Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Con-Art Galleries & Wishes For A Genie - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

Spit Hit for March 7th, 2024: Tune in to today’s show to hear about ‘Bob the Robber’, neighbor wars, and Jason’s cereal sink! We also discover the origin of con-artistry. We end the episode by rubbing the lamp and drafting wishes from a genie. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, stop, full stop. But I'm also, I really like Abara. Yeah. It's not Abba. No, it's Abara Kadabara. No, that was great. You got to get the cadence. Yeah. It's not Abba. No, it's Abara Kadabara.

No, that was great. You got to get the cadence. Yes. I thought it started better than it finished. Listen. So did everybody. I think a lot of people, if they wanted, could say super mean things there. Right. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually loved it. Good. I actually really did enjoy that one, so thank you, Andy. You're welcome. Abracadabra. Abracadabra. That's right.

That's right. Welcome to the Spitballers. Episode 205. Happy to be with you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting the show. Yeah, we appreciate it. We're making magic on today's episode.

Clearly. Abracadabra. Yeah, a distant connection between our draft topic uh we are drafting wishes from a genie so we'll see how um selfish selfless integrious we are as we draft wishes powerful a genie powerful uh would you rather that's a great question as well on the show today at spitballersPod on Twitter. Thank you for listening, and hopefully we are making this moment in your life just a little bit more ridiculous.

Isn't that really what we do? Yeah, because we want life to be better for you, and I feel like the best life is the ridiculous life. Yeah. I'm now being flooded with all the things wrong with aladdin uh-huh because you because you reminded me of the genie right and it was like the whole entire you're talking about the cartoon aladdin i'm talking about yeah just the the story of aladdin we could go the live version that's fine but like the whole thing kind of kicks off with princess

jasmine goes out to see the city and she she sees, like, dude, it is. Apparently, when you get out of the palace, it is tough in the streets. Yeah. And then they're like, yeah, the genie's free. We're not going to fix any of these socioeconomic situations going on here in Agrabah, but the genie's free, so so you know, that's a win. What does the genie do? I know part two went straight to video.

Does he, like, solve all of society's ills at that point? He better. He's got the power. No, but he doesn't have to anymore. No, of course not. Well, out of the goodness of his genie heart. I mean, after you're free, you still got genie powers, right? Yes, you do. So I know he was going to take a vacation, but I think in the second movie, he comes back and fixes all the hunger and i think he fights

jafar unless the second movie is the vacation which i would be all about watching that like genie goes to disneyland all i'm saying is i like genie takes a cruise i like a good vacation right but if i could take a vacation and i was a genie that would be one awesome vacation. Jason's first wish today Carnival Cruise. That's a genie. Sorry, Royal Caribbean Cruise. Thank you. Oh man, did you speak

an unspeakable cruise line? I didn't name a rich man cruise. I mean, I'm just saying if it's a genie wish, I'm not going to stoop too low. You're not even going to go to Disney? Well, sure, Disney's great. They just don't have a casino. Kind of a problem for the grown-up cruise of life.

Hold on. This is true? Disney cruise lines do not have a casino. Little known fact, they got casinos on land. You can just go drive right down to them. You don't got to go on the ocean for them. They don't put a casino in there. No, they don't.

In the Disney cruise? I'm not surprised. It wasn't one of the things that aladdin wished for come on aladdin we didn't want to help people either okay i gotta add to my list here okay um i think if you dig into disney movies and kids movies in general you're not going to find a lot of the main characters and storylines focusing on the outside world, Mike. I get it. And I know people have thought about this too of like, okay, well, how do you let the genie go when you could just like,

okay, Jasmine could get three wishes. The Sultan can get three wishes. Like you could just pass the bottle. You could just go along the line and then still at the end, the final wish is the genie is free and he's no longer owned. There is no master. Oh, because you're passing it between each other? Yeah, everyone gets three wishes.

Mike, you just rub the lamp now. Watch this. Take two, then give it to Andy for two. Yeah, I mean, then the genie's getting pretty used. Well, that's what his job is. Yeah, it's probably at least a 40-hour work week thing. It's a tiny little living space. Yeah, but phenomenal cosmic powers.

All right, we're moving on. Would you rather? All of our wishes are going to just be to become genies ourselves. I say all those things, and then what I'm drafting here is... You're not fixing any socioeconomic problems. Well, mine. All right, Kane from Twitter. Would you rather have a neighbor that cuts down trees every night at 11 p.m.

or a neighbor that launches fireworks every morning at 6 a.m.? Which we were literally... Yes. Mike brought up that his neighbor was doing yard work at, what, 6, 7 p.m.? It was 5.30 p.m. 5. literally. Yes. Mike brought up that his neighbor was doing yard work at what? 6, 7 p.m.? It was 5.30 p.m. 5.30? Yes.

Okay. On Sunday. Okay. I like that you keep adding this on. Like in the conversation we were having, it was the fact that it was Sunday at 5 p.m. I'm not sure why that makes it any worse than a Tuesday at 5 p.m. or any day at 5 p.m. Look, to me, Arizona is 115, 116 during the day right now.

Doing yard work during that time of day, not possible. So you've got two choices. You can do it at 5.30 p.m. when the sun's – well, it's not really down, is it? I was going to say later than that. It'd be later. He's nice for doing it at 5.30 instead of 7.30. Or you do it early morning. And early morning you get woken up. That's like this question here. He's nice for doing it at 530 instead of 730. Or you do it in early morning. In an early morning, you get woken up.

That's like this question here. Fireworks at 6 a.m. Or you do it at night when it's cutting down the trees at 11 p.m. I just don't know what you want this guy to do, Mike. Hold on. What do you want him to do? Can I go backwards here a little bit? Because this question is all wrong.

Okay. Reverse engineering. So this question says the neighbor cuts reverse engineering it is so this question says the neighbor cuts down trees every night 11 p.m. how many trees does this person fireworks at 6 a.m. you want to reverse them that I mean it doesn't make sense to launch fireworks in the morning in the daytime when you can't see them I mean who's cutting down trees at night when you can't see where they're gonna fall I feel like don't you cut down the trees at 6 a.m. and launch fireworks at 11 p.m. you can go that direction we could but to fall, I feel like, don't you cut down the trees at 6 a.m. and launch fireworks at 11 p.m.?

We can go that direction. We could, but then it's, I mean, maybe that's part of the process of the question. Well, it is dangerous to cut down trees at 11 p.m. It's more disruptive in either of these situations. The fireworks are probably much more disruptive because it's your neighbor. So the fireworks are going to be much louder. They're going to be more pulsier. You're not going to get that droning.

You cut a tree down, you get some drone. I can sleep to some droning. Well, hold on, but it's quicker. Like the fireworks, they're going to be over. You know that New Year's Eve at midnight will be the bulk of them, and then you'll have like the really like the cool people. They save their M80s to go off at 2 in the morning. Like just want to drive home how cool

those people are don't get me started on firing your fireworks on july 3rd and the 5th because you got you got so many you start early and you got too many so you do some late first of all al are these happening for the same duration no no i would say the fireworks are probably shorter but that's what it's like but but a firework if it goes off at 6 a.m., are you going back to sleep? Yes. You can get back to sleep after being woken up? If it's quick. I mean, it's not just quick, though.

