Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Domestic Yodelers & Animals That Would Be A Problem If They Were Larger - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

Spit Hit for January 25th, 2024: On today’s show we talk about braggarts, Pitbull, and heavy metal drummers. We also provide some free education as we clearly define the difference between some commonly confused things. We close the show with a draft of animals that would be a problem if they were larger. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Yikes! Stripes! Pass me the wipes! I'm soaking wait yikes stripes yep pass me the white riddle it's a riddle scat i'm trying to be careful with my thoughts on this jason all i know but i didn't like it oh i yeah it was terrible.

It's very short. It was kind of like... It didn't... It didn't fill the space. It certainly wasn't a scat. No, it was not a scat. So there's that part of it. I said it's a riddle scat. Never been done. I can't wait to... Never to be done again.

I can't wait to figure this one out. All I know is pass me the wipes was there and we're in the middle of putting in a Chipotle order around the office as well. I was referring to the stripes. Okay. Oh okay. Yeah I mean stripes would have to do with the Chipotle order as well. I mean on the way to shape but I don't usually shout yikes I'm afraid that Chipotle is approaching. Maybe all the poop jokes around the office are directly psychologically corollary to how often you think about Chipotle. Because I know you think about Chipotle a lot.

A lot, yeah. Multiple times a day. And I'd imagine that poop jokes would come the preceding 10 minutes before you think about it and the 10 minutes after. Maybe that's the source. And a couple hours after. And a couple hours after. And a couple hours after. And the morning after, maybe the night after. Yeah, you got to pay the piper. The pooper?

Yeah, the piper of the pooper. Would you rather, what's the difference, and we are drafting animals, that would be a problem if they were larger which i am looking forward to i mean like a striped animal right that would be very terrifying and then you might poop your pants i see that's the wipes uh at spitballers pod the mystery has been revealed spitballers pod.com let me be clear i didn't like the scat uh instagram.com slash spitballers pod youtube.com slash spitballerspod. YouTube.com slash spitballers.

Let's get going. Would you rather? Amelia from the website. Thank you for your question, Amelia. Would you rather live in an apartment next to professional yodelers? Yodelers. Yeah. Or, by the way, or a drummer for a heavy metal band.

And I was going to say if Mike had gone with a yodel scout, that would have been great. But an apartment next to professional yodelers or a drummer for a heavy metal band, both of these situations are reasons to move sure quickly but which one is more disruptive in truth i feel like this one's pretty easy for me so drums awesome they are great and a good drum solo can rock sure within the context of a song i feel like drums completely solo i'm going to a drum concert i don't think i could do that i don't think i could just sit there and just have drumming drumming drumming nothing else it's got to be like Blue Man Group drumming.

But that's the reason that it's good is because there's a bunch of music. Correct. I mean, to me- I mean, there's drum line stuff. Sure. I'm talking like a solo kit. I can appreciate a good three minutes of this guy drumming, but I'm easily choosing the yodelers because there is no way the yodelers stay out late.

If you're a yodeler- That was exactly- Is that what you were going to go with? My brain went to the yodelers. Look, these are- I'm yodeler. That was exactly what you were going to go with. My brain went to the yodelers. Look, I'm worried about my sleep. These are squares. I mean, let's be honest. If you're a professional yodeler and you're listening to this podcast.

I'm sorry. But there's no shame in it. No, hang out with the tuba players. You made your choice to be a yodeler. And you go to bed early. This form of singing, like we got to keep this tradition alive. No, we don't.

Unless you're going to go work at Disneyland and sit outside the Matterhorn and just yodel away forever. There's only one gig in the country for yodlers. That's it. It's the one job. There's a yodeler outside the Matterhorn? No, there's not. But that's where they belong. But they play that type of music and if there was a yodeler. That's it. It's the one job. There's a yodeler outside the Matterhorn? No, there's not.

But that's where they belong. But they play that type of music, and if there was a yodeler, you'd think nothing of it. It would just be there. Why do I, in my head, I think all yodelers come from Idaho. Is that possible? Idaho? Really? Yeah, I don't know why.

I thought they were all from Switzerland. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Well, I mean domestically. Oh, the U.S. bread. The U.S. bread bread i figured they i don't know why just yodeling and making potatoes they probably like potatoes oh yeah for sure who does but who doesn't like potatoes i mean if we're into art forms that should be retired can we can we get the opera in there i mean why does the opera exist i see i'm being pitched during the

movies they want me to go to operas. That is true. Like you go sit in the movie theater to watch an opera. Opera feels like something that was invented before things that were much better were invented. Yeah. And people went because that was all you could see. That was what that was. You want to sit here and look at the dirt or do you want to go to an opera?

Yeah. People used to read books a lot more too because you couldn't just listen to them or watch them in movie form. You know, we've retired. Some people even to read books a lot more, too, because you couldn't just listen to them or watch them in movie form. Some people even still read books. Some idiots still do. We've retired a couple things. We've retired tap dancers. Yes. We've retired tuba players.

We've now retired yodelers and opera singers. Yeah. I mean, these things happen. And I'm pretty proud of us. The hard part here, like, I can respect, well, I mean, I respect the drums and the yodels, so that was the wrong train of thought, but the practicing of drums is just the worst.

Like, in terms of an instrument for your child to learn, that time before before the time as they go from a beginner to just like an average player is excruciating it is long and it is loud i mean you can play like an electronic that's what i was gonna say do you buy into that can they learn on an electronic system just fine yeah absolutely i mean i'm i am team analog when it comes to drums but i mean basically everything you listen to, like if you look at professional songs, and I'm not talking about where it's hip-hop,

so it's clearly an electronic drum situation. Even in rock music, they might be playing on a set, a real set, but then they go in and they sound replace everything. They just digitize everything at the end of it anyway, you're used to hearing that now but two questions it takes so long to be a good drummer and it it's always loud it's always loud so are we all going with the yodelers just for sleep yeah yeah 100 more yodelers or drummers in idaho just out of curiosity in your mind oh yodelers for sure i don't think you're allowed to drum in Idaho. Let me ask you.

You can't dance. Right. Because, I mean, I assume that Footloose takes place there. I don't know. Where's Footloose take place? Does anybody know? Nobody knows much about Idaho. It's actually pretty secret.

