man man food can blind us can it not because it tastes so good it tastes so good someone needs to do something about delicious food to get rid of delicious food it really really has to do in part with how easy you can get it there's's just not... If you're driving someplace and you want some food, your only choice in America is to eat a bad something. Right? I mean, that's really... Mostly, yes.

I know of one, like Salad and Go, is one place I know that... Not like there's... It's eating neutral. That's like eating neutral. You can get like a thing at plenty of places that maybe isn't that bad. But you don't go to Jack in the Box for the garden salad. And so it's like every place has something you can get.

But for the most part, there's only one healthy drive-thru I even know of. Mike, you're going with the 75? Yeah. All right. I mean, presently you're going with that? Move it to All right. I mean, like presently you're going with that? Move it to 55 and I would choose the other way. Okay. That's a good question to figure out is where the threshold is.

Andy Scott from Patreon says, would you rather rid the world of Christmas cards or thank you cards? So I can say something interesting about this because Christmas just went by. Why not both? Right. I almost, like early in our marriage with the kids, I did the Christmas card thing. You know, you get the picture.

I have a list of people. Go to the website, get them all printed, sent. Did it for a while. Just stop. Yeah, good for you. Good for you good for you tried that out just tried it out did you know life got busy forgot it one year and that was enough so we haven't done it and what happened what happened to your life actually something did happen oh yes and that's why i bring it up is because i set a precedent and this is a piece of advice for everybody out there.

There were people on this list that received my card five, six, seven years in a row. Everybody since then has now thought that I don't like them and they're off the list, including, I think, Al Borland. We did that one conversation like a week ago. You did. You actually took him off the list. I remember you telling me about that one. But I have a lot of people that have been like, oh, you know, they're making jokes. They're like,

hey, I'm like, hey, I got your card. Thank you. And they go, oh, yeah, I didn't get yours. So now I don't know what is it because I had sent them? Wait, you're supposed to say thank you when someone sends you the Christmas card? No, you don't have to.

You can be a nice person, Mike. You know this is possible for other people. Yeah, other people can do that. You can be like, thanks for the card. I hope you're doing well. Like friendly stuff. I actually think one of these two things should go away and one of these two things is valuable. I hate, I hate, I hate doing family pictures, doing family photos.

There's just nothing. There's very little worse than gathering up a whole day. You've got outfits that have been planned for weeks. You've got family members that maybe you haven't been around. Just, oh, what a nightmare to get these pictures. I hate that. And that's why I't been around. Just, oh, what a nightmare to get these pictures. I hate that. And that's why I don't like Christmas cards, because usually you've got to have a big old photo shoot.

Right. But Christmas cards are great. Like, I hate getting them. I hate making them and, like, getting them done. But they are actually really cool. I like seeing, like, when I receive a Christmas card of a family that I haven't seen in a while, oh, they moved to Wisconsin, and I get a picture i get to see them i like i like i agree i think there that it is kind of cool um i don't want to do it but i want to receive it yeah thank you cards

serve a horrible purpose they are obligatory obligatory nonsense that nobody when i get a thank you card like i just got it i just i'm not gonna say who or for what but i just received one this person wrote a thank you card for something they received they wrote it out by hand and said thank you so much blah blah blah made us uh that's pretty nice that's a lot of effort a lot of effort yes dumbest thing i've ever seen i mean i'm reading this thing like okay it was it was in response to a very small starbucks gift card okay this person is not that thankful this person is not like oh oh my gosh, where are my cards? I have to, this is just an obligation. This is a waste of that person's time.

I didn't even need a verbal thank you for this card. And you're doing this for, you just wrote 50 of them. You're wasting ink and paper. For a wedding? Was it a wedding? It wasn't a wedding, no. Wedding is the number one obligatory. I like to think that Jason went to a wedding was it a wedding it wasn't a wedding no wedding is the number one obligatory i like to think that jason went to a wedding and gave him a very small starbucks that's why i wanted

to know no it was it was it was a it was a teacher gift so the teacher's getting a you know a hundred gifts that she's writing all these teachers like the right things and it's just like oh or was this no was this like was was this in spite of like to make you feel bad that you gave such a crappy gift? They wanted to emphasize, thank you so much for the $5 Starbucks gift card. I can't imagine what I would have done had you not given me the, I can't even cover the cost of one coffee. I would not have given a $5. It was like a $25 25 gift card which it gets you like two trips you know so it was it was fine my point is more like i don't i i just think it's

a waste of time and whenever i receive one i it doesn't change it i don't i do not for one second think this person is grateful because they wrote me this card. You don't? No. But they are grateful. No, no. They have a habit. They have a habit of I write these things and they would, because here's what I know. If I gave them anything, if I did an apple,

