Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Illegal Underpants & Fictional Places We'd Like To Visit - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

Spit Hit for April 13th, 2023: On this episode, we inadvertently put a major clothing brand name on BLAST. Also, find out what’s got Andy boogering up swimming pools. Then we get educational as we teach you listeners the fundamental differences between some very similar things. We finish off the show with a draft of fictional places we would like to visit. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

On today's spit hit, we inadvertently slash kind of on purpose put a major clothing brand name on a blast. We find out what's got Andy boogering up swimming pools. That sounds ridiculous. And, of course, a draft. And today's draft, fictional places we would like to visit. Before you listen, hey, real quick, hit pause, hit pause. Text your mom, text your dad, text your siblings, and tell them I'm listening to this super-duper funny podcast

called the Spit Bars Podcast. Let them know so that they can listen to it and have a good time. Now, play the show. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh, okay. I'll take it.

That is true improv, my friends. Oh, it really was. It really was. As unprepared as possible. That's called Mike has the scat. Three, two, one, go. Which is why I'll take it. I'll take it.

We've had worse. That's for sure. Welcome to the take it we've had worse that's for sure welcome to the we have definitely and we'll have worse in the future welcome to episode 161 of the spitballers oh man that means the countdown is on oh four shows away it'll be jason next then me. Then Mike. Then Mike. And then the big show. And then Al Borland. How you doing, Al? You ready for this? Oh, yeah.

Oh. Okay. Well, that's good. Oh, yeah? He's already been working. He's been going around to local bars and workshopping. Hitting some haikus. No. I'm not excited, but I'll do it for the people.

There we go. Okay. He's changed his tune. The closer, the more inevitable it has become, which is the way you have to embrace the scat. Anybody who's never embraced the scat, it always ends up well like scat. Yeah. My favorite part of this is that after he comes in,

crushes again, the fans, oh, Al Borland. Oh, my gosh, what a great job. You're so awesome. And then he's just in, like he's just in the full rotation. Absolutely. In fact, might just be in every show. He may be the scatter. We'll see.

The mad scatter? I mean, let's. Ooh. That sounds like someone's running around just leaking. All right. Would you rather? That's a great question and a wonderful draft today we are going to be drafting fictional places that you'd want to visit or live in which i think is

amazing i mean i think the whole reason we have like all these fiction stories they capture your imagination and you'd love to live in these universes and we're going to draft them today very excited about that is it really just is it which movie would you do you wish was way longer like when you're watching the movie you're basically there yeah uh but you're just like i want to be there longer oh well i have some uh fictional places that are not movies at all as do i oh really yeah i thought this i didn't i i need to think during this show. I thought this was all from the cinematic world. No, no, no. Fictional does not mean only cinematic.

Okay, okay. But that is to come still on the show. We have Would You Rather in just a moment. I do want to let people know, if you are a football fan or a fantasy football fan, we have another podcast. We have the fantasy footballers podcast and so depending on when you're listening to this maybe you're in a league maybe you'd like to get some fantasy football advice with your humor and you can check that out yeah at the

fantasy football that show is essentially like do you like the spitballers and poop jokes yes of course and if you do and you play fantasy football but you also still want your poop jokes. Yes, of course. And if you do, and you play fantasy football, but you also still want your poop jokes. With your fantasy football. Yeah, head on over. You can find the Spitballers website at SpitballersPod.com where you can support the show. And we always appreciate your reviews on Apple Podcasts

or wherever you listen. And telling your friends and family about this extremely free podcast that is so enjoyable. So let's move on. Would you rather? Brandon from the website, would you rather jump into a pool of olive oil or jump into a pool of bacon grease?

Both would be exactly 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Okay. I was going to say this is going to be a real problem for the bacon grease. Would you rather feel uncomfortable for a little bit or would you rather boil to death and die horrifically painful? I don't know if I have enough maybe you guys can illuminate for me do i i don't know if i have enough understanding of what the difference would really feel like between olive oil and bacon grease so here's what i know about bacon grease

right it bacon grease is a liquid when it's very very hot uh-huh it's a solid once it cools down yeah so i'm gonna imagine that at 80 degrees it is nice and awful i mean just a nasty in between black what's what's that thing called oo black oo black oo black oo black yeah yeah all right what is that in school? You did that? No. I don't even know the word you're saying. It's a...

Oomlott. Yeah. It's essentially between a liquid and a solid. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds ooblecky. Like bacon grease. Yeah.

I'm fairly sure with oobleck, I think people have filled pools with it. And if you ran really fast, you could get across the surface tension on it. But if you just stood on it, you'd you ran really fast you could get across the surface tension on it yeah but if you just like stood on it you just go right into water now olive oil is just i mean we we can all envision what that would be like it would just be a a very i mean i'll be like oil i would be it would be like i imagine my skin would be very moisturized. I mean, real healthy after that. Would olive oil be good for your skin? Olive oil seems like a good experience. Bacon grease seems like you're in the trash of something else.

Both of them, you are emerging like a 15-year-old. Just puberty is hitting you like the son of a gun. You're going to break out. You're going to have acne all over your body. You have to go straight to the slip and slide in either case. That's right afterwards. Do we have to go under? Do we have to go under the water?

You're jumping into it. Oh, no. Have you ever jumped into a pool and you don't go in? Look. Kiddie pool. Okay, but you're technically in because you've hit the bottom. I go face first into my kiddie pool yeah it hurts is there any advantage to the smell you know bacon grease

smells delightful or is that just the bacon it's well it's one of the same i do believe i was covered in bacon grease would i eat myself know I would. It's very scary. I wasn't going to. That was the quote for sure. Olive oil. Final answer. Are they that different? Yeah, it's olive oil. I don't think they're that different.

I think they're extremely different. I think bacon grease would be absolutely disgusting. You can't even wash it off your hands. No. What do you guys do with your bacon grease? Now, like, as in, you've cooked up an incredible pan of bacon, and... You're not supposed to... No, no, no, you can't pour it down your pipes.