It's an explosion where you are. It's five minutes. Your body is now full of cortisol. That's true. The question did seem backwards, but I left it intentionally because I figured if the fireworks are at night there's upside to being able to go outside and watch the fireworks so

to pull out that upside well there is upside to going and watching your neighbor cut down a tree at 11pm I mean depending on how like you know how risky it is well just like how demented if like you want to see a man fail can I ask the question to Mike, though?

I'm here. Because you were here. Yeah. And not related to spitballers at all, you were not happy about it. No. You were so unhappy that a man like yourself who barely speaks brought it up. Yes. As an issue.

Because, look. So tell me when he was supposed to be doing this yard work. Well, I'll start with the time of day. It was 5 or 5.30 on Sunday. This is dinner time. This is prime. My family was out in the pool. That's how I know that this person was doing their yard work

because it's extremely loud. What is going on with these yard tools? Where are the scientists on us getting us silent yard tools, first of all? Okay, all right. That's a fair question. Thank you. But, like, I mean, this is the time where if you're talking weed whacker, we're talking blower, what are we talking?

This was, I think he was trimming trees. Like a chainsaw? Yeah, so it was a- Responsible homeowner, got it. Not a chainsaw, but just a cutter of some kind. Owl, what are those called? What are those electric cutters called. Not a chainsaw, but just a cutter of some kind. Owl, what are those called? What are those electric cutters called? Not a chainsaw, though.

Like a hedge trimmer? Yeah, yeah. Probably a hedge trimmer. Thank you, Jason. You're welcome. You just got owned. And it was just, I mean, this is the time that if you're going to go outside and have like a barbecue or do something with your family,

you're going out at dinnertime. This is where the Sunday thing comes in? Yes. And I understand. The yard work, it has to be done. There are small windows to do it in. Perhaps the work schedule only allowed this. That's not going to stop me from complaining about it.

Now, when do I want it to be done? Do that while I'm at work because then I don't have to deal with any of the sound repercussions of you doing your yard. Okay, so do it while you're, but check with you for your schedule. Of course. And your kids aren't loud in the pool, right? I mean, they're pretty quiet. Well, they're, of course, they're loud, but they are children.

So what if the kids were the ones doing the yard work? What if his kids were doing the yard work? If the sound of the children is enough to drown out the sound of the tools, then I think we're okay. Okay, well, so let's... I don't get mad at other people's kids for being loud. Let's take these two questions together and say, what is worse, neighbor noise stopping your sleep

or neighbor noise stopping your barbecue? No, no, like your family fun was interrupted. I got you. Is that better or is that worse than your sleep being interrupted? I would say that the – I think it's the family time. Because like if you're doing that, you've had it scheduled, you knew it was coming up, and you have multiple people who are being affected by the loud sound. It's actually interesting because I am committed to not being on any sort of Mike's side on this,

to be clear. Not even just a notion, right? Right. But. I feel like you're about to be on Mike's side here. I did start to think about a slight variation to Mike's scenario. Now, Mike's obviously wrong here. And, you know, this poor man, he had no option but to do it.

But if I was having an organized. I looked at this tree. It didn't need it. It was not a dire situation. That's fair. But if I had an organized barbecue and I had invited a bunch of people over at 5.30 p.m. on a Sunday and we were all enjoying ourselves and then like some heavy yard work was going on.

I would be a little like, well, gee darn, why is that happening? I feel like I could talk over the sound of those machines. We could be out there. We could be shouting and yelling. But there's dust going up in the air. But that's the issue. What if he's just blowing a bunch of stuff over into your yard? You got your grill open.

You're trying to cover your birds. You've already cheesed them, and now here come all the croppings of the tree just flying over into your yard, into the pool. The croppings. I love it. What would you do? This is a little bit of a sidebar here. What would you do if you hear all the sounds of landscaping going on

and you're just sitting in the backyard really annoyed. But then you look over and two hands with a bucket just reach over your yard and just dump all the clippings in your yard. I feel like I would, without being able to control myself, I would be sprinting to that wall. I've got to catch him. You know what i mean like i can't let him get back inside before this happens i've got to run and lock eyes incredulously

and say what was that all about i don't even know how you deal with a situation that is that absolutely ridiculous like if let's say you have a perfect spotless neighbor everything they do is good and fine and right, and they're not a problem. But when they mow their lawn, they always dump the clippings over your fence. How do you stop that? You can't stop it.

I think that is now the worst neighbor ever. And you can't call the police on that, right? Probably not. I don't want to waste their time. They're going to say don't call us. Yeah, and so they say don't call us. So how do you stop somebody from doing that? I guess you just get in a war of throwing it back and forth.

Do you throw your dog poop over to their fence? Oh, you darn right I do. I sit my dog up on the fence and I hold him until he craps straight into their yard. I mean, I'm squeezing the bowels to get every drop out. Has anybody in here been in a neighbor war before? Oh, a neighbor war before oh a neighbor war not me i've had one sort of where it was for whatever reason my so my wife was pregnant with her first child she needed her sleep so i was extra sensitive to sleep disruption for her

and we just had a neighbor that was like young young kid, 20-something, parties until 4 in the morning. Yeah, okay. And so I had to do, like one time I literally walked over there at 3.30 in the morning, and their truck in the driveway, there's no one awake. Their truck in the driveway is jamming music with no one in it. I'm not even kidding. Yeah, it was on. Is the engine running?

Yes, it's on. I'm, to this day, I couldn't see in the windows right. So I'm thinking someone's hiding in there jamming this music out in the middle of the night. But I had to go over there enough times to where eventually I secretly called a noise complainant. I don't think it was secret. But the neighbor across the street was so mad, he did not call the police. What he would do is he would get his Harley Davidson and at 5 in the morning would go out in front of his house and rev it for like three or four minutes and then go to work. Neighbor wars, man.

So passive aggressive. And I remember like a Disney show where it was Goofy and who's the Goofy? Pete. Pete. And they were in a neighbor war and building the fence higher, all of that stuff. So, I mean, that would just be so – I'd want to move. Would any of you just move?

But then you've lost. You've lost the neighborhood. Yeah. Per the rules of neighbor war. Yep. Whoever stays longer wins. The closest I've ever gotten is not so much a war, but a few confrontations of we had um you know like the the laser decorations for

the holidays right and you know so like christmas you get the green and red lasers and that project up on your house okay yeah and this perhaps it's a point in this person's favor i don't know but it doesn't to me they were out front in my house for much longer than Christmas. They were not on, so it's not like it's the middle of February and I still have Christmas decorations. They're just still in the ground.

Yes. Got it. You just hadn't pulled them up. Yes, I had not put them away. I was being a little bit lazy, and the timing of this is very funny. I had just put up a nest camera you know to like the front door camera situation check everything out like literally the day or

two before i put this thing up then all of a sudden our things have disappeared and it's like wait did we catch this on the camera and partially we did now it was unfortunately no it's night vision and where the camera was you couldn't see you could see like the the the perps legs and they had a particular dog that had a limp so we are easily able to identify. You're looking for limpy dogs? Who this person was. Can I see your dog? Take a little walk, please. This person henceforth became known as Bob the Robber amongst me and the family. Oh, my gosh.

But we got in a few confrontations of me driving away, rolling down my window, being like, hey, I know it was you. I want my stuff back. For real? Did you get it back? No, we never it was you. I want my stuff back. For real? Did you get it back? No, we never got it back. He was in full denial that it was ever him, but by the video evidence, it was 99.9% him.