I would have got that card. I would have got that card that said, thank you so much for the apple. I can't wait to take a juicy bite out of it. Thanks, teacher. That's what would have happened. They're wasting their time we're wasting what if we set a new rule can i set a new rule all right any time that you are that you you would ever have to write more than one singular thank you card event we wipe them out yeah but if it's a and so we reserve them for times when you'd have to go pursue a thank you card because you're so overwhelmed you got to thank a person if because

it's one one person that's the whole point is that thank you cards are worthless they're meaningless because they aren't ever used the way you described yeah it it's not like i can't believe the thoughtfulness of this i have to go write something write something. If that's what it was, if it was like, I really need to write this person and thank them, then that's heartfelt. That's moving. That's amazing. That's not what thank you cards are. Thank you cards are obligation nonsense that is just saying, I'm supposed to do this.

And you know every other parent got one. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, I'm surprised it didn't say dear parent. Now, Kramudgy, Mike, what's your thought on all of this? I want to banish both of them, but I can only do one of them. And so it's Christmas cards. Get out of here. I understand back in 1989 when there was no internet,

maybe I want to know how a family is doing, and this is the only time I ever hear from them. If you want to know what's going on with my family and my life, it's online. Like there's my Facebook account, my wife's Facebook account, Instagram, Twitter. Like everything is available. So I feel like at this point that if I'm sending you a Christmas card, I'm saying I am so important. Look at me. You need to see my family and you need to know

how beautiful we are and look at our perfect family in this perfect winter scenario. So get that out of here. A thank you card is actually doing something. It's saying thank you for thinking of me instead of I want you to think about me. You need to know what's going on with my family.

I have so many aunts or grandparents or whatever. They're not on the grant. Yes, they are. They're not checked. Well, I'm not on Facebook. Is your wife on Facebook? Maybe. I don't know.

Literally, I don't log on. I don't check. My point is, for people like myself that really don't keep up with other families on social media then it serves a purpose yeah but you're because the information is there you are saying i just don't care so you don't need the card make it all just go away all right go away you you you got to be the tiebreaker I'm getting rid of stupid pointless thank you cards all I'm thinking about is how to send Mike one Christmas card a day

for all of December that's all I'm thinking of right now oh please do please do you're just I mean I could save you a step you could just take money and throw it in the garbage no I will make you put my money in the garbage I will say some Christmas cards have come.

Mike never opens one single one. If you get the Christmas card from the far away half friend, and then it's the story of our life, and it's written. Have you gotten those? I can't stand those. See? That's what Mike's getting at. It's like, all right, Isabel has been doing tumbling and just did a triple lutz.

And then Franklin is playing his flute in the highest order. Those are the look at me. That's what Mike, dude, I'm on board there. Get rid of those. And that's what social media is for. But when I got, when I got a card from Al Borland and his family, it was a family picture, something that I hadn't seen. And it just said Merry Christmas. And we just put it on the fridge.

And then it made me think about my friends. Yes, that's how Christmas cards are supposed to be. Put it this way. Who doesn't like getting a postcard? Like if I went somewhere cool and I send a post, you're just going through your junk. It's all word limit. Word limit. You send postcards?

No, people don't send postcards. But if you were going through all your junk mail and you're like, oh, there's a postcard. Jason went to, you know, this lighthouse and whatever. Like that's neat. I think there are valid points on both sides. I think Mike is right. There is a bit of an antiquated aspect to it because we don't need to lean. It's like writing a letter right now.

You could say it's very nice and nostalgic to get a handwritten letter, but you don't have to do it. But like the postcard, I get like some of those. You can also call someone and say, hey, thanks for that gift, and that might be more personal than the letter, the thank you card. But you keep those postcards because those are like a token of that person, of the trip. And for some reason, you're invested in that trip. What do you do with all the Christmas cards?

You keep every single one? Those things go right in the garbage. I display them all until Christmas is over and then I recycle them, Mike. I would never throw them in the garbage. How dare you? Well, the people who are telling you that they're recycling, they put them in the garbage. Right. That is actually true. All right all right hey we got to move on would you rather go 30 days without caffeine of any kind according this is from pan the man on twitter 30 days

without caffeine of any kind or restaurant food of any kind i mean this is uh one I can do, one I can't do. I can't do the no caffeine. Oh, why did you do no caffeine? No, no, I'll break down. I got my routines, brother. So no restaurant food means you are preparing every single meal you eat. Yeah, cereal is delicious. Wow.

