Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Bozo Updates & Daredevil Activities - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

Spit Hit for November 9th, 2023: On today’s show, we talk about living out of famous buildings, teaching high school, and having no one show up to your funeral. We also establish the line of when a puppy becomes a dog. We shut things down with a draft of daredevil activities. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

what happens when three buffoons give life advice explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve it's the spitballers podcast with andy mike and jason oh no hey ho wee wee badingety ouch okay alright badingety ouch I get it I totally get it but I'm gonna be honest the only thing I heard was wee wee that was it I mean you had a wee wee in there

and my child brain could see did you go all the way home or did you go into a urine joke uh I went to a urine joke. Okay. Welcome into the spitballers. We're back again.

We are. And if you think we've run out of material, you can tell from that scat, no way, no how. I mean, that was original. When in doubt, hit them with a bedingy. And a wee-wee. We've got Would You Rather. That's a great question. And we are drafting daredevil activities, adrenaline junkie type of things.

What are the best ones? I don't know if I would classify any of the three of us as adrenaline junkies. No. Yeah, certainly not. I mean, when I look at this list, I'm like, I'm looking at this list and when I'm seeing all the different things that psychopaths do, I'm not looking at them, any of them as like, this is what I want to do. Oh, really?

My list is going to be stuff that I wish that I had the intestinal fortitude to do. Yeah. I mean, I know who I am. So I look at this list and I go, that's for crazy people. That's a good one. There are things that I, if you took away my responsibilities as a father, I would immediately do. There are a handful of those. I've even said, like like i think i would like being

a motorcycle guy like i think i would enjoy riding but i will never do that because that is a license to die so yes i mean i now have a family looking at my list there are three things that i would actively want to do and the rest are all okay too much for this guy yeah well that that makes sense none of us are actively doing adrenaline jumping things but um this will be a very fun draft there are a lot of things out there that um sound pretty exciting if you have the intestinal would you rather all righty blake from patreon would you rather live right next to a huge arena or the airport so huge arena implications crowds constant unending crowds noise um traffic you're not gonna you're not gonna get out of where you live okay i went immediately times i went right to the noise and i was like yeah well which like arena i know you can kind of hear the music on the outside but

not too bad meanwhile the airport is going to be a disaster of just jets nonstop. But you're right, Andy. If you lived by a huge arena, there will always be huge events, which means huge crowds all the time. Traffic. Traffic is the number one problem here because when you have a huge arena event, and it's not every night, you might have you might have. Most nights. But you might have some nights off. But when there is something going on in that arena, just making it home. Just. Oh, you can't. You can't.

Right. You can't get through. That area is exclusively for people coming and going from the arena. If you live there, I'm so sorry. You may not participate in your home. People looking at my calendar, because I'll have all the arena events in my calendar. Like, whoa, Mike.

Well, you go to a lot of shows. You're like, no, that means do not leave my house. No, I thought it would be really neat to live directly next door to like, you know, just me, like the baseball stadium, because I could walk to games and walk home. So if you're a fan of that specific sport, I'd be in. But I even thought about this this past Christmas. There's a neighborhood in Sun City Grand that is just, everybody lights it up. It's just, it's an on-demand attraction, a full neighborhood. And we go and there's cars. I mean, you can't get

into it. People are walking it. And I couldn't help but thinking the entire time, how do these people leave their home or go to their house? It would take them 30 minutes to get from the entrance of the neighborhood to their driveway. And God forbid they want to leave again and need to go to this store. Yeah, you think you want to live on the street that has like. Where it's happening. The happening house.

Like there's two or three of them and these are the houses that get written up in the papers of everyone goes out to the voyage to chris to sightsee and see the christmas lights that sounds like a tragedy of a neighborhood agreed now i i still can see a lot of benefits though to being by the stadium andy you brought up like season tickets for a sporting event you just walk across the street and come back especially something stupid like baseball that has like 700 games um you'd you'd need to be close to the to the arena to take advantage of that or or you want to be able to airbnb your place oh i'm right by the big event location i can make money parking lot you park right in in my front yard. $20 a night.

There are some advantages to being there. I can't think of, other than getting to the airport early, I cannot think of any possible redeemable quality of being near not only the noise and the hustle and the bustle, but there's got to be some level of danger being right next to an airport too, right? Well, now that we've read the story where they drop the refuse on people's houses, so the planes could be doing that.

I only tried to paint the bad picture of the arena on purpose because the picture of being near the airport is a disaster. I mean, that is, we live in a neighborhood, all three of us where yes, where there's an Air Force base that is 50 miles away. And the air jet now, maybe it's different with commercial airliners versus, you know, F-16s flying over your head every once in a while. But it seems like twice a month they decide we're going to do. Oh, yeah. It's called the bedtime ride. It's called night training my friend and it's when everybody is nestled in their beds

they're going to try to blow the roofs off of every house and it just then your windows are shaking and you're like we're under attack and you can't sleep through that oh yes I can brother

I didn't even know we lived near an air force base until i i was out in my pool at night and i was like oh that's very loud okay so you can live by the airport i can live by a train i can live by an airport so long as i'm asleep you you know i'm i'm good i do not understand these jets though uh i will say one of the benefits like when you hear them coming and you're outside, it's pretty cool to see the jets going overhead. Yeah. They're so fast.

But I don't understand is, like, I mean, look, not a fighter pilot. They all look the same. Like, they're all just, you know, these are military jets. Every once in a while you'll see the giant plane but the jets and they all look like they're all at the same height and yet the difference in noise from jet to jet is like a hundred decibels sometimes you'll it'll just be a light rumbling and you'll look up and they're very low sometimes you'll look up and they're very high and it's'll look up and they're very high and you feel like your house is going to fall down to the ground. Do you have any idea what's going on there?

