Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Birdhouse Blunders & Dream Sponsorships - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 23, 2023

Spit Hit for February 23rd, 2023: On this episode, we get a live look into Andy’s parenting life as he exchanges texts with quarreling siblings live on the air. We also discuss party food etiquette and define/invent “The Doorway Effect”. We close things down with a draft of the most overrated activities which are sure to trigger some people. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

On today's episode, I talk about crime and something I'm trying to do, I don't know, to get rid of it. Who knows? But it's going to be a good time. We also give out some tremendous life advice because that's really what we are here to do. We're here to entertain you, but we're also here to fill your soul and help all of your problems, solve all your problems. We close down the episode by drafting companies. We would love to get some free stuff from. I mean, who doesn't want free stuff? Hey, tell your friends about the show right now, and then enjoy the episode.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Ruff McGruff and Game of Yoga stuff, come on! Ruff McGruff? Hey, man. Wait, is that, is... Ruff McGruff is... Is that the, like, police dog?

Take a bite out of crime. Yeah, the bite... Where did Ruff McGruff go from? No, you've unlocked a whole new scat category, and it's the Nostalgia Scat, and I'm going to be turning to it soon. Very nice. Little rough, if you ask me, but not too bad.

That's called the last second. Al Borland reminds you that you're the one who is, in fact, up first, and you have the scat. And then I'm like, I'd like to tie it into the draft. And then as Jason eloquently pointed out, you're like, oh, that's the guy, that's the dog, take a bite out of crime. It pointed out the irony of me shouting out Ruff McGruff

and then saying, give me all of your stuff. Right. Because the police dog. He was supposed to stop. He is, in fact, stopping the give me all your stuff. Either that or it was a real good cover. You know what I mean? Who's going to go after Ruff McGruff?

Stealing all your stuff there's look there's dog fur everywhere in the jewelry store he's just like we'll never know we'll never know should we dna test this nope yeah well i mean i just showed up that was his voice i've been shedding right now was that his voice yeah it wasn't he was super gravelly take a bite on a crime he's a heavy smoker he didn't care about this he wasn't part of the anti-smoking campaign he was only part of the anti-theft campaign back then smoking was cool don't smoke kids yeah in between takes smoky the bear why don't we have mascots for movements now like why when they never worked nobody listened to rob mcgruff that's true that's smoky the Bear? Why don't we have mascots for movements now? Because they never worked.

Nobody listened to Ruff McGruff. That's true. Smokey the Bear? Mm-mm. What do you say? Only you can prevent forest fires. Yeah, we all remember what Smokey said. Yeah, he seemed cool.

I don't start any forest fires because I just avoid the forest altogether. I think Smokey could definitely win a fight against rough mcgruff though hmm i don't know about that bear yeah okay bear and he seemed much more serious than rough he didn't need a lot of words yeah but rough mcgruff's got that trench coat like what's going on in there and he's a man-sized dog he's a man-sized dog who's's a detective. He's packing heat for sure. Really? At least three pieces. You think Smokey uses some fire stuff?

No, he doesn't like fire. He's anti-fire. He's like, guys, I don't really like... He's got a shovel to cover you with soot to put it out. He's like, only you can prevent forest fires and then bust out a flamethrower. Like that's not going to happen.

That wouldn't work. All right. At spitballerspot on Twitter. Not that you'll want to follow us. Would you rather life advice and a draft today? You never know how these shows are going to start. Al Borland's in the building. Al, how are you doing?

Just happy to be here, Andy. Al Borland's in the building. Al, how are you doing? Just happy to be here, Andy. I think Al would like me to let people know that we're not doing a special news segment today, as promised, because he wasn't prepared. Yeah, it's Al's fault. We certainly need to blame him. He was like, I promise I'll have a new segment for you next week. And then he let us down big time.

So he said, if you're not ready, we'll go home and do remote recording for this one. I jumped on my guitar immediately as soon as he said that. And I made sure that I get him the music clip on time. Oh, good job, Mike. No, right away. Lickety split. No reminders. I nailed it.

First try. That's all factual. Yeah reminders. I nailed it. First try. That's all factual. Yeah. 100%. Look, there's three of us. We can move on without clarifying anything else. Do you want to hit that would you rather drop? Would you rather.

Oh, man. I know. Hold on. We all know Jeremy. We know him very well. He's not on camera. He is fuming right now. His face has got to be so beet red.

I just don't know why he likes remote recording so much. Do you want to clear the air at all, Al? Do you want to say anything? Oh, he's gone. I think the spitwads are smart enough to see the truth through the lies i'm i i think the spit wads know who's the liar liar on this show yeah yeah who's the master liar boy who cried wolf situation right here don't we who to believe all right would you rather question from Alex, would you rather have your kid be best friends with another kid, but you can't stand their parents?

Oh, no. Or you are best friends with the parents, but the kids hate each other. Oh, man. This is a good question. Oh, my gosh. This is more of a life advice. Yeah. So if you're forcing your kids if you if you love these

parents you're friends with them you're going to want to hang out with them a lot and every time you you're under the pretense of well the kids can play together but the kids hate each other yeah oh man tell me the jacksons aren't coming over tonight tell me the jacksons aren't coming up but they are you could see little little jackson it's jackson jackson was his name um jackson jackson yeah uh now i know why you don't like him right who names your kid jackson jackson but wouldn't that be more of a problem with the parents shouldn't it be like i shouldn't be friends with these people who would yes oh 100 jackson jackson yeah jackson jay jackson middle initial stands for jackson if you can't stand the friends with these people who would name their son Jackson? Yeah, Jackson J. Jackson. Middle initial stands for Jackson.

If you can't stand the other kid's parents, are you trying to make sure that kid comes and plays at your house and not their house? Because you don't want the... Oh, 100%. You don't want... So how many excuses can you make to have the kids always play at your house? Oh, I'm sorry. How do you pull that off all the time? Because kids always want to trade

back and forth i could let my kids go to a to a parent's house that i hate because there's more than one reason to be like i don't like that parent it's not all like oh they're irresponsible and terrible maybe they're like super you know annoying yeah maybe they're annoying or maybe they're like they're drug dealers over yeah like just over cautious and everything it'll be like okay i don't want to be around you but you'll keep my children safe because the thing is is i feel like if you're i i think i lean towards this direction and we'll work through this but i know that if my if my kids are friends with someone i can have them retain a friendship with barely knowing the parents i mean i have it now my daughter has a couple friends they come

over for the day or she goes over to their place from time to time and i know the parents names and we have greetings at the doorway that doesn't concern you we've never had them oh well i mean i well they're the parents that the other parents hate right yeah we're the problem but i'm just saying like yeah no i get that i guess it depends on why you would actually not be able to stand them and it just says can't stand them which means they're not doing anything wrong you just don't personally like them and then the other situation you love the parents i feel like that's why they invented ipads i mean you can get together with these other parents the kids can just play on their ipads and life's okay that's the way i'm gonna go yeah i i

lean that direction because i mean like got you guys uh and then i have a a couple my i'm still friends with some guys from high school but it it's like, dude, being an adult, having friends is very difficult. Can you even make new friends as an adult? No, that's what I mean. It's impossible. How do you do it? I don't know how you do that.

