Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Big Beeping Busses & The Best Monster Movies - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

Spit Hit for March 20th, 2023: We’re off for spring break with our families! We will be back with some fresh content next Monday! In the meantime…enjoy this classic episode!  On this episode, we discuss helping friends move, driving a school bus, and having extremely lucid dreams. Then, in ‘The Situation Room’, we find out what crimes are going to land us life in prison, becoming a supervillain, and huge unflushable poops. We close down this show with a draft of our favorite monster movies. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spit Wads, this is a family show. This is about spending time with your family and laughing together, making fun of all of your relatives in front of them or behind their backs. That's what the Spitballers podcast is about. And so this week, we're going to be spending some time with our families on spring break, making fun of them right to their faces and having a great time on our own little vacation here. So we have for you a phenomenal spit-hit classic that you are going to enjoy with you and yours.

Enjoy. Enjoy. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Boom, boom, ding-a-day, boom, boom, ba-da-ba-da-boom! What? The low voice the i feel like you were probably oh no going for something else than is that a ghost

were those i couldn't get the volume level at the deep voice that i wanted so it was real quiet it was like boom boom boom boom boom boom boom Yeah, you were playing the cello over there. Yeah. I thought to myself deep voice would be a nice mix up. I liked it a lot. But I can't get any volume. Try to yell in a real low voice. Boom.

Hey. Hey, you guys. Welcome into the Spitballers episode 170 you're welcome everybody would you rather situation room and a spooky scary terrifying find a hiding place type of draft at spitballers pod on twitter's instagram.com spitballerspod if you want to follow us over there on the old IG. And if you're watching the show on YouTube, you're doing it at YouTube.com slash spitballers. Yes, you are.

And you're watching BobbleThor. He's at it again. We can't stop him. Nothing you can do. Ba-boom, boom, boom. See, I actually like that version better because that's got the rhythm. That's got da-doom, Boom, boom, boom. See, I actually like that version better because that's got the rhythm. That's got boom, boom, boom. Yeah, I mean, look, man, you get one shot.

I didn't get a workshop. You threw it away. I guess. You were not a fan. Mike seemed to be okay with it. I liked it. It tickled my fancy. Yeah.

I can get it. All I'm saying is I really like the renditions after the fact The boom boom boom boom Well now you're just singing a blues bass line Yeah That's pretty good they should do that Alright Let's get this thing going

Would you rather Alright Denaldio from the website Would you rather? Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. All right, Denaldio from the website. Would you rather have to move into a new home every year for the next 10 years or help someone move every weekend for the next year? That's a bad year. But that's also a bad 10 years. You have to move every year?

Can it at least be in the winter now i know that in some places in the country that would be like the worst but moving in the summer yes in arizona is it's almost a death sentence 75 000 people a year in arizona pass away from moving in 75 000 yes it's my favorite time of year to hire someone to move me. Oh, but here's the problem. If you're helping someone move every weekend- You're getting all the weather. You're getting the entirety of the summer. If you hired someone to move in Arizona in the summer, are you now, like, are you a hit

man? Yes. Manslaughter charges have been brought against people for- Because it's not safe. Every weekend is 52 days, right? a year that you are moving somebody. Well, 52 times, yes. 52 days a year. And if you have to move.

Well, sometimes a move is multiple days. Sure. So it's maybe even more. I'm just trying to math it out where, like, if I move and have to move every year my whole house, trying to math it out where like if i move and have to move every year my whole house that's a lot more than a week of like there's at least a what a two month period after you move where you're putting stuff away if you know you're moving in a year oh you don't even put it away unpack so i mean you're if if you have to move every single year you are never fully setting up your house maybe once or twice and then you go this is for the birds i'm never doing that

again and then you're just living in a suitcase i don't know i think if you you know you might do that the first year or the second year but eventually you're gonna say you know what we're moving every year for a decade i'm not gonna live out of a suitcase so you move and you unpack everything right away to maximize what you're going to get. I mean, the reality is this is simple math, like Andy's saying. That's too many days. You're talking about 10 times versus 52 times. And let me tell you one other problem here with the every weekend. We had a, our kids were just in a theater production,

and they had like a two- month period maybe three months where they had rehearsal is this a residency don't get me started i mean it was like they were like they should be paid and have their equity card we paid to put them in it but um anyways you're a fool after after a lot of 50 hour, they had a fantastic show. Aren't there child labor laws? No, they can get around them when we pay to put them in. You can sing and dance as long as you want. No lunch for you.

But every single Saturday, every single weekend, we had that obligation. Okay. And it sucks so much to realize that you can't ever plan a weekend getaway. Like, you know, we have a cabin. Nope, can't see that. You want to go to a staycation? Nope. You've always got this, like, obligation. So that means for an entire year

you're a mover i mean that's a part-time job let me let me ask this question jason uh jason's children please turn off the podcast if you're listening okay they've turned it off now what would you rather do on a saturday okay do all of that nonsense. Shuttle back and forth. Where you're shuttling. Back and forth. Having to sit there. You're probably sitting in a parking lot. Sometimes. Absolutely.

For a long, long time. Yeah. Or help your best friend move. For two hours. I am shuttling. I am shuttling and driving. Okay. No problem.

I thought I had him. No. Helping someone move is... Andy has nailed this on the head. We have learned as we have grown into our adulthood that when family members move, the best gift that you can give them as a house, you know, sometimes there's the obligation of getting a housewarming gift. Get them movers.

What a wonderful treat for them and also for me because um you'll get thanks from all the other family members absolutely in fact that would have been invited all the family members helped yes in yes and get movers for for old sister-in-law or whoever you have an intervention with the person that asks you to move and everybody else is there and they look at you and you say we've all decided that we're gonna get you movers because we don't want to do this that's right so i'm bad i am definitely moving uh once a year for a decade i think so too what if you can't hire movers it's fine i would i would rather do that once a year also imagine the the the equity i'm taking out every year i'm just moved after 10 years i'm

living in a mansion no you're not the tax man's getting you bro that's not long term yeah it's not long term you got to move every two years every year make money that's that's right that's good you you were turning into a comedy podcast you didn't know you were getting tax advice on real estate you'd become a minimalist if you knew you were moving once a year every year you yeah, you would. Every year, you would have the bare essentials. It'd be a good thing. All right. Geraldo from Patreon. Would you rather drive a school bus or a Prius for the rest of your life rather than your commuter and family vehicle?

