Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Exercise Diapers & The Most Rewatchable Movies - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

Spit Hit for May 2nd, 2024: On this episode, we talk about the uselessness of fencing, the sixth-sense, and wearing used underwear. Then, in ‘The Situation Room’, we are thrust into the Waffle House challenge. We close it down with a very subjective draft of the most rewatchable movies. Don’t miss it! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Zip zap zap Zim zoom zing Zip zap zap Zip zap zap Brought to you by the letter Z Any thoughts Mike? I mean yeah Z as in zebra Z and then zip

Zazu Zip zap zap Zimbabwe. He's trying to put everyone to sleep. What are you doing? Good night, spitballers. Welcome in to the show. Thank you, Jason.

I'm sorry, everybody. I thought about just doing the first ever silent scat, which obviously would have been great for the audience. But then I was like, no, they need to live my pain. I don't like doing the scat which obviously would have been great for the audience but then i was like no they need to live my pain i don't like doing the scat so i'm gonna i'm gonna make you listen to it and that's that that is how i get recovered is is i think about the pain of everybody listening to my scat okay so it's like we share in this me Me and my friends are experiencing. Better to suffer with a bunch than suffer by yourself. I believe there's a phrase, misery loves company. So every third show, you have five to ten seconds of something that you don't appreciate.

And then these beautiful people that tune into this podcast to get a jolt. A jolt of joy. They don't want to have a case of the Mondays, as they would say in the office space. And you're like, nah, man, I think that you should have pain, too. No, here's the truth. They don't tune in for joy. They tune in. They might think they tune in for joy.

They don't. I'm confused. They tune in for emotion. They don't. I'm confused. They tune in for emotion. They want to feel something. This is a real. This is a deep dive. This is a deep dive. Look.

None of it's true. You're welcome, spitballers. I think that you have felt something here to start this show. A little too long. Would you rather the Situation Room and we're drafting the most rewatchable movies on today's episode of The Spitballers. Al Borland is here. What's up, Spitwads? The judge is here as well, hanging out.

Hanging out. I love having a draft that is just so completely subjective. I do too. And will just certainly rile up. You talk about people want to feel something. I mean, the amount of people who will not have one of their picks will not be selected in our draft here. They will be furious.

Well, it's great because Jason has the first pick in a subjective draft, so that's awesome. That sucks. And then secondly, I think what you'll hear the most of is people hearing our picks and then saying i wouldn't want to watch that a bunch of times like that'll be the interesting thing what kind of awful movies are you gonna pick i feel like the movies on my list are are movies that are universally loved because you could watch them a million times i I mean, that's the draft. What are awesome movies you could watch forever? Like Zoolander?

That movie sucked. Oh, it begins. It was just a Z movie, so I thought I'd work it in. All right, let's move on. I'm just now rehearing you say that. That's just ridiculous. It is. That movie is a classic.

Agreed. I know that. I know that because every single one of my friends told me that a million times. Oh, weird. Like a whole bunch of people that you love, respect. Exactly. You care about their opinion sometimes you're above people mike and in college i was very much above all of the people when it came to uh

being a comedy snob and so uh yeah i floated right over all them losers and that ben Stiller what a hack he's great he's great when he's a a bit piece he can't oh my goodness no he can't what yeah like dodgeball awesome he's he's a fun bit piece main character in dodgeball he's not he's not the main character it's the main character thank you Mike no no I get what you say but but I'm saying to say that Ben Stiller cannot carry is ridiculous. Cannot lead. This is not our would you rather question, though. Would you rather watch Ben Stiller as the lead? Okay, into IMDb I go.

Jackson from Patreon, would you rather. No time for you, Jackson. Would you rather lose one sense to gain a 25% boost to the other four or gain the proverbial sixth sense, but lose 20% of the other five. Oh, okay. Now let's recap the five first. The five senses. Go ahead, Jason.

We all know them. Recap them for us. Live, laugh, love. We're going to go with sight, yeah yeah smell okay taste and touch there you go get them that you got it are they up on your screen on like a google they're not on my screen now the boost what one would you give up would you give up uh taste though for sure for me i mean that was easy when i would you do it though to get the boost I think I definitely think so I wear glasses when I'm showering and I've tried your dumb trick Andy of wear your glasses in the shower they just fog up there's just it doesn't work water gets on them and then it's just as bad

so like I can't I can't see when I wake up when I'm in the shower when I'm swimming like I would love to have my eyesight be better without glasses and I would love for food to stop tasting so good. Do you really? You'd be giving up something. I mean, you'd be giving up something you love. Yeah, you say that a lot on this show, and we all know immediately, okay, if I can't taste, allegedly I'm going to go and I'm only going to eat salads.

You don't know that that's true but would you really want that to go away i don't think i would want it to go away no no like if the question was would you like to taste uh less and therefore maybe eat better lose weight whatever i would be like no i love food but if i'm also getting a boost to my sense of hearing my sense of smell my sense of uh you know my vision my touch that i think that's a huge win that i mean what's worse in the five senses than taste is there anything that's like oh man like taste is the is the loser no taste is the one that you could get rid of and be least impacted on your daily life. However, a 25% boost, it's just not that much.

It's not that much. Like, I don't know if it... Boy, I can hear 25% more. My life has changed? No. I can see 25% better. My life's changed? No.

