Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Banana Butts & The Most Iconic Hollywood Voices - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

Spit Hit for July 29, 2021: Today we debut another hilarious segment - ‘Liar, Liar!’. Can you spot the lies easier than Andy, Mike, and Jason? We are sure this is going to be another fan favorite segment. Also, thanks to the help of an on-air Google search, we discover something new about bananas! This episode concludes with a draft of the most iconic voices in hollywood. Let us know who we missed. Subscribe and tell your friends about another fun episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spitwads, on today's Spit Hits, we go back in time. The first ever Liar Liar, where we realize that our producer, Al Borland, is just a diabolical sociopath who can lie straight to our faces and we can never figure it out. We figure out something very peculiar about a banana and we draft the most iconic voices in Hollywood. Let's get to it. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason.

That's hey to you. Welcome in. Welcome to the show. Andy, Mike, and Jason, the Spitballers podcast back again, episode 63. Hey, everybody. Breaking out a new segment today. It's called Liar Liar. You're going to enjoy it.

Or else. Unless I'm lying. Oh. You never know. We've also got would you rather on the show today another spitballers draft and a review oh review asaurus rags this one comes in from listening on a plane by s davidson 901 I think the name is S. Davidson 901. That's right. It's a five-star review, Mike, so it's great. Here's what it says.

It says, I downloaded an episode to listen while flying solo. It started off great, laughing to myself inside my head, but after a few minutes, I couldn't keep my laughter in. Then, when Andy mentioned the boot the size of a continent i lost it i had to pause for a few minutes to recompose myself i catch my breath while getting glances from everyone around me i was worried they were going to have to land the plane and bring me to a psych ward which i would be fine with as long as they gave me my weekly dose of the spitballers podcast uh s davidson 901 thank you so much for listening to

the show and for the review have you guys ever been on the plane and listening you're listening to something funny or watching a funny movie and you get the audible giggles i have not been in that situation now when he said you know he she was was flying solo, I couldn't help but think of this man is in a prop plane by himself with our podcast on. Barely paying attention to the task at hand. Cracking up while he's got hands on the sticks. I had to pause because I was about to crash. But we do appreciate the review, the subscribes, Apple Podcasts, wherever you're listening, Spotify. Keep them up.

What you do on a plane is very, very interesting because you could do certain things like listening to a comedy podcast, you're laughing, you seem like a crazy person. I recommend it. We fly for the Fantasy Footballers podcast around the country from time to time. So here's a guilty pleasure that i have just recently finished season two of this is we get asked all the time like what's a what's muse what's a band that you're like ashamed to love but you do and i don't really have a great

answer for that but if you were to say what's what's a show that you are ashamed to love but you love oh there's no doubt on our set man yes it's one punch one punch it's fantastic if you don't know what it is it's anime it's outlandish it's ridiculous but on the plane i remember flying and there is a certain character in this show that is highly inappropriate highly inappropriate and i didn't know i've never watched this show before. So I'm watching on my laptop and I'm between two people and all of a sudden this super inappropriate cartoon character who has very, uh, scant, he has scant clothing and a lot of muscles. And I'm like, what do I do?

Do I, do I put my hands over it? Do I cover it? Do I, do I admit, do I just do lean in? Oh, this is great oh yeah so uncomfortable but on this huge ridiculous smile so if anyone sees it oh man you're just grinning i that was what like i don't get that uncomfortable like i i don't embarrass easy i was i wish i had a turtle shirt where i could just hide my head from all onlookers. You can follow the show on Twitter at SpitballersPod.

Follow Mike at FFHitman. Jason at JasonFFL. I'm at Andy Holloway. SpitballersPod.com. You can become a Spitwad. You can support the show. Get access to the archives. We're going to start this one off with some Would You Rather.

Would you rather? All right. Kristen is a spitwad, a Patreon supporter, and asks this Would You Rather question. Would you rather there be a perpetual water balloon war going on in your city and town or a perpetual food fight taking place in your city or town. So this is just a persistent, always forever battle taking place. So first of all, no matter what you pick, when you go outside, it's game on. Yes.

So this is just a matter of which game would you rather both play and which game would you rather avoid when you do not want to have quote game on. I have my my practical answer is it. It has to be the water balloon fight because really. Yeah. There's there's this thing that happens to food when you leave it out. Yeah.

It goes bad. And there's just there's problems. There are not the food Jason eats. Jason's used to eating food. There's problems. Not the food Jason eats. Jason's used to eating food that has a life cycle forever. A McDonald's fry. Twinkies stay forever. See, the way that I'm interpreting this, this is obviously a government subsidized backed program. Is this part of your platform, Jason?

For sure it is. They are preparing the city for this war. So they're the ones filling the water balloons up. And when you go out, there's stands and tables of water balloons already pre-made ready to go. Wait, so is this solving the poverty crisis? And that's where I wanted to go. Because one of these, I'm not going out there and squirting this water balloon into my mouth. I might be thirsty, but I'll go grab a bottle of water before I do that.