So you have to choose one. Oh, man. There's literally only one place that you should drive a Prius, and that's off a cliff. that you should drive a Prius, and that's off a cliff. Have you ever operated any type of vehicle that resembles the size of a school bus? Yes. What?

Well, here's the deal. A full... No, a minivan does not count. No, I know a minivan does not count, but I have had the full... A full-size van does not count. No, the full-size U-Haul, like the 20-foot- That does not count as a bus.

Oh, it does? That should count. Absolutely count. No, no, no, no, no. The full-size? No way. With the van front or with the semi-truck back? It's like the semi-truck back.

Resident man of the show, Al Borland, compare that to a school bus. I'm with you, Jay. I would actually let it count. Yeah, it's close enough. I mean, you're talking about- Let me look, because I've gotten their biggest 26 foot truck yeah i mean that is a monster yeah 26 foot i'd rather drive a school bus than that yeah and it's not fun i mean it is not fun can you how long was your drive uh it uh it would have been from west side to east side so

an hour and 15 minutes because you can't go even up to the speed limit in those suckers. You're driving so slow. Let me give a shout-out to the most – School bus drivers? Yes. I was going to say not just school bus but city bus. One of the most impressive things I've ever been a part of

was two separate heroes in the world, which was I went to a trip overseas to Europe, to Israel, and I was part of a tour bus. And this guy navigated this bus, which was the size of 50 cars. It's a superpower. And it was unbelievable. And then in Chicago, I'm on the buses there. They dip in and out of these spots and around cars like they're like race car,

like Jeff Gordon, like a race car driver. I've never been more impressed with a skill than driving a bus that precisely. And it is a skill that I do not have. Oh, man, you're hitting stuff. I will say, too, that the U-Haul, you're going to cool the cab of that thing down a lot easier than you are a bus. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah. You have any school buses that had air conditioning? Because we did not. No, I've never seen. This was windows down, but there was the line. You're not allowed to put the window down past the line in the middle, except we did because we were cool. You want to know why they tell you not to do that, too? So you don't fall out?

They tell you the horror story that we got? Oh, the horror story of hair. Someone put their hair out. Is that what it is? They got their scalp ripped off. This cannot be a real. This story was used to scare kids. I believe this is a nationwide story, and it happened at your school.

Yep. You've heard this story? Oh, the girl with the luscious locks hanging out, and it got caught in a tree as you were driving. I mean, this terrifying, horrific, murderous story you're telling these kids. the luscious locks hanging out and it got caught in a tree as you were driving yeah i mean i mean this terrifying horrific murderous story you're telling these kids to keep your arms and legs oh yeah and then the the scalp just ripped off the i mean could you imagine that though like a scalp ripped off i mean it didn't because it didn't ever happen it was made up it was a made-up story monster story made up for a lot of urine in school buses because kids are peeing their pants.

We all heard that, man. Okay, I have so many questions. Yeah. No, I did not receive that treatment. Yeah. Ours was simply because we had kids throwing scissors out the back of the window at the crossing guards, which I've told that story before, so I don't blame them for not wanting the windows down.

So they told you guys a story. That a young lady had her hair get stuck in a tree or something. And instead of her hair ripping out, the scalp actually ripped off her body. I mean, it wasn't good for her. That doesn't seem like what would actually happen. Well, we were afraid of it. Those windows stayed nice and high. I would open the window, but I would not.

You followed the line? Oh, there's trees everywhere, apparently. Like, there's no trees in Arizona. That's the funniest part. And what kind of hair did you even have? There's no trees on the side of the road. Why is Rapunzel on the school bus? Seriously.

But, I mean, it was effective because I did not. I knew that if I put a pinky out of that window, it's gone. Yes. It's just, that's a nightmare zone out there. There's saws out there. I do have a follow-up here. Yes. I have a follow-up.

You're driving through a death room? Yes. That's right. We've installed guillotine blades at the top of the outside of the window if you stick anything out we will drop it um here's the reality uh i just looked up the average length of a school bus okay i've driven the full size very difficult to drive 26 foot u-haul i've done that i think three times in my life. Three too many times. Three too many times. The average school bus length

is 35 feet. Whoa. The average up to 45 feet for full-size school buses. I'm taking a W on this one. That sounds like a very different... Those are very different. I had no idea that

a full-size school bus was have you never seen i don't know if you knew this but you can never if you stand at the back of the bus you cannot see the front because of the curvature of the earth yeah of course you can see the horizon halfway through that bus i mean that is most buses are citywide do you know i obviously obviously i could not take this thing through a drive-in, which already. Drive-thru? You can take a Prius through a drive-thru. Yeah.

You just have to look up. You could take a Prius through a drive-thru. A Prius has air conditioning. A Prius is going to have a whole lot better gas mileage. I mean. It's much better for the earth. It's not going to fit your kids though, right? It's better for the earth for sure.

No, Priuses actually have a lot of room inside. You could fit. Multiples are called Prii. Prii. Yeah, you could fit a lot of humans in a Prii. So I'm definitely taking the bus here. Because I'd rather be dead. There's no way.

Give me the Prius. Yeah, I'll take the Prius. I will run over your Priuses with my 45 foot bus. You will never catch us. We'll hide in a tunnel. You'll never get in. I will wait over your preassistance with my 45-foot bus. You will never catch us. We'll hide in a tunnel. You'll never get in. I will wait until you are parked at home in the driveway. I will roll over it like it's a monster truck show.

All right, Newt from Twitter. After a 30-point turn. Yes. It's hard to get onto your street, man. Oh, no, a cul-de-sac. What do I do? My nemesis. We meet again.

Oh, man. Do school buses beep when they back up? They have to. It seems like they have to. They stop at railroad crossings. I know that. Oh, and legit, you get the stop sign. Can I ask a question about the stop sign? Dude, that's great because if I stop, you have to stop.

Legally, you have to stop. I have so much control with a school bus. I'm just going to do that as I go down the street, just unexpected stops. Confused people? You all got to stop. What if you drive with it? Open. Oh, man.

If I saw a school bus driving with an open. Is that like having a siren on? I don't know. Like everyone has to stop? This was my question since we'll stay here forever. How powerful is that stop sign? How wide of a road do you have to obey it? All the way?

If it's an eight-lane road? If it is a split road where there is a median in the middle and the two lanes do not connect, there's no turn lane in between, and a school bus has stopped on one side of it you are by law supposed to stop on the other on the other wait if there's a median i'm supposed to you are still supposed to stop no matter what no matter what if there's a school bus stopped but that's not true of firefighters and stuff right like siren things you don't have to do that oh yeah wins? No, a median you're not supposed to. I mean, you don't need to.

