Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Emergency TP Tips and The Best Sports Movies of All Time - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

Spit Hit for November 25th, 2021: You just finish up a #2 and look to the side and realize there is only 1 square of TP left hanging off the roll. What do you do? Mike gives us (too much) information on his personal technique. Also, find out what has Jason shouting “RUINED IT!” as he invades people’s personal space. And after many suggestions, we are doing a ‘Best Sports Movies’ draft! Subscribe and tell your friends about another hilarious episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spitwads, we have a great, dare I say, super great episode of the show today. Why? Why? Because Mike gives us a little TMI on his personal TP technique. I may have done that. That's why you listen to a podcast. And you hear what has Jason shouting, ruined it, as he invades people's personal space. There's a lot of fun stuff on today's show, including a draft of the best sports movies.

Enjoy. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I ended up in a weird place. Out of breath? Yeah, it was much harder to do a Satchmo than I first anticipated. Welcome, yes. So shout out to Satchmo.

I did this a couple weeks ago. I was like, I'm going Louie. The thing is, is last time we had a show, you got mad at me for going quote unquote chalk. You thought that I went a little more default or was playing the repeat. Look, there are two sides to that coin. You just saw the other side of it. Clearly, Satchmo has four lungs.

You ran out of gas quick. There's no possible way to explain that he could do that. Welcome into the Spitballers podcast. Excited to have you here. We have Would You Rather. That's a great question. And another draft on the show today. It should be entertaining.

Twitter, you can find us at SpitballersPod. We're on Instagram. The website, SpitballersPod.com. You heard at the top. We do have an official Patreon page with some perks. Hoo-ha! And many of you now... Zibbity-doo-dah!

Jason hasn't said anything yet. How you doing, Jay? You still have to... Ah! No, I'm doing great. Here's a little insight. Peel back the curtain. I'm cutting out caffeine.

And so what I find is that sucks. You've done that for a while now, right? Yeah, I haven't had much caffeine. How long has it been? So it's been like a week. So I'm past like the like. You're to the point where you should be. Yes.

Acclimating. I'm to the point where I should be like, okay, this is fine now. But instead I'm like, this is boring. I'm tired. I was going to say, acclimating does not mean that you go into a state where oh it's like i had a cup of coffee only i didn't but that's what i was after well i mean that's a hundred percent what i was after i'm like maybe if i cut out caffeine i'll have more energy no because because my body won't be like you have been less sweaty needing 100 oh that's great uh look one

one out of two is not bad. That's true. That's quite the decision you'll have to make. Yeah. Is it worth sweating to be alive? Right. Or is it better to... Not every man truly lives. Yes, exactly.

So I plan to sleep through this episode. All right. All right. Well, Mike and I have it on lockdown. Satchmo. Got it figured out. Here I boop-mo got it figured out all right let's get going would you rather all right randy randy wrote in from the website you're walking down the street and you get mugged it sounded like the way that you started that was like a like a like a little

rap ditty you're walking down the street and you get that was like a little rap ditty. You're walking down the street and you get mugged. I can't wait to hear the second part. Would you rather give the mugger a gigantic hug? What is that word, Mr. Borland? Because I can't keep reading it. Would you rather give the mugger wither your wallet? Yeah. Let's pretend that word's not there. Nice editing.

Would you like to give the mugger your wallet with your cash and cards, or would you rather give him your phone? Henceforth. All right. So your wallet with your cash and cards or your phone. What would you rather lose is the question. That's a really good question because i don't want to go cancel all my cards yeah this is a time or money right right but then it's without the phone you can't call

anybody and let them know you got mugged man what can they do though when you do you call the cops and they just yeah i've been mugged and they're like i'm sorry. I mean, what else happens? And? And you would like what? You're okay? Did you catch them? That's what they'll ask me. No, I did not catch them. Okay.

Go get a new phone. Did you happen to have any kind of heirloom and or tracking device that we can find this? The phone? Well, right. Maybe. So you can find them if you lose your phone. I mean, that's a poor mugger if they take someone's phone and don't immediately turn it off. Take my phone.

I don't want to get a new driver's license. I don't want to get a new Costco card. I don't want to get a new credit card. Oh, man, that Costco. I don't want to get a new library card. They give you the business at Costco for everything. Yeah. They'll just shut my phone down, and I'll get a new one.

This is great timing on this. My wife lost her phone, kind of. Literally last night. Just the bottom half. You found 50% of the phone. Right. She broke it in half and she's like, where is that bottom? No, so we went out to eat

at the Social last night. They closed a little early at 9. I'm not sure why the name drop is there but go ahead what is this place it's just a restaurant so i'm just sharing my life with everybody so here's the thing we go look we were at ruth's chris yeah i had a nice chianti rockefeller was there the social is just a really normal place. The Monopoly man showed up. He's got. He's been sponsored. Very bougie bougie. So not a sponsor.