Wait, wait. Hold on. Beaumont. Yeah. Keep going. Next question. Where is Beaumont? I know it's not a state beaumont idaho

he doesn't even know where beaumont is i thought you knew off the top of your head let me ask you this question though mike it's a little detour but this is spitballers you're the musician of the group you have you have lived in the world of both analog yes and digital right you were a game audio artist i'll just share that with the spitballers making sound effects don't share my secrets for game design he has a game design degree so you've lived in both universes you make all the drops for the show do you voice and you're in a nice 38 i don't know how old you are 39 39 so you are actually you're not like a young kid in the electronic digital age right but you're not like a young kid in the

electronic digital age right but you're not an old man who's just like ah the 70s classic rock is all i live for so do you resent any of the digital universe because do you believe there is a magic subtracted from music when you have so many one person bands that exist, right? Because you can go. Interesting. You can create every instrument digitally and one person can put it all together. Do you lose magic not having four people in a room with the analog instruments in terms of creating something unique? Or do you love Kesha? Well, look, I mean, TikTok from the top.

Make it drop. Yeah, look, I mean, TikTok from the top. Make it drop. Yeah, I think that's it. I mean, I got no problem with Kesha's music. It's a jam from time to time. I mean, I guess you probably do lose some of it. I think you definitely lose some of it in the performance aspect of it where, like, when it's, everything is pre-programmed, you can't have those,

just the tasty, magical moments that come out of nowhere, and then your other instrument, like, or your bass player hears a guitar player do something, and now it changes what the bass player was going to do, so you get more of the improv. Wouldn't that also change vocals? Oh, yeah vocals to some degree right like the way that you're improvising yes absolutely and like and singers just like they'll change the lead line of the of the melody and then that'll change the harmony so yeah there is

in the live performance of it but i think you know there's in the when it comes to the recording process at least for a long time you you go to a click track right you you which a click track right yeah that's just that's a metronome it's clicking the entire time you're recording so that your song stays in time where they didn't used to have those things back in the you know the 60s and the 70s which is if you say because they record all the instruments separately so you're keeping them all no a lot of the time back then, they recorded everything at the exact same time. Gotcha. And it was everybody has to play either perfect or good enough.

So musicianship has certainly declined because you had to be perfect. It was like one take, you're on tape, it's harder to punch in and fix mistakes. So yeah, there's probably a little bit of the magic that is gone, but music is still good. It evolves, right? I don't understand the new music, but I hear it's great.

I was going to say, is the last 10 years the worst music? Or is it just because we're totally unawares? It's because we are old. Yeah. And I heard someone talking about this. They're like the part of your brain that is more responsible for an emotional response. Oh, look, this could be talking out of my butt, but it sounded good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Please talk out of your butt. When you're a teenager, like that area is just either large or just a little bit more in control, which, I mean, that checks out for being a teenager. And then you make all these associative memories with music. And that's why the music of when you're a teenager, that's why it is so much better than everything else because you are so emotionally connected to those songs.

It does seem like everybody at their age has their favorite era that they aren't ever going to let go of. You find a cutoff point. I don't know what age is that. What age is the cutoff point where you're like, I'm done with new music? I think it's probably like five years out of high school or something.

I was going to say 23, which is five years out of high school. Oh my goodness! I love Michael Keaton. Also, very important, Beaumont is in Utah. I found that out. Al said it was Texas. Two Beaumonts? Two Beaumonts, was Texas There's two Beaumonts

but Footloose was Beaumont, Texas So thank you for breaking in with that information While the original film has the fictional town of Beaumont located in Utah the remake instead places the town in Georgia. I don't know where you're getting your information from, Owl, but you're wrong

Yeah, I'm gonna go with Owl on this one I'm now remembering they remade footloose i have no idea i've never seen either was earnest was the bacon in that one earnest from twitter would you rather be surrounded by people who brag all the time or by people who complain all the time oh man those are both oh man i i think these are the two worst things to be around and um and things that i'm always afraid of being i'm afraid of complaining too much and yeah you don't want to be the person that brags all the time. But by the nature of you fearing that you could become that, you won't.

Because the worst, don't think about that. Exactly right. My teenage daughter has a couple of friends. She's got great friends, but there are two that I can think of. What's their names? I'm not outing no any i'm not saying whether it's a boy or a girl but there are two of the friends oh yes i yes cannot believe which one the brag the brag i've never heard one of them ever say anything that isn't how awesome

they are at something it's unbelievable we've talked about it in our family like are you kidding and we've like you know gone on long drive oh yes everyone is aware that person is the only person in the world that is not aware

that has to be that has to be a an only child it is be an only child. It is not an only child. Oh, okay. I thought maybe it was a byproduct of the dual focus, parental, like everything you do is great. No, no.

And the thing is, some of that. It's Samantha, right? No. When you're in those. Julie. When you're in the teenage years. Barbara. A lot of the bragginess

isn't just like right now like if if we know someone that is super braggy it's because they think so much of themselves I think with the teenage years though it's their fears of wanting to be liked you know to be like uh so they they just the only thing they can talk about is themselves you overcompensate because you're actually insecure. Yeah. Yeah. But I will say this. I will say this.

Having been around that person many, many, many times, it can actually become- Layla's very insecure. It can become pretty entertaining. More entertaining than complaining. Oh, absolutely. I actually enjoy playing our mental games of counting the brags. So are you all like, is there like an eye contact moment that's happening? No, there's just a recap session afterwards about how good they are. These thin things. What did you hear?

But so I don't know. I'm actually realizing that while that I thought for sure that would be the worst. The bragging person is the worst. I actually think that that's better. Oh, it's so much better. Someone that complains about everything, it just drags you down. It's toxic. I was going to say bragging, if it's just bragging,

probably isn't that impactful on the people around you. Now, if it comes with I know everything, then it can be pretty negative because then it's like nobody's opinion matters because my opinion is the most important. We've all been around those, and that is brutal. You're 100% right.

It's the know-it-all more than the bragger that is way worse because, and you nailed it, nobody else's opinion matters. But when you're a complainer, you ruin situations. You think you're going to dinner with a complainer? Yeah, and you're going to have a good time watching them tell the waiter why their food is wrong? Oh, my goodness. I want to have one of those SNL turtle shirts and go hide in my shell whenever I'm around a real complainer.

Yeah, and there's only one other kind of person that exists. Those are only four people. And the other one is the I had that idea too person. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like the one that's always, they didn't say it, but they were thinking it. Oh, I had that same thought. They're tied in with the one-upper.

Oh, the one-upper. Usually the same person. The one-upper is the worst version of the braggy person because they can't hear someone else say anything that is good in their life. You went to Australia? Yeah, I have been there a few times. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, I know my way around there. All right. All in favor of the braggart? Oh, yeah, you have to. Jamal from Patreon, would you rather that all... I can't read this. Would you rather... That all songs exist.

Okay. There we go. But they are all performed by... But they are all... Sorry. But they are all. Sorry, I'm making fun of you. But they are all performed by Pitbull. Or only one Pitbull. Or only one Pitbull song exists, but it's performed by every artist with their own cover interpretation.