So I guess school bus is a greater sign. More important. They got to get these kids to school, man. There's no limit to that stop sign. Any direction. Unlimited power. Vision. I mean, if I can't see it, I don't know to stop. So, you know, if it's around the corner, no. Have you ever blown one of those off

on accident? On accident? No no on purpose we because i did and that bus driver wanted to murder me yes i really did i remember uh riding with uh uh my cousin who at he was he had just turned 16 so he had just gotten his license and i remember like, all the kids were gone. The sign was still out, so we went. And that bus driver, I mean, it was daggers out of that person's eyes. He got a horn. It's a mortal sin. Into our souls.

Now, here's the cool part of the story, and we'll conclude it here. Jason was completely wrong. That is not the law. Oh, but what if it was? No. With the median? You are not required to stop what if it was? No, with the median? You are not required to stop if the bus is traveling towards you and the median or other physical barrier separates the roadway.

Okay, but if there's not a median? Oh, but if there's not a median, you need to stop. Okay, that's still very powerful. And I don't know if I can say no. I have definitely stopped. What if you're on the freeway? If you're on the freeway and a bus stops, yes, everyone comes to a stop on the freeway. That's where you could use that power.

All right, let's move on. Newt from Twitter. Would you rather have super vivid, realistic dreams, which include nightmares, every single night or never dream again? Oh. It's a good question i feel like it's a pretty easy question um because i have you want to roll the dice i i definitely want to roll the dice i i dream uh a regular i dream yes thank you yes is that cats no that's lame is oh it is oh yeah i was thinking of it also i'm gonna count that it's the first win on a song against Mike Everett.

Yeah, you got me. I was thinking of also Man of La Mancha. So you were thinking of Memory from Cats, I bet. Yeah, that was it. Memory. Yes, that was it. I don't know any Cat songs. It's one of my greatest attributes.

Yes, you do. You know Memory. But anyways. memory uh but anyways um i think i dream an average amount which i would say is about once a week so you mean you remember your dreams sure maybe i dream every single night i don't remember you do do i yes is that for sure yes everyone everyone just a minute ago bus drivers had to stop no matter the size of the median. To be fair, that was you saying that, not me. We talk.

He fact checks. We correct later. Keep in mind, Jason and I have severe sleep apnea, so we don't ever really hit. Oh, you don't rim? I think I rim about once a week because that's when I dream. It's funny because if you have a really vivid dream, good or bad, you can carry it into the day. Like I've had dreams where they're so vividly real. Because when you're describing this, these are super vivid realistic.

If you believed what was happening in that dream was really happening and you wake up, sometimes it takes hours to get over that. Like I've had a dream where something happens to the kids, and I'm messed up for like hours. So you are rolling the dice, but dreams are also potentially cool. But if you have a cool dream, you wake up thinking, I wish it was real. So then you're disappointed. But let me ask you this.

Do you enjoy? Obviously, there's some out there. So I'll just clarify. I love a good zombie apocalypse nightmare. Okay. Interesting. And in the moment, in the moment,

it is absolutely terrifying. But you have them from time to time, but you wake up and you go, oh, holy crap, that was insane, because it was real. The closest we will, maybe virtual reality will get there, but the closest you're going to get

to some of these scenarios is just living it out in your dreams. I mean, most nightmares, in the moment it's it's it's insane and it's out of control and you're terrified but i'm saying that moment when you wake up and you realize it wasn't real but you got to experience it then i look back and i go well that was that was actually kind of cool i was kind of into that what's funny is that if you have a nightmare waking up is good because you're is that if you have a nightmare, waking up is good because you're relieved. Right.

If you have a nice dream, waking up is bad because it didn't come true. There are definitely those dreams where you wake up and you go, close my eyes, take me back. Take me back. Oh, man. Yeah, but the. And dreams are 100% real to you in the moment. Like you said, virtual reality might get there, but you're never going to be convinced in a virtual reality machine

that it's reality. Yeah. You may be like, oh, this is really amazing tech, but you're always going to know you're entering that world. Yeah, but I'll bet you'd forget. I'll bet you'd get lost in it. You know what I mean? Like, maybe eventually.

Will we get there that we'll be able to... Our kids might. ...to neural link inside. And you know that before you go in, it's,, it's like you're playing the game with Michael Douglas. You know you're signing up for something, but you don't know what it is. And all of a sudden, you're in it, and it is real. I definitely think we'll get to that point. Andy's shaking his head no.

No, I was promised Super VR by 2000. I mean, flying cars were talked about in the 60s. We're not getting there. We might not get there, but we as a people, the universal we will get there. They'll be too loud. Flying cars, it's too loud. Is that the problem? Yes, 100%.

Have you heard a drone? Have you heard a loaded drone? No, imagine that's a car. I've never once in my entire life thought about cars being too loud in the sky. I don't think that's the reason. Oh, that's the reason. It'll make it stupid. I feel like it's more air traffic control.

Wait, are helicopters too loud? Helicopters are crazy loud, man. Yeah, but you don't... Have you ever had a helicopter buzz? I'm not saying they're buzzing your house, but buzz your house because they're so low. I'm not saying they're not loud. I'm just your house because they're so low. I'm not saying they're not loud. I'm just saying you don't think about it when you're in them. How many helicopters have you been in?

Zero. Yeah. You know what you wear when you're in a helicopter? Headphones. You wear hearing protection. Yeah, that's true. They call them headphones. You're rocking it.

I think they just like music. Let me change this question. They're real stylish, those headphones from the 50s? Yeah, Beats by Drake. How about this? How about this? I'm going to change the would you rather real quick, and then we'll move on. I don't even remember what the question was.

Well, it was the dream. Super realistic dreams are never dream again. But I want to change it to this. You get to pick your dream, any dream. You load the software before you go to bed, which is amazing, right? If you could load that up. This is total recall stuff five days a week but the other two are random horrific nightmares would you take that or never dream again five to two five to two sign me up brother that's really i'll take that i'll take that ratio if you give me a uh it's every week a random chance and i don't

know it's either three to four or four to three i but i don't know sign me up brother okay really oh yes oh yes okay i mean bad dreams might be a weight loss technique you might sweat through the whole thing that that sounds great too all right uh one of those vibration suits where you lose weight wait tell me more you have to have heard of those i have never ever heard of what you're seeing the ones that like send the pulses through your body what and you walk around but you're kind of shaking all the time they claim that you're where it's just the guy standing there getting so sweaty and he's like i'm working out but he's just standing there and it's what you've never heard of this? No, but tell me more because I buy this immediately.

