Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Bathroom Confessions & Boring Things - Comedy Podcast - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

Spit Hit for May 27th, 2024: On this episode, we discuss hot doctors. Don’t worry, you can still have the show on with the kids around. We also talk about poop clocks, bathroom blowups, and toilet triumphs. We shut things down with a draft of boring things! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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slash locations. Tire Discounter Group. TDiscounterGroup.ca slash locations. Tired Discounter Group. TiredDiscounterGroup.ca. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Yada, yada, oh well, banana. I know what you were going for because I'm in on the planning for the show.

Right, but the others. No, people should know, but I was going to say you almost then turned into a crooner. I did. Yeah, I mean, I didn't really know. I knew what I wanted to sound like. I wanted to go for a little bit of an Eeyore. But you couldn't stop the croon. I was actually a little jealous.

I feel like he got out of one. He didn't have to do a scat. Which, kudos, because it was very clever and it makes complete sense. I wish I was the scat on this episode. You wish you had thought about it? Yeah, well, we're drafting boring things on today's podcast. Crooning is not boring. No, no.

And it's hard to, if Eeyore had been doing most of his talking with music in the background Eeyore would have actually been oh man a crooner I don't know if you knew that Winnie the Pooh that should just be that should be the 101 for the whole show now see that is that's a terrible take well it says Mr. Rogers yeah, no. Winnie the Pooh is actually good. Thank you, Mike. Things can be good and boring. That's not like completely mutually exclusive, but it is a boring show. So that means by, you know, that logic, then some boring is good? Yeah.

Like the Grand Canyon. Oh, my gosh. Oh, man. Here we are. This episode is a huge problem. Here we are. Just saying it's amazing. Jason has been, uh, it's also boring. You tell, I mean, if you're hiking the green can, okay, maybe that's not boring, but if you're just standing up looking out at the view, don't do a, don't do a podcast like this with an ADHD guy. Or just someone who's an unsophisticated swine. Yeah. Would you rather and highway to spell on the show today?

Is highway to spell boring, Jason? Can you spell the word boring? B-O-R-I-N-G. Yeah, that would be the shortcut. We are, what, two episodes away from Al breaking in with the scat. Episode 249. What's up, Al? What's up?

Yeah, talk about Jason not being grateful for the scat that he gets out of. He was giving you a hard time for getting out of a scat. Speaking of Al's scat, I had a daydream while in the bathroom minutes ago. Oh, good. And usually these are things that you shouldn't share on a podcast this is totally fine it's on topic i was thinking i know owl i know he's gonna be all prepared for his scat like last time and so i had this this daydream where next show andy hits the button mike you're about to scat and i i jump in and i say oh we're gonna surprise alan make him do it now and so now that i've just shared this he doesn't know if i'm going to do that or not next

episode so you don't know if i'm gonna do that so i'll just be ready ahead of time that's right i can tell you i have nothing prepared currently oh i would go with what I went with. It was great. Welcome in, everybody. Thank you for supporting the show. We exist because you listen, and we appreciate you listening and telling your friends about the podcast. I was talking to somebody the other day who was kind enough to say that sometimes they have a bad day and the antidote is this ridiculousness that they put on to cheer them up because nothing on this show we don't take it very seriously as you can tell but it just lightens the mood yeah eeyore would have been tigger if he listened to the show he'd be jumping around and being all crazy so you know the characters at least yeah

it's not a bad show. It's just boring. It's good. Have you seen the latest movie? Oh, it's pretty good. The one with Ewan McGregor? No, not the live action. Oh, okay.

No, get that one. No, the one with the back sin. I have not seen it, no. It's great. I made some Hufflepuffs and Woozles reference the other day. Oh, sensational. And the people around me didn't know what I was talking about. What? They were very confuzzled?

That is correct. All right, let's get it going. Would you rather. All right, Logan from Patreon. Would you rather not be able to bend at the elbows or bend at the knees? Would you rather not be able to bend at the elbows or bend at the knees? So you have to basically replace your leg or your arm kind of with, you know. So the joint is gone.

The joint is gone. It's like a stick. Yeah, we got sticks. I mean, I guess you have ankle joints and wrist joints still, right? Right, right, yeah. You got hands and feet that can move independently but you can't bend i mean these are both these are both real bad i i feel like one is way worse which your default is going to say the legs are worse correct because you're going to walk around and you're going to look ridiculous it's not just for that you you can be sitting well yeah that's not

comfortable you're sitting but your legs are out in front of you. Okay, Jason, work on your computer right now if you had no elbows. With a problem. No elbow joints. Easy. That doesn't look easy. It looks stupid. I'm not saying any of it looks good, but I can easily type from a distance. But now sit in a car and drive without your knees.

How are you doing that? I don't think you could do the arm one in the car. You could drive with your forearms. Are you putting them through the steering wheel? No, I don't think through. Because if you have to hold them out here, your legs aren't reaching the pedals. No, this is a hands-free operation. This is forearms.

Yeah, you could do the forearms. You turn with your forearms sometimes. How's your pickleball game with either one? I mean, functional. Well, not functional with the knees. Yeah. If you locked your arm out, you could still make some things happen. Make some things happen.

I think you're disabled either way. I think they're both. Well, yeah, it's going to be a hindrance. Which one looks worse? So the straight legs reminds me of, speaking of the bathroom, when you've been on the john there for a while, and you get up, and you get the stanky leg, and your legs fall completely asleep.

Oh, yeah. And then that's basically how I walk. Oh, okay, yeah. I walk with my legs basically completely asleep. Oh, yeah. And then you, that's basically how I walk. Oh, okay, yeah. I walk with my legs basically locked out. And is that because you think if you bend at all, you're going down? Oh, yeah, for sure. These legs don't work.

Have you ever fallen down? Yes, I have. I have done exactly what you're saying. There was a time it was. I knew one of us had to have fallen. This was real. This happened. It was actually after a day where we played pickleball for hours.

You had some cramps? Well, my legs were just exhausted. And then after that, I go home, and I'm actually sitting in my computer chair for a long time. And that happened where apparently I was sitting in a way where my blood flow was cut off to my legs and they were completely just asleep and I went to stand up and I got out of my chair and my legs straight down I just went to the right because it was my right leg that just was like you don't work no more and it really was exactly that I up. I told my legs to work. My leg didn't work. I fell over.

