Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Great Dames & A Nintendo Battle Royale - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

Spit Hit for July 27th, 2023: On this episode, we talk about finding a needle in a haystack and going on a wild goose chase. Jason also learns something new about web URLs live on the show. And then, not to bury the lead or anything, LIAR LIAR returns! Is today the day? Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh, welcome in everybody. I didn't know what sounds my mouth was going to make. You went with poo. Did I? Was that in there? You went with a poo and you rhymed it with boo.

I blacked out. Spitballers episode 175. No better time to black out. Jason's preparation for the scat. Should we describe it? It will always be entertaining to me because he has such an insecurity. And if there's one thing like people, maybe you don't realize it. I don't know if you do. But just Jason's lack of shame, insecurity about basically everything is,

it is legendary. This man is, it's hard. You can't phase him. You can't shake him. He's never shook it. Except when it comes to just five beats of a scat to open up our podcast, and each and every single time he realizes that it's his turn, he freaks out. It's my least favorite thing of all things. Of all things?

Of all the things, doing the scat is my least favorite. For a while, I thought we were just talking about him as though he was not present. I don't know what's going on with my hair right now. Five beats of the scat, five beads of sweat upon his glistening forehead. But he closes his eyes. Yes. He starts moving around. I got to feel it.

He looks... Well, you don't look like you're feeling music. You look like a fighter about to enter the ring in Mortal Kombat. Yeah. I mean, that's basically what it is. That's how intense I am when i feel music he reminds me of that uh what was the show where you always had to do gross stuff double dare joe rogan would host it oh fear factor yeah he looked he looked more like a guy who's like trying to build up a little confidence to eat a worm or something that's exactly what it would you rather eat a worm

or do the scat is the worm alive or dead it's alive then i would rather scat okay it's dead give me that worm you'd rather eat a dead worm i feel like that's not that big a deal see how dead worm could be could have gone bad fishy a live worm you know that's the good stuff you know he's healthy i want it freshly dead i don't want like some rotting worm i just want like what okay you have to kill it okay i i have to in a little in a little mini guillotine yes i mean that is the way right because what's funny is what's funny is trying to picture how you would kill i was thinking like you bop it on the head with a mini mallet as he said that i was like okay i've got to kill this thing how do you kill a worm like if i put it in a ziploc bag and got all the air out

oh that's torture but it doesn't does it need air i don't know that's a great question how long if i need air if i put it in a ziploc bag and got the air out and i opened that bag in a week one minute is it dead that's like we've talked about you in arizona you have pools so you have wasps flying around if you put a wasp under the water it will not drown after a long long time so i mean a worm how long does it take how long can a worm hold its breath? That's the question. I mean, they're underground, right? They're like in the dirt. All right, little fella.

He's still alive. How long? I mean, they don't have lungs. How do you kill a worm apart from just eating it? Apart from smashing it and turning it into a smoothie. I have no idea. I guess a mini guillotine is one way. You got to lead him up to it. No.

I don't. I've built little gallows. You have another worm with an executioner mask on. Oh, the other worm has to do it. Pull the string. But here's the problem with that. Isn't there like if you cut a worm in half, aren't both of them like both have still alive? Yeah, something like that.

So that's not going to work. They're not really alive. They don't grow back. I think earthworms do. Both sides of it? Now, maybe it's not like we've accidentally had the tail come off a lizard and the lizard grows its tail back. Or no, it just lives without a tail. lizard and the lizard grows its tail back. No, there's something. Or no, it just lives without a tail. Yeah, the lizard grows the tail back.

But worms, I think you can. I think they live through that. I think they do. Oh, no. Earthworms, I think earthworms have like. They don't have eyes on both sides of their body. Well, earthworms, I believe, have no eyes. But I believe they have multiple.

All right, fair. I'd point. I think they have multiple hearts. You ever seen eyes on a worm? You ever seen the eyes on a worm that you're putting in a guillotine? They get real big. Will two worms grow from a worm cut in half? You may have been told this as a little child that an earthworm will regenerate into two new worms.

But if you ever experimented with the animals, you've probably been disappointed. Oh, no. Though it may not seem like earthworms have a distinctive head and tail. We got caught? Yeah. Oh, no. If an earthworm is split in two, it will not become two new worms. The head of the worm may survive and regenerate its tail if the animal is cut.

Still alive. But the original tail of the worm will not be able to grow a new head now how can you tell which side is the head one of them poops they said you can't tell very easily no i can't they knew me they saw me so clearly in that article oh my goodness welcome man we have would you rather on the show that today is the day that we beat al and liar liar Liar, of course. Yeah, I'm very excited about that. Do we have a count?

Because at this point, I need to know how many times you've won in a row on a regular basis so that I know what I'm overcoming. I believe we're up to 13. Goodness gracious. Wow. What if you cut the head off an owl? Will it grow back? No, thankfully, it doesn't. We're going to try to beat him today in liar liar we have would you rather we have a nintendo characters battle royale

draft on today's show as well spitballerspod.com is the website you can connect with us over there Get going. Would you rather? The earthworm guillotine discussion was not one I was prepared for, but I welcome it. I've been saving that conversation for a while. It makes sense. It's all I want to learn about right now. I don't want to do would you rather questions i just want more worm facts

is earthworm jim eligible for our nintendo draft great game great character you know the answer is no if you guys thought that that happened you know a lot of kids thought it happened which means a lot of kids unfortunately experimented to find out if it would happen now there are types of worms that will regenerate. That's awesome. The three-banded panther worm. You can split in halves or thirds, either crosswise or diagonally, and each segment will regenerate just fine.