There's nothing conclusive enough that I could go get police and stuff going on, but we know it was him. And as soon as he was confronted, his walking path of his dog mysteriously changed and he no longer came through our neighborhood interesting interesting now you started this by saying maybe it's a point in their favor that i have my stuff out too long so if it's out too long you just you can steal, I'm just saying like if someone getting mad, but I wanted to specify it was out there, but not on. Okay.

Okay. Well, I'm going to go ahead and take the trees one. Yeah, me too. Those are the answer question here. Art from Patreon. Would you rather have access to a library that has every book ever written or a museum that has every dinosaur bone ever discovered? Okay.

So almost unlimited knowledge, but you have to read it. So very limited. Very, very limited knowledge. So very limited for some of us. So in both cases, I do not feel like the quantity is giving me a great advantage. Like I can appreciate a museum with some dinosaur bones, but if it has every dinosaur bone ever discovered, do I know enough about dinosaur bones to understand the nuance between,

I don't need 50 Tyrannosaurus skeletons to appreciate it. Now I appreciate one. Why do I need them all? Why does quantity matter? It could actually be a problem. Yeah, it could be an issue. I got to sift through them. I would imagine that every dinosaur bone that has ever been discovered,

that has to be an enormous amount. It's a lot of bones. And if we have them, can we at least make sure that they're all accurately put together? Right. Or is that not part of it? You just have all the bones. Just a pile of bones. Because I'm not an archaeologist. No, it's a an archaeologist i think we'll go with they're built but i mean you got you're gonna

have rooms with like boy i don't another mammoth another mammoth dinosaurs so cool yeah but like cool what's the most commonly found dinosaur oh that's an interesting question you know what i mean i do not i will look up. Find out what dinosaur has the most findings. It was the dino rats. All the dino rats. Yeah, because it's like, if there's a hundred of those that are found or whatever, would you really need to Andy's point, would you want like a hundred

you know, it's like in the books, they're all different. You don't have a hundred copies of Mark Twain. You just have one of everything. But you're certainly not reading every book. No. So, I mean, having the quantity, it's like, to me, if I go into a library,

like any library right now, I'm like, that's enough books. Like, I've got enough in here. I don't need every book ever written. You're saying you've never gone into a library and thought, man, I wish they had a couple more books in here. And it's over. It's like the Netflix problem. Yeah. Where you're thought, man, I wish they had a couple more books in here. Exactly. And it's over. It's like the Netflix problem.

Yeah. Where you're like, what am I going to watch? And the thing that you actually watch is you looking for something to watch for 20 to 25 minutes before you go, I've got some tires. If you had said, would you rather have access to a library that has a few books you'd like to read? I might actually pick that one. But you can do that right now. Well, sure. But I'm just saying like curating. You literally have like to read. I might actually pick that one. But you can do that right now. Well, sure, but I'm just saying like curated. You literally have access to libraries. They are...

Well, I'm saying if it's just a few books, you could buy the books. Breaking news, everybody. Okay. Apparently, the Triceratops is the most discovered dinosaur skeleton. That's great news. It's sweet. That was my favorite dinosaur growing up. Were they kind of like the Buffalo of the plains for the dino era with three horns

right obviously yeah so how many do we know how many they they have found of the triceratops i don't know how many but they they estimate that they were the uh 40 percent of dinosaurs were triceratops 40 percent that's a bad estimation that's a multiple sources are saying it i don't know multiple dummies of like all dinosaurs are just a triceratops is the most common dinosaur at 40 so here's the two theories behind that number one there were 12 number one is that the triceratops they were just the supreme species you didn't come at them you didn't eat them. So there's lots of them because they got the horns, right?

Right. And so they just dominated the plains. The other option is that they have the most dense, salvageable bones possible. That's it. Where you just find them because they don't disintegrate. They're just like power bones. That's clearly it. I mean, nobody's really taken on rhinoceroses.

There's not 40% of animals. Right. really taking on rhinoceroses there's not that's not 40 of my animals right right i feel like if you become 40 you gotta not only not be killed but you gotta be killing oh for sure like a shark killing it like a shark 40 of them i mean but they gotta be going out clearing out the other animals to get to their 40 they were herbivores right yeah which is the problem wait they were just did they kill for sport they weren't omnivores i think no. Wait, they were just herbivores? Did they kill for sport? They weren't omnivores? I think they were. No.

Triceratops were not omnivores. I'm surprised. I feel like you got three horns. You should like some meat. What do you think the rhinos are doing? Eating a bunch of meat? Wait, they're not omnivores? No. Rhinoceroses only eat plants?

Yes. Dummies. How do you get that big eating only plants? That's what I'm talking about. Are thearians onto something i mean i mean i guess elephants are yoked elephants are gigantic and all they eat is plants if you eat plants 22 or 24 hours of the day solid eat plants poop eat plants that's their whole life interesting grow my horn a little longer eat plants now at the very least here, before we answer this question, we can all agree that there was bad science.

Like the triceratops were not 40% of all dinosaurs. I'm throwing that out. No chance. Yeah, throw that out. What's the source on this? Dr. Seuss. I'll have to look again. No comment.

I closed that tab. Dr. Seuss? It's the Triceratops Association of America. Yeah. They're putting out big Triceratops. Big Triceratops, for sure. Maybe by weight. They're 40% of all the weight of dinosaur bones.

I guess I'll go the dinosaur route. Yeah. Because I can go to a normal library. I'm happy. Absolutely. And if you can turn around and sell any of these, the bones are worth more. Oh, the black market for dinosaur bones would be huge. Especially because you'd have a monopoly.

So they're very expensive now. But then you've got every first edition of every book that you can go sell. I promise you if I had all the dinosaur bones, it would be worth more than those first editions. I disagree. I think first edition of books are worth way more than dinosaur bones. No way. That's an interesting question. Yeah.

Those will sell for kabillions. Kabillions? Whoa. That's not even quantifiable. No. A kabillion. Gregory from Patreon, would you rather wake up to discover your kids have cut your hair into a mohawk?

Okay. Or you wake up and you found out your kids have shaved off your eyebrows? So I wake up, have found out your kids have shaved off your eyebrows so i wake up have super dope haircut right or no eyebrows right that is the question this is this is a tough one for mike how about we go um i mean i've i've had a mohawk for many years of my life can i change mohawk to they they shaved your head bald sure let's change that makes more sense because look i don't have a lot of hair on these little cul-de-sac you know the yeah yeah the male pattern baldness yeah his kids shave those areas

every night yeah right but my point is like a little bit higher a mohawk might look fine you know what i mean like i i can grow hair down the middle a little so better than there so i think i think i could rock them are you thinking about the mohawk i'm thinking about the mohawk now i think that you know i've always said that i eventually i'm gonna shave my head right yeah but maybe i just shaved the sides you think george castan's ever thought about the mohawk well he could have the exact opposite oh yeah inverse cold the skull it yeah um oh why don't people who have that style hair shave the back and just have like two side strips of hair?

I think you've answered your question. Oh yeah. Sounds pretty stupid. So wait, hold on. But let's, okay, let's explore this. So just two patches of hair on the side. That's right. Not on top, not on top, not on the back.

None in the back. It's like a Mohawk, but it's on the sides. Yeah. It's like the rings of Saturn. That was, oh no, that doesn't go around the sides. It's like the rings of Saturn? Oh, no, it doesn't go around the back. What's his butt? Nohawk from Prodigy. Was that the name of the group?