But if I go out there and there's like, oh, what is this pie for someone's face I'm gonna eat this so you won't you won't fight you'll just eat the food and well look there's parts of you know I don't like eating the butts of food do you guys know like do any of you have that problem I don't like eating butts either Jason no no like I like when you're taking a drink of anything, just leaving the last little bit. When you're eating a hot dog. Do you do that with a banana? Do you leave the last little bit of a banana? Of course.

Everyone, because we're not monsters. Wait, but you eat the top of the banana, which is the same. Wait, you eat the bottom of a banana? The little. Not the peel. No, the little black piece. But inside the banana. You eat the full banana.

There's no way you do. There's no way. This. There's no way. This is not Borland. This is not possible. When you get a banana, if you were to take the whole banana out of the peel, you would eat the whole thing. I do. What? You eat the nasty black tip at the bottom.

There's not a nasty black tip at the bottom. Yes, there is. Word. When's the last time you had a banana? The answer is never. Can't you eat them both ways? No, you can't eat the butt of the banana what are you a monster i can't oh no i couldn't wait for borland to chime in here because i already knew his response it should be what all human responses are which is well no that part is like like for you pick it off for

instance i don't eat this the the the middle of a peach the pit the pit because it's not made for consumption that's apparently banana but is a vape liquid oh no kids no yeah i mean i'm not sure that i recommend that i'm not sure that the official term of that spot of a banana is the butt but it makes sense right it's the bottom i was intrigued that you were going all over the place, very, very general with it, so that the bottom of your drink, that's the butt? Sure, just the end. According to Urban Dictionary,

the black tip of the banana is called the... Are you allowed to say this? No, I'm not. It's called something. Otherwise known as the little brown part at the bottom of the banana that no one in their right mind eats. Yes, thank you. That's what it says, and it's the bananas.

Yes. Oh, the bananas. Yes. According to Urban Dictionary, where they're asking, basically, is it even safe to eat it? I'm still unaware of what it is. This is wild.

Look, I'll cut out. If you give me a banana and it's got a bruise, I'll cut the bruise out. So I'm not eating any black. Then there's no way you're eating the bananas. Yeah, I don't eat the bananas. It usually stays in the peel. Yes, usually it does. So there's a mysterious bananas down there?

Well, because what you do is you peel the banana top to bottom. That's the best word I've ever heard. It is. You peel the banana top to bottom, but you're still holding the peel. Inside the peel where your fingers are is the bananas, and you don't want to touch it either, which is why you want to keep that peel on your bananas. Now, have you had your mind blown with the peeling the banana upside down? Yes, but then you have to cut off.

Well, you don't have to cut it off. You just rip the tip. It's really easy. I'm not saying I'm getting scissors. I'm saying I'm taking the... Yes, I'm just ripping it off. Get the banana scissors. I'm just saying, like, I got to remove another bananas.

It's actually easier to eat to peel the banana upside down. I don't need new things in my life, Mike. I'm in my mid-30s. I need to do things the way I've been doing them. I have seen people do that. It's much easier. Life hack. Check this out.

And I'm like, I've never had a problem peeling a banana in my life. That's a bold-faced lie. Everyone has experienced when you go to do the banana. It is a lie. And the peel doesn't snap open, And now you have contorted the banana. And you're upset. I feel like we're already on the liar, liar segment. Because you just called me out.

I know what you're talking about. Sometimes the banana. Everyone's done it. You know, if it's too ripe or something. Yes. Anyways. Back to the bananas. Past the bananas.

Past the bananas. Here's the thing. I don't like eating the ends of food. Okay, that's the point of this story. So I would eat and then take the leftover little bit, whatever it is. Maybe it's the crust. Maybe it's the last bit of a hot dog. Maybe it's the bananas, and I'm throwing it right at you.

So do you eat the heel of a loaf of bread? Oh, get out of here. What are you, five years old? You won't eat the heel. He moves on to the, I don't even understand how there's a butt of a hot dog. You can eat the hot dog either direction. Yeah, it's the same. It's the same hot dog, but I'm not even focusing on that.

And, you know, you probably move on to the next loaf quickly. Yeah, I mean, because I skip the heels. Who peels your loaves for you? Whoever invented that sliced bread. The food fight is just as wet, but it's worse. So I got to go with the professional water balloon fight. Al Borland, do you eat the heel of bread? No, that's garbage.

Yeah. Nobody does. You eat the heels? Yes, I do. I don't eat it on. I'll eat it if I don heels. Yes, I do. I don't eat it on. I'll eat it if I don't have any more bread, but I won't eat it if I have more bread. But see, if I. Like, I'd rather have a sandwich with the heel than no sandwich at all.

