Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Blade Hands & The Ultimate Escape Room Team - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

Spit Hit for August 25, 2022: It’s time for everyone’s favorite segment. Liar, Liar is back on the show today and Owl has made a mistake with one of his “facts”. Will it result in his first ever loss? We also talk about a very disrespectful handshake, the effectiveness of the dishwasher, and sharing your birthday. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spit wads. We have a fabulous episode for you today. In fact, we are, well, we're going to visit liar, liar, and well, Al makes a bit of a mistake on today's show. Will it result in his first ever loss? You're going to have to listen to find out. We also talk about a very disrespectful handshake and a lot more on today's spit ballers episode. Enjoy. episode. Enjoy. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. With Andy, Mike, and Jason. A splibap, doopap, poopap, dootoo, dootoo, dootoo, dootoo.

I like the poopap. Was there a poopap? There was a poopap. There was something poop-related. It's like a CPAP. It doesn't smell good. No. Well, that's not bad. Trouble breathing.

Don't hook up to the poopap. Don't hook up to the poop app don't hook up to the old poop app spitballers podcast back at you andy mike and jason welcoming you into this fine the hour that ending was yeah i mean it's okay yeah if there was a poop app it it became liquefied there at the end it just just spilled out at spitballers pod on twitter if you want to follow us on on there i enjoyed it i know that it's it's all downhill from here yes jason's got to be breathing easy this is the moment where he is the furthest from the next time he has to scat exactly right i mean it's over jason there's no better moment

than oh you weren't, you weren't recording? You weren't recording out? Yeah, we got to start over. We got to do it again. I refuse. Oh, we have liar, liar back on today's episode. Oh, yeah. The pants continue to be on fire.

We've still never done it, right? We've never defeated out. Correct. on fire um we've still never done it right we've never defeated al correct when you know what makes that segment special is obviously the rarity and the hot streak from al winning every single time hot streak being 100 of the time 100 of the time but when my son you know knows a new episode is coming out he asked me two things he He says, what's the draft? And he says, is there a liar liar? Because he wants you defeated, Al.

Oh, really? That's good for him, rooting for Dan. Yeah, I'm kind of putting words into his mouth. Yeah, I think he's really probably rooting for Al. But I do have a genuine question. Today we're going to beat him. I'm super confident of that. Just like normal. Today we're going to beat him.

I'm super confident of that. Just like normal. But when we beat him today, will Liar Liar hold the same prestige once his... Yes, it will. Because then it'll be us on the hot streak. Then it'll be can we go back to back and then again and again. Because the thought of Al being depressed enlivens me. Yeah. I mean, it's really what enlivens me. Yeah. I mean, it's really what I wake up for.

Right. I like the idea that one win is a hot streak. Right. Well, I mean, it's the beginning of one. We're on fire. Al, you haven't even said anything. I'm sure you've been clearing your throat. How are you doing over there?

I'm doing great. Thanks for asking. Okay, that's good. We have Would You Rather on the show as well. We a great draft today i think it's a it's going to be a fun one and uh let's get into wit would you rather all right this would you rather question comes in from andy on patreon not me though oh why you're not supporting the show no well thank you to the other andy who supports who actually cares about this show yeah uh this andy not me says would you rather share a birthday with your spouse okay or share a birthday with

your wedding anniversary okay i yeah it would be, I guess, pretty weird having a birthday at the same time as your spouse. So we got to T-chart this. We got to get the pros and the cons rolling here. Okay. So pros of sharing the birthday

with the spouse or the anniversary. One last thing to remember. Exactly. That's pretty much the biggest pro there is. That is critical. The older you get, the celebration of the birthday, you know, it dies down, right? But the older you get, the harder it is to remember

when the birthday or the wedding anniversary is. So if you just time them up. Yeah. Although, have you ever forgotten your own birthday? No. And the funny thing is, in this situation, you're dumb enough to have made the decision to get married on your birthday. Right. That's on you because you get to choose your wedding day.

You don't choose your birthday. How about my birthday? The issue I have here is you guys are like, oh, it's on you because you get to choose your wedding date. You don't choose your birthday. How about my birthday? The issue I have here is you guys are like, oh, it's one fewer thing to remember. I'm like, it's one fewer day to celebrate. That's why we're doing pros and cons, Jason. Well, but it's the exact same thing, but you see it as a pro, I see it as a con. You see it as a pro. I see it as a con.

I'm saying that the pro, like if you share the date, that means between your wife's birthday, your birthday, and your anniversary, three celebrations, you only get one celebration a year. I'm all about that staycation life that let's go celebrate. Let's go out to a fancy dinner. I want those moments. Yeah, you love celebrations unless it's birthday parties for other people you want to be celebrated well of course um hold on there so so that we need maybe you just need two birthdays

have you ever you have my attention all right right. Now, does that mean I age quicker, though? Yes. Yeah, you do. I'm 88 years old. What if, okay, you can declare right now Jason Moore has two birthdays a year. The number of your age goes up. You still look the same. Okay.

Your physical aging is still the same right but you would now be almost 80 years old that's on is that worth birth certificate driver's license when you have to i mean i guess you get discounts sooner that's true but is that worth it to you that now you now you're an 80 year old man yeah heck yeah that's worth it two birthdays i mean it's like it's, it's like Will Shakespeare said, a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. The number doesn't matter. I get to celebrate.