Wow. Jason, wait. Jason, you have new friends? No, I'm saying I don't think as an adult you can do that. It's against the rules. I heard a survey on the radio once where it was saying, once you pass a certain age, people do not form new deep friendships. Yeah, I mean, acquaintances and you meet new people

or maybe you move and you know your neighbors. Maybe that's how you do it, like a move. Oh, a neighbor? A move can do it because now you're willing to reset. You've left all of your friends behind. So maybe that's what I need in my life. I need a move. I was going to say, I know the names of my next door neighbors.

I know the names of two of them. I don't remember who's who, but there's two names out there because. Sure. Well, here's the problem. One of them is a James and one of them is a John. And I'm like. You're supposed to remember that? Do you say, what's up, Jay?

Yes, sir. Do you really? You know it. Oh, man. That's fantastic. I'm like, oh. I'm like. Hey, Jay.

How you doing? I'm like, what up, Jay? Oh, my gosh. And they're like, oh man, my cool neighbor dropping me a nickname. We're such good buddies that he doesn't even use my real name. You know those guys, Andy, you know they're named

Charles and Timothy for sure. Like that's... Daniel and Steve get called Jay every day. What's up, Jay? Why is he calling me Jay? Because I walked across the street jay walker oh my god oh speaking of your street mike yeah uh i have to take a a slight segue here

you have mentioned in the past on this podcast that you in your neighborhood is one of those houses for christmas lights oh yes like you know it a good way. Well, it's a good way because it's not my next-door neighbor. They're like eight houses down. But it's not just eight houses. I drove by that. It is currently as we're recording the Christmas season, and I drove by because I wanted to see if I could find the singing house, and it's not a singing house.

You wanted to see if you could find it? Well, I didn't know if it was in your neighborhood or on your street. I found it, and it's not a singing house see if you could find it i well i didn't know if it was in your neighborhood on your street i found it and it's not just that there's like six houses all interconnected all synced up this is incredible yeah they've they've started daisy chaining because apparently whatever the technology is that that uh syncs up the lights is a radio frequency so other people are just latching on. And I'm like, this is fantastic. It's the coolest street I've ever seen.

But right at the beginning of the street, before you get down to the end, there is another house on your street that has their lights synced up to music. But they've got like five strands of lights. And it is really, really bad. And then right down the street all the neighbors got together we're like let's do this awesome thing how bad does that person feel yeah but have you seen uh jay's house probably yeah every house is jay's house all right what's your final vote here you want to be friends with the parents or you want i need more friends so i'm sorry kids that's

what we learned on today's show i'm gonna let my my kids uh be friends one of us is a good father apparently riley from twitter would you rather have a horrible short-term memory or a horrible long-term memory oh man can i just have one of them good that's great i i feel like i've got a terrible short-term memory and a terrible long-term memory so this question is great because but your middle term how's your middle term middle term is absolutely fine you know anything that happens when does a memory become a middle-term memory uh yesterday zero to 24 hours should be like short-term right yeah that's how i like one to seven days is middle term and then everything's seven days and beyond it's long term i i think

middle term is longer than that i would say middle term is like from 24 hours ago to like a month ago or a couple weeks at least oh that's middle okay that could be middle term yeah long term is like distant memories they've they've they've vanished they're not in you know in in your last couple of months or something but uh my middle term memory oh man it's on fire on fire. I've put all of my... That's where you're good? You know where you do a character builder in a video game startup? I drained my short term memory and my long term memory to have enough points. Oh, you put all your points into middle

term? Absolutely. Middle term, I got that on lockdown. But I don't remember my childhood, like, at all. That's true. Is that true? That's really true. Like, I... Really? Kind kind of yeah like i i i have it's not a bad thing it's not like i i didn't have some horrific it was a terrible childhood that's why he's glad he no but you know it blacked out of my memory i just i just don't remember like

the ages of things and when i think of like a childhood memory and I go I remember this moment that happened I genuinely I could think of a couple moments and I don't know if I was 5 or 15 I was like it was it was in that it was somewhere in that range that this thing happened was I sitting on the potty kicking my feet or was I shaving

that day I'm not quite sure what memory do you use when you want to recall things that a friend has talked about and their names? What memory is that? Because that's the one that's like, I get in this debate with my wife all the time about forgetfulness, right? Because forgetfulness is inherently something that like you can defend forgetting things by saying, I forgot them. How can you blame me? I forgot them. But I also feel like you can intentionally remember things if you care about them. And I'm going to put myself on the chopping

block. I'm not going to bring anything from the house into this conversation. I'll put myself on the chopping block. I have a bad tendency and maybe it's because i'm getting distracted too often maybe i'm getting older maybe i'm just a bad person but i will ask somebody how things are going on they will tell me a detailed story i will and then like i don't recall it and i feel terrible about it and it also goes a little bit with names too like i just don't remember names at all i know jason's even worse than me on that one. Sometimes he would whisper to me, like, who's that person? Who's that person?

I don't remember people's names. And, Andy, you can attest to this. You just did. That's why we call everybody Jay. There's a perfect example. Our close friend, Nikki. Oh, good. She gets a direct call out uh yeah well because I finally

remember her name it only took like 20 years but like the first decade oh man I could not remember it was bad it was bad I would always ask Andy I was like oh my goodness what is her name and he'd be like Nikki I told you yesterday I told you three days ago we ate lunch together every day for years in high school like how can you not remember and I just it deletes from my memory and I feel like such a jerk because I don't remember anybody's names from like the from high school I could run into you and I just don't I don't know you so the long term okay. I'm terrible with the short term names. I've tried to be better with it when I meet someone. I now do the device of like.

Do you? The mnemonic device type of thing? Not like I'm not doing the associate with a letter. James, Jay, I'm going to call you Jay. But I'll do the thing where I will repeat their name. I'll be like, oh, it's nice to meet you, James. To try. Does it work?

No, so far it's not working. I say it 10 times to them right after I meet them. Hey, James, James, James. But I'm trying to get better about it. But meanwhile, the long-term memory. My long-term memory is great. Very good. My longterm memory is a,

uh, it's, it's funny. Like the people who, if you don't have a longterm memory, it is 100% a blessing and a curse because human nature is of course the things that, the things,

well, the things that went wrong, the things where you screwed up those are the things you really really remember but you also have the blessing of like when when you're in an argument and it's like no trust this is how i remember it people are like well you're the one with the memory so we'll go with we'll go with what you said can you can you promise jason and i that someday years, 30 years from now, we can all sit around together and you can tell us about our lives?

I can't wait to listen to the stories of today. I'll be the storyteller. Tell us about how we lived and what we loved and the adventures we went on. Is this like the notebook you guys are in a hospital bed? And I'm trying to remind you of who you were when you were 35 we went on this we went on an airplane ride to dallas texas you remember post mates now andy would know the three of us we've worked together a long time it's worked out really well we've you know been been uh successful in our endeavors i i have to believe you have a good short-term

memory yeah yeah i think i'm a good short-termer the three of us together we've we've got this memory thing on lockdown i mean i andy remembers the short stuff i remember all the middle stuff mike remembers the long-term stuff this is why we came together yeah i would say combined we're like one grown man that's perfect what was the question was there a question horrible short term or horrible long term if you're horrible short term you are constantly failing at basic tasks that you need to accomplish yeah i'm gonna i i would i would rather have short-term memory than long-term memory i don't want to i don't want to forget everything and constantly just feel like an idiot in my day-to-day life.