Yeah, that's engine trouble. They're going to need to fine tune. That's really how they find out that they're having a problem with their military equipment. Do any? They take a flight and they go, that was too loud. Put in the loud engines. Do any of the fighter jet pilots do the thing with the dumb teenagers with their car? And yes, I'm not afraid to say it.

Oh, the muffler. The muffler. Where they're like, my car is the loudest car on the road, and that makes it the best. I've never understood this thinking, even when I was a dumb teenager. Also, the pilots get out with the big metal chains tied to their big old jeans? Do do any fighter pilots do that? Have you heard my plane? It's the loudest plane in the air force.

I put on this aftermarket exhaust on my jet. Check this out. This thing cost me three mil. Wouldn't you think that the part of being a fighter pilot and being in a jet is some stealth? I mean, aren't we supposed to have stealth planes? Yes. I don't want to know that I live near one. How did you know I was coming?

I guess I'm going to. I heard you 30 minutes ago. I guess I'm going to live. I have to live near the arena. There's some redeeming qualities, and there's no jets. Yeah, for sure. This is a layup. No one, and I apologize if you live near an airport.

End of sentence. I just apologize. I'm so sorry for you. Marshall from the website. Would you rather be a high school teacher or a clown? Oh, that's a good question, Marshall. Would you rather be a high school teacher or a clown so I um oh man from time to time especially when uh there are uh quarantine universes where we live in and sometimes

we're at home and have nothing to do I I browse the old um ask reddit thread okay not that I prescribe that to the world but right uh and people ask questions of all sorts. And, and this ties in here where one of the questions they asked was what was something you did as an immature high school student to a teacher that you regret. And so there were stories and they're upvoted and that, you and some of the things that that these half adults did to these teachers including some they would locking them into closets in the middle of class and then these teachers are stuck there until the next class where they come out crying oh my gosh that that's yeah i because people do not norm though no it's well that's not the norm but they're treated well they're

not treated well yeah for the like for the entire population that is definitely not the norm but i mean you know you knew some of those kids when you were in high school you're like because it only takes one or two of them. And that class is ruined because you have that one kid in your class. Yeah, but being a clown, this is another one of those airport questions where it's like, let's try to talk about what's bad about being a teacher. You'll be an elite juggler. Some people like the clowns.

They want to go see the clowns. Some people do. I think that the over time, I think that we've definitely, we're on the downslide of people liking clowns. But it's a bear market for clowns. Like, honest question, who likes clowns? If you're over five years old, who likes clowns like like honest question who honest question who likes who likes clowns if you're over five years old who likes well i mean not many people but that's a big demographic there it's like saying who likes diapers jason i mean there's still a lot of a lot of capitalism to be

had i was giving a benefit of the doubt that they're all under five. I do not think everyone under five likes clowns, okay? They all need diapers. But I don't think that just because you're under five, I think two-year-olds can look at a man dressed like a clown and say, I'm afraid, Daddy. That's what I say. Bear market for funny clowns, but bull market for scary clowns. That's very happening.

I think, too, under five, I think it's almost 100% hit rate on liking clowns. Because think about it. They haven't been introduced to scary clowns. Right. And it's just a silly nose and big shoes. And that's just funny. But what's, like, the last... Who's the last big clown that made it?

Other than Bozo? Bozo's the big onezo bozo's the big one like is that a real clown because i know that name like bozo yes there was a bozo the clown show oh that was real yes it was a not only was it a real show but they had a game where uh there were like uh buckets in front of you and you had to throw ping pong balls into them and then that turned into a ticket game at your local pizza parlor oh my gosh i just google bozo the clown crusty the clown bozo the clown is flipping terrifying he's got the uh uh the ball down the middle and then the two the giant triangle yeah with the eyebrows that are i don't remember his eyebrows oh man the eyebrows are the problem the this clown is he has some skeletons in the closet clowns seem like actual actual real right that's what i'm saying this is not a metaphor i'm saying he has skeletons in his closet police please go look at the closet oh my gosh clowns do feel like

the entertainment version of jackax as the game. Like this is what people were more entertained. Like back then you weren't flipping on TV or anything like that. So it's like, okay, somebody paint your face and dance around. All right. That's funny. Right? I mean, so I don't think it's.

Oh my goodness. To be one though. That's got people laughing at you. They enjoy your presence. Right? I want you to guess. When did Bozo the clown stop like when when were they done doing the show i'm guessing the 50s 1728 now i honest answer i would i'm guessing 1970 the final taping a 90 minute and this is just google this is just the quick google final taping a 90 minute primetime

special titled bozo 40 years of fun was taped on june 12 2001 what what i mean bozo the clown was still around when we were graduating there had to have been multiple bozos that that wore that clown like a gallagher situation that? Like the brother bought the act? Can I ask a question? Sure. Is there a child out there named Bozo? For sure. There's a lot of bad parents.

Okay. I mean, a lot of bad parents, one of them has to name their child. There's no way I'm being a clown. I can't find one redeemable quality of dress. The only good thing about wearing a clown is that the clown makeup can hide who you are. Right. Because you don't want people knowing you're a clown.

There are so many good things about high school teachers. I think there was a minute where I wanted to be a high school teacher. No, I would never be a clown. All right. I've dug deeper. Thank you. There were definitely multiple bozo, the clowns.

Uh, and now the like Spider-Man's. Yes. Yes. There's, there was a multiverse with many bozo, the clowns where they could all unite together. Uh,

but now the, the, the proud owner of the rights to bozo, the clown is in fact, David Arquette. What? Wait a minute. This is the actor from uh scream yes okay so he owns the rights to bozo according according to the bozo wikipedia he purchased bozo the clown the character from larry harman pictures in 2021 for 12 and 39 it does not say. Is he waiting to roll out a feature film?

