Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Dollar Sheets Club & The Best Disney Songs - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 17, 2022

Spit Hit for March 17, 2022: Is This Real Life is back on the show today! Tune in to hear the guys discuss some of the wackiest headlines they could find. Before that, we muse about some polarizing ...Would You Rather questions. We close the show down with a much requested draft of the Best Disney Songs. Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode of the Spitballers Podcast is brought to you by Codecademy. Would you like to change your career? Maybe you're not happy with the way that things are going. There has never been a better time to become a programmer, and with Codecademy, you can learn to code on your own terms. We're living in a fast-changing world. One of the best ways to succeed in it is you learn how to code. You can try Codecademy today and see where coding can take you.
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Starting point is 00:01:50 promo code spitballers. Spitwads, we have a fabulous Spit Hits episode for you today. Is This Real Life is on the show today. And who doesn't like Disney songs? I mean, be honest with you. We draft the best Disney songs. We hit the would you rather questions. It's a fun, fabulous episode. Enjoy. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason.
Starting point is 00:02:35 Nah, I'm a need to a bar. I don't know. I don't know. I see what you did. I get where you're going with it. But if that man came and sang to me, I'd be scared. That's the boogeyman. Sometimes you go to sing, and you're like, oh, well, if I go up an octave, that's going to be way too high. Right.
Starting point is 00:03:03 So I have to drop it down, and then you end up sounding in the boogeyman voice. I'm going to sound a little bit Adam Sandler, you know. It's a way over the top. Oh, my goodness. Well, welcome into the Spitballers podcast once again. Would you rather is this real life? A Disney draft on the show today. Excited to be with you.
Starting point is 00:03:26 I'm sure this show will take us into some strange places, even stranger than that terrifying opening to the show. You can find us on Twitter at SpitballersPod. SpitballersPod.com is the website where you can learn how to become an official SpitWad supporter. Thank you, everybody out there subscribing, reviewing, listening. Hopefully, we are a wonderful, you know,
Starting point is 00:03:50 hour of distraction and entertainment and fun for your week. That's our only goal. We accomplish it sometimes, which is good enough for us. Aim low. Let's do some Would You Rather. Would you rather?
Starting point is 00:04:15 Carson, from the website, would you rather be a knight in shining armor? Yeah, here we go. Or a ninja? All right. Now, this is the content I'm here for, man. This, here we go. Or a ninja. All right. Now, this is the content I'm here for, man. This is a good question. I agree. This is a great question.
Starting point is 00:04:31 Do you want to be like a medieval knight of the round table or a ninja? You know what's interesting to me when I break this down, and I'm sure we all have different thoughts. A knight is like if you're a knight in shining armor, you are a noble. Wants a lot. You are noble. You are thought well of. You are knighted by, like, the king and queen, right? So you are known to all as a hero.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Whereas a ninja is, like, secretive in all of its nature. 100%. Yeah, you're unknown. Nobody even knows you're a ninja. But I'm curious. its nature. 100%. You're unknown. Nobody even knows you're a ninja. If they do, you're a really bad ninja. You're a crappy ninja. Terrible. You're Beverly Hills Ninja.
Starting point is 00:05:13 Oh, that's a deep cut. Yeah. Now, do knights get land? Is that part of knighthood? I'm sure they do. Are you awarded land? Wait, this is what? Land?
Starting point is 00:05:24 We're worried about land well i'm just saying we're we're we're inspecting the you know the pros and cons of being both they do have flowing locks jason yeah you never see like a short haired no night no it's it's it's always curly it's always long does that mean i can't be a knight no i think you get the hair i think that's part of it see it's funny because you say all of these things about the prestige the hair right um but when it when it comes down to it when you think about a knight versus a ninja you're you're primarily thinking of battle and i feel like I would rather be the one that can sneak up on someone. Get in and out.
Starting point is 00:06:08 You don't know where I'm at. Let me just ask this. Let's ask this version of the question. Who's better at killing? You know, you're in battle. You're a knight. You're a ninja. You're fighting.
Starting point is 00:06:20 This is not a question. Probably the knight. Really? I think it's the ninja. It is the ninja. why would the ninja be better at killing if you're a knight you have you have gone through an assortment of people you've destroyed them on the battlefield if you're a knight you're lumbering around in 90 pound armor and chain mail while the ninja is super fit, doing flips.
Starting point is 00:06:47 You can't see them throwing smoke bombs. You don't even know why you died. You just did. You might not die. They probably put you to sleep. A ninja probably just puts you in a little chokehold, and you're just down. Yeah. Forever.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Forever in sleep. Those ninja stars aren't nap stars. They're, you know, ooh, oh boink take a little nap ski it's funny because if a ninja and a knight fought in like a coliseum right the ninja loses because part of the ninja's ability no yes he does how is the knight ever gonna hit a ninja the armored knight swings the battle axe one time or i mean the battle sword at one time yeah and the ninja in a coliseum he doesn't have the the night time he doesn't have the ability to sneak around you're looking at your enemy you're telling me a knight they don't need it all i do if i'm a ninja and
Starting point is 00:07:35 i'm wearing my like the cloth robes which by the way is not as good as uh armor but go on sure but but you know what it's good for? That I just, I'm jogging around. I'm breaking up, like I'm lightly perspiring while the knight is dragging around 80 to 100 pounds and is exhausted in about 45 seconds. I'm taking the knight,
Starting point is 00:07:58 man. I want to be noble. I wait for him to fall over and I just gently put him to sleep. What knight is this? Is this the Beverly Hills night that you're fighting? No, this is a great night. This is a warrior. A great night that gets super tired really fast and falls over dead from his own armor?
Starting point is 00:08:15 I feel like if you put a fully armored with his great sword knight out there and then you put a ninja out there with nothing. He's in boxer shorts no weapons the ninja's still gonna win they're never gonna catch him i'm gonna do extra calisthenics while the knight is walking around because i want to actually get a workout on the knight's in better shape than the ninja no way no way no no not better shape he's stronger stronger the knight can bench press more oh great what do you think about what do you think the knight does on the battlefield
Starting point is 00:08:50 plus the knight might get a horse and that i don't know if that's good or bad against that's good no that's good but it's probably good a horse is good it'll make me it will it will stop them from tiring out while trying to chase the ninja. I'm going 100% knight. I want to be known through the land as a noble knight. I get that. I get the fame part. Plus, I think I get to marry somebody in royalty. It's going to help.
Starting point is 00:09:17 It's certainly going to help. You know what I mean? You've got a coat of arms. You're a gentleman. You're a knight. You're going to- Maid Marian? Yeah, Maid Marian. Maid Marian. I'm going to marry Maid Marian. Now, that're a gentleman, you're a knight. You're going to... Made Marian? Yeah, made Marian.
Starting point is 00:09:25 Made Marian. I'm going to marry made Marian. Now, that's a compelling argument. Here's the thing. I feel like the question has changed. Because who would you rather be? That's a really, really good question. The who would win in a fight, I just can't believe Andy's on the knight side.
Starting point is 00:09:40 We need to put both of those up there. I think a knight would win. Like, a good knight would beat a good ninja. I'm saying the best knight in the world against the best ninja in the world. Just so I know. It goes knight-knight. I want to understand, because maybe I'm not seeing things clearly, since you both agree. What is the ninja actually...
