Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Destination Funerals & The Best Places To Sit - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

Spit Hit for July 4th, 2024: On today’s episode, we discuss having immense wealth at age 10, delivering a drunken speech at a funeral, and driving without cup holders. We also spend too much time determining the correct pronunciation of some common words. We wrap things up with a draft of the best places to sit. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Smittballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Blibbidi blibbidi blabbidi blabbidi blum. listen. BLEBIDI BLEBIDI BLEBIDI BLEBIDI BOOM! Alright, I'm in. How'd you feel about that one, Mike? I felt okay. It was good. Not bad.

It was good. I liked it. Not bad. I feel like I was a little rushed. Like you got through it too quick. What did you say? You could have had one other boom at the end. I needed a blebid.

I see I was doing a vowel rundown right of uh eat apples and baninis right But you didn't get the blebitty look when you get one chance. Yeah. No I did never goes according to plan Welcome to episode 209 of the spitballers podcast excited to have a new show to share with you today Would you rather that's a great question. And we are drafting the best places to sit. All right? So just think about that as we get closer to our draft. Every single idea and question on today's show

came from supporters on Patreon. Thank you. So you can go to jointhespit.com. I think that works. You can go to spitwthespit.com, I think that works. You can go to spitwadsquad.com, I think that works. There's multiple ways. It's the same destination, but you're just, it's a choose your own adventure here,

where you're like, do I wanna be part of the Spitwad squad, or do I wanna join the Spit? I like where your head was at, Jay. Did you guys do those, were you into those books? Yes. Loved the Choose Your Own Adventures until I killed myself in the book. Well, I'm saying like the, going with the tactic

of you leave your thumb in there. Never cheated the book. Oh man. What? What an idiot. Hold on, hold on. Until I died, yeah, guess how often I died? Never.

Maybe that's not true. You didn't cheat? Maybe if I, I probably didn't do it every time But if I thought that trouble was around the bend, I probably kept my finger there I mean you always got to peruse at least a couple words for whatever reason I remember one of them Where my story ended because I blew myself up with firecrackers. That was the end of the choose your own adventure It was very traumatic because my book my book reading was it was over the story The right I had chosen it and death you like it. I do love that these

Authors the human beings that wrote this book were like I'm going to put an option that this child reading could die of firecrackers That's right. It was it was hardcore back then I remember my story coming to an end I decided I was in an airport and I took an object from a stranger. It turns out you should not do that. Okay. Important life lesson learned? It was a gun. Oh.

Okay. And I got in trouble. Well, that makes sense. And that's why they announced at the airport, don't take packages from strangers. Or bring guns. Yeah, that too. All right. At spitballers pod on Twitter. Let's get going.

Would you rather. Brad from Patreon writes in, would you rather be gifted $1 dollars at age 10 with the mentality of a 10 year old and no advice. Okay, so I'm out of money by 11, go on. Yeah, that was the plot of Blank Check. Yeah, I've seen this movie. Or be gifted one million dollars at age 68. So. Interesting. That's a long time.

I mean, this does, Al, it implies you do live to 68 at this point, right? Or is that part of the gamble? I would think that would be implied. That you live or that it's part of the gamble? So this is a bonus now. Now I know I make it to 68. But you're 68, right? The things you can do at 68 with a million dollars, different than what you could do at 10 years old. Yeah, a lot better. Is it?

Of course it is. At 68? Yes. But wouldn't you want to remember that great 42 days where you're living high on the hog at 10 years old. You had every video game and video game system. The way I see it, if you're a 10-year-old, you're not getting advice.

Oh man, the Pokemon investment I'd be making. If we're saying like, you're not getting grifted by a bunch of adults here who are like, coming out smart, you're like, you're just, you're left to your own devices to spend, you're not spending that money in 40 days. No. You think, you're gonna have a lot. You can't buy that many gumballs. Exactly.

You're gonna have a lot of cash. You're not buying cars and houses at 10 years old. And so, you know, there's a joke that I would run out of money. But it is not a joke that you can do way more at 68 than you could do at 10. I mean, it doesn't matter what you want to do at 10 if you've got the money to do it. Is mom and dad letting you? Can I do it? Am I allowed to do it?

Am I able to be driven to this location? When I'm 68, I'm an empty nester. My kids are gone. I'm retired. I can do whatever I want! You don't think that... Except walk well. Okay, that's fair. You don't think that your parents would talk you into, you know, 10% of that money going into a bank account? No advice.