That is a really funny question all from patreon thank you for your support and thank you for this question because this question tickles me so you're just waiting for new versions of the same song to come out that's what music is music is just waiting for the next release oh man of the cover of the Pitbull song. Of the song. Right. Like the song. Or, I mean, imagine a world where Pitbull's the only artist. So you just open your Spotify and it's just Pitbull.

Oh, man. Pitbull singing What a Wonderful World. It's just, oh, brother. Mike, I feel like Mike can give us some Pitbull here. I don't know. I was just trying to, like Mike can give us some Pitbull here. I don't know. I was just trying to, like, what are the big Pitbull songs? I know he's Kesha. I know what he looks like.

I can hear his distinct voice in my head. I can hear him come in and dance, get the hips loose. But what are his big songs? I have no idea. Oh, that's Gasolina. Was he Gasolina? Yeah. Oh, that's Gasolina. Was he Gasolina? Yeah. Oh, that song jams.

I have no idea what they're saying. The other one was Timber. Wait, now in order to really unpack this, we have to figure out which one of his songs would be the music sung by everyone. Because if it's Gasolina. Fireball. Come on, Gasolina. No one knows what it means. No one. if it's gasoline fireball gasoline no one knows what it means no one but it's provocative bonbon like super bonbon no that can't be him but he does have a

song called bonbon which are delicious yeah don't stop the party okay i like. That's the song. It's good energy. Don't stop the party. I think I... What's a better exploration of music? Which are you getting more art? You're getting more art with more... Are you getting more art with different artists? 100%. Covering it?

Without a doubt. Then that's the one I'm taking. Yeah, because the truth is, I've heard cover songs that are almost nothing like the original. You know, you can have a rock, hardcore metal song that is taken and really slowed down and made something. I thought you were specifically the disturbed cover. Oh, sure. That's a great one.

Which song? Now it's escaping me. Shoot. It was a Hello, Doc. Yeah, there it's escaping me. Shoot. It was a... Hello, darkness. Yeah, there it is. Yes. Yeah. So I do think artists...

And what a challenge. What a great challenge for real musicians to say, I'm going to cover Pitbull. Is anybody currently covering Pitbull? I mean, I don't think you're allowed to cover that because it's not music. I feel like Pitbull's probably a bragger oh i've the clip is it bragging if it's all true that's a good question the the false modesty isn't anything the clip i think of immediately for pitbull is just like one of those like a reel or something and it's pitbull talking about how he overtook. Like, if you go Google Pitbull, he has overtaken the dog. Oh, yeah.

He's like, my SEO presence in the world is I have surpassed the breed of Pitbull. I love it. I mean, look, if you're right, you're right. Wait. Pitbull's more popular than the dog breed? I don't know. I've never actually checked it. Let's find out.

Let's all do it together. Pitbull. Okay, Pitbull. Sure enough. Pitbull. Pitbull music, his Instagram, actually checked it. Let's find out. Let's all do it together. Pitbull. Pitbull. Sure enough. Pitbull. Pitbull music, his Instagram, his wiki. That's the true. I mean, that's a brag worthy thing.

Heck yeah, it is. Eat it, Pitbull dogs. I mean, if I had named myself- Pitbull human. If I'm an artist and I named myself Banana, and eventually I surpassed the fruit- That's a big climb. That is- I'm taking on Skunk over here.

Okay, that's what I want. That's your big climb. That is. I'm taking on skunk over here. Okay, that's what I want. That's your artist name? When you Google skunk, that's me. That's not that smelly animal. Skunk? That's a smelly man. Skunk banana? What would be your catchphrase?

If you're DJ Skunk, it's just the noise? Skunks aren't farting. They're misting. No, they're fart. That's definitely a fart. You've got to classify that as a fart. That's a sweet aromatic mist. Do skunks fart?

Did you just Google that? I did Google that. And the first thing that it tells me is birds do not fart. Okay, thanks, Google. Oh, wait. There's a website. Does it fart? Oh, you could just ask it?

Yes. Skunks. Does it fart? Yes. I mean, sloths. Well, we're not questioning whether the animal can fart. I believe all animals with- Birds do not fart.

With butts. Do birds have butts? Do birds poop? I would imagine they have a butt. Well, then they must fart they have an anus they have a weird pooping process though I got a skunk question so we have we've talked

about on this podcast everybody everybody got a skunk question like if you really admit it everyone is a little bit fascinated and enamored with their own brand oh yeah like when you squeak one out you're like yeah you're like it's interesting oh that's that's bad but right i

sort of like it because that came that's me i right i created this does a skunk like it when they blast someone in the face do they get high on their own supply exactly does the skunk enjoy the scent of their own spray of course they do i mean of course they do they recognize that it's harsh game recognize game yes game recognize game over here i can tell you as the person that's going to take over the search engine optimization of my word skunk i can tell you that they enjoy it this is a superpower i mean you're telling me you have a superpower and you're going to be like i don this is a superpower i mean you're telling me you have a superpower and you're gonna be like i don't even like my soup no you're gonna be like check this

out that's what you're known for what is the skunk without the smell yeah a raccoon or something yeah how committed are you to this i am not that committed because big skunk.com is available for twenty eight hundred dollars all right now yeah at first i was like well maybe i'll make a that committed because big skunk.com is available for $2,800. All right. At first I was like, well, maybe I'll make a go fund me for that. Maybe you could spell it. S K U N Q U E.

But then you wouldn't be able to take over the search engine. You got to be skunk just as it sounds. Pitbull didn't change it. No, he did not. Also looking through the massive list of animals, whether they fart or not. Yeah.

It's basically birds. Don't fart. I'm like going through and everyone that's a no is like parrot no like but yeah exactly everything else i mean i've got some parrot no wren no eagle no yeah like a blue whale uh it's a blue whale rip them off let me let me see imagine the bubbles oh i mean you would see that coming from a mile away yes blue whales do fart and we did it okay we are moving on regrettably what's the difference between me and you? Me and you Is that the new Pitbull song? What is the difference between an acquaintance, a friend, and a companion?

Well, this seems like an easy one. It does seem like it. I'm a little... People don't know the difference the difference no i'm not sure about the last one a companion i think because i feel like that might be broader than i'm then go on i feel like a companion means you're in a relationship yeah you're there's there's there's love here there's love okay let me ask it this way frodo and sam were they companions yes okay i didn't watch behind the scenes i don't well i mean a companion doesn't have to be romantic no not at all that's what i was saying that's my point it can a companion acts but it doesn't have

to be romantic uh all three of us are companions yes we are on of on a adventure of podcast so does that mean a companion is more than a friend? Yes. Really? Yeah, a companion is like a super best friend. Oh. Because you are together so much. Now, this is 100% cheating the entire purpose of the game.