Yeah, that's true. So I'm in on that. That sounds like a great plan. I'll add one nuance there, because that one was too easy. You do have to get all of the appropriate health exams that a person of that age has to get. Oh, okay. So you start your colonoscopies earlier. And you have to get all of the appropriate health exams that a person of that age has to get oh so you start your colonoscopy earlier two of them now all right because there's once a year but but it's once a birthday once a birthday but hear me out hear me out mike's looking for unlimited colonoscopies in this situation hear me out when I legitimately currently on current aging cycle yeah I'm 80 years old the

boring and I need to get a colonoscopy I probably won't like I just I'll be like man I don't care and so wouldn't I still would be forced at that point so it was by rule all right uh Peter from Twitter you can't bend your fingers anymore. Would you rather have your hand stuck permanently in a flat position or permanently in a fist? Can I 50-50? Oh, like choose one fist? Oh, because that would be the most. You're like that original ultimate UFC boxer who came in with one glove on.

He's like, I don't know what's better, gloves hands of one of you the answer is no you can't do it is saying well I mean you gotta yeah you gotta press the I don't know I don't know if there's an advantage to having one fist and one straight fingers you can't clap if you're two fists well you can you can pound them together though yeah but I mean you're not making any sense. Okay, I guess you can do that. Mike's got very strong knuckles. But the two flat hands, I mean, two flat hands, you can't move your fingers anymore. Right. Can you grab better with two flat hands than you can two fists?

Hold on. And flat hands are fingers separated or together? Ooh, good question. Al? Together. Oh, they're together. Okay, good question. Al? Together. Oh, they're together. Okay, so I didn't see that. You got blade hands.

I can do a real bad handshake that way versus the... Oh, my goodness. My handshakes are back. It's the opposite. Hold on, I want to try to shake your hand. This is the opposite. Oh, that's the worst. When someone gives you the floppy fish handshake.

Right, this is the complete opposite. I mean, I can't even imagine. I know. We all have experienced the weak gripped handshake. Oh, the four finger floppy. It's awful. Yeah. It's just, we're no longer friends.

Right. We need to start this whole thing over. But imagine someone goes in for a handshake. I mean. And just, what kind of power move is that? I just experienced it. What goes in for a handshake? I mean. And just what kind of power move is that? I just experienced it. And let me tell you, it is the most disrespectful handshake I've ever received.

Because he's not willing to grab onto my hand at all. And I feel like a fool. Because you're the grabber. I have just. And there's not a mutual grabbing. I have grabbed his blade, if you will. And now I am an idiot. I highly recommend it. Oh, I didn't know we weren't squeezing.

You have to try this with someone today. You have to tell them that they have to put their hand out in a straight line and then shake it. All right, give it to me. Give it to me. The feel. You can't express. This audio presentation cannot express how bad it feels here you you shake my hand oh it's horrendous that's really bad find someone you love today

or just are willing to touch hands with and you got to each give each other the the the absolute blade handshake and it is awful. And you have to be that person. That's your life now, and you have to fully commit to this. Which person would you rather be? You'd rather be the blade, right? Of course. You have to be the blade in that situation.

That's why I'm saying it's the ultimate power move. What's funny is if you translate this decision of bending your fingers, would you rather have your hands permanently in a fist or blade hands i'm now thinking of like what if i get into a street fight like i'm either do i'm either chopping i'm either chopping and slapping you can get you can get a good throat punch you can get a throat a point punch yeah oh right there right the place between your thumb and double fists i mean that's kind of ideal right yeah if i'm fighting for all those fights you're getting well i might i might get into some fights if somebody comes to shake my hand and i do that to them they might punch me this is like we're not a uh a prank television show a hidden camera show unfortunately uh unfortunately but Unfortunately, fortunately, but I need, I need to see this.

I need to see a social experiment where someone is out there blade handshaking people and just what is the natural response of someone who goes in and gets the blade. They're expecting a shake and they're, they're expecting a regular handshake and they get the disrespect and the, and, but the person completely leans in and this is 100 normal what does what does that person's face look like today will not be the last time that i give someone a blade shake in the future when appropriate and i want to disrespect someone i will go because it looks like a normal handshake oh yeah firm strong presents as a firm hands but i am not grabbing that i am a firm handshake. But I am not grabbing that. I am not. You're grabbing my hand.

I am not grabbing yours. All right. But to answer the actual question here, you have to have your hands flat versus a fist. Typing, I mean, you might be able to get away with knuckles, but you want the fingertip typing. You want the clapping. The grabbing is easier. I think that there's there's far more applications there's far more stubbed to have yes hard to stub your fingers and a fist on that

t-chart that would be a pro but um no i'm going blade hands i think i will too i'm doing it just for the handshakes all right this one is uh from p scott on patreon would you rather live without a garbage disposal or without a dishwasher okay okay um i i think i i would rather live without a dishwasher. Really? Yeah. Now, I'm trying to work through it. How can that be? Because if you don't have a garbage disposal... Yeah, everything's going into the trash.

You're having to brush it off into the trash. Right, which is a... I feel like that's a far easier thing to have to deal with than washing all the dishes without the dishwasher. I don't know. Really? Yeah, really. I feel like this is a slam dunk.

You think it's a slam dunk that you'd rather have the dishwasher? I'm living this like our family's cabin up north has a garbage disposal and no dishwasher. And how is it? So we wash everything. It's not great. But I can't imagine not not being able to walk no no we don't know that would stop the question this is a pause we just found out Al Borland just said I use my

dishwasher as a sanitation machine I still hand wash all my dishes yep i wash them and then put them in the dishwasher now do you mean with soap yeah with soap now do what what is happening what do you think's happening in the dishwasher that's so sanitizingly powerful it's hot it you you can absolutely sanitize in a dishwasher so he's not not wrong there. I believe there is a sanitized setting. I am 100% the same here, guys. What is wrong with you guys? It's called a dishwasher. I don't trust it.