Oh, no advice. Yeah. Ah, shoot. I was gonna do some compound interest math And you're a millionaire by 32. That's what I was gonna go easy You're actually a millionaire by 10. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Yes. I think that I Think you're right. I mean, I think the the most practical use of that is 68 years old a million dollars you get to buy that use of that is 68 years old, a million dollars. You get to buy that whatever, that beach house, that the retirement house. But man, the dream as a child was the blank check dream and he spent it. The dream was a thousand dollars. I had $42 as a kid once and I felt as rich as I

could be. I could buy any Ninja Turtle toy I wanted. You got, I'm taking the million as a ten-year-old. You're just I'm taking the million as a 10 year old. You're just going wild. I mean, it would, it'd be a great story for the rest of your life. I feel like you. I blew a million dollars. I feel like I would, if me as a 10 year old,

I could buy everything that I wanted, everything, and I would still have hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars just sitting in a briefcase in my room. No, you're right. I mean, if you're actually 10 years old, and I think of when I was 10. My huffy's going to be off the chain? Yeah. Everything that I would possibly want would not cost more than, you know, maybe I'd get a box suite at the Suns for season tickets. Like, that's what I would have got as a 10-year-old,

and that would have cost him, you know, tens of thousands of dollars, but I would add everything left. You've got nothing to spend it on. Now, if this was a question of I'm not guaranteed to make it to 68, but if I make it to 68, I'm going to take the, I'm going 10 years old because I at least get that. You're not banking on six. I'm not banging on 60. I mean, look, fingers crossed every day is a gift. Jason. Thank you, Mike. Thank you Mike But if if I'm assured 68 then that's where my money's going We're going 10 now wait large would you? 68 do you know the snacks you could get at the snack bar and I mean, oh my goodness, you'd be the coolest Snacks of this rounds on me eighth grade the problem would be your popularity

This round's on me, eighth grade. The problem would be your popularity. Because everyone's gonna be swarming around you. The Star Crunches you have to buy. Yes, if you open that door of you're willing to buy people snacks and things. I would. Then maybe you run through your million dollars a little bit faster.

If I can run through a million dollars of Star Crunches. I mean that is some impressive work being done. A million dollars at ten Jason or you forego it and you just get the guarantee you're 68. Oh man give me that million dollars. I mean every man toys, not every man truly lives. All right Wally from Patreon would you rather have a few too many adult beverages before delivering a speech at your best friend's wedding or funeral?

Oh. Okay. So where do you wanna not mess up? This is just not even close to me. This is the most home run, let it be the wedding, let it be the goofy memory at the wedding. Really? Really? Yeah, because I was like, I'm in complete agreement with him.

It's so obvious. It's so easy. Which place is there more likely to be a drunk person? Oh, it's the wedding. So first of all, it's going to be more permissible for you to have had a few drinks. Second of all, the likelihood of you finding that middle spot on the speech where it's not funny enough to be a YouTube memory for the thing, but just funny enough to embarrass you, I just feel like if I went up at a funeral and I desecrated the memory of somebody with my stupidity, See, I feel like if you-

You both went the other way! Yeah, I felt like it was the funeral because, like, you're like you're at the funeral which a celebration of life like the emotions are gonna come pouring out and I feel like at the best friend's wedding you're trying to be clever you're trying to be funny and you have you run the risk of losing your best friend by like, you share something that you should not have shared. You overstep a line, you launch into a burn that's just over the line and it's remembered forever and now your best friend is mad at you. Maybe the spouse is super angry with you. You run yourself a risk there. The funeral, there's no risk.

Right. You've already lost. Your best friend's not mad at you. You run yourself a risk there. The funeral, there's no risk. Right, you've already lost. Because your best friend's not mad at you. He's gone. There are other people there. I don't care about them. My best friend is gone. Which place can you take your shirt off? Both. Okay. More acceptable at the wedding. I thought, all right. I'm at a beach funeral. What's funny is I had heard this question at destination how much do you love me my my my funeral is a hole in Hawaii respect my wishes Maui yes a destination beach funeral will be at the five star he has no expenses paid final no no

this is about you love you love me am I worth this to you his final wishes were that his friends and family who he loved the most would come to the five-star resort in Wailoa It's a multi-day experience. Oh, for sure. Week-long stay. We're spreading his ashes all over the road to Hana. There's checkpoints throughout the entire island. All of the islands, in fact. Oh, my gosh.

You got an island hop, a destination. That's the type of funeral I want. Your wife would be like, oh, my gosh. But to be fair, that's also the type of funeral. I want to go to Right like sorry work. I have to go to this really important funeral That's gonna take a week and a whole lot eat like how do you say no to that? You might not have vacation time, but my uncle died and he asked me to go to Paris Okay, that's really really funny

Exactly. Okay, that's really, really funny. What I was going to say before the amazingness of a destination funeral was that I heard the question backwards, like where would you rather not be? And so I am completely with Hayden. I'm not saying something wrong at a funeral. You got to walk on eggshells at a funeral. I don't think you do. You can't disparage the death.

Yeah, Mike, you may want your funeral to be a celebration of life, and I know that's the goal for a lot, but there's a massive amount of sadness and mourning taking place at a funeral. But not a destination funeral. That's a party. Snorkeling on a destination. Yes! Yeah, part of me needs to go down to the reef.