I don't think long-term memory affects my day-to-day life as much as the short-term memory does. It doesn't, but you remember your children growing up. Who? I have children? He said, wait, what? You're like, which one? Which one of the two? You have three.

Oh! That's why we video record so many things. All right, Mike, your final answer. You have a great long term. You don't want to lose that, I assume. No, I'll keep that one. Sly from Patreon, would you rather... By the way, before I move on,

I do think memory gets worse as obviously you age. But I think a lot of that has to do with responsibilities and doing so many things and thinking about so many things. When you're a kid and you're going to do a certain event, that's all you think about. As a kid, you just focused on whether it's the TV show or it's the game you're playing or it's the friend you're with. I feel like you're much more laser focused as a kid. When I was a kid, I had every single cheat code for every video game system memorized. And I'm talking like 30 steps or 30 character passwords. And I would have them at automatic recall when you would go to your

friend's house and they have who framed roger rabbit you're like oh man you want to go to the you want to go to the cartoon world you want to go to town and now you know and now you know the first letter of your neighbor's name all right sly from patreon would you rather be a practicing doctor or a medical researcher? What's your personality lined up with more there? Practicing doctor seems like it would be very rewarding because you have the interpersonal relationship. The medical researcher

seems very boring and awful. Look, the medical researcher gets absolutely no glory. Nobody knows what he does specifically. Nobody knows who made this awesome thing you know what i mean learned right now it seems pretty good yeah i mean who made the polio vaccine i got that was joseph salt for real yeah who made the measles vaccine

jimmy mumps nobody knows no of course i want to be a doctor that's why we called the mumps because dr mumps figured out how to get rid of it now wait if you're a medical researcher are you a do you have a doctorate to do that or can you do that without a doctorate it's the high school diploma anyone off the street i guess the g.e.d works the reason i'm saying this is because i know i can call myself a doctor if i am a doctor and i have to have that to even make this a fair fight if you can't call yourself a doctor as a medical researcher i think well we'll presume you're a doctor but you're doing research which medical research could be more

than just i like you thinking about the laboratory although right now vaccines and medical research yeah kind of deserve a lot of praise right now uh oh no is it jonas i was like jonas salk and you call him joseph because you can't get a j name down j salk what up j salk dr. I could have gotten that one. Probably. He was a doctor. Dr. Jay. I just feel like day in and day out. Slam dunk on the vaccine. The pressure of being a doctor feels like I couldn't handle it.

Because I feel like if you make a small mistake, like you're human. Yeah. But then you get your butt suit off if you make a mistake. I'm not even. If you make somebody's butt fall off, you're going to get your butt suit off if you make a mistake. I'm not even... If you make somebody's butt fall off, you're going to get your butt suit off. I get that. I'm sure that's a concern for out there in today's world,

but more immediate is... I mean, you get the glory. You get the immediate glory of a doctor. You help someone. You save their life. Their family is forever grateful. glory of a doctor. You help someone. You save their life. Their family is forever grateful.

You get someone and you don't save their life and you have to go out there and be like, yeah, so... Sorry about that. That's what I'm saying, man. I'm not about that life. I'm not doing

surgery in the ER, man. I'm not about that life. I'm not doing surgery in the ER, man. I'm a primary care physician. I'm having people come in with the sniffles, and I'm telling them how to live their life better. Lose some LBs, why don't you? I'm helping people in a 9-to-5 job, going home, getting paid from all those insurance companies. I will say the primary care physician,

I feel like it is a flow chart just looking to get rid of you. Everything you bring to a primary care physician, they're just like, I know another guy that could talk to you about that. Let me send you over there. I know someone else. You're not allowed to talk to them unless you come and talk to me first. They're like a receptionist.

Hold on. Let me transfer you. Yeah. They don't have to know any of it. They just Google it while we're sitting there. Hold on. Did you try Tylenol? That didn't work? No.

No? Let me introduce you to Dr. J Salk. Oh, man, I would be a Dr. J too. Mike would not remember my name. He would just call me Dr. J. I wish you could hire Dr. House. That's what I wish you could do. I wish you could go out and hire somebody. So he could make you feel like an idiot?

You want to lose three limbs before he saves your life? I want someone who just sits there and you get to hire them and they spend like three days trying to fix you and then you're done. None of this like one 10 minute appointment, wait three months, 10 minute appointment. I want somebody who like gets a bunch of people together and is like, what's wrong with this guy? Oh yeah?

Let's remove a limb. I get it now. I get what you're saying. Because it was like when you watched House, you had a team of people that were literally, they had one job every episode, and it was that person. That's it. They're all scheming and plotting and researching. And they always got it right. They're going to people's houses to investigate things. It's like, can you imagine if we had that per patient?

But that's the thing. Not shown at the end of every House episode is when Dr. House le When Dr. House leans, he's like, your bill is in the mail. That's true. Yeah. Everyone was like, I have $14 million to get treated by Dr. House. All right. Look, it's a celebrity doctor. What's the price tag on a celebrity doctor?

So I'm going to go with medical researcher. I'm just going to show up. I'm going to get some work done. I'm going to know in the back of my mind that I saved a bunch of people's lives i'm gonna go home i know it's nine to five they're practicing doctor i know i'm getting that page nobody's like hey you got another slide in here you gotta work on so i'm going research that's a good point i'll still be the primary care physician because then i will tell all of my friends uh what's to lose weight okay and part of being a doctor is all of your friends call you oh that's true they all try i what's wrong take a look at this boil i have some friends

who are doctors and nurses and who do you think is called when my kid has an injury and i'm like okay so it's kind of like this it's the's about this big. Do I need to go in? Yeah. Yeah. And how do you not call them? I mean. By the way, Al, do we have time for one more or should we move on to life advice? We got nothing but time, Andy.

Okay. Victor from Patreon. Would you rather travel the world for a year, all expenses paid, or have $40,000 now to spend on whatever you want? 40K. Oh, baby. We are the worst people to ask this question to. Why is that?

Because are my kids coming or not? Yes. And that's exactly. Hilariously. Your choice. Oh. It's your choice. But what about the guilt?

What about the guilt? As you say, I love my kids, but I really would love it without them. but i don't want to miss them my i just had this conversation like not even kidding a conversation with my parents like a week ago and because they they took my kids out for a walk on my street jason because they wanted to go see the singing house that's a smart decision look they see it all how it all comes back to it and uh one of them, I won't name names, but one of them didn't want to walk back because they got tired. Decker? I'm not going to name names. And he would be like, yeah, I told you I didn't want to walk back.

That's who he is. He's a savage. That's who he is. He's a savage. But we were reminded of a family vacation because when I was a teenager, the parents would always try and bring us on these educational trips. Yeah. Sorry.