This is a liar, liar episode. Hold on, hold on. Be careful. Hit me with the name one more time. Three-banded panther worm. That's awesome. Is this the coolest worm that's ever been in existence? Yeah. A three-banded panther worm. That's awesome. Is this the coolest worm that's ever been in existence? Yeah.

A three-banded panther worm? Yeah, it's actually just a- Panther or panda? No, panther. Oh, yeah, that's way cooler. The panda worm? One's more cuddly. Would you rather from Dallas on the website,

would you rather have to say the http colon backslash backslash www dot? Don't do that. Every time you tell somebody a website. Don't do that. Or add your signature to the bottom of every text message you send using your phone touchscreen. So you have to add your signature. You have to type out a signature to all your texts. Or do you have to like sign it?

You sign it with your finger. Oh, to every text that you send? Correct. Awesome. What flair that is. This is a good conversation. So what are we doing with the signature? Why is the signature so powerful?

And allegedly, they look at my credit card receipts and they match them up. This is, I don't know, preventing fraud or doing something. I really have no idea what they're doing. It does nothing. It does nothing. But now that we have moved to the digital, where you try and do it with your finger on the giant iPad or whatever, and that signature looks absolutely nothing like my signature should i have a pen so what in fact is this actually doing and you can even do the electronic

where you just type your name now right and it's like which font would you it had to have been him who typed his name read it it says jason moore he knew his initials when i signed the digital ipads i try to make it just you do i know i try to make it a horror show i try to make it the most worthless scribble that you've ever seen under this because you're not you don't have precision with that no so i just it's dirty in my young adult life i had a long period of time probably a year or two where i signed every single receipt abe lincoln um no matter what i did that ever catch up with abe or abraham abe that was yeah it was the cool version um abe lincoln was what i signed everything and no it never it never mattered it doesn't our signatures don't matter this is like going back to the time where it was like

you know not everybody had paper and if you could find ink and put your name on this there's well the funny thing is is the point of it is to prove that you purchased something right it's to say hey sign here and that way later when you complain about having not bought this we can show you the receipt that you signed it but you could just say no i didn't right it says abe lincoln i'm not that's not even me uh so it's even better it's even more in your advantage to sign it a blink yeah i i tell all spit wads listen don't stop signing your name stop it find your favorite person from we are not financial advisors we're not maybe fraud maybe recommending fraud on the show i

might or might not recommend that you sign your favorite historical name. Yeah. Yeah, so I think signatures are stupid. That's why Mike signs all his Mussolini. Yeah, I mean, like, he did good stuff, right? We all have heroes. He was Italy, right? Well, it's just one word. If you just write Mussolini, you don't even have to. But I spell it like a moose.

Oh, man, if that was on the highway to spell. What if he was? I don't know if he was a moose. Oh, man. If that was on the highway, what if he was? I don't know if he was. Was he half moose? He could have been. They cut him in half and they grow back. They're mean creatures. We've lost it. I can't.

I cannot take the HTTP. And the worst part about the HTTP colon backslash backslash. Stop it. You're going to. You're going to trigger this guy. That's what I mean. Yeah, I was triggered the first time around, and now you did it twice. You are too smart.

No, they're actually forward slashes. They are forward slashes. Exactly right. No, I know. What? You're telling me to stop because I said it wrong? Yes. You said backslash backslash.

Who gives a crap? I give a crap. I give a lot of crap. Just say slash slash. People know what you mean. That's fine, but when you- You're the forward slash guy? Yes. When you- Yes. I crap just say slash slash people know what you mean that's fine but you're the forward slash guy when you i'm fine with slash slash you want to say slash slash that's fine but when you say backslash you're saying a different character that's like saying the letter that's

what it's like hanging out with guys like youQ colon. Like, that's a different character. When the forward slash guy comes over to the house, the whole crowd go, ugh, he's here. The fact, and this is something I knew, so I figured it would come up at some point during this conversation. But the fact that of the three of us, the one of us who butchers, mangles, and murders the English language on a regular basis is the one who goes insane when you call it the wrong slash. It shows how important it is.

It shows that you're psychotic. Well, that's fair. That's guilty as charged. that's guilty as charged if there's anybody out there or any browser in the world where you're typing the word you know mbc.com and it breaks because you don't got http

colon slash slash no I don't want to do that I can't be that guy what I just typed in to prove my point oh yes yes yes colon backslash backslash i better work nbc.com yeah and it took me to the website yeah wait a minute maybe this is just nbc i gotta give

me another where else could i go abc oh crazy how'd you come up with that backslash backslash, backslash, abc.com. Okay. Well, we've got a problem. Your world is crumbling. My views are starting to change. Now, out of curiosity for your example, if you typed in HTTQ. Let's see. I bet it won't work. HTTQ.

MBC. Yes. Does that work? No. Google's wondering what I'm doing oh are you going to let it fall away? I have to new information

so I can actually type backslash and it's fine you're not 40 yet so you can change your opinion on a topic you once believed to be something else where else do you use slashes? Where else do you use slashes? Yeah. When making a list of things like a this or that, sometimes you'll say, you know, you'll use a slash.

And like division. And division then would be a forward slash. Is that right? Because the one that goes up is the forward. It be a forward slash. Is that right? Because the one that goes up is the forward. It's the same slash. The forward slash is the same one that's inside. Right. Okay.

So that's the same one that would be in a fraction. When do you ever use a backslash? Why is it there? Why is it there? I don't know why. Why is a backslash? Okay. Thank you.

Thank you. What do you use a backslash for it's programming you use it in programming i think you're just making that up you don't know well i mean it's on a computer so they're using it for something that is where in regular life are you ever putting a backslash into something now maybe if you're making a like a text emoji and you need okay you need like a character that goes from the top left. Back slashes are primarily used in computer coding. That's it?