I can smell better? That could be a curse. That could be a curse. But by your own logic andy then losing 25 of taste not that big a deal you don't lose 25 of taste you lose your sense all of it you lose all of it yes shoot me and my reading no you lose 20 from the others if you do the proverbial six cents but if the oh the question was do you would you lose an entire sense to gain 25% boost or you get the sixth sense, which apparently-

Yeah, let's define the sixth sense. What is this, ghosts? I don't know what it means. No, I think the sixth- It says that if someone is said to have the sixth sense, they seem to have a natural ability to know about things before other people or to know things that other people do not know. Heck yeah, bro. Sign me up.

I mean, look- Let's go. That's like the the oh i've got a six cents about that it's going to end well all right not well yeah i mean look but i actually can say that 25 yeah but you don't know the details you just have a six cents telling you that we have we have a lot riding on fantasy football uh on this show and the fantasy footballer show if i had a six cents for like someone that was going to get injured or someone that's going to blow up in a big game that's awesome so wait what do i have to do to

get a six cents minus 25 percent wait wait wait 20 percent of the other five all the five so now i got big thick glasses now because i mean at that point i am wearing magnifying glasses the coke bottles on yeah and i can't hear very well. Yeah, you probably got hearing aids. That's fine. I'll be on par with my wife. Does she wear hearing aids? Not yet.

She needs them. Get bodied. But she can't hear so good. And we watch everything with subtitles, so I think I'm okay there. Okay. Losing a little bit of smell is pretty good. Just imagine how much Flavacol you'll need if you can't taste but just be sprinkling it on my mule not this has nothing to do with popcorn and cooking anymore i'm

just like sprinkling flavor call right on my fries i guess i'll take the sixth sense thing we good with that yeah i'm great with it uh all right we have um from Twitter. Would you rather be an expert archer or a professional fencer? Okay, quick question. Are we saying that an expert archer is not a professional? No, sure. I'm just saying there was a distinction. Would you rather be an expert archer or a professional fencer? I believe the heart of the question is.

A professional at either. An expert at either. Yes, exactly. You're top of your field. Yeah, which is the cooler one to be great at? Which one comes in handy more often? People still fence, huh? Do they still fence?

Well, yeah. I mean, like in the Olympics. If I'm an expert archer, at least I can go hunt or something. Yeah. If I'm a professional fencer. Someone breaks into your house. Someone breaks into your house. You have to throw them a mask and say, step back 10 feet, good sir.

I challenge you. Do professional fencers keep a fencing sword, not with the little ball on the end of it, but a sharp one? A lethal one. A lethal one. A lethal one. It'll get you a little prick. Near their bed in lieu of other home protection items. Of course they do.

They have one skill and very few opportunities. Well, sure. I'm saying they go with the fencing sword. They don't have a cutlass or something that does it. It's just like. have a like a like a cutlass or something that does it just like hey speed can overcome some of those big claymores mike i know yeah i'm taking the archer yeah range is always gonna win like put those two in a fight right like come at me finn you just got shot by an arrow you're done i mean the archer would always win in that duel well not all i mean once you're

close enough then no we just completely eliminated the need for archers in war right with the whole gun thing well because it's basically just very similar thing it's a projectile possible benefit to being able to shoot an arrow version if you want to block out the sun that's a reference i didn't get yeah a bunch of i'm not even gonna explain that one andy well i remember that is some some no no mythological thing where you shoot a bunch of arrows up if i say this is sparta yeah oh okay like arrows flying in the sky yeah yeah i vote archer yeah i mean i i i definitely think that archery and any kind of projectile is it's cool also if you've ever watched alone uh the show where people have to go and live by themselves

and you get a few items they always bring a bow and I am I I am amazed at by what these people could they can get like a kind of boat do they get like a it's not like a big uh it's not a real pot what do they call those uh compound bow yeah it's not a? It's not like a big compound boat. Yeah, it's not a compound boat. It's like a wooden boat. It's old school. Old school. Yeah, like a big.

Legolas. Legolas does not have a compound boat. No. Well, he's also an elf. I was going to go Robin Hood, but yeah. But I see them hit a bird in a tree or a squirrel at a distance. I'm like, that's impossible. Yeah, but if that thing was like a foot in front of the fencer,

they would get it for sure. That fencer would never get that squirrel. Never. You could start with the squirrel on the shoulder, and that squirrel is gone. Yeah, I'm an archer for sure. Would you rather buy all used underwear? What?

Or all used toothbrushes? Oh, okay, okay. This is a great question, by the way. What can you sanitize easier? You can bleach stuff. I feel like bleaching your toothbrush. I think I would bleach the toothbrush too. I feel like that's not a good plan.

But let's take away sanitization. I don't think it makes for the best discussion. Okay, so you have to go use. You just have to use the used toothbrush or you have to use the used underwear. Is the underwear still warm? Is your underwear warm when you take it off? Is it hot? Of course it is,

Jason. Really? Do you know how hot your body is? Super hot. The underwear is not warm, but you just... Well, I need Jason to do. When you get home and you're whatever you're... This evening, I want you to take your underpants off and just hold them up to your face. Just put them

on my cheek and just say... Just hold them up and see how warm they are. For science. Or have your wife do it. Just ask him, honey, are these warm? Honey, are these warm? Just put them right on her face. Is this warm to you, honey? Yeah, five bucks.

Okay. I'll give you five bucks. Well, done. I'm definitely doing that tonight. We're having this discussion at work. I feel like I would rather. The toothbrush feels like more of a violation. Yes, it does.