I don't trust it. I've seen the commercials where they put these food-covered plates in and they come out sparkly. I don't believe you. What's so funny is I've actually read a consumer reports about this. Look, we're living in 2021 right now. They have been making dishwashers for 60, 70 years. You can put what's actually dumb from what this study showed is actually even rinsing the plates off very much. Because these dishwashers are sensing and they will run as long as they need to run to clean the dishes

completely wait it senses on the inside it's since i thought it was just a timer no it's not just a timer the newer dishwashers are all sensing so they say that the difference of a rinse dishwasher or i mean a rinse dish versus just a dirty dish is like nothing you just put them both in they come out the same i I don't believe it. I mean, I refuse. Well, that's fine. I refuse to believe that their product is good enough to clean my dirty dishes. And sure, if I have dinner and I immediately load those dishes

right into there and run it right then, great. But what if I don't run the dishwasher one night and now yesterday's dinner, the plate that I put in there is on there. Is that getting that clean? No. I do rinse. The amount that I've had to scrub to get something off a plate i feel like there's no way a dishwasher is doing that exactly and here's the thing give it a chance i give the machine a chance i let it prove its worth so here's here's the difference between my wife and i my wife can

load the dishwasher where our let's say we've had a busy week and we've got a lot of dishes to do and she can load that whole counter in like 10 minutes max. It will be two hours for me to load this thing because every single dish- Because you're washing your dishes. I wash my dishes before I put them in the dishwasher. It's so bewildering to me. It flies in the face of everything I know about you as a person. Right. I get that. I mean, for one, I don't think you're a germaphobe.

Two. No, not at all. I know you don't like doing work. That's true. Three, you generally spring for a better convenient product. Right. So, like, you probably have a nice dishwasher. The nicest.

And if you didn't, yeah, it's probably got a touch screen on it. And then yet you spend hours of your time washing your dishes ahead of the dish. It's called a dishwasher. Right. What other machines do you not trust? All of them. Do you laundry? Do you wash your clothes before you put them in the laundry?

No, but you want to know something that is funny? So Andy's not wrong. I'm snooty with my appliances. You should see him with his Bunsen burner over with the toast. He doesn't trust that toaster. He pre-toasts. I mean, if necessary. But so I'm snooty with appliances.

So truth be told, our laundry machines are as high end as you can get. Yeah, John Hammond stuff. Exactly. Spare no expense. I got the nicest thing. It'll do all these millions of modes. I have never, ever put something in on one of two. It's either a normal or speed wash.

Those are the only two things I've ever used. So why are we buying these? Is there a difference if all we're doing is a normal well certainly not if you don't use any of the features it's not a difference i just feel like it's got to be stronger or better because it's newer so just trust so apply that logic to your dishwasher oh man it's better a couple of weirdos we gotta hear mike i wonder how many people out there pre-wash their dishes. Here's how hard it is for you to test this.

Put your dishes in and wash them one time. That's what I've been trying to say. And then pull them out and say, hmm, maybe I bought a product and put it in my home that works. Maybe I just bought an hour every other day. No, I can't take that chance. I will say this. I unload the dishwasher far more than I load okay a part of the big reason is because it takes me forever to load and whenever

I'm doing it my wife's like stop um but I have unloaded dishes that are not perfectly clean and had to leave them back in to run again so there's my proof there's a runt in every litter that definitely can happen and I mean when when that happens that's usually a the byproduct of bad dish loading because you have you've you've covered up a jet you have placed that you've broken some of the rules i mean the machine has rules there's protocol for the dishwasher go willy-nilly with oh i'm gonna put all the dishes up top with the cups here's one of the nice things though when. When I load the dishwasher, I can stack dishes on dishes on dishes, my man, because they're going in clean. That's exactly why they, oh, because they're going clean?

This is just a place to hold your clean dishes until they get water all over them. So I want my disposal. All right. We are going to take a quick break and be back with some liar liar liar liar pants on fire i'm not talking trash today i'm just beating the crap out of that turd. You're talking about Al? Yeah.

Wow, there's some strong language there. You are beating the crap out of a turd. That's right. There will be nothing left. That's what he did in the scat. Oh, man. Welcome back to Liar Liar. If I thought I didn't like Al because he pre-washes his dishes it's gonna get worse here

in this segment two truths and a lie like three three rounds whoa jason almost had a spit i almost had a spit take i'm drinking uh my my water here and i looked at the first factoid here made me laugh because it's so stupid. It clearly cannot possibly be true. All right. Round one. Here we go. Fact number one.

Flamingos get their pink color from eating pink shrimp. That's not possible. Okay. Number two. Applebee's once lost more than $8 million during an endless sirloin promotion after marketing executives underestimated how much people would eat. Okay. And number three, psychopaths are often immune to contagious yawning due to a lack of empathy. Okay.

So I like this one was psychopath. Exactly. Empathy. Okay. So I love that this one- I like that we're going with psychopaths. Exactly. I like that this one is this scientific, medical, but we're just calling them psychopaths. Which is a scientific term.

Is it? Yeah. I feel like there's a longer, more medical diagnosis versus psychopaths. Sir, it turns out here that due to our testing you are in fact a psychopath your diagnosis i guess is that what we've done yeah i don't know crazy here al i mean that's a normal term for i think it is yeah yeah oh don't psychopathy is oh that sounds better but i don't think that's i feel like it's a personality disorder. Yeah, maybe. That means you are one.

The game of liar liar has definitely flipped because it used to be the three of us versus each other. Right. And now we are united. We are a pack. So in the interest of the pack, flamingos do, in fact, get their pink color from their food. They are white. Yeah, I know. I was pretty sure that was right, because you've seen them in different environments, and it changes them.

