Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Bottom Loading Washers & An Insect Battle Royale - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

Spit Hit for November 17th, 2022: On today’s episode, we discuss the pros & cons of growing up in the 90’s vs today. We also talk about fighting Mike Tyson, get out of jail free cards, and distinguishing between different types of woodlands. Lastly, Mike is sure to ruffle some feathers with his takes in our overrated food draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

On today's Spithit, we learn about Andy's t-shirt stains, kind of gross, Jason's love for Satchmo, and how I'm kind of similar to cats. And of course, we have a fantastic draft. We're drafting insects for a fight to the death. Tell your friends about the podcast. Enjoy. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. All right.

Shout out to... Keep going, brother. Who are you going to shout out? I was going to shout out my broken voice that he was really going deep into that. I thought you were going to shout out to Satchmo. But no, you picked yourself. Me and Louis Armstrong, we have a ton in common. Right.

We both love It's a Wonderful World. Great song. Great song. Great song. Also, and I already knew that you knew, but the fact that you actually know who Satchmo is, it feels like the most random piece of trivia for you. Right. Music isn't necessarily my wheelhouse.

You're like, oh, no, but a jazz trumpet player. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, brother. I know his name and his nickname. He has had a long-standing love of that song. That's true. That's a great song. Oh, not just that song.

I mean, I like it. What a Wonderful World. Yeah. No, but just give me a kiss to build a dream on. Whoa, whoa. We could keep going. Welcome to the Satchmo Hour. Wait a minute.

How many Satchmo songs can you name? Currently two, but I know a lot more. I mean, I've listened to him a lot. You just don't know the names. Right. It's just great coming right after some episodes where we talked about Jason having a PhD in RAP. And then so he's got his hip hop background. And then he's got his Satchmo Louis Armstrong background.

Yeah, I've got a wide gap. A wide gap between my genres. Welcome into the Spitballers. Mike Wright, Jason Moore, Andy Holloway with you. Great show today. Very fun Battle Royale draft coming up. We'll leave it at that. Would you rather, the Situation Room.

Mike always laughs at that because... Yeah, number one, because it's in the title, but number two, because when you're setting it up, it's always just because it's in the title but number two because when you're setting it up it's always just it's a great draft well yeah stay tuned to find out i don't want them to think there's not a draft on today's show would you like me to just say there's a draft later well no i wouldn't but i want to know if it's bad i would want i would want to know yeah i would want to know crappy draft later yeah real draft. We ran out of ideas. You'll hear that at the end of the show.

Truth is, I don't know whether it's good or bad right now, because we haven't done it yet. It's good. So I guess I'm lying or projecting. I'm very excited on behalf of Jason for the draft. Yeah, this is going to be a problem. Preparing for the draft was a nightmare. It'll make your skin crawl.

Let's put it that way alright some would you rather would you rather alright Deadeye from Patreon one of our supporters thank you for your support one of the true spitwads

says in a life or death situation would you rather fight a black bear with a samurai sword or a gray wolf with your bare fists? So as opposed to this isn't for sport. Right, right, right, right. This is life or death. This isn't like, hey, which one would you enjoy doing? You know, I think I could take that black bear if I got a samurai sword. I do find it funny that I would be fighting the gray wolf with some bear fists. Oh, right.

The irony. The irony, yeah. Now, how big is a gray wolf? I'm going to assume- About wolf size. Large. But that's what I mean. A wolf can be-

They're big. Quite big. Yeah, but they're not dire wolves. They're not from beyond the wall. They're not fictitious animals. No, I mean, it's like a big, we've got to, what are you seeing here, Al? Upwards of 180 pounds of wolf. A wolf.

A big boy. Liam Neeson could barely take a wolf with broken glass bottles taped to his hands. Your objective in both of these situations is not to win the fight. It is to not die, which is winning. Like, I want to get... Yeah, they're one and the same. Well, I think your point is you don't have to kill the bear. Can you negotiate?

There are situations... What animal is most likely to kill me the fastest? And I want to fight the opposite animal, the other animal. The animal that's fighting you while you have no weapon. I think you're completely discounting my weapons here. Okay, because these two fists, holy moly, they are registered and they are dangerous. I will take this wolf out probably one swing. Those fists are valuable in being on the

side of your body as you're running away. Oh, they're great. I sometimes I'll go blade hands when you run. The thing about a samurai sword, which I have heard, is it's not just like you get a samurai sword because they're legendary weapons for being

in the hands of a master. Like, you could go through a body with one swipe. Super sharp, right? Very, very sharp. But if you're not trained, you can also easily break it. False. That's false? Is that an old tale?

Here's what I know. I know that when we, our former company, we created a game called Ninja Wars. And when we launched, I think it was the second, the sequel, we got a samurai sword. It was an authentic samurai sword. It was expensive. It was from Amazon. I mean, I don't know, but here's what I do know. Those things, we went out in a field with watermelons and cantaloupes and everything we could find.

And everything was awesome. Fruit did not stand a chance. Fruit did not stand a chance. That was fun. We murdered that fruit. And we came out still with the samurai sword intact. You're not swinging at the right time with a bear attacking you. Your best hope for that samurai sword is impaling the bear somehow.

Oh, absolutely. I'm just holding it next to my chest and blade out. But then you'll get impaled by the blunt end of the hill. He'll land on you. Oh, he would. We would both die. Oh, absolutely. I'm just holding it next to my chest and blade out. But then you'll get impaled by the blunt end of the... He'll land on you and that'll... Oh, he would. We would both die. The hilt, yeah. That would be like a real Romeo and Juliet situation as he impales himself

through the heart. Two star cross lovers. Two star cross lovers. And the hilt just goes right through me. And then the nice thing is we're stuck together forever. I would go bare... I would go bare fist against the wolf. There is no chance, man. No, I just had this conversation with Jason over the weekend.

About a bear and a wolf? It's close. Wait, wait, wait. What are you saying there's no chance? No chance to take on the wolf? Yes. You're a psychopath. You don't know how big bears are.

No, but the thing, sorry, I took over your conversation, but if you at least have a sword that has length on it, you may get lucky. Correct. But if you're fighting a wolf with nothing in your hands, you have a 0% chance of winning, 0%. So up north in Prescott, Jason and I were up north this past weekend, and there are some mountain lions on the loose. Right.

And they're going after chickens and livestock and all this stuff. And I was like, if I was attacked by a mountain lion, my goal would be to stick my arm down his throat because then he can't bite my neck. He can eat my arm. That's my goal with the wolf. I'm letting him bite my arm. I don't think that strategy is going to work.