Because it's going into your. My mouth is supposed to be. Nooks and crannies? Yeah. Both of them are. I know. My mouth is supposed to be clean. You know whatannies? Yeah. Both of them are. I know. My mouth is supposed to be clean. You know what I mean?

Right. I want a clean mouth. I want a clean butt too, but my butt's dirty. You know what I mean? It's dirty down there. If I've got to wear dirty things that call them a butt crack, then what's dirty is dirty. But let's say, what's ironic is both could end up with you smelling worse and it wouldn't be your smell well you're not getting someone's smell from the toothbrush you could be getting

some some odorous uh particles the toothpaste on some food particles yeah um or do you have how do you explain to somebody the reason you smell is that you're wearing somebody else's old underwear if you smell to a stranger to someone just a companion nearby based upon your underwear and your underwear alone then i take the toothbrush because those underwear are full of caca i mean there is no chance that dirty underwear smell that bad yeah i mean how many have you been around someone and you're like, oh, man, have you not changed your underwear lately? What if you had to go a lifetime with one of the other?

You'd have to wear the same pair of somebody else's underwear the rest of your life. No washing. The same pair? The same pair. No washing. Okay. Or the same toothbrush the rest of your life.

I mean, I'm assuming, I feel like after a couple brushes with the toothpaste, it's all mine. It's yours? Do you claim it? Does that make it your DNA? Yeah, it's now mine. You've now just consumed all of theirs? Yeah, I think that's how I look at it.

I'm taking the underpants. I'll stay dirty down under. Oh, okay. All right, should we move on? Al, or do you got time for one more? Let's do one more, then we'll move on. Would you rather have eyes the size of a baseball? Aubrey from Patreon wants to know,

eyes the size of a baseball or eyes the size of a pea? Oh, man. So, gigundous eyes or microscopic tiny little pea eyes? I'd say your vision is not improved or impaired either way. It's always funny when you see anime or even like a Disney, just a computer animated film because they're very exaggerated. But in that world, you're like, oh, this is a normal looking person. And then an artist does a realistic rendition of said person.

And you're like, oh! It's terrifying. That would be terrifying. I think it would be easier to cover up small eyes. That was my thought, because you could wear sunglasses. Exactly. You wear sunglasses. Put those sunglasses on the other one.

Your eyeball is poking out over the top you're gonna need those giant sunglasses people ones yeah the one or the you know like with the sun help and john giant yeah just big i can't think of having giant eyes and not think of star wars one of those like fish people that it's a trap don't they have gigantic eyes i was thinking of uh pan's labyrinth oh yeah but that's eyes on the hands i know but aren't they like large i was thinking regular cat fish where their eyes are on the side i mean the baseballs the p eyes i mean i guess you do have like on a windy day the big eyes are going to be more of a problem.

Yes, certainly. Allergies, you know, get all bloodshot. You need a lot of drops. Let's say you want some goggles going swimming. Oh, baby. You're putting goggles on an eyeball in that situation. They're just suctioned straight to the ball of your eye. Contacts would be expensive. Oh, man, but it's far easier to put in.

Just, well, this is easy. It's like putting a sunshade up. I think you're never going to get a sneak a glance at anybody without them knowing. With those big eyes. But with P.I.s, you could be real sneaky. They'll think your eyes are closed. I think that no one would take the baseball eyes here I can't imagine

A situation where people would be like Oh I just want The ridicule of everyone What about like Big eyes You could use more mascara right And have like big long lashes What if you give someone the sad puppy eyes

Winks would be insane You'd hear that wink her splash all right let's uh let's move into the situation room hey spit wads i want to talk to you about one of my favorite products in the world, something that we have used extensively and it's just perfect for a family. Like our hardest task sometimes is keeping our busy schedule straight. We have three kids, they have softball and then they have special events and we mix things up and there's confusion and my wife and I, we need to be on the same page. And that is why I have loved hooking up the simple to use sits on the counter skylight calendar. It is so simple and easy to use. It is the perfect gift for busy moms who love organization. Give mom some peace of mind this Mother's Day like I did

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This means you will not age in maturity or appearance, but you can still age in skill and knowledge. This is great news. This is not a curse. It's immortality at an age. This is a blessing, and I get to pick the age. Yeah. Do you have a powerhouse age that you've already-

Absolutely. Blown past? Absolutely. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, there's a range here, but I think I would go with 28. Okay. I think 28, you have enough physical maturity to be taken seriously by older people, the generation before you.

Did you have your beard at 28? It was around 29. No, it's a good question. It's a good question. I remember I had a beard at 29, so I think I could grow it at 28. We'll find out. Are you sure? You want to dance with that devil? No beard. Here's what I know. At 28, I didn grow it at 28. We'll find out. Are you sure you want to dance with that devil?

Here's what I know. At 28, I didn't need the beard. I only had one neck. And that was great. 28's a pretty good age. Because if you're too young, like 23, peak physical health. But maturity. But exactly.

You're not going to be taken serious. You're always going to be looked at like a kid by the previous generation. I think I'm going to go 30 on the dot. Okay. I don't want to be in my 30s. Yeah, that's true. Old man. Why not?