Well, see, that's what I was thinking. But is it pink shrimp? But would he change it for one little thing? He's not that kind of psychopath. I've seen pink flamingos in plenty of different places you tell me every zoo in the world feeds them pink pink shrimp yeah that's a good point they i'm telling you they get their color from their food oh man now do i trust who do i trust here i trust no one but you seem the applebee's one i mean that one's really funny i think it's got to be

true eight million dollars during an endless sirloin promo it sounds like something applebee's would do let's give this a shot and then you know they went overboard all right but then psychopaths is the legit name if you of course it wasn't weird to me at all two of these groups appeared similar to primary and secondary psychopaths the first group primary psychopaths that sounds ridiculous the reason it psychopaths. That sounds ridiculous to me. The reason it sounds ridiculous is because it's so built into lore of murderers and stuff like that. It's a supervillain. Yeah.

He's a psychopath. Yeah, that's not a real thing. It's a supervillain. It's a neuropsychiatric disorder. Okay. All right. But are they immune to yawning by contagious yawning? Now, they have a lack of empathy.

Is empathy key to yawning? Like, when Mike yawns, am I going, I'd like to walkawning by contagious yawning? Now, they have a lack of empathy. Is empathy key to yawning? Like, when Mike yawns, am I going, I'd like to walk a mile in his shoes? Oh, man. I mean, I don't think so. I think that's more of a biological situation with the contagious yawning. But a brain disorder is biological. Right. Okay.

Very often. Oh, man. Oh, all right. Goodness. I want to take the flamingos, and I'm not going to pick it, Mike. I'm telling you. I'm going to trust you. I'm telling you.

You're telling me. Yes. But I am telling you back. If that's the lie, and I'm wrong and and because of because of you I will be man I'll be a psychopath I'm gonna go with the psychopaths one is my lie I I don't think that I think it's a nice lie I think it's a well-crafted Al Borland lie uh thinking about yawning I I don't know I'm gonna go with that one is my lie I'm gonna go with the Applebee's eight million dollars lost during an endless sirloin promotion I don't know. I'm going to go with that one as my lie. I'm going to go with the Applebee's $8 million loss

during an endless sirloin promotion. I can't imagine that Applebee's, there's been endless all-you-can-eat promotions forever at all these different restaurants. How could they not have figured that out by now? I'm going to go with that as the lie. Mike, which one are you going with as your official lie? Watch him pick the shrimp.

Oh, that would be the ultimate Peyton switch. I knew that was the lie. After we locked in. Applebee's. All right, let's get the official answer and see if anybody's still in the running to defeat Al Borland. Applebee's was the lie. Yes!

I knew that the pink flamingos was wrong. I've now lost. Great. Now, here's what I know. I know that the fact that the flamingos get their pink color from eating pink shrimp fact, I will call it a

fact now, I know that that fact is nonsense. There's no way that that is actually true the only thing that was tripping me up and i didn't want to google to right to ruin anything is i'm like i thought they ate they ate brine but brine is apparently shrimp so it does say the bright pink color of flamingos comes from beta carotene a redange pigment that's found in high numbers within the algae, larvae, and brine shrimp flamingos eat in their diet. Shazam.

So I was right. A little bit. A little bit. All right. I take that as a W. All right. Here's the great part. Now I'm going to go around the world yawning and spotting psychopaths.

If people around me aren't yawning when I'm yawning, yeah, lock them up. I mean, I know you guys aren't big Blade Runner fans, but in that movie, they have to. Or Blade Handshake fans. Is that how they handshake in that movie? But in Blade Runner, they have this really intense test where they're trying to provoke an emotional response from the robot or person to see if, are they an android? You just yon. Yes. The whole movie could have been wrapped up just do it just do a big yawn honestly they needed to wrap that movie up it's crazy because the whole audience the entire time was yawning and and it didn't it didn't actually you know reveal the truth i should have just let you uh get the joke in. Yeah. Sorry. All right. What's the next one here? Round two.

Whale vomit is used to make perfume and sells for around $20,000 per pound. I believe it. Makeup is so stupid. Number two. I'm pretty sure that one's true. The inventor of the Pringles can is now buried in one. His children stopped at Walgreens on the way to the funeral home to pick out his tomb. I would hope this is an ashes situation.

I would hope so. It was a really big Pringle can. Well, I certainly visualized him in a large Pringle can, and then what flavor? Oh, that's a big choice. You've got to pick out a can. You've got to go original if you're the founder. You have to go OG.

Man. I mean, if it's me, I'm probably getting some sour cream. You're going sour cream? Yeah, 100%. Although the pizza flavor is really. The pizza flavor? Oh, they've got outrageous flavors now, Mike. I know, but you're going to go with a.

No, I wouldn't go with it. With a trend to be buried in? Hashtag not a sponsor. But Mr. Pringle, or I guess I should say Mrs. Pringle, if you're out there, we are available. And the third truth or lie, the first documented your mom is stupid joke came from Dr. Seuss's 1949 book, Bartholomew and the Ooblick. Ooblick. Okay. 1949. Yourbleck. Okay. 1949.

Your mom is so stupid. Your mom is so stupid joke from a Dr. Seuss book, Bartholomew and the oobleck. An oobleck is like a gel substance that's not quite a liquid and not quite a solid. Yeah. You remember making oobleck in school? I remember it because my kids are making it. Yeah. Is that different than slime or is slime and oobleck?

Yeah, very different. Yes. Oobleck is like cornstarch mixed with water. I'm allowed to search oobleck here, right? That's not. Yeah. I think you're safe. Yeah.

This seems like stuff that if you put it in a tub or whatever and you went fast enough, you should be able to walk on it. Yeah. I don't know if you could walk on it. Weird. Anyways, enough about oobleck. Whale vomit, I'm going to say that one is true. I agree. I feel like I've heard whale vomit is very valuable.