Is there, I mean, is this, if you didn't have legs or you didn't have arms, which would you choose? Is it different than this question? Yeah. Oh yeah. This is a much different. Because you can still functionally. Yeah.

Are you walking? I mean, how do you walk without being able to bend your knees? I, is there an argument to be made that it could actually be better to not have legs than to have legs without bending knees? Possibly. I think there are some advantages. Yeah, because they're going to get in the way if you can't bend the knee. Oh, yeah. I mean, put it this way.

Use a wheelchair with straight legs. Right. That's uncomfortable. You're knocking into things. Yes. You're not going to be a good dancer, that's for sure. That's my problem. You could still do spins.

I'm a great dancer right now, but if you locked my knees. That's the end. It's over. Then you wouldn't want to watch me dance. I guess we have to answer the question. I'm going to keep my functioning arms. As will I. Yeah.

I may do what you said, though. I may just have them removed. The arms? No, the legs. Okay. I'm saying I'm keeping my arms functioning. And then, that's what you said, right? Oh, yeah, yeah.

So maybe we just do like a group amputation. Okay. Get a discount that way. Yeah. Like a group on? Yeah. Group off. Oh, there it was.

Ethan from the website, would you rather have odorless farts but 10 times smellier poop? We're back baby uh thank you to all the listeners out there that most of their questions have to do with uh fecal matter uh would you rather have odorless farts but 10 times smelly or poop or odorless poop but 10 but five times smelly or farts this is a magical question because i'm gonna let you all in on a secret but there it's only 5x smellier on the farts yeah why why five why is it not 10 i'll tell you why it would have made the question too easy i mean we're taking odor away from something and then we're magnifying the other why i'm still taking the 10 times smell your poop mike right yeah so i mean that that's that's the point here is just trying to

it's trying to make this it's trying to make this an even question i some people go all the time go poop all the time yeah yeah some people are three four five times a day i have a family member that i know is is five or six times i see them every time i look in the mirror i'm in my family too um but but like wouldn't that change the equation if you like how many times a day are you i'm usually once maybe twice once twice mike uh yeah one to two range yeah i'm a one i'm a onesie you knock it out i'm a onesie that's it i mean i don't know mike i am a onesie You have no idea what I do my one turn a day. He was getting pretty riled up at the fact that there's people that have to go poop four times a day.

What are you doing over there? You don't know how to poop right the first time? You got to get all that out. I think it's a privilege to be able to go more than once. Oh, okay. So that was jealousy. My body doesn't work. I'm jealous.

If I could just... Al? I'm four to five. See? You know how much more toilet time he gets because of that? Is that what you're jealous of? The phone time? That's pretty nice.

What's the limit that your spouse can get mad at you for? Because you're associating it like, I'm going to have my bathroom time. I'm going to get on my phone. I'm guessing. If it's a real poop. Yeah, if it's a real poop. spouse can get mad at you for because if you're because you're associating it like i'm gonna have my bathroom time i'm gonna get on my phone i'm guessing if it's a real poop yeah if it's a real poop if it's a real poop you got a 10 minute window oh you should be allowed 10 minutes in and out each time that's not bad but i doubt that's what you do it's not like chess where you right yeah it's a running timer you hit the and you got 30 minutes a day? Yep. This one was only 12 minutes. I've got 24 left.

Yeah, how long are each of these journeys to the restroom? And how much do we need to dock your pay? About 8 to 10 minutes. 8 to 10 minutes, 4 to 5 times a day? Not all at work. All during the work hours. Yeah, not all at work. Twice here.

Twice here. That's what's happening to our plumbing? Yeah. He's really ruining that. That's really, I would imagine, healthy. You're probably never feeling bloated. Never backed up. Brooks?

That's nice. Very important question. Well, since I have to, maybe a couple times a day. A couple times a day. A couple times a day. We're all pretty regular here. What if we had gotten through all that, and then you got to me, and I was to, maybe a couple times a day. A couple times a day. A couple times a day. We're all pretty regular here. What if we had gotten through all that and then you got to me and I was like, once a week?

I haven't pooped in five days. Oh, man. That would be brutal. I mean, how do you not take just the smell of your poops? You have to. Cash. Because that's an environment that is meant. Yeah.

It's got a fan built into it. I don't have a fan in my butt. Well, you kind of do. do blows air out all the time what is the definition of a fan not something that moves air not a farting butt jason okay i mean does it have to like have oscillation no because dyson has fans that it's just the ring well it has to be able to produce air for longer than 60 seconds to that's stage one of a fan oh length of time it's length of time which i don't know jason might be able to pull that off i can definitely pull that off if you're telling me 60 seconds i can i can make this work going into work and going to people's houses if you're a four to fiver, you have now, now what do you do?

Because if it's 10 times worse, you, you've blown the Ace Ventura. Do not go in there. I mean, it's, it's just, it's a bit, do you put a sign up? Yeah. You come with just a bunch of sticky signs or the, or the, the, the tape for murder, the like police and caution tape yeah yeah i think that's just have police tape with you at all times i could just see jeremy uh al borland panicking so much that he's literally he's just like replacing the toilet every time he's doing the plumbing um do you guys give me permission to say one of the grossest things that's been said on this podcast i don't know i don't know dude too bad i take it anyways is it does there need to be a warning no there's no warning this is really just shameful and since i have very little shame this is when you pooped

your pants as a grown man no no that's a well-documented story. The documentary comes out on August 26th. No, I think when this question was read, all I thought was, I think I prefer stinkier poops. Oh, well, whoa. I think I want to wreck that thing. This is now, you're into it. I think this is to wreck that thing. This is now you're into it. I think this is a win-win. I don't have stinky farts, and now I get a 10 times stinkier poop. Heck, yeah.

I want to be like, what did I eat? I will be honest. If you make the agreement here, the first couple times, I'm real curious. Yeah. But I think it will wear off. Well, I mean, I'm real curious. Yes! But I think it will wear off. Well, I mean, I'm just saying. 10X is, don't underestimate 10 times. That's true.