No, you gotta put it in the trash, right? So what's your go-to move for disposing of the grease? You put it in a coffee mug. You drain it into a coffee mug. Okay. You let it sit there until it cools, and then you just plop it in the garbage well like you scoop it out oh this is this is blowing my mind i've never done this tech like wax yeah sometimes you could just turn it over and shake it and it'll come out really yeah i'm always a i i find a empty soda

can i cut that thing in half wait Wait, that's a lot of work. Wait, you do that? Yeah, I do. And then I pour the grease in there, and then it hardens, and then I just throw it away. Okay. That does seem like a lot of work. Like they sell, you know, like you could just get a disposable cup.

And how do you cut that? With scissors? Yeah, it's aluminum. You can't do a disposable cup. If you went with a solo cup, that thing would melt're right you have to go aluminum yes as apple would say all right let's move on dan from patreon would you rather always receive the perfect gift from family and friends oh that sounds great always know the perfect gift to give somebody else oh are you this is just hey how selfish are you no i think this is legit like for i i get what you're saying here because it's like would you rather get the best stuff or

give the best stuff is it better to give or receive but it's a selfish question but it's not just a selfish question okay because we've we've established in the past i'm not a i i don't really care about getting gifts unless they are astronomically expensive you give me a new supercomputer that's you know this great four thousand dollar computer i'm gonna love it but if you give me like this nice hold on hold on just to be clear you only like astronomically expensive gifts given to you so you like gifts you just think that people are giving you trash gifts. What they have gone out of their way to find for you. They spent $50 and they thought of Jason Moore.

This is perfect. I got to get this for him. It's just not expensive enough. Get that garbage out of here. Where is my car? Yeah, well, exactly. A car would be a great gift. But no, it's not that I don't appreciate less.

I don't care about most things. Most, like, most objects. Unless they're expensive. Unless they're expensive things. Why do you care about expensive things? Because a car changes my life. A new toaster, I don't care. Forget a new toaster, like't care yeah forget a new toaster like a collectible right like something that is very something you two both love something that is really uh you know

uh something from your youth something you're from a favorite movie a nostalgic item like i'm saying like i don't actually care about those things regardless gold right now if you're telling me that thing i could turn around sell it for half a mil i'm in um this is good we just wanted to see you squirm a bit rich man ironically no the the point getting back to the question is that i would even though i would love love, you know, hey, give me a car. That's awesome. Except I would have too much guilt receiving that. I wouldn't actually enjoy that great gift.

So to me, I would actually prefer to know. It's my 25th Lambo. Sweet. I would prefer to know what to get people because I never know. When there have been a handful of times when I found that special gift that I'm like, oh my gosh, this would be perfect. And getting to give that gift, getting to give and see the expression when you surprise somebody with something unique that they have no idea about,

that's an amazing feeling. You know what else is an amazing feeling? that's an amazing feeling. You know what else is an amazing feeling? When those around me no longer have to struggle or put any real work or thought into what they're going to give to me. So really you're the one giving the gift here. I am the one who is being, I am self-sacrificing here that I could, sure, I could take some stress out of my life,

but no, I have just cured the stress of all my friends and family as they shower me with lavish good. Perfect gift. That is so selfless, Mike. Thank you, Jason.

What's funny is what if the way that this worked is they always get you the perfect gift because all of your standards are gone. That's the way this works. You have no.

Oh, an oversized extra large Grand Canyon T-shirt. That looks nice. That's the way this works. You have no... Oh, an oversized extra large Grand Canyon t-shirt. That looks nice. That is awesome. Man, what is this? 100% cotton? Oh, this thing is definitely going to shrink after the first time I wear it. I love it.

What is this? Ironed on? Gildan is what you're looking for. You're on blast, Gildan. Look, Gildan, I don't know why you exist. I mean, you exist for children's fundraisers. How can we buy a shirt that is the cheapest, most awful thing to wear? Also doesn't fit you properly. Not only is it the cheapest, somehow it's like a sweater.

Oh, it's so thick. It's supposed to be a t-shirt. They're like, we need to add 53 layers upon this. They're in a long process of trying to convert the t-shirt shape into a perfect square. They're like, what does the human body look like? A cardboard box? You know, we could print this a lot easier if it's just a rectangle. Let's do that. Put your arms through these rectangles.

I got a good deal with the canvas printmaker. They're going to donate some canvas. We could just make shirts out do that. Put your arms through these rectangles. I got a good deal with the canvas printmaker. They're going to donate some canvas. We could just make shirts out of that. Gildan. Oh, my gosh. I got a couple extra sails left over. I pulled them off my boat. Let's turn it into a shirt.

Are those burlap? Burlap works. Gildan. We make cheap shirts. Is this scratchy? At least they're cheap Oh yeah that's what it is They get a real nice set of

You know material They're like we gotta take a steel wall to that Make sure this is gonna Buff it out Gildan Gildan Not a lot of money To scratch your skin Gildan the only reason to wear a gildan shirt is if you have like mosquito mosquito bites the worst part of this is there is a z i mean no

matter what there are probably hundreds if not thousands of people listening right now that will be checking their tags and finding a Gildan and go, that's why this is. I was going to say, you don't need to check your tag. Just ask yourself. Am I wearing a box? Does this shirt suck? If it does, Gildan.

Gildan. Oh, no. Oh, no. Look, we've all been thinking about this for a while, clearly. Yeah, this has been on our hearts. This is not planned. The people working at Gilded are like, yep, they got us. They got us.

We know. We know. We have to wear them here. Gilded employees have to wear them. It's our uniform. They have to bring them in, don't they? Yeah, they wear undershirts under their shirts. American apparel? Yes. They put on a nice undershirt

and then they put that gilded over the top does gilded make underpants oh no that would be against the law my convention violation right there oh my goodness that was not the detour I thought we'd have. Not the perfect gift ever. A Gildan teacher, by the way. All right. One more. Would you rather from Costa Bear on Patreon says, we all have eyelids. Well, thank you. Most of us.