Yes. They also appear in some technical writing. It's a wasted. So this distinguishment that we need made is one character never, ever used. This is why I say just say slash. Sure. Nevertheless, I'm signing all my texts I'm not going to be the guy that has to say the beginning of a url I'm definitely saying the full url because

I don't do that that often I don't tell people hey go to you know the fancy footballers.com go to grammar police.net yeah I I don't remember the last time I told someone a url that's true frequency you don't we do it all the time on a URL. That's true. Frequency. You don't? We do it all the time on our show. Yeah. Yeah, but Andy does. He's the host.

I don't tell them to go there. Oh, here we go again with the HTTP. I'm getting backslashes in there soon. Mike, what's your final answer here? I will. I guess it's the URL one. It even works later. I just tried NFL.com backslash footballers.

It works. Yeah, because it was 2021. Wow. Good job. Jenny from Twitter. Would you rather search for a needle in a haystack or go on a wild goose chase? Okay. This is a good one.

Can you catch a goose? You can. Do you think you could do it? I do believe that I could. Can you wear them down? They're large and they're mean. They're so mean. They're mean.

I don't know if you've ever had them. Oh, I know they're mean, but they can fly too, and that part I can't do. Yeah, but they'd rather fight you. They're mean, but they can fly, too, and that part I can't do. Yeah, but they'd rather fight you. Yeah, they're not. Fight or flight for an animal that can actually fly, they would much rather fight you. But this is not a wild goose fight. This is a wild goose chase.

You're obviously running after a goose. If it's a wild goose chase, I imagine myself, I'm on a horse. Okay. I'm definitely on a horse in the country trying to get it. Flying horse? No, but it will come down eventually, and I'll have some kind of musket. Okay. Does it have one of the tips of the guns that are wide spread like a trumpet?

Yeah, this is a one-shot musket that takes 30 minutes to reload, of course. Originally, trumpets and muskets were the same thing. They were identical. And it's to reload, of course. Originally, trumpets and muskets were the same thing. They were identical. I didn't realize that on the goose chase side of this, we get weapons and vehicles. Well, it's not a vehicle. It's a horse. I'm not sure I'm catching a goose better on horseback, if I'm honest. I feel like you want a sneak attack.

Because I need to grab the neck. You need to sneak. You need to sneak up behind a goose. You don't want to run. If you run and chase that's going to anger the goose okay well now we got to get into the speed how fast can a goose fly the answer is 40 miles an hour what no no they no they cannot what do you think flying v's i mean it's not just ducks 40 40 miles an hour they hour. Yes, they can cruise, my friends.

That's a long chase. And they can increase up to 70 if they're in a strong tailwind. That's faster than a Prius can go. That's crazy. But a needle in a haystack. That's the Canadian version. I will do the needle one. Oh, you will never find it.

I have the patience. Do you have a hay allergy? Oh, I do. I do, actually needle one. Oh, you will never find it. I have the patience. Do you have a hay allergy? Oh, I do. I do, actually. Whoops. Yeah, welcome. Welcome to your death. Wait, did I just choose I'd rather die in a haystack instead of chasing a goose?

Now, if we get a musket and a horse, can I just get a magnet? Sure. But it's one of those old-timey words. Oh, it's got to be the horseshoe magnet it was for the goose still i didn't know i want to scramble its brains um no it was for the needle in the haystack so i can find magnets i mean if you're in the haystack thing, though, any search like that, there's something when I look at the haystack, I say, I'm going to find it. Because I could take every strand of hay out.

It might take me days, but I will find the needle. Dude, at the very end, when you put that last piece of hay over onto the new pile and you haven't found it, you're going to want to find that little worm guillotine. Yeah. I mean, I don't think I have the patience. I can't find milk in my fridge. So finding a needle in this haystack is never going to happen for me. I'm not sure you could catch the goose ever. I will catch the goose.

Here's my strategy for catching the goose, okay? I'm going to try to sneak up on it. I'm a big fella. It's not going to work. You're going to see me coming no matter even which direction. Absolutely. My next goal is to chase the goose to anger it. This goose has to come to me.

This goose has to try to get me gone and then it's if it's a fight i'm not saying i'm gonna win but i am saying i'm going to i'm gonna do my best i'm gonna try and probably just one good uh kickball style you know run downhill and take a kick that's my only chance so i looked i googled can you beat a goose in a fight? Because I just wanted to see what would come up. And it's this kiora.com. I think that's just one of those, like, anyone can answer it. And someone said, if a goose attacked me, could I punch it in self-defense?

And the answer was, no. It is unfair to punch anything that is unable to make a fist. In the case of a goose attack, you must defend yourself with your elbows only. If it can't make a fist, you can't use your fist. That's fair. That's like your wing. It's a wing on wing. I've always imagined I'd grab it by the neck.

Yes, that's what you would try to do, except... Like a snake. It's not a joke that geese are ornery, mean, vicious animals. But they can't do much, can they? They hiss so loud. Like a snake. In the moment, it's terrifying. Growing up, I had a friend that lived on some farmland, and they had a goose.

And this thing, if you got in the pen, that goose was coming at you, man. Coming at you, trying to kill you. I don't know why. I don't know what their problem is. Probably because we eat them all the time. We eat wild geese all the time. The goose is cooked, man. I haven't had goose in the time. We eat wild geese all the time. The goose is cooked, man.

I haven't had goose in a while. We used to. I'm talking about humans. Oh, okay. Not you. I feel like. You can't go get drive-thru and get goose. Yeah, that's my point. That's kind of what I was saying.