Starting point is 00:09:57 What is the death blow from the ninja that's going to get the knight? I just want to know. Other than you saying that the knight's going to eventually fall asleep from being tired. Because I assume he's not going to be in his boxer shorts with no weapon. He'll have ninja stars that he can throw right at your neck. Right, but you've got armor on and a helmet. You've got armor on your neck? Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:15 I didn't know that they wore neck. Yes, you do. No, they don't. A knight has armor on their neck. Yes, they do. They wear a coat of arms. They've got the chain mail on. I'm sending you a picture right now.
Starting point is 00:10:28 They're covering their neck. The neck is protected. Yeah. You're not going to ninja start in the neck. Plus, the accuracy. Come on, a knight can't dodge a star being thrown at him? Correct. It's not about the stars.
Starting point is 00:10:39 It's about the blade. They're going to have katana blades. They're going to have very light swords that are extremely sharp. And will break when the knight parries them. They won't break. No, no, bro. You need to read up on those swords. You need to do some katana
Starting point is 00:10:56 research. You sound like a fool. Oh my gosh. So wait, are you choosing ninja or knight? No, I'm definitely going to be a knight. I want to proceed. I knew what Jason was going to do from the beginning. If I get long, luscious locks, I get Maiden Marian.
Starting point is 00:11:13 I got land. I got title. I'm never going to battle. I'm sending others to battle. Sir Jason? I was knighted for what I did in the past. I'm retired now. Look, I wish I could go to this battle.
Starting point is 00:11:29 I simply cannot make it today. Lots of knight stuff. Lots of knight stuff. Very important knight stuff. He's the only knight with a desk job. But in a Coliseum, the ninja would win. One-on-one battle, absolutely. Oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:11:42 We need to throw that up on the Twitter as well. Speed always beats strength. Speed wins. Speed kills, man. All right. Freddy from Twitter, would you rather be given a rabbit as a pet or as a meal? If it's a pet, you must keep it for its entire life,
Starting point is 00:11:59 but you're provided with a cage and a bit of rabbit food to get you started. Okay. That's very kind. This is not a fair question. If it's a meal, you must eat the entire thing, but it's been butchered and cooked to perfection and served with your favorite side. This question's ridiculous. I've always heard that rabbits do not make good pets.
Starting point is 00:12:18 I had a rabbit. Rabbit stew? Well, Jason, you tell me the truth. I thought you just said you've eaten rabbit no i have not eaten rabbit i had when were you stuck in the wilderness dude yeah he wasn't he had a rabbit no growing didn't have a rabbit growing up my first meal was a rabbit no um we had a rabbit as but we had pretty much if there's an animal we had it as a pet. I lived in a zoo. Goat. The goat came after I was out of the house, but my mom did have goats.
Starting point is 00:12:49 We did have pigs. Cow. No cow, I guess. We didn't live on a farm. We were in a normal, you know, zebra. Snake. No snakes. No tarantulas or awful things. But we had ferrets.
Starting point is 00:13:02 Sounds like you did not have very many pets. We had ferrets. We had turtles. we had rabbits. Ferrets are stinky, stanky, stunky. They stink so bad. The only thing that stinks worse than them... Why can't I think of the name? I want to say Cholula.
Starting point is 00:13:17 The hot sauce? No. A chinchilla? Thank you. We had two of those. Mine is on fire with the different animals. But they are terrible. Anyways. I know that from Super Troopers.
Starting point is 00:13:30 Yes. So here's the thing. When you say you've heard that rabbits don't make a good pet, you have not heard the details of how horrific it is as a pet. Okay. This thing will... Imagine that there is a cat. We all know that cats are ready to save this for
Starting point is 00:13:46 my wife um but the let's say you didn't declaw the cat right but now let's give the cat's hind legs the power of 20 cats you pick this rabbit up and it just goes with his hind legs just beating you with sharp razors. A rabbit is a nightmare. It doesn't know you. It doesn't like you. Rabbits have claws? They're the ninjas of the pet world. Apparently.
Starting point is 00:14:13 Yeah, I mean, you know, it's like fingernails. They're not like claws. They're not out there like a, you know, a saber-toothed tiger. But the power in the legs is unbelievable. I mean, that's why they can jump like they can't. makes sense you're getting kicked by a razor all the time yeah they offer you very little by way of affection they offer you no it's a rabbit it wants nothing to do with you thank you mike well said it's a rabbit so i'm gonna eat the heck out of this thing where's the other rabbits why am i trapped here i think i'll eat it as well, because I know that people captured and ate rabbits, right?
Starting point is 00:14:49 Yeah. Like, that's the thing. Rabbits do. It's going to taste gamey. It's not going to be great, but it's going to be better than having one as a pet. That's for sure. Okay, Mike. If these are the two choices that I have to live with, then I have to have a rabbit as a pet.
Starting point is 00:15:05 You don't feel like eating a rabbit today. Well, the problem is I live in this mystical dreamland where I eat animals. I love to eat animals. I love to eat cows. I love hamburgers. I love chicken. But the second you face me with the moral dilemma of, all right, this is yours. What are you going to do?
Starting point is 00:15:26 Are you going to eat it? Are you going to take care of it? And I'm like, fine. I'll take care of it. And I'll eat beans. And I'll eat cabbage. So happy now. So if someone brought to your door a cow, and this cow was beautiful.
Starting point is 00:15:38 It was a beautiful cow. And you were on the doorstep. And you said, sir, you have to. I will take this cow and butcher it. This is Betsy, the cow. and you were on the doorstep and you said, sir, you have to, you have, I will take this cow and butcher it. This is Betsy the cow and I will. Oh no, it has a name. It absolutely has a name and a history.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Here's the pamphlet about where she grew up and her brothers and sisters. Here's Betsy. I can go butcher this and give you the most wonderful meal of your life or I could put her in your backyard and you now own a cow in your neighborhood. I got fresh milk every day. I know.
Starting point is 00:16:12 It is so funny. It's so hypocritical because outside of vegetarians and vegans, every single person here eats animals. Well, I actually was going to say what makes it even different for me from that dilemma is genuinely the question is, is my family need to eat it? Like that would be the determining, like I can go,
Starting point is 00:16:32 if you told me I got to go kill an animal in the wild because we're out in the wild and I need to eat, I got no problem with that. But if you brought like Betsy, the cow, the neighborhood cow to the door and it's like, do you want a hamburger or do you want Betsy to live? I'd be like,
Starting point is 00:16:44 I want Betsy to live. And plus Betssy gives me milk is like a little bit of a payment for not killing her yeah right that's true that's true no it's it's a crazy world we live in i would be taking all of my hamburger meat that i have in my fridge and putting it in the freezer to make sure i don't run out when i get all this new meat oh no that's it i look i i'm not saying that as a monster um it's just that i really really like beef i mean it's uh oh dude no i love it and and honestly one of the things i've heard and i we're not getting into hunting arguments, but of people who say they go out and one with nature and they bow hunt.
Starting point is 00:17:31 They go, they're not using guns. Assault rifles. They're going out there with a bow and they eat what they hunt. Yes. I've heard people talk about you have this much, much deeper connection with your food. You understand where that food came from.