Who did Firestarter? Young man. Prodigy did Firestarter. Yeah, we don't remember 90s Prodigy haircuts. And I believe it was called the Nohawk. So that's what it was so one person did it um you look like you're the leader of an edm band that's what would happen do people wear fake eyebrows yes and could i cover up my issue with a fake eyebrows yeah

absolutely you can cover it up you can use makeup you can i mean i i you know i would be more embarrassed with makeup eyebrows i think think, pure makeup eyebrows. And I know that's a thing. But when I see it, I laugh inside. Well, not like the tattooed eyebrows. No, but like the painted. Or the sharpie eyebrows. The sharpie eyebrows.

No, like the tattoo. It's something blading. Microblading. Microblading. Though they're doing. But those are actual eyebrows. No, they take your eyebrows and then they tattoo. To fill them out? to fill it out.

Those are good. They're doing really good work in the microblading area. Can you do that on your head? Yes, you can. What? You can microblade? I can fill these cul-de-sacs in with microbladed love? Or shoe polish. Here's the thing.

It doesn't actually grow out in the hair, so you would have to commit to just the shaved head where you have just a tiny bit of hair. Never mind. Because it's just some ink. I can wear a hat if my kids have shaved my head. That's true. So I think I want that one. I think I'd go with that one.

I could chalk that one up to a failed experiment. I would say, yeah, I wanted to try it. If my kids came to me and genuinely said, hey, dad, I think you look better bald, or I want you to shave your head. If I had the support of my children to shave my head, if I came home and they all really wanted it, I would come in here bald tomorrow. That's not even a joke.

Really? So you're waiting for the pressure from your children? I am waiting for the support of my family to say the time has come. Uh, thinning hair, man, I think just shave it. I think we can, uh, I think we can, you can, Andy, between the two of us, I think we can make this happen. The support can come from this table. How much, how much money?

I mean, he's done it before. This is not shocking to me. I think he, I think he was pretty content with before yeah but then i see pictures later i'm like oh that did look bad right you know it's one of those tough things where it's the worst where it's like i think you know i i'm like okay i think i can pull off a bald head, and then I can't. So in retrospect, so in the moment when you were bald, did you feel better than after? Did you feel pretty good in the moment, like trying on a new? I feel like every time I turned around, I wasn't sure.

Okay. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, this kind of, nope, no, it doesn't. You know, like, oh, this works. You're like the kombucha lady. Yeah. Well, final answers here, gentlemen. I will take the shaved head. I will take the shaved head. I will take the shaved head.

I'll take the shaved head as well. That's a great question. When is art art? And when is it just someone splattering paint on something oh man it's a great abstract question of the day um eat it jackson pollock so you hack so i i will say something interesting that i discovered on this front because i get i get the criticism right it yeah you see splattered paint and you go a child could have done that uh-huh so i for whatever reason about six months ago i got caught up on uh like instagram reels i started catching

art ones right people do an abstract like an abstract algorithm was grabbing my feet is this where like they tie the paint bucket to a quarter sure some of those yeah a lot of them were just fun to watch a lot of them were just abstract paintings and their final product or rapidly done or whatever. It started to catch my fancy. Do you know what I did? Did you buy some art?

I went out and purchased paints, brushes, canvases. This is fun. Took them into the art room. You have an art room? Well, now. Yeah.

Took them into an art room. And you know, it's harder than it looks. Oh, man. Did you give up? Let me ask you this. Are you still painting? Are you working on one right now? No. Okay. What were you? you were trying to go impressionist what were you trying to do what i was doing is uh

i was trying to do some of these ones where the paint gets like poured and then like spread with various instruments okay so you like pull it and and push it around and it looks like the finished products that the real artists do it looks very simple it looks so simple sure but it was not simple it's like where you drop a drop and then you spread it and you drop a drop and i was like i must have gone through i went through all the canvases all right oh no once you start you know you you blow it and then you move on to the next canvas you could ruin them real quick real quick, you could just get started and be like, new canvas. So I'm like, I'm going to try this out and see if I can figure out something that I can do well.

And it was an 0 for 10. So you're telling me that... There's more art to it. There's more to the dummy art paintings than you think. Because I've seen a lot of paintings for sale that are just so stupid. It's literally like someone closed their eyes through paint on a... So is that the answer?

Maybe when his eyes were open? No, no. When art is art is when it looks like a child could have done this. No, but because I've seen a lot of... But in reality, that's not what happened. Because it takes a master to make something look so easy. Yeah, and the thing is I've seen a lot of kids' art, and it all sucks. That's also true.

100% of kids' art sucks. So I think the inherent criticism of it looking like what a kid could do, I think that line needs to get deleted. I think real art is that it looks very simple, but it's not replicable. Have you ever seen art that looks really dumb yeah or really simple really easy you know splatter you should see these tin canvases i got no no well that's my point is that's the norm but have you seen some of these you got you got into them on your on your instagram or whatever that you have wanted to purchase you're like man yes that speaks to me i've won

yes that's when it's art yeah that's when it's art is can this sell does somebody want to buy it does it speak to someone if it doesn't speak to anyone it's not art okay but then we have those things where it's like literally a dot oh my gosh okay okay now like you get into the high society pretentiousious art. Got it. The fart sniffing where you're like oh this dot it says that the world is truly a place of collapse but it will be reborn and they just have this whole elaborate story because there's a dot

on a white canvas. The white canvas that's painted white. It's like whoa. The nothingness. Just so stupid. If you are a pretend here's the deal. If you are making those style of art, if you make a piece of art. Listen, if you're an artist. Listen, artist.

If you make a piece of art and you think that it is incredibly deep story-wise. Right. You're the worst. You're just. You're not a good artist you're not because i think that great artists they don't look at someone else does says it's supposed to say yes someone else is supposed to say you're trying too hard and you're smelling your farts and you're like that smells so good like i watched an ig clip it was it was clearly an art show and so i mean

it's in the standard art studio where it's just very minimal, very high society. And it's a feller. He's the artist. And he's got like a big brush. And he'll run. And then he hits basically a trampoline. Yeah.

And then he does like a whoosh. Just one swipe. One big swipe. Looks at it. And there's a whole crowd watching him do it. And then just in silence, walks back and he keeps on going, to which I can only assume that this piece sold for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Man, that's so stupid.

If you can find enough people that will be jealous of you for having something stupid, then you have something valuable. But by my own definition here definition here then if he sells that for a hundred thousand dollars as stupid as i think it is right then someone wanted to buy it and it spoke to someone so even these fart sniffy people with the black dot on a white canvas and they want to sell it for a million dollars if someone buys it if they can dupe someone into spending money on it here's the problem does that art? No, that makes it a multi-level marketing scheme. Yeah.

You can get a lot of stupid people to do stupid things. Here's the problem. We don't tell people that stuff sucks enough. Totally agree with you. Really? 100%. That's a problem? Yeah, because we started to rotate to where it's the, you know,

everything is awesome to everybody all the time. So then a dot can become art or someone taping a banana to a wall can become art. At some point, somebody needs to walk and say, dude, you just taped a banana to that wall. That's stupid. And then they can go make some real art. Yeah, because I think that that artist deserves better than being told that his crap art is good. Right. But if you, what if that is the true art?

Being able to convince people that it is art. Oh, gosh. Well, that's called a con artist. Yes, and that is an artist. Oh, my gosh, it is an artist. Okay, well, if they will at least admit in their heart that they are a con artist. No, in their heart. You can't admit it out loud.