If I went to the loaf of bread and I'm making myself a peanut butter and jelly. You'll skip the. Which, first of all, sounds like a great idea and I want to do that immediately. And there's two pieces of bread left. One is a heel. One is a normal, beautiful slice of bread left one is a heel one is a normal beautiful slice of bread right i'm throwing that bag in the garbage you're not even there is no chance i'm eating that your wastefulness is unbelievable that's not wasteful that's by definition that

is wasteful but i get what you're saying tomato tomato all right jonathan from the website would you rather go back in time to meet your ancestors or travel into the future to meet your grandkids oh neat I don't I I think I'd rather go back in time to meet my ancestors I think I because I think it would be too traumatic to my future grandkids to have this happen to them because it's just for my I don't know I don't know i would rather go in to the future to meet my grandkids for for a multitude of reasons right one yeah but what if it's not such a great picture well sure like oh yeah if it's your ancestors it's done this already happened right this is a marty mcfly situation if you go into the future and meet your grandkids jason and what if they're what if they're little brats so here's here's the reason i want to go into the future to meet my grandchildren so you can go to

the future they're 100 right so my grandchildren will be sitting in front of me and i will not be looking at them i'm looking right past them looking out the windows they're talking to me i'm going yeah and uh i'm you know when it's my turn to talk, I won't have heard anything they said. And I'm just going to say, what's your favorite flying car, toy, or piece of tech? I want to see the future tech. Now, hold on. Hold on. Time travel.

If you go in the past and you meet your ancestors and you clue them in on a few little tips. Then you're never born because they get rich. No, you're born, but you're born into a nice trust fund. Maybe. Maybe you are. For this question, you go back, you can meet everyone, and then everyone gets men in black flashed and it never happened. So you're just having a conversation. Yes.

I think I'd go back i think i would go back as well because the thrill of being able to like you would be magic to them the things that you could off like a lighter i mean if you go back far enough and you just have a lighter on you but see i know i'm not magic so i'm not impressed with myself here. I'm just like, you guys are dumb. Jason. But if I go to the future. I hate to break something to you. Okay.

When you go to a magic show, they aren't actually magic. What? No, I've seen David Copperfield live. This spawn of Satan flew over me in an auditorium where he was flying through hoops. That was real. Oh, because the hoops to prove that he's not on strings? I've never been more freaked out in my life than when I saw David Copperfield as a kid. Did he go through hoops that were placed both vertically and horizontally?

Yes, they had audience members come up. Now I'm intrigued. They were all given- Now I believe magic is real. They were all given hoops. They were on the stage, and these four different people who were picked from the audience. Did you know these people? I didn't know them, but they were picked from the audience.

But here's the deal. So they all do the hoops, and they go all directions over him. That's crazy enough. Then he flies out over the audience. This was an outdoor theater. There was nothing above him. I like how Mike said, like, Jason, I hate to break it to you, magic's not real. Then he asked one simple question like, did they hold the hoops horizontally and vertically?

And once he said yes, he's like, I'm in! Magic! It's solved! Problem fixed! Clearly, he found out how to fly, which makes him magical. So I'm with Jason now. I'm officially going to meet my ancestors. I am too.

I will see you guys not in the future. Jeremiah from Twitter, would you rather become twice as strong, but only when both your fingers are stuck in your ears? Okay. Or crawl twice, twice as fast as you can run? So you go to all fours. Oh, my goodness. So you're in a sprint, and you realize someone's catching you.

You go to all fours. You're looking like a werewolf wild on the loose. You're a cheetah at this point. What's that movie? What's the movie with the M. Night movie? The recent one where the guy's kind of like a physical freak. Oh, split. Split.

Oh, yes. He runs around on all fours. That's what I was going to ask. And that's creepy. That's what I was going to ask. Because a crawl. Is this a hands and knees crawl? Or can I bear crawl?

No, I think this is hands and knees. Okay. This is baby crawl. This is baby crawl. But that means your knees are destroyed. Wait, you got to get knee pads. Okay. Yeah, you can overcome that.

Incredible solution, Mike. Gloves get knee pads. Yeah, you can overcome that. Incredible solution, Mike. Gloves and knee pads. Magic is real. And then I'm going to bypass my karate kicks being devastating. Like I could murder people with my twice as strong karate kicks. What about your elbows, though? Oh. Like a nice elbow.

I mean, guys, when your fingers are in your ears you're already flexing and if you go double strength as long as all your flexes end up with your fingers in your ears you're looking good that's well i don't think your muscles actually get larger but you're just stronger the point of the of you if your fingers are in your ears you're not able to pick things up with your hands right so you're only able to yes i just looked i just like you're showing how you pick stuff up if you're on the YouTube channel. It's not like a normal person. This is much different.

So I am going to crawl, and then I am freaking people out, bro. I am hustling so many people for a race saying, look, you guys want to race? I'll crawl. You run. You run, I'll crawl. Oh, my gosh. You'd be a millionaire because who wouldn't take that back?