Starting point is 00:17:51 Appreciation for it. Yeah, you have a greater appreciation for it. Meanwhile, I'm like, I'm driving through Wendy's. I'm going to get me a double cheeseburger because it's delicious. Try putting a bow over your shoulder when you do that. It's funny. i say all this i talk that big game about my my meat freezer uh but the truth is if i had to do the work right if i had to be the one who's like here's betsy you can have her or or have burgers then
Starting point is 00:18:19 and i had to do it impossible i i like i couldn't. I say this. I couldn't go hunting. I don't think that there's anything wrong with hunting for people that hunt. Use it. Yeah. If you're eating it. Yeah. Assuming you're not wasting this. But I know I couldn't do it. I couldn't.
Starting point is 00:18:40 I couldn't do it either. The scenes where they're always like, in movies, they do it a lot. They give them the chicken and the axe, and they head out to the stump, and you're like, no. What? No. This chicken lives forever.
Starting point is 00:18:54 While my back is turned, and then I will eat it. Why can't we just eat these animals after they die of old age? I don't think the meat is as good. Would you like this rotten hamburger? It came from an 80-year-old cow. I think the meat's probably pretty good, as long as you catch
Starting point is 00:19:16 it before it drops over. We need to start something new. By the way, this segment's gone completely sideways. I now feel like somehow every single person that's listening hates us for some reason or another. The question was, would you rather be given a rabbit as a pet or a meal? Jason and I took a meal.
Starting point is 00:19:34 Mike took a pet. Mike's been kicked in the face. And I'm cleaning up poop all the time. Oh, they poop so much. They just squirt little pellets everywhere non-stop you know how like it's like oh i have one healthy bm a day maybe two not a rabbit a rabbit has one healthy bm every 12 seconds we can talk about rabbits for hours uh but we'll take this next question from tom tom from instagram sends in this one would you rather have an AI implant that generates the best comebacks whenever somebody disrespects you or one that generates an appropriate, sincere compliment whenever you would like to brighten somebody's day?
Starting point is 00:20:20 So you're never patronizing somebody with that compliment, which is so easy to do. You're saying just the right thing in the right moment to make them feel better. Here's the thing. I know that, you know, look, we've done a thousand episodes between the footballers and the spitballers. And we've had live shows. We've got hordes of fans. But I know that not all of us are everybody's cup of tea, right? There's plenty of listeners that have to say, like, oh, I can't stand Jason.
Starting point is 00:20:52 Yeah. They don't say it to me. You know what I mean? No, no. Of course not. When am I going to have? I don't remember the last time someone just, well, outside of my wife, insulted me to say your home life i'm sure that like if you had a back catalog of instantly going to the best snaps insult that you can get of like you have you know you've
Starting point is 00:21:12 memorized every yo mama joke and you just can unleash it at any moment i i mean but it's in response to an insult so this is literally the question is saying, would you like AI that will have you have great comebacks for your wife? That's what the question is because she's insulting me left, right, and center as she should, as I deserve. But that's like the only insult I think I would be giving back. Whereas complimenting people. He disrespects you, not just insults you, but you've been disrespected. You've been in a public place where somebody's dis andy's people now people know better than to disrespect me that's the guy who owns the rabbit and it's it's best comeback so this is it it may not be
Starting point is 00:21:54 like a really overt attack this might be the ultimate impassive aggressive just right in the fingernails getting them they don't even realize they've been insulted for for 10 seconds and then later after you've walked away they're like oh he got me yes can you change a person's mind if your comeback is snappy enough can you change mine yes yeah so yes i know you can but it depends on the person. Make them hate you more? No, no, no. I'm just saying, can good come out of this? If you have the best comebacks ever, are you actually earning respect or making some kind of...
Starting point is 00:22:33 From your peers, not from the person who... Oh, not from the person you got the comeback to. No, this is you need a full group around you to make sure that they hear your perfect insults. Can you imagine what our football show would be like? Firing perfect comebacks. Did you hear what I said? Did you hear what I said to him?
Starting point is 00:22:51 I might want to write that down. It's pretty good. I'd like to believe I can generate an appropriate, sincere compliment when I like to right now. I'd like to believe at this stage of my life, I could do it. You got two people with you. You're up.
Starting point is 00:23:05 Well, I have the compliment one. Yeah. This is genuine, sincere compliment. I'm all ears. Mike's all ears. Jason. Someone needs some AI. Well, you can't fabricate these things.
Starting point is 00:23:18 I don't feel like either of you need it right now. You said, I hope that I can come up with a genuine compliment whenever I need it. I put you on the spot, and it's crickets. It's true. It's true. Because it feels like I'm patronizing you right now. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:34 No, totally. Check this out. Jason, you might be the funniest person that I know. Oh, that's sweet. Definitely way funnier than me. You're way funnier than Andy. I could have done right there. I just slyly insulted Andy. Wow compliment now what's your comeback andy what's
Starting point is 00:23:50 come on which one do you want you want this compliment or you want the comeback neither neither i'm choosing neither i want the compliments i want them because you know the truth is there's been times in my life where you want to be complimented that's not one of the three options oh no no um i i want the ai that helps me give genuine compliments more often because here's what i think it really does half of you know adult life when you've learned lessons and you've grown as a person is just remembering them, remembering the good stuff, remembering what you should be doing. You know, we've talked about this before. Or appreciating other people that maybe you take for granted.
Starting point is 00:24:31 I feel like the AI is a reminder to pay someone a real compliment. Sure. Because I have had stretches in my life where I've thought I want to compliment people more, but not, like you said, not to just compliment for comments sake and I'm and I'm totally just I should say a compliment to someone but like genuine honest real compliments because it feels good to people and it's real if I really think something about someone you should say it it's good for their mental health it's good for our relationship so I'm going to take the ai compliment because i think i think that that would just it would enhance my life and the lives of those around me and i think we should all try to do this now a little bit more often let me i'm going to
Starting point is 00:25:16 throw a wrench into this question you can have the perfect insult come back you can have the perfect compliment or you can have a graphing calculator. Oh, I'm taking the calculator. Come on, man. I can do math like that. It's not even close. You want the cosine? You talk to this guy.
Starting point is 00:25:39 I've been meaning to tell you something very important. You really do love meat more than anybody I know. Wow, thank you. That means a lot coming from you. You love meat better than everybody. The AI has let you down. Oh, that is a huge compliment to me.
Starting point is 00:25:58 I love all kinds of cows, but I found out that Japanese cows aren't my favorite. Yes. Wagyu. All right, Liz from Patreon. cows but i found out the japanese cows aren't my favorite yes why you all right liz from patreon would you always uh would you rather always have a rock in your shoe or crumbs in your bed oh my good goodness oh that is tough but not i think it's crumbs i can't have crumbs in my bed you can live with a rock in your shoe the hard hard part is, is if you have crumbs in your bed, yes, falling asleep sucks, but they're not going to wake you up.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Whereas having the rock in your shoe, that means you can't walk is forever. Well, I mean, we've all had the rock in your shoe where you don't take the shoe off to like get it out, but you like squirt it to the side of your toe. You know,
Starting point is 00:26:41 you're doing the move where you just jam your toe into the ground over and over and over. You're just kind of squirting that rock to the side. I feel like the solution- The crumbs in your bed are so gross. I can't stand crumbs in my bed. When I get up, it's not often, but I'll come to bed and I'll get there. I haven't had them in my bed for a while. That's Jason.