And it's 10 times whatever's normal. Because sometimes it's like, whatever. And every now and then, it's like what I just described. We're going, whoa! And I feel like that might be like 3X your normal. Yeah, so 10 times the three times. Like, now I'm, am I passing out is this am i am i not expecting maybe you might have methane poisoning yeah it could become difficult because

there's it when you know like it's bad in the bathroom you know that that this is like a this is a a really bad situation that you can't have anyone else come in here. Because you can handle your own. Yeah. 10X. I'm still taking it. You can't have stinkier farts. No one wants a stinky fart.

I don't ever fart and go, oh, I'm so happy that stunk. If you had the 10X stinkier, you will be going outdoors. You have to leave where you're at and go outdoors. You might have to start telling people, I've got to fart. I will see you in 8 to 10 minutes. Oh, if you're taking the farting, yeah. Because you've got to walk away. I thought you were saying the 10 times stinkier.

No, I take my dumps outside. That's fine, too. I know you're going to have the fan on, But with 10X, I mean, that's seeping out. You're going to need industrial fan upgrades. Yes. Yeah, that will be something that you'll have to talk to your employer about. And that's not a good conversation. When you go in and you say, listen, I appreciate the job offer.

I had to make a deal. I appreciate the job offer, but we will need to be. I have a condition maybe you've heard of it it's 10 times smellier poops and we will need the company to upgrade this fan am i completely alone in my thoughts of sticky poop like is there a piece of any of you that's with me that's like i get what you're saying only for the first one i'm curious about the first i'm saying in life already no i i can understand like when you when you know that you've really done work yeah and there is a there is a self-satisfaction of i have just destroyed this

place yes yes thank you i am with you that there there isn't a few are alone there's a feeling of accomplishment yes i just didn't want to be the only i don't see any producers agreeing with you i don't think i'm agreeing with you no not me uh so i want to watch the world burn it's just like when you go and you're like i oh i got it i gotta look look at yes you know it Mike yes we were together and I was like I gotta check this out what did I do if you're telling me that you haven't gone and then go

talk to yourself I gotta see what just happened you are a liar you're lying listen this is so wonderful because it's true of everyone women men there's no way that there's someone out there that you're never been like in a look i gotta see it's shameful and it's disgusting but it's true of everyone i cannot believe there's someone that has never had that

that happens when you're surprised yeah at anything what would be crazy is if this question was it's a literal dice roll on each of these so it's half the time is normal farts half the time it's 10 times worse half the time is normal poop half the time is 10 times worse and you didn't know i think this is one of my favorite show moments all time exposing humanity mark They're checking their feet. No, no, no. Last question. Yes. Have you ever called someone over? No.

Yes. No. No, you haven't. No. Oh, sometimes there's a trophy in there. It's got to be seen. Whenever, ever. This is the last show.

Al doesn't have to scat ever again. Can we turn that AC on down further? Because I am sweating over here. Oh, thank you, Mike. Got to ask the tough questions. For your humility and your humanity. Mark from the website. Would you rather have all your carbonated beverages be ice cold but flat or be warm but perfect carbonation? Ice cold flat.

Easy. I think you could learn to enjoy it. I think the reason you hate a flat Coke is because there's an expectation. If you drink a flat Coke, it's old. It's wrong. The flavor's probably still delicious. You just, as soon as it hits your mouth, you're like, ooh, yuck. You know what?

Generally, the flat Coke also comes with... Warmth. Well, yeah, and melted ice. Yes. Like, sometimes it's watered down. Warmth. Well, yeah, and melted ice. Yes.

Like sometimes it's watered down. So if you had a full concentration of flat Coke, ice cold, it wouldn't be that bad if you just knew. So the only way to really test it, you got to pour Coke. Hot carbonated is just not a world I want to live in. You're not going to drink it. Hot carbonated means you have cans of nothing. I think it actually hurts more too. Yeah, probably the size of the bubbles. I bet there's something going on.

There's some science there. Is there a drink that is a carbonated beverage that's supposed to be served warm? Can you think of any off the top of your head? The only thing I've heard of, and I don't remember if it's flat or not, but hot Dr. Pepper is a thing. Yes, that is definitely a thing.

I've seen it served yes hot dr pepper but i don't know how flat it is no it's not flat it's not flat no they just heat up just hot dog fresh i do remember that yeah so that is that is one hot dr pepper what are people doing you've never heard of this i i've seen it multiple different places familiar ironically carbonated drinks tend to lose their fizz at higher temperatures okay this is an impossible question maybe a little bit um hot doctor hot doctor doctor it's hot dr pepper yeah this isn't just a hot doctor mike that's what i would if i were ordering it that's how i'd order that's how it'd be on the menu yeah i'll take a hot doctor yeah come on yeah that makes sense that is absolutely that's how I'd order. That's how it would be on the menu? I'll take a hot dog.

Come on. Yeah, that makes sense. That is absolutely, that's pro-marketing right there. But no, are we all in agreement with the ice cold? Yeah, I would take the ice cold. And I'm actually curious. I call it cold, Dr. Pepper. I'm curious how it would be, because I don't think I've ever had ice cold flat soda.

No, I don't think any of us have. But I guess that would be the way I'd go just because of refreshment. Man. I feel like this just means that all beverages that were carbonated are no longer on the list. Think about this. When we drink a lot of LaCroix or the flavored water, carbonated are no longer on the list. Think about this. We drink a lot of LaCroix or the flavored water, carbonated flavored water. When you take the carbonation out. It's terrible.

No, it isn't. They sell Dasani and stuff that have flavors in them. You just need the expectation. You get flavored water all the time. Flat flavored water. Yeah. I don't know. There's something different about it. You're not into that?

I'm saying that a flat LaCroix is... It's because it's hot. It might be. I know what you said. It's always hot. It might be because it's hot, but it is disgusting. I don't think I've ever had a chilled one. We got to do this for science. You literally have to pop open a LaCroix and then go put it in the fridge open

and then wait a few days and then go drink it. I'm going to then wait a few days and then go drink it. I'm going to do that. All right. See ya. I'm going to do that right now. He's out. Jason has left.