Go on. I thought you said educational trips. I certainly did. So hold the vomit. And one of the year, the year we, I've told the story how we were driving down the east coast and my father missed the state of pennsylvania yeah i did hear that so there it was that trip and we went to boston and uh what's what's the freedom trail i believe it is called there's like an entire huge walking path where it takes you through many historical sites of the the founding of the united states of america now to an 11 and 12 year old this is this just the most boring garbage

of all time and now as a nearly 40 year old man i'm like man you know what sounds awesome can i go do that freedom trail and see where the founding of the country happened? Wait, you're telling me that. You're telling me. You're telling me 300 years ago people were signing a piece of paper that turned into the foundation of this country? That sounds so exciting. That gets me revved up thinking about it now. But as a kid, take me to sega world

please can i maybe go to disney world maybe the kids don't even want to go on this travel the world for a year trip that's right they probably don't i mean i've i've wanted for several years to do some sort of euro trip you know i i've never really experienced europe i haven't gone around to you know i want to go to see the eiffel Tower and all the touristy stuff. Go to Germany. Go to Paris. Go to France. Go to Italy.

Go wherever and experience the food. Go to some of the big, you know, touristy spots. Now you got these ball and chains dragging you down. I know. Am I right? If I spent all the money and time and energy and effort to go over there i'm literally torturing oh they're complaining the whole time for weeks and i don't blame them i wouldn't expect them to necessarily think the louvre is um is as unbelievable as i'm sure it that's a museum so

probably not but um you know just as an example like so i think i just a museum jason it's an art museum yeah even worse uh wait there's no interactive like sciencey cool stuff what is this not a children's museum where's the buttons yeah um man but what would what would we spend 40 000 on right? You could do it on anything you get. You choose option B here. You can spend 40,000 right now. What do you buy? So you have to spend it today.

Sure. Yeah. Okay. What do you do if you have to go spend $40,000 right now? Cause that's a weird question. What's the biggest TV that money can buy right now? You would just go, go to town on that. 85.

That's, that's my first first that's my first instinct you buy a vehicle maybe some of them no you know you can definitely get it you gotta splurge though if you get that that's what i mean that's what i'm saying i'm buying an unnecessary thing you're buying i'm buying a hundred inch television you're getting a boat or something that's like well like yeah my wife has always wanted a boat and I'm like, why would we like boats are so expensive? We could go down and rent a boat anytime we want. You can go rent a boat and it's a couple hundred dollars. And then when I want to do it again next year, I can do it a couple hundred dollars.

Like we're not going to the lake. Yeah, but don't you want to maintain a boat? Isn't that the real thrill? Right. The cost of maintaining or housing is somewhere. But if I have $40,000 to just like throw away on some splurge item, I don't know. Isn't that the real thrill? Right. The cost of maintaining or housing is somewhere. But if I have $40,000 to just throw away on some splurge item, I don't know. A boat comes to mind.

Yeah. It comes. Some jet skis. We'll get some jet skis for maybe like- Way more fun. You could probably get some sick jet skis for $40,000. You could probably get maybe six of them for your friends. I have no idea. What's a jet ski cost?

What's a jet ski cost, Al? I have no idea. If you told me it was $500. Six grand is my guess. Six grand. If you said it was $500, I'd believe you. If you said it was $25,000, I'd believe you. I don't know what a jet ski costs.

I'm going to guess five grand. I think it's like seven or eight grand for a nice one. Great. All right. I can buy five for the family. I'll get a motorcycle too, just because. The family on jet skis would be a lot of fun. So would you rather have family jet skis

or travel the world for a year? I'd rather go around the world. If I got one year, all expenses paid. I'm going around the world. I'm dragging the kids. They can play Nintendo Switch in as many countries as we get to. I mean, that's where I'm going to go. Yeah, 100%. I'm there with you. It's looking like a top-of-the-line jet ski is more like and the kids, they can play Nintendo Switch in as many countries as we get to. That's where I'm going to go.

100%. I'm there with you. It's looking like a top-of-the-line jet ski is more like $20,000. I've got one jet ski. Let's move on. spitballers to the rescue one of the things i really like about this show is how smart we are oh that's something i just love about us as people even outside of the show yep in or out of the show super smart best advice ever and that's's why we did a dedicated segment, because it would be like withholding a gift to the world.

Well, in fairness, we did this segment mostly because of Al's laziness to not get a new one in here. So we're going back to that. But I'm with Andy. There was a gift like, is Celine Dion like, I will never sing again. It wouldn't be fair. That wouldn't be fair to the people. Like, was Dr. J Salk like, no will never sing again. It wouldn't be fair. That wouldn't be fair to the people.

Was Dr. J sulk like, no vaccine? No. Was Dr. J like, I'm not going to dunk? No. They've got gifts to give, and we've got gifts to give. All right. Life advice segment of the show. Our gift to the world.

Cup of Goffy on Patreon says, just moved into my first home, and my fiance is trying to make me a handyman for everything that breaks. Oh, you're in the right place. What amount of time should I put in on YouTube on each specific project before admitting failure and calling a professional for that task? Well, I can tell you a story very recently. Please do.

This is great. Help yourself. We go up north to our cabin. Right. The cabin's a woodsy place. It's a place where men- Well, it's a cabin. Where men do woodsy things.

Where men are men. Where men are men. And they chop down trees. We wear flannel shirts and we carry an axe. You're darn right we do. So I get up there and. Grow beards. I can't tell you.

It's impossible for. You know that show, Baking It? Oh, yeah. Where they see... Did you say baking it? Yeah, it's called Baking It. And what they do, Mike, is they have like a very... I assume there's some baking going on.

It's a baking show. It's a competition show where they have like a perfectly made cake by a master baker. And then these three other... Amateurs? Yeah. Are they amateurs or are they like sort of professionals? Yeah, they're just three other amateurs yeah are they what are they amateurs or are they like sort of they're just yeah they're just pretty much amateurs and they have to uh they have to bake the same cake and it turns out awful you've seen the show jason is this

wait i thought that was called nailed it yeah a different show of making fun of people oh did i mix it up baking it is actually my son and your son's youtube channel where they bake things that's where you're thinking of baking it andy it's there's that memory coming yes it's our two sons channel the show is called nailed it and i am a dumb person so you've've seen Nailed It, right? Clearly Mike's not subscribed because he didn't know what the crap I'm talking about. I know what Nailed It is. Oh, I never will be. So Nailed It.

Anyways, I did the version. This was supposed to be a helpful anecdote. Oh, man. I did... Nobody could have failed more at building a birdhouse than I did, is my point. I tried to buy the... Sir, I disagree.

I bought the tools. I read the YouTube. You read the YouTube. Yeah. And I got in the garage and I tried. I'm like, I'm a man. I can make a birdhouse with wood. I'm telling you, it was the ugliest, abnormal, miscut, nasty piece of wood square that was

tossed aside in a beleaguered, depressing, I failed, threw it away. I mean, we got done. You threw it away? My son and I walked away from that. Those birds would have loved that house. It wasn't a house, Mike. It was four pieces of wood attached together with holes on both sides of it.