The casket's at the bottom. You can sn oracle down. But it's like, what can you, if you go over the line at a funeral, it is this person just, they're in grief and it poured out. I just feel like if you in fact step over that line, you're more likely to be forgiven for the funeral and not the wedding. Now how do you, if the general tradition has been like the what, the parents of the bride have paid some of the funeral or the wedding bill? Does that mean like the parents of the groom are supposed to cover the funeral?

They're long gone, never mind. I think the groom's, you're covering your own expenses. Oh my goodness All right not to travel less to answer the question. I will take the destination funeral I want how jolly are the invitations are they are they really somber? Oh, they've got those butterflies that when you open it up they scare everybody Okay, they pop out and sand explodes. He would have wanted you to be here join me in They pop out and sand explodes. He would have wanted you to be here join me in Tahiti As I mourn all right Lester from patreon Would you rather have too much of a good thing and get sick of it or?

Never have quite enough, but always want it. Oh Oh Boy, yeah, I mean here's a here's this one of the saddest parts of human nature, in my opinion, is that generally speaking, when we're blessed with something, for a long enough period of time, we take it for granted. Sure, always. Always, it doesn't matter what it is. You could have the greatest gift, that million dollars

that you have at 10 years old to buy whatever you want. You buy all those toys, your desire for them after a week goes away, right? Yes. But this question is heavily flawed. One thing is, Yeah, Lester. Look at it like this, unless I'm reading this question wrong.

This is, would you like to have a good thing with a downside? Or would you rather have a bad thing with a downside? Am I wrong about this? You either have too much of a good thing but you get sick of it. Or you never have enough but you always want it. But that's a bad thing. I don't know. This is kind of like I've got, I always want three scoops of ice cream, I only get two.

So my desire for ice cream stays strong while I'm still getting not quite enough. Well yeah, but I mean that's great in that example if you get two scoops of ice cream. This is more you do not get enough. So you get half a scoop of ice cream. Never have quite enough. Yeah, I mean. Quite enough. Two scoops of ice cream is quite enough.

Not for me. Well that's true. You are an ice cream fiend. It reminds me. And I'm back in on ice cream by the way. Oh, you did take a break. I really, I don't right back in Well, you can't stay away from big dairy. No, this reminds me of when I was a body good as as a as a youth Like you I don't know if you realize this now growing up

Chick-fil-a is everywhere, right? Okay, it's across the it's everywhere and. And they're always popular. And it's good chicken. Back in the day, it was very difficult to find them, at least in Arizona. OK, that's a good example. Essentially, we had one of them, and it was in this mall. It was a metro center, this mall that we used to have over here. But for where I grew up, metro center might as well be 10 hours away.

Really? I know. I know. In kid times- It's like 20 minutes, but whatever. It's 20, but in kid time, that's forever. And that was the only place here that you could find a Chick-fil-A. And it was tucked like in the back. It wasn't even in the food court.

It was tucked off in the back of one of the sides of the mall. Tough to get to. But every time you're like, wait a minute. I get the waffle fries today? Or you would go on a trip and hit up, I remember visiting my uncle in Indiana or something. We went to the mall and there was a Chick-fil-A and it was, holy crap! I can get the nuggets?

And I would just dream, you would dream of that food because it was so good and you could never get it. It was so rare. And it created this myth in your head of like how good it was and you always wanted it and you would get it every once in a while and it just made it that much better. The fact that you didn't have the instant gratification

and you could only get it every once in a while made it even more special. Versus now today, you can and have had plenty of Chick-fil-A. You don't have the same feeling that you had about it. No, I do not. So this question is literally- Not nearly as special. Was it better to have one Chick-fil-A you couldn't go to that was special or to have Chick-fil-A readily available available and and and that's such an obvious question

is very obvious for being honest that's a bad miss wording of it though it says you have too much and get sick of it yes you know answer the question Mike oh I know I think it was better the way it was. Oh, yeah, I'm with I'm with you I'll take the rarity and in wanting because it makes the pursuit Enjoyable, this is where I am old man of like a lot when Netflix releases the entire series Oh good, here we go. It's you get through it in a day. Yeah Well, I now have an empty spot in my soul and and I have nothing. And then they wait two more years to release the series. Like I have nothing to look forward to next Sunday night.

I see. No, spread it out, man. This is a debate here in the studio. I mean, look, if I get sick of Chick-fil-A, there are plenty of other places I could start to desire. And when I binge through that show, I'm gonna grab another show. No, that's why there's, you call it a show hole.

Yeah, I have a show hole all the time and I fill it all the time. Yeah, with garbage. All right. Give me, give me all of what I want. You wanna be sick of it? Oh yeah. You'll just move on.

I'll move on quickly. Benjamin from Patreon, would you rather have no radio in your car or no cup holders? Oh man. And by radio, you of course mean like hearing things in your car. Yeah, you can't stream your phone.

I'll get rid of the AM radio. I'll find a way to live without it. No, I- Not surprising, but I still listen to plenty of AM radio. This is actually- You wanna know why, by the way? Sports?