Of course not. Otherwise, you're not a good con artist. Wait, is mental illness art according to this? I'm saying that, look, it is called a con artist. Wow. That banana tape guy? Yeah. He knows it.

He's an artist. He knows it. What a con artist. Con artists are the true artists. Wow. Okay. I think you could get into that art, Andy. I can't wait until Mike releases an album and each song is just one strum of one chord.

It's actually just going to be all silence. Ooh. Listen to this. What could have been there? Yeah. That is the art. You fill in the spaces. Oh, my gosh.

I hate pretentious art so much. I really do. Yeah, man, it's bad. Finn. That's the only thing in the record? Kennedy from the website. Is it better to eat the worst thing first and save the best thing for last or eat the best thing first so you get full enjoyment from the start?

I'm a big believer in eating worst first. So veggies first? To finish with the strength? Yeah, but to Mike's question, veggies first all right to finish with the strength yeah but to mike's question veggies first no the veggies are the one that's like i started with other stuff that was you know bad like steak and then i finished with my dessert oh and i just oh whoops i forgot to ever touch the veggies but i'm you know a little too full for the vegetables. Yeah, you know, it's the Lucky Charms thing. Leave the marshmallows in the bowl for those last delicious bites of pure marshmallow.

It might not surprise you, but I'm a proportional to a fault eater. So what I want is every bite to seem the same. Okay. So if I make a quick mental calculation, there's that many potatoes, there's that many pieces of chicken, there's that much salad, and if I'm going to eat them together,

I'm going to just be perfectly rationing it so that the first bite is the same as the last. I don't want to get to the end and it's all just fish. So in that meal, are you going fork gets chicken and the other pieces? That's correct. Or is it chicken, bite, the other section bite either one is fine yeah as long as towards the end it's all proportionally you know completed okay if i'm

being honest here because i i start with the with the lucky charms you know save the best for last and i and i do enjoy that from time to time but in in truth, when I think about how I eat, if I get a really nice meal, I find that I am a sandwich style. I want to start and end with whatever the best is. So I will actually start with whatever looks best. And then, like, sometimes it's just the bread. Like, there's an amazing garlic bread or whatever. I'll take a couple bites of that. And then I'm like, that was so good.

I am now waiting until the end of the meal to have more. I want to start and end with a bang. My Lucky Charms style, because what you're saying is the, it's like people save all the marshmallows for the last. Yeah. But Lucky Charms isn't good if it's a bite of marshmallows. Yeah. What is actually good is if you have like a higher percentage of marshmallows per bite.

That is very good. So I will take a few sacrificial bites in the beginning to even up them to where it's like one bad piece, two marshmallows. One bad piece, two marshmallows. Look, you know if it wasn't a money issue, they would have put more mallows in there. You think? Oh, absolutely. It costs them more to make the marshmallows. A bowl full of marshmallows is not a breakfast.

It's not going to fill you up dummy over here i could eat a bowl full of marshmallows no problem oops all marshes no no but they've done the oops all berries which is great work oops all marshes uh how do you eat mike do you uh do you go worse the first um were you trained in any way like i always couldn't eat my dessert till the end because that was the rules yeah i mean that was that was the rule don't want to spoil your appetite in the household i think it it depends on how bad the worst is like if it is i mean if we're talking like green beans yeah which are awful just terrible devil's play thing terrible Terrible, terrible vegetables. I'm going to house those.

I'm just going to get it out of the way, unless there's something like mashed potatoes or something that I can help them be not as bad. But I'll still focus on getting the worst out of the way. Do you ever do the nose thing? What's the nose thing? Do you ever plug the nose as a kid? I found that to never work.

It works pretty well. What? Yeah. It works pretty well. What? Yeah. It never worked for me, but my nose is always plugged. Without your smell, you can't really taste. Now, did you use your fingers in this? I don't know if you know. Or did you just kind of close your clothespin like old school?

I'm saying like, did you just stop breathing? You know, you could kind of plug your nose without doing anything. Or did you actually hold your- No, you have to hold it. You can't let peripheral green bean smell get in there. can't possibly do it like that eat while holding while pinching my nose with the other hand yes you could uh impossible do it tonight so i dare you it's art owl found something it is not actually the cereal but you can get a lucky charms just magical marshmallows uh snacks so it's a four ounce bag nice i could just pour that in

water or milk you just reveal yourself jason rose no i mean you could buy those and then supplement each lucky charms bowl with extra marshmallows that's not a bad idea that's not you could mix your your own you pour the box into one of those like containers and then put the marshmallows in there and shake it up i'm just telling you put them in a bowl put some milk in and try it on for the marshmallows i couldn't do it you could do it it's too sweet man wait you eat a bowl full of sugar all cereal is a bowl would you pour sugar into a bowl and just eat spoonfuls of sugar but it's so yes and no um i wouldn't just pour that in, but I do remember. Sugar and milk.

I do remember when we had like regular Cheerios, which I don't know why those are still made, but and then when I was a kid, you'd pour the sugar on the cereal and then you'd pour the milk on and you'd have those bites where you're scraping the bottom of the bowl for that extra sugar and every now and then towards the end, you'd come up and they're just plain sugar. That was pretty good, though.

That was pretty good. Would you put some sour worms into some milk and just eat them? I don't think sour would be as good as sweet in that situation, but I'm willing to try. All right. We got time for one more great question yeah let's do one more all right daniel from twitter how full does the sink need to be with the dishes before it's time to do the dishes oh interesting i'm not sure is it fullness i don't think it's an odor i yeah i think it's i

think it's time more than fullness right like because i can fill up a sink with clean ish glasses you know what i mean like oh everyone was over we all had a a toast yeah you can leave it there for a while so now i've got a ton of champagne flutes or something i don't care about that like leave it in there for however long until i need that sink empty but if it's like last night's dinner dishes that were hard to scrape off. I feel like it's doing damage. Time is doing damage to that cleaning process. Yeah, it's what, how much dirty is on the dishes? How much dirty is on the dishes?

Because if there's no food particles in that sink, I don't think I care. Okay. If there's no food particles in that sink, I don't think I care. Okay. But if there's a bunch of food stuck on these plates and bowls and whatever, that's got to get cleaned. Any of you guys do the thing where you justify not washing them by filling the sink with soap in it, and then you just put them all in the hot water soap?

Oh, yeah. You're cleaning them now. Because you can leave them there for a while. I mean, the soaps are actively scrubbing. That's my perspective. I've seen the scrubbing bubbles. No, that's good. I've been taught.

Here's the problem in my household. Then it gets cold the next day and you've got cold water. You know, let's say you don't have time to clean everything, and so you've got some dishes by the sink, but something's happening and people come. So then you put all the dishes in the sink to kind of clear the counters make it look a little better that that's you know go-to for a lot of people i'm sure but then i have children who love cereal and they will then come and take their cereal and they

will pour it into the sink apparently without looking when i say children love cereal i'm well when they're done or whatever just their empty milk you know they're not going to put the milk in the garbage thank you they're doing the right when they're done or whatever, just their empty milk. You know, they're not going to put the milk in the garbage. Thank you. They're doing the right thing. They're pouring it down the drain. Except they don't pay any attention to the fact that there's dishes in here. Oh, they pour the milk all over the dishes.