Give me the goose burger. The side of goose nuggets. Can you get ground goose? No, Mike. We've moved past that part of our history. All right, Joseph. Joseph says, with money on the line, would you rather compete in a high school spelling bee

or a high school math competition? Oh, goodness gracious. That's easy for me. That's spelling bee. I've already proven on this show. Your spelling is pretty on point. And I have purged all math. All math.

I don't know how to multiply fractions. I don't know how to do. Understandable. I don't even know how to do long division on a piece of paper anymore. I would not inherently remember. I might get there, but with money on the line I can spell something yeah I think I would rather go the math route but there are certain I remember there are certain things in high school math that I I know for a fact I don't remember you know tangent and cosine

like I do that's gone that stuff is lost forever until um you know i have to go back to high school and relearn it i don't remember certain like geometry things but i think like you know all normal algebra high school that's so that's how far you could go is algebra yeah i think i could squeeze you can solve for x i think oh yeah i could solve for. I think I can go a little bit further than algebra. We'll test this soon. Yeah, but certainly can't spell. We've had that proven on this show, so I'm going to take the math. What if we give you two weeks of preparation? Two weeks of prep, I feel good about a math test.

Okay. You could give me two years of prep on a spelling test and i right that's not happening yeah if you gave me two weeks of prep on math i might go that direction too all right do you feel like i feel like i just need a brush a refresher of like oh yeah this is how you do this i mean this is what's happened over the last several years we now have like i've got a middle schooler and over the last few years, I mean, when they got back into, like, third, fourth grade, back in, like, they were kicked out. Well, then after several years, they were finally allowed back in the third grade, smoking in the bathroom, killing a bunch of worms. But, yeah, it was, like, exactly what you said, long division.

Long division took me, like. They you said, long division. Long division took me – Yeah, but they do it all different now. Like every single bit of math that my kids have done, none of it has been like, oh, yeah. It's all been like, what are you doing? How did you get it that way? See, obviously our kids go to different schools, but mine is the same math I grew up with.

Really? They use the traditional one? Yeah. Or our traditional i don't know if that's yeah no i agree it's great they use 90s math 90s you go to a 90s school those things are so cool man snap bracelets what are you doing mike you doing the math i have to i've proven proven yeah i'm not good at the spelling. But this is also another weird thing. High school spelling isn't a thing. There's no spelling tests in high school. There are some.

No, there's not. The spelling test is writing a paper and getting it marked down for spelling things wrong. I guess the last spelling test I remember was in science. It was we had to learn all the prefixes and things. Here's the truth. High school math, high school spelling, you don't need either. You really don't. For life.

Oh, certainly. I mean, I grew up being told. It depends on your job. You might need some of that math. Correct. There are some things. And I don't think you shouldn't learn math. Right.

That's not the same thing. I'm saying you don't need to memorize it. Memorizing things in today's day and age is so different than it used to be. Same with dates of things. You just ask your watch when this thing happened. So having a general knowledge, but memory stuff? Yeah. It's the worst.

And you type, and every bit of spelling gets corrected. We were talking about this. I don't remember when, but how many the worst and you type and every bit of spelling gets corrected. We were talking about this. I don't remember when, but like how many phone numbers do you remember now? Because it's like, I know my number. I know. I know my wife's. I know my wife's. I don't know my dad's.

I know my mom and dad. And I remember my old home phone number. But I but that is it. Well, Pizza Hut delivery to two four four four four yes uh but other than that yeah eight six seven five three oh nine i don't remember them well that's jenny yes um going to the spelling side um and you're right whenever you type anything it's going to correct it's going to put a little red wiggly line but but every now and then you're in a position where you got to write things out on paper sure and i can get myself

into trouble i'm telling you i thesaurus my way around my papers when i have to write something out by hand i start writing i get about three words if you can't spell it? Absolutely. I get three letters in and I go, oh, man, I am not... Eraser. This was not ridiculous. This was really weird. Exactly. I have done that. That's funny. Guilty. That is really, really funny.

Alright, let's do some Liar Liar. Liar Liar. Pants yes. Liar, liar. Pants on fire. More like loser, loser. That's what you're going to be, owl. You got any more for him? Yeah, you stink.

Physically. I smell you. Yeah, you got body odor. You got a problem. Sweating. Here we are, the 12th, the 13thth the 14th time we've tried to defeat him if you haven't heard this before liar liar is a simple segment i give you three facts two of them are true one is a lie that's it and we have not gone three rounds defeating al because

he is a just a ridiculously terrible person and a spectacular liar. I have read through the first three, gentlemen. Thanks for the announcement. Thanks for the help. That's the update. Round one. Here are the facts.

I'm ahead. I'm ahead of you guys. No, there's already a problem. All right. Fact number one. According to a study from Boston University, consuming a single Arby's beef and cheddar sandwich was found to have a greater contribution to heart disease

than eight McDonald's McRib sandwiches. Oh, man, that can't be true. It could be. I've had a McRib, I know. We've also had the beef and cheddar. Oh, okay. Fact number two. During World War II, a great Dane named Juliana

was awarded the Blue Cross Medal for extinguishing an incendiary bomb by peeing on it. Okay. A great Dane peed on a bomb to save somebody? And got a medal? Allegedly got a medal. Now, that is not a dame, right? This is a dog.

A great dame. What is this, guys and dolls? A great d a dame, right? That is. This is a great. What is this? Guys and dolls. Great. Yes. See, she went over there and pissed on it. You see, there's a real buster. I am today years old. When I learned that great dames are dames, the dog.