You've never, Al Borland. Al, you've heard of this, right? These have been around forever. Well, then why are there still so many fat people? Maybe because they don't work, Jason. They just make you sweaty. They just make you sweaty. Well, you look that up and we'll move into the situation room.

The Situation Room. Here's the situation. Ethan from Twitter writes in, and we're here to help, Ethan. Aliens offer to take you to explore the far reaches of the universe. Okay, I'm interested. You will be safe. Okay. And they will bring you back, right back to this moment, having not aged at all. But you will mentally experience it as a 20-year voyage.

Wait. So you're living 20 years. I'm the same. Is everybody else the same, or is this the flight of the navigator? Everything's the same when you come back. In fact, you're the same when you come back physically. But you're basically leaving for 20 years, then you get transported right back to that moment.

So you get 20 years of exploring the universe. That's a long time. That's a very long time. And mentally, you're going through 20 years years worth of travel and whatever you go through. But when you come back, your family has an age. Do you have an age? You have an age physically. So literally, you're just...

You're on it. But this is just gaining 20 extra years of life. And not only 20 extra years of life, but life... Without your family. Oh, I get them back. I get them back. 20 years, though. You don't see them for 20 years.

But 20 years, you've lived a full lifetime of without your family. Like, you have already learned how to live. You'll spend forever missing them, but you'll have learned how to live without them. I mean, if I told you right now you can go play in an arcade for 20 years, and then when you come back, everyone's the same age, would you do that? How much money do I get? How many? How many videos?

Is it my charge? Is it tokens? Is it free play? Am I going in there with 20 bucks? And then this is going to be a bad 20 years. Is there ticket games? Is there claw machines? I mean,

maybe you start another alien family out there. So, okay. I, I see your point of the arcade. Like, if the experience... But I'm not just having the 20 years. But I'm committed to Omegalon number five in my alien life.

If the experience isn't good enough, it's not worth that gap. I get that. But this sounds like a pretty cool experience, man. Look at the universe. Honestly, the only problem that I see is the distance that grows

between you and your family. Because it will be there when you come back. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Not when you're at the far reaches of the universe, man, and you're seeing stuff. I would do it. And the reason is, is because leaving my family wouldn't affect them. Exactly.

They would not think I'm gone. And so I would get to share 20 years worth of cool stories. The stories you would have when you come back. The life experience. Nobody will believe you. Yeah, because it's like- You'll have all these- Watch, watch, Jay.

I just went. I just got back tell me more yeah i just spent 20 years on another plane you'll have stories that people can't fathom yeah but happened about ebulon or whatever her name was it's a mix you on number number nine um here's the thing you could retell those stories not as to me I miss Mixi Alon number 7 the ugly sister she'll never be wet

no not number 7 gross the heads on her Mixi Alon that's a good name for an alien Gross. The head's on her. Mix Yolanda. That's a good name for an alien woman. You were saying something? I was. I had a thought. Oh, yeah.

Instead of saying that I left and I have all these experiences. Just tell them as fictional stories. Sure. You have 20. Now I'm coming back and I'm an author. Now I'm a playwright, a movie writer, a director. I can bring things in that they could only dream about. The technology I've seen firsthand. Oh, they thought teleportation was a thing.

You don't need teleportation when you have. I got a problem. Okay. Okay. Is everything going to stink and be boring for you? My brain went there. I'm with you. It's like if you grew up, it's the old C.S. Lewis.

If you just grew up playing in mud puddles and then you go to a holiday on the sea and you have to go back to the mud puddles, life isn't the same. It's almost like a PTSD coming back. You're just like, oh man, Earth is boring. Do you remember the old- You can do this right now. The internet's gone, Jason. Well, that sucks.

The internet, it never existed. I mean, it did. Oh, right. You take that away right now? You got to go see that there's... Information is unlimited at your fingertips. Whatever you want to know, you can know, because the internet exists. But now it's gone.

For everybody? Yes, for everybody. Okay, then I'm okay. But you know it, you experienced it. Yeah, but you know what? Sometimes those simple muddy puddles are actually better. Can they be? Family in the muddy puddles?

The phrase is you can never go home. It would be really hard if you saw 20 years. I think the phrase is there's no place like home. 20 years worth of experiencing other worlds, other atmosphere, other plants and animals. You're a star lord. You are a star lord from Guardians of the Galaxy. Yes, I am. Except you come back, and now you're just Jason Moore.

Now I'm dad, and I'm fine with that. I'm definitely doing this. I'm taking the experience. My family won't have it. Here's my hope. I hope that my family will get an even better man when I get back. You know what I mean? I'll have more experiences, more knowledge.

What about Omixilon? Do you ever need this? I mean, I'm taking the five out of seven dreams, so I will remember her five times a week. All right, we're moving on. Kendall from Twitter. Ah, the tentacles. Wow.

Men in suits and sunglasses interrupt the Spitballers podcast and are going to take you into custody. They say you have to spend a certain amount of years in prison based on your crime. What? But they give you the choice of which of your crimes to be punished. Here are your choices. Here's our options.

Here are your choices. Here's our options. Four months for each terms and agreement that you've agreed to without reading. Oh, man. It took me a second to understand what was going on. I'm following. So you get a four-month term for every time you've agreed to a terms or agreement without reading. So that's 4,000 months. Six months for every time you've peed without washing your hands.

Okay. Or one year for every time you've peed without washing your hands okay or one year for every time you've forgotten your password on the first attempt wow okay so obviously the the least common the forgotten i mean i mean washing you know i never forget to wash my hands the least common uh only gets you six months. Yes. Not even COVID can get guys to wash their hands after they pee. I look at washing your hands after you pee the exact same way I do like signaling and following rules of the road when no cars are around.

There's a little bit of like- There's a little bit of habit. There's a little bit of muscle memory. Yeah, but there's also a little bit of like there's a little bit of habit there's a little bit of muscle memory yeah but there's also a little bit of subjectivity like if it's safe yeah right like it's not there's no purpose i don't need to signal if no one's around that that handle on that water might be getting my hand dirtier when i turn it off thank you yeah of course germs germs don't just like leap out of these places if it if it looks clean if i'm in a hurry if i didn't touch anything i shouldn't have touched well look i know how

the law works okay the law is very specific here and they say you get six months for every time you've peed without washing your hands i'm never getting out of jail yeah you just just like just like you two i'll be the one who says it you're never ever getting out of jail you are dying there especially if you count your days as a kid can you like have parole for good behavior i mean i'm i'm in life good behavior i'm in for life just based on two days ago damn man i mean i've forgotten my password on the first attempt a lot. And the terms in... I still haven't read

the terms in agreement. Yeah, I... So... But I haven't... I just realized all three of these... How many of you are life in prison? Are life in prison.