Did you Google it? But I did Google the word companion because I wanted to see the descriptor. A person or animal with whom one spends a lot of time or with whom one travels. So the caveat of traveling with someone, which I know Googling was not at all supposed to be part of this, but so is everyone on, we make the rules. Hold on, hold on. Cause everyone on the airplane, are we all companions for a short while? Maybe you're. No. No, because you don't know them. You have to know them. Yeah, and I don't make a practice of traveling with them.

I traveled once with them on accident. Sure, but I mean- A dog is a loyal companion. Yeah. I feel like the number of times does not matter. I could go for the first time with a friend, and they are now my companion. Only if you travel more than 12 hours. Really?

Is that the limit? I was going gonna go like six if you go on a single hike for 45 minutes or something are they your companion hike is not really traveling no it is not yeah but i mean i'm just thinking back to the lord of the rings thing i mean they they couldn't take a plane they didn't call that a hike but it really more door a hike to more door that being said it was a hike well like i've never thought of it like that. Yeah, when they get to the mountain. But before that, it's not a hike. You can't hike on flat ground.

They do the Appalachian Trail. That's a hike, right? They? They, not me, but they. The Lord of the Rings was just a hike. I have never realized that. Because it's exercise propaganda. It's ridiculous.

Get out there and stay healthy. An acquaintance is what? As compared to a friend. Someone you know that you don't like. That you don't like? Absolutely. If you like them, they're a friend. No.

Yeah. You can have an acquaintance and like them. Okay. Let me put it. Apparently this is more difficult than we thought. If you go to a restaurant frequently and you see a host or hostess frequently, they're not your friend. Are they your acquaintance?

Do you like them? If you ran into that host or hostess in a Target later on, you'd say hi, right? You wouldn't ignore the presence of this person you're familiar with. If I liked that person, I go there every week. I like that person. Let's name that person. Sheila, of course. I like Sheila.

I go there, and she knows who I am. I know who she is. We chat every time I'm there. And you know her name. That's a friend. Really? That's a friend. Well, you're too loosey-goosey with your friendships.

No, if I go there, and I talk talk to sheila every time she's so rude i just i know who she is i don't really like her that's an acquaintance that's an enemy well sure but you keep your enemies close so you got you've just got thousands upon thousands of friends enemies all over i don't like any of you acquaintances yes so many acquaintances so yeah a friend is someone that you don't travel with but you like and you hang out and a friend can be a companion at the same time yes but an acquaintance can't be a friend or companion so companion well no what i an acquaintance can be a companion if you're on the same airplane that's true that is true that's only if you're sitting

next to them if they're sitting in another part of the plane you got to be side by side with a friend that's a or what about what about the aisle that's fine it's got to be you got to be able to talk to them yeah if you can talk okay so they were talking to one train car a one row buffer and you better be talking at least a little bit about the travel well oh yes because otherwise they're not really traveling with you well what else are you gonna nice wings this plane has you aren't gonna talk to someone you hate about anything but the travel yeah if you're on an airplane maybe the weather that's true but then the weather will be related because it's like oh i hope we have good weather for this travel we're about to take

pretty smooth landing also we need to start using that word more companion absolutely i i don't think i've used it in my life clearly you didn't know what it meant well that's why we are digging deep here for me and for the people and uh to our next what's the difference what's the difference between a cloth a rag and a towel which look this is more important than you think because if you spill something and you say, hand me a rag, I have an expectation in my head of what I'm getting. I know exactly. And it better absorb.

I know the difference for sure for me between, I mean, everyone knows what a towel is, right? I mean, this is like a towel. Although there is a size. There's got to be a threshold here between rag and towel because i've seen people they got dish towels they call them dish towels they're not much bigger than a rag no that's a dish rag but a towel they're just calling it wrong a towel can become a rag it just for me a rag is about purpose well let's talk about the rag versus cloth okay because to me cloth can become a rag. I would never.

If there is. I can't go back. A rag can never become a cloth again. Never. A cloth doesn't absorb. Jack squat. It's a matter of. It's a shirt.

When there's something gross to clean up. If there is something gross to clean up, you're never using a cloth. A cloth is nice. No. A rag is made to clean up what's a cloth for a cloth so many things oh really tell me make clothing well no no no no clean your face independent i'm not i'm not cleaning my face with a rag a rag is nasty really dirty right you would use a towel well to. Yeah, but what do you wash your face with? A washcloth. Yeah. Oh, a cloth. A cloth.

Yes, thank you. A cloth, if you're talking about- Well, I'll be darned. If you're talking about not sewing onto clothing, a cloth is for cleaning things that are okay. A rag is for cleaning things that are not okay. Oh, like you spill some cereal on the ground. If it's milk, I'm not putting that in my nice cloth. Right.

I'm getting a rag. I'm going to make sure I wash that out. If there's oil on the ground, I'm not getting a cloth. I'm getting a rag. It's dirty. Rags are dirty. And a towel is just for an emergency. You don't have a cloth or a rag.

You use a towel. A towel for me is- Or is it quantity? Usually it's for a shower. Yeah. That's my most common towel or the pools or the pool it's it's a towel is just a larger absorbent i need help here and then it turns into a rag if you use it on like juice so let's say you're in a pickle on juice

yeah yeah this is i'm gonna go right there if you have a good towel and you there's there's cranberry juice all over the floor right use your, that towel is now a rag. Okay. I guess I just would never use a towel with clean juice. What if you had to? Yes. That's what we're talking about. Because here's the situation.

Let's say you use a bath towel, your bath towel. Somebody spilled some juice. I know. I'm so upset right now. I know. I've really now technically shouldn't you just be able to wash that item and it be restored good as new but in your head you don't think it's good as new i mean things stain no but without the stain without the stain you just get like like if you soap up if you soaked up a bunch of uh spilled coca-c, that's probably not staining. It could.

That would stain. Okay, Sprite. If the stain, if there's no stain once you wash the towel. It's a black towel, guys. All right? It does. It turns back into a towel

because you're going to forget. You have forgotten. But if you remember that you used it to clean up the Sprite. So if you soaked up some milk, a black towel, you soak up some milk,

is that thing getting thrown in the garbage? No. Or you wash it? You wash it. And maybe it's a rag i don't know from that point on yeah you got to wait and see what comes out of the dryer uh for me it's going in the garbage if i clean up milk i'm not i'm not putting milk in my washing machine now i got it and you you mentioned something that that was a hot button in the right household for a long time mentioned something that was a hot button in the right household for a long time. Okay. So upon the dishwasher, you know, you got the handle, and that's where you hang a towel or the dish towel.

But it's often like you wash your hands. Yes. You dry your hand on this towel. Yeah, I don't like that, but go on. You don't like to have a towel to dry your hands? Go on. Okay. It's a little messy.