We all have eyelids. Would you rather also have ear lids or nose lids? Okay. All right. Let's work through this. Those lids. Okay. All right.

Let's work through this. Now, first of all, our eyelids are, anytime we need to use our eyes, open. So I'd imagine that this is not going to preclude me from smelling or breathing or hearing. I'm going to open my ear lid when I need to listen. But you got to flap them. So what would be the advantage? Real lubricated ears. Are you kidding me? Give me the nose lids.

Water up the nose. So swimming. When you're swimming, it is the worst. Really? Oh, yeah. Water up the nose. That's a problem for you. That's a problem for humanity.

You've never had water up your nose? On accident. Of course your nose on accident like if i like of course it's you think we're just shoving we're going to the pool and then we snort in because we want water up our nose my nostrils going face first i can't wait for this sinus infection so my point is that when i burn so good, when I get into the pool, it's never been a challenge for me not to inhale water. That's my point. Hey, Mike, Andy just put some acid in his pool.

You want to go get some water up our nose? I mean, you guys have a problem with this. If I jump in and one out of 20 jumps in the pool, I'll get some water in my nose. I'm running 100% no problems with water up my nose in the pool. You don't do enough underwater somersaults, my man. Yes, exactly. When you're doing cool tricks in the water. You do a lot of upside down stuff in the water.

We all don't have. We weren't blessed by the Lord with super tiny nostrils over here. Oh, my gosh. Wait a minute. I have nose lids. I've had them my whole life. Now, that being said, water in the ears, like when you get swimmer's ears, that's awful as well. That's really bad.

I guess it's less common for me. I get water in my nose more than I feel like I have a problem with water in my ears. I remember the last time I had a problem with that, and that was when I was two, like two years old. You remember being two? No, I'm lying to you both and insulting you like you're babies. How have you never gotten water up your nose? I can tell you right now, and you already said it, he is not doing cool tricks in the

pool. I mean, Mike and I, we're the cool dads swimming, doing back flips. No way, man. I do the dog paddle. You ever done the dog paddle? We're doing synchronized swimming. Now, Al Borland. I'm touching the bottom. You gotta start the timer. Handstand starts now. Yeah, what? Who's not doing handstands in the pool?

And then, of course, only losers come out of the handstand going forward. Oh, no. You gotta flip out of that thing. I know what it is, because Al Borland is trying to show me he's just sending me like stock photos of people jumping in while holding their nose oh weird weird i get it but the thing is what are they protecting i have a perfectly synchronized nasal exhale while i enter the water okay so you booger up the water I got it I got it so we're gonna ask the Andy takes nose lids I will say this nose lids also have uh there are plenty of times where you do not want to smell yeah oh the nose lids come out when you walk into the bathroom oh absolutely I'm shutting those

things off if you're by somebody with some bo they hear them they go although wait did you just close your nose do you have a hand you smell do you guys ever have this thought or is this just me uh-huh you something is bad something is stinky something is like let's let's say like uh yeah it's you animal carcass right okay you walk around your backyard and little did you know there's been a dead bird there for a whole day and now it's a reeking smell now you don't want to smell it right of course because it's horrific yes i don't like to smell bad smells but i i have this like fear like i don't want to eat whatever is in the air either like breathing it in through my mouth feels worse

oh like it's more violation because you don't have the cilia up in your nasal cavity yeah i want the nose hair and all the boogers stopping yeah those whatever is nasty in the air getting into my body whereas if i'm plugging my nose or breathing through my mouth i'm just inhaling i'm inhaling carcass yeah no i get what you're saying it feels like you're safer protecting yourself with nose hairs, but then you got to smell it. Yeah, that's tough. You can smell it through your mouth.

You can? Yeah, you have that weird, you're like, oh, I can taste it. Yeah, that's tasting. That's what my mouth does too. I taste it through my mouth. To be fair, a lot of tastes is just smell. It's all just a trick from your brain i don't know many good reasons to have ear lids i mean it's the same exact argument we've been making for doing cool tricks underwater for your nose it's only for water protection yeah it'd be for sound maybe mike's trying to make some jokes

and i'm just tired of it oh i get it get it. I can shut it down right in the middle of the show. What was that, Andy? All right, let's move on. That's a great question. One thing you guys out there listening, guys and you don't you might not know this about us but despite everything that you've observed we are actually very intelligent oh man it's like off the charts now i we're we're pressing into nobel prize territory with most of our advice. And that's why.

That's true. And so what people like to hear the most on That's a Great Question is often us breaking down some common things in the world and helping you understand them better. And before we do that, I do have an update. Okay. Gildan does, in fact, make underpants. Oh, no. Let me guess. They're shaped like a box.

Their shape is not flattering. That's the least they could be doing for underpants. I'm seeing a six-pack available for $10, and check this out. Oh, no. Six-pack. Wait, look, that's a good price. You know there's a problem right there. Wait, look, that's a good price.

You know there's a problem right there. One of these pairs is 65% polyester. Oh, man. You ever wanted a nice wool pair of undies? They're taking leisure suits and they're turning them into the area that is- They grind them up. Protecting your most sensitive of areas. What are you, 65% polyester? Maybe they're just sitting underpants.

You don't move in them. They're just for sitting. Or it's like armor. Some of these companies that make their chicken nuggets with just the after parts of whatever, the scraps thrown away, that's what they're doing. What material are they able to get their hands on that's left over from other manufacturers? Do homeless people reject Gildan handouts?

Oh, for sure. We all have standards. Okay. Here is what we're doing for That's a Great Question. A number of what's the difference questions. So we have four of them. We're just going to break it down. You'll see.