This is straight up life in prison. That's all it is. And why are they wearing their sunglasses inside when they come to stop this podcast? So you can't see their eyes. We can run away. They won't find us.

I can go stand in a dark corner. Bumper from Patreon. You are teleported to an alternate universe and now must live the life of a supervillain. Oh, excellent. Finally. However, there's good news. Mike took that as the good news. I'm with him.

Oh, wait. This gets even better? You get to pick who you will become. Who are you secretly excited to be? What? Are you picking your, like... What supervillain would you want to be? Who is the best supervillain?

Okay. Lex Luthor is very wealthy. Yeah. Lex Luthor was great. Super smart. He came to the top of mind. He came to the top of mind, and Magneto came to the top of mind. Because being able to control metal... okay this is this is have your platform i i see it you

need to speak magneto ellie look i'm okay uh admittedly i'm i never got into the comic books i love i love the culture so this is not me shaming them. This is me saying I just never got into all of the series and everything. Magneto, to me, has always felt like a fully underutilized supervillain. Like, if you can control actively all metals around you, how are you not a god? You are invincible. You should be invincible. 100%. That breaks down with every superhero and supervillain though.

This is one of the things that always gives me the eye roll. We were watching Loki. We're going through Loki for the first time. He's the god of mischief. He has magical power. He has some. Some, right? He'll still punch you nine times out of ten. Then he'll use it.

Then he'll punch you 15 more times. Then he'll use the magic. But his magic is tricks. It's like if you're Superman, why wouldn't you? Because Superman's the worst. Yeah, but why wouldn't you use your laser vision every two seconds? Yeah. Because he's not the guy from The Boys.

He's not a supervillain. If you use your eye power every time, you're straight up a supervillain no matter what. My point is that for a lot of these, it seems like you run on empty. You get to use one charge, and then you're done for the day. The biggest superpower that that speaks. I remember, do you guys remember the show Heroes back in the day? Oh, yes. The first season of that was great.

It was incredible. Save the cheerleader and then they brought in a problem that took yeah second show down but do you know what the problem was they brought in someone who could time travel and oh yeah you want to talk about the most underutilized unrealized like there were there's no problem there's no problem you can't undo but they didn't do it. They're like, oh, how are we going to get out of this one? Dude, just go back. You know.

Like, this is so easy. You know what? Just go back. And it's like they didn't have, and they have a whole season trying to figure out the answer to the problem. It's like the whole. If only we could go back to when this started. Let's build a time machine. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, maybe they'll use the power halfway through the season,

go back a day, and it's like, dude, just go to the beginning. That one is super underutilized. But that's Mike's point, I think, is that when you have these, and your point, I think we're all saying the same thing. When there is an unfathomably powerful power, you can't utilize it to its fullest in these shows. Because it breaks the show. Because it breaks the show.

I've been watching The Flash, and it's like, and his super fastest. He's underutilized. I've been on this show, I think I've used this platform. Time travel, you could have an argument there, but at least the way that super speed has been relayed is that time travel might be connected part of super speed like super speed is it's the strongest power of all superpowers to me but then every episode he gets hit in the face

no you wouldn't. Every single one. Anyways, I'm going Magneto. I think that would be really cool. Oh, that's such a good one. I don't care which one I am as long as my featured role is to slowly turn around in a high back chair and pet. Oh, like Dr. Claw? Yeah, he's taking Dr. Claw for sure. And I want henchmen that are the dumbest.

I want them to come in quivering, and I have to say, you know, you idiot. But then I never take responsibility, and I send them back out there. But some of them get dropped into a shark pit, of course. I got more. There's more of them. There's definitely a button on your desk that you hit frequently. You turn around, and the big red button, boom. Imbecile. You get to use fun words.

Yeah. I mean, I'm Thanos. I don't know. I don't know how you do it. That's a good point. Oh, darn it. My stupid little metal tricks. All right, Mark from the website.

One more. You go into your multi-stall bathroom at work and there is no one in there. However, it is very clear that someone was recently in there and that they had a quote bad bowl. Yep. Okay. You go to the wall and get done as fast as you can and start to wash your hands. The wall?

In the urinal, I think is what he is saying. He never reads these. He just pays them. Who's peeing on the wall? You go take a whiz on the wall. I interpreted that as a urinal as well. All right. You go over to the urinal and get done as fast as you can.

You start to wash your hands so you can escape the bad bowl's smell. Sure. While washing your hands, someone else walks into the bathroom. How do you convince that person that the bad bowl effect that they're about to experience was not you? Easy. You go back to the wall. You washed first. Yeah.

Oh, double P. It was a pre-clean. Yeah, I just came in. I had something on my hands. Oh, you know what? I still got to go to the bathroom. That's what you do. You just hope that there's the separators.

Huh. Because otherwise. What if they catch you on the way out, but they recognize you? Because you could pass in the doorway, and you work in the same office, so they're definitely coming into that room and thinking it's you. You've just established dominance. Dumpinance? Yeah.

Yes. Yes, thank you. Well, if that's the case, then what you do is- You take it? You claim it? When you open the door and the person's walking in and there's no way to go back, you're already finished, you're leaving, you got to stare them down. You're following-

You don't give them a wink? Do you not? No. I am intensely. I am looking them in the eyes the entire way in, and I'm turning my head as they walk in so they know this was me. This is when I throw somebody else under the bus. Yeah, Ted took a dump.

And that'll be it. Have you guys ever experienced uh going into a bathroom and seeing just uh a dropping of just like a proportion that you couldn't physically oh in the toilet yeah it's just oh no it's still there a non-flushed giant poop yeah yeah because i bring what's that story i was reminded of of uh camp as as a teen and all the sudden crazy things happen at camp all the sudden reports start filing out dude you gotta see this turd no you gotta see it and you people are inviting people to see it yes and it did not disappoint is there any chance that this was multiple people adding to the story themselves there is no chance of that but there is

a chance that a bear learned how to use a human toy because or a horse you saw this firsthand oh yeah this thing was uh uh you took tickets did this? People took photos of this thing. It was... I'm grossed out. I'm sorry, but it was just... This is real life, okay? We're peeling back the curtain. We're talking real life. I'm talking from floor to ceiling.