One of these I can do, one of these I can't. And I'm the exact opposite. Like, having no restaurant food for a month is impossible. This day and age when, you know, the whole global pandemic thing that created delivery services, I mean, hoo-ha, that is the best way to cook. That is the best way to cook. And if you're telling me that not once, not a breakfast, not a lunch, not a dinner, not for the whole month, can I swing by a place, go to a place, order from a place? I mean, I don't remember that life and I don't want to remember that life. Interesting. I've done the life of no caffeine where it was like,

I've gotten to points where my anxiety is just, it's so out of control. It's like, I gotta get- From the caffeine. Yeah, or just,

or like, no, because I deal with anxiety and it's like, caffeine can make it worse. Yes. And it's like, I've had periods of my life

where you just, you go without it. It's tough sledding for the first week, two weeks or so, but eventually you get used to life without it. So half of the entire time period here, you would be uncomfortable. Versus all. Yes. Versus all with the restaurant.

It's funny. Don't you both normally drink some caffeine in the afternoons too? You probably have more dependency than I do. We certainly have more dependency than you. You've got a normally drink some caffeine in the afternoons too? You probably have more dependency than I do. We certainly have more dependency than you. You've got a couple cups of coffee in the morning, and then that's pretty much it. You don't do afternoon. You load up in the morning. I will say this.

My anxiety is the absolute worst after the third cup. Don't talk to me. I'm impatient. Everything is so serious at that time. I joke. You see me on our Slack channel getting work done, but there's byproducts that is just, I'm buzzing. Like, I can't drink it anymore.

Now, here's what I'm curious about. You drink a lot of coffee in the morning. You said your personal routine. Three cups every morning, no more, no less. No more, no less. And you use half-calf because you drink three cups. You don't want to go crazy. I wonder what would happen. morning no more no less and no more and you use half caff because you're drinking three cups you don't want to go crazy i wonder what would happen if you replaced your half caff coffee with decaf coffee sure and you had your three cups and you had the routine and you felt like

you were doing the same thing how much is real and how much is you know the uh the placebo effect yeah the placebo coffee you drink that coffee you're gonna feel that buzz still yeah i i don't know i i used to drink all i used to not do half calf and but then my eye would twitch constantly it would just be like you your body is like, no. That seems bad. That seems bad. Let's go half-calf. Yeah, it would be tough. It would be tough to lose that routine, but I bet, you know,

could you do tea in the morning? I guess that's caffeine too. Yeah, you can't have tea. You can't have chocolate. You can't have – that's all I know that has caffeine in it. Yeah, right. Let's move on. Can't do caffeine pills.

Right, thank you that's a great question David from the website wants to know the difference in fact all of our great questions today are what are the difference questions. What's the difference between being robbed, mugged, and burgled? And I feel like I need to lean on you guys for this one. I know it. I have my answer. You do.

Robbed, mugged, and burgled. So all three of these involve a perpetrator taking something, some sort of physical object from you. But the way I look at this is if you are robbed, that means you were not harmed. That means someone said, stick them up, give me your wallet, and you're just like, okay, here, take my wallet, take my watch. If you are mugged. Oh, they punch you?

They have attacked you. They don't even give you the option to just give you the stuff. It's their attack. They're jumping you and stealing. Yes. And the burglary, is that your house only? A burgled means you have no idea that it happened. Oh, really?

See, I thought it meant you had to have pearls. And the person definitely had a mask and a sack. Yeah, I think burgled is far more about the specifics. Oh, really? Yeah, I mean, if there's not a pearl necklace or a black and white outfit on the assailant. They have the outfit on. That's not a burglarized. If you were burglarized, Someone steals stuff out of your garage.

Are you burglarized? Well, you've been robbed. Well, wait, were they wearing black and white stripes? You're not there. You left the garage open. Yeah, and so someone

robbed me blind. Oh my gosh, all my TV's gone. And then you go check the camera and you see that they found your family jewels and they were wearing

black and white striped clothing and you say, I was burgled. I was burgled. So if they were just rocking some jorts that's that's uh that's a robbery jorts cannot burgle see robberies i thought robberies had to have a person i thought that's what mike said i think i think they do so well obviously you can't be mugged when you're not there right

correct you have to be a part of your own mugging yes yes you Yes. You have to be there to be mugged and be robbed. Now, you can be there when you are burgled because you just don't know about it. You could be sleeping. You could be asleep. You could be pickpocketed. Oh, that's a burglary? That, to me, is a burglary. Yes.