I think he really is doing it. Well, we got to because we got to follow through. Are we going to keep the podcast running until it gets flat? What are the odds that that lasts a few days without getting knocked over in the fridge though uh not not high i think i think we can just we would put a put a note on it put a note did you do it yeah he's coming back jason is coming back into the studio he popped up somebody's gonna go find that thing be really disappointed we just gotta tell people not throw it away they're gonna be like put a open can or someone will be in there very soon and say ah the work is done for me beverage is ready i'm sure mike if you opened a random refrigerator and saw an open soda you'd

be like thank you that's so much easier let me grab that um okay well we'll run the test and report back you guys want to do one more or highway to spell uh one more 10 more i don't want to do one more or Highway to Spell? One more. Ten more. I don't want to get to Highway to Spell. Let's move on. Highway to Spell.

Apparently, Mike is the returning chump. Oh, it says champ. Yeah. Champion. Sorry. It's probably because you can't spell. Oh, yeah. I think Andy went out right away last time.

He did. He was out in fifth grade. That was some baloney. D-O-L-O-G. Jason, you were out in sixth grade where Mike won. Yeah. Let's try to do better, boys. Look, I did the best I could possibly do. You did.

Do it again. All right, Andy, here is your- So I start. Yeah. Every time. Because you only do it when I'm scatting? You only put Highway to Spell when I'm scatting? No, it's just always Andy, Mike, Jason.

This is not... Okay. All right, go ahead. Here is your fifth grade level word. Cat. Actually. Oh, come on. All right, that one I can do.

Actually. A-C-T-U-A-L-L-Y. Actually. I mean, that one I can do. Any c t u a l l y actually i mean that one i can do any more brain busters thank you you got it that sounded like a fifth grade word that sounded like a second grade word no second graders would leave the second out yeah yeah all right champ here is your fifth grade level word continent oh that's definitely not it hold on continent continent i was about to say the champ should always start one grade level ahead but we do do that after three wins in a row okay all right continent i keep writing the word content over and over again. Content?

You forget to put more in there? Yeah, I did. Uh-oh. Oh, this would be great. This is a funny one. This one does not seem particularly challenging. It doesn't, but I'm sure I've got it wrong. Yeah, continent. You're good, Jay.

I can see you're bored. You're good. Okay. Continent. Easy. C-O-N-T-E-N-E-N-T. Bye-bye. Yes!

Yes, the champ is gone. Oh, it's an I. Yeah, that's... Dude, the I... That got in your head. I spelled... Oh, you spelled content, so you left the E in there. Yes, yes.

I got trapped on that. But I was going to say, also the uh i and e i had a word today just like literally just today where i'm like the machines telling me i'm spelling it wrong like what am i doing and that's because i put an e instead of an i look that was super embarrassing for mike yeah super i i can't even believe that happened we just need jason to get this right because if not, this segment is real short. I'll be going back to the other segment. All right, Jason, here's your fifth grade level word. No problem.

Furniture. Okay. You got this, Jason. I think I got this. Let's make this competitive. I think it was easy to write. Furniture. F-U-R-N-I-T-U-R-E.

Oh, thank goodness. All right. I'm the smartest man alive. I think it was easy to write. Furniture. F-U-R-N-I-T-U-R-E. Oh, thank goodness. All right. I'm the smartest man alive. Mike, you've got a ticket to the rest of this show. All right. Oh, man. Darn.

You're out. Oh, I never thought about just losing out first word, and then it's easy from then on. I'm coasting, baby. I feel like Mike's the champion again. He just pulled off the scat move that I did. All right, let's hear it. All right, Andy, here is your sixth grade level word. Encouragement. Hmm.

Uh-oh. Encouragement. I have so many letters in this word. All right, here we go. I got you. E-N-C-O-U-R-A-G-E-M-E-N-T, encouragement. That's how I have it as well. Yeah.

Oh, that was a delay there. You had me worried. I had that one right. But that's a long word. I get it. Yeah, I just had to double check. You were good. All right, Mike.

Nope. Your word is continent. Content. Yeah. Content got stuck in my head. All right. All right, Mike, your word is continent. Content. Yeah. Content got stuck in my head. All right. All right, Jason, here is your sixth grade level word. Equator.

Ooh. Shoot. You got that. Equator. Can you play that again? Equator. Equator, huh? Equator. Oh, man. Equator. again equator equator huh equator oh man equator oh might be over might be over yeah this is over okay here we go goodbye everybody equator e how am i doing so far good so far so good q u a t o r you got it oh i got it yeah i thought mike was shaking his

head no on the second letter no because i thought you were going er at the end i saw your board hold your board up oh okay i see what you're saying you saw that yeah it looked like an e yeah yeah there's no all right what's up welcome, Jay. Is there like a cursive O in the middle? I wrote an E first. Oh, okay. And then I was like, that ain't right. Okay. So I turned it into an O. All right, let's go.

All right, Andy, here is your seventh grade level word. Descendant. Ooh. Uh-oh. There is, I'm going with first gut here, but there is a problem. I think I've got it. A couple problem areas. I think I got it.

D-E-S-C-E-N-D-E-N-T. Yeah. Did you go A-N-T? I went the same all the way through except A-N-T, so I would have been out. I thought about it. I went D-I, boys. D-I. Those eyes at ease, man. Oh boys oh man mike is on fire today this is your former champ over here yeah glad i got that victory and well i could wow all right brain is gone all right jason here is your seventh grade level. D.I., boys. D.I.

Abbreviation. That's too hard. Abbreviation. You can abbreviate it if you need to. Nice. So, I'm worried about whether there's one B or two Bs in abbreviation. I do stuff like that a lot. Abbreviation.

Okay. All right. Oh, let's hear it. Abbreviation. All right, I'll go with what I wrote down first try because it looks right on my board. A, B, B, R, E, B, I-A-T-I-O-N. Abbreviation. Oh, baby.

Wait, is that how you spell domination? Because that's what's happening right now. We're almost to high school. You guys are. Mike has been held back. You guys are doing great. Mike's down to fourth grade. They keep moving him down.