Just for a quick distraction? No. It's because it takes one button to turn on and that is half the battle for me. If I wanna go listen to a song on my app on the thing I got to get in the car. I got three buttons I got three buttons. I got a types. No, I got to type something in my okay It's not always one click away If I want to listen to something that's on I just click the radio and I drive to work man

You you and your you guys in your olden times where they'll give me one show a week and one button And you're olden times where they'll give me one show a week and one button to click. I'll be fine I need to get up to change the station. No remotes allowed yeah, this is interesting because I I already deal with the cupholders in my car are a little small. Oh, do you do a lot of crotch holding? Oh, yeah Sometimes you have to or or unfortunately, I'd put it like in other compartments that are not made for a drink. Like the glove compartment? Yeah, put my 64 oz. just lay it on its side, push it in. As long as you tilt it just right. No, but you know how you have like the middle,

I don't know what they call those, the little consoles that lift up. Yeah, the center console. You can like lift that up and there's a bigger hole. You put a drink in there that doesn't fit in the tiny cup holders and then you start driving and it starts spilling everywhere. You gotta keep a hand on it. Yeah, but my point is this is with cup holders, it's annoying.

If you have none, I mean. Awful. I can't imagine, the only drink you could have. You have to get strong inner thighs. The only drink you can have from then on out feels like it's gotta be bottled. It's gotta be like a, I gotta have a bottled water. It's gotta have a cap.

So can you ask your neighbor, like your passenger, to hold your drink for you? Well if you have a passenger. You can, yeah, what about when you're solo? Yeah, I mean that's. What about if you've got the family. What kind of drinks are you drinking in the car without lids?

Cause that's what you just implied. Well no, lids are different. Like if I have a lid on a seat and it falls over, it's still spilling. Yes. A lid is not going to. You don't think you can handle a lidded drink without a cup holder?

So here's the thing. Usually when I've got drinks in the car, it's a family occasion. You know what I mean? So the cup holders need it. So you have someone to hold the cup then. But they don't. If they're, I mean, that's too bad. You gotta drive.

If we go through a drive through and everyone's getting a drink and a sandwich or whatever we're getting, how could you live without the cup holders in that situation? You are asking for your vehicle to be ruined. Sure. But in that situation, now you're driving around with your family in dead silence, or even worse, you're talking to them. Well, in that situation, you'd be hearing, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.

We've, I mean, look, the whole eating in the car with the whole family thing, that's a whole discussion point as a whole. You know, we drive through places on the way back from up north sometimes and, you know, my wife, she doesn't want to let the kids have the dips with the nuggies. Oh yeah, no dip policy. I think they can handle the dips. It's like, oh what?

You're a wild man. You think a child in the back can be left to their own devices with ranch? Now it is white seats. Okay, well fine, barbecue sauce? I mean there's a color for any color got barbecue colored molasses I know I thought they could handle it no way well usually have make them eat their nuggies dry oh yeah yeah nice I assert dominance too when they're like I'll take the kids chicken nugget meal. They're like, any dipping sauce?

I look at my kids, no. Yeah, see, I try to, I bridge the gap there. Because I will let him, you know, my youngest, he always needs barbecue sauce with his nuggies. Barbecue sauce. Barbecue sauce. And so I will look him in the eye and just say, do not dare spill this. do not let go of it do not I mean it's serious

And here's what he's done a really genuinely good job of okay He has not spilled a condiment on my car in as long as I can remember His shirt and pants take all of the brunt of it. I mean, he gets out of the car looking like he just took a finger paint lesson because he knows it's on, like that can be on me. That's what, but that's just proving the point of you give them the dip. It's going somewhere. Right, it's going someplace. Not his mouth for sure. Yeah, that's funny. So um. Yeah. so what was the question? Oh, no radio or

You use the radio every single time you're in the car. Yeah, it's gonna be bottled water for me and give me my tunes and my podcasts. Alright, moving on. That's a great question. Jen from Patreon, she knows us because she says,

you guys are bidetruthers. That's right. Stand by it. In a public restroom, would you rather use a public bidet or an untouched roll of teepee? People have problems with the Well, first of all, there's no such thing as public bidet, but let's say that if there was I ain't using it There's also not an untouched roll of toilet paper hands have placed that Toilet paper. Let's say we get the idea of the hand. Okay, so but you're just saying like it's a clean fresh a frill It's got the little triangle thing. It's got the triangle fold at the bottom of the toilet paper So, you know, this has just been put on a janitor did it but like people have a problem with getting dirty toilet paper off the roll

I don't think that's the issue. It's just saying a nice pristine toilet paper versus a used Public bidet. Well, I mean public teepees generally one ply trash that is the problem But I also don't feel like I have an obligation to preserve it. So often I will create my own quattro ply. Oh, yeah. You do the long.