It's a little gross for me. Cross-contamination. You like paper towels. I prefer them because of cleanliness. towel to join us okay it's a little messy it's a little gross for me cross contamination you like paper towels i prefer them because of cleanliness i'm concerned about five people three kids okay sure understand anyway go on uh but the point of me bringing it up is for so long we had uh decorative like they looked very nice and these things, all they did was they would take the water that's on your hands and they would wipe it off directly onto the ground. Because it doesn't absorb. Because the absorption of this material was approximately 0.0%.

It might as well have been plastic. It might as well have been a plastic bag. That's a cloth. That's a cloth? That is absolutely a cloth. What are we doing with those things? They're just decorative. Yeah, I mean, that's decoration.

And people have gotten out of control in that domain. They're like, we don't need it to absorb. Why would you make something that has such an important function, such as drying, make it not dry? Why does this exist? Because I think, like, we have those decorative, I know exactly what you're talking about, the decorative towels that have a design.

But it was put in a place, not just... This isn't like the decorative pillows. Yeah, you have a spill. You're grabbing that thing. Exactly. Or you gotta dry your hands. Paper towels, man. I'm trying to respect the earth here, Jason.

It's paper. Paper's fine. Paper... Yeah. No. That's not how it works. That's... That's... You recycle paper? Yeah. No. That's not how it works. That's fine.

You recycle paper. Yeah. But not with, probably not with a bunch of milk on it. Yes. No. Exactly. Because I respect the earth. But we have gotten to the point where, I mean, it took many years of hard fought battles.

Oh, you got an absorbent one? Oh, and they are, I don't know what material this thing is, but it's made out of magic. It absorbs everything? Because you just lightly caress the saw of your hands. Instantly dry. So you swung the pendulum all the way to like, you use it after showers. And they're decorative. What?

They look nice. Yeah. So it exists. Ladies and gentlemen out there, there are towels that look good and actually dry. So stop buying that bull crap oh wow that doesn't dry and mike's affiliate code's in the show description so i would give it but i don't even know what these towels are all right what is uh the difference between sick ill and under the weather well under the weather is a lie that's exactly where i was going yeah

i mean look when you're under the weather that's that's what you say when you're trying to get out of something. Oh, we're feeling under the weather. I can't come to that event. I'm so sorry. Now, wait a minute. Oh, yeah. So that means you're saying that if you're under the weather, you are healthy. You're healthy enough.

Absolutely. You could go there. You could go. But I got a little sniffle. Here's the problem. I'm protecting you because I'm under the weather. There's only one. Now, I get it.

It's a great excuse. It sounds awesome. And it doesn't invite questions very often, right? You say you're sick. What are you sick with? Yeah. You say I'm under the weather. Like, eh, dang it.

He doesn't have to come. I understand you don't want to be here. But if you have a stomach, let's say you had some bad Chipotle. We'll bring it back to a normal part of your life, Mike. You have some Chipotle. Now, you're not sick. You're not ill. Could you be under the weather from it? Let's say you feel like you have a bad stomach ache from Chipotle.

Are you under the weather? I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think so. But it prohibits you from playing pickleball in the morning sure but if it makes you miss something you wouldn't describe that as being under the weather what would you say stomach ache i got the poops i mean i would i would get the crabs i wouldn't use you wouldn't say i'm feeling a little under the weather i'm not going to be there this morning no you would describe you would say i ate chipotle last night and everyone enough said i can't make it need more hours okay all right so

under the weather's a lie ill to me and if obviously there's two meanings here one means awesome right like oh man you know when something's ill well something could be sick and also be great that's great but taking the medical the medical terminology here, ill means you're throwing up. Oh, really? Absolutely. I was going bedridden. You got to be in bed. To me, I don't think I've said that I got ill unless I threw up.

I don't know about that. That's the quintessential. For you. For me. And what I've found is I'm right. He's very ill. If somebody said they're very ill, I would think they're in bed sick. Throwing up?

No, not throwing up. Oh, they've already thrown up. I don't know that you have to get to the vomit point, but I think it has to be tummy related. Really? Because when I overeat, I don't say I feel sick. I go, oh, I feel ill. Really?

That's the verbiage that comes out of my mouth. They missed a week. They were very ill. You think they're thrown out? I think at least there was the fear of it. There was nausea. You know, nausea doesn't always mean vomiting. Are you on the tummy train too there, producers?

Do you think ill means tummy or do you think a bedridden? No, I think more of bedridden, serious. More serious. Maybe critical. Yeah, shut up. bedridden, serious. More serious. Maybe critical. Yeah, shut up. Shut your mouth. I see the judge also nodding. Is that how you think of it?

Yeah, usually. Excellent. I don't know. No, I mean. Agree to disagree. If you got ill, then I think of throwing up. So if you. If you've been ill, I think you're very serious.

You're saying you've never thrown up when you're very serious you're saying you've never thrown up when you were sick who's talking to yeah i mean yeah but i was ill yeah but i was i got sick but we're trying to figure out the difference between sick and ill i was just yeah and i told it to you and then you're like no that's not it that's not it i mean it was more like uh short term ill is long term that's how i think of it that's fair i've been sick i've been ill what whatever ooh ill ill is what hospital are they ill is worse than sick like if you're gonna order these it's under the weather sick ill because you know when you have an illness that sounds so much like if you're sick that like if you get a cold common cold that's just sick. Yeah, you're sick. I was sick. It's not something that you're battling.

We should have put, yeah. I mean, you're not usually going to the doctor when you get sick. You know what I mean? It's just, to me, it's just a- You have to get to the point where you say, I have an illness, not I have a sickness. Exactly. I have an illness, not I have a sickness. Exactly.

And then once it's over and you're completely fine, but you still don't want to go to the party, you're just a little under the weather. Yeah, because the tummy thing, if I get off a roller coaster, I say, hey, I got sick. That made me sick. That made me sick. That is a good point. Because that is a very common use and you get and you get motion sick you don't get motion ill emotional illness no okay i think we've been

refuted yeah well a true man can we're humble we're not braggarts we can admit yeah i too am exceptionally hey do we have time for one more do we want to move on to the draft let's draft We're humble. We're not braggarts. We can admit. Yeah, I, too, am exceptionally humble. Hey, do we have time for one more, or do we want to move on to the draft? Let's draft. The Spitballers Draft. Do you want to apologize to Al after all the mean things you said and then eventually gave in to totally his opinion? I would absolutely not like to apologize.

It was actually your opinion, Andy. I would like to apologize to you, Andy. Andy, I'm sorry that I had said things that were wrong. Thank you for your wisdom in helping me see the light. I guess Al was just copying me. Not just me. I just like to copy people.