And you would beat everybody because even though we're slow running compared to a fast person, we're not half as fast. Correct. So if you double my speed, I'm faster than every sprinter in the world and most horses. Now, could you make it in the NFL? Hear me out. Crawling?

You just crawl around. We got to hold the ball somehow. Well, no, you crawl 40 yards and stand up. Oh, and then you catch the ball. I got you. Oh, you burn them, then you stand up? Yeah. That's awkward.

That is awkward. But impressive. Jason Moore's got a very unusual technique. Watch his route here. He's, in fact, on his hands and knees. Yes. He's, in fact, on his hands and knees. Yes. There is no practical benefit to the double strength with fingers in your ears.

Like, other than carrying something incredibly heavy in a backpack, a very specific case for this strength. Like, I don't know anywhere. Oh, I can think of one. Oh, give it to me. It's not a good one, though, but I was picturing somebody having to save somebody from like a car like, you know, the car crash and

you need to like lift the car, but the guy's running up. He's got to put his hands in his ears. He's also only twice as strong. I was going to say, if you gave me twice the strength but took away my arms and said, get this car off someone, I'd say they're dead. You're strong enough to be a superhero. Can you be a good superhero with your fingers in your ears?

Yes. If you're Superman strength, you could karate kick anyone. I imagine you are running slightly faster in this situation. If you're twice as strong, you're running pretty fast with your hands in your ears. Yeah. All right. I'm crawling. You guys ready for a brand new segment?

Let's go. Let's do it. All right. I'm crawling. You guys ready for a brand new segment? Let's go. Let's do it. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

All right. All right. I kind of missed the on Fantasy Footballers, our podcast. There's normally a finishing guitar riff. That's true. And I kind of missed it there because this was just, you know. Oh. I mean, that's pretty good stuff.

All right. Liar, liar. Pants on fire. Here's how this is going to work. Our fearless producer, Al Borland, has provided three statements to us. Two of them are true. One is not. We try to spot the lie.

We're working together. None of us know the answer. Here are the three statements for round one. We're working We're working together. None of us know the answer. Here are the three statements for round one. We're working together? We are because none of us know the answer. I mean, if we don't agree, then... That's great for you guys because... Let me ask this. Borland, do we have to submit one answer as a group?

No. Okay. If you disagree, you can give me a different answer. All right. Well, then I take back my statement. All right. Round one. Here is the first statement.

If you fold a piece of paper 42 times, it would be thick enough to reach the moon. Hogwash. Number two, shark teeth are 12 times as strong as human teeth. And question three or point three, the average cloud weighs an estimated 1.1 million pounds all right two of them are true one is not is that okay that's what i was going to verify two of them are true one of them is not i have seen certain things where if you do x y and z it can reach the moon i've seen a lot of those type so this is like the type of something that is real but if you fold a piece of paper 42 times so each time it's getting twice as thick two four you're talking exponential oh man here's here here's what i was gonna let you

guys think you're gonna run out of paper i have i have heard this talked about before the folding of paper it still makes no sense but i've been told that there is a point where if you were able to somehow fold the paper. Yeah, a big enough piece of paper. It would, well, no. Well, it would have to be a very. I guess it doesn't make a difference. No, it definitely makes a difference. Well, why does it make a difference?

No, because you couldn't, if it wasn't a big enough piece of paper, you couldn't keep folding it. Well, no, but you could at a microscopic level. I mean, it doesn't make a difference because you. There's a maximum amount you can big enough piece of paper, you couldn't keep folding it. Well, no, but you could at a microscopic level. I mean, it doesn't make a difference because you... There's a maximum amount you can fold a piece of paper. Yeah, you fold a piece of paper in half, whether it's a large piece of paper or a small one, you have half the amount of surface area. No circling over there, Mike. No, I'm seeing the maximum amount like somebody can actually fold a piece of paper.

Here's the thing. And whether it reaches the moon. That's cheating a little bit, Mike. No, no no because this is just i just want to i'm just gonna go but if you find out you can only fold a piece of paper 30 times you know that one's a lie i'm talking about human beings i know i know this one is true that was the overarching point of the true as well was a was true but i wanted to see how okay a human being how many times have we been able to do it? And they're saying seven.

Hold on. I'm going to Google real quick. I think that one's true. I think the shark teeth are true. Well, 12 times is strong. No, that's the lie. I'm going shark tooth is a lie. I'm not going to get burned on another cloud-related question on this show.

First it's boots, then it's clouds. I think the cloud weighs in 1.1 million pounds and i think that if you fold a piece of paper 40 times you would get to the moon so that the shark one's a lie because you know teeth are teeth clearly clearly shark teeth being 12 times as strong as human teeth that one sounds very plausible the others sound outrageous so of course it's the plausible one come on borland get out of here i'm taking the shark teak with you all right mike it's clear and obvious the cloud one makes sense but i'm i think that's too heavy so i'm gonna say that the cloud one is not true what a fool all. All right, Borland, tell us the truth.