I can just see Mike is sitting over there having a sandwich, enjoying a drink. I'm doing all right. He started abbreviation with I. I. Those I's, man. All right, Andy, here's your eighth grade level word. Discrepancy. Discrepancy.

Well. Des. discrepancy well d-e-s-c-r-e-p-e-n-c-y discrepancy there's an i in there isn't there there were do you yeah there was uh it's d-i-s yeah yes and then it's p-a-n-c-y oh i didn't get the a but i had the d-i the eyes have it that's right man if you could only got to jason moore is on the cusp of winning let's do it highway to spell all right all right it wouldn't be the first time for the record i believe 8th grade level word. Phenomenon. Mm-mm. Oh. Uh-oh.

Phenomenon. There's some letters in there for Mike. It's these vowels. These darn vowels. Phenomenon, you say, huh? Can I hear that a few more times while I keep writing? Phenomenon.

Phenomenon. Phenomen writing? Phenomenon. Ba-doo-ba-doo-doo. Phenomenon. Ba-doo-ba-doo-doo. Phenom. Anon. Okay. All right. Phenom. For all the marbles.

Oh, man. Anon. For the trophy? He has many versions written down on his board. I wrote three. I wrote three different ways to spell this word i am convinced looking at my board that all three are wrong oh none of these spell the word phenomenon there's well that's gonna that's gonna hurt you all right i'm gonna go with i'm gonna go with try number

three my third attempt looks the the most rightest the rightest? The rightest. P-H-E-N-O-M. E-N-O-M. Yeah. Oh! Yeah! I'm the smartest man alive! So did you do... I went I-N-O-N at first.

Then I went A-N-O-N second.. Then I went A-N-O-N second. And the one that looked right was the one that was right. I was flirting with A-N-O, so I got it wrong again. Got it wrong again. This was, I'll be honest, when Mike went out on fifth grade, I felt like I was, you know, playing basketball against a four-year-old. Thanks, man. And then you walked away with it. And that four-year-old. Thanks, man. And then you walked away with it.

And that four-year-old dunked on you. He did. I sure did. We got through fifth, sixth, seventh, and then you went on eighth. Well, hold on. We. And Jason's not done yet.

Oh, do I keep going? Yeah, you played until you're out. Here is your ninth grade level work. Yeah. Yeah, congrats. This sucks. Congrats. Irreconcilable.

And it's over. E-R-X-T-Y-L-P- Congrats. Irreconcilable. And it's over. E-R-X-T-Y-L-P-W. Irreconcilable. Why did he... All right. Lucky guess. Oh, dang it. No, we're good.

What is irreconcilable? Irreconcilable differences. No, I'm saying that just play it again. Irreconcilable. Oh, you don't like the pop in the middle? The emphasis on the wrong syllable. He's taunting you with the eyes. Yeah. Irreconcilable. Oh, you don't like the pop in the middle? The emphasis on the wrong syllable. He's taunting you with the eyes. Mike can only hear eyes.

I-R-I-I-R-I. All right, we're moving on. Congratulations, Jason. Thanks. The new defending champ, which, you know, now the pressure will be on you next time. Doubtful. Doubtful.

Doubtful. the pressure will be on you next time doubtful doubtful the spitballers draft we are drafting boring, this is the most actively boring. Actively boring. There is a 101 to me as well. Yeah. Actively boring to me is waiting in line. Yes. I just went with waiting.

Yeah. I mean, really, it's just endless, and you can control nothing about it. In many of these lines, there is an aspect of claustrophobia built in. If you're at a theme park or something like that, there's no way out. You are waiting in line, and that is boring. Okay. Yeah. Is that not your 101?

That was not on my list. I had, I assume. Waiting is not on my list. I had, I assume. Waiting is not on your list? I had waiting rooms, which I assume we won't draft because you just drafted waiting. Yeah, it's the same thing. Those are boring. I don't know. When I'm waiting in a line, I don't know.

You're fine with waiting? You're oftentimes exposed to the weather. Very uncomfortable here in Arizona. I'm not saying I love waiting in line. It just didn't crack my list of top things. Interesting. Yeah. Winnie the Pooh?

Boring. Exactly. Waiting in line? Exciting and exhilarating. Now you see me. Mike, you are... I don't. I don't understand you.

You are un-understandable. When you have severe ADHD. Those are irreconcilable. Irreconcilable. All right. I am going with waiting in line. Mike, you are on the clock. I'm going to burn this one because it has to be on my list.

I think there is a strong chance that neither of you has this on your list. Jason is psyching me out because he doesn't have waiting on this list. But it's been talked about on this podcast many, many times. And while waiting is probably the most boring thing, possibly a close second, other people's dreams. Yeah, that's up there. That's up on my list. Honestly, it would not have gotten back to you.

There is no one that has a dream that doesn't think it's interesting. And there's nobody that listens to a dream that doesn't think, I'd rather be dead than listen to this. How does that happen? It's because you were there, right? Yeah, why you think it's great. You think it's interesting because you can see it. Yeah, because you're explaining something that is really unexplainable

because what's happening in your dream is there's no – it's not a real-life situation. Craziness is just happening. It's like the walls were there, but then they were, like, bent, and you couldn't see them. So let's all agree. We all know this. We all know that when someone else is explaining their dream to you,

you don't want to hear it. So take your own advice. Nope. I know what you're saying, Mike. You're saying don't share your dreams. I totally understand it. I agree with it. And I don't do it.

I still share my dreams. I'm not talking about your dreams and your goals of I want to be in the NFL or whatever. That's fine. But don't tell me about the dream you just had last night because I don't care. I usually preface it with saying, look, I know you don't want to hear this, but I got to tell you about my dream. Get a journal, Jason. Write it down.