By my definition of I didn't know it was gone until I start patting down and I go, it's gone. Well, that's because of the tiptoe. You have to tiptoe if you're burglaring. But that sounds like ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. Exactly. Why is tiptoeing so loud when it's made to be quiet? Steel-toed boots. So let me ask you this.

Why do I have this xylophone in my shoes? Is burgled a real verb for what's happening to you? Has to be. Can you be burgled? I've been burgled a real verb for what's happening to you has to be can you be burgled yeah i've been burgled yeah i don't know oh yeah i mean when you've experienced because i gotta call the cops and say something to them i can't i can't i've been burgled i've been burgled officer it's such a funny word okay and then he goes wait were you hit no you were mugged It's such a funny word. Okay.

And then he goes, wait, were you hit? No, you were mugged. Past tense. Burgled. Past participle. Burgled. So it is. That is literally. Okay, it's good.

We're good to go? Yes. It's just a weird word. You've been. Okay. I've been burgled by a guy in black and white stripes who tiptoed off with my family jewels. Yeah. And he's got a sack over his shoulder.

Yeah. Where else is he going to put it? Okay. All right. I accept that. I accept that. Darth, where else is he going to put it? Okay. All right, I accept that. Darth Chopsticks from Patreon. What's the difference between vintage, retro, and antique? Okay. A lot of this is about age, first of all.

Is it? Yeah, like antiques are like, you know, when something is retro, what that means is it's coming back in style from something that was gone. When something is antique, it means you are an old person. Yes, antique is like the shopper. It could be valuable, but it's also just no one wants. It's not cool. Yeah, vintage is cool or retro school. Vintage is cooler than retro. They're both not cool. But vintage is cool or retro is cool? I think vintage is cooler than retro.

They're both definitely cool. I think Jason is right, though. They're like, wait. Retro is your styling descriptor. Yeah, but let's say you're 65. If you're 65 and you're doing something retro, it is now antique. You're saying it's based on the person? Yeah, I'm just saying that there's a limit. Or you're an antique if you're saying it's based on the person yeah i'm just saying that there's a limit you're an antique if you're 65 yeah you're antiquing like if you were like oh i'm gonna wear this thing from the

30s that's still an antique it's not just shop no no no no no antique is something put on display yes it's because it's old right and it usually ugly. Does it have to carry value? Does an antique have... Yes. It can just be personal value, though. It doesn't have to be monetary value. But you don't use it. As something that's vintage, you can use.

A vintage car, you can use it. You don't use an antique car. You put it on display. Oh, okay. You see what I'm saying? So this is display versus use. And retro is something new in a old style. That's what I was going to say.

That's what it is. The authenticity of the age. If I have a vintage t-shirt, that means that this was made by the band 30 years ago. It really was made back then. If it's retro, it's the old band, but it's been reprinted. Yes. Yes. Okay.

We got it. You know what's crazy is I you know we i have middle schoolers right now and they are in the i don't know if you both have caught on to this i'm still here andy's camera i have not a cat i'm still here wait is he burgled oh no he might be burgled right now so so uh we're keeping this part of the video. For those, most of you are listening. But obviously we are being recorded on YouTube. And my camera is gone. But my audio is fine.

You've never looked better. We're just going to go? Oh, we've got to go. We've got to go. Now I will eventually. The quote that came up on the screen is battery exhausted oh it's like your battery's really tired it's worn out it's it's been in a healthy run and it did a good job but man this needs a Gatorade real quick nap and this battery is

gonna be back at it now I did provide you a power adapter for that camera which is completely plugged in it's completely plugged in. And for whatever reason. I find that doubtful. Switch your input. Oh, is this? Are you in an outlet that's on a switch? Nope.

Are you sure? Is it one of the upside down outlets? We may have tried to record two shows today. And look, this is not important for everybody. All right, we're moving on. Let's proceed. I'm going to, I'll figure this out. Don't worry about it.

I'll come back at some point visually. You guys can just interact with my voice. I think it's going fine. I gotta tell you, there is, it shouldn't be weird. Is it super weird? But having Jason there and I can see him talking and then you're just a completely black screen but your voice is there is very strange.