I was going to say that too. He's one of those guys. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I was on to say that too. He's one of those guys. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I was on his side for so short a period of time right there. We are drafting animals that would be a problem if they were larger. Okay. We are omitting insects, which all would be a problem if they were larger.

Hornets, wasps, mosquitoes. Yeah. insects, which all would be a problem if they were larger. Hornets, wasps, mosquitoes. And ants lifting 5,000 times their body weight. However, we are drafting animals. That would be a problem if they were larger. And I thought this one was very interesting to think about. Yes. Because some animals, if they were bigger,

I think it would have vast impacts on the earth. So, Mike, you get to pick first. Let's see which direction you went. Yeah, so when I was thinking of it, you're like, I mean, there's all the big scary animals. Make them bigger. Problem. Bigger problem. But, like, for the most part, you know, like, at least where we live, like, you could avoid those animals.

The bears are in the woods. I'll just not go in those parts of the woods, and I will avoid the gigantic bear. All the big animals. But still a very good pick. They're in the zoo. Right. I've never seen a wild elephant.

But if they were way bigger, house cats would be a big problem. Number one, I mean, we don't like house cats. Number two, the allergens that would be floating around, floating around, not just a house. It would no longer be contained. Hashtag nasal spray. I mean, this would be a problem universally. Oh, dander would roam across neighborhoods.

It would take over. We would need a dander index. We track pollen and air quality. It would take over. We would need a dander index. You know, we track pollen and air quality. It would just be part of the air. What's the dander like today? Those darn cats are at it again. And cats suck, too. And they're mean.

You just drafted house lions. That's what you just drafted. But they're like walking around on your fence, staring at you, judging you. I mean, imagine your curtains. Knocking your stuff over. Imagine your curtains and your couch when a giant house cat gets a hold of it. And I'm pretty sure cats sit around thinking, if I were just bigger, what I'd do to this human I hate. Okay, go to the house cats.

Planet of the Apes should really have been Planet of the giant cats because they are monsters cats was on my list for sure um i hate cats imagine if the musical was bigger um jason you've got a pick all right um i am up and i'm gonna go with one of the last things i added to my list i was that's an interesting strategy well i just i found it late and i realized that even though there's there's a bunch of these small little you know mean rapscallion animals that would be a real problem if they got bigger this one would be terrifying because of in my opinion uh pterodactyls. I'm going with a great horned owl. Okay.

If you take owls are... They're very large. Vicious predators. They're very large. They're very wise though. But it's true. Imagine how smart. Some of them. If you had giant...

I mean, basically imagine that there's pterodactyls today. Yeah, no, it's terrible. A huge flying monstrous hawk in the sky that could so you go with hawks getting bigger you went with an animal that might appear like a big hawk well the thing is i'm saying they are getting to the size of a pterodactyl and they are freaky looking you don't think that head's gonna get too big and it'll just plummet? I think that. They're actually not. They're real poofy. It's poofy.

Yeah, the body size. Oh, have you ever seen the shaved owls? Yeah, I've seen the baby ones. Yeah, that's. Yeah. Yeah, there's the baby owls that look like aliens. That is. Yeah.

Google it, spit wads. I'll look it up. I'm impressed. I didn't have great horned owl on my list. Oh, my word. I Googled it. Holy moly. Oh, my word. I Googled it. Holy moly. Oh, my gosh.

Spitwads. Google hairless owls. They are terrifying. They're standing on their legs. Their eyes are so big. They look like aliens. Would they be proportionally wiser if they're bigger? I mean, the brain is bigger.

Would they run the world? Would you go and talk to the great horned for advice and wisdom like mr rogers yeah i don't think they would be willing to hear you oh they just eat you i think they would eat you okay and not fart um oh good point mike i have two picks yes you do my first one i know it's a big animal but if it's bigger it's a big animal, but if it's bigger, it's a real issue. Sure. And that is sharks. Okay. Because if a shark, if you scale them up,

you no longer have a certain boat size that's permitted in the world because they'll just eat you. They'll eat the boat. Like the only thing stopping them from eating the boat right now, they're not big enough to eat a boat. Yeah. The people that make battleships will be really excited. Because sails of battleships will go through the roof.

Yeah, you're sailing. You've got anything small. A schooner? Get rid of that thing. You got a dinghy? Yeah, you're in trouble. Not anymore. So I'm going to go with sharks, which seems like maybe low-hanging ocean fruit.

But my second one is a little bit more inventive and creative. Okay. ocean fruit but my second one is a little bit more inventive and creative okay and this is an animal that if it were much larger i think would be a walking forest bomb oh forest bomb because if it strolled into your camp and it was much bigger it may clear it out and that's a porcupine oh yeah it was on my list a gigantic porcupine it sends, yeah. It was on my list. A gigantic porcupine. It sends those javelins now flying through camp. It's no longer a quilt. I feel like that would be part of your normal news, like local hikers strolling through forests were exploded.

Yeah, you're now impaled by a porcupine. They'll find you up on trees. It's the fourth porcupine attack this week. That's right. Now, can porcupines shoot that? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know how far, but they can projectile. They get with it. That is awful.

So, yeah, we'll go with that. The walking bomb, a giant porcupine. All right. I am back up. Now, the great horned owl doesn't have horns, though, right? It does. It looks like it does. They're not actual horns, are they? I believe that is correct.

No, I believe it. But it looks like there are like two horns. I don't think they're actual bones. So you said yes and no at the same time. Look at great horned owls. I said they don't actually have horns. And you go, yes, they do. They're not actually horns.

Okay. Which one? Oh, no. It's just they're. I got bad news. it's just floof isn't it the porcupines apparently cannot shoot their quills that's just a they can't even shoot them an inch wives tail yeah so then lied to my whole life about sorry what the what the cupines can do well it's i was talking about the owl horn thing. Really? Thank you, Mike, for interjecting.

Sorry. It seemed very important to correct. It would still be a problem. We'll move on. Jason, you have another pick. All right. So when you look at the most dangerous animals in the world. In the world.

In all of the world. In all of the planets. You get. Really a scourge of Venus. Please draft another species of owl yeah there there are a couple owls i want to talk about the small horned owl um the uh just like an eagle the big killers are obviously already large yes yes moose hippos These are vicious animals that- We avoid them now because of size. Yes.

They can kill easily because they're so big. But they are not the baddest animal in the world. Okay. A hippo is a big, fat lump of blubber. You know what I mean? A moose has to be dumb. It just looks so stupid. They're roid-raged.

Absolutely. Oh, yeah. They do seem a little too muscular. They're roid-raged. Absolutely. Oh, yeah, they do seem a little too muscular. They're juicing up in the forest. The baddest. They're just deer that have shot up. Yes, exactly. The baddest animal on the face of the planet that don't care is the honey badger.