But late 20s almost feels worse than early 30s. What is wrong with the 30s? Nothing. They're like the 20s with money. Yeah, exactly. But the knowledge and situation continues to expand so you know the if you got money by the 30s you'll have money just with a youthful what's your age mike i was thinking young 30s yeah i feel like i had my the beard had grown in the uh the the man

body had finally showed up at some point around there. Puberty, you just got done with that. Yeah. All right, well, now we've got to name the age. The local wizard showed up and said, hmm, I read this spell wrong. Ooh. You have to choose the age for the person sitting to your left. In which case...

Oh, that you lock them in at? Yeah. Andy, you are 77 years old i think it's gonna be your prime i think it's gonna be your prime you're gonna be do i have a rocking chair oh you've got a rocking chair you're just in your stride i'm probably i'm winning some pickleball tournaments you are with those new hips that you just got right they're gonna be fantastic uh that's the age i think would that you would would thrive in the most. Thanks. I appreciate that.

Mike, what age was your nickname, Nasal Spray? Oh, I mean, that's a young teen. All right, that's where we're going to lock you in there. All right, so I'm 12? Yeah, all right, Nasal Spray. A young teen is now 12 years old. Oh, I mean, just like it was around there? Queen?

Yeah, I just thought, you know, teenagers started at 15 years. That's what they want you to think. Said like a true 12-year-old. I would make Jason like 19. You're just under the age limit where you can actually do everything, but you're old enough that you believe firmly that you should be allowed to do everything. So I will die soon.

19 Jason. I thought for sure you were locking in 40. Oh, wait. You're cursed to this body. Yeah, but you're looking good. Oh, thanks. Cody from Patreon. How long would each of you be stuck inside a Waffle House

if forced to take the Waffle House challenge, which is sentenced to 24 stuck inside a waffle house if forced to take the waffle house challenge, which is sentenced to 24 hours inside a waffle house, but every waffle you eat subtracts an hour from your sentence. This is not going to be a big issue for me. I'm a man who enjoys his bread and his waffles. Have you not watched any of these people do it, though? I have not watched them do it. Tell me what I don't know, because here's what I think. I think I could equal at least three waffles an hour. So maybe the first hour I'm eating five. Maybe after that I'm eating two at pace.

But I think three an hour will be my pace, which means I'm in there for seven hours. Am I wrong? I think you are extremely wrong. Extremely wrong. Extremely wrong. pace but i think three an hour will be my pace which means i'm in there for seven hours i am i wrong i think you are extremely wrong yeah extremely wrong extremely wrong what i've seen several people have to do they throw up uh i know they don't vomit but you just you quickly get to the place where you are in physical pain from the amount of waffles you eat and these people are at like six seven waffles well if you think about it you sit down and you're like okay i'm gonna i'm gonna put down a couple

real quick right i'm gonna take i'm gonna put three waffles in no problem destroyed but now i'm stuffed at what point can you eat more waffles yeah do you have to wait an hour do you have to wait two hours three hours and then when you wait let's say three? Do you have to wait two hours, three hours? And then when you wait, let's say, three hours, can you put down three more and do that? I feel like, for me, I can put down some food, and I love me some waffles. The waffles are big. Oh, I know.

They're big, but they're thin. It's a lot of carbs. I'm confident. Is this a challenge? Oh, man. a lot of carbs. I'm confident. Is this a challenge? Oh, man. Let's do it. I think I'm in there probably 16 hours. I think I got 12.

I could go 12 and 12. Are you kidding me? I'm out of there before both of you fools. Oh, man. I think he would be wrong. I think it's a moment. I think six hours I think he would be wrong. I think it's a moment. I think six hours in, he would be dying. Well, there's only one way to find that.

I would love if someone could actually force me to do this challenge. Like, I've been on a diet recently, and so I couldn't do this. But if I had to do this, oh, man. We do the challenge. Last one out. That was the other two guys, $1,000. Oh, yeah. Get that competitive spirit going.

Who would be less? Because, Mike, I don't know quantity, but you are the fastest eater for sure. I don't know if that matters over a 24-hour period. I think Mike's the one paying the money. I think so, too. I mean, maybe. Maybe. I mean, when you are in this type of a situation.

Can we do ice cream? When you're in this situation, I don't know what's better. I don't know if it's better to just house as much as you possibly can at the beginning, or is it better to just accept you're going to be in here for 12 hours? Like a marathon. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to be in here for 12 hours, so I'm going to eat one or one and a half waffles per hour.

I don't know what the math works out to be. I guess if you did a half, man. Because you hit a point where you're so full and you're not eating again for another six hours. Shoot. I'm thinking about this. Let's say you eat a half a waffle every 15 minutes. That's still just two waffles an hour.

Yeah. And two waffles an hour is going to put you in there for half the time, 12 and 12. No. Yeah. 24 total hours that you need yeah so if you ate one waffle an hour that would be 12 hours that you're there yeah wait i thought you had to eat 24 hours or eat 24 waffles oh do you have to eat 24 waffles one waffle per hour yeah oh so you are right yeah 12 it's it is a tough one. We're going to have to do it. 24 waffles.

Man, can we look up the calorie count on 24 waffles with syrup? Because you're not eating these plain. 24 waffles with syrup. You better be eating them plain. I'm not. You can't make me. I'm putting powdered sugar. You know how much butter I'm going to put on those bad dogs.

Oh, man, so much butter. I'm getting out first. Okay. There's 314 calories in one Waffle House waffle, but that's plain. Okay, so 314. So just plain. So this is the Mike Wright method. He's consuming 7,500 calories before he gets out.