I don't know. Wow. I'm going to vote for the high school teacher too. I wanted to be a teacher once. I don't know how bad it is now. I know you don't get paid and you get made fun of. Yeah. It's hard because I think we had teachers we liked

and maybe we think we'll be that teacher to people. Yeah, every once in a while you will make a connection with a student, and you'll know that you have changed their life drastically for the better. It will happen. That's true. That's redeemable. But can't you do that as a clown, like inspire the next generation of humorous? Inspire fear.

This is real. David Arquette really definitely bought the rights to Bozo. He said he fell in love with Bozo the Clown, and this is a quote. Here we go. Quote, there's a lot of rebuilding we need to do for the love of clowns in general, says Arquette. You got that one right. You better get to work. Hope you're blue collar because you've got a lot of work to do rebuilding the love of

clowns in general. Let it die, man. Let it die. It doesn't need to be back. VHS tapes is also out there saying we got to rebuild. I hope this whole thing. I genuinely hope that this whole David Arquette buying Bozo. This is fresh.

This is 2021. I really, really hope that this whole, you know, he's painting big Bozo the clown pictures of Brooklyn and trying to rebrand clowns. They are coming out with a Scream 5. And I hope that he just bought the rights to just make him into a monster in that movie. And that this is all a game because, David, you know the truth. Clowns are creepy. Does he own Blockbuster?

I don't know. We have another Bozo factoid here, fellas. Oh, let's have it. We've got to move on from Bozo. Never! One of the performers that was Bozo the Clown for three years was, in fact, Willard Scott. Oh, really? Remember the weather guy from the Today Show?

Yeah. Apparently he was Bozo the Clown at one point. All right. We are moving on from Bozo. I can't let this go on any further. We'll have a featured special episode, Bozo only. The Bozo fact of the day. So Erica from Twitter has a would you rather question for us would

you rather have no one come to your wedding or no one come to your funeral now this one seems like a layup in the sense that you don't know who's at your funeral because you're dead but here's the thing not if i make everyone rsvp before i go okay okay no i have they done that and you're paying attention you better promise going to. You better promise me. Well, you've got to get these cards out now then, Mike, because you don't know when it's happening. You just want to know if we'll be there. I'm thinking Hospice has a little add-on or something

where you can go send out the cards and get the RSVPs in it. You better let me know. Premium seating? Can you get premium seats? Oh, pay for the front row? If you're not there, I will be back. Dude, assigned seating at funerals? That's the ticket.

Ooh, I want casket side. How big time are you? Yeah. If I'm assigned seating. That's the point, though, is it's not just a matter of, oh, I won't know that nobody was at my funeral. If nobody is at your funeral. Did it ever happen? i'm worried about what are you are you still alive i'm worried about what happened before your death if nobody comes to your funeral that means one of probably covid's real busy right two things like one of two things you're either a monster right like

could be those are you bad bad people are those who don't have someone show up to their funeral or you knew nobody you had nobody nobody loved you you some random person dies nobody even knows you died so in saying that nobody shows up to my funeral that means before i get to my funeral i have a bad way i have a bad life or something has gone wrong sure like no one showed up to your wedding well now does that mean that my bride also did not no one showed up okay and the mandatory people are at the wedding that's i mean people elope there's worse things in the world choose this and like i don't know if this happened for you guys but it certainly happened uh for me where the list the invite list just kept growing

and growing and these were all people that i didn't want to invite it was like the politics of the wedding where well that no your your father has these friends or these extended family members. They'd all be offended if you didn't go. And we have to invite them all and I'm like I don't know those people. I don't care if they're at my wedding and yet I have to pay for every single one of them to show up. The amount of

tables at my wedding that I did not know and part of it of course is like I have not met my wife's entire family by the time we got married. So she might know people and I might know people that the other doesn't. But there were multiple tables that I don't think either my wife or I knew. I will say this. There's a trap, too.

You invite a lot of people to your wedding, right? And then 10, 15 years later, certain family wants to get together. And you're like, I don't know these people. And then all of a sudden, someone says to you, oh, no, they were at your wedding. And that's a free pass to a hangout. If they were at your wedding, they get a coupon for a hangout. Not only do they get the free coupon, but now you are a jerk because you don't remember them. And they were at your wedding.

Yeah, they remember you. Stop this madness. Stop it. We need to get these social politic games out of weddings. I think you're wrong there, Mike. Why is that? Because I think the average wedding gift is $50. But what is the average cost per plate?

$10. No, it is not. $30. Who cares? It's a net win. If the average gift is $50, I'm not spending $50 per plate at my wedding. I'm not having this thing at the Rex Carlton. What if you did a little bait and switch?

You invite people to the wedding, and then it's a surprise funeral. Oh. That'd be a real turn of events. Thank you all for attending. No, I can't stop thinking about assigned seating for the funeral. Oh, that would be a real turn of events. Thank you all for attending. I know I can't stop thinking about assigned seating for the funeral and doing. I want to do my funeral at Richard Rogers Theater in New York on Broadway. I want to sell mezzanine tickets.

Okay. That's prime. That's give some seats. Give some premium tickets out. Oh, hold on. Hold on. Jason just found something out. What in the world?

This better not be Bozo the Clown. Listen to this Bozo fact. No, no, no. Is this a price per plate? This is a price per plate. I told you. The average, expect to spend an average of $4,075 for a wedding of 66 guests, $62 a plate. I told you. I am now down $12 per present.

Wait, that's just the price of the wedding, though. Well, I mean, it doesn't matter, right? That's still the same, whatever it's costing you. So you're saying every attendee, you just look at them as a per plate cost all in. Yes, yes. They're just a number to me. I don't know them.