Starting point is 00:27:05 It's my children. Okay. Oh, it's the children it's always if i get to my okay i don't because we don't i don't eat in my bed you know other than like father's day mike's giving the wink other than like father's day breakfast in bed that's one thing but every now and then my kids will use my master bedroom to watch tv they let them bring crumb no no i don't let them we're not allowed to have food upstairs that's a house rule and yet it still happens and when they do they just bring up the i mean they're choosing nature valley you know what i mean like they're getting the crumbiest granola granola bar that is possible and what they're doing is they're just rubbing it together to make fire on my bed and then it is uh i mean my i can't this was like three nights ago i came to
Starting point is 00:27:52 bed and i i was like what happened in my bed this is because that's that's i i'm taking the rock i'm taking the rock of the shoe i can't have crumbs in bed andy i'll pose the question to you is it weird that i imagine jason standing in just inside the door of his master bedroom seeing that his children have food and he is just what are you doing with food upstairs there's no probably there's no food upstairs chomp chomp chomp i honestly when he said that there's a rule other than father's day i thought he was gonna say i thought he's gonna say other than you know like oreo sleeve friday which is like it's a rule for the dogs no dog food allowed upstairs it's it's really truly a rule for the children i don't it's more of a recommendation than a rule. It's a rule that I don't necessarily follow, but the kids are supposed to, and they don't follow.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Why is it so hard to clean up crumbs out of a bed, too? Because if you try to just push them off the bed, you never get them all. If you try to vacuum, you never get them all. What you don't know is when you're pushing crumbs off your bed, you are actually somehow you are multiplying. There's more crumbs now. And you're dealing with the catapult situation.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Throw the bed away. You're dealing with the catapult situation where you swipe it off, off the bed, but some of them launch. You know what I mean? They catch the sheet or they catch the bed and they launch to the other side of the bed. They can launch backwards too. I mean, that's what I'm saying. And now it's everywhere.
Starting point is 00:29:29 It's impossible to clear that off. I'm glad we analyzed that. Take your sheets off, light them on fire. Good point. They're never clean ever again. No, that's the key. Take all the corners off, wrap it all up, throw it in the trash. That's how you get rid of it.
Starting point is 00:29:43 And there might still be some crumbs underneath. I'd like to thank today's sponsor, Dollar Sheets Club. You can get them every day, disposable sheets. Al Borland, can you spin that up real quick? They have a thread count of 25. That's right. They're barely hanging on. Tired of crumbs in your bed?
Starting point is 00:30:03 Don't worry. You'll feel like it when they're completely clean. We only use four-year-old men's underwear backs to build these sheets out. Oh, man. Gross. Here we go. Spitwads this winter. Upgrade your daily routine with Bespoke Post and their new seasonal lineup of must-have
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Starting point is 00:31:23 and enter the code BALLERS at checkout. That's boxofawesome.com and enter the code BALLERS at checkout. That's boxofawesome.com, code BALLERS for 20% off your first box. boxofawesome.com, code BALLERS. Is this real life? All right. It's time for Is This Real Life? Each of us sharing a story from, yes, real life with one another. We've never heard these stories from each other.
Starting point is 00:31:56 But it's important to know it's out there. And so I'll begin. Gentlemen, I will read you this headline. It was from June 29th. Okay. That's pretty recent. Yeah. Jogger caught pooing on the street.
Starting point is 00:32:17 All right. I'm in. I'm in. And forced to carry it with bare hands. Yes. Yes. forced to carry it with bare hands so what this story this story is kind of incredible because oh yeah look we've all been in a jason's shared this before we've been in desperate situations sometimes you could be caught unawares and uh, well, this jogger tucked, this is all on video, and he tucked himself back. Wow.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Tucked himself back behind a dumpster to take a little pooski on the ground. Now, the problem was, well, somebody was watching him through a camera and caught him. Why are they? Well, they're just looking on their security camera. They're like, what's this guy behind the dumpster? Why are they watching? Oh, my God, he's taking a poop. I mean, you've got motion alerts.
Starting point is 00:33:19 They noticed he's taking a poop. They open the door on him. They noticed he's taking a poop. They open the door on him. They publicly shame him, point at him, and make him pick his own poo up and put it in the dumpster with his bare hands. If I have to go poop. Team jogger. I am on team jogger right now. No.
Starting point is 00:33:38 No, you're not on the jogger's side. I am 100% on the jogger's side. What? How is, look. jogger's side i am 100 on the jogger's side what how is how is look uh not everyone has been in the situation where you are mere seconds away from yeah joining the poopy pants club yeah now not a club i want to be two-thirds of this podcast remain out of the poopy pants club yes we leave it at that yes we do two-thirds of us do continue thirds of us do two-thirds of us do i agree oh my like i have been i'm talking like
Starting point is 00:34:13 seconds away from a a real dire situation of i'm at a hotel and i i've got to go i'm'm at a hotel and I've got to go. I'm waiting at a bathroom and this line is not working. One of the toilets is out of order. I panic. I try and go back to my room. The elevator, they are not coming down for me. Eventually, I got to get in that stairwell because I am running at full speed.
Starting point is 00:34:42 Oh, so you could go stairwell poop. And I had very vivid visions, very vivid of me just hitting a corner of that stairwell. And just like, this is happening. I cannot stop this from happening. Now, the happy part of the story is I made it. By the grace of God, I made it into my room and my bathroom but i was ready i was mentally prepared mentally gone through the and yeah and so my point is i have been there i have been team i have been where this jogger has been meanwhile some jerk is
Starting point is 00:35:21 watching on a camera like what's going on behind my dumpster? It's not like he has a camera in his bathroom. Let me give you one final point that I didn't. Yeah, you can respond. What I didn't get to finish telling you that just got my attention, they didn't actually let him put the poop in the dumpster next to where he had gone.
Starting point is 00:35:46 They forced him to take it home with him. Yeah, get bodied, pooper. That's how mad they were. So they made him. He tried to use the dumpster, and they said, you can't use our dumpster. Because let's be honest, I wouldn't really want human waste in my dumpster. No, no, no. Number one.
Starting point is 00:36:03 They made him carry it home. It's a dumpster. You need to get over your life like there's worse things than that in that dumpster right now number two if you are the jogger and you have just gone through the humiliation of yeah you had to pull up behind a dumpster and someone is being just a jerk to you how do you not launch that turd oh yeah right into their faces here's why i don't believe this i feel like it might happen here's why i don't believe the story mike you've been in that situation where yes you it's it's moments moments away it's about to blow yeah i've i've been in that situation i've been in worse situations two-thirds of us are not in the booby pants
Starting point is 00:36:46 two-thirds of us have not been in a situation exactly right i agree with us two-thirds of us um have not here's what i know though when you're out and you are in that dire of a straight you are oh no this can't this oh no oh no i don't think that's something you can pick up i just i think in the end you know it's like there's why don't you pick up that water you just spilled on the ground you can't do it it's impossible so when they say he had to pick it up i think look this guy could have made it longer if this is you know a pick up a bullet fence so i'm not on team jogger side someone should come out and go oh my gosh i'm so sorry for what just happened to you and my wall that's what should have happened that but that's what i
Starting point is 00:37:36 mean that's why i'm on the team i'm on team jogger of like this this person really needs compassion and jason's saying if that's true he wouldn't have such a solid consistency. Exactly right. We just talked. No, I disagree because you don't know. Look, things could need a bowl. Oh, golly. There's consistency differences.