I don't think the wolf. You're going to let him bite your neck? No. I'm not going to try. But you're not getting down and ripping his organs out. I'm just sticking it down there so he chokes on the elbow. I don't believe that the wolf would kill me. I'm not saying I don't even win.

I'm not saying I come out unscathed and I'm fine because I clocked the wolf. But I think if I huddle up, you know what I mean? Like ball up, turtle up, I could come out of there. Go in his shell. I can come out of there alive. Wolves are not, you know, they're pack hunters. This is one wolf. I don't think there's a lot of cases of a wolf killing someone.

But just for the other side of the coin, I mean, there are dogs today that if you took them on one-on-one, you're done. Yes. Is a wolf worse than a dog? Way worse. I mean, you fight a pit bull or a Rottweiler today, you're not winning. Here's what I know I cannot do against a bear. Rear naked choke.

I can't do it. It's too big. You can't rear naked choke a wolf, man. Yes, you can. There's your quote for the episode. You can't rear naked choke a wolf. That's the reason I bring that up is because you're talking about there are dogs that kill people. Yes, absolutely. But that is the defense mechanism against brutal dogs is a rear naked choke.

When you do that and you do like the, I mean, I'm telling you, this is fact. You're getting smarter today. What? Yes. If you are attacked by a dog, you want to go for the rear naked choke. You do like the body triangle with your leg. I try to put my arm down their throat. And go for the neck from the back.

Okay, so I just was looking up mountain lion. Oh, a mountain lion, you're dead. Well, no, but we're going mountain lion versus wolf. So the bite force of a cougar is 724.6 PSI. That's not even a mountain lion. I feel like that's a water pressure, but go on. And the biting capacity of a wolf is much closer to double that. Ooh, so it'd break your arm.

You know, when you're playing a game with your dog, like play fighting with your dog, and they always get their teeth on you, always, but they they never they're not biting you sure now imagine that it's a 1500 pounds of force well i do have a biting your arm i do have a trick for that as well okay when you're going to attack you don't swing punches fists out okay you you swing with your elbows and you fight like this you fight like chicken wings and then you're very

you're way more protected they can't get the wrist like you know what i mean like this is the move right here you got to go to youtube figure out how to protect yourself from a you know you know the nerve endings on your elbow you won't even feel it won't even feel that have fun biting an elbow starting to think that i might want the sword against the bear no you're crazy it's your only chance what is the bite strength of a grizzly? On a samurai sword or on? That doesn't matter. The only chance of survival is a kill.

An errant swing that happens to hit the bear in the throat. I can absolutely survive the wolf. Or get the. Look at this, man. What you should try to do is take the. You think a wolf can going to get this? My chicken wing. No way.

Now, do you go like 360? Oh, you got to keep eyes on the wolf. You turn your back. You need to get the wolves back. You got to get the samurai sword down the throat. That would win. Like a Superman jump cost? You bet.

I'm taking the wolf wolf and I'm surviving. I will not come out the winner, but I will come out alive. You guys can have your lucky errant swing with a samurai sword that misses and then be destroyed by one strike of a bear paw. Oh, no. I want the samurai sword to kill myself before the bear gets to me. Yes. I want to die an honorable death before the bear gets me.

Oh, very nice. All right, we better move on. Guru from Patreon, would you rather have a clothes washer that can remove any stain or a clothes dryer that can dry and de-wrinkle anything without shrinking or damaging it? Oh, man. That's easy.

That's so easy, but it's easy for you and it's easy for me. I don't think it's going to be easy for any. We don't spill on ourselves for every single meal. That's easy. That's so easy. But it's easy for you, and it's easy for me. Yeah, because- I don't think it's going to be easy for Andy. We don't spill on ourselves for every single meal. That's right. I don't have a lot of stains. My mom said everybody spills. Oh, everyone spills. Like, what's an adult spill?

Like, once every 500 meals or something? Yeah, probably. Did you say once a meal? Andy, do you have a spot on today's shirt? Oh, my gosh. That must be a brand. No? Does he? No. Oh, he's saying he does. Yeah, he does. today's shirt? Oh, my gosh. That must be a brand. No. Does he?

No. Oh, he's saying he does. Yeah, he does. He does. In fact, he does. This is everything. But here's the great news there, Andy, is that's not in your usual spot. Your usual spot is right on the bottom middle of the chest.

Right. I normally, it's called my ledge. Yes. And I eat with a, like some people sit up to eat. Some people like eat over their plate. I slouch to eat. And leans away from the table. When I lean away from the table.

When he eats with a bowl of cereal, his one rule is I cannot bend my elbows. Because I'm fighting a wolf. He has his... I mean, you're so far away, but you spill all the time. So stains coming out every time seem great. far away but you spill all the time so stains coming out every time seem great but i i know i have a shirt that has like uh like deodorant pit stains yeah and that's that's a thing yep that's a thing i got you wear a lot of black shirts so you have a lot of pits yeah i got one that i know of maybe there's more there's only one you know of there's only one i know of uh please don't break

news to me right now um but drying de-wrinkling shirt oh man i mean if you're telling me that every single time my shirts will always be wrinkle free that's the can i ask a ticket what is your uh what's your laundry routine here do you do do you ever do the i get it out of the dryer but then i don't put it away right then so then i have to de-wrinkle later always that's it wait what is the alternate the alternate is when the dryer is done you just take them out and hang them up and you're fine no i've never heard of that i do not dry my shirts i hang dry all your shirts all my shirts because you don't want them to shrink correct so you hang dry them all you hang dry every so you take you cold wash them yes so you cold wash them then Yes. So you cold wash them, then hang dry them. That is correct. Just so that they don't shrink.

That is correct. Now- I mean, that does, and they probably last a lot longer. How wet is the floor of your closet? It's not. I feel like- It's not. I mean, but I take-

He doesn't hang dry them in the closet. I don't stop at midway. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Where do you- He's saying that you take them, and you just put them up like you would normally in your closet. I do. Yes. Wait, you do? Yeah up like you would normally in your closet. I do.

Yes. Wait, you do? Yeah. That's too wet. That's way too wet. They are not dripping. You don't hang dry them outside. It's not the 1960s anymore.

I got the clothespins. I got a little house on a prairie. Now, what happens if you let a, and I know this, if you let a shirt, let's say you put it in the washer and you forget to move it over to the dryer fast enough. Oh, stank. You get that mildew. Yeah. So why, if your shirt is in the closet, how is it not, how is it drying fast enough?