There is a right way to do it. Only one way. It has to be one small sentence. If I say, ah, Jason, I had a dream that you got hit by a car last night there it's over the whole story's over and then if you want more you can follow up no go oh really what kind of car was it no but that's the response so someone tells you that i had a dream that you got hit by a car oh cool what am i supposed to do with this information be bewildered by it that would be it but why I think it is I don't care okay if you are the center of the dream like if I had a dream all

about you yeah and I tell you about my dream about you that's better you would still be bored but it's better and I'll still tell you I'm still tell you I'm gonna say no you're gonna put your airpods in mid-conversation I am making a commitment to myself i'm just shutting it down okay all right yeah it's gonna be and i'm just gonna you better hope they're not premonitions because i'd like to hear about those uh jason you have two picks i have two picks and i'm my one-on-one is on here and this is certainly not everybody's one-on-one there are people that love this. I mean, it's a treat. It's their favorite thing. It's a hobby.

It's pop-pop in our families. I mean, this guy lives for this. There is nothing on this planet more boring than fishing. Fishing is, to me, a nightmare. Because you want to know how long you wait in that line, Andy? I don't know, 10 minutes? Maybe an hour? you want to know how long you wait in that line, Andy? I don't know, 10 minutes? Maybe an hour. You want to know how long you go fishing?

It's all dang day. Yeah. You're sitting on a boat or you're, even worse, you're on the side of a body of water. You're on the dock. And you're just standing there. Oh, but you got to be quiet. You don't want to scare the fish. Oh, no.

Don't have any fun and all you do is you just wait and then eventually see that line over there it's gonna move and then you're gonna grab it and reel it in you'll probably lose the fish it's gonna break it's gonna break and then but you get to start all over for hours it is the worst hobby or experience um that i can imagine i i don't get it not for me i do feel like it's one of those things i don't understand i feel like people that love fishing they just love it this is their whole world yeah but i don't get it like maybe is there nuance to fishing no i don't understand like oh it's not oh man i want to catch one of them bluegills crappers what there's

definitely that because you have the people that are like the deep sea fishers that your goal is a trophy fish. I don't know the last time I fished but I understand it. Assuming you're out in a... Do I have a cup of coffee? Yeah, of course you have. That helps. Well, you have coffee. Generally speaking, I think in fishing... Do I have Netflix? No. But when you. Well, you have coffee. Generally speaking, I think in fishing- Do I have Netflix? No. But when you're fishing, you should be in a beautiful wilderness location. Yeah.

I think our view of fishing is different in Arizona because we have nasty man-made lakes that are not necessarily picturesque. It's not like a river runs through it. Yeah, you're in the middle of a forest, and you put on the galoshes. Oh, yeah, galosh it up. And you turn your brain off, is essentially what I think is going on out there.

So you're just enjoying nature more than anything. That makes so much more sense because I can see people wanting to go and just stand in nice nature anyways so that's something to do it's funny because every time i've ever gone fishing in my life because i'm not a fisherman i i don't own a fishing rod right you know i go with someone else they i am taken fishing and so we kidnapped our yes so we are together being quiet doing nothing still having the obligation no i'm uh i'm well when i was a kid okay i just thought maybe you'd be out there with someone you like and you try to

talk to but i actually think fishing would be so much better if i was by myself you know what i mean like i would be less bored when i'm just in my own mind. More eaten by bears, though. You would just be sleeping by the side of a lake. That's true. Or on the boat. But that's what I'm saying. A nap on a lake sounds great. All right. I've got one more.

He would bring his own pre-cooked fish. Yes, I would. It's actually a Filet-O-Fish. Caught this today. Breaded it, fried it up. Caught this in the McDonald's drive-thru. All right. So fishing, this is close to home. You went fishing, and now what's your second pick? this today breaded it fried it up caught this in the mcdonald's drive-thru all right so fishing

this is close to home you went fishing and now what's your second pick my second one here is a little specific but i was just trying to really think about those times where you're just so bored and you want to leave so bad he's just so bored and it's when you have forced small talk situations for, you know what I mean? To me, it's specifically someone. Very high on my list, Jason. It's not a stranger. And it's not someone you know well. It's someone you're like.

Is it if you're stuck at a dinner party or something? Oh, man. And this is someone else's something important and so now i'm talking to this someone else's something important that i don't know but i i know who it is and does it matter if it's a place you don't want to be is it small talk at a place you don't want to be i don't think the location oh it doesn't matter we'll factor in i am bored i am bored out of my mind i'm trying to find what you can't leave. Talk about. And so you talk about weather and

real. Oh, it is physically painful. Yeah. Let's talk about something that is just not important. No one actually really cares about it, but a heck of a hot summer, though, right? Yeah. We feel like we have to talk about it because we're looking at a bunch of hot days in a row. The worst part

is I think both parties are bored. I think neither one wants to be there. There should be when you go into those environments a kind of get out of jail free opportunity. You get like five of them. And maybe you just hand somebody a card and you say

I'm sorry. And you know what they would say? They'd say oh thank you. I was about to hand you one. I'm glad you used yours. And that's normally when you want to share your dreams is at those events. Right. Tell you what I dreamed about. They'll leave right away.

Could you imagine small talk while fishing? Oh, man. Nightmare. I think fishing is designed for big talk. Mm-hmm. I think so because you can have a real conversation out there. But quietly. Yes, yes.

All right, Mike. That would have been my next pick, because I loathe dumb small talk. And I'm going to go with errands. Running an errand, and you just have to do all this crap all around town, and very odd. The thing about an errand is you know it has to be done. It's not fun.

It's monotonous. It's boring. And I don't know about you guys, but frequently, I'll hit four places, and then then you get home and you're like, I feel like I have not accomplished anything. What's an example of a bad errand? Dropping a letter off at the post office. Things where it's, especially it's quick, but it's a 15-minute drive,

but I just pop in. I give them this. I go. Hopefully, I've planned out my best possible route. I go 15 minutes over here because it's Arizona. Everything is at least 15 minutes apart. Drop something off over here. You get home and go, what did you do today?

Nothing. I don't know. I guess i accomplished something but i was bored the whole time all right uh so you have other people's dreams and running errands jason has fishing and small talk man that feels like a mic pick um and then i have waiting in line and i have to pick two more um i'm gonna i'm gonna go i'm gonna be. It's not as boring as it was when I was younger, but it will be my pick because it's not fun, and it's made a mark on me, clothes shopping.

Oh, okay. Clothes shopping is boring because it just takes longer than you think it will take. Yeah. And there's always tons of those moments where you're like, I should try this on. Oh, no. But then if I try it on, I have to go into the try-on place and then take off my clothes.