You're wrong, Mike. It's the shark teeth. It is the shark teeth. Okay. All right. Okay. Shark's teeth are just as strong, or human teeth are just as strong as shark's teeth. I said teeth are teeth.

I figured it's the same material. Come on now. Very good. All right. Very good. But that goes back to the point of if you fold a piece of paper 42 times, somehow you could get, it reaches the moon. See, here's what it should say.

It's just exponential growth. If you were to take a sheet of paper, the width of a sheet of paper, and multiply that times itself 42 times, because you cannot ever, this is still a lie. You cannot fold a piece of paper 42 times and reach the moon. But if you did.

If you could. If you could. The statement says if you did this, then it would reach the moon. But if you did. If you could. If you could. The statement says, if you did this, then it would reach the moon. No, no, no. No, this is my point. Even if you could. I'm not talking about the difficulty.

The piece of paper would have to be like 20 times the size of planet Earth. Sure. So, no, this is a lie. That's what if means. If you could. All right. Moving on.

Jason and I are geniuses. Mike's stupid. Round two. That one is true. Oh, my statement. Jason and I are geniuses. Mike's stupid. Round two. That one is true. Oh, my statement about Mike. We are geniuses. Obviously. We don't even need to do any more rounds, I think,

or this segment ever again now that Mike is wrong on something. All right. Round two. The nine-banded armadillo almost always gives birth to identical twins. So this is a type of armadillo, almost always gives birth to identical twins. So this is a type of armadillo, almost always gives birth to identical twins. Betty White, here's the second one, Betty White is older than the invention of rubber tires, garages, traffic signals,

sunglasses, and sliced bread. Wait a minute. Betty White is a national treasure as well. I know you haven't read the third one yet, but garages are considered an invention? I think there was a pretty carport life going on for the early days. Where did you put your car before the garage? I'm just saying a garage.

In the garage that has always existed. A house was an invention? A garage was just. I'm just saying like a garage is a shelter. Like it's a barn. Well, no, no. It's more of a garage. Get out. All right.

What's the third one? Do you park your car in the barn? If I had a barn, I would, and I would call it a garage. There you go. Would you let your livestock live in the garage? Hey. They're called words, Jason. They're meant to describe different objects in society.

All right. The last one. Minnesota has more shoreline than California, Florida, and Hawaii combined. Ooh. Now, that's a lake joke. Yes. The land of 10,000 lakes. And if there's 10,000 lakes, there's a lot of shores.

So I buy that one. Hmm. What I'm not, I don't buy the Betty White one. I don't think she's that old. I mean, people can only be so old. Rubber tires, garages, traffic signals, sunglasses, and sliced bread. That's way too... I mean, maybe, but...

See, I play this game different. I play this game trying to get in the mind of Borland. And I... Yeah. If I may... It's a disturbing place to travel to. If I may disrespect you. Getting nocturnal, trying to be an owl. Yes. Owl Borland. Owl Borland. I don't disrespect you. Getting nocturnal, trying to be an owl. Yes, I'm trying to be an owl Borland. I don't

think you would have come up with this list of things. I just, I think you would have been too lazy to keep going and say rubber tires and garages and traffic. That's exactly how I feel about nine banded armadillo though. I don't think he's coming up with a new armadillo type for me.

That one's true. That's what I think. Yeah, that yeah that's true betty white's fake i'm with you again oh wait i think one of these has to be a lie shoot there's a foil to my plan minnesota has more shoreline than california florida and hawaii combined that's a lot i'm gonna go with that one okay i'm going with the armadillo. That sounds like a Pokemon. So we're switching them all. So all of us believe something different. Only one of us is a genius. I'm locking in Betty White is older than those things as true.

That one's locked in for me. No, that's the one I'm going to call that one the lie. All right, Borland. This better not be one of these things where it's like. They're all lies. No, no, no. But it's like, oh, false. It was the eight banded armadillo. Yeah. All right. Tell the truth. it's like, oh, false. It was the eight-banded armadillo.

Yeah, all right, tell the truth. Jason's not far from the truth, but Mike got this correct, and it is the nine-banded armadillo, but it almost always gives birth to quadruplets. Oh. How do you like me now? I don't know if I like you. Well, we're even now.

Andy and I lost one, one, one. You've lost one, one, one, Mike, so now. Andy and I lost one. 1-1. You lost 1-1-1, Mike. So now, here we go. I was under the impression if you get one of these correct, you are, in fact, a genius. No, no, no. We're all three geniuses. That's round one. Yes, that was only in round one. That's the rules.