This thing was out of the water. I've done one of those. I've done it out of the water. We're talking circumference. Okay. Circumference. Listen. I've taken a photo. Toil're talking circumference. Okay. Circumference? Listen. I'm taking a photo.

Toilet hole circumference. This is bad. This is bad, Beck. Can I please help? Listen. What was I going to say? People are here for this. What did you say, Al?

You just texted me something that you wanted to announce. I said, to be fair, a bear poop and a Jason poop are indistinguishable. Here's what I was going to bring it back to you. Because this is how I'm going to... I'm very proud of one thing in my life. I have yet to come to the point where I would go to the bathroom and feel the need to run away without flushing the toilet. I can tell you I have never done number two and felt like leaving the stall

without a flush. Because as far as I'm concerned, when I go to the bathroom, number two, I want it to go away as much as anybody else would. Absolutely. I don't want to hang out with this any longer than it needs. I've done the mid-bowl flush. I mean, we all want it to go away. It's a promo.

So what happened to this person that made them run away? Are they under attack? I can tell you. The fact that you could flush and it would not go. That's what I'm saying. Oh, they're afraid. Oh, I've had one of those too. Jason, were you at my camp?

It might have been. I might have been. Were you at Big Bear? Look, this is way TMI, but I've had two in my life that are proud moments. One unflushable and one totally out of the water experience. That was that movie with Spacey, right? Unflushables? That's right.

Unflushables. Dude, the unflushables are unbelievable. Because, okay, imagine this. So did you not flush? No, I flushed 100 times, but I can't get to the hole. Imagine a log over a river. Okay? It just doesn't go down.

You could walk across it. The log isn't breaking. So there's just all the water flushes. The toilet paper's gone, and you're left with the log over the river. That's exactly what it was. I've done it. One of my proudest moments. I don't know how much.

You broke a toilet. I broke a toilet. They made for them. That's right. That's right. I did it. Okay. If you're still with us, it's time. Speaking of monsters.

It's time to draft. The Spitballers draft I have no transitions I just gave you one Speaking of monsters We're drafting the best monster movies I took a video That's the 101 Well we are drafting monster movies.

Which monster would take the biggest dump? I got nothing, Al. I've got no way to soften this one. No, you couldn't soften it. That was impossible. That was the problem. Al is now coughing. Who's got the first pick?

You do. That's you. I would recommend the Unflushables. Luckily, I have no videos of that kind. Monster movies. We had a discussion beforehand, which was kind kind of like how do you define a monster movie Jason had like not really expanded his definitions and I'm look I'll start I originally when I thought about monster movies I and I've seen after doing a little bit of research I've

seen that there's kind of a subcategory that I took as the main category, which is giant monster movies. Like, you know, where every monster is just a skyscraper-sized problem, and that is a subcategory. So monster movies are just basically things with non-humans that are terrible monsters. Yeah, and a good monster movie to me is one that, and the reason I'm going to take this pick at number one. Kaiju.

You expect the Kaiju monster movies. Yes, Jason, is the answer. To me, a good monster movie is one that has a level of suspense and buildup before a reveal. Ominous creature. You're hiding from it. There's a lot of the scary elements, and there are several that fit the bill and it kind of

stinks having the first pick because I don't know if there's a clear one on one here, but I'm going to go with aliens. I think the aliens movies, alien aliens, I think that is like a perfect definition of a monster movie where the terror

is so great. You put yourself in that person's position hiding from them. The monster was so terrifying. You put yourself in that person's position, hiding from them. The monster was so terrifying. You got a mouth in a mouth that's coming after you. You got it coming out of your body. I mean, it was just, I'm going to go with Aliens as the 101. You don't know who you can trust. Yeah.

It's a fantastic choice. What's interesting about monster movies is they can be... It can be a horror movie. It can be an action movie. It could be a thriller. Into the world. Yeah, exactly. All right.

So I'm going to... Oh, man. It's so tough. Yeah, it is very tough because you have the aspect of our draft here where I feel like I'm playing the game. And I don't don't oh which one would make it back it's tough there's a lot of good all right there's some classics so there's there's two that i think may not make it back from jason but i'll take the one that i think is the

actual better movie recency bias don't care because this was a this was an event when you i'm not i don't think a movie theater is necessary for all films oh no yeah no i'm sorry hollywood no no i'm saying oh no because i think i know what you're gonna pick and i thought it would easily get back to me oh i okay well this one was uh it was an event that you had to take in in the theater with multiple people because being in this room with scary crap happening and it is just 100% deathly silent in this theater was an experience that no other movie has matched. So I will take A Quiet Place.

It is on my list. That's a bummer. I thought I'd get it. It would not have been drafted by me. You could have gotten that back. I still am skewed a little bit. When I think of monster movies, I want a monster versus monsters. You know what I mean?

Oh, okay. You don't want to be monsters versus people? Yeah, I want the world against a monster, or maybe a monster against monsters. So I'm taking Godzilla. Godzilla's my one-on-one. If I think of a monster movie, that is what comes to mind. Matthew Broderick. There's probably 50 Godzilla movies.

I would very easily besmirch the Matthew Broderick Godzilla because it wasderick godzilla because it was terrible yeah i loved it you did because it was oh i don't think i don't think there's actually a legit good film yes the new ones are good i do like the new one the the king of the what is it godzilla king of the monsters yeah yeah that was solid see it's got it in the title well it doesn't matter you already took godzilla that's fine i'll take that that's fine godzilla the og well the og it's a monster performance by matthew broderick um and now for my second one yes the og uh first time they ever made godzilla in the 90s i'm saying the og title it's just godzilla okay that's all okay all right so now um for my second one i'm trying to decide there's one movie that i really really really want i think i can get it with my last pick i don't think it'll be on either of your guys's lists it is absolutely probably my favorite

to watch of all of these okay so i'm gonna wait i'm gonna play the game let that come back to me or i will cry when you draft them. I'm going to take just the classic of all classics. One of all three of our favorite movies, Jurassic Park. Sure. The ultimate. It probably would not have made it past me. No, I don't think that would have got back to me.

And the two that I want, I think they will both come back to me. What are they? So I will start with Godzilla and Jurassic Park. Okay, it's a good pick. Okay. Now, this is interesting. Because the list is very large. What movies does Andy like of the monster movies?