The honey badger. The honey badger doesn't care about you. Oh, the honey badger doesn't care about you the oh the honey badger doesn't care about me as in is not afraid of me a honey badger will attack anything under any circumstance is vicious is one of the world's greatest predators it i saw where it like was attacking this poisonous snake it just went after it got got poisoned, basically died, then was like powered through that, got up and ate the rest of that snake and moved on. Now, I have a theory on honey badgers, though, that might concern you.

You're going to bring up the small man complex. Yes, I am. I was wondering if they're so ornery just because they ain't big, and once they get big, they'd be lazy and like, yeah. It's already bred into them. I do care. It's already bred. It's not, you know.

You're just scaling up the small man complex. And so a giant, a hippo-sized honey badger? Yeah, that'd be a real issue. It's just going to go around killing everything. So I have a question for Jason. Are those in the United States? The honey badger? Yeah. Do not know. a question for Jason. Are those in the United States? The Honey Badger? I do not know.

A question for Jason. What is it like having small man complex? Do you have the same qualities? Do you care? I don't care at all. I don't have small man complex. I don't care. You can't tell me I'm small. Because what I've done with my weight is I've gotten rid of small.

If I was short and skinny, then I've got real small man complex. So do you relate more to the hippo or the honey badger? I feel like if you married those two and you really bred them together, that would be more who I am. So you're going with the honey badger. But if I could only pick one, it would be hippo. Okay, Mike. Two picks for Mike.

He's got the house cat. It's been scaled up. It's a problem, and it doesn't like you, and you've got two more selections. All right, this next one, this would be a problem. Number one, their numbers are outrated. They're plentiful. Oh, no.

They are everywhere. They are bring plentiful. Oh, no. They are everywhere. They are bringers of disease. Oh, no. And now imagine if they were actually larger. I mean, there's a couple of these. I know there are. That's what I'm worried about. I'm going with rats.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you took, oh, I mean, we've seen it. Rodents of unusual sizes in Princess Bride. It's a big problem. And that's just one of them. But if you take the amount of rats, like go to New York City. It's a big problem, and that's just one of them. But if you take the amount of rats we... Like, go to New York City.

It's a lot of rats. I mean, what? They breed. Millions of rats just roaming in the sewers? If they were bigger? Now your sewers are clogged immediately. As soon as this happens, you can't even flush your toilet. Now, you couldn't...

The reason I didn't put it on my list is because I was a little... Like, part of what makes rats awful is they hide in your walls. And I do like the mental visual picture of a big rat still trying to hide in the wall. But it's like its tail's poking out or its belly. It's pushing the drywall out. It's just scooting along.

But rats, I mean, they breed. There's so many of them. They'd probably take over. Do you know how high shotgun sales would go if rats? Oh, yeah. I mean, I would have one. I would not be home. We'd all be holding them.

They'd be on us all the time. That would be awful because, you know, when I'm talking about the honey badger, I'm thinking of one. But when you scale up the species, this is now their home. This is their world. All right, Mike. Good pick. And then for my other one, I mean, it's... Look, rats on the ground,

rats in the air. I mean, it's... I'm going with pigeons. No! That's my freaking next pick! Because pigeons are awful. They'd render entire neighborhoods unlivable. You couldn't see through your car windshield anymore. The amount of poop that would

just be everywhere i need to find new pics i can't believe you had pigeons well that means i gotta go with your genius pigeons are awful they're rude they never go away they just keep coming back no matter how many treatments you put on your roof and like we i had there was we had a pigeon they're homing i mean they they don't leave their home till they die we had a pigeon problem and i'm talking like the the side of my yard where they would hang out you could clean this the cement off and then two days later you would there would be no cement left because it would just be bird crap and add in the disease that they're also carrying they're obnoxious and they and they're dumb they're so dumb they just get in the disease that they're also carrying. They're obnoxious and they,

and they're dumb. They're so dumb. They just get in the way. They're the dumbest. Imagine a bird that big, just being dumb, standing in the road, wait until the last second to fly away,

but it can't because it's too big. I've got a very brief pigeon story. I will share, which is basically because you, you talk to pest people. They have to go in the middle of the night, and they have to shoot the pigeons because the pigeons, no matter what you do, you take them, you drop them off across the country.

They're going to come back to that same area. The only way to get rid of pigeons is to kill the pigeon. And I've got a story. Man, I got so tired of this pigeon. I had new kids, right, brand-new babies, little kids, and the poop that was on my driveway was just disgusting. We know this. So finally, I go out with my little pellet gun, and I'm going to get this pigeon.

I turn into a maniac. I'm running through the neighborhood with a pellet gun, chasing a half-shot pigeon. This seems like... It was a bad idea. I'm not recommending this. It was a loss of judgment. But my goodness, pigeons, they can get you. Get you angry.

They literally ruin roofs with their poop. Their poop is so acidic that it will literally make a hole in your roof. Now it's a real problem. All right, so I'm back up on the clock here. So I've got to ask this question. To me, I consider this a gigantic animal. You guys might not. Is a tarantula an insect because...

Yeah, it's an arachnid. You can't draft it. I couldn't, and I assumed so, but I couldn't allow myself to go through this draft without at least asking the question because if it would be allowed, that's a problem. It's a big, big problem. It's a big, big problem for me.

Okay, so I'm going to go close to home here. I'm going to go with an awful beast of the desert. Camel? Yes. Now try to get on it. Look how high up that is. No, very poisonous. Has one of the strongest bites of anything. It's called a monster for a reason.

Taking a Gila monster. And if you're not familiar with a Gila monster, because you don't live in the desert, they're bad, bad, bad news. At least what I was always told growing up is if a Gila monster bites you, there's not a whole lot you can do to get it to let go. The jaws are so powerful that you're going to need a knife or something to protect yourself with because your hands, you will not be able to get the animal off.

That's what I've always heard too. And it must be true. Yeah, we've both heard it independently. Just like porcupines shooting their quills. Super true. It's a walking bomb. That was my whole premise. Well, I mean, if you smash it, they're going to go flying, right?

Yeah. Yeah, they are. Okay, so you have- A Gila monster. You have a great horned owl, a honey badger, and a Gila monster. Mike has a house cat, a rat, and a pigeon. I hate you, Mike, because I really, really wanted pigeons. I have a shark and a porcupine so far.

Porcupines, also known as walking bombs. My first pick here. Look, if there's one thing I really hate about any insects or creatures is unpredictability and movement. Like bees? Like bees or moths. Spiders can go in any direction. Look, if you're a problem, I want to know where you're going is a problem. This animal is kind of haunting already with its movement.

But if you scale this bad dog up with its ability to find what it needs to find and there's vampire versions of it. Oh, it's on my list. I'm going with bats. Yes. A giant bat? Now that's a pterodactyl. That's a problem.