But I mean mean your wedding it costs photography and stuff like that that's why i think that that number did not i think that was just food oh man i'll i'll keep diving 60 to a plate i would on average i bet you 100 a plate on high-end weddings 50 40 50 bucks on low end 30 40 bucks on loan so that makes sense no that is that is just food and drink which is also that's another thing for me is what what are these wedding meals that we keep serving where it's like the fanciest of the fancy where it's like gets to a point where this is food that i would i would i don't even want to eat this can we feed based on taco bar yeah hook it up who doesn't like a taco bar no people actually want that food more often.

We did catering style at our wedding. We had this stuff set out. We didn't do per plate service. They went up and you filled your plate. Yeah, but what kind of food was it? I don't remember. Did you have like the roast beef? I think it was barbecue.

Oh, good for you. I had cheeseburgers and such. It's a long time ago. Now, can we give the plates based on how important the people are to you? Because then if you came to the wedding, you didn't really want them there. They just get like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Yeah. Show your ticket.

Show your ticket, please. Or hear me out. Maybe it's a wait per present situation where you put your present on the scale and then you get your grade of it spits out your food like a vending machine at least a ticket to go claim your food and what table you're at you're gonna get poor seating and the only issue i have with this uh you know i'm just spitballing here um as we are known to do. The only issue I have is that the presents I really want are just money. And that's not going to weigh a lot. So if someone gives me $1,000 in cash, they're still getting a bad printout here.

Can you just charge admission to your wedding? Who's going to not do that? I mean, they have to come. Interesting. Actually, that is genius. And it weeds out the people you don't want to be there. Absolutely. It's like a cover charge.

I would pay to go to someone's wedding that I think is very important. If I had a really close friend of me and they said, hey, we're charging. Well, they do that. It's called the destination wedding. Sure. Exactly. A destination wedding or a cover charge wedding. Please come to my wedding.

I would be willing to pay my way in for someone that matters, and I would not be willing to pay my way in for someone that matters and I would not be willing to pay my way in for someone that didn't matter. This is the solution. What was the question? Would you rather have no one come to your wedding or funeral? Which I'm going to say I'd rather have nobody come to my wedding because the most important person at the wedding is going to be the bride, not the people there.

Whereas the funeral, a time to reflect, the thought of no one being there would be i know you'd never know that's true so are you taking the funeral uh i mean both are great that's kind of like saying no legacy right like yeah you don't know your legacy but you'd like to think now that you might have one i want like impact on somebody I want 10,000 people at my funeral that's what is like the goal Truman show audience will be there oh I mean they won't be able to

they're paid to be there though that's fine that is 100% fine by me Jason pre buys a studio audience for it I will take the nobody at my wedding and a packed house at the funeral. Goodness. Wow.

Okay. Final answer, Mike? I don't think we... The final answer of the two, both very solid options. I will go no one at the funeral because I want my close friends and family at the wedding. Okay. All right. Let's move on.

That's a great question. All right. Dalton from Twitter, when does a puppy become a dog one of our most famous questions on this show is we we sort through dilemmas like this the transition from puppy to dog when does a boy become a man whoa these age-old questions of when so that's a little different because like there's a does a puppy ever become a dog because I call my dogs. I call him a puppy forever. Well, that's stupid. Like to their face. Yeah, that's fine.

I mean, you know, I call them barf bags. I don't they don't know what you're saying. You're very mean to your animals. I love my animals, but they don't speak English. You love your animal. I love my animals, but they don't speak English. You love your animal. I love my youngest puppy the most. That is correct. Pepper has my heart.

He used to be sugar head. They got replaced. I mean, the newer model, Andy. We got in a beautiful, wonderful little puppy who can snuggle right up on my neck. Why would I want these big, heavy dogs? I mean, I still love them. I just don't want to have them anymore. The small dog crowd is one.

So can the small dog ever become a dog, or is it going to be a puppy forever because it's so small? It will become a dog. I know some elderly small dogs that you could never call a puppy. But I do think size matters. Size factors in here. A large dog stays a puppy longer because it's about behavior. And you see their behavior. Like puppy behavior is amplified in large dogs.

It's time for me. it's two years two years two years is the just my time limit in general two years from birth yeah it's a year and a half for small puppies though andy you don't you didn't realize that yeah yeah i'm sorry i'm not trusting mr barf bag over here mike what do you think i i think I agree with that, where two years seems the mark where you feel like, well, this dog should be old enough to not do terrible things. But then they're dogs. There's always a little bit of puppy in there. Just like I'm nearly 40 years old.

If you count the number of times that I have gone around the sun. But no, I'm saying I don't think of myself like that. I'm like, man, how old do I feel? You're 20-something. I don't look at myself, outside from the wrinkles, of course, and the gray hair. But you never, or at least I haven't hit the point where I look at myself and I go, that's an old person. No, I agree.

I'm still dumb and still trying to figure things out. 100%. I'm a kid. I will stay a kid for a long time. But specific to the puppy, I would add that they can't poop in the house. Okay. to the puppy i would okay i would add that they can't poop in the house okay well but a well trained puppy like i've not had a problem with my dog's pooping outside my point is if it's whatever but i'm a good dog owner like if two years comes and they are not housebroken you still have to call them a puppy okay because you can't have a grown-up dog that's not housebroken.

That's still a puppy. Now, why is it called housebroken when, in fact, they're the ones... Breaking your house? They would break the house if they're doing the poops and the pees inside the house. Why is it called a house? That's a good question. Like, they broke the habit of going in the house? They've been broken, and now they behave. No, that's really what...

Like a wild horse? That's legitimately what it is. They have been broken to the they behave. No, that's really what it is. Like a wild horse? That's legitimately what it is. They have been broken to the point of behaving in the house. But what if they just, but I don't want to break their spirit. I just want them to understand that this is our house. I think what happens to a horse, are the horse's spirits broken and they're sad horses now? Yeah, wild ones, yeah.