This is answering a lot of questions for us, Andy. Why he stinks every day. Oh my gosh, that's why you smell like mildew? Mildew dude. Mildew. Mildew. Because you hang them up and they're not touching each other. So you have a lot of room in there.

No. Or it's got very few shirts. Four shirts. But if you leave it in the washer, then it's crumpled up in a dark place. So you get no wrinkles then too. Well, not always. You still have to de-wrinkle. Wait, you de-wrinkle on a regular basis?

That doesn't de-wrinkle automatically. It should. No. It would if it was out in the 1960s on the line. Yeah, if you had a little gentle breeze. Oh, man. Blowing them out? You gotta look into that. I do think this is one of the areas of life that we are

failing technologically. I know that it's a modern day convenience to be able to wash your clothes and dry them, but we've had that for a while now. I'm thankful for it. I'm glad I don't have to do the hand washing in a tub and hang them up. My abs would get so tired. Right.

But here's the thing. We could do better. Oh, yeah. We could do better. We could have something. I need something that gets it from the washing machine to the closet. I need my closet to be a washing machine. Oh, the closet itself.

I put it in there. It's a 500 square foot washer? Well, no. That's fine. But it's all part of the machine. I want to put it in a machine, and then once I push the wash button, I can come back two hours later, and it's hung up. It's in the closet.

That's what I need. For me, I've been noticing this the last few times. I don't know why it's standing out to me. My clothes keep shrinking regardless of what I do. No, this is stuff that's in the dryer. And technology usually moves forward, right? Well, we used to have these top load washers and dryers, and now everyone's got the cool front facing ones.

That are stank. Because they look better, and I get it that the washer uses less water, so we're trying to save the earth here. I don't know if the dryer is necessarily better. I'm not aware but I do know that when you're trying to find your underpants or a pair of matching socks and you got to go in through the front facing dryer it's much more difficult. That thing is a pain in the butt. Yes it is and here's another thing you might not. It was way better from the top. You don't know this, Mike, because you don't transfer things to the dryer.

But when you- I still have dryables. Sure. Wink. I don't hang up my socks. He actually only owns a washing machine. Two washers. Two washers.

No dryer. Kids get all their underwear in the drawers sopping wet. I found this out recently because we moved, and when we moved, the washer and dryer was there, and the washer and dryer that was there was a top load. And I felt like, oh man, I'm getting this old busted, and I love it, man. It's a blast from the past. Because- We bought top loads on purpose.

Really? New top loads, yeah. Moving things to the dryer is- Yes. I drop half of the clothes out of the washing machine when i'm moving into the dryer the side load washers they have a ring to keep the water from obviously spilling out on like a top loader and that ring will get dirty and i'm seeing al borland nod at me and it will get all mildewy and you have to like deodorize or clean it so we are like a pro we've gone backwards show yes like we are a we are a show completely would you rather side load or top load top load

washers are better it's easy which is although there's one problem have you ever bottom loaded you just pick the washing machine up and you place it on top of the clothes it's got a little gasket on bottom it pushes up through it's not i don't recommend it no here didn't work here is the problem, and it is hysterical. You just flipped the top loader over. My wife is too short. Oh, for the top load? For the top load.

She cannot reach. How tall is your machine? This is a normal machine. How short is your wife? I think all machines are the same height. Maybe I'm wrong. You come over. It's like a refrigerator height.

But no, she can't get to the bottom of the top look. So she can get out a lot of it, but then the socks that are on the bottom. Do you give her one of those grabbers? The gopher? Oh yeah, like the trash pickup thing. No, we went far more humiliating. We have a chair that she has to stand on

so that she can reach the bottom. Does it have the kid piece in the front so that she can't fall out? Absolutely. Safety first. Did you label it her laundry legs? Yes, exactly. All right.

Next question from Melody on Patreon. This one's tough. Would you rather be able to cure every mental illness in existence? Sounds great. Or every physical illness in existence? Sounds great. Oh, man. I mean, it's a heavy one.

This is way too heavy. It's heavy. This is a heavy one this is way too heavy it's heavy this is really heavy but i feel like we can we can have you know that's one of those phd discussions that we always have i have several based on last episode i have a lot of phds we did collect the bakery science one's not going to help you today i did i did hear from a bassoon player oh did you he was none too happy with my besmirching of the but now i imagine he spoke in bassoon right yeah it was um okay so we don't have to stay longer here

but just let's just philosophize for a moment it's easy for me it's got to be physical because because of olivia newton john let's get physical physical it's not my best i'm sorry mike but before i got to the song i was trying to figure out what physical ailment she had suffered recently that needed to be repaired and you were personally looking out for olivia newton i'm like did she get paralyzed or something but yes my point my point is like what happened to the grease lady i know the they're both horrific things and we all want to cure everything but i i definitely think physical illnesses cause death right like like a physical illness is far more dead not that some mental illnesses can't but like you I'm carrying cancer, right?

That's a physical illness, right? My logic behind it is actually I would go physical as well, but it's because not all mental illness is like cognizant mental illness. So there's a level of like there's some mental illness that the person suffering doesn't even have an awareness that they're suffering. So even though it would be great to cure those things, that doesn't seem as active of suffering to me as physical ailments would. Like if somebody – like, you know, there are a lot of conditions that the people suffering from it just aren't aware. See, I thought for sure you were going to say it was because then you wouldn't look how you look if all physical illnesses were taken away.

Oh, man. Wow, that's a bottom five on this show's history right there. Mike, do you want to weigh in or shall I move on? I will go physical illness. Final answer. Jackson from Patreon, would you rather be transformed into a cat and live for 20 years

or be transformed into a dog and live for only 10? Easy answer, cat. Final answer. I hate cats, but I'd rather be a cat yeah i mean it's easy you you be a cat you get the extra life and look i don't like cats because they're mean to people right and i mean they're spreading their allergies all allergens all over the place and they're uninterested in people and aren't companions. Yeah, but that doesn't mean that being a cat would be bad. It's very on brand for you.

You do whatever you want. You are a human cat. You are a human cat. A little bit. A little bit. A cat would not make conversation with you in an elevator. No. Oh, never.

Cat's not going to come when you call it over. Hey, Mike. Hey, Mike. I know you can hear me. You are four feet from me. Acknowledge me. Were you drinking this? Chris Splash.

Yeah, I would rather. Also, change up my potty, please. Right. I just took a big duke, Shnye. I want to watch you get my potty out of this sand. Bring out the scoop, please. Okay, first of all, cats have better lives. They really, really do. Because not only what you're saying, where they do whatever they want, please. Okay, first of all, cats have better lives.

