Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Bald Hippies & Things To Fight A Dragon With - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

Spit Hit for December 8th, 2022: On today’s show, we talk about grave robbing, the odd shape of Jason’s head, and defining the levels of precipitation. We slay the end of the episode as we draft things to fight a dragon with. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What's going on, Spitwads? Today's Spit Hit is, well, it's spectacular. We talk about very important topics. One of our favorites, like grave robbing. I mean, that's what we do. We're into grave robbing. There's a lot of treasure in graves. And we touch on other things, like Jason's oddly shaped head. What? And of course, we end up drafting things to fight a dragon with. It's a run-of-the-mill, normal episode, the kind you come to expect from the Spitballers. Enjoy.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Squeedum, bop, bop, a-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-dub ending. That was going to be the whole bit. You've been going to the squeedums a little too often. Am I? For the top. I think you have a tendency to squeedum lately. Well, that is the best way to start a scat. But the ending was outstanding. It was great. Alright.

I thought it was a yabba dabba doo for a second, but it wasn't. Well, I mean, it's like, if you check in with the scat man, I guess he's but we do we he's he's not squeed him he's like amateur freedom darn near kill him um welcome to

episode 155 of the spitballers we're just uh 10 or 11 away from ow borland owl borland sorry i got that. How are you doing, Al? I'm doing great. Thanks for asking. That's good. You got your scat already, I'm sure. Nope. Would you rather on the show today? That's a great question.

We're drafting things to fight a dragon with. I'm really excited about this. Just getting it out of the way at the top no suspense this show has a ton of hypothetical questions on it so why not have a draft about the hypothetical situation we may all find ourselves in someday you don't know where a dragon comes rolling rolling up on you as they do and i had the scat which means i have the first pick. And normally, Andy, you tease. Like, we've got a great draft. That's true. My last pick, I'm very excited.

So this is off the beaten path. Yes. There's no reason to worry. There is no chance. I mean, look, I guess we live in a world where infinite possibilities, but I'm very confident that I will get my last pick. All right. Before we jump into Would You Rather, I want to remind you,

spitballerspod.com. You can head over there, find out how to become an official SpitWad supporter. You can find us on YouTube, youtube.com slash spitballers, and on Twitter at spitballerspod. Let's get into a review first. Review Asaurus Rags. This one comes from jared sabino from the united states five stars most bestest podcast that will most likely ever exist nice andy mike and jason are the best

friends i have always wanted when they speak put on your listening ears and you will learn some of the most important life lessons like butt cheeks are not scissors i forgot that one and you can't milk a horse as a fact i firmly believe that this podcast is probably the best podcast that will ever exist aside from their fantasy football pod love you guys like you're part of my own family well thank you jared savino jared it's one word it's jared savino that's his first name we are part of your family now yeah thank you for the review that was awesome and it reminded me of some funny show moments oh man the butt cheeks oh man scissors and i have seen the reviews coming in so far with some typed out scats which i did request so i am making that

i could have used one i'm making the commitment right now. My next scat will be okay. Somebody's typed out scat and I will need, I realized when reading those going to take some rehearsing. It's not easy. You cannot read. And from the top two, three, four,

you cannot read a scat quickly. Cause it's all like scabble. Beep. Boop. Boop. Doop. Darp. Darp.

Was there a derp in there there's a derp in there some of them have derps uh time for some would you rather would you rather mario from patreon writes in says if you had to lose weight in the next 60 days assuming effectiveness was equal would you rather stick to a green juice diet or do two high-intensity exercise sessions per day? So you have to do it. You're going to be as effective either way, but you choose whether you just want green juice all the time or too high-intensity. What I'm guessing, what about like 30 minutes to an hour yeah we'll go 45 yeah i think that's the right so total in the day hour and a half but you're

taking i mean when i exercise that that's like a three hour window because by the time i'm done sweating post exercise that's that's so now i'm taking up six hours of my day with just sweat. Now, the green juice, have either of you done a juice detox or a juice diet? I have drank a detox juice. Just a one? But like one. Yeah, exactly. Finish this bottle type thing. How much green juice do you actually get?

Is it just you get one per meal? So you have a breakfast green juice? It's not a lot, no. I talked to somebody recently that did this. Really? Yeah. I would assume you get unlimited. Can you drink too much?

Yeah, because it's calories. Well, they're all normally- Jason, do you know how it works? Well, I'm just saying- You might have weight loss all wrong. Can't you have as much cheesy broccoli as you want? I can't just eat whatever I want. Too much orange juice is, is in fact bad for you.

Well, I get that because orange juice in general is bad for you. It's all sugar. But I would assume that a green juice cleanse is like, like literally, you cannot eat too much broccoli. You can't, you can't overeat broccoli. You're not going to be like hurt by that. Well, the juice is, at least the person i talked to it was like a breakfast lunch and dinner juice okay and it was like seven days worth of that now when you talk to them

how was their demeanor miserable okay because i have your morale goes to crap you are angry you're mad um you're probably you probably got diarrhea oh for sure yeah it's a detox man you don't you don't ingest liquids and poop solids like it's called a detox for a reason that means that stuff is coming out i think it's a big sham oh for the detox any of those any of those juicy cleans buy it for you know nine hundred dollars for all these juices do it for a week i mean it works yeah what do you mean it I mean, it works. Yeah. What do you mean it works? I mean, it works in the sense that-

How do you know you're detoxed? Oh, sure. Whether or not your toxins are- How toxic do you feel right now? Are cleansed. Yeah, that's probably a sham, but people don't care about their toxins. People care about their weight. Right.

And they just want to say, oh, but I'm also getting cleaner. Then if I never eat another regular meal, I'll be just fine. Yeah, that's the thing. All these diets will work, and yet they're all shams. I don't, I mean, so it's 60 days. So 60 days of green juice is not something I want to do. But the two high-intensity workouts, I don't want to either. But I'm going to go that way.

I'm going to go the two workouts. The problem with the workouts. Then eat what i want well i like i have i've talked to at least a handful of people who are mid mid juice you know i'm doing a week juice fast a juice cleanse those people are in a bad bad way they like like you're saying andy the morale is out and got up on the wrong side of the bed every day you're all you're cranky you're super grabby, and you're tired. You're tired. And that's the drawback of the two exercise per day.

You're going to hit a point where you're just so tired that you can't function, but you will eventually acclimate to it. If you can fight through those first couple weeks where you're tired, you're going to bounce back eventually and it will make you feel good. Meanwhile, I don't think 60 days of juice, you're not a day. You might acclimate a little bit to that too. Maybe. I mean, that's –

Here's what I know. I know that on two high- exercise sessions per day, I will lose weight on a 60 day juice only diet. I will lose my life. There's just no chance I could power through that. There's no way I would be. I would be divorced within at least three weeks. My kids would not want to see me. No one would want to be around me. And then I would be, it would be the quickest escalating problem of my life to be on an all juice

diet for that long. So I'm, I'm getting ripped. I'm going with the workout. What would it take taking hypotheticals out of it? What do you think, Jason, what did it take for you to commit to 30 days of two high-intensity workouts a day?