There's just no way that I, the mixture of water with random booties being down on that seat, I just somehow think that poop particles have got to get into this water distribution center I'm not taking a bidet from the public. I would have no problem like I don't public poop Because there's no bidets if I knew that place that can't be the reason why 100% the reason why you literally before you were ever a bidet enthusiast

Before that moment even came you were were anti-public pooper. I was anti-public pooper, that is true. I'm not saying- Do you have a wiping issue? I'm not- yeah, I mean- Can you not reach? Oh, I can reach. I can reach. Just fine. How fat do you think I am? You're just packing. I've got short little nubby arms.

I've got to go down through the front. Can you not reach? I'm trying to put the pieces together, Jason. Before bidets existed. Now you know why I was a stander. I had to really twist the body. He's always been fine pooping in public. He just could never wipe in public.

No, I am not. I am an anti-public pooper with or without bidets. Everybody's anti. Exactly. That is my point. Nobody is like, man, oh, are we going to hit that McDonald's up? Because I would love to take a dump in there. That's not how people work. But now at the place that I am in life being a bidet bro

I I can think to myself like man I really have to poop and I'm in and there was a bidet shut it down. Yeah I can shut it down. I mean most of the time There's at least once I couldn't So I but I genuinely think like if I knew oh this you know This Walgreens had a bidet in it sure then I would be far more Inclined you don't worry about a mixture of particles. No, because the water is coming from the hose line that is in the wall. It's cleaning itself as it's being used. That's the thought, obviously. And as long as it's not, you know, it's a public bathroom so I guess it's going to be a bad bidet.

I mean, are you telling me bidets can't get dirty? No, they can't, but like a lot of them you just turn the lever the other way and it's like a self-clean So you think you could handle that? Oh, yeah, is that the way you're going? Yeah, you go public Trust in the bidet. Yes, I would okay I mean the bidet is no worse than what I am currently sitting on wouldn't you be running a bit of a public temperature risk with The bidet water. Oh, it's gonna be cold. Yeah, it's not a fancy bidet This is right, but look beggars can't be choosers when you're cleaning your bum bum. Okay. And what's the worst case scenario? A little poop water on your butt?

Like I mean that's yeah it's gonna be anyways. It's seen worse five seconds ago. It's just not yours? Hey, whatever. I'll say it's mine. say it's mine. Mentally strong. I'm not throwing away my snot from Patreon. For a $500,000 prize, would you choose to kick a 40-yard field goal or shoot a half-court basketball shot? That one's easy. I actually just heard an upgrade on this question as well. The jail question? Yeah, did you see that? I feel like maybe we've answered that, but yeah, go ahead.

It was basically that if you were given 20 shots from half court and if you make two, you get like $500 million, two of 20. If you don't make two of 20, you go to jail for 40 years. Oh man, I'm taking those shots. Are you? I'm taking those shots, absolutely. You think you get, see two of them. You're talking 500 million? 40 years, man.

40 years in jail. I can make two out of 20. I can make two of, I said I could easily make two of 50 where I'd be willing to gamble 40 years of my life. Like I would, but man, you're underestimating the 40 year jail stress at the end of this. Let's say you make one. Yeah, you're 100% right. And then you get like four shots away. It's you have to make a half

court shot one in five. I will never shoot that 20th shot. You'll run, just run. I will never. You can't make me shoot it and I will have never failed. I'll say well we haven't we haven't found out yet. But I think I would 40 yards is pretty long. If you had said 30 yard field goal I might have taken the kick. I'm not sure any of us could make a 30 yard. I don't know the distance like I mean I know what 30 yards is. 30 you could maybe get it up there but I would feel more comfortable. You have to be accurate too. It's not just the distance you got to get it through the uprights. No it's the upright trajectory like being that far away and like I'm telling you we've done these things of like going to the park

and try and kick a field goal. I've done- And it's very, very difficult. Really? I feel like- Yes, it's incredibly difficult. Jason's got a pretty good kicking leg. I feel like-

Oh he does, as a punter. Right, I'm very, very genuinely curious. I've never kicked a field goal style ball ever. It's hard. Not once in my life that I can remember. I've kicked from the 10 and made it. Yeah. That's a 22 a field goal style ball ever. Not once in my life that I can remember. I've kicked from the 10 and made it. Yeah, that's a 22 yard field goal. If you're there, you just.

I can't get no 40. Through fours, you can just get. I can't get no 40. Yeah, you're not making a 40 yard field goal. Man, I really wanna try this without having the, if I have to pick from here, I don't know how easy or hard any distance field goal is. I have to take the half court shot.

All right, Seth from Patreon for Mike. Oh boy. Oh, hello. Oh good, see you later. Actually, sorry, no, this one's from Insecure Audio Flies from Patreon. Oh, okay. What is the correct pronunciation of these words?

Okay, okay. Route. Well, you're pronouncing it. Or root. I think you gotta spell it. Okay, aunt or aunt. Okay. Route. Well, you're pronouncing it. Or root. I think you gotta spell it. Okay. Ont or ant. Or data or data. Okay. So we got root route, ont, ant, data, data. Okay, so R-O-U-T-E. Mm-hmm. Which, if you're explaining the directions, you get your kicks on route 66.