You wait. Oh, you've gone your whole life. Not knowing. I have always my entire life thought that they are great dames with an M. I mean, you want to talk about- You thought the dog was a great dame? I thought the dog was a great dame. My bad.

A great dame. Interesting. You've said this to people out loud. Yeah, but you don't know because you hear what you should hear. I mean, if i've got a great dame you you're gonna you're gonna hear you're right i did right right didn't sound wrong when i said it you heard i've got i've got i've got a no one would say dame i've got a golden doodle and a great dame named uh marley and you can't you just ignore it no one is ever correcting me

wow i'm just saying he didn't just say. Great Dane. Oh, my God. Now, do you know what a dame is? It's a wonderful old madam. There you go. But do you know what a great dame is? A super awesome.

All right. So a great dame named Juliana peed on an incendiary bomb. Oh, no. And the third fact, use of on an incendiary bomb. Oh, no. And the third fact, use of the acronym OMG in place of oh my God was not originated in online chat rooms or text messaging. The first known use was in a letter from Lord Fisher to Winston Churchill in 1917. I believe that. You psychopath. I think that that one is true.

Because, you know, that's taking the Lord's name in vain. Maybe you want to hide that in your message. Gotcha. OMG was back in a 1917 letter? Yeah, I believe it. Sir Winston, OMG. Did you see did you see my lamps burnt out again did you see that great dame omg she was something um she dropped a real whizzer on that bomb all right i'm look oh there's no way that's true. No, it can't be true. Like a dog could get lucky.

And a dog could like, I can buy into the intelligence and compassion of a dog to like jump on the grenade. Like you could convince me that that happened, but they actually, they were smart enough to see a fire and just go pee on it. I think it could just be curiosity. I don't think they were trying to save anybody. Just like a pure luck? I think they're like, whoa, I want to pee on that. Look how cool that is. They thought it was a hydrant?

And they pee on everything. I'm locking in the Arby's beef and cheddar sandwich found to have greater contribution to heart disease than eight McDonald's McRib sandwiches. Now, that's based off your extensive research of consuming the McRib? And beef and cheddars. Okay. Absolutely. If this is true, I've got a lot of heart disease going on in my body.

Wait, because I thought you were a McRib guy. Oh, I am, but I'm both. But you can eat them eight to one. Well, now I will, but I've probably only eaten them one to one. So that's like... I am voting the OMG is the lie. I'm going with that one. I think the Boston University thing's right.

I think the Great Dane thing... Some dog lucked into peeing on a bomb. It's possible. I can't accept the OMG one. Unless there's just... this is more technicality maybe he was running out of room on paper omg okay that's my final answer so you two feel convicted about that is that what your final answer no mine is the mcrib arby's i think that's the lie so now mike you have to decide whether you want to survive a round. I don't have great conviction on either or any of these. So for the team, for the true spitballers, I will lock in the great Dane.

All right. Who is moving on? Jason is moving on. Yeah. So the OMG is true, huh? I will carry. Let's go, Spidwads. I will take down the monster that is Owl.

And you will consume many McRib sandwiches. Well, yeah, and the beef and cheddars, they're good for my heart. Okay, is there a true fact to that one that you know and you just... No, that was just fabricated. Is it the cheddar or is it the beef? No, that's a lie. Yeah, this is a lie. Oh, yeah, I had it backwards.

I believe it is all healthy is what I learned. Oh, yeah. Round two. Round two. When people verbalize one of the words in an acronym, when saying it aloud, like PIN number, ATM machine, it is known as RAS syndrome, redundant acronym syndrome.

Okay. Got it. That was hard to follow for a second. But I guess, you know, ATM machine, right? Because the word machine is also in the acronym. Oh, I got you. Or pin number. Yes, yes.

Numbers in the acronym. Yes. So that's fact number one, or a lie. Number two, platypuses do not have nipples they sweat milk which pools in skin folds for their babies to lap up off their skin what and number three stephen hawking galileo and albert einstein were all born on june 12th of different years two of them, Galileo and Einstein, both died on September 9th in different years. Einstein? What did I say?

Einstein. Really? Yeah. It's fine. He was a great Dane. Okay. I think that one's got to be true. That's too wild.

It is wild. Although Al is a sneaky snark. Yes. So it is a sneaky snart. Yes. So it's a syndrome? RAS syndrome? Hold on. So it's called RAS syndrome. Which in and of itself is RAS.

Yes. That's a bit of a built-in trick there. That could be the lie. It's either a lie. It's either RA syndrome. Or stupid. Right. I mean, Jason's the one who's still alive,

but I'd like to beat Jason. You cackled a lot at the nipples. Yeah. Platypuses don't have nipples. Now, the platypi, they are they're a a mammal that lays eggs is it platypi i don't know okay uh so they already break the rules of a mammal you can just look at them and know this is true it's platypuses is it it is i mean everything about it is i just looked it up everything about

hysterical i mean of course they're gonna sweat milk pools for you to lap up from skin folds because they're so cute it's the most ridiculous thing that that has ever existed on this earth um they're so weird looking if if that is but they do a lot of swimming if that's the lie al deserves this one um so i'm i'm i don't think that's it now here's the thing with this help me i'm doing the lie on the on the the acronym mess okay i think that's where i lean why would he lie about it it's too technical so the whole stephen hawking galileo albert einstein thing my only thought with that is that that sounds like you know how like oh cleopatra was born nearer to the invention of the iphone than to the creation

of the pyramids that like you see that fact online i feel like we would have seen this fact like i would have known this one are you and that and then these are three big names he could have just thought up and stuck them together are you familiar with all of the uh and now i don't know how true this could just be one of those uh folklore things but the the connection of of kennedy and lincoln and how the two of them have just like these super absurd crossovers the two assassinated presidents of like lincoln had a uh secretary with the last name of kennedy and kennedy had the secretary of the last name of lincoln and there's just weird stuff like really really weird crossovers that... Owl, look that up.