Starting point is 00:38:01 All right. Okay. My point is that this person was up against it. And they're behind a dumpster. Like, show this human some compassion. Jason just talked about he wants an AI chip to remind him to compliment people. Like, this person is in need. They're dropping trowel and dropping dump skis.
Starting point is 00:38:22 I'm not sure every public pooper is in need. Yeah, I think some people just are like. What? Oh, no. Sometimes this could have been a poo of convenience, Mike. No, it is not. My toilet's broken at home. He's a dumpster.
Starting point is 00:38:37 Nobody will mind. That's what happened. All right, I'll go next. He was probably on drugs. All right, Jason. Okay. Let's hear it. Here's my...
Starting point is 00:38:47 Pepto. Help the man. Okay, here we go. Also, maybe don't go out for that morning jog if your tum-tum is feeling a little upset. Here's the article. Mountain... Okay, mountain goats addicted to human urine to be evacuated or shot at Olympic National Park. This is...
Starting point is 00:39:09 Hold on, hold on. That's got way too many layers, man. Hold on, hold on, hold on. That's the headline. The headline. That's the... You're not summarizing anything. You are reading the headline.
Starting point is 00:39:23 Let me read the headline again. Of a published article. Yep. Mountain goats addicted to human urine to be evacuated or shot at Olympic National Park. So, look, there's a big problem here. What does it mean to evacuate a mountain goat? So, according to the article, what it means to evacuate is they want to relocate these mountain goats. Urine addicted mountain goats, obviously.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Urine addicted mountain goats. They want to relocate them to their more natural habitat because according to this article, these were not native goats to this Olympic National Park, even though they were brought in the 1920s. These goats were brought in the 1920s. These goats were brought. I feel like at this point is now their native land, but that wasn't their homeland. They were brought there. And here's the problem. Where they're from is they have a bunch of natural salt licks.
Starting point is 00:40:21 So these goats lick salt licks. They lick blocks and uh no they don't have any here but you want to know what's salty human sweat and apparently human urine from this article i did not know yeah i would have chosen a different article if i knew we were heading this direction for all three of them yeah so well we still have hope in Mike uh yeah so here's so they are needing to take uh there are 750 goats here and they're wanting to remove about 75 of them because they have been causing problems major problems with people and they are telling people to stop peeing uh their trails, on their hikes, because it is attracting these now vicious mountain goats. They're vicious now?
Starting point is 00:41:10 Are you on Team Hiker now, Mike? You're already with public pooing. You might as well go public peeing. I am on Team Hiker here because public peeing is different. Public peeing is totally different. Yeah, public peeing is convenience. On a hike hike it's necessary yeah and also wait hold on hold on so on a hike peeing is necessary but on a run
Starting point is 00:41:34 when you're gonna crap your pants that is that's not a necessity that's just like convenient yes because you pee many many times through the day you You don't have to do the same. I can illustrate this very clearly, Mike. When you reach your moment of desperation on a hike, what options do you have? And when you reach your moment of desperation on a jog, what options do you have? I believe in the hike, you only have the option of the great outdoors. If you're pooping on somebody else's property, instead of finding your way to a Starbucks, you got a problem.
Starting point is 00:42:09 Exactly. You need to poop right now. You're telling me that any person who publicly poops has already earned your respect as needing to publicly poop, no matter what. No, this is not a blanket statement. You don't get out of jail free for just pooping wherever you want to poop but if you're on i don't know man the big difference here the big difference is
Starting point is 00:42:31 what happens two hours later i'm morally conflicted two hours later in the video that is what i learned mike is a jogger i'm surprised the thing i learned today was that mike has gone jogging no i did not know that but the two hours later, I stroll up to the spot where the jogger was or the hiker was. I don't know that the hiker was there outside of the goat licking the ground. There's nothing to tell. But if I stroll up a couple hours later
Starting point is 00:42:55 from where the jogger was, I'm like, oh, no. That looks human. You know what I mean? That's a problem. All right, Mike, what you got? All right. I will give everyone a reprieve from the bathroom humor. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:43:07 Thanks. And mine is man poops and pees in public and also at home. At the same time. Honestly, mine is more of just like this is fascinating. This is interesting stuff. I'll start it off with a question. Jason. Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:24 You have to go in. You have to get brain surgery at the hospital. Makes sense. I've thought that for a long time, but I thank you for letting me know. Are you hoping you are awake or are you hoping that you are put under? i am not hoping in this situation there is no hope i am put under or i am not going in there's no chance that i'm awake for any kind of surgery um they gave me the option with with wisdom teeth and i said no this this isn't bad this isn't one of the wake up during uh the whatever light during the incision or something.
Starting point is 00:44:08 This is not that where you can't move and you're not numb and you're getting surgery. No, this is like cool stuff. This is so people getting brain surgery in this article in particular is about it's in Italy. And it says a woman prepares 90 stuffed olives while undergoing brain surgery to remove a tumor. And there's many other people who just perform. I've heard about this before. They perform tasks. So in particular, someone was a violin player.
Starting point is 00:44:41 And they're going in for brain surgery. And of course, you're freaked out. Do you want people working on your brain? And you worried i'm not going to have my like one one false clip and all of a sudden my violin skills are now gone and what this doctor is doing is they map out the brain they see what parts of it are lighting up when someone was doing a particular task. And then they keep them awake and while they're doing the
Starting point is 00:45:11 brain surgery, they perform that activity. So they fill the olives. They're playing the violin. They're playing the trumpet because it keeps those parts of the brain activated and they're monitoring it to make sure that they don't make a mistake, whether like removing a tumor or something. Instead of the violin is preparing stuffed olives.
Starting point is 00:45:30 And this woman, this, this woman wanted to prepare olives. And like, how many did she accomplish in the 90? I don't, I don't have a frame of reference. If that's really good.
Starting point is 00:45:41 I don't, I don't either. I don't know the record. How long does it take to stuff an olive? You tell me, I don't know. I don't know the record. How long does it take to stuff an olive? You tell me. I don't know. I can tell you how long it takes to eat a stuffed olive. I could definitely blow her out of the water in that time period.