You know what else is valuable? Do they make the whales vomit then? No. Is somebody capturing them and then giving them Chipotle? No, they're certainly extracting bile or something out of their belly and calling it vomit for the sake of this fact. That's how I see it. How do you get whale vomit?

That's what I mean. What is happening? I don't think that the Pringles... Look, he's valuable. That family's not putting him in a Pringles can that they got at Walgreens. If you invent, yeah, that's the part that makes, I will go with that one as a lie. That's the lie. You know, you don't need to stop at Walgreens if you're the kids of the owner.

He's got a few cans, doesn't he? If you disrespect someone, give them the blade shake. You don't put them in a in a pringles can forever i i'm leaning towards the your mom is so stupid because we go back and we find documented things you're like oh look who who did this first it was the egyptians the first your mom yeah oh you're right so that's totally gonna be what happens here i'm saying that that is the lie. All right. Okay. We're both going Pringles?

Yeah, we'll both go Pringles. All right. What's the truth? The lie was the your mom is so stupid joke. And ironically, Mike, you're correct. The first one dates back to hieroglyphics. That's because it was on here before. We did that one.

Oh, for real? Did we really? Yeah, we did. How did you get it wrong then yeah it wasn't the your mom so stupid it was like your mom's so fat joke or something like that and it was just that's funny i had it on my list as one to throw in here and then i i changed it running out of material barely so that means that mike is still alive oh my brother still alive yes and to clear up a couple other things uh whale vomit it's like

really waxy and it washes to shore in like these bricks and oh they collected um and then he was buried in an original pringles can that they picked up at walgreens all right at least it's an original yeah we got the siblings did have a debate over flavor though we got the flavor right so i feel like i'm still i hope they washed it out a little bit or do you mix them in with the crumbs? I think you want a little bit of the dust. Did you eat all those Pringles? Oh, that's a good question. Or did you dump them? Is it disrespectful to eat those Pringles?

Or is it disrespectful to not eat those Pringles? That is a moral... It's disrespectful not to give the eulogy with the Pringle duck mouth. You know when you put them both in? Oh, I know everyone knows the Pringle duck mouth. You know, when you put them both in. Oh, I know. Everyone knows the Pringle duck mouth.

We've visualized it. Absolutely. You know that thing with bugles where you put them on the tips of your finger? Of course we know what the duck mouth is. Yes. All right. So, Mike, here's your chance to defeat Al for the first time ever. Let's do it.

I don't like this picture. All right. Round three. Manatees rely on their farts to help them swim. I don't like this picture. All right, round three. Manatees rely on their farts to help them swim. That sweet anal exhaust allows them to change their buoyancy and drop or rise in the water at will.

Oh, man. Okay, so that makes some sense. Your buoyancy has a lot to do with how you swim. This is natural submarine stuff right here. This is why Jason swims at the top of the or the the bottom of the pool i don't know it depends on how recency yeah how recency a reason so can you manatee this because you're you're you're world renowned that you can i mean you have a fart counter you can you can tootski at will. When I need to, I can get the job done. Have you tried to use submarine powers?

I have not yet. Unfortunately, it is cold outside right now, so I cannot swim. But as soon as I can, I will see if I can get to the bottom of the pool. Well, what's funny is when we want to do buoyancy things or go to the bottom of the pool, you blow some air out of your mouth. Yeah, you have to blow out. I never thought to use the other parts of me. The second one.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. These are all related. The second fact. So manatees, that's the first one. The second one is the fart bubble created by the back end blowout of a blue whale is large enough to fully encapsulate a Clydesdale. So the fart bubble out of a blue whale.

I like how you wrote this. That's what it is. Back end blowout. Yeah. So the fart bubble, could you fit a whole Clydesdale in it? A blue whale's fart bubble. I believe this. I don't know if it's true, but I believe it.

I mean, I don't know that a blue whale farts, to be honest. Everyone poops and everyone farts. If a blue whale farts, it has to be big enough to put a Clyde's. Blue whales are- Exactly. Unless they go like little bubbles. I mean, they could always have little bubbles. Well, you're talking, but I mean, sure.

Sometimes you got a big fart. Sometimes you got a small fart, but we're taking the biggest of the big here. That's got to encapsulate a Clyde's. Imagine being that scientist. Sometimes you got a small fart. But we're taking the biggest of the big here. That's got to encapsulate. And Lanshan being that scientist. I just want the YouTube video. I'm tracking this for science. The third fart related fact, thanks to Al, is sloths don't often rip one. But when they do, their butt breeze contains so much methane that they are often rendered unconscious for up to two minutes after breathing in their own air biscuit.

Oh, man, Al. So Al had a very fun time with this. You've really done something here. I've never experienced Al Borland being so poetic. I'm going to try to help you, Mike. The descriptive language in this is incredible. This is not a 100%. If you're phoning a friend, this is not a 100%. If you're phoning a friend,

this is not a 100%. I think that one's true. I think the sloths do pass out from their own air biscuit. Oh man, that's good. I'm like 80%. I don't think manatees

need to rely on their farts to swim. I mean, that is too extreme right you threw a right at the end of that i yeah now mike this is really all up to you what are you guys doing but i are you going i would go with the manatees i don't believe that the manatees rely on their farts to help them swim. And that one was written with more extreme language. And I think that that's tried to throw us off the scent.

You're referring to the sweet anal exhaust? Yes, which allows them to change their buoyancy. Owl's back there cackling at his own jokes. Oh, man. So that's where I... So you guys are just dead set on the fact that a blue whale is farting out of Clydesdale. It makes so much sense.