Yes, I agree. This one was a lot easier. You're right. This will settle it, unless we all agree. Round three. Okay? This has been very fun and educational. Humans share 60%

of their DNA with bananas. Bananas? That one's gotta be true. That's the lie. That's gotta be true. The largest turtle ever recorded weighed more than a ton. I believe that. And the toenail

of your little toe is called the spungle. Oh, man. Now he's really spinning us into circles. The spungle? The largest turtle ever recorded weighing more than a ton. I'm locking that in. I'm locking that one in, yeah. That's true.

So now, do you believe, are you buying into that? I mean, you do you, Andy, but. I think that's probably true, but ever recorded. That means that this is in the, does that mean that it's in the time that we've been measuring turtles? Yes. This is not like you're finding a fossil of a turtle? Correct.

More than a ton. Did you know? I don't think so. A ton is only 2,000 pounds. Yeah, you're right. Sea turtles get- Is that how much? Yeah, a ton is 2,000 pounds.

Okay. I'm almost there. Yeah, you're right. Sea turtles get- Is that how much? Yeah, a ton is 2,000. A ton is 2,000 pounds. Okay. I'm almost there. Another fascinating science fact from one of my children's skeleton bones. The turtle shell, it's actually their ribs. I don't believe that, no. That's the lie. False.

That's the lie. Okay. All right, so now humans- Your children are liars. 60% of their DNA with bananas. Yeah. Oh, this is... I don't need to know that. Well, it's too late.

You can't unlearn it. I feel like... I hope that's a lie. I feel like the toenail of your little toe being called a spungle. So... If that is the lie, if that's the lie that you made up, Jeremy, I am unfathomably proud of you. That is such a good...

We're playing Balderdash right now. Yes, this is Balderdash, 100%. Not a sponsor. Great game, though. Not a sponsor. Yes. Yet. You out there, Balderdash?

So if it's the little toe is called a spungle, that's an inference that... Are all your toenails called a spungle and he's just highlighting one? Or do they have a different name for every toenail? I am officially locking in humans sharing 60% of their DNA with bananas as the lie. I believe that Al Borland copy pasted these three, switched the word whatever with bananas that we actually share DNA with. He put bananas in there to be funny.

He might have done it on the fly when we were talking about bananas. Yes, I'm with you. Yes. That's a bananas and I don't have to take it. Yes. That's the lie. 60% locked in because your toenail has to be a spungle. Of course, makes too much sense.

Where are you at, Mike? Now I'm in a very difficult position. Because you kind of buy what I'm saying. Because I actually thought that right away. What are the chances of Banana actually being in the show? But now you two are locked in on an answer. So I can just go for it. I could either win it all or lose to you buffoons.

Or tie by going with ours. Yeah, but then who cares? If you go with what we went with, then we're all the same. Yeah, you really need to take another shot. I'm going spungle i'm not getting in baby no jeremy what is it al borland's face just said you got it right mike is a genius oh no he came back yes i am so proud of you now i'm proud of you unless yes unless what mike said true. If it's something like the toenail is called the spongle. No, it's just completely made up. Dude, I am so proud of you.

That is a great lie. You know, as I can say, take this segment, shove it in your bananas. All right. We're moving on. We're moving on. I'm not. You're not. No, because you're the.

Because I'm a winner. You went from the biggest loser to the biggest winner, and you did it really quick. It's time to draft. The Spitballers Draft. That's one of my favorite segments. Oh, competition. I enjoy it very much. It really does.

All right. I guess I have the first pick today, and I guess we are picking the most iconic voices in Hollywood. Yes. Borland, would you explain to us your view of an iconic voice? I mean, I would just love to have that. It doesn't have to be you. Recognizable and memorable.

Okay. They're doing a commercial. You can hear their voice, and you know, okay, I know who that is right away. Iconic. All right. Everybody knows it, and it's tough because I think there are two big names in my mind that I want to select, but I'm going to go with. We can just get to the third pick if you want.

Yeah, the top two are too obvious. Because you're just going to take the other one. Yep. And I'm trying to think what is going to win me a vote. I mean. Both of these names are on the same playing field. Yeah. Speaking of playing fields, you settled it for me

mike because i'll go the field of dreams route james earl jones will be my pick darth vader mufasa field of dreams psyched me out man i thought you were pivoting to kevin costner no sir no james earl jones is in field of dreams hey just throwing this out there for later it's a great pick if you want kevinner, Andy. Yeah, I'll take it. James Earl Jones. Cool, so I'm up second? Yeah. Awesome.

Morgan Freeman. There you go. Well, this. I was so close to going Morgan Freeman, but I went likeability factor. I like James Earl Jones a little bit more. We were sitting in the studio when we were told that this is what the draft was. I was like, that sucks. There's two clear picks.

There's still fantastic ones. There's plenty of okay ones. There's plenty of really great voices who are nowhere near. Well, you're not really helping yourself yet. Look, I already lost by getting the third pick. I am. Yes. Let me tell you something.