They really, really do. Because not only what you're saying, where they do whatever they want, they're not under the control of the humans, but also I feel like their physical abilities are far cooler than dogs. Like, I can jump so much higher. I can climb a brick wall. You can fall off of anything. I can destroy so much more. Like, I know dogs can destroy a lot. But my claws, I'm not a declawed cat, right?

No. Okay, good. No, because we do not do that here. No, I mean, I'm ripping everything. He's got claws. You don't have drapes anymore. They don't exist. Your bed belongs to me.

Everything is just, I'm tearing up the world, and I get to live for 20 years? Heck yeah, man. So you're going Garfield? Yes. Yeah, lasagna. I'll steal all the world and I get to live for 20 years. Heck yeah, man. So you're going Garfield? Yes. I'll steal all the lasagna. All right. I guess we all agreed on that one. How did people...

Who was into Garfield? I liked Garfield. My youngest son. The cartoon in the Sunday paper. My youngest son now loves Garfield. What? I don't even know how he found it. There's a new cartoon for Garfield.

It must be. He's so annoying in the new one. Yeah, there's a 3D animation. Yeah, that one. Odie. Garfield and Odie. Yeah. You're into Garfield? Sure. I mean, the old cartoon. Not the TV show. Just literal comic strips. Both versions are the worst

thing of all time. Garfield is the worst character that's ever existed he's a fat lazy mean selfish thing that never learns a lesson yeah i mean like you super into family circus no no that was stupid i'm trying that was always the one other old peanuts were awesome peanuts charlie brown farsight farsight was excellent and continues to be excellent. Yeah. I don't think he made it. Who was the work guy? No, I love Charlie Brown. Yeah, there it is.

What's wrong with Peanuts? I ain't apologizing. Dilbert's funny too. Yeah. I can't remember any of them. I never... All you're doing is telling me all the ones in the comics and then you don't like all the comics. You just don't want them. You don't want the comics. Did you ever get into comics in papers?

Clearly not. There was a few times that I do remember my dad would give them to me. And then Sunday, it would be color. Sunday, you had the colored comics, yeah. Wow, we sound super old. This is boring. Very boring. This never happened to me.

Let's move on. The Situation Realm. All right, which one should I start here? Al, which one do you want me to start with? First, second, or third? Let's start with Ed, the second. All right. Ed says, in exchange for four frog feet, don't ask,

your local wizard has gifted you with one chance to escape death or injury. What do you do with it? Oh, man. You got one chance to just fully escape death. So do you go jump off a building? Do you stand in front of a train? I fight that wolf. Do you fight the wolf?

You pick the wolf. But here's the thing. You're going to walk away with an extra life because that's not going to have needed to take it. I want you to fight a wolf now. It's really important to me. I don't know how dangerous he just starts screaming from the ground i'm alive still i'm alive how heavy wolves are very dangerous are they you've seen like okay in arizona we have coyotes have you come across a coyote

it's out there out there like yes i have seen the coyote. Your reaction to the coyote, honestly, I know you're not scared of it, but at least when you see it, you go, ew. There is at least a visceral gut reaction that says, I should stay away from that thing. Sure, yes, absolutely. And what is the maximum weight of a coyote? Probably like 60 pounds maybe. When you said, so I'm looking up, and I know we're going back to the wolves.

It always goes back to the wolves. But, you know, they're, what, what'd you say, 120 pounds? 180 pounds. Okay. Well, you know, that doesn't sound too bad. But then I just looked up. What's your dog weight? But then I just looked up a pit bull's weight, because, you know, those are known to have some. Yeah, like 70?

Yeah, like, yeah, about that max. About, like, the max out around there. So, like, the super jacked ones? Yeah. 70? Yeah. Yeah, like 70? Yeah, about that max. About the max out around there. Like the super jacked ones? Yeah. 70? Yeah. So double it. This wolf's getting bigger.

And then double it, or then add another pit bull. Okay. So you started getting a little more worried? I mean, I still got these two. I still got these two. Your bare fists? Fists. All right.

That will be two bites. So what do you do what situation do you want to escape death or injury from so i mean would you go to a race car would you do the i was just talking about doing a flight on a um a little like a little prop plane and whether i would be willing to do that i mean how is it not just the the skydive. Yeah, skydiving is what I... Oh, I know what I would do. I'm going to space. Okay. I'm going to space until I die.

That's very fast. No, I don't. No soup for you. I'm going in a rocket ship. And he's gone. I'm not going in a cannon. I mean, I'm not waiting to break the atmosphere and then. So you want to go up and die of what?

Starvation? No, I'm just saying I would. I mean, if you're not going like out solo in the space. I would want to go up in the rockets until something goes south on one of them. I'd be free to go up in any of these SpaceX rockets until a ba-boom. Okay. But it might not ba-boom. It might just keep going.

That'd be great. I think the point here, and I love making fun of everything on this show, but I think Andy's right in the point being, if you knew you weren't going to die on any extreme thing, do you feel the pain from the death, though, before you get your life back? You have to. Al was part of it. I would have said no. Oh. We're much more mean. death though before you get your life back you have to how it's part of it so if i'm i would

have said no oh we're much so like the moment that you would start feeling pain or death you just respawn yeah you just hope it's not in the same spot because you're in space man it's gonna be unfortunate for the other astronauts i'm still frozen you're still frozen see if you if you parachute and then you respawn in the same place, you just get up off the ground and you're fine. Yeah. What about you want to take a big old leap off the Grand Canyon? Yeah, that's what I mean. Check it out.

That would actually be really cool. Is there anything besides a plummeting that you would go with? I mean, a plummeting seems top of the list. I mean, because one of the examples we were given is like in front of a train now i feel like that would be a really mean joke to play on the on the old train conductor there yeah right and maybe all the people in the train um yeah that that would be i but see all these other things jumping off the grand canyon parachuting going to outer space like there are space, there is an aspect of desire for that.

Stepping in front of a train is not something I've been like, man, if only I could survive getting smashed by a train, I would do it in a heartbeat. It's the only thing holding you back? Right, yeah. That's the only thing. I've just always wanted to. Every time I see a train, it's like, man, that'd be so cool, but I'm mortal. Or injury, too, so you could maybe lay down with just your legs over the tracks.

Get your legs mangled? I think space is cool, but what are the things that I actually want to do that I'm afraid of death? I think. Squirrel suit jump. Oh, man, that would be awesome. Yes. Except I got away too much for that to work. Like there's no way those little tiny net web wings keep my body afloat. I don't think that's how science works. I think they can figure it out. They're going to need, they're going to need a new contraption. I'm just saying there's gotta be a weight limit to all things. That's a huge squirrel. That's a bear suit is what they call that, a flying bear.