I ask myself that every day, Mike. Every day I say, come on, Jay, what would it take for me to commit to 30 days of insert exerciser diet plan here? Just 30 days. Mike, let me ask you a question. What would it take for me to commit to 30 days of two high-intensity workouts per week? I really want the answer to that. I'm asking you as a friend. What would it take for me to do that?

The honest truth is just uh mental strength yeah where do you buy that diagnosis i don't know that a diagnosis would matter i think if they say look no i've seen people stop drinking with the diagnosis you could yeah but there's people who have the beatus and they're like how do i how do i manage this like diet and exercise like yeah but what else what's the secret where's the pill so how much earlier am i gonna die that's fine okay um okay yeah let's but just throwing this out there before we move on if someone has an answer to that question um just hit me up on twitter at jasonffl i mean like is there is there a monetary amount? That's where I was going to go. Yeah. If we are like, if you can go 30 days with two exercise, two 45-minute exercise periods for 30 days, we will give you $10,000.

Ten? $10,000. Okay, well, I'm out. Okay. Shark Tank. Well, you can crowdsource this. I'm not sure. I mean.

Get 10,000 people to pay a dollar. Easy. We can commit 10,000, but there's no guarantee we're paying that. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I mean, if I miss, obviously I don't get paid. It's not paid up front. 10,000, but if you don't do it, you don't do it. You pay 10. No. Cause then he won't do it. Five and five. Then it has to be like, he would make 10 grand for the 30 days. If he doesn't do it, then he has to pay out like a thousand no no let me ask you this okay would you rather would you rather which is more motivating ten thousand dollars at the end of the stick or losing the ten thousand like you have to do you have to do the 30 days or

else you pay 10 i think that one's more motivated it is it's definitely if you don't do it for 30 days you're losing 10 grand if it's same number, losing it would mean, because if I don't hit it, one doesn't affect me and one does. So it would be that. But that's just not. That's the way to go, Mike. But that's not reality. We could get rich.

He won't agree to it. Why would I ever agree to that? Because you want to work out for 30 days. I need a sponsor to come in here and say, look, if you. Am I right, Al? If you lose X amount... No, you don't need none of that. Put $10,000 in an envelope. Hand it to Mike. You get it

back in 30 days. But why would I do that? Because you want to work out. I don't want to work out. You do not know me at all. I don't want to work out more than I don't want to do almost anything. Didn't you just ask the actual question, what would it take for me to work out for 30 days? Tell me the answer.

New question. Check the tape. New question. What would it take? I just told you. All right. No, new question. What would it take for me to commit $10,000 to someone else to work out?

Because that's, I mean, I don't know how to get to that point. Yeah, I'm shooting my shot, Mike. I'm doing everything I can do. I like what you're doing. $10,000 to me. Put it in an envelope. We'll give it back to you in 30 days. I'll do it.

I'll record every workout. All right. Alana from the website, would you rather have rain on your wedding day or 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife? Oh, Alana from the website. Alana Morris. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's like rain! a knife oh alana alana from the website alana morris oh okay yeah um i couldn't i couldn't hold it i tried i tried to not do it but i mean i mean this is just a joke right yes well let's take it seriously let's act like it's not a joke. I mean, 10,000 spoons, I'm going to get that thing cut.

Yeah, but that's a problem. Like, I don't want 10,000 spoons. How much volume would that take up? I'm at a nice steakhouse. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. I need a knife. And they present me 10. I feel like, am I sitting on a Game of Thrones-style chair made of spoons?

The spoon chair? With a spoon. I mean, you could get a good amount of cutting done with a spoon and enough elbow grease. Doing a steak is going to be tough. Arizona's the only place that rain on your wedding day. You're like, yeah, this is nice. I don't think people are going to be

very happy about it. You know we're inside for the wedding, so it don't matter. It's just nice outside. I was outdoor. Yours was? Yeah. So was mine. In Arizona? Yeah. So was mine. Oh. In Arizona? Yes, sir. What month?

I love Michael Keaton. April. Okay. November. That's better. You both were fine. I was July 15th. Yeah, I'm May 20th.

Outdoor weddings are called outdoor burnings. You just literally, oh, that's a beautiful wedding. Oh, the wedding dress is on fire. The wedding dress is on fire. The wedding dress is on fire. Why are you guys down in just a giant mass grave right now? Right. You'll be joining us soon. Preparation.

All right. Let's go to Madeline on Twitter. Would you rather be a 1960s hippie or a 1920s gangster? Oh, man. That's interesting. It's funny because both of these individually i think you've got people on both sides of the aisle that would be like oh man i would never want to be a 1960s hippie and then some people would be like oh that'd be awesome to just be a 1960s hippie

same thing with the gangster where it's like oh debbie's so cool or like i don't want to be you know have to break legs yeah i think being a 60s hippie, I'm into it. I think that it's looking back on the video footage of like imagine being at Woodstock and like it's a very romanticized time period in my memory of never being there. How many diseases do you have? Oh, diseases. Everyone stinks. Oh, there's no showering.

I mean, there is there is definitely some downsides upon it but being a 1920s gangster also comes with some deaths some downsides of of not only you inflicting it upon other people you may soon be swimming with the fishes true i mean that's true and were those hippie vans were they just strewn all over the street like those crashed a lot and that's just people were high in them yeah what is that what's the safety rating on those uh those mini v the vw bus i don't think there was a high safety rating on any of the vehicles in the 60s you didn't wear they were all made of pure heavy steel and you couldn't stop them zones no um i don't want to be a hippie.

You don't? No, because here's why. In the 1960s- It's a hair. He can't get there. Yeah. They would never believe it. They would say, this guy can't be a hippie. Come on, man.

Grow it out. I am growing it out. You could mullet it. But were there bald hippies? Was there one? In the 1960s, was there one bald hippie there has to be but then it didn't kick you out that's the rule like if you google what is a hippie it's like a long-haired homeless person who loves music and drugs like that's right here so you you get this

brown tab don't worry about it eat up and we'll tell you um but i feel like in the 60s i know there was by that point good plumbing and i I know there was, by that point, good plumbing, and I know that there was plenty of electricity. I want both of those things. And I think that would be against the grain for the hippies. So a gangster now, I get it. I don't want to kill anybody. I don't want to hurt anybody.

But I also- You don't have a choice. I know. I want the power. If you're low level- I want the Tommy gun. Oh, I'm not low level. I'm not low level. No, no,'m not low level I'm orchestrating this thing

You don't get to choose Then we're king hippie You've got awesome hair What is that down your knees I'm not like the boss I'm not on top I'm regional I've got the west side

I'm like the VP You're like I know a a guy who's gonna make an offer you can't refuse exactly right have you met my friend the vp of sales um but i think i would want to experience the power i want to walk with two big guys behind me into a club here's here's what you don't know and have the waves part you don't have to have those people if you're a 20s gangster. You're going to be so hot in your 14-piece suit. Oh, that is a problem. You're going to be real hot. 14-piece suit and a trench coat. And his 1920s. And I looked terrible

in a fedora. Oh, man. The least intimidating gangster ever. I would not know. Okay. Well, I'm out on both of these. I would fail miserably. Hey, why doesn't your hat fit? I got a fat face, okay? Don't worry about it.