Because you're trying to play the game and not have me steal one of yours. Because there's... Oh, my gosh. Whatever. I'm not going to overthink it. And I'm going to go with... Recency bias again. So shoot me. I'm going to go with Pacific Rim.

Oh, I love Pacific Rim. I love Pacific Rim. I, I love Pacific Rim. I love Pacific Rim, too. It is so stupid. It's so ridiculous, the idea that the only way we can fight monsters, we need to build a giant robot. That has to have two people. That has to have two people mentally connect so they can run the robot, and yet it's

freaking awesome, man. I love Pacific Rim. You want to talk about a fun monster movie, just a fun action destruction movie. And there's multiple different monsters in it. Absolutely love Pacific Rim. It's funny because Mike made fun of you for liking Godzilla. But the same reason he likes Pacific Rim

is the reason anybody would like any of the Godzillas. Oh, which is you don't care about any of the peripherals, the Brodericks of the world. You care about a giant monster destroying a city. You know what Pacific Rim is for us? It's just Power Rangers for grownups. Yes, it is. It's literally like, let's power up and get these monsters. And I'm not making fun of Godzilla.

I like Godzilla. I'm making fun of that particular one. Yeah, but there are a category of movies that you just want to see things blow up. It was funny. I don't remember which of the Transformers movies I dreaded to go see. I was like, this is going to suck so bad.

But then I saw it in 3D and it was just things exploding. I was just like, this is a pretty good time. I mean, it does suck. And it was awesome. Yes. They're immune. All right, so I got two picks. That's Michael Bay's motto. It sucks, but stuff explodes.

I still consider a huge component of a monster movie fear. Okay. And so I do respect that. With Jurassic Park, there were elements where those were dinosaurs, but they treated them just like a secret reveal, right? You didn't know what they were. You were hiding from them. The thought of, if I can put myself in that person's spot

and feel that fear just a little bit from the screen, that gets me. So, man, there's a pick that I want to take here because I'm so terrified one of you guys are going to take it. So I will, I'm going to go with, I'm going to take Pan's Labyrinth. Okay. Did you guys see Pan's Labyrinth? Of course. It's sensational.

It's so fabulous. Visually fabulous. Terrifying. Well made. What's the name of the the hand eye guy? Oh that thing is so creepy. Whatever. I don't know his name. The monster hand eye guy. He holds his hand in front of his face.

He's got the eye on it. And that's how he sees. Terrible. Yeah, it's a great movie. And then. Is it on your list? Yeah. Oh.

And I know I'll get a bunch of crap for this one. Who cares, man? But I'm taking it. So what? Because to me, I still love this movie. And it's Signs. Because Signs has all the elements of a scary monster movie. Sure.

You are in the middle of nowhere. You're in the middle of a cornfield. You're in the middle of a house. There's no one to rescue you. You are seeing glimpses of it on the rooftop or sliding between the corn stalks. And you have to defend yourself and board the, you know, all of that is what made Quiet Place great, right? You're boarding things up and you're hiding and you don't know what it looks like until the very end of the movie. It is funny.

Quiet Place and Signs, it's like the monsters are barely in the movie. They're the centerpiece of the movie, but they're like, they aren't seen hardly at all. You doubled up on the aliens. Yeah, so I'm going to go with Signs for that third pick and hand it back over. Would Pan's Labyrinth have made it back to me? I would not have taken it. It wasn't on my list. If it had, I wouldn't have taken it here.

There was a chance you could have taken it. There was definitely a chance. Thanks for making me feel better. I love it. It's a great movie. Now, Signs, on the other hand, it's a movie. Signs is a great movie with a bad ending. If we can celebrate a Transformers movie that's terrible but you enjoy it.

I can't take this today, guys. I just can't take it. Signs is a phenomenal movie. We don't need to talk about it. It's great. I'm fully on board. Loving Signs. All right.

I am very torn here because i have this is your third yeah it's my third pick and i have three that i really want to take so i i'm trying i'm having a very difficult time here deciding which one does not make it back to me. Whatever. We'll move forward with it. Funny enough. Completely unrelated to this podcast. This draft that we're having. Somehow this movie came up in our office today.

Because we were talking about actors. And debating the merits of them. And are they actually good actors? And I brought up and i was like you know is this is this movie is this movie good is kevin bacon actually a good actor oh no you're taking one of my two i'm taking tremors baby i've never seen it tremors is don't watch i don't bother i don't know if you can go back. No. But I have... My kids, turn off the podcast. Don't listen to this anymore.

Like, Tremors was one of those movies I saw as a kid at the friend's house. Oh, where you weren't supposed to watch it? Whose parents were a little more lenient on the media that you could watch. Which made it all the more exciting. There is no way that my parents were letting me watch Tremors when I was in third grade. I wasn't allowed to watch Jurassic Park. Yeah.

Oh, I understand. And Tremors was on this. To be fair, I don't know if my parents have even heard of the movie Tremors, but if they had, I would not be allowed to watch it. And I saw it. It was like it's one of the first monster movies I can remember ever watching and having no idea what is happening in this movie because it was so freaking crazy. But I still love it.

Afterwards, you can be afraid everywhere. You know what I mean? Like, I'm walking to school. They're under me. We live in a very similar place to the setting of Tremors. Yes, yes. A lot of dirt that we can walk on. We know what's underneath.

No, Tremors was one of my two. So that is sad. I knew what I was going to take. I will go with the other movie that I was going to take right off the bat. This movie is so underrated. I think it is great. I'm excited. I think the underrated. I think it is great. I'm excited. I think the replay value holds up.

The acting, phenomenal. The actors, phenomenal. I'm going to go watch it tonight. And it's Reign of Fire. Oh, yeah. Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey. Is it a dragon movie? Yeah. It's not dragon movie? Yeah.

It's not on my list. I've never seen it. And I am so... Reign of Fire is great. Thank you. I will stand Reign of Fire until the day I die. Is that a monster movie? It's a dragon.

Oh, yeah. I've never seen it. And it fits a lot of what you've talked about. At the beginning of the movie, whatever. Oh, Reign of Fire is so great. All of a sudden, you're five minutes into the movie, and it's kind of fast forwarded in time where the dragons have taken over the world. And you're like, you're living underground.

