Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Fanny Packs, Hippie Sacks & Stress Relieving Activities - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: January 20, 2022

Spit Hit for January 20th, 2022: The Spitballers are back with another great episode to brighten your Monday! During ‘Would You Rather’, we jump into single vs multiplayer gaming, mastering musical instruments, and talking like Donald Duck. Then we get some really ‘Great Questions’ for us to debate. Then, we slow things down at the end with a draft of ‘Stress Relieving Activities’. Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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today's spit hit, well, you're going to love it. You're going to like it. You're going to love it. You're going to want to participate in all of the stress relieving activities that we draft at the end of the show. We dive into some great questions like we always do. And, you know, we play some Would You Rather and play along with us. So make sure you subscribe, tell your friends and enjoy this bit hit. spit hit. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I'm going slow, I'm bringing soul. Today's all about relaxing out there, so welcome into the show. We're going to take your stress away on this happy Monday. Oh boy, I'm afraid.

What is happening? It is a relaxing show. You'll find out why in a little bit. Mike is here. Oh, my goodness. How did you process that whole introduction, Mike? Look, him vibing, eyes closed, shaking the head back and forth. I didn't know where it was going because we had talked about this. A true scat is just you're feeling it so you're just in the moment look the man the man was trying to feel it and i'm not sure

what he felt but i felt it and that's all that matters i was i was there in the moment you know what's given me great uh hope during these introductory scats is knowing what the draft is i'm basically trying to scat my draft uh well that's good i i was wondering is your happiest moment each and every time that you just finished your scat knowing that is the furthest away from your next scat that you could be yes like right now you're as far from a scat as a person gets. He's peaking right now. No, actually, you're wrong because I'm going to be honest here. That would be just going along with the joke.

That's great. But the truth is it's always the beginning of the following episode. When it's your scat, Andy, that's when I'm the most happy. So my scat makes a lot of people happy. Let's be honest. B-dingy. Welcome to the Spitballers Podcast. Andy, Mike, and Jason back with you for another spectacularly relaxing episode.

Would you rather? That's a great question and a wonderful draft that Al Borland himself has selected for us. Al, how are you doing? Doing great. Just happy to be here. That's good. Well, that's good. You can find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify. We appreciate all the reviews, all the support from the spitwads out there. Spitballerspod.com is the website. Let's do some Would You Rather. Would you rather? All right. First, would you rather question comes in from Cullen on the website.

Would you rather have an infinite fridge or an infinite gas tank slash battery? So this is trying to apply to you Tesla folks out there that never have to charge. I feel like Al Borland put the EV battery slash into it. I definitely added that. Because Jason's always skirting the rules of, well, I have a battery. That's true. Infinite fridge, though. I mean, battery or not, I've been on road trips with you guys and with Jason's Tesla.

I mean, I've been on road trips with you guys and with Jason's Tesla. And, you know, autopilot's great and all, but we had to stop two times. I mean, a two-time stop on the way back from San Diego. That was... It's no joke. You got to do it. That wasn't a great... And it kind of charged slowly on both of them, and we were there for like an hour. Now, you remember that trip, right?

You remember it clearly. Now, was that more or less than one month ago? More. More or less than three months ago? More. More or less than six months? Let's say, was it about a year ago? Yes. Was it more or less than a day since you've gone to your fridge and eaten? Which, more or less, have you been there today? Yes, I have. So like, okay, I've gone to your fridge and eaten? Which, more or less, have you been there today? Yes, I have. So like, okay, I've got to charge twice

whenever I take a trip to California. Oh, no. But my fridge is fully stocked with all the things I love. Well, it doesn't say that it's fully stocked. It's just saying you could put infinite amounts of food in it. That's how I'm taking it. Oh, that's a big difference. Okay, that's that's how i'm taking oh that's a big difference okay that's yeah will you clarify for us this is space to me i read that as like

fully stocked like if you pull something out it replenishes well then this question is stupid yes it is because we're hungry boys would you rather have online and if it's infinite that means like any food you want is inside the fridge, and it's not the struggle that I'm pulling up with every single meal of my life where you open the fridge and go, okay, let me modify it. I'm going to modify it for you, okay? I've got a good modifier. Hold on.

Let me look in the freezer. Here's the modification. It's the exact same question, except for every time you open the fridge, you got to open five padlocks. Keys or numeric? No, no, no. Combinations. Five combination locks?

All right. Okay. Combinations where you're rolling the things to where it says 555, or the combinations where you've got to twist the thing. No, no, no, no. The 555, but it all gets completely randomized, and you got to do five of them each time.

So you got unlimited food, but it is a bit of work. I mean, you got to go through five padlocks. You got to reseal them after you're done. Here's the thing, Andy. If I chose the infinity fridge, which of course I will, I need those padlocks on it for my own good. Okay? So this isn't just a, I'm bored, you know, what's in the fridge? Because when I open't just a i'm bored you know what's in the fridge

because when i open that thing i'm gonna find everything's in the fridge i need to know i'm really hungry i need the padlocks really you've just made it better now he's definitely choosing the fridge picturing jason walking up to the fridge like oh yeah it. I will probably walk away nine out of ten times I walk up to the fridge. How many times do you get through two or three padlocks and then give up? Yeah, I was like, oh, man. I would give up the second that I missed one of the padlocks. And this is why I'm very happy that it's like the 5-5-5 padlock. Oh, versus the right, left, right.

If it was one of those tourney guys where you got to hit the right number go and turn the other direction pass it and then hit because you never know if you hit the right number until you pull that thing down that's great school uh yeah that's what we need to talk about this like what is your experience with the old school twist like owl okay man among men here owl borland what are those locks called? I don't know. Oh, no! Rotary combination locks would be my guess.

You should have said that, and I would have believed you if you had just come in with confidence. But did you guys... So you had one of those at some point in your life, right? Yes, high school lockers. That was what was on it. And I'm right.