Every first question, everybody I run into when I'm being serious, why doesn't your hat fit? And also, Mike, can I ask you another question, Mike? No, no, but it's really small. Mike, on a serious question. Okay. Why don another question, Mike? No, no, but it's really small. Mike, on a serious question. Okay. Why don't hats fit me? Like, no hat. No matter the size.

It could be big. It could be small. They never fit my skull. And I know this is a real thing for Jason because there have been times when he's come to us candidly and said, Guys, can you find me a hat that'll fit me? It just fits like you look at me and you go. That's not a hat guy. Right. Which sucks because you're me a hat that'll fit me? It just fits like you look at me and you go. That's not a hat guy. Right.

Which sucks because you're not a hair guy either. No, but he should be a hat guy. You guys are always in here rocking these great hats. And I'm sitting here like, man, I wish I could wear a hat. But every time I wear a hat, I look so stupid in a hat. And now you really self-conceived. Maybe you're a cowboy hat. Oh, I haven't tried the cowboy hat.

Oh, okay. And honestly, trying to break it down, I think it's just you're a cowboy hat? Oh, I haven't tried the cowboy hat. Oh, okay. And honestly, trying to break it down, I think it's just you're... You're more of a ski mask guy. Thank you. Thank you. Is the shape of your head, it seems to be more pointed on the top and the bottom. It's a pear-shaped head? Is that what you're saying?

No, no, no. It feels even. Eggplant. No, it's like an oval, but it's pointy on the top and the bottom. It's an oval, but it's pointy. Okay, so it's like a football. You just described a football. Yes, it's like a football.

You can't put a hat on the point of a football. No, it looks stupid. It's real lumpy. It's like, you see all the problems on the face? It's not like a normal head Okay, alright Thank you, no I asked for I asked an honest question

I'm trying to compare because like The top of Andy's head is wider Across the top and yours is pointy Yeah, I gotta figure that out Have you tried a dunce cap? Or a wizard cap? That would be perfect Or even a witch

A witch is sure But I was trying to give you a wizard That's fine That's fair I would much rather have Dumbledore's head perfect. Or even a witch. A witch is a hat. A witch is sure, but I was trying to give you a wizard. That's fine. That's fair. I would much rather have Dumbledore's hat. You're more of a witch. All right. Okay.

Were there more? Andy, were there more questions to go on to? I did find out that the VW Bug has a terrible tendency to oversteer. All of its weight is concentrated in the back, and there was no crumple zone, and your knee is located basically next to the point of impact. Okay, good, good, good. So there must be a lot of hippies that are, I don't know. Not with us anymore.

Not with us anymore. My goodness. So which one are you going to be, Andy? Not the VW Bug, the VW Bus. Yes. I'm hippie. I guess I'll go hippie life. I'm going to stick with the gangster,

but I'll be sweating and being made fun of for my hat quite a bit Me and my friends This is Leatherface He's a wizard Pointy head Israel from Patreon Would you rather be trapped in a comedy movie With people you hate

Or trapped in a horror movie with your closest friends Trapped in a comedy movie With people you hate Or in a horror movie with your closest friends. Trapped in a comedy movie with people you hate. Or in a horror movie with... This is assuming that you hate horror... Oh, we're in the movie. I was like, we're in a movie theater. I would be fine going to a horror movie

with a lot of my friends. You're in the horror movie, so you know that your closest friends... I mean, two of you maybe make it out. The rest of you are dead. And the probability is you yourself will not make it out. This is all about whether your closest friends are more athletic than you or not. I don't think that the athleticism matters in a horror movie. It matters a little bit.

No, it doesn't. It's not. If he's chasing after me. Yeah, but that's not how you escape. You don't escape by, like, you escape a scene by running. How dumb are my friends? Is that helpful? As soon as you're in a escape by, like, you escape a scene by running. How dumb are my friends? Is that helpful? As soon as you're in a horror movie, you're all dumb.

Oh, crap. Because you run up the stairs. And you can't be too beautiful. The real beauties, they're gone. They're toast. They're out early. Who makes it through? Which of the friends makes it through?

The quirky one? I think it's the, so. Unassuming oh man so usually in horror movies if it's if it's a female lead you're talking about like nev campbell yeah she made it through right made it through and she's like she's kind of she's because they had a franchise she's two steps up from plain vanilla you know she's not plain vanilla but she's like you know she's she's got a little bit of. I don't know what you're talking about.

I think I understand. Yeah, like you got to have a little bit of charisma, but not too much. Okay. Too much and you're toast. And then the comedy movie with people you hate, you're trapped in the movie. But everyone's like. Making bad jokes around you. people you don't like. Now, a comedy movie with people you hate,

that makes me think of those movies where you're just in a terrible... You're the character in a terrible situation, like the Meet the Falkers or the old old school planes trains and automobiles you know just like yeah you're in a just a terrible situation where everything around you is cringy and awful but i don't want to die so i'm going to go in the comedy movie i'll do the horror movie i want to i want to take the science i want to see which of my friends goes down first you're doing it for the challenge i'm doing it for the yeah you know, I need to thin out my friend group a little bit. Now, which...

Now, you're speaking people-wise or pounds-wise? Metaphorically. Which horror monster or whatever? Are you visualizing? Well, I'm saying, which one can you take in a fight? Of the horror, like, bad guys? Yeah, like, you got to fight one of them.

And this is handy. You're face-to-face squaring off with one of them. The signs monsters. Because you just sneeze on them? Yeah. Just a little spit. Oh, there's a glass of water. Squirt gun. I feel like I've got to go back to Scream, right?

Because it's a human. Because it's just a regular person. I mean, they've got a knife, and I don't. So I'm going to probably lose? Because it's a human. Because it's just a regular person. I mean, they got a knife, and I don't. So I'm going to probably lose, but it's a human. Like, I can't imagine being like, hey, Freddy Krueger. Oh, no, this is not good. Doesn't someone get stuck in a dog door? Yes.

Yes. It's the dog door. What is he doing? It was in the garage. Oh, yeah. What are they doing? And that's the strongest garage of all time. Of all time.

That thing is. Yeah, I remember that scene. They call it a garage-a-teen because... Yeah. All right. Final answers? I'm going to be in the comedy movie and live. I'm going in with Andy.

We're seeing what we can get done. All right. Hey, I want to be with my friends. Let's go. We're going to be in this horror movie together. We hoped you'd say that. All right. Yeah, because we know who's out first.

No, the funny, quirky friend, he survives. He really does. So I think I'm good. I'm not the lead. The reason is that Jason wouldn't even try the dog door. Oh, no. You can't die from that method. I would just stand in the corner when the guy comes in and be like,

they went that way. Can I join you? All right, let's take a quick break. That's a great question. Elijah from the website has a great question for us. You recently helped us all know the true definitions of a forest, the woods, and a jungle. You're welcome.