If I eat 24? If you eat 24 without butter, without syrup, like a loser. But if you're staying 24 hours, you don nothing. You don't have to eat anything. Well, sure. If you get out early. I haven't been to a Waffle House in a while. They're disappearing. And I'm super proud of that.

They are disappearing. Branson from Twitter, you've decided to institute a recess break for your workplace. Excellent. To decrease stress and increase the quality of life. However, you're only allotted a one-hour break, and then it is right back to work. There's no shower time included. What activities would you do, or what activities do you think would emerge as favorites?

Do you all play together, or do you all enjoy some time alone? So the first answer that comes to all three of our minds is pickleball. It is, but you only have an hour, and you don't get extra time. Is that not extra time to shower or because you could use part of your break to shower yeah okay so we can so yeah if you're in the hour for 45 minutes and then you've got a clock in oh man done but everybody's got to be showered by the time it's time to get back to work we can shower together to give us more pickleball time.

You got to do what you got to do to play your sport. I don't know about this plan. Strap some trunks on. You'll be alright. Here's the truth. I don't sweat like you guys. I can get by without a shower. That's what I was going to say. I was like, you don't need to shower. I just changed my shirt. Mike doesn't need to shower. Jeremy and myself.

You are showering. We are showering in sweat when we play. And you guys are always wearing those used underwear, and that makes it more of an issue as well. We got to jump in the shower to dry off a little bit. I think that's true. I have to tell the spitwads out there. I don't understand the science behind it,

but I don't know if you guys bought shirts that were made for people to absorb more moisture than normal materials. It seems like there was a scientific- There's a situation. Like a periodic table issue going on with your shirts because I have done the mistake of like, hey, a big play happens in pickleball. I run over, and like I would a normal athlete,

I smack him on the belly or something saying, good job. And my hand comes off of that stomach, and it is like I can see fish swimming in it. I don't understand how much moisture can get on that hand. Yeah, it's really true. It's impressive. And disgusting. Like if the ball hits us we need a new ball because that ball's ruined like literally we replaced the ball we're like well this one's soaked it's a soggy soggy pickleball now and you guys have now so you've

been wearing these shorts where oh by the by the end you can... It's a diaper. Why are you wearing diaper shorts? It's not a diaper short in the beginning. It's just once it gets soaked. I can't do anything about soaking. But you know now that you're buying diaper shorts, like you're committed to them? Well, no.

It's just it's not the shorts. It's pretty much all of my shorts. It's just a matter of do I play long enough to soak the shorts? And if I do, then I'm walking around with soggy bottoms. Who soaks shorts, Mike? I've never had wet shorts ever. I mean, you definitely along the fault line down the back there gets sweaty. Yeah.

And I've had a really sweaty shirt. A fault line? I've had a really sweaty shirt. A fault line. I've had a real sweaty shirt before. But I've never had my shorts to the point where I feel like I'm sitting in a pair of Depends. Never have I ever. If I take my shorts off and put them on a scale, it's 15 pounds. I mean, I'm carrying around a lot of shorts here. Gene, what gene do you guys both have?

This is all. I mean, there was a time when you were making the mistake of just wearing like heavy cotton. Yes. And that made logical sense. Like if I played in cotton, I would get really, really soaking wet. But now you're like in moisture wicking territory and ain't wicking nothing. No, it's wicking so much and it's not enough. We basically need some kind of suit that just evaporates our sweat immediately.

It's pretty impressive and scary. All right, into the draft we go. The Spitballers Draft. All right, i'm excited about this one we are drafting the most rewatchable movies i love this draft in part because i love rewatchable movies i love those movies that have always stood out as they have this quality where it doesn't matter what part of the movie you're on yep um you turn on the the TV and it's halfway through and you're just like, I'm in. Sometimes these movies, you don't really even remember the order that everything happens in anymore because it's just different. It's been so fragmented as you've watched it.

Yeah. And that happens with some trilogies and stuff too where you've watched them together and now everything is one. But Jason, you get the first pick and um look i like the the thought process that we're sitting there on the deserted island and you got to pick four movies that you want to watch the rest of your life oh well that's that is different if that was different how is that different than most rewatchable movies it is different because there are ones that I cannot go without versus ones that I just, if it's on, I'm going to watch this for sure. Then let's just stick with the topic. I was just trying to reemphasize the identical thing.

I get what you're saying. Favorite vegetables, Jason. Go ahead. All right. So I'm going to go with one that, you know, look, if it's very rewatchable, that means it's timeless. And it's timeless because it's back then, it's still to come. Oh, it's on my list.

It's Back to the Future. Yeah, baby. Which one? The OG, Back to the Future one. Look, the second one is phenomenal, but the original Back to the Future is one of those rare movies where there's no throwaway line or scene. Everything matters, and it's all fun. It's all connected.

If that is on, I could watch it time and time and time again, and it holds up. It holds up over time. Yeah, the first one I think is the most rewatchable. The second one has the coolest stuff. Number two is on my list. Now, I don't know, out of integrity, maybe I'll just not draft any Back to the Futures.

The hoverboard is, that's the sequence, especially when you were a kid. But the first one, as an adult, I agree. That's the one, no matter where it is, I can just jump in and watch it. How much of you took that because you didn't want me or Mike to have it? I took that because of my list.