They're about... How big's a blue whale? About 80 feet? 90 feet long? I mean, the biggest... That's a big whale. It's the biggest animal on the planet. How big is a blue whale? Is that cheating? That's not cheating. I already know it's the biggest animal on the planet how big is a blue whale is that cheating that's not cheating uh well i already know it's the biggest animal so yeah female 82 feet male 79 feet you did you say 80 feet 80 to 90 i mean talk about a nail on it yeah that's quite a guess i'll just

close this how big is a blue whale tab over here um mike this is all up to you i think that the i think that the lie is... I think the manatee one's a lie. You feel good about the sloth one being true. I feel leaning that direction. I do too, but we've never won, so I don't trust my own opinions. That's true.

But I mean, both of us are on the manatee side. Yep. We have a draft coming up, but we got to see if Mike wins. Oh, goodness. Okay. So I feel trapped. Number one, I can't just go with you guys because you haven't gotten them all right thus far.

Exactly. So you're not to be trusted. No. But we have been close before, and we've completely written off one of the answers. I know. Like the blue whale? And then written off one of the answers. I know. Like the blue whale? And then it ended up being the lie. I know.

Jason, Jason, you got to help me. What do you feel? Oh, you're just nervous? I'm nervous, and I just don't want Al's joy. You got to make a pitch. I don't want Al to be happy. Mike, make a pitch. Go with your gut.

What is your... My gut says... You regularly beat Al Borland at things in life, like pickleball. So just go with your gut. My gut says... You regularly beat Al Borland at things in life, like pickleball. So just go with your gut. You can do it. The blue whale one. Oh, man. Come on. Oh, thank God. Oh, no!

It's the manatees, isn't it? It was the sloths was the live. Sloths actually do not fart. You, Andy Holloway. I gave you 80%. I said it's not locked and loaded. 80% is a really high number. I know.

I just tried to help. But you actually hurt. But obviously, no one's ever beaten before. Oh, man. I ruled that one completely out based on your confidence. Oh, shoot. Now, Owl, at what point did you peak in your nerves, and what percentage of fear did you have? Going into round three, I. Now, Owl, at what point did you peak in your nerves, and what percentage of fear did you have?

Going into round three, I was terrified, because I thought that one might... It was a fun one with the language and stuff, but I thought it might be an easy one. It's all my fault. It is on Andy. All right, it is time for a draft, but first, a quick break. The Spitballers Draft.

The last thing we need to do is try to help each other. That's what we learned in this situation. Although when you tried to help us, you were totally right about the flamingos. Yeah, I would have 100% picked flamingos. Because that was simply a, I am confident. You knew it. Yep. All right.

Our draft today, Jason kicks it off with the first pick. Our draft is fictional characters for an escape the room team. So if you've been out, if you're out there, you've done the escape the room adventures, which I think most of us have done or heard about where you are given a, you know, you're locked in a room and given a clue. A series of clues. If you have not, as soon as you can safely do one, you've got to go play. Talk about the industry smashed by the idea of COVID.

Will you want to lock us in a small room together? Oh, no. Where we can't get out or can't escape. People have been doing, I don't know how, but they've been doing online versions. Interesting. Yeah, no, escape rooms are are a blast and i have the first pick and i do feel like there's a one-on-one here that's okay i don't i feel like there are at least three picks and i got it i got a number one i got a number one all right let's hear look when you're in an escape room, it's a mystery that needs a series of clues to be solved.

Okay. And there is no one better in the fictional universe that will always get it right but Sherlock Holmes. Okay. So Sherlock Holmes is the absolute one-on-one pick to me. Is it? To me, yes. I only said that because I wanted you to doubt yourself we can't argue with if he thinks it is that wasn't the one i was alluding to yeah but he was one when i said

there's three picks he was one of them yeah sherlock holmes i mean i'm already out of this room i don't need anybody else yeah but now who is isn who is, isn't it Benedict? Cumberbatch? Yeah. Isn't he? He plays one of the Sherlock's, yeah. Yeah, you're in a room with Benedict Cumberbatch. Oh, I'm not taking that version. Come on. I mean, not when I can have Robert Downey Jr. Yeah, I was going to say there's a Downey Jr. version, too.

Yeah. Okay. All right, so you're going with Sherlock Holmes. It's a great pick. It makes sense. You need to solve a mystery. pick it makes sense uh you you need to solve a mystery um andy does not know where to go is this because you're not confident in your pick or you just you don't have a list no i have a list i am i just don't know who to take now and will who will come back to me. Okay, okay. So I'm a little concerned about who will go and who will not go.

So I will go with Batman. Okay. I was hoping he would slip to me. Yeah, I'm going to take Batman. I need him by my side. He's got the tools. He's got the mental acuity. He is called the world's greatest detective.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, Sherlock Holmes can try and call himself that, but the Americans have said that Batman is the world's greatest detective. So I will go with Batman for my pick and I feel better about it now that I've gotten feedback. It is an excellent pick.

I figured you wouldn't remember that he was called the world's greatest detective because he's not really noted. I've never heard of that. I'm not saying it's wrong. Yeah. I'm just saying I've –

He's not thought of as that anymore. Sherlock hadn't heard of that either. But that's how he started. All right. When they went to the competitions. So I'm sitting in a good spot here. I got back-to-back picks. The guy who I was talking about is – he's my number one

because it was the first name that came to my uh mind when i was told what the draft was and i'm so curious yeah this is because this is a man who can escape from anywhere given any amount of items do you have dental floss and a toothpick that's great because he just disarmed a nuclear bomb. I will take MacGyver. Oh, okay. He was not even on my list. He was on my list.

That's a good one, though. I'm not saying I just forgot him. He was on my list. He's better at escaping handcuffs. That's MacGruber, right? MacGruber! All right, so you've got MacGyver. Do I need to drive Baloo?

Oh, dude. You probably do. I mean, in case someone needs a throat ripped, you've got to get MacGruber. As you say, I think every MacGruber ends with him blowing up, so that might not end well. Now, with the second pick, I have – whatever, I'll just go with it. Now, it might take some time, and there is time limits in Escape the Room, but I know by the end of the episode, he always figures it out.