No, they just, they figured out who's boss man yeah it's like the spurs taught him yeah i mean it's like a new pair of shoes you you know you're breaking them in you teaching them who's boss those are shoes those are not it's not a living thing pretty close breaking in your shoes that's different. That's different. No, you know. This is a precious animal. Dude, my shoes are really nice. Well, I mean, look. That's more like breaking in a cow. Can you house break a cow?

If they're leather shoes, you can. I see what you're saying. You really broke that cow. Oh, my goodness. Okay. Let's move on here. We've settled it. Shampoo Fully from Patreon, my goodness. Okay, let's move on here. We've settled it. Shampoo Fully from Patreon, our supporters,

over at jointhespit.com if you want to support the show. If you could turn any building, stadium, or man-made structure in the world into your home, what would it be? So you can convert any man-made structure or building or stadium. Okay. I had two things come to mind right off the bat. First was the White House just because. Yeah, that was the first one to pop in my head.

You want to lick that, claim that as your own. It's the most famous house in the world. I want to live there. But I feel like that's too easy, too obvious. Sure. Is Disneyland an answer? You could say like the castle. The castle in Disneyland.

Yeah, because it's got to be the man-made structure. That's a lot of noise. It is. Well, not when it's your house. Get out. Get out. Employees only because you need to operate my rides. But I was thinking cruise ship.

If that was a house, you've got everything you need. You've got kitchen. You've got entertainment. That's a big maintenance fee to run your home. It is very large. Millions of dollars a month. That's probably true, but I would enjoy it for as long as I can afford it. Are you still selling tickets to it, or is this just you and the staff?

No, no, no. That's my home. That's my home. You will need a go-kart to get around your cruise ship. I get to have a go-kart to go around my house. I think it's a better way to word that. Is there any national monument style, or even like wonders of the world, where you would want them converted to a house?

Would you want to live in the Eiffel Tower, for example, or is there things like that that that fit the bill i was thinking about it because i've always like romanticized the uh living in the big city but you're you know you're in the uh uh what's the high rise yeah i can't think of the penthouse the penthouse like you're up at the top you've got this incredible view you still have a lot of space because you're in the penthouse but you still live at the very top of a building like getting things to that to that space like going i know if you live in a penthouse you're not doing your grocery shopping i understand that nor are you taking the stairs yeah but it still is like to

get like you're we've all done the rush home like i gotta go to the bathroom i gotta go to the bathroom and it's like as you're running in your door there the belt is getting loosened because you're prepared that is now parking and riding an elevator up 40 50 stories like that's all part of it i'm saying that no that's true definitely an inconvenience let's take a chopper with sure you could do a chopper dropper so what you're telling me is you need an elevator bathroom well yeah you would have to you'd have to have a small place to go but just there's inconveniences because i also thought of like like the washington monument Monument like I live I live there

that would be a pretty cool no one lives at the Taj Mahal right like that would be a pretty cool place to live that would be awesome then you just live with the dead lady what about the pyramids like I realize it doesn't have the best lighting doesn't have the best lighting but if that was your home you could get a skylight in there

I mean it's converted to your home I think that would be very difficult like maybe leds but a skylight in the pyramid that's never heard of a drill you got a drill um i've always when you see the pyramids in pictures they look amazing then you see them from the other side and they are so close to like they're right there they're so close to have you been there mike no no i but i'm saying like I know the pictures you're talking about where there's people living right next to them. Society is right next to the pyramids. No, I've seen movies. They're in the middle of nowhere.

I'm pretty sure I'm right. OK. I mean, this is a stadium question comes up again. I mean, a stadium is a lot of space, but yeah, I don't I don't think I'd want to live in a stadium's a lot of space but yeah i don't i don't think i'd want to live in a stadium yeah there's not enough that you get out of that other than having like a field to go you know you got a sports court at home i don't know that there's anything for a mansion how big is too big for a mansion to where it is to not looking at expenses literally looking at square footage to get someplace like you've got to go from this room to that room i would not want more than 100 000 square feet that's too much for me that's my limit let's say you had to walk you have

to walk you cannot scooter go-kart you can't segue no rollerblades you got to walk how big do you want it to be 100 000 square feet okay all. Would you hit a limit, Mike? Certainly. If you have to walk everywhere, I mean... Like a mall. Do you want to live in a mall? No. I mean...

And every one of the shops in the mall is a different room of your house. I mean, that would be pretty cool. Jason's like, yes. I mean, look, you're not saying anything bad so far. I mean, we've all watched Dawn of the Dead, and they're all, I know it's zombie stuff, but they live in the mall, and you're like, oh, that seems like that might be kind of cool.

Maybe replace a couple of the escalators with some slides? Oh, yeah, of course. That would be great. We wouldn't have to do laundry for a long time. Plenty of clothes there. Okay. You guys, you want to draft? Let's go.

The Spitballers Draft. All right. We are drafting Daredevil activities. I have the 101. There are a number of things that I think are worthy of top picks in this draft, but I have to go with both the one that I think is synonymous with daredevil activities and the one I would actually do if I didn't have a family,

which again, it's not crazy risky, even with a family. I'm not saying that it's like a 50 50 shot out there but um too afraid to do it with young kids but it's skydiving sure it's skydiving I think it would be exhilarating Mike I know you've done it Jason you were saying that that that's the one you were thinking about I I knew that that as soon as you said like the you know it's the one-on-one that you would actually do I mean parachuting skydiving that that is, that's, it's amazing. Um, and I think that that would be one, I would, there'd be a parachute involved in my skydiving for sure.

Yes. Um, there would, there probably a few, that would be one that I would be willing to do. Like I, I, I see the appeal of it. I think it is pretty cool. I doubt I ever go out of my way to go skydiving because I'm busy and I don't care enough. So I'll bet I die without having sky dove. Oh, sad for you. But I could see myself doing it.