Did you hear that in a Liar Liar segment per chance? No, I didn't, but look that up because I don't want to look like I'm cheating over here typing things in. All right, we got a pick? Yeah, you do. I'm going to lock in the RAS syndrome one. That's a lie. Mike, you got to lock one in too.

I'm locking in the nips. All right. Oh, man. Platypi nips. I'm locking in the nips. All right. Oh, man. Platypi nips. I have to believe they have them. Yeah. I am going to go with the RAS syndrome. It's too boring.

I don't think he would have picked that as a fun true thing. Okay. What's the truth? The lie was the the galileo that's oh i'm so angry our trivia is not good enough i knew that so now we're playing for nothing well now we're playing for nothing. Well, now we're playing to tie Jason. Yeah, because none of us got that. The last round. Number one, the actors who played Munchkins in The Wizard of Oz

were paid $50 per week. The actor that played Toto was paid $125 per week. Yeah, that one's true. The Peter Piper Procession is an annual Canadian contest wherein participants compete to say that Peter Piper tongue twister the fastest. That sounds pretty Canadian. Sounds good to me. An Afghan Taliban commander, Mohammad Ashan,

turned himself into local authorities trying to claim the $100 reward prize that he had seen on a wanted-in poster for his own arrest. That has to have happened at some point. There's no way Al made that up. I'm going with the Peter Piper as the lie. Okay. I'm doing that too. Wait, then you'll win.

Well, then pick something else. I'm going to win either way. But Al's the real winner. If he's right. I'm going to change it to the afghan taliban commander one is the lie mike uh i gotta give myself a shot to even up i i unfortunately i think it's the peter piper one i'm gonna lock that one in as the lie that is correct jason went two for three on this and i was so close to the galileo one i hope i didn't talk you out of it

no you you didn't. I just. Yeah, you had like one in three chance of being right on it. Well, I knew the platypus had to be real. So did we find out? So they don't have nipples. So that's what you're telling me. They sweat milk into pools in which their skin folds. Through their nipples.

Babies lap up their milk from their skin. That's gross. So they do lactate? Was anything of the Lincoln Kennedy stuff true or is it all just... It looks like it's mostly urban legend from what I can find. Alright. Fair enough. Boom, we lose again.

We lose again. The Spitballers Draft. All right. Today we've been listening. We've got all your draft suggestions, and if you have more, please send them to us. Jointhespit.com. Those who support us, they can submit their draft ideas over there.

We're always looking for new, exciting ones. We've had people ask us for video game Battle Royale. Video game characters. So we tightened it up. We tightened it up. Yep. And we did Nintendo characters because there are infinity video game characters and it was going to be hard.

I can't wait to call you guys when a character is not actually a Nintendo character. Oh, so today we're just doing Nintendo characters. Oh no. call you guys when when a character is not actually a nintendo character oh so we today we're just doing nintendo characters oh no oh no because there are characters that you think of are nintendo but they are in fact not you mean that are in nintendo games correct aren't nintendo characters that is correct and the number one on my list is probably that now that you've brought that to my there will be no none of those shenanigans while i'm around okay i don't think i don't think that'll happen to my list i've

got the first pick yeah and i'm starting look we is a fight there's a fight to the death you need we're in a ring again this is about our oil we're not just picking them for a draft right we are fighting to the death with these characters and if i've learned one thing from nintendo it's that in the end the good guys win i know there's some powerful bad guys but i need a good guy because i want to win okay and ain't no good guy quite as strong as donkey kong oh so i will be taking donkey kong with the 101 now give me some that's a bit of strength it's a bit of a conundrum for your reasoning because donkey Donkey Kong definitely started as a bad guy. Exactly.

But where did he finish? I'm not really sure. He's a good guy. You play the Donkey Kong game. Absolutely. He's a hero. He's just a huge monkey. Yeah, but in his game, he's simply trying to recover his bananas. That's neither a good guy nor a bad guy. He is, at the end

of the day, a big monkey that you have for your team though yeah he's a protagonist uh so okay it's it's a good pick i'm just your argument is garbage but it's a great pick yeah uh now i'm gonna be on full red alert for all my picks because i'm mike is the video game archive master and i'm like sitting here googling to make sure that my characters are but i'm going with samus yes samus would have been my first pick okay so samus from the metroid series i get a gun i can flip around you ain't hitting me she's got she's covered in armor she's got all sorts of weapons. Yeah, it's what I need. It's what I want. And I panicked for some reason thinking, wait, did she originate in like some pre-Atari or Sega World or something that I didn't know about? All right, so Samus is officially my number one pick. It's a tremendous pick.

It was absolutely the top of my list. I kind of figured she would. You thought she'd make it through? I was hoping. I was hoping. All right. So my first pick, I like your powers. I like Jason's powers.

And so, I mean, if I had a character. Now, he's throwing barrels, right, to be clear? Well, he's very strong. He hits the ground and there's earthquakes. Yes. But, like, if I could get your strength and get your weapons then i would do that which i could because with my first pick i will take kirby who is a just some sort of i don't even know what he's made out of kirby i that's some sort of me level lovable cream puff that eats people and takes their power i just assumed you would let me have the one that eats everything.