They just pour the milk on the dishes and then there's a bowl full of milk in the... That's gross. You got to do them quicker. That's awful. And then you come back late, but you don't know. That's a high level of dirty. You don't know that that happened this morning. You get out of the house.

You know what you need? A cereal sink. A separate sink for your kids to pour their milk. Yeah, nothing can go in there but cereal. That would actually be used very often in my house. That's probably a good idea. I'm going to look at installing a third sink. You guys want to draft?

Sure. The Spitballers draft all right we are drafting wishes from a genie simple yeah we're drafting wishes now are the ground rules that we need to discuss well the ground rules are established by aladdin which are don't help anybody. Well, other than yourself. You got no wishing for more wishes. Right. That's illegal. Can't make someone fall in love with you? No, can't make someone fall in love.

That's too hard even for a genie. Can't bring the dead back to life. Oh, really? Yeah. That's a shame. Yeah, it is. And you can't kill anybody, right? That was one of the...

Oh, is that? I thought it was. I don't think we'd be picking a lot of murderous stuff. No, that's true. That's true. I'm going to need to update my list okay yeah update that no killing so i i guess i struggled to determine what a 101 would be in this draft because i have things that i think are very much in the category of not big enough to be that deserve to be a wish. Right. But I'd still probably take them because they're kind of cool.

Yeah. I mean, here's the nice thing about this is that we're not limiting ourselves here to three wishes. Okay. So that's not the genie rule here. We're getting total of 12 of these suckers. So they're not all going to be the best things of all time. But these are things we want. So there's like four lamps.

Yeah. We're sharing four lamps. Sure. All right. So look, I guess for whatever reason, this one came to mind first. Okay. And I don't even know what it really means. Okay.

Okay. Interesting. I hope the genie does. But I want to, let me start over. Okay. Dear genie. Yes. I'd like to be an all-powerful wizard okay will you make me a wizard because i feel like i'm getting some genie powers as a wizard now i'm not gonna specify i'm gonna tell the genie you make me an all-powerful wizard whatever the

genie interprets that as he makes me jafar didafar did it, and he was set. He was a sorcerer. Sure, sure. Thank you, Mike. I mean, there's- Thank you. There's differences. Goodness. Very similar.

I don't want people to think I'm asking to be Jafar here, all right? But my point is, he had it all. He should have just stopped there, and then he was in complete control. Yeah, he got duped. I'm just, you're all-powerful. You're the only wizard around. This show's got a lot of wizard history. Yeah. And so I, you're all-powerful. You're the only wizard around. This show's got a lot of wizard history. And so I think being an all-powerful wizard

is my number one pick. Oh, that's a great pick. You would be Mike and I's local wizard in that situation. Absolutely. Most people. That guy's a clown, though. Yeah, I don't like the local wizard. I'm a national wizard in that case. I'm more of a global wizard. I'm the only wizard that exists.

Yeah, probably. Alright, Mike. I'm the only wizard that exists. I mean, yeah, probably. All right, Mike. You are on the clock. Interesting. Can't wait for you to solve society's ills. Just so much. Yeah, let's be a little selfless here, Mike. I mean, I've got some things.

Let's see that big heart of yours okay okay well I'm gonna ask the genie for a bigger heart I mean I can help people out because I will have unlimited money yeah yeah that's for sure I mean what a noble

thing you will do for people when you've got with all your personal money I mean just incredible things yeah i mean look 25 i'm a good tipper oh you're gonna leave that restaurant attention uh earth um source of all inflation the unlimited money man mike right no one will people don't know that i have unlimited here's the thing i's the thing. You give away enough of it. Okay, so I'm back down to 15% for that tip. That's Andy's fault.

I know that Mike, if Mike had infinite money, I think he's still, he's searching for the deals. He's getting the 5% off coupons. I'm still hitting up Groupon. I know. I know, Mike. He is going to be stingy with that money. It's frugal.

Yeah. Frugal with that money. Which is funny because if you have unlimited money, everything's free. Right. Yeah, but there's no fun in that. Yeah, but he's still got to beat the system. Yes. All right, Jason, you have two picks.

Oh, that's fantastic. I don't know why I was not expecting to be up. You'd think we've done this show enough time. Okay, well, I was worried that Mike was going to maybe take one of these things expecting to be up that's you think we've done this show enough time okay well this is i was worried that mike was gonna maybe take one of these things that would render my 101 well it'll be interesting to see andy's pick influenced my pick okay okay um my 101 is i'm gonna say hey what's up genie it's dear genie oh i'm sorry dear Genie. Dear Genie, I would like Superman's powers. That was my 101.

But I moved away from it so I don't just have almost a very similar pick to Andy. Oh, that's so different than Andy's. No, I know, but I know that they're different, but it was like still a make me a very powerful person with magic powers. Yeah, no, that's good. yeah i i can i mean you know because it's like my first thought when i was coming up with this list was flight was like oh my gosh i want to fly uh-huh and then i was like i would love super strength and then i was like wait a minute i just want all of the superhero powers the superman has i also is that that's valid, right? Because obviously you get all of it.

It's valid, but I didn't want to take so many things off by bundling. That is a bundle. No, that is a bundle, and I apologize for nothing. That's fine. I'm going to stick with me. I can't wait to see you in those tights, by the way.

You're darn right. You're not wrong because of my neck switch. I'm really focused on me lights, by the way. I'm going to steal. Well, yeah, you're darn right. You're not wrong because of my next wish. I'm really focused on me. It's on my list. At this point. But I am going to wish. Hey, Jeannie, I would like the way that I wrote this, and maybe I got to reformulate this for the ask in Jeannie. You got to be very specific or they'll get you.

All right. Then I got to be careful with how. I would like to look like chris hemsworth that is my wish what i wrote was wish for chris hemsworth's body face hair and voice you know there's something terrible is going to happen if you do that exactly you so i'm just i gotta leave it to the genie i want to to look like Chris Hemsworth, in which case, how am I looking in them tights now, Andy? You're looking very good.

I will enjoy the moment between your first and second wish when you're being transported into the tights because you're flying around a little before you make your second wish. Oh, for sure. That's the time I'm going to videotape. For sure. Little thunder thighs and tights. Ooh, and then when you get chris himworth chris hemsworth's looks unfortunately you will still have the superman suit from your original body that you have to get into it's a little stretched out actually i think he's still bigger

than me right like what hamsworth yeah i'll bet his stomach like i've got a big old belly and he's got a six-pack your waist is bet his. No, your waist is going to be larger than his. Yeah, it is. That's true. You're not wrong. No, it's just a fact. I'm trying to be helpful here. Yeah, I had written down optimal physique, but.

Yeah, what size shirt does Chris Hemsworth buy? That's a great question. I look at him, and I think like a 3XL. I think he probably buys an XL. I'd go XL. He probably does buy an XL. I'm going to do XL. Because you don't want it baggy.

Yeah. Not when you got that body. What are you talking about? He doesn't buy shirts. He just walks around shirtless. All right. Like I will. I'll fly around shirtless.

Mike? So there's tremendous. My picks are so bad. No, you're good, dude. I'm looking at the rest of my list. Oh, the rest of my list so this one's a little difficult but like

so I would say dear genie I want the answers so that if anyone asks me any question I have the answer for it and I have the correct answer for it so you want google

in your brain well google doesn't always give you the correct answer i don't i don't know if you remember a time when uh we had to travel internationally and we said hey google do you need a passport to go to canada and they're like no man you're good you're good you're good to go are you a u.s resident? Just stroll on up. I forgot about that. Go right on in. Whoopsies. The top result for Google is not factual all the time.