Yeah, I feel like- But you run a route. Oh crap. No, no, no. This is the answer. The answer is, if you're talking about a highway or a path, it's a route. Why? If you're talking about, because I just said it is.

Because that's what the song is. Yeah, route 66, but- You don't get your kicks on route 66. Yeah, you're not running a nine route You know, I agree with that but like but like, you know, what's the fastest route to get to Prescott? Oh People say that stuff all the time And you know what I can see your face, you know, that's true. It sounded natural did But say you don't say what's the let's say that the what say it with a number

It did natural. It did. But say, what's the number? What? Route 66? Route 66? Yes, see Route 66, that's terrible. It's a label versus a path. Yeah, that's, okay, a label versus a path. Now on the ant... I guess you can say what's the best route to press it to. On the ant versus ant, I feel like that's just a matter of are you British?

Ooh. There's different parts of the US that... What do you go with? Oh, it's an aunt. My auntie. I flip. You say aunt in normal conversation? Yes. Like a psychopath?

My family is from... You say aunt or aunt? I've done both. I thought it was based on the age of the aunt aunt. That makes a lot of sense. If they're real old That's if they've got a little bit of a hunchback or a limp. They're an aunt. It's my family's from the Midwest So they brought that down here. They brought on down. Yeah, really? Yes, so they're super old with

An aunt is always really cool. They're young cool and no way There's not a cool aunt can an aunt age into an aunt like course used to be my aunt How much do they like tea? That's a good aunt's like tea aunts like tea ants. They drink they drink the beers. Yeah On string tea. Yeah. No, I think you're right now with this 40 ounce data version on the forehead data versus data if you're talking about numbers, that's data That's just okay. You're talking about the dude from stock Android. That's data I mean that's that's as simple as it is. That's as simple as it is

Interesting Mike. Do you have any thoughts on data data? I think I go back and forth on that one, too No, why do we do this with our language? English is real. This Because English is bad. What are the British? Well, I always assume that the Brits know how to say things better. Yeah, they started this English thing. I assume that whatever they say,

we do it the other way. Water. We do it better. Water. Water. Water. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on. What was the British version of that word? Water. What? I just think it was a great English accent. What was the British version of that word? Water. I don't know. OK.

What? I don't know. I just think it was a great English accent. I don't know. Water. I don't know. Sell me down a river. Data.

Driver. Driver? No, river or river. Oh, OK. All right. I think it's time to draft. The Spitballers Draft. Today Mike has the privilege of selecting the 101 in our draft best places to sit.

I do think there is a 101. There is. So, okay, then Jason knows exactly what it is. I'm so upset because there's a clear one-on-one and I was like maybe he'll just think this isn't... Do I know? I mean I don't know. It just it was the first thing that I thought of and I was like this it's very clear. Look sitting a lot of a lot of things can be taking place while you're sitting you You can be relaxing. But sometimes you need to get somewhere. And when you're going somewhere, you want to make sure that that's a good, big, comfy, soft chair where people are serving you. Oh boy. Find things.

So the best place to sit is first class. Oh, that's such a good second pick. Oh, you have a better one. Yes, I've got a better one. First class does seem like a Jason pick. Oh, you have a better one. Yes, I've got a better one. First class does seem like a Jason pick. Oh, it is second on my list. I mean, that's a great pick, Mike. But I'm sitting courtside at a basketball game.

Are you kidding me? That is on my list as well. Courtside? I mean, it's NBA Finals, game seven, of course. But I mean, the big. Oh, I see. The big. It's not preseason?

Comfy, no. We have sat courtside at a preseason game once, and that was. It's not preseason. Comfy, no. We have, we have sat courtside at a preseason game once and that was. It still was pretty exciting. It was amazing. I think it was an international team that we didn't even know any of the players and it was like, this is unbelievable. And also you're in a different world. You're in a world of giants. I mean, yes, that's true. Everyone, the coaches are all former players. Everyone who's near you is just, I mean, you two are tall fellas in your own right. No, not there.

Not there. No, no. How do you feel there? Oh, I was basically wearing an invisibility cloak. Everyone just looked right over me. So you went with first class, Mike. Great pick. Jason Courtside, outstanding.

Oh, you added at the NBA finals. I think that actually ruins it a little bit. Oh, certainly. But yes, courtside at the NBA. I mean, just courtside is great. I didn't go the route you guys were going, necessarily. I got two picks. So my first one is just a comfy chair yeah recliner

is on my on my I mean what's wrong with a comfy chair nothing I would love to look when I think about sitting sometimes I include the plop man the plop is everything yeah oh yeah you can you plop you don't want to hurt yourself here's what's not being drafted an uncomfortable chair not where anyone wants to sit but rock but then I did my second pick then because I know there's no chance of it getting back to me and some of my others will I'm gonna go with the beach yeah I want to sit at the beach yep the breeze the views it's a light it's a great place melanoma it's a wonderful see is worth it. Yeah, no, that's that's on my list