First one. What is the difference between a creek, a stream, and a river? Okay. A creek, a stream, and a river. There is no way for a creek to be rushing. No, because it moves

like... I get it. I get it because it's like a door yeah you're so funny i'll give it a six closing my ear lids i like that you're like you insult my joke after you laugh at it that is fair we both did actually get a good chuckle from that but we also recognize our own stupidity mike and so by us laughing it kind of takes it down a peg for you i mean a river is there a width there's got to be a width component to a river. Can you jump over a river?

No, of course not. You can never jump over a river. How dare you? I'm trying to help. You cannot jump over a river. You have to cross a river. That's why. You have to forge a river.

Yeah. Forge? Fjord it? Forge? You have to forge. You have to make it with molten iron. What am I looking? Ford.

Ford a river. Yes. Okay. A stream and a creek, though. That's where. I don't know. Which one's babbling? The creek?

The creek would be babbling. It's usually a brook. Oh, it's a brook. Can we add that one? Yeah, I think we're going to need to add that to the list. What is the difference between a brook and a creek and a stream and a river? River is easy. River is you can't jump over. River is you can't jump over.

River is you can't jump over. That's exactly right. Also, there has to be a current, right? You can't have a... I think all of these have moving water. Yeah, they absolutely do. Or a creek can absolutely have no movement. What?

Yeah. No, but then it's like a lake. No, because a lake is a big body of water. It's a puddle. A creek is on the way to being dry a lake is a big body of water. It's a puddle. A creek is on the way to being dry land if there ain't no moving water. It needs to be... Here's the thing. You can't find fish in

a creek. You can find it in a stream, can't you? No, I think only in a river. You can find fish in a stream. So what's a stream? A stream is moving a little quicker. Oh, is it the pace of the water? Yeah. So it's like five miles an hour? Like a little, it's swift.

And a creek has got a lot of little bubbling rocks. Well, the rocks are a huge part of a creek. That's known. That's the brook. Well, yeah. Brooks and creeks are very closely related. Yeah, I think the rocks are the difference. It's just a matter of how round are the rocks.

If they're completely round, it's a brook. Oh. A brook. And if it's an assortment of different styles of rocks that's a creek a brook is like a more aesthetically pleasing creek that's exactly right a creek is babbling when it grows up it will become a brook yeah and then when the when all the rocks are underneath the water oh that's a stream yeah okay i agree with that and then that's why the. Yeah, I agree with that.

That's why the fish can sometimes swim in those. And then when you can't pee across to the other side, that's a river. Yeah, pee across or jump across. Right. Well, I can jump as far as I can pee. I think that's the same as any man. Has anybody ever drowned in a stream, creek, or brook? Of course.

Oh, that sucks. You can drown in a puddle. Okay, all right. What is the difference between a spoon and a ladle? Oh, that sucks. You can drown in a puddle. Okay. All right. What is the difference between a spoon and a ladle? Oh, man. I'll tell you one thing I know about a ladle. I cannot fit the whole thing in my mouth. I've tried.

And tried. And tried. I don't know if there are other differences, but as soon as I can't fit it in my mouth, I know it's a ladle. Now, does handle size factor in here at all what if i took a uh a ladle handle and i put a a spoon i don't know look a ladle is a cup on the end of a stick all right okay and if you tried to use a ladle like you would a spoon you'd pour it out every time before it got to your mouth do you know what i

mean like the way you hold a spoon you try to hold a ladle that way good luck now i do think we need to differentiate between the handle and the what what do you call the end of a ladle well just the end of a utensil is there a name for this like a universal the spoon part yeah the spoon part or the fork part. Yeah, the end. The end? I think it's the spoon. So if that's the case, Mike. The functional end. If that's the case, if a spoon is a spoon because of the end. The business end. The business end of a handle.

But if it's the business end that names the item, then the handle's out. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I would agree with that. It's just a matter of. It's the cup. It's a saucer versus a cup so you can have a giant oversized handle with a little bitty spoon that's a spoon it's still a spoon yeah because the business end is unless unless by doing that you turn the entire thing into a handle because that becomes the new business end of this device and that's the

naming property so now you've just got a handle. A ladle can hold a lot. A ladle can hold more than you can fit in your mouth. I've established that. A ladle doesn't hold a little. It holds a lot. Yeah. So why is this not a lottle?

A spoon can't hold the moon. You know what I mean? Yeah. So should it be a lottle? Should it be a spoon and a lottle? It really should. You were Jason. L-O-t-t-l-e yes yes spoon uh this isn't enough i need a lottle what if you have to use a little well then you

get a small ladle oh a spoon yeah i think that's right um i know that if you fill a lottle you cannot pour that into a mouth without spilling. Right. Impossible. It would overflow. Oh, that's what it is. If it holds more than your mouth can hold, it's a ladle. All right. Yes. All right. Let's go to what is the difference between concrete, cement, and asphalt? Honestly, I'm going to tell you right now, it's been a problem for me my whole life. Well, asphalt's black.

It's black and usually has rocks in it. The asphalt's easy. They all have rocks in it. The asphalt, no. What? Well, maybe like super ground up, right? Yeah. I mean, I'm just saying cement and concrete.

What do you mean what? I mean, cement. Look, you look at concrete. You don't have a bunch of babbling brook rocks poking up out of it. Not poking up at the end, but in the sauce, in the creation. Yeah, of course. There's rocks and all these things. Well, look, it's powder.

When you buy it from a store, you are pouring are pouring powder into and you mix water with powder so if you're calling micro rocks in that powder have you never seen somebody make concrete i've i so i am learning that the difference between concrete and cement is is rock size no no, no, no. That's asphalt. No, asphalt is generally oil and tar mixed with little rocks, and then it all goes down together, and that's what you drive on. Cement has big, chunky rocks. It does not. Cement has big, chunky rocks. I will go to my deathbed on that.

What is a sidewalk made out of? Cement. That is not big, chunky rocks, brother. No, that's right. I see no big, chunky rocks at the end. I'm well aware of that. Yes. It's powder.