I'm just picturing you taking off your first squirrel suit, no training, and you're just straight down. There's no squirrel. You're not going straight down. Al, is there something that we're missing here? What would you do? Climbing Everest. Oh, climbing Everest something that we're missing here? Something that you, what would you do? Climbing Everest. Oh, climbing Everest would be cool.

I mean, maybe. Maybe. Yeah, I don't know. Everything you mentioned, I would go across my mind. I was trying to think of a situation where I'd be under fire. Right. But I don't really want to be in any situation where I'm getting shot at either. No.

Are you leaping into a volcano? That's a good one. Pretty high pretty i'm thinking you're pretty uncomfortable before the leap oh definitely yeah i'm already sweaty and i'm in an air-conditioned room so this is gonna be a problem for me one i gotta hike to the top of this mountain and two it's very warm out um but i do think mother nature i'm you know the the terrifying nature of a tornado. Yeah. A tornado is so- Oh, just standing in it?

But just like, now, it's very similar to standing in front of a train, but this one is so awesome. No, it's cool. Being able to see it up close, look at the just destruction of Mother Nature, the power of Mother Nature, and then be able to not die. That would be great. You just buckle yourself to some pipes, some underground pipes. Oh, you just want to be like standing there in it? I was thinking you could just be a storm chaser

because you get your one free pass. Just go chase storms until, eh. I'm going to retire now. I ran out of time. All right, let's do one more situation, and then we'll jump into this draft here. Should I go one or three here, Mr. Al? Let's go one.

All right, SpamFries on Patreon, one of our supporters, writes in this situation that we'll obviously diagnose and give you a cognizant answer. In an unfortunate case of wrong place, wrong time, you have witnessed a high-level mafia hit. Oh, no. Classic. You are now forced to enter witness protection however your uh handler

has given you the opportunity to choose your new name and occupation tell us about your new self oh oh man a chance to start over about time am i right yeah sure sure so this is uh you're in witness protection you have a job now is this this is kind of a fake job right if you're in witness protection do they hook you up with a real job it's a real job you have to be able to do it oh man that's gonna hold me back it is definitely a real job it can't be very high profile right you're not gonna be like the name's ned yeah i mean you can't be something that's no you gotta get a cool name on TV or we get to name ourselves anything

yeah like Chainsaw McGillicuddy Chainsaw McGillicuddy Chainsaw Shrapnel uh well that might not be like the protection you want if like Chainsaw McGillicuddy moves into the new town.

Man, you have to do this job forever. Maybe at the beginning. You're going to be a car salesman? You can move up. You might make it to management someday. Well, let's start with the job, right? Because that might dictate the name. If you're a car salesman, you'd have a different. I'm a professional golfer.

So you're not going to be good at your job. I mean, don't get me wrong. You're easily the best golfer that I know. But there's a. Happy taught us that you can make a lot of money being the worst. That's true. I'll just keep delaying playing with others. So you won't get many checks.

Right. You would also be on TV and the mafia would find you. That's fair. Pretty quick. Man, I feel like. Hey, there's Chainsaw. There's Chainsaw on the back nine of Pebble Beach. They wouldn't say, hey, Chainsaw.

That was his new name. Chainsaw is Andy. How did we not put this together? What would your job be, Jay? If you could rebrand yourself right now. If I could rebrand myself right now, I feel like a job that I could do that I would enjoy doing

would probably be... Butcher? Oh, man. That's a good job. I could be a heck of a butcher yeah i'm a butcher and now i can now the chainsaw mcgillicuddy no i think i thought you were gonna go with like personal trainer uh hmm i could i would people respect me if i was a personal trainer like totally could you i i've got i've got all these degrees. My new identity shows.

Yeah, I do feel like that's a really funny camera, like hidden camera bit is to like set up the new intro, set up the new intros with some people that may not be confident that the job will get done. Yeah, well, I'm going to be an excellent butcher. I think my name has to be Butch, right? Butch the Butcher? Butch the Butcher, but what is the last name? If I'm Butch... Cassidy.

Perfect. Nailed it. Butch Cassidy. The local deli butcher. Mike, what are you doing? I'm a garbage man. Okay. I'm driving around. Laying low. I'm driving around in that truck.

Oh, you're not one of the ones that stand up in the back? What, like men at work? No, I mean, they still do that. Yeah, they do? There are garbage trucks that still have the two. Yeah, like in New York and stuff. Yeah, places where they can't have the same size. Because they got to grab all of them and throw them in.

Oh, I don't know. That might not be too bad. Get a little exercise in. Oh. I don't know. That might not be too bad. Get a little exercise in. Get to spill garbage everywhere. It's like, meh. Not my problem anymore. I don't think that's what garbage men do.

I think they don't spill garbage. Oh, if it's not in the can, I'm not taking care of it. Do we have time for another situation now? We do. All right. Clay from Patreon. You're in the middle of... This is a long one. You're in the middle of recording another Spitballers episode

when you notice a glitch in the center of your table. A small futuristic being comes out and tells you that you are in a simulation. I knew it. Everything you have experienced since birth has been simulated. Childhood, school, work, marriage, everything. The being tells you that you have

two choices. You may live out your days in the simulation knowing what you know, or you may exit the simulation and return to your true home. It's the Matrix. You have no idea what your life is like. Clay, you've just described the plot from the Matrix in a really long paragraph. What do you choose? I'm loving life right now.

I'm staying here. I i mean i know it's fake and it's like wait wait wait you know you're not in the you're you're not real i'll be like that's fine by me i mean i'm pretty happy i've got a happy family i've got a great job uh but what if your true home is even better well it, it says you don't know. I know. And your kids are just software applications. Yeah, they're not real. Even better. I don't need to worry about their well-being at all. I know they're fake.

I don't have to be a good dad anymore. How easy is that? Are you getting out of Dodge, Mike? Are you disconnecting from the app? He's curious. What I'm curious about is if you really, okay, it's a simulation. You know it. How do you move forward with that knowledge and knowing that everything is fake and it doesn't matter?