They are called rotary combination locks. Oh, man. See, I'm not going to look. I'm believing you. Yeah, rotary combination lock is the number one Wikipedia result. Fair enough. Okay, so my only experience was the junior high lockers because my high school, we didn't have lockers. We were banned from having high lockers. Because my high school, we didn't have lockers.

We were banned from having said lockers. We didn't have lockers. We didn't have open campus. It was just a cell and bars. Yes. Yeah. So what was your experience with the Rotary? Mike had a totally different past.

I didn't go to school. No. He was in juvie. It was a different place, man. We had our textbooks inside the classrooms, and they're just... So because of that, there was no need for lockers. We had lockers, and I remember being a freshman

and being disproportionately embarrassed and worried that I wouldn't be able to get my locker open. I'd be the idiot trying, like Jason's saying, trying 30 times on the lock, and then walking away like i meant to do that that's what the fear was as a freshman no i didn't really want it open i changed my mind no you didn't freshman i'll be honest if you put the rotary locks on the fridge i probably would would choose the unlimited vehicle gas battery situation because i am not good at those rotary combination locks and i always feel the numbers are so small it's like jason's really got a 27 i'm we're tapping into something here we are you know and it's and then you forget like

oh wait did i did i pass it you're the kind of guy especially when you're on lock four you know you're like oh when you're on lock four. You know? If you're on lock four, you don't have to start over. Yeah, it's okay. No, but you're going to forget as you're going back the other way. Wait, did I pass 27? Do I need to pass 27?

And then you got to do the... Reswipe it like three or four times. Did I turn it enough to reset it? Who knows? If the gas tanks were like 50 or 100 miles on a tank, then it would change the question too. But I think we're all going to go infinite fridge here. Are we not? Yes, we're going infinite fridge.

I told you this question was dumb. It was easy. Billy from Twitter, would you rather only be able to play single-player video games or only be able to play multiplayer video games? Another dumb question. Multiplayer. Oh, another dumb question. Single player. Final question. This is so easy. This is actually really an insight into who we are as people, because for me, I'm friendly and social. You're kind of more of like a hobbit in the, in like a little room by

yourself. Nailed it. I mean, that's perfect. No, but the truth is I don't like playing multiplayer games. I don't enjoy it. It's pressure for you, isn't it? It's 100% pressure because I suck at shooting games. And when you say multiplayer games, what you're really saying in our demographic

and our age range is shooting games. First person shooters, I'm going to some battle royale man it's been a long time since i played a sports game mmos man live that wildlife let's go dragon flights but i just but even when i played mmos i just don't want to be in a party because i don't want to let people down so i'm just like out there on my own let me just can let me explain for Jason, because I know a few things about you. One, you want to go at whatever pace you want to go at.

So no pressure. Number two, you want to set the difficulty level at the easiest. Supes easy. Supes easy. Now, it's funny. I only like multiplayer games because for whatever reason my mental justification for video games is am i wasting my time and if i play a multiplayer game i automatically believe that i am socializing and not wasting my time it's true and so that's why i only like multiplayer games now andy like let's let's go back let's go back. Let's do it. Do you have people in your life that you, at one point or another, you considered them a friend? And this is a person that you have never physically seen in your life. Yeah. Because I have so many of them.

Really? Yes. World of Warcraft was a multiplayer game that you it was so immersive and you get on every day and you just see your friends list and certain people that were part of your group were online at the same time and you just play with them and then you be you built memories in the game with them i'm not proud of it but it's true. It's 100% true. I'm not proud of it. I've probably returned to that game two or three times just to have nostalgia. It is wild, man.

I'm not kidding. I've had many friends who are people I consider friends because I talk to them so much. We would get on voice chat. It wasn't just text letters. Not just in the game you you took no met in the game and you expanded to outside the game well outside of the game sort of because i still who knows what they look like like i have no idea what this person looks like but i can tell you that their online handle was shizzy and he was a dude who lived in philadelphia and he he liked to get into fights like when he was not ready player one this is you're in the way it is full-on ready player one and also when

is the oasis gonna be ready for me because i've been waiting i'm ready to go what he and when you say the oasis you're saying from uh ready player one the kind of virtual environment that's in the game. What's weird to me... I'm young again! To have the philosophical discussion briefly, every new technology scares the parents of that generation. Forever. If it's the TV,

if it's the VCR in the movies, if it's video games, the Atari, and then in the most... Social media's video games, the Atari, if it's... Social media. Yeah, whatever it is, it scares them because like anything in life, there's a good and a bad probably to whatever activity you're doing. But I look back at those World of Warcraft days or the MMO days and people were terrified. And I certainly saw people that lived inside of their room and probably went to the bathroom inside of that room and did not see the sunlight and did not

have real relationships outside of it. But Mike's talking about all these good attributes and these good memories he has too. When you look back at that time, Mike, do you think you were happy that you did it or would you rather blot it out of your entire existence? I am very, very happy with those. I love those memories. Now, if I could fill those two years with... If you could get 340 days of

your life back. If I could advance my life for a couple years, I mean, I guess I would probably choose that. You would advance your life a couple years so that you could eventually just play some video games for a couple years. Yeah, so I could go back. Oh, it's funny, man. So I could retire earlier.

So you could play some games. But then I'm the weird old guy who's like, hey, guys. Not in the Oasis. They won't know your age, Mike. Yeah. Ooh, that's true. They'll have voice manipulators. All right. Carter fromter from patreon mike if you had to vote though single or multi because i didn't get your final answer so i was about red dead the other final fantasy no no no

and i'm in red dead's a good counter argument to multiplayer well and it's like i don't know when this podcast is going to come out but i'm in in Last of Us 2. And oh, my mind is blown every single time I jump into that game. I care about the people inside of this game more than I care about my family right now. These Ellie, Ellie, she's my girl, man. I got to make sure she's taken care of. The problem is for Andy and I, we want to play multiplayer games together all the time, but our schedules just never match up where Andy's available at hours when I am not. So I'll come in. I'll finally get the headset on.