There's rocks. There are rocks. Yes. Cement is a powder. I mean, like the Greeks used limestone and something to make cement. Okay, hold on. You've never seen anybody pour a footer for anything in your whole life? I have personally helped with the cement truck rolls up.

I think it was a rock truck. The cement truck rolls up, and we're laying a whole new thing. And there are tons of full rocks in there. And then at the end, you pat it down, and then it's smooth at the end. But there's plenty of rocks in cement. So what's the difference between cement and concrete then? Al, you have to weigh in. Al, we need help.

Because when you buy a bag of concrete, that's powder. If I'm not mistaken, cement is actually an ingredient in concrete. What? No. Cement is in concrete? I have not Googled this, but I think that is right. You're an idiot. Talking on a famous podcast

things you don't know. Okay, no, no, no. Cement being an ingredient in concrete makes sense to me. So what is concrete? Concrete has more of the concrete has the chunks in it. Like you're saying. But cement is the, it's the smooth. So the sidewalk is made

out of cement. Yes. A driveway. What's made out of concrete? Hmm. Good question. Wait, I thought concrete is the finished product. But you can make stuff out of cement and you can make stuff out of concrete. Oh, okay.

Alright, concrete is 60-75% aggregate, so the little rocks that Jason's talking about. Okay. Mixed with 7% to 15% of cement. So we're talking about two different things. Cement is just the powder. Okay.

So rolling this back, I was right. Rolling this back, we were talking about two different things that we are also talking about on this question. Concrete. So concrete this question. Concrete. So concrete is sidewalk. Concrete is driveway. Concrete is full of rocks and cement. So what do you use just cement for? Footers?

Like pouring them in the ground and stuff? So cement is powder-based. Concrete adds rocks. Concrete's stronger, right? Sounds like it. Rocks are stronger than powder. Is this like an iron into steel thing? Weren't we supposed to be answering the question?

We are working through it. The people are coming along for a ride here. Cement is a binder, a substance used in construction that sets, hardens, and adheres to other materials, binding them together. It is seldom used solely, but is used to bind sand and gravel together. So those powdered bags, normally you're putting some gravel at the bottom of that footer and then mixing it all together. Wait, what's gravel made out of?

Rocks. Yep. Concrete is cement. But that's not cement. But cement is not concrete. Concrete has cement in it. Yes. Yeah. You can't have concrete without cement, but you can not cement. But cement is not concrete. Concrete has cement. Yes. Yeah.

You can't have concrete without cement. Correct. But you can have cement without concrete. Correct. Cement is the flower of construction. And I don't mean... I'm talking baking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm with you. Okay. Yeah. So we've worked out. And you're saying there's a lot of chocolate chips inside of your concrete. That's right. You don't have... If you want a concrete, you got to put the chocolate chips in there and asphalt

that's just a whole nother game asphalt's a double chocolate cookie and in a cookie made out of just flour nobody even wants that no so nobody wants nobody wants just cement you have to make concrete if i if you had told me right now to go out and do something important with cement and concrete, I would have bought one of those bags and just used it. And that would have been a fool's mistake. Nobody does that. Nobody wants a flower cookie. Okay.

Well, I'm glad we could answer that. What is the difference between a dinghy, a boat, a ship, and a yacht? Wait, a dinghy? Why is a dinghy in here? Why is a dinghy in here? A boat, a ship, and a yacht. That's like telling me a dinghy is a ship and a yacht. Wait, a dinghy. Why is a dinghy in here? Why is a dinghy in here? A boat, a ship, and a yacht. That's like telling me a dinghy is a little RC control boat. A dinghy is a small boat.

Is it? What? Sure enough. Okay. Yeah, right? Yes, obviously. I don't want to Google this one. Look, it's not a schooner.

It's a sailboat. It's a small boat. Okay. That's why it's in here. So you're telling me I can Google dinghy. Okay. All right. What are those things?

Oh, that's a buoy. Okay. When you're Googling, Jason, it's D-I-N-G-H-Y. G-H-Y. Well, that's not what I Googled. That's not good. That would explain the photos. All right.

That's fine. They're both safe. So a dinghy, a boat, a ship. What makes it... Let's start here. The divide between a ship and a boat. That's the one... Because there's a separation there.

Okay. And is that just... Is it a ship if you're using power? A ship has to have... Does it have to have a... A sail. A ship has to have a sail. No.

No, you idiot. Yes. No. Yes. No way. There are plenty of great ships that do not... You ever been on a cruise ship? Yeah, a a sail. No. No, you idiot. Yes. No. Yes. No way. There are plenty of great ships that do not. You ever been on a cruise ship? Yeah, a cruise ship.

Oh, okay. Dang it. He's like, mine had huge sails the size of Canada. No, this is simply about speed. A boat cannot keep up with a ship. What about a speed boat? Dang it. Oh, man.

Those are made to intentionally go fast. Oh, man. Faster. made to intentionally go fast. Oh, man. Faster. Okay, so boats can speed. A ship has got a more pointy tip. I don't know that that is true. Now, I would say this. If you ran them into each other, the ship wins 100% of the time.

So we've got to work backwards from what we know. Although that speedboat might cut it in half. I don't know. No, not a ship. a speedboat's not getting a ship a ship's made of concrete it's just it's and it stays at the bottom of the sea it's made of cement um yeah so uh obviously we got size we have established it's not speed it's not sales a yacht is just a ship with a helipad a yacht is just over a million dollars. That's all it is. Well, lots of ships are over a million dollars. There are ships over a million dollars? Lots of them. You've been on a

cruise ship? You ever been on a cruise ship? Now, to be fair, I think a cruise ship is a yacht. I think they are just... No, it's definitely not a yacht. It's called a cruise ship. So then what makes it a yacht? Does it have to have a helipad? A lot of glass. Windows. No, it's not the helipad because Bezos is making a half a billion dollar yacht that does not have a helipad? A lot of glass. Windows. No, it's not the helipad because Bezos is making a half a billion dollar yacht that

does not have a helipad. A yacht is made for luxurious indoor living. That sounds like a cruise ship to me. For one. For one. I'm telling you, a cruise ship is a yacht. You cannot convince me because it's like, oh, well, it's got a kitchen. It's got a staff.