So if someone wants to bring me skydiving, feel free. All right. So that means that Mike is up next. All right. What's his pick? Mine is pretty similar to the skydiving, but I think this is more of the feeling of the flying. I don't know the real name, but I always call it the squirrel suit. So you have the flight suit, the wingsuit, whatever.

The wingsuit. The wingsuit base jumping. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Where you jump, but then you get to fly just so fast and so far. That thing's crazy. And the people, when you watch the videos of professionals doing it, and they're doing just-

They're skimming the earth, basically? They're going in real tight squeezes in between two giant rocks. It wasn't dangerous enough already that I'm jumping off of a cliff. You know what videos you didn't see? Yeah. I've read the history of the development of these suits. The wingsuit? And it was like the death rate is outrageous.

I think that they've kind of not perfected, but it's a lot safer now than it was. not perfected but it's a lot safer now than it was but that to me is like that's the ultimate thrill that for me because i've always because you're actually flying yes exactly yeah you're not falling you're flying one of the things about the base jumpers like when you see videos because there's lots of videos of people doing it is there's always the part of the jump where they reach their hand back and pull the cord for the parachute. But it does seem like that's a really important pull because it's a low jump, right? So if you miss, like if you reach back. Your margin of error is very small.

You better grab that thing. I also worry, like I love that. That's on my list. But I would not have drafted it because I worry that my weight would not work with a wingsuit. It would work. You go anviling. He goes anviling. Yeah, I don't know, man.

Looking like Wile E. Coyote. Probably not a big enough wing there. There has to be some level of weight where the wing does not hold it up. No. They put him in a bubble and a bubble filled with helium you've seen gigantic jet airplanes yeah but they're not just falling to the air falling to the ground and then barely skimming on look bombers are still planes man all right i am up um this is i was really worried when you talked about the feeling of flight and

because i thought you were going to take what would have been my number one pick Um, this is, I was really worried when you talked about the feeling of flight and because I thought you were going to take what would have been my number one pick. This is something I expect I will do before. Oh, I know what you're doing. Well, is this the thing we were looking at? It was the thing we were looking at and I just now realized it is very expensive. Very. But you can book it now.

You can actually just commercially go online and book it and i'm talking about a zero g flight oh wait the vomit comet as other people call it you're saying where they take you up they they take you so fast that you become weightless like you're on yes outer space yes exactly so they have this uh reconfigured 747 plane that goes up to a certain level and then basically drops and does all these crazy uh maneuvers that inside you are weightless you have the experience of being in outer space and they actually do it a couple different ways where you have the feeling of being in outer space, the feeling of being on moon's gravity, and feeling of being on Mars' gravity.

So it's like really, really fascinating, cool. I would love to do that. What's it set you back? One ticket right now is $8,300. Wow. It's for a five-hour flight, and you get 15 drop skis. Oh, really? That's what they call it.

At least it's not one single flight. That's interesting. You get a couple, and you get another pick. Oh, well, look at me back on the clock. I'm guessing they make you prepay for that one. Yeah. I would guess so. Here's one that I find absolutely fascinating.

that I find absolutely fascinating. This would be epic, awesome, terrifying, but I can't imagine that there would be any larger thrill in the world, including jumping out of a plane, than experiencing the full, true force of Mother Nature. And I'm talking about storm chasing. Oh, it's on my list about storm chasing oh it's on my list storm chasing my list you know just go watch the documentary twister and you can understand what these people live through very true to life yes debris it's uh yeah i mean i can't imagine going yeah i'm in on this i want to do it i i i do too but i'm too afraid like i would it's

just the funny part of storm chasing to me is that you aren't it just seems like you're in the like a micro machine compared to this storm right you you're in like a pickup truck chasing the storm you're not fast enough to do anything if that thing turns your way you're not driving away from a storm 100 you you you are at the mercy of mother nature here and you're unlike everyone else who is going underground into safety you're staying above ground and saying let's go at it they should call it storm standing because you just go find a storm and stand there while i mean you're not getting away it does seem amazing to watch just i can't even fathom the breathtaking nature of the force of what you would be witnessing in front of you and i don't ever want to could i uh is it possible like would you is it worthwhile wearing a parachute during that event? No, you're going to get sucked up into the...

I think that the biggest problem is not necessarily the throw. It's all the crap that's inside the tornado. No, yeah, I'm not... Jason thinks I'm saying to have the parachute open as the storm hits. No, I'm saying the storm throws you and then you parachute down. I don't think it's going to get you high enough. Yeah, it won't work. Also, Mike, to speak to the shrapnel, a lot of people think that that is the most dangerous part.

Oh, is that not? Well, if you watch the documentary, Twister, they were able to successfully just stay inside as they got all the way to the middle of the— Do you remember the end of this? When they belt themselves to the plumbing because they realize this plumbing is so old that it has to be very deep. And somehow they were able to go all the way through the tornado without ever

having shrapnel hit them. That's true. It's a low shrapnel area. Yeah. If you stay low, you're safe. I'm going to say the shrapnel will kill you. Alright, Mike, you are up. Oh, is that how we're going? Okay. Wait, is that wrong? No, no, no. You are right. You are correct, Mike. You are up. Oh, is that how we're going? Okay. Wait.

Is that wrong? No, no, no. You are right. You are correct. Okay. You are correct. Oh, we're doing it like we always do now? Yeah. I'm thrown off by the seating over here, man.

Yeah. It's playing with my head. All right. For my second pick, so I got the squirrel suit. I'm going to go with another force of nature here. I thought you might be going here because storm chasing is great. It's on my list. I'm going with big wave surfing.

Oh, it's on my list. Watching what those people do on those waves that are 75, 100 feet up into the air, and then it's just them on a board of wood or whatever the graphite, I don't know what they make a surfboard out of, and it's just them knowing that you're either getting the largest thrill of a lifetime or you are getting death because if you fall. Yeah, you're not making it through those. If you fall, you're done.