I'm like, hey, guys, I'm ready. They're like, cool. This is our last game. I'm like, oh, sweet. It is harder to connect for multiplayer. So I'm probably taking the single player game. All right, Carter from Patreon, would you rather talk like Mickey Mouse whenever you're in a good mood or talk like Donald Duck

whenever you're in a bad mood? Oh, man. I feel like that's a win. It really is. I can't understand Donald Duck whenever you're in a bad mood. Oh, man. I feel like that's a win. It really is. I can't understand Donald Duck. Can you understand Donald Duck? You know what I mean? I have no idea what that is.

So it's better for your marriage if when you're in a bad mood, your wife just can't understand you? If I'm just mumbling, you know, it's like, okay. Yeah, I mean, that seems way better. But it does make sense. you would never be taken seriously in your bad moods like if you had something important to say like i'm sure your kids have gotten you in a bad mood before now go sit down jason and have a heart to heart with one of your kids about something they did when you're in a bad mood let me hear it let me hear here's the thing though

my heart to hearts with the kid come after the bad mood is gone you know what i mean like once i've calmed down and relaxed once you put the door back on the hinges once i got it exactly um you know then i can sit down and and have a good conversation i'm sure i can scare my children as but are you in a good mood in in that follow-up conversation would you classify it as a good mood no that follow-up conversation? Would you classify it as a good mood? No, that's... Those great heart-to-hearts are always that neutral in the middle. We don't have a neutral voice.

What's your neutral voice here, Al? We need another character for the... Is it Pluto? I don't even know what Pluto sounds like. Let's go Goofy. Give us that example, Mike. Goofy for... Now listen. This is not good either way.

All right. Mickey Mouse is... Terrible. That's not a good voice, man. Oh, the Mickey Mouse voice is not okay. He can't even do it. Look, if you knew that when you were angry like i mean i know all my i know the negative qualities that happen when when i get angry but if my voice turned into donald duck

and i could not stop it you'd be angrier at the voice i feel like the the self-centering would take a new level of like i can't i'm the hulk now i cannot get angry because if i get angry i am just like the embarrassment i am about to feel right now as i transform into don look i'm sure your pants just rip off and you're left with just your shirt i mean it turns into a sailor shirt the funny part is you know how how your significant other asks you, sometimes they say, are you okay? And you're able to mask it a little bit. And you can mask it in real life?

In this case, you'd be like. Yeah. But on the flip side, on the flip side, do you like when everyone in the room, you walk into a room and you kind of know that nobody likes you? Are you in a good mood? Yeah, I'm fine with that. You're fine with it?

Because I would assume that nobody would want to hear your Mickey Mouse voice. And you would annoy everyone. And so your good mood would never happen. You know what I mean? You're like, well, hi there, wifey. And then, you know, she just walks away. I hate you so much.

Yeah, now they're Donald Duck because you're selling Mickey Mouse. I think I got to choose Donald Duck here. Yep. It's going to keep me away from being angry. It'll diffuse situations.

If you are angry, no one's going to understand you're going to look like an idiot and apparently you're going to have no pants on. Yeah, and if I say something that I could regret, knows yeah all right let's get into some questions hey spit wads guess who's back supporting the show it's paint your life

what are they all about making new memories in a new world in fact fact, I'll be honest with you. The first time I heard about this, I was like, okay, whatever. That seems cool. No. Paint Your Life is incredible because what they do is they take your memories and they turn them into art that lasts forever. We've done this several times. We recently did this in charcoal with the three of us. Yeah, you know, we need to let people know who's boss around the studio. We did it in charcoal. It looks incredible because they take your pictures or maybe you got vacation memories. Maybe you got family members that you want to celebrate.

Whatever it is, birthday, anniversary, wedding, this is the kind of gift that you give people and then they're like, oh my gosh, how did you think of that? Because it's not some routine gift card. It's a real painting painted by a real person. It's a really meaningful gift and you have all types of mediums. You get a professional hand-painted portrait. You can create it from any photo. It's at an affordable price. You can combine photos of

people and places. I'm going to be honest with you. This is one of the coolest things you can do. If you have family members and you got different pictures and you want to put them together and make something special for your mom, your dad, your friend, whatever the case may be, it's really, really cool. You've got to check it out. It's the perfect birthday, anniversary, wedding gift. It's meaningful. It's personal. It will be cherished forever. And our experience has been great. So you've got to check it out at paintyourlife.com. There is no risk. If you don't love the final painting, your money is refunded, guaranteed. And right now, as a limited time offer, you can get 20% off your painting. That's right, 20% off and free shipping.

off your painting. That's right, 20% off and free shipping. To get their special offer, text the word artist to 64000. That's artist to 64000. Text artist to 64000. Paint your life. Celebrate the moments that matter most. Terms apply. Available at paintyourlife.com slash terms. Again, textIST to 64000. That's a great question. Francisco from Patreon has a wonderful question for us. Francisco from Patreon says, Without using numbers, how tall are you? Oh, that's a good... Oh, man, how tall are you? Oh, that's a good... Oh, man.

How tall are you? My first thought was to go into how they measure horses by hands. But then you have to say a number. You'd have to say, like, I'm 11 hands. So describe your height to somebody real quick. Now I go to percentages. Now I think, like, a fraction, which I still can't use. You can't do that. You can't even say, like, a chair and a half, can you? I'm four-six fraction which i still can't use you can't do

that you can't even say like a four sixth of a doorway no you can't do that at all how tall is the stop sign oh wait i'm guessing it's an octagon so it's got to be eight feet is there anything that's exactly it's got to be eight feet i think that's that's anything that's a certain shape is a certain height. Oh, nicely done. Nicely done. So the problem is if you say a stop sign... So you're really trying to find an object exactly your height. You have to find one.