It's off putting. It's a little off putting. I feel like it's just me and Mike. You should be off putting. Where did that come from? Is that the galapagos? It was. All right.

Hey, I think we knocked that one out of the park. Do we got time for one more hour or do you want to draft? We got nothing but time. I need to get my battery charged. What is the difference between a stadium, an arena, and a coliseum? Ricky from Patreon wants to know because there are sports stadiums out there now, arenas, and coliseums. I feel like coliseums, they don't name new ones coliseums anymore.

Nope. Nope. Coliseums are ancient. Coliseums are. There's the coliseum. Isn't the USC stadium the coliseum? here. Nope. Nope. Coliseums are ancient. Coliseums are... Isn't the USC stadium the Coliseum? When was that built?

That's got to be 100 years old. I don't know. I'll look it up. I don't think you can have a Coliseum that is under the age of 50. Which means I do think stadiums can turn into Coliseums.

You know, maybe once this was a stadium, 150 years later you look back and you say that was a coliseum. January 5th, 1923 is what I'm seeing. I'm seeing, I guess I'm looking at the Rose Bowl Stadium. Which one are you looking at, Alan? L.A. Memorial Coliseum. That's, okay. 1923, so 100 years old. years old nope nope it's not there yet well i said it's got to be longer than 50 and i was just guessing that that thing is about 100

years old so it's 99 years old um but that i mean coliseums are are artifacts right not factoring in like there has to be combat sports inside of the Coliseum? Well, there always are. No, that was implied because it was called the Coliseum. If there's not been a combat sport inside. Stadium and arena are easy, right? Roof. Roof.

Yeah, it's pretty easy. Wait, which one is the roof? The arena. You can't have an open. There's never been an open roofed arena you can't have an open there's never been an open open roofed arena really yes yeah and i wish this was just part of like a funny joke but i just think that's legit that's the actual you can't have an open air arena you can have an arena that has a roof that opens but no if if it is if it is an open building without a roof, that's not an arena.

Impossible. Except for by definition. Not my definition. Right. Not our definition. And that's what people have come here for. But the old school, right? The great arenas of old?

Had roofs. They couldn't. Did they? Yeah. You just said it. You just said the great arenas. So I know that you're talking about a building that has a roof on it. I think I'm wrong on this one.

I'm backing off of my confidence big time. I am 100% confident. All basketball are played in arenas. You ever seen an open air basketball arena? No. What if they're all the same? What if all three of these are the exact same? Then they wouldn't have three names.

That would be nothing. They wouldn't call them different things. That would be ridiculous. That's a good point. So basically... This bit would be stupid if they were all the same thing. Right, right. And this is informative.

No, I really do think that that's the difference between all of them. Stadiums graduate into coliseums when they are over the age of 50 and combat sports has been played inside. You put a roof on top and it's an arena. And we're not talking about amphitheaters here. We're not getting into the world of amphitheaters.

There's so much to that world. But that's like a half. Like they didn't finish it? They were working on a full arena? They ran over the budget and this is no longer an arena. Oh, a like a half. Like they didn't finish it? Yeah. They were working on a full arena? They ran over the budget, and this is no longer an arena. Oh, a half a theater. They were probably working on a stadium, not an arena. Okay.

Because I don't think they ever had plans for a roof in an amphitheater, but it really is usually a budget issue. You can't have lions fight people in an amphitheater. No, because the people just run away. It'd be distasteful. Run out the open side. Cowards. Yeah, you can't have combat sports in an amphitheater.

Also, then the lions are roaming the streets. Andy's camera was back for a second. Andy came back and he is gone again. Oh, man. When he came back, too, if you're watching the YouTube, when he came back, it was delightful because you could see him zooming it it in scrambling yeah uh you didn't let the battery rest no i mean i didn't not long enough uh let's draft The Spitballers Draft.

We may have to get to the bottom of this whole power adapter thing here, Al Borman. Because there stands to reason that it's not set up correctly. I'm excited about this draft. Because we are doing the worst things to find in a pinata. Told you that at the beginning of the show. You're at a birthday party in an event. You know, the pinata thing, I don't know. Just real quick survey before we begin the draft.

Are you pro pinata at a party or anti-pinata at a party? Oh, I'm super pro pinata. Yeah, I don't mind. I mean, what would be much better? Like, hey, do you like candy? Yeah. Do you like just beating the tar out of something? Who doesn't?