Anyway, so we leave and we go see Spider-Man. What is happening right now? Not a movie. Not a. Not a. Also not a sponsor. We went to the red carpet premiere of Spider-Man. In our Toyota Corolla.

Listen. I hung out with tom all right all right you two do the show you guys go so here's the thing the reason that i said the social specifically is because they close early at nine we go to see this show and they have this extremely stupid thing they do where they're just not open on mondays they just they just decided close at nine and they're not open on monday they are not open on mondays. They just decided. They close at 9 and they're not open on Mondays. They are not open on Mondays. You want to go to dinner on a Monday?

No. This must be like the coolest place ever. It is actually pretty swanky inside. But the point here is when we got to the movie, Tiff realized, oh, I don't have my phone. She left it at the restaurant. Oh, so now you're shut down until Tuesday. Exactly. And it's not a problem huh like for you because you have your phone right because i've got no but like if you've got an ipad or would you rather than take your wall your phone or your wife's

phone wife's phone but like we were realizing like she can make phone calls. She can get text messages. Yeah, from Wi-Fi, iPad at home. So it's like, eh, we can lock down the phone from distance. So I'm saying. You can borrow your butler's phone at any time. Yes, now you understand the plight that we're in. Mike, do you have a different opinion or are you going phone as well? I probably. Getting a new license means I'm going to the DMV.

And that is just the end of that story. I think this question gets a lot more interesting if we're pre iCloud, like you're losing photos, you're losing contacts, you know, right. So like the day before. Okay.

Okay. So someone has stolen my flip phone. It's 1999, and you're walking down the street. It was not that long ago that you would lose all your data if you lost your phone. It's ironic, because if they chose the wallet in 1999, you probably had pictures in your wallet you were losing, too. They took my LG with my 1.2 megapixel camera. I need those grainy pictures. My Casio XL calculator organizer. Oh, I got some snake to play.

I think we've exhausted ourselves here. The truth is, a lot of times when you lose your phone, or in this case, it's not your fault. You got mugged. Yeah. So now, treat yourself. Go get a new phone. Get the nicest, newest model. This is actually a great thing that happened to you.

Yeah, that's why I burn my house down once a year to build a new, nicer, upgraded model. This is actually a great thing that happened to you. Yeah, that's why I burn my house down once a year to build a new, nicer, upgraded model. On insurance. Alright, would you rather re-gift? You've just outed us, Jason. You just indicted me as an insurance fraud. Would you rather re-gift every present you

receive back to the person who gave it to you? Whoops. Or attempt to stick your finger in the mouth of every person you catch yawning. Oh, my goodness. There was a long part of my life where my wife thought it was hilarious to do that. When you yawn? Yes.

And she'd stick her finger in your mouth? I do this. Yeah. To my wife. You people are monsters. I literally never heard anybody doing this because you're hanging out with good company it's the best it is absolutely and i say every time i go ruined it that's true ruined it yeah so not only do you jab them in the mouth possibly gagging this person

well i'm not like i'm not trying to touch the tonsils ruined it I'm just trying to choke you to death I uh but it's it's true look this is the this is the wife show right here no every time that my wife yawns she's getting she's getting a finger in the mouth does she do it back uh no that would be awful maybe I maybe I learned that ironically today that we're recording this is my anniversary. Oh, happy anniversary. And I learned on year one, month one, that there are things I just don't mess around with. I know this story. I know this story, but it's like I put my finger in a chocolate chip cookie that she had bought from a store because I thought it would be real funny. In fact, Jason, when I was with you on one of our tours. Just recently.

This was a few days ago. Yes. A wonderful, probably the best fan we've ever had because they brought me a Hostess apple pie. Which, if you don't know Jason, then if you do know Jason, you know he loves Hostess apple pies. Yes. They are his lifeblood. 20% of his body composition. And I leaned over in a humorous fashion.

Ruined it. Stuffed my finger right through the apple pie. Yes. Which, one, made my finger taste delicious. And two, ruined his pie, which also he ate it, so it didn't ruin it. No, it was still very delicious. I did that to my wife. She freaked out.

So I never even entered my mind that I could be ruining her yawns. What a treat. It's a very unpleasant feeling when you are mid. Because what can you do? You're mid-yawn, and you didn't get to the release point. It's the worst. She has done it to me. It's awful.

So this is only, you don't run across the room and dive for these, do you? I mean, this is only convenience. It's only convenience. In the car? Oh, that's the number one place. I mean, the number one place is the car. While they're driving? Driving.

Well, sure, but I'm usually the one driving if we're together, and she'll be dozing off, getting sleepy in the passenger seat. I see that yawn start, and I'm like, Blah! Ruined it! Wow. Wow. I am the worst, and I understand that.

In terms of re-gifting, if you have to re-gift right back to them, what is the time limit here? And does it matter? I would say one year. That way it's long enough. Oh, that's gross. It's long enough where it seems like you forgot. They think you're trying to get away with it. A hundred percent.