It's over. Pretty close to. So it is just it is absolutely insane watching with the skill of these people able to do it the courage to do it it looks so awesome there are two things while researching for this that when i just watch the thing happening my heart stops i can't breathe i am overwhelmed in my chair by looking at what these human beings are doing and you see the little speck of a human yes in between this mountain of a wave there is oh my goodness if you want a great documentary on big wave surfing, there's a Netflix one out that came out this year, 100-foot wave. Okay.

And if you watch it, it basically shows the pioneering of it and how they established the fact you could get on jet skis and go tow people out, and that changed the game. In these different places in the world, there's only a handful of places where these waves develop that are big enough to be drawn out there so that you can maybe die that's crazy so two great documentaries here on um net twister and uh and a hundred i mean i've been in the ocean and i've been hit by a two-foot wave it can knock you under it hurts it hurts and it can knock you on your butt and hold you underwater.

I can't even imagine. I have certainly been in waves where I fell and then I tried to get back up and the next wave is a little bit bigger and so it's a little tough. They're little baby waves. I still don't understand. I never see the end of the wave. What does this come to at the end? Does it just bring you all the way

to shore and it like dies because i don't know i don't know all right my next pick might be the other one you're talking about but and there are a couple of unbelievable documentaries on it i think i finally get it because i've seen them uh recently i think i get why people do it because it seems insane to begin with, but it is free soloing. It is climbing a mountain without ropes or cables, without security, where every bit of your being has to be focused on the next grip and the next climb. It's ridiculous. Your chance of death is certainty. It's just when. It's not even like will. It's just like, what point in your life do you finally die from this?

But free solo climbing seems like if there's a way. I think the reason adrenaline junkies do what they do in general is because of this factor. The factor, you know, your wingsuiting, you have to be perfect. If you are climbing a mountain without cables, you have to be. It puts your body one with nature well not just one with nature i feel like the one with nature's camping well you you do this once and you survive like nothing else in your life everything else is now the most boring thing that could happen because you have climbed the face of a mountain

and knowing that if your hand slips, it's over. The game is done. You have lost. So don't do it. Don't do it because the rest of your life is going to suck. Yeah, and unlike big wave surfing and the wingsuiting, which both of those, both of those are, you make a mistake and you can die.

You make a mistake and you do die. Right. And they both take athleticism, obviously. But it's not entirely on you. You know what I mean? Like, you've got the wingsuit doing the work. You can't just fly on your own. You've got a surfboard.

On free soloing, this is you. This is your hand, your arm, your muscles. If you get tired, sorry, you're dead. It's insane. What's your next pick, Andy? I'm going to go with swimming with sharks.

Swimming with sharks. You get to be right in the face of nature greater than you. This is one that i would do yeah what i would do this one too and i swimming in both the cage yeah the cage you're talking about in the cage right yeah in the cage if it's like great whites yeah something like that and and i would do maybe not the cage i do not the cage with some some not great but not probably but with other sharks if i was with like a trusted guide that took you out there or something right I do not the cage with some not great whites probably.

But with other sharks, if I was with a trusted guy that took you out there or something, that seems pretty amazing. Oh, I'm with it, man. The cage, getting to be face-to-face with a great white shark, that would be incredible. I would ask to meet the guy who made the cage beforehand. I'd say, could I have a small interview with the man who made we how long have you been welding how long have you been welding sir we we can't introduce you because he oh no by a shark oh no give me another cage maybe a cage within a cage have they tried that oh good uh how about a tv screen and i can watch them up close i i don't think i could do that i literally think I would have a panic attack

in the I would die of a heart attack safe from the sharks. We'll put you in a cage for some spiders. I would die of a heart attack. And they get in really easily. I would. I'm about to die of a heart attack from you talking about spiders. All right. Back to Mike. I took skydiving, free solo climbing, and swimming with sharks. Mike has wingsuit flying and big wave surfing. Jason has zero G flight and storm chasing. And you'll see a theme here continuing of my just little wave surfing. No, my desire of flight.

And it seems like I think that this was like really popular for a time and has since kind of faded away. You guys remember wing walking? Oh, yeah. Where you stand on like the old planes. They're in the old prop planes and like people would just get out so they could stand on the top of the plane. That feels like 1940s. It does.

And yet when you think about it, that's some of the craziest crap of all time. You're like, I'm not getting enough of rush from this plane. I know. I will stand on top of it. Is that because we don't have biplanes everywhere anymore? Yes, that's why, because that's the only wing walking that exists is on those propeller. Because the new planes go too fast, probably. Go too fast and also aren't open.

Like that's that's part of the help here is that you're already exposed. Most planes you're in a cockpit where I don't know there's a ceiling and walls and right comfy pressurized system. This is imagine that feeling like that is because if you're when you're standing on it I imagine you're not really seeing the plane below you and you could just look forward and pretend like you are actually flying. Well, that plane would be dropping refuse below as well. It would be mine. Jason, you get to close out your draft.

Two picks. All right. Two picks here. Okay. There's a couple here that I like. I'm going to go with one somewhat similar to that, Mike, not nearly as stupid to do, but this is another one I think I would do.

I think I would do this because it's not that dangerous. It's just I know what you're going to pick, but the thing that's at risk is your pride and covering yourself in a bodily function. Maybe. I'm just talking about paragliding. Oh, no. Just literally like hang gliding. Wait, you wouldn't.

Wait, wait, wait. So those are separate things, right? Paragliding is when you're pulled by the boat. Yeah, that's parasailing. Or parasailing. And then you went hang gliding. Is there a difference between paragliding is when you're pulled by the boat. Yeah, that's parasailing. No, parasailing. And then you went hang gliding. Is there a difference between paragliding and hang gliding?