And then we had to rush because we had a live show in Toronto, and we did not have passports. And the week of that show, we were like, oh, we checked this. we checked this google google told us we could go it's a good point um i do have one tiny question about it you have all the correct answers yes now the the question is is do you know this because you didn't say all knowledge you said all the correct answers that's a final final guess yep so locked in are you waiting for people to ask you questions the things you want to know, because you won't be able to say the answer until they ask it? Yeah.

So like the meaning of life or something, someone needs to come up and ask it before you know it. Well, they have to ask me before I can share that with them. But I mean, I would assume I can ask a question. Can you ask yourself? Yeah. But at least make it so you have to say it out loud. Yes.

Oh, that's fine. That's fine. I didn't phrase it in a certain way. That make it so you have to say it out loud. Yes. That would be much funnier. That's fine. I didn't phrase it in a certain way. That's funny. I have to look in the mirror. You just have to say it out loud. I need a reflection quick.

All right. Unlimited money and all the correct answers. Mike, a couple great picks for the rest of the world. I mean, those correct answers are going to help a lot of people. Yeah. Dozens. I'd be curious to ask the question of like how much of that money are you going to give me and what the answer would be none the correct answer is no money now jason went with superman's powers yeah and the chris and thor's body that's

what i was gonna say i'm surprised you did you could have wrapped them you could have said i mean it's thor's everything and you would have got them both. Yeah, but I can't. You don't need Thor's powers when you're for Superman. And also, I'm pretty sure Thor cannot shoot lasers from his eyeballs. I really want that one. How does Thor do with kryptonite? Oh, he's fine. Yeah.

That is a problem. Yeah, you're one problem. All right. I am. I've asked to become an all-powerful wizard. And look, this one is going to genuinely be for everybody. But I just think it's a great one. Oh, that's great.

I'm going to fix the weather everywhere. Oh, that is so good. I'm going to ask the genie to make the weather everywhere awesome all the time. You just destroyed the earth. Wow, right, science guy. No, he made it perfect. You know. No, because look, if you're saying that whatever that, you know,

okay, now it's a nice warm degrees where the ice poles are and it's going to melt and the cause of, well, if it caused a problem, then it's not perfect weather. You know what I mean? Then it would cause warming. Perfect weather. Perfect weather. It includes nature to melt. Well, if it caused a problem, then it's not perfect weather. You know what I mean? Then it would cause warming. Thank you. Perfect weather includes nature. Absolutely.

Come on, Mike. You just corrected global warming. Gone. Because perfect weather. Although the idea of him granting the wish and moments later tsunamis cascading throughout the earth to kill everyone is comical. Your wish is my command and you have one month to live. All right.

So I'm going to make perfect weather everywhere. Okay. For nature, for people. It's great. All encompassing. I figured I could save this one, but I was going with... Yours was far more help, people. Mine was simply body temperature control.

Yeah. I looked at how can I help myself. Would it come with a little nest thermostat on your shoulder that you can just dial in? My 102, I didn't take it, but it was perfect body temperature. Yes. 100%. I mean, so this is great. This is great news.

It is going to be very helpful. Although you did kill like all the penguins. So there will be some repercussions. They should have learned how to fly that's really on them um okay and then i need a uh a third one and you guys will you you want to offer me a little help i need i need to know how to word it properly yeah no we're here yeah i have the answers but i would like the way i've written it down is my wish is to be able to travel seamlessly safely speedily through all of space so you that's a problem because that was gonna be my next oh baby mike cannot uh that's called teleportation

yeah but i don't want i mean i guess that that's true teleport the journey yeah but i don't want it to be like the math journey that happens now where within our constraints, it's like, cool, you'll be safe on your way to Saturn. You'll also be dead before you get there. So you want an actual, perfectly working starship Enterprise. Yeah, I want to be able to travel the galaxy. How about that? Is that a good wish? Sure.

But if I teleport, I've got to pick a spot to be in. I don't know where I want to be in the galaxy. Do you, Mike? You don't know. What would you say? I mean, you don't know where I want to be in the galaxy. Do you, Mike? You don't know. What would you say? I mean, you wouldn't know. Put me on Euridus. So way too big of an Al Borland laugh on that one.

So I will say to travel through space. Let's just say that. Is that a good one? Yeah. Travel through the galaxy. Yes. No, that's a great one. He wrote space travel down.

We have space travel. Yeah, I mean. Well, you got to upgrade that somehow. You just said travel through space. Much different. The hard part here is Jason can already do that. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Superman can fly no problem through space. This is the problem with Superman. Yeah. It's great. This is why Mike had the integrity to not draft it. Exactly. It's just he's so. He didn't have all the problem with Superman. Yeah. It's great. This is why Mike had the integrity to not draft it. Exactly. It's just he's so. He didn't have all the right answers yet.

If I could be Superman, you clearly take it, but it's just so boring. Oh. For a storybook, it's so boring. Sure. For a story, yeah. Yes. That's what I mean. Now, Mike, you're back on the clock, right?

I am. And you, I mean, could you be able to uh are you able to draft ask the genie kindly to remove jason's powers is that one of your potential yeah i mean i wish for in the world of uh thunderdome wishing that yes i believe that is on the table that you can undo people's wishes and we should have just been fighting we got to do another draft someday where ours, it's like a battle royale draft of genie wishes. Bad wishes for people? Bad wishes. Yeah, that's interesting.

How to make each other the most uncomfortable with four wishes. Alright, I hope you like your spider underwear. Oh no. Oh no! Sir! At first I thought it was just a pattern on the cloth and then I realized it was probably made out of spiders At first, I thought it was just a pattern on the cloth, and then I realized it was probably made out of spiders.

Yeah, you bet it was. All right, Mike, you're up. I mean, time control. Okay, yeah. Time control powers. That's an amazing pick because I was thinking you'd have to do like, one of my choices was going to be to pause time. One of them was like, can I control Z and go back and

fix things? Got it. But when you say time control, broadly, it is not a machine where I just go to one point in time. It's just the power to control time. Like, I need a break. Zach Morris, time out. Interesting. Everyone freezes.

I always thought that that power was really cool for a couple of minutes and then it was really lonely well if you pause everyone yes if you pause everybody like literally in my notes I said to be able to pause time for whoever I want so that I wouldn't be

alone what was that show the alien girl and she touches her fingers together out of this alone. Well, that's what was that show? The Alien Girl. She touches her fingers together. Out of this world. Is it out of this world? I think so. Look it up, Al. Look up Alien Girl sitcom can freeze time.

Mike should know that answer already based on your wish. Out of this world. Oh, he did. He did know the answer. It was Cable, wasn't it? I think so. But she could freeze time, and then if she touched you on the back, you joined. Oh, she could get you to join?

Yes. Yeah. Oh, man. That's life. All right. Just me and you. Everyone else is frozen. Jason, you have two picks to finish out your draft.

You are a Chris Hemsworth Superman in the moment. Yep. In the moment. And that's the key, and that's the problem. Just log out. That's the key. Well, it would be, except I might look like Chris Hemsworth right now. Oh, you don't want to? Okay. Okay.

You never age? I love eating. Okay. And I don't want to look like Fat Thor. Your Hemsworth would run out in a few weeks? My Hemsworth would look bad. I would ruin Chris Hemsworth with my lack of self-control. So I am going to Genie.