Yeah. Man, we dropped some knowledge. Now I need your help to understand the thresholds between a drizzle, a sprinkle, a shower, and a storm. Whoa, that's a lot. It's really easy, though. Oh, great. I mean, I don't know why it's easy yet, but it's going to be clear.

That probably because of how smart we are. Is there truly a difference between a drizzle and a sprinkle? Yeah, there is. Well, there's definitely, I mean, the storm one is easy, and that is wind. If there's wind, it's a storm. So if it's just pouring rain, that's a shower? If it's pouring rain straight down, that's a shower. No matter how much rain, still a shower.

I agree. There's no wind. There's a reason that the overhead, you know, bathroom. What? The shower faucet. Yeah, those are like the waterfall. They're the rainfall because if it's coming straight down, it's just. If you have a windy shower, you have a storm shower.

Okay, so it's the angle of the rain. The raindrop. So what's the threshold? Like five degrees to the side? It's just, I mean. What are we talking here? 10 to 15? Can you feel the wind?

It's got to be 15. It's got to be 15. Can you feel it? 15 degree angle and you're in a storm. Okay. No, no, no. Oh, yeah, you're in the storm. What I don't know is whether a drizzle and a sprinkle.

No, I do know the difference in those two. Now, which one's more? Which one's more water? No, it's about. Oh, yeah, you're in the storm. What I don't know is whether a drizzle and a sprinkle. No, I do know the difference in those two. Now, which one's more? Which one's more water? No, it's about one of two things. There's only two ways that it can become a drizzle. A drizzle is freezing, okay? Really? Yeah, so if you are in a sprinkle, but it's really, really cold.

That's a drizzle? That's a drizzle. Or if it is coming out of someone's mouth, that is a drizzle. Oh, no. So those are the two ways that it's not a sprinkle, but a drizzle. Or if it is coming out of someone's mouth, that is a drizzle. Oh, no. So those are the two ways that it's not a sprinkle but a drizzle. Really? Yeah, if you're just being, you know, you don't know. If it spits on you, that's a drizzle?

No, no. Spit, that's a forced projectile saliva. That would be a storm. You would have to sit underneath it. It would be going more than a 15-degree angle. No, it would be coming from above you. Is it a spit storm? Yeah, and so you get a little bit of sprinkle on you coming from above you. It's a spit storm?

Yeah, and so you get a little bit of sprinkle on you. I think you're thinking of a dribble, Jason. Well, that's why. That's why a drizzle, it's either freezing like a blizzard or it's dropping out of someone's mouth like a dribble. But for it to be a drizzle, it has to be cold? Yes, unless it's coming out of a mouth. Oh, okay, then it can be mouth. There are two definitions for many words.

There is one more gap that we need to close here, and that is the difference between a shower and a sprinkle. Now, to me, this is simple. How long does it take for your shirt to get soaking wet? Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can stand out in a sprinkle. For a good amount of time.

And then go inside, and it's like nothing happened. Yeah, that's right. for a good amount of time and then go inside and it's like nothing happened yeah that's right you can if you can if you can uh ever have your shirt soaked then you were never in a sprinkle now jason if you were if you came in from outside and you weren't very wet and someone said hey is it sprinkling out there but it was cold outside you would say oh no it's drizzling it's drizzling it's drizzling or if it's a sprinkle like let's say you and i were out there and it was sprinkling but i come in after exercising in the sprinkle and my shirt is soaked and you drip on you were in a sprinkle i was in a shower okay

because my shirt is soaked it can even come from the bottom. I don't know. Don't you drizzle onto a cake, too? Isn't that drizzling? Yeah, you drizzle onto a dessert. Yeah, but again, that's when you drop it out of your mouth. You get the frosting. You put the caramel in and let it go. You can do some cool designs that way. Ella from Patreon.

I'm glad we could sort that out really simply. Ella from Patreon says, so you guys were talking about archaeology recently. Yeah, we were. How long does someone have to be dead before it's considered archaeology and not grave robbing? That's a legitimately great question. That's a great question. Because it's the same thing. It is.

But one of them is for science it's gotta be no I think I know the answer if it's unmarked and the family wouldn't have claim to it so even if it happened yesterday this is archaeology I feel like it's gotta be generational

right? like it has to go like 100 years? no like it's gotta be from as soon as that generation is no longer alive if only bones are left is it archaeology then oh that sounds promising no caskets allowed rate of decay is it is a casket ever going to be considered archaeology yeah because a sarcophagus is a casket well that's just real fancy it's true i think i think it's somebody back then said hey no one is ever going to consider this archaeology because

we're putting them in here. They know the casket rule. But it's a sarcophagus. God bless you. I'm just saying, I'm saying I get that they serve the same purpose, but I think they would have called it a casket, except they knew that they wanted this to be part of history. So they're like, someday it's going to have to be archaeology. This has got to be a sarcophagus.

Why is no one selling sarcophagus? Sarcophagi? Sarcophagi. I know a guy. Why can't we buy a sarcophagi? Dude, I want to be buried in a sarcophagi. See, this is what I'm saying. No, you would be in a sarcophagus.

You would be in a sarcophagus. Look, I'm whiter. I need multiple. I need two sarcophagus. Look, I'm wider. I need multiple. I need two sarcophagi. And they're probably just going to have to cut me down the middle. And then, you know, put them half in each. Oh, my gosh. Now, a sarcophagus's technical definition is a stone coffin.

Yeah, see? Typically adorned with sculptures. Now, they don't do the embalming. Well, did they do embalming the exact same as back then now? I mean they don't wrap you no it's not the same in ancient Egypt? they don't wrap you but they use chemicals

I'm pretty sure we've come a long way since then and they also take all your organs out can you choose your rate of decay like on your will? do you know what I mean? I think science chooses that but like are you saying you could spring for like the finer embalming fluid

oh okay like rate of decay I imagine is it better to it's slower slower is better? Well, no, I mean, you could spring for the finer embalming fluid. Oh, okay. Like rate of decays. I imagine, is it better to, it's slower. Slower is better in case you zombie? I think most people would think that, but I would want quicker. I just want to like get- You want to be archaeology sooner? Yes, I want to be available for, now here's a question.

If you get a wooden casket, because that wood's going to go away, you can still be part of archaeology someday. Sure. Because once the wood decays and goes away. it because that wood's gonna go away you can still be part of archaeology someday sure because once the wood decays and and goes away now here's uh for science i wanted to see so i just typed sarcophagus in google but i want to go over to the shopping tab and just see what i you know what i mean like can we can we do this or is it just going to be like 20 million dollars for king tut's sarcophagus i wonder they're expensive i wonder the archaeology oh you have the price um i can get one for a thousand but i think these are more like decorations nowadays like oh that's well you could still use it they're king tut

oh are they hollow i gotta look into this yeah it's for a thousand they're hollow do they have to declare this is for decorative only what if archae archaeology... Do not bury. Yeah, exactly. Do not bury inside. What if archaeology is more about, oh, I didn't know a body was there. Like, can you have archaeology in a cemetery from days of old? Yes. It's not just, ooh, I found a body. Or I found some bones.