Yeah, hang gliding is when you are jumping off of a mountain with one of those big hang gliders. And you have the triangle. Parasailing is when you're pulled by a boat with a parachute. Yeah, I didn't say parasailing. I said paragliding. I don't know if that exists because that would be a parachute. The main difference between these two sports paragliding and parasailing is that paragliders are not attached to a vehicle okay so so you're just like

jumping off them that means you're in a pair you you mean hang gliding though i do mean hang like okay okay that's where i am we did it everybody jumped off a mountain and i'm gliding down hang gliding is on my list yeah that. That unfortunately you selected paragliding. We're moving on. Okay. So that's my first one here. And then my my last one is one that I don't think I would do. I have already this week made fun of those who do roller skating because it is pure.

It's a weird thing. It's pure insanity that human beings, like we do some dumb things. We just decide I want to do this stupid stupid thing. And we're even more stupider because we're like, well why are we doing this this year? Well because we did

it last year and we did it the year before that so we're going to keep doing it. and not only is it stupid to do but let's let's have this be a fun ticketed mass event let's have it be a global sensation hugely popular i'm talking about the running of the bulls you go ahead and run down the streets chased by bulls so dumb. Why would you do this? Why do human beings make it an event where you say, hey, check this out. I'm going to have a bunch of bulls chase you down the street. Oh, awesome. Can I bring my friends? Heck yeah, man.

Anyone. You're all welcome. They could kill so many of you. That is so stupid. The running of the bulls, I find that. Why don't we do that with other animals there's no reason and if we're running with the lions go the great bear chase each year it's like is there a line of just you know percentage chance of being mauled to death wow the bull isn't trying to eat you that's true as long if it's a dangerous animal not trying to eat you. Okay, so just stampede is fine.

Like running of the elephants. Oh, that would be terrifying. Oh, my goodness. I bet you'd watch it on pay-per-view. I don't think I would, Andy. I think you're going to see some bad things happen. You will see some people no longer with us. Squashed.

Okay. Swimming with the hippos? You wouldn't do that one? Oh, gosh. No, they're trying the hippos. You never, you wouldn't do that one. Oh, gosh. No, they're trying to eat you. Yeah, they are monsters. My final pick for you. All right, my final pick.

This one seems to have fallen out of fashion. It burned real bright in the 90s. It was synonymous with extreme and synonymous with extreme games. It's all about speed. I'm talking about the street luge. Oh, yeah. My friends were, if you're not familiar with the street luge because you didn't grow up in the 90s,

think about you lay down on a board that has wheels, and then you just go down a mountain as fast as you possibly can. They're very steep. They are not casual hills. No, it's a mountain mountain and you're just laying down you know what's funny is we're gonna get to the point where we can develop uh vr technology that's so real sure it will feel like you're doing these things and that will never make one person that likes doing these do them because it's not the feeling it's the fear yeah there's no risk if

there's yeah if it's vr yeah so um so the street loose i will close it out with what i thought would be an easy pick along the way um bungee jumping i mean bungee jumping is the synonymous daredevil activity it's accessible to so many um i don't know if you've ever seen the funny videos where somebody's bungee jumping and then right when they jump their friends are going wait wait wait wait wait i've seen ones where they like throw a cut cable yes over them it's just that's that's mean so i will go with bungee jumping uh to round out my top four i I do have some other quick considerations out there. Oh, yeah. Let's have the waiver wire wonders here.

The high wire tightrope walking was one of them. Sure. And then I also had the ice climbing. I don't know if that's different, but climbing ice seems trepidatious. Seems stupider than a mountain. Right, because it can fall apart. So did you guys have any scuba diving? I don't know if scuba diving is a daredevil activity there are they're like i would count like uh i don't know

what you call like deep sea diving or caving like k when you go to spa scuba diving in a cave it's very dangerous yeah or the uh that's skoolunking there's also um sklunking. There's also... Scoo-blunking? Scoo-blunking. Scoo-blunking. We got there. There's also the thing where you dive down to boats, but no scuba gear. So you're just like... Oh, where they just try and go as deep as they possibly can? Yeah, that's scary.

Oh, that's called drowning. Yeah, that looks fun. No, no, but there's where they hold on to a weight so they can go down as fast as they possibly can. That's called drowning. The ones I had on my list. It's called sea sleeping. Formula One driving. Oh, yeah.

That would be gnarly. Cliff camping. Kite surfing. Oh, kite surfing looks awesome. It does look awesome. I knew a VC that was an avid kite surfer in San Francisco. I don't know. He might still be.

But this is a dangerous sport. And then the other one that I said took my breath away. I can't watch it. The same as your big wave surfing is speed skiing. I don't know if you guys have ever seen it. I hadn't seen this until this week. Speed skiing is this insane, like, straight down ski slope. These human beings are going like 250 miles an hour on skis.

But why? I don't know, but I got into this. When I see the angle from behind, I envision myself there, and I think I could never attempt. I could never, ever, ever attempt to go down something that steep. I can't handle like a bunny hill. Yeah, me neither. All right.

Let's figure out what we learned. What did we learn today? I learned that David Arquette bought the rights to Bozo the Clown. I mean, that's amazing. I was going to say, I learned we don'tquette bought the rights to Bozo the Clown. I mean, that's amazing. I was going to say, I learned we don't really need clowns anymore. We're done. And I've learned, we've already known it, just that we humans do really stupid things.

Yeah, they do. What about clowns out walking on the wings of airplanes? I think that might be the next big thing. I think that might have happened. Like a, almost similar to a rodeo clown, like a clown at the air show. Doing some way.

Clowns are cool. There we go. We found, we found a good acceptable clown. If you're going to be a clown. Oh, rodeo in the bowls. That's going to do it for today's episode of the spitballers podcast.

Make sure you tell a friend about the show. And we will see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.