You're not even programmed to be able to move forward with that knowledge. But the being helped you do it, right? Well, it's funny because apparently you're only in a simulation. You're not a simulation. You're real. Right're real right so in that case remember the matrix that's the only way that you can get out with some like because you're not disconnecting yourself okay everybody else is fake but i'm saying like knowing your that your family is not real it is just they are just binary code somewhere but are they not real mike they they aren't because you now know that they are not but they're still real to me put it this way every memory that i

have with my kids with my wife if i unplug they're they're gone the the my current wife and kids yeah no longer exist i can't go to that world and if I have kids in the other world. You're not strong enough. I get it. They don't matter to me. You know what I mean? Like those kids, I've never known them. They're plugged in the matrix. Will I even get them out?

I don't know. Man, there's some heavy ones on today's show. I don't like thinking about this one. I'm staying in, man. I'm staying in. Are you staying in? I'd probably stay in. I mean, put it another way. Figure I'm leaving eventually. I'm staying in I probably stay in I mean put it put it another way

figure I'm leaving eventually put it another way Clay here and Ed and all these beautiful people listening to the show they wouldn't get you anymore that's true

and that's what really matters and what also matters is the sequel was real bad alright yeah but I mean the first one was great

first one was unbelievable it does sound like another movie plot where I just go home, tell the kids that there's simulations, and we all got to find a way out of this. And they just go... Destroy. In which case, I'll leave.

All right, it's time to draft in just a second. The Spitballers Draft. All right, today we are doing a Battle Royale, but we're doing it with bugs and insects. Okay, so the Coliseum has returned. However, it's been miniaturized. It's very small. It can fit about 12 bugs inside of it and um i have the first pick the best part of this draft was like you know we look things up

you want to have a list to be prepared and everything but jason's spider phobia like it's really limited him yeah so i have no idea how deep he was able to go. Not as deep as I would have liked. They're all friendly bugs. I tried to look up. I'm scrolling and it's like I know this picture's coming. Ladybug.

Ladybug's on my list. I actually don't think it's an advantage to have the first pick in this draft. There's four bugs that are going to go after the bug I pick. And there's some good ones. And this isn't as simple out there if you're listening to just looking up dangerous bugs because. Oh, no. Like a bug.

What's dangerous to a human is not the same as what we're fighting each other here. And so I'm going to go... Fighting each other's bugs. Our bugs are fighting each other. But I'm going to go with what I think is just like... I need a powerhouse to start this draft. Okay. I need something that can do maybe multitask a little bit.

Maybe something that could disable while also hurting. So I think the right pick at 101 is a scorpion. I thought you were going to go that route. Yeah, because he's got two pincers, so he can take care of a couple things with the pincers. He can always be stabbing. Oh, always be stabbing, man. Always be stabbing.

Oh, yes. He's got a strong exoskeleton, so he's protected. He's got the armor. He's got the pincers. He's from another planet. He's. Oh, yes. He's got a strong exoskeleton, so he's protected. He's got the armor. Yeah. He's got the pictures. He's from another planet. He's from another, yeah. And he's literally a monster.

I did go to Jason's house and help him scorpion hunt the other night, and we found four reasons for you not to live there. Yeah, here is. That's like the simulation question, man. Would you rather know they're back there or not? We did ask that question, whether this was ignorance was better. Yeah. Here's one thing that I found out.

So, you know, looking up these dangerous bugs and whatever, I looked up, you know, what's the most dangerous kind of scorpion? There's only one scorpion in the United States that can actually kill a human being. Yeah, the kind we got. It is literally called the Arizona Bark Scorpion. Guess where those live. Nice. All right. So I'm going to go with the scorpion. Guess where those live. All right, so I'm going to go with the scorpion. I think it's the powerhouse.

I think there are some other bugs, insects that pack quite the punch, but I think the scorpion is multifaceted. Dual wielding, tri-wielding. Yeah, you got to tri-wield. I like it. It would have been in strong consideration here, but I will go. My number one pick is still on the board, and these things are named appropriately. Oh, you're going to take my number one pick?

Of course I am. You son of a gun. Look, I know you're saying things are scary to other bugs. What are scary to humans may not be scary to bugs. These things definitely scare the crap out of all animals. Immortals, immortal beings are terrified of these things. They're called murder hornets, man. They are the Asian giant hornets, and these things are the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life.

It's a hornet. They have killed 42 people this past year. Hornets, like regular ones, which could be drafted by you, Jason. Those are scary. Which you used to call those murder hornets. Yes. By you. And then a hornet

shows up that is the size of your hand. And then they're all just a ton of them. That's a failed science experiment. Somebody blew one of those up. Ted Zielinski accidentally blew one of those up and then let it go. And they started mating. Oh, man. A Zielinski reference.

I am so upset right now. Because there are, I mean, those are the top two. They really are. Murder Hornets, I was positive was getting to me. I was positive. No way. That's a powerhouse. That was my one-on-one.

That's a great one. And like I said, they've killed 42 real humans in China and 1600 injuries due to those hands size. And they're apparently here now, as we learned in 2020. Well, yeah, I'm not,

you know, I'm not sure what it does to a Scorpion or vice versa. We may leave each other alone and just take Jason out. All right. Hell man. Here I go. Where do I go? My,

my picks are gone. Well, that was all the research. That was was it i had two and i'm out um all right look when we do drafts a lot of times we need a tank we need a big you know we'll draft a giant that can barely fit in this coliseum well i am getting a giant i'm getting a giant centipede. Oh. Yes. I'm going with the giant centipede. Very, very dangerous. Very large.

It can grow up to almost a foot. And so by insect standards here, this is a monster. Yeah, that's not bad. What's it do? It pinches. I don't think it bites. It's poisonous. Yeah, poison.

Poison. Now, is centipedes poison? I thought the millipede was poisonous. It's poisonous. Yeah, poison. Now, is centipedes poison? I thought the millipede was poisonous. They both are. Yeah, the giant centipede. I believe a millipede is more poisonous, though. The giant centipede, when I was looking. It's a science.

I want to know. Oh, man. I can't even right now. Are you going to draft a spider of some kind? I think I'm going to draft a spider. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to draft a spider. Oh, no. How many legs do spiders have? Too many. They should only have one. a spider i think i think i'm gonna draft a spider oh my gosh i'm gonna draft spider oh no how many

legs do spiders have too many they should only have one and then i would not be afraid one leg let's watch him move idiot you look so stupid just spinning yeah anybody ever been afraid of a flamingo while it's on one leg no it's only got one leg showing all right um so the giant centipede is on my team and now he's crawling around all right and his teammate is i'm gonna take uh one of the most well-known predatory bugs it's got its own armor it is a murderer it can can fly. Very well-rounded here. It'll eat its own. Taking the praying mantis. Okay.