It's got to be over a certain price. A cruise ship is straight up a yacht. All cruise ships have the smokestacks. I think I just got it. A yacht is something owned by a person. A cruise ship is owned by a company. If Bezos bought a cruise ship, it would be a yacht. I'm with that.

I'm with that. 100%. Okay. But we're sticking with the pointy tip on the ship, it would be a yacht. I'm with that. I'm with that. A hundred percent. Okay. But we're sticking with the pointy tip on the ship, right? Oh, yeah. For sure. Yeah, a boat is- Pointy.

Yeah. No, no. A boat is round in the front. Yeah. Like a tugboat. Oh, back to that speedboat. I've seen a lot of pointy speedboats in my time. Dang it.

I think it's so- Okay. We have it mostly down, but a boat and a ship- A dinghy is, it will sink within 10 minutes. Oh, for sure. A dinghy always has a hole in the bottom of it, and you always have to be bailing it out. You have to either be bailing it out or blowing into the hole that helps keep it inflated. Yes.

Because most of the time, the dinghies are inflatable. Pull this string to have it come into existence. The ship and boat definition is size. It's got to be size. Yeah, size and crashability. Okay. You could crash a boat way easier than a ship. Yeah, but you can run a ship aground.

You can't run a boat aground. Yeah, but a boat, you crash into the ground. A ship, you run into the ground. Hold on, hold on. Michael rowed the boat ashore. Yes. Ashore, yeah. All the way on the ground. A ship you run into the ground. Oh, yes. Hold on, hold on. Michael rowed the boat ashore. Yes. Ashore, yeah. All the way on the shore.

Gets all the way up there. A boat's got legs. I think we all know that. Oh, perfect. Okay. Let's draft. The Spitballers Draft. I'm just glad to know the difference between a buoy and a dinghy.

That's all I'm saying. You got there. I'm there. Buh-dinghy. That's a buoy and a dinghy. That's what it is. We finally found out what was in the recesses of your brain. I am so excited about this draft.

I love my imagination and all of our imaginations. When we watch or read and have these fictional worlds that are made. And sometimes I wish I could just go live in them. And that's what we're drafting fictional places. You want to visit or live in Mike has the very first pick. There are a number of great options. So you get to pick first. There are, uh, quite, uh, there is the number of excellent choices here. So I will play the game on something that I know 1,000% would not make it back to me. So I will just kick it off.

I'll take Hogwarts. Let's get this out of the way. Okay, okay. I will take the school of magic. It's, look, I got wizards. We got. You got spells. You got wands.

You've got animals that are wild and amazing. Now, in Harry Potter, because I only watch the movies, because I'm not a nerd. Go on. Talk to your nerds here. You don't deserve Hogwarts, that's for sure. I am a massive nerd. Are they... Do they define it that the males are wizards and the females are witches?

Yeah, that's the only difference. Otherwise... Yeah, all the powers are the same. They both have pointy hats. I used to think that was a witch thing. Wizards can have pointy hats for sure. All right. Let's see here.

So, yeah, that's out of the way hogwarts man i'm wondering if i play the game as well there's there's kind of a couple of big universes here that just have too much good stuff for me to not grab and i'm trying to think which one would have the chance to make it back and i've realized it's neither so i'm'm going to go with the one I actually prefer. Oh, something you don't normally do. Exactly. I want heroes. I want heroes to be a thing. I am taking the Marvel Cinematic Universe

because I've got so many things in here. So where? Yeah, that's not really a fictional place. All right, all right. If I've got to pick one. Please narrow it down. I'm going to go to Asgard, man. Okay, there. That's fine. That's fine. A fine that's fine a fictional place that's on my list yeah i want i want to be in

asgard a beautiful city with yeah it's cool you know we're we're all immortals and gods and we all have powers and we're stronger than stupid humans and we're beautiful you ever seen an ugly asgardian no not a thing okay thing. Of course not. Okay. Do they all have powers, though? They are all super strength by comparison to humanity. Okay, but there are Asgardians like Thor, who's the god of thunder, so he's just stronger than everybody. He makes Asgardians look like weaklings.

Okay. Okay, I've got two picks. Hmm. Okay, I've got two picks. Hmm. Well, I really wanted Hogwarts. That's the world I'd love to live in. That would be amazing.

I am a nerd, so those books. I don't even really want it, but I... You suck. Oh, man. Okay. It really isn't fair that Mike has the Harry Potter world. Yeah, me and you are just huge Harry Potter fans. No, what's the... Oh, my gosh.

What's the name of that Potter fella? The place where they go get the wands. The shop. Can we pull this away from him? This is not fair. What's the name? Ollivanders. Oh, I thought you were making something up no on tiger valley oh goodness gracious makes me so tempted

to take the blade runner universe go ahead it's not even on my list i'm just kidding all right i want uh uh uh dumble dumble boar oh no you're gonna get it. You're going to get it. I know what to get Mike. He gave me the gift of getting him the perfect gift. I'm getting him some Gildan shirts. That's a universe none of us want to live in. I'm tempted to have Mike spell Hogwarts because if he misspells it, he picked a different universe and it's still out there on the table. He has Hogwarts all over his body

all right i am going to start with middle earth so the lord of the rings universe where there is magic there are all sorts of creatures just not electricity have fun yeah but it seems wonderful the shire the shire's not bad. You also get Mordor. There's El. Yeah, Mordor. Bordor, more like. I have Sauron's watching you, bro.

Yeah, he is. He can watch all he wants. I'm living my life out here. I'm learning tricks from the wizards. Check the privacy box on that. Hopefully I'm an elf. I'm immortal then. Yeah. And they've got a pretty cool world.