That's why you'll lose. When you guys agreed that, yeah, there were two clear-cut winners. Right. I still had hope. When Andy says there's only two, I'm like, man, just let one of these two fall to me. And when you chimed in and said, let's just get to the third pick, I was like, maybe he'll mess this up. Maybe he's thinking of someone else, but you didn't. Those two are great.

You're being a real spungle right now. Yeah. Which, as we learned, is nothing. All right, I'm going to go with two very classic. Oh, you get two. Yeah, I get two. They're not going to be on the same playing field, but they're both great.

First, I'm taking Anthony Hopkins. That's a great one. Anthony Hopkins can do creepy. He can do children's movies. You know, he's the narrator for the Grinch. Anthony Hopkins is great. And then, you know, I think to have an iconic voice, like you go with the classic, like the when you think about James Earl Jones and you think about Morgan Freeman, you think about that classic, deep.

Deep baritone. Baritone voice. But I think there's another way to try to win here, and that's with voices that are mimicked. Voices that are famous for their voice. Oh, don't take my pick! So I'm going, many penny, with Sean Connery. Oh. Oh no.

Excellent. Who did you have? Shoot. Wait. I take it back. It's too late. So you went Sean Connery. Sean Connery is on my list,

but he's not the guy that I wanted to go with because I'm with you. I think someone whose voice is often imitated. Oh, no. It's literally. I missed it. I missed it. And I know.

Hold on. I got to write it down. Everyone can write it down because if there is any red-blooded American. Oh, you jerk. The one voice. Hold it. Hold it. The one voice that we all think we can do, except we can't.

It's Christopher Walken. Oh. Which means I literally just landed my favorite two picks of this draft. Oh, my goodness. I'm not revealing this because maybe this is yours. So my point with Christopher Walken, which means I literally just landed my favorite two picks of this draft. Oh, my goodness. I'm not revealing this because maybe this is yours. So, Mike went with Christopher Walken, which I get. I understand. But my two picks are home runs, and I can't even believe they're here for me at the turn,

which is Sam Elliott. That was the one. When you said red-blooded, I was thinking. Beef brisket. Beef welly. Sam Elliott's voice is iconic. It's in so many commercials. Yes. It's in so many commercials. Yes.

It's the best voice ever. The problem with Sam Elliott is I don't think he has the same name recognition with people a little bit younger than us that Christopher Walken has. I don't agree. And then Liam Neeson is my third pick. Sure, that's a good one. Liam Neeson, iconic, everlasting. Great. Basically. Because now I get my third pick. Sure, that's a good one. Liam Neeson, iconic, everlasting. Great.

Basically. Because now I get my third pick. Go for it. I'll take Jack Nicholson. Okay. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, I like Jack Nicholson. My number one guy.

I would tend to agree that, you know, he's not doing a lot lately. No, he's not. All right. He doesn't need to. He just kind of stepped aside. He just watches Lakers games. But definitely an iconic voice. So as Jason gets ready to make his pick, Borland, give us a lay of the land.

What are the teams looking like? Andy has James Earl Jones, Sam Elliott, Liam Neeson. Mike has Morgan Freeman, Christopher Walken, and Jack Nicholson. Jason has Anthony Hopkins and Sean Connery. Okay. All right. I've got my fourth pick lined up, Jason. I hope you don't spangle me.

Look, I've got one of them. I hope you don't underthink this. I've got one of them. I'm putting Denzel in there. Great voice. He's on my list. Denzel is locked in. My man.

I'm fine with my three picks. My man. My man. I don't have a tier one like you guys have. This is the place where I real the fourth pick is where I need to come up from the bottom and make a great pick. I'm torn. Here's the problem. There isn't one. There's a lot of tier four voices here.

And I don't know the right way to go. Do I go with great or do I go with like memorable like there's a voice that I want to go with here that when I say the name you can immediately immediately say like when when Andy said Liam Neeson I can't like I know he's got a great memorable voice the taken speech but I can't think of it immediately but if I say this name I know you can but it's not a good voice you know what I mean it's annoying oh there's two people that come to mind uh so I'm very interested which which one you're actually thinking of so now let me just to help finish this up what is the title of this draft,

the most iconic voices? In Hollywood. In Hollywood. In Hollywood. See, that's what hurts your Sam Elliott, right? What? Well, because Sam Elliott's not really Hollywood. What are you talking about? Sam Elliott is a famous Hollywood actor.

That's his definition. No, but that's what I was trying to hint at. The commercials versus movies. No, he's in tons and tons of Western movies. actor sure that's his definition no but that's what i was trying to to the commercials is like no he's in tons and tons of western movies he's super he was literally just in uh the bradley cooper uh movie that just came out star is born a star is born i mean he is he's great hollywood actor don't attack mine just make your g Gilbert Godfrey pick. Just make the pick. No, I'm not going that annoying. I could never do that.

You're starting to sound like the most annoying voice in Hollywood. Good. All right. Oh, man. There's three here I'm deciding between. I wish I could just share them, but I'm not the last pick. I'm going to go with Al Pacino. Okay.