Like, wait a minute. Either of you guys want a rocking chair? Sure. I'll take a rocking chair. Dang it uh just give me really nice gifts is it possible that that's long enough that the person forgets if it's if it's something very generic maybe if it's something everybody wants you're in good shape you're fine here but here's how you get away friend here's how you could get away with it how you could get away with it. I loved the one you got me so much

that I knew you would love it. What happens the 10th time you've done that? They just start getting you whatever they want. Yeah. Right? Then you're training them to get you. That's a great friend. They are technically buying their own gift because

you're not even buying them a new one. You're just repackaging it. That's it's not that embarrassing could be the old model then i'm not sticking my finger out mouths i'm not very happy that you gave me last year's model now it's a very different thing between putting my finger in the mouth of everyone i see yawn versus like my wife because my wife and i we just play pranks on each other nonstop. This is the unfortunate and fortunate part of our glorious marriage. There's no chance I could walk by any body of water clothed with foam and not try to be shoved into it. You know what I mean? Like, this is just, this is our marriage.

But if I'm in an elevator with strangers and they yawn. You have to stick your finger in their mouth? I can't do that. That's an impractical jokers type of thing imagining you just skipping rampant through new york city you'll be dead all right i'll go with the uh i'd rather do the yeah the re-gifting you can at least spin it all right you can't spin poking a stranger in the throat. There's no spin for that. Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought that there was. What do you even say? I'm sorry. I thought I knew you. And if I knew you, I'm still an animal. If it was just people that I did know, though, not just everyone that I ever see yawning, it was just like of all your friends that yawn, I would take it. Did you ever see the there was an impractical impractical joker's punishment where he had to close people's laptops inside of a coffee shop

for as long and it would sometimes it would be the same person and he had to come up with a reason why he did it over and over again it was just like you know you you just have no excuse for your behavior that's good it's just it's still not inside their mouth no that's no that's the problem that's a very uh private area inside of ones my tonsils i keep them to myself uh yaotow from twitter writes in would you rather fart every time you enter an elevator or smell someone's fart every time you enter an elevator um oh gosh you have to be the one that dealt it. I don't want to be. There's a level of control in that situation.

I would begin to position. I would work on the volume situation. If you remember, I mean, we've done two different smells. We've done two different smells. Is that you? Best smells and worst smells. Yes. my farts on the best smells other people's farts on the worst smells so it's easy for you this i i'm not smelling other people's farts in an elevator it's the worst is if it's awful one other person in either situation because if it's one stranger and you walk in you contribute they

know it's you and and you stand there. And honestly, there has to be a point that a fart smells so bad that the person has an obligation to say something. Or you walk in, you let it rip, and then you go, bro! Come on! Get out of here! Just so overt that you actually convinced them that they were the tutor. That's a way to go.

Oh, come on! Or... What if you step on, get off, step right off and pick the fire? There you go. You come on, rip one, leave. I forgot something in my room. Yeah. But then the next...

You're still going to do it again because it's every time you're in an elevator. Yeah, but you just keep doing it until you're alone And then it's like ah this is mine now But isn't that worse like then you get hit the next floor and the door opens and someone walks on It's just you in there and it smells like farts It's the magic someone like a full elevator Someone walked up it's the very next floor so they can just get out. How funny would that be?

I've got a friend on this floor. No, you don't. Oh, I just remembered. I meant the 12th floor. Not the lobby. Buddy the Elf hit all of the buttons. Just get me out of here. All right.

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I have walked out into the balcony of my apartment in the dead of night to get a breath of fresh air. I shut the sliding glass door behind me and have now realized I locked myself out. I'm only in my undies. How do I possibly get back into my apartment without making an embarrassment of myself? Wow. So if Farrakh lives by himself. Which I think we have to assume he does. Then what are you talking about, bro?

Why are you asking us if he's done? It's done. You're embarrassed. Oh, you're saying there's no way that he can get back in without being embarrassed. Correct. If he's, well, it depends on the audience. I think you're wrong. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, please. Please let me know how you're going to talk to your landlord. In your boxers. After you shimmy down the side of a building. Better yet, you're in whitey tighties. I'm going to, yeah, sure. Of course you are, because that would be the best. No, I mean, look,

if this is really about the embarrassment, I assume that there is something on your balcony. It's not just an empty balcony. Maybe you've got like a seat or a, you know, a rock. Are you going to break the window? Look, if the embarrassment is what matters, you break

in. You want to know what you tell your embarrassment is what matters you break in you want to know what you tell your landlord someone tried to break in i was in my underwear sir we live on the 15th floor when we were traveling the other day i came into my room and i realized i needed to grab something and i threw my wallet down on the counter and realized and it was like late at night and i realized i was so close to locking myself out of... I was barefoot, and I wasn't in my underwear. Oh, how embarrassing. But no, if you are stuck outside of your hotel room,

and you've got to go down the elevator and talk to the front desk again in a t-shirt with no shoes on. But this person is on their balcony. So they are elevated. They're at least. You got no phone. They're at least on the second floor minimum. It seems like they have a phone because they've written in.