You have to find... Well, no, because I could say half. If I find it double... Well, I just did. I just said a chair and a half. And you said you can't say a chair and a half. So if you say half of a... But what if I'm spelling it out in my mind?

I'm not going one over two. I'm going H-A-L-F. But it stands for one over two. It's the word version. How do you describe your height? So, okay, if you stood up a king mattress. Okay. About that.

Yeah. That's taller than you. That's a good one. That's taller than you. Your feet aren't about to hang off the edge of the king mattress. You let the king mattresses talk over here, Mr. Twin Mattress. Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.

I feel like I am like a young orange tree. A young orange tree? Yeah, like I'm a first fruit season of an orange tree. Oh my gosh. That's about my height. Yeah, the police officer looking for you is going to find you there. Oh, I said first. In that statement, did you say a number?

Dang it, this is impossible. If you stood in a pool and then the water was right at the top of your head. Oh, the deep end. That's about how tall I am. I'm the deep end. I'm the deep end. Yeah. How tall was the am i'm the deep end i'm the deep end yeah how tall was the officer about the deep end of a pool wait he was nine and a half feet that dude's that dude's outstandingly tall no you say a diving pool sir how deep is your pool there's no deep end in a

play pool you don't call it the deep end a deep end is only in a diving pool so you gotta say just in a different discussion jason yeah you've never been in my pool man which classic where's my invite classic argument i think we know where it is from a baby fruit tree argument right there yeah i'm a baby fruit tree it's a baby baby fruit tree. I think that works. It's just the most ridiculous description of a person I've ever heard. Mike's a king mattress. Stood up.

I'm a young orange tree. A young handsome orange tree. A young handsome orange tree. Very vigorous. Bearing so much fruit.

Just so bountiful. Oh, my juice is sweet. It's loose. Pulpy. You Oh, my juice is sweet. It's loose. Pulpy. You have pulpy juice, yes. And I'm the deep end, so we're moving forward. You're the deep end.

Are there any of these that are your favorite descriptor there, Al? I really enjoyed Jason painting that very unclear picture. Thank you. Sam from Twitter. If the supermarket was a video game, oh, another video game question, what would be the achievements? What would you name them, and what would you have to do to get them? So the supermarket is a video game. What are the achievements? I would say one of the hidden achievements would be the

accidental return to the same aisle that you were on. That's very long for an achievement name. The double back achievement. Oh, double back. That's good. I'll go with the explorer. It means you found the food and you didn't have to ask three times which aisle is the spaghetti sauce in. Very nice.

That's just the shopper, Mike. The shopper knows where to go. No, but you don't have to ask. Yeah. No, supermarkets are a place. You talk about single player and multiplayer games. I want the single player supermarket experience. Oh, you do?

I don't want the pressure. I want to be able to just have infinite time because i'll get everything i need if i have three hours i am always amazed how well these people know their stores they do where you're like yeah i need uh look i need kidney beans yeah yeah i need i need the kidney beans oh oh yeah go down to aisle four halfway down on your left on Yeah, yeah. And you're like, how do you have this entire store memorized? That's incredible. Take a look about a baby tree height, and that's where the kidney beans are. When I was 16 years old, I got one of my first real jobs at Staples.

Maybe you've seen it. It's an office supply superstore. Is that a brag? Yeah yeah huge staples brag here i worked at office max for like two weeks bro i remember what it's about i remember the first week that i was there customers would come up you had to greet the customer if you saw a customer and didn't go greet them you got in trouble so you always had a shopper he'll get you exactly so you always had to greet them and every time they wanted to know where something was but i didn't know i was there for a week i was like uh let's go try to find it and then i was just an escort an explorer trying to find it but after after you're there for

a little while and especially you unload a couple trucks because you're fearful of having those customer questions i knew where everything was. It's amazing. Yeah, it's really crazy. Here's the thing, getting back to the question. An absolute, I think the biggest win, the high achievement, is the express checkout. You know, finding that you found the shortest lane. Because you're always trying to pick the shortest lane, but it's like, dang it.

I got the slow checkout person, or they're writing a check. The person in front of me is writing a check. Or they're using coupons. They're clipping out their coupons, and I picked the wrong aisle. Picking the right aisle, I think, is a huge achievement. aisle. Picking the right aisle I think is a huge achievement. Is there any way that you can

not rudely claim a spot in two lines? Is there any way that you could... You know how you're trying to pick the line? You're like standing in the middle, like hedging? Yeah, some way to like... Because you know you're just playing the odds here. You might have the shorter line, but you've got the worst

cashier. That happens. Cashier's twice as slow like honestly if if they had one line that fed into multiple lines wouldn't that actually be more efficient oh there are some places 100 of the time well not 100 because you have to unload your cart so it might be a little less efficient because of the next in line cart unloading yeah so yeah, Owl Borland is bringing up Fry's Electronics, which Fry's Electronics, they are the absolute master of the impulse buy because that the impulse buy section. You have a two and a half mile line to go through where it's all grab. And it's everything.

It's like from a computer printer to chocolate covered peanuts. Everything in the entire store is in that impulse buy section. How do they do it? Do you want to know the percentage of time that I don't buy something in that? I know. It's 0%. It is 0%. I mean, you're a human.

You don't even go to buy anything. You just go right to the line. Yeah, I need a new flashlight that fits in my pocket. Yeah. This USB cord is only $9.99? I probably will need this at some point in time. There's so many deals, I can't turn them down. I don't have a...

I haven't seen that soda in 20 years. They have everything. Yeah. So I would say that the Express Checkout, if you want one of those hidden achievements, that's when you're in the line and another one opens up and they say, sir, we can take you right here. All right.