That was one. I was hoping to grab the beach chair at the ocean. I believe coach is still available I don't fit um go you know what was what is this class business class? Business class just gets on first still sits in the the bad. Yeah, is there is there a business class anymore? I don't think so. What if it was just the coach seats painted a different color? Yeah. That would be enough for some people. We give you 30 millimeters more room to the legs. I feel like with the new planes I don't recall walking past two different sections before I get to the economy. I just heard about somebody's plane arrived an airline company who

wanted to add standing. Standing? For all the like shorter than an hour European little popover flights. That seems dangerous. Like in the back. Not safe. Like you just hold the I mean like hold the railing. I realized that you know in a crash landing it's that's a pretty intense situation but if you're standing yeah and there's an emergency you got to hold real tight I have well your handcuffed to the bar I have seen the it was just like a prototype and by the way that the the airlines work it would not I would not put it past them to do it but they the double decker seats yeah where it's basically a seat on top of a seat and it's a just a claustrophobic

It's fine to be the seat on top of a seat. Yes. Yes. It is not fine to be the seat under No, it is not. You should if you haven't seen it look it up. It's a nightmare You're just sliding your body into a little slot that you sit in that is not being drafted today All right So Andy you got a comfy chair and you've got I'm sitting on the beach sitting on the beach now Are you on the sand you yes Yes, if he's at the beach, yeah You know, I'm just curious all of the above what he likes the best so for me so nice of you this is This was what this would have been in consideration for the second because these things have gotten really really really good and

I have recently found out that I love them so I am taking the fancy massage chairs oh yeah that's we were at an Airbnb problem Jason's already probably purchased one yes I did I just got one. It has not arrived yet. You are an embarrassment, send me the model. Yeah. It was at Costco. It was great. Costco, man. They'll get you. We were at an Airbnb a while back and they just had one there. And I was like, oh, look, that's cool. And they're all like, oh my gosh, this thing is amazing.

That's a great pick. It was not on my like, oh my gosh, this thing is amazing. That's a great pick. It was not on my list, but only for lack of thinking of it. Yeah, I would have put it on the beach if I could have. You already took the beach. Just bring a big one. My massage chair on the 50 yard line. And I fly in on it.

In the Super Bowl, with the Cardinals are playing in. All right, so I have the two picks here. So this first one, it's, I mean, you gotta have, you gotta have the stomach, you gotta have the stones to be willing to do it. But if you've got the, if you've got the courage and you're up on that mountain on the edge of a cliff. Ooh. Really?

If it is one, I mean, you have a- Have you done this? Yeah, I've sat like closest to it. My fear of heights comes and goes. Sometimes I'm okay, and sometimes I'm just like 10 feet back, just terrified. But when you're looking out... I had a friend who did that once. But you get like the entire view of...

Because you've just climbed a mountain. You've done a leg dangle? I've done a leg dangle. Whoa now. Wow. I'd be so afraid of the wind. I mean I would genuinely be like laying back. I'd be leaning back. I can't be afraid of erosion. I'm not saying I could do it every time but I've had a time where the courage was enough and I was able to sit there and just... it's a wild sensation to be that close to death. To be staring out at the beauty and then knowing, well if I just slip forward, this is the end.

It's over. So I got that and a different type of a thrill. I know that my man Owl here enjoys this place as well. She gotta get in on this action. When you're sitting at the blackjack tables, baby. Oh baby! When you're playing them cards. What a good seat! How is that not on my list? What a good seat! You want a seat at the table? Yes. I want a seat. Nothing's worse than when you're walking around and there's no empty seats. Yeah, you got to get a seat. You want to play? You got to sit. You draft that seat.

What a great pick, Mike. Oh man. Alright, Jason Jason back to you. Oh, that was really good Okay, so Mike's picks were gambling with his life gambling in reality. That's right. God got a little brother prison jail cell like max security in the hole Look, this is one of my favorite places and I wanted to draft something that's not just this hypothetical, court side at the NBA, but like where do I personally love to sit and that is on a fancy bidet toilet, baby. It's on my list.

Oh yeah, the heated toilet seat. I mean I'd probably spend a quarter of my life in there. Who spends the most time, that one wins. I knew bidet was it's very comfortable. It's kind of warm. The warmth is nice. Yes room temperature a little warm It's gonna make it clean and I get to hide in there, you know, right? That's everyone knows it. This is not a secret. That's the hiding spot It's like a plane spot hiding in plain sight dad's in the bathroom. Oh, that's the hiding spot. It's hiding in plain sight. Yeah, hiding in plain sight. Dad's in the bathroom, oh, it'll be 20 minutes. I thought you were about to take, Mike,

when you went with Edge of a Cliff, you were teasing it, and it gave me an idea for my next pick, which wasn't on my original list, but it's actually one of the most fun moments when you sit down on an amusement park ride. Oh yeah, there you go. Big time, there you go. Because it better be a roller coaster or a Disneyland ride.