Frequently now you have to talk to someone just so you can get in. Just let me in. It's a torture chamber. And then the other option is to buy the wrong size clothes. Those are the only two options when you clothes shop. Yeah, you cannot buy the right size clothes without trying it on. That just doesn't happen. Not to mention, you want bad small talk?

Enjoy that sales associate at the local clothing shop that's going to try to connect with you and weigh in on everything looks good on you. The worst part is clothes shopping for someone else. Like, you're there with the wife clothes shopping or something like that, and it's like, oh my gosh. Yeah. There's not enough benches in the world.

Because that's called, that's waiting. That's true. Yeah. That's true. That's all you're doing. I think I- There better be some place to go get ice cream near there. You're waiting, and there's no ride payoff at the end. That's true. That's all you're doing. There better be someplace to go get ice cream near there. You're waiting, and there's no ride payoff at the end.

That's right. The payoff is you get to leave the store. They should make you wait in a line with the husbands. Yeah, I think that's like... To leave. When I said waiting room versus waiting in line, I think sitting down makes it more boring than standing up and having that physical activity.

And waiting in line, there's... Oh, because you move. You get a little progress. there's do you switch benches i don't get as i should apparently i'm learning this about myself i should be like in a waiting room yeah i should just start switching seats over and over to be less bored that's not a really loud alarm that goes off and then you just go sit next to the lady that just saw the alarm. It's like you're at the mad tea party. You just got to keep switching seats. You are right that in a line, as long as you get that little drip of progression, it does help the situation.

Sure. All right. The third one I'm going to do should have probably been my number one because it's actually the worst. This is the sneakiest third-round pick in a long time because it is the worst. It's folding laundry. Folding laundry is awful. I don't know.

Some people, is it cathartic to some people? No. Okay. It's torture, right? No one enjoys folding laundry. It's monotonous and boring. It's monotonous and boring and i'm bad i'm not good at it like i know not right i can be mediocre and get by but there's something

when you do something for a long period of time that's boring at least at the end you want to look down at what you have done and said i did that well and it is not possible with folding laundry no i have never improved on folding shirts. I've never improved folding laundry and I've never improved wrapping packages. Oh, yeah. Or wrapping presents. Those two things, I have hit my cap. That cap cannot be improved.

That book, 10,000 Hours, does not apply to those topics. Yeah, I hit my cap at like 15. Yeah. I do like a 15-year job on that and then i never got better either you're 100 right so folding laundry i just honestly of all the things that my kids i would be willing to bribe them to do for me that is the the one i've done and they're almost at your level so it's not like it's even going to be much oh that's right yeah oh yeah don't do it like a kid yeah right um you know know, the only thing I have with that is when I actually do laundry

and I'm folding and putting stuff away, I usually have another distraction. AirPods and a podcast or I'm, you know, watching TV while folding clothes on the bed or something. Yeah. If it was all socks, that'd be a good time. I don't know. You got to match them all. I'm presuming in this

scenario they're all matched oh they're all the same socks no that's too easy do you do i mean you put your socks together in pairs i don't or do you just throw them in a you don't i lay them out like i take my socks and i just lay them all out on top of each other you do pairs yeah yeah i put them together in a pair but i have the the... Are all yours the same? Just to be clear? Okay, then that's fine. I have a real sock situation going on right now, guys, of my... Too many of them. Well, yes. Number one, I have way too many socks.

And so like my no-show ankle socks, I have two different kinds. Same color? Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah, they're black socks, but one of them has a stripe, and the other one is just plain black. Jason and I both know what you need to do right there.

I know what I need to do. You need to burn half of those socks. Dude, I've got it a little worse than you. Wait, what? You ready for this? I have purchased... Okay. Are these sizes?

Two, yes. No! Yes. I have... Okay, I sizes? Two Yes No Yes I have Okay I've got two problems here Okay one One problem You guys know I love new socks Fresh new socks

Yeah So I've purchased a lot of socks And I found socks that I really like They're these like Black Under Armour Mostly no show Type of Of socks

And so I I bought a bunch of these socks I love them And it turns out my teenagers and my wife, they like them too. So they started using my socks. They're wearing your socks, man? They're wearing my socks all the time now. So I bought more of them.

I have so many of these socks, it's unbelievable. However, somehow along the way, one of my Amazon orders was an extra large. And one of my Amazon orders was a large. And when I reorder, I never know which one to get. I get both.

And so when I'm going to get socks, and they're identical. There's no stripe to differentiate them. There's no tag saying the size. There's just one. It's like half of my socks have shrunk. I'm trying to figure it out. It's a nightmare. And you can't really unring those bells. It sounds like you've got so many shrunk. I'm trying to figure it out. It's a nightmare. And you can't really unring those bells.

It sounds like you've got so many and the whole family uses them. You have no idea how many of these socks I have. How often have you gone one and the other? Probably every other day. I don't know. They're so close, but they're so different. When you put it on, it's not uncomfortable. I'm not going to take them off.

I'm not going to be like, well, I i did the work i get to wear these today i don't right now i could have two different size socks on mike i genuinely might you gotta put in the work yeah and and honestly i'm probably at an unspeakable number of these socks i mean unspeakable i probably have 150 over 100 yes i was gonna stop you and when you're, everyone, I put in my next Amazon order. It's all the time. My problem is I haven't ordered socks in forever. Yeah. But when I did, I bought a different type.

It is terrible. I do. I need to dump them all and get rid of them. All right. My goodness. All right. So I had waiting in line clothing uh clothes shopping and folding laundry mike you are back on the clock all right i'm gonna switch it up a little bit

here and i'm going to say old movies oh yeah because yeah and let me uh preface this by saying I am 40. Older than that. So anything inside of that 40 range is probably okay. But the second you go out of my birth year, you got a situation that this movie could be terrible. And it probably is. Almost always is. And it could be a movie that is revered throughout cinema history. Yawn, boring, Citizen that's gone with the wind very depressing out of my face i hate when people talk about i can't appreciate it oh yeah oh yeah and and i went to because i'll pretend i appreciate it to

other people i went to college for for oh yeah that's one of my favorite need to be sophisticated i went to college for acting and directing and so one of my favorite need to be sophisticated oh it's college for acting and directing and so there was an assumption that these great classic movies it's like it's like shakespeare you're supposed to love them and i would watch them and i'd be like this sucks so bad it's so boring did you watch did you catch ben hurr or maybe or singing in the rain no no and i never will because they're boring. It's a good pick. Jason has fishing and small talk and two more to finish out his draft.