I thought that there's no possible way it would come back to me. I got to do something with the 101. It's good work. Because at the 101, honestly, I've got about six movies that I love that are all in the same tier. So I did take that one just for you and Mike because i know you both are huge uh back to the future right um all right i hoverboard behind you right now that's fair it's a good point uh it's my pick right yep jurassic park oh it's frightening in the dark uh i watched jurassic park again recently with with the family that's that's j, you psycho. But I

it's just great. It's well done. Steven Spielberg has created a masterpiece and Jurassic Park is probably the most rewatched movie in my life that I've ever seen. So I will go with Jurassic Park. The thing that gets me about Jurassic Park is

fantastic. Like I think it still holds up most of the special effects and everything, it's still actually pretty solid. Yeah, it's not bad. But I forget every time. I forget how the movie opens with the Velociraptor scene. Oh, yeah, where the guy gets eaten. Yeah, it's just pure terror.

Yeah, that's pretty good. You're like, when you're like, oh, what's... I think of Jurassic Park. It's them on the helicopter. It's... Yeah, it's... Oh, there you go. It's playing the music.

It's the lush... It's Hawaii. But you're like... No, the movie starts in a very dark place. Is this what we're doing the whole time now? I don't know, man. It's our show. We can do what we want. I whole time now? I don't know, man. It's our show. We can do what we want.

I'm taking Jurassic Park. All right. I don't know if it was the pick that I needed to make. I don't know if Mike would have taken it. It doesn't matter. Mike, go ahead. Just do what you got to do. You got two picks.

All right. Number one, the ultimate movie to watch as a child, which it's a very 80s movie. There are things that they have children saying and doing that you would probably not do today if you were to remake this movie. However, the spirit of adventure, the soundtrack, everything about this movie is just like, yeah, you got one. it's it's the goonies okay yeah i wrote down two and the the goonies i mean the like setting booby traps finding hidden pirate treasure outsmarting adults i mean it unfortunately i can't even count it as a watchable movie yeah i know there i have never seen it i have some friends who have uh never seen the good like they didn't get to watch it as a kid that's that's me and so you've kind of

missed that's why he said it that way no i've got friends i have one of my other great buddies too just he didn't watch the goonies as a kid and you're like how did you miss there's no way that you could go back now for the first time all right don't know. I do not know, honestly. I don't know if it would hold up. If you watched it now as an adult, I think it would. Because it's Spielberg, if I'm not mistaken. And so it has all of those elements of one of his movies. Is it really?

I thought so. I think you might be right. Hold on, hold on. It is a very epic. Oh, it's Richard Donner, but Spielberg, I feel like, has evolved. Executive producer and story writer. Okay, there you go. And story writer.

Yeah, yeah. So Spielberg, it's got very- There's some spiel in there. Oh, a lot of it. All right. A lot of it. You got the Goonies. That's a good pick.

I knew that would be selected. What about your second pick? Oh, it's Die Hard, baby. Oh, yeah. Die Hard. That's a good pick. I knew that would be selected. What about your second pick? Oh, it's Die Hard, baby. Die Hard. That's on brand. Absolutely. Once a year, and we're not going to get into the Christmas debate, but once a year, every Christmas season, I watch it.

Yeah, I watch it every Christmas, too. On Christmas Eve, when I'm wrapping some presents, I'm watching Die Hard, and you can tune in at any moment. This movie. It's outstanding. It holds up, especially for an action movie. And there's a lot of explosions and things. And you're like, no, they still look fantastic.

Bruce Willis at his peak. Yeah, that's great. I like that little fluff. It's a great little fluff. A chest hair that he still got there. Yeah, barefoot on the glass. Oh, man. Yes. All right.. Yeah, barefoot on the glass. Alright, I am going to make my second pick. Mike has

The Goonies and Die Hard. Jason went with Back to the Future 1. I went with Jurassic Park. In my second movie, I'm just going to go with it. I don't know if you guys would have picked it or not. But frankly, Shawshank Redemption is, in my opinion,

one of the greatest films ever made and one of the most rewatchable. It's kind of that, you know, it's the drama epic combination, and it's flawless. It is a very, very good movie. I saw it on a lot of lists. It didn't make it on mine. Nor mine. Either of ours, but it is a really good movie.

I wouldn't expect either of you to have kind of the, you know. Sophistication. Yeah, the ability to appreciate the finer, deeper points of human emotion. But go on. I'm actually going to go with, ironically, a deeper movie. The lack of fart jokes in Shawshank is really. There weren't a lot. It holds it back. No, I'm going to go with a deeper movie. They had to jokes in shawshank is there weren't a lot it holds it back now i'm

gonna go with a deeper movie that makes for time makes shawshank oh i remember andy dufresne sesame street here what uh because it is another movie that i watch every year elf oh okay all right will's on my list i see what you did yeah yeah yeah yeah okay um i mean i could watch that i'm so insulted that you guys didn't have shawshank i could watch elf um any time of the year but i have to watch it every christmas season because it's the best christmas movie of all time and then following this up this was the one i couldn't i didn't know what to do at the 101 because i thought back to the future no No Chance It Gets Back to me. You were correct.

But my absolute favorite movie of all time is the movie I've seen the most. So I truly believe it's rewatchability. I have watched this movie 50 plus times and it's a three and a half hour movie. I am taking Braveheart. That's absurd. See, I'm actually on Mike's side on this one. Rewatchable? I don't find Braveheart to be meeting the rewatchable characteristics.