That is a really good question. Or, hold on. Like, I didn't think a bone was there, and there's a bone. Now it's archaeology. Unless it's a dinosaur, in which case then you're no longer archaeologists. No, you're a paleontologist,

and I just learned that's what I wanted to be. Does that particular culture, that time period of that culture, does that have to be gone? I don't think so. What do you mean, like the Aztecs or something? I think you can have archaeology digs right now in Italy, and they're still thriving. Right, but I'm saying, yeah, and people still live in Egypt, and there's Egyptians and things,

but they don't live the same way. They don't have like a bygone culture. That's why I said it's a generation. As soon as the last person of that generation is gone, boom, all of them can be included in archaeology now. Or is it simply... Now, why are we so concerned with bones? Don't archaeologists dig up artifacts? Yes, they do that as well.

Yeah, like, I don't know, arrowheads and pottery. But we're speaking specifically for the graves. speaking pottery and grace so what if it's simply is grave robbing for personal gain or archaeology is i promise these will go in a museum i think that's a really really much easier distinguish like a answer to the whole question so if i open up a decently fresh grave yes but i put that body in a museum yes yes i am an archaeologist yeah, you put it in that, you remember that the traveling bodies exhibit? Oh, that's right. How do you think they cut their bodies? You also have to use one of those little brushes.

If you don't use a little brush to brush it off. Oh, to get the dirt, yeah. If you just pull the body out with your hands, you're a grave robber. That's right. You need to brush it off slowly over a matter of weeks. It doesn't have to be all manual tools. Like, you can't bring a caterpillar in to do archaeology. No, that'd be gray robbing.

You need a shovel. And the hat. The hat you're wearing while digging. That makes the difference. All leather. It has to be all leather and a fedora. Caleb from the website, what is the difference between a chicken tender, a chicken strip, and a chicken finger? We're just solving

all kinds of world problems. These are the best questions. A chicken tender, a chicken strip, and a chicken finger? We're just solving all kinds of problems. These are the best questions. A chicken tender, a strip, and a chicken finger. Is there a length situation here? There's got to be. Why did we start calling them chicken fingers?

I went to a restaurant last week where they had chicken. Some guy was holding them all up in his hand one day. They had chicken toes. No no they did not 100 their menu their kids menu had chicken toast then they're really chicken yeah was it a chicken foot did you get it we i tried to get you coward yeah it was on the kids are cowards um but uh no we did not get the chicken toast but obviously they are making a play on the fact that they call these things fingers which is super stupid right like chickens don't have fingers so it's really dumb but that is what the chicken was like in the cafeteria all the time i feel like you were hesitating

unsure if chickens actually had fingers or not wait wait wait right like chickens chickens don't have fingers right right? I mean, right? You know what I'm saying? Imagine if they did. Imagine if they did. Oh, man. Just at the end of their wings, like, they open the wings. Tiny little hands.

They got little fingers. And they shake your hand when they walk into a room. Okay, but we still need to answer the question. So there's a tender, a strip, and a finger. This is all, isn't this... Is a tender breaded? They're all breaded. I feel like strips and tenders are perfectly synonymous with one another,

but fingers are chicken pieces that were intentionally shaped long and thin. Strips and tenders are the same thing. It's a matter of girth. Yes, very thin and long. long yeah i would agree with that but i also think there is a difference between a tender and a strip okay a tender is one solid piece of meat that is you know then breaded a strip is basically you know how they print nuggets solid no but like you just you're just taking a bunch of meat and tearing it up and then packing it back together but that's what a tender is is as well no i'm saying a tender is one solid piece like a chicken breast none of those but even a chick when you buy a chicken

breast at the grocery store when you when you buy a frozen chicken breast read read what it says because it says uh held together with rib meat that's why chicken breast so good because of the ribs yeah ribs are delicious they're way better than chicken can you not get an or like a regular real strip then or a tender i mean you you can but not in the frozen section now is a chicken those are called chicken chunks yeah is a chicken strip just like harder because my understanding i would think that the chicken tender would be- The tender is insinuating. It would be tender.

Yeah, it would be like, this was a chicken strip, except it's fancy. Look how soft this is. Very tender. I think they're the same. Tenders and strips are the same, but then the chicken fingers are only- You're only allowed to serve those in cafeterias. To me, a chicken tender, it's's a nicer shape so it's thicker than a than a finger and then a chicken strip is where it's just like it it looks like a uh like a a

rock formation where it's just the breading is just all over about the breading it's all over the place i just figured it out guys okay please share i i really figured it out, guys. Okay, please share. I really figured it out. It's just price. It's just the price. The cheapest is the chicken finger. If you want to sell it for more, now you've got chicken strips. And if you really want to make a high profit margin. You look at Tinders as greater than strips?

Tinders are greater than strips. I would definitely say Tinders. Wow, I think of chicken strips a little bit better than Tinders. Tinders are kitty. You haven't made it to our price level of restauranting. Thank you, Mike. What's the step above all three? Like actually chicken breast? Like the real chicken? Oh, man, why don't they do full chicken breast bread?

Oh, they do. Those are delicious. That's like chicken fried steak. Yes. Chicken fried chicken. They do sell the wings. Breaded chicken's great. Oh, they do. Those are delicious. That's like chicken fried steak. Yes. Chicken fried chicken. They do sell the wings. Breaded chicken's great. I just realized that.

Why don't they sell chicken sandwiches? All right. Let's get into this draft. The Spitballers Draft. All right. We are drafting things to fight a dragon with. What are you chuckling about over there? I'm chuckling because I just now saw the picture that was shared in the Slack channel from Al Borland.

Of chicken feet? Horrific chicken fingers. Those are the toes. Yeah. Gross. That's fun. All right. Setting the table here here mike has the first pick um if you were to come across the dragon we wanted to draft some things that you would fight it with now i'll be honest with you i didn't do a lot of preparation for this

draft because as far as i'm concerned you need to no i feel like my best chance against the dragon is going to be it's going to be like living on against the dragon is going to be living on the edge. It's going to be improvisation. It's going to be coming up with, if I know what I'm going to do, then obviously the dragon's going to know what I'm going to do. So I need to stay blind. I see, because it can read your mind. Because it can read my mind.

That's what dragons are. So, Mike, you have the first pick. It could be a weapon. It can be an object of some sort. It can't be a fighter jet. We said that. Yeah, you have the first pick. It could be a weapon. It can be an object of some sort. It can't be a fighter jet. We said that. You can't get an aircraft carrier to take out the dragon. You can't get a lightsaber or something that's not real.

No, this is like we're trying to get practical here. We're trying to help you. The whole point of this show is to help people in hard problems. Yeah, dragon problems. So Mike's walking. He's on another one of his epic hikes, such a big hiker. And uh-oh. Now see.