Starting point is 00:45:52 The funny part of this article is when we find out that this lady really sucks at stuffing olives. No, that's a two. That's a two. Very slow. One stuffed olive per two minutes, I think is how that breaks down. Two minutes to stuff an olive. I got to think you could just pop some stuff in and pop some stuff these are probably really good they better be good look
Starting point is 00:46:10 here's my worry it's in italy i gotta imagine this this lady knows what she's doing here's my worry is that i feel like the last thing that i would want to do while someone is operating on my brain is that's where it's insane is like i don't want to move a millimeter and if i'm playing the violin like well you know how are you doing that with that hold on jason hold on no that is in fact a thing you cannot do while you're playing the violin it has to rest under your chin and you can't move your head you know i've seen i have jason's playing a fiddle that's what jason's playing i've seen violinists who go nuts in that chair they aren't they're not shaking their head though if you watch them it is all it's all in the shoulders yeah but the head
Starting point is 00:46:57 moves and that's still the problem the head moves with the shoulders i don't know if you know this it's very difficult to move your shoulders from one location to another location while keeping your head at the previous location but just this is wild it's very interesting people are getting brain surgery their scalps like because they need to make sure they open yeah and they're like hanging out like yeah i'm gonna i'd rather have something to do i'd rather have something to do if I'm gonna be kept awake for my brain surgery you might as well give me something to do would you guys want bionic eyes yes
Starting point is 00:47:31 are you kidding me what kind of a stupid question is this what is this related to so I was walking upstairs last night and I got this meat cure rub I'm making some some homemade beef jerky and I need to, uh, this meat cure rub. I'm making some, some homemade beef jerky and I'm, um, I need to read the bag of this label. Super tiny, tiny print. And so I'm like,
Starting point is 00:47:52 it's so much easier to take a picture of it on my phone and then I can zoom in and I can read everything super easy. And I'm like, okay, man, I just can't wait. Like 20 years from now, they gotta be able to make my eyes where I can just, I zoom in you know what i mean because i could do it on the phone i've had to deal with this with jason for years this man clearly does not have the right prescription for his glasses he has told me every time i build a website he needs to zoom it 37 times bigger than everybody else but my my mental question my my my philosophical question is like okay would i replace but are you really seeing like my eyes work with bionic i replace would i go through a procedure this is the brain surgery just reminded me of it would i go through a procedure to get an artificial but enhanced
Starting point is 00:48:38 yes body part yes and one at a time if it yeah i mean you know if i'm not the the trial patient and like this is a very like i got lasik so i mean i pretty much did that but that's that's still your eye right i know but i'm saying like i i trusted a doctor to slice part of my eye open and then shoot a laser beam into it and i could see better like my question for you jason are you familiar with this will only work if you know the movies do you guys know pitch black are you familiar with the pitch black movies vin diesel right yeah yeah i i am i have seen that's how familiar i am yeah i probably saw it the year it came out which was i don't know all right okay so in that movie there are there are prisoners and they're they're stuck in the dark and so some of them choose to get what they
Starting point is 00:49:28 call a shine job where it's a procedure that now you can see in the dark but daylight is like insanely bright so you have to wear like really dark so he's got goggles's got cool goggles. Or really cool goggles. If you could make the choice of you can see in the dark, but the expenses during the day, you have to wear goggles. Would you do that? No. Why would I want to do that? I sleep in the dark. Because you can see in the dark, man.
Starting point is 00:50:00 But I'm asleep. I need to be able to see in the daytime because that's when I'm alive and doing things alright alright I'm just saying there's a trade off so it's a much harder
Starting point is 00:50:10 question for me hmm will I yeah seeing in the dark would be pretty cool man yeah it would be pretty cool for a
Starting point is 00:50:18 a parlor trick for a little while I think I want bionic things I can turn lights on yeah alright let's draft A little while. I think I want bionic things. I can turn lights on. Yeah. All right. Let's draft.
Starting point is 00:50:30 Spit wads. Let's take a second and thank Chime for supporting the show. You can kick off 2022 with a better checking account with no monthly fees. Chime is an award-winning app and debit card. They got no overdraft fees. Get them out of my face. Foreign transaction fees, no thank you. Monthly fees, get them out of here.
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Starting point is 00:51:15 That's Chime.com slash Ballers. Banking services provided by a debit card issued by the Bancorp Bank or Stride Bank in a member's FDIC. Get fee-free transactions at any MoneyPass ATM in a 7-Eleven location and at any AllPoint or Visa Plus Alliance ATM. Otherwise, out-of-network ATM withdrawal fees may apply. Sometimes pay anyone instant transfers can be delayed. The recipient must use a valid debit card or be a CHIME member to claim funds. The Spitballers Draft. All right, we are drafting the best Disney songs. Mike is first up, four rounds, Disney songs, lots to choose from, probably lots of opinions.
Starting point is 00:52:11 Yes. I have no idea what you're going to pick. I already told you what I was going to pick. The boogeyman showed up, and the boogeyman told you what he was going to take. Yep. I will take the circle of life because that is what like when it comes to disney movies just the best opening the best opening of any disney movie is the lion king when when that song comes on, your feels explode.
Starting point is 00:52:45 The animation, you're like, this is incredible. What is happening? You can go back to being a child, seeing it animated, or now they remade it, and it's computer animated, except my kids are like, how did they train the animals to do this? Because that's how freaking real it looks. It's insane, and that song is the perfect accompaniment to that that whole entire sequence give me circle of life look the circle
Starting point is 00:53:12 of life is great you're nobody here is going to say oh it's a stupid song it's a circle of life but i'm just not sure that's the best song in that movie you know what i mean oh oh there's another song in that movie no there is not oh absolutely we see it has it has fine songs but that is the song okay okay well we'll see we're already in the thick of it look i'm just saying that other song that is superior from the same movie might be drafted still so please take please take it and and okay all right i'm gonna go with a song that is the clear this is tough because it's the most iconic is it favorite is it best is i'm taking my favorites that's kind of how i feel like we're probably gonna end up essentially the when you say the best that always is just our favorite
Starting point is 00:54:05 because best is opinion anyways. So whether this is best or whether this is our favorite, this is according to Jason. Yeah, but you can be totally wrong about all your opinions. One day. Well, apparently, he's already said
Starting point is 00:54:19 that the Circle of Life is not the best song in Lion King, so he's already wrong. To be fair, I said it might not be. It could be. It's tied. But my song that I'm going he's already wrong. To be fair, I said it might not be. It could be. It's tied. But my song that I'm going to pick is the clear capstone of this movie. It was a national hit.
Starting point is 00:54:33 It was such a good song that it annoyed everybody to where everybody hated the song. But now we've all come back around because we have let it go. Yeah. We have let it go. Oh, very interesting. I wasn't sure if you would go new school it's a little newer you know this isn't as classic but frozen's let it go there's not a man woman or child alive that doesn't know that certified undisputed banger let it go is so
Starting point is 00:55:00 freaking good man it's a it's an excellent song yeah i so that that to me i wanted that one i was happy that i'm able to walk away from i thought it could go 101 i thought it could go 101 i thought it was a little bit like recency i mean it's obviously new but that doesn't mean it's already got a sequel it's already got a sequel it's back you know what's crazy is we forget how long ago frozen one was now yeah It feels like it was two years ago. Does the sequel have better music? No. We will find out. Get out of here.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You've never seen the sequel. Is it good? We have been trapped in homes and Disney released Frozen 2 on Disney Plus which which i know did it like here's here's the thing like i know that you're a dad of three kids which guess what that means you
Starting point is 00:55:52 have disney plus right and you think they must not have a girl but they do you haven't watched frozen 2 no oh my god my kids watch too much youtube they don't have the disney movies going all the time goodness uh i guess i'll i'll try to try to watch that for you to stop the podcast uh i'm gonna go watch it i'm actually going to double up on the movie that was my favorite disney movie growing up bar none i think it has two certifiably great songs that are worthy of this spot. I'm going to give the surprise first round pick to Friend Like Me from Aladdin,
Starting point is 00:56:35 which I have always thought was incredible. It's good. No, no, it's good. It's not the best song from that movie. And then I am taking Whole New World. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean,. It's good. It's not the best song from that movie. And then I am taking Whole New World. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's a banner.