It was called a bird trap. They were going to die in there. It was a box without a top or bottom. Look, as long as it can hold seed, birds are not particularly picky about their houses. It couldn't have held anything anything we both looked at it and said this is not for me and i threw it on the ground and i haven't used the tools since oh no oh no that's sad and so i'm really my point is i thought i could watch youtube and i would

have like the muscle ability to do all this stuff precisely. But I'm too impatient. I didn't practice. I can't wrap my head around. Like, I don't want to be too insulting here, but I feel like I'm not good at this type of stuff. And I could definitely build a birdhouse. That sounds like a challenge. Okay.

Okay. Okay. I know someone who's got the tools, Jason. Oh, good. I don't have to buy them. They're not doing anything with them. Do you understand that? I just want to be clear because I may not have understood this. You've got to cut a bunch of wood into the same sizes as each other.

Yeah, okay. That's impossible. Then you've got to, right? And then you've got to hammer it. Oh, I can hammer it. Hammering wood perpendicular perfectly was not as easy as i thought it would be because i didn't have any tools to like how do you hammer perpendicularly perfect oh it's easy i think you need some clamps or something you start with the hot glue machine

that's what i would do i would get the hot glue gun i would put these wood together these pieces of wood together and then it's like i probably wouldn't even add the nail i'd probably be like it's good enough it's not glued hot oh hot glue that's a jason your birdhouse is three and three days three and strips it doesn't rain outside does it um so the question here this gentleman moved into a new house and when you do move into a new place it is your responsibility to try to be a handyman for a while i feel like there's a i that's how i felt in every house that i've ever moved into jason there's like a six month period where i fix up the things and then once the handiest thing you've you've ever done oh is the handiest thing you've ever done? Oh gosh, handiest thing I've ever done

I refloored the house, my first house Wow, you refloored a house? I refloored the entire thing Tile or carpet? I will bet my life it wasn't you alone It was me 100% alone by myself alone

100% Wow, my. Alone. 100%. Wow. My light in my room just for no reason just changed to like the Lord above is looking down upon me right now. Because I'm a liar. For those listening, Jason just completely changed. I mean. His light in his room just blasted him like you're on trial happened all alone he said well um no it was you can ask my wife it was how did it turn out because i guess

anybody could floor a house um yeah no it turned out if i may say so myself turned out perfect i mean there's no what if it's done right, it's done right. It was carpet. I turned it into new carpet in the bedrooms and hardwood floor. So you did that move where you're on the hands and knees and you're doing the knee strike? Yeah, the knee strike, slamming it, stretching the carpet. How'd you learn how to do that? It's pretty simple, really. I don't even think I YouTubed it.

I mean, most of the wood flooring stuff, it just snaps together, and then you've got to cut it around corners and stuff. I wouldn't tell that story a lot because you don't seem that capable now. No, I'm not. That was a long time ago. That's what I'm saying. When you first move in a house, you're like, I'm not. That was a long time ago. That's what I'm saying. I've moved. When you first move in a house, you're like, I can do things.

I'm, you know, I'll get this fixed. You know, I replaced all my ceiling fans in one house. I'm not doing anything anymore. I'm not. Wow. Ceiling fans are the worst thing to replace imaginable. You're getting brighter. You're getting brighter and brighter as time goes by, Jason. I don't know what to do about it.

It reminds me of... I attempted once to do some flooring changes in my house, and I had made the decision, like, I want to do the stained cement. You guys are familiar with yeah yeah yeah cement yeah no it's kind of self-describing there well i just want to make sure that the people are are understanding what's going on here so i tear all the carpet out have you heard of do you know what ripped jeans are have you heard of this thing you see their jeans let me describe it to you you guys are in the loop on this right so stained cement i rip out all the carpet uh i

step one yeah no look that was uh it was just physical labor not a problem handled it i uh patched all the like the holes you know in in the cement kind of try to even it all up and then i go and we make this like my wife and i we make this like cool intricate design with tape and then i i i stain all the cement you know and and wait so i go check on it the next day and i'm like oh man this is fantastic we rip the tape off you know it looks great except the floor is like kind of sticky and i'm like what is what's uh what's going on here and i don't know how but the cement did not absorb the stain for the stained cement so it just kind of dried on the top so i i had to buff all of it off and buff all it off and then i just had cement so now so in that room it was just it was

just a cement room no stain very impressed you guys have heard of cement right yeah tell me more dan from patreon uh so what is the amount of time we never gave any advice we told stupid stories uh what amount of time should i put in on youtube for each project before admitting failure i think uh you know your fiance just wants to see you make an effort. Can you break a sweat and break a bone? That's all you got to do. Break a sweat, break a bone. I was going to go two hours.

Oh, I feel like... Two hours or an injury. I feel like it's a day. You can give a project a day. And if it's like, yeah, I tried, uh, I looked things up. I went back to the store twice.

Then quit. Yeah. Okay. There you go. How many times have you been to the store? Yeah. If you've got to go back twice and then after the second trip, you can't get it.

That's immediately pick up the phone and call someone who three strikes. That is the worst. When you go, Oh, you try to get the right screw for the right thing and you come back and you're just barely off and you're like, you might as well buy every screw in every size and then you're set.

All right, Dan from Patreon, settle a relationship argument for me. When putting on socks and shoes, do you put on both socks than both shoes? Or do you do sock, shoe, sock, shoe? Okay, Dan from from patreon number one uh thank you for your support of this podcast why is this a relationship argument this is i don't this this is an argument of any type there's there's more than one way no there's only one way no there's one way that people do this and and then there's psychopaths. Yeah, that's how I feel. I agree. I agree.

All right. Well, reveal yourself, Jason. You put your socks on. Of course you put your socks on. And then you put your shoes on. Who does sock, shoe, sock, shoe? Because if you do sock, shoe, sock, shoe, you end up with one completed foot. Yeah, with one naked foot. I mean, what if...

You put on your socks and your shoes. You don't put... I don't put on a sock shoe sock shoe yeah yeah i don't tell my kids you know i'm like hey get shoes socks on i'm like don't get your shoe shoe shoe socks shoe sock on go do that there's only one exception to this and that is if you have one leg that's the okay well because you put on your shoe and your sock yeah right right otherwise psychopath oh man i really hope that dan our loyal supporter on patreon is Okay, well, yeah, because you put on your shoe and your sock. Yeah. Right. Right. Otherwise, psychopath. Oh, man, I really hope that Dan, our loyal supporter on Patreon, is not the psychopath. Sock, shoe, sock, shoe. Oh, but on the other hand, is the person who's in a relationship.

You want to be a psychopath or you want to be a psychopath? Which one? Oh, that's a good would you rather. Would you rather be the psychopath or be married to the psychopath? Sign me up to be the psycho. Me too. I think when you're the psychopath, you don't realize that no idea psychos have ignorance is bliss yeah that's right not for others but for you it is yeah uh so that's an easy one sock shoe sock shoe my mind is

try it handle try it next time see if they arrest. See if they haul you off in a jacket. We've asked spit wads to try horrific things. Wiping with the wrong arm. I would never, ever put this on a spit wad. I would never stoop so low as to say, try sock shoe, sock shoe. Next time, I'm going sock shoe. Let me know when you're in the middle of it. I'll give you a ring on the phone and you can get distracted and have one foot complete. Think about taking your shoes and socks off.