You were saying that Kirby will gain the power. Yes. You were not saying that Kirby has it inherently before eating something. No, no, no. That is correct. Okay. Cream puff. Is that what you said? I don't know what he is. He's so lightweight. He's a cloud. He can fly. If it's windy in the arena, Kirby's got to worry

about it. He can turn into a brick. So he can be firmly planted. Hey, what's that brick over there? It's just a brick that has eyes. It is hard to imagine fighting Kirby because he could just swallow you at any time. Yes. It makes me want to draft a bomb of some sorts. Oh, he eats the bombs.

Okay, Mike. You took Kirby. Definitely on my list. I like this draft a lot. This is fun. The second pick here is a lot tougher. Yeah, you got a long way to wait, too. I do. And I'm

just going to go with some size. I'm going to go with some size. I'm going to go with some anger. He's covered in armor. I'm going to take Bowser. Okay. I'm going to take Bowser. You got a tank. You got another tank out there.

That's right. I got a big meat shield out there. Is he a turtle? I think he's a turtle, yeah. Is he an angry turtle? Yeah, he's like the king of the Koopa Troopas. He did originate. He took some steroids.

I mean, there were some performance-enhancing drugs. Not natural. And certainly not a good guy. Oh, no. I don't think Kirby and Bowser, we've ever seen them strolling down the street together. So they are going to have some chemistry things. It will be okay. I think we'll work it out.

All right. I'm going to actually go with what I think is a very versatile pick. Very similar to Kirby in some ways, but also will serve to help the rest of my characters on the battlefield. Okay. Because I can ride him. Oh. Which means I'm going with Yoshi.

Yes. Okay. I can eat you. I can turn you into an egg you can ride me i mean yoshi is versatile so i will take yoshi as my second pick yeah that's a good one all right and lovable oh very gobbler versus gobbler i see yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna venture into the danger zone okay what well i might be put on blast by Mike here for this. See, all of my list.

Do it. My list was almost entirely like super classic, like basically all Mario characters. Okay. Like Yoshi. Exactly. And then when you picked the Metroid, I was like, oh, okay. Okay. I'm taking Zelda.

Okay. Okay. Zelda is a Nintendo character? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm taking Zelda. Okay. Zelda is a Nintendo character? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I was like, it was because it was the first on Nintendo. Now, I'm taking Zelda. Okay.

The girl. Yes. The princess. Yes. The princess. She is the more powerful of the two when all magic is considered. the more powerful of the two when all magic is considered so and i feel like in a poll people will just see zelda and they will vote whatever they oh i see yeah you'll get credit for the series yeah i will yes now i mean she's good she turns into i think it's chic

the uh later on the ninja i don't know i never played with her on any of the games. She was so weak. Okay. She gained power later on in the series. All right. I got you. All right. And I've got another pick here. Now, this one is not the biggest, not the strongest, not the toughest.

Not good at fighting. Not good at fighting. Bad for a team uh here's the truth all of these super strong enemies are always defeated by him he can fly at times he can shoot fireballs from his nose at times i'm taking mar Mario. The classic of all classics. Did you almost go Braveheart right there? No. So you're going Mario. I'm going Mario. No, the Braveheart speech.

No, I didn't. I think Mario's a leader for a team. Yeah. So if you need a character to turn Donkey Kong from bad to good to bad to good, Mario's going to lead the way. And I might have made him my next pick, so I think that's a good one. I feel like he just kind of lucks into things.

Now, he normally goes after a princess, right? But now he's got Zelda on his team. So are you creating a conflict for him? No, he's, I mean, look. A competing princess? He likes Zelda a lot. He looks at Zelda and he says, I would save you. Okay.

But here's what I know. I know if one of you guys get Zelda, Mario's gonna go rescue her. Right? Yeah. I'm good. Well, he will attempt. Mario always wins. I like Mario.

Yeah. But why do we like Mario? We like Mario because... He's just the every Mario because he's just the everyman he's just the everyman that gets it done yeah he's just a Joe Plummer he's just a dude who ate a mushroom and then all of a sudden he thought he could go down some pipes

he's a regular dude that wants to go save a princess that's the classic story and he has to overcome a steroided up giant turtle he's a little overweight he's not bad he's just a little pudgy he's you're every man luigi should have been the main character but instead he is luigi's a weakling he's shockingly athletic surprising yes mario yes um all right so this is we've got mario on the set. Oh, there we go. Yeah. Over by me.

My third pick, so I've got Samus and I have Yoshi. And this one's really tough for me because I don't think my... I have two that I'm between, and I think Mike's going to take the other one. So I want to... Hmm. I'm going to stick with my strengths as a team, which is I am nimble. I have firepower. Okay.

I've got the versatility. I could be shooting guns on the back of a Yoshi. He's eating people while I'm shooting. So I'm going to keep the armory up. So I'm going to go with Fox McCloud. Oh. I'm going to take Fox from Star Fox. I'm going to bring the pistol.

I've got my laser pistol with me. Yeah, you've got speed. I've got speed. I'm small to bring the pistol. I got my laser pistol with me. Yeah, you got speed. I've got speed. I'm small enough to sneak around the battlefield, but I'm going to shoot you. And Samus and Fox are going to be firing blasters all over the place. Yeah, that's a lot of ranged DPS that you've got. I don't have a tank right now, but I've got Fox, Samus, and Yoshi. Sometimes you take speed.

That's right. All right. I've got Fox, Samus, and Yoshi. Sometimes you take speed. That's right. All right. I know one of mine, then, for sure. Because I believe in the intelligence of the listener and the poll voter, where Jason is.

I actually think that Zelda is the more powerful character. Are you taking Link? I will be taking Link as one of my picks. It was Link or Fox that I was deciding between. I mean, Link was just... When you guys were growing up, what was the Nintendo game for you? Was it Mario?