You don't, you don't get to be in control. Do I don't, I don't think they have them anymore, but do you guys remember when they used to have like the automatic coupon dispenser in the aisles? Like there was, it was like a, like a red machine. Yeah. That was super cool as a kid yeah and you would take it and then another one will come there's probably an achievement for emptying one of those yes for sure i remember when i was in college i would there's never been one of those machines i didn't grab something from and i have never used anything

from them no no one ever has uh dino from the website someone hands you know do you know someone hands you a box of everything you've lost in your entire life what are you most excited to see oh my goodness jason's looking and he's just wondering my box box is gigantic. My box is an aircraft carrier. It's an aircraft carrier. And then I'm not excited to find anything on that because now I've got to go find things. I mean, I've lost more than I've had in my life. I don't know how it's possible. I've lost more than I've found.

I have definitely lost more than I've found. I lose everything. I mean, I've got here. I have definitely lost more than I found. I lose everything. I mean, I've got here, you know, for the YouTube watchers, I have a cup full of pins right next to me. These will be gone by the time I go to bed.

I don't know where they go. How many pins used to be in there? How many pins used to be in there? Probably 600 or 700. Everything around me just disappears. So would the aircraft carrier be like 500 000 pins 500 000 pairs of sunglasses 500 000 there is nothing valuable on that aircraft care nothing i mean as a as a conglomerate a wedding ring you haven't lost a you know anything important the most expensive thing i could think that i lost were my uh very nice prescription ray-Ban sunglasses. The Pacific Ocean decided to swallow those when we were in Santa Monica for a live show.

Now, did you guys in elementary school... How many wallets would be on that aircraft carrier? More than two. Of Jason's? More than two. Yeah, I'm just curious how many of Jason's old wallets... Because it would more be like you just finding old pictures of yourself in old wallets and like... Oh, I just realized. I just realized what i'd be most excited about i had uh an airplane

ride as a child and this is back when uh we all were wearing hippie sex you're wearing the fanny pack it was because like this was this was the hotness sure we were all i don't remember a time when we were all you guys you guys are li remember a time when we were all doing that. You guys are liars. You know when people were wearing hippie sacks. I remember, yeah. I never called them a hippie sack. Well, okay. What did you call them? A fanny pack.

Fanny pack. Okay, well, that's fine. I said, it's both. Whatever. Whatever you called it. We're good. Go on. But I had one, and this thing was full of my, like, I was collecting bottle caps.

So I had a bottle cap collection going on there, and I had some legit Beavis and Butthead trading cards. And I lost them all because I unbuckled on the airplane, and I forgot to put it back on. So kids, don't take your fanny pack off when you're on the airplane. Important life lesson there. You're going to lose it. Also, the bottle caps make me think you're 174 years old. I was collecting bottle caps. See, you get a nickel for each one of these camps this was last week in between games of jacks you would collect bottle you guys remember

when everyone was wearing fanny packs right last week when it was soup school people are wearing them again hey i'll say that i've brought this up on the show before but apparently i would have all my magic the gatheringing cards. I don't know where those went. They'd be back. I'm sure my wife threw them out. That's where they went. My wife was like, oh gosh. Nerd alert. Getting back to fanny packs,

which is where we all want to be. Fanny packs are a perfect example of an item that is 100% practical. 100%. It helps every person that has ever no one has ever used a fanny pack and been like this was a waste of my time and yet because of the stigma of wearing a fanny pack you won't do it you want to know the place that i genuinely almost always wear a fanny pack it's glorious and i don't care about the shame is disneyland yeah because yeah because you could do any there's the fashion rules go

completely out the window when you're at disneyland it's all about practicality like to me the fanny pack the cash like who who has cash on them in general normal life but you walk up to that churro stand you want to just get in and out throw some dollar bills down and you gotta you know i don't want to shove my pockets full of loose ones and change that's a fanny packs job because they have no others there's no other way to possibly contain and store dollar bills than just crumpling them into your pockets that's right well look my wallet is a cashless wallet i've got one of those tiny front pocket wallets i can't put cash in that i feel like we could make fanny packs cool because they are cool right now if i had two holsters but they were they weren't holsters they were both fanny packs that'd be cool, right? Mike has the coolest fanny pack that I've seen.

You do? It is disgusting and awesome. Oh, my belly one? It is your belly button fanny pack. On the front of this fanny pack is the picture of his skin tone, just a belly button. A real hairy, exposed belly. And I have fooled many people. That one's come through

for years. It's funny every time. Corey from the website, you can spawn one fictional item. What would it be? So you could go Harry Potter's wand. You gotta go

magic. It's just do you go wand or do you go staff? Do you go the lamp? The lamp is kind of where I think I go. That's what jumped out. Because now you have three. But you gotta have a lightsaber, Jason. The lightsaber would be cool, but you want to know what I could also have with the lamp? A lightsaber.

Plus two other cool things. Here's my problem with the magic wand. The wand is magical magical but i am not so i will yeah you're a muggle i will wave around this one and nothing will happen to try to ruin the lamp for you technically the genie is freed and is not in the lamp you would be freeing jafar if you used it so what lamp i mean i am just getting a from any. I am just getting a, from any movie, I'm just getting a genie in a lamp. That's it. It doesn't have to be from specifically Aladdin 1.