What was that? Is that a dragon? Oh, no. And that's why I'm like a Boy Scout, always prepared just in case a dragon. I mean, I got the 101. I'd be remiss if I didn't. I didn't pull out the real fire power here. So I don't know.

We've talked about I don't we don't know the proper name of the weapon. But for this instance, I will call it a rocket launcher. Yeah. I mean, bazooka. Yeah.

Whatever you call it. The missile on the shoulder. Yes. Now, I mean, that's let's examine briefly the pros and cons of these picks today. Sure. Now, the bazooka, that packs a punch. Certainly. But, I mean, you've got a shot.

You've got one shot. You're not loading a bazooka twice. That's true. And if you are, you're getting eaten while you're loading it. Well, the good thing is, is by the end of this, we're going to have four weapons. So, you're going to gonna you shoot that and then you're quickly going it's like american gladiators where you shoot the weapon and then you get down you run to the next weapon like okay i gotta make it to the end of this thing that was the best game

and the losers that got hit with the tennis ball yeah okay so you took the the rocket launcher i did in my research for this i was trying to figure out is there a lot of writing on this from experts well not not particular bazookas against a dragon but it was like what actually kills a dragon because there is universally accepted things you know for a werewolf it's silver right A vampire is the steak to the heart, and the garlic is a defense as well. But I don't think there's a universal agreement on what would actually kill a dragon. It's just dehydration. That's it.

The only thing that we know. So, sodium. I need a lot of sodium. A lot of, yeah. I need Flavacol. Yeah. Boom! Just dehydration.

Otherwise, they're invincible. All right. You're up, Jason. Okay. I mean, you have some things to choose from. I do have a couple things to choose from. I think when you're really trying to survive, you want the rocket launcher, and there's only one other weapon I can think of that comes close to the power,

but it solves the problem you brought up with of, like, this one-shot-and-run technique over here. I'm taking an automatic grenade launcher. It's on my list's on my list i don't how many rounds do you have though i would like probably six probably six seven hundred rounds what is in my like it's a really large so you think you just have the like how the bullet you can feed the bullets in but it's just grenades yes and it's on my hike remember i've hiked up this mountain and i've brought this weapon with me the it goes all the way down it goes all the way down the mountain the trail of this i mean it's incredible work um so you're going grenade launcher grenade launch

automatic i did i did think about the fact that there is a an element here of like i guess you better shoot those first because if you're having to move around with them yeah you that's gonna you're carrying too much weight it's funny because on when i made my list at first i had grenades and during research i was like oh shoot you have to throw this it's gotta be real close and i gotta time that. I'm just... But you have a lot of experience with an automatic grenade launcher. Yeah, I'm pretty much a pro. See, I'm already... I'm in panic mode.

You're realizing you shouldn't prepare. Not because I don't have options. Like, I have a lot of options, but all of mine are far more pedestrian than your newer-aged options. I've got some pedestrian picks coming up. Don't worry. Hey, a bow and arrow is a fine pick. Well, let's see. You've got two.

I know I have two. So pick your two favorites. A rock and a sling. It worked for David. I'm full on David. Alright. I will look. You made a good point earlier. You talked about the fact that we've got four weapons

that we're each going to have. And so I need to build... You guys had the first couple of picks. I need to build more of a well-rounded grouping, which means I do need protection from a fire-breathing monster, which means I will draft a shield first. I'm going to draft a shield. Okay.

It is fireproof, to be clear. A fireproof shield. What? Yeah, no. I'll allow it. Just in the fireproof sense of like it blocks the fire from hitting me. Yeah, it's not going to just melt. I mean, it's going to get real hot.

We've all seen movies where the person's standing behind the shield and all the fire's going around them. We have in fake movies, yes. I've never seen a real movie with a dragon bazooka boys bazookas are real no i i like it i think so are shields i know but they're gonna melt they're gonna melt i because i look because i looked a lot here's uh here's where i'm coming from because i was like oh i'm gonna bring up'm going to get me a fireproof suit. It's on my list. And I looked those up. Those can sustain temperatures up to 1,000 degrees.

That's right. But what was agreed upon for dragons is that their fire is at least 2,500 degrees. When did we agree on that? Yeah. The internet. Who is deciding this agreement? Google how hot is dragon fire. It's important whether or not my shield burns up immediately.

Temperature. It won't be immediate, but it will also be a 2500 degree shield in your hands. I hope you draft oven mitts or you're going to be in a bad way. Look, I am. Okay. So look, I don't see what you saw. I see 2400 degrees. Oh, shoot.

I was off. Okay. I'm going to combine the shield with a traditional weapon. Are you going classic? I've seen more people fight dragons with this object than any other object in history. Okay. I don't know how

many of them won, how many of them got eaten. But I'm just going to go with a traditional sword. I've got a broad sword on my list because it is classic. And the likelihood of a dragon landing on top of me is probably the highest probability of all of this. Maybe it's the situation where

it falls right on the sword. When Mike and I are going to the cave, I assume there's a cave at the top of the mountain where the dragon lives. When we are going to the cave, you know that you're going past bones. And so someone has to draft like Andy because there's got to be bones on the floor. Otherwise, we haven't really set the...

And you'll see my shield there. You'll see the sword there. Yeah. And let me tell you this. The puddle of shield. There will be archaeologists there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, to dig us up because we're all dead. Okay, so is it, to dig us up. Because we're all dead.

Okay, is it back to me? Yeah, it is. All right. All right. I'm glad this one got back to me. I'm trying to go down in history as the courageous knight. Yeah, you're going more knights. Oh, you're going down.

I figure we're all dying. I want to look the part. Yeah. I would have got the suit. Could you imagine a suit of armor? Just a nightmare. Cooking in your suit of armor? Just a nightmare cooking in your suit of armor. Just like you're totally protected from the flame, but it's 2400 degrees. And you're just melting inside the suit.

So hot. Even if it doesn't hit you, the metal is conductive. You're just, he's not even bothering you. And your suit is so hot you're just you're in an oven you're fighting a dragon in an oven not recommended how has no one thought of this problem because generally these things have protected people in the movies we've got to produce a new movie where the knights go up and there's a dragon just shooting fire nearby and they're like oh oh, this is getting really hot.

And then they all die in their suits. Their suits are glowing red. I'm going to question the science here. Al, if you put something metal in a furnace that's 2,500 degrees, but you put it in there for one second and take it out, it's not cooking you. No, for one second? Certainly not.

What, do you think I'm just running around in this suit and he's, like, following me? No, but a dragon fire breath is longer than a second. Yeah, but how long does it take to really cook? Three. Three seconds. A one, a two. All right, Jason, you are up. Look, dragons might or might not be real.

I have not seen one, but I'm not going to rule it out. Sure. But I know something. That would be like you saying broccoli's not real. Because he's never seen it? I get it. There was a joke there. I shouldn't have gone broccoli.

I should have gone something else. You did go back to broccoli. I should have gone exercise real. That would have been the joke. Redo it. Two, three, four. But there are giant beasts on this earth that are hunted, unfortunately, by man. And if it can take one of those down, it's my next best bet.