You look like you could be an elf well that's i don't know what to think about that i guess of the three of us yeah if one of us is so which one of us would be the dwarf then oh that's me and my axe yeah yeah um i guess that makes Mike. What does that make Mike in the Middle Earth universe? Probably a human. Yeah, a regular human. Maybe an orc. It's possible. Yep.

There you go. So I will go with Middle Earth. All right. Here's the funny thing. I started thinking about the space worlds, the space universes, because there's choices here, right? Ooh, Space Jam? You've got, no, no.

You've got like Star Wars is out there, but then you also have Star Trek. And I'm a bit, like I'm not a huge Star Trek-y person, but I think that's the world I'd love to visit because that is literally- Which one? Star Trek. Because that is like- You're visiting Star Trek? I thought I could not take the entire Marvel.

Well, how do you pick like that world then if you're choosing Star Trek? I thought I could not take the entire Marvel. Well, how do you pick that world then, if you're choosing Star Trek? I would name a planet. A planet or a ship. Can you name one of the ships? Absolutely. The Enterprise? Sure. You gave him the name!

He knows the name Enterprise. Yeah, that's where I would have gone for the ship. I'm just saying traveling there, it seems more dangerous in the Star Wars universe. People are getting blown up. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of like problems going on. It's called Star Wars. This is something that I want to go on a track.

This is something that did not dawn on me for a long time until my daughter started watching these movies. And she's like, there's always they're just always at war. movies and she's like there's always they're just always at war and i'm like they named it star wars because it's always a war yeah i just want to go on i want to visit places i feel like elon musk would be at the oh you prefer the uh the trek world isn't the the enterprise isn't it just off on like a peace mission yeah yeah and you're seeing all different people you're all frontier man these are the voyages oh that's excellent to boldly go yeah you know i like i didn't think about boldly war wherever you get man that's a great pick it's it's a really cool one because

i was about to pick something that feels so inferior now because you have an entire deck on your ship. I have the holodeck. Yes. I was going to take something that's basically like one little layer of your ship. What a loser. Instead, I'm going to a planet that you can't reach because it is not in your universe. I'm going to Pandora. It was on my list.

I'm taking the most beautiful cinematic experience of all time. It's a very dangerous place. It is, but I'm going to live with it. Are you factoring that in? I'm a Na'vi. Okay. I'm one of the people. If Andy can be an elf.

Oh, absolutely. I didn't choose elf. You chose it for me. I mean, you know, chosen by birth. I did. I hadn't seen Avatar since the movie theater. And when was that? I mean, that was 44 years ago.

That's a lifetime ago, which apparently there's sequels coming out now. But I was just on a vacation on a very long plane ride, and one of the movies you could watch was Avatar. It's like, let's do this, man. I haven't seen Avatar. That movie is sensational. You liked it? It's so good, man.

I don't know what Cameron was able to do. I can't pinpoint. There's another one coming, right? Yeah, there's multiple. I think there's three more sequels. He's getting up there. He's taking a while. But his ability to draw you into not just everything,

like the world, the conflict, the cultures. It really was. It's a really good movie. It's been 12 years. It genuinely was an awesome pick. It was the best pick of the draft. He's 66 years old. He's got to speed these things up. That's not too bad. Yeah, he's got some time. 12 years. It genuinely was an awesome pick. I mean, it was like the best pick of the draft. He's 66 years old.

He's got to speed these things up. That's not too bad. Yeah, he's got some time. Well, 12 years between each movie is going to be a problem. I think they're filming them all right now. Alright, I got two picks here. I have I've got my last pick already done because I know it is not a poll winner, so I will save that one until the end.

And I get that things eventually went wrong for this place but sometimes you want to go to a visit like we all like costume parties you're trying to figure out how to sell this no no no no it sells itself I'm just trying to figure out how to set it up properly we like costume parties we like murder mystery parties where you're pretending that i get to be somebody else yeah what if you could be somebody else in the wild west and there are no consequences for any of your actually west world i totally love it oh my gosh i mean i don't want to be there when every one of us gets murdered eventually it goes bad but there were some people that got to visit and just have a a good be outlaws be heroes that would be so much fun that would we all played

in video games but you get to do it for reals that would i mean west, like, the concept of a theme park where you get to go and do that. It's better than the show. Get shot at, but you're not hurt. Yeah, no, yes, it was much better than the show. The show. The show was fine. Yeah, it went off the rocker. But it was just, the reason the show exists is because the idea is awesome.

I think you could have gotten Westworld later, but it's a good pick. I mean, yeah, I think you could have gotten Westworld later, but it's a good pick. I mean, yeah. I think it's great. And I'm also going to take somewhere a place from Marvel, but Jason took the wrong one. I thought by taking that I precluded you from grabbing

my universe. No, I'm taking a city. Is that not allowed? I don't know, man. I don't know what the rules are anymore. But if you got Asgard. Yeah. Wakanda forever baby okay i can't i can't take wakanda i will let you i will let you have it i will let you have wakanda okay that's fine technology beyond our wildest dreams ways to enhance yourself if you get to be the one black pan, I suppose. But all the cool stuff that's going on in there, you get to fly in through the hidden... Well, I guess they unhid it.

But while it was hidden, you get that cool plane ride where you think you're going right into the trees. It's incredible. All right, Wakanda. Wakanda is fine. Lourdes, Westworld, and Wakanda. I'm on the clock right now I gotta find a w um right now I've got Asgard and Pandora oh boy um I'm I'm gonna play that's

what I want to do I want to go to a place that's fun i want to go to a place where i get to just be a kid it's on my list and i don't grow up yep it's on my list i'm going to never never land yep and i will play have food fights with magic food and go down waterfalls and the scenery and the experience and also i don't ever age that's pretty's pretty great. Okay. I'm with it. I was trying to think of like... Neverland's great. In Hook, it seemed a little more dangerous. Well, yeah, Hook was there. He was kind of a big part of that movie as the title character.