And it's because a paint bucket fell over, and now he's reminded, I'm going to take Dr. Howell. No! That was probably my next pick as well. That was my sneaky last rounder. I thought no one would come to Dr. Howell. You were way off. I was. I was way off. That always but but the but you you did illustrate the problem and the problem is

you're getting out for sure right but now that you picked him you guarantee that you can't get out until the last second he is up against the clock and mcgyver well a couple minutes no mcgyver's the clock is going three, two. I mean, you've got a team that is getting you out right at the last second. So we'll be waiting for you in the lobby. We flourish. Man, I am really sad. Were you guys house watchers?

I loved house. I watched the heck out of that. And then after a couple years, it's like every episode's the exact same. You know what's happening. And then it just burned out. After a few episodes, you go, wait a minute. He's gonna figure this one out. I'll bet something goes wrong here because it's 15

minutes into the episode. That's fair. That's fair. But I am a little sad. All right. It's back to me then, right? It is. Okay. I do have another late round pick that i'm saving and if any of you take it i'll be just wait for jason so upset um you know what i'm gonna go with actually the it's funny the first name that pops into your head when you think about this like sherlock holmes makes a lot of sense batman was my first pick but the actual first

name that popped into my head was from Mission Impossible because I thought about getting out of those situations, and I'm going to go with Ethan Hunt. That's good. He's not on my list, but I like it a lot. For whatever reason, that first impulse was Ethan Hunt. He drops into the room. He doesn't touch the wrong thing.

He gets you out of the sticky situation. He's got plans. He can figure that stuff out. I mean, speaking of blade hands. And he runs with blade hands. When Tom you out of the sticky situation. He's got plans. He can figure that stuff out. I mean, speaking of blade hands. And he runs with blade hands. When Tom Cruise is running with those hands. I didn't think about the running, but that would have been a point against. Well, because you're in a room.

But he's figuring out how to get us out of that room. I feel like we need, I wish we had a running tracker. I feel like Ethan Hunt has been drafted more than any other person in the history of spitballers. Any other fictional character. That's right.

That's right. He'll help you collect a debt. Yeah. Laser tag. I mean, like, Ethan Hunt is apparently very overpowered. All right. So, I... Nerf Ethan Hunt.

I have two picks here. And I know my first one. My first one... Look, you got batman batman's a genius bruce wayne he's great i'm taking someone i think is even smarter and i now get to robert i'm taking tony stark i mean i'm not getting the iron man suit we're no superpowers here you don't need superpowers i mean come on i mean if if he can't find the key, he'll just build one. You know? It'd just be like, why don't you just do this?

And then escape. Because that's breaking the rules. Well, that's, look, Tony Stark is nothing if not a rule breaker, Mike. All right, so I've got two Robert Downey. Are there any other smart Robert Downey Jr. characters out there? Who talks to the animals guy. Oh, that's Dr. Doolittle. He is a doctor.

And he is very smart in that movie. Talking to animals is pretty key in an escape room. So when I was thinking of how to get out of an escape room, I wasn't thinking the way that YouTube both thought of someone that is good at escaping. I was just thinking intelligence. Just who's smart? Who's clever? Who figures out puzzles and, you know, is just a genius on another level?

And again, no superpower here. No, no, no abilities. Just the mind. But I'm thinking Dumbledore. Dumbledore is the smartest wizard of all time. But he's so old and slow. We're in a tiny room. He doesn't need to move much.

Does he have his glasses? Because if he doesn't, you're in trouble. I mean, those half-moon spectacles are part of him. He has to have his glasses. Tony. Yes. Look in the corner, Tony. Exactly.

You have to deal with that. What is this old man doing? Those two would not get along. They would not get along. But they would definitely get the puzzle solved. I feel like Dumbledore could have been your last pick, though. Oh, I've got a much better last pick. Okay.

I do have one I'm waiting on. You have a much better pick that no one was going to take? No, no, no, no, no. I have a fourth round awesome pick that no one will take because it's not good. Oh. It's great. Oh, okay. Alright. It's back to me, isn't it?

You are having a tough time. I'm just having a hard time deciding. This is when I was thinking about this, I thought it would be hard to come up with a bunch of names and it went the other way where it's like, what's the best name? By the way, I think there is a better pick from the Harry Potter universe than the one you made.

Hermione annoys me. Was that it? The way that you said her name was it. Yeah, was that Herm... whatever. Yeah, we will move forward here, and I have to make a pick. Those are the rules. Okay. House is off the table.

MacGruber is available. Stark is off the table. He was on my list. I'm going to go with Inspector Gadget. Oh, that's good. I'm going to take Inspector Gadget. I legit thought about that, but then I thought about the actual cartoon you didn't draft the smart one

he gets everything wrong you needed to draft Penny I feel like because it's a team and he has gadgets there will be an advantage for us in that room when you're trying to identify some hidden object he'll probably have some gadget

that gives us the ability to see through the wall or something of that nature. He will definitely accidentally find it. What's his voice like? Chief. Yes. He'll be climbing on some desk to reach above a bookshelf, and then the desk will fall over and reveal underneath the desk. And then his helicopter blades will come out.

And let's say you have to try a key on like 100 locks. He could do that very quickly with some gadget. So that was a little out of left field, but I'm going with Inspector Gadget. It's a terrible pick. Thank you. Because, I mean, there's other robots that would have been helpful. Inspector Gadget would have helped. I know that his name is Inspector, but he needs to be demoted because he's a terrible inspector.