So I'm going to assume that they've done that from their mobile device. They're out there and they're stuck. But you're on your balcony. Help. Yeah. And your options are climbing down or maybe you try and break in, but now you got shards of glass. They're in their underwear, and I don't know if you know this, Jay.

Breaking glass in real life is very different than a movie. It's, in fact, incredibly dangerous to have shards of glass everywhere when you don't have shoes on. I am aware of that. Or pants. However, I'm pretty confident that these sliding balcony doors to have shards of glass everywhere when you don't have shoes on i am aware of that our pants however i'm pretty confident that these you know sliding balcony doors are the nice you know the the tempered glass that shatters and it's kind of like safety breakaway glass like that's usually like would you say you have a better chance of landing that airplane from a few episodes back

or getting through this broken glass door ah man, I'm really good at airplane flying. It's true. I've heard. I mean, you're just stuck. I mean, you're just stuck in a situation. How does it lock behind you? Do they have sliding glass doors that lock behind you? This guy, I think it's just made up.

I don't think this is real. Wait a minute. Eric pulled the wool over our eyes. Okay, so you climb down. You shimmy down. Yeah, you can either climb down or you have to wait for a neighbor to come out on their balcony and go, hey, Joe. How do you, what is the story so that you're not, so you're embarrassed the least? What is, what do you say?

You don't just say, oh, I got locked down. I got mugged. You got mugged? Yes. Oh, because there you go. They don't know where you're coming from. Right. Absolutely.

All I can see is Michael Keaton from Birdman in his whitey tighties running through the streets. Let me tell you what. The mugged one's a good idea. It doesn't end well for Michael Keaton walking around in his underwear. No, it doesn't. All right. Good luck, Eric.

James sent in a question. You are a burglar. What is going on with all the muggings? This is a show about safety and what to do in dangerous situations. Well, sometimes, look, we've had situations where you are mugged. In this situation, we want to be fair to the burglar side. Okay. So in this situation.

Oh, it's an underrepresented demo? You are the burglar. We don't want them to... Like, if people are listening, they're like... How's... Yeah. Man. They have...

They disrespect my occupation. My craft. My occupation. So look, burglars... My occupation. What's your occupation? Burglars. Burglars.

Burglars here for you. You might want to finish the question before you pay too much respect to the burglars. Oh, all right. You are a burglar. But instead of stealing anything, every time you break into someone's house, you just do something that mildly inconveniences the homeowners. What do you choose to do?

I know what I'm going with. What's that? Hiding their keys. Oh, you're the one. You're the one breaking into my house, hiding my keys all the time. Dang it, Mike. I have outed myself. This is the worst.

Because the lost keys in the morning. I guess it's a little more than mild. I'm going to be honest. How do you lose your keys? Very easily. We know how. Because when he walks in, he just goes. Just throws his pockets and throws stuff.

I've never lost my keys. I have. I've got my normal places that I put my keys. How many spots? Probably 17 or 18 spots. So I know it's going to be in one of those 17 or 18 spots. The problem is sometimes, usually what happens, sometimes somebody puts something over them.

It's like, oh oh a a bag a purse went right on them it's still one of my 17 spots but i've got so many spots to look that by the time you know i i can't lift everything and so but here's here's where it sucks the most appointments right like i'm getting ready for the gym in the morning we got a trainer i'm like okay i'm i'm actually to finally be on time. I woke up. I did the work, and now I'm ready to run out the door. I was like, I can't leave.

Where are my keys? And then I'm 10, 15 minutes late texting my trainer being like, I want to come. That happens every single time, though. Well, Mike has been hiding my keys on the ring. You should put them in one spot spot and you'll be okay i will do something that will take me a little while and i will be exchanging all of the cereals and mixing them up in the boxes so that when they go for their cereal in the morning the lucky charms are in the hunting bunches of votes so you're going with a complete or are you mixing no i'm not

oh that's even better just mix them all together so all 12 boxes have the same exact cereal. Hold on. Who has 12 boxes of cereal? You have 12 boxes of cereal? Oh, our house does as well. Are you kidding? It's the only indulgence. Okay, Al Borland, please tell me I'm not the crazy person.

Yeah, we got one, maybe two. Okay, thank you. That's silly and stupid. Look. You have 12 boxes? I'm not the crazy person. Yeah, we got one, maybe two. Okay, thank you. That's silly and stupid. Look, we- You have 12 boxes? My family, very, you know, we grew up, we didn't get everything we wanted. It was a conservative, you know, like spending household. We ate out once a month.

We got soda once a month. Like it was, meals were made at home. The only indulgence, and I don't know why, from day one, we had 20 boxes of cereal. Do you want to know why you could only go out to eat once a month? Because you wasted all your money on cereal. This is one of the misconceptions, Mike. Just because you have 20 boxes doesn't mean you eat cereal 20 times as fast.