It's too long. It's too good to not rewatch. It is so long. It is so long. It is rewatchable, but it is not the most rewatchable. But here's the thing. You can pick that thing up anywhere. You can watch it.

Fall asleep. Except for the beginning, and you're like, oh, good Lord, I don't have the time today, You don't need the time. If you've seen it, you don't need the time. except for the beginning and you're like oh good lord i can't i don't have the time today you don't need the time if you've seen it you don't need the time you skip the beginning no you watch a couple hours and then you go to bed and you watch a couple hours the next day you don't have to do this i was hoping i was hoping you'd go to the mat for braveheart that was my one hope here all right coming back to me um i am tempted to work a comedy into my group here but mike has two picks and i am frankly afraid he's going to select another uh action movie that i i have to have on my list i doubt it's on a bunch of oh gosh i doubt it's on a bunch of lists but i i truly believe it fits this category. Fifth Element. Okay.

Sure, yes. Very, very rewatchable. Such a rewatchable movie. They've created the technology in that movie is created in a way that it's just like a caricature of things. So it's not like it runs out of, you know, like we passed it in technology. So I think Fifth, ironically, it's another Bruce Willis movie. Yeah, I couldn't go back-to-back Bruce. Coward.

He's apparently very good at making rewatchable action flicks. So, Mike, your last two picks. Yeah, we could do a best Bruce Willis draft. We should. Yeah. Die hard. Die hard two. Oh, no, you would not take die hard two that high. No, I'm coming back with a vengeance. Yeah, much better than die hard two oh no you would not take no i'm coming back with a vengeance

yeah they're much better than die hard two all right what was that one looper wasn't he in that oh that was very looper is fantastic him and uh uh jgl uh set him hanging with mr looper reference that you're trying to make i I appreciate that you picked up on that. Yeah. All right. Rewatchable movies. Best TGIF shows. Is that another draft we're doing?

Oh, that's great. Family Matters 101. Really? Family Matters? I was not that into Family Matters. Oh, I loved it. It was just, I don't know if that's why. What was better than Family Matters?

Boy Meets World. That was TGIF? Yeah, as was Step by Step, which I liked more than Family Matters. Full House was T.J.F. All right, this is getting way off track. Mike, two picks to finish your draft. Okay. Multi-pass?

My first pick here, I don't know if people will agree with me, but this is one of those movies that there are so many sequences in the movie where like they you know what i mean just like a like a 10 to 15 minute chunk where you're like i can do i can get no that's actually no no no i thought you were gonna go which is which would fit i'm gonna go with the dark knight well from the opening sequence

isn't that a pretty long movie too yes it you think it's chunked in a way that lets it be revanchable yes from the the opening bank high scene where the joker is revealed joker uh uh breaking into the meeting and he does the makes the pencil disappear as opposed to braveheart which is chunked into like william wall is growing up yeah oh that's william wall is getting married there's just way too much going on and don't spoil the ending okay okay so Dark Knight I don't know I oh man it's long man it it is super long and I don't finish it every time but that's one of those where I'm like on Netflix what am I going to watch 18 minutes shorter than Braveheart you're like yeah I guess I'm watching the Dark Knight

again honest to goodness that is a super rewatchable movie. Thank you. Whenever I do the opposite, like when I start that, which from time to time and I've got nothing to watch, I'm like, and then I'm like, yeah, let's put that on. I liked that. Honest to goodness is a funny phrase. Honest to goodness.

It just grabs me for the rest of the movie. Well, why don't you guys kiss then? All right, Mike, your last pick. All right. Oh, man. There's so many. I know. My list is huge.

There's so many good ones, and Braveheart and Shawshank were not on there, so the list remained mostly intact. I got to put a comedy on there, and I like goofball comedy, and there's no finer example of that to me than airplane okay oh wow i think airplane's great the that is that's a little older yeah oh it's definitely older grandpaps could re-watch that whenever he wanted yeah well i have to be rewound right right he'd have to it would take a while to rewind that. I'm pretty sure that I've owned Airplane on like every single medium possible. Like, well, I got the VHS. Well, I got to get the DVD now.

Got to get the streaming. But, I mean, just every line in the movie Airplane is quotable. I knew you would get a Kareem Abdul-Jabbar movie into your list. Oh, yeah. You like gladiator movies? All right. Oh, it's back to me yeah oh crap i have to finish with uh there's so many can we go five rounds we've got time for five rounds i could go 20 rounds all right let's go five uh mike you your list stays intact my next pick will be because i

have the room to do it um i'm gonna to go with Star Wars Return of the Jedi. Okay. Star Wars Return of the Jedi. The best of the original trilogy. I agree. In terms of rewatchability. Maybe not best in terms of... Empire is great, but Return of the Jedi as a kid...

He's a Jedi, man. He's finally got the sword. Yeah, and they're riding around on those hover bikes through the woods and indoor. I mean, come on. That scene was amazing as a kid. So I'll go with Star Wars. Interesting.

Get one of those in there. All right. I could not live with myself making it through this draft without... Zombie edition. Without a Jim Carrey movie. Yeah. And when I think of the most rewatchable, it's Dumb and Dumber.

Dumb and Dumber is just so stupid. It's so stupid. You don't need... You can turn that on at any point and just watch the jokes in each scene. They don't matter. The story doesn't matter. It's fantastic. So it's the exact opposite of Braveheart.