You want to beat the tar out of something and have it poop out candy? Heck yeah, I am in. That's a birthday. Okay. All right. Jason, you get the first pick. You're a very fortunate fellow because we are drafting the worst things you'd want to find in there. So there's a lot of anticipation with the piñata. Jason, you get the first pick. You're a very fortunate fellow because we are drafting the worst things you'd want to find in there.

There's a lot of anticipation with a pinata. Oh, yeah. You've got to work. You don't know what's in it. You might know it's candy. Who's going to be the lucky star that opens that pinata up? You get one or two swings. Now, the way I think about a pinata if you open it up now i maybe you're the

hero of the party but is that really now there is an upside down andy picture andy drawing okay um that's generous to call that so let me uh so you're the one you're the kid who opens it up but you're wearing the blindfold, right? Yeah. And generally speaking, as soon as the piñata starts dumping the candy out, the rest of the kids all dive in. That's true. So, while you're the hero for opening the piñata, are you in fact in the worst position

because everyone else is getting first dibs on the candy? No, you're not because weaklings can't open a pinata. And what ends up happening is they try first. They can't get it. You can toss them aside. You are the alpha. You open it up. And so you take that blindfold off and you just stare at them.

And they say, can I get you some candy? So worst things to find in, Jason, you're first. All right. Well, the worst thing that I could imagine. I've smacked this thing open. I'm so excited to see what's in there and unfortunately all the candy has been eaten by cockroaches i'm going to smash this thing open and a bunch of bugs and cockroaches not only do they fall to the ground freaking everyone out but now they're not just sitting there they're running at everybody this party has become a massacre

one to avoid um and also now your house has a ton of cockroaches because they breed i think that that's a great pick and i think the big thing here is you've got the explosion factor you know you when you find something inside there's an impact and there's an explosion and then there are items inside and you want to be at least the way i'm drafting is i want you to be horrified by what you find inside of that and cockroaches were on my short list i gotta be honest you made a great pick interesting interesting we're looking at this a different way okay well i look my number this direction, but it's razor blades. Oh.

It's filled with razor blades. That's got to be one of the worst things that you can find inside of a pinata. Well, what if you're in need of a shave? How convenient. These aren't razors. These aren't like a bunch of Gillette razors coming out. These are the blades, just the blades. Yeah, but men, there was a time when a man could shave his face with a razor blade.

Are you looking at this through a nice lens? You want this to happen? No, I'm just trying to spin your pick to be bad. All right. Thank you. All right. All right. So Jason W cockroaches.

Annie went razor blades. I'm trying to think of this, like, I guess, from the eyes of a child. And the first thing that came to my mind, what would be the worst thing to find from a piñata

if you're at a party is nothing. You bust that piñata open. Oh, it's just an empty piñata. Devastating. Nothing comes out. That was, it was between cockroaches and nothing. Really? For the first pick. you bust that pinata open it's just an empty pinata nothing comes out that was that was it was between cockroaches and nothing really or the first because that's because you're right like as

a kid and as a parent you realize like you just let down all of the kids you forgot to fill the pinata everyone is just heartbroken all that crying children crying children everywhere and i guess this is it's almost the exact same pick but it's it's different enough and i think the idea of this happening is very funny you bust open the pinata and just a bunch of ious fall out for candy yes it's just like i owe you The Skittles. Two pieces of IOU. A Hershey Kiss. IOU a Snickers bar. Because you know you're never cashing that thing in.

It's an IOU. You had to stuff this thing and handwrite a bunch of IOUs for candy? You ran out of candy. You ran out of money. You had some paper. These are as good as candy. That's exactly. You might want to hold on to that one

that's a king-size bar um i'm going to go with hornets we were thinking about this very differently we were and uh you you made me think about something else with your hornets is way worse than than the roaches or razor blades the hornets is so good because there's probably what when you go to a party and you you watch these kids how many hits before this thing breaks oh yes those are the warm-ups they are angry and you know what's terrifying singular hornets yeah just one put put go to a birthday party and put one hornet on the loose it's basically shaking a hive 10 15 times and breaking it open and they you know it's like that's not a kamikaze bees gonna die when it stings you no they're hornets that's not fair that's not fair

that they get to sting you as much as they want. No, it's really not. And they take pleasure, great pleasure in stinging human beings. It's their favorite. Do you think you've talked to some of these? Yeah. I speak Hornet. All right, guys. I'm turning the camera back on. Oh, let's see how that goes.