I'm taking a whaling harpoon. Oh. Just whoosh. You're going Moby Dick on thisby dick i'm going moby dick i mean the monster of the sea the monster of the sky now is that harpoon does it come with the boat are you on the mountain with the boat no it's just it's drilled into the mountain side so yes the boat is drilled into the mountain side i couldn't get it off the boat so i had to bring the whole boat up and mount the boat on the side of the mountain. I really wanted just the harpoon.

It's got a rope on the end of it, so if you wanted to haul it back. Or bring the boat to the dragon once you hit it. Well, I'm taking the boat for a ride. So now I've got a flying boat, and this is awesome because I'm flying through the air connected to this dragon. You've got a whaling harpoon. Yeah But I've got a whaling harpoon. I've got a whaling harpoon. And that's fine. The nice thing is really,

I just want to hit it to fly away injured. Okay. Okay. And then I can find where it flew. Cause it's like a thousand foot rope. I'm just going to eventually go there and hope that the job was done. Okay. So you're going harpoon feeling better about my picks now.

Uh, Mike, you're up two picks for you you said you have a secret final yeah for the final pick i'm saving that one though for my final pick makes sense math checks out so the problem with the dragon is that they well i mean there's a lot of there's a lot of problems. There's a lot of problems. The teeth. Bad attitudes. Yeah. The hunger issue. They're probably on the juice diet. That's true. They turn all their food to juice before they drink it.

The biggest problem is they breathe fire. What if I attack the dragon, making it very difficult for them to see or to breathe? So I'm going World War I style, and I'm busting out my mustard gas. So you're poisoning yourself. I'll have a suit on. I'll have some. Have you drafted a suit? I did not hear a draft pick of this suit. I will throw the mustard gas.

We all know we begin this fight naked, Mike. Yes, yes, that's right. Don't ask where I'm carrying the mustard gas. We are all on the side of this mountain. With my next pick, I pick sunblock. Let's just say I don't need a canister. SPF 500. So you're taking mustard gas.

Yeah. Okay. So I have- That's a dangerous gas. Oh, certainly. Certainly. So a rocket launcher and mustard gas. And-

Okay. Here's where it gets, it's dicey of, we don't know- I'm just seeing a little canister of mustard gas going off down by the feet. Down by the feet of this giant dragon. Oh, Owl just gave us all the melting points of metal, which is a fantastic read here. But we'll get to that in a second. That you will not be sharing. Yeah, no, you can look it up yourself.

It's real good. What we don't, because we don't agree upon, like how does a dragon breathe fire? You know, is it that they have the two glands where the liquids mix and then something? But my question is how strong is the fire? Because if it's weak, I'm drafting a garden hose and I'm just going to have a little spritzky,

and I'm just going to shoot him with some water and see if that fire goes out. I have a fire hose on my list. Oh, I'm taking a garden hose. A fire hose would have been way better than a garden hose. Do you know how heavy a fire hose is? That's true. Wait, did the guy who has a rocket launcher complain about the fire hose weight? I've got to be honest with you.

I'm so happy with your guys' picks lately because I was feeling up against it with my sword and shield. Nope. But I do not anymore. Also, my whaling harpoon's awesome. Your fire hose has one. It's on and it's extreme. With my garden hose, I can do the mist. Wait, you have all the settings?

Oh, yeah. Oh, you got the handle? Yeah, I got the handle. Okay. I got the handle. So what are you starting with, jet? Oh, yeah, you got to try it out. You got to go to jet. But did you ever all the settings? Oh, yeah. Oh, you got the handle? Yeah, I got the handle. Okay. I got the handle. So what are you starting with, Jet? Oh, yeah, you got to try it out. You got to go to Jet.

But did you ever move to Shower? Well, that's when I go to Drizzle. Oh, okay. All right. Very cold. The mist is for yourself, right? Like, it's hot out here. The dragon's nearby.

Missed myself. Go back to Jet. Spray. I just love how Mike dismissed my shield so quick because of the fire's fury and here he was like but if the fire's not too bad a garden hose gonna do mighty fine it'll melt your metal but look at my stream of water it's gonna be the problem you can't put metal with a fire hose mike garden hose all right um man all right Jason, you're back on the clock.

Man, there's three weapons I really, really want. You're not taking any of them, so I get three more picks. Is that right? No, well, I'll let you know after I pick them. Okay. I'm going to go here with... Okay, I know what I would do if I was really fighting a dragon. Run. Yes.

Well, if I have to... No, no, no. If I have to try to actually kill a dragon. My job is to kill a dragon. I want to be as far away as humanly possible, hidden under a bush, where they hopefully can't see me with their super eyes camouflage sniper rifle i'm taking a sniper rifle that's right i want to just get the get the eye

i'm just going i that's it it is on my list but then i considered how hard it is for a sniper to hit uh like a target that's not moving i'm waiting for him to fall asleep. Oh, I'm looking right. I'm looking right in the cave going for the eyelid. I have heard that it is. It's very fun to be eaten by one eye dragon. That that's a risk I'm willing to take. You know, maybe at that point, my juke moves out in the open field and really confuse them.

So you just, just make sure you zigzag. You better start in your case. You better start with the sniper shots. Because if you go from like you'll probably you'll probably have his attention with the grenade launcher and the whaling harpoon. And if you shift to then you run and jump into a bush, he probably sees you at that point. Well, yeah, that's that's where I got to start with the eyes. You're right.

Yeah. OK. OK. Well, I've got a few few things. One of the ways that I think a dragon would go down, like one of the best chances that you actually can defeat it, is by blowing it up from the inside. Okay.

Oh, okay. And so I think I need to throw a stick of dynamite into its mouth. Ah, okay. So I need to, I've got a, you know, I probably need more than one throw. Have you thought about feeding dynamite to a goat? I have. And then putting the goat out there. Yes, like Jurassic Park.

You're going to need a really long fuse. Yeah, it's sticking out of the goat's mouth. That's what I mean. Yeah. That's not sticking out of the mouth. Or what if you made a- The fuse is not coming out the mouth. A giant human-shaped stick of dynamite.

Yeah, I mean, these are all great options, guys. I appreciate it. I'm going traditional dynamite. Okay. Now, what I need is this. This thing's got to get close, and I've got to time the fuse up, but he needs to swallow this stick of dynamite and then go boom. Okay.

That is how you would kill it in a video game. Yeah, there you go. Now I have one final pick. And I'm trying to decide, do I go left field here? Do I go more traditional? Boxing gloves. I'm taking this thing on the old-fashioned way. Well, you can't punch a dragon in the mouth with bare knuckles.

He's going to get hurt. The tooth. Yeah. Can I, am I allowed to draft a giant bear trap sure yeah absolutely sure i mean that's good to know now my pick is gonna be say that's for land animals right yeah it's gonna be easy for him to i don't know fly right over that well he can't eat me while he's in the sky can he he can oh yeah he definitely can could? He can burn you to a crisp. Could I put the trap on my back and lay down flat?