Once you sit down and that thing comes down. Yeah, all the clicking. That's a lot of fun. So I'll go amusement park ride. And then for my last pick, boy, there's so many types of chairs I love sitting in. You know, I think I'm gonna go simple. Beanbag. Oh!

A wonderful beanbag chair. When's the last time that you got in a beanbag? I've been in some beanbags lately. Oh, I mean that was when I had my room as a kid. But they got the big bags now. They got the big love sacks. Oh, yes. We have a really, really big bean bag that we got for our youngest. He wanted it and it is the worst. What? It's awesome. They're not making them like they used to? Oh, no. It's awesome. It is comfortable. Oh, no. It is delightful. He loves it. He loves jumping on the thing and you can't get out land there well

I mean that is one issue. No. It's just they've gotten too big Oh the beanbag is too large it takes up it takes up the whole room I mean these things are outrageous And I feel like I can't even like it comes somehow like vacuum sealed where when you open this thing It's 20 times the size I feel like I can't get out of my house Like opening the mattresses, right it inflates like you can't I got a mean struck the house to get this thing I can be over inflated or under inflate or under beamed

No joke. The one Jason's talking about is probably 10 feet in diameter The one Jason's talking about is probably 10 feet in diameter. It's Giant of course he went why I'm on this you didn't buy a normal one Just go ahead to buy the most expensive one to Spencer's and buy a bean bag I mean, but when you're looking online and you are you want this your own bean bed Do you want this one or do you want the bigger one? Yeah? Say you're complaining about what you bought. Well, Yeah, they give me an option to buy it too big Oh, no, I see all right back to you Jason so many good picks left. I'm I wish we could go Should go five rounds

Let's run it out of things all right never mind so oh man do I want to go wild or do I want to go regular? So, oh man, do I want to go wild or do I want to go regular? I'm going to go wild. Take a walk on the wild side. I'm going to take it. You've got the edge of a cliff. You've got a plane. One place that I would love to sit in someday is a space shuttle. I want a seat going to space.

And I don't imagine it's very comfortable. No. But the result from sitting in that chair. Of course. Will be worth it. That's a tough one to really pull the audience on. Yeah. Yeah, not a lot of experience. They don't know whether it's really the best place to sit or not.

Yeah. Just pull the astronauts. Mike, your final pick. All right, for this one, we're going vanilla on this one, but it's a place where you sit a lot and because I mean when you go to the restaurant and they say where would you like to sit would you like to sit in the table you go oh no no no no no no no give me the booth the booth because the tables are generally uncomfortable and you don't want to be there and where it is at is in the booth.

It's in the booth. Yeah, and the tables are all in the middle of the restaurant too. Right, give me that window. I want some privacy. Some sunlight. There is the occasional odd booth, but most of the time the booths were... Yeah, usually when a booth goes wrong is they go with the circular one because they think you're going to fit six people except it still just fits four. But they try to fit six people and everyone's knees are touching.

That's when it's bad. But when you just get a standard four person booth. Just go standard people. Just give me the booth. All right. Mike went with first class, edge of a cliff, blackjack table and a restaurant booth. Jason courtside at the NBA finals, massage chair, a fancy bidet seat, a space shuttle. I went with a comfy chair on the beach,

amusement park ride, and a bean bag chair. I had piles of other places I wanted to sit. Sure, what do you got? A rocking chair, of course. I mean, that's a classic. Oh, how did you not get that? Also, just porch. I didn't know if sitting on the porch was a good idea.

What if you're on a porch and a rocking chair? Yeah, live theater, sitting in a live, you know, seeing live theater. Great place to sit. I had a swing. Yeah. I got a hammock, a hammock in the woods. When was the last time you were swinging, Mike? It was...

I mean, not that long ago where I can't not remember it. I had a slide. I was like sitting to go down a slide. That could be fun. Okay. A dirt bike. Yeah. That's not comfortable.

I really like the hammock in the woods, but I feel like you're laying. There are sitting hammocks, but when you say hammock, that's not what you think. Right. You think you're laying down. What about a race car? Oh, that would be pretty cool, I think.

I don't think it'd be very comfortable, though. No, but neither would the rocket ship, so. The best places to sit aren't just how comfortable it is. It's how fun it is. Around a campfire? That's not always the most comfortable seat, but that's a great situation. And my favorite that I did not draft, the Iron Throne.

Oh. Have you ever sat on it? Make me king. That would be uncomfortable, but yet great. A lot of power and I would die soon. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I mean it seems like there's injury risk there. I felt like I could get the Porcelain Throne and the Iron Throne.

Alright. And I could just be kinged. I'm king of all domains. Get this bean bag out of here What did we learn today I learned that I want my funeral in Tahiti What did you learn Mike do you have anything I learned that that we got to figure out this cup holder situation They were not building them the right size. No, they need to be adaptable. Not strong enough for today's America. Yeah, and I learned that Mike likes blackjack more than I thought he did. Oh yes I do. That is it for today's episode of

the Spitballers. Thank you so much for following, subscribing. Back with a new episode every Monday. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the every Monday. Goodbye.