Starting point is 00:56:48 That's an absolute banner song. I needed a banner song. Friend Like Me is Jason. Jason thought it was coming back to him. Those are my two. I'm doubling it up on Aladdin. I don't know if that'll hurt me in the polls. I did.
Starting point is 00:57:00 I wanted a Whole New World. That was the one that if I could walk out of here with Let It Go and a whole new world. You also said dang it when I drafted Friend Like Me. So you doubled up on your disappointment there. Well, I didn't care about Friend Like Me. I mean, it's a good song, but I knew that meant you were taking a whole new world because you said you were going to double up on the same movie. I was like, what movie is he going to say?
Starting point is 00:57:19 And as soon as it was Aladdin, I knew I was dead. Yep. You got it. So I'm taking Friend Like Me and A Whole New World. All right. Well, goodness. And also Aladdin is great. Aladdin is great.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Oh, it's very good. And the new one, like. And with Robin Williams having passed. I like the new one, too. With Robin Williams having passed, it means there's something even more. You know how that happens, where it's like. Sure. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:41 Even more of a memory. I get it. Now, was Aladdin all of our favorites like growing up not necessarily my our all-time favorite now but like when we were growing up and someone would say what's the best aladdin move or what's the best aladdin and tell me why it's aladdin no but it's almost like what's your favorite disney animated movie i don't know maybe it's because the lead is a boy and a lot of the disney movies the lead's a girl and we were young boys but i feel like everybody that i knew aladdin was great video game on super nes
Starting point is 00:58:09 for aladdin good great television show great you gotta be careful man you gotta be careful launching that snes versus sega genesis aladdin debate it's yeah yeah and then and the lion king game on those consoles was way too hard. It was very difficult. So I liked Aladdin. Aladdin was hard too. But yeah, I think I liked Aladdin a lot. I actually liked Mulan a lot growing up. Oh, Mulan.
Starting point is 00:58:32 I thought that was a great movie. There might be a song from Mulan on my list. I don't know. I have still never seen it, but I'm excited to see the one that's coming out soon. What is wrong with you people? That has to be worse than me not seeing the sequel to frozen right no way because here's why mulan's a classic disney film mulan's a classic disney film when it came out i didn't have a daughter and it just didn't when i was the age i saw it in the theater
Starting point is 00:58:56 that's fine but you understand my daughter at 10 you understand how i didn't see it in the theater i know when it came out when disney movies came out it didn't matter the plot i was seeing them all all right that stopped with frozen two apparently yes boom man once i had kids i i kept all that disney stuff away from them all right you're back on the clock jay goodness this really sucks i was all prepared for one pick and one pick alone. That is bad preparing, considering you draft against two other people. Yeah, I agree.
Starting point is 00:59:31 I agree. All right. Well, if I'm on the clock and I got to go, then I am going to... I'm going to draft Let It Go again. I am going to draft... There might be a better one all right my man's tilting he's got one pick in the book he's afraid of getting like like missing out on one more than he is about getting well i'm between two and it's from the same movie jason and look can i calm your fears like this this is very unprecedented for our drafts
Starting point is 01:00:01 Can I qualm your fears? This is very unprecedented for our drafts. I will qualm your fears. I'm not taking the pick you think. If you have two, your second pick is 100% safe. I am not worried about that. I'm just worried about which one I prefer. But I'm going to take this. The stature of the second round pick from the Spitballers draft.
Starting point is 01:00:23 Yes. I'm going to do it for their sake. I'm taking Under the Sea. It's great. No, it's very good. Because I got to get The Little Mermaid in there. That was so good.
Starting point is 01:00:34 You know, there's a couple great songs in that one, but that's the ensemble. That's the big show number. And everybody knows it. You decided all of those things just now, too, when you finally decided on that pick. I get it. I everybody knows it. You decided all of those things just now, too, when you finally decided on that bit.
Starting point is 01:00:47 I get it. I get that it's a big number. I don't think that's the best song from the film. Right. That was my struggle. I hope you redeem yourself. There are three good songs from that film. There are many.
Starting point is 01:01:01 I mean, like three that I thought of. Well, we'll see what happens. All right. So you took Under the Sea. Yes. Yes. So, excellent. I can take the song that should have been taken 101 in this draft,
Starting point is 01:01:16 but I had to play the game a little bit because Circle of Life was at risk. I knew it was a... It wasn't coming back, probably. Yeah, exactly. life was at risk i knew it was it wasn't coming back probably yeah exactly so now i'm on the corner which means the greatest disney movie of all time with the greatest disney soundtrack i was going time i will take that both of those hits i will take eye to eye from the goof from a goofy movie i apologize from a goofy movie and i will follow that up with stand out also from a goofy movie because that soundtrack is the soundtrack of my life it is now the soundtrack
Starting point is 01:01:52 of my children's lives and everyone who meets the magic of a goofy movie and tevin campbell and powerline they understand it is the tops yes so my wife and i were talking goofy movie i know that's why he didn't take it at the beginning because he knew we weren't you know i've still mike is aware i've never seen goofy movie neither of us maybe okay so we've never seen it it doesn't mean anything to us it's a stupid pic however we knew how much you love a goofy movie mike and my wife and i were talking beforehand had i remembered the conversation we were talking about i was going to take power line which is eye to eye right that's the i don't even know actually both of them you nincompoop how dare you i just wanted to take them right power line is the artist i don't the artist
Starting point is 01:02:42 done that j mike you you know how mad you would have been? He drafts it and he doesn't even know. I would have been furious. I wasn't sure how Tom Petty you guys were feeling about trying to just steal my picks as has often been done on this show. But it doesn't matter because I got it both. Booyah. All right.
Starting point is 01:03:02 All right. Well, it's up to me. And I got to think Andy is after me. He's on the turn. So that I'm after you. All right, guys. It doesn't matter to me what happens. It doesn't matter what the polls say.
Starting point is 01:03:13 I do not care. The goofy movie supporters will come out. And I know I won. You won in your heart. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't care if I'm at 10%. Sure.
Starting point is 01:03:25 I won. 10% Sure. I want. 10% of great is better than 90% of not great. So. You want mediocre or you want great? Andy loves classics. Andy loves the iconic, well-known, great songs, even from yesteryear. And so I'm going to take a song that I think comes from a great movie, although I do prefer the original,
Starting point is 01:03:51 and I'm going to take a song sang by the great Angela Lansbury, Be Our Guest. Oh, okay. Beauty and the Beast. That's a good pick. Hold on. No, no, no, no, no, on. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 01:04:07 Jason, who is the main singer of Be Our Guest? Mrs. Potts? Angela Lansbury. Be our guest. Be our guest. I mean, it's all of them. No, no, no, no. I mean, I liked what you were doing there.
Starting point is 01:04:23 It sounded like you almost had a French accent, like there's a of them. No, no, no, no. I mean, I liked what you were doing there. It sounded like you almost had like a French accent, like there's a French character. Lumiere is the one who sings the song, man. Angela Lansbury is extraordinarily involved in that song. Go listen to it again. Al Borland. I don't know. It's Lumiere.