He actually killed a person. Yeah, Rufio died. Yeah. Which Rufio... I don't know the last time... Spoiler alert. I don't know the last time y'all saw Hook, but Rufio gets full on murdered. And then three seconds later, just like, eh.

Yeah. They moved on fast. There was a lot going on. Who's the new leader? You are. Okay. Hey, pans back. He did rename the leader a little too quick before the funeral.

Rufio's still gasping for breath. Maybe they cut the funeral out. Maybe that was some extended scene. Actually, they show a shot. He's still there. His body's still on the ship. No, they have a shot. If you watch, it's just really quick.

It's just they show his body, and they kind of shove him with his foot off into the ocean. They just kind of do a little front of your foot kick, like push, and then he plops down in. No love lost for Rufio. No, there is not. Is it back to me for my final two? Yes, it is. All right.

I've got these. My third pick is going to be Narnia. Okay. I want to live in a traditional good and evil universe, and there's nothing more like that than Narnia. More like Middle Earth? Oh, I guess that's true. Middle Earth is a little bit more like...

It's colder. It's a little colder than Middle Earth. Middle Earth is hyper-realistic. Narnia is more imaginative, and the world seems more cartoony to me. Okay. So I want to live in that world with orcs more realistic yeah and a darker more realistic yeah it's definitely darker yeah i mean people are look no turkish delights there that people have a society in middle earth they

are doing jobs and work and cutting down trees they don't do that narnia narnia they're just kind of like i don't know the good guys hang with the good guys. L-I-V-I-N. They just living. I mean, and that world's amazing. So I will go to Narnia for my third place. It's on my list. I almost took it, but I didn't want to.

I was like, eh, Andy's already got Middle Earth, so I won't take that one. It was too similar for you. I already know I'm not going to win this poll, so I am going to actually go with a hilariously real fourth pick for me. I want a world where there are no cares. I want a world where there are no worries. Everybody knows his name. I want a world where it's simple, and I'm going to live in the 100-acre wood.

Oh, with Winnie the Pooh? With Winnie the Pooh. You're just down in the... And also the Blair Witch. No, the worst problem I have is a little bit of a dark... It gets dark in this forest. Oh, there's a... Humphalumps and woozles?

Oh, big deal. Oh, you say that. Those things are terrifying. Look, man. Honey all day. Giving rabbit a hard time. They do make honey look incredible. And then he just go.

He just scoops it. Tigger will take me around. Furry paw don't matter. Could you imagine? I didn't even think that his hand is furry. It's furry. Like put on a furry glove and then scoop some honey. Oh, my gosh.

That's a nightmare. And lick it off. Yeah, but it looks great when he does it. It's a wonderful place, and it fulfills the childhood dreams there. Okay. All right. All right. Well, look, this was good enough to be my second pick.

I chose not to do it because of the holodeck, but it's still here. I'm taking the Oasis from Ready Player One. Oh, okay. I hope to get there in our lifetime. I mean, VR is on its way, but this is a whole other level. Can do anything, be anybody, experience it. Basically, I get the Oasis gives me infinity because I can be in any of these places in the Oasis. So I will take that for my final.

It does. And I don't like that. I'm going to go with it it anyways because this is what my heart truly wants to do but you're you went with a video game like all video games essentially so it takes some shine off in this one this is record ralph yeah oh are you no no uh uh but this is a place that i could go there right now and i know this place like the back of my hand, which is a weird- You could go there right now, this fictional place? I could go there.

It's humongous, but I could tell you where all the stores are. I could tell you where the elevators are. I can tell you where the blimp is. It is not a poll winner, but I am going to Orgrimmar, my friends. Oh, my gosh. I am going into the world of Warcraft. I can tell you where everything is. I can go there right now.

Oh, my gosh. And so can Andy. And I have spent so many hours of my life. It's a real place to us. That Orgrimmar is real, and I know where everything is. For the Horde. Exactly. Going 15 years back, baby baby so he has an orc oh yeah I am an orc you are an orc well I was a I was a tauren thank you very much yeah respect the tauren druid so I'll be flying through there or running as a cheetah whatever

I want to do but I've I've spent so much of my life there already. That is so funny. Why not go there for reals? Wow. Wow. Okay. So you're locked in. I did not know.

When you said I know where the blimp is, I'm going, what world is this? But now I get it. Jason doesn't, but we get it. No, no. I do. What a nerd over here. What is usually the name? There's usually the name of the land that's dropped with World of Warcraft is not Orgrimimmar well i specifically wanted to go to orgrimmar the city yeah yeah the azuroth is what i always hear yeah well i do have uh that that is it for the draft i have some others that were on

the list um the game of thrones universe that world oh yeah atlantis atlantis was on my list atlantis is a good one i I had Cloud City from Star Wars. Oh, I like that. I had Toontown. Oh, Cloud City would have been cool. Yeah, I thought about Toontown as well. Oz and Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Wait, Oz the Jail?

Oh! Yes, Oz the Jail from the fantastic HBO series. No, Where the Wizard Lives. And Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Just for good eats. And my last one, which you want to talk about even fewer votes on the polls from a video game, but

Rapture from Bioshock. It's the city under the water, which you guys clearly did not play Bioshock, but everyone at home is going, oh yeah. Video game world, Minecraft world or something like that would be funny. Build anything you want. Ooh, yeah.

Go to Midgar. Good. Final Fantasy. Yep. What did we learn today? Midgar is dangerous. Yeah. Plates can drop on you at any time.

I learned that Gildan makes underwear, and man, that's not good for America. Okay, Mike, what'd you learn? I learned that the important part of a spoon is called the business end. All right. I learned that a dinghy is not a buoy, so we did good on today's show. Thank you for supporting the Spitballers podcast and for tuning in. Hopefully you enjoyed yourself. And we'll be back with another episode very soon.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com.