Okay, it's going to prey on your guys' bugs and it's going to eat them. And you guys are delicious. These praying mantises. I mean, I don't want to fuel your team, but that's a great pick. It is. And they kill birds and eat their brains. Just the brains. They're looking for protein only.

They can also kill bugs three times their size. Are they zombies? They are truly a murderous insect. They're cool looking, too. And they're named. And they'll pray for your team before the fight. That's the type of pray. They bless the meal.

They turn you into prey. Oh. Alright. Okay, Jason got the prey, Mandus. My second favorite pick is still on the board. This one, it may not be a winner in the polls because this is not the PR team for

this bug. It's not as strong as the murder. It's not doing a good job. It's just not as strong as the murder hornets. But if you know about it, you know that this is an alien creature that is from the deeps of hell. And it's in Arizona, too. Oh, of course it is. I'm taking a tarantula hawk. Yeah.

It's on my list. Oh, yeah. So this thing is another super venomous of another flying stingy creature except their stinger is like two feet long it is absolutely absurd and they're at least for humans it's one of the most painful stings all those super weird youtube guys that let bugs sting them you couldn't have possibly been close with the two feet long thing, right? No, I'm not. That was very hyperbolic.

But their stinger is extremely long. It's a flying bug. It's one of the most painful stings that exists. They kill tarantulas. Yeah, which makes drafting a tarantula right now more difficult. You know what? I was really, really close to drafting a tarantula with my last pick. That would have been so good.

Very happy I didn't. Because one, they don't deserve any respect or any recognition. I'm very happy for what tarantula hawks do, which is kill tarantulas, even though tarantulas are known to kill scorpions. So that's why I was going to go that route. Oh, okay. Well, you have to decide. Got a rock, paper, scissors thing going on. No, that's that's a good pick now you're attacking from the sky right now that

is correct so um i need to draft something that maybe is uh oh my gosh they are not oh it is not okay man i see here's the problem i was gonna put it on my list and i wanted to research but i knew if i typed those two words what would happen on on my screen. So I was not able to look up any information on the tarantula hawk. All right. My next pick is going to be a black widow spider. Yep. I'm going to take it. Venom is 15 times more potent than a rattlesnake.

That's insane. I need a spider on my team. And look, a scorpion and a black widow leading the charge. Let's go. But I need a spider on my team. And look, a scorpion and a black widow leading the charge. Let's go. But I need a tank because, I mean, the scorpion is okay, but he's multitasking. Yeah, the black widow could get smushed easy. So I'm going to go with a bug, a beetle that can carry 850 times its mass. It's got horns, and it ain't going to take it. that can carry 850 times its mass.

It's got horns, and it ain't going to take it. The Translahawk and the, what was your first pick? Murder Hornet? Yeah, they ain't doing nothing to this. The Hercules beetle, a.k.a. the rhinoceros beetle. I'm going to take it. Interesting. Yeah. I don't know if that's the same rhinoceros one.

Yeah, it's got a big old horn. Okay. It's impenetrable, and it can the same. What? The rhinoceros one. Yeah. It's got a big old horn. Okay. It's impenetrable and it can carry anything. Okay. So what's funny? He's declared that it's impenetrable. Nothing can get through.

I declare it. All right. It is. It's a Hercules beetle. It'll call that for no reason. And it can carry 850 times its mass. So what it will do is it will take your centipede and just walk them out of the Coliseum and drop them off and come back.

Okay. He's my tank. Then I'll just walk back into the Coliseum. He's a rhino beetle. No, no, I like it. I like it because I had – There are a few beetles that were in consideration. Yeah.

But that's the one I went with because I needed – I've got one on my list. I don't want just – I don't want something that's just out there not getting killed. I need it to be able to do something. And having a giant rhino horn is helpful. Yeah, that's just out there not getting killed. I need it to be able to do something. And having a giant rhino horn is helpful. Yeah, that's very solid. Look, I'll just stick with

the DPS. Best defense is a good offense, is what they say. All right. I will see your Black Widow, and I will take my version. I will take the Brown Recluse. Come on, man! Come on! I. Come on.

I've only had two picks this whole game where I'm like, all right, I know my next one. I'm good. Jerk. You're taking my picks. You took a giant centipede over a brown recluse, man. I didn't want to respect the spider. Now what do you do?

It's costing you big time. Now do you end up in a position where you have to take a spider to match our two spiders, and you end up having to take the tarantula to be killed by the tarantula hawk? Daddy long legs still available. Daddy long legs still, jumping spider still there. I cannot draft a tarantula when the poll will have a tarantula hawk right next to it. That would be not wise.

All right. I know one of them. I know one of my two because I was ready. I was going to take the brown recluse and the bullet ant because this ant is. You only get one, though. That's fine. That's why I went with the bullet ant. I was afraid to draft an ant because I feel like I was afraid to have just one.

And that's why. Although Anty from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids did take out a scorpion. Pretty good. Fire ants. So I was trying to look up the circle of life, the predatory food chain for insects and bugs. Who's at the top? And there was actually a well-done, researched, peer-reviewed paper talking. Now he's declaring it.

Well, I'm not declaring it. This person. The peers. They probably these doctors uh were declaring that fire ants are the top of the food chain they are interesting yeah the top of the insect world however higher their quantity higher than the exact can overwhelm them fire ants well they're highly work as a team driver ants uh yeah like fire ants were the number one but if you only could have one the ant of choice is a bullet ant which has a

more you know the the pain scale of stingers they're like number one that's the worst sting uh on the scale that i saw so uh that's my pick bullet ant and now this is unfortunately you will have to pick again all right okay i'm going with this thing i hadn't heard of it until today uh look the pr team was great at coming up with the name of this thing okay they haven't got the word out though they haven't i had never heard of this and i'm telling you if you even look this i'm ready bug up it It is a monster, and it's going to hold its own in this battle. It's aptly named the Assassin Bug. What?

It's literally called, its official name is an Assassin Bug. Okay. And that thing is a monster from another planet who will destroy plenty on the way. What does it do? It destroys. How does it do? It destroys. How does it destroy, Jason? I'm seeing that there are lots of assassin bugs, but I can't find the single assassin bug.

There's more than one? Yeah, like it's a class. Oh, I get a whole class of bugs. It says assassin bugs, any of 7,000 species of insects. On Britannica.com, oh no you're gonna need to narrow that i think you're gonna need to pick one of the 7 000 oh man the list i was looking at oh was was so good and they just called it the assassin bug this was the craziest creepiest bug i've ever seen um i wish i could find it um is gone. I can, I can stall for you if you would like.