Starting point is 01:04:42 Oh, my gosh. Go listen to the song. She does have a verse in that song. Yes. That's Lumiere. Oh my gosh. Go listen to the song. She does have a verse in that song. Yes. That's Lumiere's song. She has a whole verse. Lumiere and Mrs. Potts. I didn't know what you were talking about when you said Angela Lansbury because I pictured
Starting point is 01:04:55 the little French candlestick singing the song. Because that's who sings the song. Who does Angela Lansbury play in the movie? Mrs. Potts. She's Mrs. Potts. Oh. Those two sing that song. Those two sing that song.
Starting point is 01:05:08 Mike will shame, if necessary, in these type of drafts. All right, Mike, let me ask you a question. I am upside down right now. Let me ask you a question then. Mike? Yes, please. Great song or not great song? Great song.
Starting point is 01:05:20 All right, next. Absolutely great song. Andy, up to you. Great song. I said that from your pick. That was great. I am now in a position where, Mike, you don't know what you've done with your picks because you've put me in a position where I have these banner songs that are on my list, but then
Starting point is 01:05:38 I have the song that I just love. Look, and I know what it is. I know what it is for you over there. Take some Tarzan, man. Yeah, maybe it is Tarzan. Because the Tarzan soundtrack is so good. How do I pick which song? I can't decide between two worlds,
Starting point is 01:05:56 and you'll be in my heart. You'll be in my heart. It has to be you'll be in my heart. I'm taking two worlds. I'm taking two worlds. Yes, yes, you did it. You did it. You went against the consensus. i'm going against the grain baby
Starting point is 01:06:06 because that's the big song that the big song is is you'll be in my heart it's great it's fantastic but two worlds that's a better song oh my goodness this song is awesome this song is so good and you want to know what because of that because i've now got a theme going so i'm so happy and so proud right now i've got a theme going i have a whole new world again i have a whole new world i have uh two worlds and now i'm gonna go with uh another world song i was going to i was gonna go with part of your world from from little mermaid but i'm not going to, actually. I'm going to go Hakuna Matata. I'm going Hakuna Matata. Alright. That could be the best song,
Starting point is 01:06:50 even though the 101 was... Be Prepared is a great song, too. And yet, I am going to make it to where every team has a Lion King song, and I will take the best one, because I just can't wait to be king.
Starting point is 01:07:06 That was my pick. Cool, man. My son and daughter were both. Mike has no mercy for you in this draft. He has eviscerated you. He has melted you. You are the man pooping behind his dumpster. Yeah, but it ain't solid.
Starting point is 01:07:23 And I ain't picking it up. This is your treat forever, Mike. Enjoy it back behind your dumpster. Yeah, but it ain't solid, and I ain't picking it up. This is your treat forever, Mike. Enjoy it back behind your dumpster, and then congratulate me, the jogger. I gotta get it right now. I know I'm not winning the draft. I'm not winning in the polls because I'm all in on a goofy movie, but
Starting point is 01:07:38 that is... I mean, the people... I'm gonna tell you right now. Disney is too close to people's heart, and there are too many songs left off these lists. We are going to get- Where was this song? Where was- Yes.
Starting point is 01:07:50 Well, Mike still got another pick, right? I do. Wait, am I done? Yes. Yes, you are done. Let it go under the sea, be our guest, and I just can't wait to be king. That four pack is great. Yes, it is. But yet you...
Starting point is 01:08:05 Mike made me feel like you did not draft well. And then I have friend like me, a whole new world, two worlds in Hakuna Matata. Mike has Circle of Life, Eye to Eye, and Stand Out. And one pick left.
Starting point is 01:08:17 I could log out and I could be very happy. If you pick the pick that I think you should, Mike, I'll be so proud of you. Oh, well, let's find out. land like i'm not i don't you guys know who i am i am not a man who is pressured by classic by consensus by consensus doesn't bother me having to have a classic does not bother me i i was like I was serious. I think Part of Your World, that's the best Little Mermaid song to me.
Starting point is 01:08:49 Yeah. But look, there's been a newer Disney movie, and they went with a heavy hitter when it came to being the composer to come in and write these songs because this dude was coming off of the success of Hamilton. That's right. And look, the best song from Moana, and I never thought it would feature this guy, but apparently The Rock is absolutely incredible because You're Welcome is the final song that I will be taking
Starting point is 01:09:22 because I can't hear that song enough. What can I say? You put that song on, I'm not sick of it. I am so proud of you, Mike, because what? Did I write to Jason five seconds ago? Oh, did you really? Before you started talking, go look at your timestamp from five minutes ago. I said if Mike-
Starting point is 01:09:40 Shiny or You're Welcome, which are both great. Shiny also very, very good, but You're Welcome, you can listen to it over and over and over. Okay, and there are obviously loads of... There's so many. I can't believe... Bare Necessities, I love so much. I was just going to say,
Starting point is 01:09:55 I can't believe Bare Necessities didn't go to Andy or Super Califragilisticexpialidocious went to Andy. You got a friend in me from Toy Story? No, I just think those are Andy picks. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm kidding. Look. All the Angela Ansbury hits.
Starting point is 01:10:11 Kiss the Girl. That was the one. If I didn't take Two Worlds, I was going to take Kiss the Girl. Okay, okay. That's pretty good. Now, does this draft show that the best overall soundtrack of all time was The Lion King?
Starting point is 01:10:24 Is that what we've determined? Three Lion King songs drafted? Yeah, what is the majority here? You got two goofy movie songs drafted? You know, I'm going to say it's... I'll say it's a goofy movie, but coming off of that island, like Lion King still had, at least be prepared, Can You Feel the Love Tonight?
Starting point is 01:10:46 There's multiple songs from the Lion King that could still be drafted. Okay. Be happy about it. I have to share this with the listeners before we close out. Al Borland in our Slack channel has posted the entirety of the lyrics to Be Our Guest in full.
Starting point is 01:11:07 And he has chosen to bold the lyrics by Angela Lansbury, Mrs. Potts, which is, let's just say not a lot of this post is bold. I see bold. I do see some bold.
Starting point is 01:11:23 Wait, let me say it. She's our guest. That was Angela Lansbury, okay? You have totally somehow mixed up. Your wires have crossed of Beauty and the Beast. The title song, Tale as Old as Time, that's Angela Lansbury. Yes, yes. That is 100% crossed up up but i don't blame myself at all oh okay all right all right sure what did we learn today i learned that angela
Starting point is 01:11:56 lansbury is the lead vocal from br cast despite having% of the likes in the song. I learned two things. One, that may be the most unsophisticated or precise Disney song draft in the history of the world. And also that Mike hates the song. I just can't wait to be king. Dude, that song is great. He bodied you. That song is great. He bodied you. That song is great.
Starting point is 01:12:29 I just can't wait to be king. Of the songs we didn't draft, like, there's a lot of great songs. I learned that Mike was super close to making it one third of us not in the
Starting point is 01:12:43 Poopy Pants Club. I hope that in the future we can change the ratio. I'll join the club. I'll join your club. I will tell you the truth. It could not have been picked up. I told you. Thank you for joining, everybody. Goodbye.
Starting point is 01:12:59 Oh, man. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.

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