Do you take the shoe off and then the sock off? Oh, no. Because that would be the same thing. It would be so weird. That would be so weird to take a shoe off, a sock off, a shoe off, a sock off. Yeah. All right. Settled.

Justin from the website, I got pulled over for driving. Oh, I just got pulled over for driving over the speed limit. And you're jumping on the website by a lot. Yeah, of course. Life advice, Mike. The officer that came to my window just got called to another scene and said, stay here. I have an emergency, but I have transferred your citation to another officer who is on the way. That was five minutes ago. How long do I wait before taking off? Oh, wait, that's a good guess.

No, this doesn't happen. This happened. Clearly. No. This happened to Justin from our website. I just got called to another scene, and he said, Stay here. I have an emergency, but I have transferred your citation to another officer who is on the way.

That was five minutes ago. I mean, they've got your plates. They know who you are and where you are. How long would you actually, because I would be sitting there for as long as possible. You would? I'm not driving away from a cop that told me to stay put. 30 minutes. Oh, man.

30 minutes would be my. Look, 30 minutes and I call the police. You can call 911. I've been pulled over, but there's no officer. What am I supposed to... You would drive away, Mike? I am baffled right now. Look, I am...

Getting in trouble is... No, I do not handle that. Inside, the repercussions of my anxiety... It's just a mere thought of being in trouble interesting but if i've been pulled over for speeding and the officer said stay here there's another cop coming and that was five minutes ago you have waited five minutes too long you would leave you need to get out of there man man. You got to know your rights. You have to be served by the person who saw you break the law. I'm out, baby.

Yeah, yeah. I'm living free. Wait, don't you have to listen to the cop that says stay there? No, I'm out. I'm out of here. Are you kidding me? I want to know. Oh, okay.

You're giving a knock on the door later. Yeah, I want to know. By that same OG cop. I want to know from our police officer friends out later. Yeah, I want to know. By that same OG cop. I want to know from our police officer friends out there what the law would be on this. If someone drove away afterwards, are you able to go after them? They shouldn't give you a hard time. No, here's the law. They shouldn't give you a hard time.

If this happened and then an officer says, I have an emergency. I have to attend. Someone will be by shortly to give you a citation. You get two citations. You get your speeding and you get one for stupidity that you sat around waiting for another cop to show up and give you a ticket. Oh, my gosh. The obeying authority there would not come into play where he said a police officer should stay here. Dude, you're out.

I'm out. Okay. When's the last time you got pulled over mike i'm guessing years ago years ago yeah i have i've been was it for driving too slowly because i'm driving behind you yeah because i have been pulled over twice i have been citated twice one of them definitely my fault Definitely my fault going a little bit too fast. The other one was one of those bull crap. The speed limit drops by 10 for a stretch of road, and they just sit there waiting to get you. That one was nonsense.

I just realized something. I stand by it. But since that second one, I drive slow. You got scared straight. You are the Ruffgruff case study gone right yes yes you know what he scared you straight dude you know what's you know what sucks paying for a speeding ticket you know what sucks worse going to that stupid traffic school that doesn't teach you anything but you're stuck there for six hours. Well, Jason can let us know what that school's been like because.

I've been there a couple of times. I've been there a couple of times. A couple of times? Yeah. What do you think? I mean, I've been driving a while. I've been speeding just as long. No, man.

No, thanks. I don't need any more tickets in my life. Here's the worst part about getting a ticket. It's not the citation. It's not the class. It's not the money you have to spend. Other than the momentary absolute fear and crap your pants when you see the lights and you're like, no! The worst part is I'm usually trying to get somewhere quick.

And now my effort to get there quick has made me later. And, you know, it's a terrible backfire when you're running late somewhere because now it's like, what's the better way to show up five minutes late? It's your short-term memory, Jay. Or show up 45 minutes late. I will say I have a very irrational fear of, like, there's a time where i will speed and it's when i when i gotta do a number two and i have this like ridiculous irrational fear oh you get

pulled over like this this is the time this is the time i'm gonna get pulled over and there's gonna be no stopping it and i'm gonna get pulled over and i'm gonna have poopy pants sir did you poop your pants while I was checking your license? Yes, officer, I did. Stay here while another officer comes and cleans up your... Oh, stay here and wait. And then you drive away as the police officer. And you never called anyone else.

That was their punishment for pooping their pants. That's right. He never called a backup officer. He just made you sit and you're just curious and hopefully there's a camera nearby i can look at to just see yeah still there yeah stay stay here all right uh yeah yeah he's waiting for another officer that's never gonna come all right let's let's get on to right. Let's get on to the draft. Let's get on to the draft. The Spitballers Draft.

All right. Mike has the first pick because he's scattered today. And what are we drafting, Al? We are drafting dream sponsorships, meaning what companies or brands you would want to sponsor this podcast. Oh, wow. The tip of the pinnacle of the peak of the mountain of the best sponsors out there. Who would we want the most and i can think of different motivations or myself no no me i who would i want who would mike want who would andy want the most i can think of many different motivations for yeah because look it but 100 forthright when when someone is nice enough to sponsor the show they often want you to talk about

using the product. So they'll send you some of the product so you can give an accurate, like, I've had it, I have used it. And it's always like, this is Merry Christmas to me that one of our nice sponsors has sent me stuff. So now we're like,

that's my motivation is, who do I want to send me some product? Or who do I want to send me some product? Right. Like, who do I want to be just associated with? Absolutely. Because there is power in some certain associations. Yeah.

And for the record, spit wads and full claim members that might be listening, we turn down a lot of sponsors. Like, we're genuine to our personal endorsement. So your product ain't good. We don't sponsor it. Well, we don't sponsor it well we don't advertise it being number one here sucks because i have a clear number one and i don't know if that seems like a good situation for you really no no no it's i but i feel like you hooligans will not take it unless you're just in spite trying to take my sponsor i was very curious oh yeah that's not that's probably not coming back to you

mike um what i was very curious how rough mcgruff tied in you're like i like to tie it in the whole show i've been thinking how did rough mcgruff it was just a mind give me your stuff oh like the free example yeah you got to remember mike's always four layers deeper than you, Jason. Wow. I'm just shocked that his mind went to, I want your stuff. And so it immediately started with- He needed to make a rhyme. Ruff McGruff. Stuff, Jason.

All right. As a musician, when you're trying to rhyme, you go for the first thing you could think of, and that was Ruff. And then I was like, oh, Ruff McGruff. I'm going to have two rhymes with stuff. All right, Mike, you're up. All right. I will take.

It's on my list. I don't like that it's on your list. I don't even know what you're talking about. You're a trash person. You're a trash friend, Jason. Because I'm taking Disney. Oh, okay. I am taking Disney because I get, look, part of that is I get everything that Disney is associated with, my friends.

That's Marvel. That is Star Wars. That's Indiana Jones. That's me going to any Disney park that I want. You think they're giving you all those benefits? You're darn right they are. They're a sponsor. That company is coming out with a wing.