It costs the same amount of money whether you buy 10 boxes now and slowly eat each one with variety or you buy one box now and we're going to have our oats this morning and that's it. I would say math checks out but let's be honest. When you've got that much cereal you're eating cereal all the time. People love spending the night at my house

because I had the treasure trove of sugar cereals, regular cereals, cereals you never heard of, all the variants, all the variants, all the insert cards. I don't think it's a joke to say I believe legitimately we have 12 boxes of cereal. I'm going to count tonight when I'm at home. How do you have room for 12 boxes?

I have at least 12. Oh, we have two shelves. Two of our shelves in our pantry are cereal shelves. Cereal's delicious, Mike. I'm not going to argue with the fact that it's delicious. Wouldn't you rather come out in the morning and choose from, let's just be smart here. Let's just give you five boxes.

Okay. And you get to choose that morning. Why do you want one to force yourself into? But here's the thing. Five sounds somewhat reasonable. You gave me a number that is literally over double that amount. We had 20. And now you're trying to sound like a rational person.

That's correct. That is correct. Well, what if you just have five? I still have 12. But what if you had five? Look, not everybody gets to eat at the social, okay? Some of us have to indulge in other ways. Well, the nice thing is we leave stuff there, so we have to go back.

Yes. All right, last question. I do want to ask it. Brendan from the website. It's a simple question just for you. Have you ever had to use only one square of toilet paper before? I have. Yeah, everyone has.

And I pulled it off. Was it a multi-ply? It had to have been a multi-ply. Did you separate the plies? No. Okay. Multi-ply. Nope.

I have a very distinct technique that I probably should not get into on this show. It's a fold. It's a fold situation. All right, so we're getting into it. Yes, we are the question was asked so here's the thing look it's it's it's not gonna work in every situation because uh we've all been to a place uh time of our lives where if you have one sheet of toilet paper it's yeah it's not gonna get done no but sometimes there are and it's you do your best

it's it's a it's a hot dog fold. Okay. Of course. You're keeping it long. I would do that. Yeah, I would do the hot dog fold. It's a hot dog fold. And this is not going to work for Mr. Under Through the Legs over here. Oh, yeah.

Knuckle water. You imagine that your index finger is kind of like the hot dog, right? So the hot dog fold, the paper is now going across the index finger. You have a pretty good surface area, and that thing is going to be the old chimney sweep, and you're going to get a very good extended wipe, and from one square, you can do a pretty good job. So wait, oh my goodness.

I can 100% unfortunately visualize everything you're saying. Yes, this is extremely awful. Would you ever be? I don't want to do this. Okay, so no, here's my question. I have a follow-up, too. Here's my question. I'm not like a toilet paper hoarder.

Well, no, I thought you were like, I am an important conservationist. I use one square. My family has 20 squares. Does yours only have one or two? Right, yeah. Now, please tell me this is just last resort. This is running low. Okay.

Of course this is last resort. When you got that detail, I was like, is this the normal go-to? No. Here's the thing. But it's happened on more than one occasion. There has to be a situation where you do the best you can. Mike, you get all the surface area you need. You take care of whatever you can.

And you're still realizing you are left wanting for more toilet paper. Would you ever contemplate using the roll? Oh, the actual cardboard roll and breaking it down? No. What do you do with it afterwards? No, I'd rather be. You flush. Mr. I can flush a pen. You let it soak. I would I'd rather be. You flush. Mr. I can flush a pin.

You let it soak. I would rather be. You can't flush the roll. You definitely could flush a roll with enough, you know, let the moisture get into it. I would rather be a muddy buddy than a bloody buddy. Oh, I like it. And we're drafting. The Spitballers draft.

I like sitting down. It's not worth that extra. Then you might as well not go to the bathroom in a Target or a Walmart or any public restroom because they will. I try not to. I mean, of all the money you spend on advertising, I will say this until the day I die. The one retail shop, hotel room,

restaurant that commits to three-ply will earn my loyalty for life. And I will buy an appetizer at your restaurant every time moving forward. Just give me something that makes me want to live.

I'm guessing you have never had to manage a chain of that size when you see the profit savings when you jump down to one ply like my cats like my cat all right spit wads are you the kind of person who falls asleep already thinking about that next morning's coffee in fact i'm such a routine with my coffee that i have to have it perfectly pre-made the next the night before if i wake up and i got to have it perfectly pre-made the night before. If I wake up and I got to make it that morning, I need to be drinking it instantaneously.

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and $5 off your bundle. Enjoy. We are jumping into a draft. Today's draft idea comes from Jordan, and I guess it's been suggested by many others on Twitter. We talked about it at the top of the show. We have a new feature over on our Patreon. It's called the Spit Tank.

If you support the show, you can submit all of your segment draft ideas over there. We look at those first for the show. Check that out, spitballerspod.com. Click the Become a Spitwad button. Today's draft. Best sports movies. Best sports movies. Mike gets to kick it off.