You want the dragon trapped to you? Yeah, so I had a dynamite. He can't get to me until he goes through the trap. I don't think you've thought through this. You know, one of the things on my list, I'm not drafting it, but I had a C4 vest just as the last backup plan. You might win, but you're taking me with you. No winners.

But what if he doesn't want to eat you? That was my problem. He just cooks me, and I blow up far away. I'm going to pivot my pick. Is that all right? Okay, you're not taking the bear trap. I'm not taking the bear trap. I'm going to go with Jason really inspired me.

He's out on the open seas, which is really key here. So I'm going to take a cannon. Old school cannon. It's on my list. It's on my list as well. Look, the odds of me hitting this thing with this cannon. But if you do. Oh, the glory.

And you've got to scream cannonball. I like how we, can we all say that we're just. Cannonball! Can we all just say that we're waiting until it goes to sleep, if that's allowed? Yes. Because my odds are going up with that. Do you think, in a world where there are dragons and we have to fight it,

that any of the three of us are taking this thing on when it is not asleep? Like, we're coming. Oh, it's up there. Peak daylight. Let's go. Well, no, not peak daylight, but you got to do it between 4 and 5 p.m. That's the magic hour. Feed it a big meal. Get it to go to sleep.

Now, rolling the cannon up the hill is going to be a bit of a... Yeah, that's hard. It's going to be a bit of an issue. Not quite as hard as the boat. I was going to say the boat's a little worse. All right, that's my final pick. Jason, Mike, you have one more remaining. Jason, you have a grenade launcher, whaling harpoon, and sniper rifle. All right, I thought about going with one of the best weapons of all times,

but this is not a bore. You're not taking a spear? I'm not going to take the spear. You have a shooting spear. Right, exactly. I took a spear that is very large and much more effective. But I do think that one of the only ways you're going to be able to kill this thing is, from my understanding, 100% of animals are also allergic to poison.

Okay. And so I've got to find a way to poison this thing. You the mustard gas i've got a lot of things on my list but my favorite one on my list is a basket of king cobras that's what i'm drafting because i know a king cobra could take down an elephant so if i throw all these king cobras in that cave i'm just i'm just on my knees praying he gets a bite or two or six in. Now, is it poison if you eat them without them biting him? No. No, no, no.

Well, actually, the venom is in the king cobra. Yeah, but it comes out through the teeth. But it doesn't matter if it's ingested into the dragon's bloodstream. Is this a picnic basket? It's a very sturdy. It's a wicker basket, I'm going to be honest. It's just made out of wicker. I wanted something a little sturdier, but I was in a rush, man.

How are you going to make these king cobras look appetizing? Paprika? I don't need them to be eaten. My goal is that they are going to attack. They're going to feel threatened because I'm shaking the basket before I throw it, obviously. Yes. I'm riling them up. Shake that basket.

How are you not getting bit? Well, the basket. The wickers. They have no idea where to attack. He's got a napkin laying on top of it, obviously. Right. So the lid is mostly closed. And when I'm shaking this thing up.

And this is a really small basket and a really big dragon. No, I mean, the basket's pretty. Think of like a large, not a small, like a really large laundry basket. Like a hot air balloon basket? No, no, no. Like a large laundry basket. I could put a full load. Oh, okay.

Okay, and it's like half full of King Cobras. I did not think basket of King Cobras was going to come up. Yeah, I was afraid you were going to take it. So I'm shaking this thing up, and then I'm doing, what is the Olympic thing where they spin and they're spinning and then they toss the thing they toss? Sorry, I was reading about cobras not being poisonous. They're venomous, so it's not a problem. A poison is toxic if ingested. Guess what? Dragons are allergic to venom as well.

I mean, venom will kill. Yeah, it probably could. The only way cobra venom is toxic is if it's injected into the bloodstream when it bites you. Great. Well, this is what I'm drafting. You are hoping this small little snake bites this large flying snake. 100%. Okay.

Yes. Mike, you have your final pick. And don't you dare say snake singular. I have a basket full of king cobras. Like a picnic basket. No, a laundry basket with a top on it that just rests there so that when I throw it in, the top is off, but it protects me while it's on the outside.

Oh, you should have just drafted a cobra bomb. Oh, man. Mike, your final pick. I'm excited. I was thinking through it, and this is the... What are your chances against a dragon? None. When you're going to fight it. Excited. I was thinking through it, and this is the – what are your chances against a dragon? None.

When you're going to fight it? Zero. I drafted prayer. Sure. But when you're young, you get in a – you're like, oh, hey, Gramps. They were bullying me at school. They're making fun of me. You're like, oh, man, I want toamps. You know, they were bullying me at school. They're making fun of me.

You're like, oh, man, I want to kill him. And Grandpa says, you kill him. But you kill him with kindness. I am drafting kindness. I am going in with some type of way to be nice. You're drafting kindness? I'm killing him with kindness. I can't wait for you to walk up and compliment this creature

and have it bite your head off. So the bones. We're all dead, my man. The bones. I'm the last hope. Did this come from like Pete the Magic Dragon? Is that where this came? Is that Puff? Oh, it's not Pete? No, that's Pete's dragon. Which is also a friendly dragon, right?

Yeah. Now imagine if Pete tried to kill the dragon, he would have gotten eaten, but instead he went with kindness. I just want to know how you show kindness to a dragon in a way that it understands. Like, if I tried to bring kindness to a bear, I'm not sure it picks up on it. Oh, it doesn't. Are you complimenting it? Well, yeah.

I've never seen someone submarine their draft faster than garden hose and kindness. He was the one that got the rocket launcher. Yeah. And it was too easy. It was too easy. was it was too easy but like for the dragon like you could uh smog you could kill smog with kindness i just give him gold and he talks so i could talk to that dragon so what are you saying to it like hey there cutie pie man have you lost weight okay a dragon that an insult. That is an insult to a dragon.

No, they're very self-conscious. Oh, man. They want to show you how much they've eaten lately. That's probably true. You've been working out? You just got eaten right there. You've been losing weight? I'll show you how to gain weight.

Well, I know what will happen. He'll be like, weren't you the guy that just shot the rocket launcher at me? Yes. You drafted kindness with a rocket launcher. I don't think he's going to buy it. Your kindness is hollow. Oh, this draft is something else. Something else indeed.

I went with a shield, sword, dynamite, a cannon. Jason has the grenade launcher, a harpoon, a sniper rifle, and a basket of cobras. Mike has a rocket launcher, mustard gas, a garden hose, and the quality of kindness. Yes, thank you. What did we learn today? I learned a lot. Yeah, this was a really insightful episode.

I learned that the difference between chicken tender strips and fingers are just the price. I learned what a drizzle is. And I learned that Jason says he'll do anything to start exercising. But when you give him the steaks, he chickens out. Did someone say steak? That sounds delicious.

That'll do it for this episode of the Spitballers. Thank you so much for joining us. For Al Borland, Mike, Jason, and myself. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com. We'll see you next time. Bye.

Bye. Bye.