All right. Make them boring. I will make them boring. I'm going to make them something I can fall asleep during. Like an old movie. Like an old movie. Good pick. Large room presentations.

Like whatever. Lectures. We'll call it lectures. Yeah, lectures we'll call it yeah yeah oh my goodness i mean when we were in real estate school andy way back in the day decade ago or whatever it was and you had to sit in that like 300 person auditorium and try to pay attention to this slideshow and then i mean we decide that school was best taught in a giant lecture hall being monotone to death. Yeah. I mean, any big presentation I'm just bored out of my mind with.

I don't have the focus to sit through this garbage. That's how I do it. It's a good pick. What's your last pick? Garbage. That's how I do it. It's a good pick. What's your last pick? My last pick is going to be, and don't hear what I'm not saying, because there's an aspect

of this that I love, but going to bed. What? Yep. Just the idea. Going to bed is boring? Yes. You end your day. You lay in bed. You have to wait until you fall asleep. It end your day. You lay in bed.

You have to wait until you fall asleep. It's a boring thing that I don't. That fits the ADHD that you're talking about. Yeah, it's like, oh, we're going to. You have to slow down, and you do not want to. Exactly right. So I'm going to pick that. And eventually I do fall asleep.

I love sleep. Sleeping. I love sleep. I just hate. You don't want to end your day. Yeah, ending the day and going to bed. It's just not fun. Where's the fun in that?

It's a forced break. You can't have fun anymore. It's, by definition, boring. Then you get to sleep. That's awesome. All right. Mike, one more pick from you. You just drafted old movies.

You have running errands and other people's dreams. At first, I almost said old people's dreams. Those could be maybe more entertaining. I'm sure they're a riot. And funny enough, you guys started talking about it in the chat. I had it as a more broad topic. I had written down sports that you don't like. Okay.

I'm not watching golf. I had written down sports that you don't like. Okay. I'm not watching golf. And, I mean, you could, for, I would say, baseball definitely fits in that category. I think I've been converted on soccer, but for the longest time, soccer was just horrifically boring. If you ever tried to watch cricket as an American, you're like, I don't know what's going on.

I don't know what's going on I don't care and I think it's the fact that everyone else is so into it and you're you're you don't care that makes it almost extra boring because maybe I can't get it I can't get in on this I don't understand it yeah so I'm pushed the other direction it makes you feel like the movies one makes you feel a little stupid. Maybe because maybe watching a sport that makes billions of dollars and everybody attends and you think it's boring. I think I think you want to

push back against and you know what? I'm not stupid. Your thing is boring. How about that? There you go. I would think about that. I was shocked. Baseball wasn't one of Jason's picks because he talks bad stuff about baseball all the time. To be fair, if I would have, I would have drafted regular season baseball. Yeah, because you can appreciate baseball.

All right, for my final pick, I have a few options, all very boring. But I'm going to throw the last one out there just on behalf of all of our kids and the children out there and the teenagers out there. And I'm going to throw homework out there. Because homework is boring. I don't know how many times the teachers look at this stuff, but it's just something to keep you busy. Busy work is boring work. I understand the concept of we're trying to make kids go over it again. How long is a school day? Is it six hours?

Seven to three. So seven to three, so that's eight hours? Yeah. That's enough school. That's plenty. It's a full-time job you don't need to to do all that eight hour run then go home and do another two hours like no we need to get rid of that it's not good and so I wanted to throw it out there it's a waste of

time so that closes out the boring things draft I had a couple that were honorary mentions one that i i didn't mention because it's too narrow but like honestly watching two people play chess oh yeah because i don't know what's going on i put that in the sports you don't like sports you don't like uh i was gonna say taxes doing your taxes i kind of i kind of get a high off of that i actually like that yeah i could um like some people like cleaning. It's the organization part. And then the last one was traffic, which we drafted recently. Bumper to bumper traffic.

It's a little bit like the waiting in line because you do move a little bit. That's the reason I didn't draft it. It would have been what I drafted instead of going to bed. I have ballet on there. I don't know if you guys have ever actually watched. I have been to Cats. Opera ballet are both in the category of the old movies.

Yeah, 100%. You're supposed to like, oh, this is expensive. We got dressed up for this. It's so boring. You're just watching people move around. This and opera. This was great before the television and movies existed.

Museums. Oh, stop it. Blade Runner. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. And I have this on my list because genuinely sometimes this is crazy boring. But I also love it sometimes. But reading can be super boring.

The material matters. Reading would have been a fair answer. I do like you exposing yourself of saying museums are boring, and then you follow that up with Blade Runner is boring. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, you're telling people who you are. Yeah.

And there are people that are like me. I had C-SPAN on here. I don't know if you guys. No, that's great. Oh, that's a good answer. If you ever tuned into C-SPAN. And then rice cakes. Rice cakes are great. That's the most boring food that exists.

Rice cakes are the worst. It's barely an effort at food. I don't know who's out there enjoying a rice cake. You're only eating because you're like, I can't have calories, and I'm told I can eat this, which half of it goes on the floor after you take one bite. But come on. Rice cakes?

That's pretty boring. Let's do better. That's a funny answer. All right. What did we learn today? I learned I'm not alone in impressing yourself with a good bathroom blow-up. I learned a lot about Jason in particular

that he doesn't like going to bed. Yes. As a man who loves sleep, he doesn't like going to bed. It is strange. Yeah. And I learned about Hot Dr. Pepper. Yeah, that's new. The Hot Doctor.

The Hot Doctor. The Hot Doctor. Hot Doctor. Hot Doctor. Alert. That is it for today's show. Thanks for listening. We'll be back with another episode next week.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com.