There are way more to choose from than you think there are. Yeah, there definitely are, and it's not simple. No. There are different genres of sports movies. Right. There's the inspirational. Yes, the comedic. There is the funny sport movie.

The historical. That's true. And so it is extremely tough. I have the first pick, though, and I figured out the one sports movie that I don't want to live without. Growing up, this was just an incredible movie. It was a coming of age, but also very funny. I'm sad.

It's about the game of baseball. I will be taking The Sandlot. Oh, okay. Man, that is really good. That is... I mean, we... I have a couple I want here, but that's the one I can't live without. That movie was purchased for our kids

for Christmas last Christmas. And I hadn't seen it in years and years and years. And it was one of those movies that reminds me what we let movies get away with oh yeah movies yes like I'm not I'm not showing my kids no I'm just saying it's only for me it's it's a great movie it is but I get it just it reminds me of being being a young lad at my birthday party so watching the movie all right there's so many different ways to go here there's one that i think i'm definitely going to get with my fourth pick i don't think

either of you guys will take it it was i would take it with your first pick to be sure no i'm gonna wait and i'll scream at you if you take it so i'm gonna wait for that uh with my last pick excellent foreshadowing thank you since uh look sports movies lots of different genres uh lots of different sports i gotta go with football to get started i want you know football is what we're into right now the fantasy footballers podcast and i think that there's just you know there's a couple classics you could go a couple different ways one of the biggest best classics of all time i've never seen so i'm not gonna take it instead you know it's a classic oh i know it'll come up i'll say it when one of you two drafts all right um

he's talking about air bud exactly uh no i'm gonna go with remember the titans i mean not even on my list just a great all-around movie strong side uh it's the speechaholics um favorite too because you get to hear denzel give about like four to eleven speeches the gettysburg speech in that movie it's a very inspirational movie i'm i have i'm nearly certain you cried multiple times during that movie i usually do all right so you're going to remember the titans um i guess i get two picks now huh that is correct i love it that's how it works i love it it's the replacements i'm gonna go with field of dreams okay which i'm a huge kevin costner fan james ear James Earl Jones uh if you build it just a wonderfully just a beautiful

film love it all right um and then for my second one I'm gonna go with Rocky uh that was the one I was hoping would get back to it's too yeah I mean Rocky is just I didn't think iconic and I assume that was the classic film you hadn't seen jason i didn't i didn't think you know uh i i you know i don't know why i didn't think of boxing as you know i know we know why you don't think boxers are athletes yes you don't think it's a real sport uh i just i was so caught up with here that boxers out there when you meet jason boxers and burglars i think i figured out what his classic movie is now. You think you know

which one I have not seen? Yeah, it's Cool Runnings. Oh, no. Bob's Sled Sports. Dude. That's your number one. That is... Keep it cool over there, man.

It may be on my list. Oh, my God. Oh, it's so great. It's a great movie. It is a great movie. I don't disagree that it is an entertaining movie. Oh, man.

I just thought of another great movie. You're on the clock, Jay. You can take it. No, I just thought of another great one. You're on the clock, Jay. You can take it. No, I just thought of another great one that I have not seen. I've got two great classic movies. How is it a great one if you've not seen it? Because I hear you two talk about it all the time. You guys are always like, oh, this is so good.

It won't hold up. That is not a good impression. That was an audio clip. We don't sound anything like that. Yeah, that was an audio clip. All right, so Field of Dreams and Rocky, and it's back to Jason. Jason's furiously typing, trying to remember something here. You have taken Remember the Titans.

You could probably take. I'm going to compete with the Sandlot here. Okay. No, no. I know, I'm so sad. No. I'm going to go with the growing up dream. Oh, the absolute, you know, desire of every kid in the world.

If you get a genie in a bottle, boo, I break my arm. I got to get that cast. I come back stronger. I'm the best pitcher in the world. Rookie of the year. It was number two on my list. It's if you got Sandlot and rookie of the year, it number two on my list it's if you got sandlot and rookie of the year it's not fair because that those are like a certain genre within the sports genre of like

the kids growing up movies you got no one at home can oh i thought of a third grade at home can see this because uh it's happening in our show doc but as jason was giving the 19 different like teases for what movie was about to to say with Rookie of the Year, Al Borland thought it was a totally different movie and started writing it in. I'm curious. Well, we'll get there if it doesn't get drafted. How did you think it was another movie?

Of course it's Rookie of the Year. I literally said Broken Arm got healed up. I erased it by that point. It was your intro about youth, essentially. Let's just say Tony Danza was involved. I thought of a third great sports movie that I have not seen that you guys love.

I'm coming up with more great movies. You're super unqualified for this draft. No, there's enough movies for all of us. Alright, Mike, you get a pair of picks. As I'm going through this and thinking of and looking at sports movies, finding ones that are my favorites, football movies are just not doing it. Yeah.