There are plenty of stories. Yeah, you ever seen the DuckTales movie? Way to ruin it and not find something else. Thank you. You're welcome. It's so hard to answer these questions and not just go right to lightsaber. It's the coolest possible thing you could ever have. Yeah, but you could. Wish number one, a purple lightsaber. Wish number two, a blue lightsaber. It's the coolest possible thing you could ever have. Wish number one, a

purple lightsaber. Wish number two, a blue lightsaber. Wish number three, a red lightsaber. How about the Starship Enterprise? Oh, man. If it was real. Are you not thinking big enough, Mike? See, this is why the lamp is always best. Because that's one of my

three things. Which is why I'm trying to get you away from the lamp so you can come up with the actual ideas. But how could you? could you i mean what so here's the question now is what are you going to get with your three wishes i will create only wish for a fictional item that stops you from getting the lamp that will be my item that's that's very aggressive that's very selfish i was uh i was looking forward to this lamp uh other other fictional items it sounds pretty awesome oh you just made me think of the gauntlet i mean the give me the infinity stones and i can do just about anything doesn't dr who have like a time travel machine the i've heard i've heard people really like Doctor Who. People love Doctor Who.

My wife. Do you guys watch Doctor Who at all? Have you ever seen it? I've walked through the room when my wife has watched it every single time without question. I've made fun of her like she's wearing a fanny pack. I mean, just unequivocal looks so stupid every time, but I know it's great. What's that thing called? It's called a telephone booth. The truck door. Yeah, I don't I know it's great. What's that thing called? It's called a telephone booth.

The Trogdor. I don't know what it's called, but nerdy? Here's what's crazy. It's nerdy if you haven't seen it. Exactly. It's the Tardis. Ah, the Tardis, yes.

Jason literally just talked about all his magic cards cards and if you watch doctor who you're a nerd nerd um yeah i mean the reality is i would love it if i watch it i've never watched it so it's so stupid yeah you would get something from battle star galactica oh battle star galactica is fantastic i have seen half an episode of doctor who in passing and what i saw on the screen was some of the stupidest stuff i've ever witnessed in my entire life i mean i i don't think i could get into it because it's also outdated not necessarily in story but like in just like visual effects where i don't know that i can start over they They look like old Star Trek. That's my problem.

There's like 30 seasons. I mean, there's an insane amount of them. It's insurmountable. I can't possibly watch them from the beginning, and I can't jump in now. I'm not going to know what's going on. I really don't think there's very many seasons, Mike. I think Mike's right.

There's 12 seasons. That's a lot of seasons. Just the new version? Oh, is there an older one? I thought so. Oh. But I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.

There's three guys talking about a show we've never seen. Really, really cool, not nerds, talking about Doctor Who. All right. Let's do some drafting. The Spitballers Draft. My favorite color is blue. All other colors are stupid. All right, we are drafting, and Jason has the first pick,

stress-relieving activities. So what things, I mean, this is probably, if you're on YouTube, you see my background. It's a very, you know, it's like a sunset and it's very calming. It's spectacular, relaxing. Music could be playing right now. Mike, you've got some music that you could add to the.

Oh, do you want me to figure that out while Jason's getting his pickle set up? So what are some things that are, everybody needs this, some tips for stress relief. Yeah, I mean, look, sometimes we're stressed. So what are some things that are... Everybody needs this. Some tips for stress relief. Yeah, I mean, look, sometimes we're stressed. There it is. Here we go.

Everybody hear what's going on? We need to play this music. And when we play... You know where you hear this music? Oh, don't take my pick. You hear this music at my first pick. Keep playing that, Mike. Because when you go to this spa day and get your massage,

oh, this music is playing and you are relaxed. Getting rubbed down. A massage is a great answer. Look, I mean, the spa day is the best thing you can do. Getting the professional massage. Boo this man. That sucks. thing you can do getting professional this man that sucks look my background i i search for like you know spa resort waiting areas because there's nothing better than sitting in there they'll

bring you like a mimosa and there's nice music and magazines and you're just waiting in their fancy robe okay but how many times have you been caught at a massage that didn't end up relaxing because you ended up getting like a deep tissue massage or an uncomfortable massage? I once because I got a deep tissue massage. I didn't know. I didn't know at this point. I did not know at this point how much that hurt. Like, you know, you don't know whether you like something, you know, most often until you try it.

Least relaxing activities. Yes, exactly. A deep tissue massage. Most relaxing a massage tissue massage most relaxing massage a few times relaxing a massage a deep tissue massage is just torture and you know how they finish it they finish the deep tissue massage by saying by punching you you might have a fever for a day or two so so drink a lot of water. Well, this was helpful. I may have gotten you sick over the last hour. I'm getting a hot stones mixed with a Swedish

massage. Yes. Yeah. All right. For my pick then, that was a great pick, Jason. It's obviously... It's a clear one-on-one. It's up there. Now, if it's relaxing enough, it will lead to mine, which is a nap. Oh, it's on my list.

A nap is my first hit. Mike is blown away that it's not on his list. He's still never heard of one. No, it is on my list. I thought I was drafting massage slash spa day because the 101 is still on the board but please proceed please proceed andy and talk to me about napping what you see mike it's like night time only during the day when you need i get it i when i wake up from a nap it's i am refreshed i get it you've rebooted it It's the brain.

Just like rebooting a computer. It just works better. Well, and I'm trying to relieve stress. Sometimes when you're stressed out, you can't take a nap. Like, you can't fall asleep. You just lay there and get more stressed. That's all I'm saying. Fair enough.

Fair enough. You have two picks now, Mike. All right. What is this 101? Because the 101 is a spot. Okay. This is not the 101 for jason which is it's sorry bro but i know how much you love i know how much you love a massage day the yes you know so i'm blown away that there's something greater than because i feel like we have mutual respect

for a massage spa day 100 but to me it's like a spa day is i mean you got to plan it out you got it you can't just do it whenever you need to relieve stress it's exercise man like when you feel like crap when you are in a when you are in a bad mood and that's why it's not the one out for jason i totally get darn right but i've been stressed all day about exercising if but the second you are done exercising you are going to be stress-free because it is the number one thing like that is the number one lie that i've ever heard on this planet no because look i exercise i had a personal trainer for a year and a half i'm riding my spin bike i'm doing these things you want to know when I feel the worst is always after exercise. I'm waiting and waiting for this like, oh, you're an endorphin.