See if I can make it to the end of this draft. I know, sideways. Why sideways? What is happening? How did that happen? You are sideways over fabio wow it's like you just oh my goodness all right well congratulations on getting back on video okay don't worry okay so um am i am i up yeah you're up. Back to back. Back to back picks. Okay.

I think, again, I am also coming at this from the standpoint of a kid. You're working hard to get your candy at the birthday party. And lo and behold, you bust that thing open and a bunch of fruit comes out. We're talking cut up cantaloupe and watermelon. All into the... Melons, all pre-cut. Into the yard? Right onto the ground.

You're grabbing it with your hands? Dirt. You're grabbing this watermelon off the ground. Cantaloupe just off. Like a fruit salad. A fruit salad just barfed onto the ground. Nobody wants the fruit. Nobody wants fruit off the ground.

Oh, my God. But the parent had a brilliant idea. Oh, yeah. You know, instead of- Right, a healthy. This is a healthy pinata. This is a healthy pinata. And also, I don't know if you've ever smashed fruit with a baseball bat, but it's going

to be extra ripe. Oh, my gosh. All right. That would be a surprise. You've got cockroaches and fruit. And now, look, I'm just going to go with a candy. It's entirely full of good and plenty. The entire...

There's one candy in there, and it's nonstop good and plenty. So you see the little boxes fall out out and you're so excited to grab it and it's just the most inedible, awful candy. I feel like you'd be happier with nothing. Black licorice, right? There's no like the good isn't a good one and the plenty is the bad one

or something. It's just purple and white black licorice. Yep, that's right. So nobody can eat any of the candy. Guys, I'm staying in my lane here. We saw a different story. An alligator! No.

Worst things to find in a piñata, it's blood. It's just filled with blood. Yep, okay. There'd be a lot of horror. I think I'm traumatizing these children. But there's some adults, though, that'll be traumatized too certainly uh everyone at the party uh so yeah blood is my my final answer i think if you found the one person that was not traumatized by that you have now exposed that person you found who put the blood in there being a serial killer yes you figured out who did it all right mike uh

you have uh then you open up the pinata. You've got nothing at all inside, and then you've got some candy IOUs. So you're breaking kids' hearts in a way that isn't Blood and Hornets. It's a little tough here because I have a couple of picks that are similar. They're not the same thing, but they're the same idea and heart behind it as Jason's last two picks. So that's a little disappointing, but I'll go with whatever.

I'm going to go with one of them because if you, if you cracked open the pinata and it just poured out candy corn, you're going to have that way. Yeah. Because candy corn is by far the worst candy. I'll eat good and plenty before I start eating candy corn. You would not really eat good and plenty before candy corn. Because of the taste.

It's not the texture? Well, it's all of it. You like black licorice. No, I don't. That's what I heard. I don't like good and plenty, but I'll eat it over eating candy corn. I totally understand you saying that because of the draft. I don't believe for one second that if you were forced to eat a little tiny bowl of good and plenty

or a little tiny bowl of candy corn, there's no way you're going black licorice. I think that's the way I would go. I haven't had either in probably a couple decades. Since the first time I had them, I was like, this is not something I need to change my mind on. Okay, and then trying to figure out something. The last worst thing to find in a pinata. I don't know why this came to mind, but I was like,

well, what is something that it would be silly if it fell out? And it's also just completely useless to you and to everybody. And it's undersized underpants. It's just underwear. And you're like, what? Why is this pinata full of underwear? And then you're trying to think, well, there's a silver lining here. I get some brand new underwear.

But no, it's all way too small. You can't even put it on. Why did that come to mind? I don't know. But here we are. You had children's underwear on mine. You had children's underwear on yours? On Mike's?

Not on mine. I didn't think about children's underwear. Why would I put children's underwear in a pinata? I said undersized underwear. Well, undersized is going to be children, right? That's in contention for the strangest pick. Well, for you, undersized is like XXXL. Oh, no.

No. Look, my final pick here, Razorblades, Hornets, Blood. There's something to find that's really bad in a pinata. Vomit. This was one of the ones that I thought was pretty terrible. And it's Jambalaya. It's filled with Jambalaya. It's filled with Jambalaya. I don't and it's Jambalaya. It's filled with Jambalaya.

I don't even know what Jambalaya is. You don't know what Jambalaya is? That's one of those things like I thought I knew what it was but now that I'm Okay, it's Fabio's back. What's the difference between Jambalaya and Gumbo? Because I see those as like the same thing.