Look, on my list, I have Disneyland as my number two because I want to advertise Disneyland and go to Disneyland. So that was my number two option. But also on the list is Marvel. I wasn't thinking I get the whole umbrella of all Disney. You're darn right I do. It's Disney. Oh, my.

That's ridiculous i take proctor and gamble i get everything it's funny take proctor and gamble good friends of the show man take your hair up to 100 i was thinking there's some sponsors that wouldn't give you much for free but the association would be amazing right like if disney sponsors you that's pretty cool but then there are other sponsors whose products are cheap enough to where they might give you a lifetime supply so i was thinking about lifetime supply situations they're letting me into the park at least maybe they're maybe once once a year no no they're great like i wouldn't let you into a park that's employees employees for disney get to go into the park whenever they want so maybe i don't get cool

merch but i'm going to the parks whenever I want. All right. That's a good one. I mean, we're obviously Disney lovers here and Disneyland lovers. So, no, I like it a lot. That wasn't what I thought you were going with. I thought you were going with something else that is also on my list, and we'll see if that makes back to you or you pick it.

But you also didn't take the right one the right one-on-one oh man welcome to the tesla studios oh baby it's on my list oh yeah i mean there's no cooler inventions in the world right now i mean tesla as a brand tesla as a stock tesla as a car as oh my goodness ev for the win and i'm gonna be enjoying my free product i got i got me a free tesla because they want a personal endorsement and so they're gonna get it yeah but here's what you don't know about tesla oh i know they don't advertise is that what they don't not only do they not advertise but their employees have to buy the cars elon musk the i'm no employee i'm a celebrity endorser the ceo of of tesla elon musk has has said on the record that he buys his cars so enjoy your association with tesla because you're still buying the cars uh for the record um you took

disney as an as an entire entity. This is a make-believe world of imagination, and I'm getting a free Tesla. I don't care what you say. That's my sponsor, Tesla. I'm just trying to shut it down because it's so cool. It was up on my list, too, and I thought it was my pick, and then Jason picked, and now I'm sad.

All right. Listen, the fantasy footballers, we've had five years worth of shows and sponsors and different entities have come along. And believe it or not, we've been sponsored by the tourism of various states. It's true. In the history of that show. True. True.

So I am going to be sponsored here because the precedent's been set i would like to be sponsored by the tourism and state of hawaii oh that's good that's so good because i would love to give a personal endorsement to the state of Hawaii. We're going to have to bring you down all expense paid. Nice vacation. Tell people about it. I mean, it's just. And what's their saying? Oh, that's so good.

And every state's got a tagline. And it would be just like, Hawaii. Yep. And that would be it. It would be like, yeah, it's us. They don't need a tagline. Hawaii. It's Hawaii.

And so. Sponsored by Hawaii. I want to be sponsored by the state of hawaii uh because we've been sponsored by the state of new mexico so it only seems fair all right our my second pick um i will go with the tech that I will always need forever. It is love hate when we talk about them sometimes because of the way that the company makes decisions, but it is the, you know, this is like a Tesla pick.

It's Apple. Yeah. I'm going to take Apple because I need a new phone, a new iPad, a new computer, and I need them always forever on a regular cycle I need to have that tech and I would I would love to be a Apple fan boy because they sponsored the show I you know what's funny is like we're all Apple fan boys we've got the watches and

the whole suite you know every computer in my house is is a mac it's an apple and it's funny because i'm pretty sure as like i i hate them you know like i'm i'm so sick of apple and i feel like aluminium yes aluminium frame um i miss steve jobs and his creativity none of this coming out with oh here's our new product. It's a credit card. Why don't you sign up? Get some debt. Give me a break.

Apple losers. But also I love all your stuff and I would love to get it for free. I would love it. Um, it's a good pick. That was despite my also, uh, kind of weird, uh, hatred for Apple. I love them and they were next on my, my list, and I would have picked them. So the top three on my list were Tesla, Apple, and Disneyland. Can I get a clarity on your first pick, Jason?

Sure. Because is it Tesla or Tesla? I believe it is Tesla. Because I thought it was Tez, right? Yeah. As though it's a Z. Yeah. I believe it is pronounced with a Z, but I also believe that is dumb, and I say it is Tesla.

I say it both. I mean, if you'd rewind, I've said it both ways. Is it Disney or Disney? Disney. All right, move on. That's actually a really good comp, because we say Disney like it's a Z. Well, a person's last name, though, is Tesla. I don't know.

All right. I just thought I'd check. All right. Jason is back up. Jason, you're back up. I have Hawaii and Apple. You're living a pretty good life over there. I'm not too bad.

All right. I know my fourth pick. I already know it for sure. It's impossible that either of you would take them. You know your fourth pick? It's Oscar Mayer. And my baloney has a first name. So now I'm trying to piece together my three.

All right. I'm going to go between these two companies. Look, I'm going to stay. This will be a really weird one. I'm going to i'm gonna stay true to who i am um but then this feels a very impersonal pick because it's really i'm gonna stay true to who everyone is um oh no it's fortnight isn't it no it's amazon that owns everything that is upsetting right now because amazon was the pick yeah i was gonna take it i mean you've got you got aws mike i just got your gig okay so now i'm now i'm the spokesman uh you get all the prime shipping all the i mean amazon has literally everything so i just inherited the world uh free of charge as a personal endorser.

Yeah. Normally they give the entire company to whoever. According to Mike's Disney, how he gets everything. I said I don't get merch. I get to go to the parks, though. All right. All right. All right.

I get everything. Two picks. All right. I get everything. Two picks. All right. Well, the great news is the pick came back, and Jason was not a terrible friend. So my actual number one pick, because I know Disney wasn't going to make it back,

but my actual number one pick, and anyone who knows me knows that I will take Nike as my sponsor because getting just nonstop brand new Nikes, like there's shoes out there you can't even get them. You try to buy them immediately when they come out. They're like, oh, so sorry about that. We're all sold out. Well, not when I am sponsored by Nike. And, of course, I have my own shoe made by Nike because that's how I am a sponsor.

That would be it. I mean, that would be it. I mean, that would be the end of all shows for the footballers to be over, the spitballers to be over, because I would just convert into energy and light, and I would ascend. Mike likes shoes, if you didn't get it. I like shoes, specifically Nike shoes. It's a great, great pick. Nike's obviously a massive brand, and we and we all like i'm pretty confident that

every single pair of shoes we're a nike or the three of us i don't know al are you a nike guy nah not particularly what what's she's a dollar nike he's a dollar store are you a payless i think the vast majority of my shoes were probably purchased at walmart That could be yours. Not everyone cares about shoes. Nike's a good pick because they cost just around that amount where you'd be getting regular supply. So if it's too expensive, we know from history of being sponsored, you don't always get the big ticket item. I'm not getting a Model X.

It's not happening. You're not getting a Model X. You will get the 1322 scale model x that's what they'll send you yes yeah all right so you got another pick mike disney and nike though i like jason i know my fourth pick but i am very torn on what i want to go with of the third because i have one that's very practical and incredible and then i have one that's just cool. And I have no choice. I got to take the cool one. I got to take the cool one.