Football is my sport. I mean, you'll tell from my picks, but I'm not the inspirational sports movies. I enjoy them, but they're not. Remember the Titans is not even on my list of. Field of Dreams. Would that have been on your list? But that's a baseball movie. Right.

Baseball movies are much better than the sport. They're great movies. All right. So I got my back-to-back picks, and I don't think a football movie is going to happen here. But my first pick here, which is technically my second pick, Emilio Estevez. We're going quack, quack, quack, Mr. Duxworth. The Mighty Dux will be selected by this guy.

Yeah, I'm so sad. That movie is. Me and Charlie. Yeah. Wanted to be my best friend. Charlie Conway. Hitting up with a triple D. Goldberg.

Oh, man. There's so many... The Mighty Ducks is spectacular. That's what I thought Jason was talking about before he got into it. I would have been happy. That is one of the three. Oh, no. That's one of the three...

You didn't get to see it? I never saw... I mean, I think I've seen... You didn't see number one or number two? I don't think I've seen any of them. Or number three. Other than scenes. The one I don't think I've seen any of them. Or number three. Other than scenes. The one we don't speak of.

Yeah. Number three. Yeah, so. Adam Banks. Let's go. Mighty Ducks is spectacular. Are you taking both movies? No.

Okay. No, but that would be an interesting strategy. It would. No, I'm going to take. He wants the. Now, real quick before you make your pick. I just want to remind you there's a great kicker out there i was gonna say that i'll take the garbage picking field goal

kicking philadelphia phenomenon or whatever it's called that's not actually my pick i'm gonna take another baseball movie i'm gonna take major league oh yeah it's on my short list it is hilarious wild thing you make my heart sing i have a big fan of major league yeah major league is is very good i love really over the top slapsticky funny yes movies and you combine that with sports it's great and thankfully you got the second best just a bit outside i mean come on how many times a day did we say that? A lot. I'm going to go with the same genre. Okay.

I am on the clock, right? Yes. Okay. I'm going to go with the same genre, the slapstick, over the top, wacky, sports. But mine's... Is it the football one? It's not the football one. All right. It's not the baseball one.

It's not the basketball one. It's not the hockey one. It's not the football one. All right. It's not the baseball one. It's not the basketball one. It's not the hockey one. It's not the boxing one. It's the basketball one. Oh, wow. You're going with basketball. That movie, while inappropriate, is so funny. Yes.

That is one of the super not classics that i also didn't see that yeah don't not going to i i have no i don't remember the last time i've watched that movie for fear of going i know i i loved i liked this movie when i was right i know look i have not seen it in a decade so i'm sure based on just sp Naive for spinning out of control. Just based on people growing up and becoming smarter and wiser. I'm sure if I watch this movie again, I'd be like, ooh. Yes. Ooh.

But, I mean, that movie was one of the funniest movies I'd ever seen when it came out. I absolutely loved it. So I'm drafting the ones that speak to me. All right. Votes. All right. I get two more. Votes be darned. I like having the double picks in this draft. absolutely loved it so i i got the i'm drafting the ones that speak to me all right all right i get two more votes be done i like having the double picks in this yeah it's for some reason um i'm gonna go i'm gonna tell you guys have your rookie of the year i want you and then you have your mighty ducks i want you to draft both of the ones i haven't seen um i will draft one of them

right now because i need my adolescent fun sports movie, and that is Space Jam. There it is. That's two. You got two of them. Space Jam was spectacular. Bill Murray is in that movie. You have to emphasize the Bill Murray because the rest of the movie is bad.

Outstanding. As a kid who loved the NBA, all the actors being Barkley and Jordan and Larry Johnson. Don't forget Sean Bradley. Sean Bradley. And then I will finish my picks out, Field of Dreams, Rocky, Space Jam, and I'll go with Rudy. That's the other one. Rudy was probably, it's got to be known as one of the most inspirational movies of all time. Right.

And a sports classic. and I loved it. And it was a great movie. Look, all three of those came to my mind because I know they're like big hits. Plus Samwise Gamgee was in it. The Mighty Ducks, Rudy Space Jam. He was. Yes, he was. Now Frodo wasn't, right?

Correct. Okay. Frodo could have helped him out a little bit. No? So my final roster, Field of Dreams, Rocky, Space Jam, and Rudy. Feel good about it. All right, basketball, you get to finish it up. Man, I just thought of another movie that –

Is there any canoeing movies? No. Every time you – Oh, I just thought of another movie. But they're all movies he's never seen. No, no, no. I thought of another movie that I love, and so now there's one pick left and two great sports movies left.