Super Mario World. No, no. Nintendo. Not Super. I couldn't afford one, Mike. I didn't have that. But you didn't go to someone's house who had one? Yeah, yeah I did and and yeah I would have been between Mario Mario 2 right okay it was either no I was thinking of Mario 3 actually oh yeah I was thinking of Mario 3 uh it was either Mario or Mike Tyson's poncho oh I wish Mike Tyson could be a Nintendo character because I'd draft you. Well, he cannot. So do you believe that Link is a better poll getter than Fox McCloud?

I don't know. I was just Jason's started off his argument for Zelda saying he thinks the people will just vote for Zelda. Yeah. No, I believe that there's not a problem with taking Zelda. But she's also the more powerful of the two. So there you go. She could be, uh,

link is always failing as we've, you know, seen. All right. My final pick. I mean, all right. Yeah.

There's a lot, there's a lot that I want to go with, but it will be my final pick. Uh, so let's see. So far I have link. I got Bowser. I got Kirby. I don't it will be my final pick. So let's see. So far I have Link. I got Bowser. I got Kirby.

I don't really have any speed on this team. That's true. So I got to take that up a notch. And you have firepower. Well, I will take some lightning power. And I will take Pikachu. Oh, really? That is correct.

Because Pikachu is, in fact, a Nintendo character. Really? Nintendo owns Pokemon. Okay.. Really? Nintendo owns Pokemon. Okay. All right. Nintendo created Pokemon. Okay. Yeah.

All right. You can him and all you want, but it's just like Mario. But wasn't, just to debate it for a moment, I'm not trying to take it out of your team if it's a fair pick, but wasn't Pikachu invented outside the video game universe before he became a video game character no no he was created as a Pokemon yeah the video game was the genesis of Pokemon before the card game correct okay all right I didn't think of a Pokemon and you're they're open now Jigglypuff is yours yeah I think I'm I'm going to stay with the classics. Jigglypuff. You made both your picks?

I did. Okay. I need to get... Look, I'm going to be shooting guns. I'm going to be flying around. I've got a lot of little characters. I need somebody to be the meat shield, to be the target, to be the enemy. I need somebody that's going to come at you and he's going to annoy you. He's going to draw fire.

He's got the size to withstand a few punches. Wario. So I will go with Wario for my. I mean, it basically cancels out Mario. I wanted to draft Wario, but I was like, if these two are on the same team, there's going to be some real problems. It's fair. I see, Mike.

I thought you were going to go with that. You're going to go Diddy Kong for the speed. Oh, no. I thought you were going to go with Diddy Kong for the speed. Oh, no. I thought you would go with, like, you know. The inferior Kong? Correct. No. The undersized.

Well, you did it with Link. Oh. Link is not a Kong. All right. So let's see here. So true. All right. So I've got the last pick, and I'm trying to decide. So I did not have the

pokemon on my because it just didn't i get it they are but i didn't feel that way i think that's the only one that should get drafted yeah okay so that's me too um why does it mean we could have a pokemon draft all by itself uh well i but i want i do want to stay classic i want to go that's why my og list and i'm gonna take like that mute too look at this nerd over here you're nerding me yeah you're the one that actually drafted a pokemon mute is more powerful um but i'm gonna take i want to i want a boss i want to i want a boss and you got Bowser, so I'm taking King Boo. Yeah. I was going to go originally just like a ghost,

and I'm like, why would I take a ghost when I can have the king of the ghosts? It was King Boo or Wario for my tank, so he's a great pick. There you go. Because I thought of it, too. Because you thought of it. That's the only reason. The only downside is when you're actually looking at it. Don't look at me.

He can't move. Don't look at me. can't move don't look at me so he's a bad character to be one-on-one with at the end right but in the beginning he can go i mean he's he's gonna take down half your team while you're fighting other people oh my gosh well um jason has donkey kong zelda mario and king boo mike has kirby bowser link and pikachu and i have samus yoshi fox mcleod andio. I think we did a good job. I think we just created Battle Royale equivalent to a game they already made. What?

No. Which is Super Smash Brothers. So we did it. I did strongly consider drafting Little Mac. Oh, yeah. It's funny that you brought up Punch-Out. Who's Little Mac? Little Mac is the fighter funny that you brought up Punch-Out. Little Mac is

the fighter that you are when you... He fights, right? He is a fighter. And eventually, you can beat Mike Tyson. You have to be so good to do that, though. I never beat him. My neighbor's dad beat him.

I saw it. It's funny to think about how games used to be because you could sit down and play a game and then you could fail for an hour and then turn it off. Like you can't beat that level, you can't beat that character, you can't beat that boss,

and you're done for the day. Because that was the constraints of the technology. It was they can't make a game that lasts for very long, so you just had to make it really hard. So you think it was strictly that? Yes, 100%. Interesting. And it doesn't save data, so you've got to play.

And you can't call somebody, or I guess eventually you could. You can't Google how to beat a level or walk through. No, you had to pay $4.99 a minute to call the Nintendo. To call the 1-900 Nintendo Power, whatever it was. And then they talk real slow to you. Well, I see you want to beat this character. I'm going to look it up. Just hold on.

In this encyclopedia. All right, that is it for the draft. What did we learn today? I learned that it's Great Dane. I thought it was a great Dane, but, uh, like Judy Dinch.

Exactly. I know what kind of dog she has. Um, what did I, I learned that, uh, Al's still a great liar. He is.

It's a great liar. And I learned that I'm not the only one thinking about signatures. It's out there and we need to just get rid of them. You also learned that earthworms do not reform both sides. You learned it the easy way. I have a lot of apologies to give out. Oh no. Those tiny

tiny. Frank. Henry. All those guys. Larry. Goodbye. You named them all? Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.