That is such a better pick than an owl. Good pick. Good pick. So I think, and they're in groups. There's tons of them're in you know there's tons of them and you know what's what's crazy they don't hang out alone is like if you look at really really look at a bat like the wings are the scary part the rest of the bat it's it's a

cute little creature i know they are like they look like they're real snuggly and then you zoom out and you see the the wings and the in the claws like oh that is a terrifying creature jason's not even afraid of legless spiders i am not i don't think i would be no so i'm gonna go with bats um a bunch of bats is a uh is a big problem yeah and uh you know this last pick it's really up in the air for me. I did. I thought about going with bears. They're on my list. Because you don't live in the forest.

It's over. Like if bears get into cabins and stuff and they mess around with the garbage, but they can't break in the front door very easily. I mean, sometimes they do. But you scale that up. It's over. People just don't live in forests. But then they're probably coming into the cities door very easily i mean sometimes they do but you scale that up it's over you people just don't live in forests but then they're probably coming into the cities and that's an issue too so can i pick an animal that would be delightful if it was large oh sure can i can i pivot the final one sure pick what you want unicorn i'm just gonna ruin my draft here if i'm gonna have giant seahorses we're riding this thing we're riding them through the Sure. Pick what you want. Unicorns. I'm just going to ruin my draft here.

I'm going to have giant seahorses. We're riding this thing. We're riding them through the ocean. We're cruising. It would be a problem for dolphins. Yeah, we're saddling these bad dogs up. Our love would go down for dolphins. Are we really interested in dolphins if there's a giant seahorse that you can ride around? No flipping way do I care about dolphins if there are awesome seahorses saddle up saddle

up and think about it. Saddle up your seahorses. The sea do market. Yeah. Oh it's gone. You just get a real seahorse saddle it up. It's a problem for your business. It's a problem for businesses that sell jet skis. We're going with seahorses final answer all right i like it uh so i've got a couple here left on my list some mean spirited animals that i could be an ocean sheriff on a seahorse oh yeah, you could. With this mustache? It's an ocean mustache. But I guess I think to myself, you know, we've got a long history here on the Spitballers of talking about dangerous animals, what are probably the most dangerous animals that have ever existed.

And I know for a fact, based on my research, that the number one most worrisome animal is a boar. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this has been a scientific fact proven on the spitballers. Can't believe this got to the fourth pick. But the boars would be a massive problem. The hard part for your argument, and look, I won't take it away from you, that, yeah, boars are very dangerous,

but you have also concluded on this podcast you simply need a spear. Well, but now imagine how long the spear has to be. I mean, if this boar is that big, you're going to need, like, a 20-foot spear. That's just not common. I mean, where are you going to get the 20-foot spear? Are you going gonna whittle

that yeah possible all right so big i had boars on my list there you go so i mean clearly that would be a massive problem and they go in packs so yeah i don't think they're very rational creatures i think they just kind of run at you and they're i think they have really bad vision well we know that once al al hit a whole bunch of boars on a road one time. When did they hit you? I hit them. Oh, okay. I was trying to help you out.

No, they were crossing the street right in front of me. You said, take this. Is a boar a habit? Do you have spears on the front of your car? For that purpose? Do you drive a Mad Max mobile? All right, so I'm up. I mean, I kind of just left this here because it's not as entertaining to me

as the idea of gigantic rats or pigeons. But I mean, a good old-fashioned rattlesnake. Yeah. You size that thing up to the size of an anaconda where you got to worry about other things, not just squeezing. It can bite you. Well, I was thinking, like right now, a rattlesnake, it darts a certain distance where it can get you.

It's very far, though. When they're coiled up, their striking distance is shockingly far. So then a giant one can get you even further. Yes. But it can't hide in the bushes as easily. No. And it'll be so loud oh my gosh so loud oh it's like a helicopter that's true i didn't think about the rattlesnake

they might do damage to you just with the reverberations yes okay that's good it would be terrifying if you've ever run into a rattlesnake it's it's a little intimidating have either of you ran into a rattlesnake, it's a little intimidating. Have either of you ran into a rattlesnake in the wild? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I'm happy you're still with us. I was out on a jog at night once.

Sounds awful. I mean, it was because you're jogging at night. That's what Frodo and Sam did. It was a jog. You're like, I mean, you're not looking for snakes. You saw one in the road? Oh, yeah. It coiled up, rattled up, and I'm like, I mean, you're not looking for snakes, but. So you saw one in the road? Oh, yeah. It like coiled up, rattle up, and I'm like, oh, just slowly backing away.

How close did you get? I was in strike distance. Wow. Wow, you must have the AirPods in. Yes, I did. And they weren't playing no rattles. I wasn't listening for rattlers. I was on a hike. And fortunately, when you're on a hike and it gets identified, everybody

kind of takes a different path around the area where it was. Yeah. Jeremy. Jeremy cut one in half with his mountain bike. Yeah, I was mountain biking at night and I couldn't see very far in front of me. I was using lights, but

it was too late to try and go around it, so I went right over it. Your vehicles vehicles are monsters you just kill things with your vehicles you kill boars you kill rattlesnakes you're welcome um i other honorable mention items that i had on my list i mentioned the bears but um i wasn't sure what giant jellyfish would be all about it seemed like they already exist yeah it seemed like that'd be a problem gorillas i mean yeah i had baboons because i mean oh you're gonna throw kong we've seen that if you're gonna throw poop i mean that's a that's a real problem if you're bigger um this one okay this is not allowed because it's an insect but a scorpion like they're just literally a machine that's made for killing.

They're not that fast, though, are they? They would be faster. Well, definitely. And then the last one on my list was a hummingbird. Oh, my gosh. That's such a good pick. If it could still move the way that a hummingbird can move. Have they ever hurt anything ever?

No. Has a hummingbird ever move and they eat have they ever hurt anything ever no has a hummingbird ever hurt anyone no they are they are very gentle creatures but they eat three times their body weight every day so i mean your crops getting annihilated interesting well if they're that size the accidental hurting of humans would happen you'd see them buzzing around there'd be a person sticking off the end of their uh just maybe flying with the person yeah because don't they have basically like a yes um like a swordfish face swordfish face yeah as they say all right we are done with the draft seahorse i think was the right pick though oh sure what did we learn today i learned that that you can have vomit when you're just sick and not ill. Sure.

I learned that there are decorative dish towels that can absorb things. Thank you, Mike. And I've learned that Pitbull is gigantic, and I still can't name any of his music. I don't got some lean up. That is it for today's Spitballers podcast. Thank you for subscribing on Spotify, following on Apple, supporting the show. On apples.

Eating apples. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.