Self-control? No, goodness no. I want to be able to eat everything I want with perfect health. That's my pick. That's your pick. Yep. I get to eat the worst of the worst, and it's like I'm eating the best of the best. I mean, it's a great pick.

I had unlimited calorie-free ice cream or desserts without calories, so you encompass all things. Eat what you want. With perfect health. With perfect health. I mean, love it. Great wish. I would feel like if you wished for a certain physique that that just oh i know how

genies work man they they look for the loopholes they're gonna i mean they say like you have you have to mean well that means that you have to maintain your hemsworth physique yes do you understand how much that guy works out you know what i now i'm probably wrong with what I'm going to say. I know I'm wrong. But I feel like if I was physically able to be more active, I would be much more active. Oh, no. You're going chicken egg with this thing? It is. It's a chicken egg. If I was fit, I'd be fit.

Yes, exactly right. If I was fit, I would be fit. Yeah, you have no idea how much that guy works out. I mean, but what do i have to lift i got superman's powers i'm gonna be like lifting semi trucks to work out you you know what i mean that's a great question if you are how does he stay toned if you have unlimited super strength because grab like his gravity is not a problem for you he's got to go to a planet with worse gravity yeah say how do you pump iron muscle mass you have to like go to jupiter i don't know maybe

my muscles don't deteriorate because i got superman's power you better use your last wish on that yeah um better cover your bases all right um man i've got a couple here on the list um man that one would be that one would be really nice for other people um not sure i'm gonna go that route though well i mean you've already done a lot for people. I have. They get to look at you. I've given people something great to look at. Art.

Yes, art. Okay, so things are going well. I think I want things to continue to go well. I think I want things to always go well. Okay. continue to go well i think i want things to always go well okay and i'm going to wish genie for the best luck in the world it's on my list i mean at that point incredible luck is on my list incredible luck things are going to go right i'm going to run into who i want to run into i'm going to get things right on accident things are just going to go well. Now, I do worry that this could cause extreme depression.

Because if everything always goes well. Do you actually appreciate it? Do you appreciate it? Are you happy? No yin yang? Yeah, exactly. So I do worry. But I'm going to find out.

I'm going to find out. Because I think great luck would just be amazing. You know what that would actually hurt you the most in? Is if you were ever trying to teach your kids a game or try to... You'd be trying a board game and you're trying to let them contend and win and you just keep rolling double sixes every time.

Sixes again. Whoops. And then they never beat. You would never lose a game. You would never lose anything. Yeah. Unless it would be extremely lucky to lose that game because it caused something great to happen to my children. Yeah, I don't know about that.

Extreme luck. Yeah. All right. I assume not bad luck. Yeah, you'd lose. Or you would never lose. Mike, you have a final pick. All right.

All right. So I've got it down between two. Still not helping anybody else. So I'm checking all those boxes. I'm going to go. Once we've got all of our picks in and we look at the rest of our list, all those will be really helpful. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yes. We've got some great stuff on our list. Don't worry. We only got four four choices here i'm gonna go i would think it would be honest i'm gonna be able to speak every language yeah every language ever that that ever existed that means that no matter where you are in the world you would be able to understand in the universe the plight of all the people you didn't help. You would be able to hear from them.

You could hear their cries. No matter the language, you'd hear them say, why didn't you help us? But in their native language. I can hear their cries, but I can't understand them. Look, if those people come up to me and say, why didn't you help? I'll drop them a Twinsky. All right. Don't spend this in one place. You can speak every language, Mike. That's right. Look.

Don't spend this in one place. You can speak every language, Mike. That's right. You're great. You're a communicator. Now they can ask questions, and you can answer them in their native language because you have all the answers. Oh, the owl is trying to say, I said speak every language, not understand. Oh, no.

Did he really? I mean, I remember once I got a ladder in a genie deal on this show. So, hmm. Interesting. My pick, final pick? Yep, you're the last pick. I'm an all-powerful wizard. Do you want all marshmallow?

I've made the weather perfect. You have. I've traveled through galaxies, but I'm going to take a very not obvious choice here i thought about some other things i thought about like instant delivery of everything right we already got one day delivery what if i could just put my hand out and stuff showed up that i was buying that's the uh what's that called star trek uh the the food making machine yeah i don't know i'm not i don't know what it's called i also thought about wings early on but but you got Superman and then Buffalo wings. No, replicator.

Replicator. Okay. Thank you. We got to have an original replicate. That's fair. But I'm going to go with something a little different. And it's that all my enemies don't have any teeth. Because I feel like it would just really neutralize any any problems i would have i got a question though yeah not even fake teeth at what point

do they become an enemy is it you make a statement is it you like you just mentally have i imagine i've got a list you have yeah yeah i probably got a. Handing that over to the genie. Now, is that once forever? No, the list is the magic. And so when I put the name on the list, their teeth fall out. So if I get really upset at you. And I can take it off the list and you'll get your teeth back. Oh, really? So this is a potential

financial situation for me. I mean, that is a great motivator for me to be kind to you. And I want to be clear. You try to put in some fake teeth, they're coming out too. Yeah, no, that's fair. It's genie magic. But I will let you put them in, and they'll slowly fall out over the next day.

So it'll be kind of humiliating. Like, I just feel like if my enemies had no teeth, how intimidating are you? And not only that, but pretty much everyone around you would know who you don't like. That's true. The wizard's enemies, they're the toothless gang yeah so i mean i had a bunch of other choices poverty no more illness oh so you did it the wrong

way i've got the patents to cure all diseases oh because you want to make some cash money i mean look uh someone's gotta administer this and i would like to be at the top of that you guys went at such a high level on some of your picks. I couldn't go to mine. They seem so much worse. I was going to go with the simple, I get tomorrow's pay for today. Like the old show. I mean, you could have done that.

Because I can make a ton of money with that. Sure. Yeah. And I get to, it's almost like time travel, right? You get to fix something. Almost. But then you're like time control. It just dunks on it.

Yeah. That was a good pick. Thanks thanks he had all the answers though so that's um i also have the patent on how to efficiently desalinate the oceans get you know all of his patents all your good stuff for the world is you owning the patents i mean it's a twofer you know i'm helping people help myself i didn't get infinite money so i gotta got to have... You got to have patents. I got to have patents. If I could just get that polio vaccine patent. Oh, my goodness.

Okay. Are there any omissions you guys want to share? Mind control. And then to be a movie star. That was one of the ones. Chris Hemsworth looks. I'd like to be... His career.

His wife. I would like to be. His career. His career. His wife. I would like to be Australian. I want to live in his house. I want to eat his food. All right. Mike, did you have anything else? Are you good? I mean, just overall health.

Okay. All right. That's it. Money. Money. Great. What did we learn today? Well,

um, what did we learn today? I think what I learned today is that I, if I ever, Oh, I am about to be Mike's neighbor too. Better watch out when I'm doing my yard work. Just know that when you steal stuff,

your dog is on camera. Wow. That's true. I learned at the highest level, the greatest artists are con artists. Yes. Oh, man. That's what I was going to say as well.

I will say that what I also learned, I did not bring up on the show, but the most expensive book ever sold, worth about $10 million more than the most expensive dinosaur book. Whoa! Always admit when you're wrong at the very end. Learn that, too.

All right, that is it for the Spitballers Podcast. Thank you for joining us. Talk to you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com.