Yeah. Give me. So while I was doing all this stuff, you're, you know, you're finding bugs that are, uh, dangerous and everything. And like, we've heard of the kissing bug, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I didn't know where the name came from. Well, cause, and they're apparently they're very dangerous cause they could get disease, but they're named that because they're, apparently they're very dangerous because they could get disease, but they're named that because they're, they're bloodsuckers. But, where, where they get the name

kissing disease, or kissing bug is, they will often, while you're sleeping, go and bite you on the lip. Well, that's not good. So there's this bug.

Don't we have a thing with the bugs where we don't let them bite us while we're sleeping? We're supposed to. Don't we have some kind of treaty? I thought we had an accord. Yeah, I thought that we went to the...

That's not allowed. But instead, this bug's like, ooh, let me get them juicy lips. I mean, is that something you can go back to your other bug friends and really brag about? Oh, I bet a sleeping man should bite me while I'm awake. Come at me. All right, are you guys ready for this? Oh, yeah, we've been ready. Me too.

I could not find it. So, I'm going to find it later, and I will tweet it out because it was a monster. But apparently it's not called an assassin bug alone. So I'm going to take a ninja. I'm going to take a bug that I learned a lot about. I couldn't believe that this was dangerous. I could not believe everything that it is known to kill and that it is high up on the predatory insect food

chain because i thought i'm not scared i see these things i love these i would let it land on me and i apparently dragonflies are killer bugs what yeah i had no idea what are you talking about a dragon a dragonfly is a predator high on up on the predatory so towards other bugs they're cool towards humans cool towards humans oh yeah okay that makes sense they eat like mosquitoes and stuff do they do that they eat surprise i don't know they should always enter in the sentence with do they do that you know what they eat they eat like they eat like murder hornets oh yeah yeah they do beetles especially rhino beetles from my research it looks like scorpions are toast um dragonflies they might be beautiful your bug is like a prop plane versus my

fighter jet one out of a hundred mike i'll take my prop plane all right no that's good that's good jason went with the dragonfly all right assassin. An assassin among the bug community. Yes. That's right. And then Mike. All right. My final pick. I'm scared that my secret last pick is going to get taken. I don't know.

This one's a little bit out of left field. Now, this bug, I don't know that it has any offensive firepower. But it's been said, the only thing that will last through nuclear war is Twinkies and the cockroach. So I'm just going to draft a bug that all he has to do is hang out and not get killed. Yeah, but then you drafted a cockroach, you loser. I did. I drafted a cockroach. Oh, man. You've been called the cockroach of this show before.

Oh, no, that was Al. Yes. That was Al. Yes. He'll be here no matter what. Because he can survive without his head for a while. Right. Like cockroaches.

Gross. That's not a feature. That's a bug. It is a bug. Yeah. All right. My final pick. It's funny that this came to mind because I have some vague recollection of learning about this bug on a Channel 8 PBS special 20-something years ago when you would learn about nature.

And I think it's perfect for being in a miniature coliseum and battling all these bugs. Mike, you're probably aware of this. Jason, I don't know. Is it Satchmo related? Then Jason will know. It's a trapdoor spider. Yeah, those don't know. Is it Satchmo related? Then Jason will know. It's a trapdoor spider. Yeah, those things are awesome. I want to set a trap in this coliseum.

Wait, what is specific about a trapdoor spider? They dig a hole, and then the tops of them look like the ground. What the hell is wrong with spiders? And then when something walks over the top, it opens up, and they fall inside. That's not fair, man. You're already bad enough. Oh, that's disgusting yeah the spiders that's cool right they just snatch stuff yeah it's crazy i'm setting traps

around the the uh the coliseum um so we're done jason has a giant centipede praying mantis bullet ant and dragonfly i think dragonfly was a really good last pick. Mike has Murder Hornet, Tarantula Hawk, Ouch, Ouch, Brown Recluse, Cockroach. I went Scorpion, Black Widow, Hercules, Beetle, and a Trapdoor Spider to finish it out. I do have some other ones. Yeah, when you were going to go Beetle, I was considering going Goliath Beetle. And then when you were talking about a Rhino Beetle, I wasn't sure if those were actually two different things. I believe they are. Okay.

Because the Goliath beetle doesn't have the cool horn. Beetles PR team is well compensated. They've got Hercules. They've got rhino beetle. I had a tiger beetle. Iron clad beetle? Tiger beetles are apparently the fastest creature on earth if you factor size

in. Like a cheetah is the fastest animal. Fastest land animal. This goes up to five miles an hour, this beetle, which sounds slow, but if you were to make it the size of a cheetah, it would beat a cheetah. I did think about doing a monarch butterfly. Just because if you – Just to look good? No, if you eat them, you die.

Because they're toxic, so you'd like to – Really? You'd go sacrifice himself to take out your biggest teammate. Oh, come here. Say ah. Just slather him up in butter. Just extra enticing. Get out there, monarch.

New reason to call him a butterfly. Oh, okay. Now I get it. Mike, any others? Jason, any others? Oh, man. How did I not get a yellow jacket? I should have grabbed the yellow jacket. Yellow jacket is list are they that bad they're just really they were

really bad until murder hornets came around and we're like and i learned about the yellow jackets those were uh it's apparently the german yellow jacket was not in the united states of america until about the 70s so thanks for that. You know that there's one person responsible for that stupid mistake. Imagine being that person. You think he just accidentally had it in his pocket? I have no idea. But it's the same

of like the killer bees. Those weren't here. Oh, the Africanized bees? Just stupid humans are like, this crazy dangerous bug let me bring it across the world hey you guys got these no well if you're gonna do that i want some rhinoceroses over here i want some hippos yeah give me some of the cool stuff i need some

koalas man yeah giraffes let's go free them into the forest no, we'll give you our stingy bugs, though. Who wants your, how about instead we'll hold back the water buffalo. You keep the giant hornets. Eh? Take them all, really. We don't want any. All right, that'll do it. What did we learn today?

Well, I learned that there are over 7,000 assassin bugs. I learned that I cannot find a Google history of my assassin bug I wanted, but I also learned that wolves are far larger than I thought they were. Oh, man. I would still survive. You would not. No. These fists.

They were made for wolfing. They were made for Wolfen, and that's just what they'll do. I learned that we are definitely grumpy old men, as we prefer an older technology of top-loading washers and dryers over the new fangled fancy pants front load. But you still don't like comics from the olden days. No. You said Farside. That was great. It was ahead of its time. It was great.

Thank you for listening, everybody. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out bitmallerspod.com.