I'm sponsored by PlayStation, my friends. I am sponsored by the Sony PlayStation. And before everyone gets all up in arms, I love Microsoft. I love Xbox. I love PlayStation. I love Microsoft. I love Xbox. I love PlayStation.

My allegiance to either system does not exist. Whichever sponsor comes first, you will say you're my favorite. Which one I like more, whoever's paying me. Look, PlayStation 1 and 2 were huge consoles in my life, incredible memories playing those. Then I was on the Xbox 360. I didn't really PlayStation 3. So I've got both of them in my arsenal, but just right now, based off of the cool factor

and the games coming out, I will take PlayStation. Wait, so I took Nike and PlayStation, so I got away to my fourth pick okay you're up jay oh man oh man this is really really tough because there's a brand that i like the most that is it's it's the better pick probably the bigger vote getter but i'm also looking at what product i can receive and there's and there really isn't anything. I'm not going to really receive any product from this company. And on the other hand, a lifetime supply of Chipotle.

Oh, no. I think I got to take it. I get the gold card. I can walk into any Chipotle anywhere. Me and my family, we're taken care of. Lifetime supply. What do I want today? Do I want a burrito?

No, I want a bowl. I want tacos. I get whatever I want. Chipotle is sponsoring me. Look, we as a group probably have Chipotle at least once a week. Probably twice a week. Now it feels like we're actually doing an ad. That was a pretty powerful ad right there.

None of these companies are currently sponsoring the show. They are not, but I guarantee that the Chipotle app was just fired up on at least 500 phones. But if you're listening, state of Hawaii, check out the case study from New Mexico. It worked out pretty good. Go ahead and sign up. True.

Am I back on the clock here? My last two picks? You get to finish it up. All right. This is tough. I have one that I will not be picking, but I want to pick it just for the theme song.

There's a theme song? Just for the tagline for this company. Theme Farm? No. Nope. It goes way back, Mike. Liberty? It goes back to the rough McGruff ages.

Jason, we have said specifically Liberty will never be sponsoring this podcast. That's true. That's true. So I'm going to go with... The first one I'm going to go with is... I'm going to be true to myself. And no, not New. So I'm going to go with – the first one I'm going to go with is – I'm going to be true to myself. And no, not New Mexico. I'm going with the National Football League.

It's on my list. Yeah, that's a good one. If the league itself gets invested in the spitballers, namely Andy Holloway of the spitballers, there's going to be some perks. I'm going to be on the field I'm going to be hanging out in the owner's booth It's Andy on TV Have you ever heard of this thing called the NFL? That's all the ad reads

They're all about discovery It's not about go watch it. It's about teaching you what it is I love his picks. His picks are Hawaii. It's Hawaii. You're already in. It's the NFL. It's Hawaii. You're already in. It's the NFL. We play football.

You know it. You're already in. And Apple, you've got it in your pocket. Apple, you've got it in your pocket. That's their tagline. Get a credit card. Well, good. Then I'm going to go pure indulgence here. Askin Robbins. Oh, no for i was waiting for an ice cream

when he said i'm going to stay true to myself i assumed it was an ice cream i'm pivoting to baskin robbins wait well before you i'll give you a chance are you a baskin robbins guy or oh i'm all about baskin robbins yeah yeah a cold stone's good but it will kill you it'll kill you quick in a good way i will die slower with baskin robbins 31 different ways um i'm pivoting to baskin robbins that's the best pick you've ever come up with i don't know what i was thinking possibly going away from that so baskin robbins and i will do um man being able to walk in there oh i won't be walking for a long time you should have grabbed pellets on while you were at it that's true all right back to you jason i'll share the one that has the uh the song that i wanted but yeah we'll do that at

the end and i'll share the pick that would have gotten me more votes was cool but i didn't get enough cool product with it uh at the end as well but my fourth pick was on lockdown from before this episode started you want to know what Chipotle doesn't do well dessert but Hostess Hostess does

just the best box up them apple pies and give me all the little I mean Hostess is. Jason's got Chipotle, unlimited Chipotle and Hostess. That's right. This is the shortest living sponsorship. I'm going to need one more round for a bidet.

But outside of that, Hostess and Chipotle gold cards, unlimited supply. Okay. Yes, sir. All right. Well, you're a genius. I'm incredibly jealous of the gold card. That is like, that's been the dream. I mean, that's the dream of any kid that loves fast food.

Just unlimited. Whenever you walk, you're like, do you know who I am? Make me another bowl. Make me another bowl. I'm probably just going to throw it in the garbage. Make two. One for me throw it in the garbage. Make two. One for me, one for your garbage. I'm really proud of us that in this fourth round, we're staying true to who we are.

Andy took the ice cream. Jason got the hostess. I'm taking Fender, baby. Give me unlimited. My favorite instrument I have is my Fender Jazz Bass it's a Fender American made Jazz Bass it is the best

musical piece of musical equipment I have and if they could just deck me out with like some strats and some tellies that would be unbelievable to get free instruments to say that I play them. I love it. That's a great pick.

That's a great pick. All right. Go ahead. Andy, what was your theme song? Well, I had a number of backup ones. I thought Pepsi. I thought about going Pepsi. I thought about going like a pizza association.

You know what I mean? So a little bit charitable, but I want free pizza forever. but the the theme song was the theme song was literally gillette because i wanted to sing i wanted to sing the best of me that's fair that's fair like i'll do the ad but on one stipulation on what this is i sing i sing the. I also had Big Pharma in there. I just figured they might not have the best products, but they're packing heat on that check. I'll take Big Pharma and Big Tobacco, please. Throw in Wall Street.

I got Wall Street. Yeah, all right. Wall Street's sponsoring my podcast. The one that I was close to taking over Chipotle was netflix i mean that as far as a brand and yeah it's cool but what's netflix 13 a month exactly like 100 it's like we're gonna they already give me unlimited product you know what i mean it's just it just costs a little bit the all right the two i had left i had bow's speakers i like good oh yeah like a good audio experience and the the one where it was like do i take playstation because it's cool or do i take this one postmates baby yeah yes that would be wow it would be something else if every day you

had a hundred dollars on postmates oh man when all you can hamburger is thinking about what did you say when all you can hamburger hamburger hamburger is thinking about all right i think that does it what did we learn today i learned oh go ahead i learned that uh jeremy's insane laziness and unpreparednessness caused us to have to push his new segment back a week. And there's clearly the only reason that that would ever happen is nothing to do with the three of us or anything that we would do wrong. It's just owl. Just being a bum. Just being owl.

It's a cliche, but dropping the ball is kind of what happened. But maybe it'll be next week. We'll see. We'll see if we can get it together. I learned that Jason put a floor in. I didn't know that. Still not sure I believe it after the light came on and he was lit up as being a liar. I learned that

there are actually people out there that go, sock shoe. Oh, no. There's at least one psycho. There are actually people out there that go, Sock shoe. Oh, no. Sock shoe. There's at least one psycho. All right. That does it for today's episode of the Spitballers Podcast. Thank you for all the kind reviews.

We do read them, and they're oh so sweet. Five-star reviews, especially. Thank you for supporting the podcast. Hey, stay safe, everybody. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.