Agree to disagree. All right. Man, I see what you're talking about. It's very difficult here to narrow this down. So I have two picks, which will close out my team sitting with MacGyver and Doctor House. Oh, man. Okay. I don't know if I want to double dip from a show, but...

House's assistant. What was 11? Wait, no, 11 is Stranger Things. Weren't they all numbered on House? I don't remember. I don't either. Yeah. That's why I went with House's assistant.

I am going to take, whatever, let's spice this up here. And speaking of my current team, they take it to the end, but they are successful. This guy is always incredibly successful usually turns into a failure by the end of the show but every night he tries to take over the world and is mostly successful i'm going to take the brain from pinky and the brain and i don't have to worry about pinky right messing it upy's not screwing things up for me. So now I got a tiny little mouse.

That's pretty funny. Big head, big brain. That's funny. He's got different goals. You know what he wants to do tonight. It's not escape the room. But you can't take over the world inside that room. That's true. Or what made the brain probably would figure out a way to do it.

Yeah. That's funny. I wouldn't have thought that one. And then. A terrible pick, I mean. And then I am going to, speaking of better robots,

I'm going to jump into the Star Trek universe. Oh my god. And I'm going to take Data. That's cool. That's good. That's a good pick. When you said robot, so I have... I do feel like he may take things a little too literally. He might. When you said robot, so I have... I do feel like he may take things a little too literally. He might. When you said robot, that was the first name that then popped into my head was Data.

Here's what Data would say. Data would say, why don't we just go out the door we just came in? Because it's locked. It's locked, Data. Data, we need to escape this room. Oh, why not back that way? Finding the clues is meaningless. This door will unlock in 55 minutes.

Alright, so your final team is MacGyver, House, The Brain, and Data. Yeah. I had only one of those four names on my list. So that is tells you how many options. We all would go a different route. Jason has Sherlock Holmes,

Tony Stark, and Dumbledore so far. I have Batman, Ethan Hunt, and Inspector Gadget, and I'm going to go with my heart on this final pick because, look, when you're stuck in a room, the truth's out there. Oh, okay. And I'm going to go with Fox Mulder.

Oh, my goodness. Because he will never stop looking for the answers. Mulder, you've ran out of time. He may blame it on aliens at some point. The next party is here. They need the room. But I need to find these answers. But I'm going with Fox Mulder because he...

Yeah, that's my pick. Okay, I like it. I like it. And here's your ultimate. My ultimate pick. I was worried here because I've got a powerhouse of three that I think definitely could win the poll. I was worried that this last one would ruin the poll. But now with your picks, I know I'm going to win no matter what.

So, I am taking a tall drink of water. Andy Dufresne. Because Andy Dufresne will escape that room. Oh, my gosh. A prison escapee. A prison escapee. Oh, my goodness. From the Shawshank Redemption.

That is a funny pick. I feel like you almost got me to do a snot take on that one. That is a funny pick. Yeah. See what I mean? I knew nobody would take it. It's terrible. He escaped a room.

It is fantastic. He did escape a room. When I was putting my list together, it did cross my mind to put Andy Dufresne on there but I was like, no, that's dumb. Here's the craziest part. I want both of you right now and if you're at home or say driving Google

Andy Dufresne. Do that for me. Google Andy Dufresne. This is going to be really good radio. Is that because I have to figure out how to spell his name? I want you to see how his name is spelled. Oh, yeah. Wait, there's an S in there? Yeah. What is this name? Is that French? It's

not English, that's for sure. Spell this name. It's D-U-F-R-E-S-N-E. Where's Dufresne come from? That's going to help Mike and I in the polls because you can't put it in there misspelled. Dufresne, it's French. All right.

So, Jason, you ended up with Andy Dufresne. That's a great one. I have a couple of honorable mentions that weren't picked. Okay. I did have Dick Tracy on the list for fun. I don't know how helpful he'd be. I don't either. He's probably bringing out old technology, and I'm like, dude, I don't need that.

His yellow coat is awesome. And hat, but that's all I know. And I was really, really close with my third pick to going Nancy Drew. Oh, yeah. Nancy Drew. I feel like Nancy Drew would take care of things. And Nancy Drew is on my list. But instead, I went with Inspector Gadget.

Nancy Drew is a way better list. I know. Nancy Drew gets it done, which is not funny. That's about right, and not a cartoon. My mentions would be Spock. He's on my list. And I didn't want to double dip Star Trek, so I went with The Brain. The Professor from Gilligan's Island.

Oh, not from Nutty Professor. No, no. I'm not taking him. But The Professor, not a lot of name power. And Lisa Simpson is on my list. Sure, she's smart. She's incredibly smart. I did have Hermione on our list, too.

My honorable mentions, I've got Walter White. Okay. Smart. Lex Luthor, but I had a couple of superhero types already. Will Robinson. Okay. Like a little pigeon. And my personal favorite, Doogie Howser.

Oh, Doogie Howser. That would have been solid. This was a fun draft. Is there anybody that you thought of, Al, that we didn't think of? Nah. No, we're perfect. You're right. Emmett Brown.

Oh. 88 miles an hour. That's not the solution, Doc Emmett. I mean, if you run out of time, you just go back. You go back. Oh, that's smart. Yeah. Okay.

Should have done that. Dumbledore. Let's move on. What did we learn today? This one's easy. Yeah. I mean, I learned that Al Borland washes his dishes before he puts them in a dishwasher. Oh, it was really easy.

When I'm 2-0 on liar to liar, I don't trust Andy. Oh, that's a good lesson. Gotcha. I didn't want you to have the glory. I learned that flamingos getting their pink color from eating pink shrimp is a lying fact. It's not true, but it is true. Yeah,

I get it, but it's a lie. No, it's truth. Just like the fact this show's over. Alternative facts. Catch you on the next Spitballers, everybody.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out