There's a difference between stress relieving and feeling bad, though. And Mike's point is that if you exercise, you can actually alleviate stress because you're not thinking about your stress when you're pumping iron or shooting hoops or whatever. At the beginning of it, you are. But then by the end, you feel much, much better. I guess maybe it's just me. Yeah, speak for yourself.

I'm stressed the whole workout, and then afterwards I'm stressed, and then I'm just sweating. Is stress relieving when you go out and get your butt beat at pickleball? Yes. I would say that sports activity is stress relieving to me. I guess that's different. Maybe that's different than exercise. Is that a different answer? It is.

It's definitely like I'll leave that if somebody wants to take that because it's not my number two because I'm just a man of practicality these days. And I don't know if either of you guys have experienced this situation when you're, you just, you get to a tipping point, you tilt and in the right house, it is very known.

I do it. My wife does it. It is the rage clean. You, you just, you see the pots and pans out and you go, that's it. And you just turn into the Hulk and you start cleaning for two hours.

Not only do things get cleaned, but by the end of it, you're like, you feel like you went to war with your entire house. That is such a funny one, and I will sell my wife down the river on this because we're about to celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary. And I think I've seen her do this. Thank you. Maybe one time in our entire marriage.

Only once? Well, to this degree is what I'm saying. We had this moment. I don't know what the heck happened to her like two months ago. But one night, like, you know how you have routines? I do. You know you have routines in your house where like certain certain things are acceptable like socks get left

in this place or something gets set on the counter here every day for 15 years everything's been the exact same one night it was what you're saying everything annoyed her everything that could be left out was one of those things that was like oh okay yeah i guess well i'll just clean this up now all right you and i was like click get out of the way and she just needed to have the rage clean yes to calm down the rage clean is hilarious yes you you need to get out of the way another one jason does not identify with the worst two picks i've ever heard in my life, the worst two picks. You've literally picked stress-inducing activities. I am stressed because I need to exercise and clean.

Those are the main stress causes. That's like saying, you want to know what relieves stress? Doing my job at work because it's going to end up paying for my bills. And when my bills are paid off, then I feel good. No, stress, your job brings stress this is not stress relieving activities you cleaned and exercised you wouldn't be stressed about cleaning and exercising a good rage clean man you'll get so much better not happening here you'll identify with this one a little bit better jason my next why because it's actually relaxing

it would be enjoying an adult beverage okay there you go kick your feet up kick your feet up have a drink okay you're grown up yeah where everybody knows your name cheers cheers that's that's around the bottle cap collecting era reference right there. So, Jason, you are back on the clock. I doubt you're going to choose things in the exercise cleaning vein, but you've got a couple picks. Yeah, I mean, tempting, tempting. But I would like to relax.

I've got a lot of things here I love. I'm going to stick with my ultimate relaxation. And, Mike, you brought this up. You're like, well, you know, you go to the spot you gotta plan it you gotta go there you got okay all right maybe that can be maybe that can be stressful i don't know how you can be stressed at the event but wait is he gonna do an in-home massage now and do massage and massage no it's close jason is confusing things that are relaxing versus things that are stress-relieving. No, you're going to agree with this one, Mike. A bubble bath. We've talked about this.

We all are in on bubble baths. I'll allow it. When you're stressed and you want to fill up that tub and just sink yourself in some warm water, peruse your phone, read a book, have Andy's adult beverage. Bubble bath. It's wonderful. Yeah, you tried to wrap in like five or six picks when you were saying what you were doing in bubble bath. You know what I mean?

I know. That's how I roll. I had to shut that down quick. He's got a massage. He's got a bubble bath. All right. Manicure, pedicure, you're done. That's right.

Just taking care of the body. Let's go. I love taking care of the body let's go i love taking care of the body without exercise that is my primary driving force you said take care of the body then you go without exercise without exercise um fat and shredded so all right man i could go a couple different ways here but i i don't think i want to i don't i don't think i want to lose out on this sometimes when you're stressed and you got stuff going on i want to veg out i want to turn on that tv yeah on netflix and chill you know what i'm saying yep that's on my list all right watching tv yeah it was on my list too yeah all right. Nap, adult beverage. Well, to me, honestly, stress relieving for me is to eat.

It's on my list. It's certainly on my list. And for me, that would be, generally, when I think about, you've had that, Mike, you talked about the rage cleaning of the house. You also have the days where you and the wife, it's been a stressful day, and you both look at each other, and you both say postmates at the same time, or you pull out the tubs of ice cream. That, to me, is stress relieving. It's not necessarily the healthiest of things to do, but sometimes you eat the feelings. Yeah, they call it eating your stress away for a reason.

They call it. All those people in my head say, eat your stress away. That's why Jason has no stress. Exactly. All right. Now, what is insane to me is I guess I'm just being too practical because like the first, literally the first two things that came to my brain exercise it rage cleaning was not like i thought of that later and was absolutely i got to get rage cleaning but like meditation man oh yeah you sit down it's really hard to do it is really really hard to do but meditation man if you can get in the habit of sitting down trying to clear

your mind you can absolutely get that stress out of your life and just just think it away or don't think it away i guess as you would say you open the third eye up go explore the universe meditation andy have you ever meditated in your life uh certainly have uh yeah lots of prayer lots of time yeah there you go yes quiet uh i haven't explored the universe through my third eye anytime in the recent plane bro haven't been to the astral plane um i was wondering if maybe you had had a few libations before your most recent meditation session but oh man you got to be clear headed. I have seven eyes now, but I'm going to use my third one here. Uh, my guess,

exercise, cleaning, meditation, and one more pick. Yeah, man, I have, I gotta go with,

I gotta go with, uh, so this is different because it's one is meditation. I'm going with music, just music in general. Okay. You sit down, you listen to music. For me, I sit down and I'll play the guitar. I'll get it out.