I know what Gumbo is what is the this what is the difference jumble it's ironic you said the vomit thing because it would present very much like jambalaya would yeah jambalaya would present it's like oh the main difference between these two chicken and vegetables and it's like you know it's not a good time. The main difference is use of rice. Which one has rice? Jambalaya. Gumbo is really a super stew that's often served over a little rice where jambalaya is made with the rice cooked into the dish. So they both have rice?

Can I change to gumbo? Sure. All right. All right. I don't want to steal gumbo from you. Was gumbo on your list? I was just about to take it, but I guess I'll give it to Andy. All right.

All right. Final pick. I was trying to think what is, what's something that would be a real problem? A real problem. That's where my brain was on this thing, by the way. A real problem. Real, real problem. I went with a minor inconvenience.

Yeah. S slightly smaller underwear my mine is a big problem mine's uh forgot that that was in their situation this was never to be used as a pinata that thing's full of grandma's ashes yeah's gone. She's everywhere at the party. I don't know why she wanted to die and go in a pinata. That's her final wishes, and we used it, and the birthday party's ruined. We're all breathing it in. It's a big, big problem. That pinata looks a lot like an urn. Yeah, exactly right.

Why did you get an urn-shaped piñata oh my gosh that is such a fab that's a fabulous steal of a pick here in this very sophisticated draft grandma's that's a lot of ashes too grandma was she's a big big lady you can fill a piñata okay that's that's a good question yeah what's how much is there really uh, you take like an average-sized adult. Yeah, I'm Googling it. And then a real, just a plus-sized adult. Is there really that much of a difference in the ashes? I feel like either there has to be a large difference in the ashes.

It's just proportionate to the amount of matter that you are cooking up. Or you're just getting some scooping of ashes from this place. They didn't give you the whole thing? Like leftover ashes in there? If you're cremated in like a parka or something? What did you learn, Andy? Well, the average adult will weigh about four to eight pounds worth of ashes. That's all I learned.

Here, here. How many cups of ashes does a person make? That's a real... I will put the answer in. It says that the large portion of the ashes, it's from the bones, and the body fat is essentially consumed in the cremation process. Yeah. So most people will be about the same except for those big boned people.

So most people will be about the same except for those big boned people. It says if a person is 150 pounds expect to receive about 150 cubic inches of ashes which is like 10.5 cups of ashes. That's not a lot. That's not a pinata's load. You're going to need some filler. You're going to have to mix it in with something else.

You got to go grandma and grandpa. You got to get them both. Oh no! You got to go both? Well they wanted to be together when you oh no on the ground at a kid's party um when you said it was something you forgot was there that you didn't want exposed i i'll be honest i thought you were going with drugs i thought that thing was gonna break open and your stash is in there. Oh, no. And the kids find it. The kids are all running to grab these.

What are these little bags? It's flour. Was that sugar? Oh, no. All right. Jason's final picks, cockroaches, fruit, good and plenty, and grandma's ashes. Mine was razor blades, hornets, blood, and gumbo. Mike has nothing.

Candy IOUs, candy corn, and undersized underwear in the strangest pick that this show has ever had do we have any big omissions al things that you really you wanted inside of the uh pinata no i think i think you got it we covered the full the gamut and uh i was i was gonna go with salsa but it was, but it was the exact same reason of going with the fruit. It seems like, oh, it could be worse. We could put our chips in the salsa, but then it just goes

all over the ground. That's what motor oil was in contention. Motor oil? Yeah. It just skips over everybody as that final swing just splatters it. Maybe like rotten eggs?

Oh, that'd be pretty bad. Something with an odor. Oh, it doesn't even have to be rotten eggs. Just eggs. You're just mashing them up. Pesticides? Well, I mean, I can use those for something. But I guess that part of the ground will be in good shape.

I need it for your hornets. All right. I think we completed this one. What did we learn today? Well, I learned that I need a longer-lasting battery on my camera here. I learned that the hypothetical questions of would you rather live longer and eat healthier is just real life yeah mike did you learn anything uh i was gonna say i learned that the the real wake-up call for jason it could be too late yeah it's all a matter of if i survived that first one as soon as i started talking about

that i i'm now all of a sudden I'm paranoid. It's coming any minute. I know it. Oh, the first one? Yeah. I got to get prepared. How do you prepare for that? How do you prepare for it?

You put a backpack on. No, the backpack has a defibrillator in it. I mean, it's common knowledge. All right. Thank you for listening, tuning in, supporting the show. We appreciate you. Back for another Spitballers next week.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.