Dumb and Dumber. Yeah, I'm going Dumb and Dumber. Does that surprise you? All right, one more. All right. That eliminates the comedy that was on my list. The true most rewatchable. You saved it for a pick you didn't even know we were going to make.

Correct. The true most rewatchable movie. And here's why. Because the true most rewatchable movies to me are the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I could just watch the Marvel movies forever. I could turn them on over and over and over. I've probably watched most of them three or four times. So the reason I didn't put it on my list was just because picking one is very difficult.

So if I have to pick one, the most rewatchable period would be what i'm writing down you're going with marvel but i am going with the avengers infinity war i'm just going to take the best one okay i get all the superheroes i can rewatch it i don't know what you wrote down i wrote down ragnarok oh interesting i i think the simplest, like Guardians of the Galaxy, you could watch that. Yeah, yeah. That one's great, but I want all the superheroes in mine. All right, I'll round out my five with Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Oh, it would have been my pick. Would it have been your pick? Yeah, it would have been. It would have been my extra pick. I was very torn between that and Airplane. I had a hard time going. I didn't think Jason would take it, but the Star Wars Return of the Jedi

versus Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, it's such a good movie. It is really good. It's just profound. It really is profoundly better than the other two. It makes you think that the other two are good. There is none. There's another.

Oh, gosh. Least watchable movies. Honestly, the Last Crusade made me believe that Indiana Jones 1 and 2 were great. And then I watched them again. I was like, these are just fine. They're just fine. Yeah. All right.

That's my final pick. Raiders is okay. Right. Raiders is better. Yeah. I mean, it's so strange because Raiders is regarded as great cinema classic. I mean, I... Probably did some stuff for its day.

Yes. You have to factor those things in as well. You know, like Airplane. Last Crusade. Airplane is so good. All right. For this... You get one final pick.

I am going to go... This movie has it all, man. It's got some action. It's got comedy. It's got some action. It's got comedy. It's got some romance. It's got just some heartfelt stuff. Just The Princess Bride. Yeah.

The Princess Bride. You can just throw that bad guy on there at any moment. And the performances throughout that entire movie, the idea that it's a grandfather reading the story to his son, it's so fantastic. It's a great pick. Is that the end? Yeah.

Oh, man, I can't wait to talk about our waiver wire picks here. The only waiver wire picks that we didn't get to that I think deserve there were A Few Good Men and The Matrix. The Matrix is great. I don't know if I've ever seen A Few Good Men start to finish. I think I've seen it once. Gladiator is another one of those movies I could watch over and over and over. It's so long.

I'm with Jason. That one's a little more rewatchable. It might be longer. It shouldn't be, but it is. I searched for Gladiator length and I got the length of a jeep gladiator well let's have it what is it 218 inches thank you um oceans 11 yeah so yeah yeah yeah easy armageddon uh when you said oh it's got a little bit of action a little bit of romance a little bit of comedy um but my here's my dark horse that is not a dark horse okay this is a universally hated movie i mean people don't like it what they said it was bad and not only do i really genuinely like it i

think it's a i i love watching this it is so rewatchable to me i've watched it 10 times and if i saw it on i'd'd be like, oh heck yeah! Oh, people hate it. Troy. Oh yeah, that movie sucked. It was so good. Brad Pitt is so good in that. That was one of the worst movies ever made. Oh, so good. That's also got,

what's his name? It's got everybody. No, but the other male protagonist in that movie. Well, you've got a couple of them, but you're thinking of Orlando Blue. No, no. Keep going. The Scottish guy? The guy who's in Succession?

Eric Bana? Sean Bean? The original Hulk? Yeah. Yeah. I might be thinking of a different movie. But that's the movie where they're all from the same area, but everyone has a completely different accent.

Yeah, it's rough. Yeah, who cares? All right, Mike, do you have anything else on your final? Oh, yeah. I mean, just absolute popcorn garbage here. Blood Sports, Demolition Man. We were just talking about this on the other show. Oh, they're so good.

That's fantastic. Is Speed a rewatchable? Yeah. I mean, it's on there. Probably not. Yeah I mean it's on there I mean it's on there Home Alone was on my list But you took Elf And I didn't want to double up on it

I already had a Christmas movie Tombstone was also on my list Is that rewatchable? That's rewatchable yeah It's a very popcorn western That's not a long dramatic one That's more of a, yeah. It's a very popcorn western. That's not a long, dramatic one. That's more of a Hollywood western. Now what's the...

What did we learn today? I didn't know we were still talking. There's like the two westerns, right? There's more than that, but go on. But around that time period, there was Tombstone, and I feel like there was... In my head, there was one that came out similar, the way that Volcano and Dante's that came out similar the way that like volcano

and dante's peak came out at like the exact same time i don't remember another one i just misremembering yeah i don't know is it called maverick is that no that's gibson that's gibson that's a jody foster oh fantastic so good so good very rewatchable um i learned today that we have retired another profession uh to put with the tap dancers and the tuba players. Oh, yes. The fencers, you're gone. There's no point for you. I learned that the original soundtrack to Jurassic Park

sounded very similar to Jaws. Did you learn anything today, Mike? I mean, I learned that if you had baseball-sized eyes, the goggles would just attach right to your eyeball. All right, thank you so much for supporting this podcast we'll be back with a spit hit on thursday in a new episode next week take care thanks for listening to out spitballerspod.com.