Yeah. I'll rock. I'll rock a little bit. A rave. A rave. A rave. On my acoustic guitar as much as you can rock on the acoustic guitar but music i think is a great way to get rid of your stress okay all right i i was very close to my final answer and i'm changing

because something popped into my head that i have done uh not as much recently but in the past when i was feeling stressed go for a drive oh that's a good one for a drive i've uh many times in the past when i was feeling stressed go for a drive oh that's a good one for a drive i've many times in the past just driving no no place i'm trying to go just me in the car probably listening to music going for a drive okay it's not bad like a good a good drive by yourself i get it man you got that infinity gas tank you just go forever forever see here i'm surprised here andy because i i know that you have been spending a lot of time relaxing up in your cabin you know like and how do i get there jason you take the drive but i can't imagine that's the relaxing part right like it is relaxing to to drive to the cabin? To drive. Well, alone.

To drive alone. Just a solo drive. I have not actually done that. I'm sure that would work, but I can't think of a time in my life. You've been alone? Well, no, where I've done that for the purpose of just getting out, just relaxing. Late at night. A late at night drive is pretty nice. You should try it sometime.

I know you've done it, Andy. So you've done it, Mike? You've gone out and just drove around just to clear your head or something yeah i certainly have i mean because you kind of get all the stuff like music like i talked about whatever you want to listen to or maybe you're just in silence and you it's it's somewhat similar to like watching tv where you just you turn your brain off it's a bit of a zoning out that happens and all of a sudden you're like wait a minute how how did i end up here but yeah i like i like a good relaxing drive okay okay so now this is this is me i'm i'm at the end here i like that jason jason's like okay talk to me about the relaxing drive the exercise not so much but the the part where i just sit

around and move i like that that. Yeah, exactly. Because I have done both of those things. I've driven and I've exercised. And one of those I could see being stress relieving. And one of those is the biggest cause of stress in my life. All right. So look, it's obviously different than your pick. So I don't deal with a lot of stress.

I've just been, uh, naturally I'm, I'm not, uh, filled with anxiety. I've had some highs and lows in life, but every now and then, you know, no matter who you are, you deal with stress because of real causes, right? There's, there's stress in your life and unplug and watch a TV or, you know, or, or, or go into the spa. That's great, but you're just kind of, you're just hiding, you know? So I think, I think I'm going to take my last, my last pick here. I'm going to go with prayer, spending time in prayer to actually like, you know, that because I'm just thinking realistically, like what would I do if I'm actually stressed? Sure. Exactly. Step one, massage day, right? You know know but eventually i'll have to deal with

my problems and i'll i'll go into prayer so that's gonna be on my list it should probably be higher but you know i'm just getting value here eventually getting value so that would be my my my number jason if you want the real logic, I mean, prayer is open 24-7. The massage parlor is only open for a certain part of the day. Exactly. I can pray before and after, but I can't go to the massage parlor when it's not open.

You hear me loud and clear. All right. Well, that draft went many different directions. There you go. Jason with the massage bubble bath watching tv prayer i went with a nap a drink some eating and some driving and uh exercise cleaning meditation and music for mike now jeremy uh al born himself has thrown out a one final answer that he would include which is to break things. Just breaking

stuff. Where are you getting the things to break? And what do you do after it's broken? I guess you get to do another relaxing thing, which is clean. And should we be worried about you? We're not drafting relaxing things. We're drafting most stress relieving things. And they do have places that you can

just go and just break things. They do? Yeah, you pay some money. They give you a ton of glass objects and sledgehammers go and just break things. They do? Yeah. You pay some money. They give you a ton of glass objects and sledgehammers, and you just break stuff. Okay. That would be a lot of fun. That would be super fun. As long as Limp Bizkit is playing in the background, I'm in on this. All right.

What else you guys got on your list? I had sports on it. Yeah. Coffee shop, books. Unplugging from electronics for a day. Oh. Sometimes that's the most stress relieving thing is to just stop it family time family time can be very stress relieving and as long as you're all unplugged now like i don't i don't pull out the crayons and and the

paper anymore but have you guys ever done any of those like the coloring uh ipad apps where you're just oh yeah color book and you're just minus? The color by number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drawing or stuff like that is very, it's the same thing you're talking about, Mike, about getting your brain off of something. If you're just drawing or coloring or something like that, sure. The one that I was close to taking at the end was cuddling. Whether it's my kids, animals, our loved ones.

That's just like, i don't know i'm a big cuddly cuddly guy but like when you have a dog in your lap when you've got you know what i mean like yeah my kids on my kids on there right my kids will come up and be like out of the blue hey you want to cuddle that is the best moment in life we just we just go you know that that to me is genuinely one of my best stress relieving moments that i have i i love it all right what did we learn today what did we learn today i learned that go ahead i learned that mike's uh reason for all his stress is that he does not know how to relieve stress. He goes to exercise and cleaning whenever he's really stressed. This is the best thing that I can do. I learned the exact opposite.

I learned that Jason doesn't know the difference between relaxing and stress relieving. One of Mike's favorite stress relieving activities is to not pay the bills. That's what he did. Yeah. Calmed him down. I learned that fanny packs might be the most practical object

in the known universe, and I need to really rethink my utilization of them. It's certainly the most practical hated item of all time. There's never been something that is more universally disliked that is actually great. What about biker shorts? That'd be on the list.

Are they really practical? They're practical for one particular instance of riding a bike. And I don't know how hated they are. I'm afraid to have my things around Al Borland. I'm worried that he might break them. And I learned that Jason's about as tall as a baby

fruit tree. Oh, there you go. That'll do it. Thank you for listening, supporting the podcast. Head over to spitballerspod.com. Click the Become a Spitwad button. Send us your questions, your conundrums. We'll help you out.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.