I feel like that is... I don't know why I'm trying to get the vote since I can't win without the tier one. I mean, you didn't go with the... I didn't go with the annoying one. You didn't go with the annoying voice. No. That one is... It's a huge letdown.

Set us up not to say it. Hey, nobody's picked. If you want to let me change, I'll change. No. Mike, your turn. All right. I do want to hear it, though. If we don't bring it up, I want to hear it.

So I had locked in my fourth, and then I realized that there was another name on this list. And I said, oh, crap. I can't lock in the fourth. So I've been struggling the whole time jason was trying to stall for time i was hoping he would go longer well look i can keep going if you put me back on the clock happy to do that for you mike because one of the the one of these people i could say literally one word and you'll know who I'm talking about, which I think that's pretty iconic. If you can say one word in a certain fashion, you know who it is.

The other one, it's very similar, Jason, where there's not a particular catchphrase, but you know this person's voice. Big time actor, big time in commercials as well. All right, I'm going to go. Shoot. Okay, I'll go with the person who has the one word phrase, which is whoa. Oh, okay. So I'm going to take.

He's pretty hot right now too. He's hot, but this is not an iconic voice. He's known not for you're going keanu reeves but you you know what he's not known for his voice but his voice is iconic sure yes i i think both of those things can be true i'm happy with your pick because it's not good i have james earl jones sam elliott liam neeson i thought of one in the 11th hour that I like more than all of my other options, so I am going with Patrick Stewart. Okay.

Patrick Stewart. Kind of Jean-Luc against the Anthony Hopkins. Pick card. I had Alan Rickman on my short list. I had Gene Hackman on my short list. The two that I was deciding between. So I was between Al Pacino for the non-annoying Al Pacino and Samuel L. Jackson.

Sam Jackson was the guy. Sam Jackson was perfect because he's, he does commercial work, voiceover work. Sam Jack was between Sam Jackson and Keanu Reeves. But now you, when you think of Samuel Jackson, you have to get a capital one,

you have to get a capital one card. And I don't want to have to do that. Yeah, that's true. Um, but the annoying one that has such an iconic voice. Was it Fran Drescher? No.

No, that is a very, that's too annoying. Again, just like Gilbert Godfrey. Steve Buscemi? No. Ethan Lane? Chris Rock. Oh. Like Chris Rock.

I don't think that's very annoying. No. I'm not, that's what I said. I'm not going annoying to the levels of Gilbert Godfrey and Fran Drescher. I'm just saying like, that's not, you know, these voices are voices that are iconic because we love their voices. Chris Rocks is iconic because it's its own thing, man. You know, he's got his own style.

It's not that you just go, man, I love Chris Rocks' voice. And obviously very subjective. I mean, there are names that we all know are going to be in that category but some people you like some people you don't like I mean obviously you would have won the whole vote if you went Chris Rock I mean that would have just been clearly the winner that you didn't pick the the name that came to mind when I was before the show and I wasn't thinking about it in Hollywood Iconic once we really got clarity here from the owl I Once we really got clarity here from the owl, I honed in on these names. But Robert Baratheon, the character from Game of Thrones. The character Robert Baratheon?

The actor who plays that. And who is that? I don't know. Nobody knows. That's why I didn't go with that. Solid not pick. But I'm just saying. I can't believe Arnold fell to the waivers.

Yeah. Oh, my goodness. That's a good one. You know, I even wrote Whoopi Goldberg down. And you didn't write her? Yeah. She's got that iconic voice. I wrote her name down.

Oprah? Oprah, sure. James Stewart, you know? When you go, James Stewart? Yeah. Jimmy Stewart, James Stewart. I can honestly say. I know who it is.

It's a wonderful life. I can honestly say. It's a classic. Clint Eastwood's another one that's good i don't believe i've watched front to back one single jimmy well you should see rear window you should do yourself a favor and grow grow up his voice was really iconic in like the 40s yeah i don't do black and white my friends literally part of the definition of iconic would be that it has lasted a period of time as being an icon

of industry. Oh, absolutely. But still remembered. Yes, that's also part of iconic. Whatever, man. Whatever. Well, I guess I got a button for this now. What did we learn today? We all learned the same thing. Well, we definitely all got a button for this now. What did we learn today?

We all learned the same thing. Well, we definitely all learned about the bananas. Yes. I learned that the bottom of a banana actually has a name now. Looking at the logo that we have here in our set. Oh, no. I'm wondering if he's wearing inside of that banana peel. Our poor monkey friend, he's wearing a banana.

I learned that Mike is a genius on today's show. And I learned that the garage is considered an invention. Not just like, oh, this is a little innovative. We're parking our car in here. No, this, oh my gosh, I've invented the garage. We'll see you next time. garage. We'll see you next time. Goodbye.

I'll see you later. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.