I regret my basketball pick because I would have taken these two movies over basketball. But I wasn't remembering A League of Their Own, which is on my list. So good. But I said at the beginning of this draft, I'm going to take with my fourth pick a movie that I just loved growing up. It was one of those. You know how there's always the movie that you snuck as a kid like the movie you were not allowed to see you got told no kids don't listen to this earmuffs earmuffs okay and then it just like for some reason it was on it was on a certain channel

and you were able to see it and i grew up andy what did we grow up playing i mean our lives were centered around jacks jacks jackson no basketball sticks jacks basketball obviously i mean basketball was life for me growing up yeah the weather was so nice in arizona we were out there playing basketball all the time and two of my favorite actors teamed up. I mean, Wesley Snipes. Oh, are you going White Man Can't Jump? I'm going White Man Can't Jump. That movie inspired me.

That was definitely a movie I wasn't allowed to watch as a kid. Yeah. For good reason. Children, don't watch it. Because it just came out when we were too young. Yes. As all adult movies are. It was made for grown-ups but I

saw this and I loved it and I would always think that I'm Woody Harrelson yeah every time I'd go out to like a three-on-three tournament I'd be like I'd wear my super short shorts and I'd just be trying to be the shark out there like I don't know what I'm doing and then the game starts sandbagging watch out I know Mike won't take this, and he's got the final pick. By the way, Jason's team, remember the Titans, rookie of the year, basketball, and white men can't jump. He has selected more movies with more total words in the titles than all of us combined.

I mean, those are impressive. The Natural was one that I was going to bring up. You are correct. I would not be taking that. But you guys weren't going to touch it with a 10-foot pole. That's a Robert Redford movie. You probably never even heard of him based on your modern references. But that movie has some sick music.

It has good music? The song, the natural song when he hits that home run is iconic. What's the song? You can play it. Well, we can't right now. All right. I hit a home run. the song you can play it it's an it's a it's a well we can't right now but yeah uh all right how about a hit home run a hit no that's how about blue chips can i i loved that is that penny hardaway that was shack yeah penny yeah uh i never saw it what no oh man that's the air up

there i was gonna bring it up is that kevin Yes. That's what the guy that he brought over, and he pretends like he doesn't know how to play basketball, and then he's great. Yeah. All right. That was a video rental that I can remember. Mike is sitting here going, do I really take Mighty Ducks 2? No, no, no. That's what Mike is staring down. No, there are two movies that I am considering.

No, there are two movies that I am considering. What's hard, though, is you want the drafts to be fresh and new. Tin Cup. And I've, in fact, already drafted this movie before. Wow. But I'm going to do it again because I'm going to take Happy Gilmore. That's fine. Booyah! That's fine.

It's a sports movie. Yes. One of the best comedies of all time. It's really great because if you look at Mike's team, it 100% follows what he said. He is not able to be inspired by anything. No. It's the Sandlot

Lady Ducks. More like Schmiracle. Major League and Happy Gilmore. Wow. That was his whole team? That's all comedy. I'm not going to lie, I like those movies. When you say best sports movies, it's like those are not what I think of, but they're very good movies. I was burgled.

I really wanted to go Sandlot Rookie of the Year to open it up. Which are both not inspirational sports movies. In my defense, I wanted to take another non traditional sports movie but the the other movie i was thinking of which i haven't gone back and i had i got a little basketball scared but a kingpin was so was was so great at the time but i don't know know how it holds up with the way I view life now. Yeah, there are. Caddyshack.

Yeah, Caddyshack is probably one that a lot of people. Smadyshack. Oh, they're yelling right now, the Caddyshack truthers. They're out there. Most people out there are yelling at Hoosiers not being drafted, but I never saw Hoosiers. You know what I see? Hoosiers. Good luck.

Let's see. There you go. Thank you. You're welcome. What did we learn today? I learned that Mike has a very strategic one square hot dog chimney sweep that has served him well in life, and I've really learned. May it serve you all well as it has served me.

As you move forward. That's risky business, though, because if you do happen to slip the finger out you could be with yes it could be a finger wipe yes it could and if the ply isn't thick enough it could be a finger wipe look there's risks i didn't say it was safe but i said it was effective if it performed with 100% accuracy. I learned that the burgling demographic, they are not represented well. Underserved. People think bad things about those who burgle. And I learned just how much fun I have with the thought of ruining everyone's yawns in New York City shouting, run it! I would have more respect for burglars if they went back

to their roots with the what like a cat burglar yeah they need to be the black in the full outfits with a bag like with a big burlap sack that has a money sign on it if you if you have that money signed burgle bag you can fill it with as much as you want and i will give you that permission now in fairness you can't go beyond the bag, though. Put whatever you want in the bag and get out. They had a code back then. Absolutely. I think it just got hard to get away with it.

I think what happened was people were like, dude, that guy's up to no good. I'm pretty confident that guy's going to burgle somebody. Or was it that or was it the Hamburglar? When he broke on the scene, did that ruin it for everyone? I just think that clearly they're not tiptoeing around enough because you said hard to get away with it, but they would be able to get away with it if they tiptoed. Why is when you tiptoe, does it make that sound?

Yeah, that's not sneaky at all. No, it's like an alert. Check out spitballerspod.com if you want to become an official member of the Spitwads. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. We'll see you next week.

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