Sounds like a movie I should watch. It's their place. And I'm telling you. It holds up? Oh, when McConaughey rolls up in a tank and gets out and flexes, because he's jacked on steroids, you're like, spoiler alert! Yeah, spoiler! Tons of steroids! 2002? Oh, man steroids 2002 oh man so good it's so good

i love that movie all right so that's my first and then um i'll take trimmers okay didn't there are trimmers too oh there's like 6 000 of them now all right there's a there's a lot here um i think i know where i'm gonna go there's certainly there's about four on my list worthy uh of taking but i'm gonna take one that is very very famous for its depending on your perspective phenomenal or horrifically awful ending and that is the mist oh it is was which i think it was well hold on hold on which ending have you seen i it's i guess because the director statute of limitations is here right like i can give a spoiler i mean well depending because the director's cut is is an ending of a movie that

you don't even want to say what happens at the end i don't want to say what's happened at the end okay it doesn't go well and then right after it doesn't go well yes it would have been okay yes that's the ending yes that is 100 the ending i known and or i know and not that is one of the movies that stuck with me for like three days after i was thinking about the ending of that movie going, oh. It's brutal. Oh, that is, it is heart shattering what happens at the end of The Mist. And it's, the whole movie's fantastic. And they just, they get you. I've never seen it.

I walked away from that movie hating it. Hating it. Because the ending was so rough. And then day after day, month after month, year after year, I think. Thinking about it. Think about it. And I go, okay, it was so rough. And then day after day, month after month, year after year. Thinking about it. Think about it. And I go, okay, it was great. Because movies don't make me do that.

And I was upset leaving because I didn't like it. But in truth, it was an unfathomably memorable memory. Yes. Mike, you have your final pick. All right. So one is a horror movie and one is an action movie and i'm just i'm sticking with the action movie because i i just i love it because you love brendan frazier wait what which one are you talking about brendan frazier i won't uh oh oh the mummy maybe Maybe. Oh, no. I used to love the mummy.

There's nothing wrong with the mummy. No, but. Arnold. You got to get to the chopper. Because I'm taking the predator, baby. Oh, the predator is a good pet. The predator is a. Captured the imaginations of young men everywhere.

Nothing. Literally nothing happens in this movie. No. Nothing. It's just. this movie. No. Nothing. It's just... Why are they there? Do we have a reason why they were on the island? I'm sure they were there to rescue somebody, but it's just...

Oh, gosh. It's like eight crazy jacked dudes running around shirtless with giant guns shooting at something. And it was scary. It was scary. And then the movie's over. It's just like Aliens only. Schwarzenegger covers himself in mud

and then the movie's done. But it is fantastic, man. The Predator is legit. All right. Well, I will close it out. I have an honorable mention. Oh, I have so many. That I want to bring up.

I will close it out with Jaws. I will take Jaws as the final. I was wondering who would take it. It was actually interesting because I thought Jason was describing all of the things about it holding up and the actors in it and the movie. Does Jaws hold up? Not the shark. Yeah, that's what I would think.

That's why I was surprised. I wasn't sure, but the acting does in the movie, the suspense, the fear. Again, I think all of mine come down to like relating to a fear of a monster i mean that's the traditional kid monster under the bed thing like have you ever been so far out in the ocean that you can't get to the bottom oh yeah yeah jason have you ever done that yeah oh yeah yeah and and there is there's a deep that is right it doesn't have to be like it can be you know 30 feet or so but there is still there is a an uneasiness about being that far out you can feel that in a lake if you swim in the

middle of the lake it feels really weird knowing that you, like Lake Placid. I was at a lake recently, and it's like, you know, you look at the little, whatever it's called, the little range finder, and it shows you the depth. It's like, this is 150 feet down? What? What's under me? Anything. Anything could be there. So the one honorable mention I want to throw out there was from 2016 okay and

i don't know if it would have i mean it should have counted but it was like a little bit more of a human monster situation it turns out that where the monsters 10 cloverfield lane did you guys ever see that yeah the uh john goodman was in it yeah the girl that was kind of trapped in the underground to stay away from the monsters. Yeah, and it turns out the aliens were actually out there. They were actually out there. That movie was so good. That was such an... It was an unnecessary yet incredible twist at the end of the movie.

Like, oh, I guess Goodman wasn't that bad, was he? Pale Man was the name of Pan's labyrinth oh yes yes um i have cloverfield on my list yeah i did like the original cloverfield my shout outs were number one is the descent which i don't know if you've seen this one it's uh centers around a group of women and they uh go spelunking like into a cave and turns out the the one in charge like brought them to a different cave that hadn't been explored and then there's like these they get stuck and there's can i guess there's some monsters there's some monsters in there but it's but it's it also has another ending that is for those that need a resolve a good good resolve. It's not for you.

It's not for you, makes you feel bad. And then it's a foreign movie, but shout out to Troll Hunter. If you've not watched Troll Hunter, I think I watched it on Netflix. I believe it's a Norwegian movie. So it's a subtitled movie. I get it. You have to read. But it's fantastic where it turns out that trolls are real and they have to go hunt them.

But it ends in this culmination of this giant troll chasing them down. It's a spectacular, really underrated movie that people need to know about. My shout out was to Anaconda back when we were younger. The trach scene where they got to get the bugs in the guy's mouth? Oh, that's right. I'm sitting here, and I'm deep diving this Pan's Labyrinth Pale Man, who was played by actor Doug Jones, right? Who played Pale Man.

Who's Doug Jones? Well, apparently he's also Silver Surfer. He's also some of these freaky-looking aliens inside of Star Trek. He's like an Andy Serkis type of guy? He's kind of a freaky looking dude. He just does CGI? Yeah, it's nuts. He's cast in these roles of these unique, weird looking characters.

He was also in Hellboy. What? Yeah. You know that creature with the longer face, the water creature in Hellboy? That's him. And is Doug Jones just like actually devastatingly handsome? No. Oh.

I'm sorry, Doug. No, I mean, he looks like an alien. He should be in CG. He's got a face made for CG. He's a creepy looking dude. I'm sorry, Doug. I just Googled him. He is a creepy looking guy.

Like, he knows it. I'm not trying to insult the man. I'm just calling out all right he's made a career yeah i mean he's made a heck of a career out of having a really long alien face what did we learn today boy we learned too much didn didn't we? Oh, man. I learned that school buses do not have a power over the median. I learned that Jason broke some records when it came to the dumpskis. A log over the river, my friends. That was going to be what I learned, too. Did you?

I mean, I also learned there's a fat suit I can wear to vibrate me out of this. Out of all this. Out of this fat? All right. Well, that'll do it. Al, I think you learned a lot today, too. So always. We'll catch you next time.

See you next time. Thank you for listening, everybody. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.